Segments - 44: Six Degrees

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

In this episode we discuss song lyrics, facial improvements, and Kevin Bacon.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what. I'm going to say my fucking social security number.

So you have to edit it out. Okay? Let's hear it. 0-9-1-3-6-6-2. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Won't last its effort to try and stop their career from going to shit.

Sadness. Another podcast. Sadness. Each app different from the last. Sadness. It's the Swiss Army Nightclub Show. Now let's meet your two pathetic hosts. Sadness.

The dance is much better with the sad theme song. That is a fact of life. You know, I don't even think about the theme song anymore. I don't know if that was the sad one or the happy one. I'm just waiting focused on the chorus, which is the same, I think, both times. That's true. That's true. Very cool.

Very cool. both times that's true that's true very cool very cool and uh the hands up thing is almost like uh it's like when they say when you're sad just smile and it convinces your body you're having a good time that's like a good way to like if you're tired like going like this and swaying it's almost like fools you into thinking this is a good song yeah it's like it's like waking up and doing a few jumping jacks you're like i'm tired but then your your blood gets pumping and you're like okay i think yeah i think i can tackle the day yeah or like if you snort adderall or butt chug a xanax or like almost like a pan xanax yeah so you mix molly and water and then you butt chug the molly water. Yeah. And you have like a backpack with like Gatorade, but it also has MDMA.

And a glow stick. So you're sort of dehydrated. Yeah. So I did that yesterday. And headphones you stole from a silent disco. So it can only play the songs that are playing far, far away from you that only you can hear anymore. Yeah. And then over it, like royalty free you that only you can hear anymore. Yeah. And then over it, like royalty-free music, it says, please return your headphones.

Please return your headphones. So you can't actually use them in an enjoyable fashion. Actually, speaking of songs. Oh. Oh. I had a song-themed segment idea. This is segments after all. Yeah.

A segmented podcast. That's true. Do we want to promote the shows just in case uh i'm okay there's still tickets in philly okay you're good you feel like i already called my shot slash came up short yeah i said new york sold out and i sort of at least at least as of today it hadn't sold yeah right but i feel like i mean as of this podcast surely but philadelphia we could always of course use a little love little push of course in the city of brotherly love yeah exactly exactly right imagine pointing to left field and getting bean. Hit by pitch. Or getting a fucking beast on balls.

Do you think Babe Ruth would ever take all the way? Just 3-0, not even getting a green light, leaning into it off the elbow. That fucking killed. Where do people get the tickets? We still don't really have a good place for it. Oh, you are at the- It's on our-

Yeah, it's on my Instagram. That's the- Okay, good. Yeah, good stuff. For sure. For sure. All right, what's the music? Oh, we actually have something to tell you about first

because you remember last week when I was kind of like covered in shit and piss because of the dog. Yeah, the poop fiasco yeah a lupe fiasco it was funny because the very next day my bodily function thing or no it was actually the same day that evening because I talked to you when dingo had when I had like you know gripped his shit in my bare hand by accident and then he yeah um so then that then we recorded and then that evening i was uh giving jemma a bath i was like running the bath and she's

hanging out i'm holding her she's wearing a diaper and i'm like oh i think she might have pooped and i like do the dad thing where you like just kind of you open up the diaper to see if there's anything in there but i guess like when i peel i pulled it back on her back and i just like my thumb was far enough in there that it just was it came out absolutely covered in shit covered in her shit yeah yeah of course yeah um this was in the bath too no not in the bath no no it wasn't in the bath we were about to get in the bath so i'm gonna take off her diaper but i'm like oh you know what i shouldn't do that because i think she might have pooped let's peek oh thumb in the shit she did poop i'm covered in it the bath is running i have to

i have to call for jill and whenever i'm like up there and i call to her she thinks that something's gone horribly wrong i'm like oh jill uh she's like, what? What? What? I'm like, oh, can you help me? She's like, what's going on? She runs upstairs like, it's fine. Gemma's scaring me. And then the very next day, I was, this is just another bodily function thing. I was walking through the subway and I felt what I thought was like an air conditioner or like, you know, like something from a pipe, like just dripped on the back of my leg. And for some reason, I instinctively touched it and I drew back just like snot and phlegm and spit like somebody had spit on my leg.

That's almost the worst one of the three. And it was even though the other two were actual feces a stranger's spit feels worse way worse way worse than my my daughter or my dog that's fine we're family but yeah stranger who i don't even know where it came from if it was an accident if it was intentional i just felt it kept on walking i'm like what is that i don't know and then yeah um and the worst part of that one was that i was you know that i was transferring from the l to the i was transferring yeah of course so bad that i touched it and when it happened i was transferring from the l to the one two three and i don't know if you remember from your time in new york yeah that's one avenue underground

yeah that's where you walk from sixth avenue Avenue to 7th Avenue. A long, long hot tunnel. Uh-huh. Very long, very hot tunnel. No ventilation. So I'm midway through. I'm like just beginning that walk through the avenue, midway through my journey because I'm like making that transfer to the one train. And my hand is just covered in somebody else's spit.

So I spent the next 20. So far away from any sink. The next 25 minutes was just like my hand out in front of you didn't want to abort like let me get out i don't know what i could do go back to the subway i guess in theory what happened i was i was you know i was going i was commuting to an appointment so i kind of couldn't like get out find a nap take a detour yeah i guess i maybe i should have but i was would have had to swipe again all that stuff so i just like yeah i just went for it and i walked all the way what if a crazy person spit on you and you saw it you still couldn't do anything about it yeah i think it would really

like i'd be like hey but then you'd be like what man what you want to fucking fight to be like no right there's not really any i'm sorry i guess it's all that all that it would do would be like i would feel better about everything if it was like a normal accident i would just be like oh okay you know somebody had some phlegm in their throat they're spitting it's a little gross but they didn't know i was walking there that's way better than like actually kind of being targeted by a crazy person who's who hates me for some reason and is spitting on me that's more like i would probably think about that for a while the accident i would think about what did i do to deserve that right although being covered in shit twice and somebody else's saliva in a span of 36 hours is also something I would be thinking about.

Yeah, yeah. It's fascinating. I don't know why it happened to me. But since then, nothing. No. Yeah, since then, thank God. Let's knock on some wood here. Everything is dry.

Oh, you just tapped on bird shit. Yes, of course. You just tapped on a lot of course i did of course i did yeah uh okay what's your what's your music segment right music segment i'm going to read you lyrics to songs you know but depending on how well you know the songs i'll read you less and less of those lyrics okay song you really know i'm gonna try to read you like one obscure line from that song got it song you really know, I'm going to try to read you like one obscure line from that song. Got it. The song you don't know so well, I'll try to read a little bit more so you can get there. But these are all songs you know. Okay. And I got this idea

because I saw a TikTok or Instagram, I can't remember now, of somebody reading lyrics to a song that I knew, but I'm like, oh, I had no idea these were the lyrics. And that was the point of the song. I see. So that's fun. Or that was the point of the song i see so that's fun so that was the point of the tiktok right right right okay i like this so let me start with that song with the song that you saw the tiktok of yeah exactly got you these are all sort of 90s songs because i wanted to choose songs that you were still in your wheelhouse you haven't really listened to new music in seven years. Yeah, right. Exactly. But they're not all Blink-182 songs. Because that I would kick ass at. Well, if there is a Blink song, then I'd try to find an obscure song with an obscure line and see if you could still get it.

Okay, let's find out. But for now, this one is not a Blink. That's your hint. Ready? Okay. Oh, yeah. And I should say, if you're at home, you can feel free to play along. Right.

Am I playing for anything? Cash? Yeah. So, at the live show, I'll do the bikini thing, the whipped cream bikini thing. Oh, okay. All right, great. That'll be extra funny in Philly, where we sold 11 tickets. Four people walk out.

Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah, damn. Just because the cream's not staying on. You walked the only non-comps yeah they're out there demanding their money all right and they deserve it yeah this one is not a song you necessarily know so i'll read a little bit more than usual okay it goes you have so many relationships in this life only one or two will last you go through all this pain and strife close your eyes and it's gone so fast it's gone so fast yeah yeah that's correct yeah nice good shit good all right so you did know that one yeah that uh reel was about like how that song is like it's like seems very popular like we remember and then it's like wait a minute this one's about like how

as you grow older like nobody's gonna actually stick around and hang out with you when you're like start loosing your hair there's only gonna be one or two people left very precious really depressing like three teenage brothers yeah like on the instagrams like weren't they eight when they wrote that yeah i'm sure they didn't write it. Okay. Okay. But great job so far. Thank you. Okay, ready? Way better than Virgil.

Yeah. Virgil was a fucking debauch. I like Virgil. All right, ready? Yeah. This one you know a little bit better, I think, but who knows at this point. So I'll read less of the song. Although the other one you know after one sentence. Yeah, how much were you going to read of Mbop, verse that you read yeah nice thing all right she's overboard and self-assured she's overboard

and self-assured oh no i know a dirty word hello hello hello yeah uh nirvana smells like yeah okay that's correct. Good work so far. Thank you. Okay, here's another one. I actually love music. Actually love totals. This one's the turtles.

I actually love totals. Imagine me and you. All right, ready? Yeah. With a taste of a poison paradise. With a taste of a poison paradise. With a taste of a poison paradise. With a taste of a poison paradise. That doesn't do it.

I'm addicted to you. I'm addicted to you? That's not simple plan, I'm addicted to you. So, with a taste of a poison paradise, I'm addicted to you. I don't think I know this one. Don't you know that you're toxic? yeah right okay i got it after don't you know that you're toxic i got it after the titular line isn't that good enough with the day that you live okay another song you know well, so I won't read too much. A sign was painted, said private property.

Sign was painted? I don't think I know the song that well. I'll give you the next line. Okay. A sign was painted, said private property, but on the backside, it didn't say nothing. Oh. Oh, wow. All right. Now it's nothing. Oh. Oh, wow. All right, now it's familiar. Oh.

Oh, man. I don't know. I feel like with these, I'm either instantly going to get it or I'm just not. Okay. I can read another line to help you. The voice was chanting as the fog was lifting. Man, oh man. Sign was painted, said private property, but on the backside, it didn't say nothing.

Yeah, fog was lifting. Yeah, this land was made for you and me't say nothing. Fog was lifting. Yeah. This land was made for you and me. This land is your land? Yes. Yeah. That's right. That really tripped me up because these have been like pop songs from the 90s.

And I think that's a folk song from like the 1920s or something. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I was trying to hop all over. Yeah. I love that song. It is a good song. Okay. That's why I was trying to hop all over. Yeah, I love that song. It is a good song. Okay, here's another one.

How'd you find these songs? You just, what did you do? I just Googled, searched, yeah, songs that you would know. You Googled, searched songs Jake would know? Yeah, and ChatGPT actually was really, really good at it. Is that true? No. I know songs that you actually know.

Okay, ready? Yeah. This one I'm going to give you the least because it's, I think, a song you do know. It's either Blinker, Dave Matthews, or Third Eye Blind. I feel like those are the three bands that I talk about liking the most. The Shadow in the Background. The Shadow in the Background. Oh, The Shadow in the Background of the Borg.

I don't suspect being victim. Yeah. Nice. That's a pretty late Blink song. Like, I wouldn't necessarily have known it. Well, you haven't said what it is yet. Oh, I think it's called I Miss You. That's right.

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare, the shadow in the background of the morgue. Yeah. Like, indecision to call you. Hear their voices. You only needed half a line for that. For this land is your land, a little bit more. Right.

Okay, here's another one I think you should know, but who knows? Ready? Okay. Oh no, it go. Oh, that sounds like Weezer. no it go goddamn i am um what is that what is that song called though oh is it i if you want to destroy my sweater the sweater song yes okay oh no it go it gone bye bye who Who I, I think, I sink And I die What a great song

It is a great song Okay, here's another one Not too many left, ready? So far I've only missed one I kind of needed some extra on this land and your land But toxic That was an 0 for 1 That was an F

This one, I, again, I think I can only read half of the line. Okay. I dread the thought. I dread the thought. Ooh.

I dread the thought. I dread the thought. Oh my God. At this, I know. Yeah. It dread the thought. Oh, my God. I know. Yeah. It's on the cusp. You're looking through the Rolodex of your mind. I dread the thought of our very first kiss.

A target that I'm probably going to miss. Yeah. First date. That's correct. Yeah. Nice. Let's go go don't wait of course you know that one instantly uh i think that was it i don't know if i have another one

cool um oh wait i don't know if i read this one okay so this might be the i think i did read this one. Grasping to control. Oh, no, you didn't. Grasping to control. So I better hold on. That's Basket Case. Nice. Three words. Got it. Wow, we should do it for less and less. It's like name that tune, but just name the lyrics. Yeah.

Dread the Thod might have been your best pull. Right. Because that's kind of it's pretty deep. It's random in the song, too. You know, just just random verse. Yeah. Felt good. It felt good.

That was my redemption from Vertal for Shirtle. Which I think we're cutting out of that episode. So maybe we'll know. Yeah. My agent and lawyer reached out to you, right? vertal for shirtle which i think we're cutting out of that episode so nobody will know yeah my agent and lawyer reached out to you right you set yourself a cease and desist so vertal was slandal uh it was it was libel it was slandalous and scandalous libel is actually a good a word for vertal that's true okay let's take a break It was slandalous and scandalous. Libel is actually a good word for vertile. That's true.

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Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly.

Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions,

they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday.

So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

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and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial enjoy thank you Thank you, Squarespace. All right, we're back. Here's an idea you had. Six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but for us. Exactly. Basically, who do we have access to? How quick could we make a call to a celebrity? We've never really been in anything. I guess we could do it all

through harold and kumar if we want to just so entirely funneled through just our one shared movie credit right exactly or we can do like you know we know uh rose she's in a movie with whoever oh i see so it's like so we can use people that we know right in our extended how how quick or people that we acted with like rose was in an episode ben was in an episode yeah we can use that through our web series right so like let's say for example uh i'm just on imdb's most famous people ryan reynolds let's say ryan reynolds okay needs to do a podcast. We need to get to Ryan. How do we get to Ryan? Who do we call in the fewest amount of people?

I have a good one. Okay. This one's through shared credits, but Ryan Reynolds was in the Wolverine movie with Hugh Jackman. Deadpool Wolverine. Yeah. Have you seen that movie? I haven't, but I should. I probably would like it. I've seen the reviews from people I know from that movie vary from this is the greatest

movie ever to this movie made me depressed. Never want to see a movie again or work in Hollywood. I'm so despondent. I'm like, yeah, what a wide, wide swath of reviews from this one seemingly innocuous movie. Well, I think they've got, the first one was like kind of self-referential. The second one was like pretty snarky. And the third one might be like, I don't know, almost like jaded by the film industry or something. So that's, I'm curious if it's just a lot of like, it's a lot of like inside baseball Hollywood.

Yeah, maybe too much Hollywood. Yeah. Okay. So, so you got to Hugh. Yeah. And then I believe Ben wrote that Hugh Jackman opening Oscars. Yes. Okay. So we, we have, we almost, yeah, we certainly have access to Hugh through Ben, and Hugh has direct access. From you to Hugh.

Right. You to Hugh to Ryan. That's pretty good. And that's actually, that's kind of like a timely phone call, too. It wouldn't be like reaching out to whoever was in Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place. It's like, he has probably just finished the junket with Hugh. They're definitely. Yeah, they're friends. Yeah. They did the hot ones together. Oh, my God. The real hard part is finished the junket with Hugh. They're definitely. Yeah, they're friends.

Yeah. They did the hot ones together. Oh, my God. The real hard part is the leap from Ben to Hugh. Right, because Ben won't. Yeah, Ben won't call Hugh for us. From you to Ben to Hugh is a very large. It's like that jump in Mario 8 too, where you have to jump and land on a little thing and then jump on.

It would have to be a Steel Ben's phone situation. It's a triple jump right boing boing boing us to ryan okay but it can happen if that makes oh here's a nice this one's easy yes uh also up there sydney sweeney no issue that's a demarco text that's uh we had because of yeah adam demarco was uh absolutely oh they in the same oh those are different different seasons of the same show they probably what about jeff and the jeff and the iced tea commercial but he didn't have it he doesn't have real access to her so but they acted together yeah but that's actors access acting that's six degrees of separation but i'm talking about access where

this is called jake and amir's degrees of access that's what the segment so you want phone a phone to phone who has people yeah exactly so well i mean there you go it's still it's still theoretically adam because you know that he has contact with like mike white the director the writer and from then that's yeah sweeney yeah exactly yeah so it's it's adam to the director to sweeney and arguably that's easier than getting to ryan because and adam doesn't know us as well as ben he might feel bad saying no if we really if we like really hammered him for mike white's contact i don't think we should actually do it i don't think we should actually do this well yeah the next segment we're gonna take a break in the next segment is we actually facetime out of the marco yeah what no no he won't mind um

i was gonna say for the hugh jackman one the chris gethard sketch where he plays hugh jackman in the college humor video oh yeah he's alsoely and Horny. So technically we have that in as well. Well, that's not, but Hugh Jackman wasn't in that sketch. Yeah. So that's not really anything. Was he though? Was he? No, he wasn't in that sketch.

I think it's like a picture of him or something. Yeah, for sure, for sure. That was when I called Hugh Jackman, Huge Jacked Man. And I thought it was really original, but it turned out somebody had made the same joke online. It was at the very least parallel thinking. This one's interesting. I don't know what she's doing up here,

but Halle Berry, is she in something right now? I mean, I know she's famous, obviously. Yeah, we all know Halle. What has she been in before? What's her most famous thing? She was Catwoman, but who was the who was the batman when hallie berry was in catwoman right uh was it oh looks she's in a she's in a tv show called moonfall there you go um okay she was in catwoman in 2004 i'm guessing it's clooney let's see who

was batman who was i feel like clooney's further away we're getting further away um or what is there even a batman in the 2004 catwoman it might have been just catwoman i think the yeah the the movie in 2004 was called catwoman was did anybody it doesn't look like anybody played batman from the imdb i'm sure somebody is yelling at their computer right now. Yeah. But look, it doesn't matter. What we're trying to do is get access to Barry, which is very hard. Yeah, but I don't know what she's been in recently or with someone under like 60.

What has she done for me lately slash Barry? Well, she's in this thing called moonfall she's in moonfall with um yeah you keep saying that but that's a nothing burger to me i don't know who's in that i've never heard that uh what else has she been in other than moonfall i don't care i'm gonna tell you a little bit about moonfall because the director is roland emery sweetie and i don't know okay if you have access anywhere to to emery don't we okay no okay okay patrick wilson patrick wilson oh that's close and he actually was josh and his friends with them exactly so we have really good access to patrick

wilson josh is friends with them he was in a college humor sketch um was he yeah i believe so we might have met him we genuinely might have met him so patrick wilson yeah yeah for sure um so right didn't he file that lawsuit against you he thought you were like stalking him or something you like kept texting that i was called humor. But it was obviously a difference of opinion because I thought we were best friends. By the way, I just realized that Halle Berry is Storm in X-Men alongside

Mr. Huge Jackman who we know is in Ben's Rolodex. Through Hugh alone, if we can get to Ben, we have a ton of access he was a good node yeah he was a really good node um okay let's let's talk um all you know all these people we actually are not that far from i just went to mark walberg and remember we had we developed a

do we technically develop a project with his production company? We never had access to Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg? I don't think so. Yeah. When did we ever work with him? The Reddit TV show. We didn't work with him. Oh, that's right.

But he was going to be the producer. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So there you go. So the producers of Ballers? Yeah.

Was it? Right. And Wahlbergers. Right. Because Mark Wahlberg's production company makes Ballers. I don Was it? Right. And Wahlbergers. Right. Because Mark Wahlberg's production company makes Ballers. I don't know. I forget what it's called. But that never went slash happened.

That was just an idea somebody had about a Reddit television show that ended up being nixed before the creation. Yeah. It got pretty far. It got pretty far along in the process. Yeah. Where was that going to be? Did we have a TV channel or we were just going to shop it around?

You don't remember? Am I allowed to talk about industry insider stuff now? It's been such a long time. Who cares? Everybody is either fired or dead from these networks. I think nobody cares. Yeah. It was at TBS.

All of these people are gone now. Which doesn't exist anymore. It was at TBS and it was going to be produced by Mark Wahlberg and Reddit. We had the founder team at Reddit on board to do the show. And do you remember why it didn't go? I thought lawyers at Reddit were like, wait, this is too risky to talk about online or something. Or we were going to talk about comments and we can't deal with with getting people's comments on air like clearance issues or something. It came down to one sticking point, which was that TBS wanted to order 26 episodes and Reddit said that they wanted to do.

I think it was 16 because they're like, we're not sure how like the Reddit community is going to react to it. So we want to be able to stop after 16 episodes if everybody hates it and turner was like we can't buy any we cannot buy the show unless you guys will commit to 26 episodes so we were fucking we were this close to being the host of a reddit tv show how would that have gone, do you think? That's kind of like where you go. And it's like it's basically it would be like The Daily Show except a democratic a democratic process of like what gets covered every single week because it's actual users voting everything up. And the fear was that people on Reddit were like, wait a minute, I didn't give you permission to talk about this post on a television show. Now you guys are using it to make money and we're not seeing any of the money and now we're mad and we're not going to use Reddit. I guess that was not communicated to me that I remember.

I thought it was more about just like they genuinely were like not sure if the Reddit community would think it was like – I thought it was like, well, they think it's corny if we have a TV show because it's like this will technically be like week old, month old content that we're talking about because that's how production works. It wouldn't necessarily ever be like, oh, this is the top of Reddit today. If at best it was going to be a show that was like made week to week. So why don't we do this idea, but without anybody's consent? Like we got too many lawyers, too many cooks in the kitchen for this project. We'll just steal the idea from the producers and then sort of try to sell it as IP in kind, digital top line streaming.

The issue was we were the least important piece of the puzzle. We had a golden ticket. We had won the lottery. For whatever reason, the producers at Mark Wahlberg's company wanted us to host it. But on our own, we're nothing. Did they reach out to us? TBS wasn't ever like, oh, wow, we love Jake and the group. This show sounds great.

They're like, whatever. Reddit is the most popular website in the world. We want the show. So, yeah. whatever reddit is the most popular website in the world we want the show so yeah yeah it couldn't it basically couldn't happen without reddit in the network we shouldn't have ever even been involved but yeah yeah and now is tbs still a channel or t Is TBS? They just lost basketball, so they probably aren't for long, right? They'll get plundered by. Well, that wasn't even TBS. That was TNT.

Oh, I thought TBS. I thought it's all Turner. Is TBS still a channel? As of 2023, TBS is still. It airs a variety of programming, including comedy series, game shows, reality, and sports. Maybe they still show Atlanta Braves baseball games. So all these are still channels, right? They don't have live.

TBS, TNT, and TruTV. Those are like the three, right? Yeah. But it all seems like it's just one digital app at this point. It's like, yeah, come to our website and you can watch Impractical Jokers, Ace Ventura, and American Dad. And I don't know what channel it's on. Yeah. Right, they're just kind of, they're going back.

It's all about IP. It's all about the back catalog. It's all about content that you actually own and that you don't have to necessarily distribute. You just have it paywalled, gatedated so the different communities can come and pay for your service. And they'll be like, all right, I have to pay five bucks a month to watch my favorite show, American Dad, but that's fine. And the cable networks are like, well, this is perfect. Now we never have to pay another writer or creator or actor or director or union worker. We don't have to pay makeup artists. We don't have to pay anybody. we don't have to pay anybody we're just gonna be here with the old content people will pay for it it's already made this is perfect that's their

dream and our live show in philadelphia is that sold well it's sold out you better believe this is the alien from american Dad is opening. Yeah. Yeah. And don't forget me. I'm Cleveland. Giggity, giggity. Giggity goo. And I'm the other guy. That show's still on.

Family Guy. Are they making new episodes? I'm sure. I'm sure. Seth MacFarlane to Jake and Amir. What do we got? Okay. That shouldn't be that hard i feel like oh well seth mcfarland was in uh was in a movie with mark walberg that uh

did we ever talk about our reddit show yeah so we had a golden ticket we had a golden amount of episodes and you know they they tear the tickets when you're walking in they tore ours in half and they rejected they said you will not get into hollywood tonight yeah good day sir i speaking of tiktoks and reels i saw an interview coming up on one of these vertical video websites that showed Gene Wilder doing an interview that said, I told the sound guy I was going to yell at Charlie, the you lose thing. That was not scripted to be a complete serious freak out. He's like, so make sure to turn me down because we'll only have one authentic reaction to the child being blown away that I'm yelling at him. That's incredible.

I'm not going to tell him that. I'm going to take it that seriously. So when he's like, you lose. Good day, sir. And Charlie's like, I'm terrified. It was because Gene Wilder didn't tell him that. That's amazing. Wow.

Yeah. There aren't actors like that anymore. He also, Gene Wilder he because it's illegal probably he also came up with the cane getting stuck in his exit and then he does a forward flip and like lands like he pretends to be a cripple and then he's not right he came up with that idea and they're like we don't really understand why you want to do that and he's like that's because for the rest of the movie you never know if i'm telling the truth or lying and if you don't let me do that i'm not going to do the movie and they're like uh okay that i feel like i remember learning it's really funny that he's like if you don't let me

do that then i won't do the movie god imagine having like that much scruples as an actor if it were you or me like whatever whatever you want what words you want me to say you want me to say yeah this is charlie i'm willie walk and i love starbucks yeah i don't care the reddit show didn't happen because i said i wanted to host it in a wheelchair and i was like if i can't do that then i'm fucking out because i never want the audience to know whether i'm lying. And they're like, who are you? Yeah, that definitely doesn't fly down. We don't care who you are. Yeah, for sure.

I get that for them. I'll do it with a Band-Aid then. That way they don't know if I'm lying. Yeah. And you will have a really bad cut under there. Uninfected gash on my neck. All right. We'll call it there sure quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys

to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. so if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online now is your chance to make your voice heard folks take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. All right, we're back.

One last segment. We're going to celebrate. Oh, yeah. One last segment. A fun little segment where I pitch you on some changes you can make about yourself, mostly physical. And you'll tell me how you're feeling about that okay okay i mean right off the bat i feel kind of can you move the microphone surprise because it's in front of your face there it is okay not on the not on the yeah on the zoom yes well i needed to frame it up just right so it's confirming a couple things that i feel like okay what all you couldn't see was my mouth yeah well that's thing number one um what do we do i'm not adult braces and invisalign would we do would we do that or would i do

well we're we're partners we're working together to improve your appearance so i and i feel like that would raise our standing in the community where are you in your invisalign journey i feel like you've got to be coming to the end i have a week and a half left of my invisalign wow and so what's changed what's been the biggest difference? My smile and my life have both changed. My life. I don't want your smile. I knew it. Yeah.

No, it's, yeah. I mean, the big thing for me was my, the crowding on my lower teeth or making it so i couldn't clean between these ones like down here um and it was like giving me problems like in my gum and with flossing so i was like so they're like you should do it and then you know the benefit will be like the little cross that you have at the top of your teeth that'll just be straight your bite will align and i was like yeah i didn't i resisted doing it for a few years because they kept on asking me to do it i was like i'm not going to and then uh but then they got to the point expensive too right yeah it was expensive and it's not covered by insurance but i was going to need a gum graft and that was also really expensive and sounded a lot more painful and i

wouldn't be you needed a threat yeah it was like this is the invisalign was less painful and i would have better teeth afterwards so instead of sort of the biggest mark of being an adult is that you're not like when you're a kid getting braces is torture slash the worst thing slash you don't want it and then to make that decision for yourself and pay for it as an adult is sort of the end of being a child like yeah yes walking up and signing up for braces and paying for them yourself but i is like i remember when i when i went to do it i was like i know, I know that I'm going to hate this and that I'm going to be self-conscious and I'm going to hate the feeling of feeling these things in my mouth. I won't be able to sleep. And I just had this vision of myself going back into the dentist two days after they did everything.

I'd be like, take the brackets off my teeth. I can't do this. I want them gone. And actually, the first thought I had as soon as I popped in, I was like, oh, this isn't as bad as I thought. And I wouldn't say it's been like easy, easy, but it's been, I thought it was going to be a nightmare and it was really pretty fine. And now it's over. Are they on right now? No, I can't, I can't wear them when I podcast, but you really only have to have them on around 20 hours a day.

So no podcast talk Invisalign and no eating. Yeah, pop them out to eat. But I drink coffee with them in. But sleeping and everything else. Yeah, sleep with them in. Because you're changing them every single week. I think it's, I don't know. It's great, too, because you're watching all of the progress happen uh yeah how

many times do you have to get like a new mold where it's like okay now you're moved on to this one now you're moving on to this one mine was 27 weeks and i had 27 different molds or wait 28 every week you get a new mold yeah some people it depends on what your bite and what your teeth look like some like i think when jill did it uh two years ago and hers she would wear her hers for two weeks i think that's a really big secret she didn't want anybody to know that but that's interesting well it's a perfect time to do it and then you go to the dentist all the time do you go to the dentist to get the molds or they send it to you over the mail they uh you go to the dentist so you'll get once a week you go to the dentist they'll give you like 7 to 10

at a time you basically are going back every two months so they can check and make sure that they trust you to move yeah from one to the other they'll look at your teeth and be like okay it's going well here's the next 7 sometimes they have to like file your teeth to give them space to shift and when you put the new one on

that shifts it over the most does it feel like when you used to get your braces tightened and it kind of for a day yeah for a day you feel like some pressure there was like one day where i like got a headache because it was uh there was a lot of pressure but it really hasn't no it's mostly been fine it's the micro mental shifting of the yeah that i mean my lower teeth my lower teeth were so like i braces when i was 15 um immediately stopped wearing a retainer they've just been it was like i don't know a year that i had normal teeth and they've just been slowly getting worse and worse over time shifting yeah but like i even see like braces are shifting your teeth out of whack i look at

like my wedding photos and i'm like oh my, my lower tooth like hasn't fully crossed over too much yet. But then like, you know, by the time I was about to do the Invisalign, it was it had crossed over so much that it was like it looked like it was almost like, I don't know, a millimeter higher than the rest of my bottom teeth. I could like see it sticking up and I would sometimes catch catch it on my like when i would like bite something and pull my teeth back i like it would hit it so i was like i knew that i needed to do it um but now they're pretty much uh on the same plane across and what i'm saying is that you're this all brings me back to the larger point which is that you have an ugly smile and bad teeth so would you my lower teeth are actually an ugly smile and bad teeth so would you my lower teeth are actually straighter than my top teeth yeah well you're i mean obviously i'm

talking about your top teeth they're they're a mess you have you kind of not really really i mean i'm worried about i have like one yeah one here like it's set so far back yeah i wouldn't you're gonna end up swallowing it's not so bad right it's no way i'm there's no way yeah it is touching the uvula a little bit yeah it's like on it leading back you'll check on it so what the invisalign will do and it doesn't have to be invisalign they also do there's um there's a braces company that does behind the teeth braces um yeah we could file them down into veneer instead of invisalign which is a micrometal light shifting fucking nose job it break my teeth reset them it's a week of really terrible pain because everything yeah you go veneer so out of whack and yeah but i'm saying job i think that's fine but but there's no point in addressing the teeth if we're not

going to address the whole package which is like which brings me to like a buccal fat surgery yeah either a removal or an implant either way something's got to change something's gotta give i want the zach efron jawline i want you, I'm curious about you shaving. Because like you have not really experimented with anything. I think the last like facial hair thing you did was the big beard that you had when we were in Australia. And that was like almost eight years ago at this point, right? Yeah, right now I'm on a like six to eight week haircut plus beard schedule. So short grows short.

And this is like week two of eight. But talk to me about shaving a mustache because here's my pitch. You've got the salt and pepper thing going on, which is fine. It's not really for me, but other people seem to like it. It's not for you. Yeah, you're right. It is not for you. It's not for you yeah you're right it is not for you it's not for you it's not my place to say but the mustache is not soft yeah but i think it's not your place so here's my pitch though because the mustache is actually it's it has not it has no uh salt in it it's all pepper that's

it's brown yeah yeah i'm curious what your face might look like if you shave the bottom and just have the mustache again mustache era and like there's not really any risk to it like who cares it will be over in four weeks if you don't like it that's right same with like you shaving your head yeah i would do that okay if you shave your head i'll shave a mustache no it's not a it's not a tit for tat it's mustache. No, it's not a tit for tat. It's going to be... It's absolutely a tit for tat. I would shave my head. I'll shave my head if you do Invisalign.

I'll shave my head if you do Invisalign. That's a lot more expensive. I'll shave my head if you get braces for nine months. Yeah. All right, fine. Really? And I don't even need it. That's how fucking crazy this is.

I think if you do Invisalign. I'm sick if you wax your ass. If you do Invisalign, then it would really suggest you do the mustache. Because why not? You'll have the gorgeous new set of chompers to show off you want to get you want to clear clear the runway mow the grass around there let everybody see it do you know what i mean and you'll and you'll pick or you'll like do a one all the way around i would do a one all the way around i think for i think picking we

would need to we would need to talk about a little a little extra sauce a fecal transplant yeah or maybe a bunion surgery because i was i don't know if they have time but i wanted to talk about your wardrobe we have time for one more wardrobe but the wardrobe that's a lot easier than yeah because the first one was adult braces the second was to shave my face and now you just want me wearing new shirts. Okay, what do you think? I think it would just be kind of interesting to see you in more muted tones. What?

You like color. Color beige shirt. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm wearing a teal shirt right now. Exactly. A pocket tee.

Why shouldn't that be olive? What's wrong with a sage sweatshirt? And like your shoes are kind of bright. A sage sweatshirt is just like a greenish sweatshirt or like a charcoal. I have that. It's just really hot out. I think just like, I think black pants, olive shirt. I don't have the black pants.

Yeah, there you go. So that's my pitch um i would say take it or leave it but it's kind of more of a take it type thing like let's i guess i'll wear black pants if you shave your head i'm down to shave my head, but it's really going to need to be mustache and braces for you. If you do mustache plus Invisalign, I will bick my head. Yeah. I will bick it. What a weird deal.

That deal is meaningless. Why'd you shave your head? Oh, Mir got braces for me. Can't shave the mustache. meaningless meaningless why'd you shave your head oh mir got braces for me and shaved a mustache i wanted him to have a a cleaner bite yes so much so that i said i would sacrifice my hair that i think it would be it would be really awesome and meaningful change for you you would really appreciate it you would enjoy yourself and yes i get a kickback i do

wonder if they can change your bite with invisalign they can they did for me yeah this is not sponsored by the way like i said before my teeth are aligned within each other my bite is wrong like where my jaw it feels like a more structural issue than the teeth placement but yeah maybe i'm wrong why don't you go to your dentist they'll draw you up a plan you don't even have to say yes they will they make the plan they show you better yet go to my dentist tell them jake sent you it's in connecticut but i get half off my next invisalign it's in new york i'll fucking dye my eyebrows white if you get an expander i'll bick my mon's pubis, okay? If you get rubber bands. Your mom's pubis. Hey.

Hey. Mons. My mon's mon. Come on, mon. Hey, mons. Hey, mon mons. Okay, fine. I'll get braces.

You'll shave your head. Perfect. And we'll meet back here next week and see how it looks. But for now, let's say adieu. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you guys for listening. For more, check out patreon.com slash JA. It's not just the Jake and Amir watches anymore. We're also talking

Premier League football now. That's right. Specifically Tottenham. From a Tottenham slant. We are the Coys boys after all. But yeah, we're posting multiple times a week now but you will be I look forward to sampling the league

surveying the landscape you'll see every single team play you will see every team play twice if you watch Tottenham, all the Tottenham games so there you go do they play every team in a row then every team in a row or they can play like the same team twice they can

play the same it's it's yeah it's it's not every team in a row and every team in a row it's it's different in the in the home and away games you know yada yada yada yeah yeah okay and we'll be back here right here next week always happy Labor Day I think I think today's Labor Day for you guys. So enjoy that.

Bye, everybody. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.