Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 76. Dating Non-Negotiables - The Things WE Wouldn't Put Up With

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Everyone has things they absolutely would never put up with when it comes to dating, while some people are more open when they are dating someone new. So, we wanted to take a deep dive into some dating non-negotiables, like would you ever date someone who doesn’t want kids to would you date a smoker. Plus, we give our hot take on our non-negotiables. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi guys and welcome back to sex lies and em slides it's thursday which means we are back for another bonus episode so in tuesday's episode we spoke about all things breakups and how to go over your ex and gave you guys some tips um on our three-day breakup rule as in breakup songs yeah you need it. Add to the playlist. If you want to make yourself even more depressed. Exactly. You've come to the right podcast.

Today, we wanted to talk about some dating non-negotiables. I'm definitely going to fuck her name, but actress Eliza Gonzalez. I really hope I said that right. Yeah, that's perfect. Okay, I got it right. Recently said in an interview that it's not just about love. There's much more important things in life, such as whether someone you're dating wants children or is good with money.

How much do you agree with this? Well, yeah, I definitely agree with this. I do think though, when people are like, it's not about love, it's a part, like it is a partnership, but I do think it is about love. I don't know. I think maybe I'm just a love love. Like it's so cringe, it's a part like it is a partnership but I do think it is about love I don't know I think maybe I'm just a love love like it's so cringe but I just do but I think

that's a lovely thing though and I think of course like you have to have love in the relationship I think there's other things that uh like enable the relationship to be strong which is like trust and respect for each other I think you can you can have love but if you don't have trust and respect I don't think you have a relationship yeah of course and it's like obviously it's more than just love because yeah you do need to be compatible however if it was not about love then well it would just be a friendship it would just be a part it would just be a partnership so I think it's the two things mixed together 100% which is what makes a perfect relationship you so in love with your partner.

Like that's why you're with that person because you're so in love with them. And then you gain the respect for them and the trust for them and all those things come when you're in love with that person. So I don't agree that like it's not about love. I think it is about love,

just love and other things. Yeah, I think it's not just about love. They actually just added that yeah just just the one word what you're saying just just add that one word it's not just just the job so we've got a list of dating non-negotiables here so let's go through and see if we agree and disagree first one i could never be with someone who smokes i get this i get this because if you don't like it then why should you like settle for something you don't like yeah i think that's just a personal preference yeah i think people some people don't mind smoking some people have been around it some people haven't

some people hate it i think like you said it's like a really personal like specification in someone if you don't want them to smoke or not like on a dating app they always put on the things that whether they smoke or not like that's one of the things that you see like immediately on someone's profile so obviously like it is a big thing to a lot of people um I've never really thought about it because I've never been with oh see I have not been with a guy who actually smoked cigarettes before so I don't really know how I feel about it see for me I would say that I would say and it's nothing against anyone I just I genuinely dislike the smell so much that personally I just wouldn't want to be with somebody that smokes also as well I do think it makes you have a different sort of lifestyle like I actually do think that and

again this is not me judging anyone that smokes a lot of my family smoke nothing against them at all totally fine personal preference I think the reason I would struggle I do think it does make you have even like different social life like you go to the club like they'll be outside in the smoking corner I wouldn't yeah I wouldn't be there because i don't mind yeah it's i feel like nowadays it's a very social thing like when you're in a everyone yeah oh let's go out and have a cig or let's go out and have a vape whatever it's a very it's become a very social um aspect of a night out which yeah which i agree like you if you don't and your partner does well i'm not going to see you for an hour babe now because you're going to be in the smoking area so yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah so I just feel like that's a personal preference and

I don't think you can I don't know I wouldn't judge someone for thinking like that way at all because you wouldn't settle for other things so why does that matter you know like I get when people say that don't get me wrong i do think people expect too much like not expect too much because everyone knows their own self-worth but like the ics that people are bringing out nowadays are absolutely ridiculous like i don't want someone that breathes like jesus christ it's just an excuse though it's literally excuse because you don't like that person like yeah and they're just trying to think of the most maddest things to say like that one i this one is so stupid,

but like where they, you imagine the boy naked, rocking back and forth in a bath. No one is doing that. And if they are doing that. No. But no one's doing that. You're just forcing yourself to like give yourself the ick because you don't want to like them.

Yeah. It's just the ick is a way of it. Yeah, no, so true. When you love someone, like I actually don't think anything they can do can give you the ick that's what they say don't they it doesn't exist when you're in love no it actually

it doesn't exist when you love someone so let's go the all new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs.

And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee. Up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students.

With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Let's go. The next one. Dishonesty is an absolute no. Again, agreed.

Strongly agreed. I do not want to be with someone who lies. No, absolutely not. Worst trait in the world. Yeah, that's very standard. Again, it goes back to like Tuesday's episode what we were saying in the long run the truth is always the best thing you can ever do because it's gonna come out whether it comes out immediately or five months down the line it's gonna come out I'd rather

it come out immediately than five years down the line and in the moment you probably would think to yourself like ah because sometimes like it's just like little white lies right that people do and it's like oh but the thing is that then builds to a bigger line a bigger line a bigger line and what happens is that person then goes why didn't you just tell me in the first place and i'm like i was too embarrassed too i didn't want to but now look what it's and sometimes it gets to the point where like you've said so many white lies you forgot what white lies you've said so then you just have more on top of that and you just get yourself into a vicious cycle so basically just be honest exactly it's a lot easier just be honest yeah we have to share the same sense of humor see i would agree on this one because if we didn't this is like how we were talking about the american and british humor

so it's like i'm sorry i want to be able to rip into you and take the piss and if you can't handle that we're not going to have a fun relationship in my eyes like I said please still call me beautiful but also I want to just have a laugh like so for me that would be a non-negotiable if like we couldn't share the same humor yeah I don't think it's like you have to be the funniest person in the world but yeah I think it's like you have to understand each other's yeah just humor and banter as such like you have to be honest I just think it's a very like I'm a very sarcastic person so are you yeah so if somebody wasn't getting my sarcasm and I felt like I was constantly like offending them when it was always only sarcasm I just I't I think I'd worry about what I was going to say and whether it was going to upset

them and I don't want to have that worry I just want to be able to say something like it just lands and to be fair that's kind of how I feel around Americans yeah a little bit like walking on eggshells with the humor yeah it is it literally is that it's very scary they must have good personal hygiene I mean yes obviously non-negotiable of course um I need someone who is good with pets I would like that I mean yeah of course like I don't have a pet but it'd be nice I don't have a pet I am actually thinking of getting a dog okay big responsibility so huge responsibility which is why it's never even crossed my mind and I travel way too much I can't get one yet but I'm thinking if I got a little tiny pom it could travel with me yeah but also I like I had two dogs for however many years I know the response like I hate when people get

dogs and end up giving them away I'm like surely you knew that that it's like having a baby it's so much responsibility um but I don't know I think because I live by myself I've just got to a point where like I would love to have a little dog but again I know right now I can't I'm going to the US for a very long time and like I don't have the time to commit to a dog but by the end of the year I actually think that I probably would get one oh my god that's so exciting see I would I would love it I would love it but the same as you like I don't think I at the moment would be in the position to be able to look after also you have a garden and i would like to have a garden when i have a dog which i think is a big thing and like a bit of a bigger place i'd get a cat i would

definitely have a cat now and i have looked at getting a cat before because i really want a little chocolate brown cat like a really fluffy chocolate brown cat but they're very rare and i looked on like pets for homes but again like how does that even work in an apartment because i couldn't really imagine loads of people have got cats here everyone's got really calum's got a cat he's got mila everyone's got cats like they're just house cats and they just won't go outside but they just have like a little train stuff oh my when i used to have a cat when i was younger she was a house cat as well but like oh so i couldn't imagine that i'd feel too bad if they're a house cat i know they are a house cat but i feel like don't you want to go outside in the fresh i know but if they don't

know any different then it's fine but like if they used to go outside and then suddenly i put them in an apartment and they can't ever go outside i'd hate it but i see people walk their cats around here people take them out on leads yeah i don't know i guess i don't know if i'd want to walk like her but like yeah I don't know I mean to be fair we're probably both not in I would never get an animal unless I felt like I genuinely was in the position the thing is I know I will travel for the rest of my life but so I always wanted to get a chow chow but the reason I'm I don't think I'll get a chow chow is because I couldn't travel with a chow chow whereas like if I got a pom I know that you know

if I spent a month in the US this dog could whereas like if I got a pom I know that you know if I spent a month in the US this dog could come with me for a month in the US like you can literally fly with them on your lap so even like they have to go on a separate plane when they're that tiny they can literally fly on your lap you can't do that with a chow chow because Shannon Mooney's got two chow chows and they are yeah I mean they get huge oh my god her dogs are massive they're like the yeah at the same time they are the best dogs i've ever seen in my life like they look like little lions no i know they're so i know so yeah basically we'd love someone who's good with pets long story short we would we would love someone that's good with pets i feel like we've totally

got onto a pet subject but We'll be right back. sunblock or even book last minute and go on a whim. Choose from over 130 airlines on last minute or peak season travel with no points hike. Switch to RBC Avion Visa and get up to 55,000 bonus Avion points. Limited time offer, conditions apply. Visit rbc.com slash Avion. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. When you drive a Mazda, you'll find out why RSUVs won more 2024 IIHS top safety picks than any other brand as of June 2024. Find out what makes Mazda different at Mazda.ca. let's go

someone who is good with their money i would see like i would agree with this because i've i followed like i don't know if you see him on TikTok but there's like a lot of guys who just go out and spend like thousands of pounds on tables in clubs for the weekend and all that and like if my boyfriend was doing that I'd be like what are you doing like I said like obviously spend your money on what you want that's not my business but like I just ideally like someone who like we can have a conversation about like bills and it'd be like understood we can be like right we're gonna I'm gonna pay this you're gonna pay that we're gonna half this just like a adult conversation about it yeah no I definitely get that I think

yeah it's such a touchy subject isn't it like I completely agree like if you're spending money on tape like yeah just I mean spend money on tape, like, yeah, just, I mean, spend money on whatever you want. But for me, that's a bit, I mean, someone that's doing that anyway is just a bit icky, spending £1,000 on a bottle anyway is just ick. I don't know, it's hard because I don't like people that are stingy as well. Like, I just, like, if they were just constantly just saving their money, I'd be like, well, for what?

Like, also, it's about living life. I don't know, I think it really depends on the situation. It is, yeah don't know everything it really depends on situation yeah definitely and it also depends on yeah it depends how much money you earn it depends on their circumstance it depends on your so yeah there's so much that goes into it but like yeah just preferably just someone yeah just someone who doesn't like spend three grand on the table it gives me very much the ick um someone who just wants something casual is a no from me I mean that's a no from me I can't yeah I feel like I'm getting so I'm getting to the age of fucking 23 but like I'm I would like a long relate like long-term relationship rather than just a quick six-month one and then be heartbroken again like yeah I just I'm dating for like long term I guess in my head

like if I'm gonna date like yeah I think my problem though is I've done that my whole life like I've never like I've never just like we've spoken about this so many times that we were both like we need to take a leaf out of each other's we've done opposites because you date I don't like my problem is is I just I hate games I hate wasting my time I can't be bothered to text one back and forth if nothing's going to come from it. I just can't, like, I just can't be bothered. It's also just hard. But at the same time, maybe I should be more like that.

Yeah, but it's also just harder to, like, figure out what people's intentions are nowadays. Like, on Hinge, I honestly, like, I get to it and I, like, it's the dating app that I use, but it's just, you know, when you have to go through it again and you're at that stage again it's just a bit like oh my god i'm here again like i haven't i haven't really obviously i was dating somebody in january i feel on the odd date this year but nothing crazy i definitely went through my dating

phase as we all know but it is fun though at the same time it is fun but i feel like you could i feel like you could have something casual with somebody. So I don't think I, emotionally, I think the problem with, yeah, see, that's my problem. I know that I could do it.

Cause we all know me when I feel, I feel way too hard. That is, I can't say it's a problem because it's not a bad thing. Cause I think it's actually, I think it's actually a lovely thing that you can find that in yourself to do that again. Because like when I did feel that deeply for someone someone that is why I now can't do it I'm sorry because I'm too scared of feeling it again but like I think that's lovely that you can like rediscover that part in yourself

and like revisit it every time so actually take it as a good thing that's what I mean like it is a good thing but it's also not because it means that oh oh, I just feel way too many emotions. I fall very hard. Yeah. Do you know what? I genuinely think, I don't know. I think it's the way that I see my parents. I think it's because I want what they have so badly.

Like I say this to everyone. My parents are so in love. I never think about how many years. Like I don't even know, like 30 plus years. And they're still so in love so I think like I just want that so badly that's not a bad thing at all it's just yeah it's not but that's why like nothing casual for me would ever work because but also as well I think it just goes back to like we're busy people

so I can't be bothered to have this casual thing my like feelings feel heightened and messed up and then to me like oh yeah I would feel too hard and it would affect me too badly and then it's just to me like casual would be like friends with benefits like that's the like like that's what I would be able to do but like other than that it's like you said it's a bit of a waste of time I can't really be bothered like what am I doing i just think it's such a waste of time yeah so casual friends of benefits potential but like nothing other than that ideally long term i think do you know what i think maybe you would actually feel too much too i think i would that's why i don't because i like i know i know i can feel like hard and it can like ruin me so like i just want to make sure that like when I'm doing that

again like I'm doing it for the right person and it's it's gonna last because yeah like I just don't like I remember when I did feel so hard it ruined my whole fucking year I look back at everything and I think oh my god I knew exactly how I felt on that day and it was dreadful and I just don't want to do I mean I just don't want to look back on like the good days of my life you can feel like that but anyway next one um no kids I couldn't be with somebody that doesn't want kids because I want kids so badly me too and like I I weirdly would ask that question very early on now oh on the first date I'd even maybe just mention like do you want kids because if it was a no then to me it would

just be like oh I don't know if it's gonna work yeah I think it's hard to convince somebody to then suddenly want kids like if you're set on I don't want kids I don't I don't I just don't think you can convince someone to suddenly want kids things can change and like you can meet the right person and then you might want kids but like yeah as a whole I feel like that would be like a definite non-negotiable for me okay quick fire is family orientated I don't know like I feel like that would be like a definite non-negotiable for me okay quick fire it's family orientated I don't know like I would love that but also I get that some people aren't close to their family for certain reasons and they've been like I don't know I think we all have been through very different situations in an ideal world I would love somebody that's like that

but I wouldn't not not be of somebody if they wasn't neither I would love somebody that's like that but I wouldn't not not be of somebody if they wasn't neither I would love someone that could be close to my family as well like that like yeah I would love that like because of course like you said like you everyone has completely different growing up circumstances and reasons as to why they might be close or not be close but I'd love you to be able to be close to like my mom and my little brother I'd love that yeah yeah yeah definitely uh this one says have to live on their own slash not with their parents I feel like in an ideal world not live with their parents I don't think that would actually put me off someone if they were like for me my biggest thing is is like

I would want to be of somebody that's like driven and has their own thing going on and I got their own path so I don't think it would put me off if they had that but if they're just like at home with their parents i don't know i think it's like i like you it's the same one as what we were just saying like you might be in a circumstance where like you can't afford to move out and that doesn't make you any less of a person so if like you can't I can't like you can't judge somebody because they still live at home because there might be a really good reason for it yeah and also as well like they even might be able to move out but like they haven't found and they might just want to save money or like yeah yeah there's like loads of

different reasons as to why so I feel like yeah if someone said to me I still live at home you can't judge somebody for where they live I don't know yeah that actually wouldn't put me off at the age we are now that wouldn't put me if I was 35 and he said to me I still live at home my mom and dad I've never moved out I would be a bit like oh why maybe yeah but like at this age like definitely not like yeah we're still so young yeah I agree with you i mean i'd rather somebody i think live by themselves just because i live by myself like i just i just would but yeah like you said i don't think that would like completely put me off somebody yeah and then okay the last one being

emotionally aware yes please please please for our future boyfriends are you gonna sing it then for our future boyfriends we need emotionally available emotionally open yeah people that's what we'd love and that's what we're gonna manifest i saw this the cutest tiktok this morning and it was this girl and she captured it she was like be with an emotionally available person because my boyfriend did this this morning and she found a boyfriend and he was in the garden he'd made her breakfast made her a cup of tea and he put out her journal next to her breakfast and was setting up a little like set up for her outside and then was going to go and wake her up so she could like wake up to that that's so just just the little things like

he knows that she wants to like journal or like write down he set it up for and he's like you go do that i'm like oh like yeah that's i just love stuff like that i think it's so same but i think every girl loves emotionally available men big love we love that well we're ending it on a positive note um so thank you so much guys for listening to this episode I feel like we've surely all got to agree oh by the way totally off subject but in another podcast I spoke about my cystitis this is like totally going off subject but the amount of you that's dm'd me like helping me out so just want to thank everyone that's ever listened to this podcast because i'm now actually seeing a specialist about it and i wouldn't have had that without all of your dms so just want to say very much appreciate it love that

yeah like the amount of people that wrote me like stories like the exact same thing happened to me like i got ignored for so long and blah blah blah sorry i'm totally changing the subject but that's just a nice little thank you to you guys because you guys always to be honest i don't get messages about cystitis um i don't have cystitis but like people message me off of like the back of what we said on the podcast i'm like oh like yeah it's really lovely so thanks guys we love you and sometimes i feel like we can't like we can't physically sit and reply to every dm but we see a lot of them so thank you so much thank you we love um yeah anyways be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on spotify so you don't miss out on all of the gossip and we shall see you on tuesday for another episode bye

sex size and dm size is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios