Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 39. Dilemmas: The Festive Edition

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Christmas is less than a week away and what better way to get ready than with a round of festive dilemmas?! Ana and Saff rate roast dinners, chat about Xmas texts from your ex and whether or not your situationship deserves a gift. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit connectsontario.ca. Let's go. Hi, everyone. let's go hi everyone welcome back to sex lies and dm slides with me anastasia kingsdorf and me saffron barker so as you guys know this is a podcast where we deep dive on all things sex dating and relationships and basically all of the drama found into the DMs? Basically, this is like a weekly FaceTime catch up. If you haven't listened to an episode before, just very chill. We just want it to feel like you guys are here with us listening. Yeah, we can kind of like yeah, eavesdrop on our dating lives, our situations, but also as well, we do get to do the same with you. And so I'm very, very excited for today's episode. We want to open up the conversation a bit and help you guys as a little gift from us to you this Christmas. Hence the Christmas jumper, which is so cute, by the way. And we want to answer some

of your dilemmas and some of your, yeah, just situations basically that you found yourself in this Christmas. We did do this in in season one of this podcast and it's something I actually really miss. Now we aren't we did a couple of these in an episode of a couple of weeks back and the amount of DMs I got saying I miss you guys reacting to our dilemmas and like hearing other people's opinions and stuff and so I yeah I feel like it's very requested that we kind of bring this back into the podcast so yeah keep letting us know things that you enjoy about the podcast let us know by leaving us a review on Spotify because we do see them um and obviously we see everything

as well so yeah 100% and right now guys I have no relationship updates for myself unfortunately um so I want to try and use my advice and try and help you all out. And also the amount of funny stories that have kept us entertained from your dilemmas. Obviously, everything's always kept anonymous is brilliant. Anonymous.

What did I say? Wait, hang on. I can't say that. What the hell? I think, yeah, it's too early in the morning for me right now. It's too early. Also, sorry, I just can't say that. What the hell? I think, yeah, it's too early in the morning for me right now. It's too early. Also, sorry, I just have to say this before.

Thank you so much, guys. A few of you sent me context for some of them. Now, I can't actually read the context out because it's very personal, but I'm going to send it to Safa after this. I was going through my DMs. I said to Safa earlier, I was like, oh my God, we've got context to the stories.

So, yes, I'm buzzing. So thank you so much to everyone who does send in dilemmas who followed up with the context massively appreciated love that okay should we just deep dive into them do you want to go first let's go okay the first one i have is like actually I think the most just ridiculous thing ever, but it just really made me laugh. So this person says, I found out that he doesn't like sprouts or veg. What do I do? That's my boyfriend. He doesn't like sprouts or veg. Why is he sending this in? He's like, I don't know. Not give him sprouts or veg. I mean, you're a lover you're a lover of the brussels sprouts you're a lover of the veg and to be honest i don't think a roast dinner really is the same without veg no like if i if i one piece of veg if someone gave me a roast dinner and it was just

the meat potatoes yorkshire pudding pigs blankets. I would be a little bit concerned because I feel like the honey roasted carrots, the honey roasted parsnips. I'm not a lover of Brussels sprouts, but I'll have them. Broccoli, cauliflower, cheese, all of that. You have to have that on a roast dinner.

So I am kind of seeing the concern in your dilemma, but... I'm seeing the concern in your dilemma but i'm seeing the concern but like i don't think it's that big of a deal he just doesn't eat the roast dinner yeah also yeah just just serve him a stupidly plain roast dinner i'm sorry that you're gonna have to do that because to be fair like a roast dinner is my favorite dinner of all time so like when i found out my boyfriend didn't like a roast dinner it genuinely broke my heart hold up he doesn't like a full roast dinner well no so like even so we're doing a we're doing christmas day together before christmas because

we're not spending christmas together and i was like well should i cook us a roast dinner so it's actually like christmas day and he's like yeah and i was like we don't really like a roast dinner so like if i'm gonna put in all the effort like do you actually want me to cook it he's like yeah it's fine because i'll just have the um i'll have the beef the yorkshire puddings and the potatoes and i was like right so not roast dinner then so like what do you want he does like carrots so okay so you can put carrots on there yeah basically you just have the most blandest roast dinner ever. Let's go. Let's go. I really hope to God he's having gravy.

Oh, I don't actually know. No, surely. He's got to have gravy. Surely he's got to have gravy. Well, yeah, but to be honest, guys, right. right also i love it when people rate people's roast dinners on christmas day i think it's so funny i don't want anyone most of mine well to be honest i might be quite proud of mine this year but i've seen some people and if you're one of these people fair enough saf you might even do no i don't think you do yes maybe you do do you put ketchup on your roast dinner? No. I have ketchup on everything but a roast dinner.

Some people have, like, instead of gravy, they'll have ketchup. And, like, if you were sending that in as a dilemma and saying your boyfriend did that, I would say, yeah, wrong. Yeah, 100%. I think that's so wrong. Yeah, you have to have gravy. So to answer your dilemma, just serve him a bland roaster that's nothing on you that's his taste buds but i do feel a little bit sorry for you because yeah

it makes as long as you get your roast in i'm sure it's all sweet just make it for yourself like just a couple of honey roasted carrots oh my god i'm obsessed with them they're so good oh they are the best they are the best okay this one's quite good this one says and i i've had friends that have gone through the same thing so i don't know i've spoken about this a lot right about how christmas time seems to be the perfect time for all the exes to jump back we spoke about this last year do you remember yes like it's just such an easy thing for an ex to just text you and be like merry christmas but you know why they're doing it, right? And it happens every single year.

They jump back. So this dilemma is help. The urge to be toxic and wish my ex happy Christmas to strike up the conversation again. Do I do it? I ate my hair then. Do you know how I feel about this is I feel like it's kind of obvious but what have you got to lose like if you want to do it I'm so glad you were saying that shoot

your shot like what have you actually got to lose the thing is like if I just fuck it why not like if it doesn't work like if a conversation doesn't springboard from that from you saying Merry Christmas then there's your sign yeah to leave it at just Merry Christmas and leave it in this year but like if it opens up a whole new conversation and if it actually is like for the right reason that you want to like get this person like back in your life or like be in contact with them again Christmas is the perfect time to do that yeah and I just feel like it's not as it's like right it's obvious because we all know that all the exes always jump back at Christmas time but it's not as obvious as just replying to their story or like it is a perfect time to do it I see why people do it

and yeah I think you know what shoot your shot like well you never know like he might want to do the same thing so exactly and if it doesn't work you can just be like I was literally just messaging you Merry Christmas to be nice yeah or like just like you have an excuse to fall back on a good person so yeah and babe do it I mean I don't think I will be sending anybody that Merry Christmas text this year no um i don't think so babe yeah definitely won't be doing that but if there's someone in your life that you want to do that to do it i don't think there's any shame in that no shoot your shot girl oh i've got another like this is like a um sorry you're meant to be going next i've just seen this one i really feel

like we should answer this oh because loads of my friends are having this this situation in this one i really feel like we should answer this oh because loads of my friends are having this this situation in this crisis and this kind of is a dilemma ish sorry to just jump in i haven't even let you ask another question yet but i don't want you to miss this one okay and i think this is because i know friends my a lot of my friends are like seeing people at the moment rather than actually having actual boyfriends right right they Right, so they're in the talking stage. They're in the talking stage. And this person's asked, we are only dating, but do I get him a gift? How many? How much money do I spend?

Is he going to get me a gift? We're not even boyfriend and girlfriend, but we're dating. I think this is such a tricky one. So do I. I think that's so hard because, first of all, it definitely depends how far into the talking stage you are but like I would want to get them something like not like a huge extravagant

present like just a little thing last week's bonus episode Saf was talking about Christmas gift ideas for your boyfriend go and give that a listen if you need some ideas um but I would yeah I would want to get them a little but I would feel so awkward if I got them something and they didn't even get me a card but wouldn't you feel more awkward doing it that way than the other way around what would you like what them getting me something and me not having them yeah present what do you think you'd feel more awkward oh I don't know they actually are both quite awkward aren't they they're both very awkward god this is gonna make me sound so bad but like obviously I know it's different because I'm a girl but I do feel like the boys should be making more of an effort personally yeah I would I would like

that that would like if they got me a present or a card that would like reaffirm in my head that i'm like oh yeah they do like me then they must like me yeah because us girls need reassurance and so actually saying that i actually don't know if i'd feel more awkward if i bought them a present they hadn't bought me one i think i probably would just because like in both situations i would would overthink it to shit. Like if they bought me a present, I didn't get them one. I'd overthink it because I'd feel so bad. I think, oh my gosh, like,

I just feel awful. I'm like, how are they feeling? And then if I bought them something, they didn't buy me anything. I think, well, they don't like me. See, I would be thinking more than they just don't like me. I think I would,

I would feel so embarrassed for them like I would honestly feel so embarrassed for like to the point where I think it might almost give me the ick like I can't even not the ick maybe that isn't the right word but I'd actually thinking about it I don't know if I'd because I think if they got me a present, I hadn't got them one back. I'd feel awkward. But also I'd be thinking, well, they are the boy. And like naturally us girls, I think we are, you know, do the more like thoughtful, cutesy things a lot of the time. So, and I know that I'm very much like that in a relationship. So if I was dating someone, I would have probably already done lots of those cutesy things.

So I'd be thinking, well, they're the boy. So they, I don't know. This sounds so bad, but I'd probably be thinking well they're the boys so they I don't know this sounds so bad but I'd probably be thinking well they should make more effort yeah it's just it's such an awkward one isn't it because it's like do you have that conversation of like are we doing presents this year like the joint because you can have that conversation I actually do I think that's a really popular conversation in a relationship anyway. Yeah, or even just be like, I mean, my advice,

my thing would be, I would get them, personally, I would always get someone a present. Yeah. Even if I had literally been speaking to them for like two, three weeks. Even if it's just a little thing. Yeah.

Just something that's thoughtful. Like if I was physically seeing someone, and I spend lots of time with them. Yeah, I think you have to have met this person, I think. Yes, of course. That's what I mean. If you had seen them, even if it hadn't been long,

but you were seeing them, I would definitely buy them a present. Yeah, I think it's awkward because it is like how much is too much? How much is not enough? Yeah. But I do just think something thoughtful and I think I would say something along the lines of oh like I really want to get you like something little this year like I know we haven't spoken for too long but I really don't know like what

you want so like can you give me hints or I don't know I think I would I would have to say something so that they wouldn't feel awkward in case they didn't get me anything oh I feel yeah I feel like there's definitely ways or like conversation things that you could like chuck in as like a joke. Be like, oh, are you going to get me that for Christmas this year? Or like, oh, I saw this in the shop and I wanted to get you it for Christmas. It really reminded me of you. Or something like that, just like little things that might prompt in their head. If they're also wondering, because you both might be thinking to yourself are we going to buy each other something for Christmas and like yeah or like if he ever sends you something I don't know that like he likes like I don't know a photo in the day you

could be like oh is that what you want for Christmas then yeah you know like little things I feel like there is a way to just kind of spark the conversation yeah and just chuck it in there without directly being like so are we doing christmas presents this year because that is just a bit of an awkward conversation when you're in the talking stage with someone especially if it's not been that long yeah oh that is such an awkward one though but i mean i would i i told all my friends i was like you absolutely should get them a christmas present i think so and maybe a Christmas card like do people send do people still send out Christmas cards I mean I don't yeah I don't I get like my family them but my family do get me them but like really your family give each other them yeah my mum like my mum and my nan and

my family don't yeah I was maybe it's not as like a common thing anymore then no but to be honest if I was seeing someone or like like Sir Lewis for an example I would give him a Christmas card but okay my family like I've never done that and I even someone I was seeing like yeah I would give a Christmas card I think I would give a Christmas card yeah because I do remember like people would buy people clearly still do because they're still in sales, but like boxes of like 30 Christmas cards are all the same.

Yeah, to send them out. And to send them out. And like, I've not, well, I've never done that really. But yeah, maybe get them a little card if not, if you don't want to get them a full blown present, with like a nice message in, just something to show you're,

you like them. Yeah, I think you should. I just think it shows that you're thoughtful. It's cute. You don't need to spend loads like them. Yeah, I think you should. I just think it shows that you're thoughtful. It's cute. You don't need to spend loads of money. I definitely don't think like get something that's crazy expensive because then I do think it just becomes awkward. Like, yeah.

I just think get something that's just cute. Also, at the same time, don't feel disheartened this christmas if you get something for someone that's being too and they don't get something for you because it's not like even though yes my brain because i'm an overthinker would automatically go to they don't like me they genuinely might have been thinking about it and didn't know so don't don't feel disheartened if you are in that situation um because you know they might have felt the exact same but they and didn't know so don't don't feel disheartened if you are in that situation um because you know they might have felt the exact same but they just didn't actually get the present because they didn't know so just have the conversation about it maybe yeah i think if

you have the conversation then they don't get you something then we're talking a different story yes if you've had the conversation before then yeah but if you've genuinely done it as like a complete surprise um and they didn't just yeah try not to let it upset you or feel disheartened by it i don't just feel like there's so much pressure with christmas presents there's too much pressure it is like you never know how much money to spend and like for me like it's not about the money it's not like oh someone spent however much money on me so i've got to spend that much back and i wouldn't want someone to do that for me.

Like, I'd rather someone just get me something I genuinely want rather than just spending hundreds of pounds on something for the sake of it because it has a designer name to it. Or do you know what I mean? Or I would like... You do feel that pressure to match what they've got, don't you? It is awkward in a relationship for the first time. It definitely is.

And you know what? I would way prefer something like so personal like if someone made me like a book with all the pictures in since we first met or something super like yeah just like personal like that I would actually melt on the floor yeah I think stuff like that is so sweet such a cute idea I mean that's such a lovely idea I feel like that or yeah just something a bit more personal I think that is so lovely yeah I'd rather that than like a designer pair of shoes yeah yeah yeah sure no yeah oh good you're really making me like think now because I'm thinking I need to do something like that this year I just think stuff like that is so sweet like I saw an idea last year and it

was so good to do with Christmas oh you're gonna have to tell me on FaceTime if you can't think of it now, because I might be stealing it. Yeah, they were just like really like little personal cute ideas where like you can scan a QR code or you can scan something and it will come up with like pictures of you guys. I saw it on TikTok. I'll have to find it after. I'll speak about another episode and I'll tell you on FaceTime.

But then also that might be a bit too soon if you're only just seeing someone oh yeah maybe that maybe is a bit too yeah I think this is more like if you are in a relationship because otherwise I do feel like that's a that that could probably scare a lot of people away I think yeah I think if you've only met someone like three times and you've made them a scrapbook of your dating life so far and then you've put a quote in it like and many more years to. That would freak me out a little bit. I'd be like, oh God. Just maybe save that one for if you've been in a relationship

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they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can they chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer your game time tastes like miller time learn more at millerlight.ca must be legal drinking age let's go okay I've got another one why do boys always just want winter flings and never a long-term relationship in the winter I want to do really cute wintry things with someone but they just want to sleep with me I just feel like I think it I honestly think it's because in the summer everyone goes away on holiday with their girls with the boys like in the winter people aren't going on holidays with all their mates and doing things like that so i think people love the idea of like doing cutesy things i love the idea of that yeah wait what was, what was the question? So it was just,

why do they want winter flings? Yeah, why do they want winter flings and why do they not want to settle down because she wants to do, like, cute Christmassy dates and stuff? Okay, see, but when I think of, like, winter flings, I still think of guys doing, like, cutesy dates,

but then I just find them ending it by the new year. Like, that's normally what I hear is very common. Or, like, ending it by summer time yeah because technically like winter should be like cuffing season like this this is the time where you're a lot of boys tend to get into relationships and then you're right and them on new year because they're like oh whatever that was just for the winter now I want to get back out there it's going to be summer soon blah blah, blah, blah. So I don't know. Like, I don't know if I've ever had a winter fling.

Have you? Like, I don't think that's really been a thing for me. No, but I do know a lot of people that have. And like, even a lot of my guy friends, like, I know a lot of them end it, like, towards summertime, which is, and I don't even think a lot of them realise they're doing it.

They're not like maliciously being like, well, it's summer now, so now I'm going to, like, because like because it means obviously they didn't love that person then but like yeah I think just naturally when you're going on holidays with your girls with your boys like you're not probably so much thinking of a relationship so I yeah I do think like the idea of going to winter wonderland with someone like yeah the idea of all of that is just so cute and like yeah I just think winter naturally people I don't know personally I've noticed that most people want to settle down during winter time I have as well and maybe you just boys just whoever this is that you're dating clearly is just still in that summer childish mindset if he doesn't want to

settle down with you depends how long you've been seeing each other for of course but unfortunately he's just still in that mindset do you know what's crazy is I don't know if this is like kind of going off topic a little bit probably it's knowing me but I was actually having the conversation because I went out of all my girlfriends yes you're laughing because you just know it's knowing me but I was actually having the conversation because I went out of all my girlfriends yes you're laughing because you just know it's totally going to a different direction here but when I was with all my girlfriends yes so we all went out for dinner together and we was one of the girls was basically saying how she was with this boy and she really thought that she could change him and she hasn't and she was so upset about it for the longest time and I know we probably all hear this but I genuinely do not believe anyone can change anyone like I know boys that were complete dickheads and then

they're like I don't know with my friend now with a girl that I know whatever and they're like perfect they would never cheat on them they're do everything for them, blah, blah, blah. And I still believe that it wasn't my friend or that girl that changed them. I still believe that like they grew up and changed themselves. And then they met that person at that time who happened to be there at that time.

Of course, they're in love with them and everything else. But I really, really don't believe that you can like change anyone. And so I just think this boy that you're talking about, he just isn't in that mindset of being in a relationship. It doesn't matter how amazing you are. He's just in that mindset of wanting to be single. And no one will change that.

And that is nothing on you whatsoever no exactly like it really isn't and like if he finds someone else eventually it won't be that that girl was better than you like obviously they might have more things in common or whatever but i really believe that until he changes himself he won't be ready for anyone so 100 and he has to be ready and want that for himself he has to want to change for himself you're completely right that you can't change a man and if you're trying to change a man it's never going to work no it won't work because they themselves aren't ready to change so i think that's why i mean the answer to your question is i mean he's obviously not ready for

a relationship sounds rather childish to me but sounds rather childish exactly because you could be doing some cute winter dates you could be off to winter wonderland like i i completely understand why you want to do all the cute winter date things because there is so many cute things you can do i remember last year i went on um a date with my ex-boyfriend around christmas time and we went to I don't know if they're doing it this year actually but it was like uh Halloween Halloween what the fuck am I on about Hogwarts Christmas like walkthrough and it was like half an hour from me and it was like in the forest oh was that when you both got dressed up dressed up yeah did you get dressed up as wizards or

something at one point no oh my god I was thinking I got dressed up. No, that was the Otley run. That was like a day drinking. And we also were Harry and Hermione. Yeah, that's what I thought. I thought you were like someone from Harry Potter or something. No, apparently I thought like in my head, I was like, did I wear a wizard cloak to go to Harry Potter?

That would have been a little bit too much for me. I love dressing up for the right occasion, so that would have been a little bit too much for me. Love dressing up for the right occasion, not to go to Hogwarts in the snow. But yeah, that was such a cute little date idea. We didn't wear cloaks. We did wear coats and wrap up. But yeah, there were so many cute little like date ideas that you could do in winter.

And I'm so sorry that you don't get to do it this year. But babe, do it with yourself. do it with your family do it with your friends like you don't need a boy to go and do those cute winter dates with no like it actually is fun like obviously it's really nice doing it in a relationship but yeah if a guy doesn't want to do it with you then honestly he like I hate to be this person but he is just not the one and he's not going to change until he changes himself and so yeah just go do those things with with your friends and just enjoy them for what it is and I yeah I hate to be that person but he does not sound like the one to me whatsoever because even if a guy doesn't want to do it if they love you and they like you that much they

would do it for you of course they just will Of course they will because they want to make you happy. Yeah, exactly. So they would just do it. And also as well, like, even if it wasn't really their thing going on rides or whatever, like, if a guy really likes you, like, the idea of it is still cute. Anyone can see that.

Yeah, 100%. So you would just go. Sorry, the example made me laugh going on rides. Well, yeah, okay. That was a crap example. No, I like the example. I just wasn't expecting it. It was so random.

Yeah, I'm sure you liked it. But it is true. Do you know what I mean? Like, it is true. Like, even though they could be, if they're terrified as well of heights and they're terrified of heights, but they're going on that ride for you,

babe, you've got him whipped. Love this for you. Right. Also, I've got another one. And clearly, this is just obviously, well, people are obviously taking the roast dinner very seriously this year within dilemmas because someone else

has sent a dilemma saying, I fear that I'm going to simply walk out if he doesn't like pigs in blankets. The roast dinner is causing some real stirs in relationships this Christmas. I mean, no, it really upset me when I found out Lewis didn't like roast dinner. It really did upset me,

but I don't think I'm walking out. I think it's a bit dramatic. I can understand the shock. You know, I would be a bit like, really? You don't like it? Like, oh my gosh. But I wouldn't be, it wouldn't ruin my Christmas if someone didn't have pigs in blankets on their Christmas dinner.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not a huge fan of pigs in blankets. I'm not either. Oh God. That's her out. She's not listening to the podcast anymore. She's just turned off. The thing is as well, it's like, I love the two things separately.

But together, I don't. I'm not into it. I just, I've had them on my Christmas dinner before. But I just don't, yeah, I just, yeah. Sorry, babe. She's definitely clicked off. But I'm not, she's gone. She's gone.

She hates us now. But yeah, I'm not loving the idea of, I'm not mad at them. But so she's going to walk out. Because no pigs in blankets. I don't know what you want. I don't know the advice you want there. I'm not sure. Neither, babe.

I just think. Maybe prepare yourself for the worst. You just heard us say we don't like them. Yeah. Hopefully that's, you know, prepared you a little bit. Now just, just wait and see. It's not the end of the world, but just prep yourself. Okay. This one is is so i slept with

a guy from work on friday planned to go on a date and i found out yesterday he's asked another girl from work on a day and we are all going to the same christmas party that's a dilemma now that is a dilemma okay so I would hate that obviously like I'm trying to think what is my advice how do I feel about this if it was a friend I mean I would say don't you dare go on a date with him again because also as well I get right I've never done this because I've never really been much of a dater but I know a lot of people date a lot of people, lots of different people at the same time. I know that's a very common thing nowadays to go on different dates, multiple people, whatever. However, the fact that he knows that it's someone else from your work and like he knows that you're going to know that. Like, I just, I don't know. I kind of feel like that's a bit disrespectful. Like go find someone else from your work and like he knows that you're gonna know that like i just i

don't know i kind of feel like that's a bit disrespectful like go find someone else somewhere else yeah there's there's plenty of fish in the sea yeah do you really need to get two people from your work and i yeah and especially when you're going to the same christmas party where like he's very aware that you're going to be able to see that. Like, if genuine, if there was nothing there between the first pair, like, absolutely nothing, just friends, they genuinely, she did not have a care in the world because she genuinely didn't like him. I can not understand it, but like, fair enough,

you two weren't ever going to be in a relationship, you're not compatible. But you don't need to rub it in the other person's face by going to the same christmas party and doing it in front of them no but they're not doing the date on the christmas party no no i know but like but still like it's just awkward yeah someone from i i think i would i would feel i mean a day is just a date but i think it's just the fact that obviously this girl slept with him. And so naturally, you know, when girls sleep with someone more than guys, we get feelings, like feelings are involved like 90% of the time.

So I think him knowing that and then like knowing that you're going to know that he's asked someone else, it works. I don't know. I think it's, I personally think it's a bit strange. I mean, if I was that girl knowing that, i think it's i personally think it's a bit strange i mean if i was that girl knowing that i think it's strange yeah i think it just made me feel a bit shit i don't know yeah do you know what i mean i'm yeah i don't really know i think the way to look at it is if anyone should be feeling awkward it should be him so i don't think you should be feeling awkward like i don't think it's embarrassing for you whatsoever like no one knows why you only went on one date you know um

so I don't think you should feel awkward I think the only person that should feel awkward is him and like that girl probably feel I think all of you would probably feel a little bit of awkwardness and I think you know you can't you can't him. You've only gone on one date with him. Obviously there probably is more feelings involved, but he can technically do whatever he wants to do. And he's clearly doing that. So I would say you just have to go and have a nice time and yeah, just, just enjoy yourself. Like I wouldn't even make it awkward with him.

Like I would just be the bigger person, rise above it. Yeah. And just have a good time time which is obviously easier said than done but of course but enjoy yourself with your friends it's the Christmas party you know I'm sure you'll have a couple of drinks and hopefully forget about it and you just gotta go and enjoy yourself still let's go Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our

open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Involuntary deal squeals can happen, like the deal on new running shoes squeal, the deal on a new blender squeal, or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. We've got a long one here. Right, are you ready? I started speaking to a guy halfway through October and have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now. Everything is going well and he even invited me on holiday but I couldn't go

because of work. The problem I'm having iscember is hectic for the both of us so i won't be seeing him until the end of december now so i'm scared that it will fizzle out what should i do did that say the end of december now the end of december so after christmas i'm going to assume right can I just say, I, whenever I've ever spoken to anyone, this is like one of my biggest fears is I know that I get attached to people very easily, but I don't actually have much time. I'm quite a busy person. And so my fear is always, oh my God, what if it just fizzles out because I haven't spent enough time seeing them. But honestly, if they like you enough, that won't be a thing because- A hundred percent. I know it sounds like really like cringy or whatever, but I genuinely believe that like distance makes the heart grow fonder.

And when you don't see someone that you like more than not, it makes you want to see them more and makes you like them even more because you always want you can't have and if you like someone like i don't know i don't i honestly don't think you should worry about that whatsoever like i really as long as you're making an effort like when you do have time to speak to him i really don't think that should be a worry and i think you've been speaking for well about six about seven weeks now which I think is quite a

lengthy amount of time like that's nearly two months that you've been speaking and seeing each other for so it's not so like actually one holiday he's so he's obviously serious about you if he's actually on holiday within those seven weeks you know like he obviously really likes you so of course December is such a busy month for everyone and I understand that you know you're only like six seven weeks into it so you might not be ready to spend Christmas with each other and do all of that together you might have other plans as you've said but there's loads of other ways around that you can FaceTime like I'm sure there'll be times where you know you'll have evenings free but you just couldn't see it to the way you'll be able to have cute little FaceTimes

for a couple of hours or as long as you keep in contact and like you said like distance makes the heart grow fonder yeah and I and I do think like I hate when people play games and stuff but I do think you know it's it's almost like keeping him on his toes a bit because it's like you you have your own life if you're a busy or an independent person that's exactly most people find that attractive so yeah he'll probably find it attractive that you know you're not literally 24 7 messaging him like you're getting on with your own life you have own priorities and when you are free you are facetiming him you are speaking to him and I think yeah what I would do is book in a date now as to when you're going to

see him next that's something I've always done like if I know I can't see someone for a long time I'll make sure like as we all know I'm always seem to be in long distant things that's just my thing and like my boyfriend doesn't live although he is really not that far but he doesn't live in the same country so we always plan when we're going to see each other next. So we have something to look forward to rather than just, oh, I don't know when I'll see her again. I don't know when I'll see him again. Yeah, you're saying it's the end of December,

but if you know it's a solid date, then I think that just makes it exciting because like I am that sort of person where a message would be like, well, I think in my head, oh, I've got like 18 days till I see them. Yeah, and also like you can talk about things that you want to do when you see each other and yeah yeah I think it gives it more hope I think it gives it more hope that you know you're going

to see each other again rather than yeah both of you thinking are what's the point in this like when are we going to see each other next yeah whereas if you've got that solid date booked in you know it's going to be there and you've got that to look forward to and as long as you keep the momentum up in the meantime of like messing each other and still keeping in contact then it should be fine and like you said he's asked you on holiday babe like I'm pretty sure that's reassurance that that is reassurance at its finest and also I think like the strongest relationships often do come from living your own separate lives and being so busy separately but then you can come together and it can really work like I think your relationship will be so strong because you have separate lives

and you're able to keep the relationship strong whilst doing that so I honestly do not think you have anything to worry about this was quite a common one that I had. They're together, I'm going to assume. And she said, Christmas at his family or mine is always a big one in a relationship. We never know what to do. I have a very strong opinion on this

and everyone knows what I'm going to say. Oh, do they? Go on. I think the guy should always go to the girl. Not like always every single year but like if it's the first time because i think most girls and maybe this is stereotypical okay but like all my girlfriends and obviously i know a lot a lot of girls won't be so i completely understand that but i like very close with their mums and i just think i don't know like my brothers have left us on christmas for their well my brother for his fiancee and jed for his jed for imogen would do that yeah like i don't know

naturally they would take the responsibility to go to theirs I don't know I don't know why but I just feel like the guy the first time should be the person to to go to the to join I think I would I think yeah but then maybe that's I'm being biased because I'm a girl but that's the way my mum's even told Jed and Casey she's like you should make that you know you should do it they're the girls yeah that's the way that I think I think I would prefer that I think for the first Christmas if my boyfriend came to my house but maybe that's just because like I can't imagine a Christmas day just yet without seeing my mum on Christmas day in Atticus maybe it's just because I'm so used to that but

I think I would really like it if they came for the first Christmas and then like we alternated I don't know I mean I I actually couldn it if they came for the first Christmas and then like we alternated. I don't know. I mean, I actually couldn't spend Christmas without my family. Like Christmas is such a special day for me and I have such a big family. I honestly don't think I could. Obviously, it's really dependent on the situation, right?

Like say your boyfriend had like little siblings and stuff and you didn't. Of course. Then I think it makes it different. Like I have nieces and nephews and so I couldn't imagine not spending Christmas with them and so I think that's even more so why I'm like well they should come to me yeah and you also like and it can be different in the sense of like you might not have any Christmas plans at all you you know your family doesn't celebrate it as much as others or whatever you have a really quiet one but then your boyfriend's

family is gonna have some like crazy big Christmas that you really want to join in on and he wants you to come like I think it yeah of course it can be very dependent on the situation but I think for me personally I would really like it if they joined me for my like our first Christmas together yeah but it's funny because anyone's going to say that I'm sure he would say the same thing so it's like like that's that's such a big thing though because I've never spent Christmas with a boyfriend. So like I'm excited for when that happens but oh my God, it's going to be so bizarre for me.

I know, like imagine not spending it at Atticus. I can't imagine that. No, I know, exactly. Like really weirdly, me and my friends were having a conversation the other day and we were like, do you think we'll all ever spend Christmas Day with each other and like stay in Manchester

and like have French Christmas on Christmas Day and I and I said I was like yeah I'm sure we will at some point in our lives like I can definitely imagine that but then I actually really sat and thought about it and I thought I can't imagine not going home for Christmas no and I also can't imagine me telling my mum that I'm not coming home for Christmas like I think she'd be like yeah you are of course you are like I don't know it'd just be so bizarre but I guess yeah as you get older Christmas days do just change don't they and yeah mine's never really changed that much though well like last year Libby's family will spend Christmas with us but it was still all my family I remember that so yeah I don't know I even think when I have like a husband,

I will still want to spend Christmas Day with my mum as well. And my own kids, I'm still going to want my mum there. No, same. And more so because I think it would break my parents' heart. What if you didn't spend Christmas with them? Yeah, and I think especially because I've always been so close to my family and like even now I don't see them anywhere near as much as I used to because I live alone. So then for me to be like to be like right see ya I'm off to go spend Christmas

with someone else's family I feel like genuinely it would break my parents heart me too I think my mum would well and Atticus would be beside himself if I said I wasn't coming home on Christmas day so it wouldn't even be worse I think if my family was going to be upset and my boyfriend was like well I want to spend it with mine I would just be like let's just do it separately for the sake of it like i'd rather not like upset my family a hundred percent so that's a really difficult one that i'm not looking forward to having to have that conversation and make that decision so okay right i think this should be the last one this really made me laugh she said i don't know whether to get the ick or not i was riding his dick and he called me his

ho ho ho oh my god first of all that is so funny i think that is hilarious like i actually think that's so funny to hear about but if i was in that situation in that moment it would kill every moment i think i no longer turned on put it that way i think i would literally be like what yeah but to hear about i think that's so funny different like if you've been in a relationship for years and he made that joke then I think it's funny but like

yeah if he's cracking them and you're not even like together yeah because that would give me the it probably on the flip side like if we were having sex and it was like funny

and he was trying to make me laugh and we were just like pissing about with each other then I actually do I think it's so funny yeah so do I but I don't think I think I yeah you're right I think I'd just get the ick if it's so funny yeah so do i but i don't think i think i yeah you're right i

think i just get the ick if it was so soon if he was like doing it like in a sexy voice and he was like you're my home like that no yeah if he did it like if it was like a joke and you're like already kind of like laughing with each other and messing about then fuck it why not like it's christmas it's funny but yeah you're. If you did it in a serious way. No. Sorry. Then no, that would send me. That is not happening.

That is so funny. I mean, that was so funny. The guy seems like a good laugh, put it that way. Yeah. So I wouldn't get the ick because he's got a sense of humor. And that's what we like in a guy. So I think that's a good one to end it on. So that wraps up today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed listening to the Christmas dilemmas um and any more dilemmas like even if we're not

asking the questions on a question box on our Instagram please just DM us them because I know both of us go through our DMs so often and we'll just screenshot them and save them for the podcast so if you have a dilemma or any like funny stories or anything you want advice with please please dm us them 100% at any time we love hearing your story like the amount of like times we've just laughed and laughed at like stories that you've all sent in some of them are hilarious and please i promise i won't read the context out unless you want me to but please send me context because i'm so nosy and i love knowing like every single detail and if you can send a voice note also please yeah please do that yeah we can we're trying if you don't want your voice

on show we can change your voice somehow i don't know i'm sure we can make that possible so thank you so much for listening. We will see you guys on Thursday with our bonus episodes, which are always a little bit more personal. So definitely go and give that a watch or a listen. Yeah, we're going to do a nice little Christmas survival guide, which is going to be fun.

Yeah, I'm really enjoying the Christmas themed sort of episodes because it just gets me in the spirit, which I love. Me too. And don't forget to leave us a five star review and rating we'd really really appreciate it yes um but yeah see you guys on thursday bye guys bye