Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 81. Your Dating Dilemmas - “When Mum HATES Your Boyfriend….”

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

It’s that time again! In this episode, we try and answer all of your dating & relationship dilemmas. From what to do if you fancy your housemate, to dealing with feeling left out when being the only single girlie in your friendship group, and how do you navigate the awkward situation if a friends boyfriend starts flirting with you? Plus, we answer the big question… how to talk to your mum if she does not support your relationship? Remember these are all anonymous! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hey guys and welcome back to another episode of sex lies and dm slides with me saffron barker and me anastasia kingsnorth so we are back for another week and back for another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships but first of all how are you feeling ready for la because i'm excited she's oh i'm so nervous like it's really hit me actually how nervous i am to go like okay why are you nervous i think i'm nervous just because i am worried that i'm not gonna do you know i'm scared that i'm gonna be lonely because past 2 p.m i was saying this in a get ready with me i was literally filming it i posted it last night um and i was saying how like past 2 p.m everyone's in bed because everyone at home's in bed la time difference is eight hours behind yeah like there's such a huge time difference

that i think that's the thing that's like scaring me the most is yeah like it's funny because i know a lot of people in la like I've definitely met loads of friends but not necessarily people I could hang out with every day like one of my friends Chris like I could like I love him but the problem is most people in LA also are so busy yeah like I couldn't see him every day because he's busy doing I don't know I think that's just the thing that like I'm worried about the most but I definitely do have friends like it's not like I don't know anyone so I think I don't need to be as scared as I am but yeah that's just the thing that like I'm worried about the most but I definitely do have friends like it's not like I don't know anyone so I think I don't need to be as scared as I am but yeah that's definitely the thing that's scaring me the most but at the same time I'm like

it's good to be scared because if I wasn't scared I wouldn't be pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and also I do feel like in America like people are just speak to everyone so I feel like even though you are nervous you could just be like at a gym class and meet someone or like just in the shop and meet someone and you will just you just will naturally make friends because you're a really talkative person anyway i guess so i think you're gonna be completely fine i think you're like obviously of course you're gonna worry about it like i'm not that sort of person that's like oh let's go get lunch like i just wouldn't it wouldn't come out of my mouth i'd be like I know nice to meet you I know but hopefully it will come out of theirs and then

you can be like yeah yeah let's do it yeah no for real like give me your phone you know actually I want food with you but you know what the only right well it's not the only thing but what I love about waking up in LA is because when we wake up everyone's lived a day at home so I feel so fucking popular my phone when I wake up in LA because a day at home so i feel so fucking popular my phone when i wake up in la because people have lived their life in the uk already my phone is going off i've got so many notifications to go through stress what when you wake up i feel because i wake up and i'm like fuck i've got even more messages and like i've got like an hour like time frame like to get back to everyone and if i don't and then like i don't like

going on my phone the second i get up i feel really unproductive so i try and avoid my phone when i wake up in the morning okay but in la i feel like you have to do that because yeah everyone's lived a day yeah and it's just keeping in contact with everyone because that's your time frame to be able to speak to them yeah whereas if you're somebody that just wants to get up and go to the gym you don't just want to sit on your phone for an hour and talk to everyone on FaceTime. But that is the time when you have to. Yeah, and it is crazy. Like I said, it made me laugh because I was like, oh, I like this.

I'm getting all my notifications through in one go and I can just wake up and just go through them all. I was like, fucking hell, I feel popular. But yeah, you're going to be completely fine. You're going to have the best, best, best time. You're in the weather as well. Oh, I'm definitely scared but yeah i feel like it's a really good thing like i'm excited to feel outside my comfort zone

yeah also as well just to show like other people as well like you can definitely just try something new at any age as well any age yeah like you what i'm trying i'm probably way too old to start but i'm still gonna give it my best shot exactly like you just something you've got to push yourself outside your comfort zone and put yourself in uncomfortable positions to be able to grow as a person and like we were saying before this podcast like you might come back a completely changed person and it would be amazing yeah like this trip is for you I think it's definitely harder to try something new nowadays because social media like and I'm not even just talking about like myself but I think social media like people don't like seeing people do something new like and I think that's an added thing like even if you're

scared of doing something yourself and you overcome that on top of that there's a judgment of everybody else when you try something new like no matter who you are if you go into something different than what you're known for people hate it like even if you're not famous in it like people still just hate it it's like well you can't like you're not a dancer so like why you come do you know i mean if you were a singer and you suddenly went to dance classes yeah but i honestly think it's all all the people that are saying that the people that want to do something and are too scared to try it yeah no i agree do you know i mean like at least you're the person actually putting your dreams into reality and like making moves towards them yeah like you're

wasting no time when you're doing it and like that's an amazing thing so if people want to comment on it and say that oh why is she doing this oh fuck them like the politest way possible right like actually actually fuck them no it actually is so true because that is so true couldn't say it better myself exactly you're gonna have to be tanned what more i'm gonna come back tanned i'm gonna come back used to the la lifestyle but to be fair when i come back it's gonna be summer exactly so you're living the six week dream and then you're gonna come home crazy though because like i've never ever ever spent this much time away from my family like you have because yeah i've never done that well yeah i live away from them here anyway so yeah so you're used to it whereas i see my family every day so i genuinely see my family like every

single day but at least you can facetime her though every morning even though you don't want to do that have to check up on the phone support no i do because i want to speak to people from home but it's just annoying that you're like two hour window i know but at least you still got that to speak to your mom and to update her and yeah and it's actually really nice because my mom's coming out for the first two weeks with me to kind of like settle me in and actually anna's coming out for five days not to stay with me but she's going to LA so we're definitely going to see each other out there which will be really nice yeah I'm excited for that yeah I'm excited for that you're going to be completely fine it's a very exciting time yeah and I'm excited to hear all the updates about it oh my god scary I'm excited for you let's go Everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply.

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love hearing about people's situation yeah like we are sorry that you actually are going through this but it is also quite it makes us realize actually maybe our dilemmas aren't that bad because some of the ones that we've read out before have been so horrific honestly half the time i generally do sit and think to myself like are they a hundred percent real because they are so bad like or has someone just like made this up as a story but like how do you even start with making that up do you know i know it is actually wild and i've been getting so many recently in my dms like the amount me too that have been sending me dilemmas and stories thank you so much for sending them in obviously we will always keep everything anonymous we haven't actually read any of these just yet it's going to be our blind

reaction as well we've got them all on a little sheet together so i've been living with my male housemate since january and have since realized i have feelings for him i want to tell him but i don't want to make it awkward if he doesn't feel the same what should i do okay this is actually like a horrible feeling i think the fact that you live with him as well i think just adds that extra layer of like fuck what do i actually do if he doesn't like you back i mean obviously you would have considered all of these you know all of these things but like if he doesn't like you back then it is really awkward living with him like in fact i don't personally i don't see how it'd work living together i think you'd both find it super awkward probably him actually even more than you maybe i don't know it's hard because you live together it's like maybe he does feel the same like maybe he does like is there any signs that he feels the same has anything ever happened between you both at all before like i mean how long you've since

january so you've been living together four or five months but it's just but then also like living with someone and spending that much time with someone it would be very easy to gain feelings towards that person so he very well could feel the same no and he very well could and i don't mean to be a negative but if he doesn't if he doesn't anna then it's fucking awkward it's awkward and like would you do you know what i think i would do is probably actually weigh up the pros and cons like at the end of the day you you want to know because if he does there could be something amazing that blossoms but also i do think there's a lot to lose in the sense of like your living situation um and i'm very much always the person that's like you

should say your feelings you should get it off your chest and do you know what if it's if it's bothering you that much do it but I think you have to consider if not I mean maybe you're somebody that can get on with it and still live together and just accept the awkwardness personally I don't know if I would be able to it's so hard isn't it because if you weren't living with him I literally would just turn around and say just do it and just, because you've got nothing to lose. But the fact that you're living together, it's like that one little extra layer. And it's like,

like Saf said, weighing up the pros and cons of the situation. Yep, the pros, something amazing could come from it. Yeah. Isn't it like a way that you have like mutual friends that someone can ask him?

That's a good idea. I mean, like, you seem like really suited together. Like, do you not think that you could ever have feelings for her that's a really good idea i genuinely think that would be like the best way to do it because yeah get someone else to like gauge his interest before you like go full like guns blazing and like oh i actually like you as more than a friend i think if i liked somebody and like one of our mutual friends had said that

i i would probably be like you know if you didn't want to straight up be like oh yeah i like her you would i don't know i think you could easily be like yeah i guess i could see something but i don't know if she feels the same and then you'd like yes because if he said if he immediately says no then there's your answer i i guess but like yeah if he's like like maybe like at least then you've got you kind of know his opinion before you tell him that you like yeah and then i think you definitely could tell him yeah because i don't think anyone's gonna say to someone else like oh i really like them like if somebody's asking you like then you're not gonna say that i think you've got it perfect there we need to get a friend

involved we need to get a friend involved we need a friend to yeah to mediate the situation yeah a hundred percent i think that is literally the only way you're going to be able to do it okay and we want updates get a friend involved also as well one thing i was going to say is like naturally my head goes to like oh if you if you like to like make a move but actually i don't think he would because if you are living together you would respect that yes so yeah definitely get a friend involved okay i'm excited to see how this develops so like there'll be one updates get a friend involved ask them to ask him and let us know what happens and let us know what goes down and if he likes you back because this is like they

need to play it cool like they don't need to they don't need to be like oh she likes you just be like oh yeah it doesn't need to be obvious it doesn't need to be obvious it needs to be really subtle just like a chuck away comment like oh like that you guys are actually good together yeah yeah see his reaction okay i'm excited for this i'm wishing you all the best we want updates okay dilemma number two i've had a friend with benefits for a while now and at first it was purely sexual but now i'm starting to develop feelings for him and i think he feels the same because he's made little comments i don't know whether to bring it up or risk rejection what do you think i should do this my immediate thing is bring it up you've got to yeah because also as well like you've already

like nothing like the only worst thing that could happen is you're not friends of benefits anymore but at the end of the day that's not really gonna work anyways because you like him too much for it just to be friends of benefits yeah so you're only hurting yourself in the long run so you may as well just tell him i'd like to know like the extent of his little comment as well because it's like i feel like sometimes when you start to like someone you really look into every comment that they say and everything they say to you because you're like what does that mean does that mean they like me so it's like i think what staff said you just need to speak to him because you're already sleeping together anyway just clarify it and understand where you stand because you don't want to carry on sleeping with

him and get yourself into a situation ship where like the feelings are super one-sided and he's not bothered that is that is not what we want at all yeah and it's gonna be hard but you i think that's a situation where you definitely do need to tell him by the way when i say at the end of the day it cracks me up now because have you seen that sound no we filmed this tiktok a couple of weeks ago and basically it's like someone like talking about a guy and then the french excuse button and they're going at the end of the day at the end of the day at the end of the day you're right and it anyways every time we say at the end of the day it reminds me of that tiktok and it's a really fucking funny tiktok okay well when libby doesn't well post it sorry send me it so i can listen to the tikt Yeah, it'll probably be in maybe good two weeks.

But yeah, I think overall, I think in this situation, you've got to risk the rejection of it as shit as it may be. Like you're saving yourself potential hurt down the line. And you never know, he might like you back

and it might turn into something amazing and by the sounds of it you clearly do think that he probably does yeah you've got that inkling so i think just risk the rejection like one million so i think it's worth the and the rejection to me sounds quite small so like he obviously finds you attractive as well yeah because you're sleeping together so okay my fingers are crossed for you girly because we don't want a situation chip we do not want no i i feel like that's that's gonna end well i have this feeling i hope so and we want updates please and we want updates yeah um okay the next one oh this sounds like me at first glance i've been on a few dates with the guy i met on hinge it's been going really

well apparently so well let's read it first then we'll decide it's been going really well and i like him but he's been laying it on really thick and saying all this stuff to me about wanting me to be his girlfriend etc it just feels like too much too soon do you think i'm being love bombed yeah should i go yeah i'll let you do this one right i mean i have a love-hate relationship with love-bombing don't i because i feel like i've been extremely love-bombed throughout my life like yes you have it's i think this is where i become like i keep saying obsessed that sounds so unhealthy but like i start to like somebody so quickly is because the guys i speak to to, I seem to find the love bombers. I seem to find the guys that love bomb me.

Like you've never known. I find the fucking opposite. I like we're polar opposite. Yeah. Like I will send Anna and I'm like, what the fuck? He's just said this to me. And it's like this huge paragraph.

I've been speaking to this guy for a week. He's like pouring his heart out. And I'm thinking, Oh my God, this is amazing. If you said to me that two, like two days heart out and I'm thinking, oh my God, this is amazing. If you said to me that two, like two days after you've met someone, he'd tell me, I love you,

I'd believe it at this point. Well, my ex kind of did that. Well, yeah, there you go. So yeah, I would probably believe that too. So yeah, I think I've definitely been too love-bombed, but I think I struggle to understand the difference. Actually, i'm answering this question i kind of don't think i'm the best person to ask i don't know it's hard because i definitely do think like when you know you know and i do i do think it can just take someone to

like just change your opinion and you can that i do actually believe you can very quickly fall in love with somebody if they are the right person I think it's so circumstantial like because like you said you can fall in love with somebody instantly like you hear of people nowadays that's still happening and they're not being loved by they generally are in love with each other but like I think just the fact that she's obviously you like him but you're not on that level yet I think that's where the panic would also set in for me because I think I just feel a bit overwhelmed because like if I want to go at a slower pace and then they're like too much too soon then it does make me a bit like whoa yeah I don't know but when I read this so I

don't but maybe this is where I'm going wrong because I have been love bombed so I don't know if you necessarily are being loved because you have been on a few dates like it's not like you went on one date and he's like poured his heart out like you've met multiple times and I do think again it kind of does and I know it's a lot for a lot of people but I don't know like even when I look at my parents and look at some of my friends, like my best friend and her boyfriend, they're so in love with each other. And they knew from like the first date. They literally knew from the first date like they were going to be in a relationship. Like that was it.

Like they just knew. And if you read their messages, you'd probably think they love bomb each other. Like that's just. So I don't know. Like when I read that, my mind doesn't think like, oh oh you're being love bomb because it's been like a few days but also i have been love bomb very quite a few times so i don't know necessarily i'm the best person to answer it but i do think i'm more self-aware of it now yes oh yeah you definitely are you definitely like i'm more aware of the situation right now like when i read things like that i almost think like oh i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing like i think in this person's case i think because i think you're

only being love bombed really if like it too late and he's saying i love you then i think worry if he's saying the words i love you the words i love you that's too much i personally think but if he's saying like he can see you being his girlfriend and you've met like three or four times i would take that as like a nice thing because it's heading in the right direction but if you're a couple that is it dates in and he was saying I love you then that's when I would panic so I think I think yeah I think just look at how like deep the things he's actually saying are and are they actually genuinely really nice things or is it like actually a lot I think just yeah if you're saying I love you that's the only reason I think i'd be in love bond yeah no i agree and i also think as well the fact that you i don't know it's really

hard isn't it because i completely understand that like feelings to somebody grows of course like that is how you fall in love with somebody but like the fact that like is it scaring you because it's a lot too soon? Or do you just not like him like that either? Because I don't know. It could be. I'm giving different advice now. But like, I don't know if my friend was saying that, I'd be like, are you sure you actually like him?

But then I feel like that's very me coded though, to be like, he's taking it a bit too fast. And I'm a bit like, I do like him, but I'm like, slow it down. Do you know what I mean? And I still would like him, but it him but I'm like slow it down do you know what I mean and I still would like him but I do it scares me to go like zero to a hundred like if someone said to me I love you on the second date I'd be like no you don't because you don't know me to love me but you can't love me like you know that's just falling in love with the idea of somebody yes and the

ideal yeah that is literally the idea of someone not actually them i think like when you're falling in love with someone you fall in love with someone for everything about them and when you learn more things about them you learn to love that about them like i think you can continue falling in love with someone for 30 years and form fall more in love with someone the more you see them but can you love someone after two days there's no way you can love someone but not in love with someone i don't agree definitely agreed yeah so i think as an overall i wouldn't if it depends what he's saying i don't personally think it sounds like you'd be in love bombed unless he has said the words i love you but i think just carry on seeing him and maybe and i think it's good that you're being self-aware

because i wish i was yeah 100 she's aware and i think if he is moving too fast just say look i feel a bit this is too much i'd like to slow it down a little bit and just yeah i would say that yeah 100% rbc avion visa lets you get there your way. Whether you want to... Suit up for peak ski season. Or... Spring break with a whole fam and a whole lot of sunblock. Or even...

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This one is fucking awful. Yeah, I'm not liking this one. My boyfriend is always comparing me to other girls and it's really annoying. What should I do? Fuck him off. He's comparing you to other girls i am sorry but no none of that around here thank you no way absolutely not there's absolutely no way i want my boyfriend comparing me to other girls like why like actually why that would make you feel so shit there's absolutely no need and

when you say what should i do honestly obviously the initial reaction is finish things because i'm like that is absolutely not okay but maybe just speak to him about it and ask why do you keep comparing me to these girls because that should not be a thing i think that's a conversation that needs to be had personally yeah like that is like major red flag major major red flag like really quite bad actually yeah so i think i have the conversation um let us know how it goes and if he doesn't give the right right answer i don't know but you judge the answer but honestly that should not be a thing and i'm really sorry he's even doing that because to me that sounds like an arsehole yeah i really don't like that okay the next one all my friends are in relationships and i'm the only single one in the group all they speak about is their boyfriends and i find it really hard

because i can't contribute so i just sit there in silence should I bring it up so they're aware of how I feel I don't want to cause any arguments but it's really getting me down oh that makes me really sad yeah that does make me sad oh that is a hard one because like even when I'm in a relationship like I'm still talking to my single friends like oh like I don't know I'd always try and bring up conversation about their life or like you know if we went out like I try and wing woman them and I try and I don't know like yeah I think it it can be really hard when you're the only one without a relationship especially if like you're in group conversations and you feel like you literally cannot contribute at all I think maybe just speak to them and just say how you feel and of course they're like your best friend of course they're going to understand and I mean maybe just speak to them and just say how you feel and of course they're like your best

friend of course they're going to understand and I mean maybe they do ask you questions and stuff and maybe you're just not ready to be in a relationship and that is so fine and I think sometimes it can just feel a lot worse and a lot heightened when everybody else around you is in it because you can feel like you're falling behind and I think you do just start to feel all these feelings through no fault of anybody else's they're just in relationships and they're excited but I don't think there's anything wrong with you bringing up to your friends and just say look guys I'm I'm feeling a bit shit about the situation like can we speak about something else or you know like let's try and find me a boyfriend for the night or whatever like just something else I think they're your friends they'll understand I do think it's hard because

I do think it's one of those you've kind of got to like tread on eggshells in the sense of you don't want it to be like you're not happy for your friends and we know that but like that's I think the thing that would be hard in that conversation is you don't want it to look like you're not happy that they're in relationships because you are I think it's more yeah I think you just need to say like oh it's really hard when you're talking about that because although I'm really happy for you I feel like I can never like get involved in the conversation like yeah and you just miss having that like girl time where you're not talking about relationships you just want to have like some fun and not talk about that I think an idea maybe is because I'm going to assume that these are like your like immediate

friends. Maybe reach out to some other friends as well who may be a single or, you know, do things like that and start exploring other options. But I think overall, like I think speak to your friends. They're like, I think if they're like truly your friends, they will understand and understand that you're not doing it because you're doing it from like a selfish point of view or because you're not happy for them but just because you want to be able to speak about other things and I think that's completely fine yeah definitely number six I was on a big night out for my friend's birthday

and when she went to the toilet her boyfriend started flirting with me and told me he wished he was with me instead no i actually don't know what to do joking i don't want to mess up my friend's relationship but i feel like i have to tell her i'm so conflicted please help that is actually such a shit situation you would want to tell your friend wouldn't you but at the same time like it would actually ruin their relationship yeah i would have to tell my friend i would tell my friend because yeah if it was me although it would ruin my relationship i would want to know also the fact you're saying that to you saying that to your best like to your best friend think about like how many other people you're saying that to because i would feel worse if i was in a relationship and that happened and my best friend didn't tell me and then i found out

six months down the line i think you let me stay with this person and you knew that and like you didn't say anything that's why i think i'd be so angry i think yeah you you've got to tell your friend like i know in the at the time it would feel shit because you'd feel like you're ruining their relationship and maybe she seems really happy or he seems really happy but yeah no you you literally have to tell her it's also not your fault as hard as it may like be in that situation it's nothing that you've done like that is completely on him being an absolute arsehole in that situation and putting you both in that position so i think one million percent go and tell your best friend because

he's by the sounds of it doing that he's an arsehole and you're saving her even though it does like it won't feel like that in the moment like she will thank you for that later on down the line yeah a hundred percent one absolute dickhead what is wrong with also how stupid can you actually be like what and it was her friend's birthday as well on her fucking birthday that is so yeah i don't think i would tell her on her birthday oh no i think i'd wait till the next day at least yeah yeah me too yeah 100 you need to tell her but oh my god yeah boy bye please please tell her for real okay what do you do if your mum tells you she doesn't like your boyfriend even though you're crazy about it oh miss barker why don't you take this one yeah okay i've been through this um i do you know what I don't know I've been through this firsthand and I've learned that

my mum is always right like genuinely my mum is actually always right I don't know if like I was actually crazy about again I think it goes down to like I loved the idea of some rather than actually I don't know right if my if I loved if i loved them enough my mom would look past it but my mom is normally bright so i've now learned that if my mom doesn't like someone then like genuinely she she's never been incorrect like there's been two there's one person my mom literally couldn't stand and don't even know what the hell I was thinking. She could not be more correct if she tried. And then another guy that I was with, like, when she first met him, she, yeah, she said these little things to me. And she was like, there were red flags, but I just wanted to be with him.

I know exactly who you're all about. Yeah, exactly. So I just ignored the red flags and here I am. And again, my mom was correct so I kind of wish that I did listen to my mom because I do feel like parents are usually bright like they have our best interest at heart best interest at heart more than anyone like our parents do like they genuinely if you're close to your parents they absolutely will that's the case from me anyways um but I don't know like if you actually are crazy about this person and you

do feel like they're the one you do have like you have to tell your mom that she needs i think you have to tell her to stop because you're in love with this person and it's going to ruin your relationship like you do have to say that like i've had to say to my mom even after this situation i've actually had to say to my mom i know you feel situation, I've actually had to say to my mom, I know you feel this way, but I don't see this. So you're going to ruin our relationship if you don't just get on with it and like this person, because I like them and I'm not going to not be with them because of your opinion, because I feel like they are a really great person. And for me, it's really important that my family do like, like, you know, whoever I'm with, that that's so important. But with like little things, I've, yeah, I've definitely had that conversation with my mum before.

And then she's respected that and not said anything. Do I wish that I just listened to her? Yes, she was correct. But yeah, I think you just have to have, you literally have to say to your parents, like, it's going to ruin our relationship. Because I'm, I'm crazy about this person so you're gonna have to learn to like them otherwise it's gonna yeah be a huge um what's the word barrier yeah yeah i guess yeah barrier like it is like yeah like don't get me wrong there's like not now but definitely my friends have been with people that I think are complete dickheads but at the end of

the day it's not my relationship so like if she wants my opinion I will I will tell her my opinion but I'm not gonna keep reminding her of that every day because she's happy in that relationship yeah and obviously that's the most important thing like yes your friends and your family can see red flags whatever else but if they're crazy about it at the end of the day I at the end of the day yeah like I just I don't know I just think sometimes you just for the sake of your friendship you just have to suck it up yeah I mean I couldn't have said it better myself i feel like saf was the best person to answer that question well i feel like i did kind of go off in tandem

but we do that a lot but i feel like it still makes sense though okay i'm hoping so i know the answer but yeah basically long story short you're gonna have to say something to your mom you're gonna have to tell her that like it's gonna cause a divide and that's the last thing that you want yeah i couldn't agree more okay the next one i'm a bit worried about my boyfriend's relationship with a close female friend of his they're always a bit over familiar when we're all out like always teasing each other and going off for private chats i don't want to come across like a crazy jealous girlfriend but it makes me uncomfortable what should i do see i'm not even against guys

having girlfriends like i know a lot of people are i'm not but like that to me screams weird the way you say they're over familiar when they're out do they have a past are you aware if they have a past like the teasing each other in the private chat thing teasing each other is flirting yeah teasing each other is flirting the private chat thing i would be like why are you pulling her away for a chat why can't you say what you want to say to her here in front of us honestly you don't remotely sound like a crazy jealous girl no not at all like i think you are well well well within your rights to bring that up and to say you feel uncomfortable because that would make anybody feel uncomfortable, I think. And I'm sure like other people who are with you when they see that when you're out probably think the same thing.

Like if I saw that, like Anna, if you had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend and they were doing, I'd be going to you. Why the fuck do they keep going off private chat? That's a bit weird. I would do the exact same to you. I'd say, why is he pulling up for a chat or like even watching them teasing each other like yes i don't know to me that just sounds like flirting i completely agree and it's like i know we were saying on the pod the other day like it depends how something can like depend on how long you've known the person like have they been

friends since they were children or have they just met i don't know but like for it to make you feel uncomfortable like that you're not acting like a crazy jealous girlfriend at all i think you need to speak to him and you need to be honest and say that's making you feel uncomfortable because that would definitely make me feel uncomfortable yeah it's the private chat there i just don't get that that's so weird so weird so speak to him that is weird one million percent speak to him okay the next one can exes be friends uh my boyfriend still hangs out with his ex-girlfriend and i find it hard to deal with even though there doesn't seem to be any feelings there anymore i think that's really weird like i think exes can be friends until you get a new relationship like i know that's not nice to hear but like it's just kind of respect like i thinkes can be friends until you get a new relationship. Like I know that's not nice to hear.

But like it's just kind of respect. Like I think it could be friends in the sense of like you can still be polite if you see them out. Or like maybe still follow each other if you're friends. But to actually hang out with them, you don't need to do that, do you? Because like I am friends with my ex-boyfriend but i can completely understand how if i got a new boyfriend he wouldn't want that to me too and of course i would respect that do you know what i mean like surely your boyfriend's best friend is you like sure like surely he doesn't need to hang out with his ex no like surely not no if i had a boyfriend

he said i'm going to hang out with my ex-girlfriend tonight are you because i don't think you're my boyfriend then no in the nicest possible i'd be like that's like i don't want that no i think that's definitely too far yeah way way way too far like i'm sure he has other friends he doesn't need to be with somebody that you've been with he doesn't need to hang out with his ex-girlfriend that's not a need no but anyway moving swiftly on quite strong opinions on that one as the world's population grows so does the need for resources like potash to support sustainable food production this is why bhP is building one of the world's most sustainable potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP

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Save big on electronics, fashion and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. the last one how do you know whether a work crush is a real crush or whether it's just basically fancying the best out of a bad bunch because i'm bored see i think it's so it's hard because like i don't think i've ever really had a work crush like because no i haven't either we don't we're not in like an office or like we're not so like i think then it's easier to like develop like feelings for someone like i know a couple of my friends who works in offices and they're always like oh yeah this is really cute guy blah blah like and you do just start to develop feelings for them but you're right like is it the best to have a bad bunch or do you just i don't know the fact that

you're saying that makes me think that you don't actually fancy him enough. Yeah, because you're questioning it. Yeah, I feel like you wouldn't be questioning it. Clearly taking a little bit of a liking to him. I think if you're thinking about him, like when you're out, not in the work environment, like not even at home, like if you're just out and you're thinking about, I don't know, then maybe.

Yeah, that's true actually. Yeah, do you just think about him when you're at work or do you think about him when you're thinking about I don't know then maybe yeah that's true actually yeah do you just think about him when you're at work or do you think about him when you're like in your spare time yeah that's a good way to look at it actually so I don't know I mean I wouldn't say it's necessarily the best to have a bad bunch I think it's quite easy to like someone from work that you work with and see pretty much every day yeah you just grow really close to those people um but i'm intrigued to see how that develops and does he have a girlfriend because a lot of the time when people fancy people in offices they're always in relationships but they start taking like yeah and i feel like fantasy yeah yeah i think it is like you want what you can't have yes so i'm intrigued by that one

let us know how that unfolds because i don't think it's necessarily that you're bored i think maybe you do probably fancy him and maybe you fancy him more than you maybe do realize but yeah what staff said think about it like do you just think about him at work or are you laying in bed thinking oh i wonder what you're doing i think it's funny it's actually so fun to have a crush like i really wish that i actually had a little crush it is but i feel like it's draining at the same oh it is it's so like it's like i'm too emotional so like the emotions i can't go rather just not have like yeah it's fun but it's also just draining yeah it really really is it's fun until it's not yeah basically it's fun but thank you all so much for sending in

all of your dilemmas i mean personally these are some of my favorite podcast episodes to film yeah i definitely do think we need to do more of these yeah me too if you want more let us know over on our instagram sex lives podcast and yeah thank you so much for sending in all of your dilemmas and we shall see you guys on thursday for the bonus episode bye guys bye sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios with olivia scott as the producer.