Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 77. Can Situationships ACTUALLY Work + Ana’s Own Experience

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

We’ve all been in a situationship, aka not a real relationship and a lot of confusion about where you stand with the other person. This got us thinking... can they actually work and can casual dating ever be a good thing? Plus, we take a look at the major differences between situationships and friends with benefits, and Ana opens up about her own experience. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi guys and welcome back to another episode of sex lies and dm slides with me saffron barker and me anastasia kingsnorth so we are back for another week and back for another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships but first of all how are you weeping because i know it's not feeling the best no and you know what I really don't want to start it on a depressing note but guys I'm pretty sure the last episode that we filmed I was like I'm sick I think yeah I think you were I think I must have been because I've been sick for like over a week yeah you were guys Coachella episode back and you're real yeah so I was unwell and then I was literally bed bound I

was so bad I had like a day and a half where I was like fine but you know fine but you know like when you've been on well you're just kind of weak and you're just trying to like just get your life back together it's one of those days and a half and then I gave myself food poisoning so honestly you couldn't write it I've been in I honestly feel like a shell of myself I feel so weak right now but do you know what guys she's surviving thriving on the podcast she's here do you know what you ate do you know what it was yeah I think I ate out of eight out of day eggs oh okay yeah yeah and like even the thought of that makes me feel sick like I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to eat eggs again and eggs were my favorite food ever I eat eggs

every day this is probably like a really bad thing to bring up when you've already had food poisoning but i don't know if any of you listening as well i've seen there's this guy on instagram and he's called the raw chicken guy and he's eating a raw chicken breast every single day and he's been doing it for nearly 100 days surely not honestly that's just gonna give you salmonella yeah but he hasn't got it and he's eating like a raw chicken breast but he's also eating another body part at the same time. So he's eating like a raw chicken breast and a liver or like a squid one day and a raw chicken breast.

And it's honestly, I've never cringed so much at a video watching him bite into raw chicken and then chew it. That's disgusting. It's the worst thing I've ever watched. But millions of people are just going back to his page and watching it every day, obviously, because it's so like, what the fuck are you doing

but how was he not getting salmonella babe i literally don't get it i like honestly i don't get it unless he's no i was gonna say is he being sick but no because like he's he looks fine every day honestly you're gonna i'll have to send him you and you'll have to watch it it's the weirdest thing yeah because even if he was faking it and he was then spitting out the chicken even like you know we get raw chicken on our hands i'm like shit shit wash my hands because i don't want to get salmonella me too but no he's fully having the full thing and he doesn't cut the videos or anything so it's just him eating the full chicken yeah it's so weird wild so food poisoning is really pending for this man because i was at a hundred days chicken breast i do not know that's that's actually crazy well i know i'm thinking it's the eggs but i really don't know but yeah i've not not been the best but you know what today's here we are again she's

thriving she's trying to thrive yeah she's i feel like i'm gonna be good from now on out hopefully i've got all the sickness out the way for the year because i've been sick for too long now yeah at least you've had a bulk and then you're going to be fine for the rest of the year touch wood yeah touch wood touch wood how's your weekend been my weekend was good i went out obviously i literally say every week i'm not going to go out but it was my friend's birthday so we went to firefly crazy how much i think you go out every weekend i do go out like nearly every weekend just like one of the nights never not two in a row i can't do two in a row but we went to firefly and um i literally messaged saf on the night when we were in there i was like every boy in this place is your type i was like like your

type is literally walking around everywhere honestly i cracked up when i saw these messages i she didn't send me any pictures though she just left no yeah I could have literally just filmed a video at the full place as well I don't know why I didn't do that I was very drunk but yeah literally full of beautiful boys um it was really really fun the food there is incredible as well so I had some nice dinner yeah see I've been there before and it's so nice but like I've never like you were like it's literally but you said it was an event right it was it was an event that's why but yeah normally for some reason i don't know why but like it doesn't get busy until like 11 o'clock and then it dies down really quickly at like one o'clock

when people go to the clubs and stuff but i just could not be bothered to go clubbing we went to dirty martini and then i was like home like get me home now you looked unreal that night thanks for the little fur skirt i know what a slay honestly you looked incredible oh my god that was a little plt number as well you know really yeah plt 18 pounds i was buzzing i was like oh my god this is so nice so expensive yeah and with the hair and the way that i like wore the top i feel like it looked really cool so thanks babe got that you didn't find a man that night didn't find a man that night unfortunately there actually was some really good looking people if i really fancied one boy actually saw him at the bar and he was did you

speak to him or no no i was too shy i hadn't had a drink at this point it was literally as i'd walked in and i was like oh but yeah he was gorgeous but no sadly still very single on that front guys but she's back on him i feel like do you actually think you can meet someone in a bar i don't know maybe you can meet someone in a bar i feel like you can i feel like i feel like in a bar but not a club if i was to meet someone in a club like that like i can't see a relationship blossoming from it personally but i could be wrong i could always be proven wrong but um a bar potentially more because i feel like loads people just speak at the bar like i was watching these two guys go around the whole night and they were just

going for like best friends and as soon as the best friends would leave they'd go for another set of best friends oh and then as we left that's so icky though yeah they went home with like the final set and i was just thinking girls babe if you see what these two boys are doing before you arrived you would not be walking out the door with them yeah that's such an ick yeah massive ick but nice little fun night out getting ready for summer very nice all the vibes do you know what you so you should like manchester is we've said this so many times but it's actually just the best place to go out it really is i want a night out in manchester you need to come back we gotta have another big night out in manchester we need to go to die cast because that's where we haven't been I don't know where that is I've never been have I no no you

haven't been there it's not far from mine at all it's like where all the places are but um it's so cool and they have like 15 I think it's 15 different like daiquiri machines but like all different flavors like frozen ones and you just get those drinks and like it's it's kind of like Albert's but like slightly better i think which dare i say better yeah but i know i know how can albert's get better but if we're talking about the guys then yeah i think the guys are better okay that's a big statement okay yeah big statement we'll put it to the test when you get to come to manchester and i'll take you to diecast yeah okay and we'll see what we can find and then we'll do a little debrief on the pod

we should do a hungover debrief on the pod but like right we went out last night this is the situation i know but you know what's funny is i feel like when i go out i just get too drunk and i'm just in my i feel like i don't even meet people on a night out ever i yeah i don't really to be honest like me and you we're just doing too many shots against each other and that's that is true we've had like me we've had the odd night where we've met a lot of people like do you remember that time in albert's house for some reason i don't know why we just kept meeting people are like personal yeah but yeah but normally we are at the bar just doing shots yeah that is literally i just saw this comment on my youtube and i thought actual slay that

people think this and it says um saffron has a healthy relationship with alcohol and it shows not only can she have a good night drinking but there's always been multiple times where she's gone out and not drank it still looks like she's having so much fun and I thought love that glad people think that because when I drink it's not good but she's got the balance going now got the balance going exactly yeah we've got the balance going. Exactly. Yeah, we've got the balance going. Let's go. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for.

Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications.

Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs? And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. Moving on to the topic that we're going to speak about this week a trend that has been doing the round recently is nato dating so not attached to the outcome dating so kind of just

like situationships kind of but then i don't know though because you are attached to the outcome of that so more just like casually dating i guess okay. Okay, yeah. Can you explain? Yes, I guess it's the idea that like people are dating for like, just like sheer enjoyment or like out of like complete disregard for wherever it goes. So they're not hoping that it has like an outcome of a relationship, basically. Right. Which I think an interesting way to date and sometimes going into dating with that mindset actually is better because then it can turn into something really amazing. Yeah. And also you don't get disappointed.

Exactly. Like I feel like it definitely that like dating like that eradicate the fear of disappointment because you're not hoping for anything. So maybe you actually need to adapt. Actually, I feel like I kind of adapt that mindset anyway you have that mindset I'm the opposite like I only only speak to somebody if I actually see something with them but like I don't like it's a good thing but it's also not for the reasons that we've just said is because like if it doesn't work out then it's just really shit but also at the same time the way that see it, and I probably need to be less like this is I'm, I just can't be bothered to text somebody that I don't see something in the

future coming out with them. That's my problem. Exactly. But no, but that's good. It's a lot of effort and it's a lot of energy. And that's why I've been like, I'm not really, I'm not speaking to anybody right now. I've literally got nobody on the roster. Byron was making a joke.

We were like, oh, we need to get our summer rosters ready. And I was like, babe, I ain't got no summer roster. I'll see who I meet abroad. But my roster right now is zero. Yeah, because listen, we don't even have time to text our own friends. This is the way that I see it. I'm like, why do I want to start texting guys that like I don't really see anything for me I do kind of believe like when you know you know but I mean maybe not but like we still believe that

we still believe that still believe that I just I don't know I just if I don't like initially think like oh my god there's a spark there I just can't bring myself to put in that much effort to somebody that i don't see a spark with and i know it can take time but for me in my head it i don't know maybe i've watched too many fairytale movies you're just like an all or nothing girl like you give me everything which i like like i was saying to you i think that is a beautiful thing and we need to adapt each other's dating like i don't know what you call it like styles I guess we just need a balance we need a balance I need to less give a hundred percent the scales need to be and you need to give a bit more yeah instead of like this because right now we're like this so we just need

to we need to even them out you talk about this summer roster I've never had one like it's never been a thing for me I've only ever spoken to one person and that's it like that's just the way that I've been so what is your tips I guess for getting some a roster my son roster will be one but I know someone who this is where I got it from who like was making the joke about having a roster um and I think he honestly got half of them from dating apps just from like messaging and then like they've taken it on to instagram um and i must say these men are absolutely phenomenal i was right gobsmacked like when i saw like actually like taken aback so i was like oh go you babe and this is just part of his roster it's just part of the roster but like when i say this is part of the roster like he hasn't met any of them so he's

literally just like messaging the odd person so is he basically keeping them tight so that he can potentially see them in the summer he made a joke and said i'm speaking to them all until i look slay when i've been to the gym and when i'm looking slay then i'm gonna meet one of them and go on a date okay so he's only meeting one of them i thought this was like a list that he was making he might so that he had all these potentials in the summer i mean he might as he should if he wants to drive me like he's been through it all as he fucking should um but i don't really know i need to ask him more about this roster and see who is actually still on the roster because he was very drunk when he showed me but like i just so he has made a list not like a list but like in his dms like i've said do you know what i mean okay imagine if he wrote on his notes app summer roster list well that's what i thought

i was like can i need where's the we need the tips for the summer no because i said to him i was like i don't even know where to start like i wouldn't even know where to start like i go on raya i go on hinge but like i'm not i can't make a lit like a list like i even get a bit iffy when people ask for my Instagram and ask a message on DM because I'm like oh I don't want you to see my Instagram like I'm not too sure so I don't know what to do right but yeah I'd say like dating apps just Instagram meeting people at a bar is a good way to like build it like if like in summer everyone's out vibes are high you're gonna meet loads of people like that's the best way to like

build yourself a little summer roster if that's your thing i'm just looking for one so staff roster of one please but apparently i i guess i have like nato dated in the past then i would say you definitely have because you just go on dates and stuff as well whereas i don't do that like do you remember i went on like two dates for the sake of i said that I would go on a date so I went on like two days but you did quite enjoy it though which made me happy I did but like honestly kind of like the thought of a date doesn't excite me it doesn't it just genuinely doesn't it really I feel like I've not that I've done all the dates I obviously haven't but like in my head now if I was going on a date I think I just feel more stressed about it than excited. And like, I think that's how I feel. Yeah, I just, but more so because I actually can't be bothered to get attached.

Like, cause I can't be bothered for the hurt. So I guess I'm NATO dating, which I don't know is a good or a bad thing at this point. I think it's quite a bad thing in my case. I actually don't think, I don't think it's a bad case because I do think you're less likely going to get hurt. I hope so. Because you're not seeing a future with them. so you're just taking it for what it is and

I do think that's a really amazing thing just to be able to take each day as it comes whereas I think too much about the future yes you do think a lot about you always do think a lot about the future but that's yeah because you think if it's going to work or not and I need to adapt that outlook well I don't think if it's gonna work I always think it's yeah that's my problem that is true actually 100% gonna work I don't think oh is it gonna work no I think okay so it's gonna work so how's it gonna work that is true actually honestly they can tell you that they're gonna do like a year cruise around the Antarctic and not gonna see them for a year but you're like baby it's still gonna work obviously it's still gonna work i'm too optimistic i think i am too optimistic like that is my problem but you've got a nice positive optimistic look and i have a very negative

outlook on it but i feel like genuinely they're both positives in different ways and negatives in different ways like i do think personally i've said to an Anna like I don't want to give someone my 100% now because I can't be bothered to do that and it not like if it doesn't work out I'm not I'm not doing that again I feel like my mindset is probably going to be different in the next relationship that I'm in but that's a really good thing though that's like one thing that you can take from past relationship that like now you've you know exactly what you want to know exactly how you're gonna react in situations yeah I think that's what it is I think now more than ever I know what I want yeah which is amazing so I'm probably still not gonna do this whole NATO dating because I can't be bothered I mean let's let we'll talk about it we'll talk

about it it's probably not a good mindset for me to have but probably won't do that sort of dating because I will probably still just be with somebody that I genuinely see something with yeah but I feel like where I've always been so optimistic I would like look past people's red flags and stuff I'm not doing that anymore that's not a thing anymore that is not a thing if we spot a red flag we say we to each other instantly, it's a red flag. Yeah. Yeah. There's the door.

We know where it is. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, right. So let's discuss NATO dating because, you know, maybe I'll change after this. We'll see. So let's discuss my dating style.

Let's talk about my dating style. So let's discuss Anna's dating styles she goes on and first of all right do you actually think then do you think that casual dating and situationships do you think they can work a hundred percent okay why not that I've done it I think so because when you are taking this thing i need to take my own advice when you are taking each day as it comes and you're not expecting much from it i i do think you're less likely to get hurt in any situation and also something amazing can blossom from that i think that could be the case of like casual dating i think when it comes to like situationships i feel like that's a whole different ball game because I think with that one person is always more involved yeah I think that's like that's a

different thing yeah that's like a whole like I've been in a situationship before and like I would never be in a situationship again purely because of that reason like it was never a balance it's always one person having the power and I hate that like yeah I just do not do well in those situations but like casual dating I definitely think something can come from it because like you said like when you're dating with no pressure that's like more than likely like when something beautiful is going to come out of it because you're not like forcing anything no it is it's so true I just I wish I could channel that a bit more no you can you can this is this is 2024 goal yeah but again it goes back to I just don't know if that's I just don't think that's very me

though I am just two zero a hundred and everything in life if that was working I'd say babe we're going to carry on with that but what we're going to do is we're just going to switch it for just a couple of months and just try something out and just try not 0 to 100, try 0 to 50. Okay. We'll try that. And we'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes.

I'll keep you guys updated. Yeah, she's going to keep us updated on the roster that we're building this summer. Yeah. God. That would just never be me. Like, that's my problem as well. It's like, I never just text more than one guy. I just don't do it I like that's my problem as well it's like I never just text more than one guy like I just don't do it but that's a nice thing I can't be bothered to keep

up a conversation with two people I know but that's how you don't get hurt or that's how you casual date whereas like that's my problem it's like I would speak to one guy and one guy only that is how you casual date but like even I couldn't do that like I casual date with one person can't casual date with several people like if I was going on dates with two people at the same time I wouldn't like that like I'd start getting confused as well like that's not gross by the way like absolutely do that if you want to do that but personally I just I just don't think it would ever be me I generally think a lot of this is the way that my parents are. Because they're so in love and they're so happy. Yeah.

And I think like they met at such a young age. And do you know what? The first time my parents met that night, they went home together and they lived together since. They lived together from the day that they met each other. So I think this is it. I think this is what I see. So like all I've ever wanted is kind of what they have.

Yeah. And that is like a true love story and I think it's so annoying that like stuff like that I'm like still I'm sure kind of happens but as a whole it doesn't like I think social media has played a big part in that there's people are too accessible to people nowadays yeah which is like why cheating is so common like it's just so the whole thing is different like nowadays if you said to me i'd love it but if you said to me right i've met someone in a bar they're coming home with me they never left your house i'd say staff this is terrifying yeah do you know what i mean that's so true we would sit there and go this is weird

like this is really but back in back in like when our mom and dads were dating we were like oh my god this is amazing yeah no it's so true do you know what i mean it's actually really quite weird if i said that to you if i said saf i've met someone in a bar and that's it i'd be thinking no he wants something from you this is bizarre yeah we think oh he wants something yeah like we would automatically turn it into a bad thing when yeah maybe we need to have more faith in humanity no i don't know i do think that's a really weird thing to happen nowadays i do think it was different back then they didn't have phones like everything was just different oh my god yeah they didn't have fun i forgot they didn't have phones yeah no texting no like scrolling on dating apps no but they did write

each other's letters how cute and that is old school romance that i wish yeah that i want that we all want that like we're not settling guys no we want love letters i want like cute little notes around the house when i wake up i love stuff like that rbc avion visa lets you get there your way. Whether you want to... Suit up for peak ski season. Or... Spring break with a whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock.

Or even... Book last minute and go on a whim. Choose from over 130 airlines on last minute or peak season travel with no points hike. Switch to RBC Avion Visa and get up to 55,000 bonus Avion points. Limited time offer, conditions apply. Visit rbc.com slash Avion. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. When you drive a Mazda, you'll find out why RSUVs won more 2024 IIHS top safety picks

than any other brand as of June 2024. Find out what makes Mazda different at mazda.ca. We also asked on our Instagram if situation chips can work so obviously i said i don't think they can you've also kind of said you don't think they can um so let's hear what you guys think someone said no as someone will always end up getting heartbroken at some point which is basically what i said to like yeah you just do like it's the power imbalance and like i mean half the time i feel like it's always the girl that ends up liking the boy more yeah probably i feel like girls have more feelings yeah especially

if it is a situation ship yeah i feel like the guy will just like date several people or like won't even think about it in that way but the girl will start getting attached and it's just a downward spiral guys i don't recommend uh the next one so i don't think i've ever had a situationship and good for you i'd stay i know that is that is i'm staying there yes stay clear so that is one good thing about giving zero or 100 is they've got to be 102 that is true so you're not getting situationships there's one good thing you know where that person is at because hopefully you're gonna be on the same page and no situationships in staff life the next one yes if you want the same things out of it i don't know just the name situationship gives me red flag me too because like in my head then

that's not a situationship if like you want like what that would be like friends with benefits in my head yeah like do you know what i mean is that the same thing a situation i don't know i know not not because like to you then what is what is a situation ship a situation ship is where like someone where you never know where you stand because you'll never be like speak to each other in that sense of like you'll never be like i like you but like you know you like the person and you know that you like are starting to want to be with that person but the other person doesn't want that with you yeah so I agree then so that is just giving friends benefits yeah I think so because if you want the same things out of it well it depends if you're just happy never being in a relationship with them but I feel like that's not going to last forever that feeling I feel like something will

crop up where you're like oh shit I actually quite like them yeah and also as well see this is my thing of a situation ship like if a guy wasn't telling me how they felt I think oh god that would be so horrible yeah I just think being in a situation ship is not here me too yeah it just yeah how how can it actually ever work I think like well both of our love languages also are like we like people to tell us how we feel and we want someone really like emotionally available so like I I really know that like in my next relationship I need someone to be able to be very open with me and say like I like you yeah it's and it's just being honest isn't it yeah I guess it's being open more than honest because I guess some people find it harder to share their emotions so yeah i guess it is emotionally being available but

i don't know for me for a relationship to work like you have to have that one million percent because i've looked i think i've been in situations where like someone's not been emotionally available and someone has been and the difference is crazy like crazy like when you're in a situation where someone doesn't say how they feel i think you always just wonder you always like well do they like me do they love me yeah that's horrible because you're then just going around in circles yeah and you never say you never want to have to question if someone likes you or not like you just want to be with someone who's going to tell you and you just know and it's the thing we've said this so many times in this podcast like

if a guy really liked you you would know like. Like, genuinely you would know. Yeah. Like, it's as clear as that. Like, if he wanted to do something, he would. Like, it's just as simple as that. That is it. Simple as that. If he wanted to, he would. It's as simple as that. I think I say it on every single podcast.

We need that tattooed on us at this point. If he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to, he would. That's the new podcast tagline. The next one. one yes it can work started casually seeing and sleeping with my old co-worker old co-worker now we're together wow I mean slay for you were you in a situation with him though or like were you just because when you say casually sleeping around and like seeing him to me that's just casual dating yeah I guess it's

hard because I guess people take situations I don't know actually because to be fair if one of my friends came to me and was like oh I'm sleeping sleeping with my co-worker I'm in a bit of a situation ship I would I would think oh yeah that is a situation ship that is very true because I feel like if one of my friends was to come to me and say that they would say like oh I like him like we've been sleeping together but like we've not said it yeah so yeah i guess you're right that actually does make it a situation ship the next one i think they mostly don't work because one person will usually want it to not be casual which like yeah that's exactly what i said i think it's just it is literally the power

imbalance like someone else here said short term yes long term no and that is so true like short term for the first couple of months it's probably going to work and then after that one of you just going to end up getting hurt yeah as shit as it is okay so you kind of covered this but so i feel like i know your opinion on it but there is a general idea that girls always end up getting attached and therefore struggle to have a situation ship so what are your thoughts i mean i guess you've kind of given your thoughts like you very much agree with this yeah and I guess that that was kind of me like obviously it can happen the other way around like a girl could not catch feelings and the boy really could but I feel like just like 80% of the time generically is the girl so did you never know

where you stood never no actually that's a lie because the only thing is he was never like emotionally available with me. So like he never once said to me, I like you, which is so confusing when you really, really like someone. And I don't know if it made me like him more because he wouldn't say it. So then in my head, I was like, well, I'm going to make him like me or like I'm gonna make I'm gonna change him so then like I was just in this whole toxic mindset of like no he must like me blah blah but like honestly when I was in that situation ship I was probably the saddest I've ever been and it was so sad because like I let it affect every I was never happy because I would like because all you'd be thinking about all i was thinking about i was waiting for him to reply like i would literally tap my phone every five minutes waiting for a reply and that is no life and i really learned

that i was like this is like so shit for me um yeah so that is like yeah i would never ever get into a situation to begin if i saw it heading that way i would just cut it off but i feel like you have to expect you have to go through all these things sometimes to to learn what is right and what is wrong like you said you've been in relationships where you now know what you want and i feel like i've gone through that and i've also had a relationship since where like i now know what i want so everything leads to like a positive point we have to go through the negatives to experience the positives and appreciate positives which is nice and I guess it's hard because at first it's like that kind of you know I could see how you would get into that because I don't care what everyone

anyone says you always want what you can't have like that's the problem like everyone always thinks the glass is greener everyone always wants they can't have and if a guy that you like and you fancy and you're talking to isn't giving you like 100 at first I completely understand how you'd be like oh like I'm gonna get him to like me I'm gonna get him to change like I can I can completely see how you'd fall into that yeah I mean and I think a lot of people do adapt that mindset because like you do sometimes think you can change someone you think you're going to be that person to change someone but yeah like you said you can't you have to wait until they are ready to change themselves like you just can't change somebody but like when you

are in a situation ship so I definitely did adapt that mindset of like oh no no it's definitely going to be fine like he's definitely going to say it and he just never did but now like I know exactly what I deserve did you ever ask him because I feel like that would but I'm a very honest person so I think I do speak my truth a lot so I think I would end up asking did we spoke about it when I finish things right because again again though it goes back to like the fact that you'd even have to ask him baffles me you should never again it goes back to like the fact that you'd even have to ask him baffles me you should never again it goes back to if he wanted to tell you that he would yeah and also like it should never get to the point that he's only going to say these things when you're ending things with him like yeah i like for some girls they don't need to hear that like

they they're like love language isn't like words of affirmation or like all of that stuff but like for me you know I know that we like that is a necessity and well necessity and essential for us to like have that um so yeah would I consider being in a situationship again never no but I'm glad for the experience how would you stop yourself from getting in that then so like what would you do differently honestly what would make you realize this situation i need to get out i feel like i noticed there's like red flags and like warning signs but i brushed over them so obviously the first one is like they never say how they feel about you they never make it clear they never say how they feel about you um that is always a blurred line because you're like well are we friends are we not what's going on

um so that was one of them i think the second one for me was we never this is so stupid to admit out loud because i'm like how did i not see it at the time but obviously did yeah but you don't when you're in it like i think and this was also years ago guys that this was literally like two three years ago um we never went on a date outside the house for two months yeah weird which is weird like even if we just went for a walk like like no money nothing like that didn't happen that was never suggested which is obviously what was your first date together what did he take you somewhere no no him coming to my flat oh no so i have learned now because i've had a few dates in my flat my flat is not a speed dating zone we do not do that anymore we go out yeah how do you like I don't think I would ever be like to

someone oh yeah come to mind I don't honestly babe I don't know and it's so weird I think to myself now like I actually wrote about this a fair bit in my book about like me having always dates in my flat and it's just so weird that that was ever a thing to me how did you know genuinely how did you get to that would you then say oh we can do it at mine i not no i would never suggest it really like i think it was always yeah i think it was always them saying like should we come over and order food or should we should i come over and do this or something like that and like now like if that was like our eighth or ninth date and we were having a chill night in that's so different but for a first date or even a second date to be honest I would never do that again no you I'm never allowing you to do that again my flat is like

not a dating spot we can go to a bar I literally like there's a bar downstairs in my building we can go to the bar downstairs if oh yeah if there's a bar downstairs in my building. We can go to the bar downstairs if, if, if must. I mean, at the bare minimum. No, no, actually,

no, that's not bare minimum. not at the bare minimum. Fuck that. Yeah. Not even, no, we're not having any bare minimum.

No. And even the bar downstairs, that doesn't even cut it. If a guy says that to you, I'm, I will reply for you saying fuck off. Yes.

That's not a thing. Fuck off. Take her up Beansgate to, just to, just to a bar or just somewhere nice to a nice restaurant thank you that's second date vibes because i can't eat on a first date way too nervous really yeah oh my god babe imagine me eating a spag bol on a first date well you could say that about me but would you do that i'd be so yeah really yeah i would so you could happily go for a

dinner on a first date yeah oh my god i'm glad for you because i'm too nervous i mean like i'm too nervous to eat in front of them on a first date and i've like if they spilt it down them or something i think i'd get but also there's more like topics to talk about you can talk about the food that's coming out like you can you can share i don't know yeah you can do lady and the tramp with the spaghetti and kiss on the table i mean don't get me wrong i don't think i'd be ordering a burger at the first moment actually to be honest knowing me i probably would you'd probably order a burger or a steak yeah imagine me like i could go for like a sushi date maybe because I can try and make that

look a bit elegant do you know what I mean like picking up the sushi but like sometimes you get these massive bits and it's just embarrassing but yeah maybe I would then see I imagine Anna is this amazing like dater like if you went on a date with Anna you've got a 10 10 day oh but like even the things that you've told me even the fact that you've considered what you're eating whereas like my problem is it's like I will go there like yeah I'll be nervous before I go but the second I'm there I just I don't know I feel like I just I don't even think about those things that but I like that though because that you're going in with like no care you're just going and you're just doing it whereas like I've dated a little bit too much to the point that like I could sit and have a routine date now I know exactly what to say like do you know what I mean I think that's

nice that you go in without caring the world I think I need to adapt that still wouldn't order a burger because I'd be a little bit too terrified but yeah the next date that I go on I'm going to adapt that mentality and then I hope somebody takes you to a nice restaurant yeah me too well yeah me too but I'd just be very picky with what I get on the menu just so I don't embarrass myself but if any any nice guys out there listening to this yeah I would love to go for dinner outside of my flat I'm sorry but that is actually the craziest thing i've heard i genuinely can't believe that it's more the fact that i've done it like three or four times like when the fuck did i learn why have you allowed yourself to do that i don't know babe i honestly it's actually embarrassing like it's but you know what we live and we learn like you know

we've got to make it's taught you absolutely not what to do and if i knew this at the time they were suggesting this i would have said anastasia no i know but then that's the thing like i would be too embarrassed to be like they've suggested coming around my flat because we all know it's a red flag so all of our friends will be like no so so this is the thing it's like me and anna were saying when you really like someone you don't tell your friends they're red flags and like problem is, is people I've been with in the past, I would like, well, cause I'd also try and see the best in people.

So I'd ignore the red flags and like, or even just like little weird things. And I'd never say it to my friends. Cause I'd never want my friends to judge that person anyway, before they've met them or brush over it and stuff like that. But me and Anna were saying that we're making a pact. Like if anything's in our future now, it's like a red flag and a flag. Like we telling each other yeah it's gotta be said it's gotta

be said also as well I think we're good because we're both not judgmental yeah we're not judgmental at all like you could say anything and even if you said you still wanted to go on a date with him after we'd just say do it but err on the side of caution then if that fails then fuck it off we wouldn't be like no don't do it yeah whereas I feel like a lot of friends are like that I feel like I could tell you and like you'd give your opinion but you also wouldn't be like you can't ever see him again yeah I feel like that's also because we enjoy doing things for the plot and we're going to do it anyway no matter what each other says but like it's just it's like a release of telling someone but I'm still going to do it but see I don't think I'm going to do it now though like that's literally my mindset it's like I feel like I see any red flags I'm genuinely out but I

think in your situation that's good I think you do I mean you've yeah yeah you've I've gone through many red flags yeah one too many times before yeah you've gone through a lot so yeah I think yeah I 100% remember and to be honest if I saw a red flag now as well I'm running the other way yeah I'd tell you what it is and you'd straight away be like no no and I tell you what red flag number one having a date in your apartment like I know my flat is lovely I'm loving that everyone wants to come and see my gorgeous white flat but that is for date four but also do you not then feel like you're like leading the day yes i kind of prefer to go to theirs if i'm gonna do that yeah like and then cook for me or then maybe i can cook for them after but yeah i definitely would prefer to go

to because i genuinely no but i don't think you go to somebody's apartment and i just think that's out i know i think you need that like if it's long distance and you had to go see them then it's then it's different but apartment dating he lives in the same area as you you don't need to go to which all my guys do like every every time i see someone they genuinely always live within a two mile radius of me so there actually is no excuse of like we can't meet in the middle and go for a drink no exactly right so 2024 apartment dating is out is out red flags i mean someone might have a different opinion on it to us but for me i just think it's really weird yeah if anybody does have a different opinion come off it if anybody does think different actually please let us know on our podcast instagram like if you think that it's actually okay to like date in the house on the first date

and stuff like i want to know your opinions on it i think i just have a very strong opinion because it didn't work for me and it's never worked but i also just think it requires no effort like if you're going to put no effort into the first day imagine the 10th date down the line well actually i do still require minimum effort but this guy this one was a second date and he came around mine we went for we went for food on the first date but didn't eat anything because we were too nervous and then the second day he came around but he remembered that i said that i wanted to try this mcflurry from mcdonald's and what my favorite chocolate was and he bought that round okay and that's different i guess because he's taken you

out and he's already taken me out there's some out so I was like that's nice that he like remembered and he could have turned up empty-handed but he didn't so I thought that was sweet but like first date yeah definitely not because you're right I've never looked at it like that but it feels like I'm leading and I don't really like that no we're not having that there's no feminine energy there no I want to be looked after I want to be taken out right apartment dating is out There's no feminine energy there. No, I want to be looked after. I want to be taken out. Right. Apartment dating is out. Let's go.

Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Woohoo! Involuntary deal squeals can happen, like the deal on new running shoes squeal. Woohoo! The deal on a new blender squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12

to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and and innovation meet learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca do you have any tips then I don't for having a situationship i don't because i haven't even been in one honestly if you're in one i would say really just evaluate the situation that you're in

and and situationships aren't really making people happy so you're better off finding out how they truly feel even if it does mean that it's not going to last because you only are just hurting yourself less in the long run i think if yeah if you're going to have a situationship you either need to go in it's so cold-hearted and you're so okay with that like you're a hundred percent knowing yourself that you're not going to catch feelings or if you are in one and you've never spoken about that you need to just ask them like i know that is terrifying especially when you're in a situationship because you're scared of the answer, maybe even like more, you're more scared of the answer more than actually asking them.

But in the long run, it's so worth it because otherwise you could be with that person in the situationship for another six months and then you get hurt when you're even more attached. So it's better doing it now so if any of you are in a situation ship please take that advice and just ask and if not get out it's summer girls yeah exactly and you're already sat there overthinking everything anyways because that person's feelings aren't clear so you might as well get in my point of view if you still have to ask someone that still is just red flag to be fair if i'm being honest i know some people aren't emotionally available but for me personally if i'm even having to actually ask

someone because it's taken that long i would personally see is well they don't like me enough yeah because if a guy wanted to he would and let me tell you as well actions would be clear oh like his actions would be clear that he likes you so like if you're even doubting that then they're just not the one for you couldn't have said it better myself i'm feeling brutal today i think you've got to be brutal though we've got to be brutal with dating in 2024 yeah that's our adaptive mindset on it now right so where do you think then the line is blurred between like would you like would you get annoyed if a situation ships that you're in slept or was dating

somebody else well yeah because i would because like we say casual that's not casual dating like if you're in a situation you're kind of going to like that person yeah but then in a situationship you don't have normally you don't have like any boundaries in the sense of you probably not have that conversation to say you can't sleep with anybody else no so then technically like for me if i'm seeing someone do you actually need that conversation babe honestly with some boys nowadays but then difference that's a boy not a man but exactly that's a boy not a man yeah like the fact that you even need that conversation like is yeah it's i know it's yeah it gives me a headache it scares me that we've got this is the dating world out there and we're both single again

like it's terrifying but that is like boy behavior that's child behavior like if it was a manual right like you wouldn't even have to clarify or ask that question yeah but sadly nowadays there's too many relationship stages in the sense of like talking oh we're exclusive oh we're not speaking to anybody else yeah i can't see i don't think i've ever had the like exclusive stage i think that's my thing is i've gone from like talking to like dating i think right okay like to actually being in a relationship that yeah but that's nice though because i've had the whole we're exclusive what but then just ask me out yeah if we're like the talking and the seeing thing i get it but the exclusive thing i will never get because if we're exclusive maybe i'm just too old school but it's like exclusive is you're in a relationship but you don't want to put a label on it why yes exactly it's like okay we're only sleeping with each other but like i'm not quite

ready to be in a relationship with you because i might still go out and flirt but i like you nah yeah and it's like you don't want to go out and say you have a girlfriend yes basically yeah because you don't have to because you wouldn't say oh i'm exclusive for somebody like you just wouldn't say that if somebody asked no exactly so that's just like it's a cop-out it's it's a complete cop-out yeah it's a cop-out so like in my eyes if somebody said like we're exclusive i i honestly think there and then i'd walk away genuinely what i'd walk away what if someone said to you like oh yeah i was like oh like can we be exclusive oh yeah yeah oh i definitely would now i'm getting too like too old we're 23 but yeah i'm getting like i'm not doing any of that i genuinely think you've hit the nail on the head

i think it is just a cop out it's like they don't want to go out and tell people they're in a relationship for what reason exactly because if you want to if you want to be with someone there's no other you don't go out like thinking oh i don't want to tell anyone i have a boyfriend i don't tell anyone i have a girlfriend the only way you're feeling that is if you're not 100 into someone again if you're not with the right person one million yeah so we've learned exclusivity out dating in the flat out out situationships out red flags out yeah what's in flags tell your friends yeah possibly be out possibly out don't know what we've got in nato dating kind of in i mean it

avoids you getting hurt so i kind of i've kind of adapted that mindset but thank you all so much for listening i think this episode has gone a bit of a random ramble but i've really enjoyed it i do think so as well to be fair um but yeah it was fun and please let me know channeling the women empowerment boss vibes today and i love that for us and please let me know if you agree or not with the whole dating inside the flat or like dating inside your house because i'm genuinely really curious as to what people say so i would appreciate yeah sending messages and let me know thank you so much for listening um don't forget you can check us out on social media and subscribe to the pod on Spotify so that you don't miss out on all of the episodes.

And we shall see you guys on Thursday for another episode. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios with olivia scott as the producer