Segments - 546: TV Dinner

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

In this episode we discuss luggage riding, songwriting, and baby naming. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Three, two, one. If I just lay down some vocals, it'll be easy for him to like turn that into a theme song.

Go upgrade yourself. Have it to your own. You can be up there. Leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself. You can be out there. Leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself. Have it to your own. You can be up there and leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself. When did this happen? You can be up there and leave me back here on the floor.

Go upgrade yourself Get on out of your seat And go give Amir the tourney Get on out of your seat Get on out of your seat And go give Amir the tourney Get on out of your seat Thank you. I don't park my car. I don't know what to think or feel. That was art.

It wasn't just a theme song. It was an experiment. It was eye-opening. It was quite eye-opening. It opened my third eye. Yeah. My third eye was blind, and now it's completely open. It's interesting because I think you, though inspired the song,

were the worst part of that song. Every time your voice came in, it was grating and bad, disjointed, didn't fit. And every time the other guy sang or did music, it sounded good. Yeah, I see that. So the song was good when

he did his own thing. Yep. And then whenever he returned to the quote unquote inspiration, it kind of tanked. I was amused, but not amusing, if that makes sense. Yes. Yes. I was bemused. Yes.

That was Go Upgrade Yourself, parentheses, on the other side of hard. Did we sing Go Upgrade Yourself around the same time that same day? We must have. I've been DMing with that dude about my punk rock song. Getting closer. Yeah. I was, I wrote it on the,

on my flight out here. The one about me being a senior and your boyfriend's a freshman in college. Yeah. Well, not you just, but yeah, like I've, you know,

it's like a high school angsty love song. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was writing it, and I was trying to make people see it. Sorry, I had to get to the rest of this guy's email. I know, totally. Just because, yeah. So that was a parody of Bo Burnham's All I Want.

I can, what's that? I can sing it. I can sing some of what I worked on, if you want. Matt Pope is the YouTube channel. So he does piano and synth vids. So that's his YouTube channel. Homeroom starts at 8 a.m. Oh, my God.

I'm nervous because I feel like you didn't really want to hear it. 8am? Oh my god. The worst. I'm nervous because I feel like you didn't really want to hear it, so I feel like I did a fucked up job because I didn't have your attention or support. The song starts with the homeroom starts at 8am. That's the pre-chorus. I just felt like that was kind of the more iconic line of the song.

I want like when people hear like it's already like the most popular song in the world. Hi from the past. This is like when I first debuted the song. So this is like your fucking Beatles documentary moment. Exactly, yeah. So what's that part?

Homeroom starts at 8 a.m. No, let's hear it because you obviously are. I'm still working on it. I'm still working on it. Hom still working on it homeroom starts at 8am I smile cause I'll see you then what's so fucking funny Casey oh my you're laughing

I'm sorry but what about this song is funny to anyone? It's actually about the most important emotion of all. Love and angst and a crush. It is funny to think that in high school you had crushes at like 7 in the morning. You rarely have a pre-8 a.m. crush nowadays. Yeah. When else would you see someone so early? It's fun to have a crush.

Yeah. To know that you'll just be early? It's fun to have a crush. Yeah. To know that you'll just be around the person you like. It's exciting. And getting married is like feeling that every day. When I go to bed, when I wake up, it's a constant state of butterflies. Are you getting married? Well, I'm not married, but like, you know, the fact that you find that person

to have those feelings with 24-7, even if we're just like eating dinner next to each other. The butterflies don't go away. Exactly. The spark never dies. It burns bright. Yeah.

That's the best part about being married. Okay. This is If I Were You, the only advice pod on the web hosted by me. I notice I'm looking at my computer a lot during these, which I can do during the video, like the non-video episodes. But now that I'm on camera, I'm hyper aware of it. Yeah. But I'm looking for reading the emails and then my eyes just stay transfixed on it.

Right, because it's a screen and you're like a toddler. Exactly. Watching Monsters, Inc. You just can't be. I'm watching a YouTube compilation of fire trucks. Whoa. I'll turn it down, but it's pretty bright we are getting some classic emails

nowadays this one's about an apartment that this person found not on Craigslist but on Facebook Marketplace lots of shit is going down on Facebook Marketplace I've made some purchases, I've sold some items. Facebook is sort of just devolving

into a Craigslist of sorts. It's barely a social media site now. Craigslist used to be kind of charming in how low brow it was, but it kind of sucks. Oh, interesting. There's not like... Facebook Marketplace has a... It's got the message system built right in. You have to go to email and then text. And then you're also...

Everyone has a profile, so you kind of feel like they're a regular, a real person. Yeah, it's great. Sometimes people use Craigslist and they die. Yeah. You never hear about someone dying.

I'm sure that happens on Facebook Marketplace too. But I bought a surfboard there. I bought a bicycle there. I sold the New York standing desks that we had in the old office. All on Facebook Marketplace? All on Facebook Marketplace. All on Facebook Marketplace.

No issue. No problem. I sold the couch on there. It's great. Respect. I made over a million dollars selling just my old stuff on Facebook Marketplace. The desk that you sold from the old office, that's not your cash to have. What?

Also, does Facebook take a cut or are they just sort of making money from the Russians for undermining democracy? That's how they make their cash. I was paid over Venmo and then afterwards when I listed it as sold, it asks who I sold it to. So I'm sure they're selling that info to the Ruskies. So that they can market their fucking electoral persuasions towards the general public. Oh, you bought a surfboard? How about you vote for this fucking alt-right QAnon conspiracy theorist? How about you storm the Capitol on that board now?

Exactly. So this person found an apartment off Facebook Marketplace with a super affordable rent in a fantastic area, only to discover that I live with a 12-year-old in a 21-year-old's body. Oh, all right. He doesn't clean up after himself. He keeps odd hours as a night guard, but doesn't try to keep quiet, which is perhaps the worst of all, but perhaps worst of all is his diet. Instead of drinking water, he only drinks soda and monster energies, which are often left out and when he doesn't finish them. And from what I've gathered, the only food he can make in our kitchen is frozen Salisbury steak TV dinners, which smell absolutely terrible. I'm serious. I count my blessings that we're in Denver so I can cover up the smell with something

because whenever he makes one, I'm left unable to breathe in our shared space for hours. Wow. To the point where I'm calculating the cost of buying him a $10 pizza every week for the rest of our lease just to get some other smell in there. Wow. I can feel the miasma in our apartment leeching into my body, slowly convincing my physical faculties to betray the sovereignty of my mind and to tell you the truth, at this point I've stopped

wanting sex from anyone who will still have me after I brought them home. So now this is my undercutting reason for leaving my hometown. So this is undercutting my reason for leaving my hometown. I'm moving to a city in the first place and I'm running out of money for weed.

Please help. Okay. Those are unrelated problems, I think. Well, he's running out of cash, and he has to live with this sort of energy-drinking, Salisbury steak-eating dude. Yeah. And the weed helps him deal with that. It helps, yeah.

So you sort of just, like, forget all your troubles, forget all your cares. I mean, at 21, it's rare that you're going to have a good roommate, I think. Because most 21 year olds are not nice people. Yeah. Keeping or just, you know, they're living on their own for the first time. So they're still figuring it out. You don't necessarily know how to cook. You don't necessarily know how to clean up after yourself. Yeah. You were like 14, seven years ago and now you're feeding yourself. Yeah. And it's a lot more awkward to be like telling a new roommate that you just met on Facebook to like clean up after themselves than it would be to like tell a friend. But it's a lesson that you're learning because you should expectation set before you sign on.

I don't know if you did that, but when you message about the apartment, you say, are you clean? Do you cook? Do you eat TV dinners? Yeah, what's your diet? What's your job? If he said, I'm a night guard, maybe you would have been like, oh, I don't know if I want somebody that works at night and sleeps all day. Oh, no, sorry.

I'm a night guard. Oh, yeah. It's like the kind that prevents you from grinding. So it's just the guy being like, oh, one second. Yeah. And like separates your teeth. I think you're a little fucked. To be honest.

So he can't do anything about it. It doesn't seem like... Maybe you could make light suggestions. You know, maybe you could ask him to clean up after himself. It's kind of weird to be like, I need this guy to change his diet. He drinks Monster Energy drinks. I'm sorry. He does that. You don't go from that to acai bowls overnight.

So he's going to keep on doing that. Maybe you can get him to stop leaving them out. What did you eat as a 21-year-old? When I was 21, where was I in my life? I was living in, I think I just moved to New York City. Yeah. I was living by myself. I was in a studio apartment on the Upper East Side.

Yeah. So dinner time comes around. Is it a TV dinner situation? I would, if I made dinner, I would make like Annie's macaroni and cheese. I did that many times a week.

Was that enough for a meal? A bowl of Annie's macaroni and cheese? Yeah, well a box because that basically, it's two servings technically. God, it's supposed to feed two and you just ate it all. Yeah. Annie's, there was a burrito place down the block.

I think I did a lot of like pickup. On the way home. Food on the way home. Yeah. And it was definitely not healthy. Like a sandwich for dinner. Yeah, sandwich for dinner, burrito for dinner. Didn't you used to like crumble up potato chips and put it on stuff?

Yeah, I used to do a bowl of, this was when I was much older, actually. My palate was refined, and I would do a bowl of Annie's with sour cream and onion Pringles as a spoon. I see. So you would use that almost as a dip. Yeah, exactly. It was a pasta dip. Do you still eat Annie's macaroni and cheese? Yes, I still love it dearly. It's my favorite food. But you don't eat it as a dinner?

Or you just eat it as a 4 p.m. I'm still hungry situation? I'll eat it as a Sunday night cheat meal once a month. Oh, wow. Where I'll just have like... A box and that's still enough for you. Yeah, it's a lot of pasta. Yeah. It's a lot of pasta.

But usually I'm supplementing it. I'll have a box of Annie's and a hot dog. That's good. Yeah. Still the chips or no chips anymore? In an ideal world, I'm having Annie's chicken sandwich, chips, or french fries on a Sunday when I'm super hungover. That'll cure me and make me ill on Monday. And then the hot dog, are you boiling it?

In the summer, if I've got the hangover, I'll do the Annie's. I'll do the hot dog on the grill and I'll do a big old tube of Pringles. I see the tubes on the side. Do you cut up the hot dog and put it in the bowl of mac and cheese? No, but I have done the Annie's with grilled chicken cut up, put in there with like a side of Cool Ranch Doritos as a garnish. Using it as a spoon or just sort of? At that stage, no. I'm just kind of shoveling them into my mouth between bites.

So my mouth is constantly full of something. Whether it be cheese or the Cool Ranch juice. Yes. Or soda. Got it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you drinking a Coca-Cola Classic with that?

Yeah. Ideally, yeah. There's a Coca-Cola Classic. Going full, whole hog. Yeah. Afterwards, are you feeling great or like do you kind of have heartburn now? Afterwards, I feel great. Yeah, I feel good about myself.

I feel happy. I feel like I indulged and I did something for my soul. And then I have dessert, which is usually a banana covered with peanut butter and chocolate chips. And that also just takes you home. You sleep in great. Yeah, sleep great. The thing that hurts is that I always try to work out on Monday morning. And you feel heavy.

Yeah, it's hard to get up and do that. What's your Sunday meal? Sometimes I'll have like a Caesar salad. Do you ever have a cheat meal? Do you ever have a cheat meal? I'm serious. Yes, I do. Sometimes I'll order like a cheeseburger from like a Smashburger type place and French fries.

Fries. Cheeseburger, fries, milkshake. What are you drinking? I don't like milkshakes with salty food. It's too different for me. Yeah. Yeah. You don't like savory and sweet.

Yeah. I need almost like bubbly water to help like let everything go down. I can't go straight into like milk with ice cream. And do you feel ill when you eat that much or do you feel good for you? I feel good while it's happening. And then when I'm done, I don't feel great. I feel like it's like not going all the way down. How often are you doing that? Maybe twice a month.

Twice a month. Cause I try not to do it too much. Yeah. Is that on a weekend? No, it's just whenever. It's like, oh, thank God. Ooh, we're out of groceries. Should we go shopping or should we order two cheeseburgers from a taco place? Does Avital like to do that? Sometimes she'll get a cheeseburger,

but she's usually a little healthier than me. She actually likes salads, so like that could be her cheat meal. Yeah, that's really cool. But this guy is sort of stuck with a TV dinner eating roommate who drinks energy drinks. Yeah. And I think I would just chalk it up to this will be a rough year. You're 21.

I had a bad roommate when I was 20, not 21, when I was – That's when we lived together. No, you were good for me. We were older and we communicated, you know? Like, needed you to put your dishes away and we would talk about that. Yeah, you did have a lot of demands for me about the dishes and stuff like that. Well, you need to put the dishes away because they stay in the sink and what happens? You get fruit flies.

You put a loose banana in the fridge and are you going to put that in a smoothie? No, because the peel is frozen onto the banana. So you can't exactly do that. You just have the food with the freezer. But yeah, no, you figured it out eventually. I didn't figure it out. You just sort of kept yelling at me and we mutually agreed to part ways sort of in a way.

Yeah, but it was the, looking back on it, that was the best year of my life. Why? You were sort of angry at me the whole time. Yeah. I think I actually liked my roommate when I was 20. College I had a rough year because my roommate was messier than I was. But I was also kind of messy too. I don't know.

Everybody's messy. I think everybody's messy between also kind of messy too. I don't know. Everybody's messy. I think everybody's messy between the ages of 18 and 24 and maybe even beyond. Yeah. And I think a lot of time when you are 18 to 24 and you think your roommate is messy, your roommate might also have issues with you. Yeah.

And it becomes a personal thing and then the smell becomes even worse. And it's just, I guess my out of the box suggestion is to get COVID because then you don't have a sense of smell for a little bit but even that's like yeah maybe not entirely worth it because you don't really feel well i would start looking for a new roommate start looking for a new roommate yeah you can start fantasizing yeah like oh this is cool let me get on facebook marketplace see what escape ism and if you really find something good you can it sounds like i don't

know do you have they have a like a true lease or did he like move in with somebody? It seems like he joined. Yeah. But maybe, I would say year tops. Year tops. But also I think if you give them like a month or two and you say that you're leaving and give that apartment a deep clean, invite someone over and then be like, this guy's so neat. He's so organized.

It's almost, it's like military. Yeah. Yeah. Also bake cookies. That usually masks the smell. There you go. Okay. It's almost, it's like military. Yeah. Yeah. Also, bake cookies. That usually masks the smell. There you go. Okay, let's take a break. Come back.

Answer some more questions. I should say that we're, this is an episode where we're both in the studio, so you can watch this on YouTube as well. So if you're listening right now, you're at your computer, you can check out the next two-thirds of this episode on our YouTube channel. Indeed. So we'll be back shortly thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out

the post-game stats i want to know which whiteout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy. That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the

league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback does in a cover two defense? Or like, do you know what a play action passes? Like, these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't. I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah.

Running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple. And

for all first-time Pick 6 players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code segments. That's code segments for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours.

There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut. Must be

18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick 6 is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer.

See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. And we're back. Jake, do you have any?

Oh, it's a little. Mom, I'm coming. Gross. Yes. Gross. Yes. Yes. I just experienced a really night. Well, actually, it would have been a worse situation that was made all right by the fact that I have made a certain purchase. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I have the spinner luggage that's the four wheel luggage the rolling carry-on yeah you can like go this way that way because the wheels are complete spheres yes exactly right so it's a very smooth it's a very smooth roll down the airport I used to have the draggy one okay with only the two wheels yeah but I have the four wheel now. It's a very nice suitcase. Now, I also, because I have the suitcase and a backpack, I'm walking a long way to the gate.

Yeah. But I recently bought a backpack with a luggage strap that goes, slides down the roller. So the backpack sits on top of the spinner. Okay? Okay. So like where the handles are before the luggage begins, there's the spinner. Okay. Okay. So like where the handles are before the luggage begins,

there's a backpack. Yeah. Basically there's like on the back, like so you have the actual pack and then you have directly on the back, it's like a strip of fabric that you slide down the handle that rests on the top of the luggage.

I see. So you can sort of jerry-rig one just cumbersome wise by putting a backpack on the handles. But this one is like built to be placed on top of a spinner. Yeah, exactly. It's got a secure fit. It doesn't fall over.

It doesn't slip off. Why do you prefer to wearing a backpack? Because you are light. You're nimble. You're agile. You can move freely through the airport unencumbered. And when I flew out yesterday, I was very late for my flight, as I mentioned. Maybe not, but I was very late for my flight. Okay.

And I had to do not just like a casual trot, like a jog. I had to do a pretty near sprint all the way down the terminal. And the backpack, that would have been slapping my back the entire way. That would have been like, but instead. Sweaty back. Yeah. I had the bag on the roller, just pushing it alongside me and just running. Side by side, behind you, on forward.

What's that? Bag behind you to the side or in front of you? A little in front. A little in front. Off to the right. Off to the right. Exactly. Yeah. I have a video. You want to see it? How did you to the side or in front of you? A little in front. A little in front. Off to the right. Off to the right. Exactly. Yeah.

I have a video. You want to see it? How did you stop to take a video? I didn't. I was basically hands-free. I just had to wheel the- So you took a video while it was happening? While I was running because I was like, this is so easy.

Okay. Let's see. Is this for your new TikTok, by the way? No. I took a video of when I went surfing the other day but I didn't

I didn't have the courage to post it why seems like the first one was pretty innocuous too well I'll I'll explain why

okay all right here's this here's my video we can do you want to show it to them or I guess Grim can get it and edit it in

right exactly okay okay good tips over a thump can get it and edit it in. Right, exactly. Okay. Tip's over. A thumb. So the thumbs up was almost to like, I'm doing great. Yeah.

It's like, this is really easy. Yeah. Cause I wasn't running with my, I was basically running and my luggage was just like floating alongside me. Yeah. I wonder if it can just like almost follow you. I took my hand off for the thumbs up. Yeah. But I wonder if there's like this new system where it's like this bag is just remote control.

Have you ever seen the people that ride their luggage? Oh, yeah. I've seen some fucking luggage where you sit on it. Yeah, and it skips you away. Like a little scooter. Yeah. That's fucking weird. I took a video of me surfing, but I didn't feel like it was – it was kind of like a, it's a video of me loading the board onto the car.

A video of me putting the wetsuit on. Yeah. And then you're in the water. So I didn't really get any like surfing videos. Right. And then the second video was like me coming out of the water and toweling off my head. And then the last video. Who took the video of that?

I took the video. Of everything. Yeah. I put the, I put like the camera on my shoe to make a tick tock with it yeah and then i went home and i hosed off the wetsuit and board and i made a video of that so it's kind of like a complete journey yeah but it was weird because it was like changing into the wetsuit to toweling off the hair yeah it's like it needed a surfing thing in the middle i should have like filmed someone else that's right yeah but you didn't get that one. Like a wave crashing or something. So it didn't feel complete, so I didn't post it.

Right. But maybe you have 80% of it next time you just take the surfing video and slide it right in. Yeah, definitely. I'll make another TikTok for sure. Are you getting any... I guess, have we posted the episode where you talk about your TikTok? No, I don't think so. I'm still hovering around 100 views.

Okay. But once that episode hits, I mean, the sky's the limit. Yeah, really. And that's Jake Hurwitz, okay. Jake Hurwitz, okay. I was trying to change it, but yeah, I think now I have to, at this stage, stick with Jake Hurwitz, okay. Yeah. Okay, just like instead of like great or like my name is Jake Hurwitz, okay.

Yeah. Jake Hurwitz was taken, so I just had to add okay. Interesting. I couldn't really think of anything else to do. Here's an email that's not really a question, but it was kind of fun to read. It's almost like a fan mail about this one specific journey. Her name is Sarah. This isn't embarrassing, so we can call her Sarah.

Oh, okay. I'm a, quote, long-time listener who has recently started listening to your podcast again. When you first launched the show, I was an avid weekly listener every Monday and even more excited when you publish some on Thursdays. Then life got busy and I trailed off maybe around episode 120. I was a sophomore in high school when I listened to your show. And now eight years later, you've become my go-to on long drives. So I personally appreciate you going over 30 minute episodes, Wink. I guess we used to just go 30 minutes. Wow. I was so amazed to see that you were over 500 episodes when I re-looked you guys up on Spotify.

I'm currently on episode 21, The Wiener Game. And holy shit, I can't wait to see, to hear what you guys have gone through over the years, especially with the craziness that was 2020. Right. So it's almost like this audio archive of society through our lens. A time capsule. Like the morning after Trump episode would be an interesting re-listen. Right. I'm not sure how often you read through fan mail,

but I wanted to say that I'm proud of you guys for how far you've made it. Can you believe just on episode 2019, or sorry, 20 or 19, that you were in the rec room for the first time? Remember when we like rented a real studio? Yeah. Or not even rented, but like somebody brought us in. Yeah. To make it sound basically like what it sounds like now. Right. I'm curious how that quality has changed. Listening to as a 24 year old versus a 15 year old has only made your show funnier and more entertaining. Wow. I love that. I love Sarah. Thank you. We should listen to old episodes. I wonder if I sound different,

feel different, how different the vibes are. There are podcasts that I have subscribed to that like do an episode, you know, a new episode, and then they do like a rewind episode. A classic.

Yeah. And they like do a new intro for it or something. Oh, interesting. So it would be kind of interesting for us to be like, okay, we're going to post episode 42 as a bonus Thursday. But

in order to do that and make it a little more interesting, we listen to it and then talk about it before and maybe afterwards. I see. Like, can you believe I sounded like that slash said that thing slash thought that thing? Yeah, that'd be fun. At the very least, we could try that for an episode.

I'd be into it. I, because we started in 2015? No, it was 2013. 2013, that's right. Which was like, who was the president then? That was Obama? Yeah. Still president, yeah. Yeah. So we went from Obama to Trump to Biden all over the course of our podcast. Yeah, and we also started and I was like a single fuck boy.

And now I'm married. Remember the entire time I was dating Jill, we didn't talk about it on the podcast because it was like going to ruin my persona. Yes, your persona. Yeah. And now you're a TikToker. And TikToker wasn't even around when we started, I don't think.

It might've been. It was musically. You were really popular on it. Yeah, it was big musically. So that was cool to hear. I wonder how the Rec Room guys are doing. How's Adrian Grenier's studio? I think

it was on Vanderbilt. Does that sound right? It was in Brooklyn. I don't remember specifically where it was. It was on Clinton Hill. Because I think I ride my bike by it sometimes. Oh, really? Yeah. Adrian.

Oh, my God. Grenier. Dude. My good man. I was in rec room. You were never home while we were there. That was just in his house. Yeah.

So Adrian Grenier, the star of Entourage, had a huge house in Brooklyn, and the bottom was a recording studio for music. Yeah. And his recording manager, somebody had access to the studio, was like, oh, I'm a big fan of the podcast. Have you ever just wanted to record here during the off hours?

Right. And we go, let's do it. Yeah. This is great. It was awesome. Otherwise, we're just holding really shitty microphones up to our mouths. Right.

In an echoey room that sounded awful. Yeah, the towel fort. Yeah. Because right around when we started the podcast, you and your girlfriend broke up and like all of your stuff

got moved out. So it was very echoey. So your apartment was very empty and echoey. Yeah. She said she, quote, didn't want to be with a podcaster.

Right. And now it's like this huge awesome profession. I'm sure she would fucking come crawling back. Is it an awesome profession? To speak truth to power? I think so.

We're poet laureates, basically. I'm the Langston Hughes of iTunes. Play that theme song again. Oh, the mom I'm coming on? Upgrade yourself. Me huddled over a fucking greasy laptop. Upgrade yourself. It's not even my song.

We can't even take credit. We just sampled your bad voice. Here's another quick update, an email that we got about Ivy League emails, which we brought up the other day, like how people used to have.edu emails, what happens when you leave college. This guy, Logan, writes, to answer your question about edu emails, it varies by school. Some schools, like mine, allow you to keep your email indefinitely. Some schools give you a special alumni email address, like Yale. I bet I could get a Yale alumni email address. That would be really cool.

My mom worked in the admissions office. So what would it be? We have powerful friends at that Ivy. So it'd be like jakeatalumni.yale.edu. Yeah. How dope is that? That's pretty fucking cool if that comes from me. And faculty and staff also have EDU emails. It comes with nice perks like you still get some

student discounts even though you're out of school. And you can still sign up for classes online using.edu. I see. So you can, if you want to take, is that a perk? It's a perk if you want it to like, oh, a free college level course. Oh, I see. I see. I don't know.

I guess I kind of like education. But for you, it's sort of like to be bad or something uh i think you don't like education at all so you get the yale alumni email address from your mom and i'll fucking audit an art history course that's cool and it will be a zoom that right. And I'll take the midterm and I'll get a fucking GPA. And I'll get a credit card slash report card from Yale. And a J.Crew discount. Because I'm a student. And actually, can I get a movie half off because I went to Yale once or at the very least my mom worked there.

Go Bulldogs. So that's the update on the email address. Good. Thank you. Okay. Let's take another break. Answer some more questions on the other side the email address. Good. Thank you. Okay. Let's take another break. Answer some more questions on the other side of these messages. Yes.

Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. so if you've been talking about the

ads somewhere else online now is your chance to make your voice heard folks take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes.

So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah.

But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky tuesday so that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change but ultimately it's not a full body swap right mostly you're just concussed yeah which is new it's kind of like having a new personality yeah it's funny i consider myself a vision lifter which is why i recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com visionlifters? yeah visionlifters with a z and not where you think

and it's not biz with a z so if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, just use that

coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy.

Thank you, Squarespace. And we are back. Here's an interesting one about trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we are back. Here's an interesting one about names. Oh. People sort of think that we're experts in naming stuff. We often talk about naming things, your future child, Ragnar. Yeah, we nailed that name. Yeah. Jill's not on board, but that's fine. It's a small hurdle. She'll get there. I want to preface this with the fact that you've answered my wife's question on your show before about what we should do on our honeymoon in New York. Oh, nice. So I'd like to think that you're both important to be involved with another stage of our lives.

We've just started discussing children names throughout our 10-year relationship and have had some fun discussions about what they could be. Love it. For some reason, I landed on the name Luther and thought it would be so badass and could be a really neat boy's name. But my wife disagrees. I think she thinks it's fine and she has no problems with it in theory,

but she's afraid of potential nickname backlash. Feel free to say this on air, but their full name would be Luther Lou. So the first thing that comes to mind is Lulu. I think that's okay. I would hope we'd raise them in a way that they'd own it or not let them bother them. I think your guys' agreement would go a long way to convince my wife that Luther is an awesome, as awesome as I think it is. Jake, I figure you'd be on board because the name Ragnar is brilliant. And Amir,

to get you on my side, I will say that I've actually pitched Amir for our child's name in the past because I think the incongruity with how they will look will be kind of fun. FYI, my wife is a lithe white dime piece of a lady, and I'm a short nickel of an Asian man. I hope you guys agree with me. If not, then I'll just say it's been an absolute pleasure being on one of your guys' podcasts as a day one, and I look forward to at least one more day. Respect. Future father to Luther Liu. Ivan Liu.

Luther Ivan Liu? No, the guy's name is Ivan. Oh, I see. Okay. Okay. First of all, I'm a big fan, as I've said many times, of the alliteration in the name. The Hank Hurwitz of sorts. The Hank Hurwitz is what I wanted to name my son, and then my sister stole it away from me.

Although you can have the same name as your cousin. Yeah, that's true. But it's kind of, I mean, it's a little strange. You don't want to have that conversation with your sister. Yeah. Good news, I'm also having a Henry. I wouldn't want to take that from my nephew. Another Henry.

I love him. Okay, so Luther. Although, what's his last name? that from my nephew, you know? Another Henry. I love him. Okay. So Luther- Although what's his last name? Goldstein. Different. Different. Yeah.

His name should be Gary. I don't mind Henry Goldstein for you either. HG is pretty cool. Head gum. There we go. Wow. I like the double L. Here's what I would say about Luther.

To me, it conjures Lex Luthor, a villain. Yeah, yeah. There's something, it is badass, but there's something a little bit dark about a Luther. It's like a Lucifer. Yes, exactly. That's why I think I don't like it because it seems very like biblical in a Christian way. So it doesn't spark joy to me. I didn't know that was.

I guess that's Luke and also the Lex Luthor. Oh, Lutheran. Yeah. That's another. I mean, I like Lucas Lou. That's pretty cool. Oh, that's cool. K-A-S or C-A-S?

I was picturing C-A-S, but I think either way works. Lucas Lou. I will also say that I like Lulu a lot. Like Lulu as a name? Yeah. No, as a nickname. Yeah. Yeah.

Like Lucas Lou called Lulu. That's fun a name? No, as a nickname. Yeah. Yeah. Like Lucas Lou called Lou Lou. That's fun. Yeah. I like that too. I like that too Lou. What about middle name? Louis Lou? Yeah.

And then he can go, he can work at Lou Lou Lemon. The triple L? Oh, well the middle initial should be O because then it's LOL. And that'll sort of still be prevalent when he's 18. Yeah. You do it for the lols. Everything I do, I do it for the lols and that's sort of still be prevalent when he's 18 yeah it's cool you do it for the lulz everything i do i do it for the lulz and that's for your son that's really good yeah lucas oliver lou yeah lucas lou i think we nailed it okay so i guess uh luther was an awesome start ivan yeah and we appreciate and i'm gonna let. Yeah. But ultimately at the end of the day, it's going to be a Lucas for us dog. You could also go Lennox Lou.

And then you, the nickname is Leeloo. Leeloo? Yeah. Because L-E-E-L-U. What's Leeloo? I don't know. It's just another fun way. Lulu, Lolu.

Leeloo. Yeah. Or it can also be like, like completely off the beaten path. Totally unapropos. Dennis. It's a mix of Dennis and Dan. I was going to say Lenny or Leonard. Yeah.

I was going to say Dennis. No, you did say Dennis. Wasn't that the, for Mean Streeters podcast, Dennis and Dennis? Was it? Yeah. Do you guys ever Release that I forget

I think we released it But it was like Before we had a podcast Yeah it was like In 2010 We did a fake podcast Called Everything Nothing Yeah

And you guys just waxed Full episodes Like an hour long Yeah Where you just like Talked about nothing If it's really good It would like live

In some sort of Cool lore It's like Did you hear Like they made A podcast in 2009 it's really good it would like live in some sort of cool lore it's like did you hear like they made a podcast in 20 2009 it's really funny they never released it or something another funny podcast that you made was that we never released that i think we should make is the one where you clone yourself yeah that was much more recent yeah i have them. Everything, nothing. Holy shit. How long are they? It's a 2013.

They're, oh my God, there's 15 of them. 15? Yeah. Holy shit. Play one. Just go to the middle really quick. I'm afraid. It's terrible slash illegal.

All right, here's one call. There was like a storyline. It was basically like me and Streeter were playing like radio lab style like yeah culturistas but like at a certain point i forgot what the bit was but like streeter was either like marrying his cousin or like had to move in with me or something like that this one's called they're also 13 minutes each. Oh, 13. I thought they were so long. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Kadouche to everything. All right, I'm already slowly ashamed,

but I'll listen to that one. Kadouche. We made a new way to say hi. I love it. Will you send them to me? I want to listen to them on my car ride today. I really thought we made like two or three, but yeah, there's 403, 404, 406. Oh, there's only some of them, but they go to 415.

Wow. I should send this to Streeter and Thrent to sue them. Yeah, Everything Nothing, episode one, two, three. Holy sheesh kebabs. Wow. All right, sweet. Thanks for that walk down memory lane. 10-minute webisodes of a podcast that existed in character before if I were you.

Wow. We really should release those. Kadush. Kadush. Kadush. And it's all because you said Danis. Do you think that was wedged in your brain for a decade? It must have been. It had to have been. All right. Thank you to Ivan. Thank you to future Lucas, Lou. Thanks to you guys for watching. Thanks to you guys for watching. Thanks to you guys for listening.

You can send us all that stuff between email questions, theme songs you have, everything to ifireashow at gmail.com. Yeah. We're also still making videos on our Patreon. We watch Jake and Amir episodes. Indeed. And now we're going to start listening to everything, nothing. And that's at patreon.com slash JA.

Ja. Let's end this with that classic hit that was a little hard to hear, but ultimately joyful to listen to. Go Upgrade Yourself by Matt Pope. Go upgrade yourself. See you guys soon. If I just lay down some vocals, it'll be easy for him to like turn that into a theme song. Go upgrade yourself.

Have it to your own. You can be up there. Leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself. Have it to your own. You can be up there. Leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself. Have it to your own.

You can be up there and leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself. Have it to your own. You can be up there and leave me back here on the floor. Go upgrade yourself Get on out of your seat And go give Amir the dirty Give Amir the dirty

Get on out of your seat And go give Amir the dirty Give Am're the dirty Give up, you're the dirty Get on out of your sleep And go give up, you're the dirty Give up, you're the dirty Get on out of your sleep And go give up, you're the dirty

You're the dirty You're the champion of your soul You're the champion of your soul Get out of your seat And go get out of your soul So upgrade yourself On the other side of heart And I can't On the other side of heart

And I can't On the other side of Experience It's all been done And I can't park my car other side of the experience. It's all been done. I can't park my car. That was a Hiddem original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast. We're here to help.

But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bedsheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed. Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com.

Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.