Segments - 544: Summer Lightning Round

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

In this episode we discuss our favorite athletes, our least favorite Marvel movies, and Jake's new Tik-Tok. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. I can't explain the anatomy of how this is real This little rodent has a show where all he does is squeal

Bushy tail Tiny feet Beady eyes and his two-pack teeth It's a show called If I Were You It's crazy how the chipmunk speaks He's the world's first chipmunk Jew Stringy darts in his chipmunk jeans It's a show called If I Were You Amazing. I love that jam. It's a good song.

Great parody. What's the matter? What is it? You're kicking this off with such a weird energy. Like you're fucking offended by something. I'm the first chipmunk Jew. Congratulations. You should be happy about that.

You should be proud. Are you ashamed? Sorry, are you ashamed to be jewish the joy that you had um what when you were doing like hearing that song yeah you were not dancing before we got started yeah well i was dancing because there was music so i was dancing to the song and i liked the lyrics and i liked the message and i was proud of you for being mentioned. That song's about you. Are you upset?

Yeah. It just, it felt like it was, the song was about like how I'm sort of a rodent. A critter. Don't call yourself a rodent. I mean, sure. I guess chipmunks are technically rodents, but you're a proud Jewish woodland animal. Yeah.

Yeah. But, like, not the proud part was in the song, I don't think. Well, that's on you. That's on you. You have to be proud to be who you are, you know? You have to be comfortable with chipmunk Amir. Yeah. And that's, you know you have to be comfortable with with chipmunk a mirror yeah and that's you know that's your own journey what do you think of this is the thermos slash new water bottle we have i feel like you should get one of those little upside down water bottles with a

little straw so you can that's actually not meant you know um that's meant for hamsters. Right. Which I feel like is adjacent to chipmunk. So it could theoretically work. Because then you would only have to just kind of nip at it like a little teat. And you could maybe even mount it above your computer. Actually, where your microphone is right now i mean you get another arm i'm not it does sound kind of fun if it's like cold brew like that on tap with an upside down bottle yeah like that exactly right and then like i would sort of like not like scramble around

i would scramble because i'm like feeling caffeinated not because i'm a chipmunk so i'd be like right not like dart i would dart basically right yeah we should get you a little wheel that's actually not a bad idea either because i was thinking about like a peloton yeah and that's sort of like peloton adjacent exactly right and that could be like almost like an homage to the fact that people do think that yeah because you are but yeah that'd be cool uh uh wow thank you to jacob legrand for making that um theme song for us jacob legrand i feel like he's he's made songs for us before that name sounds familiar yeah it sounds familiar to me for sure uh all right we're back on a monday recording for the following monday look at us on top of our shit yeah on top of our shit but also the stuff that we say today won't be evergreen so like

yeah um what what happened today in the news and by the time it comes like uh game two of the nba finals just happened but like by the time you listen to this, the whole series might be over, basically. Wow. Could it possibly be? It's Wednesday, Friday, and then Sunday? Wednesday, Friday. Maybe not, actually. I think it's Wednesday, Friday, Monday.

Okay. Okay. So that's at the very least. So it won't be over. But yeah. It might be different. It'll look different. It will be different.

Yeah. Actually, we asked people for their questions via Twitter this week, lightning round style. Okay. So we're going to have a ton of short cues to A, we should say this is a fire review, the only advice show on the web hosted by us. Yeah. And we should also say that this is a video so if you want to watch us um fake drinking out of an upside down water bottle yeah then check out the youtube bingo you can um watch

these as a simulcast as well correct mondo um here's a question. How would you handle, right off the bat, this is from Jordan Poole, MVP, so a Golden State Warriors fan. How would you handle having in-laws that have vastly different political beliefs? I think that would be tough. That would be really tough. It would be, I think it'd have to depend on exactly, well, this guy wrote this because he's a diehard conservative, right? Yeah, he's an alt-right Trump supporter and his in-laws are just sort of Elizabeth Warren stans. I think you would have, I'd probably avoid them as much as possible and then kind of just stay reserved and quiet when we did hang out.

Yeah. Or at least talk to them about things that aren't politics. Yeah, you could be one of those people like, we just don't talk about politics. We don't really need to talk about that right now. Yeah. I think that's all you can really do. Yeah, because you're not going to change their minds and they're not going to change yours. Yeah. because you're not going to change their minds and they're not going to change yours yeah although when do you start change like you always say like i'm not going to change their mind

and you know they're so different from us but like so when did when does that mind get set like at age 18 is it earlier than that like at what age can we start start dealing changing minds yeah minds that are still malleable 13 yeah 11 i think i feel like through college you're open to changing your mind so like even as a 19 year old you can be like i'm liberal and actually i i've been reading a bunch of shit and now i'm kind of a conservative republican i think 19 is like maybe the prime time to do it. It's when you are coming into your own as an adult. Yeah. And then it's like after college, okay, mind is set.

I'm not fucking changing my mind. Yeah. But then I think the thing that can always change your mind is like friends and peers. It's hard to like to change your father-in-law's mind. But I feel like if you've got cousins that are similar ages, you might be able to chip away at that. Yeah. I mean,

I feel like the way to, the way to do it is to like invite them to stuff that would expose them to more viewpoints and things that might make them change their mind rather than being like, let's have a political debate. Cause I, whenever you do that, people kind of like retreat onto their sides and it's a me versus you but yeah but you just like you know invite

somebody out to dinner with like 14 people that are different and maybe maybe you can just do it slowly yeah the worst part is when they have like stats and stuff and they're like how do you explain this stat and i'm like i don't really know what that stat is or if it's real right now because I guess you did a little bit of research and now I'm not really prepared to answer the stat. Yeah, I think that the better way to do it is like invite them out with somebody and they get to know someone

and then you say, oh, you know, Linda had an abortion actually. And then they're like, oh, but I'm against that. But I like Linda. So how does this compute? And then you can sort of, by introducing them to people that have had different life experiences, you can kind of like make them a little more accepting. Yeah.

But it's going to be the older you are are the less you can nudge them it seems yeah and also it'll be a lot of effort so if you want to just not hang out with your in-laws that much i think that's also fine uh here's a really tough one i i probably should have saved this for later because well this is just breaking my brain i can't quite get to the bottom of it rb friend 20 says what's the best tom cruise movie damn um well i know the answer so i'll let you go ahead i think i know your answer okay what's that your answer wait did you see the new top gun i have not okay do you think that'll be my answer once I see it? It'll be up there, but I think your favorite is Edge of Tomorrow.

That's correct, because that's also my favorite movie. Right, and it happens to be a Tom Cruise movie. Yeah. So that's the only answer for me. Well, it's tough, because it's like, do you want the best movie that Tom Cruise is in, or do you want the best Tom Cruise movie? You know what I mean? What do you think? Yeah, what do you want the best Tom Cruise movie? You know what I mean? What do you think?

Yeah, what do you think those things are? Like, what's the best movie that Tom Cruise is also in? Like, my personal favorite movie that Tom Cruise is in is A Few Good Men, because I, like, watched it a lot growing up, and I have, like, a special affinity

for those lines and scenes. But I wouldn't necessarily call it, like, a classic Tom Cruise movie he's not like running jumping punching which is like stuff that you consider from a Tom Cruise movie yeah there I guess there was a time that when he's shifted to become the action star Tom Cruise like cuz before it was like risky business Jerry Maguire a few good men uh rain man like those those are just like him yeah you know used to be a movie star right that's not just him jumping off buildings i feel like that was more

once he did like mission impossible yeah which might be the best tom cruise movies like one of those later mission possibles like ghost protocol or something yeah also really running jumping doing crazy stunts but then it's also a great movie as well. I think A Few Good Men is probably my number two. And I also do think that's a Tom Cruise movie. He's certainly the lead. That's a Cruise vehicle. He's a star, but he's not an action star.

Right, which is okay. But in the new Top Gun, he's not only acting in a cool Tom Cruise way, but he's also flying a fighter jet. He's actually flying it too, right? That's correct, yeah. So when he's doing crazy flying stunts in an F-whatever 18, that's actually him flying the plane, which is crazy. That's nuts. That's wild. I think you'd dig it.

All right, I'll see it. If the entire HeadGum crew writes Ignore the Spots, had to wrestle, who would win? Great question. There's a couple. Are you imagining a Royal Rumble, or is it like a one-on-one tournament? I guess like some kind of like seeded thing, almost like a March-on-one tournament i guess like some kind of like seated thing almost like a march madness style bracket where where we like do a play-in we have like head-to-head matches

um so like the the top contenders end up fighting at the end you know yeah um so and then there's okay there's like 30 people that work at HeadGum now? Mm-hmm. And you've wrestled probably close to 20 of them already. Most of that was, yeah, during the peer interview process. Yeah. Take me down with a job. I leg swept Johnny.

Who are you thinking? Who would, like, who would we consider as the final four? Top tier contenders, I'm thinking Katie Moose. Athletic. Sleeper athlete, yeah. Played college, wiped the floor with Jeff at basketball. She also played football. Actually, I don't know if she played football.

Oh, yeah, wait. That's what I meant to say. Yeah, she played high school. Didn't she play into high school football? Or maybe it was eighth grade. Yeah, it was like middle school tackle yeah although right um yeah hit her head so hard she walked into the wrong huddle yeah like a real competitor that's right um i think uh brad hilt he's he's an athlete yeah Yeah, he's like a long distance runner. Yeah.

So he's got that competitive streak, also that no-quit attitude, like will wrestle through the pain. Micah's a little beefcake. He's compact like a pit bull. It's hard to take him down. Micah's strong. He exercises a lot. Yeah. But like have any of these people wrestled before? Because I feel like there's... Excuse me, I'm still talking. yeah yeah it's hard to take them down yeah yeah like a strong sizes a lot yeah but like have any of these people wrestled before because i feel like excuse me i'm still talking

yeah no like that's how the podcast works you talk and then sometimes i talk okay let's hear ryan chambers new hire yeah he's tall he's like six foot five thick strong um all right now i'm done it seems like it seems like he's sort of reaching the last one no i really wanted to mention ryan whenever we do something athletic dane is usually at the top so it's oh that was yeah who's sort of like a soccer player slash seemingly can do it all right that actually was dane was on my mind when we first started talking as well i feel like he just finds that extra gear like will not lose yeah way to win right i could imagine dane like um kind of like poking ryan's eyes in a no holds barred

wrestling match to to sneak into the elite eight wow what about jeffrey jeffrey is pretty big um he's docile though and he's too calm yeah and he's got too many ailments he's got the ankles that are too thin yeah the eyes that are too dry yeah dry is dries and thankles dries and thankles um and i think he fears confrontation i think i could kind of chase him out of the ring if i needed to oh you put yourself in there because you didn't really mention that yeah i mean well i was counting on you you what do you think i would where do you think i would place uh well i really like your final four um yeah chambers as the like the the five yeah uh but ultimately i would probably have to what round do you see me going down in if not the finals when i yeah i would think you would lose to

um to your brother probably because he's sort of yeah well ideally we'd be playing in a different bracket so i could face him in the finals i could see you as like a silly first round out for him because he's like he's been sort of training you but like the student hasn't passed the master yet style i see yeah like he'd be able to sort of like maintain a low center why don't i kick your ass why don't i kick your ass blumenfeld oh yeah uh yeah sure i mean if you get through my car maybe you can get the winner how about we don't even do this head gun fucking tournament just me versus you at the studio next week huh well i mean i don't really think of wrestling as noon in the fucking parking lot on wednesday why can't we do it on grass i don't want to do it on concrete

because it actually were you ever were you ever challenged to a fight in school like like they do in the movies like meet me at 3 p.m on the playground i didn't even go to a public school so like there wasn't even that kind of fighting going on it was all just like pretty well-to-do well-behaved jewish kids there was no like there was no crazy bullying or fighting happening really right that's cool um all right let's let's have micah and dane duke it out i think that's my final two and then yeah it's hard to say who would win between the two of them micah and dane yeah yeah i don't hate that but i think the winner will ultimately be who um who like has the wrestling strategy technique because i don't know the first

thing about like how to like get people down how to get up from that yeah strategy i feel like there's people that actually wrestle like didn't iyle wrestled in high school. And Michael also wrestled in high school. Really? Really wrestled in high school. Yeah. We didn't even consider Pyle. Yeah. Actually, Peter MacArthur has some fucking size on him, too.

Jesus. All right, we'll have to figure it out. We'll have to actually do this at the next retreat. At the next retreat, yeah. Instead of Topg top golf we're just gonna fucking fight each other greco-roman style um all right here's another pretty simple one yeah nathan tony says utah thoughts um utah thoughts yeah thoughts on utah um pro utah i think utah's might be in my top 10 states i know i've done those i've gone through it recently but yeah it's definitely it's in the

upper area for sure because of uh zion because of moab arches national park yeah canyon yeah Moab, Arches National Park, Bryce Canyon. We've been to Salt Lake City once or twice for shows. Yeah, didn't spend a ton of time there, but it was fun while we were there. I think it's a beautiful, beautiful state. You? Hard pass. On Utah. No thanks.

It's too dry, too religious. And I do mean both the alcohol and the amount of oxygen in the air. Yeah, the alcohol thing is kind of annoying, actually. Yeah, and it's very dry to be there. It's like high plain style desert.

Okay, so what's your favorite state? California, obviously. Well, Arizona, yeah. Really? So that's super dry. okay so your fate what's your favorite state california obviously well arizona yeah really so that's super dry all right so let's say fucking florida that is it's definitely more florida yeah that's louisiana but i feel like now you're just choosing your states based on moist like your criteria for not liking utah yeah why don't you just tell me what state you like without trying to like let's go point let's go cali one new york two tech or texas three because it's so big and has delicious food right um uh four um let's say uh um washington state as four that's a good one yeah washington

state is four number five well the answer will shock you because it's because it is arizona it's no cap it's actually, wow. Because you love Vegas. Yes, exactly. So I just think of my favorite cities and then back down from there. And Florida has a fun factor to it because it's got the Miami plus the whole beaches vibe of it all,

which is fun. It's also warm. I like a warm weather state. Would it kill you to say Missouri? Would it kill you to say Missouri? Would it kill you to say Missouri? Our fans in St. Louis are clamoring for it. I'm not a huge fan of the landlocked middle 30. Yeah.

I'm trying to think if there is anyone I've forgotten so far. Michigan's pretty fun. I'll throw Michigan up there as far as cold weather. Yeah. Yeah. Very cool. Okay, let's take a break break answer some more questions on the other side of these messages love it thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats i want to know which whiteout scored more than two tutties,

which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot.

This can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app.

Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And for all first-time Pick 6 players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50time Pick 6 players. Check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set

and get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Woza. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings Pick 6 app now and use code SEGMENTS. That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits

only on DraftKings Pick 6. The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregonconnecticut. Must be 18 plus.

Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick six is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right.

Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of

money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a little sooner than I thought. Mom, I'm coming. yeah i do i um i made a tiktok last night i made a tiktok last night yeah okay um first of Second of all. I redownloaded TikTok. I had deleted TikTok. Okay.

I downloaded TikTok again. Okay. I posted my first talk. Pulling it up now. What's your name on TikTok? Jake Hurwitz, okay. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Eight million views. Holy shit. It's. You ended up going pretty viral. In a minute, I'm going to need a... Yeah, you're twerking to this shit. All right, what am I seeing here?

That's right, fully viewed. This is a little bike trip sort of montage. I just made a little vignette, and that's it. So this is so unlike you. One, you don't like to use TikTok seemingly. Two, you don't like to like post stuff to any social media. Correct. Three, when you do, it's usually like a coy, sarcastic thing.

This is just a genuine montage of you bike riding set to a song. Exactly right. Walk me through everything. By by the way you're only following one person and that's me it doesn't seem like i need to follow anybody because the tiktok algorithm just shows me people from my contacts all the time that's true and the more uh the more you use the app the less you'll actually see clips of people you follow. It's more just the For You page as it learns your preferences. Yeah, and I like the For You page.

That's been nice. Though for a brief spell, they really thought that I was into surgery and pimple popping. I see. And I needed to tell them that wasn't the vibe. Then they thought I was into people fighting each other other, like hidden camera footage of like people getting decked. And I don't like that either. So what made you want to re-download firstly? And then secondly, what made you want to post?

All right. There have been a couple things. I took up the new hobby of surfing. And I felt like I've just been doing things in my life that are making me happier, filling my heart with joy. And I was driving to the beach with Micah, and he was kind of like, you should just post some of this stuff on tick tock um because i also like have been liking on instagram like instagram reels just kind of like day day in the life of people that are doing seemingly nice happy things right um and then i just went on a bike ride with jill and i like took five videos and then i select them on tick tock tick tock kind of like crops them all to a certain length. And then I just chose the,

and then it was like, you can add this song. It was the first one. And I listened to it. I was like, oh, that's nice. And then I posted it. But what made you want to even get TikTok?

Because you didn't even have TikTok. I think what made me want to do it was kind of a way to like capture these like nice outings and nice days. And a video compilation. Remember I texted you like a month or two ago. I was like what's that one second every day app.

So I was thinking about doing something like that. But yeah I just like these like 10 second 15 second compilations of like something nice that I did. It's almost like a nice little diary. Right. So you're using it almost like a video log versus. Yeah. Sometimes I want to go viral. Right. So you're using it almost like a video log versus content you want to go viral. Right, exactly. Though I'd love for everybody to just follow for the vibe, you know, because that's the vibe.

And now do you find yourself using TikTok as a consumer? Unfortunately, yes. Yes. I do just want the archive of like nice bike rides, days to the beach, climbing trips, that type of thing. But then I have found myself just kind of like scrolling through teenagers getting pranked and women in baggy shirts that then turn into a bikini. So that's kind of like... It's all over the place. It's like baking tips and also the worst people you know punching a teacher in the back of the head and laughing yeah just like society it's just filled with the best and worst people all at once and it kind of reminds me of like what i used to do on

tinder when i was like back when i was single where i'd be like going to bed i'm like i'm just gonna swipe until i see someone i like and then you end up swiping for like 45 minutes uh-huh because you're like constantly looking for that next it's a never-ending spark yeah so then I'm yeah I'm like going through TikTok like oh I just want to see like one thing that makes me happy before bed and then cut to it's just like 20 minutes later and I've looked at fucking at fuck all I have no idea right that's the that's the bad part of TikTok. But I still think TikTok's like my new favorite social media because it can be so helpful and entertaining at the same time. Yeah.

What's like your favorite thing that you've seen on TikTok recently? Great question. Let me go to my likes. There's this one guy that I follow that just mics himself up hitting on girls and asking them out and i find it very interesting to see like wow this guy's just instantly talking to a stranger and asking for their number and whether he posts the successes and not the failures i'm like wow this works every single time a lot of funny responses to that that one's pretty good um a lot of like tennis tips i'm seeing like this is like serena's

old coach it's like this is how you serve this is how you hit a forehand oh that's cool i need that good um what else have i liked recently um clips from um the making of top gun so that was just entertaining sometimes it's just like original content like this is my joke like avital posts stand-up jokes and then sometimes it's like hey remember this scene from uh that movie or like these outtakes this is why it's important and it's um like here's fucking uh tom selleck talking to rosie o'donnell on the rosie o'donnell show in 2002 about gun control. I'm like, Oh, that's interesting. And then also it's like, this is a dog licking a newborn chicken,

pretending like it's its own puppy. Like, Oh, that's nice too. Yeah. It has it all. Jeffrey's on here. George Saba's on here. Josh Rubin's on here.

So you follow those people and you go to the for you page. And then also do you go to your follows page you go to like yeah i mostly go to house yeah i mostly go to my uh for you page i say look first one a tom cruise interview there you go i'll watch that one later young do you put do you put like uh earphones in when you're on TikTok? Do you turn the sound on? No, I usually just watch it when I'm at home by myself. And the sound is just out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's my TikTok regimen. How often do you post? I used to post more. I haven't posted too often. I used to try to like post a few times a week, but I feel like I haven't posted too often. I used to try to post a few times a week, but I feel like I haven't posted in a while.

Gotcha. I need to be inspired. Yeah. Here's a thing that came out recently that I thought, since it just happened during this podcast, we can weigh in on it like breaking news, even though by the time we release it,

it'll be a week old. Of course. It looks like, according to some slack messages we got you can now edit iMessages edit iMessages yeah do you ever use whatsapp no so i use whatsapp because i'm on a few groups that have a friend of mine that doesn't have an iPhone. And with WhatsApp, you can delete texts before people see it. You can't edit, but you can delete. And so you can't do that with iMessage. Until now, I guess they're adding that ability to edit iMessages. Wow, so you can send a drunk text at night

and delete it first thing in the morning and it might not go through. Yeah, well, it'll go through if they see it, but if they didn't see it, it'll just say this message was deleted. Oh, wow, interesting. Very interesting. You just spilled all over myself.

That's insane. And it was caught on camera. This is the problem with fucking everyone must subscribe to the video version of this but you look like a fool you look like you drooled my bottle drooled what the hell was that was this a prank you obviously didn't that is a bottle that has two caps you didn't screw on the first cap quite tight enough. Yes, exactly. Is it water in there?

This part. No, it's cold brew. So this didn't screw on that. And then there's another top that I don't even fuck with anymore because it's unnecessary to have both, I feel like. Right. Well, the other one is for traveling. So if you need to be on the move somewhere, it doesn't spill.

But yeah, it's just hanging out on your but this one spilled regardless uh it was kind of messed up that it didn't let you delete iMessages anyway like once i send it to you like let me delete it like it's not fair that it's like no sorry it's permanent you you sent it now you can never unsend it i feel like that's yeah it only makes sense to let me the guy guy that sent it, be able to say, never mind. I see. I see. That's interesting. I feel like as somebody who, I do a lot of reacting to text messages, like when somebody asks me to do something or whatever.

So it's kind of, it would be weird, I think, if somebody had the access to just delete something that I was responding to or working on. Yeah. I guess it's like talking. You can't take something back. Or an email you can't unsend. I mean, editing something does seem nice. I feel like I've definitely sent a message

and then realized there's a mistake. And then I'd rather like, I don't want to like correct myself with the asterisk, which I usually do though, because I don't want anyone to think that I'm dumb. Right. Which I am. am yeah sometimes it's and it's like a word that's like i obviously knew what you meant but now i still have to like do an asterisk and then sometimes you do the asterisk and it auto-corrects it again you're like no not believe i Oh, sorry, believe. Yeah. What the duck? Duck. Sorry, I mean duck. Damn it.

Yeah. So I guess Apple announced that there's a new iMessage that'll let you do that. Is that one of the things that there is the Apple thing today? Yes, it's happening now, that keynote thing. I see. What's like the big thing? It seems like it's that that new iMessages. Just that there's not like a new iPhone, a new MacBook.

Yeah, maybe there is a new hardware thing, but the iMessage thing is what people are fucking up in a tizzy about. I see. It doesn't seem like it matters either way. That's a huge update. Software. Whatever. All right.

Let's answer a few more cues. Yeah. Why not? We're already here. Let me pull it up. I feel like Twitter's next in terms of editing, right? You can't fucking. Yeah.

It's insane that they don't let you edit. So there's not like a bait and switch where you're like you you say hey i i love um hillary clinton and then everybody likes it and then you say actually i like trump and then yeah everybody like we did it yeah but what about like editing spelling within the first 30 seconds of a tweet? There could be a happy medium. Yeah, for sure. Who's your favorite athlete of all time? Ricky Bojo 99.

Damn. Favorite athlete of all time? Yeah. I'm trying to think like who is the athlete that I like was most into at one point in my life. Babe? Like Ruth. Really? is the athlete that i like was most into at one point in my life babe like ruth really how cool is that he lived and died much before our time great bambino yeah spilling more on myself yeah i would say i have a lot in common with mickey mantle we both got sauce on our shirts probably that's interesting well damn well i know yours i guess yours is obvious mine is kobe for sure my favorite laker for 20 years while i followed basketball for he was you know around for the majority of my life still I'm

still not 40 so 20 years of the 39 yeah that's pretty big that's major um well I feel like I feel like it must be like Derek Jeter or Mike Mussina like one of the that was probably my peak being into sports was when I was into the Yankees when I was in high school and college. Firstly, do you know Derek Jeter just joined Twitter? No, I do not. Why? He's making

a documentary about himself or a show about himself kind of like The Last Dance. He joined Twitter like tweet about the show and he's on social media for the first time ever wow and he's posting yeah derrick jeter like you've never seen him the captain on july 18th on espn that's awesome i'll definitely be watching that the problem is like is he like michael jordan is this larger than life character like derrick

jeter seems like the one of the most boring superstars of all time like i never care maybe i'm just not a yankee fan but like i don't care what he looks and sounds and what's his personality like i yeah i feel like the interesting thing though is that he's always been so guarded around like media and like being out there as a personality so it would be kind of interesting right i guess it's all yeah i'm just like that trailer is loading it's like what is derrick about what's he really like nobody really knows right so it's the intrigue that's what is supposed to sell it yeah he's a man behind all of these hits seven part doc called the captain i can imagine it not being super interesting he is kind of boring but then he went to michigan and was a double a baseballer there okay yeah

and he stayed at one team his whole entire life yep that was it pretty good it's great secondly do you know that the yankees are like the best team in baseball right now do you have any idea yeah no i've actually so i went to i went to an early game with streeter this season um and then i got in the habit something i used to always do is listen to the games on the radio and i've been listening to the games i listened to the game yesterday oh so you're sort of getting back into it yeah i'm like vaguely vaguely i wouldn't say like caught i'm i'm aware of how good they're doing and uh i have been really enjoying listening to the games on the radio your favorite player who's your new cheater um i mean probably judge he's just he's just big and huge and yeah hits the ball hard yeah that

chicks take the long ball yeah you know he's six foot seven jesus yeah he like he looks like a superhero he really does my god he's he's like rob growski size, but also hitting home runs. Yeah. I've heard all of the players' names, but I feel like the 2001 to 2009 Yankee team, like every iteration, I knew all those guys and I felt like I knew their personalities. You know, the Scott Brocious, the Chuck Knobloch of the world. Yeah. But now I don't think I have that on the Yankees at all. I basically just can conjure up an image of a judge, and that's it. And everybody else, they're just names that I hear on the radio.

So I should probably start watching some games. Yeah, that way when the playoffs start and you're watching the team, you're like, oh, I actually know who that guy is. Yeah, that's actually a good unsolicited advice for me to follow. I want to start getting into the Yankees again. Yeah. You can download the FanDuel app and start betting on the games. Yeah. Yeah.

No, that would ruin it for me. They spell it pure. Well, if you put like $8,000 on the fucking Yankees, Marlins over eight and a half runs, I feel like you'll pay really close attention if judge goes yard or not if like your next meal actually depends on like whether or not they score five runs that inning or whatever i feel like you'll get really invested i feel like that would be that would taint the the sport for me it would make it not about baseball and it would make it about cash i don't want that for me i don't need that on my conscience i don't need that on my

card we'll use my promo code just so that when you sign up i can get some uh bonus i see so this is why you chose this question too well. Well, it didn't hurt, right? Chicks dig the long con. That's really good. That's like for when a baseball player ends up in some sort of Bernie Williams Madoff style scheme. Bernie Williams Madoff. That's good. How dope is that?

By the way, we glossed by that, but that's really, really good. When you said Chick-Stick the long con, which sort of meant nothing, and I brought it home with a Bernie Williams made off. I was not only able to use one of your Yankee players from the past, but also tie it back into the random garbage you spewed out. And you know what? It's actually time. We honor the cleanup hitter, that person that hits that long ball that we mentioned. But what about that leadoff batter? Because the winning run doesn't get to win unless the tying run gets to score. And for that, I will be awarding myself the golden mic. And for you, you glory hog, you glory hedgehog, that will be a turdy for trying to force my hand

and give you a golden mic that you didn't deserve, that you didn't earn, that you wouldn't have even been, it wouldn't have been possible if it weren't for me batting lead off getting on base with the long con let's go to break before you even respond i think we have some sponsors yeah okay yeah all right let's go it's probably squarespace what are the the fucking have you ever it's not and we don't go right into it we throw it a break we throw it at the break of course let's just fucking do a magic spoon to clear the air now or something it's not that either it's a weird energy right now and i feel like you're mad at me. You often get mad and then you get mad at me for bringing up the energy.

I get angry then a defensive. Instantly in one fell swoop. All right, let's take a break. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like.

Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?

Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new.

It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think.

And it's not biz with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch,

just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squ of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial.

Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it.

It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell

it out for some people yeah you do and we're back yes uh turns out there are new macbook airs it's not just the iMessage thing yeah amazing all right great you can get a new laptop too let's should we buy that uh i don I don't, like right now? Yeah. You just, I don't even know if they're available. I just bought you, I bought you two. Don't buy me a fucking computer and definitely don't buy me two. Why don't you just memo me?

Because for the convenience of getting two computers. That's not convenient. That's the opposite of convenience. Vemo me $500 over cost. Because I got them. Over face. Over face. Actually, this is a similar question.

Cream of the Crop, aka Hillary Tong, asks, what's your best purchase of 2022? Gotta be. Retail therapy. It's gotta be my 5mm wetsuit. Really? 5mm? Thick wetsuit for those cold days out in the Rockaways.

Yeah. Really incredible. The water is so cold, but you can't really feel it because this wetsuit is so good. So you can't feel it at all? You can feel it a little bit. Like you feel it on your face when you first jump in. It's kind of bracing. It goes down the back of the wetsuit.

You're like, oh my God. But then it warms up pretty quickly and then you don't really feel it at all. Wow. Is it easy to put on and take off? No. No, no, no. It's hard to do that. Because like you have to sort of like slide it on and it's rubbery and sticky.

Yeah, exactly. And it's always cold out really early when you put it on, right? Yeah. I haven't gone surfing on like a day where it was like below 40, but I've been when it's between like 40 and 50, I guess. It's pretty cold, but not that bad. I would say it's this freaking bottle for me but the the spill you got that for free yeah i was gonna purchase that it's

sabotaged it's spilled yeah it's a nice bottle but yeah it's a nice bottle but it's not really i do think that was human error really i don't think that was on the bottle i don't think you screwed the top on tight enough yeah it was it didn't create a good seal yeah i think that was that was on you let's clip that out and sort of turn it into like a silly you can't clip it out because you've had coffee on your shirt the entire oh you i see i see so you want to promote it okay yeah yeah we'll make it still see the stain um yeah it's quite visible because yeah and there's nothing that gets that out like that's baked into the fabric of the shirt now probably yeah you that's your shirt you basically have to soak the whole thing in coffee which is actually not a terrible idea

it would be a shade darker which is not and also smell like caffeine yeah uh if you could join any after-school curricular activity now what would you choose ask andrew andrew shank after school curricular activity yeah i guess i'd like to join a high school basketball team and see how i stack up yeah competition um god i wanted i was gonna say a soccer team but i think it would be really hard like they'd be everybody maybe it have to be younger yeah maybe it'd have to be a seventh grade team yeah for the basketball and the soccer that's probably what i'd have to do because if i'm not necessarily i don't have the endurance of like a 13 year old but can at the very least be tall considering.

Right, exactly. I might all be like 5'2". You can take up a lot of space. Right. I could be like a center almost. As long as those little freaking ankle biters don't body me down low because that could also pretty kind of hurt. Just you getting hard fouled by an 11-year-old. He decks me.

That's a technical. Draymond Green style. That's a technical. Draymond Green style. Of course he can't get kicked out because the refs wanted to stay in the game. Yeah. And you should be the coach, not a player, but what are you going to do?

What's the worst food slash gas station snack to eat in a car during a road trip? Ask Love It Ryan. I think I, I'm over jerky. I think it smells it's the smell is so overpowering interesting that it's yeah that it's it's not worth opening it'll it'll ruin the car but how do you like the taste of it i like the taste of it but not enough to to like have my, my car and my fingers smell like jerky for the rest of the day.

Interesting. Yeah. Uh, I would say the powdered donuts thing, like the kind that's like with crumbs or powdered donuts everywhere, like health Valley crunch bars that just get crumbs everywhere or the ones get the mess donuts, like the sleeve of powdered donuts. Yep. I don't really like powdered sugar yeah i don't mind powdered sugar but definitely not in the car um what does the jake and amir multiverse of madness look like says sean wisby 11 do you what did you watch that movie it was like a doctor strange movie no i still have to i still gotta see it have you seen every Marvel movie? I think so wow yeah maybe not every single one

most of them yeah that one is that one's new enough that I I don't know if it's on a I basically always just watch them on the plane I think I went to the

the end game or whatever the last whatever the last one was I went to that one in the theaters but usually I watch them on planes and do you love them or like a kid you're like this is awesome the bad guys and like the good guys are you like watching it as a cynical adult being like this is the same movie over and over it's not

that good kind of both it's yeah i think when when one is really when one is really good they are really really good but sometimes now it's it can like it can retreat into its formulaic um nature yeah yeah nature uh so so sometimes that happens i feel like i definitely watch it with a more jaded cynical eye than i used to but i can still be moved when what is really good wow what was your what's your favorite and least favorite, if you remember? Man. I feel like still Captain America is really, really up there. Black Panther, incredible. The final Marvel, which I can't remember the name of now.

I think it's Endgame. The final one. Infinity War. Oh, yeah. No, Infinity War is the one before that i thought uh yeah i don't remember okay um yeah and least favorite least favorite what about your yeast favorite yeah that's hard to pinpoint i'd have to look at the imdb which will take up way too much time so you never watched one and then you're like that was terrible that sucked i can't believe i watched that i mean i definitely have oh spider-man no way oh wait no way home is the one that i liked the other the the other spider-man i thought was really bad eternals was awful okay didn't like

eternals i like black widow uh-huh um oh venom those are marvel movies that's in the cinematic universe i guess those are terrible ant-man didn't like ant-man love guardians seems like a lot of you don't like but you're still gonna watch them all right yeah i'll still watch them all definitely it's like oh there's civil war and then uh oh yeah no avengers endgame okay um nint nint erd wow that's very it breaks my mind n-i-n-t-e-r-d writes what's the lowest effort gift that's still respectable enough to work? Wait, say it again. What's the lowest effort gift that is still respectable enough to work? For who?

Like you show up to a party or a loved one's gathering. Here's a gift. $10 Jamba juice gift card probably not respectable enough to work but i think flowers equally low effort flowers because i think they're beautiful but they're like thoughtful enough i think they're more thoughtful than like alcohol right it's like a nice planted it nobody's ever like oh you got me fucking flowers thanks you have to seek out like a plant shop, basically. Yeah, which is pretty low effort.

Yeah, low effort. But also like I feel like alcohol, it's like you could theoretically, you might have an open bottle of something at your house. Yeah, a dusty bottle of wine. You're like, oh, nice. Exactly. I think Flowers. Best Blink-182 song to sing at karaoke, asks TateMMCC.

Gotta be. It does feel like all the small things. Because it's got the nahs. And I really think in a good karaoke song, you want the nah, nah, nah, nah. You want to have the nah, nah, nahs. You? One of my favorite favorite blink songs that isn't i guess it might be considered one of their most famous ones but not quite on the all the small things level is um josie the song is let's go don't wait this night's almost over yeah yeah that's a great song i don't

know how good of a karaoke jam it is okay we'll make it last forever forever i think it's pretty good if you know all the words for that one i think it's fun because i feel like people know the chorus so you have to know everything else um did you did you know that like travis barker would be like the most famous guy like 20 years later is that kind of a weird development that like he became like kind of his own mega celebrity aside from mark and tom i guess yeah it is a little surprising because he was always like the best musician out of all of them he's like a very very talented drummer obviously yeah but he did always seem kind of like quiet and like right just the odd little quiet guy in the back yeah but that's the nature of drummers you also don't necessarily ever think that somebody that's not like the front man of the

band will be the most famous right uh speaking of tiktok his travis barker's daughter has a tiktok and she's like super casual but just describing insane shit so it's like all right here i am go to my dad's wedding. We get on a private plane and we head to the Greek islands. Here's our chef. Hi. Then we go shopping and I buy this thing for dad and it's like behind the scenes footage

of like this insane wedding. All right, follow for more. It's like 91 million views. So Travis Barker is the most famous and his daughter, he's so famous that his daughter by extension yeah he's famous interesting uh private chef tiktok is also very funny because it's like hey what it's like being an live-in private chef for this uh family in the hamptons and it's like i wake up and i go to their herb garden and i make this breakfast and i sit with

them then i like wash the kitchen and just, you're seeing these guys that are like living like $8 million mansions and what their private chef is up to. That sounds really awesome. It makes you want to just be fucking loaded. I mean, learn how to cook or something. Right. Yeah, exactly. Right.

For sure. For sure. All right. That's it. Those are honestly the best 14 questions that were sent there were some really shitty ones like this guy bonzo baker's like how would you describe your comedic voice yeah step it up guys yeah i mean that one's pretty good actually sarcastic yeah sort of yeah high high what is it? High this, low brow or something.

Oh, yeah. High brow, low brow. High, no, it's like a matrix. It's like high intelligence, low culture. I fucking forget. See, he stumped us. Yeah. High, low. It's like that New York magazine.

I thought it was high brow, low brow, though, for some reason. The approval matrix? Yeah. Oh, yeah. High brow, brilliant. Low brow. magazine i thought it was highbrow lowbrow though for some reason the approval matrix yeah oh yeah highbrow brilliant lowbrow highbrow lowbrow and brilliant or despicable okay lowbrow brilliant that was what we that's us okay cool i'm glad we got to the point of that lowbrow brilliant that's our new podcast podcast uh okay aspire to do uh namaste again you can watch us on our youtube channel you can see me spilling on myself during the recording or you can just keep listening to the show as you do we appreciate it nonetheless the opening theme song jacob legrand uh sent to us at if i were your show at gmail.com so if you have your own questions or your own theme songs, email us. We still need your questions.

Please do. And there's not a lot of questions in the backlog, so now's your best chance for us to answer them. Fuck yeah. So if you've been sitting on a queue for us to A, let us know. Send it in now. That's right. And as always, you can watch us more on our Patreon, patreon.com slash JA.

We're watching Jake and Amir videos and commenting on it. Take a stroll with us down memory lane. It's been a wonderful time. All right. We will see you all next week, of course. Ciao, everybody. Bye. Bye. The anatomy of how this is real This little rodent has a show where all he does is squeal Pushy tail

Tiny feet Beady eyes and his two-pack teeth B.D.I. Sam is too party It's a show called A Fire Where You It's crazy that a chipmunk speaks He's the world's first chipmunk Jew Stringy birds in his chipmunk cheeks It's a show called A Fire Where You That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help.

But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's

choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.