Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 86. Do The 36 Questions To Fall In Love Actually Work?

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

Have you ever wondered if you actually fall in love someone by asking them a handful of questions? Well a study by psychologist Dr. Arthur Aaron seems to think you can! We take a look at those 36 questions and whether these can help you fall in love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

let's go hello everyone welcome back to sex lies and dm slides it is thursday which means we are back for another bonus episode so in tuesday's episode we spoke about dating stereotypes in both girls and guys uh told a few stories about some people that we know and gave ourselves our own stereotypes. To fit those categories. Yeah, very, very much. So today we thought that we would speak about the 36 questions to fall in love and what they are, as well as our thoughts on this. So this is actually the first time I'm hearing about this, which is really interesting. I'm like, I am intrigued to know about these questions so these

questions were first formulated in 1997 as part of a study by psychologist dr arthur aaron so the objective of the study is to explore the social psychology of relationships and create closeness the original study was done on a heterosexual couple and they finished off all 36 questions four minutes later. Then they got married six months later. Okay. Wow. So these questions really do work in some wonders for some people. Maybe I need to start answering these questions with someone.

So do we think, so do you think then that 36 questions can really build intimacy before we get into them well 36 is my lucky number now i feel very strongly about the number 36 oh my god okay well this is now what you do with a future partner you say babe for date night i'm gonna come up with something and we're gonna answer 36 all 36 questions four minutes is very quick to answer 36 questions though because i'm looking for some in-depth answers here yeah and also as well i don't know if i'd want to know everything about somebody that quickly because that's like the exciting part when you discover new things that

you really have in common or that you like about somebody that's interesting i but then we don't know what all the questions are yet so we're going to go through them right yeah we've got a couple of set to the questions here so we won't do all 36 we'll just do like a couple from each set um so the first i'm gonna bore you guys imagine for me it's like 20 minutes you try and rapid quick fire 36 questions um so the first should we answer them and see if we'd be well suited together or not yeah okay yeah let's do it okay so step one is for what in your life do you feel most grateful for my friends and family i was just gonna say my ideal answer for someone to say would be friends like friends and family like their health their happiness like a really nice wholesome

answer their dog i don't know well yeah i would say like i'd be great i'm grateful for like my health and my happiness and where i am in life and what i've managed to yeah i thought say friends family family yeah and also my career yeah oh yeah 100 but like i think an off an off-putting answer though like if somebody said i don't know like obviously like i'm super grateful if i've got a really nice thing like a though like if somebody said i don't know like obviously like i'm super grateful if i've got a really nice thing like a nice like yeah somebody said my car thing yeah or something went like oh my handbag i'd be a bit like oh like yeah yeah like you said it's a lovely bag i could completely agree but like i should hope but the thing is yeah i say about the car thing as well

but if somebody said their friends's family own their car, I get it. Because if you've worked really hard for something, yeah, you're grateful for it. No, 100%. I would just want maybe a little wholesome word chucked in there before that, just like a bit of health, a bit of happiness, a bit of something before the materialistic item.

The materialistic item. But then I get that though because like if i had like like you own a house like if i owned a house i would probably chuck in there the fact that i've managed to get a house i'd be really proud of that and i feel grateful for that so like yeah i think it there's like less levels to that question but like i ideally would look for like friends and family look how long we're talking about it how the hell do they do it in four minutes yeah fuck that i'm sorry this is like a full date idea we'd be sat here for hours yeah um right next one if you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or

ability what would it be oh like my my mind's going to some like like wild corners of the world like i don't know like if these are the right arms like well like i was gonna say if i could wake up tomorrow like having the ability to like solve world hunger then obviously i would love to be able to do that but like i'm that's i don't know it's gonna happen but obviously that's like a very far-fetched thought but like that's probably what like i would love to have the ability to be able to change something that's like a problem in the world. Yeah, of course. The ability to, I don't know, be able to find the cure for cancer. Of course, I think we'd all probably choose something like that.

But then maybe there's more like a... Maybe let's go not so far fetched. Maybe let's go something that maybe if you worked really harder, you could get. Oh, I was going to say the ability to fly. Oh, well, would you say the ability to fly. Oh, well, would you ever fly then anything else? I'd rather,

I'd rather be able to teleport. Oh, oh my God. But just teleport. And not have to get on that plane. If I click my fingers, I'm in Times Square. Click my fingers,

I'm in the Maldives. Oh, I'm back home. Like, please come over. Yeah. Just give me 10 seconds. Not even two. I, I actually would love to read mind but then I also think I'd hate that like it seems it sounds

really good but then like when I thought think about it like if I could look at you right now and go look at what was going through your mind or like a crush or somebody if I liked someone and I could see what's going on in their mind I'd'd hate it. Also, we all do so much more in a monologue than anyone even realizes. And I actually challenge everyone who's listening to this today to actually be aware of that in a monologue, because we don't realize how often we do it. Even if you open a parcel to somebody and you're like, hi, how are you? you in your head you could be thinking oh for god's sake i really don't have time for this guy that's talking right now you're not showing it you're not showing that but you're saying that inside your head right and we all

think so much that we don't say until you're aware of it you don't realize how much you think and i just think to read people's minds like that would genuinely just be i think it would ruin your life i honestly think it would ruin your life i do too so i absolutely do i just yeah would not want to be that i would want to teleport personally i think this would just be the coolest thing teleporting does sound really good flying could also see myself flying um one of those but like an answer in a guy i don't know what i'd want them to say really i think i'd find it funny if they gave me like a quality like oh i'd love to be able to teleport or fly like i'd be like oh yeah that's a fun answer yeah same like i thought i would

probably not hit this question correctly neither i think they're meant to be a bit more yeah than that but do you know what i mean yeah do you know what i would love to be able to do is have the ability to be able to do every accent ever or be able to speak multiple every language bilingual oh my god if i could speak another language i'd love it but i think i've left it too late in life now because like when you're a kid your memory's like a sponge like they can learn loads but like you could if you downloaded an app and then you went to a country you definitely could learn another language but it would require a lot of effort a lot literally all i can say fluently in another language is

which is i can't speak french that's really great i can't speak french i can only speak english i've very much enjoyed that thank you thank you I learned that when I was in Disneyland because everyone was speaking French and I was like I can't I don't know the thing is even if I can learn another um language I just wouldn't be able to do the accent with it I know I just I'd sound like it's so obvious I'm a Brit that's, you know, learned the language. So. Let's go. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash

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can we just do one person yeah three we'll just switch it up we can do three i have one though i'd have to think about the other two i think what's your three mine would be duane johnson princess diana and probably Michael Jackson. Okay, why? Dwayne, I just think, seems like the kindest person in the world. I think the only person I'd be genuinely excited to meet, just because I love everything he does. I think he's so talented.

He is. But I just think he genuinely seems like the best person he's always giving back to other people he seems really friendly to be able to really so friendly i feel like you'd have such a good time with him yeah but like i'd learn a lot from him princess diana i just want to know i want to know the ins and outs of the royals mogul jackson also just had such an interesting life so i would just yeah i'd love to know the ins and outs of the royals. Michael Jackson also just had such an interesting life. So I would just, yeah, I'd love to know about it. They've got three very good stories. The three together would be weird, but.

Imagine the stories that have come out of that dinner table. I know. I agree with you on the Princess Diana one. I would love to know. And I'd also just love to know what happened. Like, I just want to know the full story. Like, yeah, everything about that. My number one would be to sit down with somebody who like worked

in the american government mi5 yeah oh no yeah mi5 on area 51 and like they had to tell me anything i could ask and like every secret i don't think that's how it works that they have to tell no but no but i but i can throw that in there yeah i can ask them and they have to be able to tell me. Like that is, oh my God, like they're an open book. I would literally be in my element. I'd pick, I don't know the name of the person because I don't know who they would be, but like someone like that. Maybe like a child star from Disney

or like someone who has been in the limelight from really young. I don't know. Yeah, maybe someone like that. I don't know. That's not a very good answer though because I only really have one. Maybe I would sit down with like't know. Yeah. Maybe someone like that. I don't know. That's not a very good answer though. Cause I only really have one. Maybe I would sit down with like one of my famous, like favorite singers or someone like that.

But number one would be. I think that's like a really good question to ask anyone anyway. I feel like you can tell a lot about like someone's interests by asking that sort of question, which is nice. Well, I played 21 questions before. Oh yeah.

I've never heard of 36. I remember. I played 21 questions. I remember you playing 21 questions on oh yeah i've never had a 36 i remember i played 21 questions i remember you playing 21 questions on the date actually because you went to the toilet and asked me for some help with questions oh my god that's embarrassing that is fucking funny we help each other out though we've done that loads yeah we've done that loads on dates we we have we have helped each other out but that's so funny yeah and i tell you what i've not ended up with them but maybe i didn't like their

answers i can't really remember you only did 21 not 36 so maybe that's where i'm going wrong and also i just can't understand how it'd take four minutes we've been talking for 14 minutes and we've done three questions. Right. We need to get on with it. Bit more quick fire. Set two. Quick fire.

So this is a different set of questions. What do you value the most in a friendship? Loyalty over anything. Yeah. To be honest. That's what I value the most.

Yeah. Loyalty, trust. Yeah. The same thing. thing yeah them being there like yeah i think that is just the number one thing you want in a friendship and i hope that's what the other person would answer as well yeah agreed um is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time and why haven't you done it i don't really think there's a wrong answer here because if it's what somebody dreams of i think the wrong answer for me would be not really that bothered what i do that yeah no ambition because i want somebody of ambition yeah or like oh it's never gonna happen anyway so why would i even

bother yeah like that sort of response because i'm very much manifestation put into the universe me too manifesting queen the secret all of that you know i got my crystals out to manifest law of attraction yeah well what would be your answer though uh my answer would be what is something i want to do i would love to be obviously going to presenting and stuff the reason i haven't done it is because i'm working towards it i haven't had the opportunity to fully do it but i'm working on it i feel like that that's my answer. But you will. But I will. But I will because I'm working hard towards it. And your answer, I know what your answer would be,

but what would your answer be? My answer would be an actress. Again, working very hard towards it. We're working on it. Do you know what I mean? That's the most important part. We're working on it. We're getting there.

We're trying. We're trying. We're trying. This is a nice one. I don't know. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? god that's i've been asked that before and i found it really hard i think that's a it's a really hard question to answer because like what avenue do you answer it from like there's so many different ways you could go down i think

mine would probably be it sounds a bit cringe but like just becoming the person that like I know my 10 year old self would have wanted me to become like I know that like if I at 10 years old looked at me now she'd be like oh I'm so proud of her she did it like she got what she always wanted sort of thing like I know I'd have that like outlook so I think yeah just becoming the person that I always dreamed of coming I think that would be like my great yeah I love that I don't it's really hard question what about I think mine would probably be something I've ever done for my family yeah some people we don't know about yeah I guess like what you said in the sense of yeah somebody that my uncle self would have been proud of but also I think yeah like I would like to say I'm proud of the person I've become yeah um and also

I'm proud that I'm able to but like all of the charities and the causes that I've donated to and I've been part of I think all of those things I'm very grateful for that I'm able to do that and I'm in a position where I could do that and accomplish those things and also have a voice and yet just be an opportunity where I'm able to help charities and things like that out I think that's probably something I'm really proud of yeah which is because I don't know if that's on the right question no I think that's incredible you've done some incredible things for so many people like you and for so many charities and stuff i think that's i think that's a very nice answer if so if i sat down on a date and said that yeah i'd be like oh yeah that's like exactly what it's hard as well because things

like that i don't really talk about that much online either anymore because nowadays if you do something like that you're doing it for attention so i don't even talk about it but i think there would be the things that i yeah feel very proud of doing so i like that answer yeah okay let's do one more question thanks queen maybe me and you were just meant to be maybe maybe at the end of this podcast that's how it works out guys because that's right that's the way it's going i can imagine 20 years down the line surprise everyone will be like what the fuck at one point people actually thought we were together oh yeah no we've had that we've had that a fair bit like are you two we had that we had a stage where people actually thought yes so no we have and i have no idea why. But go off, guys, with the fantasies.

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Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Yeah! Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Okay, one more question then. When did you last cry in front of another person or by yourself i did yesterday but i did yesterday because i had to for my acting class and it was i came out and i was so drained i can't even was it just a lot i came out the class no it was a lot we had to recall all of bad memories and stuff that happened to us oh you messaged me about this are you okay i was so drained so emotional i can't

even tell you just needed to cry release yeah my majesty and yours was yesterday my majesty this is so stupid no no i was fine i but this is very morbid sometimes if i this is awful but sometimes if i start thinking about like sad things like if i start thinking about like my nan dying or like someone close to me dying i'll cry and for some reason it just popped into my head yesterday because we were speaking about something i can't remember what we were talking about and then i the thought of my nan not being at my wedding came into my head. And I just started crying in the kitchen. I had tears coming down my face.

And I thought, what's going on? Babe, you need to be in my emotional recall class. Honestly, for real. I was sat there going, what is going on? I was tapping my face. I was like, I'm fine. I had happy music on the lot as well. I don't know what happened.

But just one thought just twisted me the wrong way. And I was so sad. But I got it out and I was fine. Bless you. I don't know what happened but just one thought just twisted me the wrong way and I was so sad but I got it out and I was fine bless you I don't remember the last time I cried sometimes it's sometimes it's good to I actually love crying yeah it's a nice emotional release I don't remember the last time I cried in front of somebody though like not like in a really like sad way I'm not sure I tend to do it on my own if i'm gonna cry i get a bit nervous doing it in front of other people no i would say i probably i probably cry quite a lot to be there i don't know i know i definitely do i think it's in a nice if i'm emotional i can't keep it in yeah i just i just can't keep it in before we end this have you ever seen me cry like dead serious really sad cry i've seen you drunk cry oh yeah or like angry cry yeah but

i've never seen you sad cry yeah that is whereas you've seen me so i've seen you sad too many times yeah oh my god yeah that yeah oh my god wow i can imagine like really really it's like very dramatic angry crying you know yeah oh i can angry but also probably drunk i drunk cry more than anything like that's easier for me to cry but yeah just sometimes just a thought just went to me yesterday and i had a couple of tears and then emotional release and now we're here but we're fine and what a lovely note to end it on well thanks for listening really positive and happy we both cried yesterday i just want to know i just want to know all your answers to these because i find it interesting well maybe if you guys actually find it interesting we could do a full episode on this and answer the rest of the questions because i actually

would love that yeah well thank you all for listening let us know if you do the 36 questions google them let us know how you get on yes please i want to know i want to know the rest of the questions now i'm very intrigued and i want to know can you actually do in four minutes is there anything just possible no you cannot and i also want to know if i answer these with a boyfriend are we going to get married in six months like the other person because these questions apparently bring out good answers in people but thank you so much for listening be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on spotify so you don't miss out on all of the goss and we will see you on tuesday for our next episode bye everyone see you guys then bye sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast

it was produced by spirit studios with olivia scott as the producer