Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 13: Why people cheat, friends dating your ex and matching with celebs on dating apps with Flossie

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

Internet sensation and all around baddie Flossie Clegg shares some very INTERESTING stories on this week’s podcast. Like we have no words still. Our girl opens up about what it’s been like since becoming a single Pringle what dating is like in London versus Manchester, and the INSANE thing she’s done when she got the ick at a boys house. Produced by Spirit Studios with Raymond Tannor and Kate Willis as the producers and from Spotify the Executive Producer is Rhyanna Coleman Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everyone, I am Anastasia Kingsnorth and I'm Saffron Barker and welcome to Sex, Lies and DM Slides. No topic is off limits and this week we sat down with Flossie and we discussed exes, breakups, the fact that me and Flossie dated the same boy, um, recycled goods. Recycled goods, absolute. That was a common phrase used throughout this whole podcast episode. I love that phrase. This is a good episode. I really like this. I've learned a lot. Yeah, so have I.

Honestly, like, I feel like I've been through a therapy session as well. So you guys are really in for a treat. Let's do it. I'm excited for this episode. Let's jump straight into it. Let's go. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

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Hi. Hi. Thanks for having me. You sent a video to the group chat at half seven in the morning and she was like making her bed all night and like doing a little story time. I was like, oh, I'm glad she's up. Check you out.

I woke up at 7am. That is like unheard of. That is like unheard of that's really and i feel wonderful for it do you feel good yeah i feel great maybe this could be a new thing i know i do think it is i'm turning my life around do you do you live alone in london i do live alone yeah okay so you have no one else that's up so i live alone now and it's weird because you have no one else that's up you have no reason to really get up yeah that's true you can like kind of lie in slow about but it's good that routine because i used to be god how we were like getting onto this i used to be like proper insomniac like i'm talking fall asleep at six a.m have to wake up at eight like it was really so bad like so bad i just could never sleep so jumping straight into the deep end oh yeah

what's your relationship status oh single you're single why did i think he was in a relationship well i was in a relationship saffron when when god when did we break up when was that i mean officially when was the break the breakup and the breakup god it's like two right okay um but i'd say i have been i've been single though since i broke up with him like i've been had a breakup literally the same like yeah so when was that it was before wireless god it was ages ago end of june like first week of july yeah okay oh it was it was because we didn't make it to like our i don't even think we made it to five months oh no six

months i can't remember well how long we well at least it was sure did you enjoy it while she was in it yeah it was fun it was fun i had fun but it just didn't work but i'm having fun now i'm single but i'm like are you single and thriving like are you happy to be single yeah i am but my god i'm moving through my paces already i feel like i just like going on dates but have i like i don't know i like meet people and then like it's like going well and stuff and then they'd like start to ghost me or something or like it starts crumbling or like they they're not interested anymore and that's when I want them but then if it's like going well I'm just like oh whatever boring but that's how it always works yeah we want them when they don't want us yeah it is you always want what

you can't get yeah that's exactly what it is. A boy being nice nowadays almost gives me the ick. Yep. Because I'm not used to a boy being nice. Yep. No, Anna actually voice noted me last night. She was like, babe, sorry, I've been so busy. I just got off a date. And I was like, oh, like with the guy that you've been seeing.

And she's like, no babes. Turns out he's just, I think, too nice. And I was like, what? But you know what? You've got to break past that. My ex-boyfriendfriend he was so nice to me in the beginning and then there was just like one time we spent time together and it just like switched it just clicked and i was like no like and then he was my boyfriend like two weeks

later but is that because he wasn't nice or what like you're saying like just like we just got like i was just like i'm gonna fall so basically i know you should have just carried it on continue don't cut it off is what i'm saying yeah this time like genuinely i've been on one date with this boy so i'm not gonna like jump into being dramatic but he was so nice as well and i weirdly feel like he brought you flowers no this is the guy this is what i'm saying like she should have stuck with it i sound like such a serial dater but i'm not i've literally been on two like two dates two different people but he was he's so lovely and it has it's actually given me hope that there is nice boys out there there are nice boys out there i feel like i've actually met my but then you're saying you don't want the nice guys so you're

only confusing yourself here but we i know we all do it right we all say we want the nice guys and then as soon as they're nice we're like yeah it's just annoying i just need to switch out that mindset yeah i just think you know when you know yeah do you think like with your ex did you know straight away that you were like i kind of want to be with him oh no god no no how soon do you think you get that feeling because some people like i get that feeling straight away it sounds really bad like i like i like the attention but like obviously yeah i wanted to be with him like i ended up with him but this is my point like i was not like in the beginning and then it did it just clicked and i mean you know obviously it didn't work it didn't work out but like you know i did he was like in

the beginning he was the nice guy i went for him yeah so i think i've always been a i've known straight away sort of person you have or you haven't i think i have been yeah really like i fall in love like after the first oh i fall in love so quick but then but then i don't really date people because of that reason like i can't just see someone online and be like i'll go date them which i think i should do more i think i should date people more i think but i don't what is your type of boy oh god the funniest thing is i've never been my type so neither have i i've never been my type yeah you have you have the same you have isn't her type so obvious pretty boy footballer is so your type would you say that i would not say that jeans like

no this is what everyone thinks but this is weird you go oh he's gorgeous and i'm like yep it's like every single one so how did your relationship end by the way did it end like on a good turn oh no is this like a question no okay you be asked in the end no okay you don't need to tell me how it ends but like did it end on a good term because i was having this conversation my friend the other day and we're like we were saying it's so sad how even when you get with someone now you have to think to yourself nine like 90 of the time right it's gonna end it's gonna end and it's not gonna end on a good term like really none of my ex-boyfriends have ended on good terms it's like i think it's very unrealistic to expect it to end on a good term. Like really, none of my ex-boyfriends have ended on good terms. It's like, I think it's very unrealistic

to expect it to end on good terms because it's like, if you still, you know, we're amazing with each other, you'd be together. You don't break up for no reason. Even if like,

it's something as simple as just like falling out of love, it hurts. It hurts. And when there's like hurt, there's feelings, like any sort of strong feeling, there's going to be like miscommunication but um i'm sorry i feel like i'm trying to put you in the deep end there like it did end bad no no it ended okay but it all got just a lot sour yeah

okay but now it's okay okay well that's good now yeah now it's now it's okay but i'd also just think i'm the sort of person like i i just want like if you're an ex you're an ex like i don't want to be a friend yeah well also like yeah how long can it work for i do think like can you actually be friends of an ex see who you're with i don't want to i don't want to be on the night out and then be like oh where's so and so gone oh he's back with a girl like i don't want to see that like why would i want to i don't want you to see that i don't want you to see what i'm doing because that's not like nice i just no there's no need well i also think like even if there's no feelings there it's always just going to be a bit awkward like even if it's not awkward for you it's awkward for the friendship

group yeah it's weird like when i was like ending things with the guy that i was seeing he i said like you know if you're speaking to someone else i don't want to know and he was like why and i'm like because why why what but why would he want to tell you yeah why would i want it like surely you maybe you would but surely you wouldn't want to see me with anybody else i don't know just weird i find it weird yeah you didn't so i saw this fact on twitter right and i was actually surprised by this percentage so i'll be intrigued if you guys would expect it to be higher or lower but it's 27 of 17 to 24 year olds report having sex with an ex within a two-year period of their breakup and i thought it was low

i think that's very low 72 percent no 27 i think that's low i think they're lying you're lying to yourself babe i think so just out of curiosity have you slept with your ex after the breakup you have i have i have yeah that's what i mean some no it's not good don't do it it's not good no but it makes it complicated yeah exactly it does make it complicated yeah i mean that's why i think there'd be more people because at least surely everyone's like oh my friends i was like no what have i done like i'm back to square one i'm so confused and all my friends were like everyone does it that's just ruined my day that's just like didn't need that sort of negativity in my life i know it's unfortunate really no but he was that he was

the first one i've ever done that with and i was just like you stupid girl you stupid stupid girl but i'll do it again i was gonna say would you do it again no god no okay that's good okay so best ways to move on then so now we're all single don't sleep with them yeah yeah don't sleep with them um be the other percentage not the 27 best way to move on i just think out of sight out of mind i agree I agree. I've got him muted on everything. Do you know what? The guy that I was seeing that I'm not with, I muted him the other day and I feel so proud. It is so good.

Because I didn't, I was like, it's not a nasty thing. I'm not doing this to be nasty to you. I didn't want to block because that makes it confusing, you know, the way you stand with each other. But I just didn't want to see. It was like, i was just like i really like this is the final thing i need to do to just be fully over it and now i the boy has not crossed my mind in so long yeah see i'm kind of opposite because i'm now just searching his

name every day instead oh which i actually think is a lot worse but i felt proud for even muting him do you know what i've slowly actually i've been slowly coming out of it because then i do forget about it because his stories aren't popping up so it's only now and then now that i'm searching the name but it's because it's still so fresh that like you've muted him so because you've muted him you now want to know what he's doing but yeah i'll get over it because i did the exact same thing i muted then i still search but i was still searching but also it sounds really bad like i know so many people are like don't do that obviously if it's a really long-term breakup or say it's just like a situation share for like a short relationship go dating go talk to other guys there is nothing wrong with that like i'm like like i'm talking to him

i just know he's gonna be listening to this he's gonna grill me for afterwards but like just talk to other guys there's nothing wrong with that it shows you grass is so much greener on the other side and it really is and it doesn't mean you have to like be serious with them or something it doesn't mean that you don't like yourself it's just something to do it's something to fill that time that you would be talking to him and you could go and you know go to the gym or something but i'd rather sit in my instagram dms yeah i mean as i've done colin several dates and it has given me hope i'm having so much fun i missed it i missed it dating's fun see this is the thing i feel like i need to get on it but i can't be bothered to have the same

conversation with every guy because at the end of the day it's the same thing every guys you just get you click with them that you get a good one yeah and it's just funny i think it's i can't be bothered for the whole talking stage like that's what even though that should be the most exciting thing I think because I've just got out of that and I was like I don't even know if you want to call it talking or whatever you want to call it but I guess talking to someone for like seven months and I just think I can't be bothered to do all of that again I think I need to get out the mindset I think that's what it is it's a mindset thing because I was the exact same as you but I feel like once you start speaking to people and you have like different conversations like you were saying i had two completely

different conversations with yep the two dates that i've been on so you're not asking their favorite color i didn't ask but this is what i mean like why like what sort of boy thinks good chat is what's your favorite color what you're doing today send me tiktok send me memes you like send me pictures like be exciting like if you talk to me after like that after the first day i'm not going to respond to you but it's just fun it's like if anything you make a new friend like i've made friends from boys i've even just like i've made friends from tinder have you tinder from tinder when i thought you used it back in the day but i think i made quite a few friends i still like speak to now and then oh wow because you know so i downloaded i downloaded hinge because oh yeah anna almost

like forced me to so i set up this profile oh hinge is so funny so you got hinge so i downloaded hinge and i'm like do you know what fuck it it. I'm going to start matching with some people. And I start speaking to this guy who's actually good looking. And all of a sudden we're out and we're so drunk at a bar. I'm like, I've just agreed to go on a date with him. And it's in like two days. And it's where Anna lives. And it's in Manchester.

So I'm like, I've got to go all the way to Manchester because I've claimed that apparently I'm already there for some reason. And then I felt so awful. I just couldn't be bothered. So you just didn't go? So the date of, I just, I just cancelled. Oh, at least you messaged him. Yeah, did you tell him?

Yeah, I did tell him. But like, I just, I don't know what's stopping me from going on these dates. Do you know what guys? Maybe we should all just go on a three-way like blind date or something. I think I might be going on a date this week. Where do you like going on dates? What's your type of vibe boring do you like dinner i like yeah i think we'll go for dinner i don't know it's like balls in his core it's like you step up i think it's nice if i let the proposal go yeah i think it's nice when they decide i did yeah oh gosh yeah how was you what's

the cube so good the cube live so like you know the Cube? It was so good, the Cube Live. So like, you know the Cube, the show that I used to do? Yeah. I might do still, I don't know. It's like a version of it that you can go and do. Like you actually go play the Cube. No. Yeah, so we did that.

But did you get the ick? I don't know. I did think I was going to get the ick, right? And I didn't, which is slightly scary because normally I would get the ick even like, no offense, but if you guys did that, I think, God, that's icky. But like, I didn't which is slightly scary because normally i would get the icky even like no offense but if you guys did that i think god that's icky yeah you know when i went on a date with a guy i swear to you i'm not kidding my first bowl i went to go throw the ball and i dropped it as i swung my hand back so it went backwards and i swear to you that is actually a true story how do you talk

if you're bowling the point like for me i just want to sit and chat and chat your girl if you can yeah i guess you can't really have like a get to knowing conversation over trying to get a strike so i need to get d-rank on a date yeah i'd way rather be tipsy on a day it just makes it a bit easier yeah i don't know how i feel about like because i like doing like fun things, but I just don't think I would enjoy that on a first date. I don't think I could do the cube on a first date. You strike me as such an active first date person though.

Really? Because I think you're a very active person. See, that's what I mean. I am. Second date, fine. But first date, I'd also want to get to know someone, I think. Like you said,

how are we having a conversation when we're bowling? Yeah. I'm dyspraxic, so I'm just here, there and everywhere. Well and everywhere yeah last time i was playing the cube we didn't really have a conversation whilst we were playing yeah what did you do what like whilst you're playing it you like put like balls in holes and like stack like bricks and stuff it was like a day at nursery basically yeah it was really fun but he was like asking me questions like in between each game it sounds very icky it sounds really icky but i would was

it not icky no well mate oh you're making me overthink it now so maybe do you reckon he's on the cube with anyone else no that's his go-to first date like babe i got this spot because i've never heard of it did you reckon it's a thing that he keeps saying no you know what it was really sweet because he messaged me the night before and said can we facetime i thought oh god we're gonna facetime i love that by the way i love that i love that if someone's up to facetime straight away i'm so down yes voice notes voice no facetime yes like more comfortable i guess and then he was like i'm gonna text you at 12 tomorrow and tell you where to meet me by the way did you face him yeah that is so

so that is yeah that's good listen to this that is how you do it yeah and then at 12 o'clock i got well actually it was two hours early because he said that he wanted to tell me but i got a text and he was like meet him outside the cube at six o'clock and then we'll go for some drinks after i was like i love that wow yeah i feel like you should have done drinks before but we drank whilst we were doing it okay fine yeah oh that actually sounds quite fun so when you come to manchester you're gonna go on a date actually we now want to go do the cube see i've just sold the cube you guys can go on a date to the cube now maybe i will so let's talk getting back with an ex getting back with an ex yeah um i think it's justified but i think you need to be really realistic with yourself

um like as to why it ended if it's like salvageable and also to like say like he i don't there are so many different circumstances as to like why a relationship finishes it could be like you know one of you cheated or like it just didn't work out i think if you fall out of love you're never you're not really going to fall back in love this is what i was going to say a hundred percent yeah because you're going to miss them it usually is the thing that happens over time so it's gonna be weird like that breaking routine from personal experience like that love doesn't it doesn't come back so you're just missing them you're not actually want to be back yeah because i think falling in love like being in love with someone and loving someone as a person is such a different

thing yeah that like if you do fall out of love with someone you're never gonna get that back yeah like one of my friends is going through this right now and i keep like saying to her i know like you love him as a person yeah but like if you don't have those feelings you're just literally gonna be going around in circles and end up hurting each other so much more exactly and it's like the weirdest thing i've had it before like i was with someone for nearly three years and it's like i grew up with him and he could not have been a better boyfriend and it was just like it's emotional turmoil when it's just like you have done nothing wrong like you have done nothing wrong I just don't feel like this anymore if I don't feel these feelings because you don't want to hurt them as well but you you miss them

just as a person but then let's say they cheat on you or something if you get back with them as much as it's their responsibility to like work on getting your trust back, it's also such a big part of your responsibility to actually be able to forgive them. If you can never fully forgive them and you're always arguing with them, that's unfair on them.

Would you want to get back with someone who's cheated on you? That is so true, by the way. Do you know what? I think, I always think about this. If I was in a marriage, I would try and make it work. Now, no. I think, I always think about this. If I was in a marriage, I would try and make it work. Now, no. I agree, I wouldn't.

But if I had kids involved and stuff, yeah, I would. That's a lot deeper. It's so, so, and a fair, consistent thing. Get out of my house. But if it was just like a one-time thing. It's funny because I was also actually having this conversation with a friend

literally yesterday. And he was a guy and he was saying to me, what would you do? And I was like, well, it's so unfair for me to answer because I know I wouldn't go back. But that's only because I'm not very good at forgiving people. So I know if I got back with them, if we ever had an argument or something, I'd still bring up the past. And it's like you said, if you bring up the past, it's actually so unfair on them yeah although obviously they did you wrong you've you've said you forgive them it's too if you forgive them you've got to move on exactly yeah but you have to know that as you say you have to know what sort of person you are some people they can like

there's a difference between like forgiveness and then like moving on you're never going to forget what happened you just kind of have to like not internalize it but deal with it in yourself like you know that person like you know their character and if you have it in you to sort of like trust and just sort of start afresh i guess then okay but you can't expect them to just live in remorse that's not they're not they might not be evil for what they did yeah it's just really do you believe in the the saying once a cheat always a cheat or do you think people actually can make mistakes i think people can make mistakes i think they can make mistakes but i think if someone i i don't understand why people cheat yeah like i feel i can't get my

head around it i think it's such a reflection of them yeah i don't think you i think it's all on them but i just think you should have had more respect for that person and finished it with them before but they have no respect for themselves they're willing to cheat it's like they sort of it's a complete deflection thing it's like they're sort of projecting onto you they're out of control like in a chaotic you know headspace with like time in their life if you've genuinely got a good happy relationship or if you don't have a good happy relationship they're a wanker get rid of them that's very true that's the that is great advice yeah you're really good at advice thanks but this time in the morning you're very i feel like we're getting many years of therapy yeah okay so girl code we're gonna talk again with friends exes okay why are you two laughing for so I I was with a boy who Anastasia had been

on a few dates with in the past but we sat down we had a conversation about it and i've had girls i've had my friends date boys i've dated i've been completely fine with it i'm not fine with it if you lie to me or if it's like a full-blown ex-boyfriend i would be okay with it it's just like just tell me yeah just tell me and and if you value my friendship enough then we'll we'll talk about it like if i need a bit of time i just would know i'd never want to be in between two people who were supposed to be together but if you have it in you to lie be deceiving to me expect to never ever hear from me ever again yeah i think that's different i think if you have the conversation like you said then it is different

also i think it's different if like, if somebody just going on dates with someone, then actually like full blown being with someone, you know, like say it was your best friend and you was with the ex. That's so wrong in my opinion. But like, yeah, I think like you said,

it's different, like depending on the circumstance, you know, if it was like an ex boyfriend of like five years and then you suddenly sat me down and said, I think I like him. Yeah, that's weird. Because it's almost like, imagine if that was the case the case right i fancied your boyfriend the whole time the whole

time which is weird that's the upsetting thing i think and also too it's it's just that like chunk of history that you then know that as we were saying earlier yeah what's the need to be friends of the next that is now your best friend's life your best friend is like going back into a history and you're gonna watch them do all the things that you two did and i feel like it just oh it's just that really it's like i've seen you naked yeah now you are seeing my best friend naked i'd also think you fancy my best friend the whole time yeah that's what i know i'd be thinking where's something been going on the whole time i'd hate that if i think it's a time thing as well like my ex who i was with for a really long time like growing up i'm genuinely

so at the stage now like if one of my friends for whatever it would ever happen but i'm so over it and we're such different people now i wouldn't if they like fell in love with him for whatever reason like i would i would be like okay it's gonna be a bit weird but that's okay like if you genuinely meant to be together that's definitely a time thing as well though yeah because it has been so long yeah so like it's completely different people i think at our age as well that you're constantly changing constantly growing but it is like it's such it needs to be hashed out you know together and like respect needs to be given someone needs time i agree i feel like or if they're completely just like no then you don't because when it happened so when it happened with us i'd only been on i don't know how many days but it wasn't like loads

with you it's so weird i can't imagine like i don't i'm not gonna make you feel is this your recent ex by the way yeah oh wow okay okay he is so boisterous he's like he wasn't my type at all no i can't imagine you two having a conversation but i it was like a blind date but he just yeah he wasn't my type at all but it's happened to me before like i've been on a date with someone who's also been on like a date with one of my other friends right okay but i feel like dating also suck especially i mean i know he was like from manchester god the poor boy is just getting us exposed to nothing but love and respect for him um but in london especially there are so little people, like our age group in London, it's ridiculous.

So you kind of have to recycle a little bit. We have to recycle. I mean, it's so true. It's very rare. Because especially in the sort of like either in industry or stuff, or like, I don't know that all the students know each other like i was gonna say what's dating in london like because dating in manchester is easy i think but i don't think it is there's more young people there's no young people in london because it's so expensive to live here like so yeah that makes sense or if they you know if they are a student

they can't afford to be going out and going on dates and stuff like it's ridiculous it's a completely different vibe and just different people i guess to yeah like manchester or if you're a date that's why when anna set up my hinge she put me in manchester because the boys are unreal up there yeah so this is where everyone on hinge just goes over to manchester basically that is our advice i actually think it is like dating in manchester go on some banging date i'm talking picked up in the car huge bunch of roses taken like to a private dining room i get like what you're saying at 3 a.m i'm just like you're taking the piss like to set your i deserve better than this set your hinge riot to manchester

yeah but i don't live in manchester and i'm not doing that again but you're in manchester a lot i walk into byron's apartment and you're just laying on the sofa half the time you're always there asleep i can sleep on the sofa like three o'clock in the afternoon i've got so many pictures of you just passed out asleep and she'll just just divert it's like she'll be asleep then she'll wake up go eat more food and go back to sleep and it's a cycle it's just when i'm hung over i've got like these cycles like wake up throw up eat fall asleep probably throw up again before the super cam going back to dating yeah and you know i don't think it's affected our friendship whatsoever yeah and i think that's a really good thing i think we always have been very open and

we've always spoken about it which is good we never like shut it off our friendship group are really good at sort of like talking things out do you think initially like either of you was worried that it would ruin your friendship though yeah initially being honest yeah yeah i think we both were yeah i was i felt like when i first found out i was like i think it was just like i don't know how to yeah process it to process it but then i think i process it within like 10 minutes of us having a conversation i think like but i think sort of if we could give advice to people what advice would you give being the person who like you got there first i think just make sure you speak to your friend

and be very honest with them about how you're feeling like if you don't feel comfortable just say you don't feel comfortable and yeah just be honest and speak to them through us doing that it hasn't affected our friendship at all I feel like we've got closer in the last yeah absolutely however many months I also think you know if you are going for some recycled goods um then don't get into it if it's just you're just sleeping together because that is that's not worth it either is it it's not worth it only do it if you genuinely know like be respectful don't lie about like don't lie about stuff um and just like be honest from the get-go understand like be empathetic don't be defensive

about it like you know at the end of the day like you you could be like well i don't understand why your feelings are hurt but the bottom line is if someone's feelings are hurt that is all that matters in the situation you should it shouldn't be like about opinions it's just about that empathy was there ever a time where you three were together or no did you avoid that my birthday oh god yeah your birthday so like was that awkward i didn't really know i didn't really know the extent i didn't like i didn't know what had happened because i said to anna i was like oh like going on a date with this boy like is that okay she was just like oh yeah like lol good luck we hadn't had like the conversation of because it because we i didn't think you know obviously

i didn't really think it was gonna turn into anything serious but i didn't go i didn't even go on that first date i fell asleep you do look at you cancelling your on all your first dates little dormouse but the other night she said she was going on a date and then sends a picture into the group chat like 8 p.m saying enjoy my day and she was asleep on the sofa i know honestly treat a meme just do what you with boys honestly the way to go about it it's just like not give a shit about them and they go crazy for you that's actually a mean to keep in key it's so i just get on with my life and they're like i love that i need to adapt that mentality my life and they're like, I love that. I need to adapt that mentality

because I haven't been very good at that mentality before. Because then you have fun as well because you're not like dependent on them. You're so good at this. Play the game or get played. So you're playing the game

so can I read your DMs? Oh my God. Can I have your phone? This is our favourite part in the whole podcast, Oh wait, my phone's over somewhere over here let's go after decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors

sunnybrook was the only hospital in canada who could provide andy with something special three neurosurgeons two scientists one movement disorders coordinator 58 answered questions Hey, you.ca slash special. expert supported learning tools. I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you. Small steps today means big wins tomorrow with Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this. Right, so Flossie, because I feel like you're very good at this and you're good at giving the advice, it time where we get to jump in your dms if you don't mind because this is our favorite part of the whole podcast this is the best part just getting free reign of everybody's phone like who have you been texting okay i can give like context so what do you want to just take it yeah just if you don't mind yeah if we could just flick through this is ever so exciting oh my god i feel so weird looking at

like someone else's dms that's not mine are you gonna cringe at us reading out your messages i just don't i there's no one there's like a couple boys i'm talking to but i've clicked on one let me see how good i want to see i kind of read out read out read out we've got a blue tick in the dms that's all we're saying we've got a blue tick in the dms actually i just saw a few blue ticks in the DMs. There is a few blue ticks. There's quite a lot of blue ticks in the DMs. But they're just my friends.

It's like Louis, you know what I mean? But okay, so this one, you just said, you've been sending photos. I don't know what they are, but you put like, "'No worries, it's chill." You sent a photo. Why is your hand like that? What are the photos?

No, I'm just like, is the exact opposite of nothing like that? What'd you take me for and he put yeah i am so you said let's actually let's actually do something then and he put dinner we love it straight to the point straight to the one word just dinner and then you've sent a photo this morning but i think you said i was like where are we going um wait did you say dinner no he said dinner okay and then what you've replied saying where are we going then a little does he know i'm gonna cancel and he'll be obsessed with me no you can't

i'm joking you're joking well to be fair if that's working for you then do it no i do actually want to go i think you take me go on you pick a random one oh my right is quite funny actually some of the messages on there are really funny okay so recently i matched with marcus butler he's not with his girlfriend wait i didn't know that i know it's all over tiktok yeah he's not with his girlfriend because i did reply back to one of his stories oh you oh you didn't it was so now you're going for recycled goods i got a joke and i'd i can't remember what you said to me but you just asked if i was based in like london or manchester

or something oh okay god wow he really just reminds me of og youtube days i know he's looking good though it breaks my heart when i see people on raya because i'm like god that's gonna oh sorry i'm like god that's gonna hurt your partner that would hurt like a bitch to me if we were together for like four years and then they were on a on a dating app one of my exes went on dating app fucking full of pictures i took of him and then everyone he matches with all my viewers like your boyfriends match me on hinge and i was like you fucking oh yes i'd hate that yeah i was that drives me fuming like clothes i bought him pictures in my flat of him i'm not even that though just like your view is matching with him like two days afterwards like two days i was yeah that is

do you think that's just a way to like try and get over you though it shows the heart yeah the best thing to do is just ignore it because they're trying to get at you i also think he was probably doing it on purpose knowing that he would match with viewers knowing they would tell you yeah maybe i don't know that was just not happy and then lewis capaldi but lewis capaldi i've heard is a fiend on raya didn't this like hit news that's how i got verified i was gonna say that you yeah not for anything i've ever done wait what you got verified because you matched with him oraya yeah literally what that is actually mental many matches on raya i know i love like skinny like look like they're one cigarette you know what's so funny though is raya there's not really that many people on it so we're probably all matching with the same people talk about recycled goods there's actually barely anyone on raya i think our types

could not be more different yeah i like boys who look like they are going to die like pj fresh out the grave like they are like different like haven't eaten a real meal in like a week like one sick from dying like okay catwalk but like so tall okay yeah i feel like we're very opposite yeah no tattoo like no tattoos if it is it's like a weird like little like really oh god yeah we're like we could not be more opposite i think if we tried oh we've got a footballer here i think he's a footballer anyway i can see oh he is a footballer roman Camp as well did you match with him yeah one of my friends

went on a date with Roman really years ago like before he was even like famous I guess so no yeah

yeah so you haven't you haven't slid in his DMs babe no do you message a guy first no would you never is that a rule no

I just don't I don't care like I don't care these are all people messaging her she's not replied to one of these people so i know what's the point i saw a show that i actually love is dr phil and he you know dr phil is right in america right and so somebody had asked him like is it bad for a girl to message first and his response was there's nothing wrong with it it's not bad but if you're messaging first it's

almost like they they already don't have to work hard so you if you're messaging first yeah did you see it and i was like that's why probably because me and you were crying about how depressed and lonely and single we were so i was like this is why we shouldn't message a guy first because they then know yourself out for that rejection exactly you can get rejected like i always think of that even if like i was kind of talking to a guy recently and he messaged me first but then recently the other day he just didn't respond to a message and i was like i still rejected you because you messaged me first so i'm not gonna message you again so you still got rejected mate and you know that might be delusional but no that makes sense i like that mentality it's just it's such it's so ridiculous

it's such a pride complex thing but you know what if you need that to get you through then so be it put your records on yeah the problem is i like knowing i have the power i have found someone that you've applied to hey okay is it saucy is the name it's not saucy though no offense but the conversation is so dry it's called marley i don't even remember that boy you should he's pretty oh okay let's see is it is it her type no it's not i've got some really funny ones this is our time this is my type and he's covered with the full sleeve i swear some of those boys on there, I don't match with them. It just matches me with them. There are some,

and I'm like, no offense, but I would never like you. I'm talking footballers. Did you not respond either? You would never catch me anywhere near a footballer. You've got a few footballers here.

I know. I used to, oh my God, if I was talking to a boy and he was being a dickhead, I'd go and match with all his favorite footballers to assert my dominance

now i'm like really questioning a lot i'm like boys are so toxic i'm like plus you check yourself like evaluate yourself someone messaged you saying there she is and you put there i am oh my god no and then i realized afterwards like i have been seeing his best friend the last summer no i realize yeah not that there i am oh you've been replying okay this is a conversation you've got a full conversation here oh okay you you do love a short and sweet reply yeah we've got hello and can i just say as well you were also saying how like they need to give a bit more than what's your favorite color and it's hello how are you oh wait which one is this yeah this this is a footballer oh god and you've sent your number so did i has this gone on to message did he text you that is the question oh my god this is true wireless this is i'd broken up with oh i remember

this i broke up with my boyfriend and he was all over dating apps so i was the funniest thing is i've seen this i haven't i haven't mentioned him but i've seen this guy right i swear it is the same people he was so boring on text so it didn't go yeah the conversation doesn't look like spicy and then he was like i don't like party I don't like party. I don't like going out. And I was like, right, it's not going to work then, is it? It's like that one-person party, right? And there's got to be some funny ones. Oh, this is quite a good, right, so some guy messaged saying, I need a London tour guide.

And you booked your flight then. I remember. That's quite a forward, quite like that. By the way, if he actually booked a flight and sent you a flight, like, if he sent you a message sent you a flight like that he just if he sent you a message he didn't see him no he was asleep he was she doesn't know he flew over for you and you didn't meet him he came from amsterdam i know i'm reading just so like like so like yeah like he was like you gotta take me to some sweet spots i was like oh i don't wait so did you meet him or not no god no but he flew over here just yeah and he had like he just was so not my vibe oh no i don't know i've cancelled on dates but not if they've flown

no no no he didn't fly over to come on a date oh my god i thought you meant it was just for you no that's what i thought you meant i don't know i don't think so he's like i'm gonna come to london like let's do some stuff oh it was definitely for you i'm sorry but you didn't make that clear if he had made it clear would you have gone no oh i would have told him not to okay fair enough i'm really telling him not to but he just i don't i just really, I just think I wanted some attention. I just feel like you're a very, maybe like forward person that your face,

I'm in a voice noting. Yeah. Which is good. I do need to meet someone as well. Like I really need to meet someone. What, just in general? What do you mean?

Baby, are you okay i was really thinking out loud that you should have said someone i'm talking like really early on or like no it's like okay you're funding you over over over tax over the phone right okay people literally have that like aura around them i need to see that yeah okay no time to wait i get what you mean i thought you meant like you just need someone in your life not like you need to meet them really early on

so talking of dating disasters and ex-boyfriends we actually asked you guys to send in some of your stories so we've got a few so these are about breakups so the first one broke up with me after six years because his mum didn't like me but she had never actually liked me from day dot i mean that's weird because i know that your like family has to like the person i'm with this is a big one for me but can i just say something why after six years though yeah that's i couldn't last that long excuse i'm sorry yeah like surely not six years that's the most ridiculous thing surely like that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard but for me personally anyways as anna knows my mom has a very strong opinion and to be fair she always has a really good opinion like her judgment of people is always spot on like that's what my dad she knows people's intentions straight away like she can see straight through people

so i should just go with her but sometimes i'm like do you know what if my mom doesn't like a guy i'm still gonna i like them so what like my mom can't stuff a relationship but my mom will go on and on and on and on about something if like she has an opinion doesn't want she basically i can't be with anyone that my mom doesn't like like it is actually impossible i don't care even if i love them i can't be with them because it's actually not worth it because i won't have a relationship with my mom yeah but you know what has she been right to be fair she is right sometimes yeah sometimes i think moms know they do just know you know they they bloody grew you but like also at the same time my mom used to be like if i was growing up she didn't really like a boy i was seeing or something she'd be like well i don't

like them but you've got to let that burn and sting yes my mum doesn't do that oh what sometimes i wish sometimes i wish that she would like and i've said this mom like you need to let me make the mistake she's like yeah but like i can't bother for you to make the mistake I'll just tell you now and like it is it's so frustrating because I think I just value her opinion a lot though as well it's like say for an example changing topic but my mum doesn't like an outfit that I'm wearing yeah honestly it's not worth me wearing the outfit because she'll remind me all day long that she doesn't like the outfit to the point where I'm like I may as well just bloody get changed because it's actually not worth it you know my mom's the same she'll be like i've done my make it different she goes it's only different i'm like no shit amma no shit like is this gonna be

you know a whole conversation in itself and she'd be like no but moms just have no chill i swear they just uh they glare yeah and they say how it is yeah but that's a good thing really for moms so how quickly then would you introduce someone to your mum because i've never introduced anybody to my mum have you not oh my god i've introduced i've told them like told her about see i feel like i introduce people quite quickly to my family because i want their like it's not like it to be fair it's my mum's opinion like i would rather just know straight away what they think of them. Obviously, if I really like someone, I'll still, like, give it 100%,

even if my family initially wasn't a massive fan of them. It's just, like, you know, after a while, I'm like, oh, I've got to give up on this. I hate introducing people. I think introducing someone to your parents is vulgar and vile and wrong. I'm dreading it. Because you're basically saying, hey, we're like friends who get naked with each other. Like, it's fucking, it's weird.

Like, it's weird. That is what a relationship is. That is weird. And you're saying this person right now. Yeah. That's horrible. I can't get it out of my head. I thought you said that you have introduced a lot of people.

Yeah, I have. Because you have to. i have because you have to yeah you have to but i think it's vile yeah it's not also as a girl as well because like i don't know people have like i don't know i'm like i'm the youngest daughter you know like two girls got a girl dad so he's very like you know with his girls he has no chill i don't know what my mom's gonna react like when i introduce someone to her oh your i think your mom i think your mom's gonna be amazing i think she's gonna be your mom is gonna be amazing i really hope she is and it's more exciting because you haven't introduced anyone to her so she's got like yeah it's gonna be very i can imagine her

like being so stressed like getting the house ready and get a nice dinner she will she'll clean my mom's like that yeah i feel like she'll be very though it's sweet she'll be great i'm excited i'm excited but nervous for it see i'm the opposite because everyone i introduced my mom and dad they're just like so chill about it and i'm like well like are you like cleaning the house are you like like i'm trying to make sure it's perfect and my mom and dad are so chill that's nice though yeah i think that's nice. It creates a relax. That's nice. Do you?

Yeah. Or is that just because every guy I've been with I've fallen in love with and thought I'm going to be with them forever and then I'm not? Chill. I think it's that. I think it's that.

So now my parents are over it. They're like, I can't be bothered. But that's because I don't date though. That is why. Yeah, that's very true actually. My mum loves me going on dates. She absolutely loves it.

She thrives off it. Yeah, my mum loves keeping up with the girls. Yeah, if I tell my mum I'm going on a date, she's like, ring me after. Oh, that's so cute. I woke her up last night. Did you tell her? Yeah, I was like, mum, I've been on a date.

It was really good. Then she rang me again this morning because I think she was really tired last night and asked me again how it was. Oh, that's really cute. To be fair, my mum keeps telling me to go on dates oh that's really cute to be fair my mom keeps telling me to go on dates she's like you need to let your hair down and not get into serious relationships just go on dates we will go on a triple date yeah yeah we'll make it happen we will

it'll be a really fun time it'll be a dracu all on a night out afterwards okay so whilst we're on topics of mums i also got this dm come through and it says i was once with someone and i majorly got the ick i didn't know what to do as i wanted to leave but it was late at night so i text my mom saying please pretend you're really poorly so she got my grand phone pretending to be a nurse saying that my mom had had a stroke so i had to leave asap so they dropped me off to the hospital to go and see my mum safe to say i didn't see them again that's dreadful i've had that day before where i've been at a boy's house and got the egg and i ran out that door literally but how how did you to be fair i tried to really scare them do you know what i did

you probably told i took all my hair extensions out lay them on the table no you didn't if i'm on a date and it's not going well i'm just so right you're just embarrassed let's take myself apart i want you to leave this and be terrified of me. It's just so much fun to me. But still though, how did you get yourself out of the situation? I just left. I left. Did you leave the extensions?

Yeah. Because I was like, right. Oh, babe. No one's worth that for me. I'm taking the hair with me. I know there were beauty products on as well. Jade Birmingham had fitted them. No.

I'm sorry, but I'm not leaving those of any guy. I'm taking my hundred pounds of hair extensions with me i accidentally left all my rings there as well and now he wears all my rings all the time i see it on his stories oh my god so his um one of his bandmates was going out with bambino becky and then i see i know who you're on about. wearing all my rings. No, no way. All my rings. Yeah. Oh, he was,

stop it. That is so weird. But like, he was really nice, but then he just got drunk and they started telling me like all his life traumas and I just said,

I can't do this right now. It's just a lot. Yeah. I need to go. It's a lot. At least you didn't have to get rushed to the hospital because.

That is, you shouldn't lie about things like that. You shouldn't lie about things like that. I get, you know get you know telling your mom like please can you call up and just say you're sick yeah but surely if your mom calls up and goes i'm really sick can you get me some tablets that's enough do you know what i mean that's enough to get like if a guy there are so many ways to get out of a date you don't even have to like you don't need something more especially your grand saying you have a stroke that's a stroke that's a lot yeah people die from that it's life-changing yeah no that's a far-fetched

excuse we should offer some alternative excuses to get out of a date well i think you can say that somebody's unwell like you know if anna said to me can you say you're sick and you need me to come over or something like that yeah i can just say babes i'm feeling so unwell or even text i'm feeling so unwell i don't need to say i'm having a stroke yeah i've had a family emergency carby we were like playing a drinking game the other day carby brought up his one he was like how'd you get out like go back to a girl's house so you want to go home he's like just tell him you shit yourself because it's like how are they gonna tell you to stay they're gonna want you to get out of that house. But would they though? Because I feel like I've read some people's DMs and stuff

when they've sent them in and this has happened. And people have been really nice about it. What, if you shit yourself? Yeah. No, get out. I was reading something the other day. Oh my God. It was, have you seen this trend on TikTok

where like people are singing to the, like one thing about me. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone, it was so funny funny the boy is an absolute angel she shat herself he'd run her a bar right and he was downstairs cooking dinner she'd shat herself and the toilet wouldn't flush and it'd like drip down her leg or something he'd come in and said dinner's ready and he helped her clean up ew that's weird that's not even her self the toilet

she cleaned up herself i think no what he said i couldn't have had dinner and she stayed and apparently he's really nice i don't know if they're still together now but she was saying like i'm sorry but i don't think she wanted to stay in that situation because i couldn't think of anything worse i'd want to get me myself and i out of that house asap i i would have no respect for you if you had respect for me yes it's that sort of thing it's like sometimes like i'll behave so bad like as i say these dates i go on and i just be like this isn't for me so i just like fuck around with the situation like have fun make a funny story out of it and then like if they message me afterwards it's like respectfully you must really not you must not be okay to think this is okay to think that that behavior was okay because it wasn't like i'm not rude i'm not rude i'm not

mean like i don't i don't want to think people think that but i'll just lie about the dumbest shit so before we actually like wrap up this pod well we're wrapping up this podcast so flossy just quickly what is the best advice you'd give someone after a breakup oh i've got some really really good advice for this actually so i was saying this to here she is again like it's like a therapy session i love this smash an egg i've got this tremendous expel dm me on instagram and i'll give it to you because it's got 100 is this what you were telling me i it's just saying i've got and i said it rang me up the day she was like i've just had this spell that flossy's done yeah and it's changed my life it's so good i was like what every time i don't believe in things like that so if it works for me then wow i'll smash them for you

like if my friend's going through rubbish time but my advice is um when you're in a relationship with someone they have like this amazing glow around them they're the most beautiful funny kind like amazing person ever and every girl who you know comes into a room with them is just gonna be charmed and fall in love the way you did and that is so not true that glow and that like well you know metaphorical glow and all those things you have in your head about them like the only thing that gives them that is the love you have inside of you for them they are just any other person they walk into a room no one's biting an eyelid at them and stuff and it's like also

kind of you've got to think that about yourself as well a bit like it's a humbling thought but like you can take that love and that sort of you know something that you gave to them which is so special it's so special to have the capacity for love and like divert that into other things it takes time and it's like not going to go away instantly but it is so true like the only thing that makes them special is the love that you had for them oh that changed my life that day i i think about that all the time like all the time i do also think as well like you only remember those parts about someone yeah like you only remember the good parts when actually you've got to sit back and think well why didn't it work and think of

all those reasons yeah but yeah like you said you just think about all the amazing things you never actually think about all the reasons why it didn't work too you also like a list in the end for me i feel like you imagine things that weren't even real about that person you fall in love with like your ideal of them yeah and you miss the idea of them yeah not the actual person they were when you fall in love with like the actual person they are you're getting married baby they're putting a ring on it well thank you very much because i feel like we, we all kind of needed to hear that. I feel like, you know, we're all single.

We needed to hear that. It was very nice actually. I loved it. Thank you so much for joining us and remember to slide into our DMs with your own sex, lies and DM slide stories for us to read out in the next episode and if we don't see you in our DMs,

we will see you next week. Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify original podcast produced by Spirits Studios with Raymond Tanner and Kate Willis as the producers. And from Spotify, the executive producer is Rhianna Coleman.