Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 16: F*** boys, love bombing and getting catfished with Ash Holme

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Creator, presenter, actress and hilarious TikToker Ash Holme is totally UNFILTERED in this week’s episode. From spilling the tea on situationships, to opening up about dating bad boys (we’ve all been there sis), and the insane thirst traps men post on TikTok that have us in a chokehold. Plus Ash tells us an unreal story about the time she got catfished (it should honestly be turned into a movie). Produced by Spirit Studios with Raymond Tannor and Kate Willis as the producers and from Spotify the Executive Producer is Rhyanna Coleman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, I'm Anastasia Kingsnorth. And I'm Safran Barker and welcome back to Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Today's episode is a good one. We are joined by Ash Holmes, content creator and she's a presenter. She tells us the wildest catfish story ever. Ever. And I am literally in love with this girl already. Just one hour, one hour it was taken.

So guaranteed you guys are going to feel exactly the same. I can't wait. We talk all things situationships as well. So everyone's definitely going to love this episode. There's a lot.

There's a lot of gossip in this episode. So I can't wait for you guys to listen. Let's go. I'm going back to university for zero dollar delivery fee. Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

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connectsontario.ca Welcome, Ash. Hi Hans. How are you? It's extraordinary. Yeah I love that. It's actually weird seeing you in like in life in like real life after just seeing you all the time on our new page. No, stop. Like it is. It is weird. Your TikToks fucking kill me. Oh, I love you. It was the one where, I don't know if it was a Ryanair or EtJet flight, I can't remember which one, but the Lisbon one.

When they said they were going to redirect us. Yeah. Can you cope with that? Did you go back? By the way, I was just about to say, did you go back? No, but the whole flight was up in arms. Because they said it and then just went off the grid for a minute. So the whole flight was just like, okay okay so in what world are they just going to send us back to the

destination that we came from like there was if we wanted to be in Lisbon we'd still be in Lisbon like what the hell it was insane then everyone was kind of effing and blinding this and that and eventually the pilot came on the like speaker and was like just to let you know we will not be forcing you by your will to go to lisbon and we were like well thanks i can't fucking i just can't believe that even before they said that they that you were going back how many people were standing up like yeah that just if british people oh yeah as in it was chaos yeah you know like do you ever see all the like tiktoks that go around of like Ryanair flights and it's just always chaos like there's there is no footage of Ryanair flights that are good well that there's my collab with them out the window as well but

yeah I only know Ryanair from tiktok I've never actually no stop yeah you've never flown with Ryanair no I actually haven't are you joking I haven't no and it's not like I don't I'm well traveled I've never flown with Ryanair I've flown with easy jet loads but I love that for you that is the bougiest thing to ever come out your mouth no I don't even mean in a bougie way I'm flying with easy jet and all the other ones okay fair you've just never done Ryanair that's like there's one, like Air Whiz or something. Oh, Whiz. That is Whiz. Whiz is hell as well. I had a graceful trip with Whiz.

Did you? Yeah, I went to Venice very last minute. I went with Whiz, never heard of them. Thought, this is going to be horrendous. I could see the capellas and I was thinking, oh God. Oh, the capellas. The phalange. It was all right.

Fair. No no do you know what it is okay I'm probably a bit of a snob then because I just get on there and if there's not at least a USB port I'm like

it's giving peasant like what are we like come on did you not get that from Wiz because they're all new they should all have that no I swear

Wiz didn't have it they never have it on a short haul flight do they no but come on but I know as in i feel like the connecting flights from america because i was on one recently checked out as in like there's at

least a usb and i mean they need to start getting usbc now because we're all changing over so the planes need to catch up as well because getting on my nerves you know when i was i purposely bought a usb charger because i knew i wasn't gonna be able to use another one on the plane yeah yeah i'm really terrible for things like that like i'm that girl that has the power bank but it's not charged yes you know another thing i think planes should do is you should be able to connect your like headphones to the tvs so you'd have to wear their headphones yes like we don't have the plug-in headphones yeah we have to wear their headphones. Yes. We don't have the plug-in headphones. Yeah. We want to wear our AirPods with the TV. Agreed. Like, why can't we be doing that?

Yeah. I mean, you can get Wi-Fi. Yeah. As in, technology's gone way beyond. Yeah. That is just a simple thing that should happen. I think about it every time. Do you know what?

I might get up and start kicking off and get to the pilot. I think we need to write a letter straight after this. Well, on the holiday talk, how was Vegas? How was Mexico? A sham. The best kind of shambles. Did you spend New Year's there? Yeah, so we did New Year's in Vegas and it was literally like 48 hours.

And who did you go with? With Jack. You've probably seen him. So my best mate Jack. And we knew some people from LA that were in Vegas as well. So it was kind of like this big link up of like 15 of us. So it was already set to be chaos. But the fact that we were there for like 48 hours.

And obviously you want to max out. It's sometimes better. Yeah. Because you're like, we have to do everything. Let's just go wild. And it's like, we'll because you're like we have everything yeah let's just go wild and it's like we'll sleep when we're dead it's fine so it was just like go go go club another club taxi it was a bit oh god it was a lot it was so much fun though but vegas is like a fake place yeah i've never been to vegas i really want to go oh it's in the daylight it's awful like no offense it's like you know like I can't even explain it but yeah you know like when you come out of a club and it's bright and you're

like everything now just looks shit yeah that's what it looks like in the day right you realize that the carpets are like raggedy and like everything's like off that is like the whole sorry no offense to anybody who lives in Vegas, but that is the whole of Vegas. Yeah. And also the whole thing for me looked like a Mario Kart track. Like it looks not real because everything's like built. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, no, no, no, it is. Yeah. It is a weird, I mean, I love it, but it's a weird place. Does it look better at night? Yes. At night it looks insane oh yeah at night you're literally like where is this magical wonderland i will live here yeah and then it gets to the daytime and you see caesar's palace in real life and you're like

yeah but it was so much fun and then straight after that we flew to mexico. Mexico was meant to be like the chill part. I'm guessing it wasn't. No. I mean, it was. We did chill and obviously the weather is beautiful and the food was just gorgeous but yeah, we didn't chill. I'm so jealous

you've both been away recently because Anna's just got back as well. Yeah, I just got back from South Africa. Stop. Where did you go? I went to see the Love Island Villa. I went to Cape Town. No. I didn't know that's where it is Island Villa. I went to Cape Town. No.

Yeah. I didn't know that's where it is this year. It's in Cape Town. Fucking boiling. All right, never let budget. How come it's that? Okay. Oh my God.

How was that? Oh my God. It was amazing. And then I had a spare day. So I did a safari the next day. Oh my God. I woke up at half three and I literally, like you said, I'll sleep when I'm dead. I was like, I'm in Africa.

Did you do it by yourself? No, no. I went with my friend Molly who was on the on the right as well um it was amazing ah like you know when you're just like in an actual like dream yeah you're in the wild like looking at these animals in the natural habitat i was like this is right bucket list yeah yeah i am david attenborough oh my god cape town's been on my list for ages you need to go me. Me and Jack are dying to go. So I'm messaging you for recommendations. Honestly, it was beautiful. And we're going to do a safari as well.

Oh my God. My parents did a safari. I said it's the best thing they've ever done. Your mum messaged me whilst I was out there. Oh, did she? About the safari, yeah. She would text me like, oh my God, Anna's,

Anna's, why aren't you there? And I was like, because I wasn't invited. The shade. Yeah, I was like, okay I wasn't invited. The shade. Yeah, I was like, okay. I love that though. Why haven't you been away for ages? Why did I go away that, I didn't go away that long ago.

Yeah. That was the last one. Yeah, where did you last go? Miss Never Flown on Ryder, you liar. No, no, no, I have been away not that long ago, so I can't complain. But, you know, I am still craving the heat. Yeah.

I think apparently yesterday was the most depressing day of the year. Oh, it was Blue Monday yesterday, wasn't it? Yeah. I had that and something went bad. I felt blessed yesterday, actually. Is it Blue Monday? Yeah. I always feel like my days are right, but then something bad happened.

I thought, well, it's fine because it's Blue Monday. Right. Yeah. I can't remember what it was now it almost gives you an excuse to have a bit of a shit day so it's fine and mine was all right yeah i didn't realize it was blue money until i went to bed when i saw it on twitter yeah i saw it then and i was like do you know what sometimes i think it's actually worse to know it's blue monday yeah because then you're making like today's gonna be shit yeah and then you wake up on vibes. So the fact that you found out late at night is way better. Yes, I am. Because you're like, oh, we're done now. My day was actually really good.

I was like, I'm going to go sleep now. There you go. Don't ever remind yourself of it in the future. Yeah. Let's talk TikTok. You love reacting to guys chopping wood. Oh, not chopping. Oh, no.

I should have known this was coming. tell us more about this i'm not gonna lie you're the first person i've seen to do this what i've not seen it no i don't how do i this is hilarious because how do i explain myself with that like how do you explain that so well there's this guy what's even his name i think his name's thor on tiktok and his whole like brand it's iconic and he's made like i can't even imagine he's probably made absolute bank off of this but he is like this modern day like wood chipper and he just hacks away at big tree barks and that's his tip top i think i may have you must have seen his fit as well yeah which out yeah right it's the guy that i'm thinking of because i sat and watched a whole video of him chopping right so i'm the person sitting here watching it there you go and

and like when i first saw him i was fascinated because i was i think he's got something ridiculous like six million followers and i was like how is this man doing this and he's chopping wood like we're all doing something wrong why does that even surprise me anymore though because anything fucking goes on tiktok right exactly you can do anything like my my best mate and housemate watches this guy make jacket potatoes out of his jacket potato van and he's fascinated by it like i'll be like you're right well and he's like yeah just watching the jacket potato man well again but once you've watched it once is that right but i think you just get real well well like me and woodchipper man i'm i'm absolutely on my hands

and knees for him i think it helps that he's that fit though yeah if he was like gollum chopping wood i'd be like what's all this about but he's fit he's like covered in tattoos ripped obviously because he spends all day with a bloody saw in his hands all right yeah and i just started reacting to them and everyone was like i'm dying and now every video he puts up people tag me in it and go oh ash you need to see this one and i'm like for god's sake but yeah it just goes on and on yeah it's awful there is just so much going on on tiktok have you all seen this is slightly going off topic but the fucking pickle trend at the moment oh yeah cool trend i tried it the other day no it cost me like 25 i think i get the

most rad i don't get trends i don't know what i get it's just a big random and you have to wrap it in sweets and eat it they're really good i'm like obsessed with them you don't like pickles i didn't like pickles until tiktok no it's like you know when they say like you shouldn't let your kids on the app because it'll make you do things and anna's there yeah 25 pound on a pickle i spent so yeah i swear you've always liked pickles no that's onions i really don't like pickles tiktok ain't making me like pickles no honestly you gotta try this some of my biggest videos are me eating pickles it's weird i actually think you know like makes no sense i think some like men like really enjoy seeing girls eat pickles oh

yeah because you know what they're doing yeah like i i wasn't even purposely doing it in one of my videos but like the pickles you know the ones the American ones you get online right they're giving girth as if like the circumference is mad so when you get them out you're like oh there's no other way to eat it than to do it in a way that makes you look a bit you know off key yeah so I was eating it and all the comments like whoa like all the male comments the female comments were fine but all the comments like, whoa. Like all the male comments, the female comments were fine, but all the male comments was like, following just for this, just for the techers and all this.

And I was like, oh, for God's sake. You're going to keep uploading until the woodchipper guys do. I was like, I'm not even trying to do that. But like, fine. If you enjoy that, go for it. This guy he reacted to on TikTok, has he ever messaged you? He's flying off, I know. Who? Thor? Yeah. Yes. No. this guy he reacted to on tiktok has he ever messaged flying off i know who thor yeah yes no oh he hasn't messaged me but he's followed me um and replied to so i think just because

everyone was tagging him in my reaction like could this happen no shut no so spanner in the works no in it yeah wow that actually was so unbranded no spanner in the works is apparently his wife films all of these videos oh yeah somebody told me that and i was like i'm never gonna watch it the same now right somebody told me that and i literally went don't ruin my day why are you telling me that yeah but where have they got that from no as in so many people have said it that i think maybe he's done a video even about her like yeah oh shit yeah which is really sad wow that really could have been and i think he's literally from like canada or something and

we're not doing long distance now it's not fine she loves long distance i over do you live in a different country no stop no it's not on purpose she thinks i have this kink for someone that lives in different countries for someone who's never been on a Ryanair flight you've got a big kink for people who live abroad no stop i am over the atlantic you niagara falls oh god let's move on anyway she did not want to dwell on that at all we've had this conversation so many times really no like it's genuinely not deliberate i don't know how i find people halfway across the world it's also hard though if your job is like based around social media and stuff because yeah everybody's from everywhere so like it's not like you're going into your nine to five and talking to joe blogs next to you on the desk it is different isn't it

so i i do get it yeah but and i think it's maybe it's just these holiday romances that i go and i just think you know i'm just not reality like i could stay here and i meet the love of my life and i'm like this is perfect i get home and it's not yeah so i'll preach preach literally okay so this week we're going to be talking all things about fuck boys and situationships i feel like we yeah we've all had a lot of them so what would like when you think of the word like fuck boy like what's like the first thing that comes to mind for me oh okay i thought you were thinking no you go no i'm thinking no go on you tell me because i might i might you might inspire me okay for me immediately i would say like one thing i can't stand which i think fuck

boy is if like they like act so different in front of their mates to you like immediately i think they're okay because like they've got if they've got a whole different personality trait going on fine yeah this is do you know what i mean i feel like you're a fuck boy yeah agreed my first word that came to mind was just cretin because i've had so yeah lord knows i've come into contact with a million of those i don't know i guess just like i thought you just know when they're a you it's basically in short when their words don't match their actions yeah that is a fuck boy that is a very good way of putting it right because it's like i it's

actually fine if what you're after is a casual thing because i feel like most people though their situations with fuck boys is because they've been sold an absolute dream yeah and you always say oh my god that's too good yeah and then they are and of course they are because they've been chatting absolute like sometimes i just think is that just not more effort for them as well i always think your time as well yeah but they love it they. They thrive off of being a fuckboy. Yeah. They do it to so many people. Yeah.

It's a lot of energy I don't personally have. No, literally. As in, it is just that toxic thing of like, I actually just enjoy this whole like manipulating people. It's madness. So how do you think you'd spot, like if you was on a dating episode, how do you think you'd spot a fuckboy?

That's so hard. Like if someone's throwing the compliments left, right and centre, are you thinking fuck boy, are you thinking nice? Do you know what I mean? Because if it was real life, you could get like,

do you know what I mean? Whereas like actually on a dating episode, I feel like it's so much harder. Oh, if every pic of them is in Ocean Beach Ibiza. Oh, 100%. Block her, block her, block her. Like get rid, because like, no, there's no way they're 100% going, 100% fuckboy. Block her, block her, block her. Like, get rid.

Because, no, there's no way they're 100% going to be a fuckboy. Yeah. That I can vouch for. Yeah. Or even, I think, at festivals, if all their photos are at festivals, they're also like, nah.

Yeah. Just feel like you're a fuckboy. I agree. Because that's, like, all they're living for is a festival. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I get that. And I know exactly, like, the top-off pic. Yes what you're on about yeah i don't know it's actually i'm the worst of this because i low-key love it and this is probably why i'm in hell in my dating life but love bombing do you like love bombing yeah i don't want to like it like I hate it here I also yeah I yeah I do give into it sometimes I'm getting better at being like oh no this is definitely a red flag but are they saying it to you then you're saying it back no I think no I think it's just love the like of the attention and also i'm quite a passionate person i like i would single-handedly give me i love attention

yeah i love affection right i love all of that so this is what i hate half-assed people as well like that whole like oh i'm just gonna chill here and be like calling mr i hate that it's like no i want you to want me and i want you to show yeah yeah right because i'm like that's boring like okay basically they just shower you in compliments way too prematurely and like almost make out like they like you more than they do way too prematurely but then some like in some cases they literally will say i love you in order to trap you in the relationship which i have seen yeah obviously that happened to people and i think oh fucking hell you're being love bombed but they love it so i think well you go yeah yeah oh i feel like that i'm just gonna admit to that one i'm also gonna do it back i'm

saying i'd like it yeah that's what I mean but also who doesn't kind of like that a bit obviously I get it if we just start speaking he says I'm in love with you yeah like

yeah that is way too far I mean the compliments you can find them left right and center if you want yeah absolutely

I'm fine with that I don't know anyone no it can get sickly it can definitely get sickly as can definitely get sickly as well and then it can be like okay calm down right but have any of you but she's like but i'm into it so like have any of you ever been ghosted by a fuck boy oh guys how long have you got because i've got a whole story oh go on go on. You actually have like a story.

Oh, no. A very specific story of me getting catfished. Catfished? No, guys, no. It was so bad. As in, honestly, like, buckling. So basically, I... Buckling.

Everyone make your cup of tea now. Right. Put your seatbelts on because this is a ride. So I got... I'm right here. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah in it that explains it all no wonder it went west um so basically i had a dm my dms normally are hell as in it's never really people that you actually want to be messaged by or like as in all the nice people

saying nice things and like about your content and stuff that's different i mean like guys wise it's right you know it's always that one guy talking to himself and you're just like oh god I can't believe he's still going but I remember one day I looked at I looked in my dms and there was this guy and he was fit and I recognized him from I think I'd matched him on an app at some point in time you know when like you know someone's face you know I'm sure we've matched somewhere in the metaverse and um he said I literally remember the opening line was she's a 10 but she starts all her videos with now guys I'm gassed because all my tiktoks I didn't even notice I did that so I gave myself the ick there because I was like oh god I didn't know I did that but also I was like okay so like kind of like he's an avid watcher oh okay like and I looked at his pictures and I was like I know this boy from somewhere but I can't think where anyway we get talking immediately it's like real like

deep in chat and we're talking all the time and this and that and I'm thinking oh my god like stupid me like I'm head over heels Prince Charming but and um I just missed so many little things that really now yeah do you think it's obvious no do you know what I like to think I'm not like naive I always thought how do people get catfish surely you're not that stupid but like genuinely so basically he's this sounds so dumb now he said I'm a marine engineer right I was like oh wow like he was like I'm always traveling blah blah blah but the problem is he'd back it up so he'd be like I'm in the Bahamas for two weeks and then send me a literal picture of him on the beach amongst sand or like a video. So I'm like, okay.

That's believable. That's believable. Right. And like he's in it or like, you know, and I was like, okay, this makes sense. I'm feeling so bad for you already. And then he put it on his story as well. So like everything was matching up. And I was like, yeah, I didn't even think to question it um and basically he was away for a while so most of like the time that we were

chatting he said he was away we arranged to meet when he got back and um it was literally like the day he got it was it was really giving like desperado we were like oh god can't wait to meet you like yeah yeah like the day you come back will be i just don't get why people who catfish do this they know they know they can never meet you so why are they doing it right but it's always like some sad lonely boy who like is in their bedroom and is a keyboard warrior and poor thing yeah half the time they actually have quite sad stories you know there's actually quite a deep you end up feeling quite sorry right because like there's quite a deep meaning behind it. But obviously, at the same time, you're like,

you're taking me for an idiot. So, like, what the hell? But we basically arranged to meet. It got to the time. Dropped off the face of the earth. He said that he had just landed and we were meant to go for a drink and meet that night. And, like, I was literally just waiting, for a drink and meet that night and like I was

literally just waiting tenterhooks like and then I kept seeing him go online have you arranged where you're gonna go no I was gonna meet him where he because he was like I'm gonna drop my stuff back in Hampstead because supposedly that's where he lived right and he was like meet me in Hampstead and then we can just like just like go off and find somewhere like whatever we think is a vibe I was like great because I quite like I'm quite like no plans person I quite just like going with the flow and um went offline didn't hear a thing I was like what the hell this is so weird and I saw him go on online and offline so I was like oh my god I'm getting mugged and then just didn't hear from him until the next day so i was like i'm done with this boy did you get all ready to leave i was ready i was makeup hair done in my little booties like no yeah i ended up going out thank god okay let's get rid

of the plan yeah well i just right so i i don't get obviously but i get why people catfish more like you said you feel sorry for them. But from his point of view, for a range of a date of you that he knows he's not going to go, why would he still not say I'm away? If he still wanted to talk to you because he's that lonely and bored,

just still say you're away. Right. Don't be like, let's go meet because you know you can't meet. Yeah. But again, I think almost like, I think they know that the interest is going to go. It's like constantly trying to keep you.

Yeah. Because you couldn't go on like that for months and months and months. Right. Because I'd be like, well, I'm not, what is this? Like, we're not pen pals. So I'm not going to speak to you anymore. So, yeah, I basically, in my head, I was like, that boy's written off. We're done with that.

A few days later, he messaged me the next day being like, I'm sorry, I had a bad belly i thought right you could be having the squits it takes two seconds he could have got something better right something better he was like sorry babe you know got off the flight and you know just had such a bad belly i thought i don't care if you're shitting yourself all the way down he throw message me and just say, can't make it tonight. So I'm not at home like twiddling my thumbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, what the hell?

So I ignored it. I was like, you know, I'm not letting these fuckboys, you know, do this to me. I was like, I'm ignoring it. Leaving him on read. Yeah, yeah, really. And I felt so empowered by it. And a week went by and he ended up messaging me and he was like I just want to say I'm really sorry and I'm like I feel really bad that this is

like we've not even been able to meet and it's gone completely left and I was like that was your fault though and he said will you give me another chance what did I say yeah okay but I went I'm gonna leave it up to you I was like I'm not gonna make like you make some plans and like whatever whole thing happens again guys guys whole thing happens again I got ready again like a massive knob and then this time I was about to leave to meet him. And this is so tragic. I was about to leave to meet him. I go on our chat.

The like icon from his picture's gone. So I've been blocked. I went, nah, drop me out. At this point, I was actually finding it funny because I was like, this is actually. Because you know, you can write it. Right. I was like, this is just comical at this point like i am a comedy show so i was like no i can't

believe this went on his instagram it says user not found i was like no way then i took to tiktok and this is why i love the internet because i went on tiktok and i was like guys i think i've been catfished i didn't expect this video so i kind of briefly explained the story all loads of girls in the comments were like drop the app and i was like do you know what yeah yeah i'm gonna drop the app i'm gonna cause a scene oh my god do you still think it's this guy or do you think it's no at this point I kind of had suspicions I was I think I'm being catfish like you don't move like this unless some I don't know you either have a girlfriend and you're like cheating and that's why you have

to cover tracks or whatever or you're just not who you are so the video like went mad overnight. I had like 40 girls in my Instagram DMs when I woke up the next day being like, I spoke to this guy for three years, six months, two years. As in it was a full like operation that this guy's been running. Yeah. And using pictures of a guy that genuinely exists. So, but you don't know who that guy is still?

Well. I was about to say, because if this is a full circle and you two actually end up together. Oh no. That would make my, like, let me tell you, that could be a whole movie.

Right. That could actually be a movie. I think it's really giving Tinder swindler, like it is. Yeah, like. No, so basically what happened was, I had all these messages. This video had gone like mad overnight. I was like, oh my God my god what's happened part of me was feeling a bit icked out because

i was like this video's gone so like super viral and it's literally me saying that i've been catfish it's a bit tragic but i was like you know what how many girls has this happened to because like the comments were mad and i was like okay like there is literally no reason for you to have not known right everyone's always like how can you get catfish but like pictures of him on the yeah like it's this guy was a pro you know like really must yeah have been doing this for years to have known like how to keep up with all the stories because it was insane and um yeah and some of the girls were only figuring out that he had done that from my TikTok. So she was like, oh my God, no.

I spoke to this guy for two years, never was able to see him. Two years? Went to Liverpool to meet him. And he didn't show up. Oh, I'm choking. I know. I mean, luckily, I was just in my flat, in my outfit, like a bit sad. But I didn't go to liverpool imagine so that's one of the most

extreme cases of catfishing that i've personally heard it was insane ridiculous but then then you found the guy the real guy god stop it messaged me on instagram and said you've made me famous on tiktok and i went no way sent him a voice note and was like mate i thought i like really that you were the one for about the past three weeks and i went i can't believe it and he basically said this guy's been at it for years and he was like oh he knew yes he knew that this guy existed because apparently for years he's been doing it but he was like, I knew. Yes. He knew that this guy existed because apparently for years he's been doing it. But he was like, I, it's always a new account.

I try and get it taken down. Somebody messages me and says, I thought I was speaking to you, but he was like, what do I, I can't police it. I can't spend my life like trying to see if this man's made a new account of me. So he was like,

eventually I just gave up, which I, it's fair. Yeah. I would love to know who it is all i want to know is who it is like i'm dying it's probably it's probably like the literally the least person you ever probably it's probably some woman like it's probably something like so no no because no i spoke on the phone and voice noted this guy consistently had like a fit

like London voice yeah had like a fit fairly like young London voice and the actual guy

is a northerner so it threw me because when we I voice noted the real guy he was like oh this lad's been at it for fucking years and I was like

because obviously in my head I'm associating the voice with the fact that it no the math wasn't my thing and i was so confused that is that is yeah i can't believe your voice note in the catfish one yeah but that makes and he had chat this is what was so mad even the first line he threw you was fucking good yeah like funny and he was funny over voice note like he had chat so i was like i don't. You must have like 14 fingers or something. Like something, I don't know. Yeah, like that's weird.

It was so weird. So anyways, do you know what I'd say to the actual guy? Well, what do you think then? Do you think us two? No, no, no. Because I can't think of it out there. No, so I then found out because a few of my mates were like, no, no, no, I know the real guy from London.

Right. Yeah, no. Not probably. No, like he's definitely a ladies' man. He's fair and whatever. Yeah, yeah. Is he a bad boy? Yeah, probably.

Yeah. Probably, yeah. I don't know him though. I don't know him like that, but probably. So sorry if you see this. But yeah. That is so funny. Well, I was about to ask you what's the biggest lie guy has told you but i guess that might be it lying about his whole fucking identity so yeah yeah insane do you do you find it harder to trust people now because of that or not no no do you just feel like that was just a do you know i just yeah i almost think that's just like a funny blip i was just like you just feel like that was just a do you know i just yeah i almost think that's just like a funny

blip i was just like you know like a fever dream yeah like it doesn't even really sound i was like did that even happen yeah i'm kind of unless i'm like actually deep in which obviously i wasn't because i didn't even like oh i thought i was because i was having fun speaking to this person but because i hadn't met him like I didn't really care that much so like after a week of self-embarrassment I was like oh so over it yeah yeah yeah so over that yeah

oh it's just the you getting ready that it just breaks my heart no don't that's what kills me if I could like have a camera in the house of me just oh stop no stop but you know what at least something kind of good come from it because you then outed

him and you saved loads of other girls yeah same as other girls got those views yeah did you create good um bloody mtv catfish messaged and said we saw your catfish well there you go do you want and i was like bridge too far i don't i was like don't want to go on catfish as like an actual victim is that not where they actually find out the catfish though yes a part of me was like oh god all I want to do is find I know if they can find out who it is I know oh no you have to I want we all need to know now I know part of it and then in my head I was like this is a whole content series this is perfect like my like business brain was like oh but then I was like I can't I was like it's gone too far I was like I'm just gonna leave it here and draw a line under it because I'm over it now but yeah I mean what an experience what an experience what an experience yeah sorry long-winded but you have

to know you need to know I'm glad we know yeah yeah it's gonna make me more cautious now when i'm speaking to people because i immediately think if they send a voice note it's them yeah i'm sorry well if he was sending me pictures of him in bahamas like the bahamas wherever he was i'd think it's him and i said that to the real guy i was like everything made sense he was like he literally must watch my stories because the actual guy is a marine engineer and does travel like that oh so he's not made up the job yeah he's not

that's why it all just makes sense so he literally just screenshots and like records everything that this guy does which is insane isn't that weird

because you probably actually know this like you probably actually know a lot about the actual guy though because he's like I've been in Barbados

whatever he actually has oh yeah that's right i did see that happen literally last week so weird that is so weird yeah wow what a story i know well at least at least you you know you're able to tell a funny story i know something's come out of it exactly prime big deal days is coming coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Involuntary deal squeals can happen,

like the deal on new running shoes squeal, the deal on a new blender squeal, or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Hey you. Yeah, you. Scrolling TikTok and avoiding your chem homework? Chegg here. Hot take. You've seen enough Bama Rush, ASMR keyboard, and viral dance videos for one day. Let's lock in and start that assignment. If you need a little help, lean on Chegg's expert-supported learning tools. I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you. Small steps today means

big wins tomorrow with Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this. Let's talk situationships. Have you been in one? I feel like I'm always in one. I'm asking these questions like I know what the answer's going to be. No. I don't know what constitutes a situation ship well it's it's not a relationship but yeah do you think a situation sort of yeah but do you think it's like neither of you want to be in a relationship but you like each other would you say that's also a situation ship like i always have those do you yeah i not by not by choice but like yeah yeah i think but do you not want to be in a

relationship i kind of don't know i think that's where i'm at at the minute okay i this is quite funny basically i took some mushroom chocolate before christmas and had this life epiphany that like i basically like solved the da vinci code me and my best mate and i was like oh my god i entertain such idiots do you know what i mean i was like i entertain so much tomfoolery when it comes to boys I love I took you some mushroom chocolate to figure this out I know I know I literally said that I was like it's mad that it took me that that to come to this conclusion but she literally the fact that my mate went yeah you do oh my god I know um so yeah I kind of just came to like my

bar is on the floor when it comes to boys i think just like over the time over time it's just like got lower and lower and lower and now i'm just like i don't even know what i want or what i'm looking for anymore and like i'm i was on dating apps but just out of boredom not necessarily yeah like just scrolling just cause right and like it does give you a little serotonin boost when you're feeling a bit shit you're like let me just go on hinge and see you said you're fit like but i was just like yeah so basically i came to this big conclusion that i'm deleting all dating apps which i have done since then and i'm just like chilling when you were on the dating app did you ever go on any dates from them uh yeah a few yeah here and there were they any good i've met like loads of nice people but mayor nothing that like stand yeah yeah like nothing

stand out i think that's my biggest thing i feel like everybody that i've kind of had a like been i don't know had things with just nobody's like blowing me away and i'm just like if it's not blow away then what's the point do you think you're someone that i knows that you want straight away because i feel like i am like that like if someone's like i'll give them another chance i'm like no i've already made my mind up like no yeah like i would have. Do you know what I mean? Like, I get, like, people grow on you, but I feel like if you're having to force more days, it's like, it's just... Oh, my God, no.

But with a romantic thing, I don't know if someone necessarily does grow on me. I feel like I know straight away whether I'm actually really like that person. Yeah, the grow thing, I don't know if that works. No, I don't. People say, like, oh, but you know... Why are you looking at me?

Yeah, why are you two... There's something going on here. I don't know why are you looking at yeah why you two there's something going on here there's a story to tell and you're not telling it no there's not i was just really thinking about it in my head because i feel like a lot of the time like i speak to people and they're like oh he'll grow on you i'm like but he won't know and i end up feeling bad yeah right yes yeah yes i know that i feel like if it's something that's come from like a friendship maybe it's a bit different like if you're like friends with them and then like but like not like

really close but then like do you know what I mean then that may be but like yeah if intentionally you were set out

to go on a date with them whatever they're not gonna grant you you'll be like them or you don't or tell them on your first date

whether I want you to be my boyfriend or not me too yeah 100% well I do think you can get aches

along the way but like but you always get some sort of feeling yeah yeah i mean and i'm very yeah i just know like and i don't care what anyone says you have to really like fancy that person so much yes i've always said this you have i'm sorry but like obviously personality is the most important thing right but like looks are just as important you have to rip their clothes off yeah yeah exactly like it's just not and sometimes it's not like a conventional like they might they might not be like the you know when you can look at someone you're like you're not like the fittest man i've ever seen but there's there's something so fit about you yeah just like even the way they are personality

as well but like yeah you've got to be attracted to them because if not, even if it works then, it's not going to work in the long run. Right. Eventually you'll get bored. Yeah. That's just it. Literally. Yeah.

But yeah, I don't know. I'm just, I'm just going with the flow. I'm going with the motions at the minute. Are you somebody that dates a lot? No. No. No, I don't date loads. I'm not really a dater.

No. Why are you looking at me? I thought you were going to say to me she is. Oh, she is? Are you a big dater? Yeah, I used to be. You put yourself on that one. As in what are we talking though?

Like a date a week? Oh God, no, not a week. Maybe like once every two weeks. Okay, fine. I just really enjoyed like going for drinks and meeting new people. Yeah. I think that's good.

I think that's actually really, I don't like, and yeah I think that's good I think that's actually really I don't like yeah I think that's good that you did that yeah I did really enjoy that phase of my life yeah I was getting lots of nice dinners as well yeah which was lovely always nice yeah like nice little like perk bonus yeah also I feel like I have a mate that she's mad I say to her I don't know how you have like the capacity to do this she'll like she's a big dater and it's not because she doesn't entertain all of them but it's like she just wants to figure out like what she wants yeah yeah she'll go on like a date a week sometimes she has like two dates a week and i'm like how do you have energy i just could be bothered yeah yeah like that's my thing is i feel like i know if i want to be my boyfriend before i've even gone on the day right so like for me so basically i made uh like a promise to anna

and to the podcast i want a day because i i'd never really gone on a day i've just been i don't know like i've had like long-term boyfriends. I don't have a boyfriend now. I'm very, extremely sadly single. But yeah, so clearly they weren't the love of my life. But anyways. You're a boyfriend gal. Yeah, I'm kind of like a relationship gal. And I just never really went on dates. I don't even know how I'd met them.

But I just met them and it was never really going on first dates. So I just never really done it. But I also just felt like i just knew like if they're like i'm not sure well then why i don't i don't have time to see my own friends yeah i don't go on this date this guy i don't know hardly anything about and i decided in my head they're not the one yeah i so get that yeah it's like a balance though isn't it that's the thing like when i went on the date i thought actually it was a nice time i mean yeah yeah it was a nice time i'm not like just so like it was a nice time when it's like i could have a nice time with you girls yeah yeah agreed so

yeah it's about having a balance yeah i feel like i should date more maybe maybe you've got the good balance you're you're not really dating now you're looking at me now yeah i'm kind of gone like past the dating stage now in a like a talking stage but like further oh okay i can't explain what it is you know just in that like stage of like getting to know someone but I'm not really interested in getting to know anybody else yes get that so it's not a situation ship it's not a situation ship

not yet no not at all don't manifest that no yeah not at all not at all oh okay yeah all I've ever had before is like

hands up I feel like all I've ever been in is situation ships you have you've been in a lot of why is that though like why have they ended up being that way honestly like I've always wanted in is situationships you have like yeah why is that though like why have they ended up being that way honestly like I've always wanted a relationship from that person and they've just

never been able to give me that back no do you know what I mean it's just always like I feel like I was giving too much and they weren't right enough yeah and I've just always got myself in situationships really yeah you let them like go on for like my thing is i let things go on for far too long my talking stage was seven months hell which is what the fuck because the talking stage is three months max which is yeah i'm putting time on it i'm putting it no actually i'm putting time on it yeah i'm not waiting you've expired so are we going no literally you are so past the sell by day at this point no yeah it was really just i question it every day so now i'm just you know i'm not putting three months on it if you're listening but like

he's quivering in his boots now so would you say a situation ship is so i feel like we know what a situation ship is yeah say this is a situation ship if you both didn't want to be in a relationship but you just enjoy each other's company do you think that's a situation but you both you don't want a relationship but you're having sex yeah so like friends with benefits kind of I guess I wouldn't so I have happened to fall into a few of these in my time okay and do you know what it is I don't know how it it never starts I don't go out looking for a situation shit because I feel like more often they're always messy because like it's so hard to find two people that feel exactly the same at the end of the day someone's gonna get feeling 100 somebody wants it slightly more than the other person always

and like you know if that's you as well like you know but like so it's not that I like go out looking for that but then like say I don't know I've like been on some dates with someone and then whatever happens then you kind of both will you realize that that's not what they're like you're almost like I'm almost certain you're not a serious candidate but then you're like but I like hanging out with you so for now I'm quite enjoying this yeah yeah and then I get into this whole thing where like so you class as a situation shit yeah because then I'm like, what is this? It's so kind of nothing on both ends. But yet I'm still here.

Why? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, so it's almost like I do think you just fall into them without meaning to. Yeah. And my rule is, as long as I'm not getting upset by anything,

do you know what I mean? You're not hurting anybody. But I guess it's also that, like, not wanting to lead someone on as well. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

But then I feel like, no, I don't know. I need another mushroom chocolate to think about this. Are we becoming the fuckboys? Is that what's happening? Maybe.

Probably. I have felt a little bit like that the past year. Oh, I definitely have. To me, I feel like I'm about to go through this stage. Really? I've always been in relationships. Why does that make me excited for you? No, me too.

I'm quite excited for you. I feel like I had a great fuckgirl stage. Really? Yeah, I really did. I love that view thank you i also feel like as long as you're not i really do so really bad you can be like well done so proud i just feel like as long as you're not actually treating people like shit yeah yeah it's not intentional right as long as like you're transparent the whole way then like yeah yeah. Yeah, so what? Let's go. whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock or even book last minute and go on a whim choose from over 130

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two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. Well, speaking of fat boys. Yeah. Our favorite part of the whole podcast is when we get to look through our guest dms okay so i have a feeling you could have quite a few little fuck boys in there yeah i've got some

terrible yeah terrible dms some terrible lines yeah why am i excited right hang on a minute are these like people that like you don't know like something you do know these are randomers okay okay which makes the contents of them just even worse. Hang on. Okay. Right. This is one. What do your underpants and ketamine have in common?

I'd love a sniff of both. That is a random, random, random person. No, I swear. Imagine, bear in mind, I remember getting it no oh my god you can literally see the time like kind of like a young guy yeah oh my god but also the worst thing about it is it came at midday so like imagine just like midday eating your i don't know eggs and avocado and just being like yeah this this this is it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's probably used that line on a few people

thinking it's working. Right. That is horrendous. Yeah, it's horrendous. Oh, I'll keep going. Have you replied to any of these? Sometimes I reply because they're so funny. So it's not me, like, I'm just like, ah.

Just because. But like, no, but like no imagine hey yeah would you like i don't need mushroom chocolate to figure out why that would work um then this one oh oh my god same person bear in mind so he just has he just has a whole conversation with himself i don't understand these people. It's like, do you not get the hint the first time, second time, third time? Do you know what I mean? But also, I think he's just enjoying it. I think he just finds it funny.

I think it's just... Right. I looked up the top 10 places to eat out in the UK and you were number one. Oh, my God. I know. It's, yeah. Here's a, like, sexual... Here's a yeah it's actually fucking funny like it is funny it is giving me a giggle in the afternoon I'm not gonna lie part of me doesn't

want him to leave but a lot of mine are that bad but for a serious candidate for like a date I would never respond to that. No, obviously not. For a date, absolutely not. No, as in? You know they want one, well, clearly he wants one fucking thing. Oh, for sure. This one kills.

This one kills me. No, this is a different guy. This one. Psst, brownie, wagwan. Your skin clean like Jesusesus police record what as in i was literally i'm telling you yeah because he's literally written it in like pure yeah almost like he's written out in pure jamaican patois like it's so funny it's insane i'm so glad you read that out yeah yeah i know yeah you were like do you want me to read them out yeah yeah okay right yeah it's giving ballet if you guys read that

let me find some more all of mine all of my horrendous ones are all that bad are all like that see i think i have some bad ones i don't know if i've had bad like all like that. See, I think I have some bad ones. I don't know if I've had ones like that before. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I get gross ones, but like, but this is just gross and chat up lines. It's just weird. They're just weird.

This one, this one kills me because it's just so, hello, are you available for hire? As if like I'm an Addison Lee. it's so weird like so many a lot of them now I have noticed a difference in so on Instagram my whole thing used to be like I'm just trying to be fit and I realized that like it was way more messages like that when I since like I've done the TikTok thing and it's way more like my personality and me being silly I've noticed which thankfully it's way more like females being like I found this really funny thank you for saying this this that which is so much nicer yeah but yeah I'm just giving you the the worst of the

worst question has a chat up line ever like worked for you no i don't feel like i will have gone out with them from it yeah i think we've had this conversation i don't think we would ever i don't know unless it was so it's so hard to actually get them right i don't know what i want a guy to say to me but yeah's not a chat up line yeah I agree and it's also not just hey either it's like oh hey yeah yeah but then I guess what the hell do they want to boys do with that literally no I don't think one sometimes I have had if like some a line is really like quite clever, I had one guy be like, have you ever seen this? They'll send like a dog emoji.

Yeah. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. And then a ball. And be like, so sorry, that was my dog. But hey, my dog lost his ball or like stupid shit. I'm a bit weird. So like I kind of find stuff like that quite funny. But then like there's certain things that I would reply to that my mates would be like,

how are you replying to that? But like I'm actually a bit weird with things like that. I quite like you coming in being a bit left. Yeah. I quite like it. This is definitely my issue with dating. Oh my God. So this week we asked some of you

some of your funny situationship stories and this one is mortifying. My fiance of six years and baby daddy wants me to have a threesome with his workmate. Fiance? Oh wait, I needed to like take that in. I'm still trying to process they've been together six years and they have a kid but she wants but he wants to have a threesome and involve his work

with his work friend yeah hasn't actually specified whether this work friend is male or female though interesting oh i know a lot of people that are okay with that kind of thing though I just don't think I would be I yeah I don't know if that's for me really yeah I know a lot of people that are that actually are really comfortable in that like open relationship space as well like I know like yeah I guess I have like so many like gay identifying mates and a lot of like gay guy couples are exist that way and they're just so fine with it but i know obviously a lot of straight couples don't yeah it's not the norm for straight couples but i do know a lot that like really make that work really i don't know how yeah yeah wow that's so guys yeah i was just

processing reading it again because i was so she's read it 50 times and she's still like i was just so confused yeah that's that's weird weird isn't it um i don't even know what i'd do with that and what i would just think was are you just bored at six years now? Yeah. I wouldn't take that as good. No. Yeah, I don't think I'd take that quite lightly if my husband come home or fiance and was like, I want to bring my work. Especially if you don't have that kind of relationship. Oh my God, you're done.

Really weird. Yeah. It means that he thinks that's okay. Yeah. Agreed. he thinks that's okay yeah agreed i remember years ago toying with this idea with an ex actually bringing a third person in yeah of being like oh like could be mad could be fun because i can be quite fruity in that way so i was like oh but then like i think I really deeped it. What do you really think about it? When I really like, then like imagery and I was like, oh, no. Then I realised I like couldn't do that.

I think to everyone it's crossed their mind, oh, that'd be like so fun. And then you think about it and you're like, no. I was like, oh my God, that'd be so fun and sexy and wow. And then I was like, oh no, actually I'd kill her. Like I realised if I actually thought about it. But like, I'm not completely opposed to that though, to be fair. I don't blame other people.

Like, yeah, like if other people, I couldn't do it. Yeah. I couldn't do it. I'd be way too, I'm too much of a jealous person. Yeah. And I also think, you know yourself,

if you like really like someone. I think the jealousy would be fun for like two minutes and that'd get me a bit like excited and then past those two minutes yeah get the fuck away from my boyfriend yeah agreed agreed and also then you see him enjoying it and i'm like are you all right yeah yeah yeah right like leave am i just a fart in the wind like what the hell yeah no i agree i think the idea of it sometimes is fit but i think if i was in a relationship now that i was like really in love i think on reflection i wouldn't be able to yeah i think i get it more when people aren't in relationships yeah do you know what i mean

yeah having fun whatever but yeah that i get threesome i guess yeah but when you've got a fiance and a baby involved yeah i forgot about the baby yeah oh it's not great no it's not great okay next one i was 18 we went to a church youth group and a boy i was crushing on asked me to go into the back of the church like the priest room or whatever and we fucked in there a statue of baby jesus was staring at me the whole time but it was a good time now he's gay and we're best friends wait wait wait wait there is so many layers to that what is going on hang on joking what i fucked in a church in front of baby jesus and now he's gay and they're best friends

first of all haram as in like in the literal place of worship. That is, that's something else. Yeah. I'm sorry. How is anybody getting turned on whilst baby Jesus is in the priest room? Well, I assume, yeah. Obviously because it's so like, what the fuck? Right.

It's because it's so naughty. Because you're so not allowed to do that. What the hell? And now wait, and now they're best friends. And now he's gay and they're best friends. I love, yeah,

that's, I can't with that. That is just. Also churches aren't like the most cleaner place. As in like, from what I remember from like school, like carols and stuff,

like it's like all dusty. Like it could have really been a good time no not that's really interesting no that's that's not okay this is long guys you have to follow okay okay i'll try because i think i've only done a very good job of that i ended things with my boyfriend after three and a half years we still worked together in a hotel and he got me the job but i was getting on with life and he was moping around and hoping i'd take him back all the people from my workplace went for drinks after a shift x included he kept trying to talk to me all night but little did he know i slept with the general manager in the toilet of the pub but now i'm with the general manager i'm in a three-year-long relationship and living together abroad it was going to be my first one-night stand since i've become single and free

wow good for her wow i'm so lost i think we're all just a bit frazzled aren't we like also the whole, like, I think working with somebody that you're with is so, like, treacherous waters because... It's probably exciting while you're in the build-up. Right. But then once it's, like, a thing, I guess, yeah. Also, like, I don't want to see my... I feel like that is exciting. Yeah.

I get that. A bit of authority. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's giving me like suits vibes yeah you know like yeah exactly oh my god we're in the copy room but we shouldn't be like you know but that's but then when you break up and you still have to work with someone and see them every day that is my worst nightmare i also just wouldn't like dating somebody i work with like to that level because i just just think, like,

you'd never have time by yourself. Yeah. I don't know if I've thought about that, but that's true. I find it mad when people work together. Like, when people live together, work together, I'm like, oh my God, I'd go mad. It's a lot.

Yeah. There's no time to miss each other either. No, exactly. Missing each other makes it more exciting. Yeah. You guys should try a long-distance relationship. It's your favourite thing. Oh, my God.

No, that's so right. And then how long has she been with him? Three years. Three and a half years. I bet their ex is really sad about that. Imagine. Probably livid. Well, I've actually loved this like whole podcast i feel like it literally has felt like just girls chatting at home you know just it has gossiping enjoyed the

catfish story i know at your expense yeah i do feel bad saying that i love that you've had a really shit time yeah no uh yeah it is it's entertaining it is it's entertaining yeah it is so before we end this podcast is there any advice you'd give to anyone watching or listening right now um just about if you've got yourself in a situation shit what to do sounds like i'm saying this out of place apart like please help me worse fans of drugs no do you know what I think from my experience in the dating world which has always been a bit of sham but I'm learning more now that like just be honest one be honest with yourself like if you're feeling away and you feel that you're not being treated right or you're being you know you're in a situation that's actually doing more harm to you

than good leave and say why you left like I remember I had this situation once with a guy and I was kind of like it was clear that I liked him more than he liked me and I literally I felt you get that horrible like ick feeling at yourself and you're like how do I say to him like do you even like feel a way at all and then I was like oh my god like I'm literally only hurting myself in this situation so I literally said to him what's happening here just so I know so that we're both on the same page and he was basically like I think you're amazing and a really nice girl. But I just,

he was basically like, I still have feelings for my ex. And I've realized that recently, which is the worst thing to hear ever. But I was like, great. At least I know. And I was like,

in that case, I'm going to leave this. And I was like, and we left on such nice terms. And he actually ended up messaging me months and months later and was like I just want to say like you were so great and like I'm really sorry that if I led you on and that's it and I remember feeling so empowered by it I was like oh my god like as much as I felt embarrassed at the time I was like yeah like come on ash like really like yeah you go girl well done so yeah i

just think be honest with yourself be honest with the person and if you're both having fun then like get lit have fun but like yeah if not get out of it yeah asap love that it's my words of wisdom guys what a great way to end the podcast I'm here all week no thank you so much for having me girls I love it actually been a really yeah

I do just feel like I'm chatting with mates thank you so much guys for listening to this episode don't forget you can follow us on Instagram at sexlivespodcast

to keep updated with all the behind the scenes find out who's coming on the next episode. It's one you definitely do want to follow. And if you guys are loving the podcast, it would be amazing if you could rate us five stars. I know you want to do it.

Sex Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify original podcast produced by Spirit Studios with Raymond Tanner and Kate Willis as the producers. And from Spotify, the executive producer is Rhianna Coleman.