Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 108. Should we always tell the truth?

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Today, we’re back with one of our favourite types of episodes - answering YOUR dating dilemmas! And this week, we’re tackling some brutal topics and offering some serious advice…What do you do if you have chemistry with your bff’s boyfriend? How to deal with an ex getting back in contact? And finally, what do you do if your new partner is keeping you a secret from everyone? Tune in to hear our hot takes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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love filming those episodes because some of the stories just absolutely crazy and we really actually did try and give our best advice ever so i hope you guys appreciated it and don't forget you can send in your dilemmas whenever and we can try and give our best unprofessional advice that we have keyword being unprofessional there yes but we will we will give you our best friendly as if you are our best friends advice so do send them in if you ever do need some advice um but today we are tackling another thought and very big question and that is should we always tell the truth in relationships when is honesty the best policy and when might it be better to withhold certain truths and how do we handle the truth telling when it comes to our friends relationships okay how important is honesty in a relationship anna i don't think

you have a relationship unless you have honesty facts like point blank period you don't have a relationship you have to be honest with your partner or your other half in order for that relationship to grow and to work if you're if you can't build a relationship on lies it's going to crumble down it's not going to work what i mean i know you're going to say the same thing but what do you think no i completely disagree imagine you're like no fucking lie my way through life no i mean yeah it goes without saying of course I you've literally spoken the words that would have come out of my mouth so I'm not gonna repeat everything but yeah like it's why would you even want to be in a relationship where you just lie like that's not even you're not even yeah there's

no other answer um so I guess how can being truthful foster trust and intimacy between partners? I think it builds like when you're being truthful and honest with each other, it builds that intimacy naturally because you're being so open with each other that you're getting to know that person on a complete truthful and open level. Of course, that is naturally going to build your intimacy yeah and i think even if right you thought oh no i'm gonna lie to them because it's an answer they want to hear yeah your whole life say you was with them forever or whatever the whole time you're with them or your whole life you are living a lie like that's not even a life for you to live like that's not like genuinely that's not enjoyable and also even if it is an answer they'd rather hear if somebody loves you they're always going to want to know the truth

even if it does hurt them initially more they're always going to want to know the truth like I know in my past relationships I've heard things from my exes that I didn't like hearing but I'd actually at least I know the truth like I always know now so I know that he's not the fact that I know you're not lying to me yet I didn't want to hear that you know even if it was like their body count and I thought oh that was the worst thing I could ever heard in my whole life I'd actually rather know it because at least I know it now me too and it's hard because yeah and it's hard because sometimes I do think little things what they don't know doesn't hurt them like when it comes to things like body count for an example one of my exes had the most

disgusting body count i've ever heard like you you've never in your life had anything you're thinking of a number but i promise you it's worse it's it's five times the number you're thinking of and you're thinking of a fucking high number, right? So part of me is like, well, if I didn't know that, that wouldn't hurt me. You know, but then I'm just like being honest. Yeah. Makes you a good person. It's like, if you didn't know it wouldn't hurt you,

but if you asked him and he lied and then you found out at a later date that he lied, that would hurt you. Exactly. So I just think being honest in every situation is just the best thing you can do yeah and it's a special like especially like crucial situations in the sense of like financial matters health issues like significant life decisions it's like when we were speaking about you know on our previous episode when we talked about dilemmas when she was saying that

you know what her partner doesn't want kids she wants kids like she he wants to live in one place she wants to live in another place you have to be honest about these things because these are like big life decisions that can really affect a person like like i mean this is a very deep lie but like say if you said that you know you want to have kids and of course things can change but if you lied the whole time you didn't want to have kids those are things that can really affect a person or like they were saying like financial matters everything like that is there's such deep issues that really build relationships that are so crucial to be honest

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Because I'm trying to think of it. I know I've said silly things like, when I'm getting to know someone, oh, I like this sort of food. I don't. Or I like this sort of food. I don't. Or I like this sort of music. No, I don't. Yeah, I feel like I wouldn't do that now.

But yeah, I've definitely done that in the past. Yeah, I've done it too. And it's like, well, what's the point? Because they're also falling in love with somebody that don't even exist. Because like cooking, for example, I remember I used to tell, you know, oh yeah, I'm a really good cook.

I'd never fucking tell it to someone else because I am the worst cook. I hate it with passion. Can't even pretend to like it so why would i like like why i said and byron always reminds me of this lie that i told someone right and it was such a white lie it was the only stupid thing that's ever come out of my mouth but it come out and i thought why have i just said that i was talking to this guy this was in person by the way and he really liked rave music and like house music and obviously manchester's very well known for warehouse project so he says that he goes to warehouse project all the time i thought it'd be a good idea to say that i go to warehouse

project all the time all the time i said i love it oh yeah go every single time it's on i've not been once so he then thought that i was this next raver girl who listens to like all this sort of music and then i can see you like that anna i'm not against it but like i just haven't been to warehouse project so i don't know why it came out my mouth and then he kept asking me who the best person that i've seen was there blah blah like what sort of you know yeah and then i thought shit like you know when your main mind goes like shit i actually don't know what to say and luckily I can't remember who it was now but I remember seeing the poster for

somebody who was performing there so I just said their name and I thought I am just digging myself such a bad hole here because if he then says to me he wants to go to warehouse put it together I actually don't really want to go and I also don't really enjoy rave music did you immediately think why I ever said that or like even even in the moment, did it feel fine? And then you thought, fuck, why I ever said that? No, no, literally two seconds after I thought, oh no. And I was genuinely doing it because I thought, oh, here we go. We can have a conversation now that we've got something in common.

But that's actually not a good thing to do. So what I have learned is you can say all these little white lies, but they will come back to bite you on the ass. They will. It's really not that worth it. It might be funny at the time because i look back and think oh why did i tell him that i love warehouse project i will never forget a time that are see i don't i don't white lie about anything anymore but i definitely used to white like i'm talking white lies about things i remember a my best friend, she had said to the guy that she was seeing,

she doesn't know why either. She was like, oh yeah, like she was obviously running late. She was like, oh yeah, I'm on the train now, right? White lie. She gets to the train station. She's walking through.

She said this to him about 20 minutes ago. I think he like wanted to call her something. Call her or something. And she thought, I can't be bothered to actually call him right now right oh my god if she heard this she'd die yeah she had to be there but anyway she had said she's on the train now she's walking through of her mom so that's obviously her excuses to why she couldn't call okay walk from her mom the other side of the station she sees him and she's like fuck i'm not on the train but like it was a white lie but i remember her thinking oh

my fucking god i actually i'm now having to hide in the station because i've just and i remember calling me saying what like why did i even might lie why did i even might lie about that yeah it's ridiculous thing but like if if he saw her he would have just thought i thought you were on the train like it's just such a also then somebody would also think you're a massive liar even though it was genuinely such a white little lie like doesn't hurt no one it was just easier for her to say yeah i'm on the train because she knew she was going to get on the train yeah but it was just really unfortunate timing that he also happened to be at the station. Yeah.

But I just feel like, just don't even white lie. Like, genuine, I used to be the person that would always stand five minutes away if I haven't even left the house. Oh, I don't even do that anymore because I'm like, what's the point?

I may as well just tell them, I am so sorry. Like, you can shout at me and I'm really, really, I feel bad, but I'm still half an hour away. And I could lie and tell you I'm five minutes and stuck in traffic, but the truth is, I'm still half an hour away. And I could lie and tell you I'm five minutes and stuck in traffic.

But the truth is, I'm still half an hour away. Yeah, babe, believe me. I know you don't want to lie anymore. But if you say you're going to be five minutes, I automatically take that as 15. Yeah. But I actually don't do that anymore. I will actually be honest. Yeah, you will be honest.

So we do. I actually do get honest timings now. Let's go. RBC Avion Visa lets you get there your way. Whether you want to... Suit up for peak ski season. Or... Spring break with a whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock. Or even...

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don't know why i said it again it just come and I thought, what the fuck have I just said? This was when, like, I still, I was on like friendly terms with one of my exes and he asked me what I was doing and I said something that I wasn't doing. Don't know why. Just completely said I was doing something else. I walked past him on the street. As I said, I was doing something else.

And he straight up said to me why are you here and I was like and then I had to continue the lie and say that you know plans had changed blah blah blah but I just messaged him like 10 minutes before but why did you lie I don't know I honestly I don't know like it it was just a't know. Like it, it was just a white, it just came out. And sometimes I do understand that these white lies happen, but what we have realized is guys, white lies are not good.

It might be funny at the moment, but you will get caught out. Cause also they make you look like a liar. Like they make you look like a full blown liar, even though it's just a little white lie. I'm not, I'm not a liar, but it just looks like I, I now am one.

So yeah. Key point from this part of the podcast, don't white lie because it will come back to bite your nails. Just don't lie. I think just being honest, only good things will come from it. And if something not so good comes from it, well, at least you can know that you've been honest. Like, yeah, you could have lied and given them the answer

they would have heard, they would have wanted to hear. But eventually the truth will always, i always think truth always comes out eventually a hundred percent it always comes out it's gonna come out at one point so you might as well be honest have you ever withheld the truth within a relationship like is there something that you wanted to mention but you haven't or like so you're like you wanted to you know you've told a lie but you haven't no see I actually haven't like I think I'm I am somebody that also if I have something I think it's quite clear this but if I have something on my chest I have to say it yes like I I have to say it like say this is not something I'd do but say I'd gone through my boyfriend's phone and I'd

seen something that I thought was weird immediately I'd think well I couldn't tell them I'd gone I wouldn't do this yeah I've actually never gone on my boyfriend's phone but say I had immediately I'd think well I can't tell them to go through their phone but I've now seen this but physically I couldn't allow myself to see it and not say something yeah so I know I'd say something yeah there's no like I don't think I've always said how I feel even if it's I just I just actually have to like I can't keep the feelings in with myself but for me that's never been a bad thing like it's always only goods ever come from me saying how I feel also because otherwise I'm going to act a different way and I'm I'm just going to be keeping those feelings inside of me so for me I've never yeah I would like to think that I've always been very honest in how I feel and always said things I mean I'm trying to think because like

can too much honesty ever be harmful and I'm trying to think of things that I don't know that yeah maybe I haven't said about it's like I don't know say I was with somebody new I didn't like their outfit I don't know if I'd tell him straight away I wouldn't tell him straight there's no way I'd tell him straight away I'd wait until the relationship has blossomed a little bit more and then I'd and then I'd do the girlfriend interfering and be like babe this jumper would look so nice on you yeah because I think there's nice ways you can be honest too yeah and it's just that's the girlfriend effect when it comes to fashion like that's all i just naturally does happen yeah like i don't think

even if you're an honest person i don't think you always have to say things you can say things nicely it's like when i look at jess from love island she thinks she's a really great person because she's honest yeah but she'd be nasty when she's honest yeah there's way I think you can be honest and be a nice person there's ways that you can say it and the tone of voice you say in this and different approach to the situation because like in a situationship that I was in I definitely didn't with well I guess I withheld the truth in the sense of i wouldn't speak about how i was truly feeling because i was scared that what i would say would make him run away which is not right and i've learned from that now that i would rather just say exactly how i'm feeling and it end there and then than me live in fear for five months of about it ending because it's gonna end

anyway it's not what i want if i'm living in fear that's not what i want i'd rather address the problem instantly and we resolve it or we don't resolve it if we don't resolve it then it wasn't meant to be yeah and that is just the attitude that i've got now so do i think that too much honesty can be harmful when it comes to outfits yes but but everything else no i think you need to be honest I think that is what builds a strong intimate relationship with your partner a hundred percent and listen even you saying to your partner about their outfit I mean it's different if it's your opinion I guess like you that just wasn't your fashion sense but I mean for one they'd probably want to know anyways because they're with you so they want

you to find them attractive but two like say you thought oh that really doesn't look very good on them or i don't know like there's really nice ways you could say it at the end of the day like i would tell my friend if i didn't think they look good in something because i'm saying it it'd be different if they thought they looked absolutely incredible and they were so happy and they love their outfit and i thought oh it's not my favorite but yeah if they're so happy then i wouldn't say something no a hundred but if they were like do you like it and i thought it doesn't look great on her yeah in a very polite way i'd say if i'm being honest i've seen you in nicer things yeah you know like there's nice ways you can say it but i would tell them because i actually care yeah because we will be honest

like when we're getting ready we'll be like does this look nice on me or not please tell me honestly yeah we will tell each other honestly we'll just be like no yeah something else would look nicer but yeah when you when you've just got to know someone just met someone if they were really happy with it it's harder right it is a lot harder because you don't know how they take brutal honesty yeah definitely overall to round this episode up i think be honest be honest just be honest but be nice when you're being honest guys yeah be honest be honest be nice no white lies yeah i definitely because they always end up coming the truth always comes out guys it ain't cute let me tell you it ain't cute but

thank you so much for listening i hope you have enjoyed this little bonus episode make sure to go and listen to tuesday's episode if you haven't already where we answered your dating dilemmas and other than that we will see you on tuesday for another episode bye everyone see you guys then bye sex size and dm size is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios