Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 70. One Night Stands - Is There A DOUBLE STANDARD Between Men and Women?

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

In this week’s bonus episode we’re exploring a little bit of a taboo topic (well it shouldn’t be in 2024)… one night stands! From what we really think about only sleeping with someone once and never seeing them again, to the insane double standard of men vs. women for one night stands, and what is actually the proper etiquette with ONS? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Sex, Lies and DM Slides. It is Thursday, which means we are back for a bonus episode. So in our last episode, we spoke all about being a girl boss and just feminine energy, which I really enjoyed. And I think you guys are going to really enjoy listening to that one. So if you haven't already, go and give it a listen but this week we wanted to discuss a topic that may be considered a little bit taboo um however in 2024 it definitely shouldn't be um and that is one night stands yes so where do we start we've got a lot to unpack okay yeah we have we've got a lot to unpack. Okay, yeah, we have. We've got a lot to unpack. I think, yeah, it is a very taboo subject.

I guess, like, what are your, like, initial thoughts on it? My initial thought on a one-night stand is, like, if you want to do it, do it. Like, I don't think there should be any negative connotation around it. I think it is such a taboo topic and like it shouldn't be. And I think it's like a topic that if a girl does it, it's seen as bad. If a boy does it, it's like,

yeah, go on mate. Like, and I hate that. That is so shit. But that, that is, that is a reality.

I hate that. If a one night, if we, if I don't know, if a girl was like, oh yeah, I slept with somebody last night, it was a one night stand guys would be like oh that's gross yeah but if a guy did it it doesn't but do you know what like not that you shouldn't like for

me personally I'm not doing that because I don't want I don't want somebody to think like oh like about me personally that's why I'm not doing it. But I'm not judging anyone for doing one night stands because at the end of the day, you should do you and it should be fair. Unfortunately, it isn't fair for guys and girls. Like you said, it's completely looked at differently.

Um, but yeah, I think it is, it is just such a sticky one because it, it just, it just isn a sticky one because it just it just isn't fair like it just I just think as long as you're being safe if you want to enjoy sex and you want to go and do that you should be able to do that girl or boy um I think that's a whole other topic for a whole other day but it's just it's all very taboo in it but yeah I just think if you want to do it do it overall

like I'm I'm not going to judge anyone whether you've had no one like standard whether you've had a hundred I'm just like baby if you want to have sex you can have sex like it's not my business I think a lot of um questions that like my girlfriends have like asked me I don't really know whether asking me it but also like whenever I've done like girl talks on YouTube and stuff a lot of the questions is like if you like someone and you step with them on the first day will it put the guy off you and I've always like thought about this myself as well and I like again I don't do it because I I just I don't know I've never really felt the need to however I do think I think, I say we're hard because we're not guys, aren't we?

We're not guys. So we don't know how they think. But the way I look at it is I know lots of guys would say, oh, yeah, if I sleep with a girl on a first date, like they're too easy, blah, blah, blah. however i also have a lot of friends a lot of friends actually that slept with their boyfriend on the first date and they've been together years or they're now like married or engaged i know and so yeah i know people in that situation as well yeah so i really think it's just i don't i think a lot of people like especially girls put a lot of pressure on themselves after a one-night stand because they're like oh i've now like fucked that whole thing up because I had a one-night stand and that's why he now wasn't into me I really actually don't think the one-night stand would have made

that much of a difference I mean it can it can in some sense because I think you always want what you can't get do you know what I mean so yes if you hold it off a guy probably would want you more like that's the way that I see it but also if they wanted to anyways I think they're going to stick around whether you sleep with them on the first night or not so I think it's like if you if it feels right to you then do it yeah I can do that I think why not so let's talk then about like one night stand like etiquette because according to vice 66 percent of europeans admitted to having at least one night stand and in terms of satisfaction there's a gender gap so it says over 38 percent of european men reported being very satisfied following a one

night stand whereas only 16 percent of european women said they were satisfied. See, I reckon that's because of the shame that girls feel after because of like... Do you think? How they're looked upon. Yeah, potentially. I was also going to say like for a girl anyway, I just think it's maybe a little bit harder to be satisfied. Yeah, no, I do. Than a guy like... 100%.

A lot of the time, stereotyppically sex is over once the man has finished which i don't think that should be that's not very fair because what if the girl hasn't finished like then the sex shouldn't be over um so the girl probably wasn't satisfied if the guy was just quickly you know on a one night stand you're technically you're probably not going to sit and say to the person what do you like what don't you like let me do this let me like you're just gonna have sex you don't know each other well enough to be able to do what each other wants and like please each other in that way but it doesn't surprise me that the woman was less satisfied because I probably would be too yeah no no that's actually true and that's why like i've always said like in a

relationship sex only gets better at least i think it definitely should anyways because you get to like understand what someone likes and like their needs and stuff which you're just not going to have in a one-night stand but like you said a guy they're kind of gonna get the pleasure either way yeah like that is technically when sex is finished once the guy has finished so yeah that sadly that fact does not surprise me at all uh but let's talk about one nice etiquette then so should you text them in the morning or after like even if you're never going to see them again like do you think you should send them a text? I don't know. Like. Or do you think it's bad when a guy doesn't get in touch after a one night stand?

Yeah, I do. I would think that's bad. I think I would feel. I would. A bit shit. I think I'd. Yeah, I'd feel shit about myself. I'd feel used. Yes.

Is actually what I'd feel like. Yeah. I think I just feel it. And I maybe would also sit and question like, oh, was I not good I don't know like I think yeah all of those things you do I just think just think that you should just text even if you don't want to see them again had a really nice night like it could literally literally that thank you so much for last night really enjoyed seeing you yeah I'm being funny we need guys to be listening to this podcast because I need to be like taking some sort of note for all of us girls out there honestly guys please take a lesson from this

but yeah 100 i think i'm not saying you have to start having a full-blown conversation with someone that you literally don't know but i think definitely just to like on the side of being polite just say like oh thank you so much or like nice seeing you it doesn't take much it really really really doesn't take much and i know i would appreciate that as an overthinking girl yeah a hundred percent let's go the all-new fan duel sportsbook Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications.

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Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Let's go. Do you think there is still a really big stigma around one night stands? Yes. Yeah, 100%. a really big stigma around one night stands yes yeah 100% me too and I think I think that's why I'm glad we're talking about it today because I don't think there should be like I feel like it's

maybe a bit of controversial but I think it's do you know what I do actually think social media is making it less of a stigma I actually do think it is I do think a lot more people are talking about it however I do think and again i'm not just blaming guys i know it's stereotypical but i do think guys have the attitude of like if a girl has a one night stand like it just it is one more for one and not for the other like it just it is and i don't care what anyone says it is it's honestly crazy still in 2024 though that that is still a thing like that should not be a thing and like I think that's why a bit weird but I enjoy talking about taboo topics because I think it's really good to speak about them because I would appreciate hearing people's

opinions and hearing people speak about things because we all wonder and we all sit and think about it but people are just too scared to comment on it and i think one night stand is one of those big fucking topics that people don't like speaking about do you know anyone this has happened to i'm trying to think if i do as well but if like they've had a one night stand and then the person like boy or girl has just up and left without saying bye like when the other person is asleep yeah yeah i do do you yeah i actually do i don't know if i do know anybody i know people have had up one night stands but like upping and leaving when they're asleep i don't know no i actually do know that to be fair i know a friend that's been through is exactly that which to be fair they were actually quite grateful what did the other person get up and leave them

the other person got up and left right okay right do you know how they felt when they woke up in the morning well they they knew that they could hear them going so they knew they were going it was like they got up and they were like in shock. However, they said to me that like they were actually quite grateful because I think it was that they were really drunk. It was basically when she was on holiday and they were both really drunk. And so I think it was kind of like one of those, she was saying to me, she was kind of, I don't really know why I did it sort of thing.

So I don't think she was actually upset. It wasn't like some guy she got on a date with and then he had got off and left do you know what I mean? because I feel like that would be horrendous I'd feel so upset I'd feel so upset I feel like I have heard loads of really bad one night stand stories

but I'm just trying to think of them like I know loads of people have just had random one night stands and I do find the stories really funny but now that it's come to it I can't of people have just had random one night stands and I do find like I do find the stories really funny but now that it's come to it I can't fucking think of an example would you rather be the person that like that someone else walks out though so you wake up and they've left or you having to be at their place and you get up and leave because I don't know what actually is worse

like the idea of like getting up the next morning and having to that I know I would rather them leave me because when I'm hungover anyway like I don't want somebody in my bed a stranger especially like I don't want you there I just need to be left alone in my thoughts in my ugly last night's makeup but then I do think you would be left overthinking, like, was I not good? Was I this? Was I that? That is the only thing.

Whereas if you're the person that's up and left, it's like, out of your choice, you're up and left. But also like the walk of shame the next morning, I would feel horrendous. It's the walk of shame. Like even, so this isn't even a one night stand, but when I was actually seeing somebody and I left his

house but i left his house at an ungodly hour because i had a flight and i looked horrendous and i was walking home and i just thought to myself people definitely are thinking i know what people are thinking because i look it like i actually look it and i got back and when i was going up to my flat and there i looked no one would have thought that oh babe the way i walked out this building and i looked no one would have thought that oh babe the way I walked out this building and I had because I would be down the previous night but I needed to leave but I had his shoes on with my heels in my hand oh okay so I thought okay I know what this looks like it's obvious yeah but it's not because I'm seeing him but it's obvious I was like this is

horrendous and I was walking back with last night's makeup on thinking bless my heart bless my heart walking down Dean's Gate like this could have got an uber but I just didn't I thought I'd braved them all very hungover needed that fresh air but okay yeah I don't know it's just I in that situation yes it would be easier to leave but then also just the walking home just doing the going through that ain't cute he's really not cute do you know anybody who's been in like a one-night-stand situation and they thought it was just going to be a one-night-stand but then it's actually turned into something more yes because i do as well actually one of my best friends really yeah and then what now they're together yeah and so in love so happy like yeah actually one of my

best friends that's the second which is so funny one of my best friends the exact same thing met in Ibiza thought it was gonna be a one-night stand and it's funny as well because her boyfriend like we've all had the conversation because we all know like because she told me like and actually she came to my house after so she didn't actually stay there she didn't stay there she slept with him and came to mine and obviously told me blah blah and was a bit like I actually really like him but now I've obviously fucked it because I've slept with him she said that babe like yeah and I was like babe it's fine blah blah and it's funny because I was speaking to her boyfriend as well.

And like, he would have said before, oh, if a girl set me on the first night, I'd never be with them. Like, blah, blah. And he's with her. So, like, it just goes to show, like, if you're the right person, I don't think it can make that much of a difference. And I feel like that's. I don't know. It's hard, isn't it like it really depends i think like the place the time how that person's feeling do you know what i mean i think that's such a good

example of like because you do just say like oh if you sleep with someone on the first like it's never going to work but look at them now and like my friend look at them now like it's just when you meet your person i don't think anything can really stop it from like developing like you just know rbc avion visa lets you get there your way whether you want to suit up for peak ski season or spring break with the whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock or even book last minute and go on a whim choose from over 130 airlines on last minute or peak season travel with no points hike switch to rbc avion visa and get up to 55 000 bonus avion points limited time offer conditions. Visit rbc.com slash Avion. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like potash

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Let's go so overall then do we think that one night stands can ever be fun and enjoyable what what are we saying to end this episode with yeah i think if you and that person i think if there's like also a level of respect then yeah but i just think for me personally, I think I would, I get attached very easily. That's also why I'm just not like big on one night stands. Because I just think like either I would get super attached and then feel like shit after if they don't reach out. Or I would overthink the situation. So I think that's like from my point of view why I'm not like like big on why night stands but I can completely understand why it'd be enjoyable for so many

people like one of my friends has done a lot of why night stands because she's never been in a relationship nor wants to she doesn't want that but she likes sex so like that's just what she'll that's just what she'll do um and like that that's fine like she's happy with that so I definitely think it can be I just think it depends I don't know like on I guess like who you are like yeah it's completely individual and I think there should be no shame and if you have one or if you want to have one I think you can do what you want like at the end it's your body enjoy it as long as you're being safe keyword being safe then that's all that matters and go and enjoy yourself live whilst you're young or old whatever go and have fun but other than that thank you so much for listening I hope

you guys have enjoyed make sure to go and check out Tuesday's episode as well if you haven't already all about being a girl boss and other than that we will see you next tuesday for a brand new episode bye guys