Sex, Lies & DM Slides - S1E17: Gizzi & Sydney | Lou Sanders

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Sydney and Gizzi invite award-winning comic Lou Sanders onto the show to talk about why she recently had a ‘man ban’ on the advice of her spiritual healer and why it was that blowjobs were still allowed.  Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify Original. This series was produced by Heydon Prowse Productions, edited by Podmonkey with music by Free Seed Films. For Spotify, the executive producers are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my name's Gizzy Erskine. And I'm Sydney Lima, and this is Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Where we invite our celebrity friends to dive deep into their DM boxes to see what terrors lurk within. We'll be chatting about online trolls, online dating, perverted proposals and why everyone's so weird on social media. Sex and Lies and DM Slides. This podcast contains adult content,

graphic details of our sex lives and the filthy contents of our inboxes. You have been warned. Well, hi Sydney. Hello. That was disgusting. That was disgusting. You look like very sweet and squawky.

I've got to wear my new stripy jumper. You do look like Dennis the Menace today. Or Freddy Krueger. I can't quite work it out. No wonder I'm not gripey jumper. You do look like Dennis the Menace today. I know. Or Freddy Krueger. I can't quite work it out. No wonder I'm working late. Look at this. I think we should talk about what happened to us overnight, Gizzy. Oh, my God.

Right, so Gizzy and I, we finished recording a podcast and we went out for a few little drinks with our toxic male producer and went round to our friend's house and someone's rent's out the basement flat, basically. And we were walking through and we're like, oh, God, the basements out the basement flat, basically. And we were walking through and we're like, oh God, the basement flat looks nice, doesn't it?

And we were just kind of rattling around. Wait, what? Rattling around with a lot of alcohol. A lot of alcohol, yeah. Being very mischievous. And so we get someone sliding into our DMs the next day.

You have to read it. Hi Gizzy and Sydney. Heard through the floor last night you're trying to slide into the basement flat. Sorry we aren't going anywhere anytime soon. You're welcome to come record your pod here, though, but be aware the walls are thin and sometimes we hear lovely piano tunes

from above at odd hours. And then Gizzy replies, um, lol. And then, no, no, send a read my questions and we do appreciate you listening to us and here's your shout out, essentially. But yeah, they said, lol, I then they sent a real nice message. And we do appreciate you listening to us. And here's your shout out, essentially. But yeah, they said, lol, I listened to the pod.

Had a bit of a fangirl moment when I realized it was you lot. Keep killing it on the podcast. And maybe this truly creepiest moment of my life makes good content. It does. Thank you for the good content. Yeah. So we got a message through the other day on our sexualized dm slides instagram account from a laura rias and she says hey just wanted to let you ladies know that i'm obsessed with your podcast

thank you very much thank you very much i got something that might make you ladies laugh so i'm a new mom who breastfeeds and i'm lucky enough to have an oversupply of milk so naturally the entrepreneur in me saw this as an opportunity to make some extra dosh and sell some of my extra milk to needy families. Boy, this opened up my DMs to some right weirdos. I've had my ads online for two weeks and my inbox is filled with men begging for my milk and wanting to pay for videos of me lactating my creamy milk. I don't know what to do. I'm torn.

Do I block them or set up an OnlyFans and milk it for all it's worth? Pun intended. Gizzy, give some advice. I mean, there was two things I've got to say about this. Go on. One, I was watching this thing. It was a show on Netflix. I can't remember what it's called, but it's about the,

it's about sort of weird things in the health industry that are lies that people are living off the back of. And one of them was people selling their breast milk to bodybuilders because it's meant to be the highest protein milk for humans and it's actually meant to build muscle. Anyway, the other thing, there was an ice cream parlor back in the day in Covent Garden, actually, that sold breast milk ice cream. I don't believe that.

It did. It fucking happened. Who's that poor lady that's just heavily milking away for everyone to have ice cream? Yeah. It's Laura. Like a farm. A farm of new mothers. So there is a huge industry out there for breast milk.

Laura, you could literally be smashing it right now. Yeah, but then the OnlyFans thing also just adds a real weird sexual thing to it. Fuck it. If you got it, flaunt it, squirt it. The other thing... How does one milk themselves? Sorry, I just grabbed my

she just literally tried to milk herself that was amazing um i have no idea so today we have on the comedian lou sanders who's a very well-known comedian a regular on taskmaster which i've always loved um and she's an award-winning stand-up comic at Edinburgh Fringe. We did record this in lockdown, so apologies for any bad sound. Sex and lies and DM slides. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for get uber one for students with deals this good everyone wants to be a student join for just $4.99

a month savings may vary eligibility and member terms apply the all-new fan duel sportsbook and casino is bringing you more action than ever want more ways to follow your faves check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications or have out more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca.

Now joining us down the line from her quarantine hole is comic and self-professed legend Lou Sanders. How are you doing Lou? Thank you that's more applause than I get for some gigs I like that. How are you finding quarantine? I've just moved so I'm keeping busy sort of painting and you know all that stuff. Oh you're one of those who got the art kit out., painting the house. Oh, God, no. No, the walls, the walls. Oh, painting the house. Sorry. I did try and do art once. My friend did this.

Before you're expressing yourself. My friend did a charity art thing with loads of comedians. And she, like, had a night showcasing, like, comedians' artwork. So we all got together and tried to, like, do some stuff for the night. But it was awful, awful stuff. I can't paint. I can't draw. How are you finding lockdown for your sex life? Well, it's the same, really.

As in, it does not exist. It doesn't exist yet. So you're single? I'm single, yeah. And I've actually turned, like, because I used to be a bit of a monster. I used to be led by my tuppence. but I'm not now, which is very freeing. It's very freeing to make the decisions with your head. You know, because otherwise you just end up with people

that you're not really bothered about and it can be quite depressing. So the last guy I got with, we did not have a connection. It was really depressing and I thought, I think I'd rather save time here. You know, you work in the travel time the bad chat time it's like it's a it's it's totally pointless so as this is called sex lies and dm slides yeah we will start I mean we've already kind of started talking about sex but I saw you'd had a bit of a man ban a while ago um and I guess that's still going on with lockdown. How did that all come about? Yeah, you went straight in with this next question.

It was Man Ban, that was quite a while ago. And that was when I was led by my tough friends. And then since then, I haven't really been. I think it's like you can be out of balance in different areas and then choose your kind of focus, really. And my focus just hasn't really been on that for a while so that's nice so but what what made you oh the man ban i didn't want to go on um that was my right that was your listeners won't know that i've got a very good relationship

with my healer jillian the pyrenees and she put me on a man ban but i'm very aware that that makes me sound absolutely batshit crazy. But there we go. That is what happened. Oh, really? Yeah, she said, she just said, like, to ease off on that. You know, because you just go a bit hard on one thing, like alcohol or cigarettes or men or whatever,

and you just, like, get obsessed with people. It's not good for you, is it? So it was just, like, a bit like, oh, you need to reset reset because I kept going for the wrong people and having like sort of not even relationships with them but just I don't know like weird stuff and then yeah she was like give it all the rest and actually it was quite nice do you think it is like you're going for the wrong guys I was absolutely because you've said in your set you normally go for guys and bands and this is something me and Sid will definitely be able to relate to I'm currently sitting in a studio right now I'm a very low level like uh you know just like not even like scumbags but not even successful ones so it's like oh my god

like how did you find them like where would you look oh no I didn't like look like one I just met through bumble I was on there for about a week and he was just my who was he oh no i can't because i'm about to really slate him so i can't no no you would not have even heard of his band it was so dumb and then well like they do all right but not you know it does all right but it's not like yeah and their last single was fucking embarrassing um anyway just like not a good guy anyway so then I tried to change my tie yeah but my healer Jillian Ferraniz said like when I was on the man band I was like oh can I sleep with this guy because he's making me dinner he was like a nice guy like not not my type but a really nice guy I I was like, are you going to give me dinner? She went, no, you cannot sleep with him.

But you can give him a BJ. She's very relaxed, Jill. She's very relaxed. Oh. Yes. Yeah. No, so it doesn't count. Well, I think she's just like, oh, what energy is that going into and stuff?

Wait, why does that not require, that requires the most energy? Because sex is a sacred act, apparently. Apparently so. Sex is a sacred act. I don't know. But blowjobs aren't. Well, blowjobsbs you're just popping it in your mouth aren't you i can't have a sacred relationship with everything i pop in my mouth jesus christ i mean you know um but i always saw it the other way around if i'm honest i always

found like blowjobs to be more personal than shagging you if you if you're looking them in the eye i don't know i don't know it depends how you're doing it i don't think i've ever done that it's like look them in the eye when what we're giving a bj full stop no no like with the eye look simultaneous oh you haven't put p come on you. Come on. Oh, come on. You've got to. You must have. Oh, my God. I'm fucking, I'm a fraud. I feel like I'm going to give you a master class in this now, Sydney.

Sydney, the trick is never to lose eye contact really intensely. Oh, my God. Right, I'll give it a go later. Just do not ever break contact, whatever. Even when you go to the toilet to clean yourself up, maintain eye contact, which is crucial. So what happened after the ban? Like, did you have a bit of a spell?

No, I sort of went crazy in LA, met up with loads of holiday boyfriends, but they were all arsehole. It's like, what's the point? Like, it wasn't even good um I think jet lag makes you horny I think hangovers make me really horny right yeah anyway new year's day this is bleak new start I believe in like omens and everything so first of January I was like yeah I'm gonna have such a good year. And I went for a run and I went in the ponds with my friends.

It was great. And then I ended up throwing away, like, about 50 condoms. I was like, oh, it's been a bad year with the man ban. It's really affected numbers. But they were all out of date. Yeah, it's really silly. How is it that 20 condoms goes out of date? Well, I...

It's just like, what, how... Yeah, I don't know. I suppose it's... Has it got, like... I suppose is it the is it got like I suppose it's maybe risky what's the science well I don't know but they were must have been so old to go out of date because they must last like I split up with my fiance about six years ago and then I did go mad I went really mad then but also I was very unhinged as well so if I was coming towards you with a look in my eye you knew about it and nobody was happy about it and I went out with like okay like seeing like much younger men it's disgusting

how much is much younger because I'm always interested in that well I can't remember exactly maybe 22 but he had a very embryonic face it was gross I had to cover his arms under the bed like his arms were like little sticks and I had to like cover them under the duvet because I felt like a pedo he's so young so I had to cover his arms under the bed. Like, his arms were like little sticks and I had to, like, cover them under the duvet because I felt like a pedo. He's so young, so I had to cover him up. But he was alive, at least. Oh, boy. You just make him wear long-sleeved T-shirts.

Yeah. Have you got any interesting DMs lately? No, I get, like... depending on if i've just done something on tv sometimes i get messages like or sometimes i get like the thing is i'm vile my tone on twitter and stuff is vile so people reply with really gross uh replies but they're miss they're sort of misunderstanding my tone because like you know if you talk about your labia. Give us an example. Well, if I talk about my labia, it's funny because I'm owning it and it's like, yeah, yeah, my labia. And then if a guy replies talking about my labia in a gross way, it's like, oh, come on.

Like, I don't really care, though. I don't really. But, like, I put something up the other day. You know those men that want to be, like, pay pigs or what have you? Like, oh, what have you? What's that? I like pay for like cam girls yeah like i put something on this kind of stories and then someone was like i'll pay for you to something or other i tell you what if the economy goes much worse i might be taking him up on that you know i've been looking into it not looking into it

really but i saw a documentary on it and uh you can make like 10 grand a month what i don't know if why are we not doing this already i know i was gonna bring it up in what what do you have to do like do i have to so vision like there'll be there's a camera on me on my laptop and i have to do it right for someone or something i don't even think it goes that far i think it's just like a little bit of a nipple touch oh it's just nipple touch oh i think you have to jiggle about i think i've seen them jiggling around i think men like the jiggles i don't know yeah but i can do it how do you know that lou i just been watching i don't know but i think men like jiggling i don't know right yeah you've heard someone i mean i'd ask a toxic male producer what he would uh want from a cam girl but

he's not but listen so what what sort of tell me some of the biggest most like intense dms you've ever had oh I don't think I've got intense ones just like oh the ones I hate though are ones that someone will say oh my wife and me have just one guy it was like oh my wife really likes you my wife they always but then they go they go flirty and I hate that so much and then I'll say to him like one of them I said you've just been on freaking honeymoon with your wife why are you messaging me and it's like it could be read sort of innocently but they're testing the water and I find that so gross or men men with, like, pictures of their girlfriend. I do reply to them and I say, like, what are you doing?

You've got a picture of your girlfriend in the profile because I hate it so much. I do the same thing. I pull these men up all the time. I'm like, I wonder if your girlfriend would like to know that. They're like, oh, I'm just being polite. Stop, like, you've taken this too far. I'm like, fuck off. Yeah, I hate it.

Because why are you fishing around on the internet when you've got a picture of your wife or girlfriend in your profile picture? It's like so fucking gross. Unless they want you to like, because I once got a DM from another guy in a band and his girlfriend and they were recruiting for a threesome. Right.

And they were like, yeah, we're just trying this out, et cetera, et cetera. And I just didn't obviously reply. Did you just brazenly up front? As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like potash to support sustainable food production. This is why

BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company.

To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation. You can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire. Treat your friends or spoil your family. Earn them on your adventure and use them how you want, when you want. That's the powerful backing of American Express.

Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxtermsapply. Say it. Yeah, it's just like a cheeky message. I don't know Say it. Yeah, it was just like a cheeky message. I don't know if it was Instagram or it was Facebook or something. And it might have been

her message, not him, because I'd met her before. But I just thought it was like, they were like, yeah, you're the kind of person we'd want to try it with. And I didn't know

if I should be flattered or kind of offended. Yeah, flattered. I remember my boyfriend at the time was like, that's really bad because it makes it look like you're that kind of girl

that you would just be like up for free so it was willy nilly. Yeah, but we it look like you're that kind of girl. He would just be like, up for threesomes, willy-nilly. Yeah, but we shouldn't. It's such a shame. Loads of my friends have threesomes. We should not slut shame. Good luck to them. For me, there's something like, I had a couple in my younger days,

but I don't think I would bother now. I can't be bothered with the admin. No, they're a bit, like, someone's always a bit left out, aren't they? I don't know. I haven't had enough of them. We're talking about threesomes, right? Yeah. Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think now, I mean, good luck to them all. Godspeed to you. But I find it hard enough doing a onesome. Yeah. So, basically, the guy I'm seeing now, he slids into my DMs and he's my boyfriend. So, like, have you ever actually taken anyone's uh advances and gone with them yeah like maybe uh one if like there was a guy at a gig and he was on the front row

and then he dm'd me and we went on a couple of dates is that weird um no he was quite funny and like sort of really easy to get on with so it wasn't really um I wouldn't like now and again I've been tempted and there's nothing wrong with it like I know loads of people who are together now who've met through GMs you said you've been on dating apps so even bumble I go on them for about two days and then I um get scared and if someone says they recognize me or something then I shit myself and then come off of it immediately. Just because I don't like people knowing more about me. Most people don't know who I am, so it's fine.

But then you get one or two messages like, oh, I just heard you on this thing. And then I get really scared because I don't know why. But I think it's just that thing, if someone knows more about you than you do of them or they're going through your profile, you feel it's just a bit too vulnerable, really. So I was going to ask you, like, have you ever sent an unsolicited DM to anyone else you fancy? Oh, good question.

I don't think so. Even in its innocence of, oh, I like this guy and maybe I can talk shop. No. But not when I mean shop I mean no and I've really gone off boys in bands now we're talking about it I think they're gross I think they're absolutely gross stick with a nice chartered surveyor please a bit of reliability yeah you don't mean I do mean that there's too much ego in that world it's disgusting it's like oh Ray has Ray has just grossed me out I thought of it so who are you quarantining with at the moment my friend and who would you like to my friend luke mcqueen who is the comedian and one of the best comedians i think he's a genius um and he he's my friend

he's great but he won't cuddle me or give me any physical contact um he's like a stiff bit of cardboard and i i say it's just because he's scared of his true emotions towards me but um apart from that it's great like do you do you wish that to be the case what do you mean oh no no no no we've got we've got no sexual chemistry whatsoever but all of my friends i'm quite tactile with me and my friend brett will stroke each other's hair we'll be really tactile we don't fancy each other at all which is why we can do it yeah I get that I'm like that with a lot of my mates yeah and the girls as well you never stroke my hair Gizzy I'm pretty sure I have once or twice when she's been off her face so Lou you you've you stopped

drinking didn't you and how was sober dating for you yeah that's my hell by the way i'm gonna put that out there yeah no quite good because how to give me some tips because i'm intrigued by it well i guess like if you just rely on if we all got you'll get to a place like if you're drinking from young which we all are you just get used to it don't you like relying on that and then you it's just like flicking a switch in your head to be like oh no I need to be confident with that because it is a false kind of um I always thought I was so adorable when I was drinking and I was an absolute arsehole so once you get over that false kind of thing of like oh I need a drink then it's actually a lot easier

but people are alienated by it like if you're rocking up like oh yeah I don't I don't drink and I'm a vegan people are like square off you know but actually it's pretty cool you find people get quite uncomfortable yeah a little bit like when I was first doing but it's if you're comfortable with it and they're not then it's at least one of you is but at the start both of you are uncomfortable but are these requirements that you kind of like in other people are kind of the i suppose both of those things are showing like like real self-confidence anyway and independence so i'm assuming that if somebody wasn't into it off the off you probably wouldn't be connecting anyway yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean i've just worried i just think i wonder about like um like there's something in like drunk sex like i guess

and like you can't what's i mean i mean i'm not asking what sober sex is like because obviously i'm aware of that tragedy of like i've never had sex i had a flatmate who'd never had who'd never had sex uh sober ever until she moved in with me she's like you're gonna have to fucking do this yeah there's so many themes immersed into this. It's like, if you're drinking for a long time, the impact of shame and the things you do that you don't really want to or you wouldn't do if you were fully conscious and stuff,

it's like, to unpick all that is very freeing, but it takes a bit of time. And it's like anything, if you change path completely, you know, it's quite daunting at the start but I would say the benefits of not drinking is just keep that it's the best thing I've ever done but I know that is a very dry excuse the pun answer but it is true I did a year off once did you yeah I'm very proud of myself when it was eight months but I dragged it on to sound like a year yeah yeah yeah I always like relay it when

I'm pissed in pubs yeah oh my god I wrote this article about um giving up drinking like being a piss head basically and um people there was a girl in the pub that I knew anyway through whatever but I knew it she came up to me she went she was absolutely wangered and she was like oh my god your article changed my life and I thought in what way has made you more pissed um you talk about your 20s uh that you were great at being a slut for feminism discuss that yeah that's the thing sex is a complicated issue isn't it of? Of, you know, I would say when I was younger, because there's still, such shaming still exists, obviously, but it was more prominent when I was like a teenager. So I was like, no one's going to judge me.

I sleep with who I want as a political statement. But also, that doesn't really work. It's not going to make actually any change. It's just like, you just slept with people you you know if you were sober you probably wouldn't so i think but yeah i don't know it's such a complicated issue because i think you should obviously be able to sleep with who you want and do what you want and not be judged like we were a bit mean on the three terms thing but that's so immersed in us it's really hard to lose that and and if people are sleeping with people out of born out

of a low self-esteem or addiction that's different to following your your sort of like a pleasure thing and being like yeah I'm just gonna get this because I want it so it's quite you know it's a fucking mess really I talk about this quite a lot with friends because I think generationally I'm probably a bit older than both of you not to me you're not we're the same generation are you not yeah yeah are you you're the same age as me so yeah oh well that's fantastic news well I I always have felt that I had to like not sleep around to be like a good girl like not good girlfriend obviously it helps if you're not shagging around but anyway talking about um someone like Amelia Ratajkowski who like commands herself as being a feminist

and yeah and um and I'm like okay so I want I want someone to explain this to me because I look at this girl who's an extraordinarily beautiful woman who's using her body as her tool and is still intelligent and works for the UN and does stuff like that but never does she do anything on her Instagram other than put her tits and arse on I hate it I think we've gone so sexualized and women are saying oh it's feminism it's that but we're playing into men's hands and we're totally it's totally operating for the patriarchy and if you're and it's a nightmare it's everything's so hyper sexualized and it's how we get attention and stuff and even in comedy there's loads of

comedians and it's it is different generation it's like the 22 23 year olds showing on instagram their ass or tits whatever and it's just the quickest way of getting attention and validation but it is not born out of anything it's no skill or the men aren't doing it it's like how is that feminist if the men aren't doing it and they're getting exactly what they want that's exactly how i feel i'm really pleased you said that it's also completely bringing down like other women isn't it it's like it's it's kind of you know it's not it makes the base level unifying feminism it's like out for yourself know, it's not unifying feminism. It's like out for yourself more so. It's to get attention.

And the way that women are told, it's not their fault, but the way that women are told the quickest way to get attention and be validated is through their body. So their value is their body, which is wrong. And it's so sad. And the fact that 22-year-olds are doing it, that's a new generation. And that's the message that the year olds are doing it like that's a new generation and that's the message

that that the whole culture is about being vacuous and like out for yourself and showing your ass and tits and man it's so depressing and the thing is if you criticize it again we're in a position where we're criticizing other women so women never have the power because we were ripping each other down and disagreeing because we're you know you know, not taught to, like, oh, man, it's a mess. I was thinking about this very thing the other day, and I thought, God, it's sad we've gone backwards. And then I looked at this video that I did when I first started comedy, like, 13 years ago,

and I thought it was satirising the music industry. You know R&B videos, like, hip-hop videos, when they've got a man in a full jacket like he's in a coat and the women are all in bikinis and that has not changed if any it's like they duplicate the same video everyone do it's like from a creative point of view let alone anything else it's fucking uninspired but anyway so I made this video that was like I'm always in my bikini and I honestly thought it was like so satirical because I was going around Sainsbury's in a bikini and I thought it was so brave and around Islington also I thought I was really fat

and it would have been funny did you put it on Instagram no I this was years ago I've had it on YouTube and I've just taken it down because someone reminded me that it was there and I was like how embarrassing I re-watched it with with my friend Luke actually and like if I was really fat it would be really funny but like I'm young I don't you when you're young you don't realize you look good and I well that's not always the case but like I say I probably had loads of and I it's the thirstiest thing you've ever seen I'm over like a Ford like a shit car I'm over it like waggling my ass to the camera and the joke is that it's not a nice car I want to see it is awful it's just so thirsty me and Luke I was like what was I thinking so if someone had seen that they would be like oh yeah she's thirsty as fuck like yeah terrible business

we're not getting the joke essentially yeah yeah yeah yeah very flimsy joke well so if you were to open up your um other inbox on Instagram yeah what would theimsy joke well so if you were to open up your um other inbox on instagram yeah what would the last three messages be do you want me to do that i would love you to here's my last three messages you're going to be so disappointed uh pretty sure you can buy shit in the shops and do it yourself diy project for you um i mean that's kind of useful information what was that in reference to? This flat that I bought came with curtains because it was like a show, they were showing people around that flat. Anyway it comes with three curtains and I don't like waste and I don't

like measuring things and stuff so I thought use the curtains that are there because you know then they're there they're the right size but I don't really like the color so I said can you send curtains off to someone to die this is really boring here I can't believe how boring I am oh my god this is my life now I need to start getting my body parts out on Instagram because this is no good in fact I mean I take back everything I've said what um what how much of your body this sounds. What, how much of your body, this sounds very strange now, how much of your body have you exposed on Instagram? Just my anus, just a full close-up of my anus.

Gizzy, I saw you did an Instagram Live the other day, Gizzy, with your boobs were very perky there, weren't they? Everyone said that. I didn't realise because I'm so fucking shit. This is how bad I am at technology. I can barely see anything I'm doing. Yeah, I was cooking and I had a low-cut top and apparently my boobs were jiggling for the audience

and I had no fucking idea. Well, she cut her chicken breasts. She was jiggling. Jiggling some real ones around. I wore such a short dress for this show once and I did not realize how short it was and I thought the producers would tell me not to blame anyone else because I'm a grown woman and I should know how to dress but I like it was insane how short it was and I watched it back and I was mortified like it's in it's like insane and then I Googled my name on Twitter, which I don't normally do, and this guy had screenshotted them in a vile way and put them up.

But you just think, fair enough, it's my fault. How short are we talking? Are we talking just on the cusp of the cheek? I think I bought it as a dress, and let's just say it shrunk into a shirt. Wow. And let's just say I did not have tights with me i think if you got it yeah oh god i've done so many of those things there were these sites that when i first did cook yourself in there were these sites um where they used to take little screen grabs if you're if you'd like crossed your leg weirdly they'd take

little screen grabs of up skirts and there was like sites dedicated to my pussy for a while pussy erskine they called her no they should have you can have that one said come on there must be more in there for your dms uh i would say i get more weird messages on twitter i had to block a few men because like the kind of smutty stuff I don't really mind I don't I mean you don't oh my god once I forgot about this someone oh my god someone sent me uh they replied to one of my tweets and they sent me a porn actress who looked really like and it was frightening how much she had, she had a much better rack. And she was just really happy to be at work,

I've got to say. She was, the joy de vivre was through the roof. And she was jiggling about, actually. She loved to jiggle. But she, so they sent me a montage of this lady's work. And, you know, dick in the mouth, that kind of thing. But it was set to like Benny Hill music, so it was very odd. And it was like, da-da-da-da-da-da. And she's like, dick in the mouth, dick in the mouth, that kind of thing. But it was set to like Benny Hill music, so it was very odd.

And it was like, da-da-da, da-da-da. And she's like, dick in the mouth, dick in the mouth. I loved being at work. Yeah. And she looked really like me. And I was like, oh, my God, that's gross. Like how gross that he's replying with this video. And then later on when I thought about it, I got a bit turned on.

Don't know why um and then but I block more how similar are we talking like quite like like she looked like a sort of like hotter older from behind oh from behind I don't know I wasn't like really studying her her work but she looked like a sort of older prettier version of me that bothered to have her tits done and you know the the results were stunning actually on the old on the old breasts good luck to her but um yeah I block more people on Twitter I would say than Instagram I don't get that many messages also they go into a different folder so I quite like that you don't have to look at them yeah it's a bit classier but the ones on twitter that scare me aren't even the sexual ones I don't love them but um the ones are kind of like there's there's a couple of guys one of them used to reply to me every single tweet he'd reply about five tweets and he looked like he was smoking crack in his

profile picture and in the end I did block him there's quite a few with that you think I've got mental health problems and that's what scares me more because you just think like they're living in a different universe and also in his tweets it was like he knew what I'd been up to I think it was just a few coincidences but it's like are you stalking me yeah he would always mention stuff that I'd been saying or something and I thought that is weird not on the twitter no I obviously realize other people can see my tweets what kind of thing well just like they didn't make sense like poems rhyming rhyming things are poems I'm aware of that um like really going into I see if I can find any but then I'm too scared to read them out because if anyone's listening to my podcast it's him I think oh yeah

he opened up another account so he so I blocked him then he opened up another account with a different picture but his messages are so crackers and so like uniquely him that's like his USP is strong at least but um oh I knew it was him kind of thing and then I think he's still messaging me but it has gone down a bit so that's nice maybe he's found another lady how often is he messaging I don't know like I sort of ignore it now so it doesn't really even register but probably three times a week maybe with really weird stuff which I don't read it's quite intense have you ever had a stalker yeah he's dead now so make of that what you will. Yeah, what happened?

What did you do to him? I killed him. No, yeah, he did have mental health problems. That's the ones you've got to watch for, because it's hard to reason with them. What happened there? Was that quite weird? Yeah, he was stalking me, but not, like, he wasn't, like, you sort of thought, I don't think he can get himself together to be that much of a fright.

But it was quite, it was a light stalking, it was still like not ideal you pop up outside your house yeah once I was with my mum and I absolutely bricked it but then he died a couple of weeks later and I thought okay the witch powers are strong how did you find that out well because he was sort of known in comedy and a bit and oh also so after me so he was stalking me and I thought yeah cool see us you know cool see us look at this he's only human but then he started stalking someone very different to me like a very small uh lesbian uh with short hair and glasses and I thought oh he's not got a tie I feel like devastated does he like me or what? Yeah.

But poor guy. Bless him. You know, not right of head. I think that's what we call it these days to be politically correct. Not right of head. Listen, Lou, you've been an absolute star. Thank you for joining us. And we hope to see you in the flesh soon.

Thank you, Lou. Yeah, nice to meet you. All right. See you, bye. Thank you for listening to our Spotify original podcast, Sex Lies and DM Slides. Please follow us on Spotify and tell all your mates about it if you enjoyed it.

And if you have any weird and wonderful Sex Lies and DM Slides stories of your own, do slide into our DMs, at Sydney Lima and at Gizzy Erskine. No dick pics, please! Also follow us on Twitter and Instagram, at Sex Lies DM Slides. This Spotify original podcast is a Hayden Prowse production produced by Amanda Redmond, edited by Matt and Scott dick pics please also follow us on twitter and instagram at sex lies dm slides this spotify original podcast is a hayden prouse production produced by amanda redmond edited by matt and

scott at pod monkey with music by free seed films our executive producers at spotify are rachel simpson and alexandra ad