Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 57. Teens vs. Our Twenties - The HONEST Truth

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

So much has changed in the last few years it’s absolutely wild! So we thought we would look back on our teenage years vs. now: our early twenties and the major lessons we’ve learned along the way! From relationships to dating dos & don’t, body image advice we wished we'd told our younger selves (remember you are ALL GORGEOUS) and more! You won’t want to miss this episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi guys welcome back to another episode of sex lies and dm slides with me saffron barker and me anastasia kingsnorth so we are back for another week and back for another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships but first of all hi babe how's your week been do you know what i'm not gonna start on a positive my week's not being that great i got some really bad news well it sounds like it's really really traumatic it's not that it's not that bad um but it is it is quite bad i got the results back from my knee that i thought was gonna be completely fine like oh god i just thought i'm running every day i'm gonna be fine anyways i've completely ruptured my entire ACL. He honestly doesn't even know how I'm walking.

Basically, the only reason I am is because he said that my quad muscles are so strong that they're like replacing my knee, if that makes sense. Otherwise, there's just no way. Like you need surgery and it's going to be about a year recovery, which makes me want to cry my eyes out and I'm not doing it anytime soon I'm absolutely not I'm not doing it this year no I've told him I just don't want to do it over summer because I feel like it's not going to take me a year to recover I feel like I'm fit I'm healthy but maybe six months so maybe I'll do it like the back end of the year

i just i just can't i'm not being in a cast in summer it's not no i think it's a hundred percent a winter thing if you can choose when to have it because i know two people who have ruptured their acl and like i saw them go through like the surgery and stuff um and yeah it's not the recovery is hard but you are i feel like you're in a good position because you are so fit and like strong in like that sense so i feel like you're gonna you're gonna be fine you're gonna be fine i want to cry that he starts going you know and it causes arthritis when you're older like you know he's going say you've got arthritis in your knee at 75 with this injury it'd be more like 55.

But if you have the surgery, it might bring you back up to like 65. What? Why would you say that? I know. I'm literally thinking this is just not like,

you're not helping the situation. And the thing is, when I walked in there, he did look really concerned. He was like, how are you feeling? And I was like, I'm fine.

I've been for a run. I'm running it. I just went, just run an hour. Like, I'm fine. That is crazy that you're able to run really bad well it's because he was like all he was like well he said it's really weird that you can do it straight away because it should take time but he was like anything parallel you should be fine but normally people have to like really work up to it and like right make their legs stronger he said but as soon as you do twist

motions which i haven't done but obviously i've been squatting and stuff still like parallel okay yeah i don't know anything like parallel i should be fine doing until i just don't want the surgery i just don't understand like can i does anyone know can i not have the surgery and it go back to normal like is it something that can fix itself? Because if so, I will do physio every day. Well, yeah,

to avoid. I do not want a surgery. Yeah, it's just to avoid the recovery. I don't know. I don't really know too much about it. I just know it's a really common sports injury. Like,

I always hit everyone in the sports world, like, doing that. I just really thought it was not that. Like, genuinely, I thought there's no way. It's just got

to be like my kneecap or something yeah just something that like wouldn't require having to have surgery for yeah it's not the surgery like you said it's the recovery yeah like i don't want to take a year out of my life especially because you're such like a fit and like active and like gym person well yeah like i'm happiest when i'm at the gym or if i've just got back from the gym yeah i'm not happy unless i feel physically fair exactly like genuinely yeah so it's really gonna take the life out of me so anyways i'm avoiding that for as for as long as i can but let's look at the positive at least you can still walk on it yeah no i think i just preferred it when i didn't know i didn't know what was wrong with it like i preferred it then yeah that is

very true because i suppose now you know i just wish i never got the results oh yeah anyways how's your week been hopefully it's been better than mine my week has actually been pretty good actually what have i done this week well last week i went to downing street yesterday which is so cool crazy that was like bizarre never thought i'd see myself in downing street that was really cool got to see like because this is very random but the other day i went to the Tate Modern um and I was looking at all the art and I was like oh I really want to look at some like old art you know like really old paintings of like just because I was looking at the modern art and I was like it's just not really doing it for me I was like I feel like I need to look at something more interesting

I don't know and then I went I was in down the street fucking art everywhere and i was asking the woman and they were all like actually live painted of the people so they were like henry the eighth and berlin like oh wow shakespeare and i was like oh my god that is so cool and i saw a painting that was worth 20 million pounds so i was like right how on earth is that worth 20 million pound um so that was how my week started off i had my event on friday got very drunk very very drunk need to stop doing that because i was completely written off for the full weekend again literally did nothing but lay in bed i still haven't drank you know i know i still haven't i saw that on your story you went out and you had a hot chocolate oh i did actually look like a crazy person you went out and you had a hot chocolate oh I did actually

look like a crazy person right I do understand that having a hot chocolate on a night out is a little bit weird did that not make you tired the thing is I was so cold

and I was saying to the girls I was like these diet cokes are making me colder like I genuinely needed a hot drink but I realised I'm gonna look like

a crazy person and you were in like an actual bar because alcohol warms up your body doesn't it yeah that is true so none of the girls were feeling the cold and I'm absolutely freezing were you in a full-on bar yes and i've

asked for a hot chocolate did they look at you gone out like what they thought it was a weird i mean i went there saying this is a really weird request but and they were like i don't even think the hot chocolate machine's on well yeah i suppose because i'm like midnight oh my god i know yeah i don't even know how many days i'm in now but like i've been well yeah since jam first actually can't believe it do you know what though that night out i did want to drink did you like every single part of me wanted to drink but it's the principle i said i would do 75 days so i'm doing do you feel better so far for not drinking uh I thought I'd really be like yeah but not not not really okay I think it's um yeah I think I expected to feel a lot better than I do but also I don't know for example like I wanted to drink

on that night out so badly well I woke up and I was fine I knew if I had drank I would have felt like shit the next day so yes I guess I feel better in the sense of I I'm going out and I'm not waking up hangovers and I'm getting on the next day so yes so like I think it's harder to notice the difference when like day to day it's I don't feel better if that makes sense but just like in the sense of a hangover but the next morning and stuff and like the hangover yeah of course like i feel so much better for not drinking and i always wake up and i'm like so glad i didn't drink oh 100 like you feel like it in the moment but every morning i woke up i've been like so glad i didn't drink 100 and also next week haven't actually told you this yet oh god but i'm actually going to Dubai next week basically i was

going i was gonna go take myself on a solo trip right probably sounds like i'm actually going to dubai next week basically i was going i was gonna go take myself on a solo trip right probably sounds like i'm having a midlife crisis a little bit um one of my friends is now coming but i'm going to dubai and i still and i know like i'm not going to dubai to go party like i'm genuinely going almost like a fitness retreat oh to work out and just to be in the sun i'm still not going to drink and i've said to my friend that's coming i'm like obviously you can come but like i'm not drinking i'm not partying like it's not that sort of holiday right and i feel like that is going to take willpower that will take even just laid like by the pool or like cocktails by the pool yeah and you're going to see everybody having the

cocktails but that will be real self-discipline that will be real self-discipline that is like a perfect practice and you will know part of me is like oh i could just have a couple but then i'm like no no if i was at home i wouldn't have it and i told myself this is gonna be like nice little getaway fitness retreat get a tan get a tan oh my god i'm gonna be so jealous of the tan well i've got to because my boyfriend's tan is absolutely ridiculous. He's been away for a month now and he's half Maltese. So, I mean, I really need to get the tan on. Yeah, you need to catch up.

Well, that is going to be a very good test of your self-discipline. I'm very jealous. Who are you going with? Because I feel like that also depends if you're going to... My friend Harriet. Okay. But basically, she is a massive party girl you're probably yeah i know i was gonna say that working out but um she's all

down for like the detox yes okay and i feel like dubai is like the perfect place to go for like a nice detox because well yeah it doesn't sound like it because it sounds like party holiday but honestly you can do the amount of like fitness classes they do out there yeah like a lot of people who live out there are really healthy yeah a hundred percent like i think have a lot more of a healthier lifestyle than us oh one million percent oh and i'm so jealous oh my god that'd be really nice nice little trip nice little trip how long are you going for uh six days oh i'm so jealous i love dubai so much and I'm very jealous of the sun. you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month.

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Let's go. Last week, we were talking about myths that were related to sex and intimacy um and it got us thinking about how our views on relationships and dating have changed as we've grown up in our 20s like compared to our teens so we thought it would be good to discuss some comparisons um on life around our teenage years so the first question is how has your lifestyle evolved from your teenage years to your 20s it's completely fucking changed like i live in a whole different city to what i did yeah yours is so yours is massively changed yeah like in my well when did i move here i moved out when i was 20 yeah when i was 20 um and before that I lived at home with my family and it was like a

very very very small town like we literally only got a Nando's bill as I left um it was like nothing there and then only just got an Nando's bill only just got an Nando's bill that's what you know it's tiny down um and then yeah I moved to Manchester in my 20s and I feel like just ever since I've just been living like my best city girl life like I feel like I've had like do you think it made you more confident live like moving to a big city one million percent and I also feel like it allowed me to express myself a little bit more in a sense of like even study things like fashion right like at home I would be so scared to wear like a really cool outfit that I'd want to wear. Whereas here, I get so excited to go out in a really cool outfit and go.

Yeah, no, I get that. Yeah. Do you understand what I'm saying? Like it's just so. Yeah, because I feel like in smaller towns,

I don't even, yeah, I don't even know how to explain it, but well, you would stick out a lot more. Yeah. Wouldn't you? And I just feel a little bit embarrassed. Isn't even the word.

Cause you shouldn't feel embarrassed at all. But I think I just feel a bit like, Oh, I don't know if I want to go out in that. I don't know and I just feel a little bit embarrassed isn't even the word because you shouldn't feel embarrassed at all but I think I just feel a bit like oh I don't know if I want to go out in that or I don't know if I want to do that but like here like I love like booking a nice dinner going out for some drinks and getting dressed up or even just like going into town like if me and Byron are all should go into town let's put like a really cool outfit on today and like go and shoot some stuff like I don't know just even that's like yeah my life has changed massively in the sense of like it gave me loads of confidence moving out especially moving out on my own as well I feel like that is a whole new level of like independence that was terrifying like it sounds so stupid but when I moved out like I didn't know how to use anything in my apartment

I literally like didn't know where anything was I didn't like I didn't drive it was just like basically learning to do everything all over again but I'm like that's like amazing something like it's made me super independent and like a lot more confident now and I'm sure it has with you moving out as well like living on your own yeah definitely I think independence is definitely the biggest thing I mean I literally had well I still have such a close relationship with my mum but like we were two peas in a pod like you could not like separate us I don't even think it was I don't even know people look at us think it was healthy how close we were um but like she did everything for me so I really did have to have a lot of independence but you know what it wasn't just moving out I think just even being like in a long-term relationship I think that also gave me a lot of independence I think as well as I mean the

moving out obviously definitely has like even just paying my bills and like doing the washing there were things I'd never done in my life before I mean I didn't even understand my bills my mum would just do it for me like I just didn't get it at all I had no idea um no it is correct so yeah that is I felt like that is a very like a given one but yeah it's like you I didn't even think about the paying the bills and stuff it sounds so stupid but it's like even remembering to get like your car emoted and to pay your car insurance and it's like just adult things like that that you literally did not have to worry about I hate it I know and it always happens I don't know about I don't know about you but like everything that I have to worry about i hate it i know and it always happens i don't know about i don't know

about you but like everything that i have to pay for is in january or february like yeah everything the most depressing ones that make it make so depressing because the tax anyway on top of that i've got a penny extortion at car insurance then my fucking mot then all of this you know what though we're getting old we're like i know we always talk about how young we are but listen to this right one of my friends so i turned 24 this year but she turns 25 and i feel like 25 that to me feels like babe all my friends are here 25 yeah but 25 means you're like if we was on if she was on x factor she'll be on 25s and older that's she'd be with susan boyle on x factor she'll be in the same category like she's in the 25 and overs do you don't think that's slightly offensive now you look at that the fact they put the 25

and overs like that one massive category yeah the huge huge you can be 20 80 and you're in the same yes yes and this is what we were saying to her we were like oh my fucking god you literally be in 25 and old like overs which you look at them you don't think oh they're really young like you look at them you think oh the 25s and older well you're closer to 30 than you are to 20 technically oh god i just can't talk about it well i'm not 25 neither we're only turning 24 this year and i love that because i feel like we're some of the youngest in like all of our friends so when we're celebrating we are yeah when we're celebrating no but the thing is you're the oldest of your year it's funny i always talk about you say i'm the oldest of my

year but the youngest of all my friends and i love it yeah everyone else is going to turn 25 this year and i'm like guys i'm still gonna be 23 when you're 25 i love it oh god anyways anyone that's listening that's 25 and older i'm so sorry oh god yeah thank you i do apologize you know what next year i'll still be going we're so young and up we're so i know i know we're gonna be 25 you're as young as you feel exactly you're only as young as you feel i know you're only as old as you feel yeah uh is there anything that like you wish you had started earlier in life like routines and stuff that have i don't know I guess it made you more independent oh routines I I wish I started going to the gym earlier on in life I swear you only

started the gym this year I mean this is amazing well end of last so so basically you wish you started it at least last yeah wow I just wish I went because I feel like that has gained me so much more confidence as well oh I love that just a whole level i just feel like so much more even just like it sounds i say this to everyone about the gym you just got to get into it yeah i've been saying to it so long you genuinely have said it to me for years like years and then finally i've listened that's always everything you say to me it always works out being the right thing it just takes me about three four years to understand it do you know what it's funny you've always said this yeah i know you're gonna tell me something and I'll take the advice on a couple years after I think fuck say why didn't I do that earlier like that is literally it I'm

trying to think of some other like do you have any like routines or anything that I wish I understood well talking about the gym I wish I understood nutrition years ago like I understand it now like I feel like I understand macros I understand like I just I am yeah I just understand a lot more about nutrition that was during lockdown I I basically took a course um I mean technically I could be a qualified PT if I took the test because I literally know everything and I love that look at me look at you your CVs well good well I haven't actually quite done it yet so maybe i'm just chatting shit yeah i to be honest that is something i really wish i knew because

back in the day when i was even when i was you know i've literally like dieted like my whole life which is not healthy at all like even when i was 14 i was doing slimming world that's great when i was 14 but it's because i and it's because I'm naturally somebody with very slow metabolism like I would honestly I only have to see cake and I gain weight like I just gain weight a lot quicker than all of my friends that also goes down to me being so small so obviously I can't eat the amount that my friends can eat um and back in the day I just really didn't understand calories or macros like at all I genuinely believe that like carbs would make me fat yeah like I would just literally go like a

month without eating any carbs and then I would join slimming world and I don't know I just wish I understood back then what I understand now I mean I know that isn't really a routine but now I feel like my diet is so balanced and healthy um and I wish that I knew that back then I guess that's not really a routine I guess that's more a lifestyle really well no but I completely agree with you and it's just having that like healthy relationship with food because I feel like growing up like I ate so much shit and I did not prioritize like eating good at all and which was fine like it didn't necessarily bother me but like i ended up just feeling like do you think that went down because like you didn't gain weight so like

probably i know if i was younger and i didn't gain weight well i just would have eaten shit yeah probably because i didn't notice it so i just enjoy eating that food and like i wouldn't think anything of it and then it was probably like last year maybe at the beginning of the year when i got diagnosed with pcos i started to notice that i was gaining weight so i made the changes but like i wish i just made the changes to eat healthier earlier because it just i realized it made me feel better like it really like it just i know it sounds so stupid but like for my lunch i'll just have like a salad or like a chicken salad or like i think it all goes down to education though yeah it does a hundred percent like the only reason i change is because i educated myself yeah a hundred

but that's literally the only reason like because you see all of these i mean actually there's so many people that if you go online now a lot of people are like you know telling you carbs don't make you fat and blah blah and you should eat this so like i get it but also there's always been a myth that like that is a thing you know like it's always it's always been said so I think it's just like educating myself and like on other topics as well I wish I educated myself sooner because I feel like really the only way to like learn or grow from something is by educating yourself and I think that actually does just come with age as you get older you want to learn those things more and you want to take more of an interest into those sort of things that we probably didn't care about when we were like

17 18 like i know at 17 18 the last thing i was going to sit and think about was like a healthy recipe that i wanted to cook because i wanted to make myself yeah i was going to mcdonald's and also you just want a quick fit i mean we always all just want a quick fit exactly but like whereas like now i have to find enjoyment in like cooking a nice meal like i'm actually like also i still don't find that i'm not gonna lie but that do not find that at all that might come no i genuinely don't think it will ever come like me and lewis we've always said like who actually is going to do the cooking genuinely like we both hate it as much but i think i could actually hate i think you could cook an amazing meal though if you really put your mind to it yeah i just don't want it yeah

no and to be fair to be honest though also like it's a bit annoying i don't like doing it really when i just cook for myself because i think oh like i have to spend an hour doing it now and i don't even really like i'd rather cook for somebody else as well if i'm going to spend ages in the kitchen so somebody else can also do it and the thing is I'm not that good of a cook like I know it's an excuse like I know I could be if I really put my mind to it but I just genuinely it's one of those things I don't enjoy it like I don't I mean I probably don't enjoy it because I'm also not good at it but I just can't be bothered to learn like it's not something I like really thrive to learn like honestly I've got my meal prep in the fridge it took way too long to do

it but it's so convenient now because i just grab my meals out like and like that i don't mind doing but otherwise every day i might cook it yeah but that's kind of good though because you can just do it all in one go then you've got it for the rest of well the rest of the week or however many days you do it for and to be honest it makes me eat so much more balanced as well because before like i would just snack on protein bars and stuff because i'd be hungry and i can't be bothered to cook a 45 minute meal whereas now meal preference in the middle of the day is long sometimes i have to sit and think oh i've got to cook this i don't really want to be doing that yeah lunch and dinner a few hours later no i think it's i'm always having three meals oh there's one thing about

me i'm getting my three meals and the snack. I'm potentially having four meals if I'm really hungry. So. Let's go. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation. You can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire.

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I feel like I do look very different but oh well I definitely look different yeah I mean when we watch our old videos back oh we look so different it's funny because yeah I look back and I'm like oh god thank god I've had a bit of a glow up but it's funny because yeah i look back and i'm like oh god thank god i've had a bit of a glow up but it's funny because i feel like i don't i see pictures of me from six months ago and i'm like oh i wish i learned that now or like i wish i was happy then i remember last year when i went to ibiza actually to be fair last year i feel like i was actually quite confident in ibiza i think you were really confident yeah i was actually kind of thriving yeah that makes that makes a change because my friends say

to me i can't take a compliment and i know it's my worst thing yeah you can't i literally can't take a compliment at all yeah i feel like i was actually quite confident then but i think that goes honestly to like me like when i eat good it makes me feel good from inside out like you said it just makes you have so much more energy makes you feel better but previous years anyways when i've been away i i would always be upset like on girls holidays I'd feel so insecure so upset not that anyone else would know it like looking at my Instagram pictures and stuff but I'd really feel like that and I'd look back and and be like oh my god I looked amazing then I wish I looked like that now and it's funny because in the moment you feel so insecure and you didn't feel amazing.

And I felt like you look back and you're like, for God's sake, why did I not just appreciate how I looked then? Honestly, babe, I feel the exact same. So I was like, I scrolled down my Instagram and I'm like, oh, I loved how I looked then. But I remember in the time, like at that time, I hated how I looked and I'd pick apart like everything. But you know what? One thing I think has massively changed about me and you since we were younger the way we do our makeup oh my god i know is i feel like we both take the more like natural looking approach now compared to what we used to because my god when i look back at some of the makeup that i used to do i look it was the highlight of me oh it was just no but you and also can we talk about the

fact that i fully bleached my whole head no do you remember those i was talking i was talking to my to nicole my sister-in-law the other day and we were lit she was like i told you not to do it it was the worst thing and you know that's what ruined all of my hair i literally bleached my entire so i remember i remember the pictures of me and you at your old house and we're in those onesie like jumpsuit yes the pink onesie yeah and your hair is like white blonde white white guys worst decision i've ever made i'm not sure never do it oh my god i've literally just ruined all of my hair by doing that and it looks but to be fair though i've also gone through so i've bleached my hair i've had my hair black at one point what

else was that when you grow up you just want to try different things don't you i think you do just have to try different things like even my eyebrows back then what the fuck honestly i took everything but i think at the time i clearly enjoyed myself the thing is we look back and we're like oh god like we've changed thank god blah blah but also at the time like they would have been trends oh 100 we're probably gonna look back now so big we're gonna look back now and be like what are we doing yeah but yeah maybe not so much because we're a bit older but yeah we definitely will i think that goes back to my point is like we always will look back and be like oh i wish i but then that just goes to show it

goes to show how we should just appreciate how we look now which I know is so much easier said than done but I really really have been recently really trying to just like talk nicer to myself as I've got older I said as I've got older it's been more of a thing this year because I genuinely think I speak negatively to myself every single day yeah not to like also agree but I am agreeing because I that was one of the things that always upset me because you always speak not very nice about yourself and I think maybe I I just look at you and I see like such a beautiful like person but I know it's hard to like see that yourself but like so it makes me happy I think it's hard

as well when like everyone comments on you constantly oh one million percent and I think like being an influencer like you're expected to be like a certain level of like pretty and so I think I just always felt like I needed to be so beautiful like I would my problem is is I compare myself too often like I know that's my problem and the thing is I used to always be so like well I still am envious of you because I know you obviously I know you have insecurities like I know that we all have insecurities but I think you are amazing at like just being confident genuinely and like just like don't get me wrong obviously I know you're not going to be all the time yeah I get that but I would look at you and just think oh my god and even if it is fate but I would just think how was she so confident like I get because you look I would look at you and then

what she looks amazing but I just feel like oh my god like I wish I like I would never hear you go oh my god I look gross whereas I would say that like five times before I walk out the house yeah I feel like as it is a bit sad because as I've got older and as social media has become more like it's such an amazing place but also the beauty standards are crazy and unless you do look like this like perfect what people that have is perfect in their head you are going to get comments on all the time and I did start to like question the last year like different things and I keep telling myself like why am I questioning these things because I never questioned them before and you're right like a couple of years ago like I'd actually go out

without genuinely a care in the world and I was so happy because I just get myself ready I'd feel good and go like that genuinely how it would how it would be and obviously I do have insecurities I do feel shit about some things but I try to just look past them and try and just think to myself like oh like it's fine it doesn't matter but obviously it does get hard with social media and like you were saying like the pressures nowadays to look a certain way it's just beyond damaging for people yeah it's just crazy I think it's just super easy for us to compare ourselves but like also we all do it to everyone like there'll be people that do it to us like

everyone compares themselves so it's like yeah like you can't hate someone for being beautiful but it's just easier to compare yourself nowadays because you're constantly seeing like the best filtered version of people like you know I post the best filtered version of myself on my Instagram I mean I don't really so much right now or on my YouTube but I think you're the same I feel like the Instagram is more like a filtered like version so it's easy it's easier because you're just seeing the best of people's lives aren't you like that's just constantly what you're seeing yeah and it's funny because like the last year or so I've really been trying to like especially with my skin because I have so many ups and downs my skin like I've

really been trying to share my skin like my acne and like without makeup and stuff so that people don't constantly feel like you know we look amazing 24 7 yeah we don't and that's like you know I think that's so good I think that is the beauty of like you were saying YouTube the fact that like yes Instagram is our filtered version of ourself and like our best posed looks or whatever our best outfits but on YouTube I feel like we can just be that like this is literally straight out of the shower this is exactly what i look like and i think people really appreciate that and like i know that when i see people post that i appreciate that more because it just makes me feel better yeah like which and also there isn't anything wrong in

posting a really nice picture of yourself because you look like that before you go out but I think it's just like yeah it's obviously nice seeing like the mix like I think me and you also try and post like lots of dumps and stuff as well so you're seeing like you know the actual reality of of our lives but yeah obviously we all want to post a nice the nicest pictures of us 100% when I get a good picture I'm buzzing to post it oh I'm absolutely I can't wait yeah if I'm looking good that night I'm like get a camera in my face now I'm like well excited yeah literally I don't know if you saw my jammer posted a photo dump the other day a couple weeks ago and it was of loads of like random selfies that she was like um I look as though my Instagram looks as though I'm like together enough to wash my face before bed but in reality this is me and it was like the best photo dump I've ever seen

because it was so realistic but then like also it makes you appreciate all the times that she looks amazing like I don't hate on people by the way that like post amazing pose pictures I love following people that have amazing outfits and amazing makeup and amazing hair but yeah of course like it's nice to see that too isn't it because you do feel less of a less of a pressure I guess yeah I was just like oh babe I think I look like that all the time I wake up looking horrendous if I sleep in my makeup oh my god after decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator,

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above my years and yeah I think I don't know I think I used to think every relationship I was in was the one but then also I wouldn't be in a relationship unless I had that yeah I think, I don't know. I think I used to think every relationship I was in was the one, but then also I wouldn't be in a relationship unless I had that. Yeah. I think that was a really good attitude to have because otherwise you're, what are you doing it for? Hmm. Um, but I think, I don't know if this is more about relationships,

but I think as I've got older, I've realized that no relationship is going to be perfect and that the, the long-term relationships I think work okay this is something i've learned long-term relationships work when two people want it so badly that they're willing to do anything to figure stuff out and i think that's something that i've definitely noticed like neither of you are going to be perfect and i think a long-term relationship takes a lot of commitment and also a lot of um what even is the word compromise yeah like a lot of compromise yeah that's what I was thinking and I genuinely think that like if you love someone enough you will compromise and you will just figure it out

like I think yeah it's I used to look at relationships online and just think like oh my god unless he's buying me this like he doesn't love me and blah blah I guess that's the one thing I've learned like as I've got older like that's not the case actually the people that love you the people that like compromise for you and like you know are willing to actually have a conversation and talk things out yeah one million percent I completely agree with you like I obviously I've had a relationship it wasn't super long but it was my first like adult relationship and I learned a lot from that I learned a lot about compromise and just emotions and adult things that you have to understand in relationships that you probably wouldn't be dealing with at

16 if you're in a relationship I think the only other way that my view has changed is I and I was saying this to Saf before we came on here I think that I thought I'd be maybe married and have kids a lot younger than I actually realistically will now like when I was 16 17 I genuinely probably thought I was going to be like engaged at 24 25 to have kids at 26 I mean same which i don't think i can safely say i mean you can never say never i understand that it literally could be by prince charming tonight and be swept off my feet but i personally don't think that's gonna happen but i also don't know if i'd be ready to have kids at 26 i don't know i know everything can change but i guess when i was 16 10 years away felt so far and i was like yeah 26 i'm gonna have

kids and now it's only three years away i'm like wow like time has gone so fast i don't know if i feel the same that i did anymore yeah got you which is a bit no i mean same i always thought i was gonna have babies by like 20 i thought i would have had a baby by now yeah but i think it's because i thought this was just quite old to be honest i thought it's quite late in life one million percent as i've got older i've realized it's really not i'm really really still quite young yeah but um no i was always adamant that i was going to be like a young mom and like the latest i was going to have children be 24 got my boyfriend look at this but you still can um but i don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon like i'm just yeah i i feel like there's just

so much more i want to do in life do you know what though i genuinely do feel like it was more common i say back in the day but like when my parents were younger to have children younger oh yeah it's like now i feel like people have it really at like people have babies at literally any age goes yeah whereas i feel like back then it was more like you would have it i at like people have babies at literally any age goes yeah whereas i feel like back then it was more like you would have it i don't know more people i knew would have babies younger than than they do now um and yeah it's crazy because like my mom finds it crazy that like i don't want a baby now yes my mom genuinely finds it crazy yeah but i suppose because you're right back then but they did they did have kids

a lot younger than and obviously people are still having kids at rh and like on instagram i feel like at one point everybody on my feed was pregnant i was like i cannot escape this baby fever but also like personally i don't actually know like none of my friends have had like babies yet so i just don't feel i don't know like yeah I can understand why your mom thinks that like it is crazy yeah I mean she had she was pregnant at 18 yeah so like that's five years ago for us yeah we'd have a five-year-old which is crazy no I know actually and it's actually crazy so I think yeah it's just like you know but I don't know like I I don't know I genuinely have no idea when I'm gonna have children I have no idea when I'm going to have children. I have no idea when I'm going to get married.

I'd rather get married first. Like that's my dream. But my boyfriend is the opposite. He wants baby first. So the, the, any of our, I don't know what's happening.

We're going to practice compromise. Are we going to practice compromise? Yeah. Cause I feel like marriage is probably actually a bit easier than a baby. Yes. Me too. But I just feel like also like we should just normalize like not knowing and not having it figured out i feel like that's so important no that's the thing like i don't even just when it happens it happens but for now exactly like we don't need just we don't need to know like even

with like our careers and our jobs and what we want to do for the rest of our life like we realistically still are only 23 we're three years into our 20s and three years into being a technically proper adult like we don't need to know what we want to do and loads i think people feel a lot of pressure to to know they have to have everything figured out they must know and you really don't so if you have even if you're 28 or 29 you still don't know who gives a fuck apparently people have this whole like revelation in there like late 20s 30s where they go through their party era again and it all starts again i'm like i love that like if that's how it's gonna be fuck it like i'm gonna i'll enjoy it i think no that is

genuinely that i think that is such good advice because i think a lot of us feel like we need to have it all figured out and we don't we don't need to all figure it out like we're so young like we're so I honestly feel like you can do anything at any age like if you want something bad enough you can you can literally change your whole career if you wanted to yeah at 40 if you wanted a career change go for it yeah exactly it's funny because you see all these like I think I've talked about this so many times on this podcast but like there's so many videos of like famous people when they made it. And like, everyone thinks that you have to make it like 16. And it's like, can't even think of an example, but so-and-so made it at age 43. But like, because you've only seen them in movies at 43, you don't think that they only just made it then you think that they were doing it their whole life. Well, no, like sometimes it takes that long.

And yeah, I don't think, I don't think we should feel the pressure to do things do things at a certain age um so I feel like that's really good advice what would you say you've learned about maintaining like healthy and supportive relationships as you've got older as well god you know what I feel like as I've got older my circle has got smaller and I kind of enjoy that because now I know that like the friends that I have now will be like my friends for life like I know that like I can count well both hands you and all of my friends up here and then a couple of friends at home that's it like I'm happy if I had you guys rest of my life I know I've got like quality over quantity in that sense um so

that's one thing I've learned and I think just it is hard because like adult friendships are so different to like teenage friendships in the sense of you all now have lives that you all have to live and you all have to work on your careers and your own separate relationships but and it doesn't matter if you don't speak for five days or a week or whatever but you know when you when you do speak to that person, it's going to nothing's going to have changed. It's going to go back to exactly how it was. And that is like an adult friendship. No pressure. Just you can still be amazing friends, but you don't need to be speaking every second of every day.

Yeah. I mean, that's one thing that I've massively learned. Yeah, I would definitely agree with that. I feel like my circle is, like I have a lot of friends, but like, yeah, my circle is, I don't know, I just don't think I'm like, I love meeting new people,

but yeah, I think I just, I just love the friends that I have. Like I just try and make the effort with the friends that, I mean, I'm super lucky because I've literally had the same friendship group since I was literally like two years old so I know that I'm super super lucky so I always had a very tight circle but I definitely I never really cared what people thought would be growing up I don't think I'd be in the position that I am if I did like genuinely all my friends thought it was weird that I genuinely didn't give a shit

what anyone thought of me in school and yeah but look where you are now yeah and to be honest I probably upset people along the way as well but well I know I have because I know that lots of people would like think that oh like why would Safran not want to go like go to this party that everyone's going to and it was always because I was just very career driven and stuff but also I never really felt the need to like make new friends because with my time that I had I just wanted to be with my friends that's exactly the same with me yeah so I guess I don't know like I've definitely learned that as I've got older but one is I don't really feel like that was anything that actually has massively changed for me yeah but I know that's definitely changed a lot for a lot of my friends um and like relationships I guess what do I think what have I learned

I'm still figuring that one out I think the thing that I probably learned is what I said already about how it takes compromise and like nothing's perfect um I guess that's I don't know the biggest thing that I've learned but there's kind of like beauty in that though like getting to work at something that you really want like I enjoy I like that quote where it's like the journey is the best part like or there's something like that like obviously the destination is going to be amazing but you're going to remember the journey to get into that place and I really like that and I think yeah like that like there's beauty in the whole compromise of it another thing actually on the friends one before we move on is I really think that like I've made more of a conscious effort in my adult life to just check in on people a little

bit more and I because when I was growing up I definitely did lose touch with some people and I didn't put as much effort in as I should have because I was so career focused and I really regret doing that now well I don't regret it I just regret not putting in as much effort and I've really been trying to to do that in my adult years and I always check in I'll just drop someone a message like hey I'm just thinking of you are you okay how are you like just to make because I just want people to know that like I'm there if they need to speak I just want to know they're like okay and I think that's so important because I really appreciate those little messages if someone like checked in on me i'm like oh that's really lovely it's like i just make more of an

effort to do that now we'll just check in yeah i do think that is something we don't do when we're younger no one million we definitely don't i mean i definitely didn't do that when i was younger to be fair it's probably actually something i'm still bad at like I would fully admit I wish I was better at doing that yeah because like the intention's there I just I just busy and you know I'm like the most not that it's an excuse but I'm just the most unorganized person I forget and so and so but like you said it really can make a huge difference to somebody and I definitely do do it but I think it is something I probably still need to work on and remember to do more I think my thing is I hate I just don't like texting I know yeah you prefer calling I just call I just call

someone yeah I know so like if I knew somebody wasn't okay I'd call them immediately yeah but yeah I do think checking up is like a really important thing and can actually make such a difference to somebody yeah and yeah growing up I think you don't really realize like how many mental health issues there are and how much people are suffering and I think as you get older you see that a lot clearer yeah and when you're younger I don't really think you see it unless you like hear a story about someone you never really hear about how much somebody's hurting inside so yeah I think that's definitely something I've learned a lot as I've got older as well is also as well that just because somebody looks fine doesn't mean they're

fine exactly and I think that's why it's so important to be like are you okay just to check in yeah you never know anymore what people are going through what's happened in their life what happens in their day and like that little simple message like genuinely might make their day yeah a hundred percent just a little oh I feel like genuinely might make their day. Yeah. A hundred percent. Oh, I thought that was a really nice one to, to wrap up. Yeah.

So everyone should check in on their friends and their family and their loved ones. Um, but yeah, thank you so much for listening today. I really enjoyed this. I've really enjoyed this. I'm excited to listen to this back. I really enjoyed it.

Um, so be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on Spotify so you don't miss out on all of the gossip. And we shall see you on Thursday for our bonus episode. Bye, everyone. Bye.