Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 27. Return of the exes: who we want closure from and who is best kept in the past

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

This week we’re talking about the return of the exes - they aaaaalways come crawling back and today we’re unpacking why we think that is. Also guys, for some reason we lost Saff’s camera footage for much of this episode :( next week you'll have her in full HD quality - sorry! See you on Thursday for our second episode of the week! (01:50) Ana’s trip to LA and Vegas debrief (11:09) Saff is heading to NYC (14:34) This year has been the year of partying and dating for Saff (16:50) All of Ana’s exes have come back into her DMs lately (22:15) If Saff said she was getting back with her ex, what would Ana say? (24:24) Why does it hurt more when situationships come to an end versus relationships? (29:00) Saff's exes... she sees you watching her stories... (30:35) Are they seeking closure or an excuse to see you again? (33:28) Are there any relationships or situationships that we feel we never got closure on? (40:43) Is there anyone from our dating history we're secretly hoping will get in touch with us again? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi everyone welcome back to sex lies and dm slides first of all if you haven't already caught up on our first few episodes make sure you do because there is some juicy tea in them yeah we've done an episode recapping on our hot girl summer um our many many holidays and we've also done an episode on ghosting which hit me it hit us hard and we did an episode as well on about friends with benefits and my first boyfriend yeah so a lot to dissect a lot to catch up on if you haven't already heard and don't forget we've actually got two episodes every week now so tuesdays and th Thursdays you guys can listen to us which makes me so happy um because yeah we've been gone for a long time that I feel like it was very much needed that we do two episodes a week now yeah now you don't just get us once a week you get us twice a

week right so now we've done all the admin part how are you how have you been good I'm good thank you more like how are you you've just got back off of a crazy trip. I know. I mean, it's kind of giving jet lag, but not as much as I thought it was gonna. You can probably see if you're watching this on Spotify that I'm not actually at home. I'm currently in the Spotify studios in London because I landed back from Vegas last night and it was a wild, wild trip. Was it? Oh feel like I've been you have to fill me in I genuinely feel like I've been partying for like two weeks straight because I it obviously

was my birthday just before we went so we were like out in Manchester then I was out in LA for three nights and then I've been out in Vegas every single night and before you went to Vegas you went to LA right on a brand trip and I feel like the brand trip you went on always looks crazy well in my head I was like okay I'm going on a brand trip like it's going to be like really chill like I've seen the itinerary it was like nice dinners and stuff and then the first night we went for dinner in Malibu and the bus there was like so tame like everyone was kind of like singing a little bit but nobody really knew each other yet on the way back well bearing in mind first of all can I just say how embarrassing is this I threw up in the toilets in Nobu in Malibu because I took it that far

oh I was absolutely battered because the thing is with the food at Nobu it's not like you're getting like a big meal to like line your stomach you're getting like tiny little like finger portions it was like it was giving finger food it was amazing but it was tiny so then when they're bringing around these like stupidly strong cocktails and stupidly strong drinks once i've had a mini taco that's you it looks like it should be like a dollhouse that's obviously not going to end well so i i literally i would take a shot then I'd have to go like sorry guys I need to go to the toilet straight back up straight back up and there were so many people did you meet anyone that like you've always wanted to meet or was anyone different to how you expected them to be or it was yeah it was weird because there was like a UK lot Australia lot and then a USA lot and everyone gelled really nicely Tammy Hembrough was there and I love Tammy Hembrough

so that was really weird to see her in like real life yeah on the bus home everyone was fucked and Tammy Hembrough just like fell onto my lap and I was like you know what I'm not even mad about this but I'm literally mad about it babe you can use me as a seat um but yeah it was wild I mean I'll send you some of the videos of me on that party bus. Yeah, I would like to see. Let's go. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

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Let's go. So no boys. This is the question I think we all want to know. No boys. You've got to be honest here. So the second night we went out, it wasn't the first night because that wasn't really the vibe it was just like a restaurant um but the second night and i was throwing up so i stunk um i don't think anybody's wanted to come near me that night but the second night we went to tau and that was like

the big like party night and um like tiger came out and performed and megan the stallion and it was all just it was like a lot um and the amount of beautiful boys in that room i feel like that's just la though ridiculous that is just la that is just la clubbing like it has put manchester club in london club into absolute shame i can't like i physically i don't know how i'm gonna go out here now knowing how many beautiful people there are in the LA clubs this is stereotypical but when I go out in LA although everyone's beautiful like every guy has the biggest ego oh yeah they do like it's one million percent they do you won't get like your normal you know just like your normal nice guy that realistically

we all actually just want like you're never gonna find that in la like there might be good never but they normally have the biggest egos and like it's all just very clout chasing isn't it i don't know if you noticed that just from the few days that you was there but when i go very much after a while i'm like i need to go home i feel like it was probably worse as well because the party that i was at was genuinely feel filled with like every single influencer ever right so I feel like everyone kind of went in there with the ego already yeah but I tell you who I did see it's not a boy but it was very exciting to me the full selling sunset cast on the table behind and the wet oh my god literally I was sat with Lachan and Lachan also loves selling sunset and he went and asked

jason and mary for a selfie when i was in the toilet and i was like how have i just missed the opportunity like i wouldn't normally go and get a picture with anyone but i love them and seeing them in real life was so bizarre they're so beautiful aren't they like all of them they are gorgeous christine was there as well and obviously she doesn't even do the show anymore but she is gorgeous in real life well i've actually met a lot of them to be fair and do you know what Christine has always been the nicest one like without really yeah like by far the nicest one yeah she was gorgeous her hair was serving inches it was like touching the floor like she looked gorgeous um but yeah that was really fun who else was there Madison Beer was there oh wow she looked gorgeous um but yeah that was really fun who else was there madison beer was

there oh wow she was gorgeous in real life but i was just too scared to speak to the boys like i feel like even if i wanted to speak to the boys would they have had a conversation with me i don't know don't don't know and i don't be doubting yourself this is not what this podcast is thank you i know okay yeah power they would have spoken to me I don't even know where this has come from yeah to be fair I'm quite confident I think I was just very out of my depth in that room like there were so many people that like I literally would not have even known right what to have said but I literally sent Saf a video there was someone in there on like one of the tables and I was like that is Saf's type to a tee and I record and I tried to yeah

I was like slyly recording him and sent it on Instagram I was like babe you should be here this is your type I was like who is it what is that yeah I have no idea what his name was he looked a bit like Tiger it wasn't Tiger but he looked a bit like him but he was yeah he was gorgeous if I was there I'd be straight over there oh one million percent um so then Vegas happened Vegas happened went to see Adele which was like I can't even describe how amazing it was like her voice sounds better in real life if that's even possible um it was just incredible it was a real emotional turmoil of a night like I bawled my eyes out after but yeah oh me and Byron were sobbing like I have to send you the picture my eye was bloodshot red for two days because it was amazing

in Vegas yeah because because it gave me the feels because like even though in that moment I wasn't really sad you just find any sad thing in your life to relate to it because of the lyrics um so I was just sobbing my heart out but then Byron didn't want to go out that night or anything because he was like distraught like he was done he needs to go to bed he's really gone through it so listening to Adele is not great for him right now Byron's been going through it so that was like happy birthday I'm gonna take you to see Adele now and cry your eyes out um but I actually I went out on my own that night in Vegas and Byron was like no you didn't yeah Byron was like yeah I did Byron was like please don't tell anyone blah blah but like I just thought to myself fuck it I was like I'm gonna go downstairs and just see where I end up

yes I went out on my own but then I met someone so dangerous I mean like proud of you because wow I couldn't do that and that that is really outside of I think both of our comfort zones yeah I mean I'm not I don't think I'd be able to do it in this country which kind of makes no sense but like I I would always be too embarrassed to do it in Manchester I don't know why like I shouldn't be because people would recognize you know you yeah and then I'd just be a bit like oh god i'm here on my own but like in vegas i was like oh you know what like whilst i'm here i'm just gonna go and have a little explore so i was just walking around other casinos and then i went into

a club i went into omnia on my own i went into omnia on my own and saw steve aoki um and then i met someone at the bar yeah oh my god I'm so excited how have I not heard this story I met someone at the bar called James and he was so lovely it really wasn't like that like it was not giving like I want to go sleep with you let's have a wild night in Vegas was he giving that to you or not um I feel like he probably would have if I'd have like given him that back okay yeah initiated that but I was at the bar getting a drink he came over and he was like oh my god you're British and then we got like I had a conversation from that and then we went and got in and out no no no he was with his friends but then he left his friends to stay with me which I thought was so sweet he was 30 plus I can't

remember how old he said now 32 or 33 gonna stop that now like we're done with the older men i think it's just an abroad thing for me like when i'm abroad i like to go for like an older guy and then in the uk for some reason i always end up going people younger than me it makes no logical sense um but he was so lovely and yeah we went and got in and out together at like half one in the morning so random yeah and then i got back by yourself yeah and i got back and i was like oh my god are you okay? Because Byron was like texting me the entire night to make sure I was okay. And I was like, yeah, met James. He was lovely. But I don't have his number or anything.

I don't have him on Instagram. So I don't know. No way. I can't really remember what he looks like. I can't remember anything. That is actually madness. I can't believe that. I want to say I'm proud of people. Also, very dangerous so very dangerous i wouldn't recommend doing it but

yes yeah yeah it was in our hotel then the hotels also if you haven't been to vegas the hotels are the biggest thing ever the it's stupid how big everything is like on the outside yeah like it does look big but it doesn't look massive inside you're running a marathon to go from your room to the lobby it's actually ridiculous vegas they gave us a map one place i would say i would actually say it's probably the only place at miami maybe that's ever lived up to my expectations like so i'm about to go to new york guys straight after this podcast I'm getting on a flight to New York and I love New York literally like an hour I love New York but New York the first time I went honestly I was so disappointed I think because I've always gone at

Christmas time and so I expected to walk into home alone and turns out London is so much more Christmassy than New York but I I've been a couple of times since. And now I've like got to know people there and I have friends there. And like I've actually lived, I guess, more like a New Yorker rather than a tourist. I fell in love with it. But Vegas was like the one place I went to the first time I went there. And I was like, this has exceeded my expectations. Because it's just so bizarre.

Like it's just like it is the strangest isn't it like it is it's like an adult's disneyland that actually is what it is like nowhere feels normal like everywhere every hotel looks like i can't explain it it just it really is the best place i don't think a lot of people talk about how amazing vegas is and the thing is my parents have been they've said the same thing in fact every single person I know that's been to Vegas has said the same thing that it's exceeded their expectations so but you need a holiday to get over that holiday yeah like it's one of those ones like that is not a relaxing chilled holiday

in the slightest you're walking like so much every day and then you're staying out until like god knows whatever time in the evenings but it's amazing but new york this is the first time you're going over 21 right so you're gonna go out is it no no i was 21 last time i went but last time i went i went with my so i went with libby but then i also went with we went with both of our parents so we did do you remember we went out one night with with all the basketball team yes i do went out one night but obviously we didn't want to go out every night because we was there with our parents so we wasn't going to do that but um yeah there was one night that we went out and it was actually like crazy the one night out i've had in new york and it was actually crazy so

so are you gonna be having more of those yeah that's what I was gonna say like what's the kind of like New York itinerary are you planning to go out like planning on going out and meet people yes okay obviously okay so I'm expecting some good stories yeah but my thing is recently it's really really bad um and like i don't know how you know i've always been able to drink loads well yeah i've carried on yeah you can hold a drink and i can hold a drink yeah i've always like i don't think anyone understands maybe small but i'm mighty because when i tell you i can drink but recently when i've been going out i would say the last four times I don't remember hours of my night like genuinely you can tell me I did anything and I have to believe you because I

genuinely don't remember and now it's scaring me so now I'm actually a bit scared to drink how I was drinking because every night I go out I get memory loss like well that's why I asked because when you were up in Manchester on my birthday weekend and we bumped into you one of the nights I was like did you remember seeing me because when I come over to you like you know when like someone's eyes are just glazed because you've had that much drink you've got no idea and I come over to you and I thought I don't think she's gonna remember seeing me in the morning the worrying part is I remember that part I don't remember a few hours down the line so all right okay okay well I know from what you do remember you had a banging night I did so I did but um yeah so I don't think I should be drinking the amount I used to drink this year's definitely been my year of like being single dating drinking partying before this year I

barely ever partied with any of that so I feel like you know what I'm still probably gonna do it in New York but I feel like yeah you've got to this is the this is the only year I feel like next year I'm gonna maybe go sober we're gonna settle down yeah yeah we're gonna go so we're gonna settle down I feel like October has been like the party month like more so than like the whole summer Like I have actually been going out since my birthday and we're now at Halloween. Yeah, that's madness. So November is giving like no alcohol.

I'm staying in. I'm like decorating for Christmas. Yeah, I would like to do that. It's giving wholesome vibes. I feel like after this trip, honestly, I probably will stop drinking. I've said that a few times. Okay, are we making a pact?

I'm saying it on the the podcast so let's maybe make a pact well i've got one holiday after new york haven't i but only for a weekend and i feel like i'm going to monaco and i can't not not drink in monaco like surely not okay so once you get back from monaco yeah that's it that's it done with the drinking meaning you're having a wholesome winter yes oh but i still i don't want to be single in winter though i just don't want that okay this is our pact yeah the for november and december we are going sober we're stopping the party oh i didn't quite know okay oh okay okay no no we're just out nights but sure okay no no we'll say that no more blackout nights

we're done with the blackout nights okay so summer 2023 has come to a close do it for the pod i'm gonna stop hearing that yeah because no you're still gonna be hearing that just without the influence of alcohol okay now we're gonna do this over so really quickly um obviously your trip that you went on you it seems like you met a lot of people. But one thing I wanted to talk about in this episode is, as well as you meeting lots of new people, I've heard that lots of old people have been coming back into your life and they've been popping back up. Isn't that right?

Yeah, I feel like I briefly touched on this in one of the previous episodes. But it's just, I don't know whether it's because it's like cuffing season it's like coming up to season where like a hot girl summer's kind of over everyone wants a girlfriend or boyfriend again but I kid you not like I have heard from pretty much the majority of everyone that I used to speak to like everyone and it all happened in the space of like two weeks that's so weird it was just like the most bizarre thing because like half the people who messaged me again as well were like people i genuinely never ever ever expected to hear from again i think though when you speak to someone you will just always hear from them again like i just me too yeah they just always do come back

they say they always come back but i feel like the time scale is always going to be different for like everyone so whether they come back in like three months and they're like shit they realize they fucked up or they come back in like three years when they see you doing really good like it doesn't matter the time scale they will always find a way to crop back up in your life i feel like when it's yourself you never ever think that they're going to come back yeah as a friend you always see it before right like these people that have all come back to anna really weird that it happened within the space of like two weeks but she has said to me so many times about certain boys oh yeah but i'll never speak to them again like that's it and i'm like oh babe they're gonna come back and she's yeah you've always said to me so many times about certain boys. Oh yeah, but I'll never speak to them again. Like that's it.

And I'm like, oh babe, they're going to come back. And she's like, no. Yeah, you've always said to me. You've always said to me they will. But you're right. When it's yourself, you just can never see it happening. So when it does, like it's a genuine surprise. But like I was really sat thinking to myself,

why has it been around this season? And I also think it might be because it was my birthday and I think everyone always finds an excuse as well on their on someone's birthday to be like happy birthday how have you been shall we have a catch up and I got and Christmas I got a fair few of those on my birthday um and weirdly one of them you're gonna remember this one do you remember the one from god how many years ago was this now probably about five years ago the one that i had a screaming breakdown over yeah who i met on tinder yeah he messaged me asking if i wanted to go for lunch after this podcast what yeah he messaged me again on your another one he first's another one. Did he first message you from the birthday message?

Yeah, from the birthday message. It probably doesn't help because I feel like, like you said, this time of the year is cuffing season. So I feel like everyone wants a relationship and craves that. It probably doesn't help that your birthday is also in this season. No, but also it's kind of nice for me though, because like it's kind of boosting my ego. Yeah, it's kind of boosting my ego a little bit.

I'm like, oh, they're all coming back at once. But like, wasn't it weird? Like it happened in the space of a day. Like three different people messaged me in the space of a day a couple of weeks ago. And like I was sat, yeah, I was sat with Freya making jokes about it. I was like, oh, it's going to be this one next.

And it was. I was like, oh, it's going to be this one next. And it was. I was like, this is so bizarre. Let's go. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production. This is why BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable Potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear.

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long distance wasn't going to work but then he ended up seeing someone who literally lived in a different continent so I was like make that make sense um but I think because he was like one of the first people that I was ever like obsessed with it hit me really hard I remember actually having like if he hears this he obviously is going to know it's about him so embarrassing but I fully had like a screaming breakdown everyone had to console me over this boy um but then we ended up I ended up being really good friends with his friends from it which is just so bizarre all of this now oh my god yeah like i'm still really good friends with all of his friends um and then yeah he messaged me saying and like i'm not gonna go today i'm not gonna do

that to myself i i've got a halloween party tonight i need to get myself into ariel um but i i will do it at some point I think purely because like yeah no but I don't feel like that towards him anymore I haven't for years I feel like like but don't you think you felt like that five years ago and you was in that much of a state you're just gonna feel like that again I hope not I really hope not I don't want to leave this lunch yeah I don't want to leave this lunch. Yeah, I don't want to leave this lunch and call you and you having to console me down the phone again because I'm scream crying

because he's still with the girl from five years ago. So he's single now, right? I mean, I'm going to assume so. Like, I can't really see him messaging me asking if I want to go for lunch if he still was with that girl. Maybe he is and maybe he was just being really friendly I don't know but I will do it at some point if I said to you I was going to go back to okay I guess going back to an ex and going back to someone you

was talking to is two different things but what is your opinion if I said I was getting back with my ex I honestly would probably have that I wouldn't know what to say to you for the first like 30 seconds I think like I would be shocked I genuinely would be shocked if you said to me you're going to go back to your ex purely because it has been a couple of years now and I guess I just feel because I didn't I think you know I actually think there's nothing wrong with going back to an ex genuinely that is how I feel but I think it depends on the situation like that's exactly I was gonna say like if they've cheated on you exactly whereas my situation is there was nothing bad nothing bad happened so by the way I'm just giving everyone a heads up I'm not going back to my net my just giving everyone the heads up um she's definitely not

but um yeah I think it's I think it really is dependent on the situation because I think yeah you would be shocked because it would be like where has it come from but it's not like he did anything awful to me or like it's not like one of us cheated or like nothing bad happened we just fell out of love like that is just as simple as it as it is yeah and you had an amazing relationship when you were in a relationship with them so as shocked as I would be because it would be very random um I would also I guess I could yeah there's like you said there's no bad reason as to why you wouldn't okay what what about me if I said to you I was getting back with my ex what would your reaction be well I think it's the same thing your ex actually did nothing wrong in fact he was the nicest guy ever yeah so I think it's the same thing just like me

we both fell out of love with our exes. Yeah, that is exactly what happened. So I, again, I think I'd be shocked, but I wouldn't really have an opinion on it. I would actually have more of an opinion on the guys that you've seen that have treated you like absolute crap and do not deserve you. Those people I would have an opinion on.

Same. And the exact same goes for you I feel like it's always like the talking stage people that like cause more hurt they're worse than the relationships they are but like

why like I don't like I think it's because there's like unfinished like everything's left kind of unfinished there's never I think when you're with

you're in a relationship with someone and you end it and something awful hasn't happened like you know that you've ended it for a certain reason whereas like if you just stop speaking to somebody there's normally something that's happened rather than just oh you both decided to stop speaking to each other it's either someone's ghosted someone or someone's done something out of line or do you know what I mean I feel like it's because the things left unsaid so then your mind can like wonder a million different reasons as to like what could have happened like was it me was it them yeah I get that I feel like I've always been well I've only had one relationship but I've definitely been

more hurt from like situationship breakups yeah rather than my actual breakup and they're still the ones that come running back girlies they are still the ones that always end up coming back honest to god I actually think now nearly every talking stage I've had has re-messaged me same same here genuinely hand on my heart same it is actually the most bizarre thing like are we just looking really good on our Instagram apparently is that is that what it is what it must be like you said I think it could be dependent on this time of year however saying that a lot of people I've been speaking to message me throughout the summer as

well like who I was speaking to yeah um I honestly feel like maybe it's just when you look like you're happy and you're thriving in life I think my problem with in the past although we're both very independent people I know because like you know I love the whole love thing and everything else like I give up so much for guys and then I feel like I end up being dependent on guys which is not the way I am anymore my mindset the last honestly the last few months have changed so so much um yeah but I feel like I was always very dependent on guys and so I don't know maybe I wasn't like as happy and maybe didn't have as much self-love and as confident as as as I was before I started speaking to them

which is obviously really bad and then I feel like once you stop speaking to someone and you you know have all this self-love again and you're going out with your friends and partying I don't know maybe they run back because they see us happy maybe yeah and I think I completely agree I feel like especially because i think for me and you like we share a lot of our life online so i think it's very easy if someone wanted to see what me and you were up to they just have to check our instagram or like check our youtube or whatever whereas like with a lot of people that we speak to i do not have a clue what they're doing or what they're and of course it makes me

curious like I do often think about I'm like I wonder what they're doing I wonder how they are but like whereas with us they can literally check it up on our Instagram yeah I know and see how we're doing and then I never know if that's a good thing or a bad thing because yeah they'll see us when we're happy and we're doing things in life but also sometimes it is good to want to know more and we we can't have that no 100% well we say that I feel like I kind of do though I feel like I'm good at like separating that now so and I feel like a lot of people I used to speak to know that so they want to know what actually goes on like if I post that I've been on a night out I know they're curious as to what I've actually done on that

night out do you know what I mean yeah I feel like you're better at that than me I share everything yeah maybe maybe maybe I have a tiny little bit better I get too drunk but I post it on the night then forget that I've even posted anything that's true actually literally whereas I've got in the habit now of like I will post stories like a day after they've happened or like a couple of days after so I've still not posted I've not posted anything from Vegas yet I literally posted one story saying in Vegas catch you up when I'm home so like nobody I need to post everything but I feel like yeah I've got into the habit of that recently I wish I'd be like that but it's just not like and then to be fair I've got better I've started putting things on my close friends but like even on my close friends guys I have so

many people on my close friends your close friends I have so many people on my close friends. Your close friends isn't close friends. Like it's like a second full on Instagram. I know, it really is. Really, really. But I love it though, because I feel like we've been abusing the close friends recently. It's like I started like reusing mine when we went to like Coachella in April. And ever since I'm like loving my close friends stories and do you know what talking about stories um one thing Anna and I have noticed a lot which is really weird

because obviously on our Instagrams it's really hard to see who views our stories but another thing I've noticed recently more so than ever is my exes people I've been seeing that don't even follow me and this is weird right because they shouldn't pop up at the top but really weirdly they keep popping up at the top and I'm screenshotting and sending to Anna and I'm like they're still they're still watching my stories and they don't even follow me I pissed myself the other day because basically my iMessage broke so I couldn't get photos to an iMessage for a while and Saf sent me a screenshot on WhatsApp and before she even texted me like words on what it was I just saw a little picture and I was like I know what this is going to be and I know who it is and it was like a double whammy of like two people and I was like oh my god you fucking go girl I was like

how and then none of them followed her but they're just stalking you and checking up on what you're doing and let me tell you guys even if they haven't come back with a message yet they are I was like, how? None of them followed her, but they're just stalking you and checking up on what you're doing. And let me tell you guys, even if they haven't come back with a message yet, they are watching everything you do. Yeah, the message is pending. They just probably don't know what to say, but the message is pending.

The thing is, I don't even care. Like I don't even want these people back whatsoever, but it was a more like, I think it's weird when you don't follow someone to be like checking their page. Like it obviously means something to them. I actually don't care, but it was more like a go girl. It was more like a yeah, like that's quite satisfying. Okay, so X is coming back.

Another reason they might come back is closure. Like, are they seeking closure from the situation what do you think of this because i feel like in some ways this is true because there's definitely been situations that i've been in where like i've wanted closure but haven't got it okay i don't agree really reason being is every ex or someone i've been speaking to that wants closure is never closure it's just an excuse to speak to them again yes a hundred percent like every time and i try and be a good person i'm like do you know what if they want closure they want to have a conversation i'll do it and like they try it again and i'm like this was not what this was meant for um a couple of months ago

I oh I don't want to make it so obvious but I did see someone who wanted closure and oh it just I just clocked yeah it it's just never closure it's just never closure I feel like if you want closure call someone facetime them you don't actually even need to meet them for closure like okay i don't know i don't think as much i'd like to think it's true i don't think it is i think it's their way of jumping back in and seeing if there's more there again yeah now i know who you're on about i do also agree to that extent because i feel like a very similar situation happened with me and it made it worse. Exactly, this is what I mean. It made it so much worse for me.

It wasn't closure. All it did was open doors again to thinking that they can come back in my life. But I think that's because though, me and you, we genuinely have moved on from the situation. Whereas for the others, not as much. So yeah, for them, that wasn't closure for them. That was them trying to keep the door wedged open.

But because we've moved on, we're not going to ask someone for closure. So that's why I don't think it works. No, I'm done with the situation. If you haven't moved on, that is the only way. Yeah. So it doesn't, I actually don't think, I think it's an excuse a

hundred percent it's an excuse just to see you again yeah it probably is an excuse I mean there was a definitely another situation which you're obviously gonna clock on to that I wanted closure about because I genuinely was so confused as to what happened um and i guess now i kind of do have the closure that i feel like okay about it and like the door isn't like open in that way but it's not the door's not closed but the door's not the doors yeah but whereas like with the other situation what me and staff are talking about like yeah when you're over the situation we're million percent over it it's not closure it is an excuse so are there any relationships or situationships that you think you haven't got closure on honest uh should we answer for each other go on then why what do you want to say i know i know there's

only one one particular thing for me isn't there but yes you can say i would yeah i feel like i think we've both got the same answer for each other um i feel like yes there probably is a situation for like both of us that we haven't fully got closure on but then i actually don't i actually don't want to be with this person or like this person so would you also want closure would you want to know i did for a bit for for a while i wanted to know but like the last i'd say month i'm not even that bothered anymore like I mean to be honest would I rather know yeah of course but like before I was driving myself nuts about wanting to know what happened why it ended that sort of thing I mean if you watch the ghosting episode you'll

kind of put two and two together is kind of what happened i mean it really goes me but it was it was just a weird situation it was weird i was talking to and there wasn't really any closure and it ended as quickly as it started to be honest but um yeah i don't know yeah for such a long time i wanted to yeah i'd rather know but i don't i'm not really i don't really care anymore like i genuinely no part of me would want to be of this boy like not a single part yeah I think be with him like I'm over it so I think naturally as time goes on though you do just it does get easier I think time is like the biggest healer so obviously in the very beginning of course your mind's gonna wander a million miles

an hour because it's so fresh but yeah as time goes on you're just a bit like like if i if like but like it's if he messaged you now and was like can we talk would you speak or would you ignore him um i probably i mean i don't mind like confrontation and stuff doesn't bother me at all. Like, I always have the conversation. So, I don't know. If he'd literally just text me saying, can we talk? I'd probably ask him what about.

And if he just called me, yeah, I'd probably pick up the phone to know what it's about. But, like, yeah, like, that's as far as it would go, guess okay no more less do you know what i mean yeah like after that conversation whatever that conversation was if he called me again the next day i'm not answering okay so you'd literally just have like one conversation yeah and then i thought anyone texts me saying can we talk do you know what i mean you're good you're gonna always say well yeah what about yeah exactly like i'd want to know what about the poor nosy as well right i want to know what do you want to talk to me yeah of course of course if i got that talk about yeah literally

if i got that text i'd be replying as well being like yeah like what about and then imagine if they texted you that and then didn't say anything else i hate that they're just trying to yeah they're just trying to mind fuck with you I'll be like oh anyway um you I feel like you would probably pick up the phone yeah I probably would pick up the phone like there probably is a couple of people that I wouldn't but that like because I probably couldn't be bothered yeah anymore like but then there is some people that like I probably would always have that little like soft spot for that I kind of want to be honest I had to I say I would but I probably you know me I probably actually wouldn't be bothered you know I did um for this tit sorry this is kind of changing the subject but I filmed a tiktok I haven't posted it yet and I asked my friends obviously Anna being

one of them as well why I'm single single. And the answers are so funny. And one of the answers from Libby, in fact. So, right, I'm going to read them out. So this is what Libby texted me. Obviously, these are her words, not mine. But the reason I'm saying this is because of the third one. And the third one. Okay, so her first one, which I can vouch for is too sexy.

Then she put a fairly awful k which again so freaking true yeah true yeah that is one thing i will admit i'm a terrible like i would never be housewife like that's just not me it just isn't i just can't do it oh um third one this is the one that i think goes back to would i even reply to them i don't know um is probably takes too long to reply to anyone for it to go any further and it's so funny because like every not every guy but a lot of guys i've spoken to over my time or like that tried messaging me or exes or anything all jumped in my dms like come vouch for this one so clearly i actually am the worst reply to ever exist that i am my own worst enemy yeah but you're i think you're a bad reply in general i am i think like if i'm applying to you if you're applying to me

you're applying to me straight away yeah if you're applying we're having a we're having a full convo but then once that once the convo is done the reply is done it's done you're not gonna hear from me again no not until there's another big topic everyone just face times or calls me now so if you're a guy that i'm speaking to and i'm messaging you a lot then jesus christ you know that i like you because yeah literally um i feel like you need to do this tiktok by the way and see what your friends yeah i want to do this i'm curious and then libby put wears pajamas with pugs on late for the first day and every other date since and then she put too busy and independent i feel like i said some similar ones to you as well when you asked me i put one because every man you end up with like end up liking lives on

a different continent true which is very true two you work a lot so don't prioritize men very good thing and then three there's just a random one i put men are genuinely trash yeah yeah well yeah yeah i put men are genuinely trash in 2023 finally a good one is hard but the first thing i did put when staff messaged me I said you're too perfect princess no man can reach your standards we love that one I really want to read out what Harriet put because I actually think they're all brutal but I'll quickly just wrap this up here so she put again it's so it's so like everyone is so similar hers was everyone you fancy is never six foot in person and then she put which is that's brutal and then she put

you only like people who live a million miles away you take five working days to reply to anyone unless it's needing help with a reply to a boy and you would be late to your own funeral so could never turn up to a date on time that is so true that is so apart from when you were early in ibiza yeah you're getting better at that now that was only because imogen shoved me in that taxi but this is the thing i'd rather be late than be early because being early and just sat a date you look so eager and i don't want that i was gonna say that i think i think being fashionably like five ten minutes late and letting the guy turn up first is way nicer yeah 100 okay so reflecting on our like old relationships is there anyone that you're hoping would get in touch with you again

no honestly no really like no one no ever no not one good one person. Good for you. Yeah. Good for you. I know. Proud of that. No, I don't know. I feel like this ended at a good time. Yeah, no, I'm over it. Been there, done that, over it. I also think, like, everything happens for a reason.

So, like, if it ended at that time, it ended for a reason. Yeah. How about you? I i think like come on yeah i mean yeah like i feel like you always knew that because i don't know how to word it like i really don't know how to word it um I feel like you have a lot more unanswered questions and like feelings that were just like left than I've ever had. Like, yeah, of course I've had my situationships where, you know, they've just, you know,

rounded, like ended a bit suddenly, but I feel like I've had a lot more closure than you've ever had I feel like you've definitely been left in the dark a lot more than I have with your with past people you've been speaking to and so it makes sense that you're still gonna have feelings and have unanswered questions yeah we're talking about like situationships here rather than like actual exes but I've always been left in like the most bizarre situations and I know myself that like when I fall for someone I do fall quite hard and it is very very very hard for me to fall for someone so like when I do and then it all ends a bit up in the air and a bit random my mind does just work at a million miles an hour and I do tend to overthink a lot so yeah there probably were some people that I wanted like closure from that I feel like I

do now have which is nice to say you now have it yeah I have I have closure now yeah I have closure now from like every situation that I I needed to have closure from so I feel like I can go into 2024 with like a fresh slate like I can't well I can't see myself meeting like those people coming back and do you think it's actually made you feel better or has it given you more emotions that you thought you didn't have like although it's given you that ego boost are you actually glad that they've come back because now I imagine it's resurfaced a lot of emotions I think it like it just made every like yeah it's a bit weird at first because I know it sounds so stupid but like I always knew that I would like hear from them again I always knew that I would speak to them again

I feel like sometimes you just get this like gut instinct feeling that like it's not done and I don't mean on like a romantic level I mean just on like a friendship level like I just knew that I was gonna hear from them again um but I don't think it no i don't think it's resurfaced anything on like that sort of level i think it genuinely has just made me feel a little bit better obviously it was weird at first like it was really fucking weird um but now i just feel a lot better about the situation and i feel like now i can go into 2024 with like a real clean slate yeah and and you know that everyone that's gone has tried coming back and you're exactly exactly and now she's on the hunt again from i'm not on the hunt i'm not on the hunt i'm i'm attracting i'm not chasing i'm

attracting yes in the world that's what I'm doing. Yes, exactly. If we don't chase, we attract. That is true. Okay, so to round this off then, I know you've just said that like, there's no one that you'd want to hear from, but is there any exes that you would ever get back with? No.

No. No, it's such a boring answer. Like, I i'm sorry i wish i could actually give you more but there genuinely isn't like hand on my heart most people i've been with and i don't want to probably sound so like vain saying this but like most people i've been with i've ended i've i've ended it um yeah there's probably even two people where I haven't ended it, which have been my situation trips that I found harder than relationships or anything else. And at the time, like, yeah, like 100%.

Like, I was literally waiting for them to message me again. But I just think now I look at it so differently. I used to think, right, if an ex or somebody comes back, I used to think, well, I'm the one that they wanted the whole time. They've come back to me. Now I look at it so differently. Now I look at it like, well, they've come back to me because they think I'm the easy one that they can come back to.

And I'm just... Oh, slow. Yeah. I just feel like I have a different mindset now. And, yeah, I really would have thought that before. I really would have thought, oh my God, I'm the girl they've been thinking of the entire time. Which as much as it does give us an ego boost and makes us feel good. And yeah, of course they are still thinking about us.

Great. I also think they just think it's easy. That's the way that they see it. It's easy. I'll just go back to her. Well, no, you've already left. So if a guy leaves me, i'm not going back to them like it's just unless there's a kind of amazing answer or like you know there's a massive change in their life or something else like i'm just not going back to it it's i don't know yeah i obviously believe in like timing and timing can

be wrong yes of course i also believe if you want something to work, you can make it work and you will make it work. And there isn't many excuses that I think are actually good enough. So no. Definitely, definitely not a phone charger. Definitely not a phone charger. No excuse. No.

But I completely agree with you. Like I've only had one ex and that door is closed. Like that is, I'm really happy it happened. That was a really happy and like lovely part of my life. But I wouldn't go back there now. I feel like I'm just on a whole different outlook on that sort of thing and like exactly what you've just said I completely agree with I should probably adapt that mindset and I do have

I definitely do have that mindset but um yeah I feel like we're both we're both not going back to our exes we're in a good position I don't know if I've ever even gone back to an ex or a situation ever in my life you know have I I don't even think I have no I don't think you know I actually don't think I have you know I don't like once someone's done me like wrong I haven't gone back on that level like there's like that's I agree with you like if you're gonna leave my life then you've left for a reason and you were obviously meant to leave my life um but yeah no I don't think neither of us have I mean like you said though I think it's complete I think it can depend on the situation though because sometimes you do actually just need to be separate from a partner and nothing particularly in particular went wrong but you actually just need time separately to grow

as different people so then when you come back to each other as well yeah a hundred percent like somebody you can be with someone for like five years from when you were like 16 to 21 and you love that person so much but you need to not explore isn't the right word but yeah just yeah 100 because you've grown together for so long that you don't know who you are separately so sometimes it does take that going away from each other and growing into yourself and figuring out everything for you to be able to come back and be a better person in that relationship so i think that is what would be like a valid reason to go back to someone because you've now both gone away and matured yeah but like if you've cheated on someone or anything like that then it's absolutely fucking not yeah it's It's never going to work. Like we, we, I think we've said this in like the previous season. We stand by it.

Once a cheat, always a cheat. Yeah. So, yeah. So that wraps up today's episode. Um, I'm actually going to be getting on a plane now.

Well, you are. Well, in a couple of hours. Well, have a safe flight. I am. I would say I'm very jealous,

but right now in my jet lag tired state, I'm I would say I'm very jealous but right now in my jet lag tired state I'm not too I'm not too jealous tomorrow morning when you're in New York I will be very jealous and I'm going to be going out Americans do Halloween big don't they as well and I'm going to be there for Halloween and that I'm excited for have you sorted your outfit do you know what you're wearing yeah I am not gonna not going to lie. I'm going very basic. I would actually rather not dress up than go basic because I find it so cringe and embarrassing like being a bunny or anything. Are you a bunny?

I give myself the ick. I'm not a bunny. No. But me and Imogen, we're going as like from Swan Lake. So I'm going as the dark swan. She's going as the white swan. Oh, I don't think that's hugely basic oh well it's it's it doesn't require that much effort but you know it's it's not a

bunny it's not a cat so it could be worse babe i'm going to halloween party tonight i'm going as ariel yeah there's gonna be about 30 aerials in that room cuba like everyone's gonna do ariel and barbie yeah this year do you know what i mean I think if I was going to a party like I would go really dressed up because I I don't know like I just do find it a bit cringe like just let's be honest we all just want to look sexy on Halloween but it's so obvious that's what you're doing it for so I just find it a bit cringe I think if I was going to a party I would but because I'm just going on a night out yeah it's like you don't really know but then you don't want to paint your face blue and be avatar well yeah yeah that is true but i completely understand what you mean by like just going on a night out you're not going to fully do

like full prosthetics and shit like that like you would for a party i feel like they could over there so who knows but i'm going to maybe they will well and i can't freaking wait it's my favorite music so that's fun okay you need to update the pod on everything that goes down i shall do in new york when you're back i shall do okay well i'm excited and also guys we have another episode coming out on thursday make sure to not miss that one and make sure to catch up on our previous episodes as well. Thank you guys for watching and we shall see you all soon. Thanks guys. Bye.