Segments - 548: Fate on Shuffle

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

In this episode we discuss making music, sweating at home, and overnight spas. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Rolls and rolls of lockers Classrooms full of jocks

The preppies all wear dockers The lockers all have locks Homeroom starts at 8am I smile cause I know I'll see you then You can copy my homework I think it's mostly wrong Freshman year I met you And copy my homework, I think it's mostly wrong. Freshman year I met you.

Sophomore year I bet you never thought of me. Junior year, but it's finally June, yeah. And senior year, it's almost here. I'll hold you close and keep you near Yeah One more summer before we go Before we go away One true stoner, don't you know I wish we could stay

Cause now that your boyfriend graduated I guess he's a freshman all over again So happy birthday, so belated Maybe now we can be more than friends We rule this school,, let's go Hornets Let's hold a pep rally for your heart JV losers, varsity lovers I knew I liked you from the start

Freshman year I met you Sophomore year I bet you Never thought of me Junior year, but it's finally June, yeah And senior year It's almost here Would you like me if I pierce my ears? Yeah

One more summer before we go Before we go, before we go away One true stunner, don't you know I wish we could stay guitar solo I'm Shout out to Fade On Shuffle with their new hit single, One True Stunner. That was Jake Hurwitz out there for all you. That was you singing? That was that was gareth o'connor the one that's saying instruments gareth did the instruments and you like arranged the

instruments he did the mixing the mastering he did the writing he did the composure of the song he finalized the product. But if you liked the lyrics, then I wrote those. I wrote the lyrics. Wow. So, yeah. Yeah. What did you say?

It's freshman year I met you. Sophomore year I bet you. I bet you. Never thought of me. Never thought of me. Junior year. junior year but it's finally june yeah oh june yeah like the month june junior and june yeah yeah yep senior year but it's finally here yeah yeah senior year it's it's almost here um and then there's one that says uh hold you close and keep you near and the other one that says uh i'll hold you close and keep you near and the other one that says uh would you like me if i pierced my ear yeah that's sort of

the crux of the whole thing isn't it it's like i'm down to do whatever it takes i like you do you like me and is there anything i can change about my personality or person that would get us there wow your first single with gareth yeah and i don't want to jinx anything but there's plenty more where that came from so how long did it take you to write that for me to write that it wasn't it it was, you know, I think over the course of, you know, the entire time of writing it, several hours. Oh, a while. Yeah. After, I think after the first time we talked about it, I wrote down, I jotted down some thoughts, starters, some notes. Then I came back to it.

Then I believe Gareth DM'd me. And it made me go back to it again. um then i believe gareth dm'd me um and it may have already written a theme song yeah he i think he wrote a theme song and he like dm'd me about it was like you should i think you'll like it in particular so then i was chatting with him i and then he told me he was down to do this experiment wherein i write the lyrics and he does everything yeah so i was like that made me go back to it i think i spent another all into all in at that point i think i'd spent maybe like an hour and a half and then gareth uh like sent me kind of like he worked really fast he basically sent me a cut and it was so good that i was like all right i really need to like make the lyrics better so then i think i spent another hour or two do you remember

what tuning what did you update lyrics wise do you remember like what you didn't like and what you changed um let me see i know i think the first the very first pass uh had the opening line, Rosen Rosen blockers, classrooms full of jock. That one is always there. And then the one I sent him only went up to sophomore year. I bet you never thought of me. I think I couldn't crack the other half of that.

Oh, interesting. And then I also had, now that your boyfriend graduated now he's a freshman all over again so happy birthday so belated which i really like because it's just completely nonsensical punk sounding happy birthday so belated what are you throwing that in for because her birthday wasn't like it it wasn't until october so it's like now that i'm like making my move i guess i should also say happy birthday.

Because I knew you had one and I was too afraid to say anything at the time. I thought you were going to say, so happy birthday to you, Kevin. Like, yeah, sorry, buddy. Happy birthday. But I'm here with your girl if she wants me to pierce my ears. That would also work. That would actually also work. And then the chorus was

actually the same one more summer before we go uh one true stunner uh so yeah that was that was all kind of the same i think i added i added more lyrics after um you could tell that gareth is irish the yeah when he's a stunner right big time when he says uh one of my favorite lines is uh we rule this school now let's go hornets hornets let's hold a pep rally for your heart yeah that's good but he says heart for your heart yeah you think they have pep rallies in irelander he just sort of had to assume no when he was dming me he was like can you explain to me what like they don't have a freshman sophomore junior and senior year oh right it's like so he like basically he did all of this without even really understanding the intricacies of american high school which is

and what would you say is a hermit we don't have any bees over here no we don't have any flies at all do your high schools have mascots or is that just a thing we did here or do you just say saint peter's and everyone knows what they mean by that yeah so when we're talking about second, third songs, any themes that we can tip that you can say, oh, there's another one about this, that or the other? Yeah, I'll actually I'll give you I'll give the folks at home a little a little rundown. I have two two things that I'm trying to work on. One, that's kind of like superlative based. So here's what I have so far. Just one line that says,

most likely to succeed at breaking my heart. Nice. Yeah. And then either the chorus or the pre-chorus will start, guess I'm the class clown. Funny how I never get to fool around. Because that's like, I make people laugh, but I'm not hooking up with anybody yeah exactly right that's good exactly right yeah and that's the one that's sort of percolating yeah that's one that's percolating and then I also have like another line that I think is really dumb uh

which is you're the perfect 10 9 8 7 6 5 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 that makes my heart blast off. So it's kind of like it's a rating couched in a countdown, couched in a one for me type scenario. That's cool. Yeah. So those are my two that I'm working on now. But yeah, I should say you guys can follow Fate on Shuffle

if I did this right on spotify is it on spotify right now i don't know it's not it takes five days i uploaded everything i uploaded everything today um so you should have a sound cloud drop your sound clown i should have a sound cloud because that's I think you could just instantly almost like YouTube okay so maybe well I think this I straight up had to sign up for like a distribution

thing because that's the only way to get your music on Spotify so it might put it on SoundCloud also and when you imagine touring you and Gareth do you think that you're on stage with him? Or it's sort of you're like the behind the scenes kind of guy?

Yeah. Because nobody needs to see you writing, right? Right. In some instances, I feel, I guess I would be on stage. I think for me, ideally, i'm on stage playing rhythm guitar you know so i'm sort of like there and available and uh can be part of the show backup vocals but i can't really sing so i'd have to turn my mic way down so people wouldn't actually hear me so i think so on stage but you almost have like

a dummy instrument and a yeah a mic that's not plugged in right so i have a guitar that's not plugged in a mic that's not plugged in then there's actual backup singers and other um guitarists so it seems more like i'm playing and not totally like i'm just fucking around but that's that's the vibe i sent you the album art that i made yeah let me share the screen so for those of you watching along on our youtube we are you know simulcasting these now so you can watch us as well as listen to us thank you so i couldn't i couldn't make my band without i'm sharing my album art yeah you can see that right yeah so it's lockers lock did you did you make them red like this or was this the photo

that you found that was the photo that was just on unsplash that's a royalty-free image that i i searched for high school and got it that came up and it felt right and the uh the text over it did you do that as well yeah i originally i just did like kind of block white font and i showed it to micah and he said that i should make it kind of like graffiti so it looked like it was sprayed on the on the lockers oh that's if i was really good at photoshop i would like actually have it you know truly like that yeah but that's as close as i could get and i only had a few minutes and this is cover art for the band or the album the single and i guess the album because

i don't know i don't know anymore man this is our debut album so i think this is the cover art for the whole album and the album doesn't have a name yeah this is the this is cover art so i guess technically be cover art for the band because this album is unnamed it's only a single right now so i don't think it needs an album cover yeah fate on shuffle fate on shuffle that's right wow are you like what's your what is your um opinion of this whole thing i'm curious to know because then i did it all for you in a way what there's no way you wrote this song for me. This is about you. No, it's not. No way. Freshman year, I met you. We didn't know each other in high school.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you like it or not? It's good. The song is catchy in a great way. The instrument sounds like a straight up real punk song that I have listened to in the past, but I didn't remember something like that yeah he's really he's really nailed the genre for sure yeah i wonder how often that happens the

where it's like one guy does everything like that's there's no bands like that right well i think the reason i am familiar with this is that i think this is how fallout boy operates or used to operate like pete wentz would write all of the lyrics and then Patrick Stump did everything else. Oh, interesting. Including like figuring out how to sing the lyrics so they all made sense. Yeah.

But then there's like touring drummers because this guy Gareth can't do it all live. He had to like record it all separately. Yeah, but I think a lot of bands have like, you know, the main songwriter who basically does everything. And Kid Rock used to, to i think compose all of his stuff in the studio so there's a lot of bands that do that but then when you tour it's a different beast wow so yeah that's why they'd have to give me at least the second rhythm guitar on the road

i wonder if there's a world where you can uh lend your vocals to some of them. Because it's not, it's never just one guy singing, don't they? It's like Tom and also Mark. Yeah, I would really like to, but I think I'm probably bad enough at singing that it wouldn't, I don't even think Gareth could make it sound good. But that said, G-Money, buddy, if you think that I can send you raw vocals and you can make it work, then I'll really happily do that.

You know what you could do is sing that song verbatim, and then he can always add your lines over him. Like sometimes it's like two people singing at once. Yeah, right. And if I'm singing under him, then it might just like add a little boost and it won't sound quite as bad. Right. Definitely.

I was like talking with Jill and Micah about some different punk genres and the everyone singing the chorus together is definitely like, yeah, that's a punk genre. I want to get better, better, better, better, yeah. Right. I am the one who will fight for your honor yeah that was newfound glory right yeah newfound glory i think it's a cover i mean it definitely is yeah yeah glory of love right

and then there's like not even instruments during that part yeah there's a lot of there's a lot to to unearth when it comes to this punk stuff i wonder excited i wonder if gareth grew up listening to this or he's just a musical savant where he's like, yeah, I can do any genre you want. I think he likes punk. I'm sure that he grew up at least listening to some like us. And I don't think he currently makes punk music.

He said he's an actor, improviser, and musician. He lives in London now. Oh, that's cool. So I think he speaks the language of punk, but I don't think he's a punk rock musician necessarily did you meet him in london no i only met him a few weeks ago on instagram but from like i'll definitely hang out with him next time because we'll probably have a live show at fucking o2 shepherd's bush or something at the very least a studio sesh let's just get into the

fucking recording studio for a week a jam band get back style and just fart out a full album in a week and a half it shouldn't be that hard i feel like i could write like 12 songs on the plane because that's the easiest shit you know yeah are they all high school themed um i think they're not gonna all be directly high school themed though the second one that i'm writing currently is yeah i do think they're all whiny little shithead themed yeah i i because i that's the one i can tap back into when i'm writing it's like when i was 17 and actually writing songs in my basement it was mostly about how uh girls didn't like me and oh that's right you were quote-unquote in a band at this age weren't you not yeah when i was i i don't know if i think i was set i was six i was younger when i was in

quote-unquote the band i think it was like 16 and did you guys write and perform songs like do you have a actual lyrics you can just dust off and turn into a new song uh yeah remember the song i think i played it for you once me me and eddie's song pretty pleased do you remember that one vaguely yeah but that's like a full song that's written and everything yeah full full song but i couldn't take that song away from eddie i'm sure he'd be honored to have it digitally remastered by the master what was pretty pleased about um pretty pleased i it was a it was about going away to college and breaking up with somebody yeah see you're already sitting on a treasure trove right i think the chorus was oh no i don't want to go um i'm happy here can't i just stay

home pretty please i don't want to leave. I'm happy here. Why can't you see? That's exactly what it was. Yeah. It really just fell out of me. Did you record it? At the time, yeah. I had like a little four track recorder.

It exists nowhere now. Gone forever. Only for Gareth to unearth. Eddie probably has a video of us like performing it when we were in our 20s when he was like visiting new york we used we used to just like play it on the acoustic guitar when he'd come to visit cohen was also in a band you guys could totally just make a band of other people's old bandmates yeah cohen didn't he like played some shows didn't he yeah bass or guitar i think he played bass in a battle of the? Yeah. Did he play bass or guitar?

I think he played bass in a battle of the bands. His band was called Running On Empty, and it was also the same thing, pop punk from teenagers. Running On Empty is a good name. You just need a drummer. Do you know any drummer? Wasn't Streeter a drummer? Streeter's a drummer.

Yeah. Emily Axford is also a drummer. The band's back together. Yeah, but the hard part is also a drummer. The band's back together. Yeah, but I mean, the hard part is writing the lyrics. That's the one thing you did. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's exactly what you did.

You called it the hard part. Throw Fate on Shuffle, a follow on Spotify. Start streaming that song on repeat and don't let it shuffle nice that's how me and gareth are gonna make bank for our next album and for our tour you're gonna want to go on tour that's the fun part where you're fucking doing shows yeah do do do do do do do do do do do yeah yeah all right to find some fucking other songs quick you already know the venues from your live podcasting exactly exactly you can almost like finagle your way it's like okay this is a dnd show so we'll sell out the show and also fade on shuffle is opening we'll open yeah that's right but fade on shuffle will play for two hours and then i'll come out as hard one in cosplay roll a single d20 get a nat one and

get booed off stage yeah because everyone's there sort of to see the band of boobs and they won't be there exactly all right this is a fire you the only advice pod on the web hosted by a songwriter an official songwriter that's right and me sort of an ideas man behind the behind the scenes yeah it was your concept it was your concept you said you yeah yeah you said like senior the girlfriend the girl's boyfriend is a senior and he's graduating. He's a freshman. And that made it into the final cut. That's a straight up lyric.

Okay. Can I give you some more starting points? Yeah. Taking the SATs hungover. Oh, that's good. That's what all the cool kids said. Like, oh, I don't even know what I got. Like I was so hungover when I was taking my SATs.

Right. Hungover SATs. Okay. Being afraid to smoke weed at a party because you might get expelled. So it's like all the cool kids are getting high and you're like, I don't really want to. And then the girl's like, whoa, who's that guy? He's not giving into peer pressure. Sort of like nerd fantasy.

Love that. Related to the one you already wrote okay cool those are two great ideas um then uh tutoring a hot girl sort of like you're uh you're a senior and the the hot girl is a junior and you're uh her mom is friends with your mom and you're tutoring her and you're nervous as shit. Did this happen to you? No, it just seems like a sticky situation predicament. That's ripe for music.

And you don't want to do her homework, but at the same time, you would gladly do her homework just so that she kisses you on the cheek and then goes to a party with her friends. That could be one of those shots. I assume you're going to make these into music videos. We have to. Absolutely.

Me playing a high schooler. Pen 15 style. Everyone else is actually in high school. Yeah. Okay, let's take a break and answer some questions because there are real people out there who are stuck in their dilemmas. That is correct. And we have to do our best to help them out.

That's right. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop.

Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday.

So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. It's funny, I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz, with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments.

You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial enjoy thank you squarespace quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love exactly it's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey.

That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's gum.fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I don't know if you guys know this, but life can be low-key stressful or anxious at times. I know. I was surprised too. I couldn't believe it. But I turned 40 and I'm like, you know what? Nothing is necessarily easy ever. And talking to a licensed therapist is actually the best way to

navigate that. Because in high school, you learn like calculus, but then you don't really know what to do if you're sad. Like they'll teach you geometry, but like, how do I act if my stomach hurts all the time, because I'm really nervous about something and I can't quite pinpoint it. Well, you can finally figure that stuff out by talking to a licensed therapist. And the best way to find a therapist is by using BetterHelp. You just sign on to their website, you fill out a questionnaire, and then you get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. And it's entirely online, so you don't have to drive anywhere, wait in a waiting room, be in the room with someone if that makes you a little scared or tentative.

You can do it entirely online, so it's very convenient, be in the room with someone. If that makes you a little scared or tentative, you can do it entirely online. So it's very convenient, flexible, and yes, affordable. Now more than ever. So let therapy be your map towards happiness with BetterHelp. Just visit betterhelp.com slash if I were you today to get 10% off your first month. I mean, that sounds like a pretty good deal for mental health. That's betterhelp, H-E-L betterhelp.com slash if I were you support yourself while supporting the show, which is really supporting me. So I appreciate it. You'll appreciate it. Your friends and loved ones will appreciate it too. That's betterhelp.com slash if I were you. Thanks, BetterHelp. the podcast See The Thing Is for sponsoring this episode, a podcast hosted by Grammy award-winning R&B artist Bridget Kelly and media personality Mandy B. Every week, Bridget and Mandy offer grown, honest, and slightly toxic perspectives on all things music, pop culture, and of course,

love slash dating slash relationships. So if you have a hard time finding new music, or perhaps you're a millennial that misses life in the early 2000s, or you're interested in multiple perspectives on relationships and dating, check them out. See, The Thing Is is a podcast that allows space for a wide range of thoughts and emotions. They got awesome guests like Big Frito, Remy Ma, Chloe Bailey, and Nao, and more. So if you are in the market for a new podcast in your rotation, check them out.

It's called See The Thing Is. And we're back. All right, let's get straight into it. We got a lot of questions to get through. I'm ready. Here's one about an air conditioner dispute. Okay. Sometimes comes up in those Helix ads.

This is sort of thematically relevant. A couple who can't quite agree on the thermostat will call them AC, this person, AC. Got it. um ac this person ac got it my wife and aria in a heated battle about turning on the ac in our house our latest electricity bill skyrocketed from a hundred dollars to three hundred dollars and my wife blames it purely on me turning on the air conditioner i turn it on when i'm home for work because our house always gets hit from the sun so the house is around 89 degrees when i get home i keep it at 76 degrees which i think is a modest temperature i'm a firm believer that it's cheaper to have it on at all times so it has to

cool down a degree or two instead of 20 degrees she she was fine at first leaving it on in the afternoon but i would forget to turn it off when i left for work at times when she would turn it off proceeds to complain to me about forgetting to turn it off, and now that the bill is so high, she refuses to turn it on. The house is a fucking sauna, and I can't stand it. I've been trying to sleep with a fan on, but it just blows the hot air that's already trapped inside. I have a two-story home, so the heat is even worse upstairs.

To make matters worse, my wife seems to not mind the hot the house being that hot she continues to say it isn't that bad when i tell her i'm dying i resorted to turning an ac on so she's when after she passes out and turn it back uh on before she gets up but she caught me and complained about how i'm overreacting that i shouldn't turn it on i have a crap old thermostat so i can't program it should i just try to convince her have a crap old thermostat, so I can't program it. Should I just try to convince her to get a smart thermostat? Would that help? Please, advice, anything, help, thanks.

I mean, I think the smart thermostat would definitely help. You can, my house is on a smart thermostat. I leave it on eco mode. But even eco mode, you give it a temperature and it just constantly keeps it in that range. Yeah. But you can also set it as a way. So it's like I'm gone. And while I'm gone, the house can get it up to this hot and it should never get below this cold.

So like your AC and your heat isn't, it's not kicking on unless it needs to, you know? Yeah. Are you, are you heating or cooling the house when you're like out of town or you're just like it can go up to 90 when i'm not there no big deal um it's a good question we have only lived in here since the end of last august so i haven't actually had to deal with it but i think i would probably err on the side of not letting it get to 90. I think that's too hot. Yeah, I wonder if that's bad for the house itself.

Like even though there's nobody in it, I wonder if there's anything bad for plants and or furniture for a house to get that hot. Yeah, I mean, it would appear so. I would think so. I'll just say yes. Did you ever live without an air conditioner? Yeah. I think when I moved to New York, I didn't have an air conditioner in my room in the place that I lived at with Cohen and Rosie.

And I just kept the window open until like one one summer it got so hot that i like got an air conditioner from the street yeah i remember that's like a rite of passage in new york like installing your first ac wall unit when you're like yeah this is because it doesn't even get the problem with the east coast is that it doesn't even cool off at night so like it'll get down to like 92 still overnight so it's's like, yeah, you really have to shower and then fall asleep naked and wet and hope to God that you don't start sweating in the middle of the night.

Yeah, it's too hot. The air is heavy and still, no breeze. Yes. I remember like installing an AC and then moving to my next place and being like, I don't want to move this AC. Like this next place actually has an air conditioner already. Like constantly when you're moving into a new place, like a tenant is going to leave their air conditioner because nobody wants

to fucking walk down the street with it yeah it's it's a heavy box that you have to screw into a window it seems very dangerous it's like i hope you install it right otherwise this 75 pound mini fridge is falling out from 21 you know stories tall they kill, for sure. In LA, our first Airbnb did not have air conditioner. I don't know if you remember that. That's right. I remember it very well. It would get very hot. I had a fan in the room, and it was a solarium.

It was just a huge glass room at the back of the house where the sun sat all day, and that was where we recorded the podcast. It would literally, I think, get above 100 degrees in it because it was a glass on all three walls, and it would trap like an Easy-Bake oven. It was a greenhouse. You couldn't even enter the room. It was too hot. And that just like—it was like a fireplace for the rest of the house.

It made the whole entire house insanely hot. Right. It would just leak out. You could not keep the house cool. And that house needed an air conditioner more than any other house I've ever been in and did not have one. Yeah. In my house now, I have all of the little mini split AC units. And I can control them all individually. And they really work.

There is a point of pride. I know some adults, they're like, we don't have an AC. We just use fans. And they're just like, we get fucking get used to it and it's like well i can't i don't want to live like that yeah the fan plus it being too hot is a very like specific sensation that i had like as a kid growing up yeah i haven't really felt that at night my we never had ac growing up we all we also used fans and there is something like nostalgic and nice about like a cool summer night where the fan is blowing you got the white noise you got the breeze it's really lovely the street noise the cicadas out there hell yeah but with the whole

global warming thing it's um it's really it's really hot it's not that comfortable it's too hot and it seems like most couples are split down the not that comfortable it's too hot and it seems like most couples are split down the middle you have one that runs hot and runs one that runs cold yeah what what's the um what where's your thermostat at when you're going to bed i run cold so like i don't need it to be very cold i'm okay being a little warm avital runs hot she prefers it to be cold she's like the guy in this question uh we usually keep it around in the lower 70s like 71 to 73 yeah but it also i keep it at a six between 66 and 69 that's so and i don't know if it's the same everywhere like when it's 69 degrees out it feels like nice and pleasant when it's 69 in my house it feels like i'm inside of a refrigerator it's so frigid i don't know if it's

just like yeah the way indoor air is versus outdoor or the size of the house versus what well i think because it's it should be standardized it's blowing it on you so it's circulating that cold air which i think makes it feel a little colder. Yeah, like if I set my thermostat to 69 and just leave it, I would be very, very, I would like have to wear a sweatshirt indoors. Right. Well, that's what I only do it when it's bedtime. I'm under the covers. Yeah. And it helps, I think it helps you sleep better.

Yeah. I know that it does. You are supposed to, but that means your AC is on most of the night, right? Yeah, the entire night. But again, I have those split systems. So that's only operating in my bedroom. The rest of the house, right? Yeah, the entire night. But again, I have those split systems. So that's only operating in my bedroom. The rest of the house, no AC. Energy efficient.

Electric bill is very, very low. Yeah. So what can you possibly tell your loved one? I mean, you can pay for the whole AC. I don't know if they're split in costs or whatever, but it's like whatever it costs. Like if he's like, I don't care if it's an extra $200, I can't live the other AC. I don't know if they're splitting costs or whatever, but it's like whatever it costs. Like if he's like, I don't care if it's an extra $200,

I can't live the other way. Right. So you can cover the cost. I think that introducing the smart thermostat is good because it injects a new argument into the debate here. Just being like, I'm too hot. It's fine.

I'm too hot. It's fine. I'm using the AC anyway. Don't. Like you coming to the table with a new idea, being like i'm too hot it's fine i'm too hot it's fine i'm using the ac anyway don't like you coming to the table with a new idea it's like how about i get this smart thermostat we'll be able to control it from our phone so i won't if i forget to turn it off i can turn it off from work um we'll use the eco mode we'll use the away feature we'll set a schedule. And then it's like, that'll save us money ultimately. And if it doesn't, then we'll switch back or we'll look at it again.

All right. Yeah. The Nest thermostat came with my house and it's a kind of a game changer being able to like turn on your AC from anywhere in the world. Yeah. I was resistant to, I wanted to make my house a dumb house and just like, you know, not have an app that does everything. But I've made the house mildly smart and like being able to check on the temperature, being able to control all of the ACs, being able to like look at the ring and see what's going on outside. It is really nice.

Do you have a keyless entry? No keyless entry. I'm going old school on the key my house in la had the keyless entry which i did which i did like but now i'm a little too worried about the security i don't want too many people knowing the codes i don't want to get out that's cool retina scan entry so they it has to be your dna something like that that's cool yeah it just doesn't really help this guy at all i'm just sort of right trying to think about how to outfit your place to be super secure but at the same time your i have access with the security system to the uh how how would i be able i don't want you to be part of the equation i wonder if i get into your neighbor's house if i can jump that fence.

Would you know that I'm back there sort of traipsing around in your yard? Yeah, I have the camera in the back of the house as well. Camera, but would it be tripped with the motion activated or is it just sort of? Yes, exactly. Yes. Yes, it is. But you can't actually have it go off every time a squirrel scurries about. It certainly does. It certainly does.

Okay, at a certain point you have to turn off the motion sensor and i feel like i can i don't begin sort of i don't traipsing around back there uprooting certain i feel like now knowing what your end goal is i'm going to be less likely to turn off the motion sensor right because you're hoping that i'll get get bored with it and then you can what did you say traipse yeah like uproot certain things and sort of that's more than little veggies that's trespassing yeah trespassing traipse passing uprooting herbs like if you if you like plant like a basil bush i'm sort of yeah eating them like little you're there yeah yeah little bugs that sort of get to your crops i want to be little worms on the leaves basically so you can't tell them there i'd be upset if that happened right but all right at the same time you wouldn't be able to stop it. Yes, it would. There's also a very quantifiable compromise.

Usually fights don't come down to specific numbers like this. You're like, you want 76, I want 84, let's meet in the middle, 80. It's like you get an exact amount. It's so hot still. It's like the AC is running, it should be at least cooling you below 75. I once got into, I don't know if I talked to this on the podcast before. There was an argument that I got with Avital and then two of her, actually two of our friends, Sean Perlman and his girlfriend.

The air conditioner was running. And Avital's like, can we make it colder in here? And it was set to like 71 and the house was 73. So it was cooling to 71. And I said, no, we can't make it colder. The AC is either on or off. There's no like make it colder setting. It's just would be on for longer. And then they've got mad at me. It's like, yes, you can make it it colder you could set it to 67 instead of 71 and i said sure but that wouldn't make it colder right now it would just continue to have it on let's get it down to 69 and see if you still want it on do you see the do you see yeah the debate that i was having then why they would get sort of upset with me or are you sort of on my side i'm on i'm on your side yes will you let them know

because they still sort of bring it thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats i want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy.

That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have... You're a fan of gambling. Yes, of course. You're a fan of gambling in general. Yes, and I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely,

because I do know a lot, like, do you know what a nickelback does in a cover two defense? Or like, do you know what a play action passes? Like, these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't. I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah. Running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn.

I think you should download the D kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that simple and for all first time pick six players check this out new customers play five dollars on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code segments. That's code segments for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours.

There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut. Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick 6 is not available everywhere,

including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos.

There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a mcchicken then get a small fry a small drink and a four-piece mcnuggets that's a lot of mcdonald's for not a lot of money price and participation may vary for a limited time only it up did you did you know we can't make it colder and then at a certain point the ac did and they're like, you said you couldn't make it colder. I was like, yeah, at the time, you couldn't make it colder. The AC was just on.

And now that it's 71, it feels fine in here. Do you want it still, a colder still? And of course they did, because they didn't want me to be correcting that time and place. Would you say you can make it colder? No, I don't think you can actually make it's not like colder air is blowing in yeah no it's blowing the cold air in the coldest i don't think i don't think that it's like blowing in 71 degree air and then 69 degree air correct yes but they were like yes you can make it colder just set it to 67 instead of 70 or whatever hmm i mean that might be the case i have no idea i'm just going on my gut yeah same i just assume it's it's like 50 degree air and it'll stop when it hits the temperature desired temperature

right that makes sense but if it's already on let's not make a decision now to make it colder i like it because like even if they're right it doesn't matter or if you're right it doesn't you could have just like let them think that they were right but you wouldn't have that no god no i would never yeah because then i'm not smarter slash holier than thou's. We don't even know if it's correct, though. It's got to be, right? Air conditioners can't... Like, if you set your AC to 50 versus 70, if it's 80 degrees in the house,

it'll blow the same cold air and the same amount, I would assume. Okay, so survivesummer.com says, no turning your thermostat lower doesn't make the air colder. Right, which seems kind of counterintuitive, right? It's like, yeah, it almost depends on what your definition of colder is like your home air conditioner won't blow colder if you turn down the thermostat it only turns the air on and off cranking down the ac will only raise your electric bill right which is what i was trying to argue anyway tweet at me and let me know that i was right if you disagree i don't want to hear about it uh let's take another break. Thank another sponsor. Come back and answer another question.

Thank you to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show. How'd you like to have the best night's sleep of your life? Nothing more important than good sleep. And if you're on a really old mattress, it might be time to upgrade. And there's no better time because Helix is one of the best mattresses in the world. And they're offering our listeners a coupon code. So you can get a great mattress for an affordable price. ASAP. They have 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe Collection and Helix Elite Collection, a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers. So all you got to do is go there,

you fill out a quick quiz, and you basically say, this is how I sleep, this is what I'd prefer. And they match you and your sleep preferences with a perfect mattress that's designed just for the way you are. And there's models with memory foam layers to provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side. There's a more responsive foam to cradle your body for essential support and stomach for back and sleeping positions. Basically, they have everything you need regardless of how you sleep. And the best way to do it is to go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. So again, that's helixsleep.com slash if I were you, 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. So again, that's helixsleep.com slash if I were you, and they're offering 20% off their mattress orders.

And then they'll also throw in two free pillows. This is their best offer yet. It won't last long. So if your mattress is very old, dusty, and it's starting to cave in on itself, you're waking up and you don't feel very restored or your back hurts or your side hurts. Upgrade your shit with Helix. Better sleep starts now. Thank you, Helix. Thank you to Athletic Greens for sponsoring this episode of our program. I gave AG1 a try because I wanted to feel better, healthier, faster, stronger, and I didn't like taking pills and doing all that stuff. So AG1 is perfect for me because it's just this powder that you add to water. You could take it first thing in the morning, before or after a workout.

It tastes good. And in addition to it tasting good, it's giving you all these things you need, like 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food sourced ingredients of the highest quality that do give you a major benefit, like gut and mood support, boosted energy, and yes, even healthier looking skin, hair, and nails. People have been complimenting my nails left and right since I started taking AG1, and now I know why. It's probably because of the adaptogens. But even if it didn't make me feel so good, honestly, it just tastes good. So you're getting it in the mouth and then you're getting it throughout the rest of your body too. So it's a real win-win. And if you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of vitamin D. That's

important too because everybody's always low on vitamin D. I don't understand how that works. You get blood results and it's always, yeah, you're low on vitamin D, but everyone's low on vitamin D. Okay, so why don't you just expand the range of what's normal for vitamin D? If everybody's low on vitamin D, isn't that the new average? Anyway, you also get five free travel packs with your first purchase. So just go to athleticgreens.com slash if I were you. That's athleticgreens.com slash if I were you. That's athleticgreens.com slash if I were you to check them out. Treat your body right and add a fun, delicious thing to your daily routine. That's Athletic Greens. Thank you, athleticgreens.com slash if I were you.

And we're back. Yes. We have what is known as a silly, quote, low stakes question for you. Okay, let's hear it. My girlfriend and I started dating back in March of 2020. We met as co-workers at a job as engineers. I asked her out one week after I left my old job and started a new one, and then COVID struck. And during that time, we agreed it would be funny to not tell anyone we worked with that we were dating until we saw them in person together. This was back when we thought COVID would be over by the summer. Oops.

Fast forward till now, we're all vaccinated and planning a get together for all the people we used to work with. And now I'm worried they're going to think it's weird we never told them. Is it less awkward to give them a heads up ahead of time? Or should we go through with our long-awaited plan to bring it up in person? For the second, what do you think would be the least awkward way of bringing it up? We are very much in a silly predicament of our own making and would appreciate the advice. Hmm. Interesting.

So it's like, oh, you know those two people we used to work with when we were working together? Now they're dating, and we're here. Can you believe that? Yeah. Does he need to give them a heads up? I don't think so. I think that, like, it's just that it's happened in, like, you've been living with it in your head so long that it's starting to get weird. But I think that, that like everyone else will be

delighted and fine with the surprise they have not overthought it to the extent that you have yeah i'm showing up with lindsey because we actually are a unit we are a couple together yeah that's what he should say in the email so no weird looks randy i actually it's definitely weirder to to preface it. Hi, everybody. You'll notice a little something different when we arrive. I need to do a little expectation setting. We will be not with child, but with love.

You guys should make a shared email address for the event as well. Can you actually forward it to lindseyandjosh at gmail.com we're something of a duo dynamic or otherwise i'd hate for her to have her own email is all catch you at the party love lindsey's man aka her main chick hey guys a quick update lindsey has informed me that she's also planning on bringing her side piece welcome to the email thread matt if you need anything please email us at our joint joint chiefs of staff lindsey and me and matt at gmail.com hi josh again i have been blackballed and blue balled from the bedroom and this company how is that fair please please please still enjoy the barbecue whiskey's on me right randy lol hey guys josh again uh didn't realize randy had passed um i haven't been with

the company for long enough to know that he actually died of covid prayers up for randy tell matt i say what's up randy in peace so he can just show up on the day and they're holding hands and it's a fun reveal it's a fun you guys have a good positive relationship it'll be interesting it'll be nice i think it'll be fine yeah that happens sometimes in friend groups, I feel like. Like, oh, these friends are now together, and they're at the party debuting, whether you knew about it or not. Sometimes I feel like people, like, suspect these things, too. Like, I remember Susanna and Caldwell, they got together when they were, like, worked together at College Humor. And the way they announced it was they came to the Christmas party together. Oh, wow.

Everybody kind of like thought that maybe something was going on. Then they showed up holding hands and everyone was just like celebrating and happy for them. They debuted like a debutante. Exactly. They turned the entire Christmas event into a cotillion for them. That was their wedding. Susanna wearing white gloves and Caldwell in a tux with tails that's right they taught everybody how to use a salad fork and they did that day with one another

uh here's a real quickie ready yeah my girlfriend is at an overnight spa session with her ex our relationship is kind of new she dumped him so i assume she still had feelings sorry so i assume he still had feelings for her and for her birthday he apparently gave her an overnight stay at some place that would be a surprise which turned out to be a spa what though i i aired my concerns with the overnight trip but she spent half an hour telling me that there's nothing sexual or romantic i do trust her but not this dude so my question is what would be the best way to approach this without sounding like a jelly ass diva is it possible that they're just friends i dude i some it's god jealousy is so funny when like sometimes people write in and you know you're like you're overreacting there's no need to be jealous and then sometimes like this guy's underreacting i would say this is he should be much more scared slash livid slash annoyed

yeah i think if i don't even know what i would do if this were happening to me but i would want to like loop in a bunch of friends like oh yeah my ex or my my girlfriend wants to go on a spa weekend with her ex everyone raise your hand if that's good if that's normal to you well also these this person does not live in America, so maybe it's more a normal thing wherever the heck they're from. Maybe. But it's one thing to be friends with an ex, another to see an ex, another to stay in touch with an ex, and a very another thing to go on a getaway. I mean, it's a romantic getaway. It's a spa getaway.

It's a couple's massage. People hanging out in town. Yeah. away it's a spa getaway it's it's a couple's hanging out yeah it's it's you nude in a mud bath in a towel in a steam room getting touched and then going to bed with like rose petals on the sheets cucumbers on the eyes and yeah i don't know i don't know what to tell you this is uh it's uncouth it's a little uncouth yeah and it seems like you already did you voiced your concerns and she's saying it's not a big deal yeah so you said i guess like what you can always say is just like well it's a big deal to me

this is not a big deal and maybe you don't think that it's, you don't think that. This is how I feel. That is how you feel. And basically, she will do with that information what she will, and then you will have another decision to make. Are you the kind of guy that goes out with the kind of girl who goes on a vacation with her ex-boyfriend despite your reservations? I would say you don't want to be that guy. Yeah, some cool with that he wants to be yeah and maybe more power to them i think i'm i'm not a jealous guy i would give jill a lot of leeway without me being like upset over something but if she were to go on a vacation with an ex i i can't put my foot down she's her own person she will do what she wants but i think i would be like this is this is insane and i don't

know if i can abide i don't know if i can like it i really think i won't like it yeah just thinking about it and i'm not liking it already and it hasn't even happened yet right will you be able to have fun knowing i'm not liking it or is it the last straw is it the last straw weird paul on the entire event for you or you can also just let it happen once because it's still early in the relationship and see if it escalates or it's like yeah that was what if she goes and it's it was bad slash weird he made a move and it was like totally uncalled for right of course yeah like what if he makes a move on her and then she's like i didn't like that and now i feel maybe this whole

thing will bring them closer together yeah that's that's an interesting take but i would go ahead and say that like the other just you could also argue that like this will put a this will sour the rest of your relationship going forward because no matter how good it is, you'll always be like, but that one thing you did really rubbed me the wrong way. You know, you're perfect. Except you remember when you went on a spa weekend with your ex? Yeah. Did you guys hook up? It seemed like that was going to happen. That could be

a funny song that you write it's um remember that one thing you did or something right something you can't let go oh that's good can't let go that's very punk rocky yeah can't let go definitely because it also lots of these little turns of phrase yeah right exactly i can't let go not of you of that little thing you did back in the day you did right that little slight that little aggravation doing that thing you did to me when you went to a spa with your ex. Like you always did. Try and try to forget you, girl, but it's just so hard to did. Let us know how it goes. Yeah, keep us posted.

I can't wait to hear about the spa weekend. Definitely. All right, that's it. That's our time. Thank you for writing. Thank you for emailing questions or theme songs. Send them all down to ifireyoushow at gmail.com. Yes.

Let's hear that song again, shall we? Yeah. This is Fate on Shuffle with our song One True Stunner. That is a big thank you to Gareth O'Connor and an even bigger thank you to me, who didn't write the song, but wrote the song, if that makes sense. It doesn't. What do you mean? Like I wrote the lyrics. Right. Let's just hear the song. Yeah. What about every song?

The first four songs are different seasons. So one's your stunner. Then the second one's about a girl named Autumn. That's cool. Yeah. And how you fall in love. Yeah. That's good. Then wintery mix.

It's like a mix CD you made her over January or something. Winter, how could I win her? Yeah. And then spring is like whatever. Kind of like if you have like a little doink, you know, like those little doink-y springs and that's like cock. That's actually not bad. A coil. The moil left me with a coil circumcised like some curly fries the moil left me with a coil get on it gareth oh good stuff thank you uh gareth here it is fade on shuffle one true stunner

it's like a tj Rolls and rolls of lockers Classrooms full of jocks The preppies all wear dockers The lockers all have locks. Homeroom starts at 8am. I smile cause I know I'll see you then. You can copy my homework, I think it's mostly wrong. Freshman year I met you.

Sophomore year I bet you. Never thought of me Junior year But it's finally June, yeah And senior year It's almost here I'll hold you close And keep you near

Yeah One more summer before we go Before we go away One true stoner, don't you know I wish we could stay Cause now that your boyfriend graduated I wish we could stay. Cause now that your boyfriend graduated, I guess he's a freshman all over again. So happy birthday, so belated.

Maybe now we can't be more than friends. We rule this school now, let's go Hornets. Let's hold a pep rally for your heart JV losers, varsity lovers I knew I liked you from the start Freshman year I met you Sophomore year I bet you Never thought of me Junior year but it's finally June, yeah

And senior year It's almost here Would you like me if I pierce my ear? Yeah One more summer before we go Before we go away One true stoner, don't you know I wish we could stay guitar solo That was a Hiddem Original.

Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com.

Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.