Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 51. How To Survive & THRIVE in A Long-Distance Relationship

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Saff’s man is chasing his dreams in America atm which means Saff is in a long distance relationship (again!!!). So we’d thought this is the perfect episode to chat about how to navigate and *keep* the romance alive when your partner lives far away. We also chat about pros & cons of being in a long distance relationships (we promise there’s deffo more pros than cons)! And you know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder…. Plus Saff reveals if is she'll move to America to be closer to Louis and Ana spills the tea on if her and blind date boy are *officially exclusive*!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi guys welcome back to sex lives and dm slides with me saffron barker and me anastasia kingsnorth so this is the podcast where we deep dive on all things sex dating and relationships and we uncover all the drama that is found in our dms now anna i have been very excited to speak to you because you have been dating a lot recently how how was the fifth day are you exclusive now um right i'm gonna be honest guys the fifth date didn't happen which oh my god please tell me please tell me on your terms not his no it was on my terms the fifth day it didn't happen. It's not going to happen because it will happen. I basically had to film a video for work on the day I was meant to go on a date. And I've always said that I will always put work first in this situation.

So I had to cancel on him. And I was like, I'm really sorry. Were you cancelled on him on the day? No, no, not on the day. I did. What day? I think I cancelled on him you canceled on him on the day no no not on the day i did what day what are those i think it was definitely on the day no it was it was on we were meant to go out on sunday and i canceled on him on friday okay i think so like get a couple days but you know what

he was so lovely about it like genuinely i was actually terrified i was like oh my god i feel awful like you just never like because if someone counts on me I don't know how to handle it but I think I'd really sit and overthink it I think you've seen each other enough time zone if you're still speaking he probably just feels confident that you still want to see him maybe yeah 100% I feel like we had the conversation as well because I feel like I come with different energy to the podcast every week like one minute I'm like yes I want a boyfriend like I'm fucking buzzing like I'm dating and the next I'm like oh actually I'm not too sure like maybe I'm not ready for a relationship yet so we had a conversation uh yesterday and I basically just said that I don't want to rush things at all like I'm enjoying how things are going I'm

enjoying dating but I'm not in a rush to be exclusive I'm not in a rush to be in a relationship like I'm still I'm kind of just like got myself back out there and like the dating pool again I just want to enjoy that and not put too much pressure on it yeah he agreed he obviously was like you know like he's not ready for a relationship either he hasn't been in a relationship like five years um so we're on the same page we're just enjoying dating right now okay okay well that's good um but no fifth day and we haven't like because he has basically said to me like i know you're really busy so you just let me know when you want to go like go on a fifth day and i was like okay fine so i'm gonna let't know when when I'm free but the only reason I'm laughing is because I just I personally think it's not that you're not ready like I don't like obviously I might be completely wrong but you've been wanting a boyfriend for however long now I don't feel like you're not ready for a

boyfriend I think maybe I just haven't found the one because yeah I agree like I think maybe that is probably more likely to be it yeah I agree and I also as we love to I do love to self-sabotage myself so like could I potentially film the video another day probably if I really wanted to but like I'm so set in my ways of like doing what I want to do that like it terrifies me so maybe I have self sabotage slightly but then also do you think it's that though or do you like I don't know like this is genuinely just speaking but if I wasn't that bothered about seeing someone I'd probably put my work first but if I wanted to see them more than anything I would not be putting the work first I know because like after the second and third day like I was so excited like I think I told you

after I got back from the first day I was like I literally cannot believe like how excited I am and I don't I don't know I don't know now it's getting warmer outside I'm ready for hot girl summer I feel like you need to go on another date and then really see how you feel me too that is literally I was saying that to some of my friends the other night I was like I think I need to do one more day and then judge it from that but i'm glad that we've had a conversation to like make sure we're on the same page and one of us isn't like further into it than the other because i think that like if that happens it's just gonna get awkward so yeah and then there's a lot of pressure isn't there so there's a lot of pressure and i don't want yeah and i don't want

there to be pressure yeah i think it's just too early on to be pressure um i keep forgetting that we have only met like four times like yeah one of our dates was like stupidly long but one of them was also a double date so i feel like i don't know i just need to take it slow yeah you know i'm still on still on here i really thought we was gonna be having double dates on the cards but me too but you know what you never know i feel like this year still could be the year of a boyfriend just it might not be the situation or it might be i don't know i feel like i'm just in that very much like i don't know phase you know so yeah i'll update you when there's been a fifth date okay and then i can let you know if we can go on a double date or not. Okay. Lovely. Let's go.

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looked at me and he was like no way he was like if you've torn your ACL you're going to be in agony then I sit down when he starts doing all these tests for me he goes yeah I think you've done your ACL and I'm really confused how you're not in agony and I'm like great he was like so it's not painful and I was like no and he was like but your ACL feels so weak like you need to get an MRI but it's just so annoying it's just the process of it all like I thought I could have an MRI on the same day and I couldn't so I'm still yet to wait for my MRI there still was a chance that it could not be my ACL but it didn't look that positive I'm not gonna lie to you but that is crazy though you're not in like any pain I mean it's a good thing that you're not in any pain with it but I know and do you know I just find it so weird that I've even torn my ACL because

I train my legs every day like I have such strong legs so like for me to just randomly ruin my leg from doing literally nothing i just can't even understand how that's actually possibly happened neither because your leg muscles are crazy do you know what i mean like i literally train my legs every day like i have muscly legs yeah you so yeah he was like so shocked and i said to him well what else could it be and he was like i don't know maybe you could have done your kneecap but I can't see it being very likely and I thought well tell someone is I don't really think he knows but yeah I'm not really sure he says my ACL feels really weak and that's kind of all I got given so have you booked in have you booked in for an MRI I booked

in for my MRI now so I'm just waiting for that okay at least I booked in? Have you booked in for an MRI? I booked in for my MRI now, so I'm just waiting for that. Okay. At least you've booked in. Yeah. And to be fair, like, I'm still able to gym. Oh, that's good. Yeah, like, I'm still able to gym. Like, I'm still doing everything.

This is the weirdest thing. Are you still doing legs, though? No, like, I'm not hip thrusting like I was hip thrusting. I'm not lifting 160 kg on my knees. No, that's crazy. But, like, I've found so many not lifting 160 kg on my knees no that's crazy no but like I found so many ways I can still train my glutes and I actually attempted running the other day but then I got to like 10 minutes and I was like oh knees feeling a bit weak so I thought I don't want to like overdo it and I didn't want to do that before my consultation but now I'm waiting

for the MRI I'm like oh screw it I'm just gonna work out and if you can like if it's not painful like without like putting like too much pressure on it you might as well do still do some little bits yeah the thing is it's not it's not painful it's just all of a sudden it's like uh knee fall out of place yeah like oh shit back in yeah yeah oh god I've been I've got really dodgy knees I don't know what's wrong with my knees I've always been dodgy and I've been going on the treadmill recently but i've been doing that 30 day treadmill challenge thing but like i found it so it's like you have to go on like gradient 10 for 30 minutes on speed 3 but i think speed 30 yeah that's it but i thought that it was too slow like it was so 12 3 30 is created from a girl called lauren who's actually

a youtuber but she created it in america and their treadmills are so different to ours which is why it feels so slow to you oh my god i had because i had to put it so you need to convert it yeah because it's not correct because i remember when i first did 12 through 30 i realized the same thing and then when i'd go to a treadmill in america their pace is completely different you put three on a treadmill in america you're nearly running i was gonna say well i turned it up to six because i was like i genuinely thought i'm like not i'm gonna fall off but like it was just so uncomfortable to walk at that like speed so i turned it up to six and jesus christ like to some people yeah that's what it that's what it should be like yeah to some people that probably is nothing i got off that treadmill and thought how have i just done that

it was so hard but i feel like love that but i feel like i'm getting better at it now like every time i come off i'm like oh i feel like accomplished now and then i i can't wait until the day that you start strength training what What strength training? Because the thing is like your body is already ridiculous. Like you, I'm sorry, but you are genetically so blessed. I'm genetically blessed. Yeah, I do know that. You are. Like your body is unbelievable.

And until recently, I don't think you'd ever entered a gym. No, I haven't. So if you strength trained, oh my God. And also like the feeling you get from it is like ridiculous. I can't wait. Now you're going in the gym. I'm so taking you to strength train. But what is that?

What is that though? Is that like the stuff that you do? Lifting weights. Oh, the lifting weights. Like weight training. Yeah. With my arms. With your arms.

With your arms. Tiny little arms. Oh God. They're going to snap. But yeah, I want to grow my bum bum byron showed me how to use um some of the leg machine to come and what they're called now but i was felt just so like so accomplished just doing that on my own remember i was like oh i can actually do it but yeah i love that still very low weight but i'm gonna work my way up and be a gym by the end of 2024 so that's all the gym updates anyway glad we're both back in the gym um how is how is long

distance going with you and Lewis do you know what is actually going really well and I was it's funny I've been in so many long distance I say so many I've been in so many long distance, I say so many, I've been in so many relationships, but all the relationships I'm in have been long distance. That is crazy that they have all been long distance. Yeah, like literally everyone. I just don't know how it happens. You were trapped in long distance. I know, I really, really do attract long distance.

So if you're listening to us for the first time, just know this advice you're getting is from a real long distance girly. I don't want to say I was most nervous, like more nervous for this than I've ever been. Because it sounds like I was like doubting our relationship in any way. And it's not that at all. But I think the difference with me and Lewis is actually we were long distance from the start anyways. Because he still lived in a different country and he did live in Wales. But the difference was, is I could drive to him whenever and he could drive to me

although it's like a different country we could still drive to each other and so for me I know for loads of people that seems like long distance because it's like a five hour drive but that's probably the closest distance I've had so I was used to that so for then him to go away to somewhere so much further with a different time zone like it definitely did scare me um and I think I overthought it a lot more than I've ever overthought a long distance relationship like it's really funny my mom would say to me like why like why are you worried if you're like so strong in this relationship like why are you worried about it like you get yourself into relationships with people when they start

living in a different country like they're you you start dating them when they're in a different country she's like and it doesn't panic you so how now is this panicking you and she didn't really understand it and I think it is because I'd got so used to going to see him whenever I wanted and we were seeing each other all of the time for then him to go away I didn't want anything to change whereas before I was used to that from the start yeah I agree and I think that is harder because when you have that change you're going to feel the change more whereas like exactly if you'd met him already living in America you can that is how you start the relationship that's how you build a relationship but yeah change is always the hardest thing but I feel like you're slaying it do you know what we actually are I'm gonna say we actually are because the effort this boy is putting in is actually adorable um so yeah I don't

really know I don't know why I was stressing like you said I think it was just the the idea of change just scared me a lot um but no it's actually going really really well I think we've just learned I think the good thing is is we're both very like say it how it is kind of people and so if we're ever feeling a certain way we'll always say how we feel like that's one of my favorite things about him as well um is he so like emotionally available and so if he ever wanted reassurance or something like he would tell me and so I think because we're very much like that and honest and open it just makes the whole thing a lot easier um but yeah he's been away now oh my god I think this is his 10th day this is the thing I was saying to him last night on Facebook, I was like, the first week I was like,

oh my God, a week down. But the last few days I'm like, shit, I've got nine more weeks of this. But I think, don't think, think like that.

I think instead, think, oh, we've done a week. Don't think, oh, we've got nine weeks left. Just think we're doing it.

Don't think how much time you've got left. I know, because the first week went so quickly. Exactly. And before you know it we're gonna be on the pod in six weeks you'll be like it's coming home in two weeks three weeks oh my god yeah that's that's joy that's a nice way to look at it once you hit the halfway mark then we can be like oh yeah he's coming home in four weeks but right now we're not thinking about

the nine weeks or however long it is no maybe Anna should be giving the advice maybe I need the advice guys I've never been in a long-distance relationship like since living in Manchester so I've been here like three years it's just really common that like everybody just lives within like an actual like mile radius of each other so literally my situationship lived that way literally I can see it's flat out my window where it's old flat my ex-boyfriend lived that way can also see it's flat out my window like it's just ridiculous do you think you could ever be in a long distance relationship yeah you know what I actually weirdly think I would thrive a little bit more in a long distance relationship because and I think you've always said this as well but with our job like I like

getting to like work and do what we want to do but then planning to see them and like because I still love having I really count on having my own time like I love just spending some evenings in on my own I love spending some evenings in on my friends like having long distance and being able to organize when I'm going to see them feels really nice compared to like seeing them every day which i don't know if that sounds really bad when i say it out loud no i i think that's actually one of the biggest pros yeah this relationship like don't get me wrong i would rather my boyfriend be here because he was he's never close he's never next door to be fair i probably wouldn't want him next door like i just

i wouldn't if we're like moving in if we live together obviously it's different but if he lived five minutes down the road, I actually don't think I would want that because I do think there is something so special about missing someone. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. No, it is like, it sounds so cringe, but it genuinely is so true. And it's funny. I know a lot of people that are in long distance relationships and everyone says the same thing. And it really, really is true. It really makes you realize what you want in life. And I think the independence of it is so amazing.

And because I had been spending a lot of time with Lewis recently, I think I found myself naturally, not him making me do this at all, but like I was always prioritizing Lewis, which I do think you should prioritize someone in a relationship of course but I felt like I was evolving my whole life around him because I loved him so much and also probably because you know still on the honeymoon stage like still you know all of that but when he then left I was like oh my god like how am I going to survive this long without him and then I really took a step back and I thought, you know what? I've survived 23 years without this boy in my life. And actually it's probably a really good thing. I think one of the

biggest pros about a long distance relationship is you learn how to live by yourself, be your own person. And when you come together, it just makes it so much more special. I completely agree with you. Like it allows you to, and of course course even if your boyfriend lives five minutes down the road you can still have your own independence but a long distance relationship really does like emphasize on that that you can really have your own independence and then like you said when you're together join together and then you know it i think it just works really good okay let's do the pros and cons then of a long distance. So that is I think that's a massive pro. Yeah, I think that's a massive pro. I think also just carrying on from that as well. I know we

talk a lot about and again, a lot of people might be listening to this like, yeah, right. But I can't even stress to you enough about how you genuinely will never actually true. I honestly, hand on my heart, believe you will never be fully happy in a relationship unless you actually love yourself and you're happy within yourself. I fully believe that because you'll never be happy for the other person when they're succeeding either, if you're not happy within yourself. And I think that's the biggest thing. And so I think if you're in a long distance relationship you have that time to work on yourself like I don't know little things I know you can still do this in a relationship but for an example like if Lewis was here we'd be going out probably on more dates and stuff and like eating out more and I don't know you just you

get into like a routine together and you I think you just naturally I don't know I guess maybe not not everyone I'm not saying it's always like this in a relationship but naturally I know I do anyways I probably I'm a bit more lazier when I'm with my boyfriend but I think that's funny because you're like enjoying their time and you just fall naturally into doing that I feel like when you have a partner yeah exactly but like when you're with yourself like whilst he's away I'm like well I want to you know work on my goals and you know you I think you just put yourself first a lot more often if you are by yourself and so I think yeah I think you can have more time to learn to love yourself and have that independence so I feel like that is kind of what we just spoke about but yeah but I think that

actually in the long run as I like makes the relationship work so much better because you have your independence you have your own separate happiness and your own separate goals but then you can join together and it works amazing but because you've both got your own separate lives of course it's like of course it's something you're going to merge that is just naturally how you can join together and it works amazing. But because you've both got your own separate lives, of course it's still like, of course it's something you're going to merge. That is just naturally how evolution works. But right now I think that is like the best thing. Yeah, no, a hundred percent.

I think as well, like I have a lot of friends that are in relationships and you know, they see their boyfriend or girlfriend every single day and it is so lovely. But I do think do think oh my god if they weren't together I don't know how they'd survive but actually I know they would survive because we always all do you always think the world's ending and blah blah and we always end up every one of us pulling through like it's always the case but I think they would struggle a lot more because they've never had that like time of

needing to be by themselves that separation almost that's it yeah that separation and again i do really think that is from learning to like have your own independence and loving yourself i completely agree with you so there's some pros then now let's talk about some cons what would you say a con is of being in a long distance relationship? Well, if you come through the other side, I think it's amazing. But the biggest con,

I think that, well, or should I say the hardest thing about a long distance relationship is you have to have so much trust. Shit, yeah. Like so much trust. Yeah, of course you do. And everyone does.

And I would probably say that's the i don't know yeah probably the biggest con i mean if you get out the other side of it it's the trust is going to be like because the trust is yeah exactly but it's yeah i guess it's just working through that stage of building that trust with them whilst you're in and that is hard like that is hard well yeah but i i've never really like sat and properly thought about that before but i agree that is very hard yeah because it's it's all fine like someone living an hour away but like you know what they're doing like you know whereas like if someone is in a different country, they really are living a different life. But again, that creates that whole independence of becoming

your own person and everything else. So I don't know, like, it definitely is a con. I've never actually really struggled with it. Maybe I trust people too quickly. I don't know. Or maybe, yeah, I think maybe I'm just confident in the relationships I'm in so I never I've never really had that problem like even when Lewis went never once did I think can I trust him like that was never one thing that crossed my mind yeah like I knew that I could I think another con is I think it's obviously a lot easier to overthink things. Absolutely. And to read into things a lot more.

Because as we know, like a text, you can read in a million different ways. And so you had an argument with someone and it's long distance. There's not that proper way you can actually make up with them. It's a lot harder to make up with someone over text or on a phone call than actually just seeing them in person. 100%. When you've had like that, like if something's gone wrong, you want to be able to be face to face with them to be able to resolve the problem and not in a different time zone. If something's gone wrong and they're in bed for 12 hours now whilst you sit awake and overthink the whole thing. Exactly.

So yeah, that is a con. I'm trying to think of any other cons. I mean, basic ones you're gonna fucking miss them obviously yeah that's that's gonna be the biggest that's probably gonna be the biggest one yeah but like when we actually think about it the pros are pretty amazing pros and i think overall it's going to build a stronger relationship by the end of it anyway a hundred percent so yeah it's like i think if you can get through that time and because also it's the commitment that you put put into each other i think it's it requires a lot more commitment and dedication to make a long distance relationship work than it does if your boyfriend lives an hour away or down the road a hundred percent it requires so much more

because you have to make time in your day on a different time zone to reassure the other person to give them time to give them you know all of your love and everything else so but that kind of translates to how like important as well like communication is with that other person when you're in a long-distance relationship and communicate it's so key to always but like you said that like lewis is very emotionally available and so are you so you're always super open about how you both feel and communicating with each other about how you both feel and I think that is so important because if you're in a long-distance situation and you're not doing that both of you are always going to wonder like oh like how is he feeling about it or how is she feeling about it but that's not something that luckily you have to worry about because

you're so good at communicating with each other and I think as well on communication even like we all do it when you're in a relationship with someone you're not going to start playing games with them no but there's always like that you know you go on a you go like the boys might go out the girls might go out like oh don't message them while you're out just so you know like you know they can get you know just a little ounce of jealousy or stuff like like you can't do that in in a long distance relationship, which is so much healthier because if you're doing things like that, you're literally going to fuck up the whole relationship.

And you're just going to fuck up yourself, like your brain, like the way you're going to start to think about things is just going to be so fucked. Yeah. Whereas I think that's so much easier to do that when somebody's around the corner because you think, you know,

like, you know, it's going to make them feel this certain way, which it might in the moment. But in a long distance relationship, you just can't be doing that because it fully works on communication and trust and reassurance and so if you're not constantly doing that then it's just not going to work obviously lewis is on a different time zone so that sort of long distance relationship is slightly different to a long distance relationship in the uk where you'd be on the same time zone so how are you finding that what is the time difference so the time difference is five hours behind which isn't that bad he's behind he's behind okay which isn't that bad um there's it could it could honestly be so much it could be australia

yeah literally or even california is eight hours oh shit yeah so it could be a lot worse but i think the problem is is like it's not like lewis has gone away on like a holiday or like moved country but like he's you know just working nine till five yeah he's working 6 30 a.m till 8 p.m at night and 8 p.m as if he finishes on time like he is training like minimum 13 hour days so the problem is isn't really the time zone it's the time zone and this like in my case it's also what he's doing. Yeah. Because he is training so hard that it's really, really fine in the time. When he finishes, it literally is 1.30 a.m.

And I can also imagine he's absolutely knackered. And he's absolutely knackered. So 1.30 a.m. he finishes. Like, I can't stay up every night till 1.30 a.m. Because I have my own life I have things that I need to do and so I you know I need to go to bed at a reasonable time because otherwise I would be in such a bad routine and I just can't live life like that um and obviously when he wakes up at 6 30 a.m for him so I think for us the time zone is a is is big, big factor in it, but mainly also because of his job and what he's

doing. So I know that's probably a bit of like a rarer case. Like he can't just call in the middle of the day. He would probably be kicked out of the program that he's in. Like he can't do that. So yeah. But then saying that, I do think he's actually been amazing because he, whenever he does have, like, I know when he's calling me every day. He calls me every day at 6 a.m. in the morning or 6 to 6.30 in the morning when he wakes up, he'll FaceTime me before he starts his day. And then he calls me at lunchtime, which is our dinner time,

for like the 10 minutes that he can. And that's kind of how that's what we speak you just know that you're going to get a call at that time which i bet is so nice yeah exactly it is it's so nice it's something to look forward to and like i've had to also make sure that i never have things on at those times so that i can prioritize speaking to him um because i know that they are literally the only times he can call me and whenever he could like can text me throughout the day he will and everything else but um yeah like the time difference is hard like it definitely is hard because also as well like when I think of long-distance relationships I think you've always got to do like cute and exciting things to like keep the relationship

alive as well as well as the communication and tell each other you love each other and I know like in the past you know I've like oh god it was so cringe but even like sat and watched a movie with my boyfriend at the same time I think that's so cute though that's like a little face but me and Lewis could never do that yeah the time zone like we literally could never do that also that would we could never have a day over face yeah that like we we just couldn't do it so that's where I think the time zone becomes a lot harder it's for things like that okay so what other ways then have you guys found to be able to kind of like keep it fun and special whilst in long-distance relationships uh well to be fair I don't really think we've done anything to keep it fun like i don't know i think just speaking to each other is enough for us i think because

because we don't get to speak to each other that often that's like the most exciting exciting alone yeah yeah um but also it's really funny actually i made him the other day he went to the shop and I was like oh can you like send me a little vlog he was like no I'm gonna get the biggest ick from myself but like now he started like sending me videos like of his day and what he's doing and it's it's really cute because I'll always wake up to stuff from him oh and then when I when he's training like I'll always send him stuff and so i think it's like for us the thing that's fun is just i don't know just like keeping each other up to date god that sounds so boring but we can't do the date stuff because yeah and because of how

busy he is with the long scheduled days like you said just being able to talk to each other is the exciting part and for you to like tell him what you've done with your day and like to hear how his training has gone and just little things like that i remember did you say on like the last focus episode or something you wanted him to send you a letter yeah he still hasn't right fuming look guys this is your job go in his dms i know we need saf to get a letter or a postcard could be nice. That could be really cute. No, I wanted a postcard. I don't know why he hasn't sent me a postcard.

I'm so upset about it. Yeah, you want a postcard from wherever he is, because I think that's really nice. And you can send him one from Sunny Brighton. No. Yeah. Let's go. So money is a thing, but it's not everything. I think you really look at the importance of what are you doing with your time?

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It's actually his birthday this week, and I am so gutted that I'm not with him. Like, this is one day that I think is going to be hard, probably a lot harder for him than for me but um that is one thing I genuinely am so upset about is I'm not going to be spending his birthday it's the first birthday of his as well that like you would have spent yeah so yeah so but I think a way for us as well to keep the relationship fun as well is like sending each other things and so I actually have so many ideas of like things that i want to send him like throughout the time that he's away like just like cute little ideas what can we like go in depth and what do you mean like physical items yeah got you like okay so like one

thing i want to send him which i would have probably already sent him by the time this comes out because i wanted to send it to him like around his birthday it's like the thing is he just loves cute thoughtful things and i actually think all boys do and if you're a guy listening to this girls definitely do yes take the i wanted to just send him a box because i love everything about america but the one thing they are so bad on like their chocolate does not taste like oh it's nowhere near as good the odd thing i'm like no winner is nice but like when you compare like hershey's like dairy milk and like galaxy and stuff i just don't think you can compare no you can't you really can't and you can buy like cadbury's over there now but it doesn't taste the same no it's completely different

so you're gonna send in chocolate so i was thinking like i'm gonna like just make a big box and like send all of his favorite like snacks and things in it that's cute but then like i'm also gonna send so many other like cute things like i was actually because this this kind of brings up the price you don't need to do this guys but i was also thinking like oh what can i do to like keep him fun on his day off so i was gonna send like a nintendo switch but also they have an american football game so I was like I'll put that in it that's just even like a little photo frame of us like I wanted to send him because he doesn't have anything like that out there yeah just something to make his room a little bit more homely

yeah did he take do you know if he took that cuddly toy with your face on it no he didn't he didn't take it no why don't you get him something i know on it do you know what yeah libby said this but i was like he already has a teddy off my face on it does he need something else you could get boxers with your face on it that is quite a good idea i think that'd be very fun so i was gonna say pajama bottoms but i don't know if you'll wear pajama bottoms whereas boxers he's definitely but it's not gonna come in time for his birthday now so it wouldn't be in the box no that could just if i did that and he just gets that pass when his coach opens it up imagine i think that's iconic i mean that's so iconic that could just be like a halfway present some boxes

with your face on it yeah i just don't know if it's cringe because well it obviously is cringe it's funny but like because i've already sent him something with my face on it is that just not too much what you've sent him something with your face on it since he's been away no no no yes oh you're still reading the teddy right got you yeah yeah okay well that's just another idea so that's a nice idea if you're in a long-distance relationship just send each other cute little things if you don't want to spend money a cute little handwritten letter i love letters i've only i've received i'm saying only have received one love letter in my life and it made me very emotional i think it's lovely stuff like that so if any of you listening

are in a long-distance relationship or are you know might be getting into a long distance relationship I think like the number one thing I would say is don't panic which is way easier said than done because I feel like you're naturally going to probably go into panic mode and you're probably going to overthink everything but that is the last thing you want to do because I think it gives you peace of mind that if something is meant to be it will be and everything happens for a reason and I think it gives you peace of mind that if something is meant to be it will be and everything happens for a reason and I think you have to look at it as a positive in this relationship because in the end it will make you stronger and build a stronger relationship so that would be my advice try not to panic I think I have like a little bit of an example on that as well. And I don't know if I've said this maybe on the last episode or not,

but with Lewis, when he first went away, I was really overthinking it and I was panicking because it was so much change. And I remember like saying to my friends, like the first couple of days, like why is he like not worried that it's not going to work? Like, does he not care? Like I kept thinking like maybe he doesn't like care enough like what if he doesn't love me enough

like I just kept overthinking all of this stuff and then when I actually took a step back I thought to myself the reason he's like isn't thinking oh it's not gonna work is because it's no doubt in his mind that it's not not gonna work that he wasn't panicking because he's so adamant that it's going to work that therefore he wasn't overthinking things he wasn't having to be like oh like do you think it's going to work like he wasn't having to do any of that because he was so confident in it working um and so yeah I really do think panicking genuinely adds nothing like if you believe something's going to work I don't know you what you won't panic like that like I think it is such a waste of energy and like the last like I don't know because

this was only like the first two days right but like the last week where I haven't been panicking because I've like realized actually he's not panicking um it's just gone so much quicker and what is panicking gonna do it's only gonna make your situation more stressful and make the whole like long distance experience worse for you like in a way the fact that he didn't panic should be reassurance yeah but for me i wasn't seeing it like that because i was panicking so much i was literally thinking oh my god he doesn't care. And I think it's so much easier for someone to say, don't panic.

Like it's so much easier said than done. But I think when you, like the example of me and Lewis, and you look at it like that, you realize that actually, like, yeah, that is so reassuring. Somebody not panicking. A hundred percent. It just takes a little bit of time and like adjusting to the change to realize that but yeah all right then so that's our advice to you guys and obviously there's loads of different things that you can do as well like we've said to keep the relationship alive i mean

obviously we haven't really alluded into this one too much but like sexing and stuff I feel like that's like yeah it's all stuff you've just got to do to to keep if you're into that just to keep the relationship alive do you know what I mean and we have like you've got to keep it exciting in one way or another so that that might not be your thing but you know yeah you have you have really got to make an effort yeah and if it's not your thing try it it might be a thing you know you never know you never ever know and as well as sexing there's i'm not entirely sure what it's called but i think everyone's probably going to have heard of it anyway as soon as we speak about it but the website or the app where you can watch a film with someone at the same time like no matter

where they are and it's got like the chat box down the side so you can still message whilst you're watching the film yeah that is so cute i love that i think that's so sweet i know loads of people are doing that in lockdown for like lockdown date ideas but again i feel like that's a really like nice long distance relationship one yeah it's it's so funny because i was actually saying to my boyfriend on sunday i was like well because it's your's so funny because I was literally saying to my boyfriend on Sunday I was like well because it's your day off like let's watch a movie together but like obviously the time zone and blah blah then I ended up having friends over in the evening so we couldn't make it work but I feel like on the weekend when he has time I will absolutely

be doing that and another one as well that's like a potential is like cooking dinner together on face and that's a nice like long distance idea as well yeah if you're in the same time zone everyone's yeah one of you might have to cook dinner one of you might have to cook breakfast but yeah but cooking together i think that's also like a nice little yeah activity where you can again not in my case because my boyfriend has a chef no oh okay he's living the good life he's got a chef exactly this is what i mean it's just annoying oh my god like i feel like my case is just just is what I mean it's just annoying oh my god I feel like my case is just just not normal is it it's not but you're slaying it and I think you're the best person to give long distance advice from so you're killing it babe thank you you're not

panicking panic stage is over panic stage is over you learn to love yourself more you realize how much they love you because of the communication and the effort that they put in and you realize if you can get through it you can get through anything exactly and when he comes back you're going to be stronger than ever absolutely and we're going around holiday which is so good so you get to plan things exactly yeah but that's another thing plan things for like when you know you're going to see each other again i feel like that's a really nice idea because then you've got something to look forward to yeah yeah definitely so i think we've given some well mostly you has given some very good advice you've given some good advice considering you haven't been considering i've barely even been

in a proper relationship for longer than two months i think i've given some solid advice here yeah no you just need to take it yeah i need be a fine decision in a long-distance relationship. Yeah, I need to take it, guys. I mean, a long-distance relationship is something that I would be fairly interested in. So if I get the opportunity... You're going to move your radius on Hinge now. Oh, my God, yeah.

At the moment, I think it's on, like, three miles. Just Manchester. Oh, yeah, just Manchester. But maybe I'll, like, push the boat out. Maybe I'll change it to London. We'll start off a couple of hours away and then do it further and further it just put anywhere in the country i feel like raya's good for that though because raya just shows you random people from fucking god knows like germany i'll get like yeah i would never match with someone in manchester

on raya's if i am looking for a long-lost boyfriend well that's where i found mine there you go see i'm gonna follow in your footsteps that's where i'll get yourself on raya babe i'm on raya and i you know every day i'm going through my do you actually swipe and use it yeah i go through my 15 pics a day that it gives me but like everyone is so far away and i just think like if i match you is it going to be a point but i'm not going to have that mentality but are these people that are far away are they messaging you because i know a lot of people don't really message on it that's what i mean are they messaging the odd persons message me and it's asked me though like but they'll be like oh when you find yourself in france for

example we should go for a drink or if you ever find yourself in germany let's go for a drink it's like well i don't know if i'm just going to find myself in germany just to go for a drink and it's like well I don't know if I'm just gonna find myself in Germany just to go for a drink but I'm glad the offer's there if I ever do yeah you know what I mean yeah got you so I've got I've got loads of advice now for a long distance relationship thanks to you Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th

with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Involuntary deal squeals can happen like the deal on new running shoes squeal the deal on a new blender squeal or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal save big on electronics fashion and more this prime big deal days october 8th and 9th let's go would you ever jump on a flight and surprise lewis i absolutely would but i'm not allowed to fucking hell it gets harder otherwise yes i think i would have done it but no i wouldn't have done it yet i would obviously let him have his own time because he's literally working towards his goals. But I absolutely would.

I'm just not allowed to go out there. So, yeah, I can't unfortunately do that. But the thought's there. Otherwise I wouldn't be doing that. Yeah, the thought's there. And obviously when, because we don't like saying if, when he makes it into the NFL, obviously he's going to be in America.

Well, then I need to make my decisions what I'm doing in life jesus christ i want to think about that yeah it's very big but um it's a big decision yeah like if i didn't move there i would probably always be jumping on flights and surprising him exactly but who knows what i'm gonna do who knows what the future holds but that's i think that's the exciting part though. Yeah. It's scary but it's exciting. And I think that's a nice way to end the podcast episode on. Me too.

Well thank you all very much for listening. I hope we have given you some. I actually I was going to say half decent. But I actually think we've given very good advice. So do I. I think I would. I'm going to. Well I'm saying if I'm in a long-distance relationship i'm

gonna listen back to this podcast episode when i'm panicking i'm gonna be like anastasia don't panic i feel like this episode has made me think as well i want a long-distance relationship even though if i'm being honest i don't like there is amazing pros but do you know what maybe in like a few weeks time when time goes quicker i probably actually will be like this is such a great thing that's happened 100 you've inspired me i'm changing my radius on hinge absolutely you should what a win anyways thank you so much for listening and we shall see you on the bonus episode on thursday um yeah we will see you then bye guys bye