Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 79.The Female Gaze vs. The Male Gaze

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

We’re getting pretty deep in this episode! There’s a major trend on TikTok on the topic of the "male gaze" vs the "female gaze"... especially when it comes to dating. We talk about the major differences in what men find attractive compared to women, from dating apps to dress sense and more! Plus, we give tops tips to spice up your dating profiles just in time for hot girl summer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hi guys and welcome back to another episode of sex lies and dm slides with me saffron barker and me anastasia kingsnorth so we are back for another week and back for another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships but first of all how have you been yeah i've been okay how have you been i've been good i was away this weekend i went to go and see tate in oslo so oh my god that looks amazing you literally you had the best time of your life i love tate so much i feel like just seeing her in real life it was just all a bit too much it was the first like i'd seen adele in vegas but i didn't go solely to that side of the world to go and see someone like this was the first time i literally

flew like properly abroad just for a concert but yeah it was so worth it she's only on for an hour though i feel like i could just watch for like ages yeah but i feel like she doesn't actually have that many songs does she she doesn't there was only really like three that she didn't do but it's only obviously because she's only got like one proper album like yeah um but yeah it was so good just also it's really expensive yeah you were saying that you said it's the most expensive place you've ever been to like surely not more expensive than la i would say the price of what era one is is basic price in oslo surely not it honestly i was looking at the exchange rate because it's like weird so like say if you were buying something

for a pound it would say like a hundred or like around that i was really confused and i was looking at it and i was like oh i wonder how much this is and i looked on my bank and i literally bought like a bottle of drink and it come out like six pound fifty which we would buy here for like a pound yeah well to be fair for like that is kind of la prices yeah but i was just shocked for some reason in europe for it to be yeah that expensive yeah but yeah i had a lovely weekend but we thought we would speak about guys because obviously i've been everyone on social media probably seen it it was the met gala on monday i can't tell you how much i was looking

forward to this it's so funny because my mom was like my mom said to me that's so sad my mom actually said to me it's so sad because me and libya were talking about we're like oh my god we're so excited my mom was like that's so sad like why do you care what people are wearing on a carpet but we're like mom you just don't get it yeah it's just fashion like monday is like literally the most exciting like money like i i don't normally watch the live stream but i was awake so i thought i'll just pop the live stream on or like watch them walk the carpet and it was so fun just getting to watch each person come on and be like oh my god they look amazing or I'm not too sure yeah like yeah yeah yeah but we thought we'd like rate some of the

outfits I mean I'm gonna say I'm not like before people rip us for rating the outfits not a fashion expert these are just our opinions I know it's so funny how we all rate the outfits but look at what we're sat in yeah that's what I mean I'm'm in a black vest yeah i can't like i really can't comment but i think it's just fun to to comment and rate the outfit so who was your favorite my favorite was actually gg i think hers like in my eyes was like the most fitting to the theme um i genuinely thought she looked incredible i don't know if i loved the hair no i did like the hair and makeup i feel like the hair and makeup could have been better like it kind of gave me a little bit like fifi the flower pot but i think her dress was absolutely incredible and she always

looks incredible she is gg like you know she's gonna pull out like a look out of the bag i loved the blazer on the bottom of her dress which i didn't notice properly at first and then when i saw it i was like oh my god that is like genius but yeah the makeup and the hair I don't know I feel like she maybe could have done a sleek bun but then also because she had it short and down I felt like it worked with the dress if it was long I don't think it would have worked as well yeah no agree maybe it was the makeup that I wasn't like absolutely loving who am I to judge I mean her dress i literally thought was genuinely phenomenal i saw people on tiktok this year right in the makeup and the hair which

i'd never really thought about before like normally i just look at the dress but yeah like people actually like right in the full the full thing now yeah overall i mean she was to me she was just my favorite like when i saw that dress i was like wow like to me that's like what the theme should have been i know it's more like stereotypical to do like sleep in the more like elegant sleep and beauty but i feel like not enough people did that i don't think really anybody like alluded to actual like sleeping beauty which i i understand people probably thought that would have been too predictable but i just would have loved one person to come on the carpet like imagine sabrina carpenter yeah in like a if she did that rosy dress not necessarily trying to look like sleep and beauty but just like taking it a little

more literal than like fashion that needs to be reawakened yeah i think that just would have been fun but i i did personally love tyler's outfit i thought the way that they'd made it out of sand like i'd never seen a dress like that before and how they molded it to her body like the bum area i was about to say the body contour was ridiculous and i loved the sand on her arm and like the little um the egg timer handbag i thought they're like they styled it like for her first met to walk on the carpet looking like that like she has got a lot to live up to i mean she is insane yeah she looked i feel like anything she wears would look incredible but yeah do you know it's funny because when i first saw her i was like wow that's insane but i didn't understand how it fitted the theme

and i was like it has no relevance to the theme but then obviously once you'd explained it i then realized okay makes sense i think it was interesting because like a lot of people i feel like at first glance looking at their outfit you wouldn't really understand it was like doja cats like when I first saw it I didn't get the the meaning behind it and then when I saw in an interview she explained that cotton was the most used flower so she wanted to like allude to the kind of like flowers in that way so she used cotton and wet the dress I was like I just didn't like it I like to me that's not what you go on a red carpet like it's like you're just trying to be

like I'm gonna get hate for this but I'm sorry like it's just trying to be different like I genuinely think the most random and different you'll be nowadays you'll just get more love like people don't even care if you have a pretty dress like surely not like imagine me or you wearing a fucking t-shirt that's wet on a carpet that's what i think i think it's all the person who wears it because if we wore that we would get shit on but oh yeah like we would literally get dragged when doja wears it because she always says i mean she went to the met garden dress as a cat like but if we did that it'd be like what the fuck are you doing i think it's because like she is probably one of the only people that can get away with doing that and people saying they love it yeah you know what i mean people

actually like do people actually love it are they just saying it i don't know like i would have it reminded me i don't actually know the name of the brand but there's this gorgeous brand that makes dresses that look wet and when i saw it i have seen that do you know what i want about and i saw it and i thought originally she was wearing that. And then when I saw that she actually is covered in hair gel, I was like, Oh my God, first of all, she must be freezing.

So like props to her for doing that for the cause, because I'd be so cold. But, um, I did like the idea of the cotton behind it. I did when I saw the towel outfit as well, though, like we were speaking.

That's what I just, I thought was not it. And I didn't like the makeup. Like I didn't like the tears. I did not like the makeup. I understand the makeup like i didn't like the tears i did not like the makeup i understand the like i said the cotton behind it but i didn't really see how it was like reawakening fashion i just thought she'd just like she's just used the most common flower but yeah we like well kim kardashian's we're speaking about kim's because i was saying

to saf before i can't believe this this is actually wild i watched the vogue like get ready with me for her met gala but this was actually like i didn't realize until the end this was a test day so they did a full test day um and got her fully ready and they cinched her into the dress which took like half an hour and i was just watching it her waist gets smaller and smaller and smaller i'm thinking babe how are you even breathing and then she comes out with these shoes and they didn't have a heel on but they were like full platform stiletto heels but without the stiletto on and she said that the stiletto kept getting caught in the dress so she had to like have the shoe without it she was walking on her tiptoes on platforms all night how like beauty is pain fashion is pain but like that i think is actually crazy

imagine walking on your tiptoes the entire night if i'm going to the met gala i at least want to be comfortable so i can actually enjoy my night as well but oh my god like i just i can't believe she did that i mean icon for doing it because i don't think unless you watch that video you wouldn't know anyone else's iphone kim akash it would have done that neither and the thing is you can't even see the shoes no you can't see them so it's like but like i guess she could have been on yeah why didn't she just wear any other shoes well they said it was because it kept getting caught in the dress and i don't know if like because of like i don't really know how like old that dress was but maybe that she wasn't allowed to like damage it or anything like that it was like when she wore the marilyn monroe dress

do you remember and like they like she had to like lose loads of weight to be able to fit into it kim really does take beauty as pain she does she does the most and did you see like literally six seven hours later after the met gala she was at a talk in germany she got straight on a private jet yeah and all the comments were like kim like the devil works hard but kim works harder what was that girl that everyone's talking about that honestly look is it mona i think her name's my she's a businesswoman from india her dress phenomenal i couldn't believe and again when i first saw her walk the carpet i think it all happens too quickly to notice it at first but the fact the petals were moving on her arm and it was butterflies oh but oh was it butterflies on her

arm yeah it was it was all butterflies what the fact that it was moving is just incredible and like i love that because that was like the garden of time like that the god i love how she took that like literally with like the garden and the flowers and like that sort of vibe it was gorgeous and the color if i was doing a dress it'd be like that she yeah she looked like a princess yeah literally i mean she's absolutely flawless yeah incredible i what did you think of dualipas it was it was very like black lacy and it had like a white corset and i think almost to me personally it was a little bit medieval but it was she went with mark jacobs i think i must have seen it but i obviously mustn't have thought it was anything special because i don't really remember it i thought it was okay the hair was really simple

as well she just did like down curly hair but she went with mark jacobs who else did we do you know who i was most disappointed by who and i think the reason being it's not that they were like really bad but the people I was too most excited to see were Sydney Sweeney and Sabrina Carpenter like I absolutely love them like I think they seem like the nicest sweetest I just love everything about both of them and I definitely expected more I think because they're both so beautiful and so stunning. Like I was just expecting like a literal, like Sabrina Carpenter, I fully thought like a full on princess was going to walk through the door.

Yeah, she could have done such a gorgeous, like ethereal sort of princess look and it would have been perfect for her. But like I personally didn't like her dress. I think the black didn't suit her skin tone yeah i think that's what it was i wasn't a fan of the hair either if i'm honest like no i just think she looked quite washed out and i genuinely think she's the most beautiful person yeah she's gorgeous but like even her and barry together i keep seeing all the memes saying they

look like alice and the mad hatter and now i just can't unsee it like i just really can't see it but i love them as a couple that's kind of iconic yeah i love them as a couple and like when she did the interview with emma did you see what she said and it just went over emma's head she was like emma was like oh you must be just like really like tired from like life or like achy and like barry stood behind her and she stands there and she's like yeah i'm like really tired out from like life like alluding that like obviously like a sex joke yeah it just went over emma's head and barry turned around turned around like pisses himself laughing and i love her because i feel like she just says it how it is i didn't realize how like non-pg she was which might sound really stupid but like i'm now after seeing her at coachella on the tiktok side where at the end of her song

she does like the little thing for each place and i was gobsmacked at some of them I was like oh my god that is so iconic it's because she came from Disney Channel like you forget yeah I just wasn't expecting it and now look at her like with the one at Coachella that she did like he's drinking my bath water like it's red wine I know and did you see the time when she um when she was on stage and somebody asked to do a be real and no she was like no and they were like why and she was like because i don't want to and i was like actual big fat say she's just yeah i i love her but how do you go from disney channel to that like i love when people make the jump like that genuinely makes me so happy because nowadays people hate

people making jumps like people are so against it well speaking of that Demi Lovato was there did you see Demi Lovato's dress yeah I did actually and I don't really like I don't know she's been to the Met before I'm not really sure I think she has been but for not a really long time but I was gobs up when I saw her walk up the carpet like I thought I thought she actually looked incredible I loved Demi Lovato back in the day like like for disney channel and stuff like she was just iconic back in the day oh we were talking about um sydney sweeney yeah sydney's when he just she looked like billy so much like billy so much like billy crazy the black hair and when i saw her in the background i went to buy and i went oh that's billy eilish and it wasn't yeah because i know i

know i literally was gobsmacked but again yeah it wasn't really my favorite i preferred her after party dress i think she should have wore that oh i didn't see her after party dress it was like a same sort of like blue color but really short and loads of flowers and i thought oh yeah i think i'd like that more that on the carpet i was like oh my god she should have wore that and oh my god kendall's after party dress wow the white dress wow is she kidding i mean to be honest her carpet dress i thought was amazing because the fact that it had never been worn before i was like yeah like that is so fun that she got to wear it but yeah i thought she she just looked insane the hair i was she hair she looked like Magnificent like I just

I loved she looked like Maleficent that's she looked Magnificent what did I say she looked like Magnificent I mean it worked

she did look Magnificent but I thought she definitely doesn't mean that she looks like Malefic magnificent for fuck's sake oh god you know what i mean but she did like that she gave those lines of the hair it was there i loved it she looked magnificent she looked magnificent have you ever used that word before i don't think i've ever used that word in my life honestly no i don't think it sounds right coming out my mouth like no anyway she looked phenomenal yeah she looked incredible do you know what kylie like i know

it was basic but i still loved it i think kylie jenner just can't do no wrong though like she looks so fucking good all the time like and i think she's just going through this new era where like simple less is more and i love that for her she looked gorgeous and when she slapped emma chamlin on the bum in that interview i was just like that like i feel like emma has so many iconic interview moments and that was hers from this year like i was waiting for the jack harlow interview actually and i don't even know if that exists from this year. I didn't even know he went this year. Yeah, he went super basic that everyone's hating his outfit. He literally was just in a plain suit.

Really? Like there was nothing going on. Oh, but do you know what? Part of me is like just let him leave. Like here we are judging everyone. I think he's just happy to be there. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like I don't think he's bothered. When you're in your third and you're a guy, you probably are just thinking, I just want to go in a suit. I think it can be hard for guys as well to like really do something different for the met like i personally loved bad bunny's outfit was it last year when he did the backless floral suit i think it was actually the year before that was like my favorite look i've seen a guy do but i think it's hard for them to do something that's really like wow because really yeah they're gonna do a take on a suit

yeah pretty much yeah and how many takes can you do but um who can we talk about last oh emma chamberlain i i preferred her interview dress the short one yeah i think her long dress would have been amazing if her hair was like down wet kind of like messy I think it would have added to the look so much more I agree with you I think the only thing I really didn't like about it was the hair with two front pieces down I wish she either did like full sleep black or yeah like down wet but I loved in her interviews she had the thorns and like the rope around her mic and they decorated her mic to match her dress yeah see that's amazing and i thought that looked so good and i watched the like behind the scenes of making her dress

last night and when they said that to her like the designers was like oh can we decorate your mic she was like yep i'm not even asking vogue like we're doing it and i was like oh my god really yeah i was like that's so i kind of like it looked amazing wow i feel like i need to i need to go and watch the behind the scenes definitely i've only seen two i don't know if any more is up was like as of right now but i saw emma's and kim's but yeah you need to watch i need to watch that kim one because i just can't imagine anyone actually just being on their tiptoes i literally to me my jaw was dropped for a good couple of minutes because i'm not even but the stilettos were like this big the the platform sorry like that's crazy it was honestly like and imagine how long she would have been in those shoes for yeah that's genuinely crazy i i don't

even actually understand how that is possible though which is why i want to watch it because i'm like in my head it doesn't make sense to be able to keep the front on and tiptoe like surely your foot would just fly out but anyways and you just fall back like if you one lean back and you're gone yeah like and up those steps breathe on top of it i mean how does she do it how does this woman actually do it i know anyway anyway that was us writing the met gala moving on because i feel like we could talk about this all day um overall i feel like it wasn't actually my favorite met gala to wrap it up it wasn't my favorite i thought there was some looks but i feel like still like out of a lot of other years you're going to remember people's looks and be like an iconic look i just don't think there was

much of that oh she always i don't think anyone will beat blake lively at the met her dresses do you remember the statue of liberty yeah? Yeah, but she looks incredible. But you know what? It's always Versace that like do the most amazing. So when you look at all the iconic looks, it's always Versace.

And I actually don't know if I've seen any Versace looks this year, which I think actually might be the reason why. That's Libby's dream. She's like, if I ever make it to the Met,

I'm wearing Versace. It's, yeah, honestly, they did so many of Blake Lively's and Zendaya's. Do you they've done like Zendaya's um do you remember the silver one Zendaya wore no it was incredible that was um Versace and I had

no idea how incredible like that designer was until the Met Gala yeah um yeah I can see why that's Libby's dream brand to go with if she was to ever go because insane insane donatella does it yeah she does it again she actually slays it anyways i'm just praying the great live becomes next year like please like why has she's like oh to me she was just everything and she was on the board for met which is why her dresses were always so amazing as well what was it early yes she was a chair thing for the met that's why she did two looks as well because she walked so early and i said to them i was like oh why is she walking so early and everyone was like yeah it's because she's a chair for them sure yeah makes sense yeah anyways moving on

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everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca let's go recently on tiktok we've been seeing that it has been trending of like the idea of the female gaze versus the male gaze and the difference between the two so we thought it would be fun to speak about it um so the original definition of the male gaze um was spoken about in the 1970s by an author called john berger and he said men look at women women watch themselves being looked at presenting the idea that the male gaze is men looking at women

but the female gaze is women looking at men as people not objectifying them and i get this because on tiktok the trend of oh i'm not dressing for the male gaze i'm dressing for the gaze like or sure do you know what i mean like i i think it's hard because like you don't at one point in my life when i was like 19 i probably would have chucked something on and been like oh if i wear this guy's definitely gonna fancy me whereas now i rather dress to look cool and like feel myself like feel best in myself than dress for like the male gaze it's funny you say that actually because i was speaking to someone the other day and it was a guy friend and he was the male gaze it's funny you say that actually because I was speaking to someone the other day and it was a guy friend and he was saying like oh it's so weird like

basically long so short he was like all my mates have been complimenting me and I was like well that surely like that actually must make you feel better because like girls must tell you that all the time and I was saying to him I was like if a girl compliments me it means more than a guy complimenting me me too like because then i really fucking know i look good whereas a guy i feel like would just kind of also just say what do you know i mean whatever whereas like if a girl goes out their way to be like you look good it's different i think a guy will be like oh yeah she looks beautiful but like i think a girl can appreciate the outfit more yeah maybe and like because they're understanding the the fashion

at the moment and whatever and obviously guys can too but like as a generic thing if the girl compliments you you're like oh yeah i've done something right like that's like a really nice compliment to me and i feel like yeah i i dress to look good for myself now like yeah definitely yeah definitely have in the past thought if i wear this he's gonna fancy me more i mean don't get me wrong though I feel like on a night out like it's hard isn't it because you wear what you'd feel comfortable in and what looks good but also like I don't know like I know what would be more suited to like to a club because also I don't know like it's just like you can you'll have things in your wardrobe that you know is sexier that probably more guys are going to fancy you for but also it's still something that I would still only pick something

that I felt really good in if that makes sense me too and I think it's like you dress for the occasion as well like you said that if you're going clubbing you're naturally most probably going to put on something that's a little bit more dressy and more like sometimes revealing like if I go clubbing I tend to wear something like off the shoulder or like low cut or like I like a dress because that's what like I would feel the most comfortable in but then like if I was just going down to shops or whatever I'd wear a tracksuit so like it's all down to the occasion but yeah I think overall like definitely had that phase I think everyone goes through that phase but like now I'm getting older like I'm dressing for me and for the

gays because I can't yeah do you know what I mean like the gays are like oh girl you look good I'm like yeah like yeah I look good then I love that we were talking about fashion and occasions right do you think it's evolved over time in the sense of like skinny jeans used to be the in thing and now it's really really not now it's like the baggiest jeans you could probably like ever find you're like yeah these are the cool ones like do you think that is because women are dressing more for themselves and less for like what men think i don't know because like hear me out i think i just look better in baggy jeans like i don't i have really big calves so me in skinny jeans is genuinely not a look like it like genuinely like i have chicken legs like my my legs don't suit

skinny jeans so for me i think it's more unattractive. Like I'm doing it for myself, but also I genuinely think I would also think I look better not in skinny jeans. Did you used to wear skinny jeans when you were younger? Yes, and horrendous. Do you remember the Topshop Joanie jeans? Yes, babe. It's all I wore.

Oh my God. The high-waisted Topshop Joanie jeans was all that I wore. I loved those jeans more than anything in the world and now if i had to wear those jeans honestly it would bring me close to tears and i'm not even being dramatic about it same i want to wear like just from actually for myself because i feel good the baggiest jeans i think they look just better i'm just way more comfier in them yeah and i just prefer it but. But not for a guy. Like, I just wear that for myself.

Yeah, you'd wear it for yourself. But also, when you disagree, probably a guy would, I don't know, like, it's just the fashion nowadays. But even on a guy now, like, I would personally prefer. I can't do skinny jeans on a guy. I got skinny ripped jeans with the paint splatters. Honest to God, go through me. Yeah, agreed. Like, I just can't do it but i think that is also just like fashion evolving because that's what i mean like it's hard like

i don't think yeah like yeah like seven eight years ago when we were in skinny jeans if someone wore baggy jeans like that wouldn't have been the in fashion thing to do do you know i mean that wasn't like you probably obviously you could still buy them but like everybody was over the hype of skinny jeans whereas now it's not that so i generally think that is kind of just fashion evolving the idea that women aren't as focused on their partner's appearance as men are what are your thoughts on this yeah i think i would agree i think women fall in love with the little things more than just looks which I know obviously guys do too like if you're in love with somebody you're in love with every part of them but I just feel like no I would definitely agree

but like for me it's more than just like what you wear like I'm more like I couldn't be with somebody that wasn't like really hygienic and like still took very good care of themselves that's my personal preference but like more so than like their physical body and stuff like that yeah I agree with you I think like for me personally anyway especially as I've got older like I've got like a type in my head but like I've dated because of how people have treated me and like the personality obviously I found them attractive but like that's never been like my number one like thing really like I've never really dated like my actual type um but yes I always tend to

go more for like how I'm treated whereas yeah it was a guy I'm like this is a question I'd love to ask a guy like like do you how much do you actually care about appearance in a partner obviously we've said before when we're dating and stuff like your first thing is looks because that's all you have to go off but it's then like how important is that as you get to know someone and for like as you go further down the line yeah and it's funny because like when I think of like a guy and a girl going out for dinner I do think the girl it's hard isn't it because we're girls but like wouldn't care so much what their boyfriend or the guy they're seen with looks like whereas I feel like a guy would care more but like it's more of an ego thing as well I think it is an ego thing I genuinely do

think it's an ego thing because like I'm very I'm very into like my fashion the sense of like I want my guy to have like nice fashion sense and like I have like an ideal in my head what how I would like him to dress but again I've not really been with someone who like dresses how I would actually love and I don't think it really like mattered that much but yeah that's a question we need to ask my mom always tells me you can change someone's dress sense there's a guy like you just can't you can just say look if they're wearing skinny jeans just buy them some baggy jeans for their birthday exactly you look amazing in these yeah how is it my trend that's going around that's like um my boyfriend before I met me my boyfriend after and it's like

all of yeah I've seen it. It's so good. I've seen it and I love it. I'm actually obsessed with watching them because it's crazy how much it can change someone's entire appearance. It's the girlfriend effect. Yeah, it is the girlfriend effect. And I absolutely love it. Same. I'm here for that.

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And what do you think works for men? Well do you think works for men well definitely for women i think body serving body just like cleavage all of those things i actually do think makes a difference you know what i also think people like well guys like nowadays which is like a very like natural looking no makeup sort of vibe as well yeah I think guys have always said that though yeah but like as a mixture on like a dating profile because I felt like that's what I lacked well like when I was looking at my dating profile like it's hard like because of the pictures that we take for our Instagram and stuff they're the only pictures I really have and I look very fucking glam a lot of the time in them but I don't look like that a lot of the time so I was like I don't

like want to make my dating profile look because you don't look fake but do you know what I mean now we've spoken about this before so I was like I need to add some more like naturally like vibey sort of photos in so I did that and it's so weird because you know like on hinge you can see who's like liked what photo that is the one photo that i now get all my reacts to no way that one photo i would probably show us the photo this photo i want to know what photo i would probably say it's 70 of the comments that i get now are from this photo. Really? That's crazy. And I was gobsmacked this one. Wow.

Okay. But you're still serving boob. You're serving no makeup, but you're serving boob. I am serving boob. Got a bit of curly hair going on. That was the day I had my first curly hair routine. I do love that photo of you.

That photo is unreal. Yeah. And we'd just been a bit, bit, bit tanned in that photo. I think everything that wants no makeup but they also but again it's serving body i'm sorry but they just do like they say they don't but yeah i mean they also might be liking it because of my boobs in it so it could also be that i don't know no obviously not it's your face your face looks incredible but thank you but i actually do really like that photo i took it and

i thought oh because then when i was thinking to myself like what can i change on my dating app i was like i'm just gonna put it on and just see how it goes down and it's going very well have you got some dates from it um not just yet but i have but matched with a few cute couple of guys i just feel like oh it's just hard because you come across the same people that i matched a year ago and they're still on it and i think oh we're all still here are we we're all still in the same place yeah do you know what i mean you need to do it in a different country like when you go to la then you need to be on him and right yes and and right yeah oh my god do you know who i saw on hind um yesterday do you remember the guy from cooker the cooker tap yes he's still on here and i recognize him instantly i didn't even need

to scroll down i didn't need to scroll down to realize that he worked at cooker because i was like that's cooker tap guy look you just start to remember funny we spoke about this guy on the podcast probably like six seven months ago maybe even more than that and i literally recognized him instantly like you just start to get to know everybody on hinge like they're your friends at this point yeah so like is it actually pointless you being on it now because you just don't know i mean i have found some new people that i haven't seen before to be fair which has been nice but um but like maybe you just need raya when you're in la but like question yeah would you actually even ever do a long distance relationship I don't think you would would you I I think in some ways it would work so well because like I'm such an

independent person I would love that because I still get like loads of my own time but then I don't know if I would I don't know if I'd be able to do it I don't know I've never been in that position to have to try and do it so like I feel like I couldn't say yes or no but like preferably not but like things happen do you know what I mean where like it might have to go long distance and I might have to compromise which we know I'm not good at but I've got to get better at so yeah wow we'll see maybe maybe in LA she'll she'll open her eye up I've got about six days in LA to find a hot boyfriend so yeah see how see who I can find on my way. I'm going to change it to be like visiting LA on these dates.

Yeah. And then hopefully people will see and be like, actually someone did message me and ask if they could take me out for dinner whilst I was there. No way. From LA. Oh, I can't screenshot Raya.

So I have to show you who he is though. Yeah. He's, and he's quite good looking actually. So we'll see. It's a pretend. I quite good looking actually so we'll see it's a pretend i've never done a date abroad so it's okay we'll see but anyway back to the dating apps um guys i mean i don't know like what would win i mean for me it's just good fashion uh no ocean beach photos no ocean beach photos no standing against car photos and honestly i do like this but it just

is so typical you've climbed a mountain well you've done it once you don't need to take a picture at the top and post it as though you climb mountains every weekend that is honestly all that is on my hinge but then i don't really know what i'd want a guy to post like just yeah just for me like cool outfit like photos like photos that shows them having fun or like it could be a video or like a voice but then I do also like like maybe it's just me but like I like fitnessy sort of photos because I know they have that sort of lifestyle well yeah you like that so that is very true so maybe guys if you want staff attention if she's ever back on the dating app yeah post a picture of you in um

mountain hiking gear or you at high rocks and i'm so or you yeah you're high rocks or like rock climbing or in the gym or whatever that's it you've got this girl sorted all gym prompts and she's definitely liking you no but what do you actually think girls like look like like do you think girls care about topless pictures of guys obviously it's nice to see like i'm not gonna say no to it but like i wouldn't say it's like an essential like on a date in profile like if they didn't have a topless picture i wouldn't think oh i want to see you topless do you know what i mean you do but then i think to myself no i'm thinking like if you if you were seeing a guy you're like oh i'm speaking to this

guy like would you send me the picture of him topless so if he's ripped would you is that the picture you'd send probably probably unless he had a really cool outfit on and then i'd be like oh this one i like his style yeah so it's kind of the same like yeah it's the guys and girls in that sense i think it is yeah i mean we all yeah like we all do like to look at nice body like it's nice you know what i mean i know you're like you are probably right i've never thought about that and if i was saying to you that i was speaking to someone i probably would send you that photo and the cool outfit one to be like yeah well you just send their best photos so let's be i think it's very like similar in that sense yes a hundred percent okay well do

you think then that men are more likely to like women based off of their pictures alone rather than actually taking the time to read their prompts and their bio yes because i do 100 i actually i think i've said this before on the pod but i actually always respond to people's like prompts rather than photos because yeah a lot of the time because i'd rather start like a conversation than like be like oh you look good because i'm like where's the conversation gonna go from here but whereas if i find like a funny prompt i'm like oh this is a good conversation starter do you know what i mean actually because on raya you don't put a bio it is just based on photos do i not have a bio i mean you can but i've never seen someone have one i don't know if i've got something on mine i've literally don't think i've ever seen anyone have

a bio oh my maybe like the odd person but if anything it's almost a bit weird it's like no one else is doing that yeah i've actually just gone on mine because for some reason I thought I did yeah you're right I actually have nothing it is literally solely based off of photos where you live because you're in your Instagram what you do and where you're from yeah that is there's no like prompts or anything so really I'm right that's all everyone's doing but um yeah I would definitely say so guys would just look at the photos before even looking at anything more to be fair yeah same and it's funny because I actually feel like guys are probably pickier than girls because girls I feel like always try and see the best of somebody a lot more than a guy would yes I feel like I maybe was maybe a little bit more harsher now than I was with my hinge likes I definitely feel like I used to like a lot more people but now I'm maybe a little bit more harsher now than I was with my hinge likes I definitely feel like I

used to like a lot more people but now I'm like very specific and picky and part of me was like oh you can't be like that but like I can be like that no you absolutely should be like that yeah like if I'm going to be with that person I can be a little bit picky prime big deal days is coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members. Involuntary deal squeals can happen, like the deal on new running shoes squeal, the deal on a new blender squeal,

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It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future okay do you think men put pictures on the profiles that they think women will actually like like do you think they think in their head like oh yeah this is going to get me attention yeah because i do one million i do i do i think but yeah but doesn't everyone do that i mean like surely when you're posting your pictures you're thinking nice ones but you're also thinking what somebody else would like yeah i probably wouldn't like that's just a normal thing like if someone took a mugshot of me like all the pictures that like say our friends take of us that ain't cute

from the awful angles i'm not putting those on my dating profile no like yeah that is technically the real me but i'm also not putting that on like you of course you're gonna put like your best pictures and like the best you on and yeah i guess especially on a dating profile you would think like what is gonna get me attention or like what is gonna like catch their eye so yeah and i think that's a very normal thing yeah i mean so i guess in that way like it's very similar for a guy and a girl you can't really say that it's just a guy thing because it's definitely a girl thing as well yeah a hundred percent but like overall on like the female gaze and the male gaze I feel like I don't know yeah like I said maybe used to care a little bit more about it but as

I'm getting older I feel like it just doesn't phase me at all really anymore do you know what I think it is when you get older it's like you I don't know like even when I was younger for an example if somebody was like oh like I don't know like I love someone that cooks I'd be like yeah I'm a really good cook like I love cooking even if I didn't like you just say it yeah you just agree and like I feel like you would say something the other person would want to hear but in the long run it doesn't work because that's just not you i think that's kind of what you learn as you get older it's like there's no point in selling something that isn't actually true like i'm not telling any guy that i like cooking because i actually hate it i hate it like i will never be that at home housewife that does the cooking and

cleaning and that's not me my two least favorite things in the world are cooking and cleaning so i will say it straight to every guy it's just not for me but it's like it's probably more attractive if I was like oh yeah like you know like I'm a really good housewife I live by myself like I do the cooking do the cleaning I hate it but yeah so it's not that's not you if you said that it was no and I feel like that's the same with the fashion like you can I don't know like you can try do something for other to please other people to work short term but if that isn't actually what you like then I don't know I think that's why you change when you're older yeah like what you said about like

pretending to to say that you like things I've definitely done that in the past like with music and stuff you're like oh yeah I love that song I love this artist blah blah blah and they're just going to ask you your favorite song from this artist or why do you like them i don't know because i've just lied to you so actually it's very pointless because you're just going to get caught out but like i like i do think that is like a younger thing and as you get older you do just have to be honest because it's going to come out either way like if you lied and said you love cooking and then he come around and say cook a three course dinner for me you're not going to want to do it no so it's pointless yeah so that's why we probably change as we get older like and we do more things for ourselves because also you want someone to fall in love

with you with you yeah not like this fake version of yourself a hundred percent anyways i feel like that's a wrap for this episode yeah that's a nice little note to end on so overall we've kind of discussed like the male and the female gaze but I thought I'd just read this kind of like definition out just to kind of like round it up so you can get like 100% know what it is so as women use the female gaze in a different way than the male gaze is used as men are not reduced to their body parts and stripped of all their other attributes when a man is viewed through the female gaze you'll find the focus isn't just on their junk or their abs and it will also show that he's intimate dorky like talented funny or friendly men remain multifaceted and retain more than just their looks. As an overall little round up.

That I agree. And that was from an article in bookwriter.com. So that's literally what it says. On there. And I would agree. To be fair that's true. Yeah I completely agree. And I think that's a really really lovely note to end it on.

So thank you all so much for listening to this episode. We really hope you guys have enjoyed. And we'll be back on Thursday as per usual for another bonus episode. We shall see you guys then. Bye guys. Bye. Bye. Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify original podcast. It was produced by Spirit Studios with Olivia Scott as the producer.