Segments - 531: Cool Professor (w/Evan and Andrew Gregory!)

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

A few Gregory Bros (Punch Up The Jam podcast) join us to discuss Swedish music, American teachers, and their Punched up Jam for Jake about Amir. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Once there was this chipmunk Got a dirty every time he talked into a mic

And when he tries to take it Jake says that he has already won it a mere can I believe it Jake always fucking does their

ass if I were you if I were you Wow. There's two and a half minutes more of that. Just so you guys have something to look forward to at the end of the episode. Dope. Very thorough.

He sent us a full Punch Up Jam, which is, you know, kind of ironic because we have the hosts of Punch Up the Jam here today. Let's go! Evan and Andrew Gregory. How are you guys doing? Let's go! Wow, what a segue. Thank you. What a tie-in. Thank you. You guys remember that song. These guys are pros.

You guys remember Crash Test Dummies, right? I remember the Crash Test Dummies as the main thing I remember is that they're the only band ever that had a bass as their lead singer. Yes, just revolutionary that that was at the top of the charts. With just a guy singing this. It's like, when do you ever hear that? Yeah, and the song is not like any other song,

and I don't know any other song that they've ever made, so's kind of this weird anomaly there's no words in the chorus it's yeah and that's also the title yeah oh yeah that's right it's perfect the title is a noise a man makes when he's barely singing and that's was the number one song for a year and a half in the 90s yeah the only person i can think of who was very popular that sang in a similar register is Johnny Cash. I think Johnny Cash is having a really low voice, but he's in I don't know, he's just in a different

genre where wailing vocally, there's a little bit less of a cash to that in the country world. Right. It's cool, because we usually just play these songs, but we can't really analyze or understand what makes them good or bad, really. Jake, you had an expression on your face

like that was the first time you'd ever heard that. Is that? No, I loved the Crash Test Dummy song. That was the parody, though. Oh, the parody? Yes, of course. The punch. That was the first time

you'd ever heard that. Yeah, Amir does all the, he does the song sourcing, as it were. So, yeah. So that was a surprise to me. This one was a real home run. Really put me in that spot.

Yeah, and again, it's a three-minute rendition. It's not like he just did a theme song. No, he went for the entire frickin' song like multiple verses. I respect it. As someone that is now doing a song parody weekly,

as we call them the punch up. Yeah. It ain't no mean feat. No, it's hard. Yeah. And I respect this dude for not giving you the 32nd theme song. He went end to end with it.

Yeah. The number of times that we have looked at a four minute song that we're having to punch up and said, well, maybe we could just make the outro half length. Or like, well, maybe we could skip that last

verse. And then we pump ourselves up and we say, no! Yeah. No! We gotta go the distance! Give them what they want, guys. If Diana Ross could make a four minute long version of Upside Down, that's what we're punching up this week, then god damn it, we can too.

Even if it's for some reason about the plot of the Phantom of the Opera. Does it have to be the exact same time? Is a punched up jam like a shot for shot remake of a movie or can you trim it out? There are no rules. I don't think it has to be the exact same

length because for instance the tempo might change. Yeah what if we want to make it a little faster? I think I'd be very flexible on the length of time but I think I'm less flexible on this like if you look at it as like parts of a song. You have the first verse. You have the first chorus. You have the bridge.

I would be inclined to keep all of those individual parts. Andrew is very conscious of this stuff as like a personal code of honor that he can't excise pieces of the song just to get to the end. Right. I don't care. I will change everything. I will take the whole song, pan it to the left quicker. I don't care. I will change everything. I will take the whole song, pan it to the left, mute it, and delete it.

Oh, wow. Got it. So the song doesn't exist at the end. That's exactly right. It's almost like you shouldn't have wasted time panning it to the left then, right? Well, that's a famous studio engineer trick. That's part of my process.

Yeah. If you're a really high level studio engineer, you just know when you have the perfect take to pan it all the way to the left, drench it in reverb, put a compressor on it, mute it, and then delete it. It's like putting your thing down, flipping it, and reversing it.

The Missy Elliott song, but yours is pan it to the left and delete it. That's just another punch up idea I have. This guy wrote in and said, I hope Jake does the right thing one of these days and gives Amir the golden mic. I don't know if you guys know, but Jake,

I guess, awards himself a trophy at the end of each and every one of these episodes. That's not quite accurate. The golden mic and I get the turdy and it's never been the opposite. I've been following it on and off. Yeah. I mean, this week could be the week. Yeah, that's right.

And then he says, anyway. It's always up for grabs. What's that? I was saying it's always up for grabs. The golden mic and the turdy. Yeah. You just always have to have it. And even playing for you.

Right. Yeah. And then he says, anyway, if I can plug something, I have a dumb little sports podcast with my buddies, Eric and Alex called First Round Busts, if anyone wants to check it out. Or don't. Or check out Eric's podcast, Lost in Narration. That one's better. Wow, he's promoting

his friend's other podcast. That's great. Even within his own plug, he wants to plug someone else. The best kind of self-effacing. How generous. He's a real mensch over here. That's Daniel House. Not to be confused with basketball player Dan Wellhouse. the best kind of self-effacing how generous he's a real mensch over here that's daniel house not to be confused with basketball player dan well house this is just daniel wow so thank you daniel house no would you describe dan well house as a first round bus i'm here uh was he a first round

pick i don't know i don't i that's a great question you put me on the spot he's actually pretty good now too i will Then he can't be bust. Yeah, I will say Dan Wellhouse, because he might not even have been in the first round, a first round, not a first round bust. I think just as a society, we have too high of a standard of whether someone is a bust or not.

If they play in 20 games, hey, that's pretty good. Better than me. Yeah, it's better. There are plenty of people that get picked in the first or second round that just, like, just get cut from the team. Like, that's the only true bust. Like, Greg Oden, great job.

Well, it's hard because if you were tall, you're in the NBA, but you don't necessarily like basketball. So there's a lot of, like, tall guys who were drafted because they were tall, but they're like, you know, basketball is not for me. I like computers instead. So they go off and do something else yeah but at the same time they wanted to secure that bag which is what we're here to do guys uh let's get paid and let's get played uh just to if you guys don't know evan and andrew are the

new hosts of punch up the jam uh an older head gum show that was uh gone for a little bit and is now back with new hosts, but the idea is the same. These two are punching up a new song every single darn week. How many episodes are there at this point? At the time of this recording, we are 11 episodes into our tenure.

The podcast has a back catalog of another 150. Will this come out next week, this episode we're recording now? Yeah, either Monday or a week from Monday. Okay, so episode 12 comes out this week. We're doing Diana Ross, Upside Down. Your episode was just released, Jake, where we punched up

Flavor of the Week. Yes. And Amir, you were a couple weeks ago, you did Brass Monkey. Yeah, and I actually wrapped with you guys. Yeah. And our punch up is mostly about you, actually. Really? I call it our punch up, but you guys did everything. It's our punch up.

It was a delight and a surprise. It's a great, great chat. Yes, Jake, it's our punch up in spirit, even if we did all the work. But it wouldn't be wrong to do a react segment where Amir hears the song for the first time and finds out it's all about how much he sucks.

You've never heard the song, right? You've never heard the punch up? Andrew just texted it to me. I'm like, flavor of Amir. What's this? Alright, let's start recording. Yeah, we should definitely play it. I would say we should play it during this episode, but we have another entire freaking Crash Test Dummies cover to get to.

No, we should do it after a break. We'll come back and we'll have you listen to it, a live react. Wow, okay. Did you specifically request Crash Test Dummy covers? No. Or you got more than one unrequested in a single week? It's one, but since it was three minutes long, I'm like, let's play a little bit at the beginning,

a little bit at the end, rather than listening to an entire three-minute song at the top. Sometimes Amir will call out for a specific parody, like you asked for Beatles ones before. Yeah. Oh, I'd like a Billy Joel one, actually. Really?

Yeah. Okay. There you have it. Billy Joel a Billy Joel one, actually. Really? Yeah. Okay. There you have it. Billy Joel, if you're listening. Uptown Monk. Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars. The Billy Joel song.

An Uptown Girl slash Uptown Punk parody. No, no, no, no. I wanted to be about a chill punk. I feel like with Billy Joel,

you have a unique opportunity to do scenes from an Italian restaurant and just cover every single Head head gun podcast. That would be really epic. God, that's awesome.

Yeah. And that would be a nine minute song for us to play at the top of the episode. Yeah. You know, Andrew and Evan are over in the corner, you know, here's Caleb and Shelby. There's Jake and Amir.

That's cool. And then maybe a painting to go along with it or something. I don't want to like put too much on these fans plates, but some of them are really talented. Yeah, we do need a painting. Okay, guys, you know the drill. We're answering emails, real people who are in desperate need of our advice.

Sometimes it's just us. Sometimes we've got friends with us to help out. Today we got you two. But we like to preserve these guys' anonymity. We don't want to out them this show is world famous what if they show up to school the next day it's like holy shit you're the person who asked about this specific thing so do you guys have a fake name that we can refer to this college professor as so maybe a doctor something uh Umberto. Wow.

Dr. Umberto. Right. Yeah, first thing I thought of for no particular reason. Don't show us the email. I'm a leak risk. I will actually say the name on the air. I will say it's a lady. So maybe like give her like a fake.

Dr. Umberta. That's good. Okay. Dr. Umberta. Her last name changed because she was a woman. I'm a new young college professor, and I feel like I peaked too early. After a great first two years, I now go into the classroom each day feeling less and less confident, and I even forget how to be cool around kids, which was something I always used to fall back on. So can you jog your memories from being college students way back when and give me some advice about how to be a cool and respectable professor? What were some characteristics and curricular approaches of professors that you liked?

Maybe I could just picture all my students as cartilage pierced Jakes, and then I'd feel more confident and comfortable. How would you approach college teaching if you were professors? That's a good question. Do we have any clue as to what Dr. Umberta's subject is? I feel like that's pretty clear. Could you just Google her? Can you Google her real name?

Okay, I'll Google her real name while you guys get other advice. I think that's pretty crucial for the advice. We have to admit that culturally you're having a different experience as a professor if you're at FIT versus at the law school. You're teaching anthropology. It feels different than if you're teaching math. Right, exactly. Okay, how about this? What was your coolest college professor and what did they teach?

Holy shit, she's teaching at Harvard. Wow. That's so funny. Oh, my God. You landed a whale so funny. Oh, my God. Oh, you landed a whale, boys. Oh, my fucking God. You're molding lines with this one. She teaches a class called My Real Name is Doctor.

Pulling off her mask. God, that would be really the way to make her not look cool in front of her students that she wrote into our dumbass podcast about how to be cool in front of them. Maybe she just went to Harvard and she teaches somewhere else, but there's Harvard

on her pedigree and it looks like it's geography and urban studies. Geography and urban studies. Now you have effectively Doc's term because her students can definitely deduce. Okay, so this is great because there's only one person in the department. So we know she's in the social sciences, the the social sciences,

the hard social sciences, geography and urban. Well, I guess what I would say off the tip of my brain is this is a little bit of a confidence racket. The problem that Dr. Umberta is running into, and I think the worst thing she could do is start to try to appear cool right so my advice for a leather jacket you think it's not probably i was gonna say sideways hat

yeah sunglasses a skateboard how's it going fellow kids style that's cool i just think if she started saying stuff like so what's been on your guys for you page on your TikTok? I feel like immediately every student in her class is like, what a lame-o trying to keep up to date with her. Right, yeah. But what if they say like, good morning, Dr. Umberta. And then she's like, hey, give me some skin. And then don't forget the flip side or whatever.

That's cool. That's kind of like just like a nice little language thing. Yeah. And she also has like a little horn that she'd honk. Interesting. It's like a prank. So she's sort of like, you imagine her as almost like a French-Canadian mime in a way. What if they come in to give her five, and then she goes up and rubs her hair?

There it is. Oh, that's cool. Kind of just really puts the student in their place while reminding the student who's really at the top of the package. That's cool, because it's kind of a vanilla ice Harpo Marx thing. And then they turn around, kind of dejected, to go back to their desk, and she kicks them in the small of their back.

Or even better, puts a sign on the small of their back that simply says, kick me. There it is. And then she, puts a sign on the small of their back that simply says kick me. There it is. And then she shotguns a fucking Red Bull. That's really cool. That's kind of cool. What if she flips a coin a lot? So she's in the doorway flipping a coin. There is something that like Brad Pitt, how he's always eating

you know, in like his movies. Yeah. Imagine if she's just chewing on a mealy pear for the entire class. There's no reason. Yeah, that could also be a teaching crutch, just constantly eating in front of the class, crunching an apple. Cheeseburgers.

Maybe she has a Jacob's Ladder. That's cool. Yeah, one of those things that go click, click, click, click, click, click, and then click, click, click, click, click. Oh, God. I thought you were talking about the scary 90s Tim Robbins movie. I was like, no, I hope she doesn't have Jacob's Ladder. That movie's too scary for anyone.

These are DVDs that I'm talking about, that movie Jacob's Ladder, made out of Jacob's Ladder. That are strung together. That would be amazing to make a Jacob's Ladder out of Jacob's Ladder DVDs. Or VHSs, because that would have a really satisfying cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck. Extremely loud, yeah. I mean, so in all seriousness, maybe you don't want to hear my serious opinion, Dr. Extremely loud, yeah. I mean, so here's, so in all seriousness, maybe you don't want to hear my serious opinion, Dr. Umberto,

but when I think about my favorite college professors, there was one I really loved who's a great political science teacher. I had a great art teacher. I had some really great religion professors. That was my specialty. I liked them because they were really good

at their subject. And were like really in, like I remember a moment where my art teacher pulled up a slide of a Da Vinci painting and it was just a Da Vinci painting of like a sheet. He just like, who knows why, but Leonardo Da Vinci just spent like two months of his time painting a sheet.

And he was just like, not, I don't know how much money I have in the world, but I think I'd give it all for that painting. Wow. This is a man who truly loved painting. And I imagine to have gotten as far as you have in the world of geography and urban development, it's like, the students that should matter to you,

like, that's what they want, is just your depth of interest and your depth of knowledge in your subject and by being devoted to it, I think you'll excite them. That's the winning piece of advice. You don't have to hang around after class to trade Pokemon cards with them. You just lead the top of your lecture

with an amazing fact that shows your passion about geography. Did you know Germany was next to France? Boom. Wow. Hammer drops. Do you have to be funny to be cool as a professor, or can you be humorless but passionate,

and that's still good enough? I stumped you guys. I think the humor, I mean, the humor helped me because I like things to be funny. So that helped me connect with some professors. Maybe there are other students that are like, why is this professor wasting his time digging around making jokes? The key is just not trying. Because if you think that being funny is the way to the student's heart, but then you're not naturally funny in a certain way and you try to be funny in that way, kids can just smell when you're trying too hard.

So just be yourself, whatever that is. And some of the students are going to like you. I also just really like my teachers that didn't assign a lot of homework. So you could always do that. The other thing is just carry a motorcycle helmet. You just carry it in. Do you need a motorcycle? Don't need the motorcycle.

You have the helmet. Walk in. Slam it on the desk. Let's get started. Everything else, just as you would. Yeah. Or what about walking in with a helmet? And then when she takes off the helmet and it's like a long head of hair,

they're like, Oh my God, it's a woman motorcyclist. That's kind of like, she like walks through the hallways. Oh, well they would, they wouldn't be surprised because her last name,

her last name ends with an A, so she can't surprise them. That's true. Uh, I mean, a motorcycle helmet, you can get pretty cheap because just anytime you're walking by a motorcycle wreck where someone has died, you can just take that helmet.

Yeah, that's perfect. And every time, you know, if you end class five minutes early every single time, I got a jet. Grab your helmet. Walk outside. Shut the door. And then just play a really loud motorcycle revving. On your phone. I'm like, yeah. There's no way it's loud enough. You're like, what was that?

Hold on. Playing YouTube. It's a free roll. Hold on, actually. Lock the door. All right, here we go. Yep. Liberty Mutual.

Oh, sorry. Skip that. She might already drive a motorcycle. If you already drive a motorcycle, then just start bringing the helmet to class. That's cool. So be passionate about what your subject is and also wear a helmet to class.

So maybe we are coming back around to the leather jacket too because if you're going to be convincing as a motorcyclist, you should probably be wearing leather just to impart a sense of safety to your students. Because my understanding, I've never ridden a motorcycle, but my understanding is the leather jacket is really a safety component.

It helps for sliding, for skidding. Oh, I never even considered that, that it was thicker for that reason. Yeah, that's what it's about. If you talk to a motorcyclist, they say it's for when you lay one down. So maybe you could say that to your class at one point. You could say like, I don't like wearing a leather jacket, but just in case I lay one down.

Anyway, let's get started. And they'll know you're talking about falling over on your motorcycle and not taking a shit. They'll have to. And the skid marks are about the tires peeling off, not about the shit that's sort of running down your assless chaps when you walk into geography class. Actually, I have a question, teacher. The skid marks on your backside. Yeah, that's about my motorcycle, actually. All of a sudden, the whole class realizes that everything about motorcycling is a euphemism for pooping.

That's why it's so cool. That's why it's a number two wheels. Nice. I had a problem with my tailpipe, Rob. Okay, good luck, doctor. But listen, A, if you're teaching at Harvard Or not you're already cool enough In our books and that's

Probably good enough And your students are not cool Get that idea out of your head They're nerds So you're automatically cooler because you teach there And they're just going there Because their fucking parents bribed a dean Or some shit

Okay let's take a break, come back, and maybe listen to Flavor of Amir on the other side of these messages. Yeah. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like.

Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag-and-drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

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Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back. So, we had the idea in Act 1 to play the Punched Up Jam. Jake went on Punch Up the Jam, hosted by U2, and discussed one of his favorite songs, Flavor of the Week. Not my

favorite. Not my favorite. Why did you choose that song? Our requirement is not that you bring your favorite song to the podcast. Just a song you have opinions about. I see. I just know Jake enough to think that that's one of his favorite songs. It was an early top song of mine for sure. But it's, yeah.

I never really thought it was like good. And then we talked about how there's a genre of songs where like the nerdy guy sings about the girl with the jock and how he doesn't appreciate her and she should be with him. Girl, all the bad guys want. Yeah, and I'm a good guy. Yeah, exactly. Also, Flavor of the Week had a pretty standout moment,

which is just them screaming, He's two stone, Nintendo! It's just a very, very weird line. It's an iconic line, but it's so catchy, it took it to the top of the charts. And what was the thing that we discovered? We thought that they were a one-hit wonder, but this dude does music now for...

Yeah, the band was effectively a one-hit wonder. Or according to Wikipedia, that's their highest charting song to date. To date. To date. Very hopeful. 23 years later. But they were all music students together. And sure enough, the lead singer and songwriter has gone to a very fruitful career.

And he writes for all these massive acts. Miley Cyrus among them is coming to my memory. And he tours with them and writes for TV and all this stuff. When you watch Miley Cyrus tours, he's her music director on stage. He's been music director for all these other stars like Ariana Grande and has had a very, very major tour career. So that band, American Hi-Fi, was just the jumping off point.

It was like his hobby band almost. Right. Which is so funny. He gave himself a challenge, which was like, he's a drummer. His challenge to himself almost was like, could I do this if I played guitar? And the answer was like, yes, you could. And then he quit.

When you think about that, I almost imagine them just like every summer they go on like the ever clear cruise and they play their one song. And that's like, that's what his life is. But instead, he's just probably immensely rich, plays sold out arenas with Miley Cyrus. Oh, that cruise would kill. You know, that music came from a moment in time, and those people are all 40 years old now and would love to pay for a cruise to go out there

and just belt out, I would swallow my pride. Oh, God, yeah, I definitely would do that. But why be ninth on that bill? I'd cut the motor on that boat so I could stay there forever. Gilligan's Island style. But why be ninth on that bill when you can just... We were only freshmen. What about a Gilligan's Island style. But why be ninth on that bill when you can just... We were only fresh, man.

What about a Gilligan Island reboot where it's a 90s pop punk tour and it crashes? So it's there on an island, but it's all your favorite bands from the 90s. Right, so it's me and Sugar Ray. Yeah.

He's the professor. And I'm there too. I don't, I'll be honest. I don't want to watch the reality show of that where they actually do that and just put Sugar Ray and some 41 on an Island or whatever. But, but if they write those characters into the Gilligan's Island so that you have the archetypes of Sugar Ray,

you know, as the demented jock and, and some 41 as like the impish minions. So it's like a clone high meets that episode of Gilligan's Island where the Harlem Globetrotters are there, but it's animated. Yes. For adult swim.

Okay. Think on that while we play flavor of Amir. Here we go. We don't know About Jake, he's spaced out Tasting clout We wish that we could make it clear Jake's just the flavor of a beer So far, so good. Plus we're great at D&D My druid elf rolled all 18s

Amir's charisma is a three Dick's best friend, such a dork He don't know about forks Lakers games, LeBron James He had this bet, we could make it clear Yes, let's go. Oh. This next bit, we didn't really change because the guitar solo pretty much rocks, but we just took it up a notch by adding a whistle.

That's what we did here. There's the whistle. It almost can't be perfected until you've found the whistle. A little better. Jake's best friend. You don't know anything about Jake. Why I'm here, we're so near. Let's grab beer, literally right here.

Jake's best friend, complete trash. I'll face me, want to smash. I hate it. I'm playing a stage show. Best one. Wish that we could make it clear. Best line That's so fucking offensive Did we make it weird? That's so fucking offensive. Did we make it weird?

If we made it weird, it definitely got weird now. You know, when we play this for Jake, I feel like we didn't make it weird. But playing it for Amir, I feel like we did make it weird. That was a mistake. For sure. I felt cool because I feel like we did make it weird. That was a mistake. For sure. Terrible mistake. I felt cool because I'm like the cool guy in this. It's like, yeah, he's playing sports and not D&D with Jake. So I'm like, yeah, this is kind of nice to me, even though it's mean to me in a way.

I thought you guys were going to say, because he sucks on Xbox, but you use PlayStation instead. That's not bad. I hate that PlayStation is so good. Xbox. We could have we could have moved gaming consoles between choruses that would have been a pro move to go to move from nintendo to xbox to playstation could have done it i like laker games what rhymes with dreamcast um blast yeah put me on a mean blast Oh

Put him on blast That was a flaw In the original song The original song Is basically saying Like this boyfriend Over here Really sucks

And he's implying Get with me But he never says it He never makes his case Never makes his case So in our version We want to not only say Amir sucks

But also say We're right here In real life We're two blocks away from Jake's house. Come on over and play D&D with us. Yeah. Do you guys play D&D? Yeah, Anderson. I've taken it back up.

It's been a pandemic pickup for me. But we played when we were kids. We played second edition when we were kids in the late 80s. Yeah, classic Stranger Things, middle schoolers in the late 80s. Yeah, classic like Stranger Things, middle schoolers in the basement type experience. Oh, wow. And you see like the druid elf that rolled all 18s. Do you know why that's impressive?

You guys can't see this, but Jake is squeezing my knees so hard. Do you know why that's good? This is a test and this is like we're getting to see on screen whether Jake is going to continue to be your best friend or come be our best friend. I assume 18s are hard to roll. Yeah, or are you two focused on Dan Wellhouse being in the first round? By the way, he was in the second round. Yeah, I should have looked it up.

I do think he was in early second round, but now I can't remember. Yeah, wow. Okay, that was great. I mean, if that's not reason enough to listen to all of Jake's episode and then at least my episode and then at that point you're hooked. Subscribe, listen to all of them for sure. Thanks guys for making that for us. It's been a blast. It's been fun.

We've been having a blast. I mean, Amir's song off of Brass Monkey came out great, but we made the mistake of not starting the beef between Amir and Jake at that point. Now we have to have Amir back on to do a diss track response. Right, he has to respond. And like this song, that song was also about getting drinks in Brooklyn.

So there's kind of a motif that permeates throughout every song that you guys write. When you punch up a jam, are you replaying the instruments or do all these songs exist instrumental only that you can add to? A lot of them we are remaking the instrumental. This one, Flavor of the Week, we, I think, just used a karaoke track for most of it. Yours, I kind of don't want to spoil a surprise in yours because there's a fun surprise.

It started as a karaoke track to Brass Monkey, but it does not finish that way. Yeah, we ended up remaking quite a bit of it. Depends on what our angle is on the punch-up. Some we're just doing a totally different genre, so then we'll make it from scratch. A couple episodes ago, I did a version of The Gambler. Yes, I heard that one.

That was very good. I wanted to modernize the Kenny Rogers song, The Gambler, so I felt like I needed to have all the 2022 Rogers song, The Gambler. So I felt like I needed to have all the like 2022 country instruments, like the over like crunchy guitar solos that you always hear in country now. And like, there's always like a snap doing the snare sound in country. So me and our producer like made like a 2022 country song for the 2022 Gambler. Wow. And I was going to text you about this. This is the most niche thing

that 99.9% of people can just tune out right now. But yours was sort of vaguely about fan-duel-y, fantasy-football-y gambling. It was about fantasy football, yes. Where in 1972, Kenny Rogers was talking about poker, but in 2022, people are putting their money down on fantasy football. Right. So I, when I was playing fantasy football, like

10 or 15 years ago, there was a player named Devery Henderson, and I kept singing, because every hand's a winner, and Devery Henderson's a loser. And that would have been a perfect line for this song. For some reason, it worked 15 years ago, and then you did it again. was i meant to tell

you about that and this this was very uh synchronistic in that i was looking for that that line ended up i needed a cornerback i needed to use a cornerback there yeah i needed to vaguely rhyme with the word team so i landed on jaylen ramsey i didn't watch any football this season so i was just so I was literally Googling, like, who are the best cornerbacks in football? And then that episode ended up coming out the week of the Super Bowl when Jalen Ramsey was the most talked about

cornerback at the Super Bowl. I think my line was every owner knows the secret to a head-to-head is a quarterback, don't throw it away. Good kicker for your special team. Every wideout is a winner tillto-head is a quarterback don't throw it away good kicker for your special team. Every wide out is a winner till your wide out is a loser.

That's the truth. When the cornerback he's playing is all pro Jalen Ramsey. Wow. Okay, let's take one more break because we got to answer more questions. I mean, music is fun

but we have a job here ladies and gentlemen. So let's take one more brief inter intermission thank some sponsors and come back with more questions and answers with the gregory bros after this yes thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL.

Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy. That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have... You're a fan of gambling.

Enough. Yes, of course. You're a fan of gambling in general. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn.

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play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code segments. That's code segments for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling.

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See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink,

and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we are back, ladies and gentlemen. Yes. Dan Wellhouse, by the way, undrafted. Undrafted? Yeah.

Whoa. So was he a draft bust in the other way? An undrafted. Was he a draft bust because he should have been drafted? Yes, that's right. I call draft bust. Yeah. Just like me.

I wasn't drafted, and thus I'm a draft bust too. Okay. We got one last question that I think we can all help this person out. It's another 20-year-old female. Okay. This one's not a professor, but she wants to apply to a few music schools in Sweden. Do you have the name of a Swedish? Is she Swedish?

She is Swedish or she's not Swedish? Well, I guess so with a name like Allison. She's obviously a Swede. Allison, last name? Allisonson. Everybody's name ends with, it's either Olsen. Allison Olsen, I think, would be good. Oh, Allison Olsen.

That's a cool name. That's a really cool name. Yeah. Not the name of a porn star, but just a cool name for a 20-year-old female who's about to apply to a few music schools in Sweden, Allison writes. And I'm wondering if I should go ahead and apply to the one that my ex is currently at and next year as well attending, or if that will bring up a bunch of weird, awkward feelings that I've managed to move on from while alone. We were together for a year and I broke up with him about eight months ago. He's my only ex, so I'm not used to these dilemmas. Does the

weirdness last if you keep spending time with them, or would I stop thinking about it after a while? The program only has 30 students in it, so we're bound to see each other if I get in. I like the school, but is it worth it? Please help a confused chipmunk wannabe such as myself. Love. Insert Ikea-related

nickname here, since i know that's all amir knows about our country oh my god oh sick burn that's so fucked up i know a lot of things about sweden go ahead well she mentioned ikea which is obviously a huge factor sure that's the only thing you would know all right so you didn't even know without her mentioning well ikea yes and then also in addition to that they have a whole furniture like I said that's the only thing you would know. So you didn't even know without her mentioning it? Well, Ikea, yes. And then also in addition to that, they have a whole furniture-like thing there. That's Ikea.

Yeah. I'm saying it's the, and the meatballs they have there and the lingonberries that they have there at Ikea. I know a lot of things about Ikea. And I reset the accusation that I don't know anything about Ikea. You are proving her right.

I mean, you are proving yourself to be a real grundle-tar. What's that? I have a bookcase, I think. You don't know what a grundle-tar is? Wow, you really don't know anything about Sweden. It's a bookend that looks like a grundle, yeah. And the A has two dots above it, so need I say more? Okay, are you guys friends with any of your exes,

or is that awkward? Well, I would say that I'm not friends with any of my exes, but I will say through strange coincidence, we are friends with someone that went to a small music school in Sweden. Oh my God. Yeah, so I feel like I have a little bit of insight having spoken to him for a couple hours

about what it's like to go to a professional level post high school music school in Sweden. One thing your listeners need to know about Sweden is that it is like the pop music factory to the world. Really? Sweden is known to be the top exporter of pop music. Why? That started with ABBA, but peaked in the late 90s where all the producers were Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys,

Max Martin in particular, but other guys that are all from Sweden. So if she's going to an elite school, she's probably going to be a top pop producer. I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that she's not going there to like study the cello or study how to sing. Maybe she is, maybe I'm wrong, but our friend who went to such a school,

it was like a pop songwriting school. Like Sweden had been like, okay, this is what we're good at, so we're just gonna make schools that a few people can go to and write the pop hits

of the future. That sounds sick. I wanna go to that school. Like Dr. Luke, he's an actual doctor in Sweden. Well, Dr. Luke was, although he is an American, he was trained by Max Martin.

He was the protege of the peak Swede pop guy. Yeah, so in the family tree of Swedish pop music, I think a lot of people would still put Dr. Luke as part of the Swedish fish, as they call them. It's weird because pop music is seemingly easy because it's like, oh, they all sound alike. But it's hard to, I guess, make a good one.

Otherwise, everyone would. So it's like, how do they crack that nut? And I've made a lot of assumptions here. Maybe she's not going to a pop music school. Maybe she really is going to study the cello. Well, I'm glad you're making the assumptions because she has not actually given us the vital information here

of what's good about the school and why would she care to go there. The only information we have here is that there is an X, so we're forced to make our decision based on do you want to be around this person or not, what are the merits of being at the school. Here's one thing I'm going to ask you all.

This is a rhetorical question. So we can't answer it, but let's hear it. It's a rhetorical question. In Swedish, of course, that's called a rhetorical question. So we can't answer it, but let's hear it. It's a rhetorical question. In Swedish, of course, that's called a rhetorical question. Interesting. It's what would be great for writing pop music songs about love? Yes. Let me turn that over.

So you're saying she could major in pop music and then get almost an independent minor in heartbreak by attending a school with an ex. I'm saying that the- You're really trying on real life experience. Like I said, there's a big assumption here that it's a pop music writing school, but the strife obviously is bad.

We don't want the strife in our life. But in this rare situation, do you want the strife in our life. But in this rare situation, do you want the strife? Take the hurt and use it. Do you want the strife? An ex in my life. Right? Like, how many times

has, like, a musician that's, like, really, really, really great then released an even better album that's, like's their breakup album. Kacey Musgraves just put out her amazing follow-up to Golden Hour and it's a whole divorce album.

In the course of two or three years, she managed to fall in love, get married and divorce. Great example. The worst sophomore albums are always about oh, I got famous and it's hard. The best sophomore albums are always about I fell out of love they're almost forcing

it there's a isn't there a Julia Michaels song about like almost causing a breakup to write a good song or something like that and it's like it works for her it fucking worked cause first albums like you said are about having fun meeting

the love of your life. Second one has to be about breaking up. So this would be a great crash course. And just my sincere advice is this is predicated on the assumption that this guy gets to go to the school. Well, screw him. You're 50% of this equation. You have just as much right, if not more, to go to this school than him. Why are you reacting to his decision? Just own it and and go well he's already been there right he's already been

there a year how long is the how long is the school is it two years is it four years how long are you gonna have to overlap with them i guess the one other issue is like how many of these do you have other options are there yeah she said she's applying to a few i wouldn't i wouldn't like write this one off just because an X is there. So if it's just about applying, you might as well apply to all of them and then choose based on the merits and where you want to go, removing the X from the equation. Yeah, and maybe if you go there, if you're going there to incur the heartbreak,

maybe it's kind of like second level burn heartbreak. It's not like that good sizzle you get when your heart is first broken. Maybe you have to go to the different music school and get your heart broken in a more original for you way to get that real scalding heartburn. I think that's the move. I feel like go to the

new school where you can fall in love and break up and that's going to give you the best overarching album right there. Because there's not go to the new school where you can fall in love and break up and that's gonna give you the best like overarching album right there. Cause not, there's not that much fun about like chasing your ex

to win your ex back. How many good songs are about winning your ex back? Well, counterpoint, you go to the same school and exact a torturous revenge

by dating someone else in the class that's only 30 people. Yeah. Bill Bill style. That's, that's Hey Jealousy by the, by the Cuckoo Dolls. Gin Blossoms people. Yeah. Bill Bill style. That's hate jealousy by the cuckoo dolls. Gin Blossoms, actually.

Gin Blossoms. Excuse me, yeah. If you break up with someone in Sweden, are they your Daniel X? Sick! God. So I'm holding up a picture of Spotify CEO Daniel X, who is Swedish, I believe.

So you're Daniel X. That's another thing I know about Sweden. Hold on a second. You've already shown the photo enough. He's showing it up so I can confirm, and yes, Amir is holding up a photo of Daniel Ek. Yeah, so. He thought, Amir thought that we couldn't see it, but I see you.

Nice. Oh, good. Now we're having fun, just in time for the episode to end. Okay, so real quick, lightning round. Would you still go to this school? Start with Andrew. Even, I think I sent us down a weird tangent just to brag about my knowledge of Swedish schools.

I think as long as there's another school just to brag about my knowledge of Swedish schools. I think as long as there's another school that serves the same function, you go to the other school. Yeah, okay. Would you say this one? Is her last resort suffocation ex-boyfriend don't give a fuck if you're going to Sweden. Does that even count as a pop song? What's that? Nothing, nothing, sorry. Sorry, I'm trying to audition

for this podcast. You should be singing it while holding Daniel Ek. Daniel Ek's Machina. I don't like looking at his smug face. I like using his audio service. Yeah.

I don't like looking at his face. Okay, would you go to the Swedish school, Evan? Yes. Yeah, I'm a definite yes so yes i think she probably would have dismissed it already if this weren't one of the best schools it's probably what seems feels like one of her top choice again and an assumption but also just from you know the like perspective of developing your yourself it's like really healthy to get over this better to work on it sooner than to eat away at you. Yeah, as is my one, I'm going to continue to waffle. If it's the best songwriting school out there,

why have your ex scare you off? That's right. And I say, look deep into your heart and decide if you're going to the school because the ex is there, or if you're afraid to go to the school that you want to go to because the ex is there. Wow, that's a really good to because the X is there. Wow.

That's a really good song. Do it for you, not, as Daniel X says. That's the professional take. That's the take of someone who's doing this podcast every week and isn't just coming on as a guest. But you guys know how to sing.

I would trade it all for the ability to strike a note when the feeling is right. Feeling is right. We have songs. Full of heck. Oh, why's it got to be so complicated? Nice. All right, sweet.

And I would not do it because I'm a scared little boy and i want all the toys so yeah i would probably go to like an auto mechanic school yeah there's other music schools that's a runaway from the career fucking finland it's not gonna happen for you it's not in sweden i'm sorry yeah another school nor. Oh, very good. All right. One last time. Punch up the jam. Evan, Andrew, punching up a song every freaking week.

Do you guys regret that yet? No. Getting close, but it's still fun. Okay, that's good. See if you can pinpoint the one song that turns it all around. If you tune in now, you can be witness to our mental demise. I think it was close to this week. We're working on having to punch up Akon's sexy bitch. Whoa.

And there's just so little. The song is hateful. There's so little in this song. There's no meat on the bone. There's no meat to sink our teeth into, but I think this morning we cracked it and we're happy again. All right. There you no meat to sink our teeth into, but I think this morning we cracked it, and we're happy again. Alright, we're back, baby. The highs and lows.

And thanks to you guys for listening to this and writing in your own theme songs as well, punching up your own jams, just for our joy. So that's ifireadoshow at gmail.com is the email for your questions and theme songs. As you remember, the Crash Test Dummies cover that we started was just

the tip of the iceberg. Let's listen to the end of this episode or the end of this song right now at the end of this episode. Thank you again, guys, for coming by. Thanks for having us. This is a major treat and huge props to your fans. Most talented in the game. Cranking out these themes. Wow. For real.

You guys hear that? Most talented fans in the game. That's cool. No, we're not talented, but our fans are. Everyone else. Exactly. All right. We'll be back next week. That's cool. We're not talented, but our fans are. Everyone else. Exactly. All right, we'll be back next week.

Bye, everybody. Also, Jake simply can't believe that he's humble, chuffed, and cheap. Why were you Yeah, why were you If I were you That was a Hiddem Original.

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