Segments - 516: Thanksgiving Lightning Round

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

We are answering as many questions as possible in this Holiday Lightning Round Q&A Edition of our podcast.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https:/.../art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. What if I told you I was in love with a chipmunk And a guy who goes by Josh the Pinch
Starting point is 00:01:06 If I were you Liquid nice, be my lover Shrew will meet me under the covers And teach me rule 69 at a rave Oh yeah I need help with these feelings Teach me rule 69 at a rave, oh yeah. I need help with these feelings. In need of some advice, you can say.
Starting point is 00:01:37 Yes, I'll email if I will use your Gmail today. Amazing. Hurrah. Do you know what that was? No. It was like a Ramblin' Man theme song, though. And I... That was set to the tune of, quote, my favorite song from a few episodes ago, Kodachrome by Paul Simon.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Oh, interesting. Very interesting. I do love Paul Simon. It's familiar. That's why. Good. it didn't to me big man billy here from england amir mentioned a while ago that kodachrome by paul simon is his favorite song so i put together this little ditty nothing to plug i just hope my neighbors didn't hear me recording this nice that was pretty good billy why are you don't be shy right well maybe the
Starting point is 00:02:24 neighbors should hear the finished version, but recording it does probably seem a little weird, because you're just yelling into a microphone while you're hearing the music. I thought he was playing and singing at the same time. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how he recorded.
Starting point is 00:02:40 Billy, let us know. I'd love to see the behind-the-music-style doc. We want to see how the sausage was made. Grabbing his thigh. And that's not the only sausage I'm talking about. Lighten up, pal. Cheers from England is all. Let's go Hammers.
Starting point is 00:02:59 This is Thanksgiving week, but there's no Thanksgiving in England. You know why? Why? Because they didn't have the first meal with the Native Americans. That's right. The pilgrims didn't have the meal with the Indians and the turkeys there. They actually fled England. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:17 So it's actually a day of mourning over there. They lost their like hundred best pilgrims. Thanksgiving is a big old fuck you. It's a second fucking Fourth of July to those Brits. That's right. Every American holiday is essentially flipping off the queen. Because it's like, we did our own shit over here. Not necessarily.
Starting point is 00:03:37 We actually destroyed the Native Americans' culture over here. That was us. So don't take credit for that. So does that mean the pilgrims had british accents uh i don't know governor you tell me that's really cool what was that my impression of a pilgrim mate bro that's really good yeah so like for the first hundred years americans should have had british accents really yeah but also what was a british accent hundreds of years ago i bet it was it was kind of like a boston accent back then
Starting point is 00:04:12 oh that's cool so like people in england just talked like americans and then they became british after the americans left yeah right or maybe everyone that talks like an american left that's why they're like we got to get out of of here. Everyone is here like, oh, how do you do? How do you do? Like, we got to fucking leave. We should be fucking historians. I feel like we have theories that we could go to bat and try to prove if we could be, if we had access to like books on tape. Access to accents of books on tape that the historians are obviously hoarding to themselves
Starting point is 00:04:46 yeah the problem is you can't really describe an accent and there wasn't any like audio before like 19 whatever oh four or some shit that like fucking mozart shit this is me at my defending my dissertation defending the fact that you didn't make a dissertation. The best we can do is this letter that a pilgrim wrote that said, people here talk funny, and we just can only assume what that means. Yeah. Unless the wind so sucks, sucks to be on the fucking Mayflower. It's cold, the food is not great, so much so that you look forward to eating a turkey
Starting point is 00:05:25 and then when you land everyone talks different like what do you have to be thankful for if that's your life you know what i mean i don't know man how'd you get to there from like did pilgrims have accents i feel like you just like pumpkin pie. What's your favorite side? Do you have marshmallows on sweet potato casserole? Build your favorite Thanksgiving plate. White meat gotta go. You know what I mean? Right.
Starting point is 00:05:56 The food is not right on Thanksgiving. Cranberry sauce is nos. As in like, I don't need that tart sort of sour gummy on my dry ass tummy i would rather eat a ham what do you mean it is nos in terms like like you said it is nos which then you said means that you don't need it on your gums i didn. I didn't think you would. Yeah. I didn't think you would. You said cranberry sauce is nos. Yeah, like nos. Meaning I. That's not the meaning of nos.
Starting point is 00:06:32 No. Yeah. For whatever reason, I felt like I could meander my way through that sentence and stick the landing. Yeah. Well, you could have said cranberry sauce makes me nosh. And don't forget the nosh cranberry sauce is not much of a nosh that's good like yeah yeah another one you did a goat show
Starting point is 00:06:55 episode for the greatest was it thanksgiving side or thanksgiving food of all time i guess we did side i think we i think we did do side and what I don't even remember what we said because I think we just went in on Thanksgiving not being that good. As a holiday or as a food holiday? As a food holiday. As a holiday, I think it's fine. Yeah. It's still not perfect. It's no Christmas for you.
Starting point is 00:07:20 Yeah. I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas. One, because Jews get to celebrate, so it's like a fully American thing. Yeah. I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas. One, because Jews get to celebrate, so it's like a fully American thing. And two, there's no religious implication whatsoever. It's literally just a big meal and then football on in the background, which is how I like to spend my Thursdays anyway. Interesting. Yeah, I guess that is nice. But to me, Thanksgiving, it's so much about the meal and the prep and the cleaning. It's a lot of job to be had. Christmas is nice because it's like so much of the work is done pre-Christmas.
Starting point is 00:07:53 And then the day is just like open presents and chill, you know? But what I don't like about Christmas is that it comes sort of towards the end of this holiday season where I feel like I'm holidayed out. Like various days have come and gone. The weather is now much, much colder. It's like Thanksgiving sort of kicks it off. So I'm not quite sick of my family yet. I suppose. Yeah, that's fair. That makes sense. By Christmas time, I'm excited for Christmas to be over. And then it's like still another week for New Year's. They should really Christmas should be december 30th or something there's no need to have like a december 28th what's going on on the 28th of december let alone the 29th i like i like that people just give you kind of i mean not everyone not everyone gets that that's just something that we used to always get at like college humor because we
Starting point is 00:08:39 followed a a school schedule it's like school's not in session so you guys don't really have to come into work from uh christmas like basically we get off on like the 20th until the 4th yeah it was great yeah oh you're saying other people have real jobs or something yeah i think other people get like the 24th off and then go back to work on the 26th and then they get the that's my mom's birthday yeah i can't work on that day and then on the 29th are they working or yeah we have an amazing schedule because we carried that college humor schedule over to head gum so we just you know yeah don't and we're also sort of on the holiday schedule so like at a certain point like the town shuts down on halloween and opens up after president's day like no one is reading your
Starting point is 00:09:25 script in november no one's reading our script kind of regardless i would yeah because of who we are and what we've done yeah we're cool yeah like a lot of people have are have heat in this business yeah we we emanate cool energy we're cold we're ice cold actually yeah we're a black hole a black cold that's funny um all right so we asked people fuck uh you said through no i'm okay i'm just i thought that i thought there would be more than this at this point almost 40 yeah um let's do our fucking podcast this is um yeah i can't believe i'm saying this for over 500 times. This is a fire you. Yeah, the only advice. This gets past if I'm old to you.
Starting point is 00:10:11 Right. From recording. Right. This is the one thing they can't take away from us. Yes, because we can just do it. I can press a button and, oh my God, are you kidding me? I just got an email from Fox that says, don't record your podcast. They passed.
Starting point is 00:10:24 That's tacky they passed on my pod on the zoom they're not even paying for it in the zoom they said that they would have to talk about it yeah and that was ultimately not a fit who cares like i just got one from fucking adult swim i really just got an email from adult swim that said they're also passing on the podcast i didn't even not even to them not even like punting not even just saying like they don't even want us to rewrite it that's all they've ultimately made a decision and their decision is to not go forward with the project moving forward and they didn't they didn't give a reason or did no no reason and they didn't even do the polite, like, but they loved the guys. They didn't even love the guys.
Starting point is 00:11:09 Love the guys, but this is the wrong time. But we have something similar. Yeah, they don't have anything similar. It's the fucked up part. A pass, a hard pass. Closing the door. It's a hard pass, and it's hard to hear. It's hard to hear it uh but yeah this is
Starting point is 00:11:26 if i were you the only advice pod on the web hosted by us they can't take that away from us even though they're trying uh we asked for lightning round questions we're recording this on thanksgiving during the dinner there's a full meal happening right behind us and we're ignoring i'll help clean in a moment aunt do you are your thanksgiving dinners trending earlier and earlier to the point where it's like this is let's just call it a lunch it's 2 15 you invited yeah we're going we're meeting at three at three tomorrow but it's always been around three or four it's always been on the earlier side for my family i feel like i've gone from like five-ish dinners to four-ish to three and it's like okay literally one more minute we're
Starting point is 00:12:04 calling this a lunch let's just call it what it is it's a lunch i don't know what to tell you it is a lunch it is a lunch it's a lunch into dinner but then are you there till like 7 38 9 p.m yeah usually i'll be i'll be there till like eight or nine for sure at least at least with the lions game on the tube and a pie in my thigh yeah jill's family eats all day like they they cook a lot there's like a there's appetizers there's dinner there's dessert there's coffee there's like it's it's there's always something happening my family was like show up at one all the food is out at two all the food is gone at 3 30 yeah there's dessert that was out during dinner and you can pick at that but it's like and it's still everyone's yeah people are going home four or five which i kind of dig that's
Starting point is 00:12:58 kind of nice you know you get your day back and then you get your black friday specials on this is the following day. I think maybe that's my other problem with Thanksgiving. It's like it's a day for extended family and friends, which is good, which is good. But it becomes a lot of small talk and a lot of mingling. Christmas is like that's your immediate family, dog. That's whoever you wake up in the house with. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:13:29 That's people you're just hanging out with all day it's not the same human close buddies uh you could i mean i guess you could do like a christmas eve thing with family but i feel like that's a lot more of a party that's like an evening time thing you're drinking you're singing carols it's a lot more merry thanksgiving is a daytime it's a bris with a turkey you're cutting off a turkey's dick so to speak and then this year thanksgiving just goes straight into hanukkah zero time off yeah thursday thanksgiving sunday for eight days i was thinking about um getting uh getting jillian uh the gift of me having a haircut for uh for uh for hanukkah what do you think so you arrive on a sunday having had a snip snip that's correct a real life snip or like oh you can't tell it sort of trimmed the edges no like a full-on a full-on full-on like short rewind it back to pre-pandemic uh pandemic so yeah wow a march 2020 look yeah yeah are you ready for it do you want it does she want it um she doesn't ever pressure me to change anything
Starting point is 00:14:35 about my appearance you know like when i have a huge beard she's not like you should shave but like right i know she can think it yeah i and i can sense it we have that kind of connection she wants me to get the haircut because yeah sometimes i don't know there's just like times when it comes up where i like mention haircut or she sees an old photo photo of me with shorter hair and she yeah she's kind of more enamored with that like i say something about maybe i'll get a haircut and her eyes brighten. So I know she wants it. But you have to have a haircut that fits your new physique. Because now you have sort of like a thicker body that matches your longer hair.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Really? You can't have just like a haircut and then also just a thicker body. Because last time you had a haircut, you were a skinnier guy. Do you think that I'm thicker as in like I'm more yoked? I think you have like more like beef strength now than you did pre-pandemic. You think I'm stronger. You think I got gains during the pandemic. Yeah, I would say you gained 10 to 15 pounds.
Starting point is 00:15:35 I don't know if that's true though. It is true since, I mean, I don't know if it was all during the pandemic. I went down to a very lean 158. Less than me. Yeah, but that was for my wedding and then i think i went up to like 165 maybe i'm at 174 now oh wow interesting so maybe it is 20 pounds yeah so you're you're getting a haircut that you had when you were 158 ish and now you're like 178 ish right so maybe i should. So maybe I should just leave the long hair. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:06 I didn't try to cut it. I'll get her a fucking bracelet. You ruined Jill's Hanukkah. I'll get her a fucking latke. A fucking potato pancake then. A latke locket. Or you can shed the weight and get the haircut be the wedding man you always promised to her that you'd be going forward the weight is good i like having the weight the way do you like
Starting point is 00:16:33 being thicker yeah i do that sweaty sweaty cheese the sort of centerpiece of every charcuterie is this chalky wheel that's melting before our very eyes with a knife that you don't see anywhere. You just need a fucking cracker with some structure on it, and that's all you need for the brie. There's no head gum. There's no reason. This is cheese gum.
Starting point is 00:17:13 That's right. It's a sour, creamy gum gum. It's a great cheese. I usually like, it's a little bit of a mild cheese. I like a more pungent cheese. I like a stronger cheese but you really i know cheese is bad in my eyes i'm pretty discerning with my cheese i don't love a lot of cheeses you don't like most cheese guy if you if you see a cheese board are you excited or does that do
Starting point is 00:17:38 nothing for you uh it does very little for me it's i mostly I mostly, I'm into the meat and I'm mostly into the bread. And then like, I'll add cheese to that. But I'm not like grabbing a piece of cheese and just eating the cheese. Cool, yeah, I love cheese. I also love the meat in the bread. Do you like cottage cheese? Like, would you eat a bowl of cottage cheese?
Starting point is 00:17:58 I don't think so. I don't think I would do that. It would, I guess it'd depend what was in it. But I don't think I've ever had a bowl of cottage. i have not and i actually think i might dislike it i'm not big on the mushy lumpy texture stuff yeah oatmeal you're into oatmeal though i do like oatmeal okay what about this have you ever purchased brie uh yes like you go out of your way to seek out brie you're not just oh if it's at a party i'll have some no i think if i'm like i think i see a sandwich with brie on it i'm not opposed to it i feel like i've sought that out or like seen a sandwich with that as an ingredient
Starting point is 00:18:37 been like that'll be good and i've definitely bought brie in in an effort to build a good cheese board but i don't think i've like gone to the i've never opened my eyes and been like you know what i need some fucking brie today today i'm feeling today gone tomorrow give me that brie yeah i don't think i really do that with any cheese though yeah i'm i'm fine on brie i mean just other cheese. I'd say the only cheese I like on a cheese board is cheese that tastes like meat, like a smoked gouda where it's like salty, meaty, almost a salami, but it's a cheese. That's good, yeah. What about a crispy parmesan?
Starting point is 00:19:18 No, not into it. Dane Thompson asks, Jake, how are you going to, how are you going to compete this Thanksgiving when your sister just appeared on the best show on television? Joe Pera talks with you. Wow. Yeah, that's true. That is true.
Starting point is 00:19:33 What's the story there? Uh, Liza was, uh, Liza did it. My sister, Liza, Eliza Hurwitz is a comedian. Uh, you should check her out in New York city cause she's great. I go to all of her with is a comedian uh you should check her out in new york city because she's great i go to all of her shows um and she was on the latest episode of joe para talks with with you um a show on adult swim she played a magician wow is she like auditioning for that stuff or is it like the comedy scene just scooped her up because they knew about her and wanted her to be on the show yeah i think she's like she knows a bunch of people on that show.
Starting point is 00:20:06 I believe they like wrote the part and asked her to do it because she's like on shows with all of the alt comedians in that world. Right. The Joe Firestones, the Joe Perras, et cetera, et cetera. I see. So if you're funny enough, IRL, they'll give you the job. They'll give you the role. Right.
Starting point is 00:20:23 Imagine if like gabrus wrote a tv show and he didn't hate you he would just be like oh i wrote this part that's perfect for you yeah well it would probably be the other way around like like how we put him in lonely and horny yeah exactly exactly it was exactly like that um that's cool so are you gonna bring up what like nadpod or live shows at thanksgiving like how's your podcast um i don't know i think yeah i could bring up the the fact that i paint little minis to my dad and he might be happy with that but i feel like it'd be probably ultimately better for me to just shit on joe pera or like complain about the show say that it wasn't that good yada yada so i'll sort of just like i'll detract because when i
Starting point is 00:21:14 make people feel small i am tall i stand on their shoulders they are lesser than i am greater than um so that's kind of the vibe. I also do that when it comes to cooking because I'll just say the meal is bad. I'll complain. I'll say my bed's uncomfortable. I'll just make everyone feel low. So I feel high.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Shorty got low, low, low. Feel low, low feel low low low I don't like your show I can't compete I watched the episode it was great and she did great and everyone should check it out I want to see that
Starting point is 00:21:57 I have a question from Sansa do either of you think that you could beat Dwayne the Rock Johnson in a fight on your own under these conditions? His arms are tied in front of his back. You are equipped with your toothbrush of choice. And the setting is Amir's house. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:22:20 So it's sort of the Rock kicking us or trying to. And we can sort of stab his thighs with a toothbrush if necessary. Yeah. So he's got his arms tied. They said in front of his back, though. Do you think that means like in front of his? Okay. That means arms behind his back.
Starting point is 00:22:38 Because if they're in front of his back, I mean, game over. He can fucking single arm raise it above. So he basically can't use his arms yep he can definitely skip leg day i feel like he's not that thick down there they look like fucking stallion legs he looks like he's built like a horse he's like thick he is big he has good one of his quads is bigger than your waist. Absolutely. He has a size 32 quad. Could he lunge? Or is he more like a guy that skips leg day?
Starting point is 00:23:11 He could lunge. He doesn't skip leg day. You follow him on Instagram? He fucking like... I see a lot of his cheat day posts, and it makes me think maybe if you want it, my cheat meal is not even anything. He brings an elliptical to Japan when he goes there.
Starting point is 00:23:27 He flies a gym into his hotel room. That's how hard he trains. He wakes up at three, and I think he does lunges. I think he does squats. I play tennis today. You play tennis once a week. You play tennis one time a week. You actually have a pretty bad diet and a bad attitude.
Starting point is 00:23:42 And you don't own a toothbrush, so I don't even know what you're gonna use i have a floss yeah i mean he could even with i mean if you if he has his legs it's still game over because he's like six foot five he has more reach with his legs than we do with our arms i think if it's two on one we could probably tackle. If it's just me versus him, I don't like my chances, obviously, unless he skipped leg day. He didn't skip leg day. Stop thinking he might have skipped leg day. He would kick you in the throat. Even if he didn't kick you, even if he didn't kick you, if he just ran at you in full force, he could mow you down.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Imagine you take a step towards the rock. You take one step toward duane johnson with a with a toothbrush it's like vibrating with your little quip all right duane you're you're off you're in for it now oh no oh no you're charging me he's the brahma bull baby i don't think you fucking stand up to that but the setting is my house right what's what does that do? That he's going to destroy your house afterwards? A familiar, like, I don't think we could beat Dwayne,
Starting point is 00:24:52 even if he had his arms behind his back and we had a baseball bat. I think he would still mow us down. I think he would still mow us down. We could hit him with a baseball bat. I mean, he would kick we could we could hit him with a baseball bat i think he would kick yeah he would dodge if it was two of us though like he'd kick the shit out of one of us break our rib cage and then the other one would be like swinging as hard as he could at his head with a baseball bat right but if you hesitate even for a second so like if we have
Starting point is 00:25:21 say we have two of us we each have a. You take one step towards him holding the bat. He just charges at you. You're not ready for that. You thought that he would maybe cower or hesitate, but he doesn't do that. He's decisive. He has decisive action. He just runs.
Starting point is 00:25:36 And it didn't skip like that, yeah. You trip over your coffee table. You fall back. The bat falls out of your hand. He just stomps you in the head with one swift motion i'm trying to swing i maybe get one fucking swing and i hit him in the back or i hit him in the head he has his adrenaline is pumping he turns he looks at me he raises the people's eyebrow and i just shake my head like i didn't mean to hit you i didn't mean to hit you duane
Starting point is 00:26:02 and then he just fucking kicks me in the teeth and it's over i don't think it'd be funny to like have us plan for 30 minutes about like how do we attack him from opposite sides and like what our strategy is you get hit i i'm the one hitting with the baseball and then it's like all right go and then he just fucking kicks one of us to death instantly no oh shit now it's one-on-one right away two of us together could maybe do it if it all went perfect but i think he i trust his planning more he takes one of us out instantly game over game over for the other one okay so let's add a third person me you it would have to be Billy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:48 You think three of us can take him with his arms? I mean, at a certain point, if he could just kick us to be almost dead, if not broken, then he could just do that one at a time. It almost doesn't matter how many of us there are. Well, I think, but I think three actually does it because three, he, say he just kicks me in the stomach really fast, takes me out. But as soon as he does that, he's got two guys on him with bats. Do we have, oh, we each have a bat? We don't have one bat for three people.
Starting point is 00:27:14 I think you have to, because otherwise he'll take the guy with the bat out and the other two guys are done. You need to have the bats. Okay. I have a bat. Billy has a bat. You have a fucking toothbrush right so he would actually so i might survive because he would take you out because you're a bigger threat you should really take billy out first yeah he should save his strength right like when he's weaker he should take us yeah that's true and we would be fucked if he took billy out first and actually knowing
Starting point is 00:27:43 duane he that's probably what he would do. He would take Billy out the strongest. Because I do think he beats Billy one-on-one, even with Billy having a bat. And The Rock's hands are tied behind his back. And it's at your house. I think he takes out Billy. And then if we only have a bat and a toothbrush, then we're fucked. Because he can definitely take us out one at a time have you seen red notice no okay i think i haven't seen it either but it's always funny to
Starting point is 00:28:12 me when he's like i have some amazing news to share with you guys it's the number one movie on netflix and i'm like yeah the rock obviously it's fucking you you like it's cool for you because you're him but like there i mean i always expected it to be the number one movie that's why netflix gave it to you that's not you don't have to be you don't have to express gratitude for that rock to save your mana like you're the biggest movie star in the world it's also not an honor that you're the sexiest person like i also sort of expected that to the rock no success you have as a surprise to me exactly until you run for president and don't win i won't be surprised
Starting point is 00:28:53 uh all right let's uh take a break answer some more questions on the other side of these massages yeah if you smell la la la la la quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey
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Starting point is 00:29:40 That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:30:35 And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:52 How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters?
Starting point is 00:31:21 Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just that coupon code segments to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain hell yeah so again you go to squarespace.com slash segments
Starting point is 00:31:51 segments you save 10 off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial enjoy thank you squarespace and we're back yo yo all right no time for unsolicited advice we have too many questions to get through yeah we have not gotten through very many we've spent a lot of time talking about the rock yes i still think three of us could take him down with two baseball bats and a pool cue and a toothbrush yeah as long as he doesn't attack bill first. As long as he skips leg day. What succession character are you both most like, says Andavant. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:32:34 Oh. Roman, probably. That's tough. Yeah, Roman is the biggest sort of like sarcastic turd troll. Yeah. turd troll yeah so i'll give me roman and you can be i don't know fucking logan's assistant that's probably blowing him that's not bad i want i wanted to talk to you about something because i still like succession but i think the last two i actually have a problem with the last three episodes, if I can be quite frank. Okay, I'm caught up, including on the character Frank.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Okay, good. And I love every episode. So what's your beef? Okay, well, my big beef with the episode from three weeks ago and the episode from two weeks ago. That would be the episode where all of the kids gather in Kendall's place to talk about who's going to join him. Okay. Succession spoilers abound ahead. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:34 It's fine. Yeah. But like, you really got to watch it. You can skip ahead, but you might as well, you might as well turn off this week's episode. Cause I feel like I'm going to be talking about this for a long time.
Starting point is 00:33:43 Okay. So that, that episode, and then also the episode with the um with like the address the big like keynote the um oh the one where he has a uti he's going kind of crazy yeah yeah um so i've the same gripe with both of those two episodes and that gripe is that nothing happens the entire time. Everyone ends up the exact same place that the episode started. It spins its wheels for an hour. The end is, you end up at the same place, but I would still say things happened. I think things happened, but it didn't, it was,
Starting point is 00:34:22 it did not need to be an entire episode. I think that it's like, it basically is happening to Succession now is it feels like executives at HBO said this show needs to last for 10 years. And the writers were like, okay, so whatever we thought was going to happen in the middle of season three needs to now happen at the end of season three. Like what we thought season three was going to be about actually has to be what season three and four is about now. That's my theory. It feels like they're vamping. It just feels like they're making it stretch.
Starting point is 00:34:55 Yeah, which is what they had to do during that big keynote address where they were waiting for things to get done. That was just the same joke over and over. It was just like someone's talking, but they have to vamp. It happened to Frank three times, then Jerry had to do it. Yeah, they showed the video. Yeah, it just kept on being the same joke. And it was always like, are they going to, can we get a deal?
Starting point is 00:35:23 Or are we going to a vote? And it just goes back and forth. Deal, vote. Deal, vote. No deal, vote. Whatever. And then... But there were things happening in the background that were changing.
Starting point is 00:35:31 Like the president is no longer going to be president. And then they had to choose a new candidate. Now there's a new candidate. So there is some forward story movement. Yeah. But I think all of that stuff could have happened these episodes really stretched to be an hour while be doing the same thing over and over the fact that that whole entire thing took place throughout basically real time at that conference yeah i thought was a little much
Starting point is 00:35:57 i still love the show i still loved it it's fun to watch even then the killing time is good yeah and the writing is fun it's like so like Game of Thrones to me a little bit. I'm starting to see how the... I feel like I see the puppet strings a little bit. Right. Lastly, this is my bigger gripe because I think it's going to be a season-long thing. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:19 I feel like the show is unique and creative enough that they don't need to make this new presidential candidate that they're going to back Trump. Because that's just what it is. Well, he's not quite Trump because he's like young and sexy and funny. Okay. I think that it's the idea is that it's the same it's like this guy is um a bad guy that we're that he he's an um autocrat who we don't know if we should back but everybody's like oh no he's not gonna win let's just back him and it's like i can see i just couldn't see what their intent is i just don't
Starting point is 00:37:01 want succession's too good to make it about Trump. Yeah. And I think Trump is almost the guy that's in power now, the one that's like leaving. And then this new guy is sort of younger and funnier and hipper and kind of like an edge. He's like a Republican Beto O'Rourke or something. I hope... He's young and hip and also conservative.
Starting point is 00:37:24 I hope you're right, but it, it definitely feels like the theme of it is this is actually, this guy's actually going to be a really bad fucked up president and we're going to have help put them in office. And I think that's like what the, what the vibe was with Fox and Trump. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Well, that's why I think like the whole, the whole show started at the beginning of the trump right like that was like four or five years ago now this is theoretically the next president maybe i just wanted to do its own thing i don't like when so when succession is like a reflection of something that i already know is going on yeah but it's always been kind of the fox news of the fictional world yeah but it was more fun when it was just about who's going to take over the company,
Starting point is 00:38:06 not about like, oh, what if we back a president who's actually bad for the world? I don't care. Right. I just don't care about that. Yeah, that's definitely going to be a big part of the end of the, I mean, we're already on like an episode six or seven of the third season, right?
Starting point is 00:38:21 Yeah, yeah. But there's also this lawsuit that's happening and like will tom go to jail yeah i love that stuff greg be in trouble yeah that's the kind of thing that i want to see i want i want this stuff to happen i mean tom's journey is pretty insane too like him agreeing to take on all these crimes and meeting with kendall and talking to his wife and breaking down his journey has been very unique and forward-moving and not apolitical. Love Tom. I love Tom. He's great.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Yeah. So there's enough for everybody. Yeah. I mean, I still love the show. I just haven't cracked with the last three episodes, but it clearly can do no wrong for you. And that's- Oh, yeah. No, it's still batting a thousand in mine eyes, of course. Although every TV show, has those episodes where not a lot happened because they had to make 10 episodes that season yeah it just feels like it's been three episodes in a row for this show yeah hopefully they kick it up a notch usually towards the end of the season that's when it's like shit starts to get real yeah you're right about that um let's see here
Starting point is 00:39:19 so we're both roman is that what you're saying? I think so. I think it would. Yeah, I would have to have to say so. Here's a question about Secret Santa. And if one of us got Jeff, what would we give him? That was from Chilton from Canada. Jeff would be a very easy person to shop for, because I feel like I know everything he likes, and you could get him a very good gag gift pretty easily yeah would you go gag or would you go norm gag i would i would 100 go gag i think i'd get him you'd have to go gag like a really stupid watch or something for something to sell in rodney's closet yeah something gag but in the in the world of of. Of Jeff. Yeah. In Jeff's world.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Also, he's going to be living in New York City for two months, so maybe I could get him something there. Right. So you get him a silly hat, not like a Carhartt beanie or something. Exactly. I'd get him a silly hat. Well, don't take my fucking gift idea because i thought of silly yeah what are you what are you gonna get him because i already got him the silly hat well he delivers food to my door that i often just don't realize is there and rots overnight so maybe i'll get him like a trash can so next time
Starting point is 00:40:39 he orders me food he could just order directly to a trash can and not like that's sitting on my he did he got you a yoshinoa beef bowl is that what he got you yeah most recently he ordered me a um a not guy fieri um some sponsored postmates maybe it was guy fieri um like wings at wing stop with fries and it just stood on my outside of my door while you were in 18 hours no it was while i was home but they didn't ring the doorbell so they just left it on my stoop just stayed there overnight rotted animals got into it i wake up and there's just garbage all over my front like stair area i'm so glad he i guess he knows my address now actually he's been over but he hasn't he hasn't attacked me in that way yeah so you'll go get him a silly hat and i'd give him a garbage can
Starting point is 00:41:38 um okay uh okay jenna asks do you miss living close to each other? Are you happier in your retrospective locations? Whoa. I don't even think about where people live because I only see people on Zoom. Like, I see you more often than I see my friends that live in Santa Monica or something like that. Yeah, that's true. yeah because we're like zooming every single day and it's not like i'm going to a lot of bars on the weekend or restaurants or parties so the the pandemic has basically made it feel like we're closer than ever yeah i feel like i definitely see you more now it's interesting because pre-pandemic we were not living together and nobody Zoomed. I didn't have any face-to-face. It was hard.
Starting point is 00:42:29 You had to fly out to podcasts. Yeah. And throughout the week, I would just not see you. We didn't have company meetings on video. And then with the whole pandemic, we started doing that. Yeah. Remember when it was really hard to set up like a company meeting it's like oh you got to set up this wide camera and no one everyone's in frame and no one can hear each other now ever now everyone's together but still has to hop on a zoom on their laptops yeah it's weird i think actually i'm gonna i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:43:02 make a push an internal company push push for no more Zooms ever. What do you think about that? That's going to be hard because we still can't really all be in the same room at the same time. Which is ultimately fine. We never did it before. Yeah, but we were working out of the same office most of the time. What about that year that I lived in, actually two years, i lived in new york city and you lived in los angeles that was two years before the pandemic and i moved in february of 20 oh wait maybe it was
Starting point is 00:43:32 2019 actually yeah it feels fairly yeah it was december of 2018 actually okay so so most of your new york has been pandemic no year and a half a year and a half. A year and a half was no pandemic. Yeah, less, a little less. A year and two months, yeah. But now you're coming up on the almost two-year mark. More time in the pandemic. More time in the pandemic than not. Interesting. But yeah, we got it done.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Everything was fine. We didn't need to see. Yeah, did we do phone calls? How did we interact? I don't think so. Slack? I don't remember 2019. Yeah, we maybe did, I think we just did slack man i think we just did slack which is why i'm gonna make an urge for us to be off slack too
Starting point is 00:44:15 we should just do phoners why does everyone have to see my face all the time i don't got an office line yeah and i'm gonna get do you have, do you have a landline at your house? No, but I think I would get a lot of work done, actually, if I could, rather than FaceTime, if I could just like, if I had an office, I had a speakerphone. Oh. I just press the button and there's a voice talking to me on speaker. And I could pontificate, talk out loud, pace around. Kind of like a cool assistant.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Yeah, exactly. Hold my call style. That's the life I need. Hold my calls. Somebody says, Amir is online too. I say,
Starting point is 00:44:56 tell him I'm at lunch. Are you? They say, no, they're like, tell, he says it's urgent. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:45:04 God damn it. All right, put him through. And then I say, what is it? And then we talk. And then we hash it out. We get whatever we need to done. And it's all finished in a 25-minute phoner. You just been watching Mad Men,
Starting point is 00:45:20 so you sort of want to live in that world again. I'd also like to be having an affair. Commute to Manhattan during the week. Sometimes you spend a night or two in the city because you're working late and you had clams for lunch. I got trashed at noon. I can't stress how many clams and martinis I had at 1 p.m. on Tuesday. Yeah, no, Don Draper must have constantly had diarrhea.
Starting point is 00:45:48 That's a good tweet. If you ever come back. Yeah. C-Note just weighs in. If you guys don't answer every question posed, it'll be another turdy for Blumenfeld. That's actually kind of true. So let's try to answer some of these.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Because you called for the lightning round Q q a and you knew we didn't have time it's a long con on the on the fans uh our boy al jaleel asked us to question oh love al what's he say he said would y'all ever consider doing dramatic or non-comedic films uh i would consider it i definitely consider it do you consider nadpod a comedy or is it just fantasy and thus because it's so out there and fake it is funny um i would like are you guys trying to make jokes yeah yeah we're making jokes but you're also sir you most of all you want to serve, like, the story above the comedy. I mean, I think it's almost, I guess, probably story over comedy. But it is a comic story that has powerful, heartfelt moments.
Starting point is 00:46:58 There are moments we take seriously, and a lot of the time it is we're doing bits. Is all D&D in general mostly comedy slanting or like there are people who get together for six hours and they just tell a story without laughter. It's like, that was cool. That was powerful. Like crazy shit happened and now we're out of here. I think there's definitely an aspect to it that is just like, it's almost like a video game.
Starting point is 00:47:23 You're solving a dungeon puzzle and people have their abilities it gets super crunchy you're playing on a play mat um there's there's definitely people that take it seriously and and are not having fun and then they're i mean there are even like dnd shows that are pretty dry storytelling or not even dry storytelling but dramatic storytelling would you like to do that i don't think i would be able to do that because i don't think i'm a good enough dungeons and dragons player even after two years of practice i'm better than three years at this point yeah i'm better than
Starting point is 00:47:54 most people but i think what i excel at is the is the improv and the character and the story part of it so if i was just doing like i guess if i was just doing straight up dramatic role play i could probably do that yeah i mean i don't know how to do like drama i don't know how to act dramatically i don't know what to write dramatically like that's that's the hard part for me is like all right don't be funny and tell an interesting story it's like i that's all i know is how to be funny i'm not gonna like write an interesting tale about two friends that occasionally a joke might pop up is there a movie with no jokes at all yeah um a movie with no jokes there must be moneyball can I google search that what is a movie without any jokes like a movie
Starting point is 00:48:47 so sad there's no jokes like is there a joke in schindler's list i don't know because you might want people to warm to some characters there must be some kind of levity in certain moments somebody asked on reddit three years ago can you name any movie that has no jokes and is completely serious from beginning to end? Tree of Life. And there's some very funny answers here. What do we got? If I recall correctly, Valhalla Rising. The Passion of the christ that i believe dunkirk question mark
Starting point is 00:49:40 possible prisoners is pretty dark all the way through but there's a few light-hearted scenes with a joke or two in the middle well then why did why even answer why even answer someone says are there any movies with no jokes there's a bunch of answers and someone says prisoners is pretty dark but has a few jokes somebody recommended the road and i just just the fucking the poster for this film looks like it's offensively devoid of comedy it's vigo mortensen in a hooded jacket soaking wet covered in dirt holding a little boy who's also really sad looking it's almost in black and white but not quite it's so muted this book there's no way there's a joke in the road i could yeah you would oh and also winter's bone is you're saying you couldn't write winter's bone um no i yeah i think i could direct a non-comedy i feel like that's essentially what
Starting point is 00:50:41 i did with lonely and horny was i took a comedy and I directed it as if it were a drama. Or at least a dramedy. Yeah. It just, it really alludes, like, I can't even begin to think about what that would be. Writing a movie that's devoid of any joke. Acting in a way without being funny at all. Yeah. Even by accident once.
Starting point is 00:51:05 I feel like that would be a failure. If we wrote Winter's Bone, I think I would consider myself a failure. Really? I think that won an Oscar. That would be a good acceptance speech. Also, if we wrote, like if Winter's Bone didn't exist
Starting point is 00:51:23 and we wrote Winter's bone do you think anybody would read it it would ever get made no fucking chance it would not happen no way we wrote this pretty no one wants to read our winter's bone even if it was winter's bone yeah can we write a movie so dramatically good that it would get made is another funny question. Could we plagiarize Winter's Bone and send it to an executive that hadn't seen it? And would they like it? Yeah. Is there a, you know the movie where like the Beatles didn't exist and some guy like was referencing the Beatles or something?
Starting point is 00:52:02 Yeah, yeah. I remember that movie. So we'd do that, but with Winter's Bone. So it's just a movie about two guys that wake up in a world having seen Winter's Bone, but it doesn't exist. We gotta fucking remember what happened. We just saw it last night.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Let's just write it. Let's write this movie. Nobody else. Winter's Bone doesn't exist. We find out, me and you find out Winter's Bone doesn't exist. We know we can write it, but you haven't seen it in a long time
Starting point is 00:52:29 and I only saw it once. So we have to just try to recreate it. We have this very muted secret power. Yeah. Now we're writing a comedy again. That's right. That's right. Comedy, by the way, with a premise that already existed with the Beatles movie.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Yeah. All right. Let's take another break. Come back. And we really got to answer some more questions. Otherwise, I'm going to win a fucking turdy. I agree. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Hey-o! DraftKings. The NFL episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff,
Starting point is 00:53:22 then you should play Pick 6 from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This this can really heighten your joy. That's right.
Starting point is 00:53:35 I grew up a Raiders fan and now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have a fan of gambling. Yes. You're a fan of gambling. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely,
Starting point is 00:53:51 cause I do know a lot. Like, do you know what a nickel back, uh, does in a cover to defense or like, do you know what a play action passes? Like these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't necessarily know.
Starting point is 00:54:06 I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on.
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Starting point is 00:54:59 Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregon connecticut must be 18 plus age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions pick six is not available everywhere including new york and ontario void were prohibited one per new customer non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draftkings.com slash right promos there it is thanks draftkings with the five dollar meal deal at mcdonald's you pick a mcdouble or a mcchicken then get a small fry a small drink and a four-piece mcnuggets that's a lot of mcdonald's for not a lot of money price and participation may vary for a limited time only and we are back brian head writes what's the most intimidating fruit it's got to be pineapple
Starting point is 00:55:55 right that's exactly what i was gonna say yeah it's really dangerous looking on the outside and like once you slice it open and eat it it it's like it burns my tongue. Like it's acid. It's uncomfortable to eat. But tell me, what about a coconut? A coconut's pretty hard too. That's a hairy, hard wooden nut. You can't get into that by normal means. A pineapple, it's tough, but you can break that apart. A coconut, that shit, you will not, you need an ax to get through it. You could really maim yourself breaking into a coconut that shit you will not you need an axe to get through it you could really
Starting point is 00:56:26 maim yourself breaking into a coconut and the fruit inside is not actually good it's a bunch of fucking nasty water and do you like coconut water no no do you like coconut-flavored desserts? I like the flakes. I will put some coconut flakes on... You keep saying coconut. It's coconut. It's not cocoa. Coconut. Coconut. Coconut.
Starting point is 00:56:58 Coconut. Coconut. Don't say that like I'm going crazy. I'm going coconut nuts talking about it I like coconut flakes Ryan asks how do you manage the stress I'm not done
Starting point is 00:57:16 I'm sure we are we had pineapple the watermelon is a little intimidating watermelon is easy it's not easy to cut your own watermelon and there's a lot left over so it's a little intimidating. No. Because it's heavy. Watermelon is easy. It's fun. It's not easy to cut your own watermelon. And there's a lot left over. So it's a little intimidating because it's unwielding. And you don't know what to do with all of it.
Starting point is 00:57:32 I would posit that watermelon is one of the easiest, most fun fruits to enjoy. Oranges are harder than that. You got to fucking really pierce it without breaking the fruit. Let's move on. Ryan asked, Davos DFSMTG. the fruit let's move on davos dfs mtg how do you manage the stress and anxiety in your life what a real question it really is how do i manage it yeah i don't know like what does anybody do they just sort of do it like Like, I don't know. I don't meditate. I guess I go for walks.
Starting point is 00:58:07 I don't know. Is that stress management, anxiety management? Yeah. I think everybody, or at least I do a lot of different things. There is not one catch-all that is like, I'm stressed. I'm going to do this. There's medicine for anxiety. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:28 I mean, if you have like crippling anxiety or very severe anxiety, there's like actual medicine. But I get anxious and I get stressed. Remember when I had my panic attack? Yeah. So I think there's throughout the day, there's different things that I do to help level any like mounting pressure. I think working out in the morning, uh, runs, bike rides, things where you can like expel or expend energy, uh, sweat things out.
Starting point is 00:58:52 That always feels really good. Right. I also manage my diet a little bit. Cause I realized that one of the triggers for me feeling more anxious is like being hopped up on caffeine and not having eaten enough. So I moved down to one cup of coffee and I make sure to eat enough throughout the day. So like you would get hangry slash anxious or hank-cious for short.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Yeah. When I had my panic attack, I had had two cups of coffee and had not had lunch or breakfast. I hadn't eaten. Wow. So it's like a chemical thing. Your racing yeah um so i drank water i eat at night i get like kind of blackout drunk or just like um i try to be kind of like that's a big one every night i get like blasted blackout it's so dangerous it's not you managing your stress that sounds like your stress is it also helps to talk to people it helps to talk to people is what i was gonna say yeah shout out better help or any help really and a bath shower oh
Starting point is 01:00:01 baths are great yeah yeah. Retail therapy. Sometimes you just buy yourself something. I lose myself in sports. I will turn off my worrying brain and watch the fucking Tampa Bay Buccaneers play the LA Rams. I will watch the Thunder play the Bucs. It doesn't matter as long as children are playing a game i'm enjoying it and you have cash riding on it ideally yes ideally i'd have some
Starting point is 01:00:34 scratch to make it interesting slash pinteresting in addition to it being an anti-stress or anti-anxiety medication that's good jordan asked what do I order at Bernie's? Is that still your go-to? Yeah, no, it slowed down because of the disease initially. Bernie's was closed for a long time, but it's open. That's my local. I love Bernie's. So what do you get?
Starting point is 01:01:00 What should this person get? What should Jordan get there? You really can't go wrong. I think their burger is incredible. You want to get the mod sticks for the table. Don't sleep on their vinegar chicken, as it were, though, as well. Yeah. Unfortunate name.
Starting point is 01:01:21 What do you mean? Just the phrase vinegar chicken doesn't inspire confidence in me really i love i mean inspires a lot of confidence in me i love salt and vinegar give me anything yeah i agree i guess it's the word vinegar that makes me think that i won't like it maybe i will well but if it sounds like you might not like it because it it does have that vinegar tang. Yeah. That I like and maybe you don't. What do you think is vinegar? Like if I were to make it myself, how do you think I'm going about doing it? It's pronounced vinegar.
Starting point is 01:01:54 Really? Yeah. A coconut vinegar. Vinegar is an extract. Okay. Of. Yeah. It's the vines, it's lemon, it's vines and rinds of the lemon tree. I would say it's like distilled, and again, I don't know what that means, but distilled salt water.
Starting point is 01:02:26 So like it's salt water left out over time that it becomes almost thick and syrupy. And let's look up what it actually is. An aqueous solution of acetic acid and trace compounds that may include flavorings. Okay. So is it man-made? Or can only gods make vinegar? Is vinegar naturally occurring? I thought vinegar was like something like olive oil or something yeah like you just like something vinegar comes out i think you just start with water and you do something to it i would think yeah um pasteurized vinegar
Starting point is 01:02:58 varieties vinegar uses i mean it vinegar you can't search make your own uh okay i will do that how to make vinegar bitch that's really cool you don't have to write bitch yeah it actually made the uh results super weird um i there's a youtube video that is six and a half minutes long that has one of the most disgusting thumbnails of how to make vinegar at home. It does look like a bunch of orange rinds. Wow. Chlorine or something. Cool.
Starting point is 01:03:32 Guys, either making meth, vinegar, or a pool. All right, a homemade vinegar recipe. One and a half cups of dry red wine, half a cup of raw apple cider vinegar. So it sounds like you already have vinegar. Yeah. If one of the ingredients is vinegar, that's cheating. Yeah, definitely.
Starting point is 01:03:53 All right. Ingredients. Vinegar starter, a mother, either store-bought or homemade. So how do you make a fucking homemade vinegar mother? Now we're just going down the vinegar hole. 12 fluid ounces of wine or distilled water. Or, okay. Yeah, it doesn't seem...
Starting point is 01:04:12 Look, man, you can't do it. That's not happening. What food cuisine you haven't tried yet that you'd like to try someday? A food cuisine? An entire cuisine? a food cuisine an entire cuisine a food cuisine um that i would like to try someday yeah what's like the food that you eat with your hands like ethiopian food yeah ethiopian it's good i love ethiopian food
Starting point is 01:04:38 it looks good that's like i think it's funny because it's like basically our vibe. There's no, you know, you just like basically get a ball of bread and dip it in different like sauces and goos. It's great. Yeah. And the bread is good. The bread is uniquely good. It's spongy. What's it called?
Starting point is 01:05:01 I think it's called vinegar bread. Really? Yeah. Weingar. Weingar. Weingar yeah you're you're right interesting okay anyway that's one the other one yeah i remember um looking at when i was when i was super into uh anthony bourdain when i was watching all my tony shows um he was on the eastern coast of africa and they were like cooking this delicious looking fish over a fire and i would want to eat that just east fucking classic east african fish cuisine fish on a beach man that's my shit yeah i feel like you've had that before yeah growing up in connecticut yeah but it's not the
Starting point is 01:05:46 same it's definitely not the same have you ever fished yes i have fished where did you fish i fished um i fished a bunch i mean i was like into fishing when i was a kid my parents bought me a fishing rod i practiced my cast out in the yard oh my god you casted with a rod yeah i went to branford uh the long island sound and i did you ever out did you ever grab a fish and then cook it and eat it right then and there um i i've definitely done that later in life where i like went on a fishing trip with like my friends or my brother's friends or my cousins i'm gonna get you a fishing rod for thanksgiving and i want you to go deep sea the kind where it's just you alone in that wooden house i'm not super into fishing now so i i want
Starting point is 01:06:43 to create a hobby for you where you would go to the house, the cold house. I don't want you to create. It's weird, right? That you would create a hobby for me. It's this weird form of control that you seem to be into that I'm actually against. I want you to owe me one. Yeah. I want you to change your life due to me. I don't want you to think about one. Yeah. I want you to change your life due to me.
Starting point is 01:07:06 I don't want you to think about my free time. Okay. Okay? All right. Just picture me always busy. How's that? Don't worry about me. Picture me busy slash rolling.
Starting point is 01:07:29 All right. A few last questions. What's your phone wallpaper asked eric arman it's pretty funny it's been the same one for a very long time actually it's just a picture of uh half dome uh from when i went to yosemite it was in 2016 and it's actually basically always been a nature picture of Yosemite. That's cool. Yeah. It was one that I took on a trip with my brother back in like 2011. And then I went there again with Jillian and I replaced it with another newer photo. Mine is Pam Anderson holding cash to her tits.
Starting point is 01:08:01 And on the bottom it reads, be the man because you are the man and guess what she's straddling a lamborghini slash ferrari she's in the background straddling it yeah her legs i think are broken in this yeah they'd have to and then the background is a fucking volcano and an eagle's fucking it and at the at the top it says are you the man yet say you are it's a lot of text also weird because if it's at the top you'd like read that first so say are you the man yet say that you are and then later as you as your eyes scroll down, you see Pam. Then it says, be the man. Actually, mine is this picture of Avital and Marty playing basketball at HeadGum. Yes, I'm glad.
Starting point is 01:08:54 That's a much better background than it was before, because it was just a photo of your front door. Yeah, my joke that it was your home screen. That's right. My home screen was my home screen right and then i changed it doesn't work because that would it was your lock screen which is why i changed to do a picture of a lock and i made my home screen my home screen is your what is your unlocked screen that's what it's really all about. It's just the Bank of America logo to remind me that cash is king.
Starting point is 01:09:27 That you owe tens of thousands of dollars on a bad parlay. It's a mortgage payment, late due, and it's sort of a reminder for me. Actually, I was thinking of funny lock screen. Yeah, the lock screen is your vaccination pass. So if anybody ever asked you just sort of lift up your phone and it's there it's kind of sad to see but it's convenient i did i added mine to my wallet yeah i was able to do that if you add it to the wallet it's just a double tap so that's pretty yeah streamlined double tap is nice but what if it was you know yeah just a
Starting point is 01:10:01 straight up lock screen but then you'd have to clear off all your notifications like imagine you walk you go to a bar you walk there they ask show me your vax and then you hold up your phone and then you just like show all of your like uh you know badge alerts you don't want to see that you have to clear that's yeah it's actually less convenient than the than the double tap. My alerts are pretty embarrassing too. Yeah. Overdue. Overdue bill. All of them showing up over the be the man. Are you the man yet? Do you want to buy a new Nintendo fucking wall mount?
Starting point is 01:10:37 Like just weird fucking things that I signed up for months ago coming back to haunt my ass. Blocking Pam. A blockchain notification lyft i don't even use lyft that much anymore but there's sort of somebody signed me up to be a driver so i get like pings that like people in the area signed up to be a driver that's awesome it's messed up it's good um all right do you have any final questions that you see first international place you'll visit post covid i think we asked answered that one before exo jupiter yeah i don't know i still don't know what it is though i think i had i think i said
Starting point is 01:11:13 iceland i've been craving iceland but also i kind of want to go to italy so maybe there but now covid is fucking worse in europe than it's ever been what the hell's going on yeah how is that possible i i don't know but are they should be coming here are the cases big or are the hospitalizations big because that's really what it's all about the facts yeah the vaccines are working the cases can go up as long as everyone's uh doesn't die yeah i i think the cases are record like highest it's ever been but then places that have been vaccinated it's like the the hospitalizations and the cases have uncoupled but then there are some countries that are like us
Starting point is 01:11:49 where it's not enough it's just not enough unfortunately yeah that's why i'm going to orlando post covid just bring a bunch of doses see if you can just jab people while you're there you must be this vax to get on the rides uh last question do you have anything um yes when are you releasing your own crypto and nfts oh god way never i maybe never i don't know it seems like a really hard slash dangerous and um controversial thing to get into is like creating your own nft and crypto yeah we joked about doing it when we got the rights to jake and amir back because there really wouldn't be anything funnier to me than making uh one almond a nft that is actually worth something
Starting point is 01:12:40 a one of one yeah yeah maybe we'll do a single one almond nft that somebody could buy and sell if necessary right that's what i want that's what i want to see uh all right that's it um what was it 27 questions up 27 down the perfect game something congratulations yeah good on you uh happy thanksgiving to those who celebrated happy holidays that are coming up happy december we fucking made it the end of 2021 i had to like think about what year ended i'm like is it 2021 that seems kind of weird that it's going to be 2022 soon yeah i think it's weird because like a lot of people you know you think that not a lot happened but a lot actually did happen we just have a weird way of processing things because of all of this yeah like i don't
Starting point is 01:13:31 think it was like pandemic and election are the two big benchmarks and everything else in between is like sort of um amorphous blob if we all sat down and like made a list you'd realize that a lot of shit happened and 2021 might have even been a nice year for you. Whoa. Remember to do that. Okay. Write down the good stuff that happened. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:50 And honestly, I think 2022, that's going to be the year. That's like, everyone was hoping that 2021 would be the year, but like 2022 is definitely going to be every year is going to, yeah, there's always going to be ups and downs. 2020 had more,
Starting point is 01:14:01 more downs than ups for sure. To be sure. Let's just hope for the normal downs and ups in 2022. more downs than ups, for sure. To be sure. Let's just hope for the normal downs and ups in 2022. It doesn't have to be great. It just has to be fine. Yes. It just has to be fine. I'll take fine.
Starting point is 01:14:13 I'll take fine in a heartbeat. I really like the opening theme song, which was the Kodachrome parody. I know you did. It's my favorite song. So let's play it again. William Atkinson. Why not? Big Man Billy from England. Thank you. Thank you for the Kodachrome. So let's play it again. William Atkinson, Big Man Billy from England.
Starting point is 01:14:25 Thank you. Thank you for the Kodachrome. Thank you guys for the questions. If you've got your own theme songs or questions, send them on down to ifireyoushow at gmail.com. Still making new videos every week on our Patreon, patreon.com slash JA. Making new Jake and Amir episodes at jakeandamir.com.
Starting point is 01:14:43 That'll forward you to our YouTube channel. So check those out as well. Correct. Thanks. Thank Thanksgiving to you guys for listening to all these episodes, watching all this stuff. We appreciate it. We sure do.
Starting point is 01:14:55 And we'll be back next week. Bye everybody. Bye. What if I told you I was in love with a chipmunk And a guy who goes by Josh the Pinch If I were you, liquid nice be my lover Shmuel will meet me under the covers And teach me rule 69 at a rave, oh yeah I need help with these feelings.
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