Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 17: Saff's double date AND is Ana entering the year of the boyfriend??

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Hey babes! We are so excited for this week’s episode - we give you a super JUICY update on our dating lives (*cough* Ana could be off the market soon *cough*), discuss major red flags in both men AND women, and some of our NSFW DM’s (you guys, some of our messages literally are horrendous lol). Produced by Spirit Studios with Raymond Tannor and Kate Willis as the producers and from Spotify the Executive Producer is Rhyanna Coleman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit connectsontario.ca. Hello. Hi, babe. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. I'm so happy to be back me too a new year do you know what like i love having guests on this podcast but the nice thing about this is like we get to get together and like just catch up and gossip and like it's kind of nice that today

you're just going to be joined by just anna and i sometimes i feel like you just need an update maybe on our day in lives just so you can kind of follow along with what we're doing as well so how has your date in life been i mean oh by the way did you do the thing over christmas did you message somebody about the roast dinner so i did but the response wasn't very good i'm gonna be honest i can't remember what they said because i to be honest i probably didn't do it to the right person but i messaged it to someone who I was already kind of speaking to like a conversation and I'm not gonna lie I'm gonna double check I think they just liked the message okay yeah well to be fair I did say you need to do it to someone new that you haven't really spoken to did you message someone about their

presents because I didn't on Christmas day and I reminded you she actually did actually Anna did message me on Christmas day and she was like don't forget you need to message a guy about their christmas presents and i think i saw it and i thought uh all right um okay so aside from the roast dinner thing that didn't work how is your dating life so are you saying that you're seeing someone is that what that was or so for the first time my dating life is actually going well and i don't want to jinx it because I feel like every time I say this, it always goes wrong. But I guess you could say that I am seeing someone. Yeah. So does that mean this year is the year of a boyfriend?

I have a very strong feeling that 2023 might be the year of the boyfriend. You're joking. Which doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth because I've been single for 22 years and the thought of a boyfriend still fucking terrifies me but I feel like I can't keep putting it off I feel like I keep making excuses to myself like no like I'm not ready for a boyfriend I don't want a boyfriend but I've never had one so I feel like I probably should let myself experience what yeah you definitely should but I feel like if you're feeling like that then it's just also not right like you'll know when it's right like a hundred percent so I think if you if you have that feeling then still listen to it the thing is I know he listens to the podcast so

I know he's gonna be listening to me speaking about okay so when you ask gonna out this is what she'd like but no honestly it's so sweet like we're doing something on valentine's day which is my first are you okay so it's serious it's my first valentine's day actually doing something with someone which is really sweet and this is someone you've spoken about ages ago isn't it yeah so i so the thing is with me like i'm very scared of commitment with someone it just terrifies me and i know when you meet the right person commitment will be fine but like in what sense you're scared of like their commitment or your own? I think so.

I can obviously, I can trust myself. Like I can trust myself. But I think because I've been so hurt in the past, I'm very scared of like letting those like walls down again because I can't be asked to feel hurt again. Like it's such a long process trying to like get yourself back up to being happy that I feel like I just try and push it off if that makes sense. But this time I'm not doing that. I'm I just try and push it off if that makes sense but this time I'm not

doing that I'm letting myself actually like enjoy it and yes my first Valentine's doing something which is gonna be so weird so what are you doing so I actually don't know so he gave me two options he was like do you want to get really dressed up or do you want to do something more chill and we haven't done anything where we've been like really dressed up yet and I was like it's Valentine so I kind of want to get like 100% so I said can we get dressed up and he's booked something like two things but i have no idea what it is and then he messaged me the other day saying that he had to go to the place to go and look at it to make sure that it was like okay like he's really put like a lot of f into this like i say it's all like a month away so wow okay oh my god that's so exciting. I know. So I've obviously been in relationships

that have gone over Valentine's Day, but I've never done anything if I have Valentine's Day ever. You've never done anything on Valentine's Day? No, never have. Do you know what though? I just don't know how I feel about Valentine's Day that I think that's why.

Because I've always been like, I don't want a guy to buy me flowers just because it's Valentine's Day. I want them to do it anyways. Agreed. So so i feel like and also i'd rather someone not pay double the price of valentine's day and get me two bunches of flowers the next week yeah then just buy one for the price of valentine's day but then every time valentine's day does come around and i see it on everyone's stories and stuff i am a bit like i regret saying that now yep see the thing is i do want to experience at some

point in my life the rose petals on the bed I do want to yeah but it would be better not on valentine's day right yeah maybe they just did it just because that is so much better you know what he actually said that to me once really he says it to me he was like by the way I don't just want to do things like this with you on valentine's day I want to do things like with oh like this with you all the time like the things he says to me are actually like ridiculously sweet like i've never had someone with this form of like love language that matches mine before right okay so yeah don't want to do anything guys i will give you a valentine's day update once it has been stop i'm so excited for you i'm gonna live through you but what are you doing on valentine's day

give me an update nothing i'm not gonna be doing anything i'm actually not in the country on valentine's day so that's why i'm not doing it no i actually have i'm not gonna be doing anything so it's great that i'm not in the country um but i'm gonna be in arizona but um i know but um how's my date in life how How was your date in life? Not that great. Not gonna lie. Have you been on any more dates? There's no Valentine's Day in the cards. No, I haven't. But do you want to know something? I'm going on a double date tonight. You're going on a double date?

I'm going on a double date tonight. Okay, I want details. So where are you going? Who's the boy? What's the sitch? Okay. So the sitch is I'm going with my best friend. Okay.

It's some guys she's seeing yeah and it's some guy that i know but like not that well okay um so yeah don't really know what to expect so essentially a blind date but you know what he looks like you just don't know anything about him yes okay that's fine yes i feel like it kind of takes the edge off of it as well that you're going with someone else like i like double dates for that reason yeah and you know what so me and my best friend libby we've never been single at the same time like ever really so this is the first time we've ever both been single at the same time so when we went away together recently we was like we are making a pact to go on a double date like we are so excited for this I can't even tell you like to be fair the boys could just not even be there they don't need to be there because we're so excited that we're going on this double date I think just more for each

other that we're like oh my god we're single at the same time although i'm hoping libby doesn't get in a relationship obviously whatever makes her happy but obviously she's going on a double date with a guy that she's seeing or whatever um but yeah no we're really excited i think we're going to be so annoying that i don't know if i'm going to get another date from this but we'll just okay well where are you going what are you doing we're going to sexy fish bougie that's in mayfair so it's it's good because it means we can dress up or we wear a dress and heels so i have two options i either have like i'm either gonna go for like a boot vibe like high boot oh leather shorts corset blazer sort of vibe i love it or i have like a leather okay this is like such girl combo or i have like a leather

dress high boots or i do even have heels i've packed options the wardrobe in the suitcase yeah okay but i thought heel looks like maybe i'm trying a bit too hard i personally rather a boot i think it also is quite sexy a boot i think so as well i like a knee high boot yeah and i think it just looks like less effort agreed so you're gonna have to give me a update i will give you an update on that i'll let you know how it goes i went on a double date a couple weeks ago yeah me and has been on a double date with your said boy and the boy that she's seeing yeah no way oh my god was it good it was really good it was like because it was the first time that he'd met one of my friends and i thought that's so important to me that like what my friends think of them oh 100 and i just want their opinion as

well and haz was like genuinely the best boy you've ever spoken to so i was like thank okay because to be fair other people you've spoken to none of your friends have liked them yeah ever it's and the thing is it's not that hard to please they're just genuinely like they're not right for you they see i feel like everybody else sees the red flags more than you do in the situation yeah 100 but we just had really fun we literally just went like out for food and then played like arcade games went like basketball and like um played beer pong and stuff and we got a bit drunk which was nice so honestly you will have the best but how would you feel going on a double date it's the first date because that's where i'm like a bit like okay this is um yeah this is my fourth date with the person so i feel like that's the thing like you've met him before you're going on like i feel

like it's a bit weird because my best friend knows this guy has been seeing him yeah and i don't know this guy so like i'm meeting for the first time whereas're not. You've got to try and get to know him whilst also at a table with. Yes. And they already know each other. So like, it's not awkward for them. So do you know what I mean?

It's a bit weird. It is a bit weird, but I feel like it will, like I said, it will take the edge off of it. And like, it will make you less, I think it will make you less nervous.

Yeah. But like, I'm going to be going by myself. Do you know what I mean? Oh, it's a bit weird. It's fine. If it's awkward, like if the conversation gets awkward, you awkward you can just be like so and just tap libby yeah i

feel like it's gonna be yes do you know what and also like know what he looks like he's friends with the guy that she's seeing so like they're like best mates if it works so it makes sense so if it works out it's gonna be unreal be unreal. You are in a perfect ideal situation. Yeah. So I love this for you. So, yeah. I just think we're going to be so annoying. Imagine two girls, drunk, best friends.

We're loud as it is. But they're best friends, right? Yeah. The two boys. So it's fine. There you go. Match made in heaven. So maybe 2023 is the year of the boyfriend for you as well.

Yeah, I don't think so. I actually feel like for the first time I'm like I don't care how much I like someone I just don't want a boyfriend and I've never really been like that you actually not want a boyfriend no I just don't want a boyfriend I've babe well I mean that's been me my whole life so yeah well we're swapping roles now they But saying that, I still don't necessarily like, want a boyfriend. I think there's so many benefits to having, benefits. There's benefits. No,

like there's so many good things that comes with being in a relationship. I just feel like, oh, I don't know. I'm always seeing someone. I don't know. I just feel like, I just want to be by myself.

Yeah. The seeing someone stage, especially when like, it just keeps failing, is so fucking draining. Yeah. Boring and repetitive. I don't know I just feel like I just want to be by myself yeah the seeing someone stage especially when like it just keeps failing is so fucking raining yeah boring and repetitive it's just yeah and you have to trust people so many yeah I just can't be bothered if this actually goes wrong I swear to god I'm not trying again I actually I'm not trying again but you are not this year not this year not this year but we're two weeks in. Yeah, well, I'm having a year off then if this doesn't go right. Okay, you can have a year off with me.

Yeah. Watch me get in a relationship now. This is what's going to happen. That always happens when you say you don't want a relationship. That is true. So keep saying you don't. Actually, that's probably why you've got to where you are. Because I don't want a relationship and then I'm letting myself enjoy it.

It's cringe, but I do actually genuinely believe when you're not looking for it, you find it. Yeah, same. Because that's always how I've found my relationships. Yeah, because the thing is, when I went through a phase of wanting a boyfriend, that's when everything was going wrong. Yeah. Because I was like looking for it

and it wasn't right. Yeah. That's the advice. If you don't want a boyfriend, you're probably going to get a boyfriend. That's the advice from two girls that are very single. So where did you meet him, by the way? I met him on Hinge.

Of course you did. Of course i met him on hinge of course she did of course i met him on hinge everyone i swear but that was before yeah it was a while ago but it goes to show like a dating app you can actually meet some like i don't you know i know so many people that met their like boyfriends or girlfriends off of dating me too i feel like increasingly the more i ask people oh where did you meet your partner they're like oh on hinge on tinder i'm like oh so maybe there is hope and it's weird because so many people get so embarrassed by it which i do kind of get why but also like there actually is nothing to be embarrassed about everyone's on a dating app if it was tinder maybe i'd be like a little bit more reluctant to say i don't know why but like with hinge i'm like oh yeah like really why do you think that is i really don't know maybe this is because it's such like a stigma around tinder

that it's just like oh use for like a one night stand whatever right okay but with hinge i don't know but that's where i met him oh but we took it like straight off of hinge quite quickly like we just started messaging on like we took it off of him because i can't stand messaging on the dating app because i can't be asked to keep going to check the app for the message. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd rather just come off it and start messaging them, go on a date. Right, okay. And is he older?

He is, he's 24. Can you describe what he looks like? He's 24. He has some lovely tattoos. Okay, nice. I like a boy with tattoos. This is the first boy I've dated with them. He's tall.

Okay, how tall? Oh, I don't actually know how to i'm i'm gonna i might i'm gonna bring him up here and say six this is when everyone this is when everyone's going um on anna's following to try and find him brunette brunette he's got a tattoo yeah no i think he's like he's very much my type has he got brown eyes is he all like dark features okay that's really bad i can't remember the color of his eyes that's bad that's really bad i'm so sorry but that is bad i actually can't remember but you're joking i actually can't that's really bad i want to say they are brown to be fair though right this changed as well my mum the other day we were having a conversation my new little niece. I was looking at her and I was like,

what colour eyes does she have? And I was like, there must be green. And mum went, well, that'd be weird because no one in our family's got green. I was like, Casey, her dad has green eyes, mum. She was like, no, he doesn't. I was like, yeah, they're so green. You can get more green.

I'm like, how do you not know the colour of your son's eyes? But then to be fair though, if you said to me what colour a Byron has eyes, I'd be like, I don't how do you not know the color of your son's eyes but then to be fair though if like if you said to me like what color of byron or has eyes i'd be like i don't know but i know the color of your eyes because yours are really blue and that's like one of your like main features but i don't really notice eye color is that bad no i do know what you're saying it is actually harder if you're not looking at someone to remember their eye color yeah next time i see him unless they've got like a really really really strong color i guess yeah okay well that's next on my list. Well, I know yours, so.

So I don't know when I'd describe him. Like green, blue. Describe the guy you're going on a date with. Literally the same as what you've described. Has he got tattoos? Actually, no, he hasn't got tattoos. No, he's got no tattoos. He's tall.

Tall. Brunette. Brunette. What colour are his eyes? Brown. Oh, how how do you know and you've not even met him because i know because i look i'm gonna zoom into hazel so obviously as we've been dating recently and we've been talking about a lot of things we're going to talk about like dating let's talk about like toxic relationships okay let's have a very open honest conversation about toxic relationships okay do you think you've ever been in one no I genuinely don't think I've really that's a really good thing I think everyone has maybe like traits that maybe you could like class like oh that's a little bit toxic like

but I think that's also insecurities I definitely don't think I've been in a toxic relationship and I think I can easily spot one. Okay, so what would you look for then? Like, if you saw a boy with a toxic trait, what would you say that is? Oh my God, that's like... Put me on the spot. See, I know one straight away.

I think checking someone else's phone. Oh, I didn't think about that one. Like, 100%, I just think that's just like why do you need to check each other's phones all the time yeah i mean obviously that's coming down to having no trust but like it's just toxic if you always need to like know what someone else is like i i just think it's weird i wouldn't mind my partner having my phone password i have no neither would i i have nothing exactly but it's like if they felt the need to constantly go through my phone or yeah then i think that's what i mean i just think that's weird yeah yeah agreed another one as well like controlling what someone wears oh that's just

awful i just don't i don't understand i really don't understand neither and also you know what you've signed up for when you started dating them you know what they wear yeah so like i just don't understand neither and also you know what you've signed up for when you started dating them you know what they wear yeah so like i just don't understand yeah i think that's so i think that's so bizarre it's also say if i was wearing i don't know like a bit of more of a booby top and my boyfriend was like cover up i would rather my boyfriend have the attitude of being like you go out you wear what you want you look amazing and you're mine and i trust that you're mine yeah exactly yeah yeah cover up i'd like i don't trust Do you know what I mean? I think that's a really... But again, but like all of these traits

come from insecurities, right? Because like, he doesn't want you to go out like that because he knows you're going to get more attention. That's what it is. And then he'll probably turn around and say he doesn't trust other men.

Yeah. Even though he's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? They'll always try and find a loophole. No, I'm sorry. If a guy said that to me, I'd be like absolutely i'm not i

wouldn't no no i couldn't i think that's actually one big things for me lying as well oh yeah lying is obviously massive toxic massive toxic trait yeah trying to think of okay what's another thing that i literally cannot stand i don't understand people that like don't like. I don't understand people that like, don't like, okay, so, don't want to out anyone here, but I have a friend.

Okay. And her boyfriend gets annoyed if he's out, if she's out with me, for an example, or like any of her other friends that are single. Like, like he will get so annoyed at her i know someone because because we're single right which first of all i freaking hate anyone that cheats

so i'm the last person that's gonna be like oh my god babe go for it i'm not gonna tell you're not gonna anyways i'm obviously not gonna edge my friend on but also like so what it does it doesn't matter like it, I just don't understand why it makes a difference having single friends or not. Yeah, neither do I. It's also the whole thing of like saying to someone, you have to be home by this time or I don't want you going out tonight.

Yeah. That's another thing. And I've seen that in some people that I know. And I think that is horrendous. Yeah. And it makes them, that is the definition of a toxic relationship. It makes them feel so small

and it makes almost their life harder as well because then they'll get distant from their friends because they won't be going out with their friends it's just awful i hate that yeah well thank god we've never had that yeah luckily i've never had that and i feel like i can quite easily spot like toxic traits in people because of what i've seen in relationships around yeah yeah yeah don't you just think it all comes down to trust though a hundred percent I don't think you've got anything in a relationship unless you've got trust no and I think that yeah I think that's a hundred percent what it falls down to so yeah I can thankfully say I've never I've never had anything like that yeah I've never had I think I've yeah no I haven't I've never been in a full-on relationship to have toxicity I guess

there's been little like toxic things that happen like here and there but as a whole I can say just I haven't been fingers crossed I won't be do you think you've ever done anything that you're like oh that was a bit toxic not saying like just like a little thing that you thought oh I shouldn't have done that or I seemed a bit like a psycho there's one thing that comes to mind okay that I have done that was slightly toxic. But it's like you said, it's because I didn't trust him. So he definitely doesn't know that I did this. It's not even that bad.

But his phone was like up on the bed when he was in the shower and I was on the bed and it like lit up and I saw a girl message him. And I was like, I've not heard of that girl before. I don't know who that is. So I went on then on my Instagram and like searched her name to see who it was right because in the message she said to him about going out that night and he told me he was busy and I was like well this is really weird and then nothing obviously ever came so why didn't you go on his phone why did you search it on yours I think I knew in my head that was too far to go on his phone because he was always this is actually a bit of a rough up but he was always really secretive about his phone and i understand that some people are very private about their

phone they don't have people going on it if you truly haven't got anything to hide i don't think there should be an issue no sitting here like this and you can see what's on my phone whereas yeah yeah kind of oh no if they're turning their phone there's something wrong another one he would always kind of turn it away i didn't know his password not that i would want to know but like had no idea every time i go on his camera roll he'd turn it away like it was always just really weird like that so then i searched her name and i i don't know what i was hoping to find from such a name to be honest i just found out who she was um but then after i stopped seeing that boy really weirdly i was at house party and she was there and yeah and i recognized it

instantly because i was like oh my god that's the girl that messaged him and she was giving me really weird looks all night so i don't know she knew that i was speaking to him and she was also speaking to him and she right together but obviously i wasn't at the time so but i just like it's difficult right because i, well, that's not toxic because you had a reason to. But like you could, you could argue both sides, couldn't you?

I clearly didn't trust him because otherwise I wouldn't have looked down at his phone to be like, who's messaging you? But I just think if anyone's turning their phone, like there's something there.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. Because I wouldn't mind somebody sat there going on my phone if they wanted because there's nothing to hide. Nothing to hide. But him doing that makes me think, well, who who's in your messages then what are you trying to hide from yeah yeah that's another

big toxic one turn it yeah it's away and that whole thing okay another one so i this is a could be a contradiction but being dominant depends what context we're talking about yeah i was thinking you clearly like it so that's no i don't know i don't know i don't really i don't think so like i don't know just yeah if they're not telling you what to wear and oh god bloody oh here i go um as a whole no what do you think no i agree i think but i'm more thinking i think it's like i think it can be an attractive trait if it's not taken too far agreed that you yeah you've literally put it perfectly if it's not like it can actually be sexy if it's not taken too far yeah see yeah i don't want this to come across wrong i find dominance quite attractive yeah in that sense

it's like independence it's like a man figure it's like yeah I like a dominant person yeah but yeah when it's taken too far then no yeah agreed but dominance I guess has two different meanings in a relationship so it depends on where you want to look I love how I'm saying this as well but I'm so like I don't know like I'm just such this is obviously kind of different but I'm such like a competitive person that I'm like if if he wanted something I'd be annoyed I'm just yeah I do like a dominant person but also don't know okay so how about not displaying emotions or being emotionally unavailable because I think there's two ways you could look at this one as well is is is the question you're asking is it toxic yeah do you think there's two ways you could look at this one as well. Is the question you're asking, is it toxic?

Yeah, do you think it's toxic? Or what's your opinion on that one? My opinion is, I couldn't stand it. I find it really annoying. Honestly. But I don't necessarily think it's toxic unless they're deliberately doing it. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I think when one person is emotionally unavailable i think it makes the other person almost start to gain toxic traits because they want that love and affection from that yeah yeah that's true person isn't giving it back because i was definitely in a situation like that where i was seeing someone who was so emotionally unavailable it was ridiculous like it was silly but it made me like and why do you think they were like that so they said that it was because of their past right and how that they'd been treated in situations previously which i also do understand because yeah so that's the thing like from their point of view i don't think it's toxic unless they're like deliberately i don't know playing the field

so they're trying to like do you know what i mean then it's different but like if they're just emotion like do you know i mean if they're just in that state yes and i do actually weirdly understand that now because i feel like i came out of that situation then becoming emotionally unavailable right okay so I feel like I then took that trait into something new and did you feel toxic I wouldn't say I necessarily felt toxic I just I just felt like emotionally unavailable yeah I just felt almost bad because the person that I was seeing was like giving me so much and I physically could not give it back and I don't really know why yeah is it toxic is it i don't know i think it just makes it harder for the

other person then that also could kind of come down to love languages as well because some people genuinely like just aren't like emotion you know what i mean yeah yeah like don't show affection yeah whereas i'm very much like oh i'm so the opposite yeah yeah i love showing affection i couldn't be somebody that doesn't have a lot of affection like I just couldn't yeah in my head like

it's so stupid but in my head if they weren't showing me affection I think well you don't like me then oh 100% like what I think as girls we overthink it anyways

I overthink everything but like yeah I'm the same I'm like why are they sitting on the sofa but they're not like cuddling me yeah or they don't want to like just a little hand on my leg or something like that yeah or i think or you did that last time you're not doing that now so what's changed

okay okay anna that's a little bit okay this is maybe why i'm still single okay so you're all for pda it's not we've learned I don't know about PDA not sure about that I've never really no I don't know about that I actually don't I don't mind it to a certain degree again like sometimes I think there's a point where I'm like bloody get a room do you know what I mean sometimes I might get a room come on but like if someone's just like kissing their boyfriend or whatever like now and then I'm just like oh whatever yeah so be it they're in love which I was at well yes you're probably more coming from a place of jealousy watching like why is that not me yeah but i feel like well yeah when you're in a social situation

i do like my not that i've ever had it but my partner to come over and be like not that i've ever i do like it i've never had it but this is a new boyfriend tate knows new boyfriend if you're listening oh god you can now be doing full pda on public oh god if you see me you didn't do you think any of your friends have any toxic traits well i'm probably not going to sit here and out my friends but one thing i know that i do my friends do i know you do i know that girl does across the street is every friend has a best friend that is an amazing stalker and detective and the second right i'm sorry but i don't care what anyone says the second you're speaking to a guy on instagram or whoever it is and they get to a point where like you don't know what you are you're kind of seeing each other you're soon going to move to the next stage you're looking at their

following a hundred percent that a hundred percent i never even thought about that one but that is the worst one because i used to do that so everyone does it though like i literally i don't know a girl that doesn't do it i know for a fact i'm speaking to her i'm looking at the follow i'm clicking all the girls that oh i know you've done it yeah like i know that i do that like but then when i'm with them i don't do it so i don't think it's that i don't think it's toxic i don't think it's great i think we're more just hurting ourself by doing it to be honest oh a hundred because you're looking at all these girls you know well why have he just followed you yeah yeah and then you stalk her and you're like oh she's really pretty and

then you start to feel shit about yourself is it you just like a vicious cycle yeah that one and yeah you're right every single person i know yeah does it does that and then also you always have a friend that's amazing at stalking and can help you find anyone if need be yeah and i feel like that could maybe be a little bit toxic i'm not that sure but it's so not it's so normal that i'm like what's worse is when you like know the number of their following so you like check it down you watch it and i've done that i know that i've done that i've done it as well i've done that so many times yeah i've done it more when it's like ended though like more like if i was seeing someone and then i'm not seeing them anymore whatever like if like i didn't want

it to end or like if it ended i don't know like you just want to see who they're following now after you've ended basically yeah kind of I don't know maybe I just do it all the time oh god no I have there's me I'm not toxic I have actually stopped myself from doing it because I don't really do it anymore it was I almost stopped it as a form of like self-care for myself because I actually noticed it was getting bad and that was like not only like a new year's resolution but it's something in my head i was like for myself i've actually got to stop this now but then it is actually true do you remember that guy that i was seeing yes and his following was like i never ever ever checked his following and then and i actually swear to you I didn't like

it sounds like I do it all the time I didn't check his following at all for the months that we spoke together spoke together yeah spoke to each other um and then it was weird like he had gone away and like for five days he was just not like him wasn't texting as much and like I just felt like such a weird vibe and I was like what the hell so then I was noticing I noticed his following because I was looking at his page and the next day it's up like 20 next day again it's up like 20 like it was going up high like to the point where I was like what the hell so I've looked at it and it's just all girls. And then anyways, we very quickly ended after that because he's just not very trustworthy at all in the slightest.

So I learned a lot of things by actually doing that. Okay, so on that then, what's your opinion on when you're in a relationship, them liking another girl's photo or following other girls? Okay, I actually do have a very big opinion on this. Okay. I always think don't do something that you wouldn't want so like obviously you know how people say like treat how

you want to be treated yeah right so if a guy says to me like oh my god why have you liked this guy's pictures and he's liking girls pictures i think i don't know like he's got to work both ways but I also think naturally I wouldn't be liking other guys pictures in a relationship so I wouldn't want a guy to do it to other girls yeah but only if they don't know them like obviously if that's their friends or they know them it's totally different I don't care you obviously have girlfriends like that's fine like I have so many friends that are guys but i do think like why would you to me it's entertaining someone else yeah like why would i sit in like some guy's picture that i don't know his topless picture like why would i like that the only reason

is to get his attention or for him to like that is it it's entertaining them in some in some form of way one thing looking at someone's profile but then actually following them it's like well if you're following them you obviously want them to follow you back exactly like there is intention it doesn't matter what anyone says even if it was a slight intention like you didn't even mean anything by it like there was intention at the time to do that so and it's weird actually because I kind of learned it the hard way because in one of my like first relationships that I had my boyfriend at the time he always had a problem about me liking guys photos and I hadn't even really thought about it so it's hard because I kind of get both sides I get it can mean nothing but also at the same time like i don't know yeah i do think there

is some intention behind it i feel like for me personally just on a level of sort of like respect i would prefer my boyfriend not to follow any new girls unless they're genuine friends yeah anything like that but you know if it's just it would make me feel i wouldn't want to say insecure because i would never want to feel insecure but it would just it would make me feel i wouldn't want to say insecure because i would never want to feel insecure but it would just make my mind wonder why are you following yeah like what is the point if you don't want anything with them why are you what are you trying to gain out of doing that but it's like when i was in my in one of my first relationships and i was like people's pictures that was just genuinely because i would sit down my feet and like every picture

that i saw like there wasn't a picture that I didn't like you already followed these people and I already followed them yeah yeah obviously I wasn't going out following people so there actually wasn't any intention there but I know now as I've got older like I don't sit in like every picture that I have my feet I just like people if I like their picture so yeah you know what as well I was speaking to a guy and he said so he never would like any of my pictures really, which is fine, whatever. No, I've had a guy do this and I think it's fucking weird. I just think, well, if you're speaking to me, surely you'd rather like my photos.

No, no, I think it's so fucking weird. No, but the excuse he gave me was he doesn't like any pictures on Instagram. Right, so then maybe I'm a little bit psycho. I've, no, I've heard, I've literally felt like I've gone through the same thing as you. I went down his following to look. He's liking every single other girl's photo apart from mine. What? But like, it was really weird because you know when Instagram goes through those phases

where like sometimes it's in order, sometimes it's not. It's not, yeah. You can't tell with the new like algorithm. But he'd like follow someone new and then go spam like them. And I think, well, what the fuck is that about? Like you can't like my photo, but you can go spam like her and i think well what the fuck is that about like you can't like my photo but you can go spam like that's very weird i that's another toxic trait but i also think it's weird when a guy doesn't like anyone's pictures i'm like why i don't get it why yeah i don't personally yeah i don't i guess i don't really get it i would like the person i'm seeing to like

my photos yeah yeah yeah not necessarily because they don't have to comment but just like the picture but like yeah I think that's very odd I feel like we really need a guy's perspective on that because I do think that's just yeah I'd be intrigued to see what a guy would say about that yeah so do you think you like a nice guy or not because I know a lot of people that don't like a nice guy and a nice guy doesn't have toxic things so this is the thing right you always say oh my god i want the most perfect guy like in your head you always have this ideal perfect guy but when you have him because it could be deemed as essentially maybe too easy you then don't want him and i definitely had that has happened to me like a hundred percent because in a way like toxic is like intriguing and it but well it makes you want more as well i'm really it makes me want to like

fix it it makes me like it's that fucking like natural human nature of wanting to be like desirable to someone and wanting to be like and want them to change for you as well for you the amount of girls i know that thinks a guy is going to change for them and i've thought it as well you have it they don't change you have it in your head that you're going to be able to change them and yeah it's almost like you just need it for your own ego which sounds really really bad and i don't mean it like that but i've i definitely now i'm learning as i'm getting older that actually the nice guys are the ones that you need to go for and the toxic shit I am genuinely trying to leave yeah but I feel like there always is that little bit of attraction to the toxicness purely because it's

a balance isn't it yeah and some people see it's exciting see I actually do love a nice guy like I actually do genuinely that's a good thing, though. Like, I'm speaking, like, it's funny. The last girl that I was speaking to, he wasn't like that, like, not even affection. What's the love language like? Words of affirmation? Yeah, that's it.

And I would like, we'd like be sarcastic and joke about it and stuff. And he's like, yeah, yeah, but if I'm like that, you wouldn't want me. And that was, that was like always the ongoing joke and i was like no but i would like i'd actually want you more like i actually would but then maybe i wouldn't you think that yeah but i think i still would i think the problem is we slightly always want what we can't have yeah i think i think it's like we're both in the same boat. We want a really nice guy, but not someone that's so fucking eager

that's annoying. Yes. I think you still need that bit of like excitement there of, especially in the early stages. Do they like me? Yes. Like, do they not? Like, it's just,

that makes it a lot more exciting. Because if you know someone like you straight off the bat for me, I'm not interested in the slightest. Really? Yeah, not interested. I just, and if they reply like immediately as well

it just puts me off a little bit see that just doesn't put me off i think that's because that's not what i'm used to because like now like in a situation that i'm in i'm getting the things that used to put me off and it doesn't put me off anymore right so maybe i don't know maybe it just i used to attract toxicness maybe i just don't anymore I feel like with the guy texting back thing it's like I feel like the perfect person is like sometimes they'll text back straight away because they like just reply when you have your phone in your hand yeah like I know sometimes I'll text people back like literally straight away but then I could not reply for four hours yeah yeah that's the same so like I feel like that's the best like I just hate people that have to wait I'm not doing the whole time I'm gonna you're you message me 30

minutes so I'm gonna wait 60 minutes no I'm not about to do that but yeah I feel like as I'm getting older the nicer boys are becoming more attractive to me and the toxic are definitely Let's go. on a new blender squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Hey you. Yeah, you. Scrolling TikTok and avoiding your chem homework? Chegg here. Hot take. You've seen enough Bama Rush, ASMR keyboard, and viral dance videos for one day. Let's lock in and start that assignment. If you need a little help, lean on Chegg's expert-supported learning tools.

I say this with love. Put on some lo-fi beats and get going with our step-by-step study support. Your weekend will thank you. Small steps today means big wins tomorrow. With Chegg. Subscribe today. You got this. So speaking of toxic traits, I feel like how's your DMs been? Have they been toxic or are they

good? My DMs have been very quiet. Okay. Recently. This is because you're speaking to someone though, that's why, right? Yeah. And I'm just just not really i don't really have any interest in messaging other people at the moment right you can read at the moment at the moment but you can read what i've got from what people have sent me okay some of them are quite sweet are your dms well i've just had a lot of weird very disgusting dms more than ever recently and I know why it is it's because I wore a top out and literally you could see

my nipples through it I don't get what people's obsession is to see nipples through tops anyways my DMs have been like they actually will make you want to throw up in your mouth you already read what I remember on that other episode where you wore the t-shirt with your nipples out and you had a full-on coat my nipples not out by the way you don't see my nipples okay right are you going first or am i

disgusted oh i know no that's awful i actually if i can read that out i can read this one it said delicious look at them nipples i told you what one i'm gonna have to change one of these words because it's horrendous but i would pound that pussy so hard i'm just changing one of the words like bear in mind there's a lot isn't there there's actually a lot so i want to suck your nipples delicious i want to lick this is a different person right these are different people oh no this is all the same person that same person delicious i want to lick your arsehole clean out tasting your shit yeah saffron yeah that's what i mean when i say i've just had the most disgusting dms that is like i don't even know how these even making it to my inbox someone said i'm trying to make you a milf okay you're still sexy as

fuck after the gym you're the most beautiful woman on the planet these ones are a little bit again these are a bit more these are nicer than i want to lick your arsehole clean yeah there's a lot of the i want to lick your arsehole clean though hello will you marry me got marriage proposal insane 10 out of 10 wow what i would do to you just just like but these are like old men yeah half of these are like old men or really young guys and i'm thinking what do you have someone put i'm back in the uk in two months it would be no this is someone i know actually well actually i don't know him i don't know him i it's weird i don't follow random guys I just don't

right he doesn't have a profile picture this guy I know I don't know why I just literally thought he was good looking and followed him one day and then yeah

he messaged me all the time and then I can't unfollow him now so I'm just following him and now he messaged me that back in the UK so maybe I'll go on the day maybe I will maybe

I want to see a picture of him after the podcast I'll show you so yeah and then all your others are really nice fucking unreal you absolute sore insane okay well at least they're giving me even though it's from like 60 plus old men at least they're giving me the confidence I want to hear favorite one is the asshole looking oh but the thing is there's so many like if you go to the replies from that that picture where you can slightly see my nipples it's actually disgusting i can't believe it's so gross do you get the people on twitter by the way like there's this thing called like bang tidy and

there's like all these like celeb bangs like all these twitter accounts and they basically it's literally like an only fans they just post like all the most sexual pictures of people ever but they always post pictures of me even though i don't even post sexual pictures but they always post pictures of me but like it's just all their followers are full of 60 year old men that are commenting on you like like giving their opinion it's it but it's disgusting it's absolutely disgusting that's quite similar i have a reddit thread yeah so it must be like similar to that yeah and they post my pictures and it again i'm gonna assume it's 60 plus men is it really wrong that some like old

guy was speaking to me on the train today but when he first started speaking to me and i'm doing my makeup just trying to make conversation and i was thinking to myself i don't know if you're an absolute weirdo or if you're just nice and then i realized he was really nice what was he saying i was just talking about his job and his life but like yeah but like at first i was thinking i literally what went through my head is i wonder if you're like one of those guys that like just coming on my feet or something. Not like about me but like just about people. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean.

Because I'm like why are you trying to make a conversation with the 22 year old girl that's doing her makeup very peacefully on the train? Do you know what I mean? I'm thinking he's like

keeps making comments. I was like that. And I was just thinking are you weird or are you really nice? Anyways, I judged him too quick and he was absolutely lovely

there we go never judge a book by the camera still could be weird still could be we never know okay we've got You're Stunning

from Craig in America it's called Craig Craig that's how they pronounce Craig I think it's so weird isn't that a restaurant as well in LA

yeah because the owner's called Craig oh is that why okay Craig so it's called Craig so it is one of the? Okay, Craig. That makes fucking sense. So he's called Craig, because he is one of the most famous in LA.

Yeah, I think Craig is so much nicer than Craig. Craig. Yeah, I have a further name, Craig. Of course, Craig is messaging from the UK. You can have him. Simon. Oh, God. He's messaging saying,

your figure is unreal. You free Feb 14th? I'm not. You're not? Yes, Simon. This year, I am taken, unfortunately free feb 14th i'm not you're not yes simon this year i am taken unfortunately on february 14th but this is the point why not i'll show another day do you know what i mean i guess you're trying to be romantic but it's just not really hit no it's not here he's also asked to take you out before as well oh so he has yes but you're like hella cute like

always and is there any possibilities i could take you out soon and that was fourth of january and he messaged this one on sunday oh he's still trying the shot he's shooting simon i've not seen simon have a little look i might like him oh he's messaged again simon oh sorry simon is not stopping you're always looking naturally gorgeous I wish I could be experiencing Christmas with you oh but no you must have seen Simon I've not seen Simon

because Simon's here every day I wish I could enjoy the view with you I'll bring the cheese how is that meant to be a seven point what's he replied to what's it all pizza weird how can i actually take a girl out because you're my dream girl and how's the holiday that's still simon still still so yeah i just wonder like that's all sigh

is he just oh i don't know should we give him a message back you can reply to simon okay you can reply to simon don't be mean though because i'm not i'm not don't worry anna as if i'd ever be mean he's really hoping on this feb 14th day imagine i'm gonna tell him i've got plans on the 14th but how about 15 can I put that you can put that what's his I can't find his name it's 12345 he's gonna shit himself

when his phone lights up okay right we're accepting the that's gonna be in my fucking DMs okay what's like a word that you use that i use yeah what do you mean baby oh oh that word b do you know what i can't stand is b

i like the word baby but b the guy calls me b and they think it's cute and short i'm like b no but are you calling him baby because i wouldn't call someone baby i wouldn't do that i wouldn't do that you can't put that just put i'm busy on the phone can i go for hey hey something oh because you're a classic henna hey you just put hey you no i think it's more fun what's what what that is bad though hey you i've overused it okay oh you say you it sounds like you yeah that was natural hey you i'm busy 14th but how about 15th what am i doing um devil the purple one like The really horny devil. Yeah.

The funniest thing is, is because when we're doing this, the only people entertaining us are ourselves, because no one ever replies back in time. Basically, if you ever see us filming a podcast, message us then. Sorry, that just reminded me. Do you remember when you messaged someone off my phone? Yeah. time they replied saying what this is about puppies he replied but the other one

replied as well and it was just so funny because he said okay you're gonna have to give us the whole like can you say the whole conversation again yeah let me get his message up is that him so this is when we were filming the christmas episode and you said to him this was an ex that i'd met but not really next it's someone i've spoken to before you put hi santa you wish for me good choice okay yeah and then he put this is anna right and a laughing face half an hour later he put caught me by surprise haha and then on wednesday he messaged me again saying hey you you're i didn't reply i felt i'd been and gone you had to reply because he's gonna think what the hell that's so random well it didn't sound like me i told you it didn't sound like me that's why he's like this is anna right and then he thought about it and he thought

actually i like this new anna yeah this is? And then he thought about it and he thought, actually, I like this new Anna. Yeah, this is fun. And then he thought, hey, you again on Wednesday, still thinking about it. So thanks for that chat blind. It's really got him thinking. Yeah, it has.

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So we asked you guys this week about some toxic traits that you have or you've seen in relationships and someone said and this is actually a massive one is that i can't believe we didn't say this talking about their ex on first dates first dates yes but otherwise i don't agree i think if you're like really down the line of like six seven months you're talking about your exes i feel like you have to have the conversation but if someone was kept bringing it up to me and kept talking about their ex i said i would just i don't understand why they need to keep bringing up their ex when they're in the past yeah i know what you're saying i know i do agree but i know i've done that that before, but not in the sense of like, okay, so I think it's toxic if they're talking about their ex

and always saying bad things. Because if they're saying bad things about them, then they're probably going to say bad things about you. Like it just works like that. But also, like I know, like when I brought up things about my ex, it's only because I've done something. Oh, I don't know. I know that I've done that though I wonder if that comes across as toxic

no I think you just said it right I think it depends if you're saying bad stuff or not yeah like if you're also if you say if you're saying all the good stuff that's also a bit slightly worrying too yes so maybe like when I was talking about my ex I don't have any feelings towards them so I think that's why I'd happily talk about them yeah i think just if i was with someone or and they just kept bringing it up and i think oh you're not over them then are you if you're talking about maybe that's how it could come across a little bit yeah because yeah yeah i mean i don't do it that much anyways but i'm just i was just thinking but i definitely have i done that like i know i've done that yeah simon's replied no he hasn't if it sounds good to

me always replied again oh no that wasn't it sounds good to me i've got plans 14 and 15 what the babe check you out i've got a double valentine sharing out anyway next one that was so funny oh you're sounds good to me i don't know my fault who the fuck is that that i realized okay sorry um oh i hate this change behavior when drunk the worst is also changing behavior around their friends i was about to say that's the biggest one actually like i just think you're a little boy if you do that like why do you need to change around your friends like acting up in front of you yeah that's just child like i just think you're a child if you do that like why can't you be the same around your friends said it better myself. Someone said mummy's boy. Oh.

I mean. Usually that noise did not sound what I thought it would be. Well, a guy that I knew, not that I was seeing, called his mum mummy. And I just could never understand. I thought it was like. But in all seriousness, it was like, if he rang her, it would be like, oh, hi, mummy.

Yeah. Or a chat, mummy. I'm thinking, oh, you are chat, mummy. I'm thinking, oh, you are having a laugh. I feel like you stopped saying mummy once you hit. Do you know what? If a guy said mummy

that I was seeing, it would straight away be no. I think, no. I do like a mummy's boy though. I like somebody who's very close to their mum. Close to their mum.

No, yeah. I think that's fine. If you're calling her mummy or calling me mummy, that is absolutely not happening. no i would say i probably do like a mummy's boy also they probably are nicer the only thing is is i hate parents that think their sons or daughters are angels because none of us are like i like none of us are and i can't stand a mom that thinks their son is like a bit do you know what i mean like the best experience you're saying like you've experienced it

no i just know but i even know i just know people that are like it and i just think you realize that your child is the worst out of everyone here like how like why do you think they might not know i know when i have children they're not going to be angels like no like do you know what i mean yeah they can't stand that jesus christ i am thinking wrong this is a therapy session today so overall what do you think we've taken from this conversation because i'm kind of starting to worry about myself a bit see i've used this as a kind of a therapy session to get it all out yeah and now i've got it all out i have realized

the toxic traits that i may still have which i don't think that comes across really bad but i'm gonna like i it's made me notice things about myself yeah i'm gonna try and make a conscious effort to change and i've realized that i actually do prefer a nice boy yes like when you actually it has also i was gonna carry on from that i feel like it's also made us realize exactly what we do not want yes exactly it's made me realize now what i can i don't know i mean i knew all those toxic traits anyway but having an hour-long conversation about them all just really got me thinking about it really what i do not want some guy looks at my phone why why were you gonna go through it i'm not checking the following not checking the following no 2020 but then it's hard though can i just say though it is hard because like when i did it like thank god i did it yes thank god you did do it so that's the struggle

but what you don't know don't hurt that's the mindset i'm going well that's probably not the best mindset but i can't do it to myself anymore that is what i'm taking away from okay so no following checking anymore unless you really really have an inkling that they're doing something wrong don't check yeah because you always trust your gut and if i'm really thinking it then i will but also you said that you wouldn't like a girl like a guy liking or following other girls so if you find the right guy they wouldn't be doing it anyway so you can check and there'll be no movement there you go so the guy that you're seeing he's watching this right now and uh we're both gonna look at your following no can i dare follow one person guys he hasn't followed anybody since he followed me i'm joking i'll stop because i did check

oh god my earphones have gone that is so funny do you know what good for you i just thought i was like no good for you good for you good for him good for him i thought that is the first that has ever happened to me yeah love that and that's why you don't need to check again i'm actually not ever going to check we don't need to now you know exactly that's what i'm taking away well i've loved today's episode it's been a really nice to catch up and i'll let you know how my double date goes yes please do you let me know how valentine goes because I'm so excited. I'm very excited. I'll let you know about the 15th as well.

Yeah. We're signing. And the 15th is signed. That's the update everybody wants. We also want to hear from you guys. We want to hear your best chat up line. So please DM us them over on Sex Lives Podcast on Instagram. Your best chat up line.

Do you know what I think we should do? Well, it's going to different if anna gets in a relationship so before she gets in a relationship i feel like everyone that's listening to this should try and ask us out on a date like in the best way that they can and then we'll pick two and we should go on the dates okay yeah yeah let's do that that'll be fun a double date yeah okay research for the pod research for everything no we should actually do that it'd be fun that'll actually be really fun okay two random people just with the best chat outlines no pressure guys we should even pick for each other that should be a thing once we go through

each other's phone yeah and we both choose the best chat line that's so fun okay i actually won't try to i'll actually try and find you a nice boy within all yeah so we're like so we're like okay i'm real okay we'll do that okay well thank you for watching guys and we're looking forward for the chat blinds I'm kind of scared but I'm looking forward to it sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast produced by spirit studios with ray and kate willis as the producers and and from Spotify the executive producer is Rihanna