Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 29. Saff's hinted at engagement rings, Ana's off-putting "meet the parents" experience and our mums have their say

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

By now, Saff has revealed Mystery Man on IG - the hard launch none of us saw coming! In this episode recorded just before the big reveal, we talk about meeting the parents - why it can be such a stressful occasion and our mum's perspectives on it. See you Thursday for our bonus ep!! (03:07) Saff’s NYC debrief (07:22) ..and now she’s off to Monte Carlo with Mystery Man (10:00) How far off meeting the parents is she? (11:30) What made Ana feel nervous about introducing a boyfriend to her mum? (14:40) why Saff loves introducing people to her family (17:45) Julie’s voice note - her perspective on meeting the boyfriend (21:45) “What are your intentions with my daughter!!!” (22:36) Ana feels ready to move forward with someone new (25:05) Wendy’s Red flags (voicenote) (29:00) Wendy’s Green flags (voicenote) (31:00) Wendy’s opinion on when to meet Saff’s boyfriends (voicenote) (32:00) We hate to admit it, but parents are always right (35:30) Meeting before you’re official - just a waste of your parents time? (39:00) How soon is too soon? (40:00) Saff has told Mystery Man what engagement ring she wants???!! (40:42) Meeting the friends vs Meeting the family (43:24) How come Ana never met her ex’s family?   (46:30) Would you be more nervous to meet the Mum or the Dad? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi everyone welcome back to sex lives and dm slides saf how have you been this is actually like a proper catch-up guys because we have not spoken it really is since you got back from new york this morning yes which was yeah literally this morning um yeah hi everyone um yeah i'm good do you know what i'm very tired i am jet lagged af because it when i landed it was like 4 a.m in the morning for me so and i just i can't sleep on planes so i'm i'm not i'm gonna try find the energy today there's a lot to talk about so i will have the energy but i am actually very very tired right now and also my least favorite thing in the entire world to do

is unpack suitcases and pack suitcases and i've got to do exactly that so i want to cry how many suitcases you take to new york i took two very large how do you know they were 32 kg but how do you always end up taking two suitcases i would never understand i don't like genuinely i do not know like i do not know i'm trying to pack for a two day trip, right? And I've got like a medium sized case. Because I said to my mom, oh, I'm going to get my cabin case. So I get the case. She's like, that's not a cabin case. And I'm like, oh, it's definitely a cabin case for me. So apparently it's a medium sized case. And I can't fit two days of clothes in it. I mean, I actually can't do it. To be honest, I do feel you on that because I'm

also going away this weekend. We're gonna have to get into where we're going in a second but um where are you going i'm going on a wholesome lodge retreat babe nothing like what you're doing very nice very nice but i've got like the tiniest thinnest suitcase and all i've managed to fit in it is three tops like basic tops and one jumper and my makeup bag so god knows how i think's the toiletries. I think that's where we're going wrong. Yeah, it's the toiletries. Because I can't take two. Because I literally have like three toiletry bags. And it's boots.

Boots take up so much room. Are you taking boots with you? Yeah. I'm even wearing boots to the airport because I actually will not be able to pack two pairs of boots and I want two pairs of boots. Two pairs.

I guess that's like killing two birds with one stone because you could wear a full outfit. Is that what you're going to do? A full outfit to the airport? Yeah, because my thing is, right, it's literally like a two hour flight where I'm going. It's really not like I don't really understand when people are like, oh, I'm going to wear joggers for comfort, like when they're literally going down the road. It takes longer for me to go.

I don't know. It takes longer for me to go to yours. Yeah. Then it does on this flight. So I'm like, I may as well just wear what I want to wear in the day when i get there so i'm doing that so i can pack less and i still can't pack a cabin size what time are you going in the morning uh 9 a.m what is that your flight time 9 a.m no no our flight time's midday so oh that's all right okay so you've got like a full day a full day i've got a full day of prepping after this guys believe it or not i'm gonna look a lot

better than this i'm getting my hair done. I'm getting my nails done. Can't wait. Oh my God, she's glowing up. She's about to glow up because she's looking rough right now. Let's go. The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever.

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Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Let's go. Right, first of all, talk to you about New Yorkork how was new york i'm so jealous it was so good thank you it was do you know what i can actually really see myself living in new york

really where you prefer it to la like so so much more i feel like when you went as well wasn't the weather like perfect like was it or was it it was quite cold some days some days it was really hot some days it was really cold um but it was always sunny like yeah it was so nice i don't know what it is i just i really like the people in new york it was just people are so friendly there's always something going on yeah and also nights out so in california the laws are that it everywhere shuts at two yeah whereas in new york nowhere shut until like half four half four yeah i know like babe i was getting in at like half five most days yeah that is the only annoying thing about la because when i was in la like you'd go to an event it'd finish at like

one and then there'd be no point going out after because everyone's going to shut by the time you get in anyway and so everyone goes to the house parties still go out so late like it would make sense if everyone went out early but everyone still goes out at like 11 12 and then it shuts so what's the point well what was the point yeah but oh my god i loved your halloween outfit big slay well thank you for putting so much effort really went for basic girl but oh babe so did i but i really liked it no your hallow Halloween outfit was so good, guys. Anna's outfit was actually good. Which one? My Ariel one? Yours was really, really good.

Yeah, your Ariel outfit. My Ariel one did slay a little bit with the hair and the pearls. Yeah. I did like that full look. Did you see my, guys, I went as a vampire. Well, I can't really say I went as a vampire because basically I went out on the weekend before Halloween in New York. So in New York, I mean, in America as a whole, they celebrate Halloween so big.

Like every single day, like even on Friday night, we went out for dinner, right? This is five days before Halloween. Everyone's dressed up in Halloween outfits. Like we sat down and we felt so out of place. Yes, babe. Like it's weird. Like it's actually weird. Like we sat down and we felt out of place because

we were dressed normal really like okay what was what were people dressed up as because i can't imagine like everything everything like amazing outfits like incredible in the uk to shame for real most basic girl there really so yeah but um oh yeah i went as a vamp because we'd already worn our halloween outfits on that weekend okay so then on actual halloween we were like what are we gonna do so did you see the vampire teeth that i saw you when i got that but the lisp the lisp that we have from the vampire teeth was like tragic it was so funny because like me and imogen would look at each other and i looked at him and i was like you look so hot till you open your mouth because like we literally couldn't speak it was so bad i tell you

what though this is really strange but when i was out for halloween i find people like weirdly more attractive on halloween in halloween costumes yeah but i think that's because like everyone dresses sexy you know well no it's really an excuse dress well yeah but not even that like some of the boys weren't dressed sexy at all but i was just like you actually look hot dressed as that character yeah i do know what you mean i feel like everyone even like when guys are wearing contacts yeah everyone with the contacts like so my friends were in like fully black contacts and they just look so cute and i was like oh my god and like i feel like yeah like because you're like dressed up i feel like you gain a whole new level of confidence because you're like playing a character. So everyone just looked-

Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Everyone just looked gorgeous. I was like, ugh. Well, it's funny actually, because when this woman sold us these vampire teeth, right? She was like, you can do anything in them. They'll last, they'll this. And the way that she was making it out-

You can do anything. I was like, yeah, it was so weird. Like me and Imogen left like, does she think that like i don't know people we're with have a kink for like vampire teeth like surely she's putting two and two together we're just wearing them on halloween like it was so weird but the way that she was making it out was as if like most people buy these all the time so like just just to be sexy in the bedroom it was just weird i get a bit of role play but would i want to wear fangs whilst like doing something to someone i'm not too sure no especially when you can't talk i can assure you

you couldn't do anything in them yeah that's for sure right so that was new york so where are you going tomorrow morning miss thing where are you off tomorrow morning morning, I am off to Monte Carlo, actually. I am very jealous. Monte Carlo is going to be beautiful. I know. I've actually always, always wanted to go. So it's going to be good. It's going to be good.

Who are you going with? I'm not going to say that. I'm going with a mystery man. So is that what we're going to call him? That I can't talk about. Is that what we're going to call him at the moment? Mystery man. Yeah, that's who he'll be i'll start doing get ready with me whilst i'm away with my mystery man oh my god you actually should on tiktok get ready

with me for a date with my mystery man yeah um no i'm actually very very excited it's gonna be a short but good little trip away how long are you going for um literally friday to sunday oh okay so literally two days but we have loads planned as well which is nice so i am very excited to hear all about it i want personal updates as well throughout the weekend we'll tell the podcast at some point but i just gotta make sure it's going in the right direction yeah yeah of course it's obviously i'm sure you will all find out eventually it It's obviously very early stages right now. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I mean, it can't say the same for myself. I'm painfully single. Painfully. So you're not going to your retreat with anyone? No, babe. There's seven of us. My friendship group going to the retreat. Yeah, well, I'm saying retreat. We're going to like a little lodge in like the Peak District.

And we've said like no phones. Like we're going to put our phones on. We're just going to have like really wholesome nights. We're doing like a paint and no phones like we're gonna put our phones on we're just gonna have like really wholesome nights we're doing like a paint and sip evening we're literally gonna paint on canvases so whilst you're out there that's gonna be so nice it will be big but whilst you're out there with mystery man living your life in monte carlo think of me painting on a canvas in the middle of the peak district because i'm so fucking single okay but can i just say something honestly Honestly, not that long ago, I was really, really, really single.

That is true. I don't even know how this has happened. And to be fair, I'm a very like, as you know, I'm very zero or 100. But I feel like, oh God, I don't want to say this because he's going to hear it and then he's going to cringe. But I feel like I've met my match

because I feel like he's exactly the same. Okay. The first time we saw each other he asked me if I wanted to go to Monte Carlo with him so I feel like we're on the same level 1 million percent met your match I mean the fact that you're going to Monte Carlo this early on with someone is like I know it's a good day that are you joking you go on some unbelievable days but that is like nuts for a date. Yeah, it's not bad. He's going to listen to this, so I'm going to cringe.

Now that I'm back on Hinge, if they're not asking me to go to Monte Carlo for my second date, it's not happening. Yeah, scrap them. Absolutely scrap them. I mean, it's how far, I mean, you do move zero to 100 and it is going pretty fast. How far off of meeting the parents are we? I mean, his parents next weekend.? I mean his parents next weekend.

You're meeting his parents next weekend? Yeah, very, very soon. Like very soon. Okay. That is a lot sooner than I thought you were going to say. Yeah, I didn't tell you that, did I? No.

Actually, I haven't really told you much to be fair. No, because you've been away in New York so I feel like we need a full on I need to know everything after this and then we'll give you guys the debrief at a later point when it's good enough to share yes yeah um no i am yeah well that's obviously hoping that this weekend goes well then i should be meeting his parents next weekend see this is the thing like we keep planning like we have things we're doing in a month's time like do you know what I mean we've planned so far ahead yeah we've planned so much so far ahead that like I think we're both just I don't know

it's going very quickly so I'm sure the podcast will find out about it very very soon I mean okay well on that note of the fact you're meeting the parents next week this episode is actually about meeting the parents which is yeah perfectly me in mind i'm gonna get him to listen to this yeah this is perfectly on brand for you right now um i think i feel like we've gone like different ways me and you about like meeting the parents because i've only ever introduced one person to my mum and it was quite far down the line yeah but you do also live far away from your mom yeah but then i'm not gonna like even at home i would be like before i was quite nervous to introduce someone to my mom because i've never known how she'd like be with a boy yeah do you think it's because your mom's like

i'm not saying she is by the way but i'm just saying like do you think your mom's very opinionated do you think that's why you felt nervous? Yeah, I just can't like, I love my mom to pieces, obviously. And she is like one of the nicest people ever. But she, unless you are literally like perfect for me, she's not going to have it. And I feel like she can't hide.

And that's the way it should be. But she can't hide anything in her face. So like. Yeah, but babe, that is both of our parents. So even if like. even if like fully both of our parents even if i was so in love with him and i was said to my mum beforehand please be nice like even if she saw one thing off you know her face is off and that's it and i'm like that is terrifying to me because i don't want her to like do you know what i mean yeah it what is crazy because I actually think our parents are very similar in that sense.

they are. So I was seeing this guy and my mum to this day says to me, I didn't hate him. I'm telling you now to the point where like she reminded me that she didn't like this boy that many times. I think I know which one you're on about. And she's going to hate. Yeah.

And she's going to hate me for saying this because she's going to, it's good. It's obviously doesn't make her sound great and my mom is the nicest person my mom would never ever ever be rude to anyone and whenever he came over she was obviously absolutely lovely to him but my mom is such a good judge of character and in the long run she was like so right but she just had this thing she just thought he was just weird she just didn't like him and she reminded me so much the point where oh my god to be with him would have been so to be with him would have been so much effort yeah it would have been hard work because your mom yeah wasn't his biggest

fan yeah and especially because at the time i was living at home so it was even do you know i mean even worse then also as well my mom is like a really nice person so for my mom to not like someone it obviously i do really care about her opinion so yeah so i obviously valued it but it was really hard and i think yeah our parents are very the same in that sense of they're not that good at hiding it i mean she always did to him to be fair like he wouldn't have ever have had a clue you know okay that's nice that he wouldn't have known that she wasn't his biggest fan no no no there's no way she would have done that to him like she would never made someone feel uncomfortable awkward but let me tell

you she reminded me constantly but i think it does make it harder though like you said like when you live at home with your parents because if you're inviting someone around to come and to stay for the night whether they're like just meeting in passing and being like oh hi how are you or like actually having to sit down they're still gonna have to meet yeah so i think that just automatically does make it harder whereas yeah if i was to have someone around here now like my mum would be none the wiser and I would have to like fully arrange be like mum I want you to meet this guy yeah well I mean I have to do that now and are you gonna do that now yeah I think I'll be doing that very soon I was gonna say

next weekend is meeting his parents week after that it's him meeting your parents yeah but you know what I actually I always I've actually introduced quite a lot of people to my parents, which probably sounds really bad. But reason being is because I genuinely do care for their opinions so much. Obviously, like if I loved someone, like it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. But no, do you know what it is as well?

Genuinely, I love my family so much. Like I'm so, I don't know how to word this but it sounded really cringy but like i love showing people my family because i just think they're such good fun people like if i'm seeing someone i'm genuinely so excited for them to be my family i'm never dreading it that's such a nice thing i can't wait for them to meet my family so i think that's probably why i introduced them earlier on the most yeah and i think also like you've had really good experiences with like having a boyfriend long term and having them integrate in with your family so i feel like naturally for you now like going forward in relationships that would be like a natural thing that you want quicker whereas like yeah well saying that though like ever since I moved out I haven't actually really introduced anyone to my family really yeah saying that since I moved out I haven't oh wow okay they've

only been like flings I've never like actually been with someone since I've moved out it's not been like a boyfriend since I've moved out yeah yeah so I actually haven't because I guess it does feel it does feel a bit more of like a thing whereas if I when I lived at home yeah it was like well for them to come over they had to meet my family I guess it felt less of a thing whereas now like if I'm going to introduce them just like you'll do it'll be like oh we're going for dinner or we're going around for dinner do you know what i mean yeah and it's an actual like you've got to meet their parents now yes yes rather than just say hi to them as you walk in exactly exactly but you've had like such nice experiences in the sense of like boys have come on like family holidays with

you well yeah my boyfriend and your boyfriend yeah which i've never had before like the thought of a boyfriend coming on a family holiday with my mum and Atticus is the most weird feeling like I can't almost imagine that being like a thing well I just don't know like I'm sure if I said to my mum if I had a boyfriend not if I was just seeing someone and I asked I don't think my mum would say yes honestly but I think if wow really yeah I think if wow really yeah I think if they were my boyfriend and I was like dead serious about them and I said like yeah can we all go on holiday together she'd be very open to the idea but she's just well we have a voice note

from her if I play the voice note you're probably gonna okay you're probably gonna understand what my mum is like a little bit more but basically can i just quickly say something yeah my boyfriends have come on holiday with me i've never asked my mom's always asked me to bring them yeah i've never gone oh can can my boyfriend come she's always like oh i'll someone so if they want to come that's so nice though that's so but then she wouldn't but again babe she's not gonna do that for someone i'm just seeing yeah it's got to be like an actual boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Okay, right. Let's hear Julie's voice note. I'm excited for this. So when I met Anna's boyfriend for the first time, we met in a little restaurant in London.

And it was so, so nice to actually sit there and see Anna with Guy um in what I thought at the time she's making out as if she never thought it'd happen sort of stable thing going on I think as parents that's what you want to you know you want to see that for your children. You want that... You want that existence for your children. You don't want to see them, like, not really playing the field. That's a very old-fashioned term, but I've always wanted to see Anna, you know, settle, sort of thing. Not necessarily get married at all at her age, but be in a stable loving healthy relationship and

so when I met it I thought because you know had invited me to meet him then it was like oh this must be serious you know this must be you know she must be really happy and that so I thoroughly enjoyed meeting him at the time I thought you know he was a great guy you know he was very polite he was respectful um he was well spoken he was um you know and he seemed to think a lot of Anna so I was totally totally happy and when they did when they did you know split up I was really sad, actually. I was very, very sad, almost to the point of, you know, shedding a tear, really. Because I thought, you know, Anna, at last, had sort of found some, you know, happiness in that way.

And something, you know, secure and stable for her but sadly it wasn't meant to be um and I'm sure in the end um Anna's time you know will come again and I will sit down and have dinner with a great guy that Anna will meet in the future that is the cutest thing I've ever listened to in my life bless did you know that she was that upset oh yeah yeah she did make it very clear that she was very sad at the time but I think it's because it was the first person that she'd met and like she'd never seen me before with a guy sat next to me so for her that was probably like the weirdest guy was so in love with you like even the way he would have looked at you oh yeah your mom would have probably fallen in love one million percent so i think my mom was just so like oh my god this

is amazing which i always knew she would have that reaction don't get me wrong but i think she's gonna have that reaction to whoever you introduce her to you're not gonna introduce her to someone that you don't see anything with. I know I've introduced a lot of people, but like, God, I'm making it up. I've introduced loads of people, but I actually really haven't introduced that many people. No, you haven't introduced loads. But again, the people I have, I've always seen something with. So yeah, it's just, I think it was just obviously for her.

She said she nearly shed a tear when I told her we weren't together anymore and she probably and she did she was really upset but I think it is just because she loved seeing me with a guy there but that made like that makes me feel so good because before that I think you know and like I've spoken about before I was fucking terrified of like introducing someone to my mum because I just did not know what her reaction was going to be but after hearing that voice note I feel like that gives me hope that when I do did you say she started like really questioning him as well it was giving 21 questions like 21 questions for real and I literally I kept see I don't think my mum does that wait what did she ask can you give me some examples she was just I actually love this for Julie though she's really looking out for you

oh no she was really really looking at you she fully asked him what his intentions were with me like she fully went what are your intentions with my daughter and I literally looked at her like are you kidding like obviously mum what do you think his intentions are but like it was like do you know what I mean it's those sort of like straight to the point questions

like oh what do you do what do you do for a living and stuff even though I'd already told her but she obviously just wanted to ask him myself um but i think i said this before but it was really sweet like when she first met him she gave him a hug but then when she said goodbye she like hugged him really tight and he said to me like she hugged me tight the second time so i was like oh she must have liked you that was nice um yeah and the fact he even noticed that yeah this just sounds so good like why is it ended oh babe i mean you know why it's ended it's some things just don't work out do you know what i mean

and like some things just aren't meant yeah something's not meant to be but on a positive note i do feel like like obviously i've rejoined hinge literally two days ago i do feel kind of ready to like move forward now with something else and like find someone else and find someone to introduce my mum again. Really? Yeah, which I never thought I'd say because I came off Hinge for ages. And I was just so like, I can't be bothered with all of these guys. Like, they're just, oh, they're just, you know what Hinge is like, it's just shit. I was like, I can't afford for it.

But then, yeah, I went on it again and kind of surprised me. So that updates to come. Are you messaging anyone? I have matched someone and he's lovely. But yeah, I haven't spoken to him today. I spoke to him yesterday and the day before. Why have you not spoken to him today? I don't know.

That question, I don't have an answer for. But I'll send you a picture of him after this and then guys if any updates to come then i would have met my third boyfriend well third thing from hinge so third time lucky well to be fair like you actually did have a good experience yeah you know what i've like your boyfriend you met from him so you've actually had a really good yeah i've never had like horrendous experiences on dating websites, to be honest. Because I feel like that's the only way I know how to meet people,

which I feel like I need, like I want a cute guy to slide into my DMs. Like it happens to you. That's what I want. Well, mine, well, yeah. Okay. I actually matched with who I'm speaking to on Raya. Was that how it came about?

Yeah, originally. And he messaged me on Raya, then I never replied. So then he messaged me on Instagram. Oh my God, I didn't realise it was on Raya first. Yeah, so we never would have been speaking if it wasn't for Raya. Because neither of us had any idea who each other were. I love how... So if it wasn't for Raya...

I love how we've always slated raya on the podcast as well i know well the thing is that i didn't even reply on raya like that's the thing i didn't even reply when i say i don't reply to people i don't reply to people yeah but he was obviously i don't want to like talk about it too much but i just i still i'm actually baffled as to how all of this has come about well Well, yeah, babe. Because I was not expecting it. Yeah, babe, neither was I, believe me. But I love this for you. Anyway. So maybe day-to-naps really are the future.

Maybe they are. Maybe we're changing our mind on day-to-naps. Let's go. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves,

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our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. Let's go. so I know that you've got some voice notes from Wendy your mom now I am very excited to hear these okay so I asked my mom because basically Anna and I was having the conversation about how you know I have always introduced people to her early and her like first initial opinions and I was having the conversation about how, you know, I have always introduced people to her early and her like first initial opinions. And I also asked her for green and red flags because I'm intrigued. And I'd like every guy that I'm with to listen to these. Yeah, I'm intrigued to know what your mum's going to say. Because my mum's opinion matters.

So, but there's like three. There's quite a lot. So I apologise in advance. She talks as much as I do. Right, here we go. This is number one. I don't even know which this one is I think firstly if if she says to me like oh no he's taken six hours to reply so I'm going to take six hours too I'm like what honestly like if he's taking six hours to reply he's not thinking

about you or he is just playing with you um so both of those are absolute no-go i mean i do get that sometimes it can take six hours if you're working or whatever i get that but if it's a constant thing all day and night um absolutely not you're not forefront of his mind goodbye you tell him another one would be if they're not very confident um it's oh next one she couldn't work out through the voice notes on whats on WhatsApp if maybe they're not confident I don't think that would be really a good thing because I think

if you haven't got confidence to look after yourself then you probably haven't got confidence to look after my daughter and you're going to need it so I think if I don't know what that means

if you don't have confidence and I'm not you know that's not a bad thing but if you want to be a saffron you need to be confident one because she's confident

and two I definitely want her to have someone who is confident looking after her when he takes her out um so yeah so if that is the case then maybe they might need to go and thought out that and then you can come back and try again in the nicest possible way obviously um and it will be um if like if they're jealous or you know they're like oh you know you i don't be if they're jealous or, you know, if they're like, oh, you know, you... I don't know, if they're like timekeeping on her and, you know, she's a loyal person. You know, you obviously, not everybody knows that. Play Wendy.

But if you start off without that trust and that jealousy, it just leads to nowhere. It never gets better. And if you start off like that small, it's just only going to get a lot worse. So jealousy controlling, any of those small little traits. Can you see where I get oh yeah yeah she's very very opinion wait there's there's also one more but i think this is now okay so first of all the red flags though can i just say i do agree with the first one especially the whole time playing like six hour i'm gonna take six hours yeah well

my mom never obviously our parents growing up didn't even have phones to text so my mom thinks it's so weird that like if i ever said to mom oh i'm not gonna reply to him because he just texts me she thinks that's so bizarre like she thinks it's so weird i'm like mom there is there is such thing yeah of course you don't want to be replying 24 7 to each other all day every day because they're not living your life but the confidence one well i think you do if you're on the same page but like yeah if you're speaking to someone it's not i don't know i i yeah i do agree with her i'm very much like i hate games for it i hate the whole someone takes four hours the confidence one made me laugh though

if you're gonna date my daughter you need confidence because she's got confidence do you know what i'm now scared of every guy ever if they look down at the floor they're not confident they look at her in the eye gone wendy says no no i know where it's come from. It's because basically, okay, I've seen this guy. And basically, long story short is he couldn't look at my mum in the eyes, like to the point where it was weird. Like imagine I'm having a conversation with my mum right now. Not you, Anna.

But like I'm literally just staring at you. That's what it was like. Like he would reply to my mum but stare at me to the point where i thought it was so weird that then i would look at my mum so he'd stop looking at me because i'll be so weird and it was really strange with both my parents he couldn't look at them in the eyes i think this is where the confidence things may be 100 i reckon it's come from i'm guessing okay so then we've got green flags you ready i think it's green flags i hope it's come from there. I'm guessing. Okay, so then we've got green flags. Are you ready? I think it's green flags.

I hope it's not more red flags. Green flags would be, absolutely first and foremost, would be politeness and manners. Absolutely, 100%. If you haven't got them, it doesn't matter what else you've got. Goodbye.

That, yeah, that says a lot about how you've been brought up, I think, and just, you know, how you perceive yourself to other people. Literally says so much about your character. If you're a rude person, you don't have manners. You will never be friends. Absolutely not.

I think any guy that can speak openly about his feelings is a green flag. I think that's really nice. What's the word I'm looking for what's oh oh wait a nice trait sorry that's a really nice trait to have and I think you know where you stand it's just much it's definitely a green flag for me if they do little things like send her flowers or just send her a little text at the end of the day saying they're

thinking about her those kind of things are absolutely green flags because that means you're you know foremost in someone's mind and they're actually taking their time out in their day to think about you so that is definitely a green flag for me agreed i agree i completely agree with all of those agreed wendy that was so funny i can't think of the word crap wait there's actually one more but should i like guys obviously we can cut the i'm telling you now she was stressed right she just got out the eye hospital so i actually do apologize so i have usually met most people that saffron's dated quite early on some of them she stayed with and some of them she hasn't i think i'm quite a good judge of character

and um i think it's just easier that way because i if i really don't like them i will let her know to be honest but i wouldn't expect her not to be with them or anything like that but i you know when she tells me things and i can see those flags quicker than she can whether they're green or red and then sometimes she might say you know oh he did this and I don't know how I feel about it but if I've met him I kind of get inspired then we could talk about that I'll be like oh no I think you're overreacting or you know whatever so I think it's quite good because we're like really good friends we talk about stuff like that so it's nice if I've met met him and yeah we can move forward from there um I think also when I meet someone like I can just tell how they feel about

her I mean obviously not always because I don't know them but like you know you just tell the way someone looks at someone or smiles at someone um you know just talking to them about their background and stuff and it doesn't have to be an amazing background it's just how open they can be and how you know just get the vibe from them basically so I think it's really important to meet them early oh I probably just scrapped that last bit actually i don't know what i'm talking about i'm just no but i i agree with what she was saying because it's weird it's like what you said when she was like oh i feel like i can see the way they look at her and be like oh yeah like that's what you were saying about my ex like my mum could probably see the way he was looking at

me and was like oh that's really sweet a hundred percent yeah i think that that is should be so clear like it's but yeah it should be so clear like especially when you're first dating someone i feel like that maybe it's just a thing that they can see it sense yeah and sense it i do think like i hate to admit it but i do think our parents are always right my mum has always been right about every guy that I've ever seen. Your mum was also very right about the guy who couldn't look her in the eye. Like from the first time she met, she knew.

Very right. She did. She knew. Yeah. There was another red flag that she had texted me, but it wasn't on a voice note. And this is a really important one but i think she just thought she's already got off on it so much but she was basically saying she said this to me before as

well another red flag that she thinks is someone that like can't answer for themselves okay so like i've brought people around before and like my mom's asked him a question and like they almost can't answer do they rely on you for the answer i just can't explain it yeah pretty much we're talking about are we still talking about the same person i don't want to keep going on about them i think we're still talking about the same person yeah so probably should stop talking about him but okay no but i do i do know what you mean though i feel like it's you know if i'm bringing a boy home i want them to be able to sit and have a solid conversation with my family without relying on me to hold the conversation yeah exactly

so I agree with your mum yeah I do too I think my mum has actually had very good answers I just think yeah and honestly it makes my mum sound brutal but she actually is a nice person our parents just want what's best for us don't they so exactly but it's actually nice i think that my mom agreed with the meeting people meeting your family early she actually thinks is a good thing because i honestly do too i don't really see the point in holding it out so much like because i know for some people it's such a big deal like obviously it's really important to me that someone I'm with is you know makes a really good impression and my family like them and I you know I really want that to be a really special and nice thing but I just don't

think it needs to be as big of a deal as people make out for it to be I wish it kind of wasn't for me but I feel like every like I would genuinely only introduce someone if like I can actually see myself fully fully being with you which obviously you do as well but my mum just if I rang her now and said I'm seeing someone can I bring them home I don't think she'd say yes straight away I think it should be really yeah I think it should be like how long you've been seeing them for first Anna or like is it actually worth me seeing them like is it worth me making the trip to come to London and see them genuinely my mum is so like yeah with it which is but again maybe that is because she has to travel to go meet them yeah and I think that is probably why because we're having to set up a full yeah situation for it to be able to happen so then it is kind of made out more of as a big deal whereas like if you just lived down the road and you just went around her house it probably wouldn't

be as big of a deal no yeah i do actually think now though as i've got older i now wouldn't introduce anyone like i think i did more when i was younger because again like i said i was at home I didn't really have a choice if I wanted them to stay over they had to meet my family I still don't think it's that big of a deal for me but I I now wouldn't introduce someone to my family that I didn't actually see anything with because it's just yeah I think that's what my mum would say like it's a waste of her time which i completely understand yeah and i make my parents make effort so like every time i've had someone come around to meet them for the first time i've either made my dad make us dinner or like we'll go out for dinner it requires proper like nice meeting yeah it does require effort okay then so what is your actual personal timeline personal timeline for meeting the parents and then having well in like what sense and having a yeah meeting the parents having

a boyfriend um oh god i don't know the full nine yards i don't know i think it depends how much i talk to the person i'm very i know i'm very fast paced i could own i don't really i can't take things slow i get excited like that's just me as a person i wish i could have more of that like i wish we could you could just give me some of that i wish that i wasn't so quick so you know we will have what did you say let's roll reverse for a bit. Like, I want to be able to, like, have a faster timeline with people. I feel like I take it way too slow because I'm terrified. See, it's crazy, though,

because you're a very, like, spontaneous person as well, like me. See, I feel like I'm very like that because if someone asked me to, I don't know, do something tomorrow, I'd be like, yeah, fuck it, why not? No, like, I literally said to Byron the other day, I was like, when I rejoined Hinge, I i said my actual ideal first date just for a laugh would be meeting at the

airport and going away for like two days really i don't know if i want to do that really i just feel like i'm gonna get to know you so well like it could go so fucking wrong and i'm flying home on my own or it could go really well and I'm like obsessed with you. But I'd love to just do it for the experience because I hear people do it and I'm like, how are you meeting people who are also this spontaneous

and can do this? Like I really want to do it. Yeah. And then maybe it'll go fast paced. Yeah. Well, that definitely is fast paced. That's for sure. So yeah, maybe that is,

maybe you need to suggest it. No, then we want him to suggest it. I want him to suggest it. I want him to suggest it. Yeah, I want him to suggest it. And then if he suggests it, then I'm like, oh my God, fucking hell, me too. Like, that's exactly what I want. Well, to be fair,

the guy that I'm going to Monte Carlo with asked me to go to Monte Carlo with him before I'd even met him. Well, there you go. I need someone like that as well. Okay, so that's what you've got to look out for. Yeah, this is what I'm paying for on Hinge. I haven't even answered the question.

I can't even remember. I don't know. Like, ideal. I actually couldn't tell you. I don't really see the point in like, oh, I don't know. I literally don't know. A week. No, I'm joking.

A day. I actually don't know. I really think it's dependent on the situation. Yeah, I think it depends on the person. I don't know i really think it's dependent on the situation um yeah i think it depends on the person i don't know i think there's definitely something such as too soon i don't know what that too soon is i'm saying i do also feel like if you know you know so if you're like unsure and you just rush into things then i think it's too soon but i do also feel like deep down you know if something's going to work out or not yeah so that's probably not answered the question very well that's why my girl knows

and she's awesome okay what would you say is too soon for you it's a new day how can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points earn Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation. You can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire. Treat your friends or spoil your family. Earn them on your adventure and use them how you want, when you want. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply. Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply. The deal on a new blender squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal.

Save big on electronics, fashion and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. You're too soon to six months. No, yeah, too soon to, I'd probably introduce him to my my mom maybe at like the two and a half months okay but what like if literally anna right you're speaking to this guy and you literally spoke all day every day you facetime every night you literally had like fallen in love with him he ticked every single box you'd gone away together you're still gonna wait two and a half months to introduce him to you no they're maybe they're maybe like a month so like all like the earliest inconvenience that my mom is free yeah that's what i mean it's dependent on the situation right because yeah i feel like it would have maybe like a month but like i'm just so terrified of everything like i'm so scared of getting hurt again so like i still be

like even if it's going so well like the sabotage part of my mind would be like don't do it but i just need to get over that but um no probably like a month and then to actually be official like two months two and a half months three months maybe i don't know you're gonna have a boyfriend next week so let me know i'm not sure engaged by week four she comes i just got a new ring on her finger i've told him what ring i want as well no you've not are you serious um okay so then let's talk about meeting the friends compared to meeting the family because for me i feel like meeting the friends is so much more relaxed like i would happily introduce someone to my friends like after like three times of meeting so would i i actually really would

again i think it's because i love my friends company i don't see why someone else wouldn't love my friends company i honestly would meet yeah i would let them meet my friends straight away i also trust my friend's opinion obviously i trust my mum's but like that's a little bit more serious whereas like if you're just coming out for a drink with me and my friends i trust them honestly to be like now he's a dick or like yeah he's cool he's cool like i'd rather get their opinion as well just so i'm not like deluded in the situation if that makes sense so if he was to introduce him to your friends would it be like a double date situation or like you would actually just let him like go out for dinner with all your mates

because i don't know if i'd quite do that i feel like no not dinner like drinks right maybe like i'd done that before where like he just came and like sat with us all whilst we were having drinks but then i've also done a double date situation right yes i've only done double date situations for people that like have met the guy that i'm seeing really early on okay i did it like oh my god saying that though i went on a double date as my third date yeah see i i've done that i've done the exact same thing i i kind of thought that was nice like because i felt like i knew them well enough to want them to meet my friend but i also just like a double date is just fun but when you actually say that out loud though that is actually very early on yeah no that is a date and you're now going on a double date of friends that's the

sort of thing i would do because i'm just like i did it but i do think to a lot of people that is like very very early on yeah oh yeah i know that it definitely is early on but then i kind of preferred well not all i prefer because i did enjoy that but like with someone else i was seeing when they just kind of met all my friends at like we were at a bar and they just came and like chill with us that was kind of nice because he could just kind of speak to whoever he wanted to and then i don't know i kind of like that so intimidating for him though like imagine being in a situation i do not want to be doing that no so we'd planned to see each other later that night and he'd called me bearing in mind we'd only met maybe like four or five times and he'd called me and was like should we do something tonight and i was like

well i'm out with my friends do you want to come and he was just like um yeah so I literally sprung it on him like he didn't have time to think about it which probably was better yeah that definitely is better I think because then he just turns up and he's like oh my god hi everyone yeah but um but yeah so I've done both I've done both extremes but I feel like yeah I definitely introduced my boyfriend or partner whatever to my my friends before my mum. So, Anna, you know how you introduce your, obviously now ex-boyfriend to your mum? How come you never met his family?

Because I think if I introduce a guy to my family, no, I think I've always met the guy's family before they've met mine. Really? Actually, that happened to me in the previous thing so why didn't it happen with your ex-boyfriend um honestly it was always mentioned and his mum always asked about me and his mum was actually very fond of me from what i knew but he is originally from near you um and it's really really far we were trying to work out times and stuff that i would

be able to go down for the weekend to go and meet his family um but it just never worked out and then we broke up so right okay okay so he like he did mention it because i honestly oh my god yeah and they didn't mention that i'd be thinking something is like so wrong here because i think i care no no obviously what my family think but what his family thinks would obviously mean so so much to me I would be so nervous now to meet someone else's family yeah I mean yeah I'm gonna be nervous I'm gonna yeah I honestly like I can't even explain to how nervous I would be now because when I met someone else's family before it was made out to me as though like I was just another thing.

It didn't matter. What do you mean from his situation or from the parents? Yeah. No, no. From not from the parents. The parents were lovely. Bless them. But from him when we were like on our way because I was just staying at his house with him and he was just like oh yeah like girls

come around all the time it doesn't matter like he like literally said something along those lines this is what I'm worried that people gonna think it sounds like I just like bring guys over that doesn't really matter to me do you know what I mean when that actually isn't the case no that's not the case for you at all though but like in that situation it was just a weird unfortunate situation so I feel like when it comes to actually meeting like my next boyfriend's parents i'm going to shit bricks like i'm gonna be so nervous what did you say to that guy because that is so out of order he said that to you before you do you think he tried to say that to like make you not nervous just to be

like oh it's fine or yeah i do know now that like so at the time he didn't say anything to me so like i literally met his parents in the like headspace of oh it's all right i'm just another girl don't matter don't worry um but then after i brought it up to him i was like you literally made it sound like it didn't matter and he was like i know i realized i said that and i literally said to my friends when you left like i've said this and i didn't mean to say that so it probably would have been better but still probably would have been better if you corrected yourself yeah yeah if you corrected yourself on the car journey there um and not two months later but um oh no yeah I don't even know how you did that because I would have been like right let's

turn back around imagine imagine I was like sorry you can't go home today back to Manchester would you so I know you were saying you're obviously going to be so nervous when you meet someone that you're seeing parents but would you be more nervous to meet their mum or dad do you think there's like anyone like yeah do you think there'll be one in particular probably their dad really just just yeah just because i i just feel like very nervous sometimes around dads anyway because obviously i haven't really seen my dad for a really long time so for me being somebody else's dad i don't know how i would communicate yeah i don't know it would it would just be a bit weird whereas with like a mom i feel like i'd feel automatically very comfortable but I'm just I'd be nervous as to how the dad would speak to

me because I wouldn't know like what would you what would you feel more nervous for the mum or the dad I think I think mums always have way more of an opinion I feel like most dads obviously stereotypical but most dads are just don't really care like even my dad like when a guy comes over like obviously he does care like you know dads are dads are dads and they'll be like no one's gonna effing hurt my daughter like that's just like such a good dad thing to say but if a guy come over my house my dad's like all right mate whereas my mom like do you know what i mean like she's okay the person that's gonna like interrogate him i come over my house my dad's like all right mate whereas my mom like yeah he's a lot more chill like do you know what i mean like she's okay the person that's gonna like interrogate him

i don't know if that's because i have a very um uh i don't not strong-minded but uh yeah like a mom who's very i don't know what the word is we both have the same thing but i can't think of the word right now yeah no just fair yeah just very like they know what they want for their daughters very strong like yeah strong-minded towards that so maybe i should feel more nervous to meet the mum but i don't know if that's just us i do think mums are also if there was a parent they didn't like your mum and like mum or dad i feel like mums would hide it probably better because they're just gonna be probably nicer but i don't know yeah i actually think genuinely i'd be more nervous to meet somebody's mum than me somebody's

dad believe it or not yeah maybe i should be more nervous to meet the mum then okay so like when you're meeting the like your boyfriend's family is there anything in particular that you do to try and get on their good side like would you try and like how i don't know if you were going around for dinner like would you try and help them i'm cook or like who would you purposely go and like have a conversation with the dad on his own like is there anything particular that you would do um i don't really think i would never show up empty handed ever ever ever okay so would you take like flowers or something i always take like yeah i probably take like a bottle of wine i probably find out their favorite bottle of wine me bring up bring around a bottle of wine um to be honest that's not even to get on their good side that's just

good to me that's just manners that's polite yeah it's the way that I don't know my parents have always brought me up and so and actually believe it or not pretty much every guy I've been with has always done that to my parents I think that's so nice I love that yeah um so yeah I think I would always do that I guess I don't know like if we had dinner of course but then again I would do this not the first time I'd do this every time I'm around my boyfriend's house like I would always clean up the place and like go put things away i just would and just help of course i'm just gonna be have manners and be polite but yeah i think i would always i would never show up empty-handed definitely i don't mean like every time i go around their house because that's a bit obsessive and they're probably thinking what the hell but

like definitely the first time i'd never show up empty-handed okay i'm gonna take note on that one and then next time i meet someone's parents yeah you do need to i mean i feel like i would anyway but like yeah i just wouldn't know what to do so i'm gonna you're gonna have to teach you all need to do that in this realm okay if then i've read a while i'll tell you which one to get i always know the good ones oh okay yeah yeah you know the good wine i've learned from my parents the bottles of wine i have to bring over yeah you don't like wine so that've learned from my parents the bottles of wine that I have to bring over. Yeah, you don't like wine so that is good. That's good knowledge for you.

I know. Well, I think that's probably where we can wrap this episode up here. You're off to Monte Carlo. I am. Off to meet the parents. Well, I'm not off to meet the parents this weekend, but yes.

Well, no, but very soon. So I'm excited to hear all of the updates fingers crossed yeah fingers as well i'm praying for you i hope you can fit everything in your tiny suitcase thank you i'm gonna find out if he's got a mate what he does he does actually no no no so listen to this listen to this guys and he we was on facetime and he said, have you got any single fit mates for my best mate? And I was like, how tall is he? That's the first thing I'd said.

And then he'd like message me and sent me this guy and blah, blah, blah. And I text Anna like, he's got, he's got a mate. And she texts me like three days in a row. Hello, have you sent me, where's the picture of him? Do you have a picture? I still haven't got a picture. I will get it this weekend. you have a picture i will get it this oh my god i will get it this weekend please i will i'm actually begging you i didn't know how to bring it up like oh my mate actually really really wants to see your mate but i will this weekend

if my mate is desperately single like god bless her then maybe we can do a double date i know that would actually be so good we should do that that would be yeah that would be unreal so please i would absolutely love that anyway um thank you guys so much for listening we'll be back on thursday for another bonus episode where we're going to be speaking about your dilemmas with meeting families which i'm very excited to hear about this is going to make me more nervous for next weekend can't wait oh my god yeah great oh god. Thanks for watching. Bye, guys. Bye.