Sex, Lies & DM Slides - S1E16: Gizzi & Sydney | Crossbreed Queer Party

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Sydney and Gizzi interview Alex Warren (DJ Kiwi) from Crossbreed, the sex positive fetish club and sex party. Alex discusses how a sexual assault within his social group initially got him into the sex club scene where consent is a central theme. Sydney and Gizzi are keen to learn about his relationship with his ‘domestic-sub’ and what happened during a Crossbreed Zoom sex party during lockdown.  Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify Original. This series was produced by Heydon Prowse Productions, edited by Podmonkey with music by Free Seed Films. For Spotify, the executive producers are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

. and why everyone's so weird on social media. Sex and Lies and DM Slides. Welcome back to another episode of Sex, Lies and DM Slides with your host. I'm Gizzy Erskine. And I'm Sydney Lima. So, Syd, what have you been up to this week? I actually went on a date last night, Gizzy. Did you go on an actual date? I went on an actual date. It's my first date back.

I don't really go on dates. So, did you get taken out for dinner no what qualifies for date going to pub so no like i just rematched on this dating app and then like i thought his kind of chat was quite good and i was at all day my friend's birthday so we basically did the late night meet up which is just but i took i brought a friend with me you brought a friend on the date yeah i brought a friend with me and like he had friends on it so it was was it a date?

but anyway I ended up just stayed over but I just did you get a snog? I didn't get a snog you didn't get a snog? but you stayed over I think I've been friend zoned

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Yeah. He's probably terrified. I don't know why he'd be terrified of me. He did say, I hope I'm not going to be on the podcast. Whoops. I think it wasn't the vibe for him to kiss me, to be honest.

I don't think it was a vibe. You meant also, say if you're being spooned. Yeah, I was going to say, that's pretty intimate anyway. So then you've already kind of bypassed the kiss. Yeah. Like, because I'm already staying over at his house and I'm being spooned.

But like, then does, like, how do you then welcome a kiss? I don't like this chat. Do you have to do that kind of thing where you like, look up? Yeah. Like, oh, look. You just get a little bit too close and you look up through eyelashes. And you just stare at them. Through eyelashes?

Through eyelashes. And then you just, at them. Through eyelashes? Through eyelashes. And then you just... What if it's dark? No, you don't. You know what you're doing. You know how to get a kiss. What do you mean? I know, I know, I know.

But I didn't do it. So, yeah, I just didn't really... Do you know, it wasn't a really good vibe. It wasn't that... Well, then that says a lot. I liked the spoon. But I didn't... I feel like weird about kissing him. I mean... Maybe it's me. Maybe it's you. lot but i didn't i feel like weird about kissing him

i mean maybe it's me maybe it's you maybe you just didn't have the spark maybe he was hot and you wanted it to be a nice thing and it just wasn't maybe it's not about friends only maybe the chemicals were just not there i think the chemicals were well i'm a bit confused at the moment because like with the dating thing like if you're like when are you are you just allowed to date loads of people yeah i don't know like see i'm a bit nervous because our next uh our guest today is alex warren and he has a fetish club called crossbreed and i'm a bit nervous about interviewing him mostly because that that exact thing it's like knowing the sex language yeah so for example polyamorous i know i know it's a word

i don't exactly know what it means so it means you can go out with more than one person right yeah so like and is that the kind of trendy thing to do now? Maybe. I mean, I don't know if I could do it, really. I think I'm quite like... Could you? I don't... Like, if I'm in a relationship, I mean, I really love being looked after by someone and their investment to be in me,

but I'm not jealous. I think, like, a relationship and sex are very different things. Yeah, I mean, I could happily do freedom. I tried to stalk you the other day and you weren't having any of it. Me and Gizzy had to do a shoot. We had to do a shoot together.

And they were like trying to get us, me and Gizzy's lips to be touching. And it was just like, and to look into each other's eyes and we just could not stop. You were really prudish. It was so funny. I was really prudish. It was so funny. I was really prudish.

It was just a bit of a weird set up. It was like, and then we were both breathing really heavy on each other. Yeah, I've got really bad coffee breath. Really bad coffee breath. So, I mean, I wasn't prudish. I did it.

You did it. You did it, didn't I? You did it. I had to look past your head though because I was like, I can't look you in the eyes. It was too much. It was quite lovely.

The pictures are really hot. But it's really interesting because we're about to interview Alex. Yes. And he runs this enormous fetish club which is... Crossbreed. Yeah.

So Crossbreed calls itself a collaborative kink positive rave. I mean, okay, that's kind of pretty self-explanatory but he is queer positive, the space is queer positive, and immediately the language becomes terrifying to me. Now we have our interview with Alex Warren of Crossbreed, who's also a DJ, goes by the name DJ Kiwi.

So welcome, Alex of Crossbreed. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thanks for having me. Hi. How is the world of kink? Less filthy than normal I guess, there's no parties. It's fun, life is fun. Let's explain a bit about why you're on here. That's a good question, I'd like to know myself. Well we want to look at sort of every avenue of sort of sex and the fetish world and different

kinks and things like that so first of all do you want to tell us about crossbreed okay crossbreed is a queer sex positive rave party record label educational platform and i guess lots of people know it as a sex party but it's a lot more than that in terms of the party itself it's much more kind of music focused than most sex parties a music-focused sex party yeah like we're a rave like we're a proper dance floor we book proper djs and we care about the music first and foremost i've been a music producer and a dj for the last 10 years so that's my world and touring dj so like coming onto the fetish scene the music has always just been like a second thought and frankly dreadful in most clubs so how did you get into the fetish scene this is a deep

story I kind of like went through some shit where I kind of lost all my faith in men like my best friend raped someone that was very close to me and it turned out that a close family member also turned out to be an abuser and he was also like maybe someone I looked up to a lot so I got a bit depressed and found that I didn't really hang out with any of my male friends anymore and alienated myself and then me and my girlfriend at the time we opened up our relationship and she went to an orgy and I was like mad jealous because I was like I want to go to a fucking orgy. So I started looking into like orgies and how I might be able to go to an orgy and found FetLife. And I started going to like socials and meetups and started meeting people that were just genuinely very open minded. Consent was just a constant conversation with everything they do.

And I started to like trust men again and find people that I guess were like me but also like I felt safe around and that's literally how I fell into it and then from there like I didn't really go to a party till like nine months after I was on the scene and that's yeah that was kind of my opinion it wasn't so much a sexual pull into festival it was more the fact that you didn't want to be around certain kind of types of men I think I think initially it was just it was a sexual pull and I wanted to go to an orgy. I've always been kinky, so finding that world was exciting. But then when I got in it, I realised quite quickly

that I was really just falling in love with the people and what they stood for on a really not necessarily sexual front, but just on a basic consent and way of living, having much more respect for people and living outside of our social norms which are toxic and quite dangerous in my opinion i agree see i thought we were going to take a bit of time to get to that but i'm pretty impressed you've just gone straight in there so i mean let's touch on that a little bit when you look at people's perceptions of the fetish scene and things like that not just fetish scene but sex

and the classic way that people are brought up the norm is toxic will you explain a bit about what those parallels are i mean it still exists within kink as well like if you look at like dominance and submissives the majority of dominance of men the majority of submissives are women because those are social structures we've been brought into those are our natural instinctive desires and actually breaking out those is difficult but if the whole scene's trying to kind of turn things on its head isn't we've been brought into those are our natural instinctive desires and actually breaking out those is difficult but if the whole scene is trying to kind of turn things on its head isn't it weird that everyone then conforms to societal society i wouldn't i wouldn't say the whole scene

is trying to turn everything on its head i'd say like a lot of things are done differently and the open-mindedness and the non-judgmental approach to sex and sexuality and gender and everything else is quite refreshing. We also accept that people's desires are informed by their upbringing. And we're not trying to like change people's desires or change people's kinks. Like if you're naturally submissive, and that's been informed by your life, you shouldn't have to like try and change that. Like that's okay. That is is your sexuality and your sexuality is valid like my sexuality is that i'm a dominant i really struggle to switch i have done it for fun just to try it but i'd get no sexual gratification from it in any way is that an interesting dichotomy

though where you you're a dominant but slightly perturbed by the classic structure that men fit into yeah but i think the difference is we're only dealt the cards we're given right and i think the difference is i'm hyper aware of my sexuality so i understand it i understand what it means i understand how to be safe within it i understand how to provide incredible experiences for other people that also understand their sexuality or maybe are trying to understand it and learning so i think that's the difference rather than just kind of like being unaware of what that means and going around causing harm what does it mean to be a dom oh that's a good question um what does your world look like as a dom like sexually yeah sexually

so i mean i'm poly non-monogamous so i'm involved in lots of different relationships of varying degrees i can just put your button there is that going to be your structure for life or is this just where you're happy at the moment i have no idea no idea i think so though but you you can't imagine falling in love with one person and no i can and i have i've lived most of my life happy in monogamous relationships too. Like I have no real issue with monogamy. I think I've fallen into this and I'm really enjoying it. And also it's almost like an anarchistic relationship structure is like breaking down the ideas of like possession.

And I would never want to have like any sort of ownership over someone else's sexuality and be able to tell them what they can and can't do. Isn't that... Unless that's in some way like negotiated and like the kink itself yeah so what so what does your sex life look like as a dom maybe take it as a dom out of it so i mean i'm in very indifferent relationships like i have a domestic sub that comes and serves me and cleans my house and does my chores and does absolutely anything i want. And then I'm in other relationships that are a lot more, like, of, like, maybe a fight.

So there's a constant fight for power. But, I mean, yeah, my sex life is very fulfilled. I also have, like, a lot of group sex. I fuck a lot of my friends. And I feel like it's quite a nice way to socialize with people. And, you know, sex doesn't necessarily have to be incredibly meaningful it could just be a nice way to share something intimate with people you love does it still feel intimate yeah definitely i think like kinky sex is the most intimate because

you can go through an ordeal with someone and after that you really have to look after each other there's like something called sub drop which is when depending on what you're doing, but if it's violent, like a lot of adrenaline can fly. They can really come up almost like on an ecstasy high and then afterwards need a lot of kind of aftercare and love. But also like tops drop too. intense like drops post scenes with people where I've just been like oh my god I'm so drained emotionally physically felt guilt or whatever for what's going on despite the fact like I didn't have anything guilty to feel sorry for does every time you have sex have to hit those buttons no absolutely not I love like a lazy spoon in the morning lots of people are like vanilla shaming or anything like i love like a cute cozy shag not everything has to be like dark and sinister so what are the crossbreed parties like so we have a big dance floor we have a really wide range of people

coming we're quite queer focused but we welcome everyone and the the music's really, really good. Like, it's a rave. It goes till the early hours of the morning. We have, like, a... We call it the wellness sanctuary. We have, like, this really cute place where you can go and chill out on a beanbag and someone will look after you if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed,

make you a cup of tea, give you biscuits. Biscuits? Yeah. And then there's the plate. Foggy biscuit. Well, yeah, if you dip it in your tea. you biscuits and then there's the playroom which is quite intense and everything's monitored so we have like 30 plus staff kind of walking around making sure everyone's okay they all have armbands on so if someone's made you feel uncomfortable you can approach them and be dealt with um we just try and create a safer space as possible for people to dance rave fuck in peace and explore themselves and i mean are there are there rules and are there laws

yeah yeah i mean there's laws set by government bodies. We don't set the laws, but we have plenty of rules. Well, what is the actual law? On sex parties? On sex parties. So this has been up for debate forever, but anyone can have sex in a sex party legally. That's not a problem. And we can run sex parties legally in licensed venues. There's no law against it.

As long as nobody is paying for services you're not breaking any laws because as soon as you that starts happening you're you can be accused of even publicly i mean even what's the work the law about um public indecency yeah that's if you're if you're buying a ticket to go to a party where you know you're signing up then there's there's no public decency charge because it's not public either, it's private, it's behind closed doors. The problem has really come in with licensing and clubs being unwilling to risk their license because depending on what council you're in,

certain councils can be quite anti or conservative about what goes on in their boroughs or whatever. You did this thing in lockdown where were you doing zoom sex parties yeah i mean because you were looking at your instagram and you were like what happened they were amazing you know like i think one of them we had like over 220 people or something all locked in and people stayed for like the full like eight hours which is bonkers to me on like a zoom was it just like wanking i just dj, like most people are just dancing around the living room, getting dressed up.

And then loads of people are like fucking their housemates or their partners or whatever it is. And yeah, there's people wanking off. There's people like performing as well, like doing like mad shit. Spoken word. One of my favourite ones is that someone strapped a dildo to their partner's back

and then just literally rode them around the living room. It's really great on film. I bet. Do you have time to take stock with 200 people and be like, oh my God, that's Frank. Yeah, so I had someone running a highlight reel. So people would be scanning all the screens and putting up the mad shit that's going on on the big screen.

That's why I think people stayed on for so long because it's like actually you're watching shit and it's constantly changing. You're like, whoa. Do you think there's something about that that the internet at the moment, particularly in lockdown, where people suddenly find this position,

even through video, that they're able to be more expressive sexually? To be honest, I'd say all my lot. Fine with that. Already there. Yeah, I don't know. i wasn't even having sex in lockdown yeah nor was i for most of it for the first like six weeks so i mean that's quite funny though like do you find that when you go to the clubs is it ever a bit like like how's maureen how's the mom has like been on holiday to france or is it is it kind of like normal chat or is everyone you're really making it sound like that stereotypical, like,

ageing swingers. That's probably my free one. It probably says a lot about me. That crowd's really young. So, yeah, maybe more just like, what drugs have you got? It's more like the conversations that go on in these clubs. But, no, it is nice. Like, there is a real community of people

and we're all very close and there's a real community of people and it's like we're all very close and there's a lot of love do you think that there's sort of something about a scene and like finding your tribe sort of thing and do you think this is one of london's last real living subcultures maybe i think it's definitely growing as well like we're growing like massively like we're really only a year old i think also also the way things are going, times of turmoil, subculture comes out of shit. So I think there's good times ahead. So what kind of kinks played out at Crossbreed?

So we have rules against scat, rules against needle play just for hygiene reasons. What's scat, sorry? Shit. Oh. Yeah, oh yeah you look to me really seriously it's so sweet i feel like a little project scat so much to learn some people in course we do yeah yeah but we like we ask you to use the bathroom speech yeah yeah but like everything else goes really. Actually, we ask people not to do any CNCs

because it can be triggering to people around them. No race play. What's CNC for people who don't know? Consensual non-consent. Oh, so like pretending that it's... Yeah. I don't like to call them rape fantasies because it kind of belittles actual rape,

but essentially that's what it is. Do you have to be really careful with the language because you're already there's a language that you're already fitting into that immediately sort of feels a bit if you don't understand it no i think i think language is really important i think it also just like frames that actually i wanted to call you out on some language that you use oh shit waiting for this go on no don't worry like it's you both look so scared i know we scared. I know. We're trying our best. No, no, no. Not at all.

I'm also like, when I say call out, I was joking. But we don't use, we're trying not to use the word slave anymore in the scene. Just because of colonial rules. No, you said, you referred to my financial slave. Yeah. But that's fine. He pulled himself that though. Yeah, yeah, yeah totally and lots of people in the scene are still using it but we're trying to like move away from it i think the whole scene um has a racism

problem yeah of course it's very white anyway just for lots of cultural reasons as well and we're doing a lot of work to try and move the scene in a better direction so yeah we're tending to try and not use the word slave that's actually kind of brilliant as well what should i call him so i call my domestic sub a domestic sub rather than a domestic slave so financial sub yeah he doesn't to be honest i don't actually have a financial i was about to say do you have any more he's so he's vanished into the air hasn't he oh he's just a bit shit. So, like, I sent him a picture the other day of a dress that he wanted. Could that be because you're a bit shit? Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, I think so. Well, like, I stood on his face. I mean, what more do you want? Probably quite a bit. Yeah, well, he wanted to help me move house and, like, sleep on my floor. And I just, I don't think, like, yeah, I'm not very good at it. It's a lot of responsibility. Like, that's something that people don't really necessarily realize.

Like the care aspect of it, the emotional energy you have to put into that kind of play. You have to really take that into account. Like you can't just expect someone to be paying you all this money. And then like not invest time into them and like their needs. Because mostly their needs are actually just emotional and uh they just really want to know that you care about them like that's most what most subs want most so or not in the moment of play but like afterwards they want to you know they might want to feel completely degraded and used but then afterwards they

want to know that that wasn't real yeah so it's it's work and it's energy that's what i was going to say so do you i mean again i can only refer to my experiences but back in the day the clubs i used to go to there wasn't a lot of sex in them and even in the after parties there was yeah a bit but it was very much a more medium minds and show really but is it not just exhausting i mean like having to put the energy into facilitating both of your needs meeting having an orgasm and then being at a party and then going to an after party maybe doing it all over again i mean is that kind of how much do you have in you yeah i mean is it not quite an ordeal you know i mean i i'm not orgasm focused at all ever orgasms can happen and usually do

but like i yeah i try and remove like pressure to achieve orgasms from most of my life i tend to never come if i'm doing a full scene yeah anyway personally yeah i think society is very orgasm focused and that actually stops a lot of people from having orgasms. Yeah. Yeah. Because it just builds that pressure to achieve one which in itself can prevent them happening. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long awaited vacation.

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does anybody ever slip through the net that is sort of utilizing the space inappropriately and you're talking about like creepy predators yeah yeah of course people get in but that's why we have so many stuff trying to keep people safe and we haven't had too many instance in the time we've been doing it and the instance that have happened a big dealt with really well touch wood so yeah it's always a risk that because there's our staff around but there's also like the whole community around them you know I can spot a creep a mile off, I like to think. Do you think you're more likely to have creeps in hetero clubs?

Because there isn't this... Yeah, I think that's true too. That's why I drive the queer side of things so much, because it really does. And also the dress code really puts off a lot of het straight men that are really scared of dressing up. What do you wear all sorts uh that's what i'm in the mood for i've been known to rock a big pair of pleasers do you want to explain what pleases are very high heels stripper heels essentially um i can't even wear heels i'm great in them i don't know what it is yeah i'm just like a nap i don't know yeah i love them i rock around the house in them just for fun also tend to wear not very much sometimes

i love latex i love the feel of latex on my skin when i go raving like just for me that's when i usually wear latex fashion is a big part of it though isn't it 100 and yeah and it's creative side as well yeah 100 it's a big part of Crossbreed. We really ask you to make an effort and not just conform to traditional fetish stereotypes. Like, I'm bored. Fetish has a very dated feel to it. Tons of dungeons and masters. Yeah.

It's not appealing to young people and young people often just think it's for creepy old people is there a difference because you look at the old school ones like um skin 2 and torch garden and things and they would they were always really over the top like really almost high fashion yeah mcqueen-esque but sort of latex style clothes and now i feel like it's sort of much more stripped bare back to the conventional pre-fat fetish stuff but sort of a bit more elegant and refined. Yeah like we love sportswear

like I have a sportswear fetish like if you're like creative with sportswear oh my god like you're getting in straight away like oh give me what's creative sportswear? Like a nice pair of cycling shorts it's also about like for me I think it's also about like the accessibility i think it's also about like the

accessibility like you can create a look for really fuck all money and crossbreed is accessible like we keep our ticket price really really low for in comparison to any other fetish clubs and it's really just about like being accessible to young queer people that are looking for a home and looking for somewhere to explore so yeah i think like that's part also of what we're asking we're asking you to be creative to make stuff up to and also color like we love color like not everyone has to wear fucking black all the time i i was a body piercer i don't know if you know that for years and years and the scene was very much tattoo piercer alternative uh cultured focus do you think that that it's more youth

culture a bit cooler now like not not cooler that's not the right word but like it's transitioned yeah yeah i think so yeah but there's still like massive like amount of like alternative yeah it still crosses straight into those paths to you why do you think that is i think we just attract the weirdos of society to go deep i think people with trauma are often attracted into kink i think like i said like experiences really influence our desires and not solely but to a degree and i think uh maybe there's correlations there with people that are kind of always seeking something else and something different something safe and people find that in subcultures how does someone get into the fetish scene follow us on instagram which is at crossbreedworld.com yeah at crossbreedworld

or yeah crossbreedworld.com feel free to send us a message we are very active and open to dialogue and we run social events where you can come and meet people if you're scared of that we can do other things especially if you are black or of an ethnic minority or you are trans or you are in the process of coming out in that regard we're your home and we want support you. So literally just drop us a message and we go from there. Do you get a lot of messages from people who are inquisitive about the scene? Literally all the time. Also get a lot of people asking for advice.

And yeah, those are really the messages that kind of make it all worthwhile. And kind of guiding people through their process and their journey of, like, finding themselves and finding their kinks and, like, losing their shames. Have you ever received any inappropriate advances through the internet, like, through social media and stuff? Yes, but being male-presenting and cis,

I've never really felt too much, fear or pain from them more flattery it's funny i don't think we get that a lot so yeah i love nudes too so regardless of who it is i'm like oh do you send a lot of stuff out and do you use social media for for that for sending nudes? Yeah. To friends on their birthday. But yeah, not unsolicited. I don't do too much slipping into people's DMs. I'm really actually quite conscious of the fact

that I am in a position of power as someone who runs a sex club. And I have to be very careful about... I bet anyone I'm going on a date with I'm like, ah, why are they going on a date with me I take my time I think it's quite important Do you think that this is a modern

obviously social media, do you think it is a fetish where people actually I receive quite a lot of dick pics on our first episode I explained I had a guy who sent me a very explicit thing of his I listen and you asked for more, right? Do you want to see the video? on our first episode i explained i had a guy who sent me a very explicit thing of his i listen yeah and you asked for more right do you want to see the video yeah i'd love to see the video um what we want to do is kind of get to the bottom of that and like what is is it a kink is he is it

an attention seeking thing what's going on it's an insecurity you think so yeah i think most men most heterosexual cis men are actually really really lost in this world really really struggle to communicate navigating consent and trying to understand that like post me too and realizing that you know they needed to change their ways it's sending lots of men into like mad spirals of fucking hell i don't know how the fuck i'm supposed to treat women talk to women approach women get laid i think it's a really scary thing for a lot of men and it drives them into really ridiculous toxic horrible behavior and i really just think like educating young boys

is the only answer to like taking all this stuff out of society like these humans aren't bad humans they're just probably really sad and lonely and depressed and you know that's the trolls on the internet you know most people that are saying really nasty spiteful things to someone are absolutely fucking miserable and really they just need helping not fucking arresting and banging up like they're not evil people they're just lost if you're fucking your friends all the time is there any room for like jealousy or like attachment and further than i think so like i think i think it happens but generally not so much like i really enjoy the experience of jealousy because it means that i it like tells

me that i really like that person yeah so it's like for me it's like a really lovely feeling draining i find jealousy so draining it doesn't happen to me very often. I feel very secure in all of my relationships. It's actually the opposite. I try and encourage everyone I'm with to do more because boundaries-wise I have limited time. Weirdly, I've never heard anyone explain it like that. That's exactly how I feel. Really? Nice.

I don't feel jealousy, so when I do, it's like, fuck. And actually, I always hit that frustration really yeah nice i don't have i don't feel jealousy so when i do it's like fuck and actually to yeah i always hit that frustration of being pissed off with somebody who's always like jealous with me or whatever before i hit that point of wanting being able to be jealous and yeah it's honestly like it's always been taught as like a negative emotion but for me it's actually really quite a positive emotion to feel like it's like a butterfly in the way you know it's the same feeling so it's like why do i feel like this yeah maybe because i quite like that and also maybe i feel a bit insecure in this situation so let's unbottle that yeah work out how to renegotiate this relationship so that i feel more secure or like whatever are you in a relationship at the

moment many i think like maybe five or six relationships. How do you maintain them all? They're all quite different. Some are, like, really not demanding on my time. One of my main squeezes that I've been with for over a year, like, I can quite happily, like, go three weeks and not see her, and that's normal and fine. We just don't need to see each other all the time, but we'll also go on holiday for two weeks together.

Yeah. It's just, like, very easy and calm. And then and then others like i see my domestic sub like once a week generally but that's very much like a kink thing and not necessarily something that exists much socially outside of it and what about dating within this structure like do you do you enjoy taking yeah yeah thanks so fun for me and i play of course outside of like the relationships i have too and i really enjoy that i'm really into like psychology that gets us into our desires but also i like using ds structures that's like dominant submissive structures to like enact change on people's lives so like positive change so like if someone's got like an anxiety or like

a phobia or someone's like really struggling to like write an essay or like they're really freaking out about a job interview or like whatever it is like I will use kink to like or I'll try to use kink to like help them with that situation interesting yeah is there a dating site for people who have fetishes well field's quite good it's just very open it's also like got lots of gender options which the main ones don't have and it started as like a threesome looking app so there's still quite a bit of that on it which is but also fine if that's what you want to do but i don't know what's the most amount of people you've had sex with at one event yeah how many people yeah in one orgy i have absolutely no idea that's quite

a good place what's the most amount of people you've had sex with in one go in one go i know that's not what the also define sex oh yeah because i would say like you know um if there's 20 people at my orgy i've had sex with them all you know like even if you haven't penetrated them I define sex for me like anything but from being in a scene with two people say like a guy and a girl

and I might not like touch the guy in any way but I've still had sex with him like we've all had sex together do you have to explain yourself or do you have because of this is what you do not just as a kink But as your life, so do you have to explain it to people who are? Maybe not as understanding. How do your friends who don't really get it to be honest? I'm really blessed like everybody in my life

And I because I kind of had to have a coming out when I launched crossbreed And then I had to have a kind of another coming out because there's all these horrible rumors about me and about my sexuality so i kind of had to do that whole thing as well but everybody's just been like incredible basically in my life like some people don't get it some people people think it's weird but everyone supported me and it's very like liberating and free and nice yeah is that a progressive thing that's happening at the moment do you think or is that just you with your own luck i mean because like essentially my friends wisely and i think like younger people are generally starting to like look at sex and

relationships in completely different ways to like how we did they brought up and seen their parents like either like hate each other or divorced and want a different path and want to do things differently and don't really understand why like we're supposed to find like this one person and live happily ever after and I think more and more young people are finding their sexuality at earlier ages too and like their access to sex education through great podcasts and Instagram and all the rest of it is giving them those tools to kind of start exploring earlier and as such I think the orgasm gap is closing I think what do you mean by the orgasm gap so this idea that I think a lot of women take a lot longer because of shame and society to find their sexuality maybe a lot later in life.

And I think that's changing. The orgasm gap in my life exists very much so the opposite way around. Why do you think that is, considering? I think I find it hard to come after extended periods of sex. And generally speaking, it's unlikely unlikely i'm gonna come more than once women are blessed in some regards in that they can come many many many many times we are lucky aren't we i didn't come till i was like 15 there's there's loads of pros to being a man that i i'm certainly not advocating that uh yeah women have it easy but yeah once you find once you can get there

yeah once you find out what what it is that does it for you or and also once you find that confidence and all those stigmas and shames and like these ideas that you're just there to please a man once you can get past all that the world is your oyster as a person with a vagina so we're having a really intellectual conversation about sex we're not just sort of like we are quizzing you but i actually think this is a mutually interesting discussion do you think that that is what's on the table now then i think for me like i want to share like education and like sharing my world is for so many people like actually quite insightful into finding their path what i do is

quite extreme and like head on and the kink side of things that's really not for everyone but everyone has something and a sexuality that they maybe have and are maybe not quite sure of or are ashamed of or they have like maybe some sort of gender dysphoria that's far more common than you might think and like having access to people and communities not just like the information on the internet but the actual like access to the people that are similar to you is really important so yeah we're here well kiwi thank you very much this has been really insightful and can we come torosby when you're back open? Of course This is very cool Thanks guys

And what you guys are doing is really really cool I've listened to the podcast since it came out, it's great Well listen, thank you very much I am coming to Crosby She's coming Amazing Brilliant, thank you very much You're welcome

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are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adie