Sex, Lies & DM Slides - S1E1: Gizzi & Sydney | Sofie Hagen

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

Award-winning comedian and anti-fat shaming campaigner Sofie Hagen opens up her social media DM box to Gizzi Erskine and Sydney Lima to show what lurks within. From weird and downright abusive DMs to warm and supportive messages, she chats about what her inbox reveals about sex and love today, how she deals with trolls, and the extremes of fan behaviour - including her own teenage adoration of Westlife.     This series of Sex, Lies and DM Slides was produced by Heydon Prowse Productions, edited by Podmonkey with music by Free Seed Films. For Spotify, the executive producers are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adey.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my name's Gizzy Erskine. And I'm Sydney Lima, and this is Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Where we invite our celebrity friends to dive deep into their DM boxes to see what terrors lurk within. We'll be chatting about online trolls, online dating, perverted proposals and why everyone's so weird on social media. Sex and Lies and DM Slides. This podcast contains adult content,

graphic details of our sex lives and the filthy contents of our inboxes. You have been warned. Hi, I'm Sydney Lima. And I'm Gizzy Erskine. And welcome to our Spotify original podcast, sex lies and DM slides, which is where we look at sex and love in the age of social media.

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Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. Why is it called that, Gizzy? Why is it called Sex, Lies and DM Slides? So in short, I guess we've been looking at sex and love in the age of social media and how it's become the norm, but also still has some fairly alarming sides to it. We have basically bonded over our shared experience of people sliding into our DMs. Yep.

And have a similar way of dealing with men i'd say yeah yes yes i mean you know you came over to my house one day yeah at my house i got this little counter and sid would come and perch herself down and charge my phone charge her phone get beef fed and watered and wined and we talk about relationships and i mean this whole thing started from us being in my kitchen and talking about an incident that you had yeah someone slid into my dms asking if i wanted a financial slave and i ran to gizzy's house asking for advice and i was like yes yes do it how do i how do i sign up but what happened was I ended up meeting up with him after Gizzy's advice.

And he basically gave me money. And I guess that's his perversion. So he handed me over 120 quid. And I stood on him. I mean, see, this is the thing. In the modern world, someone can slide into your DMs, meet up in a pub garden, be trampled over, and pay someone for it. I mean, this is...

It's only 120 quid, though. Yeah. I feel like financial slaves are normally meant to be giving a lot more money. Did you barter with him? No, I didn't barter. I just got what I was given. This is where we have... What am I meant to say? Well, this is the thing. So, we should really explain what a financial slave is. Well, a financial slave is someone

who gets off on giving you money, basically, for doing very little. Though I did tread on his face, so maybe... On his face? Yes, it was his face, actually. It was. It was. He has this, like, foot fetish boot thing as well.

Are you wearing heels? A mild heel. A mild heel? Yeah, like a Cuban heel. Not a spicy one. What did he say in his very first message to you? How does this start? So it was on facebook on the

in the other inbox and he said do you want a financial slave yeah straight up straight up straight up did you know what he meant i googled it right well i mean yeah i googled it and i was like yes i do yeah and then i was wondering like if he was just going to send me the money over bank transfer or anything like that but he wanted to meet up so i met up with him yeah and that's when the incident happened when i saw the incident and he gave me 120 quid and yeah and he's been like messaging ever since can't imagine why but then it got weird because he was like did i see you in shoreditch just before now so is he local oh i think so he said he works for in an oil company but i feel like if he works in an oil company you would have way like if he works in an oil company, he would have way more money. You definitely want more than 100.

Maybe he works at the petrol station. So, like, what do you reckon the kink or the psychology behind a financial slave is? Well, I asked him that. Okay, and what did he say? He said, I liked the idea of being under the control of a beautiful girl.

And then I said, have you approached many women? Because I didn't want to be. Oh my God, I can't believe you're getting codependent on your way. Financial slave Sydney. Am I the only one? And he goes, I said, how many are you a slave to?

He said, quite a few. I've only tried it a few times. One was longer term. How much money have you given away? Yeah. Given away a couple of thousand pounds. Took one on a holiday. To be honest, I really wouldn't want to go on holiday with him yeah i mean okay this is all a bit of fun and i you got 120 quid out of it i'm gonna i'm hijacking

this situation right now it's all over we've divorced yeah but i mean that says a lot about it i mean you're sitting there explaining to me about uh your financial slave yeah um you'd also written a piece for Vogue I mean first of all I need to explain to everyone that if you haven't seen Sydney before she is literally the most beautiful girl I've ever seen oh she really is and I don't just mean that in a physical sense she has a incredible brain she's an amazing writer she's really astute and has brilliant observations of life and we our relationship has been built around talking about all of our loves and it's true we have this we have the same well i don't have the same taste but we have the same

way of dealing relationships but then i'd like to say i'd like to say that there was a reason i kept going around to giddy's kitchen is because she's probably one of the best chefs in the world and she's equally as beautiful if not more and she has been uh my she's my new life advisor yeah we're becoming as equally codependent on each other as we are all the men we throw ourselves into um so you'd just written this brilliant piece that was in vogue i basically got a message from a stranger asking me whether i was able to escort at a hotel in LA. He specified that he was an art director, as if that would seal the deal.

And so I wrote a piece about basically like my open letter response telling him to fuck off. Yeah, no, I was just kind of a bit like just because he's basically been shopping on Instagram and decided that he wants to do the deed. You're shopping for women, you mean? Yeah, no, but it's kind of like that, isn't it? That's kind of what riled me up into wanting to do the deed. You're shopping for women, you mean. Yeah, but it's kind of like that, isn't it? It's like that's kind of what riled me up into wanting to do this podcast. The fact that strangers can kind of sign into your DMs

and kind of be a bit mildly abusive, isn't it? Saying that you're like, you're all up for sex. But I mean, you've been having, you've had similar experiences, haven't you, with people online? So many. I mean, I don't know which ones to start with. Maybe the abuse.

I've had my fair share of dick pics and uh wanking ones and actually most recently while we were on holiday oh god yes i had someone send me a picture of themselves fucking themselves up the ass with the most spectacular dildo i've ever seen a gizzy showed me and i was fucking overwhelmed i mean it was the amount of lube as well oh and also it wasn't lube it was hand cream or something no it's probably antibacterial clear it was creamy and i don't understand you know but he did message you saying if you reply to this i will fist myself yeah which i was like so i did that sort of lily allen quote which was if you don't film it it didn't happen joking to get rid of him and fuck me have i had like a succession of these i mean it's really or not appropriate i mean i've

had some really horrible stuff happen also you know i've been in a cinema and somebody's been sat behind me slid into my dm saying i'm behind you and i'm gonna slit your throat which thankfully i didn't see until three hours later and i was still alive and the throat not slit so as much as we'll be lolling at dick pics there will be some serious issues that come to light for example one in five women have suffered online abuse and almost half of women said the abuse they suffered was sexist or misogynistic. A worrying 27% said it threatened sexual or physical assault. So it's definitely something that's affecting a lot of people. I think the point of the podcast has been

to not just look at the different ways that people are utilising the internet in order to get to people and abuse their power sexually or beyond, but it's actually trying to look at the psychology of the different things. And we're really lucky to have had some phenomenal guests. We have some blinding guests, Gizzy.

Some blinding guests. Tell us who we've got. We've got our number one crush, Jon Ronson, who we try and flirt with. I was like, he's mine. This is all I've ever wanted to do is interview this guy. I mean, I'm a big fan of Jon Ronson. We were talking to him about pornography.

And who else have we got, Gizzy? We have got Munro Bergdorf, who's a very good friend of mine. Well, I've tried to make her a very good friend of mine since the podcast. She's talking about trans issues. And we have Carly Scortino, queen of the sex blog, basically. Who talks about shagging a male sex doll on telly. Would you do that, Gizzy? Absolutely not. But i have watched it

and ruby wax oh and ruby wax i mean that was one of my highlights um telling us about sociopaths and then finally rose mcgowan yes who talks about how she still receives dick pics i mean that's like one seriously brave person so now it's time to introduce our first guest, Sophie Hagen, who if you don't already know of her, she's an award winning comedian. Her podcast, Made of Human, is a massive hit in the podcast world. And she's an anti-fat shaming campaigner. She's also a self-professed most influential influencer on the Internet, according to her Instagram. And she used to work at a sex shop. I. And she used to work at a sex shop. I love that she used to work at a sex shop.

She did actually know a hell of a lot about sex. And dominatrix and bestiality. She's a spicy character, this one. So, without further ado, Sophie Hagen. Sex and lies and DM slides. Thank you for having me. Do you remember the first time you ever got a DM slide? That sounds a bit like a new thing, like a cha-cha slide.

But it's... A DM slide. Yeah. I don't think I do remember, because I've been doing stand-up now for ten years. Oh, my God. I'm having a crisis. I'm like, oh, my God, ten years, I'm so old.

Oh, no. So I don't think I remember the first one. But I feel like I remember the moment when I realized that, oh, this was the norm now. Because in the beginning, you know, in the first ones you get, it's like, oh, my God, do I know you? Why are you messaging me? And then you realize, oh, there's a point when people start to think they know who you are. Is there anything come in that's been super alarming that you're like, whoa? Oh, lots of alarming stuff. There's like different tendencies in my inbox there are men

saying hi and then nothing else and then maybe after four weeks they go hi beautiful and then after six weeks they're like you hot and you're just like I and then you look at the profile and it's just pictures of cars and you're like i i don't and then the bio is like searching for beautiful woman you're like i i don't know what this is i don't know what it is but my i think you do know what it is yeah but i don't know if they know what i am you know and if you look at my statistics of my instagram following which is the only place i have open dms uh it's 97 percent women so this is not a lot of male interest but also bisexual so that's you've got your inbox and you've got your other inbox right yeah yeah so most of them are women

in your other inbox as well as yeah and within the women there's like two groups of people so there's loads of very nice messages from people just being supportive right yeah women just being super supportive and they're very lovely super nice and sweet and polite I have a very introverted uh weirdo audience there's a lot of weirdos talk which is I love and then because I wrote a book called happy fat about why it's okay to be fat, and in that I made a lot of jokes about how no lesbians are flirting with me,

and I don't understand why lesbians aren't flirting with me. So suddenly there was an influx, and then I felt really bad because, you know. But did you feel bad? I did. I felt like I'd been like, why are you not asking me out? And then these women have gone, okay, I'm a bit nervous, but I'm actually going to do it.

And then I'm not responding because I'm scared. I'm loved. Goodbye, not answering any of you. What kind of messages were you getting from them? Oh, they're great. They're lovely. Especially if you compare to, you know, this guy who just says hi, right? Yeah.

The women are like, hi, I just want to say I'm a big fan and I hope you don't find this weird or creepy. But I did just want to say, you know, I work as a social worker and a lot of your work has meant a lot to me. And I was wondering if perhaps the next time you're in town, I could buy you a cup of coffee. And you're like, that is perfect, right? That's amazing. You're still turning them down. I'm not even replying.

I'm just like, oh no, afraid of intimacy. Oh no. This is very scary. I've got even replying. I'm just like, oh no, afraid of intimacy. Oh no. This is very scary. I've got to agree with you actually. In my experience, the men do. It's exactly

the same thing. Hi, alright babe, you're well fit. Or just a straight up dick pic. Yeah, that has also happened.

A flaccid penis. On the odd occasion, a woman has actually asked me out. They've actually visualised an actual date yeah and I'm like

an interest that introduced themselves yeah this is why I think we would have something in common here's a real photo of me

and you know they approach you the way they would have liked to be approached themselves well I guess men do the same thing where if a woman

walks up to them and goes hi they'd be like okay yeah let's do it right they can't envision that we'd be like

but I don't know who you are. I don't know. You probably want to kill me. Yeah, that's a lot to be said. I mean, listen out, boys. This is very good dating advice right there on the internet. Envision your date first. Yeah, actually ask someone on a date.

Don't just assume that by saying hi, you're going to get a shag. And tell us who you are and what you do and why should I be interested. It doesn't have to be like an audition, right? Don't tell me a life story, but polite. We'll respect you more. We still won't go on a date with you. We'll still tear you down, but we won't be completely creeped out.

There was one guy. So I did a tour show in Aarhus in Denmark. And afterwards, there was a lot of tech people coming in with some boxes and stuff and I was talking to someone else and one of these tech boys was really hot and I was just like noticing it and not saying anything obviously because that's how I flirt I just notice and then think that's hot and then just never do anything about it and then I envision our marriage forever and I'm like oh god we probably would have gotten married if I'd said hello and then I mentioned

that on a podcast. And then he slid into my DMs and was like, oh, my God, I was just listening to your podcast. That was me. And he hadn't been a tech at the show. He had just been waiting around to say hello. But then one of the tech people had said, can you carry this box in? So he's been like, oh, my God, I get to meet her. And he was just like, oh, my God, I don't know what to do.

Like, you said on the podcast that you fancy me and like, oh, this is like, oh, I really like you too. But then you found out that he's an absolute insane stalker.

No, he's not. That's the thing because I started it, didn't I? I was like on a podcast going, oh,

the hot guy. Oh, I just want to touch him. So I started it. I don't know, him sort of walking in and accepting the role as being in the crew and then still, yeah.

Well, I think that's because you're probably envisioning like a really cool guy or like a creepy guy. I think this guy was very much like me, a big nerd, super scared of people. He was hanging around. Someone goes, carry this bug. He goes, oh, OK. And then he's just suddenly standing there. I can see myself being that. I mean, I am creepier than that. Listen, I have hidden in a toilet to sneak up on Shane from Westlife. Okay? So I will forgive anyone who's sneaking backstage because I get it.

I get it. I respect it. I've seen your Westlife. I've seen the meet and greet. I'm in awe. It's amazing. You start telling me about this. What exactly happened? When I was 13, I was just like the of Westlife. I've seen the meet and greet. Oh, yeah. I'm in awe. It's amazing. So you can start telling me about this. What exactly happened?

When I was 13, I was just, like, the biggest Westlife fan in the world. And I'll fight anyone who tries to challenge that. And I was really good at meeting them. Like, really. Like, we're talking psychopathic levels of... How many competitions were you entering? Oh, fuck the competitions. I'm beyond competitions

right like the one you saw the one that's on youtube which i where i met them on danish television when i was 13 wasn't even a competition they had to make up a competition because i was just emailing and messaging every single tv channel and newspaper and radio show being like this is good tv for you you want to see me meet them. So they had to invent a competition to justify letting me meet them. But I would follow them to where they would go for dinner, you know, to a secluded place where they wanted to be alone. And then I would fake my way into the restaurant and hide in the bathroom and then look out the little gap in the door.

And then when I saw Shane, then when Shane came out, I'd open the door at the same time and go, oh my god oh my god, I'm so sorry, oh my god I hope you don't think I'm following you and he'd be like, oh no no don't worry about it, you were just using the bathroom, I was like yeah yeah but anyways, now that we're here, could I have a photo? I would, and I would grass out the other fans so I'd be in their hotel

bar. Like sabotage, fan sabotage. Oh yeah, so the other fans would be in the restaurant, the hotel bar, and West Side were about to come in. So I would say to the waiter, I'd be like, excuse me, I'm so sorry, I'm staying at this hotel, and I feel like all these people are here, like they're not buying anything,

and I think they might be here just to meet that boy band over there. So I just think it's very uncomfortable. So these waiters would be like, don't worry, ma'am. And they'd go and throw everyone else out. So we would be the only... You should be a prime minister. You should go into politics. This kind of deceit is going to take you some serious places.

Oh, I would save this entire country, yes. With very dodgy methods. So Sophie, are we able to open up your other inbox and have a look at the DMs you've been getting? We absolutely can. I got a little fan mail here earlier. That's nice. By fan mail, I mean horrific abuse.

But it has a happy ending, so I would like to share it. But, you know, trigger warning, this is bad. Don't be concerned for me. I'm absolutely fine, right? Because this is quite the norm, so I'm fine with it. So if you want to feel bad, feel bad for the world, not for me. Okay. The person has 27 followers.

All that needs to be said. Yeah. So you're a fat bitch who can't be bothered changing the way you look, so you blame other things in life and you limit the comments on your posts so you can only show the positive ones to boost your ego. I think so many people dislike you because they're scared you're going to eat them. True. I hope you drown in your own neck. Fat you, female Jabba the Hutt.

Now, there's lots of things you can say about that, right? Is it written by a man? Oh, yeah. Then I answered this, right? I usually don't answer because, like, why spend your time on it, right? But I wrote, hello, beep, name. You're clearly not feeling well. I hope things get better for you.

As for me, I'm really happy. I love my body. I do limit the comments so that only the people following me can comment. If people kept telling you that they hoped you would drown, would you not do the same? I see that your profile is private so that people can't even see your pictures so it looks like you're even more scared than me and i understand that i'm so sorry you're sad i hope you find happiness soon love sophie and then he replied good fucking shit you totally just won i'm sorry for bothering you have a wonderful day well listen we've seen that a lot All they bloody want is a response.

I mean... It's such a good, you know, defeat. Like, yeah, you know what? So you've acknowledged me. Okay, great. But then that makes me not want to acknowledge them more because you think... Oh, yeah, I usually don't. Do you win?

I usually don't. Okay, cool, you got the apology and we've just proved that you're a cunt. But you know what? Fuck off. But then sometimes if it's 2am.m. and I can't sleep, I'm fascinated by these people, right? There was one guy, he had just posted like a vomit emoji

under a photo of me. So I went on Facebook, so I went into his Facebook profile and I was scrolling like for hours through his, his mother's, his brother's Facebook profile. And I felt like I got to, everyone had open profiles. What an idiot. So I was reading everything that they'd done for the past three years. Like he'd seen an accident.

So he was clearly traumatized. He hadn't gotten any help. His dog died and he loved his dog. She was a beagle. And then he got a new beagle and it just really loved him so much, but it didn't love his mother. So his mother was a bit upset. There was this photo of him that he posted of himself where he'd written, this is not a good photo of me.

And his mother had commented, this is not a good photo. And he commented, yes, I know that's what I said. And I was like, oh, my God, he has low self-esteem because of his mother, who's a bit crazy. And his brother looked so happy. His brother was like there on the slopes of a skiing resort with his beautiful girlfriend. Yeah, traveling a lot and was like there on the slopes of a skiing resort with his beautiful girlfriend traveling a lot and was like super popular and this other guy only took photos like in the dark in his room so after hours i felt like i knew him so under the vomit emoji i just come and sit and said here's a photo

of a beagle i hope you like it and then he wrote this long thing of like oh my god i love you i love beagles oh my god thank you so much you're amazing it's gonna be a really long hard arduous way but you're gonna fix the world what other uh dms have you received the other type of dms I get and I'm I was about to say that I probably invited I don't think I do but um I get a lot of people telling me their deepest darkest trauma which is a tricky one right because because you speak about trauma yeah i speak a lot i'm very open about it and it's sort of a strange thing right because i think it's crossing a boundary you know you wouldn't go up to anyone in the street and be like here's everything bad that's ever happened to me

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You would always sit them down and be like, how are you? And do you know what I mean? So it feels very much like, oh, this is out of the blue. And suddenly you're just like, hi, Sophie. Here's the thing that happened. And you're like, what? So they go straight into it. Oh, straight into it.

There's no, and it's long and it's heartbreaking. I try to not read it anymore because it's devastating, right? A lot of it. But, and then you feel a bit like a prick for not reading it and for not responding. But also I can't read 20 people's traumatic life stories every single day. And also because it doesn't feel like it has anything to do with me. But it's funny because I can relate to that too. Yeah. I was going to talk to you about body positivity as well. One of the things that I've always really struggled with is a big body positivity movement because I don't think it's such a broad discussion point that somehow it's always going to affect someone and what affects you is going to be different to what affects me. And I put on three stone and I've always been thin

and put on this weight because of a combination of things age opening up businesses just not looking after myself and stopping exercise life all of this doesn't matter was meant to go to the GQ awards and got dressed up in my outfit which I couldn't get into any of the the clothes at all I mean I was like squelching out of them. Everything was being like sewn into it. It was a humiliating thing to the point where I just was like, fuck this. I'm not going. And in the midst of that, I sort of cried all night, woke up the next day, looked at some pictures and thought, God, I'm a fucking idiot.

And I tell you what. So I ended up splurging this post. And within the post, I was was like do you know what I'm absolutely terrified to even write this down because of the body positivity movement people didn't tell me to shut up you know and within the remit of my weight gain and what other people have to go through it's not going to be anyway so I really apologized myself and I woke up the next day what did you write in the post um I wrote oh god I can't I could I could understand it simply that look you know last night I didn't go to something because I felt fucking disgusting and it was really you know and I just sort of like evolved on that and

I and it was simply saying that I I did not I was really unhappy with even the the idea of speaking out about it because of the body positivity movement made me feel super guilty about wanting to be thinner and wanting to diet or whatever. And I woke up the next day to, no joke, talking about 25,000 to 30,000 DMs from people from all around the world. It went viral. I had people like Hollywood movie stars getting in contact saying oh, my God, thank you for saying that. We fucking hate this positive positivity movement. We want to just be allowed to be who we are on our own skin and not just be, like, either, you know,

I'm getting abused for being too thin, I'm getting abused for being too fat, I'm getting abused. And it's like, I don't know, it was just such an insane thing. And you talk about the stories, those real traumas. I mean, people were saying that they'd not been able to go to their own wedding their parents funerals for these one you know moments in time and that this one moment of madness in their head allowed them to to feel like this sort of stuff so what's it can I just ask what's the what was the fear about the body positivity do you mean like what would they say well actually you weren't allowed to complain

yeah exactly and on the other half of that there were people like I don't know if I should say but about the body positivity? Do you mean like, what would they say? Well, actually, that you weren't allowed to complain? Yeah, exactly. And on the other half of that, there were people like, I don't know if I should say, but someone very famous who is a very thin person who is now the spokesperson for body positivity.

We all know who it is. I don't even have to say it. Getting in contact and saying, you are going to make people anorexic for this. And like being, and that was the fear. You do not have a clue how triggering that post is to people 25 000 people mostly thanking me and then one motherfucker being like i'm sorry that's not on actually there were two people both of them in

the body positive like i just spout out two with two fingers up um both of them in the body positive like how you just spout out two with two fingers up both of them were were thin people telling me off there is an important side of things where you do get people slide into your dms and you do actually get really heartfelt you know people spend a time and energy giving you that and you you can take on that energy I mean that even having 20 is a lot of energy to obtain what people are telling you and really you feel it you can't help the fact they've spent that time talking to you I totally get what you mean and it's such a frustrating thing when a large group of people get together about one thing then it always becomes messy and flawed because you have to kind of speak to the common denominator. And that's never basically what that whole thing that you experience lacks is nuance, right? Because what, and I don't subscribe to the

body positivity movement at all. I'm not a part of it. I don't really believe in it. I don't think it's a good thing. Always. It can be. But I'm fat liberation and fat liberation essentially means there's a system in place that oppresses people and the fatter you are the more you're oppressed right but that doesn't mean that if you're thin you're not oppressed because even if you're thin there's always the fear of becoming fat right so that affects absolutely everyone and then there's misogyny which makes women think it's not even just weight it's everything right thigh gaps and stretch marks and femininity and teeth eyes everything right um so the fat liberation movement is about focusing on

the systems right focusing on the the companies the people with the money the governments the making sure that people aren't oppressed no one focuses on the individuals that's not the point because we're all individuals, right? We all have all these feelings, but there's actually not feelings involved with this. It's all about, I mean, I know systemic oppression sounds like such a serious big thing, but that's what it is.

Where the body positivity movement is about attacking individuals or, you know, you should all love yourselves. And if you don't love yourselves, that's not good enough. And that helps no one. Doesn't help anything. There should also be room for everyone to say, I feel like this. Because there are people who need to hear that.

So we're in this time where people fetishize sort of everything, particularly with social media. And voyeurism is probably the biggest of the fetishisms at the moment. And the perception that everybody's allowed a fucking opinion on everything you do. And the way you are, the way you look, the way you speak to your perceptions. Can I share a DM I got yesterday? Please. That I have been furious about ever. Like more furious than one should be about anything that isn't that big of a deal.

It is one of the most condescending things I've ever received from someone meaning well. And it's exactly what you said. The word voyeurism is even in it. A woman, I think, and it's really long, so I might skip some things. No, tell us. Do the whole thing. I'd like to see what these people's brains. Being fat, this is how it opens.

Not even hello, right? And this is 9 a.m., by the way. Who wakes up and is like, I'm going to write an essay now to a stranger? I'm really fucking angry. Being fat isn't a personality trait. What? What? I'm not going to say what after each sentence.

You are so much more than fat. People will still listen and love you even if you stop talking about how fat you are. It's great that you love your body, but you don't need other people to, too. People would still find a floor to shame you for if you weren't fat. That's what they do to women. Let yourself be. Let yourself be amazing and kind and funny. Don't make yourself as insignificant as other people's opinion. What? What the fuck does that mean? What? Anyways, I'm already angry. You don't owe anyone pretty and you don't owe anyone an explanation or falsified performance.

Oh, wow. What the actual fuck are you? What? Falsified what? Performance what? Wearing your body is like wearing a badge of pride. What? It's got you through the shit you've been through, but it isn't everything you are!

Exclamation mark, exclamation mark. It's a tool that carries around your inner perfection. What? The what's a mine. I'm saying that. Let it be nothing more than a badge of pride there to be appreciated by people who notice and understand and maybe shat on by people jealous of your success and love. But that's on them, not you.

As women, this is a new, like, because you had to send that. It got too long, right? Which is a sign. It's too long. Maybe just, maybe this is too long, actually. Maybe just stop. As women, we believe our body is everything. You know, all women.

Then have it objectified and taken out of our control daily. I just think it's important that you don't turn your weight into part of your identity. I feel that perpetuates and encourages voyeuristic engagement with you. This is on Instagram, by the way. What do you want me to post? What? Your impact on humor is far deeper than skin deep i know i may not fully understand and if that is the case please please educate me oh that was late in

the message to say that and help me understand but i just noticed a lot of your content is about your weight but a lot of your passions are so much more am i tearing you down with this message i'm actually trying to build you up but i'm probably coming in with blinkers on like a bull in a china shop. If so, I want to learn how not to be shit. Oh, yeah. Have you replied? Publicly, yeah, but not to her. I blocked her. She's basically mansplaining what you do for a living.

In that message, she has taken away all my autonomy, all my intelligence. She's talking to me as if I'm a child. So condescending. It was the most condescending. Also, I do post a lot about being fat. I've also made four stand-up shows about mental health. I have written a whole book about it, by the way,

if she wants to educate herself, she could buy the book and pay me for my work, right? But also, I talk about mental health. I talk about dogs. I talk about calvaries. I talk about being Danish. I talk about being non-binary. I talk about, yeah, I've designed a clothing line i talk i do so much stuff i talk about politics feminism

misogyny i do so much stuff but what has happened here is she has seen the fat yeah that has made her uncomfortable which it makes a lot of people when you talk about being fat and then she has turned that around in her head and she's taken all the bias she has about fatness which is that it's unintelligent and we don't have autonomy and we need other people's advice and then she's projecting all that onto me that's exactly what i will tell you exactly what you should do but what she means is i feel really uncomfortable to hear you talk about your body i would rather that you didn't the sort sort of DMs I get compared to my thin friends is often men who are sort of, don't worry, I don't mind how you look. I would be okay with it.

You know, like people who are almost like gracefully offering me their penises despite my looks. It's a lot of like, but I'm interested, so why wouldn't you stick with me because you're fat sort of thing. Isn't it fair to say that there are men who actually just simply prefer fat women? Oh yeah actually don't that it isn't an apologetic

thing that they actually do prefer the physique of a which is absolutely fine as long as they don't come with the uh it's more the attitude that i should be grateful that's when i'm like oh sometimes it feels too like it's so separated from my person. So it's like, I just want to bury my head in your belly, you big, beautiful queen. That sort of stuff. So they're messages you've received? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's quite, that's a bit uncomfortable because that's, it's like an unsolicited dick pic, isn't it? Where you're like, wait, I didn't consent to you burying your anything in my body.

I'm a separate person from my body do you know so that feels a bit gross but if it's someone that I'm interested in and then they have a preference absolutely fine with that but it's weird isn't it

because no one has a fetish for thin people right so why is fat a fetish well they could feel like I don't know do they not have thin really thin fetishes

it's like boys in bands like kind of really skinny girls there's definitely like a look right but you wouldn't call that a fetish you'd just call that you know I prefer this

but when it's fat people they're like it's like a fetish It is a fetish Have you been to a fetish club? I have not You have to think about it Yeah because Was it a fetish club?

Bad memory Where was I? But when I was 16 I lied and said I was 18 to get a job in a sex shop. So I was very much involved. I've always wanted to work in a sex shop. It was the best. I mean, in so many ways, it was a normal job, right? Except you were packing up dildos instead of whatever bed.

Tins of beans. But interestingly, so this was in Denmark. So we sold bestiality videos, DVDs. What? Which were legal. I don't know if they still are, but they were legal in Denmark, but obviously illegal here. But we only ever sent them to the UK.

It was only British people who bought the bestiality videos. So I take that back fully. The merch. Just saying. But they just want to fuck animals. Yeah, that's right. But I was too young back then to be properly involved. But I was sort of a part of the Danish fetish environment.

So my boss was into, oh, it has a word. It's like Japanese bondage. Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, we all know what I mean. We all know what you mean. It's very fancy and beautiful. Yeah, stunning. Yeah, like ropes.

Yeah, it's an fancy and beautiful yes stunning yeah like ropes ropes yeah it's an art form right so she would kind of take me under her wing and tell me a bunch of stuff about it and you know we'd have all these customers come in and ask questions and for a while it was my job to translate the porn and the dvds to like the blurb on the back and the titles to danish or from english danish danish to english and so i was I was so curious about it. And I wanted to go, but I was still too young. And then I guess just like life happened. And now it just never, I never reached that point, I guess. But I've always wanted to.

When now I'm, well, also it's Denmark. So you can't even walk down the street of Denmark without meeting five people you know, right? You don't want to go into a fetish club and meet like your cousin or something. So there weren't any fetish clubs in Denmark? I think there was. There were loads. Oh yeah, there was one called Smil, I know. So it's S-M and then I-L. So Smil means smile.

But then I moved here where it's kinky to not ask for permission to send a dick pic. I mean, yeah, to just take his hand is weirdly kinky, right? If you don't think of the Queen while you do it, you're like a mad person.

I don't think Denmark is as kinky as what I think Germany is, but still, if you watch any Danish film or TV show, there'll just be naked people, just dicks flying everywhere. I always find it amazing... You can't get dicks out on TV here, can you? You can. There's a rule, which I learned from just opening my restaurant the other day.

From the party, I wanted naked people walking around and actually the law is no holes. So you can't see an arsehole or a fanny hole or a willy hole. But you can see the bum and you can see the dick and you can see the funny. British people are incredibly repressed.

It's fascinating. It's fascinating. I've slept with British men who didn't like it if I seemed excited. Oh, wow. They preferred if I just laid down very still and didn't make any noise. Oh, God. They'd be like, no just laid down very still and didn't make any noise. Oh, I've heard about these. They'd be like, no, no, I can't.

See, I'm going to defend British men here because I've never had that. But I think that if you're really into sex and you're enjoying it, men absolutely bloody love it. But I have met those men. I've never met those men. I have. Oh, God. I'm really lucky in life, I think. My dream, what I do want to do one day,

it scares me a tiny bit, that, do you know Carla Lane? She's an American, LA-based porn star. No, but I think we need to get her on the show. She's phenomenal. So she runs, in LA, a sex club, I think you'd call it, a sex night, sex party, called Taco Tuesdays. Oh, gross. It's primarily for fat people, but it's centred around, she's fat, gross. Which is primarily for fat people.

But it's like centered around, she's fat, so she's like centered around fat people. And seriously, you have tacos and fuck, basically. I mean, that doesn't sound too bad, I'll be honest. With a fat focus. And I'm like. I just wasn't sure if you were going to be fucking the taco. Like sploshing. Or, I mean, I would.

Fuck the taco. I mean, I wouldn't say no. If the taco wants to, then yeah. Does the food get involved with... Because you know there's the fetish about food called splashing. Yeah, I don't think it's that. So we were looking at videos earlier just like kind of sitting in cakes and like being fucked over cakes and stuff.

Have you seen Cake Farts? Oh, God. I was hoping you were going to bring up the Cake Farts. Cake Farts, yeah. No. Oh, it was a video. It sort of became a... It went viral years ago.

And it's basically men who will get a really sort of creamy cake for a woman. And the woman has to sit in it and fart and the cake explodes. And if you're really good at it, you can suck the cake up with your bum hole and then squirt it out and it can make the cake explode in a whole other way. I can't believe I'm the only person who's seen this. How would you do that?

It's a skill. I felt like that with the Asian helicopter man. What? I found a porn video of a man who was doing a woman, doing a woman, having the sex with a woman. You should see the reaction. And then it's a doggy style. And then he sort of,

still inside of her, like flips, like leans up on top of her, still inside of her, and then turns all the way around, like full circle, still penis inside of her. Amazing.

And then he goes, when his head is down and his legs are up, he just fucks a bit more and then he turns back around again. The only reason I call him that is because I was at a pub showing my friends the video and suddenly there was this man standing behind us going,

ah, the Asian helicopter man. And then he just walked away. I was like, oh, you know about the Asian helicopter. I mean, it's incredible. Oh, my God. Have you found it? Oh, yeah, that's him. That, my God. Have you found it? It's amazing. Oh, yeah, that's him.

That's acrobatic. That is acrobatic. It's good work, isn't it? God. What I just enjoyed about it was that there was suddenly this stranger behind us going, ah, the Asian helicopter man. And then he just walked away into the distance and I never saw him again. This is, oh, there's a man on man one, which is quite fun.

Oh, yeah, I guess you could do that. I mean, that's the brilliant thing about the Asian helicopter. It's kind of like he's doing the banana. What's the banana? No, you know the dance where you're like, oh, is it the worm? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the worm. The banana doesn't have as much flexibility, you see.

The banana's just me. I just lie there. Slowly get rotten so on that note thank you so much Sophie for bearing your social media soul thank you so much for having me

bye bye bye woof thank you for listening to our Spotify original podcast Sex Lies and DM Slides

please follow us on Spotify and tell all your mates about it if you enjoyed it and if you have any weird and wonderful Sex Lies and DM Slides. Please follow us on Spotify and tell all your mates about it if you enjoyed it. And if you have any weird and wonderful sex lies and DM slides stories of your own,

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