Sex, Lies & DM Slides - S1E14: Gizzi & Sydney | Raven Smith

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Vogue columnist, author and ‘King of the Caption’ Raven Smith discusses the big issues: Is it concerning to have more than 9000 selfies in your phone? And how did Noel from Hearsay respond when Rave slid into his DMs?  Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify Original. This series was produced by Heydon Prowse Productions, edited by Podmonkey with music by Free Seed Films. For Spotify, the executive producers are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my name's Gizzy Erskine. And I'm Sydney Lima, and this is Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Where we invite our celebrity friends to dive deep into their DM boxes to see what terrors lurk within. We'll be chatting about online trolls, online dating, perverted proposals and why everyone's so weird on social media. Sex and Lies and DM Slides. Hi-ya!

Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of Sex, Lies and DM Slides. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders, and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students.

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Yes. It's been a rough week for me. Oh, God, go on. Having a while ago, I needed a single and I got to get on the apps. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, I'm single and i gotta get on the apps yeah yeah i mean i'm not having the best luck on the app so i can't be the best i'm not the best person to speak to should we make you a profile later yeah i've got to get on the app get on the apps what's happened gizzy i know i can't talk about what actually happened but i just feel traumatized

that this whole thing is about not getting on the apps not being on the apps being behind me do you know what i think like the apps have worked for so many people um i mean i've like i'm just making the account and trying not to look like a bit cringe yeah i mean the word thotty was a new one to me when we started doing the show and still people don't really know what thotty means. What does thottie mean exactly? Thottie means thirsty. And by thirsty, we mean looking, so like kind of posting something a bit sexy. So you in some underwear.

Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait, wait, go on. You would know nothing about that. Gizzy posted one of the thottiest posts I'd seen from her in a while of her in her underwear. I was showing an ultimate thot. She was definitely newly single. Yeah, like,

here's what you're missing out on. Hello, boys. Have you not had anyone slide into your DMs that you could possibly No! It didn't even fucking work.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Yeah, I'm really pissed off. So you're going to have to, like, how, so this is kind of important. Like, I don't, I feel out of the game.

How does one set up their profile? Right, Gizzy. Well, so I'm on across a couple apps at the moment. Can you show me how... So I'm opening up the account. So it says my name. It says my age.

That is my real age. Work. Writer. Thought I'd go for that. Yeah. Push the intellectual. I'm not just a pretty face. And then opening image is me lying on my back.

On my phone, winking. This couldn't be more apt. Yeah. So on Raya, you have like a slideshow of photos and you have a song that goes with it. My song is Like a Virgin. So let me just, first photo up, me with a face mask on. So it's like, yeah, you can chill with me. Oh, look.

I want to have sex with you already. Wait, wait, I'm taking you through it one picture at a time. So first picture, face mask, look, this is the girlfriend vibe. Like, we can hang out at my house on the sofa. Next one, me laughing, because hopefully that's a POV picture. Then I go a bit of a curveball, and I do a picture of me as Kim Young-eun. What is going on? So you know that FaceSwap app? I thought it'd be funny to put my face on Kim Young-eun.

So there's me as Kim Young-eun. Oh my God, you look amazing. Anyway, I haven't had many likes. You should become a dictator. Yeah, I thought that too. So these are the kind of guys I'm talking to. Yeah. One of them, I i think has a baby

and girlfriend so i'm really like i'm really not suggesting you get out why are you on social media if you've got a girlfriend oh i didn't look i just i stalked him and i saw that his recent so in june there was a picture of them together him and his girlfriend and then he's suddenly on a dating app like that's not if they've got a two-year-old baby, check it on Wikipedia. And they separate in June. Like, that's not long enough separation to be going on dating apps, I don't think.

I don't know. I think everyone's entitled to, like, get a new life after they've broken up with someone. His chat is fucking shit. Okay, well, that's more the point. Oh, no, what's happened? Oh my god! So I'm on the Raya dating app

and then you can go see the look of members that are nearby. Look who just popped up, Gizzy! It isn't for our talk show male producer! That's so funny! Oh look, now let's see who he is again. Let's like him. No, I'm not fucking liking him. that's so funny oh look now we're at six years ago

let's like him no I'm not fucking liking him oh Hayden let me look at Hayden's profile no so Hayden's in a car

so it's him in a car he's updated recently oh so Hayden wants us to tell you that he is a BAFTA award winning director I'm sorry

and writer so that's why he's on Raya oh my god so his photos totally his slideshow and writer. So that's why he's on Raya. Oh my god! So his photos, his slideshow, no pictures of him as Kim Jong-un. It's just loads of press shots.

Oh my god, there's a picture of him in a dressing gown with his chest out, which I can never unsee. Anyway, Gizzy, who's our guest today? Our guest today is our dear friend Raven Smith. Raven, I mean, how do you explain Raven? Raven is, let me get my app out. I've actually written this down for once. So Raven is a Vogue columnist and author of a Sunday Times bestseller,

Raven Smith's Tribble Pursuits. He's also been deemed king of the caption and has a very viral Instagram account, which I really recommend you follow. Anyway, you probably want to listen to Raven. I'm chatting to Raven. It's actually one of the funniest ones we've done. I actually did a little bit of genuine wee

in the middle of this. Hi, Raven. Hello. Hello. I've just got my phone nearby so I can check the DMs. You're jumping the gun a bit. You are so ready.

I've just sent myself a DM. Anyway, Raven, how... I've got more DMs than ever. Have you? I bet you actually have. Yeah, they're crazy. If you haven't heard of the infamous Raven Smith, tell us exactly who you are. I'm Raven Smith.

Oh, it's that question. I'm Raven Smith. I'm a writer. I live in London. I wrote a book. I'm writing a second book i have a vogue column us vogue i write weekly column for them that is how i'm spending my time and your book came out what was about six months ago now i've literally lost track of time since lockdown because it's it march just was march then march then march then march but yes it's purg But yes, in April my book came out. Sunday Times bestseller. Very happy.

Very proud of it. It's very funny. Thank you. You've been deemed the king of the caption. Thank you. I don't know what to say. How did you get your... So if anyone doesn't know, his Instagram account is meandgizzyizzy's favorite and you you put some very witty captions to uh photos of celebrities doing strange things i guess

yeah i feel like the modern world is a strange place to be so we might as well talk about it a little bit how did it all come about well i created an instagram account what are you doing it? I enjoy it. It makes me laugh. That's kind of it. I wish it was more elevated than that. I'm making myself laugh, but other people are laughing with me,

which is what it's all about, really. It's always on that line of like, it's partially inappropriate, which is, I think, what makes it really, really funny. Are you like that in real life? Yes. I always think I like to colour right up to the lines i hope i don't i think you can get to a point in this day and age where you are so scared of saying the

wrong thing that you end up saying something kind of blah so my endeavor is always to say something that feels very true and is not unspicy so you're married yes what does your husband do my husband works in he works for a big chain restaurant as head of brand. I want to say he's a Burger King, but it's not that bad. He kind of is a Burger King. He is my Burger King. How did you meet? We met on the night bus.

Oh, the night bus. I was on the bus. He was already on the bus. And he said, I came upstairs and the whole top deck cheered. And then I sat down. He was sitting next to someone we both know. And I sat on this guy's lap. And then completely turned my back to my future husband.

And then we were riding on the bus and I turned around. I was like, I'm thirsty and took his beer and drank it. The rest is history. It's all a bit hazy for me. He was like, this guy's awful. And I remember wanting his attention. And it kind of worked out eventually in the end.

How did it move on from there then? I took him home that night. We were going to the same party in the end. So then we went home after the party. The rest is history. That's nice. That's quite... Reader, I married him.

Kind of reassuring for us. There's life left in us. Well, we wouldn't... I mean, I know everyone thinks that it's like this magical chance when you meet someone, but we wouldn't have met now because I would have been in an Uber. Exactly. There's no way I would have been...

Uber pool, though, maybe. ...top of the deck of the night bus. Have you Uber pulled? Okay, once in Austin, Texas, during a big conference, I got a, it's not called Uber, it's like Veep or Leap or something, and it was a group one,

and me and my friend got in the back and we were going back to our apartment, and the guy in the front was covered in blood, he'd been in a fight, and he was just sitting with his head down, just streaming blood. And I was like, we don't need to pool. This is not...

I was like, mate, get your own cab. Whatever happened to you tonight, you've earned your own cab. Yeah. That was not great. You've written an article on the truth about gay sex. Yes. But I haven't got the subscription to the time,

so I didn't read it. So can you tell me what the truth is oh well i have to be honest in that most writers don't write the headlines for their own pieces but yeah i did write about gay sex and i basically wrote that there's this assumption that when two men are together there's no reason for them not to be having sex all the time and like mopping sperm off their neck every 20 minutes and I was like actually it's not like that it's just normal normal just like when you've been with someone 10 11 years you just have like it's really nice sex yeah but you're not like shagging every 10 minutes it's just not like that you have your lives intertwined brilliantly, but you're also just outliving your life as well.

Do you think people assume that you have more sex than a hetero couple? Yeah, I think people assume that women are like the circuit breakers. Man on man is like non-stop rutting and it's just not like that. It's just like normal. Do you think that women could learn a lot

from gay men about how to fuck? Oh my god No I haven't slept with any women and I just have this I have this thing in my mind that it's probably like the best thing ever and that gay men are just missing out actually Well I mean like the female orgasm is

It's something else right? I've heard it's a different kind of thing So no I think we've got more to learn. I think I'm shit at blowjobs. Okay, there's really no way for us to test that properly. It's like, I don't want to, I don't know. You can't be shit at blowjobs. Oh my God, what are we doing?

Okay. I don't know what we're doing. I was like, this is the moment we bring in three dildos and maybe gives us a lesson yeah if someone told you you're shit at blowjobs no no one's told me that no i just get a bit bored it's my favorite so i get really bored it's fine to get a bit bored. It's my favourite. So I get really bored. It's fine to get a bit bored. And I just stop. And I'm just like, yeah. With that big mouth, I'm sure.

Check it out. Have you got any techniques? Your lips. Have you got any techniques? Now we're looking at Cindy's mouth again. It's the kind of thing that really shitty boys say that you're really good at, so you do it more. So it's a bit of a like, if people are telling you you're not good,

you must be really bad. They didn't say that, Raven. Must be really bad bit of a like, if people are telling you you're not good, you must be really bad. They didn't say that, Raven. Must be really bad if they're like, I don't like it. Have you had any feedback on your blowjob?

I love them. I love giving them. So I think I'm probably quite good. How have you not had feedback on them? What do you mean, how have I not had feedback on them?

I get feedback, I feel like sex is mainly feedback. What do you mean? Well, I guess it's an instant. Not like a critique. Yeah. Just like a, I can tell this is good. This is working. You What do you mean? Well, I guess it's an instant. Not like a critique. Yeah. Just like a,

I could tell this is good. This is working. You could do a survey after you leave. That was great. That was great. Okay. Surely it's the result.

There's quite a simple way of discovering if you're good at blowjobs. It's very simple. You should know. Moving on. Okay, moving on okay moving on have you ever faked an orgasm with a guy yes oh my god how do guys fake orgasms i'm writing my new book and i was like i I have to write about, it's not quite announced, but it's about men.

So it's sort of the story of my life told through various men, either as a chapter or as interlude, some are short, some are long. And I was like, what is my worst sexual experience? And it's definitely the time that I pretended to come in my pants when I was like 16. Oh my God. I mean, can we go back to the question? I just say no, it's never happened. No, you have to explain it. It's never happened to me.

What do you mean you pretended to come in your pants? Where were you? What was the situation? Okay, it was the end of my GCSEs. I went for a week in Newquay like every other kid on the planet. And I snogged some guy. I was like very up for having new adult experiences as a 16-year-old who'd just come out of the closet,

but I was also fucking terrified. So I just pretended that I'd finished. I was like, I just pretended that I'd come. Did anyone, were you exposed? And then we went back to the club. No, my dick wasn't even out. It's so miserable. Why did you get away with it?

Anyway, buy my book. It's so miserable. I wish you could get away with it. Anyway, buy my book. It's out in 2020. There's a whole chapter called New Key. This guy, what I say about him, what I say about him is that he was wearing like so much aftershave that it's like, that is my main memory. That's actually the worst part of the whole thing.

Being a stupid teenager. I think most teenagers have this thing. You will have had it in your early sexual dalliances where you're so up for it, but you're so unprepared. You're just like, that went, that was, what was that? That's how I feel about that. What the hell was I doing? I could have had some bum fun that very night on the beach.

Have you ever had a threesome? I have, but not in like a yes like it's not my thing i like to go places where i'm sort of the main attraction so roll you in i'm not sure i can always i'm not sure i'm really into like the sharing of attention well but i have a group sex i I mean, I guess that is that, but has he ever gone more than three? I mean, more than two. More than two, yes. More than three, no.

Have you ever done an orgy? No. I've been to some, but I've not been in some kind of human centipede with a load of guys. That's not my thing. This is a good vision. Yeah, that's not really my thing. Anyway, we're really probing you today, aren't we?

I don't mind. Everyone is probing. I feel like in like 2007, there was a time when all the clubs would close at four and me and my friends would just go to Chariots and run around. But obviously there's people having sex there as well. So Chariots was. But it was like a party. It was like an after after party.

Chariots was like sold. So it's in this place in East London. It's like a sauna. Yeah. Sauna. It's like fake Roman. Chariots was like sold so it's in it's placed in East London it's like a sauna yeah it's like fake Roman Chariots was cool yeah

it was you know when you go swimming in the 80s and there's all those like styrofoam pebbles everywhere it was like that it was all very like fake

plants and stuff and then a few was it like was there water to splash in yeah there was like there's a jacuzzi a pool

like it's the perfect place to go at 4am come everywhere no it's the perfect place to go at 4am when you're drunk. It's like cum everywhere. No, it's not like a... I love that you think a sex club is just like knee, ankle deep in jizz. It's not really like that.

People are surprisingly nice to each other and there is still like a consent thing going on. It's not just like, who has cum on my back? I was walking down the stairs it is you know there is a decorum i guess i mean it's like 20 years ago chariots is so mysterious then you go there and you're like it's fine have you ever had sex in chariots yes i'm sorry when you're like a lowly student you don't pay 14 quid and not have sex. You're like, it is available to me right now,

so I might have some before I go. But it's mainly like you and your mates in towels, laughing your tits off. Nice. I'm really cross that that sort of like doesn't, there is space in like straight scene for that if you're into the sex club, but it's sort of really part and parcel

with being a young gay man, to have access to those those things and i feel like we need to push that more yeah and also the clientele of chariots was very diverse it wasn't like loads of guys that looked the same it was like people who were out in east london that night oh i guess it's like loads of like-minded people which makes sense but i i would say like if you go to like like nearly every pride i have the most amazing day which always starts with brunch and ends in a dungeon like it's always whatever happens that's how it winds up and i'm like i've got to go home i can't see my hands

and i was and but the type of gay men at the particular party just it's very homogenous like that idea of subcultures and lots of different types of gay guy, you're like, everyone's wearing the same thing now. And chariots was good because everyone looked... Well, they were naked. Well, yeah. Everyone had the same towel. No, but it wasn't like a type.

It wasn't like loads of twinks or whatever. Do you know what I mean? What's a twink? Twink is like a really young gay man probably before he turns 25 no hair basically like hairless is like

like a lab rat like really young gay man and then there's like otters which are a bit older and cubs which are like baby bears and bears are like older gay men

this is new I didn't know any of this but I don't have a I'm not a type of gay man yeah I was going to say what do you fit under I'm not one so not everyone is yeah but going to say what do you fit under I'm not one Can we not create one

Your husband's a type Can we create one just for you We're going to have to call it ravens Does your husband have a type My husband's sort of He's a cub Yeah maybe but he might not turn into a bear Because bears are quite like Father Christmas before he goes grey,

like that kind of shape. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if he's going to go Christmassy on me. That would be good, though. Yeah, he was a bit Christmassy when we met. Did he become... We looked at an old picture of him and he was like, who is that?

And I was like, I don't know. I slept with him, so there's that. Thank God for that can of beer. You've been together for such a long time, you probably missed out on all the dating sites. Yeah, pretty much. But I would say anyone in a long-term relationship knows the joy of being on your mate's dating app.

It's like the best thing ever. Why? First of all, you have nothing to lose. You've got no skin in the game and you're like oh he's nice and they're like no because i've i didn't realize how cutthroat you become when you've been on an app for like more than a day yeah i'm like let's see what he does for a job they're like no next next next like it's so hardcore it's proper shopping

yeah it's mad how much you judge someone on like just one image alone like I mean with so there's the

I've been I've tried hinge for a bit yeah and they do that thing where they like ask you they ask a few questions and they everyone tries to be

as witty as possible they're just everyone's morons and it's really bad like you can't say that but like everyone's just really shit I can't find anyone okay well first we're gonna work on your blowjobs yes well i don't know you won't find

anyone if you come off the apps if i come off yeah i came off the app like it's just like you're much more likely to find someone you want to go on a date with if you start going on dates with morons okay because then you will eventually so i read they won't all be frogs one will be a prince i read something somewhere like this week which said that um go on the date with the grim one because he's gonna have a good looking friend oh that's you just go yeah and then you just go through about all of their friendship group oh smart yes tactical. Yes. Tactical moves. Gateway date. A gateway date.

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply. So let's open up your DMs. Okay. Oh, I've just got a DM from my friend, right? So I went out the other night to see Christina Aguilera sing at a branded party.

And she, it was amazing. There was about 20 people in this room for like a thousand. And I was at the front screaming Christina. Or normally I scream my own name when I go to gigs. So because why would you scream when everyone else is screaming? Raven! I screamed Raven Smith at Beyonce

I like lost my voice years ago anyway she did this song and I saw Noel from Hearsay there and then when and my yeah

he's fat now isn't he well yeah yes but on purpose he's playing Mr. Mistophilus shut up he didn't just get fat by accident

I thought you ate all the pie well someone was saying to me this is the exact conversation that happened that night. Someone was like, that's not him. And I was like, yes it is. And someone was like, he's fat now. And then we found out that it was for a part. Anyway, I text him on the, leaving the, this is like 18

months ago, text him leaving a party saying, I saw you tonight, but I was too scared to say hello. 18 months later, he I was too scared to say hello. 18 months later, he texts me back today. Oh! The end. What did you say? See, that's fate.

If ever I heard it. So, on the... So, I sent it. So, I'm literally peering over your shoulder. On the 16th of September, 2019. So, that is however long ago. And I said, I saw you tonight and was too embarrassed. Was is capitalised? I don't know why. I saw you tonight and was too embarrassed. Was is capitalised?

I don't know why. I saw you tonight and was too embarrassed to say hello. That's all it says. Very cool, Raven, very cool. He replied today, ah, you should have said, hey, apologies. I've only just seen this message. What are you going to say back?

What do we think is cooking? Yeah. Where is he waiting for me where is should i just have like chariots question yeah i dare you uh so i finally got him back and i texted my other friend to be like wow you finally bit and she replied with a selfie she took with him that night because she wasn't too scared to go over. I don't like... If I see a celebrity in real life, I would never ask them for a picture. I haven't ever seen it.

I would die. I don't think so. Oh! No. You instantly cancel out the chance to be there. Well, I say friend, I mean muse. I'd like to be that muse, whoever it is. And if you do a selfie with them, that's it.

I'm trying to think. a view to see whoever it is. And if you do a selfie with them, that's it. I'm trying to think. No. Like the Queen. But would you do a selfie with the Queen? Because what else are you going to do? You're never going to be like Kensington Palace pals. Yeah, true.

Who's the biggest celebrity that slid into your DMs? Well, Noel from here, say. He's pretty high up there. Yeah. Someone else recently that I was really taken with, this guy called, oh, my God, what was his name? He was on the X Factor.

No, well, Huge is Midway. And he changed the lyrics of a song from he to she. And then Danny Minogue was like, you didn't need to change the gender and then she got called homophobic in the press he sent him to my dms and that to me was like this is this is the kind of this is my level these are my people what did he say when he does that he does adverts now when he gives out like checks to normal people ryanylan! Rylan! No, I know who Rylan is. Do you mean TV This Morning's Rylan? Yes, I know him. One of the biggest lippies in the country.

He's just brill. Who have you checked? Like, have you... Sorry. Just okay? Yeah. Were you going to ask a question or... Anyway. It's okay. Yeah. Were you going to ask a question or? I'm trying to think of my likes.

I don't really. There's no celebies. What about us? Sure we slid into your DMs. I feel like I'm better than the guy you can't remember from. No, he's brilliant. I never think of people like that. I'm always like,

you both know I love a chat. Yeah. Like I will chat in my DMs forever. Yeah. Like I will just be like, and I'm like, and also like when people get in touch with me with business stuff,

I'm like, you can't ignore a DM really. You can, you can swipe and then you can say unread. Okay. That's what I'll be doing. I had no idea. Does it say unread to the other person a DM, really. You can. You can swipe and then you can say unread. Okay. That's what I'll be doing. I had no idea. Does it say unread to the other person?

No, no. It's basically like, because, I mean, you can't ignore, you can ignore a DM because you can read it and then you close it and then you just swipe a bit and then you can say unread. Okay. Have you ever stalked an ex on social media? Yes. Oh my God.

That's what social media is for. Who have I stalked? Well, both my exes. I think one of them unfollowed me. Right. The other one, oh, he's so handsome. It's literally crippling. Have you ever been blocked by an ex?

The thing is, because I've been writing this book that's kind of memoir-y and about the men in my life, it's a bit of a, like, purging these old relationships. Did my voice crack then? Because my eyes are leaking. So my first love, goodbye. It's over. I'm okay.

With you and your husband, do you ever send each other naughty pictures? Yeah, but not that rude. How rude? I just don't really like dick pics. Only because I like faces. I'm a face man. I know that everyone who is a creep says that, but it's true.

I just, like, I've definitely got dick pics in my DMs before. And I'm just like... Is anyone, like, unsolicitedly sent to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you feel about it when you receive one? I feel nothing if it's just a picture of a dick. Nothing. I can't hold.

Yeah, I don't know. It's just, I am such a girl in the way that I am. You should see it. Raven's like this. Yeah. Raven's like this.

I'm doing my girl hands. Which I can't. But I just, I have to really like someone to fancy that someone to fancy the I'm the same I'm like whatever dick dick

but actually I can get off on a dick can you do a sick yeah on a dick on a dick I don't hate is that not the point

Sydney's doing a sex podcast and has clearly never had sex she's given one blowjob that went badly how do you get off if it's if it's not on a dick or some other kind of I don't mind someone sending me a dick but I'd much rather they sent me a picture of them in their pants and were like come and see my dick that to me is way hotter what if

they sent you a picture in their mum's pants depends on what they're wearing but i just for me i know it's so silly to be like i just have the beat but i find people intriguing and if there's nothing that intriguing about just seeing someone's dick whether it's hard or soft it's not intriguing it's like this is the end bit of the intrigue yeah this is when we start the sex yeah i want to like yeah have the intrigue undress yeah just like make me imagine your dick make me really want to see your dick don't just send me a picture but sometimes i've i've uh gone on dates people who are absolutely beautiful and i mean i one of my things i'm really proud of is that i can not sleep with someone for ages and then sleep with them and then when i do eventually sleep with them then you're like fuck i wish i'd seen the dick yeah yeah you have to i reckon like you

yeah i've now got a feeling towards you which is like i quite like you and then i've got to deal with this there's no walking away from it oh my god not that you should all dicks are beautiful in their own way yeah but i i feel like any relationship, there's so many moments of timing that have to be so spot on for it to just end up married 10 years later. Like, it's so random that we have, that me, our husband and I have got to this because there's so many different ways

that it can just go off piste very early. One of the things that we've come to discover on this podcast is that people have these hidden files in their phone. Hidden? Hidden, and they have all their pictures. You're not going to ask to look at my picture. Please unlock your phone and hand it over.

Oh, my God. Could you imagine? I'm trying to think what's in there. Just loads of pictures of my body. Oh, my God. We've never... Well, we have. We get this off of all of our guests.

We get it, yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Totally normal. What were guests what were you gonna say about that i'm just gonna check what's in there but i'm not gonna show you anything i was just me in my pants looking cute in a hidden file though yeah yeah can you see reflection behind me i can oh no it's just loads of pictures um it's like contracts and stuff don't worry how do you feel about that being like used as currency now for like actually being able to have an old shot and being like this is what's going on in my time right now but actually you're scrolling through your i i don't think there's a single person in the time of covid who's sending current current news there is nobody doing that i I'm like, this is from February, right?

We're all sending February nudes at this point. But wait, you think hidden is like a currency of like, it's like a bank, a bank vault. Yeah. Yeah. Because you want to look like you do in the summer. Yeah. I raise you.

I don't know about the summer. I was a bit burnt. It's true. So red. I've got more pictures of naked pictures of you on my phone than I do of myself Me and my friends did this thing the other day when we were like how many selfies

have you got in the selfie folder and I've got like 80 which for me I think is quite high I don't want to know My other friend had like 700 Yeah no I think I've got like 1000 Gizzy's going to have 1000 Oh my god I don't want to know. My other friend had like 700. Yeah, no, I think I've got like 1,000. Gizzy's going to have 1,000.

Oh, my God. I've got 9,800. No. I've got 900 and I wasn't going to say that. No. 9,000. I didn't even have 9,000 pictures. No, this is iCloud, guys.

1,000 pictures. This is iCloud, guys. 1,000. That is off the scale. I love how she tried to project that at me as well. Clear projections going through. I actually feel anxious. 9,000. That can't be right. How many hours in a day?

I've got 4,000 videos. Just to get this into... This is not getting more into perspective. This is making me feel like you've got a problem with your phone. No, I've got... No, but I've... How many photos have you got in the whole... I'm just in shock.

Where do you find out we've got all together? I'll never get over this. I can't breathe. Do you remember when I just rinsed my friend saying they had 500 oh my god look gizzy's photo albums just once just called lasagna i'm very here for that oh my god my fit guy just replied to my picture sorry which one which one of your 9 000 selfies did you send to me of course he replied you've got so many options

there can't be a bad one there must be one good one i'll give you that just statistically speaking can i ask you though would you be happy for your um your other half to look through your phone and all your dms and stuff no no no because like for me like the saddest thing on my phone is pictures of people that I think are hot, that I want to look like, that I screen grab as inspiration. I would hate... Now that everyone knows that they're there, but it's like... What wank material. My husband would be like, who's this guy?

And I'd be like, I really like his delts. So that's why there's a picture of him. No, but I also think I wouldn't want to go through his really i quite like it when he goes out like every so often my husband will go out all night and come back hung over and be shit all day the next day and i'm always like it just reminds me he's got balls i'm like good for you yeah you're overing tomorrow but you do you know what I mean? Like, I quite like it. I like that he's, like, got his own stuff. I don't need to see his history on his phone. I do not want to ever see his hidden pic.

Do you have an open relationship? We have an interesting relationship. That goes without saying. Do you use Instagram to masturbate? And if so, over who and why? No. I don't think I've ever wanked over anyone on Instagram. No, but I also feel very like,

I actually don't like porn that much. I know. That's the headline. Why have I become like this, like, girl? Excuse me. But you know what I mean? I feel like I'm like this teenage girl who's got a picture of a man and wife at the end of a storybook and that's what i'm trying to get

and it's not that but i just come harder when i don't use porn yeah no i'm much happier in my own head just much happier in my own head but it's like the ease of porn yeah like oh things are moving much faster because of this one video i'm watching so let's just it's just a time thing more than anything what would be your go-to category in porn gay i went through a stage of watching straight couples having sex and i was like this is very hot i was just really into it men fucking love women i was like this is so sexy but like actual couples i don't really like performative pornographic stuff so i'm much more happy to watch like amateur porn but you can tell

you know people change when the camera's on yeah even the amateurs they change so that that was very insightful. Thank you very much for being so open. Thank you so much. I could just keep talking. I really want to carry on. Learn about blowjobs. Learn about blowjobs.

Maybe Raven's just not very good at them, that's why. I'm terrible at them. On that note, bye. So thank you very much, Raven. As ever, an absolute joy. Guys, it's been a pleasure. Pleasure. on that note bye so thank you very much Raven as ever an absolute joy guys it's been a pleasure

pleasure I was going to say it's been a bad blowjob it's been great oh gosh so have our lives goodbye bye

bye thank you for listening to our Spotify original podcast Sex Lies and DM Slides please follow us on Spotify and tell all your mates

about it if you enjoyed it and if you have any weird and wonderful sex lies and dm slides stories of your own do slide into our dms at sydney lima and at gizzy erskine no dick pics please also follow us on twitter and instagram at sex lies dm slides this spotify original podcast is a hayden prowse production edited by steve hanky with music by free seed films our executive producers at spotify are rachel simpson and alexandra ad edited by Steve Hankey with music by Free Seed Films. Our executive producers at Spotify are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adie.