Sex, Lies & DM Slides - Beige Flags vs. Red Flags

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

We’ve been wanting to do an episode on this for ages! Beige flags is a major trend on TikTok atm so we wanted to talk about all the major differences between beige AND red flags. We also discuss some of our own beige flags and reveal some of yours too! Plus Saff gives an update on her trip to LA, and the very “interesting” fact she’s learned about the new gym she is going to. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Sex, Lies, and DM Slides with me, Anastasia Kingsnorth. And me, Saffron Barker. So we're back for another week with another opportunity to deep dive into all things sex and relationships. Now, I can't believe we're actually

filming this right now because anna is sat opposite me with tonsillitis and if i had tonsillitis i love you all but i don't know if i could be doing this so fair play anna honestly the fact that i actually have managed to make myself look half presentable whilst i feel this deathly is shocking guys i first well first of all you never know you'd never know about maybe if you're watching this on spotify then you see that saf isn't actually at home um because she's in la and i was just in la i look more rough than anna and i don't have tonsillitis but the time this will be because we're on very different times so yeah the time difference is giving hell guys it's giving nice and early

there's no sunlight come out yet because it's very early in the morning yeah it's really really really early so we're both giving hell for both of our sides today but we're here i honestly the plane journey home yesterday was like like i've had really bad luck at airports recently with getting ill like when i came back from paris in january i had food poisoning at the airport which was a really humbling experience being sick in the security line and then this time oh my god i have tonsillitis on the plane and i've got a fever so bad that like i'm boiling to touch but then shivering how do you think you've got tonsillitis babe also so contagious yeah this is what i'm really confused about because nobody else has it but on the that's what i find and you've definitely got tonsillitis yeah that's what she

said to me this morning because on when i'm getting confused with the jet lag and the days but the day i went to the last day i was in la i started to feel it that evening i thought oh i don't feel great but i thought i'd just done too much and i was just really tired the next morning woke up and i could you know and you can just feel your throat going funny I thought oh crap I've got a cold and then when I looked in my throat I could see that the little white dots starting to call my tonsils and I thought oh fuck this I was like this can't be happening I was like this can't be happening and then obviously ill all day yesterday barely slept last night went to the doctors this morning like got the first appointment I rang them I was like I need to come in for an emergency appointment um and she looked at my she

literally touched my neck and went oh and I thought yeah babe me too how are you doing this I don't know and then she looked at my tonsils and she was like and then she's like just come and sit back down and I was like yeah I already know that she gave me the penicillin. So, but she said to me, have you had tonsillitis before? And I said, yeah, thinking I had. And then when I called my mum, mum was like, you've never had tonsillitis before. I thought you'd had tonsillitis before. But I know I've had it. But then maybe my mum's just forgotten that I've had it.

I don't know. Because I said to her, am I allergic to penicillin? And she was like, no, why? And I was like, I don't know, because some people are allergic to it. And I've just been put on it. And like, so I just thought I'd ask. And she was like, why and i was like i don't know because some people are allergic to it and i've just been put on it and like so i just thought i'd ask and she was like no you've not had it before but i know my throat is fucked i always suffer with my throat you've got the tablets right yeah i've got the little tablets so when i was younger penicillin i because i was in and out of hospital a lot penicillin i had all the time but i'd have the actual medicine form obviously because i was a child and people say it's disgusting for me it was my favorite thing in the world i would get

so excited to have my medicine because penicillin tastes like banana i guess you wouldn't probably never try the medicine because you're obviously beyond the tablets because you're an adult but i couldn't swallow tablets so i always had the um yeah the medicine that everybody else would hate but I absolutely loved it because I love anything that's a taste of banana and I'm sure a lot of people that probably listen to this probably probably disagree with me and think it's absolutely disgusting yeah I loved penicillin but to be fair when I was younger I didn't mind the taste of cowpaw like that never bought i think everyone likes the taste of cowpaw yeah like i never thought that was a bad taste like these penicillin

tablets are powdery and i hate taking powdery yeah they're not it they're not it i've got to take 80 tablets over the next 10 days and i thought 80 wow yeah when she gave me because i thought i'll just be one box she gave me these three massive boxes and i was looking at her like surely not. And you have to finish the course. That's what she said to me. Sorry, I feel like I'm giving medical advice here. But even if you get right to the end,

you think I haven't got it anymore and it has gone, if you don't finish it, it will come back. Yeah, she said that to me. I've had tonsillitis way more times than the average person because of all the problems with my ears and they're both connected.

And that's why I don't have any tonsils. I got my tonsils removed because of how often problems with my ears and they're both connected and that's why i don't have any tonsils i got my tonsils removed because of how often i would get tonsillitis and if you don't finish that course it will come back yeah i don't have tonsils but the thing is i'm so prone to tonsillitis even without tonsils i can get tonsillitis i get tonsillitis what so you can still get like the white spots and stuff like on your throat yeah it's so uncommon but i still get that oh my god yeah which is crazy well you could she said to me random then we will move on but she said she was like even if you feel better after three four days but you still need to take tablets so because your body will come back and it will bite you in the ass and you'll regret just so yeah i'm making sure that i finish

every single one of these tablets but that mix of jet lag is just giving hell but we're here we're here for you guys let's hear we're here and do you know what it's normally these episodes are the best because we end up just spilling too much or saying too much because we're tired and we're both a bit delirious because in my head right now it's still la time so we're both on a later i don't know if that's any better because very early neither i know that's any better but talk to me about la how are you finding it how are you settling in yeah really good i'm actually loving it i feel as if the last two days have been really i don't know finding my feet a lot more i actually haven't

been here very long um so yeah i feel as if I'm getting very much used to it. It's funny because obviously this trip is amazing, but honestly, this is a work trip. I mean, yeah, I'm working on something that I want so badly. And so every day I have homework that I have to do and I'm studying and I'm rehearsing and so it's incredible but I feel as if I've never read so much written so much I feel as if I've gone back to school I'm not even joking and so I feel so far as if I don't have these any of these amazing stories to tell you about because my trip isn't gonna quite be like that it's a very much graft keep my head down although I have something so exciting that I'm doing this weekend oh what are you like that it's a very much graft keep my head down although I have something so

exciting that I'm doing this weekend oh what are you doing so it's memorial weekend and so my friend Chris is going to the lakes with his family um it's about four hours away and I've seen him do it for the past two years and basically they hire a huge boat there's like slides that go off the boat you don't let the big blow up yeah like inflatable things inflatable things all of that and he was like do you want to come with us this weekend that we'll all go for memorial weekend you can come with my family we'll just get drunk on the boat we'll go out and i can't remember what the lakes are called but why can't i remember i literally i cannot remember for life me now that i've always dreamt of going there and i feel like it's gonna be a weekend of getting

drunk partying yeah celebrating living life on a boat he was like it's so hot so so so really oh we're gonna be so tan yeah it's gonna be so good i'm so excited for it. So I'm very, very excited for this weekend. Yeah. Oh, also, sorry, one other thing. Just last thing about LA before we deep dive, because I actually love this episode, but one thing I was going to say is, guys, the men here are different.

Very different. Good looking different. Do you know where I'm going with this? No. As in, I've never met people so forward in my oh i know where you oh yeah until i came to la it is genuinely crazy right yeah so i'm just gonna give you one example i was telling anna about this one the other day i mean there's there's been so many occasions like this I'm in a Barry's class I look rougher than I look what I do now which I don't think I you know I don't think

I look very cute right now and I always I don't know I think when people are nice to me I think they're just being nice don't even realize they're hitting on me because I just think they're just being nice anyways long story short I'm doing absolutely terrible in this barry's class because i'm super unfit at the moment and i was so embarrassed this guy next to me was super fit like he he clearly goes to barry's every single day right and when we'd walk from the running machine to the weights every time we'd be trying to start a conversation i mean there it's probably about 10 yards so it's really not that far and i'm thinking wow he's really really friendly after we've done a sprint if you high-five in me so i'm thinking super friendly guy that is american as well so they are just very friendly people yeah but the guy honestly the guys always have intentions here

that's yeah we think they're super nice, but it's always something else. I mean, this isn't like a really bad story or anything. He was super nice. This guy ended up coming out. He, you know, was asking how I was.

Do I go to this class every morning? And then all he did was just ask my name. So obviously telling my first name within half an hour. I don't even know how I see this. I ended up seeing him finding me on instagram asking him to take me out also we can go to barry's together every morning and i'm thinking that's just never happened in the uk it i mean if you want to go and get it how he found me i don't know he yeah because if you only you only told him your first name which is why i can't get my head

around like and i don't come up first on instagram i know i'm verified or whatever but i don't come up i yeah i don't understand i wonder how like i wonder how far down you do come like if you don't follow you and you search saffron like i wonder if you're scrolling for ages or if it was like i don't like 10 down but still i mean i don't know but he was really nice but now i feel like i can never go to barry's at that time and that's the time when i like going but he's there every morning at that time now so it's annoying yeah because now it's put you in like it's put you in an awkward position right and then also i just signed up to this gym here it It's a really nice gym. It's just around the corner.

And I remember actually about a year ago when I was over Chris's house, Kitty had said to me, when you go to the gym here, you'll never experience getting hit on like it. Men are just different here. And I kind of took it with a pinch of salt. I've only just joined this gym today today so I will update you on how it goes but when I was over the house yesterday she said to me good luck because I meant what I said and she goes to that gym and she was like it is crazy it's absolutely crazy especially if you're a blonde girl in LA guys are just they pound on you at the gym but she was also saying so she was like just to let you know loads of celebrities and stuff got that will ferrell's there every day and she was naming all these people she said but also on top of that all these rappers go but they make such a scene of

themselves they go in with their security guards they go in smoking weed she was like they'll be smoking weed in the gym with their security guards she said you'll get hit on by by guys there's everything about hdl is a different experience that you will never experience at home so i will update you on my first week at the gym in the next episode yeah i need updates because the thing is right when i go to the gym i don't know if i'd want to be hit on like no i don't i'm like i want to put my head down not talk to anyone yeah and i don't know if i'd want to be hit on like no i don't i'm like i want to put my head down not talk to anyone yeah and i don't want to feel like people are staring at me because that's my biggest i hate that neither in the gym i just please don't look i just want to do my own thing

so the thought of like a rapper with a blunt staring and being like do you know what i mean i'd be like what the fuck and how are they allowed that i'm sorry i don't care if we're famous or not surely you're not allowed to do the smell surely not the smell in the gym would not be sick and then and then this was it um kitty went just whatever you do don't go in the sauna and i was like why and chris looked at me and went you can see where it's going they'll just try and fuck you in the sauna in the sauna i thought well that's very concerning in the sauna this is a really nice gym it's an expensive i'm not saying this should happen at any gym but i never thought i haven't experienced this i don't know what it's like but for me I want to go to a gym put my head down not speak to anybody work out break a sweat yeah go home okay well you're gonna have to keep

us updated on that yeah it sounds kind of horrific and I'm thinking that's just not the the workout I planned on no and for the price that you're paying for it as well yeah no not really i do that's like paying for like a raya membership times whatever but the gym oh the gym guys here is 400 a month oh my god because la is the most expensive place ever 400 a month for the gym 400 a month i i tried to find other but the thing is the gyms here are so overpopulated as well because everyone here wants loves the idea of perfection more than any other place i think in the world everyone wants out everyone so everywhere is the lifestyle in la you think if you're paying 400 for a gym no one's going there oh no this gym is absolutely rammed and i've been to gyms that are a bit less expensive here but it's you can't get on anything you can't go on any machine

whatsoever when you're there will you send me a picture gold yeah no this gym's nice but when i yeah yeah i mean if i went at peak time i don't think i'd get on anything but when i'd go to gold gym even if it wasn't at peak time which is a very famous gym it's a lot cheaper I would stand in a queue for a machine oh that to me I that is the point that made me feel awkward as well knowing that I'm doing my workout people are queuing to use it after me exactly like I wouldn't want it's just not good it's not good so yeah can't quite get over the fact I'm paying that much so I really need to make the most of it and go every day but now I feel very put off doing it okay I don't wish me luck you've got to keep us updated and I want a

picture of the gym with the pretty boys slash rappers smoking weed yeah you're not really allowed to take pictures but I will I will try and do that for you. Okay, just a little sneaky one. Yeah, okay. Let's go. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600.

Visit connectsontario.ca. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5 percent off orders and five percent uber cash back on rides not whatever you think university is for get uber one for students with deals this good everyone wants to be a student join for just $4.99 a month savings make very eligibility and member terms apply so we have been wanting to do an episode on red flags for a very long time but considering the term beige flag is circulating on tiktok at the moment we thought we'd discuss the differences between red flags and beige flags um discuss some of our own and discuss some of yours too now i actually

little promo for the book but my book does come out in a couple of weeks but i've actually done a whole section in my book weirdly on beige flags um so i actually do really yeah i do a fair bit about them because i found it so interesting when i was doing research for the book um but it says here according to an online dating coach called max alley a beige flag is a behavior that your boyfriend girlfriend spouse or anyone else exhibits that's well kind of strange without quite crossing into full-on freaky territory so like i would describe it as like a nice personality quirk that like makes them very them but isn't a bad thing like an amber flag no it's more like is an amber flag a thing do we say that

yeah i said i would say like an amber flag is like on the way to being a red flag but i would say a beige flag is more something that like they're not doing anything to harm you it's just okay it could be a little bit cringe do you know what i mean that reminds me i was sat watching married at first sight with my mum yesterday it's the us version so we haven't seen this version oh god but it's become my new favorite show anyways in it there's these two doctors that have been paired together and so she thinks he's absolutely perfect what she doesn't know and this might suit some people and good for him if he enjoys doing this but he gets dressed up and goes out of his friends in that animal costumes but she doesn't know this yet. And so, so far she thinks he's really perfect. And I said to my mom,

I don't care how perfect somebody is. For me, I mean, if something's a beige, that's the beige flag, but the beige flag that puts me, can a beige flag put you off? Because that would be putting me off.

Yeah. But like, that's like an insane beige flag. To me, that seems like, question, was he dressing up as like a furry or like as a general animal i hadn't seen too much of it but he put on uh like a helmet like a fox's

okay so yeah full costume and goes out of his mates yeah i personally in day-to-day life he's so opposite he's a doctor he's i'm not saying you can't be clever and do those things but he his personality is like two different it's two different people okay very bizarre i very was i actually didn't see too much of it because i walked in when my mom was watching it right okay and she was telling me about it and then i saw little bits well that's enough for me to want to watch it because yeah i mean that could be an example of the beige flag but just like an extreme okay like these are some these are some good examples here so they give random items pronouns such as she's looking good when referring to a car but like thing is i do that like so i couldn't really

comment if they did that like yeah i can see you going she's cute yeah like do you know what i mean like i'd see a top and be like oh she's cute like referring to the top like i guess i probably do that for something yeah like without even thinking about it like i do just do that I guess if a guy did it a guy I was seeing did it I would be a bit like oh but but isn't this same as an ick then oh no because okay for me something I hate something I hate so okay can you let me know what this falls under is when guys go girl oh no that for me is i the worst thing a guy could do i would say that's more of an ick i would say that's more of an ick i so not a beige flag but everything else great but they just they just girl oh you're no girl um no no i don't think i've ever had anybody say that to me before stop it i've had so many people say that to me girl but it would always come out their mouths

and they'd think oh why have i said that but then i know girl i'm thinking oh i don't know that's just come i feel like i'm giving a good example but yeah it's i've had it a lot okay i would i would maybe at least for instance more out here i think it's more of an american i can imagine american guy being like oh girl like i can see that like if a british guy did that i'd be like oh girly like i'd be so confused i'd be so confused okay so other examples of beige flags then are they don't use phrases or sayings in the correct context or they continue to wear underwear or clothes that have holes in them or they always need something sweet after eating any meal so like that's not like a relationship deal breaker if they need a dessert after a meal do you know what I mean that's just like

they they need I don't know that's a bit of a weird one but the holes in the clothes I wouldn't break up with somebody over it we've all done disgusting things I would just say babe maybe just time to get some new socks would it give you the ick no I don't break up with somebody over it. We've all done disgusting things. I would just say, babe, maybe it's time to get some new socks. Would it give you the ick? No. I don't know, because when you're really comfortable with someone, would that give me the ick? Because I'm feeling like beige slugs and icks are very similar.

I mean, to this one, like, they eat pizza with a fork. Would that give you the ick? No, it's just weird. Okay, so it's just more of a weird thing. Yeah, I think it is weird. So, okay, the next one. They will not plan ahead, or worse, they will not plan anything at all. it's just weird okay so it's just more of a weird thing yeah i think it is weird so like okay the next one they will not plan ahead or worse they will not plan anything at all that would give me the ick i don't know if that would give me the ick it just put me off yeah it's my same thing

but i'd use that as an excuse because i think the ick isn't like in some ways an excuse so i would be like i would say that give me the ick because I would like my future boyfriend to be able to plan things and not leave it all to me. So yeah, to me, that wouldn't even be a beige flag. I would be like, I don't know if I can do this. So yeah, the pizza one, I think, makes a lot of sense to me in the sense I understand what beige flags are.

But I do feel as if there's a very fine line between a beige flag. I think if I had examples and somebody said put them in the different flags I would be I wouldn't really know what would go where is there more examples that we have yeah so this one is the one that I saw all over TikTok and this all went viral and it was some girl and she felt she filmed her boyfriend like so unbothered like he had no idea he was being filmed and and it's like your boyfriend will never find out the details of anything

so say their best friend just got cheated on he's got no idea why or like if their best friend just broke up with their partner he didn't ask why like so you're like dying to know more details and he's just like oh I don't know like he's just so unbothered.

He doesn't ask for details on anything. Which, like, do you know what? Do you understand what I'm saying? I saw it go viral on TikTok and it really made me laugh. Because, like, that would bug the hell out of me. I'd be like, babe, like, I want to know. But, like, why did they break up? Or, like, why have they fallen out?

Like, if my boyfriend was going, oh, I don't know, I didn't ask. i didn't ask i'll be like well why wouldn't you ask yeah you would want to know he's just naturally very unbothered but that one went like viral and she captioned it like my boyfriend's beige flag is he's so unbothered like he doesn't know and what were the comments did you read the comments i did read the comments i can't remember i saw it a while ago but all the comments were saying like oh my boyfriend is also like this. My boyfriend's done this, blah, blah, blah. Like this would bug me. And like that would bug me.

That genuinely would bug me. See, it's kind of a good thing in a way because who wants, I don't know, for me, people that just gossip about other people's lives, I think what a waste of energy and time. I can't be bothered to sit with somebody that cares about gossip.

Genuinely. I was seeing one guy and all he did was gossip about other people. And I just thought it was the most unattractive thing. Cause I didn't really care what other people were doing. Unless it was somebody that I knew. I just thought, I don't, I don't really care.

But I don't know. I guess there's a balance, isn't there? Yeah. Like if I'd been with my boyfriend for like three years and I was really close to their family. And like his sister just got like broke up with her boyfriend and I went, why? And he was like, I don't know, I didn't ask. Yeah, I think that's weird.

I would say that's really weird. I would sit there and be like, right. I'd be like, why didn't you ask? You know, I'd be saying that's really weird. Why would you not ask? Yeah, or like if his mum and dad broke up. Don't know why. Like I'd sit there and be like, babe, like what? Do you do you know what i mean yeah i think i would find that very weird but

yeah i guess okay i'm understanding more what you mean now because if that was me i think it's very strange but would i break up with him over it no no i wouldn't break up with him because i don't think it's like gossiping i think it's more just like you maybe just sometimes should just know a little bit more detail if you're gonna tell me if you're gonna tell me part of the story I need the full story do you know what I mean yeah yeah do you know I think my older brother's a bit like that what really unbothered I think yeah I think he's quite unbothered he'll tell me something I'll be like and and I don't know I don't know yeah no my other brother's probably like that

maybe i'm just like yeah maybe i'm just really nosy and like i just want to know the details of xyz but clearly not everybody's like that but i very much am so i feel like if my boyfriend was like that i'd be like oh babe come on like i need to know a bit more here yeah and i probably would think it's weird that they're so unbothered by it yeah same that's funny i'd be like how are you not bothered okay but do we think do we think that beige flags are something to worry about compared to red flags from the ones we've read out no i don't i think the one the only one that would probably get me for the one i read out is they're not planning anything at all. That would throw me off a little bit.

That to me is like a personality. No, that, yeah. That I just think is unattractive. That to me is, I probably wouldn't put that in the beige flag category, no. But the other is like, if my boyfriend ate pizza with a fork,

I think I'd just take the piss out of him. Yeah, I'd just take the piss and be like, oh, you're eating pizza with a fork. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's not a bad them. Oh, yeah. I'd just take the piss and be like, oh, you're eating pizza with a fork. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's not a bad thing. So, okay. Do you think we have beige flags?

Or what would your beige flag be? I'm trying to think what mine would be. Ah! Oh, God. I know I'm going to have one. Like, I know I will have some weird... Quirk. Okay, go on. I do have one like i know i will have some weird quirk okay okay go on you i do have one actually so i don't know if you know this about me either actually it's very random but i wouldn't really tell people it's just something i do but when i have a burger or i eat something round i can't

ever finish the end of it which makes no sense because it's round like so if i get to the end of the burger i have to leave the little end rim i can't eat it i don't know why i've never been able to eat it and a couple of like byron's byron's noticed me do it before and he's like why do you never finish the end and i'm like i just can't like there's something in me i just can't finish the end of the burger because it's round that is so weird yeah because it's round that makes no sense yeah because it's round so it's like why can't i because i could have started eating from that part but that would probably be my beige flag like when i'm eating something round i have to leave the little end bit um yeah it's really random really weird but i can't eat the end of a round thing so maybe that would be my beige flag

because if i told my boyfriend that he'd be like what but it's not like something to break up yeah it's just weird yeah it's weird that that is very strange it is really weird but like yeah not not red yeah okay i'm really understanding beige flags more oh god what do i do that's weird um what do you do that's weird i don't know i'm a very i'm messy i wouldn't say that's weird i just say that's just not good you know i wouldn you do that's weird i don't know i'm a very i'm messy i wouldn't say that's weird i'll just say that's just not good you know i wouldn't say that's abnormal no i think you can be quite forgetful sometimes or like misplace things but again i feel like that's normal i'm very forgetful but again is that is that a beige flag forgetful maybe yeah i feel like forgetful forgetful could go under beige flag i'm so unforgetful would forget

my own head if it wasn't screwed on no one million percent you know by the way i found your passport cover in my drawer the other day because the air i know because i was ringing the air tag yeah babe it shat me i was running the air tag then i saw it was in manchester and i thought well i've left it at anna's It shat me up. So, honestly. And I was actually going to ask you to fly it out if I could post it to the US because I'm terrified

of losing my passport without the air tag. Well, I can post it to you because I was in my kitchen and I heard this noise and I thought, what is that? Yeah, but me,

I've never heard that noise before. Because I'm having a freak out. But I'd never heard an air tag before because I don't have one. So I was like, oh my God, what is that? And i've never heard that noise before because i'm gonna freak out but i'd never heard an air tag before because i don't have one so i was like oh my god what is that and i walked into my office i was literally hearing this noise i was like oh my god and then i realized it was the air tag i was like yeah it might be quite scary i was so confused but yeah i do have your passport cover it's exhibit a she's forgetful so i've got it yeah i'm very forgetful no i would i am i'm on edge having a passport without the air tag really oh no i can imagine yeah i'm very forgetful i guess that'd be my my beige flag i'm sure there's probably other things i don't ever do anything

that weird i think my i think i'm weird but i don't think i do anything particularly weird you know yeah neither I think my only weird quirk would be not finishing round things which is just yeah or when Katie comes out that's the beige flag oh my god my friend Libby is the craziest hyperest friend ever and one day when we were younger she made this joke about this imaginary friend and when we say imaginary friend guys we're not actually seeing this person it's just a joke that now we still go on with obviously we don't actually think there's someone there but it's just a it's an ongoing joke anyways and so when Libby was younger she said that she

could see this girl called Katie and she was a bitch right and it was just anyways so as we got older it was an ongoing thing and out of nowhere Libby would make me double over laughing because we'd be sat on the bed and she'll be having a full argument out of nowhere with this imaginary person going for fuck's sake Katie and I'd think where the hell has this come from it would genuinely terrify me but it made me laugh so badly so it was a thing that Libby and I did guys please don't take this we're not doing this every day I just want to let you know okay god I probably sound nuts anyways so it's an ongoing thing and I thought for some reason I'd

done it to Anna as a joke before and I hadn't ever done it to you before had I no the first time you did it was when we were in LA last year yeah yeah and so I thought they knew about Katie right this imaginary it's basically just to make the other person laugh so I go into the bathroom and I thought oh how funny I'll do the Katie thing to them because they were both very low on energy they're very hungover so I thought I'd give them some entertainment so I pulled my I get my hair my hair's down it's down and I get my hair and I drag my hair out the bathroom like this head first and I come out the bathroom and I'm like Katie get off my hair right and I do this whole scene and they have never to the point where Brian and Anna actually thought somebody was there

they fully thought a ghost was there or something I was terrified guys like honestly I I thought something was I thought something was pulling her hair i thought that's it she's been possessed i was like this place is haunted like i have never been so shocked in my life something's out of the blue her head fully went down the door frame and yanked out as i'm on the door i was like this can't be real so then for the rest of the trip yeah katie joined us and she just came out at random times and then she but then everyone was doing it

so we'd be sat in a restaurant and then all of a sudden Byron would be like are you fucking joking? and I'd be like what? and he's like Katie why the fuck have you felt like that's here and it's just an ongoing thing that's very weird probably more concerning than a beige flag

but it's a joke okay she made a reappearance again last week in our group chat when she sent those pictures guys this was it i randomly got you'll never believe who's here right text i was like who oh my god and they put katie and i don't know why i didn't click on and i was like katie who and then suddenly and suddenly it clicked and then katie's taking all these awful photos of me sending it in the group chat i thought oh yeah anyway it's about to play funny anyway yeah that's funny they fully thought i was possessed fully thought i was possessed i just thought you knew about this ongoing joke, but apparently not.

So I absolutely terrified them. It's great entertainment though. And I love it now. Katie's part of the fam. Yeah. Keeps our acting up as well, you know. For real. For real.

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or manipulative behavior they're not always recognizable at first which is part of what makes them very dangerous however they tend to grow bigger and become more problematic over time so okay examples of red flags talking badly about exes big red flag for me like if like i was on a first date with someone and they started slagging off the ex on a first date i would be a bit put off yeah do you know what i mean yeah um being rude to parents or family members is oh huge red flag huge like massive having no friends is on the list i've never thought about that i do think that's a red flag i would think why don't you have any friends like yeah but i do think there's gotta be a reason

you gotta have a friend yeah but different if you had moved if you'd moved somewhere but you'd still have friends from at home i don't know yeah i'm not saying you need to have loads of friends but i think having no friends is definitely a red flag yeah even if you had a kd that's more than no i think that's very i don't think they can have a kd and no other friends that'd be even worse actually i think we only bring out kd because we have friends that is true if you were doing a kd on your own i would say oh that'd be very concerning yeah i'd be very very very worried um another one they seem controlling and don't want you to hang out with other people massive red flag massive red flag that i ignored gaslighting which you ignored so basically we know quite a lot of red flags we've seen quite a lot of red flags so how do you spot we have and what's your advice for dealing with them i think everybody spots them

i don't think there's a question if you spot them I think it's whether or not you address them yeah I really come to terms with them I think is probably it I I saw a lot of red flags in my relationship and I chose to ignore them but I knew they were red flags it wasn't I didn't see they were red flags I just chose to ignore them also I didn't tell friends and family because I never chose to ignore them also I didn't tell friends and family because I never want I don't know for me I hate when people if I was in a relationship and I had my boyfriend and they told their family that I mean that's a huge red flag I think that's weird I don't think you need to get other people involved it's your thing so if I don't know I saw a red flag I wouldn't go and tell my family friends because I didn't want their opinions to change on them however actually a situation like that now I would because I know deep down it's

very wrong what they've done and I would choose to ignore them I think if I told people oh I knew their answer was going to be that's a big red flag that's weird but I I just wanted to ignore them I didn't want them to exist so I think it's really coming to terms with them I think a really helpful thing to do actually probably is to tell someone maybe somebody that isn't really judgmental but somebody that will give you their honest opinion on it

100% and like like you were just saying like you ignored them and didn't tell people I feel like that's when you know that it's not good when you feel like you can't tell somebody exactly like that is your sign to know that it's a red flag if you feel embarrassed to tell your friends yes or your family about it yeah what do you think that what do you think the biggest red flag you've experienced is i'm trying to think what mine would be as well you must not is. I would just say gaslighting. And just being manipulative.

I would say I've experienced manipulative behavior before, which I've, I think there's a lot of red flags, but it's just hard to pinpoint because you're like you said, you brush over them at the time because you really want to be with that person.

So you like choose to ignore it all, which is just not good. And we're not going to do that in our future relationships. We're not going to do that. Absolutely not. Let's go. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet,

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events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. so we asked on our instagram for people to send in their beige flags and their red flags so we wanted to read out some of the following and guess if they're red or beige i think it's gonna be fun okay being being too nice beige i was this beige you know what someone said to me before who i was seeing and they said it in a not very nice way they were like you are too nice and they said it I've been told that they said it in a really like yeah just a not very nice way and I thought to myself I was like that's made me really sad because I don't think I'm too nice like I don't know like I'm just too nice because I like you but then when they were like oh you're too nice I was just like oh I don't think i'm too nice like i don't know like i'm just too nice because i like you but then when

they were like oh you're too nice i was just like oh like i don't know they really upset me and i don't know why so i just don't think it's a very nice thing to be told really again like an argumentative way argumentative way yeah i guess said in that way i can i can see that do you know what and i'm gonna say his name who said this to me because he would say it's anywhere. And we're really, really good friends. So my friend, Pete Wicks. So we'd met a few times at events and I was just, I would speak to him. Didn't know him that well. It was just nice, sweet, whatever.

Just myself, but just nice. Never had like any deep conversations with him or anything then I filmed a show called the celebrity circle with him and he was on the other side and basically everyone kept saying there's no way she's herself because she's too nice and I kept thinking because basically you haven't seen the show it's a catfishing game you play yourself or you're a catfish and I thought to myself I'm not trying to be too nice. I'm just genuinely being normal. I don't understand how being too nice. Anyways, when we came out of the show, Pete had said the same thing. He had said to his, because he was in there with Sam, he'd said to Sam, no, that is her because she's just, she's too nice. She's too, that's her

because she is just too nice. And then after this this I had a conversation with him and then I ended up getting really close to him and we'd seen each other a lot and we ended up going on nights out and stuff together and he had said to me we've had this conversation and he was like I don't mean this horribly and maybe I prejudged you but not before I met you because I have met you multiple times but I thought she's way too nice. This girl's going to have no personality whatsoever. And he's really in that. Yeah. And he was like,

I'm sorry that I judged you. Cause I genuinely just thought you're too nice. You just, you must just, you just didn't have anything interesting about you whatsoever. That's what he thought when he had met me. And now he's like, I don't think you're that.

He thinks thankfully I'm still very nice, but he doesn't think that way at all. But's funny because when he said that i thought to myself oh my god do i seem like too nice am i just boring am i i don't know but now he knows me he's like you're not that at all and we we're really really good friends and i honestly adore him but um yeah it's funny because i've been told that from him and i remember thinking that's so i've never been never been told told it like that like how you were saying in a negative way yeah and he was saying he didn't feel like that now which he got to know me and he was saying you just genuinely are so nice and you do have got it sounds like i'm really just

trying to hype myself up here i'm saying what he said he was like you do have such a big personality and you're this and that but originally when he met me and he knew me on the circle when also I'm just typing through it I don't know if he's in the circle he doesn't it probably doesn't make sense but yeah I'd been told it in that way and I remember thinking that's so weird yeah for the first time ever I thought I don't want to be too nice yeah it's a weird one isn't it so are we saying that's a red flag or a beige flag beige beige beige okay constantly telling me to go on a diet and comparing me to models red flag very easy red flag like dark dark dark dark red flag like dark dark dark red flag yeah really quite bad yeah need to get out of their red flag um made me bring my 10p bags when we went shopping no i don't i think that's a beige flag

i've been asked but i just think that's you're being smart like i think that's actually good because i always forget my bags and it's not good for the planet so i wish i didn't forget them yeah somebody reminded me i'd be actually quite thankful me too so i think i think that's actually good because I always forget my bags and it's not good for the planet. So I wish I didn't forget them. Yeah. If somebody reminded me, I'd be actually quite thankful. Me too. So I think that's a nice thing. That's a beige flag. Would you always mention their ex?

Red flag. Yeah, red flag. Because like if we're in a new relationship and you kept bringing up your ex-girlfriend, I'm like, you're not over them. Yeah, red flag. Yeah. Sleeps too much what's too much though like yeah that's the thing i don't know what too much is i'm gonna say yeah because like it's not like if they were sleeping through my birthday and then all

christmas day and then our anniversary then it's getting a bit silly but like if you just like a lion then it's like a beige flag but it's still not a red flag it sounds like you have a condition yeah it sounds like you might need to go to the doctor yeah yeah i don't think that's actually i'm not even joking that yeah no red flag that's you've got something medically wrong with you yeah i want a relationship with you, just not right now. Red flag. Red flag. That was like the girl that we heard from in our last bonus episode.

Red flag. Yeah. Not telling me his age until we were official. He's 12 years older than me and I was 19. Red flag. He won't tell you his age. Red flag. What, did he lie about his age before? Like you just never knew because that was one of the first things. No, he didn't tell you his age red flag what did he lie about his age before like you just never knew because like that's one of the first things that's that's mental because that's one

of the first things i ask or like i see imagine someone going i'm not telling you i'm not telling you i'd be like it's not like a guessing game like just tell me your age like it's not a problem yeah well in that case it's a problem um he has holes in his boxers it's a beige flag it's a beige flag but it would give me the ick it would give me the serious ick but it's a beige flag it's nothing offensive but it would give me the ick he showed my nudes to his friends um big fat red flag big fat red flag why are you doing that doesn't cut his toenails for the last one see it's a beige flag but it's also not because i can't deal with claws but again i think it's a beige flag and an ick i don't think it's a red flag red flag is concerning you need to get out the relationship i agree with you yeah

that fair it's not a red flag because they're not doing anything to offend you well to be honest the claws would offend me but it's an ick yeah and on that note that is all for today guys i hope you have enjoyed be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on spotify so you don't miss out on all of the goss and we will see you on thursday for another bonus episode bye everyone see you guys then bye sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios with olivia scott as the producer