Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 74. STOP Telling Single People This!

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

We all know our coupled up friends mean well when they give us advice... but sometimes, it’s just NOT helpful! So, we’re turning the tables and gently reminding our friends who are in relationships why certain things are just not useful to tell a single friend. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hello everyone welcome back to sex lies and dm slides it is thursday which means we are back for a bonus episode so we put up a question box on our sex lies instagram asking what is one piece of advice that you are tired of hearing as a single person as we're both single girlies now we thought it'd be very fitting so let's go through the advice okay i feel like this is going to be probably triggering to both as well from being single girls but here we are we'll see if we've heard them as well if we've been told yes yeah okay the first one there's plenty of fish in the sea i've heard this a thousand times i have heard this like to be honest i don't know if anybody's directly said it to me but like i was in my mum's said this to me what there's plenty of fish in the sea there's plenty of fish in the sea saf

and i'm like all right mom i mean as this the stat the same as the statement stands yes there is i get it like of course there is there's loads of like billions of men out there but when you're single and you're probably feeling a little bit down about being single the but not the best thing to hear is oh there's plenty of fish in the sea because i'm like okay well where's my fucking fish yeah do you know what i mean yeah no i get you i feel like it's i thought there's a lot better things to say i mean yeah no i get you i feel like it's i feel like there's a lot better things to say i mean there's like nothing wrong with saying it's saying it out of a you know out of the kindness and it's and it is true there is there's so many people on this planet like

there's so many more other people that will find you you know i think that is just like the number one statement that people will say when you're talking about being a single person. Like I probably say it to people as well, to be honest. Some people are like, oh, that's interesting to see. Don't worry. Like it's definitely come out of my mouth at some point. If you start looking for it, it will find you. I mean, I think I literally just said that.

I do think this is so true. I wholeheartedly believe in this. Yeah. Which is funny because with my ex-boyfriend, this is why I thought that meheartedly believe in this yeah which is funny because with my ex-boyfriend this is why i thought that me and him were meant to be because i was single for i don't know two years before him and although for some reason everyone always thinks i'm in a relationship i actually was single you were single for ages yeah and I didn't like look for him which is why I thought that he was the one like genuinely that is why um which is why I ended up being with him but nonetheless I

do actually think that is true I think it's so true like I there's definitely been phases in my life where I felt like the need to look for someone and I found myself getting way more attached because of this and like overlooking things that I would never overlook because I like I wanted it so badly but then like when I actually removed myself from that situation and realized actually I'm very happy when I don't need anybody that's when I met someone who like added to my life in the best possible way because I wasn't looking for it so like even though I'm still backing that like I'm backing that mindset again like it always happens when when you're not looking for it like it will find you one million percent yeah this is what I

was gonna say is like I think the reason it works is because otherwise you yeah you accept things that you wouldn't normally accept just because you want a relationship so bad so you look past things yeah you just look past things I think you're so spot on in that sense I think even like with my ex because I thought in my head oh my god like we're meant to be together because I wasn't looking for it again I accepted things and I look past things that I shouldn't have because in my in my head still I clearly wanted a relationship so badly whereas I genuinely think it's like a mix of you know if you stop looking for it it will find you and also I feel like you genuinely we're probably going to hear this one going down the list but and it's so stereotypical and everyone would have heard it a

thousand times but I genuinely think you've got to not want a relationship as a such and like love yourself so much for it to work I feel like it's all of those three things yeah it was interesting because when we were away for Coachella we had a conversation with one of the girls in our villa and she was like we were having a very deep conversation actually about why I haven't had well I've had a relationship but why like it didn't really work out for me and I was saying that like I feel like for a relationship to be able to work I have to fully love myself and be comfortable with myself which I'm not there yet and she was saying that is 100% true but she within her relationship still managed to like fully love herself but with the help of him and I thought that was really beautiful because I've always been really not against it but like just too scared but like it was in it was interesting hearing another side of that as well from somebody who has been in a relationship like four five

years knowing that like you still can be like you don't have to be one million percent a hundred percent there you can sometimes like grow that with another person I guess it just depends on individuals um but yeah I thought that was quite interesting I wish we could have recorded that um conversation actually because that was I feel like we both learned a lot about each other in that conversation yeah it was a really lovely conversation like so out of the blue like the last conversation I expected to have around the pool but like I came away with it I was like oh that's actually a really lovely conversation yeah and I think it's funny actually because we both like you said something that I thought is so true you said to me um about how like when I get into a relationship I just give up everything for

that person and you said about yourself you were like and I do the opposite like I struggle to give everything up um and I think it's I don't know if we're kind of going off topic but I think it kind of still goes back to that like I don't know like the certain things that people say to us I think probably also trigger how we like see a relationship and like how bad like because I what I would prefer being in a relationship than being single purely because I although I'm somebody that does love partying and going out like to me that's my best days of my life have not been going out partying getting drunk with my friends that they're just not the best days of my life my favorite days are when I'm spent with my family.

Like honestly, just like the most normal things that go into the gym, going for a run. Like one of the best days is when I did a marathon. Like all of those things are my favorite things in life. So for me to have someone to share it with, it's just way more enjoyable. And I think cause I want it so badly sometimes.

I think I do just tend to give up a lot. Whereas I think I do do just tend to give up a lot um whereas I think you know you're somebody that's amazing in the sense of you're very focused on yourself which is really great because I think when you find someone you'll have the perfect balance because you hope so like you know just focus on yourself yeah because like there definitely was a stage when I was going so off topic we will go back to being single in a second but there definitely was a stage when I was going so off topic we will go back to being single in a second but there definitely was a stage when I was like 16 60s actually way too young what I'm on about maybe like 18 to 20 where like yeah I loved going out I loved making memories like I had the funniest memories going out in Cavos and doing all the silly stupid things that like I would never do now but I love doing but like for me and my like happiest times now are honestly

just staying in and cooking dinner with my friends and my family like I way prefer doing that I'm kind of over the whole like let's go out clubbing and try and pull a guy that's not really me anymore um no problem with anybody wanting to do that but like I think I'm just I've done it one too many times and I realize it doesn't actually make me happy like I just way prefer like going out with a lot of my friends was I say a lot some of my friends are in relationships now and like i just way prefer going out and just going out and having fun with them and just doing that like that is just like more me now and then like when the right guy will come or like if i'm really met the right guy i don't know that's just us just getting older though as well you know yeah

i think that does just happen i think when you get older you just I don't know I guess maybe learn to focus on yourself like you experience more and when you've done it as well like I mean some people can carry on doing that forever and good for you but I can't I'm I'm tapped out of the game now I think it's funny though because I feel like we learn a lot about each other but also we realize we need a balance of both yes don't we yeah in the sense of like because you were saying to me you were like I I don't this is your words not mine but you were like I think sometimes I could be too selfish in the sense that I focus on myself too much like I struggle to give that much up yeah whereas my thing is is I give too much up we were like if we could be

the perfect balance of that we've got it because that's a bit like i am so independent but like to for a relationship to work you have to have you have to give up some things and compromise it's all about compromise and that's what i struggle with but we struggle with it in different ways so yeah like if we could like join and have to put like the mixture of both then we've got it but yeah it's all a journey guys we're on our way we're we're working on it and i love that then we've got it. But it's all a journey, guys. We're on our way. It's all a journey. We're learning. We're working on it. And I love that. We're working.

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time i don't need to give it more time no like i don't really understand when people say that give it time give it time like what does that even no i think that's just a quick like if someone's telling you and you just want a quick response i'll just give it time do you know what i mean like it's not a very well thought through one there's no me there's no well yeah exactly there's no um what's it called i don't really think that person that's saying give it time really cares yeah i don't think there's like a deep thought behind it for the sake of it yeah the next one you're too young to be settling down again i know it comes from a good place i don't really i just think it's so different with this because i think some people

i know some people who have been with their like partner since like 17 and i'm 27 and they're engaged to get married and they settle down at 17 like my friend cow has been with his boyfriend buddy for five years and he's 22 so it's so different for everyone like i don't think that's i don't know with that one i think it's so but like if someone said that to me like i do agree i don't think i could settle down at this age just yet just because i think i've still got like stuff that i want to do before i get in a relationship like i want to like you could still absolutely obviously the thing is that's how you feel i don't think you need someone to tell you no yeah you know like you've just said i don't feel like i am whereas some people

our age might feel like yeah some people might be ready for it telling somebody else you're too young or you're too old like i just don't really again i think all of these things by the way like if somebody said that to me i'm not taking it to heart oh no i know they're just trying to make me feel better yeah i mean 100 so like i'm yeah 100 they're just trying to make us feel better the next one is you'll be okay on your own that one i'm kind of like i know like i know i'll be fine on my own like i always have been fine on my own that one i think is just like i don't know i think for some people fresh coming out of a relationship as well i is someone's worry I think that's a cute thing to say

yeah yeah I think that's nice you don't need a man do you know what my mum always says to me actually whenever I've split up with someone or whatever my mum always said to me is you've literally managed like 21 years by yourself like why do you suddenly think that you now aren't going to manage by yourself like how do you think you got yeah exactly you suddenly think that you now aren't going to manage by yourself? Like, how do you think you got? Yeah, exactly. You're fine before you met them. And if you hadn't met them, you wouldn't know any different. And you still would have, you still would have got on with life. And actually, I think that's one of the best things my mom's ever said to me, because I

then actually, because I think someone's saying you'll be fine on your own. You're like, but I won't be because like, I can't imagine my life without him and blah, blah, blah. But actually, when you think about it, no, like you've gone many years by yourself and you've coped and you've, and you've got to where you are today. So you've got,

you genuinely are going to be fine on your own. A hundred percent. You know, the next one is you don't need a man. I mean, you don't need a man. Do you know what I mean? You're completely fine on your own.

No one needs anybody. own no one needs any money like no one needs anybody it's just nice to have someone if it is this one stressed me out lower your standards never don't ever if somebody said lower your standards to me i actually think i'd tell him to walk out the door i'm not lowering my standards for no you shouldn't lower your standards for anyone there's no way like you absolutely i think some people if you think you deserve that you should get that i think some people sometimes can have some like crazy standards which does freak me out a little bit like i think the ick thing you know when people have an ick about everything yeah i think that's almost unfair though like because like you're never going to be able to enjoy your relationship if you're

constantly looking for the ick um i don't know yeah some people's but like it's your standards at the end of the day like and they will be met do you know what i mean like you will find someone who will meet your standards so don't ever lower them for no one yeah because that's just like not knowing yourself worth a hundred percent yeah having standards is learning what you want and like you said knowing your worth so 100 nobody listen to this please ever lower your standards um just get out there and meet people i mean i get that i think that's just uh i think that's a true thing i don't think you like to be fair i probably said that to somebody before like i probably have like if you are sat indoors all day it's going to be a lot

harder to meet somebody like it just is i think the only really way that i could like meet people now like is if i go to a bar like a night out or like if i went to like a dating event maybe like other than that other than like the obvious dating apps i don't really know where i'd meet somebody out about saying that though there's one of my friends emily on instagram she posted how she met her boyfriend the other day and they met on a dog walk they were both walking their dogs and they just bumped but again that's still just going out but going out yeah and they bumped into each other and they've been together 10 years yeah and look at that she never probably expected to meet her boyfriend on a dog walk

that's the thing i don't think you need to go out like club i think when people say that people think oh i don't really like clubbing like well no you're also probably not going to find someone in a club you can meet them in a restaurant or a cafe or anything yeah or like i don't know yeah doing something you love like whether or not it's rock climbing or literally anything has met her boyfriend on a plane yeah so like you really can meet anyone anywhere but i do think and i'm bad for this because i know when i'm home well i am somebody that goes out a lot but also i do spend a lot of time just like indoors with my friends me too and then i'm like well where's the love of my life well they're not just gonna come knocking on the door guys so we need to go out for a walk a dog

walk or a cafe or on a plane i need yeah that's how I'd love to meet my partner like a very natural way like that I've had that'd be so lovely just like bump into them and be like hi and then they're like oh my god can I get your number I'd love that um the next ones are very similar you'll find someone soon your time will come it will happen at the right time for you I mean I agree with them all yeah like but have I heard them a million times yeah but like what else do you say to somebody that like you know i don't think anyone that's saying this is saying it i think everyone's saying it with you know like goodness behind it yeah i think especially those three they're definitely saying it with good intentions yeah to try and make this

one i've never agreed with something more and some people might hate hearing it but i genuinely think if you hate hearing it it's because you hate hearing the truth if he wanted to he would there is like to me that is like the most important like i think every person needs to needs to understand and realize this like if if he wanted to, he would. Why hasn't he texted me? Because he doesn't want to. Like it is literally as simple as that. Like I'm sorry, but it is.

When a guy knows he knows and no one is ever too busy to see someone or to reply to someone. Like if they want to, they will. Yeah. It's like even, I don't know know like one of my friends bit of her boyfriend he basically split up with her right and then in the end when she was finally done with him because this is what happens with guys they realize after after they realize what they've lost yeah she like stops replying to him and he's messaged her once or twice right and i'm like and she's like i really thought he'd mess I thought he'd

want me more and I'm like yeah but you don't understand like whether or not he wants you or not whether or not it's an ego thing I don't know if he wanted to he still would it's like stop thinking about like I know it's so much easier said than done by the way I know when you're in this situation yourself it doesn't feel so different it doesn't feel like that at all but again in like any situation like even if it's just even if it doesn't feel like that at all but again in like any situation like even if it's just even if it's not the talking stage at first i think it just goes in life if he wanted to he would have like it is as simple as that if you want something you go and get it like it's that it is that that it literally doesn't need any more explanation if he wanted to he would

i didn't even need to explain myself i think because i think it literally says it there and then but you know final one got to kiss some frogs i mean i mean i've heard it before i've heard i've done it that's kind of annoying me because i think i'd rather not yeah i've been there done that i'm still nowhere nearer so babe i just do what i mean like is yeah people have said that to me so many times and if that's what you want to do then go for it but let's go as the world's population grows so does the need for resources like potash to support sustainable food production this is why bhp is building one

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we just think is kind of like useless and like don't really know like you know just like annoying things that people say so i thought we could list some other things off ourselves and i guess get each other's opinions on them yeah let's do it so the first one is you're a catch why are you still single well like do you know what i mean like i can't answer that question do you know i mean if someone said that to me i can't answer that question like you think i'm a cat no like why am i i don't know you tell me like yeah do you know what i mean yeah i think it's such a weird thing for someone to say yeah like why am i still single? I don't know you tell me like do you know what I mean? Yeah I think it's such a weird thing for someone to say. Yeah like why am I still single

babe I wish I knew like if I knew I'd tell you. And have you had someone say that to you because I think actually I've had someone say that to me before. Yeah. And yeah I've had the exact same response I'm like babe you tell me I don't know you'll find someone when you least expect it.

Again though I do actually again i agree with it i do agree i think you're like you can't go looking for it and that's the thing i think like my last situation obviously i've said i've said this to everyone i've said this to you i've said this to the podcast like i thought it was going to work out for me because i wasn't expecting it but clearly i must have still really wanted it because I honestly think that's what like well that isn't why it didn't work because a lot more to the story as to why it didn't work but like do you know what I mean I genuinely think like it will come when you least expect it when you're in your own you you know, self-love era, welcoming yourself for yourself, not needing anyone,

not looking for anyone, you won't start like putting things past you. You won't lower your standards, which we've all done. I did, you know, a hundred percent. And then the final couple that we'll do is, first of all, have you tried online dating? Yeah. I think everyone has tried online dating at some

point that is kind of all i've ever known to be honest um and i've actually had some really good experiences i met both my situation and my last relationship from hinge um otherwise i never probably would have crossed paths with either of them and yeah i actually i quite like online dating like i'm not against it i mean i haven't been on hintra very long time it kind of the thought of it's making a bit sick but just I just don't know if I could do it again like I will obviously at some point but like right now I'm just kind of enjoying just doing me and like if it happens it will happen do you know what I mean um but yeah the final one is maybe you're too picky no I hate I don't think anyone's too picky I think you're allowed to be picky because you're going to be with hate i don't think anyone's too picky i think you're allowed to be

picky because you're going to be with that person potentially for the rest of your life and whoever you choose as your life partner is genuinely the person you spend most of your life so babe be as picky as you've got to be picky yeah you're allowed to be as picky as you want to be because that is going to be your person this is my problem is i start like i start making up excuses for people in the relationship and then i end up actually not being happy because i like yeah i don't think i'm it's funny i actually don't i don't think i'm picky enough i think that's something i need to take okay that's something you need to work on yeah a little bit more picky and not making up excuses I think I can get that from you yeah I think you can teach me the ways yeah

we're gonna help each other dating in 2024 we're gonna take each other's advice this time yes but also I feel like it's just like help each other but also just don't worry too much like this year if a relationship happens for me it happens but this is the year where genuinely I I am so over caring about being in a relationship like all I want to do is work on myself and that is what I'm taking for this year we said this on the plane like I'm so over it like as well like if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't I'm so happy how I am now let that be and if it's meant to happen it will happen and that is the mindset we are adapting for the rest of this year absolutely and I love that for us absolutely what a lovely note

to end it on that's all for today guys thank you so much for listening don't forget to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod if you guys haven't already so that you don't miss any episodes we also filmed an episode on Tuesday which is a longer episode where we talk about coachella la all of the debriefs so definitely go and check that out but for now we shall see you guys the next week bye bye sex size and dm size is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios