Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 101. Dating Dilemmas: The Juiciest Confessions

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

We’re back with another episode full of juicy dating dilemmas! Today, we’re discussing everything from sleeping with someone in the friendship group to not having sex with a partner for 10 years. What’s it like to sleep with a new partner right after a relationship? How do you handle time differences in a long-distance relationship? Plus, dealing with a boyfriend’s mum who doesn’t like you and the tricky situation of an ex wanting to be friends. Tune in for our hot takes and advice on these complex scenarios! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit connectsontario.ca. Let's go. hi everyone welcome back to another episode of sex lies and dm slides with me anastasia kingsnorth and me saffron barker so we are back for another week and back for another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships so today we are back doing our absolute favorite thing ever and this is answering your dating dilemmas not because we want you guys to go through dilemmas because obviously they're never great i'm not gonna lie and we don't wish that upon anyone but some of these below my freaking mind when i read them I just can't even believe it's real life. Yeah, it's to the point

where I'm like, are these actually made up or are they real? Because some of them are so crazy. Like, and thank you so much everybody that does send us them in our DMs.

We will never ever, like, say who it is who sent us it. So it's always anonymous. So if you want to DM us your dating dilemmas, please do. We're always happy to hearas please do we're always happy to hear them and we're trying to do these episodes as much as possible we know that you

guys love them as much as we do so yeah let's just let's just dive straight in i reckon let's do it so the first one i like this guy who's 10 years older and in my friendship group what should i do so we've got two issues go for it oh okay no i think you should go oh god okay oh i was gonna say go for it okay so you're saying go for it i was gonna dissect it a little bit more and say i think we need to think about it what not because of the age oh i don't really think the 10 year yeah so this is my thing i just think age is just a number yeah i don't fuck it yeah 10 years is quite a lot but i don't think that's necessarily a problem like if you're 18 and this person's 28 then you're obviously going to be at two very different stages in your life but that's

for you two to figure out that might work i think the only difficult thing here is the friendship group thing because as we all know I have dabbled in the whole like you know within the friendship group situation and sometimes it's not like anybody knows and everyone knows now everyone's so weird because they're all like anna would say things like that and no one knows what she's talking about and now everyone knows and now everyone knows it's fine i've literally overshared i ain't got nothing else to share now i've overshared but no you really really have overshared how is that by the way do people ever say anything to you in person about it or no um no one's asked me directly in person I've had messages from like so when I went on Joe and George's podcast Joe messaged me

like I've had people come up to me asking about you and Byron and I was like that is wild because like like I said like to me it was just so normal that like I don't think we quite realized that people were going to be like what the fuck but it's actually been so fine did you see the TikTok that we did the other week when we were in Bali no so Imogen said to us like oh you should do this white noise TikTok and it's where like you play something like you turn around to the person like oh I'm gonna go to bed can I put some white noise on and you play something out loud so me and Byron filmed it and he films me and I turned to him and I'm like I'm tired can I put some white noise on and I play my audio book about when he's talking about tickling my back oh my god it blew up on TikTok it's got like 1.3 million views I think and all

the comments are like this is the best thing I've ever fucking seen and it was so funny because obviously it wasn't serious it wasn't real like we planned to do it but um yeah the response has been good now I mean there's been a few iffy comments but fair enough like people can have their opinion whatever the only people that know truly about the situation and that it's actually fine is us too and obviously our friends um so everyone else can have their opinions whatever but yeah this is why I'm talking about the friendship group thing when this person sent this in I think it's just something that you really have to think about. I don't think you have anything to lose by giving it a go,

but you just want to make sure that it's not going to affect your friendship if it doesn't work out or you're not, or you're going to be able to deal with it if he doesn't feel the same way. Yeah, that's true. Do you know what? I'd definitely go for more Anna's advice on my own. It was straight away. You just went, just go for it. Just go what i'd definitely go for more anna's advice on my own straight away you just go for it or go for it just go for it well i think i saw the age is the issue and i thought well 10 years like yeah yeah a lot older but fuck it like if you guys both know you like each other having an age of over 10 years screw it yeah like that's the way that i see that

yeah so i think that was initially why I was like go for it but clearly I should probably um take things in before I started giving my advice and this is why we're not experts but we're just giving our opinions yes we're definitely not experts in dating this is generally just unofficial advice um but yeah I think just with the friendship group thing I think just bear that in mind and make sure that if the feelings aren't reciprocated, you're going to be so fine with being able to get over that person while still being in the same friendship group as them.

Because that's also not easy because people have different ways of dealing with things. And for me, it's definitely out of sight, out of mind. So that would be harder. But I think just take everything into account. I think there's also but taking staff's advice you have got nothing to lose if you can deal with it if it doesn't well aside from your friendship yeah aside from yeah that is true actually which is quite a big thing to lose

actually yeah but hopefully you wouldn't lose the friendship from from that but i think that's only for you to judge like you're the one in that situation you'd know how he'd probably react um and also i think like me and staff have said before you could kind of try and find out if he likes you through getting friends to ask or getting friends to hint but then also it probably is just best for you to maybe just say it straight up like because he could work out he could work out he could feel the exact same and there you go happily ever after that's amazing amazing relationships are built off of amazing friendships so i think if you know that he likes you too if it's if it was me personally i'd i know

this sounds bad i think i would risk the friendship because i think if you like someone that you have that good of a friendship with and they like you something really amazing could be there because they say the best relationships are built off friendship so if you already have that element to it then I think go for it I think it's different if you don't know how he feels then it's more of a risk to go for it but life is all about taking risks you're on this planet once you got you're probably daring today maybe listen to us a few other episodes not these ones i know you're probably only going to regret it if you don't do it so maybe just take staff to try fuck it why not

give it a go yeah like you're always going to be fine give it a go because as long as you're not that worried about losing the friend i mean hopefully if you're that good friends you saying that wouldn't completely ruin the friendship. It might make it a bit awkward for a bit. Yeah, which is fine. You two can get over that. So I think, actually, maybe Saf's advice was the best advice at the beginning. Just go for it.

And I said it within the first 10 seconds. She said it in the chest. Just go for it. Let's go. okay number two this is quite a lengthy one okay one me again from the 10 years together and no sex. Okay, so we're getting more context to this. Oh my God, we love it. Story we've heard before. With more context, the last couple of years,

he hasn't wanted to have sex with me. I've tried and he makes excuses. He said he doesn't know why and it's not me. He wants to change and he says he will, but we still aren't having sex. He doesn't even try to. I've asked if he isn't attracted to me anymore, but he says he is.

He isn't willing to do anything about it, and he isn't willing to do anything about it, and I'm starting to resent him. I don't know what to do anymore. I think with this it's hard, because he said that he wants to change. Yeah, but 10 years. But he hasn't. No, 10 years is too long. If you can Yeah, but 10 years. But he hasn't.

No, 10 years is too long. If you can't change in 10 years, you're never going to change. Yeah, and I think... And I'm actually sorry because I know this really isn't something you'd want to hear. And I actually feel bad

that we're having to say this because I think it's... Like, it's genuinely sad. But 10... Like, somebody takes a year to change that's too long 10 years yeah and like you deserve someone better than that not having sex for 10 years is not normal and the thing is actions speak louder than words so the fact that he said he's going to change but hasn't made any effort to actually change i think speaks volumes and sex is such an important part of a relationship because that is of like that is what takes it from being just a friendship to a relationship as well you have that intimate relationship with each other

and obviously the fact that you still crave that is very very normal like I think anybody would 10 years like you know that's why you're with that person I think it's really really hard it's it's like you're almost gonna have to make that sacrifice of not having sex if you stay with him which is like is that sacrifice worth making for you? I don't know. Like, I don't know. Yeah, like surely not. That's just a friendship.

Yeah, that's what it is. Then you start to think to yourself, is it just a friendship? And no matter, like he said to you, he still finds you attractive. It's not that. But your brain definitely is going to go in that direction naturally as it would. Yeah, and it would make me feel like shit, honestly. Yeah, well, she says she's starting to resent him. And I can honestly understand why you are. in that direction naturally as it yeah and it would make me feel like shit honestly yeah and well she says she's starting to resent him and i can honestly understand why you are because i think i would feel i don't know how you've done it for that long if i'm being completely honest i think

again i actually feel not like a nice person saying this but if i was your friend i'd be saying what are you doing it's almost more frustrating for for her now as well that she's mentioned it and there's still no change and he said he's going to but there's not that's what that that is always more frustrating than not even having that conversation and still doing it because now it's like she's addressed the fact and he's not making an effort to change that when he said that he would so I think oh god i don't even know what like be all and end all advice to give for this one because i think go with your heart and your heart is probably from what you've said in resenting him and i don't know what to do i think it's

really sad you obviously have an amazing relationship with this person an amazing relationship to be honest because i don't think i could be with somebody for 10 years i wasn't having sex with that was my partner there's there's no way there's just no way yeah so you must have this amazing relate i say relationship friendship really because it's a friendship and and that obviously must be so hard to lose but but being not with him i don't think you would lose that anyways i think you could still be friends with him oh it sounds like you could definitely still have a friendship after that relationship and you know 10 10 years is a really long time to be with somebody and not have that intimacy that you crave that maybe you've both just got so well maybe he has I don't know got so comfortable in the relationship that he's just like well this is it now i don't need to put that effort in i mean come on i know that is a it's a crazy amount of time to not be intimate for so i

think this is only something that you can decide i don't want to give be all and end all advice on this because you're the only person that's going to know that but i would say that you know the fact that you've mentioned it to him and he still hasn't made those effort to actually change speaks volumes. And I completely agree with the fact that you're starting to resent him. I think anybody would in that situation. Yeah. The next one. How do you bounce back from bad relationships and put yourself out there?

Oh, we know a bit about this. We know all about that, babe. I tell you what, this is just self- self love i think that's how you bounce back is finding the self-love and knowing your self-worth and i think that's being selfish doing the things that you want to do doing the things that make you feel like a better person yeah i think all of those sort of things that make you feel great within yourself is how you put yourself back out there and I think you'll do that without even realizing because you will just be open because yeah you will feel so great within yourself a hundred percent and also I feel like when you've had bad relationships the last thing you want to do is jump straight into another

relationship like stuff that this is a time for you to really discover things about yourself and spend time on yourself and you will just naturally fall back in love with yourself and then the idea of finding a new relationship won't be as scary either because you'll feel like because you've done so much self you know work on yourself that you will just you'll naturally feel ready for it when it comes like I mean yeah this has happened to both of us many many times and I feel like that is the only way I've been able to kind of like bounce back and get myself back out there through working on myself and working on yeah and just just doing put myself first it's all about putting yourself first and doing what you want to do and putting your own feelings first and you can never feel guilty for doing that agreed

okay there's quite a few lengthy ones today right it's really putting my dyslexia to the test everyone okay all right you got this i've been in a relationship with my ex for the past three years from 16 to 19 i ended things as i no longer felt in love with him and noticed myself wanted to flirt with other people that is a big telltale sign the weekend after we broke up i ended up sleeping with somebody who i've secretly fancied for years and I want to pursue things further. Should I have some single time or am I pushing all my romantic feelings onto somebody else? Advice, please.

Okay, I actually do have an opinion on this. Okay, you go first. So, you know, this... Okay, I actually believe that everybody in between a relationship, going on to another relationship should have that time to be single okay especially because you were so young in this relationship when you were 16 when you met so you really wouldn't have had much time to actually or

being single however if you do really like someone i don't think it's worth giving something up. And I also do feel you broke up with him because you wasn't in love with him, which girls in their head, like, okay, I feel bad saying this. I don't even want him to ever listen to this. One of my exes, I fell out of love with him. I knew months before you know I knew months before I broke up with him that I wasn't in love with him I just couldn't I couldn't come to terms with the fact that I didn't love him anymore and I think there would have been months probably that you felt this way it's not a one week you decided you didn't love him I think us girls

girls especially I think we feel like it for such a long time until we actually tell someone that we're not in love with them yeah so I think I don't think it's you just wanting to be in another relationship like romanticizing another relationship I think you haven't been in love with this person for a very long time yeah so I don't think you should stress about the fact that you haven't been single I don't think you should think to yourself oh I need to be single like I have to have this time because I've been in a relationship like yes it probably in hindsight would be better to have time by yourself but if you really like this person I don't think it's worth giving it up just because in your head you're like i i need like unless you feel as if yeah i really need

this time by myself but clearly you don't feel like that but also i think it's slightly different because you ended it with your ex because you weren't in love with him anymore it's not as though your ex ended it with you and you're still in love with him i think it's completely different because you know your own feelings and to end it with your ex you were obviously over that situation you were ready for something for something different and something new and obviously you've secretly fancied this person for a very long time so yeah you might have actually been over the relationship whilst you were already in it so when it actually came to the time you broke up you were fine so like you know you've

set with this person you want to pursue things further i don't think you need to think to myself or do i need to be single do i need to work myself blah blah because sometimes that does just happen some like you know there's loads of people who have split up with somebody and then literally two days later met their forever partner like honestly i wouldn't not pursue this because you're worried whether you've had enough time to be single or not I get it is hard yeah like 19 and it's like you're so young and it's like are you you're probably thinking am I missing out by being single you know baby or not like if you found someone that you like and you want to do things honestly just go for it like I think I think it'd

be different if if you felt as if you really like him but you but you really wanted to be single and to have this time i think that would be different but the fact you clearly don't feel like that you just are like oh it's probably the right thing that i should be single rather than that's how you feel yeah a hundred percent i honestly think just go for it i don't think you're doing anything wrong at all especially because you split up with him. So you know where your feelings are at. It's not as though you're still grieving that relationship.

You're like ready for something new. So I think go for it and let us know how it goes. I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for you. Let's go. The deal on a new blender squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases.

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we are both really struggling with no way of ending the distance in sight i feel like it's going to end but want to push through would love some advice god you are doing okay that is like the furthest distance you could possibly do yeah that makes me feel like i haven't done long distance. Yeah, UK to Australia was crazy. The time zone. Two times. Like twice in a year. Right. Let me really think about this before I just go give an answer at the top of my head.

Same. Like I clearly did the first time. Well, that turned out to be right, actually. Well, yeah, true. True. But still. What would my advice be i think what makes it harder in the situation is that you don't know when the distance is going to end i think it helps that's what i was going

to say it helps when you have that end goal of like right we know on this date we're going to be together but because you don't have that i think that's what makes this situation a little bit harder even if right you didn't have the end date is one of you gonna move to the uk like is he gonna move to the uk or are you gonna move to australia yeah like do you know that oh you both want to stay where you are because i think factors like that make a huge difference Even if you don't have an end date in sight, is his plan to move to the UK or vice versa? Like, is that the plan? Because if not,

oh, this is like, this is really not what somebody wants to hear. I know when I've been in like long distance relationship, it's not what I want to hear. But I don't know. I would really struggle with that. Because I think when I've been doing long distance stuff I've kind of always had like a day or a time or you know something like that as to when we're going to be together something to look forward to and I think the fact you don't have that is really hard and so I think that's where I'm really struggling to give advice I mean my advice would be

try and figure out like okay so right now I'm really trying to be something that lives in the present and not think so much about the future because I always do that in a relationship I think which isn't necessarily always good because I'm not always as present because I'm like thinking about our future I'm very much trying to be that person now that's like present just think of the now take each day as it comes I think for your situation you can't just take each day as it comes I definitely do think you have to think bigger and so I think my advice would be to have that conversation yeah I think and be like where are we where are we going to end up even if we don't know when it's going to be like you know is he going to move to the uk or are you going to move to australia

yeah it's going to actually happen just having that more like clarity on the situation um like you said that you might obviously you're saying there's no kind of like end to the distance in sight but maybe just bringing the conversation up again obviously you've said that you're feeling like it's going to end and i kind of like is he giving you signs that you know he it's going to end like what is the what kind of why are you feeling like that i'm curious i think that is so hard i think not only is that so far away it's the time zones that make that just so much harder i can't even remember what the time difference is between australia but it's basically when we go to sleep they wake up 12 hours is it 12 hours i think yeah like it's it's so different and you know to last a year you've done amazing and that shows that you

both really want the relationship to work i was about to say it goes to show that you really do love each other yeah that shows such amazing commitment and i think that's so such a beautiful thing to have in a relationship but i think I agree with Saf you need to have that conversation and just try at least to get an answer of some sort of you know where are we going to end up what does a little glimmer of the future look like just to give you that hope in the relationship in order to be able to carry on I think that is probably the best advice i can give because that's a really tough situation my boyfriend's mom doesn't like me we've been together for three years and have bought a house together and have a dog what do i do this is really difficult i couldn't actually imagine i would really struggle the whole

thing is i have so many questions i'm like how do you know she doesn't like you why doesn't she like you yeah yeah i feel as if we need a bit more context yeah to know as to why it happened as to why she doesn't like you but maybe she's just one of those moms that just thinks her son's part like this actually happens quite often yeah that they just think their son's perfect and they're god's gift they see no wrong they see no wrong and it's always the girl's fault so let's just go with that because yeah we don't have a context as to why yeah you know and it's actually quite common i think for parents to not like people's partners definitely it's a lot more common than we probably think yeah i know from like my situation with my brothers if my parents didn't like their girlfriends which they absolutely love

them obviously oh my goodness it'd be so tough it was so like i couldn't even imagine it born i will neither like because you'd feel awkward about bringing them along to like family things or like if i mean the fact that you live together you've got a dog like you're deep in it like you're together together yeah i think i would so i don't know if you don't like her probably don't like her that much considering she doesn't like you yeah but my thing is is at the end of the day it's his mom it's his family and you want to be with him. So the only advice I think I would give is just do everything you can to try and make her like you. Even if you think you're being fake to yourself and it's not actually how you feel and you think and you really have to suck it up. Just do it. And maybe just do something to go out your way that even if, even your worst enemy, if you brought them something they've always wanted

they're gonna think well this is really fucking nice like even if they don't like you they can't not be grateful in that situation you know like i just think maybe you have to do something that even if she knows you're doing it, just because you, just because she knows that you want her to like you, even if she thinks that, it's clear that you're then making an effort. A hundred percent. It's clear that you're then trying and there's nothing else you can do.

You know, you obviously want to be with your partner. Like you live with them. You've got a dog. Like you're, you obviously really want that. And unfortunately it is just something that if you want to be with your partner and his mom doesn't like you it's just something that you are just gonna have to live with but like I said there's

you know there's ways that you can show that you're putting effort in um just to try and make it that little bit easier so I think that's actually a really good idea because I personally wouldn't know what to do in that situation so I feel like you've given really good advice there yeah I think even if she does think oh she's just doing it because she wants me to like her well fuck her if that's her mindset like yeah you are doing it for that reason at least because you are the bigger person yeah exactly and you're being the bigger person in that situation so I think I would whether it's a gif, whether it's a gesture, like, just try lots of things.

All you can do is try. And at least you've tried. And if it doesn't work out, you know that you're the one that's put the effort in, which is a nice thing. Yeah, and even if this sounds like a bit too far, then maybe don't. But even if, and she doesn't take you up on the offer, like, when you see her, you know,

oh, like like we actually have never gone out the two of us it'd actually be nice to really get to know each other like i know me and so and so have been together for three years but like why don't we get some breakfast one time or or like say there's a place that she loves going or always wanted to go like oh i was thinking of booking here for us to i know you you know there's just things you can do you can make an effort that's a good idea and i know it's probably really fucking hard because if i didn't like my boyfriend's partner and their mom didn't like me i would be too stubborn i know i'd be stubborn and i'll be thinking well fuck her then yeah it's like it's so much easier said than done

but i think sometimes you just gotta suck it up agreed i like your advice there or you can invite around for dinner you could cook dinner for her or you mean you might have already tried that one but there's loads of things you could do yeah so definitely try some of those let us know if they work and keep us updated this one my ex still wants to be friends but i still love him is it a bad idea yes one million percent it's a bad idea because the fact you still love him means that being friends with him you're never going to think that relationship has ended yeah you are never going to be able to get over him while still being in love with him and being in contact with him. And it's going to hurt you so much more if he finds somebody else

and you're friends with him. It'd be different if, you know, like you were on a break or something and he had said, let's still be friends for now until we figure out like what we want or whatever. Yeah, because you know you're going to be getting back together. Point blank, he just wants to be friends for good.

You can't be friends with him. You can't. You point blank can't do it. It's not good for your like mental dealing of the situation in any way, shape or form. And I get people have different ways of dealing with things but like going no contact genuinely is the best way to get over someone even though it fucking hurts and it's the last thing you want to do and i'm sure you really want to be friends with him because you're still going to have that little glimmer of hope because you

love him but i promise you in the long run it is not worth it and you will thank yourself so much more if you say no to being friends with him. And then in a couple of years, whatever, when you're completely over the situation, if you two cross paths again, you can be friends, then amazing. But like right now, whilst there's still feelings involved, I just, I don't think you can be friends when there's feelings involved. Yeah, I agree. Let's go.

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The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future. I met a boy I really like. We started chatting and he instigated flirting and then suddenly ended it with me. I was quite upset and although I've accepted it I want answers as to why he ended it but I don't want him to think that I'm still thinking about it or that I'm upset I wondered if you could help first of all that's horrible I think people actually underestimate how much that actually hurts yeah I think when that happens to someone like i've seen it countless

and countless times again and it is horrible when you get attached to somebody even if you're not even together and they've got that attachment it's yeah it's sometimes more actually painful than breaking up with somebody no i actually think so like yeah i think it can be yeah because you can become obsessed with the idea of that person and everything. Yeah. It's not cute. It's really not cute. No.

Right. If it's going to make you feel that much better, I would just point up ask. Yeah. But is he, one, going to tell the tell the exact truth two is it really going to make you feel that much better it might if you really believe it is deep down going to then ask him i don't know if i would personally want to give somebody the satisfaction of the fact that i still care it's really but if it was gonna make me feel that much better finding out then fuck it because at the end of the day who gives a shit if it if it makes if it's like a little bit

in your eyes which it isn't embarrassing for you because you still care like who actually gives a shit you're never going to speak to him again anyways well it's the whole which it isn't, embarrassing for you because you still care. Like who actually gives a shit because you're never going to speak to them again anyways? Well, it's the whole closure thing, isn't it? It's like we've spoken about it before. It's like some people really do require that closure in order to be able to move on and like leave the situation, whereas some people can just forget about it

and they don't care. And obviously in this instant, you really want that closure. And I agree with you because i think i've been able to move on from situations easier when i have a reason why because your mind right now is going to be going a million miles an hour as to thinking of all these different reasons when none of them are probably true so you're just you know do you know what yeah i think probably ask him i don't know if he would

completely tell you the truth that's the only thing i'd say yeah he's like is he actually gonna tell you the truth but you know like even if you think to yourself oh for god's sake like i've given him this ego and it seems like i care we're not gonna speak to him again anyways no it's just so who cares is it gonna really keep playing on your mind for the next like couple of months if you don't know or like and you always need to weigh up are you gonna feel better even if he does lie to you and it's a shitty excuse is that gonna make you feel better or is it not gonna make a difference to you like it is hard because you don't want to give him that satisfaction oh i don't know oh i think by the sounds of it you probably should ask for yourself like if you think it's genuinely going to make that much of a difference because you want answers then do it

because it sounds like you're torturing yourself right now and you're thinking of a million reasons as to why it ended which is not fun for anybody because you're going to be thinking of scenarios that don't exist which is fucking horrible so maybe just maybe just ask him yeah i would i yeah i would say probably just just ask him who cares and you know what if he gets an ego and if he's like oh she still cares that's yeah like who who cares like I know myself I'd be thinking no I can't I can't like I care I that's how I'd be fit exactly how you've described is how I'd be feeling but at the same time you're not going to speak to him anyways if he if he thinks yeah it's ended anyway so if he feels that way that says a lot more about him as well the fact that you know he can get an ego off that or he can and to be honest he probably won't even think like that because it i think a lot of boys that do that have done it countless

times before yeah definitely so he yeah he might not even think anything into it which is obviously a bit shitty but i think for your own peace of mind just ask him it will put your mind to rest and that's like what yeah and if it is like a rubbish like a shit excuse and you know that well that says a lot more about him right yeah and that probably will also make you move on quicker that'll make it because you'll be thinking look at him he's just like yeah he's not even telling me the truth yeah there's nothing bad with like wanting closure and i think in your case it's definitely gonna help so i would definitely just swallow the pill and just ask okay this one i've just seen the beginning of it and i'm like oh his ex is obsessed with him and when i ask anything about her, he laughs and says he doesn't care about her.

What should I do? I don't think there's much else he can do. Like reacting to that situation. But for you to know that his ex is obsessed, like does he still have her on things? Like surely he's blocked her. And surely he's done all of those things. If he's done all of those things and that's his reaction,

then he obviously, to me, he doesn't give a shit. Yeah, because scenarios must have happened in order for you to realise that she's still obsessed with him. Something must have happened. I mean, him laughing and saying he doesn't care, I don't know what is the response you would want him to have like if he's being genuinely serious that he doesn't care and he's finding it funny is that a good response yeah like laughing at her yeah like i i mean i don't know what else

how else you'd want him to respond like is he if you're like asking him direct questions and he's really avoiding them that's slightly different then it's different but yeah if he's just kind of laughing it off like i think that is a response that you'd want because obviously he's with yeah i think so he's with you he's not with her but obviously then your mind's probably thinking why is she still obsessed with him is he giving her anything back in order to make her still obsessed? Maybe your brain's maybe going that way. But, and I think if he knows that, if he's laughing about it and saying, I don't care,

clearly you're asking him. So if he hasn't done all of those things, like blocked her and all this other stuff, then I think that's a bit weird. Yeah, a hundred percent i think my ex was obsessed with me whilst i was in a relationship i just block them even if i like them as a person just for my boyfriend's sake i would just block them because i just think well it's not really fair is it yeah you're in a new relationship now like it's not fair to keep

maybe yeah let us know if he has her blocked i'm curious and let us know like if you know if you try to ask him questions and how he's responded to those questions if yeah you know if he's avoiding it all or if he genuinely is just laughing like i actually i think we need more context for this one yeah i think so because as a whole i think that's a good reaction. Yeah, me too. If he just laughed. Seems like he's laughing at her. So that's kind of what you want, I guess.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, the final one. I fancy this boy who works in the local shop. We have good flowing conversations, but I don't know if that is just him being friendly and doing his job. I want to ask him out, but how do I start a conversation like this what if he doesn't feel the same so you've got a crush I love this for you it's actually so cute I love that like you stop that must be so cute

like going into the shop every time and you're like excited to see him because you fancy him yeah and do you know what it's got to be it's got to be harder for him because he's at work so he can't just ask you yeah because he might not be able to overstep that line at work okay question has he asked for your name like does he know does he know what you do does he know your name like i think if he had a general interest in you he would have at least asked for your name like if you're going into the same place again and again, maybe follow him on Instagram. Instead of starting the conversation in person.

It's very this generation. But I would say, oh, what's your Instagram? Yeah, I think maybe do that and follow him. And then if he messages you on Instagram, then you've got your kind of sign that like, okay, he's interested. Rather than doing it in person over the shop counter because that might be awkward other people would hear and you'd probably i would feel awkward yeah but by you asking for his instagram

that's like you shooting your shot in a very like mild way but like you wouldn't yeah you could be like oh my god i've always see you in here what's your instagram yeah i think that's the nice way that's so cool i think do that and let us what's your instagram yeah i think that's so cool i think do that and let us know how it works out i think that's your best bet like great advice great advice i because wow this is so embarrassing i've done this well this wasn't that long ago actually there's this guy who works in a pub near me and me and Freya have said for years that he's like gorgeous and I me and Byron spent like 45 minutes a couple months ago laying in bed trying to find him on Instagram to follow him because I didn't have the confidence to go and ask for his Instagram

so I've been there done that and it's fine did you find him we found him yeah but then when we followed him he had no pictures since like 2018 so i was like okay he's really not an instagram user um no and also is it not a bit weird that you found him on instagram when you haven't actually asked for it yeah babe i haven't showed my face in the pub since because i'm awfully embarrassed so i made freya follow him as well so i think just ask him i don't think go search for his no i think you just ask him because take it from me and make it a lot less awkward because if you find him it's giving yeah and i did do that so don't do that yeah thank you all so much for listening i hope we have given some half decent advice like we said we're not experts we're just we're unofficial

experts in this dating industry we're giving the friends advice you know if you're our friend you sat here this is the advice we'll be giving you exactly so be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on spotify so you don't miss out on any other future goss and we will see you on thursday for our bonus episode bye everyone see you guys then bye