Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 49. Being Delusional - Dating & Romance

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Everyone has been delulu in some point of their lives and in this episode we dive into what people can be delusional about especially when it comes to dating and relationships! Because come on girls don’t lie, we know we’ve alllll been there! From chatting about unrealistically planning your wedding in your head after a first date with a guy, to grand gestures to show your love for someone and we ask the important questions like are men or women more delusional when it comes to relationships? Plus Saff spills the tea on her very traumatic ski trip, her boyfriend chasing his dreams in America and Ana gives a lil update on her dating life - is 2024 the year of the boyfriend??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hi everyone, welcome back to Sex Lives and DMs Lives with me, Anastasia Kingsnorth. And me, Saffron Barker. So this is the podcast where we deep dive on all things sex, relationships, dating, and we uncover all of the drama that is found in our DMs. So first of all, how has your week been? It's been good, thank you. How's yours been? It's definitely been better has your week been it's been good thank you how's yours been it's definitely been better than last week that's for sure yeah i mean it's going good i'm i know

everyone has been wanting the date update so guys it's going very well yeah i was very excited to jump on for this episode to hear about this yeah i'm going on date five this weekend with this obviously with the same guy right with the same guy so it's good and like that's good for me guys because like normally i'll go on one date with someone and i'm like very bored like i just can't i just won't see them again but yeah i don't think you've got past like date three on this podcast i'm not gonna lie to you no apart from when i was with my ex neither so this is like this is when you know it's going good but it's so funny because date five for me i'm like well we're in a relationship i know and there's me i'm trying to be like but i think that's just

because i'm just so zero to 100 yeah but that's not a bad thing i just think i'm being like i'm trying to be really realistic about the situation so i don't get hurt i think i'm just scared of getting hurt but it's going really well we went on a double date on the weekend which was really nice oh my god fun what did you do where did you go we went to so there's a bar in manchester called alcatraz and you basically like bring your own bottle and it's like an immersive two-hour experience where they make you put like orange jumpsuits on and like you go into another active like look you knew you nearly didn't do an activity day and here you are again you're still going like you're still doing

i swear to your last date i swear your first date was an activity day first date went bowling second date was an escape room third date third date we're in the lake district and then it went so well that i actually like met his mom when we dropped the dog back off and then met his friends and went to play golf and then fourth day we went to alcatraz yeah you actually love an activity day so i might suggest a date five we see yeah i might first day five i think we need to sit down that's actually baffling to me that you every day has been an activity day well good for you though fun i've been getting my steps in um but i got very fucking drunk on the weekend like

i didn't know how i got home i know that i went to bed at 5 a.m i have a snapchat of me in the lift at 20 to 5 and i just captioned it oh no what is. What is with me and you getting drunk on dates? What is with that? Babe, I told you. Pornstar martinis were on my 2024 out list. And at this Alcatraz bar, you basically can't choose your drinks. They make the drinks for you. Pornstar martinis.

So that is exactly why I got very drunk. That was not the plan. Right. That's so funny that a pornstar is what's making you drunk. Because that's what's making me drunk because that's no honestly it is that it's three of those and i'm done for the night i i do not know i don't even have the prosecco shot either so it makes no fucking sense but anyway it just must be a lightweight but it's because you're so tiny so i'm just a massive lightweight yeah but cheap night

love that it's giving my first day basically it's giving your first date yeah he's loving it that's good yeah yeah oh my god i'm so happy that makes me so excited for you yeah so the vibes are matched i'm very so potentially this could this really could be the year of the boyfriend it could be the year of the boyfriend i'm really like that scares me again so i'm trying to take it like really slow but yeah i just enjoy each day as it comes a hundred percent like i'm just enjoying like going on dates at the moment i'm just like doing stuff with like a new person and you just don't it's hard isn't it because i think we both need to take a leap out of each other's book like i need to sometimes probably slow down and like take each day as it comes and i think sometimes

you need to be a bit more positive in the sense of it not let you it not scare you so much that it pushes you away because like where you're like yeah potentially to me i'm like oh my god is she not even liking that much then but i know it's actually just because you're scared of the idea right yeah i'm just so negative about everything to do with and i really shouldn't be the all-new fan duel sportsbook and casino is bringing you more action than ever want more ways to follow your faves check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs.

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is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Let's go. How was your week? I saw you went skiing went skiing yes skiing wasn't the best week of my life i'm not gonna lie to you um in fact i would actually go as far as to say it was probably one it was probably actually one of the worst weeks of my life. I know that sounds so dramatic but I got a lot of bad news that week that I went skiing. I really thought it was going to be this amazing ski trip.

To start off a lot of you will know that I did in fact hurt my leg within 40 minutes of skiing. The first day I was there I basically got rushed on an air ambulance and I was in the hospital. Oh my God. I didn't even think my insurance had started till the next day. So I was literally freaking out. I was like, don't take me to the hospital. No, I can't move. Don't take me because I don't even want to know how much it's going to be. Anyways, I was fine in the end. But yeah, potentially have torn the ACL. I have to have an MRI at home, which I don't get until next week. So I'll update everyone.

But they did repeatedly say to me, you've torn your ACL, you've torn your ACL, you've definitely torn your ACL. So I do think that's a very high chance. But do you know what? I'm still believing that there's a potential chance that I could have not torn my ACL. That's what we're going with. That's what we torn my ACL um that's what we're going with

that's that's what we're going with um because what's the point of being negative this whole week I may as well just believe that it's fine uh so anyways yeah so that happened within 40 minutes of being there so it meant that the entire week I was on crutches I couldn't walk and I had nothing to do with myself other than sit in a hotel room in my own thoughts and just a just a lot like there was just I felt like it was just bad news after bad news after bad news for me that week it just wasn't the best news um and so yeah it was it was a lot for me to take so this week is a lot better of a week um actually the same week that everything negative happened and my ski trip there was some amazing news well

my boyfriend got amazing news um and he got the opportunity to go and basically try out for his dream which was insane but also on top of that I was like oh my god I'm not gonna see him before he goes um because it was all very very last. And so basically, if you follow me on social media, you'll know that, I can't believe I'm saying this, she's in another long distance relationship. How has this happened? How? Actually, how?

I think I am destined. Yeah, no, I am. I'm destined to live in America. You have like an invisible string theory, but with America. Yes. That is actually what you have like an invisible string theory but with america yes that is actually what you have anyone that comes into my life has something to do with america it's so it's weird it's so weird i'm so destined to be there um but yeah i mean i haven't even spoken to you since

he's left have i no so like this is the first time yeah I'll try and keep it short but this week at the end of this week my boyfriend found out that he had the opportunity to change career paths um obviously he always did rugby however his dream ever since I met him like it's crazy because a lot of people like where has this come from blah blah blah but actually his dream his entire life is to have been an NFL player literally the first day we went on he told me his dream is to be an NFL player and one day he's going to be an NFL player and um yeah he's literally dreamt of it his entire life so I know to a lot of people it seems like a shock and it was a bit of a shock I think to all of us how quickly it's happened because

although he's always dreamt of doing it, he got this opportunity quite last minute. And so obviously he was going to take it like it's his dream come true. However, he's away now for 10 weeks, which is crazy because I'm not going to see him for 10 weeks, which is such a long time. And yeah, it's crazy because I am not just only destined for America but I just have this attachment with long distance genuinely the fact that like well originally you were like four hours how far are you from where is it four hours well this is the thing people would say that we're long distance we were long distance anyways because we were four hours away from each other however that doesn't seem that far now he's gone to america like now he's gone to america he seems far away he's on a different time zone that really does feel like long distance four

hours for you is like two minutes for me yeah like that's nothing in your eyes so no I know I know it's crazy and it's funny because I feel like I'm an advocate for long distance like my dms were flooded when they saw that Lewis was going they were like well if anyone's going to make it work it's going to be you Saf because you always seem to just yeah be like in long distance relationships but the one time I thought I wasn't I end up being in another long distance relationship. So I don't know how this has turned out. But as much as you know, it's funny, because I've always been so positive about long distance relationships. And I've always believed like, if you want something to work, it will work. And I still completely believe that. But when Lewis obviously found out this news, I've never

been so excited and happy for anyone in my entire life because it's everything he's ever dreamt of to get this opportunity but of course immediately I was like oh my god like this is going to be so weird and I think it's because I was so used to just seeing him whenever I wanted to and now I can't like whereas when I've been in long distance relationships before I've been in them from the get go. I've never known any different. Whereas with him, we now have to adjust how we talk every single day. Because, you know, he's busy. I'm busy.

We're on a different time zone. Like, it is. It's completely different to how we started our relationship. Yeah, I think definitely at first, like, I was worrying about that. I was like, what if it's not going to work? Like, blah, blah, blah. And I don't know why. Because I actually have no, now my head is head is straight like it's in the right place I have no doubt in our

relationship at all like I know that we're so strong we're both gonna make it work um so yeah it's still really strange because like he trains 7 a.m to 8 night. So when he finishes training, it's 1am in the morning. Yeah. That is, but like distance makes the heart grow fonder. Like you said. Exactly.

The whole situation is only going to make your relationship stronger. A hundred percent. I fully believe that. And like, we both have to, I think communication is like one of the most important things in a relationship, right? And I think when you're long distance, you have to do that more than ever and when you're long

distance and both of you are very busy people you really really have to do that more than ever and you do have to be extremely strong um and so yeah like you said hopefully yeah although it's going to be really strange for me um i have no doubt in it not working. So it's going to be good. It's going to be good. But yeah, that's the change in my life is I can't just see my boyfriend whenever I want to anymore, which is so sad.

But it will work. It will be fine. It's only temporary. So yeah. Exactly. You've got this. Right. I've been seeing loads of stuff

on social media about being delusional when it comes to romance and relationships. So I thought we could discuss some of the things that we become delusional about when it comes to relationships and romance. Right. Do you think being delusional is a good thing or a bad thing? Do you know what? I actually think being delusional is an incredible thing because, right, hear me out, maybe not so in a relationship, but to be successful, I honestly think you have to be delusional. And the reason I say this is because I think delusion is actually

the same as manifesting your life because, right, hear me out, when you manifest your life, you basically believe so much that something's going to happen and you live your life as if something's going to happen right and therefore you make those steps and that's technically what manifesting is well at the same time you are being delusional because you are living in you're living a life as if something's happened that hasn't even happened yet that is manifestation but it's also delusion and so I actually think to be successful, you need to be delusional. I feel like I've been to a lot of people delusional my entire life. And I think if a lot of people heard my gut was they would say, she's delusional. But in my eyes, I'm like,

no, I manifest in my future, I know it's going to happen. But to a lot of to an outsider, that is delusion. And actually, some of the most successful people in the world talk about how for so many years people would look at them and think oh my god they're delusional but actually it's because they believed in their goals so much that it was going to happen um but yeah so I actually think that manifesting is actually just it's just a type of delusion to be completely honest with you and so I actually think it's a really amazing thing to be delusional I genuinely have never looked at like manifesting as being delusional before but what you've said makes so much sense because like some of the things that

I've put on my vision board would be so bizarre to a lot of people they'd be like why like why would she even put that on that's so weird but like maybe that is just me being delusional and manifesting my dream life exactly no it is well to an outsider it's 100 delusional but you don't think you're delusional because because you're like i I see this is going to happen but to any outsider you're absolutely delusional that you think it's going to happen because you might not be anywhere near that goal right so yeah I think honestly it's the same thing and that's why I actually think it's a really powerful thing to be delusional I don't think that there comes many negatives to it maybe if you're delusional in the sense you think you're going to win the lottery because there's there's no work put into that it's pure luck but to say

you wanted to suddenly I don't know be a singer and you believed so much you could be a singer and you know you believed it so much that you're manifesting it that every day you're singing blah blah blah to me yeah it might still be a bit of delusion that you think you're going to make it you know in three years time but I don't know I think yeah I think it's the same thing as manifesting what are you laughing at because I was just thinking to myself like I've thought to myself before when I've been in the shower I would love to be a singer I can I like I can imagine like when I was when I was watching Beyonce on tour I thought I can do that that is me I can I can definitely said that to someone

they'd go you're delusional they would go and to be honest babe i'd also think i'm being a bit delusional here but again that's because you don't believe it enough though like i don't know i think delusion is a good thing i don't think i've necessarily explained it very well but yeah as far as success comes i think it's one of the most powerful things. In a relationship, I'm not so sure. Right, let's talk about delusion then in a relationship. Do you think you've ever been delusional in romance? I don't think so. I think I'm a very optimistic person.

I always think it's going to work out. I don't know if that's delusional. No, because I think think why would you go into something hoping that it wouldn't work out no but i think i think it's always gonna work out like i don't i don't know though i don't know if that's but again if that's delusional i think that's a good mindset to have yeah i'd rather go into something thinking this is definitely gonna work out like and i think i always go into, well, actually, no, I don't. I'm such a negative mindset person when it comes to fucking romance.

I need to take a leaf out of your book. But I don't think that's it. I think that's a good thing, though. Maybe optimistic people are more likely to be delusional. Well, in fact, I think they definitely are. Even for an example with my boyfriend being away. Like, obviously, at first I was like, oh, my God, it's going going to be so weird. Like it's going to be really hard to speak to him and I was really overthinking it and blah, blah, blah. And I thought, I remember like I was sat to

myself and I just thought, why is he not worried? Does he not care? But actually he's not worried because he's so adamant that it's going to work out that he doesn't need to waste time worrying at all and so i think yeah if you are i don't know again maybe it's i don't know if i would say optimistic is the same as delusion they're like on par with each other ish yeah it's hard isn't it because if you're optimistic you believe something's gonna work it probably more likely is going to work like if you spend time worrying about it that's like probably the one thing that could make it not work so if you are optimistic you believe it's going to work people wouldn't say you're delusional because it will end up working whereas if you worry and you're not optimistic it probably won't work and people i don't know yeah

that was a lot for me to compute what you just said but yes god she's really going off on it today she really is these do that make sense no i think it does make sense i think it just depends on the situation whether you're being like optimistic or you're being delusional but like i think they're like very on par very close i would say i'm like i don't think I'm necessarily delusional in relationships I think I'm delusional in dating in the sense of like I will go on one day and genuinely think that's gonna be my husband and like I will envision our full wedding like if I've had a couple too many drinks I will lay in bed and think oh like and I'll picture us walking down the aisle and our kids and stuff which I've got to stop doing that again i don't know i mean i do

this too so i don't know are we delusional or are we just optimistic well i do that i've done that with too many people and then got my heart broken yes which is why i think i need to stop doing that which is why you class that as delusion see I would say delusion in a relationship is like, this is probably a really bad example, but like, say he treated you awfully. Oh, but he loves me and respects me so much. Oh yeah, no, that's like, no, that's deeper delusion. Yeah, that's delusion on like a deep level.

Yeah, and I agree with that. So I don't know if I would class us thinking we're going to get married to someone straight away delusional or, I don't know. I don't know if I would class us thinking we're gonna get married to someone straight away delusional or or I don't know I don't know yeah I guess optimistic and delusion is very close so if anyone has their opinions on this let us know yeah I think maybe me being like oh I'm gonna marry everyone that's just me being like excited and like light-hearted airy-fairiness about the situation being like oh yeah I'm gonna marry him blah blah like deep down I'm not delusional enough to believe that's actually gonna happen yeah unless then let's say the one I don't know yeah I don't know it's a hard one isn't it it is a hard one because I feel like now like I've been dating

again shock I feel like I have been like trying to not be as delusional like on the first day i definitely was being like super fucking delusional and now i've like brought myself back down to reality a bit and i'm like anna just slow down a bit just take it slow let's not imagine the kids let's not imagine the wedding just yet so i'm working on my delusion but do you think do you think girls are more delusional than boys oh uh in a relationship yeah or in dating yes i do think girls are you think they're more oh you think girls are more yeah i think girls are more i think girls right the reason we very quickly we fall for people quicker than guys do I think that is so like that is that is a thing like girls do fall quicker than guys um and I think we would definitely be considered more delusional reason being is because when we grow up us girls we always dream of the

fairy tale and like of like love and you know like you watch the princess movies and falling in love and everything else and like you're always grown up wanting a fairy tale that I think and I know I've done this with people I've been with in the past um and I think this is a very common thing for girls to do and actually I saw this guy speaking about it on a podcast but I actually it was just a clip I can't remember what podcast it was now I actually think I saved it so I'll leave a play on I'll have to find it but um anyways this guy was saying this he was like you know girls grow up like wanting this fairy tale wanting this true love everything else and so I think very quickly that we can try and like see those things in a guy someone that isn't necessarily perfect for us

because we just love the idea of love so much all the little things we're like oh my god that we like try and make someone into our fairy tale right here i'm going with this whereas guys don't grow up wanting a fairy tale or believing in a fairy tale they don't really watch the princess movies and stuff like that like they don't they don't grow up wanting that so when a guy falls in love like fully in love with someone I feel like they fall probably actually even harder and deeper because they've really fallen for every single part of that person whereas like us girls a lot of the time can fall in love with the idea of someone I think more than guys like I feel like guys either fall for you or they're just not at

all that makes so much sense I've never really thought about it before that like we grew up watching the fairy tale films and maybe that was like slightly ingrained in our brains without realizing yeah and so I think like that's why the delusion is I don't think like girls are delusional like but I'm just saying if there's if there's someone that's more delusional I would say it is definitely girls because we love the idea of love probably like obviously I'm not saying men don't of course they do love the idea of love but because we're always we're grown up to like love the idea of love and everything else i just think that it's very easy for us not to say that it always works out but just to fall in love

with the idea of someone because we want this fairy tale and everything else and they're perfect and that probably is delusion because they're not always perfect but i know i've done it in the past like i've completely fallen in love with like the idea of someone and like thought they could be the one. Even though there's like tiny little things, I just avoid them because I want this fairy tale. Whereas I really don't think guys do that anywhere near as much. I think that's, yeah, I think that's why, I don't know, if you put on paper who's more likely to be a player, it would probably be, like, it'd more likely be voted guys, wouldn't it? But I actually think it's because, like, they have to proper fall for someone to fall in love.

Like, they have to really fall. Whereas I don't think guys so much are, like, in love with the idea of love. Like, I actually think it hurts guys. They're like, for fuck's sake, you know, I'm in love. That is very stereotypically very true. But I've never ever thought about it like that before. You've opened my eyes to a whole new thing here to think about. I've never thought about that before.

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Let's go. Okay, so do you think then that soulmates, do you believe in soulmates or do you think soulmates are delusional? I don't know. Do you know what? Yes, yes i do but i believe that we all have more than one soulmate i don't think there's one person out there for everyone but because i actually think you can fall in love with someone but you listen no relationship is ever perfect. No matter what somebody says, perfect doesn't exist. And so I think for a relationship to work, you have to want, you both have to want it so much to make it work. And so I think, yeah, I don't think there's just one soulmate.

I think there's, we all have multiple soulmates and it's who you choose to want it to work with the most that's who you'll end up with and that'll be your right partner yeah and I also think like I believe in soulmates in like other forms so I think I have soulmates in people who are friends that like I'm obviously I'm not going to like end up with but I know that like it just feels different with you compared to other people like it's just a weird like soulmate I can't explain a bit it's just a weird feeling I don't necessarily think I've met my soulmate love wise yeah and like I feel like some people I genuinely do believe in someone so I think some people are so lucky to meet them

at such a young age and I think some people are so lucky to meet them at such a young age. And I think some people won't meet their soulmate maybe until they're 70. So do you believe there is just one soulmate for everyone then? No, but one soulmate that I'm probably going to fall in love with maybe, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Because I personally believe, right, there's so many people that you and i could be with right that you could be perfect with like think about all of the people in the world so there's eight billion people in the world i don't believe there's just one person like in this whole world that is your soul mate i do not believe that there's too many people for that to be the case but I do think like you know the person you end up with is one of your soulmates and you guys wanted it enough and that's why it worked because like I think you can meet your soulmate and you know people say

about wrong timing and stuff like that and I think you can meet your soulmate but I don't know one of you found the distance too hard and so you couldn't you couldn't make it work I don't think it means they're not your soulmate because of that reason they just chose not to make it work and I think that was their own mindset and I don't mean I don't think it means oh well that wasn't your soulmate then yeah yeah I do I do agree I don't think I've ever really because I don't think I've met my like or I've met friendships so agree. I don't think I've ever really, because I don't think I've met my, like, or I've met friendships so much, but I don't think I've met someone that like I've been in love with.

I think that's why I'm like unsure. I think like I've never had that like real feeling before in a love way where I felt like so gravitated towards someone that like, I would probably be like, yeah, you're one of my soulmates I think if you yeah I think if you had been in love more than once then you'd probably think I don't know that that there is more than one soulmate saying that it's weird isn't it because

like I know I've been in love before and I've fallen out of love with someone like so then part of me was like well maybe they were never my soulmate but also i don't know yeah i guess it is hard isn't it i don't know i do believe in soulmates i just don't think we necessarily all just have one yeah i would like to believe that we have more than one soulmate because like you said the fact there's eight billion people or seven million people on this planet they can't just be one person because like what if my person's in a country i'm never gonna go or like i'm never gonna do what i mean so yeah i do believe in soulmates i think i've met a lot of friendship soulmates don't know if

i've met a relationship soulmate just yet what about happy ever after do we believe in happy ever after yeah i feel like again that's like are we saying that because of the fairy tales like no but why are you if and but and i 100 believe in happy ever after i think everyone can have that i think you just gotta have standards i definitely do believe in happily ever after i think with me and this is what i've realized actually guys turning into very deep conversation very quickly but I'm almost like we're talking about delusion and I can be delusional but I'm also I'm almost too realistic in a lot of situations where like I because I've only had one relationship it was really really short I aren't like in my head

everything has to be perfect but I'm aware that not everybody is going to be perfect and there's always going to be little things and there's always going to be things that you have to work through but because I haven't done that yet it makes me making it makes it harder to believe that it is happily ever after I think I'm just at a weird deep stage in my life I've been really overthinking everything to do with relationships so yes I do believe in it but I think for me getting there is going to be a little bit harder if that makes sense do you like do you believe in happily ever after yeah I mean I absolutely believe in happy ever after I think happy happy ever after isn't perfection though I think that's where people get it wrong.

Like if everything was perfect all the time, life would be boring to be completely honest. Like you love your family. It doesn't mean you don't argue with them. They make you that, like your parents make you happy. It doesn't mean you don't argue with them it isn't necessarily perfect but you love if you you know my point of view I love my family I'm so close to my family like I I wouldn't wish for anything else in the world I wouldn't

wish for anyone else in the world to be like you know but we're not perfect but I'm still very happy like I love my family my family make me happy and so I think you're happy ever after doesn't mean perfection I think it just means finding the right person who treats you well who you know maybe has the same love languages as you who wants the best for you in life like I think that is happy ever after in my eyes it doesn't mean perfection or we're never going to argue otherwise that's not happy ever after it my eyes. It doesn't mean perfection or we're never going to argue. Otherwise, that's not happy ever after. It's just someone who makes you happy, right? And wants to see you succeed.

Yeah, my brain, see, when you said happy ever after, my brain went straight to like fairy tale, like happy ever after, but that is very true. But I do think that is still, I guess, kind of like a fairy tale in the sense of no you're right it is it no it completely is you're coming out with some really deep like i would i've seen this on a tumblr quote in 2012 sort of shit and i'm really enjoying it like okay well i'm glad i'm not seeming delusional to you no I don't think no I don't

think you seem delusional I think everything makes complete sense like that what you're saying but I just haven't thought about it yeah in that way but like it makes because you're right happily ever after nothing is gonna ever be perfect and you're right if it was it would be extremely boring well it's funny because I always see these quotes and it's like fairy tales don't exist like if you love someone you make it work like it's the effort that both of you put in and i completely agree but in my eyes if if both of you are putting an even amount of effort in and you both want something so bad and anything that upsets you that person changes to and never does that again to me that is like living in my fairy tale it's somebody that puts as much effort as I

do into the relationship wants it as much as I do makes me happy to me that is that is a fairy tale yeah maybe not like the movies in the sense of like they never argue they look at each other they fall in love like that's it but that is a happy ever after isn't it still honestly i completely agree with everything you've said and i think everyone's versions of like happy ever after is always going to be slightly different everyone's version of a fairy tale is always going to be slightly different but overall i completely agree with everything you said to the point i think i need to sit and actually take it in i'm going to come off this podcast after i'm going to think oh my god i need to literally sit and i need how you sat and thought about everything last week I now need to do that this week do you

know what in the moment I thought to myself this is the worst week of my whole honestly I didn't speak to anyone it was just it was a it was a traumatizing week I'm not gonna lie but it is so funny now like I already already look back and think I'm so glad that happened I know that I'd ever wish that sadness on me again but I'm so glad it happened because it's really made me realize what I want out of life like it's made me see straight it's made me see clear I'm like yes maybe we all need that and if I think anyone's having setbacks like you need to realize that it's gonna make you a stronger a better person it's how you I think choose to turn your mind around isn't it so babe it's all character building it is look at you now thriving oh exactly you are you're thriving on this podcast

okay so another delusion then do you believe that love is just grand gestures and what's like explain i see i think social media has kind of fucked this one for a lot of people because i think social media portrays being in love as they're not all the time but this is like that you know this is people weren't seeing this 30 years ago but being in love is oh my for my anniversary my partner has covered my bed in a thousand rose petals put a thousand balloons in the room put up all these everything and that's like a an amazing gesture of being in love and i think a lot like i've fallen foul to that before like in terms of thinking like oh why has nobody ever done that for me but like that just might not be that person's love language like that just because someone

doesn't do that for you that doesn't mean they're not in love with you no i i fully agree like you said i do think social media has unfortunately ruined this for a lot of us. I think as well, a lot of people do it purely for social media to come across as a certain way. Like, it's different, I think, really special for my boyfriend. I film my life. So if I didn't film that, it'd be a bit weird to not film those sort of things. But I find it a bit strange, yeah, when, I mean, not strange. I don't really care what anyone else is doing. Like, absolutely, you do you. And don't get me wrong, I see all these TikToks of these boyfriends doing this and girlfriends doing that. And I'm like, oh, my God.

And whatever else. And we send them to each other and we we do but also like when like boys are doing it and they're filming I don't know putting all these rose petals out and stuff they've never like posted or shared anything before I am just a bit like did you do that just for social media because you don't actually share your life online so like like, I don't know. Yeah, I do think social media has definitely changed that for sure. And it's crazy because I know a lot of relationships that are nothing like they look online. Like I see like, you know,

the boyfriends and these amazing things with their girlfriends, but actually I'm telling you now they have the most toxic relationship. And just because they lay some rose petals out on the bed doesn't mean that their relationship is perfect and it's crazy how everyone's like I want what they have but again we do it we send each other the tiktoks yeah and it's like you have no idea because social media is very fake we only put out what we want people to see and it makes the it makes every relationship look perfect

whereas every yeah like it is it is actually crazy and like i'm so glad you brought that up about i know so many people as well on online their relationships look exactly how a lot of people would want their dream relationship to look but it's not like that and like i know a lot of people fall foul to i mean we've said like you said we send it to the tiktoks all the time it's like mad gestures that these like people are doing oh that was i'm not glad that was so fucking cute did you send me one the other day where he opened the car thing okay sorry but that was no that was and the thing is because that was the girl filming it he didn't film doing it and also it was the attention to detail was the roses

i know yeah so we have also fallen for it but we've fallen for it no literally honestly in this tiktok he instead of getting a like actual flowers he got a lego roses but like they were the most beautiful lego roses i've ever like it was like a work of art it was incredible i'm not gonna lie i actually still think i prefer normal roses but yeah me too but i think it was because the when it was because i literally said to byron a couple of days before i this tiktok had come up about all these lego roses and i was like god these are amazing it was ai no wonder they're amazing they weren't actually real so then when you sent me that tiktok i showed byron i was like oh my god he's got other lego roses but like i still wouldn't

have actually roses but it was just so cute but like yeah that was so thoughtful wasn't it that was that was like insanely thoughtful guys i don't know how to show you why we can't show you this tiktok in the house but like it was it's just the cutest thing in the world but yeah i think social media is like made everyone a little bit delusional in the sense of like stuff like that yeah yeah what love is because like and I find myself sometimes doing that as well I'm like oh well oh does he love me because he hasn't even like I don't know like sent me something for like but then also I do think that's love language like I feel like I would also slightly be like that maybe not so much without social media but to me my love language is

do you know what gift giving is quite high on my love language not because I want expensive and nice things I've said about this so many times but it's the thoughtful things it's like even a letter like you know I was watching the notebook the other day right like the fact he writes her letters and I was just thinking oh my god my boyfriend's wave he wants to like send me a postcard a letter i know in his head he's going to be like but i could just text you how much i love you why don't you send a postcard but to me it's like no because i thought and i'd keep it forever i think that's the cutest thing in the world like getting like handwritten letters yeah yeah like you said like a postcard like when i was

in australia a couple of years ago all my friends who had like partners at the time and i was they were they bought a postcard every place you went to and wrote it to their boyfriend yeah that's so cute i would so do that to my boyfriend and i was like oh my god this is like amazing and oh it was just like they can keep it forever and it's just the cutest thing and like it is just better than a text isn't it yeah like i would be so excited if i open my letterbox downstairs and i had like a little, I don't know. Same. I just wish that my boyfriend listened to my podcast. So if everyone could just DM my boyfriend, just be like, you haven't sent Safron a postcard

or flowers in a while. Yeah. Just be like, have you sent Saf that letter yet? Guys, go and do the work. Help us out here, please. Help us out here, please. That's so funny. Wait, can I, I've actually got a good one oh because i think this is one thing i think i have delusional in and actually i wonder if we

were gonna say the same one should a partner be able to read your mind oh i think i'm delusional in this sense i i do think my partner should be able to read my mind i appreciate it's not possible and i feel like this is the girl thing right and i've explained this to my boyfriend if i say i'm fine i'm not fine read my mind i'm not fine yeah like if you answer i'm fine well you're clearly fucking not no and you know what it's so crazy because i feel like natural like because boys don't do that i feel like they say probably more how they feel um and so i honestly think if a guy said i'm fine like they actually mean they're fine whereas us girls don't and so maybe we're delusional that we think they should get that but if you said to me i'm fine i'm thinking oh she's not fine

if i texted you and you just put i'm fine well she's not fine i'll call her straight away yeah exactly but that's why we're delusional because us girls get it but guys it's 2024 for everyone existing if someone says they're fine or puts i'm fine they're not no so just ask again or it's fine it's fine no it's not fucking fine no it's not it's not fine so maybe we are delusional in that sense but i or it's fine it's fine no it's not fucking fine no it's not it's not fine so maybe we are delusional in that sense but i think it's because the girls get it yeah i don't i was like is that delusional though or is that should that just be common knowledge by now but if you say i'm fine then you're not fine i think maybe it's a bit of delusion that they should just be able

to read our mind maybe we should just say what's on our mind more but but it's that like you want them to like really want to like get to the bottom of it and try and like it bothers them as much as it bothers you like that's why you say i'm fine because you want them to be like no you're not fine i'm that usual that if they if i said i'm fine they just put all right then that'd piss me off oh my god i'd be fuming i'm like wait they don't even care they don't even actually care like can they not tell are you serious they'd be like what you said you're fine well I'm not

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would though like if a guy is being like i don't know he's not replied to you he last texted you at six o'clock he's not messaged you till 10 a.m that it's morning he's clearly gone out and shagged someone else a girl some girls will be delusional and say that he's not done that so that he actually really likes her and instead he just fell asleep early. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're delusional. That delusion is not good.

Yeah. No, that is not a good delusion. It is really not a good delusion. Maybe you don't hurt yourself now, but you're going to hurt yourself way more in the long run. Oh yeah, babe. I think I've fallen foul to that before. Really?

I know I have. Yeah. I never have. I like, not that. Like he's not, but like I know that I've been delusional with a sense of like, I've had inklings and they came true, but I was just blinded by love.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's a common thing. I have a friend actually who is delusional. And like, I don't like saying that about people because I, like I said, I think delusion is amazing,

but in relationships, I don't think say I think delusion is amazing but in relationships I don't think delusional delusion is so good so I think in career success amazing in relationships not so much and she is so delusional I've never known anything like it boys walk all over her and it's amazing because she has so much self-confidence and self-love she's like oh no and I'm thinking it's black he's literally told you I don't like you she's like oh no and I'm thinking it's black he's literally told you I don't like you she's like oh no he likes me he's just and I honestly find it the most baffling thing I'm like you're delusional yeah that's delusional like like fully she's delusional but I love her so it's fine but and he comes down to self-confidence and self-love I guess I guess

she's not hurting herself but then I'm like I don't understand I'm not gonna lie okay so finally then do you think that delusion has forced us to have like unrealistic dating standards or romantic standards I think people would probably say I'm delusional in the standards I want but also I don't know I think it definitely could I think I have very high standards that maybe people think is delusional so maybe but also I think that's the bare minimum that someone should do for me because I just think if you love someone you should want to do anything for them so actually no I'm gonna stand my ground no yeah I don't think that's delusional I think I have extremely high standards and that is just me having high standards like obviously there's some really

fucking delusional things like if I set imagine like if I set a standard of like I want my boyfriend to I don't know what's something I'm really unrealistic i want my boyfriend to build a pyramid for me on it with his hands like bare hands like that's unrealistic that's delusional i don't know i was trying to think it's not really unrealistic and i was watching conspiracy theories last night about like how the fuck did they build pyramids that's delusional that's unrealistic but i don't but like in i i i think think social media has, like we already said, has led to some delusion being bad. But overall, I think we just have high standards

and that's not a bad thing. Yeah, and I think that just comes to a reflection of yourself and self-worth. And actually, I say we have high standards. I actually think my standards is what I do for someone else. So I expect the same back. So actually I kind of class it as bare minimum. But maybe to other people it's high standards but yeah i'm actually going to go with no i can easily see how it would and could but i'm going to say no to myself no

so do we need to right do we need to stop being delusional then no that's it we're not no i don't think we are very delusional in relationships i don't really think you and i are very delusional no i actually really really really don't i don't know and i think you need to get more delusional in your career because i think if you want to be a singer you can make it happen watch for the mood board i'm gonna make after this podcast and send to you and but it's more than just a mood board because you've really got to believe it for it to happen i'm gonna believe it like i am gonna do renaissance tour 2.0 okay i i'm joking obviously that is that's me being delusional but no

relationship wise i really don't think we're that delusional and i think let's keep it that way yeah right well i think that's enough for today on delusion um i feel like i don't know i've really had the words of wisdom come out today i don't know if it's been beneficial for anyone or not but if it's not been beneficial for anybody listening it's been beneficial for me well i'm glad i've been loving the quotes that have been coming out of you today I am a walking what am I going to call myself quote book I don't know oh my god I'm really really in my own little world today I think it's because I got up early

and I've started reading so I'm so going off on things this book oh my god probably the only book I've ever enjoyed in my entire life Atomic Hab habits oh my god everyone needs to invest in this book the best book i've ever ever read the only books that's ever excited me in my entire lifetime what's it about is it but building it's about creating habits yeah but

the guy's life is like really really interesting and like he nearly died and went into a coma it's so interesting but it's crazy because I know so many people that like are very very successful that every single one of them's favorite book is this book so I thought I'd give it a go me and my best friend started reading it this morning and I feel like it's just given me the I don't know the the self-belief the encouragement the i'm gonna start habits it's gonna be great maybe i need to buy that book yeah absolutely this guy was probably delusional even though he created habits i don't know that's quite the same thing but anyways but it's rubbing off it's rubbing off it's rubbing off the quotes anyway guys thank you

so much for listening to another episode we're gonna be back on thursday for a nice little bonus episode two um and other than that we'll see you then see you then bye bye