Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 67. Your Dating Dilemmas Answered & Saffron's Relationship Update

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

You asked and we delivered! In today’s episode, we answer all of your MAJOR dating dilemmas like how to get back into dating pool after a break up, what to do if your ex starts seeing someone immediately after you break up and how to pluck up the courage to ask a guy out! Plus, Saff gives us a little update on how she’s been since becoming a single girlie again (*hint: she’s thriving*)! As always, these dating dilemma questions are anonymous and we aren’t dating experts, we are just giving you our take on your questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Sex, Lies and DM Slides with me, Anastasia Kingsnorth. And me, Safran Barker. We are back for another week and another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships. Yes, we are, babe.

How are you? My single girly. I know, I'm now single um I'm actually really good genuinely um yeah I guess the first time I'm talking about it on the podcast um or I guess like actually even addressing it but um yeah I'm actually feeling very good. I feel like my old self again. Don't get me wrong. Like when you go through a breakup, I've definitely had, you know, different emotions. However, I just, I feel like I'm actually the most me that I have been in genuinely the longest time.

And like, I feel more motivated than ever. I'm just like really looking forward to my future I get to do the things that I've always wanted to be able to do and so yeah I'm actually surprisingly really good I literally said that to you like I feel like the whole situation you have handled the most like incredible way like you'd ever handle it and I feel like the old you is like back and it's just yeah you're like the best that you've ever been in a really long time which is really nice yeah I mean obviously I've had my mix like I've had it's been a fair bit of time I mean not like ages but it's been a fair bit of time like I've definitely had you know like hurt and anger and frustration and feeling sorry for myself but honestly I just woke up one day

and I just thought to myself like I actually think this is the best thing that could have ever have happened to me like I yeah like you said I literally feel like I found myself again and it's so weird because everyone around me has said the same thing like every single person it's crazy I mean yeah dare I say I agree I think it is the best thing that has probably ever happened to you and look at you now thriving she's off to LA oh thanks she's back I know I know she's back she's really good she's back and we might be on our hot girl summer shit again this year. You know, I thought it was left at last year. Same. How times can change.

How times can change. Perfect in time for us to book a holiday. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm going to assume that you don't really want to go into the details of what happened. Yeah, I don't really want to go into the details of what happened I feel like it's kind of obvious anyways um and let's just say like I had lots of warnings from people that I ignored but I think learning the hard way is like really the only way that we can learn um and so basically I'm just trying to turn every negative into a positive exactly Exactly. Feel like, put it this way, love is blind.

Just got my sight back. Very excited. I love that. I love that. I feel like everything is a lesson as well. And I feel like you can take a lot from the whole situation and turn it into good.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I just feel like genuinely everything happens for a reason. I really believe in like sliding doors I mean the way that I feel myself now I think goes to show that everything happens for a reason because I did not think I'd be feeling this way and I literally don't mean this to sound like emotionless because I was so hurt and upset at first but I think I've just yeah I've just realized that just wasn't the

path I was supposed to go down and it's all happened for a good reason. And yeah, it's just motivated me to be the best version of myself. And I'm very excited for that. And I feel like I don't I don't want to get into a relationship. I probably don't want to get into a relationship for a long time now. But also like I'm just what's meant to be will be we never know and this was a big lesson of everything happens for a reason exactly exactly that and you're thriving so we love to thank you you're welcome thanks let's go i'm going back to university for zero dollar delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for.

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Let's go. visit connectsontario.ca so talking of dating dilemmas we get so many sent in to our instagram so we thought it would be really fun to do a full episode just answering your dating dilemmas so I think let's dive right in because we have got a long list today I am very excited about this me too I really love these episodes we've done one of these before and we were thriving we were like yep I'm ready to give advice so the first one is how do you have the confidence to ask someone for their number or out on a date right I'm very much someone who believes in fake it till you make it when it comes to confidence right people don't know the difference between faking it and actually being confident I have to fake being confident so often like in our job people expect us to be this really outgoing confident person and to be

honest I'm actually not so I have to fake it a lot but nobody knows the difference so I think it's convincing your like I think it's you just have to hype yourself up to just go and fake to be confident basically and also confidence is the most attractive thing in the world not cockiness and I feel like cockiness and confidence there's a big difference god I got a cop saying that word yeah there's a there's a big there's a big difference you sometimes you do have to fake it till you make it and you know like reiterating the point that you said about especially in our job we are constantly faking confidence like I know personally I started this job because I had no confidence and when you're like in a room on your own with

a camera you're not speaking to anybody else you're like in a room on your own with a camera you're not speaking to anybody else you're just speaking to the camera so like it appears that you're confident but you're not I mean as I've gotten older in the dating world I said definitely got more confident like I mean you've seen it firsthand I will happily go up to someone in a bar and be like hi what's your name or like hi like wash it like can I get your number I would prefer if they came up to me but like I wouldn't really have any shame in doing it however I'm taking your approach I've always said this if they want you they will come over to you that's the approach that I need to adapt. Yeah, and it's hard because anyone could have that mindset

and therefore somebody could not go over and do it because you both could be thinking that, you know? But I just think from a girl's point of view, I do, not everyone's going to agree with me on this, but I personally think the guy, I would personally like a guy to make the first initial effort. I definitely would. Although I do know recently yeah fairly

recently one of my friends was in Albert Schloss and she fancied this guy and her sister went up to him and was like oh my sister fancied you and they're now together so it can yeah it can work and that's the thing and maybe that guy didn't have the confidence to go over and say something but yeah I think it's hard like you do just have to fake it and i think you kind of have to have the honestly fuck it approach like what have you actually got because also like if it doesn't go right who gives a shit you're never going to see them again you didn't have the number anyways so you might as well try like yeah exactly and honestly most people i feel like would give you their number even if they didn't

want to give you their number just because it's an awkward conversation or they just say i'm in a relationship even if it's just a fake number no yeah i've given out fake numbers before so if you're like it just if you feel awkward about it just give them a fake number yeah well that's the thing i think anyone's going to do that so i think like the person who's asking either way it's not going to be that bad yeah you could get given a fake number but so what you didn't have the number anyway so like who genuinely cares and again confidence is attractive so if you go over and do that somebody's probably gonna find that attractive anyways exactly so overall fake it till you make it yeah that's the motto we're living by okay the next one i want to get

back on the dating scene but struggling to find the confidence after breaking up with my ex who's constantly gaslighting me help I didn't write this I literally read it and just looked at you like um I completely understand somebody wanted to just jump into the dating scene and you know sometimes when you have like another guy to fancy or another girl to fancy or someone else to speak to I think it's easier to get over something as well I agree however I think from my personal point of view the way that I'm seeing it is if I don't feel confident enough to get into the dating scene then I just need to work on myself and so I think that is probably the best thing that you can do is work on yourself and it's funny actually because I'm definitely working on myself but I actually don't feel like I've been through other breakouts before and I'm like right I need to change everything about myself like I

need to go to the gym like every single day like I need to do so much weight I need to this I need that and really weirdly I don't actually feel too much like that. And I think it's because surprisingly this, my situation hasn't actually knocked my confidence as much as I thought it would. Um, because I feel like I've kind of found myself again, but also I have been through breakups where I have lost so much confidence within myself. And really the thing that has helped it is just trying to find self-love um and I think that just comes from the way that you see yourself the way that you speak to yourself um and I think it's like you know if somebody's done something to hurt you it's really easy for you to think that you're the problem actually normally somebody who hurts you they have their own they

have their own shit going on it doesn't mean they're a good person because they've hurt you and they have their own shit going on it's not excuses but it's not you like you're not the problem it's their own problem and so I think it's like bearing that in mind but also the things that you don't feel confidence confident about yourself in working on them I completely agree with you I think it's really hard coming out of a situation like that because depending on how your brain works you're probably going to think that every other boy is also going to do that to you especially if you've been with them for such a long time you're going to be conditioned into thinking that even though you're aware it was gaslighting that that behavior was like normal or

like I said every guy is going to do that when that is not the case. But like Saf said, I think working on yourself and making sure that you are 100% ready to get back on the dating scene because you don't want to fill that void with somebody else and just get straight back into dating just because, yeah, you want to fill that void.

I think working on yourself and making sure that you are completely 100% okay before getting back on that dating scene and rebuilding your own confidence back up is the best thing you can do and like we said before fake it till you make it babe that's just the motto at this point yeah but I do I do think fake it till you make it 100% but I think with the dating scene thing that can only last so long like you can't just fake being confident in your entire relationship because that's not going to get you anywhere and like when you're actually fully dating someone so in this sense although I do agree with what it came out of my mouth so I agree with it but like I do think the most important thing is to

actually try and get confident within yourself because that really will make a difference like you will just shine the saying that says like you've got to love yourself first before you can love anyone else it is so true like it really really is so true and so yeah like just find what it is that you you aren't confident in and just try to do something to change that um and also i think like just speaking nicely to yourself is a massive one of those things yeah again like what you said like whether you've lost your confidence because of the way that he was with you and he maybe knocked you down in that sense it is so important to remember that that is not a reflection of you that is a reflection of him so everything that he

said to you whether it was horrible whatever none of that is true so as hard as it is to not carry that forward into another new situation you need to just try and remember that it is not a reflection of you correct love it okay moving on the next one how do I know if a lad is busy or just doesn't want to talk to me I think I know do you know I mean I have an idea but I don't know if it's the same as what you're thinking right go on you give your opinion on it I think if a lad no matter how busy a boy is they will always make time for you. So I don't think you should really have to question, like, is he busy?

Does he just not want to talk to me? I think if he wants to speak to you, he will speak to you. Obviously people get busy. Like, I know that. Like, of course, I'm not saying that, but do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, I fully agree.

Like, we're busy people, right? We are busy people. Like, we're always doing things. There isn't really any excuses. Like, if you want to speak to someone, you can. Like, I even use excuses to my friends when I'm busy. But realistically, like, I probably could have. I probably could have texted.

Like, if you really, really, really wanted to, you could. Like, it's literally as simple as that. Also, I goes to like there's a difference between okay first of all right on the question because before I go sidetracked I think you could also tell because there's a difference between somebody answering your questions and that's it and or actually asking you questions like yes they may take a few hours to reply because they're busy. But if they're still asking, and how's your day?

And what are you up to? And do you like this? And do you like that? If they're asking you questions, they're wanting the conversation to carry on. So therefore they are interested in the conversation. Like if you didn't want to be in a conversation, you don't ask someone something.

Like it's as simple as that. So I think if they're still making the effort to ask you questions and to ask you things, then they probably are interested in you and probably do want to speak to you and they genuinely are busy. Also, I'm somebody that's like never, ever been interested in playing games whatsoever.

And some people when they start texting me might think, oh, she's needy or she's this or she's that because I hate the whole like they took 10 minutes I'm gonna take 20 and if you're doing that it drives me insane and I think if you're doing that they're gonna start doing that and then it just becomes like oh does he like me does he not if I've got my phone in my hand and somebody's text me I will text them back if I'm busy I'm not texting them back like sometimes it may take three hours sometimes they could take three hours and I'll apply within 30 seconds because I've got my phone in my hand I think it's clear when somebody's busy

or not because they're applying quickly when they can apply quickly does that make sense I think that is just a problem though with modern day dating like the timings of replying to texts are so thought about so ridiculous it's just it's silly like you you don't need to think oh my god like if i reply 30 seconds after you sent my message is he gonna think i'm too keen and if he does think that then like you don't want someone like that you just don't i just i think that whole thing is ridiculous if he wants to speak to you he will like you've said if he is asking questions like what about you and being intrigued in your day then he's interested he wants to speak to you I'm so scared about turning 18 I don't feel like I'm an adult help I can assure you turning 18 you won't feel like babe I'm 23 and I still don't feel like an

adult yeah and to be honest I feel like 18 isn't an adult like you say it is but it is they say like 20 is when your adult years begin so I always see those tiktoks and it's like if you're 23 you're only three years into being an adult yeah I would say 21 is an adult yeah 18 you're just finding your feet still like when I was 18 that's when you start going clubbing and you start going out like yeah you move to uni like I think that's just like the teenage version of an adult like that's when you're legal to start doing stuff but when you're actually gonna become like an adult adult I I mean I'm technically should be there but I don't feel like I'm there no I don't and I don't think we ever will feel like we're there honestly

I don't feel like you need to stress about that I feel like 18 is yeah like you said it is the it's like the baby version of being an adult like you don't need to overthink that I think it's exciting like I remember when I turned 18 I was so excited to be able to go clubbing and like sounds so stupid but to be able to go into a shop and buy alcohol and like just be legal to do stuff like I think think just look at it as an exciting time. I think a lot of people nowadays are so scared of growing up and we've spoken about it a lot on the podcast

and I don't think it's something to be afraid of. No, and I just don't think you need, and I know this is so much easier said than done. I'm a massive overthinker, but one thing I'm really trying to channel within myself is not overthinking things. And this is something I just think you do not need to overthink. Like't overthink it like it's literally you

turn 18 it's another day like yeah on paper you're an adult because you're legal to do things you're legal to drink but it's really another day like you like I really don't think you need to deep that too much you know we're five years past being 18 now and I still well in some ways I still feel like a child and I love that like you're only as old as you feel so like Saf said it's literally a number on a page do not stress about it have fun enjoy your life god I wish I was 18 again I actually sometimes do wish I was 18 again sometimes. Oh, same. It's funny though, isn't it? Because you look back and you think to yourself, oh, I had no worries then. Well, yeah, you did.

Like, yeah, we did. We always had worries. I even look back when I was like eight years old and I'm like, I had no worries then, but I did. I think your worries just change as you get older. Yes, yeah. Like my worries now was yesterday I had no hot water. So I'm thinking, shit, how am I getting hot water?

I didn't worry about that when I was like living at home that wasn't a thing for me to worry about so I think yeah as you get older your worries just mature I guess sometimes yeah my ex got a new girlfriend a week after ending things how do I move on that is rough that is horrendous um and I've actually been in a very similar situation to that it's the worst feeling in the world I can't even so first of all I'm so sorry that you are experiencing that feeling because it's just you don't even really know what to think yeah it's hard because you just think to yourself like did things overlap I think there's a lot of like questions when something like that happens.

I don't think it's hard, though, because I don't think naturally my head would go to did things overlap? But that isn't always the case. Like they may have met before. But like I saw this TikTok video the other day and it was of this girl and she was like my expert in my heart. And the next day I met my husband in a bar. So I don't think I don't think you can just definitely think to yourself like something's over that because that might actually genuinely have not been the case like it may have been that they just met insanely quickly after by chance um also maybe it was I don't know this is

gonna make it feel any easier but maybe it was a long time coming yeah and also I maybe it was, I don't know if this is going to make it for one easier, but maybe it was a long time coming. Yeah. And also, I think it's a really, when you come out of a relationship, it's a really powerful thing for you to be able to come out and work on yourself and not feel the need to fill that void with someone. I think there's nothing wrong with if like that girl on TikTok, if you meet, if she met her husband the day after she broke up with someone, that was obviously meant to be and that was fate. But I think as hard as it is, you are naturally going to overthink every situation that could have happened. But realistically, 99.9% of them probably didn't happen. So you're only causing yourself more hurt by overthinking all of that but I think let him do that if he wants to move on rush into another relationship straight away and do that you do that but you work on

yourself you better yourself so then when you've done that you're ready again to meet someone and you're the best version of yourself whilst he's never fully healed and never gotten over the relationship and I would rather be you in that situation personally slay slay big fat yes slay for you girl go on you've got lots of time to work on yourself now yeah and to be honest like I know this doesn't help me saying this but probably like when you look back at it it'll probably make you realize that you'll get over it quicker yeah because otherwise I think you constantly have like the well we still could be together maybe in a few months like even if in the back of your head you know that it's not gonna work do you know I mean it probably would help you just get over it quicker so maybe it's happened

for that reason because it wasn't gonna work I saw this quote on TikTok somewhere and I can't remember exactly what it is so I might be like rewording it a little wrong, but it was something like your presence and your thing was so strong that they feel like they need someone to fill that because they're missing that so bad from their life. But I think I've worded it very wrong. But when I, when I saw it,

I was like, Oh my God, that, that could actually be a potential like I don't know what the reason was that you broke up or whatever but if they feel like they need to fill that void so much then you had an impact on their life and they can't do without it and so I think that's a nice like a positive way to try and put a spin on it but when I saw someone say that I was like oh that's a nice, like a positive way to try and put a spin on it. But when I saw someone say that, I was like, oh, that's a really interesting way.

Like I've never looked at it like that before. Let's go. RBC Avion Visa lets you get there your way. Whether you want to suit up for peak ski season or spring break with the whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock. Or even book last minute and go on a whim. Choose from over 130 airlines on last minute or peak season travel with no points hike.

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the deal on a new blender squeal, or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Let's go. I want to break up with my boyfriend for my uni housemate help break up with your boyfriend then I don't really know what else to say to be honest like if you feel like that then you shouldn't be with your boyfriend like it genuinely is as simple as that don't be with him then one million percent because if I'm being completely honest yeah and go be with your uni housemate yeah it's like no other yeah somebody might judge you for it whatever but if that's the way that you feel then you should do it because it's gonna happen eventually anyway i mean

as hard as it may be like i didn't go to uni so i don't really know what it's like to live in a dorm with like 12 people but i know that's quite a common thing that people go to uni with a boyfriend and then like end up finding somebody else um in their uni dorm and like you said just like i'm obviously it's not going to be as easy as wanting to be like oh i'm so sorry i found someone else but if you want to be with your uni guy break up with your boyfriend and the thing is you don't want to do anything you're going to regret we don't condone cheating over here so you do not like people that cheat we do not at all so i just think you're gonna end up doing something you regret possibly if you don't just end that relationship the kind of thing to do is

end it before you do something like that because we all know how that ends so my babe just end it should you ask your boyfriend about his past relationships i mean i would yeah yeah not on the first date but no well well i've right i think this is do you know what i probably i mean maybe this is maybe you shouldn't do this but i think i'd go i think i would probably ask like oh have you been in any long-term relationships before yeah i don't think that's bad because i think that's you can gauge then how maybe ready they are for something else being like oh when did you last like when did you split up with your ex and if they say like two months or a year ago whatever but like if I was on a first date and a guy was sat talking to me about his ex and like we've said slagging his ex off or saying those are

bad things I would see that as red flag yes so I feel like when it comes to talking about your ex, you don't need to go on about it. But I think you could definitely ask within the first date, like, have you been in any long-term relationships or something along the lines of that? And I think, yes, when you're with someone, like, you should absolutely ask about their past relationship. I mean, I would want to know.

I would absolutely want to know. I'm trying to think, would I want to be blissfully unaware or would I want to know? And there probably would be a time where I would want to know. No, because you're going to end up wanting to know so i'm trying to think would i want to be blissfully unaware or would i want to know and i there probably would be a time where i would want to know no because you're going to end up wanting to know and start digging yourself so just ask them yeah and let's just yeah let's just hope they'll be honest about it but i think if you want to know ask them if you don't want if you're not bothered then don't ask them yeah and at the end of the day like if i was with somebody and they asked me i'm not gonna be like i can't talk about it oh yeah i would happily

speak about i would happily tell them it's just whether you're gonna feel more peace of mind with knowing or not knowing so basically just however you can deal with the information that's given to you because it might not be the answer you want so you just have to be open to being told anything basically and whether you can handle it or not then ask the question how do I ask for more in a relationship without seeming ungrateful I think the right person will never make you question anything and I think you will you should never want for more in a relationship. That person should be giving you that every day. And if you fear that you're going to come across ungrateful. They're making you seem ungrateful for knowing your worth. That is almost like gaslighting you.

Yeah, it's gaslighting. And I've been through that. Like that is something I can hand down and say I've been through. And it's like you're making excuses because you're like oh well but they do do this for me and I like I've been through this and I'm now from an outsider's point of view I'm understanding that like what the fuck just because they do something for you doesn't mean they shouldn't do the bare minimum stuff like no they should just do that because they love you and you also shouldn't

feel a sense of fear in asking them something because it's going to result in something else yeah and to be honest again i've i've genuinely been through this and this is why i'm like no it's wrong you should be able to ask your partner anything without a fear of their reaction and it should you should be able to have a conversation that a healthy adult conversation that will result in a positive outcome depending on the topic obviously it depends what you ask them but you know what I'm saying um and if you fear that you're going to come across ungrateful or they're going to act a certain way then you're not with the right person because the right person should want to resolve that issue should want to work on the issue set them that you feel that way it shouldn't make them like just turn it around to

you like because that is gaslighting and that is manipulation yes exactly it's a manipulative technique it is it is a manipulative thing and i think it's really hard to see it when you're in it yourself and i think it's really easy to be like well they do this for me and they do that for me so i'm gonna seem ungrateful like no you're allowed to ask him to buy you cartier bracelets i'm sure what you're on about is probably bare minimum stuff that somebody should do for you. Yeah. And you are allowed to feel however you want to feel and you shouldn't be told otherwise. If you feel a certain way, that is how you feel. And if they're telling you you can't feel like that, then you are with the wrong person.

Yeah, absolutely. I kind of hope that answered the question. But really, like you said, it shouldn't be a question, really. What is your opinion on romantic movies i feel like they portray a fake reality i love them i absolutely love a romantic movie well it was like how you said about um the the like the disney princesses and the fairy tale and stuff and how like do you remember when we were talking about that on the episode and i never thought about it like the way that we were speaking about it but I love

romantic movies I mean yeah obviously okay some of them are maybe a little bit unrealistic I love that like I love watching love and like that's the thing like yeah the scenario is unrealistic but I can tell you firsthand my parents have been together over 30 years and they are so in love like genuinely they are so in love like that sort of love does exist yeah it just might not exist in the way that how they met to be honest all these romantic movies they're still couples arguing they're still this yeah it ends on this happy note but you know there's so much more to the story so yeah i get what you're saying but also i do think that that sort of love does exist yes there's more complications but for me i don't know i mean i i

just love a good romantic what's your favorite one because i'm a hopeless romantic i know i think i know what mine is the notebook it's probably my favorite oh i love love actually as well oh yeah love actually is good i just love a good rom-com and again like when you watch love actually it's still kind of you know i mean there's still arguments there's still breakups there's still like there's cheating perfect it's very there's cheating there's really yeah there's realistic scenarios it's just yeah i mean am i going to end up with a prime minister maybe not but like i didn't but the the sentiment of the love is that like you said you've seen it first time with your mom and dad they are so in love yeah and that is out there but i just like but like they're so in love but it doesn't

mean they're on top of each other 24 7 like they still argue like every other couple but like they are so in love like it's just yeah like that does exist so for me I mean I'm I'm all here for a romantic movie that'd be my top choice of movie in fact me too so okay advice on how to get over heartbreak when you uprooted your whole life and move to the other end of the country p.s i adore both of you and think you are such powerful women such inspirations oh thank you that's lovely that's fucking hard like that is hard it is so easy for anyone to sit there and be like, look at the positive, blah, blah, blah. Because when you're in the scenario yourself, you just don't feel like that. I think the way that I would look at it is, I don't know.

I just am a very much big believer in everything happens for a reason, even when it doesn't feel like it. Because for an example, maybe, I don't know what country you're in let's say it's America for an example maybe you were always destined to go to America but if you hadn't met your partner you was never going to go there so you had this relationship to make you go to America and now you'll find yourself you'll grow on yourself and something amazing will happen for you in America like I don't know whether that's you wanted to be a dancer for an example like maybe you wouldn't have had the guts to have got off and moved yourself so you you in this relationship you got up you did that but you being in that relationship

held you back from doing those things so it's a really great thing that that's happened like I just think that sliding doors is a really really true thing and like although things don't make sense at the time normally in the bigger picture you always end up being fine and if not better and so I just think like although it's really scary I couldn't even imagine how you feel right now and I know it's so easy for me to be like just look at it like everything happens for a reason because I completely understand you do not feel like that right now but maybe you were meant to go to this country for a certain reason and maybe it was to do with something for yourself like I know firsthand from my situation that I've gone through, like I was going to get up and move my life. And the way that I'm looking at it is, is well, basically kind of

what I've just explained is I always wanted to go to America. And I don't know if I would have had the guts to have just gone to America, but in my head, I had that I was moving to America for my boyfriend's career. Well, after we broke off, I thought to myself, I've always said I'm going to go to America. So I'm not going to not go now. And actually, I'm going to go and do what I want to do, which makes me so happy. And I'm so excited for it. Now I'm going to take the jump because I'm like, well, maybe that maybe that situation gave me the confidence to go and do that. And so I know you're already in this different country and you're with him. And I don't know the full situation, but I just felt like maybe you was meant to be there for some sort of reason.

And it's going to seem really hard right now. But yeah, I just feel like you've just got to you to answer and like like you were saying like I think it just for you gave you that push that you needed and for this person who was sent in this question like as I said you're probably sat there thinking what the fuck have I done you're like I'm in the other end of the country I'm heartbroken but the reason might not be apparent right now and it actually might not be apparent for maybe years but the reason will become apparent at some point when something amazing happens in your life that probably might not have been able to happen if you stayed with that person and I think you are on a pathway that you are meant to be on that is I think that is just how you have to look at it even though you're really not thinking that right now it is meant to go that way and something better is on the other side and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel so I think as hard as it

is in your situation especially right now to turn a negative into a positive I think doing that and giving yourself something to look forward to in the sense of this has happened for a reason and something good is going to happen is like a really good way to switch your mindset up on it. Yeah. And I think also, first of all, I think you should watch the movie Sliding Doors. Oh, is it a film? Yes, there's actually a film called Sliding Doors. And second of all, like, even just like little things in life now like I don't know

I even look at things like say I was meant to go to an event and then I my car broke down for an example like my old me would have been like for god's sake my car broke down I now can't get to this event blah blah blah so angry at the universe now I mean don't get me wrong I'd still be pissed off and annoyed because probably want to go to this event but then the way that I look at it if I couldn't get myself to this event is like well maybe I didn't go to this event for a reason in the sense of maybe like something bad was going to happen if I went to this event I always think like that now yeah or like my friend that I was going with was super ill and I was then going to get their illness and then be really unwell and not be able to be able to do what I wanted to do on the weekend

like and I think that is what sliding doors really is like it really is like one door will close so another thing will open and I just think that is just the the only way I think I can like I try and look at things now like I know it sounds so stupid but like I always think that about like flights like if I miss a flight I'm obviously not meant to get on that flight and I'm meant to get on this one I always think like this weekend I was gonna go to New York with Tanisha just for a little bank holiday weekend and then we changed dates and i thought you know what maybe i wasn't actually meant to go this weekend maybe i'm meant to go and do something else so everything you know anything could have happened when you was on that trip exactly and everything happened for a reason i need to get that fucking tattooed at

this point let's go Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital

in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves, zero incisions, and that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more action sunnybrook is special learn more at sunnybrook.ca special what are your opinions on guys and girls just being close friends i actually don't have a problem with it i know most people say it's a red flag i think if it's like if they've had like if i was with a guy and they had a girlfriend for years then like i'm like so what it's a different

sex i think it's different if they start making girlfriends. I think that's weird. But yeah, if you've been friends with someone for like 15 years, and then like, yeah, it's hard because I've got a lot of, well, I've got a lot of guy friends, but the majority of them are gay. But I have also got some straight friends too. But like, I would find it weird if my boyfriend found that a problem. So therefore, I would never find it weird if he had girlfriends. Because I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Yeah, I don't think it's a...

I personally don't think it's a problem if they've had them for years. Like, I have lots of friends in the industry who are guys. And so, yeah. I understand what you're saying there. Like, if they started to make a new friend now that was a girl, I would be a bit like... Yeah, I think that's weird. I'd be like, why? I just think it would just be a bit weird yeah like because what really like i

know you can't know that's that's wrong what do you have in common but like i just don't really think it's necessary like if you have your gut if you have a girlfriend now why do you feel the need to go make girlfriends that's the way that i would see it but if you have previous girlfriends then i completely understand yeah and i don't think there's anything wrong with having close friends of the opposite sex like I've got loads of them and I wouldn't be told otherwise if I was in a relationship the minute my boyfriend said to me you can't be friends with that person I'll be like well we're done then like I just would have that response but yeah I agree with what you're saying if they started making girlfriends out of the blue I'd be a bit like what are you doing okay well that's all for today guys I love going through your

questions and your I say dilemmas I feel like honestly they're not I feel like you guys don't have things to worry about like you're gonna be good they're not too much of a dilemma I hope we've given some good advice as well I mean all i'm taking from this episode so far is fake it till you make it and everything happens for a reason but i think overall they're two very good quotes to live by so i hope it helps um so that is all for today's episode um we will have a bonus episode on thursday so don't forget to tune into that um yeah that is all for now bye guys bye