Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 34. A moment for the single girlies

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

Yes Saff has left her single girl era and honestly, we love to see it. It is cuffing season, after all! But today's episode is an ode to singleness and Ana's positive perspective on embracing being uncoupled. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Sex Slides and DM Slides. Happy Thursday. Happy Thursday. It means it's time for the second episode of the week. Whatever you're doing right now, though, do definitely go and pause quickly and make sure you're following all of our episodes. The last episode, well, was a big, a big change actually, because I've actually left my single girl era. And so it's all about minding relationships. So if you want to jump on and listen to that, definitely do go and do so. And also while you're there, we would love you forever if you could give the pod a five-star rating. If you're enjoying it it I feel like we've dished out some dirt this season so it deserves a five-star rating yeah it really helps us to keep

making the podcast um honestly and I just I love the routine of just recording every week um I actually can't believe we've been here like a whole month already it's flying by like it's going so quick yeah um and a lot has happened in the past month, like I literally just mentioned. With myself leaving my single girl era, there was a big update last episode. And I feel like, honestly, the last month we've gone through it all. We really actually have.

We really have. I mean, I'm still kind of going through it all. I'm doing it for the single girlies here hi everyone still very single um back in my hinge era i mean i didn't say that that long ago so you never know give it a month this is what i mean i feel like you've given me hope in the sense of like anything can actually happen like when you least expect it yeah and I feel like it's always going to be when you least expect it but I feel like this is a really great episode as the last episode was all about my new relationship let's talk about being single because I feel like there's a big stigma about being single um and there's lots of like assumptions

that are made but first question I want to ask is, are you genuinely happy being single? You know what, I feel like my answer changes every single day as a whole. Yes, because I feel like I've been very open on the pod in the sense of like, I literally split up with my boyfriend because I wanted to be single and I wasn't ready to be in a relationship um so yeah I am happy being single but I feel like also you're always gonna have those days where like no matter how independent I feel like I want to be and no matter how like single I want to be you're always gonna have times where you wish you had a boyfriend there for a cuddle or like you wish you just had you know what I mean like I'm a very affectionate person I love just laying on the sofa and having a cuddle with someone so like little things like that I'm like oh yeah I kind of wish I had a boyfriend especially now

it's coming up to like coffin season we're entering winter with like winter wind land stuff like I would love to go and do cute dates with like someone else but as a whole yeah I feel like I'm happy in my single girl era not happy to be back on hinge that was something I really wasn't like that was that was a depressing moment yeah I wasn't like jumping for well actually the night I joined I was jumping for joy I was like amazing we've got like loads of fresh boys on here that I haven't seen before and now I'm matching with everybody that like I've already matched with and it's getting a bit awkward yeah yeah okay yeah I feel like that is the worst part about being single is like having I don't know having to go through the frogs like it's just having to yeah making the effort

like you're not going to meet anyone if you don't speak to them like it's this is what i mean this is like unless i try i'm not going to meet anybody but also i think i'm taking hinge with a completely different approach this time i feel like i'm going into it as like i'm not necessarily looking for anything but if it happens it happens yeah which i think is actually a really good mindset yeah so you're less likely to get heartbroken because I think I think it's sometimes good to actually have your guard up like I really do because therefore you are allowing yourself not to get hurt but also not like fully keep your guard up but you're you and I aren't like that as people we are very uh like affectionate people and like you know our dream is to being a loving relationship and you know we love is to being a loving relationship and

you know we love the idea of that rather than just like going out and being single and do you know what I mean so I feel like we're never fully gonna have our guard up let's go I'm going back to university for zero dollar delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. I've definitely had that era of my life where I've been out I've lived my single best life and I've absolutely loved it but like as I'm getting so I'm getting older I'm literally still 23 we're still so young I speak I speak like I'm like 35 like I genuinely don't know if I but like we're still so young so much of my life left ahead of me and I've just felt like I'm like 35 like I genuinely don't know if I but like we're still so young so much of my life left ahead of me and I've just felt like I've got to the point now where I know I'm going to meet someone I'm meant to meet someone do I think my time to meet someone is right now I'm not sure I don't know I just get that I feel like this year no we're nearly into this year

though to be fair we're literally in November but next year I feel like this year though, to be fair. We're literally in November. But next year, I feel like next year is going to be the year of the boyfriend. We said that in like last season of the podcast. We said this year will be the year of the boyfriend for me. And it was, I had my first relationship. But next year, I have a good feeling about next year. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's good. I feel like you are the best advocate

for thriving and embracing your singleness. I was also until not long ago but I now can't say that but like you really are though like I feel like you deal with being single better than I do but I think it's also you're very independent but is there like any advice you know for like all the single girlies listen to this right now I think how do you embrace it I think one to realize that you're like you're not alone because I understand that when you're single and a lot of your friends are in relationships and stuff it can genuinely feel like it's a you problem and you'll sit there and

question yourself and be like is it me there must be something wrong with me and it's not that in the slightest it just means you haven't met your person yet. And I think some people meet their person when they're younger and they are super lucky and they can grow with their person and spend their whole entire life with that person. And then some other people won't meet that one person until they're 40. I just think it happens at different stages for everyone. And I feel like social media nowadays makes everyone feel like by the time they're 25, they should met that person, be thinking about getting engaged, be thinking about having kids because that's what like society says they should do. Whereas I've kind of come to

terms with the fact that like what I thought was going to happen when I was 18 probably isn't going to happen anymore. You know, I thought I was going to be engaged by 26, 27. I thought I was going to have kids by 28, which is five years now. And I can't really see that in my future anymore. But I always said 24, but I can assure you that's not. That's what I mean. I think when we're so much, when we're younger, like you have such an ideal situation in your head, but as you get older, you realize that's not very realistic at all. And it is for some people and that's amazing that's great you know I know people who've got kids at this age and they love it but for me my whole like

expectation kind of went out the window because I genuinely did think I'd probably be in a long-term relationship by now and my longest relationship is literally like three months but um yeah but yeah yeah I don't know I guess it's hard isn't it because like your last one ended on your doing so it's not like you're I don't know constantly like getting rejected and you know anything like that like it's still your choice even though even if you did it's like you said it's you haven't met your person yeah it's so hard to see that when someone does reject you or ghost you. Like, it really is. I mean, I still get... It hurts.

It hurts. Like, I have been back on Hinge, like I've said, and I've matched with a couple of people who I've really enjoyed speaking to, and they've ghosted me. And I'm like, what have I said? Like, what I don't understand. Like, is it a me problem?

But I just think when it wasn't meant... It's not. It's not you. I think that's what everyone needs to figure out is it's not like it's just not a you person it's so much easier saying that when you're not in that position though and you're talking about someone else but just from like my personal point of view like a while a while ago we obviously did a episode about ghosting and I was saying there's one time this is the only time I'd ever been ghosted but my god did it hurt like it hurt me so bad like to the point where I actually started like disliking

everything about myself I'm not even joking and my best friend kept saying to me like it's nothing to do with you it's all to do with him and blah blah and I just I didn't listen to her obviously like I appreciated it but I really didn't listen to her obviously like I appreciated it but I really didn't listen to her and now I'm out of that situation I fully understand that like it fully is a him problem like that was his own problems it really is but when you're in that situation like it just feels like it's you because yeah it's so hard to see any it's so hard to see anything else I remember I kept saying to my best friend like I don't understand like what doesn't he like about me and I literally like

when I tell you I picked myself apart I was in a bad place like a bad place this is someone I was speaking to as well I wasn't even with him like I don't even know why I was but they hurt the most so badly they do they really do like situationships or like random little like talking stages that last two weeks you'll think about

for months but my relationship that I had like fine yeah make it make sense it's so bizarre it's so bizarre

I feel like we do talk about that on the ghosting episode a lot though so there's no point in like completely diving into that again yeah so guys you're probably listening right now um and you know just hearing about how anna's thriving in her singleness um but i feel like that just isn't always the case is it i do feel like there's a lot of like assumptions that are made around being

single and how by the way guys I can't get my words out today I keep saying the word single I don't know what I'm saying um but yeah I feel like there's a lot of assumptions that are made around it and how if you're single like you're always like wanting to be in a relationship like do you find this like and also pressure to be in a relationship when you're single yeah I think there's so much pressure nowadays because like if you it's such a common question when you meet someone is are you in a relationship do you have a boyfriend like everybody will ask that question which is fair like it's a very common question to ask and then if you say no they're like oh you're like are you looking blah blah

it's just such a it's just something that everybody speaks about everybody asks about and it was only I went away to a lodge a couple of weekends ago and I spoke to one of my best friends Freya because she's been single her entire life and she's nearly 25 um and I was speaking to her about it and I was like do you feel the need to have a boyfriend or to go on dates and stuff. And she said, no, she's been on dates with two different people in our whole entire life. And she feels no need whatsoever to do it. Nor does she even really want to do it. She was like, I've just kind of like come to terms with accepting the fact that it will happen when it happens. And it, which I thought was so nice to hear because like the fact she's one of my best friends and we'd never had really had that conversation before yet we feel the exact same

like I'd always known that she'd really go on dates and stuff but I've never thought of asking why so like I'm really glad I did because it made me feel very much less alone in the fact of like how single I am yeah there is so much pressure on it like nowadays and I think that just I think it's always gonna be the pressure is probably only going to get worse. That just is how society is. But hopefully, if you listen to this podcast and you're single, you can take a word from me. Being single can actually be very fun.

I really enjoy it. I am. Even though we were talking about flirting last week, and I was saying I'm not very good at flirting, I am such a flirt. That just is my favorite thing to do. love it I love going out and flirting with people and just I'm just used to doing that like I don't know I really like being a flirt um I just love like the thing is though when you're in a relationship you can still be so independent and you can do what you want to do like independent and you can do what you want to do. Like that is what,

obviously do what you want to do within reason. You know what I mean? Yeah. But obviously, but I, I love being independent. I love just doing things on my terms,

but maybe I've just got a little bit too comfortable doing that. Maybe that's the problem. Like when I have a boyfriend now, I'm not sure how I'm actually going to handle it. Because I'm so used to being single. Yeah, so you are very very independent but then yeah you just need to meet someone that's very much like you like you just need to meet someone that's also independent like yeah I think I need to be with someone who's very independent and who's not like not like being relying on each other's a bad thing because I also want that in a relationship, but because of how busy I am

and how busy we are as people, having someone who is also similar, I think is such a key. If I could put that on my hinge prompts, I would. But I wouldn't know how to word that. Why don't you do a voice note? Why don't you do one of those voice notes? Oh, the fucking voice prompts.

Steal it from the board. We should do, like on one of these little bonus episodes where you can help me rearrange my profile because it's not looking great at the moment it could be a lot better and then we could do a voice problem maybe you could do my voice prompt for me I always wonder as well like obviously I'm not gonna be on dating apps now but like I always wonder like what pictures you would choose for me and vice versa yeah well maybe you could choose my pictures yeah I'd love to choose your pictures and also I always think to myself like if a girl's ever or a guy's ever shown you a picture like what is my this is her photo like I want to know that I've always wondered

that right because very embarrassing to admit I've bought a hinge plus so I can see who likes me um because I was just really curious and I was going through like what photos the boys had like reacted to just because I was curious as to what one would be like their favorite and so many people picked one photo that I did not think they were going to pick really what photo was it it's the one of me in LA when I'm in like that bando dress and it's all black behind me and I was at Nobu and my hair's in a bun I don't even think

I remember that I'm going to have to go for a little stalk on your Instagram yeah it's on my Instagram it was only a couple of posts down ago but everyone was saying

and like people were messaging me like this should be in the Hinge Hall of Fame and I was looking at the picture like I never would have picked that

as my favourite picture of myself ever but it was a very popular one amongst the boys so maybe we'll keep that one on there because that was drawing quite a lot of attention to my profile um but you can pick the rest of my pictures yeah I'll let you do it I would actually love that as the world's population grows so does the need for resources like potash to support sustainable food production.

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TD and your small business go together like... TD's small business account managers have in-depth business banking expertise, so they can give you the advice and resources you need to make your day-to-day easier. So if you're ready to meet your small business match, we're ready for you. Visit td.com slash small business match to book an appointment with one of our advisors. Let's go. our advisors. A question just going back onto the assumption thing. I don't know if you ever found

this. I always had like quite long term relationships. So I didn't really find this as a such. But I wondered if you found this because one of my friends were having this conversation the other day so she's never been in a relationship before and when she goes out on a date with guys she goes out dating and when she does they always assume that like there's something wrong with her or something because she hasn't had like a long-term relationship or like yeah I don't know like she must do something like she must be a psychopath or like, I don't know, like she must do something, like she must be a psychopath or like something like that just because of that. Now, I know you've had a relationship, but obviously it's very short term. Do you ever like, whenever you speak to guys or even not just

guys, just like people in general, do you think anyone ever has an assumption that you're a certain way because you haven't had a long-term relationship? I think so. I think people have always really shocked by it. They're always like, that's so strange that you've not really had a proper relationship when you're 23 like why is that I think people I don't really know what they would assume of me but yeah I've every time I tell people that they're always like that's a bit strange I'm like is it because like I know several people who haven't had relationships at my age but then I also know a lot of people who are relationship people and just have lived in relationships yeah I think people always assume that there's something

wrong because I haven't really had a long time relationship you know honestly I just feel like I'm not as much as a of a relationship person that I maybe thought I was um or maybe I just I haven't met the right person to turn me into a relationship person maybe that's what it is I feel like there's nothing wrong with you like it's yeah it's unfair that people assume that like oh there must be something wrong with you because you haven't been in a relationship. No, that was out of choice, actually. Literally, it actually is all out of choice

because I'm sure if I wanted to have a boyfriend, I could have a boyfriend. Yeah, you tell him. Yeah, I'll tell you. I could have a boyfriend, but I'm just enjoying the single life just for a little while longer before I agree to some hinge date.

Saying that, someone has asked me on a date off hinge actually really do you think I'm gonna go I think so but it was so quick like it was literally he is one of his prompts was about like a spa day and I replied saying like oh I need one of those you put so what you're doing Thursday and then I was like oh wow I'm not for no but that's what I enjoyed they're the sort of people I like. I like people that are that forward. Same, but we're not about to go for a couple's massage for a first date when you're going to see my hair.

Like, do you know what I mean? When they do that, you're like, not happening. I was like, do you know where you're going with that? Oh, no, no. I mean, you probably, yeah. I was thinking, your hair. That'd be a very revealing first date.

Yeah, I was like, we're not going to do a couple's massage for that. But then he was like... Oh my God, I think you should just do it. Well, no, he's asking me to go for drinks. Okay. Which is a bit more better. Do you know what?

Even the spa though... Right. I know it could be a very like sexual date or whatever. I mean, maybe that's dirty mind, but that's what I'm thinking when I'm at the spa. But I also do think you're the same girl that's saying in the other episode that you want to meet someone

at an airport and go away with them. So if you can't go to the spa with them for the first date, babe. And like, if I was going to go on holiday with someone for a first date,

they're going to hear me like shit. They're going to hear, like, they're going to hear everything. Yes, babe. And like, an IBS girly, that's not cute.

Do you know what I mean that's not cute so maybe a couple's massage wouldn't actually be that bad no first for a first day maybe we'll try it we'll see how these drinks go I don't even know if I can't get out the spa thing going to the drinks by the way he switched that around real quick I actually have no idea like genuinely no idea how would you switch to that he wants to get babe I think you should go yeah maybe I will go maybe I'll go well he's asked me to go tomorrow do you know what's crazy though when I was single um all my single friends like yourself included would say to me things like oh my god like being single so fun because you get to go dating and blah blah and obviously this

was a year that like I experienced dating and stuff but I genuinely and I don't want to put a negative on it because everyone else I know loves it but I just didn't think dating was actually good for me like if any of my friends are like oh should I go on the date I'm like yeah do it because you honestly never know what could happen but for for me personally, I found myself like, I can't even explain it, but like picking myself apart even more after dates. Because like if they didn't go well, not that any went awful,

but I was just a bit like, I don't know. And even if it was on my end, I just found myself like thinking about the fact that I'm single even more than I already was. Yeah, it's a bit of like a weird one day in because I've definitely had my good experiences with it. I feel like I pushed you into the dating pool. I was like, you need to do it. Like you need like it's so much fun. And it is so much fun. But yeah, you do get times where you know, if it doesn't work out, you will sit there and pick

yourself apart. You will sit there and think, oh my god, this actually must be a big problem at this point because it's not working out. But I feel like I've been out of the dating scene for so long now that I need to kind of just like go in headfirst and see what happens experience Manchester nightlife a bit with lots of different people um go try some new bars yeah and also I think it's like as much as like that obviously negative side to it there's also a side to you have to go out to meet people and also you never know 100% like we said it's like, as much as like that obviously negative side to it, there's also the side to you have to go out to meet people. And also you never know. 100%. Like we said, it's going to come when you're least expecting it.

And the fact that I think you're even like debating it makes me think even more you should go. Because I'm like, you never know. That's when something like amazing could happen. That's what I mean. And the thing is, if I don't go, I'm never going to know. Exactly. Do you really fancy him?

well his pictures are a bit strange on Hinge because they don't directly show his full face like one of them does oh no like I'll send I'll send you a picture

I'll send you a picture but like they're from really far away so I can't like he's got really cool dress sense I can see that right

but I can't see like I can't explain but like when I go can you say what he does? or like I know you might listen to this well yeah well I hope he fucking doesn't because it's just so like how do I explain I don't think he will I actually think boys are like so naive like they could listen to this podcast and get so much from it my boyfriend has never even listened to the podcast that's so weird

you saying your boyfriend I know honestly when I said that I thought the same thing I was like have you just slipped up he he's an economist I don't know what that is I was about to say that's so thick I don't know what that is yeah I don't know what that is are we really blonde or is that a really common job I'm not too sure um I'll find out tomorrow and I'll let you know I don't know me too well I don't know what that is. Well, in some of his pictures, he's in a suit. So I'm going to assume it's like... Can we Google it? I'd like to know what this is. Surely you want to know what you're signing yourself up for. Let me Google what an economist is.

Just to give me a little bit of research for the date tomorrow. Economist. An expert who studies the relationship between a society's resources and its production or output wow well it sounds like a lot to talk about it's giving smart it's good i'm not gonna i'm not gonna quite understand but i'll sit there and nod and look pretty yeah oh my god i know that no but

that's actually quite good because i feel like when i go out on a date i feel like it's really easy for people to ask me questions because like our job isn't the most typical normal jobs there's so many questions to ask the fact that you have no really idea of what he does or understand it maybe that's a good thing yes I actually think that's a really good thing I hope so very opposite to what you do but you know well let's go to round this episode off yes i'm going on a date guys single era is erring and i'm going to be going on a day so lots to update you on have you seen that um that tiktok that's like not everything has to be an era like oh no everything's an era you're not in your hot chocolate era yeah i've seen it but i'm earring my life out right now okay no i love that for you i do love that for you now you're cuffed i've got a i'm entering

my different era season okay so throughout this episode we've obviously spoken about you being single um but i guess like just like a round up the episode just to leave it on a positive note um what would you say is like the best three to five things about being single i think one it's a really good time to practice your independence you can really you know practice doing things on your own like it sounds weird but like enjoy the silence of like learning to love your own company which I think is so nice um oh god what else it's a good time just to focus on yourself and your own growth and focus on your hobbies and things that like you love doing and things that you know maybe you've wanted to try but you haven't had the time to try like now's the time to try it now

you're single I definitely definitely vouch for that one because I feel like although you definitely can grow in a relationship and actually a good relationship you should still be growing like you shouldn't stop your goals or anything but also saying that you'll never have the time like you will when you're single like you just won't like because you need to consider someone else's feelings and you need to split your time to see them whether they live up the road or not you're still you still don't have as much time for yourself like that is just it so that is just a relationship you know yeah like you said you're splitting your time and you're having to put someone else's thoughts and considerations like

into your own so I think definitely enjoy being single enjoy doing like hobbies and things you've always wanted to try and most importantly just enjoy having fun and just being like carefree like you know a lot of people will start to settle down in their 20s and hopefully be with their partner for the rest of their life and start a family and stuff and you won't well you might get these years back in the sense of you might be single again when you're 40 but realistically you know this is the only time you're going to be young wild and single and being able to enjoy it with your friends so just enjoy every moment like don't sit there and think oh I'm desperate for a boyfriend no because you will get it at some point.

And also, I mean, we all do this and like, listen, I've really, really wanted a boyfriend. Like, I mean, I actually did at the time I got one, but like before that, I've always wanted a boyfriend, right? But I actually saw this thing the other day and there was like, choose your partner so carefully because people like rush into relationships and stuff. But what they don't realize is like the time you spend with your partner is like more time than you'll ever spend with anyone in your life. Like even more than your parents. Yeah. How mental is that?

That's what I mean. Actually, the person you choose to spend your life with, like that's your person. You're going to spend more time with them than your parents. That is so weird to me. That's why when some people are like, oh, you shouldn too picky no I'll be picky no you should be picky I will be picky because I'll like you said be with that person for the rest of my life hopefully yeah hopefully yeah yeah too right I mean such a weird feeling though isn't it like I literally saw that and I was like wait what surely not but yeah I've already moved out. So, oh my God, I spent like, what, 20 years with my parents.

And now whoever I spend the rest of my life with, like say it was from this point onwards, that's a lot more than 20 years. That's hopefully 50, 60 years plus. Yeah. So it is crazy. But on that note, yes, enjoy being single because you won't ever get these years back.

Well, you might, but hopefully you don't. Well, not at this age. Not at this age. You're young. You have a lot of life to live. Exactly. Exactly. I'm doing it for the single ones.

Oh, I love that. Thanks, babe. I love that. Well, thank you all very much for listening. I hope if you are single, you feel a little bit better about being single. Yes. Look at the positives. Look at at the positive there's many of them exactly and make sure to catch up on Tuesday's episode as well if you haven't already to get the lowdown on Saf's relationship yeah oh my god exciting thank you so much for listening guys and we well watching and we shall see you very soon bye guys