Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 60. What We Do in Early Stages of Dating Vs. Serious Relationship

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

There are so many unspoken rules especially when it comes to what you supposedly should and shouldn’t do in early stages of dating vs in an established relationship. From when should you be comfortable enough to go to bathroom (particularly going for a number two), to when should you start leaving stuff at your partners house to doing “wifey s***” like booking appointments for them - we look at all the scenarios!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hi guys, and welcome back to Sex, Lies, and DM Slides. It's Thursday, which means we are back for another bonus episode. So in our last episode, we spoke whether love is blind or not. And I think we both had very strong opinions on this. We gave our very honest opinions on it. So definitely go and check the episode out if you haven't already. But today we wanted to talk about all things we do in the early stages of dating versus

in an established relationship there's a lot of things there's a lot of things i thought everyone will have a lot of like funny um opinions and stories on these so yeah if you do please please share them with us but we wrote down like a list of things that we thought we'd get each other's opinions on and how we would personally be like in the early stages versus later on in a relationship so the first one which I think I actually have quite a strong opinion on this um is dressing up making an effort in what you wear clothing versus becoming a bit more chilled relaxed and wearing like loungewear and no makeup um you know like wearing sexy pjs at first versus like cozy pjs um i think that's something that

drastically changes very quickly actually when you get comfortable with somebody which i think yes and i like i look forward to that like don't get me wrong i love the excitement of dressing up and looking really nice and i'm still gonna want to do that in the relationship because i love doing that not only for my partner but like also for myself but fucking hell i love just being in my pajamas just with my hair up no makeup on and also as well I just think if you can't be yourself then you're not in the right relationship I think like that is you know like me sitting at home in my loungewear is what I look like 99% of the time like I'm not dressed up full glam like I love that side of me but that's only a side of me. Like the part, you know, being in gym gear is like what I'm like 90% of the time. And so I think if I was hiding

that I wouldn't be in a relationship where I was true to myself. However, listening, actually, I listen to podcasts all the time. And there's this one woman and I don't agree with her but she says how you should never ever stop making an effort which I disagree because I do think you are hiding really your true self like you're always trying to be some like I don't know a certain version of yourself but at the same time when I listen to her reasonings I also do think it makes a lot of sense I think it's so well I think she was just saying how it's so common for relationships to end because people don't make an effort um and she gave the point of like physical attraction I noticed like in my last relationship I definitely was guilty of this like not making any effort whatsoever like I know that was something I did um and that comes from

being comfortable with somebody but also I think I don't know I wouldn't like to be with somebody that like never made an effort you've fallen in love with their personality like we said in the last episode personality is the most important thing but also in some way you found the physically attractive and obviously your partner should find you physically attractive with or without makeup whether or not you're wearing a tiny little dress or you know oversized joggers they should find you attractive in both ways especially because they love you as a person they love your personality they should love everything about you um but I also do think that something I think I would definitely try to always do in my relationship is still make an effort I think it's so easily so easy not to me too and I think it's so important not only for your partner but like you said for yourself

to make the effort and I think that just keeps it exciting and like sometimes when you've been with someone for so long you do have to do things to keep that spark there and keep it exciting because you do get so comfortable and that is a beautiful feeling being that comfortable with someone and sharing your life with someone in that way but just to keep the spark there just to make it you know yeah like I said exciting putting in a little bit of effort is lovely mainly for yourself as well this woman also goes on to say about um like going to the toilet right she's like you should never ever go to the toilet in front of your boyfriend right she was like it's unladylike you should never do it it's unattractive and eventually they're gonna see that that's unattractive and it's funny because

i'm listening to this podcast and i think shit i go to the toilet with my boyfriend there like i would go to the toilet my boyfriend there well i would like if i've got to go i've got to go i don't give a fuck who's there yeah but like i mean she was even saying like like i sometimes will go to the toilet with my boyfriend like he'll be brushing his teeth and i'm on the toilet oh yeah i think that's completely normal but that i think is a lot of people don't do that in a relationship i mean my best friend was with her boyfriend for seven years and never did that and it's like i would hate to not feel comfortable to be able to do that. But also, you know, if my, I mean, I don't care because I love him. But like, to a lot of people, even with girls, like, you know, if some of my friends, if a boy did start, you know, going for a dump whilst they were in the same room with him, they'd be like, that is so unattractive.

I don't want to be with them. Like, I don't know. I i like i have such mixed feelings i have like pooed in front of my ex-boyfriend before with door open not a problem i don't think i've ever been with someone i've seen them do it and i like i know i wouldn't care because i've seen all my like when my friends do i literally do not care it's so normal like if we have been like it's so normal but you don't find them attractive like that and you don't have to be so intimate with yeah like i do this so i'm not saying like and actually actually i actually no i don't think i'd go i don't think i'd go for a dump with my boyfriend they're actually saying that i just don't think I'd go, I don't think I'd go for a dump with my boyfriend there. Actually saying that.

I just don't think, I don't think how comfortable I'd ever get. I think I would like if he was like in the bedroom next door, like in the bedroom and I was in the toilet. But like if he's standing in the toilet, I don't think I would do that because naturally in my head, like I just, it's not an attractive thing. Like I probably could do it and he probably wouldn't care if it was like this is getting a little bit tmi here but you got different levels of going to

the toilet haven't you like you just have got different levels and like if it's like oh i'm just going for a quick number two or i maybe be able to do that but if i've got a hot sweat going on we've got a bit of a bad ibs situation going on I don't even want to do that in front of my friends because I'm a bit like oh guys I don't want you to see this let alone my boyfriend so I think it's just one of those ones where I'd have to play it by ear but I don't think like I would I hope that I get to that level of just being able to do that and not caring I think it's like getting to the level where you're able to do that. Yes. But you choose not to. Yes. Because it like, it isn't an attractive thing. Like I feel like I could do that in front of my boyfriend. I feel like he wouldn't care.

Yeah. But after listening to this woman and I'm not necessarily saying she, I honestly, I don't agree with like 95% of what this woman says genuinely. But after listening to her, I thought to myself yeah it's not attractive so for me to just feel like attractive within myself I'm like yeah why would I do that when I don't need to do that like if I need to go to the toilet I'm not holding it in all day I feel comfortable enough I would go to the toilet in front of my boyfriend but like you know I would probably just wait till he leaves the bathroom

yeah like i don't know how i feel about like you know we've been at like out and out we're in a hotel then me going for a poo in front of him him going for a poo in front of me doing this really disgusting stuff and then going to bed and having sex it just all be a bit like great if you can do it i don't know if i personally could i'm not sure i haven't been in that situation to judge. When I have, or if I have, then we'll report back. Yeah. Okay. Let's go.

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okay the next one then what about stay so when you stay over at your like partner's house or like someone you're seeing do you bring an overnight bag for the first time or like when do you start keeping stuff at their house like when does that come a thing oh god I feel like it really depends I mean I leave everything accidentally because I'm the most forgetful person so I think I left something at my boyfriend's house the first time I stayed there yeah I just like not on purpose yeah maybe I'll start to do it on purpose I'm like you can't forget me I'm gonna start leaving my stuff yeah yeah no I've definitely like I remember when I was seeing my ex like he started to buy me little things like I mentioned I needed makeup wipes and the next time around there was makeup wipes in the cupboard it's like I didn't actually have to

bring them and then yeah I did leave I don't even know if I told you this actually I can't actually believe I'm sent to the podcast I'm really sorry if you're listening to this. But I left my eyelashes at my ex's house. And I get boys probably don't understand that like eyelashes can just be bought again. Like they're like four quid. Like you can just bin. Like I love my eyelashes. Don't bin them.

But like also if you bin them it's not the end of the world. When we swapped stuff back. Like jumpers back. Bearing in mind this was like a very long time after we broke up oh stop he gave me he kept my eyelashes he's walking out to the car my jumper was like one of my jumpers was white and i see these two black things on it i thought well that's weird like what's he spilt on my jumper it was my fucking eyelashes and he got in the car no but that is actually yeah he got in the car that is actually so i literally i was gobsmacked i genuinely got in the car and he stuck my lashes on the dashboard he went well you said you wanted to keep them and i was like oh my god like i j i would i was

gobsmacked like we were having a conversation about half an hour i couldn't think about anything else other than the fact he kept my eyelashes and i was like where did you keep yeah that is crazy and he was like well they were just on the side I didn't want to move them just in case you needed them in his head I then said boy logic I was like do you understand like eyelashes he was like well you said you wanted them so obviously in his head I just didn't want to bin them I was like I think that's really cute I think that's honestly one of the sweetest things in the whole entire world I just thought that was so lovely anyway just like a chocolate story in there no yeah that is really cute i guess going back to like the question i probably left like i mean yeah i accidentally leave stuff but i probably recognized said to my boyfriend oh i'll leave

it here for next time the third time i saw him but again like it's because i knew that like i genuinely knew that i was gonna yeah and when you know you just know like i feel like you do just have that feeling it's like me leaving my stuff at your house like i know i'm gonna see you again i know it's gonna work like it's not a problem like if they speak if he's if on after the second or third date he started leaving like a lot of stuff here like suitcases worth stuff or like loads and loads of jumpers i would be a bit like yeah i'd be thinking you're not moving yeah i would be like babe can you just take some of them back because like i like keep it very clean in here don't have room for it just yet but like little things i think i'd find that quite sweet i'm like oh well like he must like me if he's

like leaving his stuff at my house yeah no and i think you would be portraying that i think it would be obvious to them that you like them you want to see them yeah so i do think it's quite like a it almost is quite a big deal saying to somebody oh i leave this here yeah for next like i'll leave this here so i don't need to think about bringing a hairbrush yeah that would excite i think that'd excite me i'd be like oh this is going in the right direction like i like this yeah but i think also to consider it if you're going to do it that they would then know yes that you want to see them again which i think is great because i like being honest i like being open but if you're somebody that you know wants to play a little bit harder to get leaving your stuff isn't playing that hard a hundred percent okay unless you leave it accidentally and claim you didn't know it was

there that's something that i'd do okay the last one then just doing like wifey shit so like the trend on tiktok at the moment where people are like pranking guys they've been seeing for like two three dates or whatever where they'll like book them like a haircut or a dentist appointment or a doctor's appointment because they've mentioned that they like need to go or something like that like would you do that because i personally think that's a bit far i think that's i'd be really freaked out actually if someone did that yeah i think if my boyfriend went after the second day oh i booked you a dentist support i'd be thinking how does he know what dentist yeah why is he ran we but like it sounds sweet but it's a bit weird yeah i think the only like sort of

appointment i'd be like oh that's kind of actually really nice like if he'd like booked me a nail appointment and surprised and paid for the nail appointment and was like go and get your nails done yeah i think that's different but like everything else i'd be a bit like right this is a bit odd for like two or three dates in yeah that is like skipping a lot of stages out the way and you're literally going straight to wifey stuff yeah and it's also just like i don't know yeah i just think it's very yeah i think i think i'd just be a bit overwhelmed yeah i would be i couldn't even imagine how a guy would feel no and there's an example on on one of the things where it's like they were dating for

like two or three times and the um they helped the him write his best man speech for his friend see that i don't think is actually weird i think that's quite sweet i think that's just a kind thing to do yeah and like personally like even if it didn't work out with someone I wouldn't look back at that memory and think oh that's a shame that they helped me do that like I wouldn't look on the situation and dwell on it like that I'd just be like oh like someone just helped me write it yeah and I would actually just think that's really sweet that they've helped me write that because obviously it was something you were struggling with I think it's weird when you've gone and called their dentist like that I think it's very strange like even if you chucked it into conversation and said like oh I need to book this appointment you just do that like

I'd still just think okay a bit much like I'm like I'm enjoying getting to know you but that is a little bit much for for where we're at right now. Let's go. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves,

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Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. Okay, then what about the last one? How much time do you spend together in the early stages of dating versus in a relationship like this is kind of a given though like when you're in a relationship yeah like naturally you're gonna spend more time with somebody the more you get to know them yeah that's just like dating for me in manchester like if i was dating someone I'd probably in the dating stages see them like once a week maybe twice a week depending on like work or whatever but then obviously when you're in a relationship things change like if you live near each other or you're not doing long distance

like you'd go around each other's houses for dinner or you'd be like oh do you want to come around after work I think that just naturally progresses when you're in a relationship yeah apart from if you're doing long distance and obviously you'd be seeing each other and I think that just naturally progresses when you're in a relationship. Yeah. Apart from if you're doing long distance, then obviously you'd be seeing each other. And I think that's a really great thing. Like that should develop. Yeah. Like eventually if you're going to be with somebody,

they're going to be, if you're going to be married, you're going to be living. Yeah. Like that's like the natural progression of how a relationship should go, I guess. Yeah. I mean,

I definitely do think you can rush into it too early. Yeah. I'm probably somebody that does that.'m very zero to 100 but like at the same time i think you just do what feels right and when you know you know exactly that i think let's end it on that when you know you know exactly um no i actually really enjoyed today's episode yeah i really enjoyed that actually let us know as well if there's any other um like funny anecdotes of these things like examples that you guys have got of this or the things that we've spoken about like drop us a message because i'd love to hear them as well and don't forget we filmed an episode on tuesday that you can go

and listen to that's all very relevant to this episode but it's more of like a deep dive in about how we feel about somebody's physical attraction versus personality so definitely go and check that one out um but yeah we shall see you guys next tuesday for another episode everyone bye