Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 107. Dating Dilemmas: Chemistry With Your BFF's Boyfriend?!

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

Today, we’re back with one of our favourite types of episodes - answering YOUR dating dilemmas! And this week, we’re tackling some brutal topics and offering some serious advice…What do you do if you have chemistry with your bff’s boyfriend? How to deal with an ex getting back in contact? And finally, what do you do if your new partner is keeping you a secret from everyone? Tune in to hear our hot takes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply.

The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs? And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600.

Visit connectsontario.ca. let's go hi guys and welcome back to another episode of sex lies and dm slides with me saffron barker and me anastasia kingsnorth we are back with our favorite episodes of all time we are dating dilemma which always feel guilty about saying this because it's your dating dilemmas and don't like anyone to go through tragic stories but some of them are actually why we say this every time we're like are some of these even real because they are actually that crazy but honestly sometimes we get provided like provided like literal evidence and i'm like oh my god and they followed it up with receipts but we always will keep everybody anonymous so we will never name and shame anyone out here so if you ever have a dating dilemma

please send it to our instagram page sex lives podcast because we do regularly check the dms and even people send them to like our personal like accounts and stuff and i read them and i'm like this shit is crazy and like saf said we get evidence we get you know people like once we speak about them on the podcast as all people provide us with more evidence i'm like oh my god this is amazing not for you so i do apologize but for us to read and dissect we absolutely love it so yeah please make sure to send them through to our instagram should we just get straight into it because i feel like we've got some juicy ones today let's let's go for it okay Okay, the first one.

I sense a flirty spark with my boyfriend's best friend, but I know I will never go there. Am I a bad person? Wow. I mean, listen, my opinion. If you're laughing because you're like this everyone don't say it no i i actually don't think you're a bad like listen if you're not going to go there you're not a bad person like sometimes people have chemistry and it doesn't mean that you're you should be together

like it could be that you also have chemistry with your boyfriend's best friend which is not very convenient it's quite annoying um but as long as you're not doing anything wrong I don't you know I don't think I don't think you're a bad person I don't think you should think if you look at yourself as a bad person if you're actually doing nothing wrong you can't help that you you know you kind of like feel that like you genuinely can't help that the difference is is whether or not of like feel that like you genuinely can't help that. The difference is, is whether or not you act upon it, which you're not. That is so true. Yeah, you've, you know, you've said and you've stated you're never going to go there.

So that's fair enough. But like I've said, sometimes you do just have that kind of chemistry with people that you just can't go for. It's like, I'm interested to know what sort of chemistry this is is he like fully dropping like hints that he likes you like what sort of things is he doing and saying to give you this like flirty spark or is that just him but then i feel as if he's not said anything because if he had i don't think it would just be a flirty do you think it's more like eye contact yeah or maybe just like joking and stuff and she like takes it as like flirting which if anything he's a bad person because he shouldn't be doing it's his best mate like i'm not doing that to my best like my best

mate you know i'm not flirting with her boyfriend you should not be doing that it's never gonna happen yeah even if i thought they were attractive it's never gonna happen i wouldn't even look at them like that like the minute they start talking to them they're out of bounds yeah and you don't even look at them as like they're an attractive person you look at them as they're my best friend's boyfriend i couldn't even remotely find them attractive so you know even if you did it's like so i really think if anything he's the he's not that any of your bad people listen but you know what i mean he should not be flirting with you at all if if that is what he's doing so overall like you said you're not going to act on it you've acknowledged it you're not going to act on it so i don't think you're a bad person like

it's not your fault unless there's like feelings and a flirty spark on your end as well it's not your fault that he's doing this to you are you reciprocating it i'm intrigued to know but you know you're not a bad person you're not gonna act on it so i honestly wouldn't worry about it it's obviously just puts you in a bit of an uncomfortable position with it being his best friend because every time you're around him now what is he gonna do is he gonna continue this flirt even like you know it just makes everything a little bit complicated but babe you're fine you're not gonna act upon it so you're not a bad person for noticing a flirty spark that was more like on his end yeah let's go

at pens oil we have one job pioneering a motor oil so advanced you don't have to think about your motor oil instead you can think't have to think about your motor oil instead you can think about how your engine sounds how your stomach feels as the rpms build how your wheels hug the curves and how with the pens oil platinum up to 15 year 800 000 kilometer protection guarantee your adventures will be many pens oil long may we drive available at your local canadian tire enrollment required Keep your receipts. Other conditions apply. See Pennzoil.ca slash warranty for full details.

TD and your small business go together like... TD's small business account managers have in-depth business banking expertise. So they can give you the advice and resources you need to make your day-to-day easier. So if you're ready to meet your small business match, we're ready for you. Visit td.com slash small business match to book an appointment with one of our advisors. let's go okay I feel insecure because my partner has been with people who are more attractive than me it's affecting my confidence how do I deal first of all this makes me sad second of all I think it's listen I think everybody has insecurities and I think what's, listen, I think everybody has insecurities. And I think what's to know is, like, there's no, if he's with, I think you need to realize that if he wanted to be of that person who you think, you think, by the way, is more attractive than you. He hasn't said that. If he wanted to be with them, he would.

And I think you just need to remind yourself that, well, if he wanted to be with them he would and I think you just need to remind yourself that well if he wanted to be with her he would be with her like obviously there probably is such thing as like perfect on paper right like if somebody said what does a perfect person look like you could probably write it on paper but all of us wouldn't agree that that's the most perfect person like every one of us will find like who I think who I would dream to look like would be completely different to who Anna would dream to look like there is no perfect person and actually what makes people more attractive also is personality like you could be the best looking person in the world but if you have an ugly

personality that does not make you attractive at all so yeah like you might sit there and think that oh yeah this girl's prettier than me but she might have the worst personality you've ever seen in your life that does not make somebody attractive and so I think you just need to constantly remind yourself that if he wanted to be with her he would be with her yeah and he doesn't because he's with you yeah and he's chosen to be with you and I know it's so much easier said than done but I don't think comparing yourself to this girl is going to help you in any way whatsoever no I think I mean we literally just did a podcast episode on comparing relationships and you know you can also do that in the sense of you're comparing yourself to other people but that is the worst thing you can do because just reiterating what Saf has said he is with you because he loves you

and he thinks you are beautiful and it is so easy to compare yourself to other girls especially if you're feeling that little bit insecure anyway we've all done it everybody compares themselves to different people that they see on the internet it's unfortunately a very natural thing that we do in this day and age but I can't really add anything else to what Saf said she worded it perfectly he's with you because he loves you and he's not with her or them anymore so I think you're with him enjoy the relationship and you're beautiful like I know as hard as it is to like see yourself as beautiful when you're feeling insecure but you're you and you're individual and you're like beautiful and I just yeah I can't reiterate it enough like what's that said was perfect and I think also as

well I think if you don't and I'm not saying you don't I genuinely I do not know you at all but if you don't have self-love like quite frankly it probably doesn't even matter what she looks like if you don't have love for yourself you're always going to compare so I think if I was in that situation and I was constantly comparing myself to my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend I think I'd more stop looking at her and think okay what would make me feel better within myself because I'm gonna work on those things and become the best version of myself and I think that's really important like rather than looking at her look at yourself and think what would make me feel more confident you know and I genuinely think that would make you a happier person because like

comparing yourself to that girl is genuinely going to do nothing the only way you're going to feel better is if you feel better within yourself I think that's probably one of the best ways to do that I think you've literally you've hit the nail on the head wow she's she's on the advice today that one and swam with it she killed killed that. And she ran with it. She ran with it. She killed that one. Okay, next one. My boyfriend and I have different views on the future, like where to live or whether to have kids.

We're happy now, but I'm worried these differences will become a bigger issue later. Is this a major problem? I have an opinion. Okay, go on. Do you want to go first? Do you have an opinion? Yeah, I think these things are so hard it's i have an opinion okay god you want to go do you have an opinion yeah i think these things are so hard because they are major things where you're going to live are you going

to have children you know and for me those things aren't things i would budge on like if i want to have kids i want to have kids for me obviously you've passed this point now but I always ask those questions really early on but of course things can change in relationships and people can change their minds oh fuck I don't know go on what were you gonna what were you gonna say yeah I think I think it's a really difficult situation and I think I think first of all my answer would be different depending on how long you've been together if it's a new relationship I think people's opinions change all the time you know I could get into a relationship and be like no I don't want to move to America I want

to live here forever then I spend years with this person and I'm like fuck I'd move to America for them my opinion can very quickly change I think if you've been with this person for a very long time, I don't think yours or his opinion is now going to change. Because if it was going to change, it was going to change years ago. So I think if you've been together for a very long time, and I don't, it's hard because I'm telling you my opinion, but I don't want to make it worse for you. But as a friend, if I was giving advice, I can't see how their opinion would change.

And it's very hard because I think it's like, do you know what? Live in the moment and take it for what it is. Because why end something that is so beautiful and perfect now for something that might happen in the future? That's the way I partly see it but also I'm I think if you've been together years and years and say it was they didn't want kids they're not going to budge on that you know eventually it's it's not going to work I can't see how it's going to budge so So I can't see how their opinion is going to change. So I personally would see that as a problem. If you've been with them for a very long time, and I know it's not very nice to hear.

Yeah, I, yeah, because I don't know. Yeah, I think it's very much live in the moment, take it for what it is. You don't know what the future is going to hold. But also if you've been together that long, I can't see why then it's going to change. And I think that's probably, it sounds like you have had lots of conversations about it, but I think it probably needs like a serious conversation. I think you need to seriously sit down and, you know, we're using the example of kids. Cause I do think that was quite a big one. Um and you know we're using the example of kids because I do think that's quite a big one um you know if one of you want kids and the other doesn't that's quite a big deal yeah and I can't see many people who want kids going it's fine I won't have kids I just can't see that

happening so I think that does hold for quite a big conversation. I do think that probably is a major problem in my opinion. But again, I think it's dependent on how long you've been together because somebody cannot think they want kids and you've been together, you know, three months. But after years of you, they might think, actually, I can really see myself having a family of this person. I mean, so, you know, opinions can change. I deeply apologize for how the brutal

honesty of this question because I felt like it we are just saying like yes it is a problem but it is really hard like Saf just said people can change their minds you know I know some of my friends who did not want to have kids at all and then they met that person and it changed their mind and now they can't wait to start a family but it is very dependent on how long you've been together and obviously you've had the conversations to and to know where you're both stood but like Saf said I think one serious big serious conversation needs to be had because it's one of those things isn't it where it's like you can stay with that person because you're so happy now but then what happens if you get to 30 or 35

and the other person still doesn't want kids the other person still isn't budging on where they want to live and you still want kids it's like then you've got to 35 and are you going to sit there and think what the fuck have i done do i now regret staying with this person i think there's just a lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts that you could have um obviously you're the only person in this relationship you're the only one who truly knows how you both feel but I do think you should have one big conversation and say is this something that you're going to budge on it is something that we can talk about and if it really isn't like a negotiable thing then make your decision upon that.

Because yeah, for me, like, you know, I really want to have kids. So if my partner said to me, he definitely does not want to have kids. That is a problem to me. That is definitely a problem to me. So I think you're, I think you just need to have one big conversation.

And I do apologize for the brutal honesty. Because I feel like the answers just aren't nice in this situation, but you will be fine either way um but just make sure you have one big conversation yeah god I feel bad I know me too okay the next one my boyfriend promised to take me on his best trip but hasn't made any plans yet it's making me feel unimportant should I bring it up or wait for them to take an and or wait for them to take an initiative i

god if it's me i'd probably bring it up but because if i'm sat here thinking about it i know at some point i'm gonna do it anyways it's the fact that i might as well just say it now the fact that he's mentioned he's going to be taking you on a big trip. I think like if it was a surprise and it just been booked. That would have been better because now it's like you're waiting around. For it to happen. So it's. Oh, that's really hard.

I, I probably would mention it. Would I do it in a jokey way or a more serious way i don't know yeah i definitely do it like in a jokey way i wouldn't seriously be like i don't know like even like heartedly you could be like oh so what's happening to that trip that we're going on there and then i laugh and just like throw it into a very casual conversation rather than like babe we need to talk what has happened to that big trip yeah i think that's a bit dramatic yeah you know but i think yes the throwing it into conversation in more of a jokey tone then you can kind of figure your answer because of course that's going to play on your mind like that i'd be so excited like my boyfriend said to me we're going

to go on this trip blah blah but then there was no other mention of it i would just i would sit and think oh like has he forgot like you know what what's the deal with this yeah i think definitely bring it up just do it more in a jokey tone just do it in a jokey way yeah and i think there's nothing wrong because it could be that he's literally planning it you know yeah it might just take longer than he originally planned or you know he might be saving up or whatever yeah i think just to clear your mind just mention it in a jokey way like light-hearted throw a comment about it then you know the answer there's nothing wrong with that i think that's probably the best option and then do that and then let us know please do a follow-up and let us know what happens yeah and i want to know where he's taking you this is

very exciting i want to know same i was about to say this best be a bloody good trip now it's a special trip so oh is it a special trip because but then no i'm thinking is he gonna be proposed to her but then yeah same i literally was like wait but what do you say like it's a special trip i don't know maybe he is proposing and it's just taking a lot longer to sort things out but i don't want to put oh no we're gonna get excited i'm so sorry i've now i just read it back it's a special trip i was like hmm but then maybe it's just taking longer than they thought but just chuck it in in a jokey way yeah let's go after decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors sunnybrook was the only hospital in canada who could provide andy with something special three neurosurgeons two

scientists one movement disorders coordinator 58 answered questions two focused ultrasound We'll be right back. Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at Sunnybrook.ca slash special. Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting edge facilities and a best in Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. Let's go. My boyfriend has a very close friend of the opposite sex and their closeness sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable i trust my boyfriend but i can't shake the jealousy how should i approach this without seeming controlling

i feel like you hit me at this one come on see this is so hard because i think you've said that about every every question you're like this is so hard because i think you've said that about every every question you're like this is so hard because i always relate it to like different things but like i have a lot of friends that are the opposite sex so i can understand why like this is a tricky one but because like for me when i go into a relationship and i'm talking about all of my friends a lot of them they're all boys and now a lot a lot of my friends are gay which obviously you like see i do them that makes a difference it does make a difference if they were all straight guys and you was with a guy i think it'd be harder yes but then all my home

friendship group all straight guys they've all got girlfriends but they're all straight guys so most of your friends most of my friends are guys so it is really hard because some boys will probably be like why is she friends with so many so many guys and it also doesn't help that i've now wrote about you know sleeping with byron so that's really good love that for any of my future relationships that probably really doesn't actually help the situation i did not think that one through i i think it depends on how like how long your boyfriend has been close to this girl because if he's been best friends with her his entire life like i do not see that as a threat whatsoever they could have been childhood best friends and grown up together and that is you

know that like they're just their best friends if it's a recently new friend that has kind of cropped apart at the blue and it's a bit like oh where has she come from why is he wanting to spend a lot of time with her then I would be a little bit concerned so that's my I think it depends on how long they've been friends with each other and yeah I don't know what do you think that was so cute what do you think um no yeah I mean I agree I think again you don't want to make matters worse, but if you have been feeling like this for a very long time, I still think it's better saying something.

Think how you say it's really important. Like, you know, if it has been his best friend since he was younger, like, you know, it might piss him off to a certain degree. But I still do think, my thing is is if it's bothering you you feel some sort of jealousy you probably naturally even if you don't mean to act different when he sees her like you probably do little things that he might even already have got the hint anyways or like there will be some way that you may be more standy office with him without even noticing so i just think you are better saying something

i think how you say it is really important yeah because because this gives like yeah like you don't want to you don't want to upset him you don't want to because him. You don't want to, because, you know, if he's doing nothing wrong. But I still think you probably are better. I think you should say something and be like, even if, right, this is an example. If it was me, maybe I would say something along the lines of, also, right, let's just give her the name Hannah. I know you and Hannah have been like friends for years and years and years and I know it's completely only like that but I just wanted to ask you know has there ever been anything there just because it's really hard for me like I don't have any guy friends so it's really weird I don't know like it's really hard because I'm not going

through this but I'd probably say you know like I don't have guy friends so it's really hard because i'm not going through this but i'd probably say you know like i don't have guy friends so it's really hard for me to like see you have like a girl best friend because it'd be really strange for me if i had a guy best friend but i completely get it like i know you've been friends for years and years but this is just how i feel and i didn't want to say it to make you feel a certain way i think just really consider how he would be feeling um and you don't want it to look like you're a really jealous person but also at the same time I think explain to him he needs to understand it from your point of view as well I think you have every right to feel how you feel and I'm trying to I'm trying to think of it from his point of view because I would

technically be him in this situation and I'm trying to think if it from his point of view because i would technically be him in this situation and i'm trying to think if if a boyfriend said to me you know you and so and so it makes me feel uncomfortable i'm trying to think how i would react in a sense of like how they approached me with the situation and but if they did it nicely would you then just not think to yourself okay well when i see byron for an example I'll try and invite my boyfriend too. Yeah, I think I would do it in that sense. I would, you know, invite them to spend more time with each other. I would find it really hard to change how I am with my friends because that's how I've always been with them.

Exactly. But I think if you understood where they was coming from. Yes, then I can make little effort and things like that like inviting them places and being like you know to involve them both together and just to make the situation more comfortable yeah i would find it really hard to change my actions but maybe that was just because like how we all are as a friendship group anyway um well and you shouldn't have to yes because they're your best because they're your best friends yes you shouldn't have to but then i do i also on the other end do understand how it can

make a partner feel uncomfortable so i think you're well within your rights to feel how you're feeling and i think saf said it's so right just approach the situation with caution like i think it's all about how you say it and you know he loves you he's your boyfriend he will definitely you know take those feelings and thoughts into consideration and hopefully make the situation a little bit more comfortable for everybody and you know he will understand that if he loves you he will understand that if someone said that to me i would understand it and i would you know i wouldn't want to make my boyfriend feel any type of way so i think you're not coming across as jealous or anything like that

i think just speak to him but do it in a very respectful way because it is one of his best friends unless unless it's not one of his best friends and he's just met her two months ago and he's spending a lot of time with her then i would be a little bit more pissed off but we've done it on the basis of they've been best friends for a very long time yep yeah um okay my ex keeps reaching out and being friendly but also flirts with other people in front of me i'm confused about their intentions should i confront them or keep my distance i think first of all wish we had more context because it depends how you broke up yeah I think how you broke up actually makes such a difference because when I hear being friendly to you but also flex with other people in front of you that makes me think that he's doing that to make you jealous I thought the

exact I massively think that like I very very very much think that but it depends how you split up like did he you know if you broke up with him and he's still in love with you then i absolutely think that's what he's doing whereas if he broke up with you i more so i think that's really quite weird because also if you broke up with somebody why would you flirt in front of them that's not a very nice thing to do so his intentions there aren't very nice at all see by her saying or by the person saying my ex keeps reaching out and being friendly i would assume that they split up with her because but maybe this is just the way that i work but like if i got broken up with i wouldn't then reach out to them and flirt in front of them

because they don't care anymore they've broken up with i wouldn't then reach out to them and flirt in front of them because they don't care anymore they've broken up with me yeah unless it was like a mutual thing yeah unless it was a mutual decision but i would when i read that i naturally assumed that maybe he broke up with her and then he's reaching out maybe out of a little bit of regret and being friendly or you know that's why he's flirting in front of you because he is trying to make you a bit jealous people play games i can't see why else you'd flirt in front of your ex neither people other than trying to make them jealous yeah like there's in my eyes there's not really any other reason why you do that yeah people or unless you

just weren't a very nice person people play games like people do play games and it's so annoying because nobody likes a fucking game but people do play them and i can completely understand why you're intent like you don't know what his intentions are because i wouldn't really either like that would really confuse me because one minute i'm like you're being super friendly with me now you're flirting with this girl make it make sense like i said boys at games maybe he is doing it because he does still like you and he wants to get a reaction out of you and he wants to kind of get to you but that's a very childish thing to do i'm not into all of that shit i can't be bothered for that shit

no i really yeah i think like i said it depends on how you split up as to how you approach this situation now. I don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning it to him. And just being like. But then it's also. But also it's how you broke up. Because say he cheated on you. Like no.

Let me tell you. You are not worth that. No yeah for real. So no you shouldn't confront him. But you shouldn't even reply to his friendly messages. And you should just keep your distance. But if even reply to his friendly messages and you should just keep your distance but if it was like a mutual thing and you split like yes say something like you don't need to say something and make it a massive deal but just say something lightheartedly

like oh it seems like you flirt with most girl like why are you doing that like why are you being so friendly with me and then i don't really like i would probably just say i don't really get what your intentions are but then another part of my like maybe this is like the toxic part but i'm like does he want her to notice that he's flirting with other girls so then like it bothers her so then she speaks about it to him so he knows that it's bothered her does that make sense yeah yeah yeah and i'm like oh why is that could why could i mean but then if he's someone like that then absolutely keep your distance yeah because you don't want like you know him more so than we know him like we don't know who he is we don't know how you broke up so i think yeah if he's that sort of person

absolutely keep your distance yes but like i don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning it and just bring up because it's obviously playing on your mind which it naturally would anyway if an ex kept doing that so i think either just don't respond to their messages and don't respond to them and completely block them out or speak to them about it and just see if they'll give you a straight answer i mean if he's flirting with i'd why boys are actually shit man i actually don't understand these games in 2024 are just not cute anyway he's up they're all having their brat summer they've always had their brat boys have been on brat summer since like 2000 so i've noticed that my friend's boyfriend is behaving inappropriately or even flirtatiously with others including myself i'm not sure if i should tell my friend or stay

out of it what should i do that i think that's actually hard no do you know what i think if he if he if you've seen him flirting with others say something i don't want it yourself i think that's what can really affect the friendship like if my best friend's boyfriend was flirting with me i would immediately think oh my fucking god this is so weird but i think i would say something to him i think i would say to him what the fuck are you doing yeah more so than her because i think it would really affect your friendship like don't get me wrong like if he had tried to sleep with me or something yeah i would say something to her if he's throwing flirty comments i think i would say something to him initially and be like what the fuck are you doing if you do that again i'm gonna tell her it's so but i don't think i would

necessarily say something it's hard i'd always want to tell my friends anything but i do really think it could affect your friendship whereas Whereas, I don't know, if he was doing it with other people and I'd seen it, the first thing I'd do is tell my friend. I'm trying to put myself in like- I'd be like, you won't fucking believe it, but he's just been flirting with so-and-so. Yeah, I'm putting myself in the shoes

of if this was me and my boyfriend and my boyfriend had been flirting with my friend, how would I feel if they didn't tell me and if they said something to him first? Yeah, see, that's where I'm like- I'm like, I think in my personal situation, situation i'm like would i prefer to know probably if my boyfriend was my friend because then if it went on and like two months down the line my friend said to me you know i tried to say something to him but he has still been doing it i would yeah in my head

i'd be like why did you just tell me two months ago because now i've been with him for two months and he's been flirting with you i feel like a dickhead true i actually i think uh i think because i was thinking like if it was no true actually you should tell you should tell your best friend a hundred percent because it's not your i think it's really hard though because what if it was like what okay so say it was my boyfriend and her and it was one thing that you thought was flirty one thing he'd said you thought was one thing towards me one thing he'd said yeah i think and i'm so in love imagine i'm so in love with this boy we've been together for a year you've never seen him do anything else and he'd thrown one comment at you if it was just one comment i'd maybe wait until he see if he did

it again because i'm like have I read that wrong or is that just him being see that's I think that's like when I said like I don't know if I'd say something straight away yeah he's like am I reading the situation wrong or are you being yeah I think if he did it but I think I would say something to him straight away though yeah if if say if your boyfriend said something to me I'd be like oh you can't be saying that blah blah what you on about like I think I'd try and like chuck something back like that in like a jokey manner but then if they did it again i'd be like right no no i've i've i have read this right i've got to tell my friend now i've got to tell them and especially i mean yeah especially if i'd seen

your boyfriend flirting with somebody in a bar or your boyfriend doing you know oh my god immediately best time running over to you yeah i'm like do you need the toilet because you need toilet the eyes the girl's eyes yeah everyone gets yeah that's the sort of face i'd be doing but yeah it is hard when it's to you because it's like are you reading the situation wrong or is he just being over but like i personally would prefer my friend just to tell me i think and because if it did get a couple months down the line, I probably would just be like, oh, I wish I knew. But like I wouldn't blame my friend for it at all.

But I just I would actually prefer to know. But I think it's going to be personal opinion on that one because some people would rather not. Yeah. Oh, she asked what should she do? No, that's actually true. No. Yeah.

I think the conclusion is you gotta tell your friend yeah i think yeah 100 i think you've got to especially because you're saying that you've noticed he's been inappropriate with others as well like it's not just you then a hundred yeah you've got to tell your friend sap The King Living fall sale is on now. Save up to 50% on selected Australian design award-winning furniture. So why buy ordinary furniture when you can come home to King? Sale on now. Shop online or visit a King Living showroom today.

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Scrolling TikTok and avoiding your chem homework. Chegg here. Hot take. You've seen enough Bama Rush, ASMR keyboard, and viral dance videos for one day. Let's lock in and start that assignment. If you need a little help, lean on Chegg's expert-supported learning tools. I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you. Small steps today means big wins tomorrow with Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this. Okay, my best friend's ex has started showing interest in me and I feel the same way. However, I'm worried about how my friend will react if we start dating.

Is it worth pursuing and how should I approach my friend about it? No, it's not worth pursuing. I promise you, yeah, it is actually not worth it. Like, ruining your friendship. I don't know how long you've been friends with this person, but friends stick around a lot longer than relationships and it'd be different if you know like your whole life you've been in love with this guy no no i'm sorry you can flirt and you can find someone else it'd

be different if you oh i don't i don't know because honestly like no it's not worth it to ruin your friendship absolutely not i think it'd be different if it was like a very very new friend of yours and you'd been in love with this guy and you've always felt as if there was something there and you genuinely thought this is your life partner then you know honestly on the like maybe but if this is like your friend that you've like loved and gone through everything like there's just no it's absolutely not worth ruining your friendship it depends how long they were with this person for like were they with this person for five years were they with this person for two months yeah but i still don't think that makes a difference

it's still your friend there's not one part of me that would go near any of the people you have ever slept or dated with no so if i was in that situation like i just can't i could never imagine having that conversation with you like babe i've you know i've fallen in love with you're right like i just i think it'd be different also maybe their ex like years and years and years ago and they've had absolutely nothing towards him but again i think it's only actually worth it if genuinely you think this could be your life partner how would you feel then if i turn around to you now and your first boyfriend and i said to you i'm in love with him head over i'd say babe have him because it wouldn't affect me in no babe i genuinely would not give a shit but would you think it would be that no part of me you wouldn't care would you

not think it'd be weird if i then like turned up and with i'm with your ex and he's now my boyfriend and we're doing best friend double dates with your ex-boyfriend well like I would think it's weird that you would no like I wouldn't think it's weird in the sense of always made me feel uncomfortable like honestly no part I think I think it's weird that you'd find them attractive but we don't have the same time yeah at all I think I think that would be the weirdest thing for me but I don't think I think it's also because that would be so i think i think it's weird that you'd want that yes but me i genuinely would not give two shits i wouldn't even i wouldn't say to anyone i can't believe i've done that not one but that wouldn't come out my mouth yeah that's because i think we're

so far yeah we're so far past that boy that like yeah i mean honestly any of my exes have any of them if you want because good luck yeah no actually good luck why do you know one of my exes is so lovely yeah but exes but personally even so i'd be thinking i know not one thing would bother me in the slightest so for me i'd probably just say to my friends maybe don't get rid of my exes more so yeah because good luck you have seen everything that's happened probably wouldn't recommend that but i personally don't think it's worth pursuing and i know that's really hard because you both feel the same way about each other and that must be really fucking shit because when you like someone like you know what it's like, do you really like someone?

But like Saf said, friendships are for lifetime. Boys do come and go. And in that situation, I would treasure my friendship with like my best friend or my friend. Rather than. Yeah. Me getting with that boy. Yeah.

Facts. Oh, that's hell. Okay. Okay. Last one. one last one i'm dating i feel like these have been quite serious ones today that obviously is always serious but normally i feel like they're wild stories whereas right today i feel like i'm really giving like my actual advice advice yeah i meant actual like deep deep the same okay this last one then i'm dating someone who wants to keep our relationship a secret because they fear their friends won't approve it's making me feel like they're ashamed of me should i continue with the relationship under these conditions i think that's absolutely bizarre no way not oh wait if you are in secret, personally, I'm like, that boy has something else to hide.

100%. The only way I'd say secret is fine is, and I know this probably sounds like one rule for one or not for the other, but like, my next boyfriend I'm not sharing online. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. I'm not sharing them online. Not because they're a secret, well, they are a secret, but I think the difference is, is I'm going to get millions of people's opinions yes and i can't quite frankly be bothered for that anymore i've been there and i've done that so i think that's different but the difference is with that like

you would still introduce your boyfriend to all of your friends and your family these are saying like this person's saying they won't even introduce him to to their friends yeah no he's because his friends won't approve absolutely fucking yeah like in our instance like i would be so skeptical to share a boyfriend online purely because i don't want those opinions of everybody else yeah do i want my friends your friends and family i mean that's just of course crazy like that's like that's how you build a relationship by you know meeting their friends meeting their family you will you become a couple and then you do things as as a group and like that is just how you build on the relationship so for me i look at that situation straight away and i'm like he's got something to hide and i

personally not be having 100 yeah that is the biggest red flag and you need to get out of it i don't think and that is how we're ending this podcast episode on you yeah i don't think he's ashamed of you i don't think it's that at all. You should, there's nothing that, there's not one part of you that should feel like he feels ashamed of you. I think this is a him problem being sly

and hiding something. So do not feel like it is. And you are worth so much more than somebody that's hiding you. It is not a you problem at all. And we'll end it on that note.

It is not a you problem. Sly. Well, thank you guys for sending in all of your dilemmas and i hope that we did help in some way or another um really really tried to give our best advice today so i'm really hoping that it does help and like always you can send us in your send us on dms um whether it be on our sex lies, Instagram page or our personal pages. Yes. Send us in your dilemmas and we can definitely answer more. And also do let us know which is your favorite podcast episodes to watch.

These are our favorite to film. Don't know if it's your favorite to listen to and to watch, but do let us know. And we should see you on Thursday with another bonus episode. Bye everyone. Bye. Sex size and DM size is a Spotify original podcast. It was produced by Spirit Studios.