Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 21. Why Ana's relationship ended, Saffron tried friends-with-benefits and the hangover from hell

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

We're back and here to stay, girls! Since we left off in February so much has happened in our love lives and we can't wait to fill you in... It felt only right to kick off the new season updating you on why Ana's relationship came to an end (he seemed so perfect?) We unpack what led to the break up, Ana's Mum's opinion of him and remaining friends since calling it quits. Also, Saff shares all the details on the fun friends with benefits situation she had over the summer - why she went for that guy in particular and how it has impacted her views on dating.  Don't forget you can watch every episode exclusively on Spotify and this season we're spoiling you with two episodes - every Tuesday and Thursday - each week. As always, we love you guys sliding into our DMs with your thoughts, stories and dilemmas so make sure you're following us @sexliespodcast to play your part! (00:00-01:43) We're back! What to expect this season, our relationship status (04:05-12:39) The hangover from hell (12:40) Ana's first ever relationship - the debrief (20:22) the perfect valentine's day and Ana's WILD gift to her boyfriend (30:10) when did it end and who decided to call it quits? (32:43) getting over a relationship and why situationships can be harder to move on from (34:48) Saffron's friends-with-benefits situation (36:34) How it happened (38:28) Did Saff ever consider it could evolve into a relationship? (41:53) Enjoying FWB without getting emotionally attached (44:46) How the FWB situation came to an end and who called it off (48:00) What happens now? Where are we at and what do we want out of dating (48:32) The big debate: can FWB work? (51:48) We wanna hear from you! Tell us what you think... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

we're back hi everyone oh my goodness i have missed this so so much me too i think this season i mean as you guys can see if you're watching we are in our house it's been not in a studio and i'm kind of loving it i feel like it just feels like our usual facetime debrief but you guys are going to get more this season because I feel way, just a little bit too comfortable sat in my house speaking to you. I'm going to forget that it's being recorded. Yeah, I was thinking exactly this

because Anna and I, we, because obviously we don't live anywhere near each other, like we weekly do actually have a catch up on FaceTime. And so I feel like at the end of the week, we have a FaceTime catch up and we just debrief about everything. And yeah, I think it's gonna genuinely feel like no one's listening to us, but really you all are. Everyone is listening and it's scary. And we may have been gone for like six, seven months, but now we're back. And we're back twice a week. Not just once

a week, twice a week. Now you can't get rid of us. and we do have more gossip than ever yeah I feel like we left the last season kind of like on a bit of a cliffhanger and a lot yeah a lot has happened in Anna and myself's love life that's a lot like to the point I don't even know where to begin with everything I feel like we're gonna have to start from literally where we left off because there is so much to fill you guys in with the timeline is quite long yeah it's been like seven months now which is actually crazy but yeah I'm just so excited we're filming it from home I think this is going to be so good um yeah enjoy enjoy catching up with us enjoy being on FaceTime with us very exciting also can I just say is it maybe too early to say that we're starting this season off again,

both still stupidly single? Yeah, I was gonna maybe not mention that right at the beginning, but yes, it's so funny. Anna said to me, she was like, oh my God, we're both single as fuck again. And we went back

and that was our first title on episode one of season one was called I'm Single As Fuck. Pretty much exactly a year ago as well. Yeah. But a lot has happened. So history's repeated itself. Which is good. Spoiler alert. I mean, everybody knew we were single anyway. We've said it in YouTube videos. We're still just as single. We are. We are. But a lot has gone down. There was points where I absolutely thought I was not going to be single. And then I got my heart broken. But we'll dive

straight into that. So yeah, I wasn't single for a bit. So you guys have got a lot to catch up on. We need to talk about that. And as always, we want to hear from you guys. You got to sign into our DMs at Sex Lives Podcast or tell us your stories in the Q&A box of this episode on Spotify. Yes, please give us your opinions, send us your dilemmas. I think that was like my favorite thing to do was like to listen to other people's dilemmas. I think it sometimes made me feel a bit better about myself as well. I was gonna say that. If I'm spilling my dirty secrets, you're spilling your dirty secrets. Yeah. And of course, we will always, always keep your name anonymous. So you can send us a DM and we'll share it, but we won't ever say your name.

Just so everyone knows this. We're not going to out you. Don't worry. But yeah. Let's go. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students.

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with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. Let's go. How's your morning been, Anna how's it going I'm gonna be honest in the last few weeks I've not really been a morning person I've really been enjoying having a lie-in um so waking up a little bit earlier this morning hit me quite hard I can't lie I've woke up and I was like I do not want to get out of bed but I've got my can of coke I've got my drink for the podcast my drink at what time is it 10 a.m

it is half past 10 what what drink have you got what have you done this morning I'm not any better I'm drinking worse than you I've got an energy drink so yes look at us terrible no I'm not a morning person anymore well it's been about a week but i used to be as well yeah but you know what it was a night out we had a few nights ago it's just thrown me off anna and i went out and when i tell you the next day i've never been so hung over in my life we didn't get out of bed until 6 p.m like we only got out we didn't get out of bed until 6pm. Like we laid in bed, but we didn't get up once. So we only got out of bed to have a quick shower,

run downstairs and grab the food and then got back in bed. Oh my God. Yeah. It was... A hangover from hell, basically. Yeah. And basically I'm still recovering.

This is my problem, is genuinely a hangover lasts me about four days. And I know people think that is so over the top. It does. It takes me four days to get back into my normal routine and like back on track everything goes out the window it throws you off so much by just having a full day doing nothing it does fun though the night out was worth the full day and my sleeping pattern is now fucked but it's okay I bought this I bought this like

basically Anna's house looks like Costco's right now. She went before I came down and she got so much like chocolate but like I mean a hundred chocolate bars like literally bought the lot and she got this stupid amount yeah and she got this um huge box of brownies. Well I'm telling you now you'd look at it and you'd think, oh, that's going to last six months. The entire box is, like, gone. From how hungover we were, all we ate was the brownies

because we couldn't be bothered to order anything. It was so nice. Yeah, well, I'm okay with that because they were the best brownies I've ever had in my life and there was, like,

three left in the box and I've been savouring them. They are now gone. I had one last night and I've finished the box. Very sad. I need to go back to Costco. You know, I've actually never been to Costco.

You've never been to Costco? I'm saying that like I'm shocked. I literally got my Costco card last week. It's so good. Yeah, babe, it is. It's a full experience going around Costco. I can't even put it into words. And they give you like free samples of food as you go around. So I was having like spaghetti bolognese on one aisle. Then I was

having a shot on another aisle and I went out and I was like, that was the best shopping experience I've ever had. If I wanted to save some money, I just don't know what to do. Just go to Costco's and get all the free samples. Well, yeah, but then I also thought I was going to save money and I walked out with a brand new TV because everything's a little bit cheaper in there that I decided to go and buy a TV. So you get free samples. Yeah, I got an ice cream maker. I got a TV. I got 50 baby bells.

I got my 30 cans of Coke, Mars milk. The list goes on. Basically, Costco isn't really saving any money for you. It's actually making your spending habits worse. Basically, it lures you in. But it saved our hangover so thank you costco that is true thank you costco i would actually love to go visit costco please can you take me next time i'm down yours because yes i always wanted to go talking about

our last night out guys so when we got up purely to go and shower and go get a delivery so just rewind the night out was such a good night out. I went and visited Anna in Manchester and we went out with the intention of getting drunk. And when that happens, it never ends up well. It always ends up a disaster. If I'm like going out with, I'm going to get drunk in mind, I'm normally like literally white girl wasted. And that's exactly what Anna and I did. We were like, let's celebrate new season of the podcast. Like, let's get really drunk. We haven't seen each other in ages.

And so we did. We did so many shots. Like Anna at one point went up and got six shots and was like, let's do them one after each other. And we stood at the bar and we did every single one. Why would I do that? I don't know, babe. We were already so drunk.

That's my downfall on a night out. Like just think yeah shot shot shots it's the worst idea ever i'm not going to be doing that anymore but that is what actually that was my downfall but that was also quite communal because when we were stood at that bar point we met quite a few people we did we did meet a few people we know i was just about to get into oh guys i have a really bad habit of actually giving out my real number which is so bad and i'll tell you how this is so did i yeah we both did it i don't know why at least you kind of liked the guy that you were speaking to babe i one of them was still getting numbers calling me go we laid in bed that literally every hour we were getting a different text from a random number and I was texting like oh that was fun last night us four we should do that again was it I don't remember I don't know why we do it the thing is

do you know why I give out my real number and I'm gonna stop doing it I've said it here and right now I've got to stop doing it it's because the amount of times i've given guys that i don't want to speak to a fake number and they call me there and then and then obviously yeah and it doesn't work i feel like a lot of people no they've definitely caught on to the fact that girls give fake numbers because every person i gave my number to texted me there and then and then tried to see if it came through. And it's a bit embarrassing if it didn't. Like, then what do I say?

Oh, sorry. Yeah, exactly. And then it's just so awkward. So that's why I now give out my real number because I hate how awkward it is. But also, as a guy, I don't really understand. Like, if you're having to check she's got the right number, you're not really getting the hint

that she doesn't really like you enough. A lot of people did not get the hint a lot of people didn't know but this was it right so when we're getting these random calls when we're hung over in bed and we're like oh for god's sake another one right and that actually makes us sound so bad like nothing happened guys just we just got drunk and every guy that was speaking to us it was us of our numbers we were just giving them out left right and center anyways i got this text and it's it said oh i forgot to ask what wine what's your favorite wine and i thought i who's this i don't know who this is what that's weird so ignored the message went downstairs to go and pick up the delivery with anna bear in mind just

seen the light of day I mean it wasn't really light anymore it was getting dark but like rolled out of bed look rough as you like I'm telling you now we went from 23 to 12 real fast on that Saturday yeah literally like we looked like different people I looked rough very very rough and we go down to go and get the deliveroo and Anna's gone Saf and I'm like what and I turn around and I clock eyes and it's the guy that I gave my number to he lives in the same building as Anna picking up his deliveroo at the exact same time that we were and he was like you guys were in Albert's last night. And you know when I just wanted to, like, just crawl up and die? I literally did not know what to say.

Like, it was just the most awkward thing. And then we just laughed the entire way up the stairs and thought, you can definitely hear me laughing right now, but I'm completely fine with that. And then his friend, I didn't tell you, his friend texted me the next night when you left, so Sunday night. Did he?

Yeah. I just don't know why we do it. And this was it. It was the guy that texted me about the wine. It was the same guy that texted me about the wine that's in Anna's lobby that I've ignored. And the thing is, that guy was actually so lovely, but I just, oh, I don't know.

I didn't want a boyfriend that night. But he looked better looking when we were hungover. I thought so. I thought, yeah, he hit different when we were sober. But it is what I mean, like Manchester's so big, but also so small because what are the chances of that happening? Part of me was thinking, well, maybe it's meant to be because that is like such a small chance of something like that happening.

Well, let's look at it as if we need an afters when you come out we know where we're going we know where we're going don't know his name do you know his name oh don't say that i know that's really bad i don't know his name i know his friend's name but i'm not sure on his name maybe just put it into whatsapp oh my god that's so bad i literally don't remember but we were so drunk guys like we were i only remember the one i was speaking to his name was because it come up on whatsapp when he messaged me like i don't remember him telling me his name which is awful oh my god i lived oh i don't remember that is so awful the thing is he was so lovely as well he was so nice oh my god that's so bad i feel awful

i i don't know sorry if you're listening but if you haven't asked otherwise I would know his name all it was was that I gave him my number I swear that was literally all that happened anyways that actually was yeah and it was a nice night it was a nice night not sure if it was worth the hangover but it was it was a good night no but anyways talking about, I feel like we should kind of start where we left off. Okay, where exactly did we leave off? I think I was getting into a relationship as we left off. You was? Your first proper relationship.

I feel like you need to fill everyone in on it. Okay, so where I left off was I was getting into a relationship. And then... Your first, your first relationship. My first proper relationship. I have now had a boyfriend at the age of 22. To be honest, I never ever thought I would say that because it got to a point where...

Thing is, I sound so stupid because I'm still so young. But I genuinely felt like I got to a point I was like, I'm never going to have a boyfriend. But he genuinely was so, so lovely. We weren't actually together that long though at all guys it was so sure that i didn't even get the chance to meet him which is so weird to be honest he didn't really meet a lot of my friends that wasn't like for any particular reason though i think it kind of threw a span in the works because in the middle of our relationship we went to LA for like a month in between like me having a boyfriend um but we were together for a couple of months obviously we were speaking for a lot longer um and then we split up like

officially in May it just feels weird to like to be speaking I haven't spoken about this for ages um there wasn't really a particular reason why we broke up to be honest I feel like a lot of people always expect there to be a bad reason that you're ending a relationship and then when someone says it's like not for a bad reason you think oh bullshit something happened but nothing actually happened I think I just realized that I wasn't ready for a boyfriend at all. I think you actually really thrive by yourself. I do. Which is amazing. It's like independent woman doesn't need no man. I do. And I think I struggle with like letting somebody in on that level because I haven't before. I'm so used to being on my own and I love doing things on my own that like giving that little bit of it, even though

you can, you're still going to have the independence in a relationship, giving that little bit of it even though you can you're still going to have the independence in a relationship given that little bit up to be with someone else I really struggle with and I think to be honest I might have just been a bit emotionally unavailable when I met him so that probably didn't help um but there's no bad blood like at all I literally saw him like two weeks ago um and that like that is actually amazing to be fair yeah because I feel like as well first relationships are almost more like even though when you have your first relationship you're the youngest you're ever going to be in a relationship right yeah I feel like it's always the one with the most drama probably if there's going to be a relationship that's the most toxic it's probably going to be your first one so it's yeah it's crazy that you're so fine and like yeah I don't know there's no bad blood there's

there's no awkwardness like that's not that I've ever really had that in a relationship either like I've always been so lucky of all the relationships I've been in like I would honestly say I've never been in even a remotely toxic relationship. However, I still find that crazy that you guys are just like, so fine and friends. It is. Like just dated for a few months and now you're fine. I feel like we were so emotionally mature about the whole situation, which is that you're right. It's so strange for first relationships. I feel like that is,

that tends to be where everything goes wrong because you're figuring out everything for the first time. It probably helped that he had had a girlfriend before me like a while before but it wasn't his first relationship but yeah there's no bad blood like when we met up obviously it was a bit weird to meet up with like your ex and try and have a normal conversation that's not going to navigate back to so when we were together like blah blah um but I still speak to him a lot so why like why did you like really break up then because you can't break up for no reason like that there has to be a reason why it didn't work on it like I hate it when people say this but it genuinely was more of a me thing rather than a him thing.

Like it genuinely was a personal, like I, you're smirking, but it genuinely was a like, I, it was, I need to be on my own and just figure shit out. Like, I just don't think I was ready for the relationship.

Even though we were in the talking stage for so long, I just don't think I was ready for it. So I think I just need to go off, maybe figure myself out a little bit more. And then when I come back to it, if I do come back to it, then it would be an amazing relationship because it genuinely was.

Like, guys guys he was the sweetest nicest boy ever the things he did for you I was like I'd never met him and I was like I'm vouching for this guy he is doing everything right when you think of like a dream guy from a film like that's kind of giving what he was like it yeah it was so do you think that you like just struggle I don't know do you think it didn't work like if you're saying it's because you need to work on yourself like do you think you don't open up like you can't seem to open up to a guy enough do you think it's insecure like what what do you think it is why do you think you need more time because it's not like you've spent your life in relationships and you're like oh no now I need to be alive I think I think it's a mixture

of both I think like going into your first relationship there's always going to be like slight insecurities met like I feel like there's always going to be that um but I just I just felt like I wasn't I think it was the independence thing mainly for me that I struggled with and also yeah because I haven't opened up to anybody before well I well actually that's a lie I have but then when I did I got pretty shut down so I feel like once that happens you get scared of doing that again and like opening up to someone again so even though I hand on heart I know he would never hurt me and if he did it would genuinely be the biggest shock of my life I almost wouldn't believe it but like I still am too scared to open up so I

think I just need to kind of work on that myself but he actually did beat my mum as well which was such a big thing because no one has ever met my mum before like a boyfriend has ever met my mum um and it was like the sweetest thing when he met my mum because I was so fucking scared I thought oh my god I bet my mum is she's a little bit dramatic a little bit over the top a little bit I'm not sure how you're gonna react we love Julie we love Julie I love you but she's just like I don't know what duty I'm going to get some days. And we were in London. We met up in London. We went halfway.

And she sat down and she started saying, I can't remember the exact question she first asked him. He didn't come to your house? No, no, no. He didn't come to your mum's house? No, because we're in Manchester. Oh, okay. So we met up in the middle.

We met up in London. And we went for food in Leicester Square. And she says something like, right, okay, she says something along the lines of what are your intentions with my daughter? And I literally sat there. And I thought, I am going to murder this woman as soon as we leave. So why would you ask that? But he handled it so well. Like he was so sweet about it. And then because they hugged when they first met um but then as we were leaving they hugged again and he said to me he was like your mum hugged me so tight the

second time like it felt like a proper like a proper hug and then she texted me like 10 minutes after saying like you've got a good one so I was like oh he's past the test yeah yeah I was like my mum likes him I can literally imagine Judy like fully giving him like a sit down interview like I can actually imagine him like I can imagine her

grilling him he was sat this side of me and I was sat in the middle and my mum was that side when I wasn't facing him I was looking at her like this like my eyes would widen I'm like

just be nice please don't you dare open your mouth don't you dare say anything you're gonna regret but um yeah it went really really well and that was nice as well because like I think to get your mum's

approval I mean I know you're gonna agree on this is such a big thing oh my god yeah no such a big thing I thought for you it's like a massive thing oh yeah it's it's for me if I can't get my mum's approval I genuinely couldn't date someone mainly because my mum would remind me every single day that I don't have her approval. That would honestly be the main reason. I would get reminded every time. And there was actually, there's only been one guy ever. My mum likes a lot of people,

but my mum is genuinely the kindest person ever, like ever, ever. She literally lives her life doing things for other people helping other people but she's also such a good judge of character and I hate to admit it but she is actually always right and yeah there was this one guy she did not like like she didn't like him but to the point where I did actually have to end it with him and she's like that's not true that's not true. That's not true. It kind of is true because she reminded me every single time that she didn't like him.

She can't keep her opinions to herself. And in the long run, she was actually right. Like she was right. So I hate to admit it. But you know, sometimes when you're like, okay, I get you could be right. But also I'm growing up. I'm 23.

Like, yeah, you have to figure this out on my own. I think you have to make mistakes like in order to learn from them. I feel like honestly, the whole getting your parents approval could be an entire episode because I could go on and on and on about this. But I feel like there's still so many questions

to ask about your relationship. And last time, the last season, it kind of ended near Valentine's Day. And that's like when you got into the relationship, right? So I feel like you have to tell everyone what he did on Valentine's. So that was like my first proper Valentine's where I actually like celebrated it like in like with a boy. Other than that, I've always done Galentine's, which has been fine. But it's nice to shake it up a little bit um but he actually booked valentine's like five weeks in advance but bear in mind like we weren't together like we didn't actually officially get together until

march so that we were still technically in like the talking stage but i think like you just kind of just could tell it was going to go that way um and yeah he asked me in January if he could like box off February 14th and I was like you know what it's like yeah you can because I mean that's so nice and that didn't scare you I mean it did scare me a little bit because like the toxic part of my brain is like he's just doing that he doesn't want me to go anywhere blah blah like I need to ignore that part of my brain because it was genuinely so nice. I told him like my favorite restaurant, probably the first or second time we met in Manchester and it's like Australasia. He remembered, we had not spoken about this since. And he went into Australasia and asked for like the best table in Australasia for Valentine's Day. And he booked that and then he took me to like the bar. There's like a's Day. And he booked that.

And then he took me to like the bar. There's like a bar around the back and he took me there. And it was just so, so nice. And like when he knocked on my door, he turned up and he had like a bouquet of red roses, but they were like, they weren't like Tesco roses. They were like florist roses. I don't know where he'd gone,

but they were like so beautiful. That actually does make such a difference yeah like it was just like you know when you open the door and he was stood there

in like a full fucking suit with a bouquet of red roses I was like this is a man this isn't a boy this is a man and I'm loving every second of this

we approve we approve we approve massively and like I still kept like the little card that was like in the roses I kept that in my drawer because I thought that was so sweet. But I actually spent really cute for him for Valentine's as well,

which I don't know if I told you about this. What did you do? I don't know if you did. No, I didn't. His favourite dessert is shortbread. So I was thinking, I was like, what can I do for Valentine's for him? Because I've never done it before. So I thought it'd be really cute to,

also this may be slightly cringe to admit now, I'm about to say this out loud. I filmed myself like baking shortbread and I edited him a cute little video and I put it in like a gift box, like this, all the shortbread that I made him. And then because he lives in the same building as one of my friends,

I gave it to them and they put it outside his door before he was leaving to work on Valentine's. then I they told me when they'd done it so I sent the video to him on text we got the video and he was like what and then when he opened his door the dessert was on his door oh my god that is so cute what made you film it that's such a good idea that was probably the youtuber in me probably like I felt guilty for not working that day so I thought probably should film something but he said I'll send it to him well you're in your little chef outfit a little apron uh wasn't a chef outfit was a outfit but it was it was I thought it was such a cute idea I don't know where that idea come from but it worked it was cute he loved it so yeah we had a we had a very exciting so was you in actual you was in

clothes because I'm thinking were you even in clothes because like who sends a video that you were were you I feel like I wasn't naked obviously no you were in underwear because I feel like you left that bit out and I just so figured that out I'm thinking if she's sending a video of her making shortbread it's gotta be like some sexy no I was in underwear and I can tell you now I've not watched this video back since because as soon as I understood I thought fuck me like what am I doing I have not watched it you had to edit it yourself I know I sat there on final cut cutting myself I'm like what the fuck but it was no do you know what I love that that's such like a sex in the city thing

like I think so I think I was romanticizing my life and I loved it I was living in a dream you guys it's weird because it sounds like to me you guys were just meant to be so I hate the fact that you're not but obviously it wasn't but what was like your favorite thing about being in a relationship and also because it was your first relationship was it I don't know like different to what you expected a relationship to feel like I think like there was so many amazing qualities that he had that made me enjoy being in a relationship so much like I just felt so cared for which is such a strange feeling when you like when you're normally very independent but it was always are you home safe or do you want me to cook you dinner do you want me to bring this or do you want me to do this for you like

I could tell that he genuinely genuinely cared about everything that I did and everything that I was doing and it was just he'd always listen to the little things, which I think was like one of the best things about him. Like this was another really random thing. And this was actually when we were in the dating stage. I went around to his and he was cooking me dinner and he cooked me this full like three course meal. He'd made like chocolate covered strawberries and stuff. And it was so sweet. And I'd told him on our first date that my favorite dessert was Cinnabonon so he asked me to go and get something from the kitchen cupboard so i just didn't think about it when i did it and i opened the cupboard and there was like a bag of cinnabon like he cleared the cupboard and just put the

cinnabon on the shelf and i was like i looked at him i was like is that meant to be there he was like yeah i got it for you earlier he was like i got on the way back from work and i was like it's just like those little things this guy but it's like yeah it's always the little things guys don't even realize yeah you're like you're so thoughtful and that means more to me than like anything but not because you've done it more because you've listened and you've actually listened and taken in what I've said um but I think that was like one of the best things about being in a relationship I felt so loved for and cared for and I also didn't question anything ever like I always knew

that everything he said to me was so genuine. I knew that he loved me so much. And I think that was amazing. But yeah, maybe it was a little bit different to what I expected being in a relationship, but then maybe it wasn't like saying all these things. It wasn't like, that's exactly what I wanted. I think I just got, I think what was different was how I felt in the sense of I don't do well when I lack my independence so I think I need to work on that and I need to work on letting somebody in again and being okay with like leaning on somebody and having somebody else lean on you because obviously you wasn't together for that long of a period but also you were seeing each other for obviously a

very long time do you think because I think there's a huge difference between being actually in love with someone and like I think because I know there's been so many times where I thought I'm in love with someone and I love them so much but maybe I'm not in love with them like do you think that that could have been the case or do you think you did fall in love with him but it it was just, I don't know. I think I fell in love with him, but I think I was too scared to fully let myself hit that end goal of like, that is it. I'm so in love with you. This is end game.

I feel like I was on that path of falling in love with him and I did love him, but the fear kind of got in the the way a little bit which is really sad so maybe you're like yeah you couldn't let yourself fully open up and like that is actually like but it's so weird because he's like one of the people that I can be the most comfortable around but I just there's just there's just a barrier somewhere that I need to like get over um you are though you are one of the most independent people I know. Like without a doubt, you are one of the most independent people I know. It sounded so perfect. So when,

when did it all end? And like, who ended it with who, who decided to call it quits? I decided to call it quits, which was like, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make because you're almost on the par of like I shouldn't be letting you go because of how amazing you are but also I need to let you go for a for now because it's not fair on you and it's like when someone else has so much love to give but at that point in time I can't give that much back like the fair like sometimes if you love someone you do have to let them go and I've never understood that saying before because I'm like if you love someone surely you'd want to be with them but sometimes you do

actually have to put yourself first and I feel like that's what I did in that situation so the fact that we're still like basically best friends I love and you never know what's going to happen in the future I feel like I always say like you can never say never about anything nowadays but yeah now I'm in the healing stage so did it take you a long time to get over it I guess if you call it quits because it's weird isn't it because sometimes you can call it quits and it can still take you just as long as the person that's breaking up with you but also I know that sometimes people I've ended it with I think girls um end it in their head a lot earlier than they actually do end it like I know in other relationships I've been in if I've ended a relationship

to me not that I would act like I wasn't in a relationship, of course, I would never ever do that. But I've always in my head, it's, it's been ended for such a long time, but I've been so scared of ending it that it's taken me such a long time. By the time I've ended it, I've kind of held like, do you know what I mean? I don't feel like it was, it's never as hard if you're ending it because in my head it was ended before it was ended if that makes sense yeah I think it is a whole thing I think sometimes you can mentally be done with the relationship before you're physically done with it but then I also think maybe the reason that I am so like okay about it is because we're still friends maybe I'd feel completely different about the whole breakup if we never

spoke since that day I feel like that is like that plays like a big part into it I feel like that could be a whole different episode like get like breakups and stuff and how they're handled differently but yeah I feel like maybe one of the main reasons I'm okay is because we're still really good friends maybe if that wasn't yeah that makes sense that makes sense so how do you think you got over it like over obviously that being your first proper relationship compared to like I guess call them situationships that you and I have had a fair few of so like how would you say the difference is because I actually think sometimes to get over like a situationship can actually be I've actually

sometimes found it harder than getting over an actual relationship i completely agree with you which is the wildest thing and i always see that on tiktok like people will be in like three relationships they break up and they're fine they speak to a guy for four weeks and they're fucked and i'm like yeah i literally understand that but i don't understand why like yeah it's weird how that works isn't it I think maybe because when you're with someone for such a long time although it's going to be so weird than being out of your life I guess if you fall I guess most long-term relationships obviously not all of them there's a million reasons but like all my long-term relationships have ended because like I've fallen out of love with someone whereas like situationships normally even if you're not in love with them it's like you're

in love with the idea of them and like I don't know I just think there's maybe more new emotions and that's I don't know why it just yeah it always seems harder to get over someone I agree so maybe it's a little bit more. And also you don't really know where you stand with the other person. Like there's always that excitement of like, is this going to go into a relationship or is this going to end tomorrow? We don't know. So I feel like that kind of like adrenaline excitement feeling can almost hit you harder than a breakup

where you've already kind of mentally gotten over it but I mean talking about situationships oh god I know I'm gonna you know reverse on you now and let's let's talk about you let's go RBC Avion Visa lets you get there your way whether you want to suit up for peak ski season or We'll be right back. on last-minute or peak-season travel with no points hike. Switch to RBC Avion Visa and get up to 55,000 bonus Avion points. Limited time offer, conditions apply. Visit rbc.com slash avion. Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential.

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From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. What's been going on in the last seven months? Okay, so I think where I left off, I was kind of, well, I don't really think I spoke about it in the pod because I think it happened really quickly after the pod, but I very quickly started seeing someone who ended up being like, and it's gonna be so weird when he listens to this, but it's gonna end up being like, he's literally like one of my bestest mates. I'm not joking. I love him so much. And I don't really know how we went from friends to kind of seeing each other.

It all happened very fast. And very quickly after that, we were kind of, I guess, just friends with benefits. And it's so weird how it all turned out because I've never really wanted to be like in a friends benefit situation because I've always believed that they can't work like it just can't work especially me because I'm a very relationship

person I love being in relationships I as cringe as it sounds I love love and I just know that I open my heart everyone Everyone says to me, Saffron, you open your heart so much. Like literally, what is that saying? Wear your heart on your sleeve. My friends always joke because they're like, most people wear their heart on your sleeve. You wear it down like to your shoes.

Like it's just, I open my heart so much and I let people in so quickly that it's really easy for me to get hurt. So I've never even wanted the idea of that I don't know how it happened but right you're saying you're saying you don't know how it happened but I want like how but how like there has to be one night where you're just laying in bed and just thought you know like how it was you know it was never spoken about that. That was the thing. Okay. So we went from being really good friends, haven't seen each other in such, in so long.

Right. Yeah. Then we had seen each other caught up after so long. We'd always spoken, blah, blah, blah. And then one night, I guess we just, I don't know, ended up like getting together and then very quickly spent a lot of time together but like we would do things like go on like go out for dinner and go out for dates and stuff and it was just very like datey right so automatically we didn't really ever have

the conversation but it was clear that we were seeing each other so it was never spoken about no and at this point it to me it was not friends of benefits it was like we were seeing each other because friends of benefits I don't really do dates do they that's not really something you do whereas like we'd go out for a nice dinner we do double dates with our friends and you know he even came to some events with me like that isn't what you'd call friends benefits, right? No, that's more. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot more. So that's kind of how it started.

But I just felt like I loved him so much, but I never fell in love with him. And it, I don't know, it was so weird because even if I fall for someone, I normally think I've fallen in love with them even if I haven't because just the idea of love I love it so much but I don't know why I just never really got that with him I still felt like he was my best mate which I know is a really great thing in a relationship but I don't know I didn't have that although there was so much there I don't think there was like

that spark of like oh my god I love him so much although I did love him so much there, I don't think there was like that spark of like, oh my God, I love him so much. Although I did love him so much, but as a friend, if that makes sense. So when you were going on all of these dates and it like took a turn towards that, did you never consider thinking like, this could be a relationship?

Or did you just genuinely always know that it was never going to go on to a next stage? I don't, honestly, I don't know. I think, no, I think I kind of thought we won't be in a relationship. To be honest, I think I was trying not to think about it. I don't know. I think I was trying not to think about it okay I don't know I think my head was in a really weird place a lot had gone on at the end of because this happened at the beginning of the year right and a lot had gone on a few weeks before that like I mean my brother I just had a heart attack nearly every family member of mine was in hospital like everyone around me was unwell, sick. And I think it was like the first time I didn't want to give so much to someone, which I'm not like that. And so I kind of just took it for

what it was. And I guess I didn't really deep it as much as I normally would. And to be honest, I kind of, I don't't know although we never had a conversation I we have very different um oh my god what's the word love languages oh yeah thanks yeah our love languages from the start were completely different like completely different okay what was what what was his well he's just not very affectionate whatsoever. And yours is affectionate. And I'm so the opposite. And so because there wasn't like that affection and stuff, I always kind of thought, well, it's not really going to work for that reason.

But also in my head, I'm like, oh, I don't think he likes me enough. I don't know. I don't know. To be honest, I don't really know. I didn't really deep it that much. I know it's really hard to explain. And then I guess over time, I know it sounds really hard to explain. And then I guess over time,

I know it sounds really strange as well, but we kind of stopped doing things together. Like we kind of stopped going out on dates. And all of this was still unspoken about. These things were just happening. Honestly, yeah. It was, yeah. So it went from like going on dates all the time

to obviously we were sleeping together and everything else and it kind of felt like I was seeing him yeah to I don't I don't know and the thing is we'd always joke about us being best mates like it was always like a thing it was like you're right best friend like that sort of like banter yes okay I don't really I don't know I it's weird that we never spoke about it and it did at one point towards the end which I guess I'll get onto was a bit weird because it was a bit like we kind of need to have this conversation and what we kept wanting to have it both of us but we couldn't bring ourselves to have that's exactly what I was going to ask I was going to say is it a conversation that you still wish you could have had so yeah very quickly over time we stopped kind of dating and

stuff and I think it was clear to both of us that we were best mates I guess with benefits I it's really weird because again I love him so much as a person literally one of the best people I've ever met in my life but I did not have that emotional state with him at all like I was not in love with him like I just wasn't like in love with him yeah so I don't I honestly I don't really know how it happened I don't know how I allowed myself to not fall in love with someone that I was that intimate with because like I've never been like that before yeah and normally you of all people would because normally you go on a first date and you're like that's it I'm in love and you're not even touched each other yet yeah I know I know it's really

weird but I don't know if it's because of the headspace that I was in and everything I'd gone through and everything my family had gone through I don't know if like how you say you struggle to like open up to people though I was opening up to him I don't know it felt like I was opening up to him as a friend and I don't I think because we were friends for so many years like obviously we were attracted to each other in one way or another because I don't think we would have like got together if not but yeah there must have been that underlying to each other enough yeah I don't think we were ever attracted to each other enough though okay okay that's interesting I don't I don't know I think it was yeah I don't know what I'm just curious what was one thing that you loved about Friends With Benefits but one thing that you also hated about the situation um i loved that

you could have sex whenever you wanted it to be honest i loved that it was so no i love i love that no i love that it was so easy like genuinely neither of us which i always thought friends of benefits can't work because everyone's gonna get attached but neither of us got attached like genuinely we didn't get attached like if he told me tomorrow oh he's he's like started speaking to someone i'll be like oh okay i don't know i don't know how i think that's a good thing it happened like this because you're basically getting all the perks without the emotional shit and the emotional baggage yeah and i think do you know why i also think it did work though is and i know this probably sounds like we were seeing each other but we both knew that we

weren't speaking to other people but we also both knew that if we went out and we saw someone really like like we could speak to them but I let the other person know like I knew for a fact and I trusted him so much because he became literally one of my best friends and still is to this day I I knew that he wasn't sleeping with other people and vice versa okay and so I think that's the difference with like I think friends of benefits working and it not working most people have friends of benefits they're still sleeping with a lot of other people I genuinely couldn't do that I couldn't sleep more than one person at one go personally I just think it's morally wrong and I knew that he felt the same but I think also we

weren't like closed off in the sense of if he wanted to get to know someone that's fine yeah but like if it gets more serious he would have to tell me and vice versa I think that was like really the only conversation we had but again we never really addressed the fact that okay now it's kind of like friends of benefits okay so you know when the situation came to an end talk to me about that how did it come to an end and who kind of said, this is it now? I guess I was going away for quite a long time. Okay. A very long time, actually.

Like the longest I've been away. You went away for a long time. I went away for a long time and I kept wanting to have the conversation with him because I didn't want a relationship and to be honest the whole time I thought he didn't want a relationship um and I would go to have it and then it would the conversation would very quickly move on and so we never really had the conversation about the fact that I'm going away and like okay obviously we're just friends that we're just friends um and then oh god he actually dropped me to the airport when I was going away oh my god and he decides to have the conversation about five minutes before I get out of the car and I'm

thinking the whole way up there I'm thinking he's going to mention it he's going to mention it he's going to mention it he mentions it like five minutes before I get out of the car and I'm thinking the whole way up there I'm thinking he's going to mention it he's going to mention he's going to mention it he mentions it like five minutes before I get out of the car and I was thinking oh my god you've actually got to be joking and I guess the conversation we had was kind of like saying you know we both haven't spoke to other people like do we think it's more than what we're making it out to be sort of thing um and it was a really awkward conversation um I think what I'm trying to say is morally we felt like we should both be together but like we never really had that like desire to actually be with each other and so he kind of said to me like you know I'm willing to like you make this work. Like we haven't spoken to each other, but I could tell that, I don't know, he wasn't like in love with me and I wasn't in love with

him. And I would never get into a relationship if I didn't feel like that with someone. Um, and so it was a very short and sweet conversation because I was literally getting dropped off. What a time to have it. i know literally um and so i think there and then we you know i'd kind of said like you're not in love with me i'm not in love with you we love each other as people and i never want this to like our friendship to end but realistically it's it's not going to work and i'm going away now i wouldn't want you to be at home thinking, oh, I can't like speak to anyone or do anything because she's like, we are just friends. So yeah, I don't know.

I don't know if we felt, I don't know, like, because we weren't intentionally going to be friends of benefits. That was never a conversation we had. It just happened. So I don't know if we felt like it was just wrong. I'm not yeah okay so where it is now do you think he'd ever go back and continue the friends of benefits or is the door no doors closed no door is closed okay that was a time in my life that we're not doing again okay

we're leaving it there and the door is shut friends and benefits and again it's not emotions yeah and it's again it's not that i think i would get attached he would get attached i don't think either of us would get attached i think if we wanted that to be a thing it could easily be a thing yeah but um i don't know i just i'm just really fine by myself right now like we love that. Yeah. See, we've both been through situations and now we're still single. Doors are shut. We're starting again.

Yes, absolutely. So all in all, do you think friends with benefits can work? I think it can. I don't know. I still want to say no, honestly, even though it's actually worked for me firsthand but I genuinely do think I'm so lucky like I think I'm so lucky with how it panned out I don't think

that's normal I think if I tried it if anyone else it wouldn't work yeah mainly because of me more than anyone else I just can't seem to detach myself in that like emotionally um yeah weirdly although it worked for me I actually still want to say no I think one of my best mates who I'm now gonna have to go back and go just that you know I've told like the whole world our situation but um I think he is just the most chilled laid-back guy yeah he is like he is so chilled about everything um and he's the most honest guy like one of the most honest people I've ever met um and so I just yeah I think I was super lucky with him honestly I don't know how do you feel about it?

I think, so I've never really been in a proper friends and benefits situation. So to be honest, I'm a bit unsure whether I would be able to make it work or not. Part of me thinks I would be able to make it work, but then that's probably because I haven't done it. I feel like maybe if I'm in that situation, maybe I would start to catch feelings. I don't know. I'm curious, if I'm in that situation, maybe I would start to catch feelings. I don't know.

I'm curious, but I'm going to put a question box on my Instagram story because I want to know if you guys have been able to make it work or if anything has come from your friends with benefit situations. And then I feel like we can revisit the conversation on Thursday. Yeah, I'll put a poll up as well.

Yeah, and we can talk about everybody else's situations. You know, I actually think if there's anyone that could make it work, it actually could be you. To be honest, me too. Maybe that's my next calling in life. Maybe I've got to experience a friends with benefits situation. Yeah, Anna and I were saying, we literally had this conversation the other day and I was saying to her I'm genuinely so envious of you because I feel like you are amazing at like detaching your emotions and I actually wish I could do that I can't and it's crazy because everyone's gonna be like well you can because you did for that but I'm telling you that's a rarity I don't know how the hell that happened that that is a complete one off for you and yeah I feel like that is something that now I'm

quite good at doing a couple of years ago completely different case but yeah whereas now like I feel like I can go on a date with someone and just nothing yeah like don't like I'm really good at that maybe that's because you've gone on quite a lot of dates and stuff whereas like I don't go on as many dates as you've been on so do you think it's because you've had lots of lots of dates but then also I don't know because I feel like you've kind of just been like that from the start and maybe that's just yeah I think I think it really does like it's gonna really take me meeting my absolute soulmate I reckon for me to be able to just switch and be like you know what I actually quite like

him but then I'm also quite picky I thought that's a whole other conversation I mean speaking of other conversations we want to hear from you guys we're gonna be back on Thursday we're gonna put a poll on Spotify as well so we can hear your opinions on friends with benefits can they work can they not yeah I'm gonna be so interested to see what other people feel about this because I think naturally everyone does think it can't work but yeah I also will be interested to see if you have had a friends with benefits situation like how did it happen did it happen how mine happened like accidentally or was it like something you spoke about was it planned because I think for something to accidentally happen normally you'd think it would go down south wouldn't you like just yeah wrong yeah so I mean I'm excited to hear everyone's

opinions and see the poll me too I feel like we've only just scratched the surface on things that have happened in the last seven months like that's genuinely just the beginning so I hope you guys are ready yeah I can't wait to dive into that hear all of your opinions on Thursday's episode I'm very very excited me too make sure to also follow us on at sex lives podcast on Instagram and TikTok so you guys can keep up with all the behind the scenes and get involved in all the episodes as well I am so excited excited. Thank you so much, guys, for listening to this episode. Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed hearing about our current situation. Still so much more to fill you in with.

Everything to cover. Because I think, babe, that only covers us for about March. We've got so much more to do. Yeah, we've got from March onwards. Don't you guys stress. We've got a lot to catch you up on. So we shall see you guys on Thursday.

See you then.