Segments - 543: Parking Ticket

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

In this episode we discuss old jobs, old email addresses, and new beginnings. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. It'll be okay on the other side of heart

My guitar is broken. So is my heart. But it'll be okay on the other side of heart. I can't park my car. And I can't play my guitar. But it'll be okay on the other side of heart.

Side of heart. I'll be where you are. Whoa. So I need a hug. I can't fight for you. I can't fight for you. I know the truth that it'll be okay on the other side of my heart. Absolutely epic goat. That's Gareth O'Connor. Dude DM'd me on Instagram. He said, not sure if you read DMs,

but I wrote a sincere pop punk version of The Other Side of Hard, sent it into the show, but I thought I would message you as I think you'll dig it specifically. And he was correct. Absolutely correct. He back channeled we would have gotten to it we would have gotten to it and now i regret ever ever playing it well me and gareth are starting a band there's no way i started writing i started writing a pop punk song when that dude dustin wrote in and it's about halfway done uh i think we're gonna go hard pivot to gareth now

it's gareth you're not even saying your name right yes i am gareth i mean gareth um i'll send you the lyrics that pop punk song had it all it It had it all. It had the riff. Yeah. You know, like that last epic palm mute riff, Incredible. It had kind of that like the computerized under singing towards the end. I can't find my guitar, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

It was great. And I think, is he from Dublin? Is that right? Yes, he is from Dublin. An Irish submission. Yeah. So you can kind of hear it when he says heart. Yeah.

Which is really great. Tucked in my heart strings. Indeed. Is pop punk specifically an American thing? Like, are there any British pop punk bands? Like, kind of like how we took some music from europe did they ever take that sort of like an irish pop punk band i mean there must be i'm sure was vlogging molly from dublin or did they just play irish music but they were from boston or

some shit yeah that's it could definitely be either one yeah I'm going down to Boston. Yeah. For sure. Either Ireland or Boston. Either I or either are. Simple Plan was a Canadian pop punk band. So it's not 41, actually. Oh, really? They were Canadian?

Yep. Bunch of Canucks. Well, if rock and roll was rebelling against the mainstream, the government, the war, what are pop punks ethos? Like, who are they rebelling against? Also rebelling, mom and dad. It's just their parents. Rebelling against mom and dad. It's just parents.

It's school. It's bullies. It's the jocks. It's the preppies. Mom and dad, they quite don't understand it. Yeah. So we went from being like, we will not fight this unnecessary war in Vietnam to like, mom will make me do my dishes. Exactly.

Or like, you're a hot senior guy and you're dating my crush and you play football and wear a collared shirt so you're bad that's how that's how fun the 90s were that the biggest issues the one that created full music genres were people just mad at their parents everything else was fine it was just they didn't want to do homework that decade yeah homework was bad parents not cool parents fighting even worse parents ganging up on you when they actually don't even like each other that's the ultimate sin brother yeah parents are always kind of the nerds in music there's no like songs about cool parents yeah that's correct actually that's a good note for my song that I'm writing. Which is what? Yours should be for the pop punk parents,

so like the kids who are like the teenagers. Well, we already are halfway done with the original idea, which was now we're seniors in high school because the senior guy is a freshman in college, so his status changed. Oh, yeah. We discussed that before, yeah exactly yeah got it okay so song two is about how mom and dad ain't so bad because they're actually trying pretty hard it's uh the music that's sort of creating the chaos and making things not right that's not bad okay all right i'll mom and dad we ain't so bad we think we're pretty neat that's yeah kind of i feel like you could start a

different band me and gareth might take that song in another direction but your idea is noted considered ultimately rejected and denied duly considered though duly considered it is under advisement it is under consideration and now it is out of advisement and out of consideration shit canned and forgotten i think i the fresh the high school senior thing was my idea. I don't remember it being exactly your idea. I was definitely a co-writer slash collaborator. A broken clock is actually still right, I think, a few times a day. At least once, maybe even twice, depending on what type of clock it is. Right, if it's like army time or not. Yeah, exactly.

So it might only be once. Although if it's broken in a way where it's like still working, but set to the wrong time, it's actually never right. Yeah, if it's off, yeah, you're fucked. It has to be broken in a specific way. Even if it's blinking 12, that doesn't mean that it's noon. It has to be completely right. It has to be completely stopped for it to be right. Yeah. That doesn't mean that it's noon. It just means that, like... It has to be completely... Right.

It has to be completely stopped for it to be right. Yeah. It's... It actually... Yeah, I guess it's more of a broken regular clock, not a digital clock. It has to be, like, a face. What are those called? Like, the kind with, like, the little hand, the big hand.

That's when it's, like... That's when a broken clock... An hour. Unless it's so fucking broken, it doesn't even... It only has the minute hand. Right. What if it's so fucking broken that doesn't even it only has the minute hand right what if it's so fucking broken that it has like just one spinning ass like second hand and the springs are falling out then that clock is right never never day for sure or like so many times because it's like oh it's right there it's right there it's right there it's right there it's

actually right more often than a non-broken clock because a non-broken clock is just right once if you think about it because it's like set to the correct time oh we have to take a break really no not a real break just from this conversation no it's only been four minutes. I'm down to thank a sponsor. Yeah. All right. This is If I Were You, the only advice pod on the web hosted by us. I'm Amir after all. I am Jake after all. And that was Gareth, whose pop punk version of The Other Side of Hard is sincere and unironic as he can make it.

Incredible. It kind of reminded me of may 16th by lag wagon if you remember that one i don't think i do i'll send it to you you can listen to it offline yeah all right we'd love that uh we had a question sent to us with a fun follow-up pup let me see if i can pull it up it'll be okay on the other side of hard oh here we go that was good that was really good thank you gareth um this lady actually sent in a follow-up pup so we can use her real name it's molly no flogging molly that's right flogging molly writes what's up i'm a junior in high school i'm so stressed out after cross-country practice i'm up till all hours doing homework and now that i'm doing all this act

prep stuff i have absolutely no free time to just relax i'm always tired and cranky and i have no time to do anything i want anymore is there any way to stop the madness were you guys ever this stressed in high school is it even worth it thank? Thank you so much. I love the show. Seize the cheese. Love, Molly. And that came to us in like 2013. Isn't that right? That's right. So I found that by like searching like ACT prep or something like that, or maybe cross country. And I'm like, oh, this was sent to us almost a decade ago, literally nine years ago. Yeah. And so I replied, literally in 2022, this was sent in 2013, I replied to Molly and said, hey, do you remember writing this? How'd you turn out nine years later?

Hoping to got you, A, remembers who we are, B, is still alive, and C, like maybe can shed some light on like even remembering that this was a thing for her, like stress in high high school incredible what does she say hi guys wow reading this email is an absolute blast from the fucking past you opened a time capsule has your inbox been that flooded how on earth did you dig this up sheesh i remember writing you this email because you were the source of all the best goofy advice life was getting tough and i needed some goofballs to turn my stressors into side splitting laughs or at least toss out a few carpe diem sort of positivity it was a tough time the ironic thing is nine years later i'm teaching in a chicago public high school and coaching cross country whoa so she's teaching

at a high school that she was stressed about and coaching the sport that she was playing wow i genuinely try to take my hardships as a high schooler and use them as a massive learning experience no student of mine should ever have to be as stressed and distraught as i was thank you uh for being so bad at reading emails this has been quite enlightening and oddly charming to read an email from past me reminds me how far i've come thank you both oh she's she all you made my day wow how nice is that incredible that's the ideal response that's what i would have hoped that she would have written yeah and it's sort of it just goes to show you that the stresses that you have i think it probably even extends into college and adulthood is stuff that feels so stressful and difficult now like you

barely remember nine years later it's all relative it's funny i was actually i was very stressed out today and i was thinking when it was yesterday so i was really stressed out yesterday and i was walking home and i was walking by the old college humor office and i looked at it and i was like i don't think i was ever like doing that thing where you're so frantic where you're like oh i have to leave but i have to send this email but i have to answer this text but i have to do this thing and this person's calling me and i have to you know juggle nine different things as i'm trying to go home and i just feel like frazzled and dazed almost and that's what I was feeling yesterday. But... And then a guy jumped out of the window

of that 17th floor and landed in front of you. Wow. That really put everything in perspective, brother. Thank you. But I also bet that I was. I think that, I don't know. You always do romanticize the old times and you're like, oh, things were so easy then.

But those rose-colored glasses, they ain't the truth yeah that's that's a good question because i don't even know if i was ever stressed out at age 22 now that i'm trying to think about like what did i even have to worry about yeah i was definitely i think i had stresses i don't think any of them were work related i don't have work stresses my biggest work-related stress was that my first salary was thirty six thousand dollars and I'm like I have to ask for a raise that's not enough money I can't just make thirty six thousand dollars it's nine hundred dollars a paycheck in New York City is too expensive I'm gonna ask for like seventy five thousand dollars just like go for and ask for

what you want like me and Streeter were like let's negotiate together we're underpaid this is ridiculous and we like asked for this huge raise and they were like all right we'll give you forty thousand dollars a four thousand percent uh four thousand dollar raise and we're both like all right we'll take it instantly gave up on our dream of making double the salary man i mean that's incredible i think my first salary was 24 000 yeah not enough no not enough not not nearly although adjusting for inflation 36 000 is it says it's 290 000 today so it's pretty good it's pretty solid yeah for because you yeah you and streeter lived in that like um that six-story brownstone together, right? Yeah, it was like $800 a month in rent.

It was so cheap back then. That's right. We got to split it. We threw parties and we made a profit on every party. But yeah, high school is stressful, I'm sure, because those are the biggest problems in the world to you right now. But ultimately, you'll be getting an email nine years later and thinking i guess it wasn't so bad and fortunately this lady is not only teaching

at a high school but she's actually coaching cross-country the two things that she was stressing out about and she was able to impart that wisdom hopefully every day to her students incredible kind of makes me want to try to figure out a way to either be an algebra teacher or a driving school instructor. How did you find her email? I must have searched like one of the words, like almost Game Boy style, but just by myself, like tired and cranky. I'm like, oh, this has come up because i've searched like unread emails and this that we just never opened it right it's also kind of crazy that she has the same email address nine years later like if somebody replied to our email addresses like jake at

connectadventures.com you would just never get it right yeah that's true that is true do you remember your email before um your current email address or before that college humor? Like what was your email address in high school? Oh, I think I had before, I think I had a Hotmail address. It was like Jake 2013, 2013 maybe, at Hotmail.com or something like that. Yeah, I had an AOL email address that I would like use AOL to check. That's crazy. And then after that, you can use AOL.com to check. And then in college, they gave you like a college email, but like.

Oh, yeah. That only works for four years. Right. I think that's a bizarre system to me, I think. I wonder if they still have that. Yeah, get used to using this email, like apply to internships with this email, like whatever, whatever. And then it's all of a sudden, it's like, oh year this will be defunct change everything all of your contacts that you've made for four years or do they do they leave it open and we just stop using it like was a blumenfeld at berkeley.edu

is that just like always there no because they pay for it so i doubt they just leave it open forever and and at the very least, Southern Connecticut closed mine. I remember getting the email. Well, that's because you were dishonorably discharged from the school, so they wanted to make some more room for the bandit. If you graduate. Yeah, while I worked at College Humor, my login was like jherwitz5591 at southernct.edu or something like that.

Yeah, the edu email addresses. I wonder if kids are still using that. I guess if you ever want to see me young, just write to somebody with a.edu. Did you have to sign up for classes on the phone or was that before your time? I don't know. I think it was done online,

but we got little books with the classes yeah like the classes that you can choose yeah so yeah let us know the update are you choosing classes online and do you get to keep the edu like if it's harvard at harvard.edu are you keeping that post grad that's solid that That's solid. You want to keep that for sure. Actually, Harvard should almost sell that access. I don't even need to go to school there. I'll pay $10,000 a year just for the email, Addy. Give me the Ivy League email.

That's kind of goatly. That's an interesting little life hack. That's good unsolicited advice. Yeah. Even if you have to make your email address like jakeherwitz yale at gmail.com what uh that's a very it's obvious that you're lying at that point that's an open sheet at g yale.com i was gonna say like by cornell with one l dot edu but i don't think you can even buy an edu.

You have to like be an actual university. I wonder how that works. Oh, interesting. All right. Let us know, I guess, if you work for a school or something. Otherwise, let's take a break. Answer some more questions that were sent to us this decade after these messages. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

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Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.

I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed.

Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's notters with a Z. And not where you think.

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Gross. Yeah. You know, kinda, kinda. I just bought a new dop kit today. People are traveling. People are exploring the world again. I was just in, I was in Europe. I was in Ireland and the UK.

I'm going to Italy next month. Wow. And I needed a new dop kit. I was in Europe. I was in Ireland and the UK. I'm going to Italy next month. Wow. And I needed a new dop kit. I didn't feel like the one I had was cutting it. And I feel like dop kits are something that people get when they first start traveling and they don't necessarily upgrade them. They don't get a new one. For instance, how long have you had your toiletry bag?

Oh, 10 years. I mean, it was like a gift decades ago. You're talking about your toiletry bag? Oh, 10 years. I mean, it was like a gift decades ago. You're talking about a toiletry bag. It's like this fanny pack. Exactly. You stuff it with stuff. Right. And use it when you travel.

Your soaps, your deodorants, your toothbrush. What was wrong with yours? Well, I'll tell you the problem with mine is that it's too small. It can't fit the electric stuff anymore. Yeah. choose small it can't fit the um electric stuff anymore yeah well and i mentioned actually the um the uh the travel water pick which i got and i have and i've actually loved it it's incredible it's very small it's it's compact it takes up enough space i've also taken to i was carrying you know the the electric toothbrush it comes It comes with the big pill plastic thing.

Yeah, the charger. Not the charger. It's like there's the cord, but then there's also just the travel case. It's just a big plastic case. Okay. And I was hardwired to just do that, to just put it in the travel case when you're traveling. But you don't need to. No, it's kind of useless.

You don't need it at all but mine is a charging thing are you bringing the charger then it's like i'm taking the charger from home are you using a battery operated one i use a battery operated one but it that charge that'll go for like three weeks so really i just make sure that it's charged before i leave yeah i'm carrying it in uh when i was over when i was overseas i did loose no case um and the doc kit was fine the size was okay but i didn't like having to dig through it every time i needed something and the new one that i got unzips and opens and it comes flat i see so it's kind of nice it's almost like a nail file thing what is that called like a little manicuring yes folder yeah it's like a folio and

it gives me access and it gives me control do you remember the time where you tried to travel without any bags because we were doing a show for one night that's correct yes so you walked to the airport interesting you had no bag on your person whatsoever. Not even a backpack, right? You just had a toothbrush. I had a toothbrush in my pocket and that was it. I said, this is all I could possibly need. We're staying in a hotel. They have shampoo and soap. I'm wearing the clothes that I'll perform in.

I'll wake up and I'll wear this home. It's not going to be that dirty. I have the toothbrush in my pocket. What did you do for in-flight entertainment i had my phone i think i think we were flying to we're flying from new york to utah salt lake city and i believe we had in flight we had like the you know the little tv in front of us they handed up they handed out the um the earphones yeah so you were able to imagine i do remember like at one point you're like can

you hold this for me and i was like just out of principle it's like no you this is what you decided to do you have to have it all on your person do you remember what that was i already forget there's a chance that it was like a hudson news like bottle of water or something and like peanuts i don't know like snacks snacks put in a bag. Yeah. And I didn't want to have absolutely nothing. The funniest thing was I remember it being a debate because I was like talking to people. I was like, I think I'm not going to bring anything. How cool would that be to just walk into the airport with nothing? And people were like, well, you're going to bring your phone charger.

And I was like, I don't even want to put that. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was the phone charger or something we yeah because i asked i asked to use your phone charger when we were at the venue doing the show i was like can i charge my phone like oh you didn't bring a phone you didn't bring anything right yeah um yeah you gave me a hard time but you did let me use it oh that, that's nice of you. And I remember people being suspicious. When I was walking in, they're like, are you picking someone up? I was like, nope.

It's just such a weird feeling to just get out of a car like you're meeting a friend for dinner. It's like, I'm walking into an airport. I don't even have a backpack. I'm walking through security. I'm not putting anything on the conveyor belt. Just give me the metal detector and I'll keep walking. And if you're TSA free, you don't have to take your shoes offyor belt just yeah give me the metal detector i'll keep walking and if you're tsa free you don't take your shoes off you just walk through like a metal detector yeah goddamn that's my i mean that's my dream i hope that i can travel like that someday just have all of my stuff waiting for me somewhere you know is that how rich people do

it i feel like you can at the very least have like a nice backpack or something like yeah i think a light backpack you would be necessary just because you'd have like your nice backpack or something like yeah i think a light backpack you would be necessary just because you'd have like your your computer your phone for the for the flight yeah but what if you're so fucking sleek that you just have a ipad mini and it's a little tablet that's a handheld thing you can walk in that's it that's all you need what if you have a fanny pack that's a dob kit so you're actually you have the fanny pack that's a dob kit? So you're actually, you have the fanny pack, but it has your toiletries in it. Interesting. Phone charger, toothbrush, iPad mini.

Yeah. Really, you just need a backpack that has a fanny pack strap. So it seems like a fanny pack, but it's actually a full backpack. Just get luggage at this point. You're not lying. And you're wearing it underneath your shirt. Like a money belt in Europe, so nobody knows what you're actually wearing slash hiding.

Perfect. A fanny pack that goes across your chest underneath your jacket, so everyone thinks you're wearing a bomb to the airport. God. All right. Ooh. jacket so everyone thinks you're wearing a bomb to the airport god uh all right oh sorry you're ill i don't know where that came from it's impossible you're dying no way you're going green gangrene uh all right let's answer another question. Yeah. I have a parking problem that I need help with.

Right. I don't know. Park. Parker Posey. Last week, I offered to drive me and my friends to a dinner because I didn't feel like drinking that night. So we took my car instead of an Uber. I parked at a lot, which we thought was free on the weekends. Went to have dinner to celebrate my friend's B-Day Came back and there was a 50 parking ticket on my car

Ouch, I was bummed about it and said how that sucks and my friend said hey, it's not at least it's not that expensive Well 50 bucks is 50 bucks I was hoping they would offer to offer to pay a portion of it since I did do them a favor and drove us But then they said nothing I wanted to bring it up But since it's my friend's birthday, I didn't actually want to put a damper on the night. What do you think I should do? Should I reach out and get them to pay me

for a bit for my ticket? I feel like a dick, but if my friend drove me somewhere and we got a ticket, I feel like I would offer to pay a portion of it. Yeah. Was it just one friend and it was their birthday taking them out?

I don't think it was the birthday friend. I imagine he was going with a friend to meet somebody else. Okay, to like a birthday party. So he's like, you're going to a birthday party, you drive a friend, you get a ticket. The friend is saving cash on the uber yeah i've been in the situation where like we all i was with a group of like 12 people and we all drove to caterskill falls in upstate new york um bunch of people went uh swimming and stuff one car got a ticket and that ticket was added as a group expense for all 12 people even even the car that had nothing to do with it it's one thing if you're like in the car it's like oh can we park here i'm not sure let's you know whatever but it's like that car actually split that with everybody almost like it's gas like and this is the cost of doing business.

And I guess I'm still thinking about it. I disagreed with it in principle, but it is fine. Here's what I would say. I think you're perfectly, definitely in this situation. Now, my situation was different a little bit. In this situation, very normal to ask for money. You made a collective decision to stay in the lot, and you got the ticket. I think that should be split.

Here's the thing, though. Am I boring you? A little bit. Actually, yeah. I mean, this is really long-winded. You yawned. Yeah, I was bored. do i have your attention yep okay barely but like i'm trying to like yeah it's like drifting away and i was like focus is back on you okay yeah so actually let's take a little let's take a break i feel like well i thought i was gonna be like am i boring you and you were gonna say no one

paul no it's really boring yeah it's really boring. Yeah, it was really boring. Right, because I was kind of talking about just like tickets and parking. I'm going to put my headphones off and just sort of daydream, I think, about something fun like bowling at 2.15 or some shit. That's cool. I'll keep on talking in that case. Amira's headphones are off. I think you can ask for the money.

I think you can say, I deserve some think you can say i deserve some money and your friend will give it to you but they will talk about this they will ask they will they will be annoyed i think but that's fine because i think you're in the right well would you offer to pay if somebody does this to you yes i would offer to pay i think it matters about like the conversation that was had like was it the friend like oh you can park here or is the friend like i wouldn't park here they might give you a ticket or was it just like not addressed and like the friend was on his phone and then you parked there and then you got a ticket i think at that point i'd be like oh that sucks that you chose to park there, friend. But like, it wasn't my idea. I wouldn't suggest that. Also, like that science is no parking. And now I have to pay for that transgression. I feel like I wouldn't necessarily offer to pay unless it was a group decision or my idea that like caused that thing to happen. Kind of like if you get into an accident, I'm not paying for any of the damages because I didn't do that.

Yeah, I think it depends on what the parking situation was like. Did you guys debate it or did you just pull in like you thought you could park there and then you got a ticket? I think if the parking was difficult and it was discussed and agreed on the spot yeah like take the we need to park it's risky but you know what if there's a ticket i'll split it with you obviously that didn't happen but that's like i've been in situations where we had where people agree to split a ticket even before it's like i'm not sure we can park here but if we get a ticket i will split it yes exactly um i think there's a there's a way that you can do this without it being that uh aggressive which is just requested on vemo wow that's pretty passive aggressive i

would say yeah what what is this oh i parked in that uh the the the lot and uh there was a parking ticket so i figured we'd go dutch yeah why right I explained that in the note there I feel like I wouldn't ask for I wouldn't ask but it would be nice to get that like um the offer yeah basically I guess I think your friend should have offered it is what I would have done. But having had him not offer, requesting, while it's fine, it's just going to feel weird. There's not a world where it doesn't feel a little weird. Yeah. And it's not fortunate. And there's also like money at play if your friend is super rich and you're struggling then.

It would be nice if he chipped in. But if like $50 is not going to but if like 50 sorry are you boring you now that was sort of a burp yeah all right sorry i don't know why i'm like don't i'm like watching you like a hawk i feel like you're like i feel like i'm ready to pounce on every like time my mouth opens yeah that one was not a that one i'm like on think I have... It's like other shit that I'm dealing with. I think I have FOMO or some shit. I don't even know what's happening or what I'm missing. But I feel like a pull to go somewhere else.

Every time you open your mouth, I get sort of offended. That's right. Somebody called me boring yesterday and it's been sort of festering. It's the real new it real issue exactly uh so yeah sorry am i coughing you am i covid you do i go to covid university that's good edu a lot a lot of variables here was there a discussion beforehand is there a money imbalance is it like he wanted to take an uber anyway i could see where there are cases where he wouldn't

necessarily ever offer um yeah but as a default rule i don't think he owes you that place because you drove you parked you chose that place yeah i do think the right thing to do is offer i think the right thing to do is offer but you can't really control your friend doing the right thing or not it's definitely nice to offer yeah like sometimes i'll go out to dinner with a friend and i'll be like oh shit i don't have my wallet when i do i obviously do and he's like i'll just pay and you can venmo me yeah okay sure yeah let's yeah i'll venmo you later last time i came into la this is exactly what happened so you did have your wallet of course yeah i had my wallet i said i would venmo you but it's like annoying to for you to like constantly follow up how and it's like at a certain point you feel like the dickling where

you're like you still haven't venmoed me you still haven't Venmo'd me. You still haven't Venmo'd me. And I'm just not, I'm not going to Venmo you. Yeah. I'm not going to do that. So, and that's what you, if you go into that type of situation, the thing that you can do is you keep a running tally in your head and you

start siphoning money off. Like Amir and I have a shared bank account and I'm able to siphon funds back. Unbeknownst to you, I'll write myself a check for office expenses, but I'll pad that a little bit. I thought you bought a chair. Yeah, there are car payments, but I say, oh, you know what? Actually, this month the payment was $300 more.

And then I'm actually climbing. Is that Jill's car? Yeah, exactly. Don't open the, yeah. Eyes here, let's not open the new tabs. Okay, yes. And what is this one? You're a member of five gyms because you don't necessarily,

don't you just go to one gym or you want access to all? Well, I need access to one in every borough just in case I ever travel to Staten Island or the Bronx. Yeah, a local Staten Island fitness. There's no way. $101 a month. So this is for the lunch that I took for you. Yeah.

I'll bring you to financial ruin. We can't afford taxes now. We're going to go to debtor's prison for you. All right, let us know. Let us know what happened here. But I would assume he's not going to offer and it's kind of weird to bring it up unfortunately that's the risk you take when you like what if you got a speeding ticket are you splitting the speeding ticket no not the speeding ticket those that's a driver's decision. Where do we draw the lines? The parking is a driver's decision. But it depends, I think.

It depends. Yeah, it's like if I told you to park there and there's a ticket, that's different than I'm not paying attention at all and you choose to park there. You pay somebody for some gas, you know, that's fine. If it were a parking lot, let's think about that. Yeah. If it costs $10 to park there obviously that's a split there are expenses incurred while driving somewhere this one is it's it's haphazard for sure um i don't know i really don't know uh i think we need more context d not enough information

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price and participation may vary for a limited time only all right jake we're back one last question to rule them all yes please let's go what do we think here's one about the gym okay i like the gym we'll call this guy arnold schwarzenegger good there's a there's a woman at the gym whom i've crushed on for years now and i noticed her for the first time during the pandemic and she's only gotten cuter once the masks came off call me a gentleman or a coward but i know uh better than to approach a woman at the gym earlier this week i saw her car in the parking lot and thought maybe i could initiate a conversation by parking next to her uh then i decided this was stupid and hurriedly backed out, but I scraped her bumper of her car. I've been to the gym a couple times since she's there, and her car is still there.

The scratch is still there. So my question is, can I use this as an excuse to strike up a conversation? Or do I just leave a note on her car hoping she hasn't seen the scratch yet? What should I do? Much love. Use this as an excuse. You have to. You have a responsibility.

Well, if he's a little coy and shy, he can maybe turn this into a hit and run situation. It sounds like you already did. You did a hit and hide. I like how you parked next to her. He's like, this is dumb. Let me get out of here. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. He's like, this is dumb. Let me get out of here. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

She's in the fucking car. It's like an episode of Lonely and Horny. It's so funny. Just backing up over and over. Shit, shit. Airbag deploys. Hits a fire hydrant flooding his car. Can I get your number

or at least that of your insurance or are you one of those lesbian types airbag goes off burns my face i mean that's that's the lonely and horny cold open right there it's perfect god it writes itself someone give me cash to make another season it can't be that much yeah i know i think i think scratching and talking not that you should have scratched her car to talk to her but is a very obvious way to talk to somebody and you owe her an explanation anyway yeah this really could have been a meet cute but at this stage it's kind of a confession cute which isn't quite as cute i think you have to say something um yeah and i don't think you can get away with a note like a it's been days right it's been several days in a ways in a ways yes it's been days yeah no i think i mean i don't even know

how you can like get out of it i think you can you can be like hey i bumped your car and i just noticed that i saw again in the parking lot and yeah uh i've been talking to the surveillance people here we found your number i'm making a citizen arrest whoa whoa take me to dinner 300 jesus i was just trying to do a meet cute is all yeah i think you can just approach her and and say that you didn't know who the car belonged to, but that you just saw her get out of the car today or whatever. Have you ever approached someone at a gym? It is a very difficult place because, you know, everybody is sort of hot, too hot to trot. And I bet ladies get hit on all the time.

And they're all like, you know, you're wearing music, you're wearing headphones. You're not necessarily there to meet anybody. Yeah, I've met people at the climbing gym, which feels like a little a bit more of a social activity because there's kind of like rest in between people work on the same things yeah it's communal chat people give you some beta that's kind of nice people clap for you when you're when you do well so i've met people and i've like talked to people at the climbing gym i don't think i've ever just like talked to someone at the actual gym except to be like are you done with this or whatever i had a similar situation not necessarily hitting on someone but i saw an old laker basketball player at a gym once in like a 24-hour

fitness in glendale and it was robert ory and he's like six foot ten and you know awesome and yeah one of my heroes he actually played with rick fox so i was like oh maybe i could say oh i work with rick fox he played with rick fox but i was like too scared to like approach him and like you know other people are approaching him like this is stupid i don't want to say anything and then i was working out and he came up to me and was like are you still like using this machine and i was like listening to a podcast like uh what huh are you still on this like oh yeah no you got that like even if i was still using like yeah for sure man big man i like just like you say that to him no i just like yeah no it's yours

bye you know totally thank you thank you thank you namaste backing up over a kettlebell can you come with me to sunday basketball i want to show up with you sir sort of as a ringer i'll say my friend robert's coming and then it's just well you yeah my god um so that's as close as i've gotten to unsuccessfully i should have really i should have hit back my car into his car. That's what I should have done. Sort of struck up a conversation with Big Shot himself. But unfortunately, I didn't know which Tesla it was. You had the Rick Fox in.

Yeah, geez. The Rick Fox would have been a solid in. Should have used him. Oh, you know my friend Rick Fox. I hate Rick Fox. He would never say that. They're best friends. Yeah that he throws you alright let us know how the note goes

the hit and run apology you really owe her an apology slash explanation insurance information trade you need more than her number you need her insurance provider I think so I think so. I think so.

It's beyond. It's nice that you'll get to talk to your crush, but you actually do need to fix her car. So that's... Yeah. The responsibility kind of transcends the, I'm nervous to approach you. Can I get you a drink or an estimate of the damages?

Please don't take it to the dealership. That body shop is really expensive. I can actually probably get this out with a little whiteout. Oh, I'm sorry. The entire bumper collapses. Shit my ass for that. Shit my ass for that. Shit my ass. All right.

Thank you. Thank you for writing in. If you have your own questions, your own theme songs, send them all down to if I were you show at gmail.com. That's right. And we're still making videos on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash ja watching jake and amir videos commenting remembering remindering enjoying or hating depending on the episode and there's a couple

new jake and amir's out there if you still haven't seen them those are on our youtube channel boy and this one's also being recorded this podcast uh is being recorded and uploaded as a video as well. So plenty of content to go around. Look at that. So thank you guys all for watching, listening, supporting in any way, shape, or form. And of course, we'll be back next week. Let's hear that GOAT theme song. We usually leave early, but I want to hear this.

I want to hear this. This unironic pop punk cover by Garrett, The Other Side of Heart. Ready? Three, two, one, go! It'll be okay on the other side of heart. My guitar is broken, so is my heart. But it'll be okay on the other side of heart. I can't park my car, and I can't play my guitar, but it'll be okay on the other side of heart.

If I were you, if I were you I know the truth that it'll be okay on the other side of my epic

absolutely awesome that was a Hiddem original hey I'm Jake Johnson host of the podcast we're here Awesome. That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast. We're here to help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt,

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