Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 31. Flirting: the awkward, the weird and the chaotic

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

With all the travel we've both been doing recently, we recorded this episode a couple of weeks in advance (just before Saff dropped the hard launch). In this episode we deep dive into the chaotic world of flirting, discovering we both go for sarcasm and teasing over anything and that boys truly will say the weirdest shit to get your attention. (06:00) Americans and Brits flirt SO differently (10:45) Ana's best/worst flirting story (13:36) The Box is the wildest club?? (16:40) Flirting with *a certain* YouTuber (20:00) Different dates make flirting way easier (20:41) Eye contact is top tier flirting (23:39) You've still got to keep the spark going when you get into a relationship (26:25) It's so much easier to flirt with someone if you DON'T fancy them?? (29:00) When boys can't get the hint (29:50) "Shut up and kiss me" (33:55) Teasing and playfulness is such an easy in (38:00) The hall of shame (45:00) Ana's going to Paris for a first date then.. (50:00) Hearing from you guys Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Sex, Lies and DM Slides with me, Anastasia Kingsnorth. And me, Safran Barker. So as you guys know, this is the podcast where we deep dive into sex, dating, relationships, and pretty much all of the drama that is found in our DMs. Yeah, that's right. So consider this your weekly face time with us to eavesdrop on our dating lives and disasters. As well as unpicking some topics and thought starters that have been in the front

of our mind for this week and every other week. This Tuesday is no different. Anna, we have so much to catch up on. I mean, as always. You've been jet setting. You've been to New York and Monte Carlo. Yeah, I have been jet setting I can't lie I'm partying a lot a lot of partying last night I was telling you how I was gonna be a bit better and behave on nights out but I'm sorry I literally did I did not keep that promise whatsoever yeah I didn't think you were gonna but I feel like your two trips were very different. I feel like New York is giving like girls trip, like very wholesome. And Monte Carlo is still wholesome,

but with Mystery Man. Yeah, okay, you're not wrong. But maybe we should focus on New York for now because it feels fitting to talk about that on the podcast, you know, because this whole podcast is about flirting. And yeah, you know, I'm still a single girl in New York. Not that I really got off to any of the lengths I am. But one of my favorite topics is flirting. I feel like I have a very big opinion on it. And I'm actually not

very good at it. I don't think I'm very good at it either, to be honest, which is really annoying because I'd love to be good at flirting. I feel like you, well, I feel like you actually are in real life, but we're very similar in the sense of like, our flirting is like sarcasm. And if you don't get that, it could go very wrong. So yeah, I love like, I can compliment someone. Mm-hmm. Same.

If I was complimenting a boy, I don't really know how i'd compliment them without being a bitch what do you mean like i couldn't be like i can't imagine well no i can't obviously i can imagine being like if someone looked really nice to be like oh you look really nice but i and i would probably say that but it's easier for me to be like oh I'm trying to think of an example of like what I would say like that um it's like it's like teasing isn't it in flirting yeah it's like teasing but sometimes it might get taken a bit too far so I'd be like oh I don't know like it doesn't really fit you right though does it or like oh I don't really like the color you

could have got it in a different color or that doesn't really match but I think I flirt the same I think I do the same sort of thing yeah but it takes the right person on the receiving end to understand that that is flirting yeah because you could say that to the wrong person and they'll be like oh my god she really doesn't like me she's actually just being horrid yeah which is why I think sometimes I don't even do it at all like I want to say something that like I think it's like flirty. I hate the word banter, but like it literally is like that. But I feel like I can't because it takes me a certain amount of time to get to know someone to know if they're going to be able to take it or not.

Me too. And I feel like I found this since being back on Hinge in the last like week or so. I'm gauging people's like flirting levels again and I've like spoken to some people who are like very much on my level very much flirty in that sort of sense and then some people who just don't get it and I'm like okay like straight away I can tell that like you're gorgeous and I fancy you but we would not get along in person because we just don't flirt the same way yeah no I get that I also think like how I think I flirt different on text than I do in real life but you get more time to think about

it don't you yeah and I also feel like when we're flirting on text we help each other the amount of times we message each other and we're like babe what can I say to this I must message like my entire girl group chat like guys got anything good i can write to this because you've learned something really good half the time when i'm flirting with people like on my phone it's not me flirting like you're looking at my face but it's saf and vice versa the all-new fan duel sportsbook Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves?

Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee.

Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Let's go I remember this one guy I met he was so well I was speaking to him online and he was so good at flirting and like it was constant though but like rinsing and like at first obviously I was giving

it back but in the end I was like bloody hell he's good at this. My friend Libby is just amazing at flirting. Like, she's the best flirter I've ever met. I love that for her. And I remember in the end, it was like, babe, you may as well just take my login details because you've actually sent more messages than I have. And if he meets both of us, well, he's going to think, well, this was who I was speaking to because it isn't her.

Yeah, because he'll start, like, bantering with you in real life and, like, flirting with you and you won't be able to give it back. He's getting nothing. And he's getting think well this was who i was speaking to because it isn't her yeah because he'll start like bantering with you in real life and like flirting with you and you won't be able to give it back he's getting nothing and he's getting it from her he'll be like what the fuck well hopefully he doesn't think it's that bad oh yeah hopefully my flirting's that bad but yeah okay well anyway before we deep dive into that i want to hear more about new york because we haven't really covered what did you get up to i know you went out a couple of times so i want the details any boys you met any flirting um yeah did do a couple of nights out I mean the thing is I went with well not actually my sister-in-law because they're not married but basically my sister-in-law my brother's girlfriend

and obviously she was in a relationship and I was also speaking to someone so nothing actually happened so I'm actually sorry to bore you there nothing actually happened but I did get a lot of oh my god this is one thing I noticed Americans how they flirt is so different to how we flirt American humor scares me because they don't get sarcasm no not at all I mean even if I wanted to flirt someone out there there's no way I could yeah they just don't it sarcasm no not at all I mean even if I wanted to flirt someone out there there's no way I could yeah they just don't it's so bizarre the one thing I did notice though was I love a good compliment but Americans it's like well their sense of humor but also the way that they flirt is just so different to us like they just do not understand sarcasm whatsoever um and the way that

like they would compliment me was almost like imagine the cringiest pickup line you've ever had on text was actually what they'd say in person like the unimaginable is what they would say in person i wanted i need an example oh i just can't even think i need you can't think um i got is it something like this because i got a really good one the other day and i thought what the fuck hang on Someone messaged me on Raya and I feel like it's always on Raya that you get the weird ones because it's a lot of American boys. Where is it? Oh, here we go. He put, my dad bod would fill your toned stomach like batter in a waffle iron. That's the sort of stuff they'll come up to you and say.

Like what? That is the sort of stuff they would actually come up to you and say. Like, don't get me wrong. It got me, I told everyone because I said, what on earth does this even mean? But like... I mean, that was a bit weird. Like that one for me, that's not even like, thank you.

You're saying I've got a toned stomach, but that's not really the compliment that I was looking for on Raya. Is it that sort of vibe? Yeah, like. Is it that sort of vibe? Yeah, like it literally is that sort of vibe. Like all the cringy pick up chat up lines that you've ever heard of.

Like you fell from heaven. Yeah, all of those. Like no, no, no, but they actually come up to you saying that but not like laughing. Like actually serious. Like someone

can't even remember what it was but it sunk about a sparkle in my eye and I just can't even remember now but I remember literally like my whole body felt like it went inside itself like it cringed so much I literally thought to myself oh you are joking I don't even know what to say because it's obviously

being nice but sure it's just not your sort of banter but that's not banter that's just well no like I like a compliment like tell me I look beautiful fine cute but to start giving me the whole spark have you dropped something you fell from heaven all that I'm not sure have you been watching Love Island games no I really want to I was watching it the other night and obviously because it's all people from like different series of Love Island so all the American Love Islanders are in there. And the way that they're trying to flirt with the UK Love Islanders is so painful to watch.

It's completely different. And all the girls, all the American girls are saying to the British guys, oh, are we going to finally understand what banter is? And they're making jokes about what banter actually is.

Because they were like, we don't know. So all the Jack Fowler and everyone is trying to give them actual British banter and it they're like making jokes about like what banter actually is because they were like we don't know so all the like jack fowler and everyone's trying to give them like actual like british banter and it just doesn't translate yeah they just don't get it so funny but to be fair i was seeing a guy from america and he didn't he did not like we did not have the same sense of humor whatsoever i almost felt like he was always so serious whereas like if you're an American girl you probably wouldn't have thought that but like as a British girl I was like Jesus Christ he's always so serious like he just did he yeah he just didn't get it whatsoever yeah and I feel like for both me and you I feel like we've both clarified that like our like flirting style and band style is very much like I'm gonna mess with mess with you. I'm going to really like wind you up a bit.

Like, and that is obviously not translated to a lot. Although I do want to balance though. I feel like, well, I feel like I can give it, but I can't always, like I can take it. But also I do actually sometimes just want a guy to be serious and just compliment me. I'd quite like that too. Yeah, of course.

Like I want like, if I'm like all dressed up and nice and everything, I want them to be like, oh, you look beautiful. Yeah. Like I don't want them to be constantly. Don't then start joking when I've just spent an hour to be like, oh, you look beautiful. Yeah. Like I don't want them to be constantly. Don't then start joking when I've just spent an hour and a half getting ready. You tell them. Yeah.

That sounded like that was coming from experience. Anyways. Yeah. So my trip to New York, it was really fun, but I just wasn't really like in the mood to like, nothing happened, put it that way. Nothing at all happened. Like I just, you know, I was already speaking to someone. I feel like I'm just a very loyal person from day one. So nothing happened. So I'm actually sorry to bore you. On the other

hand, you're not talking to anyone and you've got many nights out. So I feel like, can you explain, you know, any, anything that's happened recently? Any good flirting stories between you? I mean, obviously I was away, but like I didn't speak to anybody really when I was away. So I'll just do like, since back home, it was Halloween, went out on Halloween. Oh, this is very embarrassing. It did not happen. Just putting this out there before I start the story so I went out with my friend to group and one of my friends bought their boyfriend

um and he was I was just like making a joke like oh do you have any friends blah blah that would like fancy me like you know just like the it's just yeah yeah the usual and he was like oh actually yeah there is one person like he's actually really good looking so I looked at him and I was like oh my god yeah he's gorgeous actually stuff he's probably a bit more your type than my type I'll show you a picture after and you probably agree well you gotta describe him what does he look like he's giving Michael B Jordan vibe okay I'm sold so you're more your type than mine but I was like yeah he's gorgeous yeah um and then

so they were oh he was like i'll just message him so i messaged him and i just put smash like instead of like smash i just put smash i don't know what to say i need to stop with the hey you i was like that's just not going to get their attention anymore so i put smash and then he said something like when and where or like that. I can't remember what it was. And I was fit. I was fucked. So I put my postcode. I texted him.

I did. I texted him my postcode. Oh my God. Don't tell me you turned up. No. No, no. Because I didn't tell him my apartment number or anything. Like where.

So I just put my postcode. And then he sent me a message saying, let me know when you're done. I'll come pick you up. What? And I was like. Wait, so you haven't spoken to this guy ever before no and i like when i went when i messaged him saying smash i like it wasn't an in like a straight like i want to sleep with you tonight it was yeah just flirting so that's

probably any also an unintentional example of how flirting got taken a little bit wrong but yeah I mean that was kind of fun because he's gorgeous and I will be revisiting that message would you use that again

would you use that to message a guy first again I don't I don't maybe not to message first maybe like once I'm

talking to them yeah then you can reply to a picture or something reply to a story and be like smash like I feel like that's a more but I like reply to a picture reply to a story and be like smash I feel like that's a more but I like that line

when someone said to you that I was like yeah that's good and question when you messaged him and you said to him smash was that replying to a story or did you just straight up message him no oh my god

no that cringes me out okay if you replied to a story I get it he didn't have a story on and I don't follow him I think he's on private he's on a story on. I don't follow him. I think he's on private. He's on private. Oh my God, you don't follow him and you messaged him that.

Yeah, but like he was, because he was like, then my friend's boyfriend was messaging him being like, oh, I'm with her. So like it wasn't like completely out of the blue. Do you know what I mean? Well, it was obviously out of the blue, but you know what I mean.

Right. Wow, you really did have some guts that night. I really did. And I went out on Halloween. That was like my last like big night out with, I was out with Pretty Little Thing. Yeah, how was that? Did it get messy?

Oh, that was a messy night. We were in the box. And obviously, if you guys don't know what the box is, it's basically, how do you even describe it? It's just a really hard club to get into where they have a lot of sexual shows yeah it's full of celebrities and yeah yeah it pretty much is a sex show yeah it's like basically they perform for like i don't know 15 minutes and then there's like a break for like half an hour. And then everyone has to sit and watch again for like 50 minutes.

And it just constantly happens like that. By the way, I went to the box on Halloween in New York. Was it the same sort of concert? Exactly the same concert. But it was like a lot smaller. It was like really intense. But I think the one in London is tiny. No, it is small.

They are small. Yeah, they're really small. You get a full view of someone basically pissing in someone else's mouth. And like, I'm not even exaggerating. No, no, like full view. Someone pissed in someone's mouth. There was actually, oh my God, someone was telling me this story in New York, how their friends a couple of weeks, a couple of weeks before,

they're like minted, right? But they had spent loads of money on a table at the box. Oh, I can only imagine how much money it was. Like, yeah, you don't even want to know. I mean, I don't even want to know. It probably would make us feel physically sick, right? They bought this table. It was a whole family,

which, first of all, weirdest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, a whole family. But second of all, they all got pissed on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. that's a really that's a really common thing that's what i was gonna say apparently they were absolutely fuming yeah they were few but like the thing is i guess if you don't know what happens in the box like you're not gonna like everyone's heard stories about what happens yeah i've heard and i've heard stories about like cum being chucked on people.

Yeah, that's just, but the thing is, how can you actually enjoy it? I only went to the box because I was so drunk that I got dragged there. And that was, you know, like there's always, you know, like your last place you go to on a night out

and you're like, I just didn't need to go there. I should have just gone home. Yes. But then I'm not going to lie, I've always been so curious because the fact because like it's super I wouldn't be able to get in unless someone else got me in realistically like I don't know how it works I think you can obviously you can queue and stuff but people queue for hours um and I don't really want to be queuing for three hours just to go and get pissed on

so the first time I went I went with Magic Mike dancers and we went downstairs to these like furry bedroom sort of things and it was just so bizarre but then this time I went I was obviously a pretty little thing and we were in like the main bit where like the show is and obviously you're not allowed to film or anything that's why there's no videos because no one's allowed to get their phones out um and it was just wild I mean I was flirting with a fair few people that night cannot be named because all of them are in the influencer industry um and you don't want to name them absolutely not absolutely not will not be named I will tell you after and then if anything comes of one of them I will then put it on the podcast could

anything come from any of them um I don't really know somebody who I was speaking to messaged me after uh implying that they would like to potentially sleep with me which was a very big shock when I probably tell you who it is because I was like our conversation that night what's he come from can you just explain what he's come from like any huh YouTube YouTube oh my god I have no idea well I think well yeah I would I would say YouTube but maybe god I have no idea well I think well yeah I would say YouTube

but maybe not I reckon I know who it is I don't know if he went to the party text me now and I'll react to the camera and see if I got it right you're not him

but he was there and I did speak to him yeah so what did you flirt with him too yeah okay right so I don't okay wow you were flirting with loads of people that night anna this is the girl that said that she can't flirt i've seen you flirt in person you can flirt yeah i can flirt but i also think i had a bit of a complex that night

because i was dressed as a mermaid so i felt like i was a little bit more like on halloween i think i said this last night i feel like i had more confidence at night because I was like dressed up so I also had a lot to fucking drink like I went to Freedom after which is a gay bar in Soho and I lost my ID I fell off the stage I lost my ID forgot that Callum was even there to help me find my ID and didn't lift my head off the pillow until 4pm the next day. So the flirting was probably like the alcohol. I think it's easier to flirt when I'm drunk. This is what I was going to say, actually. I don't think I could ever go out on a first date, like if we're going out for dinner and not drink. I do just think that I need that drink just to flirt the first time I'm like out with someone. I feel like I just need that for the extra confidence.

Yeah, me too. Which is probably in my head. Like I probably don't, but. Maybe, yeah, maybe it just depends on mood. I mean, I could be in a really good mood that I might be able to flirt without, but I think it just takes the edge off of it and makes me a little bit less nervous. Yeah, me too. A hundred percent. To to flirt but I do love a flirt though like I actually do love it I've always said that I'm actually um yeah no so do I but I think do you know what that's why I prefer

um I prefer like okay so you you like like activity dates right no but where has this come from I've been on one activity day and everyone's like bless her she loves activity day she loves it I swear you love an activity day I it's because I did the cube last year so now everyone thinks I love it I do I do love one but I like maybe I don't I feel like I don't have as much confidence in dating now. So I feel like I'd be a little bit more nervous. I don't know. I feel like it's maybe just like coming out of a relationship early this year. And I haven't really dated since that because I haven't done it in so long that I'm a little bit like nervous to go on a date again. And I feel like doing an activity date I would do something stupid like

or like trip up or something and maybe I'm just overthinking it but I've thought about it so much I know it will happen right so in my head it like might be easier to now actually just go for a drink you can still trip up doing that you know I can I know my like I'll fall off the fucking chair but like do you know what I mean like I've it just makes me nervous but yes go on with what you were saying what I was gonna say is do you find it easier to flirt on a date like that than you would if you were at like a sat down meal I think if you're playing like a game then you can get a bit of like a competitive flirt sort of thing like you're definitely gonna lose like that's yeah yeah but maybe I don't know I feel like that gives you an that gives

you a topic to flirt on I think that's the difference like you don't really have to think about the conversation too much because you're focusing your mind on some something else whereas when you're sat at a table getting to know someone you're more likely going to have a bit of like a deeper conversation and eye contact as, which I feel like is a whole nother level of flirting. Me too. I love eye contact. You are really good. Well, you've told me actually,

you've told me many times that you're very good at eye contact. Yeah. I've noticed that you are. A lot of people always say to me, like when I'm flirting with them, they're like, you literally do not move your eyes off you. But I'm also like,

I kind of do it because sometimes, I'm not being a bitch but it can make people feel a little bit uncomfortable yeah it's like intimidating that it makes and then maybe that's my sort of like flirty banter like I'm gonna make you feel a little bit uncomfortable and a bit nervous do you know what I mean see I don't again I don't think I'm I don't think I'm very good at it like I actually think I'm a confident person but after a while I'm like well this is awkward look I don't know yeah I just don't think and you know what I feel good to eye contact go on yeah I don't think I'm

bad at it but so I don't think I do this at all but the amount of people that have said to me like not just dates just like friends and stuff too like oh have I got something like what are you looking at like thinking I'm looking at their lips and I'm literally looking at their face you have to I've noticed that with you before and I'm like I swear to god I'm not looking at your lips and just looking at your face I'm not just directly looking down your like eyes I have seen that you like sometimes when we're talking you look at my lips and I think but I don't look at your lips like I'm not looking at your lips well if you're doing that to a boy maybe that could get translated as flirting because if you're looking at their lips,

they're probably thinking she wants to kiss me. Okay, yeah, true. So I guess it's not too bad. No, so even though you're not looking at their lips, but it looks like you are. Yeah. So maybe that's a good thing. I do want to get better at eye contact,

but then I just feel like they're thinking, why is she literally... Like, are you staring down someone's soul? I'm... Well, I'm like, not... Yeah. Let's go. Upper Canada College inspires

boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realise their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting edge facilities and a-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th.

Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions, and that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special.

Let's go. Because I think if you look, if you're always looking around or like, you know, you're looking down and stuff, I think it gives off that you're a bit nervous see i'm not doing that i'm not like looking around i'm just not directly looking into their eyes and into their whole soul do you know what i mean so where are you looking but i'm just looking at them but like oh maybe i'm just deep in the eye contact thing maybe i am doing it but just not realizing yeah i think but like when you're next on a date with mystery man just that's tonight you know hey yeah what i'm on a date tonight is it yours no no no i'm going out with him for dinner

oh my god so i'm just gonna stare at his soul yeah you're just gonna stare into his eyes yeah and wait till i come back next week and i'm like, he said to me, why do you keep staring at me? And you're like, Anna told me to stare at you. It's not my fault. It's her flirting for me. But then that would be intimidating and I'm okay with that. I think intimidating is kind of fun. I like that.

So if you're going on a date then with Mystery Man tonight, how are you going to flirt with him him now because obviously you've been on a few dates now it's not like a first date sort of flirt um like in the sense of how is it different to when i first meet someone yeah well i think it's like you've already broken that like physical touch barrier so like for me i think i definitely flirt more like you know the more times I see them definitely of course just because I have more confidence I'm more I feel more like secure in the relationship or whatever we have and at that point you're going to understand what their sense of humor and their flirting is as well as if they can give it just as much as you can it makes it easier

yeah so for me I think if anything it's only heightened I feel like everything like that should always get better in a relationship like 100% me too I feel like it should just get better from that point onwards um and we I think both of us we definitely have the same sense of humor in the sense of like we rinse each other a lot but also the thing that I actually really like about him um is he's very like he will also compliment me like he's he even from like day one he's never been like shy about complimenting me but also he can like rinse me at the same time so it's like the perfect balance of both yeah yeah yeah yeah so but yeah so okay so can I get a little bit more detail what you're doing tonight to go for dinner we're just going for dinner yeah it's nothing that exciting

but I love a dinner date so no no activity day no activity day no we haven't done an activity day you know you need to do an activity day please just for me yeah well actually this weekend we are doing an activity day but it's a double day so I'll let you know how that goes it's a double day what it is huh he's with his friends yeah oh my god okay well actually triple date because friends and siblings so yeah but that's gonna be my first but thing is that cringes me out a bit less like because I love doing activities but I just would never want to do it as like a first date because you know that whole like flirting competitiveness I know that I'd be doing that but I'd be giving myself the ick yes babe I know because Saf's hinge profile every single prompt used to be about winning

yeah so we know yeah so we know that you're competitive and the thing is then every guy would assume that I wanted to go on an activity day and I'm like no I'm just competitive I still don't want to go on an activity day I'd still rather you run and dine me yeah let's take me out for a drink and we'll see how many drinks we can drink each that's my sort of like activity day. Literally. Okay, so flirting then in person, because I feel like I, when I put my question box, which I was going to speak about at the end of this podcast,

on my story, I felt very seen because I want to know if you agree with this. I find it easier to flirt with someone when I don't fancy them. But when I fancy them, I can't do it. But then do you flirt with people that you don't fancy them but when I fancy them I can't do it but then do you flirt people that

you don't fancy yes because the prime example of this is when you come up to Manchester last and we went out to Albersloss and that night when not just saying we were actually hounded at that bar yeah I did not fancy any of those people was i flirting with them all night absolutely for what reason but if because i like i think i don't i'm not nervous because i don't fancy them so i'm not really bothered so i can just flirt whereas like if i fancy someone at a bar i'm not going over to them i'm not i am the opposite you know in that sense we are very the opposite what are you like i can't flirt with someone that I don't fancy.

Yeah, but that's a good thing. I genuinely can't do it. That's a good thing because at least when you're flirting, it's not going to waste. No. I mean, I don't really think

I'm very good at it either way, to be completely honest. I don't think you're bad at flirting. No, I don't think I'm bad. I'm probably making myself sound a lot worse than I am. Yeah. But like,

it goes back to that whole, if I'm meeting someone new for the first time like I would never like you know how I've said before how I'd never got with a guy in a club before because I just find it like oh everyone's watching me no thanks um yeah I think it's like the same thing with flirting if like I'm out in public with someone I'm like oh this is like people can hear us and they know that we're flirting and they know it's our first date and this sort of like I just I don't know I overthink it I think maybe um but I yeah I definitely can't flirt with someone that I just don't fancy I completely get actually your point yeah it's not that I want to be flirting with someone that I don't fancy it's just that I find it easier because I think that I'm not worried about what they're necessarily thinking because I'm not

that they're not my type I'm not that attracted to them I don't know if that's a bad thing I just find it easier but it's good practice I guess it's good practice and I think it's probably come from living in Manchester to be honest because so many people are so flirty everywhere you go right like you you just will go out to albert's last i mean as your public experience and people just will come up to you like yeah when you came up to manchester and i feel like this is a prime example actually of when people don't know when to like take the hint because we were at a bar and these two really young boys were flirting with us and we were just not interested at all.

Was I flirting with him back? Yes. Yeah, but I actually was doing it in like a real like bullying sort of way. Right, but that is still your flirting. That is still my flirting. That's his flirting. He's going to take that as flirting. Yes, but a little part of me meant it. Yeah, but then how can you not expect him to, how can you expect him to get the hint if you're flirting with him?

Well, yeah, but it was, I remember it being very short and sweet, like one worded answers. And it was- No, but you actually, I would say, I would say you are very good with flirting with anyone. You are. You definitely are.

You have a lot of confidence. Yeah, I am good at flirting. But if I told you to go up and just go kiss someone, you would. Like you would be able to do that. Like, you would be able to do that. Like, I would not be able to do that. Well, when I was in Australia, I don't know if I've told about

the shut up and kiss me thing. I don't know. But this is a prime example of Anastasia, everyone. Just to let you know. This is, okay, this was very last year behavior. I would not do this anymore

because I'm actually trying to find a husband for anybody who's listening. Would you um well probably not anymore i feel like i just did it because it was like our last hour in australia but my friend sophie dared me to do this thing called shut up and kiss me where i literally had to go up to a random guy and just say shut up and kiss me what if they had a what if they had a girlfriend well hopefully they would have said do you know what i mean i remember i went up to him and i just went just shut up and kiss me and he just went okay and just kiss me and there's a video there's a video of me i can't put it

anywhere like and i basically didn't realize that he was wearing these little sliders so we had like it literally said little on his sl And I was, but I didn't see this. So then my friends are all filming me necking this guy in the middle of Cairns as he's wearing these Lidl sliders. So then someone come up and whispered in my ear whilst I was kissing him. He's got, look at his sliders. So I looked down, I saw his sliders.

I picked the slider up and I'm like waving it above our head as we're kissing, like off his foot. Anyway, it worked. He was obsessed. He followed me that night to my like um dorm room what's it called maybe it's a dorm i don't know hostel room stayed outside my room for three hours dorm room stayed outside my room for three hours and kept banging on the door

asking if i was going to sleep with him didn't say any words to me he didn't know my name what is with guys and being so forward with you i think maybe you flirt too much and this is why because they're all very forward there's a common thing that we're getting is all these guys want to sleep with you i only said shut up and kiss me i said five words i think though like that takes a lot of confidence yeah it must do and to be honest he actually wasn't bad looking and you know the weirdest thing right i have all the people i could have picked in this club bearing in mind this it's huge there was thousands of people i see him at the gate at the airport the next day he's on my flight yeah that's crazy out of everybody because everyone was pissing themselves like oh my god

he's over there yeah that what is that's another thing with you you keep like seeing the same people that you've been with but I just find so weird yeah I always do that I don't know why maybe there's just unfinished business with lots of people but anyway I mean I wish I had the confidence to do that I I just don't think yeah I just I oh god yeah like I said I think I'm a competent person but I don't think I could One thing I do think I'm good at, although I say I'm not very good at like giving eye contact on a date, one thing I would say that I'm very good at is eye contact.

Like, I don't know, maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. Like in a club, I could always get a guy's attention with eye contact. That is one thing I feel like I've mastered to the point where when I was in LA with my friend Millie, she said to me, how do you keep doing it? How do you keep doing it? And I was like, what, what, what? And she was like, they all keep like coming over to you because of eye contact.

And so I remember the next day I spent like an hour with her showing her what I do with eye contact. Okay. Well, I want to know what you do. How do you do eye contact now? Oh, but I've showed you this before and I can't do it on camera because it's going to make me cringe. Is it the whole little like look up and down at them? Yeah, it is that sort of thing.

I feel like that I'm quite good at. I would say, yeah. But that's easier for me than going up to someone. I'd rather that than they can come over to me. Yeah, of course. If they come over to me,

I will be able to flirt. But I would not be able to do it by going over to them. But then there's one thing, okay, so there's flirting in a club, but then let's switch it, and obviously flirting over message. How, like we were saying earlier,

I feel like my type of flirting is bullying. Not in a bad way, but that is sort of my way of flirting. So like, how does that like is that your way of flirting over text um yeah yes definitely over text well I know it is in real life too yeah yeah it is I feel like it's that like I feel like teasing is considered a form of flirting because it can be playful right and it's like a I don't know like a light-hearted way to I don't know like be fun with someone I think it's kind of like easier in a way than flirting in person because I'm not having to be so quick with it

which is why I find it easier because obviously in person you're having a couple you've got to reply straight away and also as well I do think flirting does take confidence and anyone could be confident behind a screen we know that yes so I feel like that's probably why all of us give a bit more on text also I feel like it's a good way to figure out what someone's sense of humor is like there's definitely times where like I've said things and like people have taken it so the wrong way and bear in mind like I've never even ever been like mean like I would never I don't know I think I remember this with when you speak into someone at some point are you gonna say about that message on Raya do you remember that in ibiza yeah i think it might

be this what i'm thinking of i just can't like there's blanks in my head about the story but i just remember they took it really wrong oh my god it was so wrong guys this uh this guy i'm not gonna be able to find it now but this guy had messaged me this isn't even like well it's kind of what i thought this is quite a good reply but he had sent me like a rose like just like a rose emoji and I thought what the hell

am I supposed to write to that so I can't remember how bachelorette works now but someone had told me how it works and you're meant to give your final rose or something or something like that

and I had replied oh I actually need to find it because it's going to annoy me anyways you should see how offended Jesus Christ he was yeah he was like and this wasn't

banter offended he was annoyed oh yeah like it was fucking rude okay so this guy sent me a rose and i don't know if people know how bad it was i didn't know but the girls again because i'm getting the girls to help me for a reply i don't even know where i applied like really that's all he's sending me like i don't even know why I bothered replying to be honest we were heavily in our single girl era that's why yeah and to be honest I was very drunk at this point I was actually very drunk I didn't realize how drunk I was and so I applied saying am I on the bachelorette and is that your last rose because I think that's going to be like a good thing right I think yeah and then he replied saying I have no idea if you're on bachelorette and no I could send that rose a thousand times over,

which is like a bad thing on the show, if that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're meant to give your one rose away. So I just replied saying, lighten up. I've never heard from Vincent. But anyways, he took that really, really badly. And that wasn't even me being sarcastic and do you know what he was American so well there you go oh we're offending every American there's definitely

some that do get our sense of humor it's very different it is I think I just prefer British flirting in general and I think we just understand it more yeah well I have a few because obviously I've been back on Ryan Hinge. I need to first of all tell you, the one from earlier guys, the one he messaged me about, my toned stomach. I replied at half two in the morning.

Oh no. So he said, my dad bud would feel your toned stomach like battering a waffle iron. Can I just say something? What made you think you think oh i want to reply to this guy um he's gorgeous okay fair enough he's from raya but i always can't screenshot and send you but i show you how he's gorgeous anyway i fucking put i can think of something that you can fill my stomach with better oh my god that might be my favorite thing you've ever ever said that wasn't me someone else did tell me to put that that wasn't my i can't take credit for that one someone did tell me to put it and then he put my famous lasagna with homemade

bechamel. Oh no, he really had a good reply there and that's what he came up with. Are you joking? Then he put, was saving it to be a showstopper for the third date, but if you insist. So we've just gone from me saying, let's get at it to you making me a homemade lasagna. Yeah, he's which it's just anyway that one was wasted on someone who didn't get my banter yeah that was that was a wasted that was a wasted one what about do you have any more like um pick up lines or ways that people have flirted with you ones that you think have been good and successful and ones that haven't?

Well, this one, I've only just seen this one because I've just gone on to Raya. This guy is from LA and he put, do you sleep good at night knowing that you'll be a MILF one day? Wow. I don't think that's awful.

I don't think it's awful. I don't think that's awful. This one, this is from Hinge. This is bizarre, right? I just think this is so much. much so he messaged me so he liked one of my pictures and then one of his prompts was can you win me over so i just replied to it and i put i reckon i can win you over i didn't have anything to follow up with so i just put

that right he said no i don't think you're ready for this long paragraph he sent me he put why is that then anastasia that name reminds me of 50 shades of gray so i just put haha i get that a lot not a bad thing to be fair because i just i did not care i was so over the conversation i just i don't even want anything from this he sends me this paragraph which does i don't know if it was because it doesn't make sense he put come show me then then maybe we'd have something solid and long term because that's what i'm after now it's not a bad thing i love the music to 50 shades tell me what relationships or situations etc you have at the moment i've been busy at the gym and collecting my meals why don't we facetime this evening that was all one message yeah like one

message in one paragraph right to me just saying haha i get that a lot not a bad thing to be fair yeah that's that's the weirdest that was i mean that's already flirting is it it was the end why don't we facetime this eve love a facetime absolutely love a facetime for the second message in to end a paragraph like tell me about your relationships and situationships that you've got at the moment and then oh let's just facetime yeah weird i just thought it was bizarre i was like then it i literally came off hinge like three days after that because i thought i can't be fucked with this rbc avion visa lets you get there your way whether you want to suit up for peak ski season or spring break with the whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock or even book last minute and go on a whim choose from over 130

airlines on last minute or peak season travel with no points hike switch to rbc avion visa and get up to 55 000 bonus avion points limited time offer conditions. Visit rbc.com slash Avion. Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Involuntary deal squeals can happen, like the deal on new running shoes squeal, the deal on a new blender squeal, or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal.

Save big on electronics, fashion and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. I think there was a good one, actually, because I was speaking to this guy for a bit but guys he has ghosted me which is really sad no yeah he's ghosted me well he hasn't he hasn't replied to me for three days but like he did he didn't reply to me for like two days and then replied and then we had another conversation and now he's not replied to me again for three days but we mentioned about meeting up on this particular, like on a weekend, which has like, I don't want to say what date, but it hasn't happened yet.

So I'm like wondering if he's just going to message me nearer the time and be like, are we still on for this day? I don't think so. He's not replied to you for three days. And I don't think you want to meet someone that hasn't replied to you for three days. So no. That's your answer to that one.

Thank you. Very straight to the point. Got it. No, like why would you want to go meet no I know I can't message you back I know because we were having such a good conversation for the first two days like yeah but there's no way he's no no one's busy enough for three days I'm sorry I know like I and also I can see him for you in my Instagram stories oh you're joking oh Oh no, scrap him off. So it's kind of like, yeah, it's kind of like, no, thank you. Now that your standards are like being met with this mystery man,

I'm like, I'm not taking anything fucking less. But this conversation come up from, he adds on his Hinge profile about searching up the IMDB rating of every film, which I've like never done this. You know, like when you search a rating. I do never done this you know like when you search I do do this you know do you? I mean not every film no but like if I really don't know what it's going to be

like I'll have a look at the rating on there yeah well I put do you actually do this and he put yes anything under a 6.5 is instantly off the card so I put maybe I need to check this then and he put get out of here you aren't real and I put what maybe I need to check this then. And he put, get out of here, you aren't real. And I put, what?

I was like, I thought like, I don't understand how you put her. I just put her, you've put me onto something here. You put, no, you aren't real, why are you catfishing?

And then it took me fucking ages to try and prove to him that it actually was me. He didn't believe it was me. And then we flirted after that. And now I've been ghosted again. Guys, I'm sick of this shit getting ghosted

this episode's not about ghosting this episode's about flirting yeah and my flirting's not working and your flirting lead him into ghosting and my my flirting is actually into ghosting this has happened three times to me now with guys who like our flirting has been so good our band has been so good they've all ghosted me and maybe though you actually do need to compliment people like guys more because one thing i've actually realized about guys is like they they actually love it more than we love it that is actually one thing i've learned is men love being complimented even more so than us girls and i'm not even joking there's this whole like be mean to keep them keen completely

agree with it but let me tell you you ask the guy's opinion for something like even if it's a photo which one should I post that that will actually win them over like I'm not joking I just feel like they don't let on how much they enjoy a compliment and so maybe you do need to be a bit nicer I need to take a leaf out of your book and you're going to help me to flirt with some of these people on Hinge because I'm kind of getting sick of it now because I really like some of these conversations

that I'm having and then I just don't get a response. And I'm like, maybe I just need to call them handsome. Maybe. Well, no, maybe not the first message. Well, you know what? Yeah, do you know what?

I just say how I feel. That's honestly me. Like, I feel like I, I flirt over text definitely, but I definitely also just say how I feel because I also just don't, that they are then just going to meet me and just think I'm not that person. I know. It's so hard, isn't it? Do you know what we need to do one day? What we need to do is get all your Hinge messages and all your Instagram messages and we need to sit here on the podcast and reply to them together.

We actually need to sit and do that. To be honest, that would actually be really fun because I had someone, I love it, I'm not going to lie, when someone from Raya messaged you on Instagram instead and instead of messaging on there because I can't be fucked to speak on there and someone said my DMs yesterday and they just put when's our first date and I thought how on earth

have you found me it's definitely from Raya oh but you hadn't matched him Raya no oh but he's put when's our first date it's okay you tell me now what should I put and I'll reply oh we'll reply together I'll reply to him now okay so he's literally just put when's our first date just put when's our first date

so you can help me flirt please because my flirting is leading to ghosting oh god now i'm feeling the pressure because i'm literally on the camera right now he but just for um context you're gonna love this babe he lives in paris and miami wow yep so who is he i want to know he's a tennis player oh okay he's fairly good looking as well i'm not mad about it is he young yeah he hasn't got his age in i'll just screenshot and i'll show you who it is i'll just send his profile actually that'll be quicker how old is he he's not he's not got his age in his bio i don't know i'd maybe say like 25 he's not necessarily my type but but again you're just gonna go bother flirting with someone that

isn't even your type no i just need your help with how to flirt and this is a good example um oh god i have a little bit of pressure now on around here okay so he literally just put when's our first date yeah that's all literally just put when's our first date? Yeah, that's all he's put, when's our first date. I would put something along the lines of, the thing is you don't actually want to go on a date with him. What would you? I mean, babe, if you're flying me to Paris or Miami,

let's fucking do it. Yeah, I would honestly put something like that. If it was me, genuinely. Like, hand on my mouth, that is the sort of stuff that i would write i'd be that like in that sense you're so forward as a person so i don't know why you wouldn't be should i just put where should i just put away you fly me first um or is that too forward well that's actually i don't want to pay for my flight i'm paying for my i don't want that but like do i put that i don't know that's true and you don't want a guy to think that you that he needs to pay for your flight yeah I don't want that. But like, do I put that? I don't know. No, that's true. And you don't want a guy to think that he needs to pay for your flight.

Yeah, I don't want that at all. But like, yeah, you don't need that. But I just don't know whether that's... Not us giving it all the, oh my God, we can flirt. And now it's come to one thing and we're like, um, I can't do it. No, because I don't know.

Oh, I don't know. I feel like it's really easy for me if I'm typing it rather than sat here thinking what to say okay I'm gonna put I heard Paris is really nice this time yeah yeah yeah

it's really nice I think that's a good reply because it's it's clear that you want to but also it's not saying you need to pay for my flights because she's an independent queen and it's quite right she could pay for herself exactly you tell him yeah look at this although actually he can make the trip to you because quite frankly you're not gonna go make a trip for a boy can't lie i don't think manchester manchester weather ain't doing it for a first date right now but no true would prefer okay

but if he actually said come meet me in paris would you do it no what if he had booked what if he had booked it would you do it well okay I don't fancy him enough but if it was someone that I really fancied and I had time to just randomly go to Paris for two days yeah fuck it why not for the plot would you pay for yourself and go there oh yeah yeah no I'd pay myself really I don't I yeah I'd pay for myself just because I'd like if I didn't I don't know I just feel a bit odd if I'd never met him before and then he sends me flight details yeah because then I guess like if you wanted to leave you'd feel like you wouldn't be able to leave because he's paid for me yeah like if I'd already met him before and I knew

who he was and he wanted to pay for me that's so lovely oh my god thank you so much but not no not like never meeting him before he's just replied straight away it's not great you put it kind of cold but yeah it is oh well that's a that's a dead reply why is he asking you out for a date to then put that of the amount of effort that we just put into this response i'm not happy with that yeah and he's not really selling it to you is he what do i put then i know i mean that was me so i don't know do you want do you want to like i think the problem is here is you're wasting too much of your flirting flirting with the wrong people one you don't even fancy him and two look at his reply so what even is the point don't even waste your energy babe this is what i mean when i do flirt i i'm getting

ghosted so i might as well carry on with this one i don't even want to flirt with you're flirting with wrong people because look they have dead chat like him it's giving me a headache i just boys it's so much effort anyway i will quickly reply just to see if you reply something else oh my god anna what would you do what would you put like i wouldn't reply that is what i would do okay well then what would you do if he sent you flight details i probably thought well you're really selling it to me that's probably what i'd put because i'd be thinking that's a shit reply okay i'll put that you're really telling me you're gonna get a great response back from that babe I didn't get a great response from the flirt don't need to stress about that so obviously

as you can tell I find flirting very challenging recently because I keep getting ghosted so I'm not getting the chance to flirt but I did put a Q&A box on my story asking you guys if you find flirting easy or if you find it challenging and I feel like to be honest I had a pretty strong 50-50 split with the answers like really yeah a few of the examples are easy especially if I don't fancy the guy which is what I mean okay easy I'm such a flirt flirt. If I don't like them, then it's easy. Flirting with a stranger who you don't like is so much easier. But I feel like from a lot of these people saying it's easier, maybe they'd have more confidence. Yeah, because they don't fancy them. So it's not, it's crazy how that works, isn't it? It's so weird how it works. But as soon as I saw people

say it, I was like, that is so true because that is me on every night out. But then on the other hand, a lot of people are saying challenging because I always feel awkward. Challenging as some boys will just start sending stuff that I'm not interested in.

Oh my God, someone else. Yeah, someone else put, I feel like I can flirt with anyone, but when it comes to someone I actually like, I'm so bad. Yeah, but I think we all do that to a certain degree because I think you overthink things as well no and you're probably a little bit more nervous because you're caring about what they think yeah yeah yeah whereas there's that mentality of like fuck it if you don't fancy them 100 but I think for all of these people who are saying it's easier to flirt I think they just

have a little bit more confidence in the flirting field which I need to gain a little bit more of what was on your story so I then put a question box like a poll on my story basically asking people um how do you keep flirting fun in a relationship and this is something that I obviously think you eventually will have to like work on when you're with someone for so long because yeah it's you know it's one of those things you really have to keep up um and I love this reply someone put you're still trying to keep them no you're still trying to get them keeping the magic alive is the best part I've been with mine honestly it's hard but keeping the magic is what it's all about you still need to flirt like you're still first together which I think is is so true. Me too. You do. You do. I feel like that keeps the spark

there. That keeps it like exciting still, like however far down the line you are. And I feel like that's the reason, well, one of the reasons why you like that person so much, because you can flirt with them and you can have fun with them. Yeah yeah and that's why I think it's good to have that sort of like um I hate the word banter but like that sarcasm banter yeah like flirty playfulness because I think that almost will keep the spark alive more than anything a hundred percent and even if like their way of you know keeping that spark there and flirting is like just going on a nice little date night occasionally or just doing something just them two or something them two love to do. I feel like that's like such a nice way of just keeping the spark there and gives you

alone time to be able to flirt with your partner. Yeah. This one says, text each other naughty things whilst in the room with other people. That's kind of fun though. I mean, I've actually done that before. Yeah, I think that's so fun. I've seen people that's kind of fun though i mean i've actually done that before yeah i think that's so i've seen people like tiktoks of people doing that they've said to their boyfriend something and they filmed their boyfriend's reaction like in a full family room yeah yeah well actually oh my god that reminds me right sorry a bit going off

topic but someone i know right so she was around her boyfriend's house and it's her boyfriend's friend. Her boyfriend's friend had messaged her basically something really sexual and flirty as they were across the room from each other even though

it's his best mate's girlfriend. And you, like this happened. How nuts is that? That's, why the fuck Obviously she ended up

telling her boyfriend but in the moment she didn't know what to do. But imagine that. Why on earth would the friend, like why? Oh, it's bizarre. That is so weird.

Surely he doesn't think he's going to gain anything out of that. Of course, when she sat next to her boyfriend which is his best friend. Yeah, weird. Are you joking? I know, it's so weird.

But I actually do think those sort of things is what kind of keeps the spark alive. No, me too. I think stuff like that's so funny. I actually do think those sort of things is what kind of keeps the spark alive no me too I think stuff like that's so funny I think what we've realized is maybe you are a little bit better at flirting than me well I'm not sure I don't know about that it seems like you're very well it's weird because you're a very forward person in real life so maybe you just need to be a bit more forward on or no but you are i don't know i don't know yeah maybe i'm just flirting with the wrong people i think so i think you're

wasting your energy on the wrong people yeah you are you're flirting with people that don't know how to flirt back a hundred if they can't flirt back with you why are you spending so much effort in trying to flirt with them that is very true and i think you know i it's even when i do find someone that's on my level they're fucking ghosting me but i'm gonna keep at it hopefully guys i will have some good flirting stories to tell you in the next few weeks and i will i will be staring down his soul tonight yes that is what i want to hear that is what i want to hear and don't think you got out of the monte carlo update either because in an episode soon i want to hear. That is what I want to hear. And I don't think you got out of the Monte Carlo update either because in an episode soon, I want to know everything that happened

because I still don't know everything that happened. You will eventually, you'll know everything. Yes, I'm buzzing to hear. But thank you so much for listening, guys. I really hope you've enjoyed and learned some stuff about flirting. Probably didn't. Or yourself. Or maybe what you're good at with flirting,

maybe what you need to improve on. Exactly. And then join us again on Thursday because we're going to do a little like a this or that, snog, marry, avoid. Oh, I'm excited. It's like some good people.

I pick people that Anna knows, so it's going to make you feel very uncomfortable. Me too, baby girl. I was giggling in bed last night thinking, ha ha, she's going to answer this on the podcast. Okay. Thank you so much for watching and we shall see you on

Thursday's episode bye everyone bye