Segments - 459: Night Terrors
Episode Date: October 26, 2020In this episode we discuss undecided voters, Zoom crushes, and infiltrating your roommates dreams.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privac...y and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help.
But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen.
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Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.
There's a reason I didn't have you say anything.
Yeah.
Because you're nervous.
You're skittish.
You're stuttering right now.
I'm a little frightened.
So I don't want you in this ad at all.
I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live light.
So no, I won't be recording one.
In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in.
Don't.
This part is now the ad.
Edit this part out, but let's do one clean don't this part is now edit this part out but
let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell
you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear
it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. No. Should I kill myself in a Starbucks? So I wrote this email to Jake and Amir
Cause so many things were left unclear
My dad's always gone, should I just ask you to?
This could be the one last chance to get the right advice
If I were you, a podcast hosted by two dudes who try to make you laugh sometimes you'll be put
on blast i will use email check and a mirror to even change your name to make sure you can keep your anonymity yes dude all right oh yeah did you
did you recognize that one yes i did that was a i'd do anything parody by the band the canadian
pop punk band simple plan that is right Yeah. The original song actually features a verse from the one and the only Mark Hoppus.
Really?
Yes.
So he just hopped on.
Hoppus hopped.
He hoppused on and he did like a little, like a cameo.
He spit a verse for the song.
You know, it was, it's incredible. It's a great, it's a great song. It's a for the song.
It's incredible.
It's a great song.
It's a really good song.
It's a great EP.
It's a good album.
What else can I say?
Simple plan.
It was God's plan for that band to exist.
Yeah.
Anyway, he gets, that was by Hiro Soga.
Oh.
Hiro Soga.
Yeah. Hiro Soga. Very nice. guess uh that was by hero soga oh hero soga yeah uh hero soga very nice he says he was one of the
lucky ones to get in on text jake.com beta and got some texting advice from jake and that advice
led to a relationship that's celebrating a six-year anniversary in november whoa congrats congrats indeed do you remember what you told him to say um yeah i do i told him to uh
do anything i do anything just hold you in my arms oh okay okay sorry
were there any like female pop punk bands because like it's always from the point of
view of this greasy 21 year old begging to be a boyfriend but like are there any other points of
view in pop punk pop punk is so funny because it is like all of it is like skinny little loser boys
saying how that how they would appreciate the the hot guy's girlfriend more
right yeah your boyfriend he don't know anything about you but i stalk you and i know all of your
favorite ice cream flavors and and i swear i would wait on you hand and foot i would that's what you
want i appreciate that i can't no I want to be with the athlete.
Thank you, though.
I think it's cool when he does touchdowns.
Yeah, you're scrawny.
You're wearing eye makeup, I think, right?
For you.
Oh, God, your voice sucks, too.
Oh, I love you all.
Yeah.
I guess it's all like 14-year-old scrawny people
who become musicians pining after the hot lady at school.
Correct.
But Avril Lavigne was a pop punk female musician.
Oh, that's cool.
Skater boy.
She was just a skater boy.
Yeah.
He was a skater.
And I guess for some reason, she wrote a song about the unpopular guy liking the popular girl.
It's just a theme.
He was a skater boy.
She said, see you later, boy boy he wasn't good enough for her
so it was about a musician trying to be cool or something i i think no she because avril in that
song is just like a popular like a popular girl i think um yeah she had a pretty face but her head was off in space she needed to come
back down to earth she sings got it yeah uh this guy hero soga also um has a twitter account i can
be your hero spelled h-i-r-o i love it so there you go he says if you want to hear read some sad
tweets about the philadelphia Eagles, you can follow him.
I can be your hero.
Thank you, Hero Soga.
Thank you.
Thank you indeed.
This is If I Were You, the only advice show on the web hosted by us.
I'm Amir.
I am Jake.
We're two weeks out from the election.
We said that if Trump wins, that'll be our last episode.
Yeah.
Yeah. election uh we said that if trump wins this that'll be our last episode so yeah yeah so this
might be the penultimate or maybe tri-ultimate which means the third to last a word i just
invented yeah i coined it for this show that's good the trial to the trultimate uh you spent
this weekend in pennsylvania canvassing homes for joseph r b. And Kamala Harris, indeed.
I was knocking on doors, taking names, getting out the book.
What does that entail?
How did you know where to knock?
So they, first of all, I did no research for this.
I'm not a good person.
But Sarah Schneider and Mike Carnell told me me about it and i said that i wanted to go
um so where i signed up was let me see where do you remember where i signed up don't sell yourself
short you drove to pennsylvania and knocked on doors it doesn't matter whose idea it was
that's true um i think i did it was through mobilize.us um oh yeah like back to blue events
whatever uh no i shouldn't say whatever that's what it was back to blue events i don't know why
i'm trying to minimize it um yes mobilize.us back to blue pa that's what i did um so they give you
addresses that you have to like uh drive to and knock on doors yeah so you
sign up you then do like an hour or two long like kind of training video it's like a zoom thing
there was like 300 people there a guy told us um how it works they send you a script that you read
there's like five questions that you want to ask everybody and then when you
get there you check in um they give you a little code uh there's a there's an app that you download
you put in the code and then that gives you a list of um addresses and names and people that
live there and you know a little like five block radius to to walk on
to walk around a walk we knocked on like 56 doors talked to 41 people um they're all for the most
part like registered democratic voters like people who who they think they have a chance with
convincing to get out there and vote.
There were a couple independents and a couple undecideds, and then a couple houses where there
was a Democrat and a Republican registered. So tell me about these undecideds who are still
a little bit on the fence about whether or not they like Trump or
Biden? Or do they like them both so much they just can't figure out which one they want to order?
That was the most rewarding conversation that I had when I actually talked to a true,
undecided, independent voter. I had never thought I could see one. I mean, like, but...
It's just people that hate them both?
Yeah, it's people that hate them both. And also people that hate... It, like, but it's just people that hate them both. Yeah. It's people that hate them both.
And also people that hate, it's like, you don't necessarily hate the Red Sox, but you
hate Boston fans.
Right.
So it's like, I hate, I hate liberals that are ruining and looting and destroying those
liberal cities.
And I don't want them to be happy.
Right.
So he, I think this guy was getting a lot of like information from Fox news where
they like take the cherry pick,
like one crazy thing that somebody on the fringe left does,
and then assign that to Joe Biden.
So this guy was like,
Oh,
like the left is insane.
And like,
Trump is insane,
but everybody's fucking crazy.
And,
and like,
I don't,
I don't want like,
uh,
yeah,
I don't,
I don't want like all of these crazy left policies happening.
And I was just like, I'm friends with so many people that are like super, super liberal and they hated Joe Biden when he was nominated.
Like he's not.
Right.
He's not that guy.
They all wanted Bernie or something.
Yeah.
Everybody was mad.
So like go for the candidate that pissed off the left and is also not insane.
That's good.
Yeah.
And then were you able to talk and convince her?
He's like, yeah, whatever.
We'll talk later.
No, he was a very rational dude who, like, wanted to talk about this.
And, like, I felt like maybe just needed a safe place to, like, to talk shit about both both like extremes in the parties and i was just
like i mean i sort of uh lied and was like postured myself as as an equally independent minded guy
like yeah you know i think they're crazy too but like what i'm really trying to what i want to
avoid is just all of the polarization,
all of the fighting.
Everything is just so tense,
and I just want a candidate that simmers it all down.
So yeah, it felt like we made a connection.
That was very rewarding.
That's cool.
And then how much do you end up giving him cash-wise
to vote for Joe, if you don't mind me asking?
I know this is sort of a touchy subject in terms of...
At the end of the day, I Venmo'd him $5,000 to vote Joe,
and I said there's another 5K on the way
once you send me a photo of your ballot on the day.
And if he wins, you get a 20% voting bonus from Soros himself.
That's right.
The other thing that I would say about this, though, aside from like it being rewarding
to like try to change somebody's mind was like, I just feel like we're all in the same
circles.
Like I have the same political conversations with my friends who all agree with me and
we think things are crazy and all that stuff.
And it just, it feels like there's a lot of,
what am I trying to say?
It feels like, you know,
you're just in your small little universe,
your echo chamber.
But talking to like older Democrats,
like 50, 60 year old Democrats
who also hate Trump,
but like for their own reasons,
and who live in Pennsylvania and are pumped. And it's just like, it was exciting to see that it's
not just my 10 friends against the entire political world, that there's other people
that don't have a lot in common with us, but that also agree with us um so that was fun yeah if only trump
trump's own undoing is how much he like loves himself like if he just talked less i'm sure a
lot of these people who hate both sides wouldn't hate him as much yeah that's the grand irony like
all of these all these rallies and weird press conferences that he does that he thinks is helping
is probably the one reason that is fucking him over right it's a little disturbing to to see how easily he would just walk away with
the election if he was smarter like he's the worst guy ever and he still might win but like barely
um not even smarter just quieter like just don't say masks are bad and you'll be good to go he's like i can't not do that or like stop
retweeting anything there's no more rts at least me yeah then you won't accidentally retweet a
white supremacist again but the problem is being himself is what won him the first election so
like nobody i don't think anybody can tell him otherwise because he's like hey it worked in 2016 right it also might work in 2020 so let's yeah but they let's get out there and vote and they did say a lot of these people
that i talked to in pennsylvania who um who had already voted or who had like tried to go to the
courthouse to drop their ballots off they're like it is insane even now like even early voting um they like they literally like they
there were lines just to like drop off their early ballot yeah and they say like most early voters are
for biden like is trump not in like trying to get people to vote early or trump no because
democratic yeah well his strategy is to get people to not vote. When less people vote, the Republicans win.
And when more people vote, Democrats win
because more people align with those principles.
So the strategy is to just start saying
that everything's fraudulent now.
That's the goal.
It's fraudulent right up until the point
where he wins Pennsylvania and Wisconsin again somehow
and then wins the presidency and then it was fine.
Then it was the biggest electoral victory in history since the last time he did it.
There's a question that we got about arguing politics on Facebook, so let's answer this one.
Maybe it's very appropriate right now.
Cool.
This is from a lady who we'll call Elizabeth Warren.
Lately, writes Elizabeth, I've been somewhat consumed with politely arguing with strangers
on Facebook. I see ignorant comments about not wearing masks or people believing racism or white
privilege isn't real. And it drives me crazy when I see strangers or my dad's Facebook friends
commenting extremely ignorant things like anti-mask rhetoric. I feel compelled to post links from the CDC to try to wake them up
to the facts that the virus simply isn't political. But my thought is, what if I could
change just one person's mind if I politely showed them the facts? My fiance thinks I'm just wasting
my time because most of these people are a lost cause. Should I ignore the urge to comment every time I see an extremely ignorant comment?
What if these people don't have anyone in their lives to challenge their racist and or anti-mask way of thinking?
Well, what do you think?
Do you think that arguing on Facebook is a waste of time?
Yeah, I mean, it's the same way that like i tweet anti-trump jokes i just
i feel like it's not changing anybody's mind but it feels better for me so maybe it feels better
for her to like i she can't just stand idly by she needs to like it needs to pour out of her
she needs to say something yeah i guess the thing i would say is that it's like maybe re resetting what your expectations are for engaging in that
type of thing like you probably won't change any hearts and minds but there are like alternate
effect or there are like side side effects that are that are still positive like trickle down
positivity you might have like friends of theirs on that
thread see your point and maybe that registers. Or you might have friends of yours that see
your point and they like realize that your ideals align more. You might just be giving people
language in their arguments that they're having with their friends and family
so i think that like if you think about like all of your engaging online as will i change this
person's mind then it's it is like it'll feel like a waste of time but if you think of it as like
serving a greater good just a general discourse uh i think that's i don't know if you want to do
it i think there's ways to to feel like
it's positive and if it's exhausting you then just you know i i don't think you're going to
change anybody's mind if that's posting that masks are bad they're gone yeah well yeah it's true i
agree with that sentiment where it's like you might not change their mind but maybe somebody
out there is on the fence about thinking white privilege is real. It's like, all right, maybe I will look
into the fact that most black people do think white privilege is real. So, maybe they're on
to something here. So, you might not change like everybody's mind, just like nobody can change your
mind about the opposite, that masks are helpful. Maybe there's some people in the middle who are
just lurking that you might be able to convince otherwise yeah they're and i think that even i think that people
like right up until the point where they're posting that masks aren't real on facebook
they're still they're still gettable and this bringing it back to the one single guy i talked
to in pennsylvania i think that like meeting that meeting people where they are um instead of being like you have to be as liberal
as possible i think that's like the way that's the way to like change hearts and minds we don't
need anybody to to like meet us all the way on the left right now all we need is for people to
like believe in science and not elect a nazi that's that's all the bar is low so you don't
have to be first things first yeah don't don't meet me all the way on the left just meet me in
the in the joe biden uh moderate left just for now and then we can work on them right we don't have to abolish police yet
we just have to think that masks could possibly assist in not transmitting the virus that's how
far gone the the the fucking right is right that's that is crazy um yeah i mean i'm also on the fence
um yeah onto my ballot so of course let's keep having these interesting conversations and we'll see where it
nets out.
Because at the same time,
like 50 cents said,
I don't want to be 20 cent.
Huh?
Uh,
he was complaining about the taxes being so high.
So I thought that was kind of a funny line.
That is good.
That is pretty good.
Yeah.
All right, let's take a break, answer some more questions, and we'll be back after these words.
Yes.
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Exactly. Eons, it feels like.
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they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.
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Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?
Yeah.
How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com?
That'd be great. Is that available?
It's not available.
Yeah.
But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday?
Interesting. Freaky Tuesday.
So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change,
but ultimately it's not a full body swap.
Right.
Mostly you're just concussed.
Yeah.
Which is new.
It's kind of like having a new personality.
Yeah.
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Jake, do you have any?
Oh, it's a lesson!
Mom, I'm coming!
Gross.
Yes, yes.
You know, I do.
Just to put an exclamation point on our voting chat,
you can check out headcount.org
slash head gum, because we are partnering with headcount to make sure that you have all of the
information, all of the resources, all of the support you need to vote on or before election
day and vote for the good guy, vote for Joe Biden, vote for Kamala Harris. That's cool. Yeah,
we might know on like, like if Florida just falls for Biden pretty early on, for comal harris that's cool yeah we might know on like like if florida
just falls for biden pretty early on that'd be cool it's like oh it's 9 p.m and we sort of know
who's gonna win the election that'd be nice god damn that'd be nice it's not that on let's it's
supposedly likely to happen like yeah that's odds are that's what will happen.
But we're so gun-shy.
We're so scared from 2016, which I guess is a good attitude to have.
Right.
All right.
Here's another question for you.
Okay.
This one is about Zoom classrooms.
Zoom classrooms. A 23-year-old Canadian. This one is about Zoom Classrooms. Zoom Classrooms.
A 23-year-old Canadian.
So we'll call him Wayne Gretzky.
I'm a 23-year-old Canadian, writes Wayne, living it up Opa Corona style.
I recently met a smoke show dime piece in a Zoom class, and we've been hitting it off pretty well, to be frank.
The issue?
She lives one province over because of COVID, and we've been hitting it off pretty well, to be frank. The issue? She lives
one province over because of COVID, and I'm running out of tissues. Now that the class that we were
taking is over, it's much harder to keep in touch. How can I keep things interesting when we only
talk over Zoom? Cheers. Love, Wayne. Okay. Are they, they're just flirting flirting and he wants to keep things interesting or they're like
they're not dating right yeah i think he met so if someone's in a zoom class you can like
privately message them that's like the equivalent of writing a note i guess wow
that's kind of crazy yeah like you know a different game like can you imagine yeah it must be i don't
know if it's easier or harder because
like back in the day if there was a cute person in your class and you wanted to like befriend them
you have to like hope to god that the the teacher puts you in a group together or sit nearish but
not next to and hope that something happens yeah you would need to get their like aim screen name in an
official capacity to talk about an assignment and then and then transition that into a flirtatious
capacity and like yeah no that's i mean and that was like that was what we dealt with imagine like
grandparents are just like um yeah we're at like a uso show and i need to ask i need to ask you to
marry me tonight or this opportunity is gone yeah even when we were in college like i didn't have a
laptop did you um yeah i did you fucking geezer like you fucking old ass you old ass fucking
you boomer the the odds the the idea of me showing up to a class and like taking out a notebook and frantically taking
notes feels so archaic, but that's how I learned everything that I know in my life.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't.
Like, let me write down what you're saying.
So like the teacher would teach and I would write down notebook things that they were
saying.
I did have a laptop.
That sounds so old school.
It's crazy.
I had a laptop, but I did not bring it to class because it was too heavy so like i was doing the same exact thing writing down what the teacher
is saying like frantically and there were like courses like that would teach you like what's
the best way to take notes and like are you listening are you writing it down do you just
take the full notes there's no way that that's was a good way to learn, right? Like now your teacher is just like, yeah, I'll send you the entire plan.
It's all emailed.
It's a PDF.
Here's like all of the documents are here, shareable.
You can add notes onto the pages themselves.
But you probably learn less if somebody like sends you a PDF versus like me writing down that PDF.
Well, I know I would, but I feel like if people are, if you're hell bent on learning, if you're a person that wants an education, I feel like now you could definitely get a much better one, much more robust than like the ones we had at our disposal.
I think I was like, I was predetermined by destiny to not give a fuck about school no matter what era i
was born in so it's not like oh man i wish i had a computer i would i would have learned more like
if i had a computer in class i would have been completely fucked completely but if somebody
wants to learn i think you could learn real real nice with like uh with a macbook air on your lap
instead of a marbled composition book or a college ruled notebook and a bick
do you have a pen i didn't bring a pen i'm afraid if she'll talk i won't be able to write down
shit and if i don't write down anything i won't memorize it for sure i have a code where a dash
means the did you remember learning about wi-fi like when was the first time you were like,
holy shit,
I can get internet without having to plug in my laptop.
I think that we had wifi in like our common area,
like my freshman year or something.
There was like wifi somewhere,
but I,
it like,
I was like,
I remember thinking about it and being like,
I'll never understand that.
And I guess I still don't,
but now I'm just like,
I definitely take it for granted.
Everywhere I am, I'm just like,
let's see if there's Wi-Fi.
But at the time, I'm like,
no, that couldn't possibly work.
My computer, you need the cord to get the internet.
The ethernet.
Yeah.
And so your computer freshman year was a laptop.
It wasn't like a huge tower that you'd plugged in?
With the internet itself? computer in your dorm i think the computer in my dorm i mean it was my laptop but i just and
like the jack came out of the wall there wasn't there was not like a visible router that i can
remember anything like that yeah yeah you just like there was like an ethernet port that you
just plugged in yeah all wall to your computer.
Otherwise, you're fucked.
Forget about it.
Yeah, God, it's so weird to think about. Anyway, this person is flirting over Zoom.
Oh, right, right, this guy.
This is just 15 years later.
This person has to stay at home and learn online because of a deadly pandemic
with Zoom messaging with this babe.
Right, but you're in
the heyday that's like things alive that's the most interesting that's like the most easy way
to flirt imaginable you don't have to like keep a conversation going you don't have to like
keep a text thread active like everything's at your disposal you've got yeah you've got youtube
links you've got gifs you've got articles you've got youtube links you've got gifs you've got articles
you've got like photos videos tiktok twitter instagram you can share all this stuff all over
zoom all the time you got links sending links sharing information that's you don't necessarily
have to you don't have to have or get a person's number because you can just find them in the zoom
and privately message them yeah that's a little uh number because you can just find them in the Zoom and privately message them.
Yeah, that's a little invasive, but, you know, that's where we are, I guess.
Yeah, seems risky.
Yeah, it's like, it is like power that we shouldn't have.
Just like any cute girl in your class, you're like, oh, I can private message them.
God, imagine how many private messages she's getting.
She's just like popping up the entire class.
Definitely.
Hey, hi, I noticed you, LOL.
Check out this link.
For anyone that's doing that,
they should know that they are one of like 40 messages
they're getting like in a day.
Like you feel like, it feels like a big deal to you
because you're like, I'm gonna send my deal to you because you're like i'm gonna send
my one message um but you're not the only one so yeah keep that in your heart uh all right uh one
last question by the way do you watch that uh the um that west ham uh hotspur game i texted you
about it did you watch a recap no i i only only saw the highlight of the great equalizer at the end in extra time.
Oh, my God.
Can you imagine you're up 3-0, and in the last eight minutes of a game,
it goes to 3-3?
I mean, those irons, they really...
Yeah, they don't give up.
They stole a point from those spurs.
And what a screamer, an absolute equalizer.
Right in the bin.
I mean, that was just a magnificent strike.
It absolutely was a magnificent strike.
And it was so cool to see it.
Come on, you irons.
Yeah, wow. I wow i also like for some
reason i tech i don't know i i texted you when they were up three nothing to rub it in your face
you're not even really a west ham fan and i like i just sort of dabbled in knowing about them a year
ago yeah i don't know why it's like if if anybody's a hotspur out there, the reason they lost is my fault because I tried to troll Blumenfeld, who didn't care.
I gloated.
About a sport I've yet to watch.
Sorry, I'm a Dodgers fan now.
Go Brooklyn Trolley Dodgers in the World Series.
Let's do this.
All right, one last question.
Okay. let's do this uh all right one last question okay uh this is from uh uh a lady who lives with two female roommates so we'll call her aoc oh nice uh my name is aoc and i live with two
female roommates in an apartment the problem i'm emailing you about is that one of my roommates has pretty much stopped sleeping.
Most nights, she stays up as long as possible until evening the next day,
then passes out until she has to stay up all night again.
While in itself, that isn't that strange, why she stays up adds a scary element to the mix.
She has horrible murder nightmares.
Yes, every night that she says she falls asleep she has vivid
dreams of murdering famous celebrities especially sebastian stan of the marvel movies on occasion
she has nightmares of myself and other roommate marissa uh being as she describes brutally
murdered and she is left alive to mourn us i don't know if it's better that uh uh when i'm
being involved when she isn't the one committing the murder but i think it's strange nonetheless
i am not an active dreamer but i don't know how i can help her or if i should somehow warn
sebastian stan about what's happening thanks love aoc are you a sebastian stan we stan sebastian in
this house i know i do who's sebastian stan i've never even
heard that the winter soldier sebastian stan great name uh yeah dude's hot dude is fucking
sexy he's a smoke show and he's got a fucking cool ass iron arm okay all right wow he's older than me is he sebastian stan i would guess that's in
the name of a musician anyway yeah uh do you have murder nightmares you ever dream vivid evil things
i guess i mean i definitely have had like scary dreams i don't really have nightmares.
I basically only have sex dreams.
That's the only thing that I dream about.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, it's perfect.
It's one of the benefits of being me.
There's not a lot, but it's, yeah.
Is that why you sleep 14 hours a day?
Oh, yeah.
And I'd sleep more if I could.
Yeah, I see you taking a power nap sort
of while we're talking to you mean a power fap nice thank you um do you have do you have nightmares
sometimes i do sometimes i have nightmares where like i'm chewing like i feel myself grinding and
like it works itself into a dream like i'm trying to like chew on a can or chew on a bottle and it's
like hard and like hurting my gums and i wake up i'm like oh wow thank god i have a grind guard
nice this thing is getting use damn the other day i had a dream where a basketball player was trying
to kiss me and i'm like no no no i don't want to get kissed and i'm like i was like half asleep
and i was like you know sleep paralysis so like i can't move in real life so i couldn't move in the
dream that's uh i've never gotten sleep paralysis either that seems scary as hell my brother gets it he
says like that's what a what a fucking freaky thing yeah it's like halfway to sleepwalking
but your body won't move fortunately because otherwise you would stand up and move and punch
things right so like you're just like lifeless stuck in your body unable to move which manifests itself into not being able
to move in the dream yeah that's scary i guess maybe i've had some i i've had dreams where like
um like i can't like you know someone's chasing you and you're just you just want to
you're like need to scream um but yeah you can't scream like or you're being like murdered in
public and you can yell but your your voice won't come out yeah and then it comes out a little bit
yeah and like sometimes you're just like that's like the equivalent of you screaming in your dream
yeah like talking in your sleep um uh but yeah murder nightmares roommate that won't fall asleep
doesn't sound too healthy yeah what can you do i mean i think you would tell that person to like
see a doctor or a psychiatrist or something that's like i think you can get medicine for it
i think that yeah that's i think i don't know if there's like a
advice thing there it seems like a more
deep-seated issue right yeah and there's no way like you can't possibly infiltrate her dreams or
something like that right how would you do that right now i'm saying how would you do that like
unless you found like uh it's not even we're talking about but like a portal of sorts that
lets you enter her subconscious in a way because you can't your advice talking about but like a portal of sorts that lets you enter her subconscious
in a way because you can't your advice is to look for a portal that lets you enter your roommate's
subconscious that's actually not a terrible idea if you find it is yeah like if you can almost
whisper to her when she's in this sleep state you can almost like enter her subconscious in a way
from the living breathing world or as i call it the
life world into the dark uh you can almost find yourself within her nightmare trying to coach her
way out of this weird in a sort of this is a movie lucid this is this is a movie where amir blumenfeld
infiltrates your nightmares meanwhile i'm just gonna fucking kill sebastian stan because then what if stan is dead and gone no more nightmares about killing him right
uh yeah i guess but so someone can't actually someone has to do something about this guy
yeah this winter soldier yeah of sorts just for the record
I think Sebastian Stan is awesome and I would never hurt him
yeah I think
Sebastian Stan is the Sebastian
man
I don't know what to tell you
don't worry about her murder
nightmares that's her problem
that's her issue that's her cross
to bear
caring about your roommate's problems is a little bit of, you don't have to do that.
I mean, it's too bad that this is happening to your roommate.
And I do think that she should see or talk to someone.
But this is not on you.
It's not your family.
It's not your significant other. And it's not your family it's not your significant other and it's
not you it's just a person that you live with and that's that's just got to be fine
so she tells you about the dreams and you're like that sucks to hear but ultimately that's
not my brain to have well i guess yeah because because I don't think that there's any solution
aside from killing Sebastian Stan, the portal thing,
or going to a doctor.
So I think those are the three options.
Obviously, going to the doctor is probably the easiest.
Yeah, a dream doctor of sorts.
Yeah, a witch doctor.
You need to go to a witch doctor.
Some sort of a hedge shrinker. All right. Cool. Good luck. Have fun. Sleep well. Dream well more
than anything. All right. The opening theme song was written once again by Hero. This closing one
is by Matthew, who's doing a Lion Sleeps Tonight pair. I i love this song is this like a classic song where anybody can
sing it or was it like actually made by one person and the lion sleeps tonight is credited to one
singer that i don't know i think it's credited to a singer that you don't know let's see what is
what's an equivalent song do you mean like row row row your boat is like doesn't have like a real author or does it yeah or like similarly like hallelujah has like 40 renditions but i think like leonard
cohen did it first right so i think that i think it's it's along the lines of leonard cohen where
like somebody this is someone's song yeah originally written and recorded by solomon
linda great name a wimboette yeah exactly but this version is by
matt so if you have your own theme song send them to if i were you show at gmail.com or your own
questions same email address uh we're also still making videos bonus content on our patreon patreon.com
slash j a so you can watch more over there oh yeah and then jake what's your twitter
account you should promote yourself a little bit more on this show i feel like people don't really
know the real you as it were they can follow me on facebook i'm not gonna i i mean just let's
facebook.com slash let's not publicly pressure me to share my personal information on the podcast.
Don't you have a deviant art portfolio?
Which Dr. Hurwitz 69?
I'm deviant art.
I've started to do sketches there.
So yeah, check them out.
Crude little pencil drawings.
And we'll be back next week.
Bye, everybody.
Later.
A-wee-m-bo-it.
A-wee-m-bo-it.
A-wee-m-bo-it.
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If on this podcast, this hat-filled podcast
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If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, if I were you
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