Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 10: Talia Mar on having “the talk”, her engagement story PLUS what she has in common with a grandad & a porn star

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

YouTuber and singer-songwriter Talia Mar joins us this week. We dive into figuring out the real difference between exclusive versus being in a relationship; how Talia got engaged (trust us it is veryyyy romantic) and she gives us advice on how to REALLY take your relationship to the next level. So, to all the single men out there… take several seats and listen up! Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify Original podcast. Produced by Spirit Studios with Raymond Tannor and Kate Willis as the producers and from Spotify the Executive Producer is Rhyanna Coleman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, I am Anastasia Kingsnorth. And I'm Safran Barker and welcome to Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Today we actually joined with Atalia Mar. Oh my god, I love her and we spoke everything engagements, relationships. We've realised how single we now are, if we didn't already. It was a really nice episode so I'm excited for you guys to hear this one. Let's get straight on into it. Let's go.

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Join for just $4.99 a month. Sav99 a month savings make very eligibility and member terms apply so the first question we ask everybody on the podcast is what is your relationship status even though we do know we definitely do know yours yes i am engaged congrats yeah congratulations i'm excited so do you know when you're actually have you like planned the wedding and stuff so as of yesterday venue is booked no way oh my god and are you doing it in the country no oh my god that is so exciting i think i would want to get married abroad i definitely would i originally i wanted to but then i was like oh the logistics like it's too long and then after i looked at everything in the uk i was like run out i have to outsource i can't do it anymore because we've left it quite

late like we're getting married next year and everything's booked up for years oh right yeah yeah because of because of the pandemic oh the weddings are like backed up so there's some venues that were like yeah we've got dates in like 2025 i was like no i'm okay do you know i would hate that like getting engaged then having to wait so long i feel like i'd rather just i was like i'm ready do it straight away just do it straight away would you want that would you want to get like married like soon after you got engaged we don't want a long yeah no no i was like really if they're no if they're proposing to me yeah i just want to marry them yeah i couldn't bother literally like two days after he proposed i was like really if they're no if they're proposing to me yeah i just want to marry them yeah i couldn't bother literally like two days after he proposed i was sat there like i want

to get married next year but he probably doesn't because like how do i bring this up at dinner i was actually sat there and i was like oh so like when when would you want to get married like just like random question he's like i don't know like as far as i'm concerned like we're married if i propose like we're married i was like okay so like if i wanted to get married like this year would you and he was like yeah i was like great oh yeah next year's perfect then i was like okay done do you know what's so funny is my mom actually booked her wedding the day after my dad proposed to her no she didn't i swear to you what the venue and everything i swear to you literally she was on it the next day. She was ready.

She was absolutely ready. She was waiting for him to ask. I feel like that would honestly be me. I feel like the next day I'm going to be on it. Like, it's all booked. Like, my dad didn't even get a say in the wedding. Oh, no. It was just booked.

No. No. He's not seen the venue. I mean, he's seen pictures, but he's not been. Oh, really? Oh, well, yeah, obviously, because it's abroad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went. Right, okay. Oh, so you did actually go? yeah i went i literally went i got back yesterday oh my god oh that is so exciting i'm excited you need to teach us how you do it

because like we're very single over here i thought i was never gonna get married i was like adamant i was like don't want a boyfriend never want to get married never want to like speak to the male species ever and then it happened and i was like oh well i guess that's how my life's going but they do say it happens when you're not looking for it yeah i remember so i don't know if you're gonna remember this we were on our way to a festival yeah this was like i don't know how many years ago and it was when you just started dating simon and we were having a conversation about it you were like yeah we've been on a couple of dates but like i don't really know how it's gonna go yet oh my god and then like all these years later you're sat here yeah look at that oh my god i know i feel like i do vaguely remember this i think it was love box oh it was it was love yeah oh my god

yeah i remember i remember oh my gosh yeah well there you go okay so I want to know how did he propose how's it so oh god I cringe myself out um we were in Mykonos um and we had like a room with like a pool and that sort of vibe and we went for dinner and the whole time like I leading up to it was like he's gonna propose in Mykonos 100% 100% oh okay so you saw it coming i was dead set and then the week before he like threw me off he was saying all these things like oh so if i were to get a ring like is this better than this or does this work like this i was like this boy's not got a ring he's not gonna propose oh my god i've got it wrong i've told everyone i was literally on shoots being like yeah he's gonna propose in Mykonos oh no way and I was like I'm gonna embarrass myself um and then

it got to that day in the in Mykonos and I was like well this is the only day he's booked like dinner for so I was like if he were to do it it would be today but I was like but he's not gonna do it because you know that he's like not got his stuff together had you said to him by the way that you wanted him to no okay so you'd never mentioned it

no he knew that the clock was ticking right okay he knew that but not as in like i was never like you have to propose on this day or like we need to be married by this sort of like time but we'd had conversations that i knew at some point it would happen in the next few years but i was like really hoping you wanted shit yeah i was like please um so anyway dinner's like we're at dinner and i was trying to ask questions i was like oh so what do you want to do later and he was like i don't know like watch love island i'm not i was like okay yeah he's not proposing i'm watching love island tonight like he's not got anything so we walk back i open the door and there's like petals and like candles everywhere oh my god but my first reaction was like shit this is not our

room because all of our stuff had moved so the room looked completely different none of our stuff was out it all gone so my initial reaction was like oh no i've just walked into someone else's room and then i saw all the petals and i was like and then i burst into tears oh oh stop it but i like cried and said like if i've if i've like mis assumed this it's gonna be really awkward because i said like, if I've, if I've like mis assumed this, it's gonna be really awkward. Because I was like, what if I've just started crying? And he's just like, made a nice day. Yeah, he's just on a nice little date.

I was like, imagine. And they're like, oh my god, he's amazing. He's like, no. But yeah, there was like an aisle with like a balloon arch and like a bunch of roses at the end. Oh, stop it. I know, cute. Although they did move the ring. So he was like, I don't know where it is

i'm gonna have to go look for it no you're kidding he's like they've moved the ring i don't know what to do i was like it's fine but sometimes you know what things like that is like almost more perfect because it's not perfect that it makes it yeah it was very funny um and then yeah so i was like waiting at the end by the roses like oh because how long did it take him to find the only took him like two like it was a good two minutes to be fair when you say only two minutes but when you're there you're literally like like the longest two minutes of your life and then he did the whole like one knee like oh will you marry me he also did say I don't know what name to use because Talia was not technically technically my real name so he was like Natalia

Talia I don't really know what to call you and then was like oh you marry me and I was like fine so he was like fine I was like I guess sure as you're in tears yeah I know oh that is so cute is that how you've like always envisioned how you want to get proposed to because I always I really think about this I really I never thought about it really no like because I really was someone think about this i really i never thought about it really no like because i really was someone that was like i really did not want to get married until i met simon then i was like okay fine i'll get married um and i thought about like him proposing but i was like i'd happily have been proposed to like in our apartment with like a single balloon like i really wasn't that fussed about it until it happened i was like

okay i'm glad you did it like this because actually this was really nice and it's a much more fun story to tell rather than just like in the apartment yeah yeah okay um but yeah no i never really thought about it like that right okay because i think like what's your dream i was i don't really know what my dream engagement is but i know i would hate if like everyone i knew was there you know like people have it like a public proposal a public proposal that's not me i did say that to him i did the only thing i said i was like if you propose when you propose do not do it in public because i will say no yeah i will just panic and like no i just don't want that pressure, do you know another thing that I feel like I'm the only person that ever says this?

I think if I knew, like I love surprises so much. So if I knew that would really upset me. But then at the same time, if I knew that he was going to propose, like if I had it in mind that he was going to propose, whereas most people that's like almost the dream. Do you know what I mean? Like it's exciting. But I just, I think because I love surprises so much.

Do you just want to be completely oblivious? I would love to be so shocked. Yeah. But at the same time, if my nails aren't freshly done, I'd be so pissed off. Oh, I bought nails for that trip on purpose. Right, because you knew. I was like, these are getting stuck on. Yeah.

That's the thing. So maybe it is better if I do now. Yeah. It is good. I'm acting as if I'm in a relationship. I think it is good to have like an inkling it was good that he threw me off because i still had that yeah that's good because it's still like doubt yeah it's like oh i know he's gonna do it tomorrow no no but in my head i was like still looking i

was looking for clues but he was dropping nothing he said but he said he wasn't nervous so that's why i wasn't picking anything up right okay he's like yeah i wasn't nervous i was like oh okay what if i said no i knew that wouldn't happen all right oh okay again i feel like i don't really have like a dream engagement definitely not public proposal just something like quite cutesy like that with like balloons or like rose petals or like is paris too gringy no paris what I mean? I feel like that's kind of cute. Like, not in front of the Eiffel Tower or anything,

but like, I don't know, just like a cute little romantic holiday would be nice. But again, if you're doing it in front of the Eiffel Tower, it's definitely a good public. Yeah,

no, not a public proposal. Holidays are like the go-to now. I feel like everyone gets, that's why I was like, well, it's a holiday. Well,

that's why it's more obvious, isn't it? Yeah. We're going to get engaged. But then at the same time, I'd rather get engaged in a hot country than here. Yeah. Because it's like,

how are you going to celebrate after going down the park? It's true. Have you seen the Disneyland engagement? When people get proposed to in front of the Disney castle? Have you seen the ones where they remove them though? Yes. Remove them? Yeah, they do it in areas that they're not meant to be in.

And there was this one that went viral and there was this guy and he's literally still on his knee and he gets dragged away. Oh, you're joking. She hasn't even said yes yet. And he's getting like chokeholded away from the area. And they're like, you're going to be here.

I was like, you take your job too seriously, sir. Let them propose and then tell them off. And he's just given like 30 seconds. Let him get up. Oh my God, it was unreal. I can't believe I've not seen that no oh i've got to go watch that when i get home it's so good oh don't my heart would actually break though i think watching that although it's kind of a great story yeah like i got attacked during

my proposal that's true and he did he so he never had the answer no yes i don't yes as in she looked like she was gearing up to say yes and then okay so in this episode we're talking about next steps and like moving through relationships love it so how long should you be dating someone before moving into a relationship do you think oh that's a good question because i have no idea like we didn't do the whole will you not will you be my girlfriend thing? Like question. What? So did you kind of just assume?

See, we were talking about this yesterday. Like, do you need to be asked? It's nice to have clarity, but like, I remember it was like a few months in and we were literally having a conversation. I was having a conversation with my hairdresser and I was like,

my, and I was like, Oh, I was about to call him my boyfriend. Like we were seeing each other every week. We knew we weren't seeing anyone else i was like i guess he kind of is and i just threw the word out and i was like oh my god i've just done that without his permission and then i spoke to him i was like what like what do you see this as he's like oh i just i would call she's my girlfriend i was like he's like i say that to people i was like okay cool because i just used the word boyfriend today and like we

hadn't had that conversation he was like yeah it's like, I say that to people. I was like, okay, cool. Cause I just used the word boyfriend today. And like, we hadn't had that conversation. He was like, yeah. I was like, okay. Oh my God. So you more had a conversation rather than like he asked you. Yeah, it was, yeah, no, there was no like, will you be. And the fact he was already calling you his girlfriend is so cute. Yeah, that's really sweet.

Well, yeah. I feel like I'd have to have the question for clarity, but I guess you've had the conversation. So you don't need that. It was very like, it was, we were not really like people that dated much so it wasn't a case of like oh we need to cut off ties or we need to like we very much quickly went into like oh this is a relationship so it's quite obvious on both ends how did you guys actually meet

wireless festival was there a while yeah i went with a brand and i knew toby a little bit and i knew g who's they're like mutual friends and i saw him and i was with rachel leary and i was like he's kind of cute like that guy over there and i never do that ever ever ever i'm like men don't talk to me um but i was like he's kind of cute she's like yeah okay go talk to him i was like no never gonna do that and then like later on in the day toby pulled me over was like oh like come meet my friends i was like oh my god you're friends with the boy you're friends with that boy oh no he introduced us and i literally didn't make eye contact with him once i don't think he was like hi and i was like literally like looking away like hi oh my god i'm so nervous and i didn't know why um but yeah so we met there

oh my god yeah that's very cute okay so obviously you said he didn't know why. But yeah, so we met there. Oh my God. Yeah, that's very cute. Okay, so obviously you said he didn't ask you, but you said you kind of just like knew when you were exclusive. Yeah. Do you think being exclusive then is the same as being in a relationship? 100%.

100%. Well, yeah, so we were having this conversation before. Like, I don't understand when people say they're exclusive, but they're not together. Yeah, no. Like, that to me is like, what's so... Yeah, I think it's a load of crap i don't understand it no it's like you want them but you don't want them enough because they're not your girlfriend or boyfriend so like it's people with like true like commitment issues are like oh we're exclusive so that's what i think as

well i don't understand the exclusive thing grow up yeah i know i fully vouch for that i i so agree to that i've never got past that stage like i've had people but i think you just haven't been with the right people yeah because i'm single now i just like yeah if someone says let's be exclusive i'll be like well what do you mean yeah it's like so i'm your girlfriend yeah yeah and if you didn't ask me you can ask me all the stages are just weird yeah it basically means let's not see other people but i don't want to actually have to do anything in the relationship exactly exactly yeah so so basically yeah hate it exclusive yeah it's oh my god yeah i think it's like it's just it's a cop-out it's a cop-out yeah because at the moment i feel like there's

four stages talk and see an exclusive and you're in a relationship. Oh my God, no. I actually can't. That is so... That's too much. Just say that again. Talking. Seeing. I know it's just like what everyone says,

that you're just messaging someone, and then you're seeing someone. Yeah, seeing someone. And then you're exclusive. Oh my God. And then you're in a relationship. I just think talk, and then date if you like them. Done.

That's it. I wish it was that simple nowadays, but boys just aren't like that. Yeah, no, boys suck. Yeah, no, that's too many stages. I know. It's too many. It's a lot.

It's just tiring going through it all as well. Like how long do you think you should have to wait until like you're official with someone? I think it depends on the person yeah but unlike your situation how did you meet like do you work together there's so many like caveats but for the most part it's like when you like someone that much and they like you that much it's like just date yeah and if it doesn't work out you can break up you're not getting married like just see each other oh my god i'm using the words now like be each other's boyfriend

girlfriend if it doesn't work out just split up it's fine like get on with it yeah yeah yeah well you are making it sound very simple i know i wish it was that way i really wish it was that way it's definitely not okay so question from your first like date with someone did you have a first date with him not really like we were talking there you go we were talking after wireless and then we had a friend's birthday and he was like oh do you want like i'll pick you up from the station like you can come over to ours and like we'll go together um so that was kind of like our first date in that aspect but like we were with friends with all of his friends um but there was no like official like okay let's go out for dinner

just us two for the first time i don't remember okay yeah so at what point did you know that he really liked you oh i could tell from day one could you really yeah what from when you could look at him at wireless yeah not as in like oh my god he's obsessed with me he's gonna marry me but i was like okay there's a vibe here like he's like yeah yeah um and then the next day i was like okay i'm gonna follow him and at this time he had a couple million on twitter followed me back straight away i was like so he's looking no way i was like he's looking it took like five minutes and he'd he'd followed me back and i was like okay i'm in right that is so good yeah because i was like you can't see at that point who's following you yeah

you have to look at the profile or look at who's right okay was she verified no okay so he wasn't he was definitely no yeah yeah yeah yeah oh my god oh yeah well i mean we know that you okay so do you think then from like going on a first date with someone you should know if you want to be with that person forever no no no it doesn't take one day surely yeah i think sometimes you have like i had a feeling in the fact that like i'd never ever wanted to talk to someone before i'd been on dates and stuff and i it was always like yeah they're cute but like did you just get a different feeling completely different and my mom even said i got got home, I was like, I've met someone. And she was like, you've never said that. What is going on?

But I don't think that's necessarily like, it could have ended badly. And I'd have still been like, yeah, the feeling was irrelevant. I think it just depends. You just have to get to know them. Because people can be great and then they suck. That is true. And it takes a while to get to know that. That is true.

So did you have dating apps? So I know you said like you didn't speak to anyone before and well you kind of went on some dates yeah did you have like dating apps no never okay because I feel like there's always such a big thing as as well when you start talking to someone as to when when is it that you should delete dating apps oh that's a good question yeah we've neither of us have ever used them. Because we started seeing, like, we, it's been five years now, five and a half years since we met. So Tinder was a thing, but it was really not, like,

popping like it is now. Popping, ugh, who am I? Never use that word. So, yeah, it wasn't really a thing for us. But, yeah, when do you delete them? I think it's hard. I think it just depends. I don't know, like, when when i've been seeing people i won't necessarily delete the app i just won't use the app anymore yeah like fully deleting the app deleting is like this is we're doing this

long term yeah yeah i would say as soon as you become actual girlfriend and boyfriend or whatever you guys yeah do you know what i mean when you actually become in a relationship then that's when i'd actually delete yeah like you said i'm not gonna use it yeah after like three dates like i kind of know if i'm gonna carry on seeing this person so i'll definitely stop using the app i think yeah yeah i suppose because if you're saying like we're boyfriend girlfriend with you always surely at that point it's like okay we're getting married unless something goes wrong that's kind of what it is right yeah well yeah because i yeah if i'm in a relationship with someone i see a future with yeah like i want to be surprised there's a lot of like people that i know don't like don't see that like they get in

relationships and i'm like oh so do you see yourself marrying them and they're like no and i'm like but surely that's just such a waste of time yeah like i'm not saying you have to marry them tomorrow but if you don't have that like possible intention like you know i mean you want them forever then surely that's just a waste of your time yeah i mean i guess you could be like i don't know as in like maybe but i'm not there yet fine but surely you have to have the intention of like i want to i want this to be the person yeah yeah one day don't want to get married yet but yeah otherwise like stick to just the talking stage yeah see the stages go back to the stages that you know one of those okay so have you ever actually asked someone to be your boyfriend

no Simon's my first boyfriend oh that that is so cute I'm sorry this is such a cute story you're living the dream yeah your first boyfriend you're marrying him he's the only guy you ever looked at i mean honestly it's like a fairy tale just why don't i have this um it's all right he's still a boy he can still be a boy um yeah no so no never who said i loved you first so we are we argue about this okay you both say different stories this is oh am i gonna act myself and be so great do you know what it's great i'm an open book so i used to do this thing oh so cringe i'm actually don't because we all i feel like we all do cringy stuff you're about to get the ick so i used to type i love you and then delete it because i was like i just wanted to delete it because i was like i

just wanted to say it but i was like i was like i can't i'm not ready that's so sweet so i used to type it on our messages before we'd go to bed and then i'd delete it but i accidentally sent it no i know but like you actually accidentally sent i actually it was a full-on accident but you should have seen i wish i had a heart rate monitor on because i nearly died how long have you been like seeing each other like were you together boyfriend and girlfriend yeah yeah yeah months and months okay it was a good like i don't know okay so we started in october it must have been around april march right okay oh okay so a good six months it was a good it was a good amount of time it was an appropriate amount of time so it wasn't like but you know like your heart just sinks you're like no oh my god and there'd been moments where we'd like look and it was definitely like oh we're about to say it and

then we just hadn't because none of us had ever said it before to anyone so it was like oh my god what do we do and then i literally i don't remember how the conversation went but i basically said i was like i accidentally sent that. I was like, I wasn't meant to send it. It was just like, I know, it was a panic. Wait, so you said that straight after? Yeah. Before he even replied?

I think so. Do you know what? I don't remember. Okay. I love you. Sorry, that was an accident. I don't remember if you responded. That was meant for someone else. I don't remember.

So it clearly can't have been that traumatic, whatever he said, because I don't remember remember but then the next time we saw each other he then said it so technically he said it first but i was the one that typed it first because i i felt like you were both just waiting yeah on one of you to say it yeah oh cringe no i actually think that's quite cute i mean i don't know if i would personally put i accidentally said that yeah because they were like she meant to say i know well i think you have to explain i did explain it but then is that not even worse to explain that i love you then i delete it i think we had a conversation of like

oh i i did want to say it but i've been nervous it was the whole like it wasn't like okay oh that's cute though but i don't recommend don't recommend, don't recommend. Don't ever send a message that you don't intend on sending. Don't ever like write one out because I've done it so many times now where I've written something out and now I just do it in my notes app. I always do it in my notes.

As I said, I write it in my notes then copy and paste it over. So I used to do that, but in my messages, I do the draft. Rookie, don't do that. Oh my God, that went wrong so many times. How can you accidentally send it though

what if you like finger slipped yeah literally just like typing and like you just press it was an iMessage

sometimes I'm half for a message and I've sent it yeah okay fine it was just atrocious I bet your heart sank

like I couldn't even imagine because I think I just sat with it there I don't even remember how I don't remember before I dropped my phone I don't know but it was an accident and i panicked horrible okay so how long do you think you should

wait before meeting family oh that's a good one because i was much earlier than simon i was much more like family oh okay so you wanted him to meet your family okay because i'm very close with my family like we all used to live like on the same road like very much saw each other all the time um and he's close with his family but like he moved quite far from them like they're a couple hours away and like okay so he didn't see them as much as i saw mine so i was there like oh you know we should probably like you should probably meet my parents. And he was a bit like, why would I do that? He was like, oh, it's quite, do I need to do that? And I was like, yes, it's important

because like we're actually dating, like we're together at this point. It's been months and they've not met you. I was like, what if they hate you? What if you hate them? Had he spoken to them on the phone? No. And if they didn't like him,

would your opinion like, would that throw you off or would you still stay with him? It's hard to say because I don't think my mum would tell me if she didn't like him, if I liked him that much. Oh, really?

Yeah. I see my mum would. Oh, no. Yeah. I think if she thought he was a bad egg, like he was a bad person, she'd tell me. But if she was like,

don't think they'll stay together, no, this isn't last, she would never tell me. She be like oh i love him he's great oh that's cute um but they'd seen him on videos and stuff so from their perspective they were like oh we know him and i was like no you do not please do not get to know him through the sidemen videos yes please please please um but it was a few months like a good a good like maybe six months but i think that's quite long i feel like that's well i know because i really my mom will always give her opinion and it actually really does matter to me obviously if i like someone enough it doesn't matter enough but like i feel like for me all my boyfriends have met my family so early on because it just

matters to me so much you introduce them to your parents before you're even official like just kind of when you're dating them yes it depends whether you live at home that's my thing i lived at home but he obviously lived at like in a house with friends so i'd go to him because it was like why would you come to me when i live with my family weird um but i was like in a normal situation you would probably still live at home and we would we would have just met each other's families by this point so it might as well just speed up the process yeah yeah um yeah although i did drag him the way he met my parents i dragged him to my sister's school show stop it that isn't how yeah because i was like you know it's public setting it's more chill but the show wasn't that good um it was quite it was quite she was great but it was the show was not it was

pretty was it like a school show yeah i mean she went to brit school as well so it was it was like a it was like a music show and it was like a performance it wasn't that's quite quite nice though because on him it's like so much pressure that's not like he's come around for dinner exactly so for him yeah really chill you can't really talk to them that much because there's music so you meet you say hi and then we're in the setting i was like you are welcome whereas i met his family i was just about to ask this so his parents were at dinner fine but his family at a wedding where he was a groomsman and wasn't with me for most of the day oh you're joking so you had to speak to everyone on your own every cousin every grandparent literally met everyone

at the same time oh yeah oh yeah how did that go i mean do you know what it was okay but the whole time i wanted to die i was so nervous because i was like no one has met me apart from his mom and dad and like brothers and there's like a hundred people in this room all being like oh my god hi hi hi and I'm just he's not with me it's like every family I'm like I'm with your brother's girlfriend who at the time I'd met once so I was just there like I just don't what's happening I was like this is way worse than what you're trying to do but I think that was his revenge and and was that like much like was it long after um no it can't have been that long after so i technically met all of his family before he met all of mine right because you met

them all in one day because i met everyone yeah there's people but you know what if you look at the positive though i guess it's like all over and done with it's true it's true and like people were getting drunk so i was like yeah which is good this is good by the evening it's a nice yeah do you know what though i do think i would struggle if my boyfriend wasn't there with me if he was there with me i'd be like this is great getting all of them done with me everyone but being by myself i don't think i could do it yeah i well i struggled it was not fun but it was fine once i could sort of got over it it's just when we got there and he's like right i'm gonna go to the like the groom's room room

i was like all right what because we kind of hadn't really discussed that he'd obviously not be there i was like wait what what do you mean he was like well i've got to go do my like things i was like okay i'll go i'll go find someone i know in this room full of people i've never met sure um so yeah it was just horrifying Do you know what, I know so many people though that have met their partners like family at weddings, like why is that such

a common thing? I guess it is an easy way because everyone's there. And I guess like most people bring a date to a wedding really Let's go As the world's population grows Let's go. responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future. Hey, you. Yeah, you. Scrolling TikTok and avoiding your chem homework? Cheg here. Hot take. You've seen enough Bama Rush, ASMR keyboard,

and viral dance videos for one day. Let's lock in and start that assignment. If you need a little help, lean on Chegg's expert-supported learning tools. I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you. Small steps today means big wins tomorrow. With Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this. So this is our favorite part of the podcast. Love it. Where we get to look through our guest DMs, if you don't mind.

No, yeah, go for it. So do you feel like you still get a lot of DMs, even though you're with Simon? Do you still feel like you get loads of DMms from guys and stuff or not really yes but they're not like you like let me take you out on a date they're in my hidden requests and they're all photos so i didn't know hidden requests was a thing oh yeah i just found them at that out recently what is that about oh it's a good place never to delve into when you have i don't understand why is it is it because they just should be hidden yeah i think it's it's like targeted harassment words or something it says so it's like right extra filter an extra layer um but i i literally went through them because i don't really i don't really look through my dms but i was like oh my hidden dms i don't

really know what's in here oh now i know right okay yeah i didn't know what do you mean i was like yeah i got my messages request and then it's like no you're hidden yeah no and i was like well i didn't even know that was a thing because the stuff that gets through into normal dms i'm like wait there's stuff that's hidden yeah why is this stuff getting through then what is not getting through and it's just just images okay so can we see yeah although i don't know if we want to see by the sound no yeah you don't want to go honestly i wouldn't go through the hidden i literally had like a heart attack when i saw it okay so we've

got one here his name is ksi but that's not his actual name but he's got his name uh he's and he said mini minter he's good and good looking you should date him that worked out well you're marrying him that did work out i think he'sminter, he's good and good looking. You should date him. That worked out well. You're marrying him. That did work out well. I think he's about I think he's a little bit late. But then he messaged you saying,

yo, why did you steal Vic's eyebrows? Nice. Okay. Thanks for that. Thanks, mate. And then, try really hard.

This one. So they've been messaging you for 743 days asking you to follow them i get people doing this yes when it reaches a thousand you're gonna follow them sometimes i think maybe i'm like this maybe that's a lot of commitment that is the longest one i think 700 how many days 743 and it is every day every single day years i saw it like a few weeks ago and i clicked and i was like what's obviously not i started scrolling and i was like oh my god i'm a little bit

that is that is a long time fair play to be fair i get people do that but i don't know i don't think anyone's ever made it to 700 days i've got like people with like in 200 i feel like if they got to a thousand i'll be like i i owe them i know i'm a bit like maybe i should but then i feel like sometimes you throw people a bone and then you end up with a picture in your DMs that you don't want that's so

yeah okay the next one we've got a random one it's like why are your fingers so small people DM me this all the time okay you've got another one

thoughts on Cuff It by Beyonce I love that song I know it is a good song but it is you get some weird questions like what what am i meant to do it's good blair put not being rude but your forehead looks wham in this no people people oh my god people love to say i've got ksi's forehead

who's laughing who is laughing do you know how rude that is can you put some respect on my name i mean then low-key not incorrect but also like people are just fucking rude they are rude no one is pre-ordering your shitty song i actually love dms like that because i'm just like okay yeah but you know what's funny if you responded they'd be like so sorry i didn't think you'd see this. I've ordered it. Oh, that's what it would be. That's what it would be. I've done it before where I've responded to someone who's like incessantly hated and they've been like, I'm so sorry, I love you.

Like, well, I knew. I feel like we've all done that. It's 100% crazy. Because they think you're not going to see it. But it doesn't make sense why we respond. Like people do it, especially when you stream live, they do it a lot where they'll like, they start

really nice messages and you might not respond because like you get so many i'm not going to every single one i'm literally playing a game but i see them and then they'll start getting like nastier and nastier and i'm like oh you're literally just trying to get a response but like you see it like evolve in the chat it's wild yeah okay we've got another one here my friends call me mr still your girl but I wouldn't do that to Simon, but you're just hella pretty, so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one. I love how people are like, in his head,

he's like, you're welcome for not stealing you, because that was the possibility. And he's really thought about what he's going to say. Oh no, what's the next one? You look like my granddad doing a face swap with a porn star. What? I think i remember this one is it all supposed to be a picture yeah i've got like wait let's see the picture i've got like a granny sweater on oh you're joking my granddad did a face swap with a porn star okay so i've got a porn star face i'll take that yeah i was about to say i feel like i would although is it their face is normal i don't actually is that i don't know if that is a

compliment you've got another one about the maybe as well i just spoke to my granddad he wants his vest back right people are just like mean just isn't it crazy though that like somebody sat at home and they're thinking to themselves i want to respond to this yeah why do they i just don't get it like if i know that i think a lot of things when we're looking at stories i'm just going through it but i would never reply that i know it's so weird but i think when it's something like that i'm like sometimes they're just being funny but sometimes when they're just like messaging like i hate you i'm like cool i'm like what are you like actually going through because there's some serious like go to therapy yeah go to therapy the last one someone just put durex just replied durex

you'd be surprised how many times people dm me that what just the word durex just the word durex or just the word condom or like just a word that is something that's slightly like oh my god you're 15 and you said the word condom like they get really excited i've never had that i've not had that i don't think your audience is primarily female yes that's why but yours is a lot of males isn't it right mine's like 70 percent men men oh so your dms just are obviously so different towers yeah i feel like though because i went from having a female audience when i did makeup they're just like bitchy and like they're yeah

when they're mean that shit gets you yeah yeah they know because it's more personal i can't explain but it just is they know what you don't like about yourself and they go for it whereas boys are like you're a whore and you're like okay yeah yeah yeah yeah like saying you've got a porn star face i mean i would kind of take that cool yeah they they don't get that creative whereas like girls will be like oh my god in this video where you said this you're like yeah it's crazy i think i'd rather get the word condom or direct to me to be honest yeah yeah so we also ask our listeners um how to take relationships to the next stage and just so we can react to them we haven't actually read these yeah okay we're gonna get other people's opinion okay so the first one says get drunk and have one of those classic deep drunk chats feel like this

is me i thought that's fun i like having a deep chat yeah like with a nice bottle of wine i don't like having a deep chat drunk though do you not want i don't think drunk but tipsy because i feel like when you get tipsy you say what you really want to say oh yeah that's that's the issue oh yeah okay but then they also say what they want to say true and i love that see i would like to have them tip this sounds a little bit like them tipsy and they could tell me their secrets and i'm sober right okay yeah that does make sense i feel like drunk as well people do say a lot of things they don't mean when they're drunk yeah whereas tipsy i do feel like you know you're just a little bit more like free like free yeah like drunk it can end in an argument sometimes that's that's the thing or like just crying yeah don't know if that's just a me yeah but yes

i just cry like i'm a crier even when something's not actually that sad i will cry really yeah so you think you're an emotional person oh my gosh yes like i i think i don't know what i don't know if i have oh i don't i do think i i think i cry a lot i cry most days yeah but it's not that i'm like really emotionally distraught or anything but i will see a tiktok that most people go oh that's sad and i'll sob right okay yeah or like a film that's got oh so a character at the beginning that we don't even know the name of dies i'll sob right okay yeah or like a film that's got oh so a character at the beginning that we don't even know the name of dies i'm crying right okay it's just a bit much it's basically drunk deep chats and yeah no i don't know are you the emotional drunk

um i forgot i haven't drunk i don't really i don't drink anymore but the last time I was drunk probably yes I just think I yeah it just accelerates it which it doesn't need to be accelerated okay guys I'm not gonna I don't really understand this one but it says ask them what you're supposed to say to your friends when they ask who they are oh I get that yeah so like I'm yours then saying to this like guy whoever you're seeing yeah when you tell your friends who i am like what do you say i'm your girlfriend like how do you got you yes right yeah so and i think that's actually a really good thing to say i've actually said that to people before yeah i'm like oh so how do you introduce me to your friends like what do you call me

oh because if they're just like oh just this girl that i know i'm like sorry yeah will they tell you though do boys tell you or they just be like oh yeah i say you're the girl that i'm seeing i like so yeah they could just lie yeah whereas i mean they could but simon said to you that he was calling you his girlfriend yeah true so you actually kind of did that yeah true i actually did do that i did do that and it worked yeah so i love that so i actually think that's quite a good one. I mean, they still could lie. Yeah.

But then I feel like if they lied about that, it says a lot about them. Because I feel like a man would just be like, oh yeah, I call you my girlfriend. Yeah. Oh yeah, I say this. Yeah. You know?

Definitely. And if they said we're just friends, like I just said, oh, you're my friend. Oh no, sorry, get out. Yeah, no, awkward. Okay, so the last one says open communication always and saying how you feel regardless of the outcome true i mean it's very important to always be like honest and communicate with each other yeah i think it's very hard for a lot of people

definitely easier said than done that is true i will say though i think it's definitely easier with the right person yes because yeah i am a massive like would never say to someone oh i like you or any of that i was very open at the beginning because i was like oh well yeah obviously why wouldn't i be and i was like who is this you just got like a whole different feeling yeah i was like oh i'm just gonna say it i was and i was forward i was like oh so when am i gonna see you i would never ever ever ever ever ever have said that before really no oh my god i would rather die so do you hate like um the whole like playing games and stuff oh yeah i hate that too so i feel like i'm very much like that but again i have to really like someone yeah if i really like them i can't be bothered to be

wasting time yeah like i would rather them just be up front with me as well i don't like you that much but all right i'm gonna go cool yeah what do you want from me well i know what you want from me but yeah no well i think we've learned that you were in a fairy tale situation yeah in this podcast i can only dream of having a situation no it has actually been nice because i think pretty much everyone we've had on has been single yeah so really you're the only person that's you've given the dream you've given me hope okay i love that i love that yeah selling the dream and i think you've made us realize don't look don't look for it i know everyone's yeah no but it's true you've really had one of those things where like you wasn't looking for it and that's when it came yeah so i need to stop i love how

you guys met as well in such like an open situation like out and about not on a dating app yeah we just like saw each other yeah i don't think I would have ever found anyone on a dating app just because of the type of person I am. I would never have responded. I'd have just been like, why are you talking to me? Yeah. So that just doesn't work on those apps. Okay.

So before we end this podcast, I was going to say, normally I'm like, right, let's end it on a positive. It's been really positive. It's been a lovely positive. I can give you an exit if you want.

No. So what is some advice that you would give after chatting about relationship titles and taking it to the next level just like any piece of advice for all the listeners at home um i would say just be more forward be more forward yeah be more that is so different to so many other people's advice it's like play hard to get no i think that's crap because like if you need to play hard to get to get someone to like you and they don't like you they don't like you that much and it's like it's not worth the time because by the time they get to like you you're then bored yeah true so this is why this is why i struggle to play hard to get because i'm like if i'm speaking to him twice in a day that i can't be i'm over it i'm speaking to him twice in a day that i can't

be i'm over it i can't be bothered oh yeah no i never i never even try to play hard to get really no i double text i was thinking about to say would you like would you wait a certain amount of time before you reply to a text no just reply so i've never done that i've never waited like a certain amount of time because in my head i was like i'm on my phone if if i was in a situation where i was like oh my god i am checking my phone constantly for messages i'd wait well that's i actually think that's really good advice i think that's it's very different to what we've heard so maybe we maybe everyone needs a bit of a balance it's worked for talia so clearly i think i need to take your advice depends on your personality if you're someone going out being like love me

don't be more forward pull it yeah yeah yeah yeah but if you're someone that's very much like oh i don't know if they like me or I don't know if I should do it, just do it. Yeah. Live your life. Because I've said to Anna so many times, like, I hate when people are like,

oh my God, he's taken five minutes. I need to take 10. Yeah. And I'm like, really? So natural. Like, because then it becomes draining. Yeah. And it also,

it gets to a point where it's like, okay, it's been three days. I need to take six. That's what I mean. Come on, man. Oh, well, thank you so much for coming on thank you for having me

it's really fun honestly you've really you've given me hope yeah well you've also made me feel very single well yeah sorry but no you've given us

some hope and I think you've made us realise don't chase it it will come when we're not expecting it yeah it's true it is true

sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast produced by spirit studios with ray and kate willis as the producers and from spotify the executive producer is rihanna colman