Sex, Lies & DM Slides - S1E3: Gizzi & Sydney | Karley Sciortino

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

The sexpert herself, Karley ‘Slutever’ Sciortino chats to Gizzi and Sydney about having sex with a male sex doll, what it means to reclaim the word 'slut' and the etiquette of foursomes. Famous for her explicit Vogue columns and Viceland documentaries on erotica, Gizzi and Sydney are keen to ask her about her time working as a dominatrix and why she’s faked over 2000 orgasms. Also Sydney once went to a squat party with her… she thinks.  Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify Original. This series was produced by Heydon Prowse Productions, edited by Podmonkey with music by Free Seed Films. For Spotify, the executive producers are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my name's Gizzy Erskine. And I'm Sydney Lima, and this is Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Where we invite our celebrity friends to dive deep into their DM boxes to see what terrors lurk within. We'll be chatting about online trolls, online dating, perverted proposals and why everyone's so weird on social media. Sex and Lies and DM Slides. This podcast contains adult content, graphic

details about sex lives and the filthy contents of our inboxes. You have been warned. So welcome back to Sex Lies and DM Slides, which is our Spotify original podcast. I'm Sydney Lima. And I'm Gizzy Erskine. And I'm really excited about today because we basically have a sexpert on, don't we? Real life sex is what we're aspiring to become. Basically. It's Carly Scortino and she is famous for the blog Slut Ever, which actually became a TV show on Viceland. She also writes Vogue's online sex and relationships column, Breathless. You thought you'd hung out with her before, didn't you?

Yeah. I thought I'd been to her squat actually. We should explain a bit about that shouldn't we so she was famous for having this brilliant squat that was called squally oaks squally eggs yeah no there were quite a few squats around that time and i was probably doing some sort of touring of parties in squats and i thought i was at hers but i don't think it was it was kind of of all the Vice lot, loads of people. It was one of those weird people that I can't believe I've never met before. And I feel like you probably were there, but who fucking knows?

And then she started writing for a sex column for Vice, which got really famous. She started writing for Vogue. And yeah, so what have you been researching this week, Sid? I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students.

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quick and secure withdrawals get more everything with fan duel sports book and casino gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 visit connects ontarioario.ca. I found this account. It was basically an account on Instagram called Crossbreed. And they're a collaborative queer, sex, and kink positive rave, essentially. Record label and rave. And in lockdown, they've been doing sex parties on Zoom. And they've started this thing on the Instagram called Quoranfessions, which is basically asking people what the filthiest thing you've done in lockdown is.

So, would you like to hear some? Yeah, go on. So, the, how the cream egg sucked, slash,

licked out of my arse. Mm-hmm. Foursomes and threesomes with all our housemates. Cool, I bet that's happened a lot. Yeah, I think everyone's kind of,

yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think, I mean, my friend recently was just doing, was approached for a threesome, but it was out of lockdown. I think it was like the comeback, the comeback threesome. It's kind of yeah yeah i mean i think i mean my friend recently was just doing it had a it was approached for a reason but it was out of lockdown i think it was like

the comeback the comeback when you can start adding people again um oh so what's the filthiest thing you've done in on lockdown oh no this is gross my partner couldn't get to the bathroom so pissed in an old bottle i then drank it later on that's lot. My girlfriend stuffed my mouth with four toasted and buttered hot cross buns riding me. That's hot. I am into that.

It's a lot of fisting. There's been a lot of quarantine fisting. Wow. Oh my God. Oh my God, Gizzy. Oh my God, it says one of the things

is sent my buddy clips of me using a glass dildo in my ass for the first time. That's what you received. That is what I received. Oh my God.

Do you think that's him and I'm now his friend? You're his fuck buddy, isn't he? So we should explain that I've been getting some extreme DMs based on announcing this podcast. Some people are sort of like taking it what I thought was a bit of wit and humor. So somebody said, you respond to this, I'm going to send you a video of me fisting myself. So I was like, you don't film it, it didn't happen. As a joke, quite clearly.

At which point he sent me a video of him fisting himself with a glass dildo. With an awful lot of lubrication. Awful lot of lubrication. Then I ignored it, two days later, we're on holiday. Dildo. Stop this there so what have you been doing but it's expanded into this rubber

it's almost like a rubber tail and it's so stuck up I don't think I watched that one it's quite a lot yeah you did should we watch it again

yeah go on what's his name oh okay what's his name Jeff right I'm gonna find it did you reply to them?

Jeff O'Toole, is this the guy? Oh my god. Oh god. Okay, so here's the first one. Okay, ah! So basically, okay, I just can't look. Describe, you have to describe it. I had to watch it.

I know, but I'm just gonna describe it from looking at it from afar. Okay, it keeps going. Can you not hold it and then it pauses or something? No, no. It just keeps going. There's a finger. Basically, it's a man's bottom.

He's bent over. You can see all the bits. And basically, there's a hand. There's a plastic hand. And it's going in and out of his ass with loads of lube. It's kind of yellow lube. I'm just looking at his bed. Look at the cupboards.

Oh, my God. He sent another one. Yeah. Oh, and then he said, which is better? Open the other one because the other one is quite something. he's sitting on a toilet seat now oh my god so he just he basically gets off the toilet seat and there's just this there's this there's never ending it's a rubber dildo that's never ending and then ask which one do you prefer i'm like did you reply no but i think i will should we reply to him now yeah i think so but so. But what should we do? Should we tell him off or should we be like...

I don't know. I mean, you did ask for it. I didn't... Oh, fuck off. I was gagging. No, send me some freaky shit. What's your PayPal? Oh my God!

I finally made it! Send your PayPal. But what for? No, I'm too scared. Who's going to send money? We should maybe set up a Sex Lies and DM Slides PayPal account. Shall I set up one now?

Yeah, go on. Let's do it now. And then we'll see. Well, let's just send this to Jeff and see what happens. And we'll talk about it in another episode. Yeah. Okay. We're going to set up one and we'll let you know what Jeff said.

Yeah. Or does. Yeah. Or wants. Why do you think someone is sending you pictures of them fisting their ass, Gizzy? I think that he wants to dominate again. I think rather than being dominated and like your weird sex slave,

I think... Sex slave? What was he? Financial slave. Oh, right. I don't have a sex slave. He did have to tread on his head. Okay, fair point.

We've lost her. Where have you gone, Gizzy? I don't know I'm coming back where were we where were we you were trying to accuse me of having

a sex slave that was good so but with your financial slave this is kind of we could find out what Jeff really wants from this

we could well interview him should we get him to come to call us should we see if we can get him on the phone that could be really funny ask him for his number

alright I'll be like Jeff we want to interview you i'll be honest let's do it what if or we could facetime him but he might be doing the same thing oh no i'm not prepared to risk the face bum time so we'll be letting you know how we get on with jeff and uh if we get his number or not we'll try and get him on the show but i mean i'm pretty like i'm pretty overwhelmed by that footage we We're certainly not asking for it. So because Carly's in this episode, I decided to take a prude test.

Yeah, go on. To see how prudish I was. And how did you come across? I'm 10% prude. Yeah, I think that sounds about right. I'd say you're more prudish than that. I think I'm a bit more prudish. I'm going to do another test.

I think I'm going to get Gizzy to do one. I was trying to get Gizzy to do it today, but it's long. It's fucking long. So we'll get back to you on get Gizzy to do it today but it's long. It's fucking long. So we'll get back to you on if Gizzy's more prudish

or less prudish than me. I'm going to say already I know I'm going to be less prudish than you. I'm surprised you're only 10% prude. I know.

I really think I'm more of a 22% prude. I think that's exactly what I would have said. What? Exactly 22? You're exactly 22% prude. Yeah.

It's all over my face. I'm not a quarter prude. The irony is there was a thing I did at school which was who was the most frigid? That was me. You're exactly 22% prude. Yeah, it's all over my face. I'm not a quarter prude. The irony is, there was a thing I did at school, which was who was the most frigid. That was me. Wait, did people just kind of go around nominating who was the most frigid?

Yeah. A bit mean, isn't it? Until I was about 20. You went to an all-girls school? Yeah. I was always the most fucking frigid I had to change that So we've got a couple of prudes basically running a sex podcast

Hold on to your hats children So here we have Carly Scrutino Who we did interview in lockdown During lockdown In New York So apologies for any sound issues. Sex and lies and DMs lies. You all right?

Hi, Carly. Hey, how's it going? Not bad, not bad. I'm pretty sure, before we start, I'm pretty sure I have actually been to a house before, but it wasn't a house, it was a squat, and it was in London, and it was called Squally Oaks oh my god wait really but I like there were a few like squat parties at the time thing and I'm pretty sure I've been there there was a few there's one squat that I don't know if it was

Squally Oaks but it had literally just a crater in the floor of like concrete like rubble and they'd kind of made a kind of ridge around it to be like, oh, kind of beware of the crater. But that wasn't squallyoaks. I don't think so. Clearly not. Clearly not. Oh, question.

Shall we move on? But it sounds like something that would have happened. I'm not sure. So was your squat called squallyoaks? Is this just some weird random squat that you're just like the only squat party I ever went to must be Carly's I don't know Carly's like was it that I mean you lived in a squat for a while didn't you yeah there was a few squally oaks was the one that we had most of the parties it was um a play on the words squat and holly oaks which maybe is evident but there was also a squat that

i lived in for a while that was just an apartment that wasn't really where we had parties so maybe that's what you're thinking of maybe you went there once later it was like there was a stairway up the stairs and part of the stairway was missing so you had to like jump over it was that it sounds i was on a bit of ketamine so i'm not too sure if that was but anyway how are you in lockdown i'm okay i just woke up my sleep schedule in quarantine has gotten a bit strange so i wake up at 11 i mean that's not that bad waking up at 11 i mean to be honest with you i normally wake up at 11 in normal life and then i'm actually getting up at eight o'clock in the morning now so i don't know what's going on the lockdown rebel yeah but you've also been busy you've got your lockdown podcast loving quarantine how's that going it's going well it's nice to hear

what other people are going through you know everything from are you and your boyfriend still having sex in quarantine or what it's like to live with a kid things like that what are you finding is like the answer to all those like are people having less sex because I saw an article the other day that was saying that people were having less sex in quarantine well it's a lot of what you hear is anecdotal and so many people on twitter I felt like were saying oh my god I'm so horny in quarantine all I do is masturbate all day and I I was like, okay, that's interesting. And then I interviewed yesterday this guy named Dr. LaMiller, and he works at the Kinsey Institute and is doing all these studies about what's actually happening in terms of sex and relationships in quarantine. And he was saying actually most people report to having less sex.

But there are, you know, a smaller subset who are actually having more. But I feel like to me, all I hear is like, I'm so quarantine horny. Like I just want to jump out my window and fuck everything. And it's like, I think that people are just saying something because they just have nothing to say. Do you think that that might be because people can't actually have sex?

Right. You take away the thing you definitely can't do. I know, that's true. Are you having sex in lockdown yeah just like the regular amount what's the regular amount um oh my god I guess it fluctuates just like I'm like too embarrassed I mean it's just like a solid amount it's not every single day but it's not no days it's just like a really solid. So you started the blog slut ever. I think you started when you're in that squat that I keep trying to act like I was also in. Can you explain like why you started slut ever essentially?

Yeah. So I basically moved to London when I was 18 years old. I was going to go to college, but then I dropped out after one semester and was going to go to college, but then I dropped out after one semester and my parents were like, okay, well that means you have to come back because you don't have any money and you know, you have to go to some other school. And I didn't want to leave because I was just having so much fun. And so I didn't have any money or any prospects and I didn't have a working permit. Like, and I didn't have a visa actually. I didn't have a working permit like and I didn't have a visa actually I didn't have anything so I moved into this squat you know quote temporarily while I figured out what I was going to do and then I ended up squatting for six years until I got deported so basically I always knew that I wanted to be a writer but I didn't really understand you know know how I want to

to actually go about it and then so I decided to start this blog called Sled Ever. But it was really early days of blogging. Like, it was in 2007. And do you remember when the internet looked really crazy, where it was like all blogs were new and there was like a black background, but with like neon Comic Sans writing? Yeah, it was like that period of time. Comic Sans is the most affrontive font.

I mean, I found it horrific. But it was like the internet was Comic Sans for a while. I think maybe some people don't remember, but that was like the identity of the internet, at least on blogs. So I thought I was just starting this blog to practice writing because at the time there wasn't really, blogs were new, so there wasn't really an example of like a blogger who, you know, became successful doing that or blogs that became people's jobs. But I started writing about our life in this squat. There was 15 of us.

We were all in our early 20s. I mean, you know the vibe. It was just like, it's supposed to be this kind of egalitarian community where we all share everything and we're freegans. But mainly it was just people dealing K and not remembering anything. But I started writing this blog as a kind of written record of what was going on then intended to be, you know, as a memory for the people who also lived there because no one could remember anything. But then it just gained some traction and then it slowly became my entire life. So Slut Ever, like how does that define what a slut actually is?

So the name, I I guess it comes from like slut and whatever you know just sort of this irreverent I like combining two words so it's like it's this kind of irreverent idea about I mean I didn't think too hard about it it's like this idea of like oh I'm called a slut and like, whatever, that's not a big deal. Kind of subverting the idea of slut as being this really heavy, painful word that's used to harm. Right. I wrote a book called Slut Ever Too. And a lot of it's about reclaiming the idea of the word slut and about how, you know, a lot of people, you know, parts of the feminist movement think that we should just eradicate that word and just like stop using it because it's mean. But I think that like sort of removing words from the lexicon, especially when they're so used as sort of a pointless task, you know, it will never work.

So I think like reclaiming words has been so successful historically, like words like queer and butch and fag and a lot of like sort of racial slurs have been successfully reclaimed by the communities that felt oppression under those labels. So I think that that was kind of the aim with slut where it's like, if it just becomes like a silly, you know, something that you can identify as as a joke, then it has less sort of power to harm or shame. What's your history with the word slut? Is it something you've been called? Is that why you felt so strongly to kind of create a blog around it yeah I mean it was a

bit in high school I was like pretty slutty in high school I mean comparatively I guess I mean it's hard to judge I mean I feel like for a British person I wasn't that slutty in high school because like every time like all my British friends were like I lost my virginity at 12 and a threesome and I was like okay like that's why you have so much weird teen pregnancy and like in-brandism there. I don't know. But for my American high school, it felt like I was sleeping with a lot of people. But I mean it wasn't a super political act at the time calling the blog slut ever. It was more like funny and irreverent and a comment on slut-aming culture but I think over time because of the way the culture has changed

too in a way that sort of like female sexuality has become increasingly a part of the cultural and political conversation and like conversations around slut shaming have become forefronted that it's something that I've just talked about more you know I guess I just like I decide to monetize the yeah the slut shaming conversation is a slut something women have ownership over or can a man be a slut you know i think that whatever if a man wants to identify as a slut i think that i'm not going to be like we own that word i just think that the word has really been used as a derogatory term for women and actually in the definition it historically it has meant like a woman with multiple sexual partners so it's sort of like yeah if a guy identifies as a bitch or like if i identify as like a fag i feel

like it's like doesn't have as much like weight to it you know what i mean i'm not saying that like don't say that we own it but it's just like i don't think that it's as much of a subversive or transgressive act really so obviously our podcast is all about kind of the messages you receive online from strangers to do with kind of sex and stuff because you've put yourself out in the world as someone talking about sex do you get a lot of kind of aggressive messages then in your dms you know what i actually don't and i think that the the messages i get from people are really different than I think people would expect and then I expect. I mean, I'm used to it now, but I get

asked that question pretty frequently. Like, do you get a lot of slut shaving online? Do you get a lot of hate? And I'm surprised at how little I do. I've seen some, I remember like at one point I became a meme, which I thought, I mean, I wasn't actually like a successful meme, but I just like saw something that looked like a meme on the internet. And I felt like I'd really made it. And it basically was like, it was slut shaming. And it was, they just paired two of my headlines for the column I write for Vogue back to back. And one of them was like, how did I become the last single person in my friend group and then it just like was like a question mark question mark and then it like showed a title of a post I'd

written the year before which was like I rang in my 30s with a foursome and then it said like something slut shaming like like this bitch is retarded or something I can't remember I mean you're so you were still a meme yeah I was like yes to be honest yeah i mean but so stuff like that just just picking up on the foursome thing there um just because i'm in the furthest i've got it's free so how does foursome is just surely two people just two couples having i mean you just swap around no it was swapped i mean it was this married couple and then it was this guy that I was just dating not really seriously. So it wasn't, I mean, like the emotional stakes for me were pretty low. But yeah, it was just a swap. And I was good because I think the guy that I got to swap with was hotter than the guy that I was came. That's got to be half the reasoning behind it surely yeah well i didn't organize it he organized it and i was like interesting okay it was on my 30th birthday that was the happy birthday

yeah so um do you think do you feel like a lot of your i've got like for lack of a better word escapades have gone you've come into them from a journalistic perspective or has it been from an authentic sexual perspective? Like how, how do you feel like you take this on? That's a really good question. I think that it's a question that I don't even know if I know the answer to because they get so muddled sometimes. Like I definitely, when I was younger was having a lot of sex. And I mean, the reasons behind why I was doing that are also kind of complicated where it's like, part of it was provocationation because I grew up in this family where they, you know, they were like, don't have sex until you're married. But then part of it was also curiosity and that I thought was fun. So, you know, it's difficult to be like, is this totally reactionary

or like our motivations for doing anything? And I feel like sex especially can be kind of confusing. And then when I started doing the blog, then it became like, well, I have to have something to write about. But then it was kind of like fun to have that excuse as well. To keep exploring it. Yeah, to keep exploring it or to keep like, you know, it is funny that you could be like, oh, well, I'm sleeping around for research. It's like a funny thing to be able to say. It's a great excuse does it give you a bit of welly to then put yourself in positions you may not have naturally sexually kind of wanted to do i think that that is like a

really good point i think that that's true it's like it sort of becomes confused but it's not like oh my god i feel like i totally feel pressure because of my writing to do these things that i'm not enjoying it's like sort of a catalyst in a way. And then when something becomes sort of like, quote, an identity, then sometimes you can feel trapped. Like I remember when I was like 28 or something, I got into a relationship. I was like in a monogamous relationship. And I was like, oh my God, like my blog is going to be shit. Like I'm not gonna have anything to write about. And then I remember someone being like, well, why don't you start writing about your relationship and I was like oh right cool like relationships they're also interesting so I think that there was a point at which I felt

like oh my god if I don't have this sort of crazy spontaneous clumsy sex life that I'm not gonna have anything to say I think I you know grew out of that and so I was just gonna say has that been an evolutionary process and like and just because based on what this this show is about like how has the internet been integral to that I mean is it must have been surely because it was a blog to begin with but you know like from using um apps all the way through to how you use it in order to promote yourself I mean yeah I sort of like built my whole career on the internet. And I do feel like I say all the time that I don't think my blog would have been that successful if I started it a handful of years later, because there was no competition. There's just wasn't any blogs

for things like that. There certainly wasn't any like sex blogs written by women that I know. So I feel my career is a real product of early internet. And then I've always used the internet to meet people sexually as well. And then I met this other, this boyfriend that I had when I was 24. I, you know, was writing my blog for a couple of years and I basically realized what Google alerts were. And I was like, oh, if I just write his name over and over and over on my blog, like he'll get a Google alert for it because he was this guy making these videos for Vice. So I wrote this article about how like I made out with my hand and imagined it was him. I wrote a couple articles like that. And then he, you know, it worked. Like he sent me a Facebook

message being like, haha, I've been reading your articles. And I was like, okay, can I change my Facebook status to interrelationship? Like that was my immediate response. Then he didn't say anything for two months. And I was like, damn it. And then, but then what happened was he lived in New York. Then I moved to New York like a handful of months later. And then I kind of messaged him being like, sorry for my bad joke.

But if you'd ever want to meet up for a drink I live here now and then we literally started dating for many years although it was a really bad relationship so I guess I regret it but I do think that it was like this magical internet thing where I was like oh my god like the internet is this place where you can just make things happen and like make these people who exist in your head like actually manifest in real life yeah what's your um history with dating apps have you ever used any of those or like like hookup apps I was primarily dating through dating apps for a couple of years I guess I broke up like right before I turned 30 and then for the next couple years I used them and that was the first time I like I was in a relationship all before that when they first came out and I remember then I was traveling for a bit in Europe and I realized it was this

incredible way to be introduced to a city like I remember going to Paris and then using Tinder and then meeting this guy who was really nice and then we went on this date and you know he takes you to his favorite restaurant and bar and then it's he's like these inbuilt tour guides in this kind of fun way where, you know, you can say like, I'm only here for a few days. So it's all up front. But yeah, I liked them. I mean, also like there's a lot of obvious difficulties to them where you end up going on dates sometimes with people

who you have no chemistry with. But I guess that exists in regular life anyway. Yeah, I was going to anyway yeah that's quite normal day but also there's another side to that these kind of hookups with people we don't know which is like normally for me it's it leads to a lot of fake orgasming and you've written an article about fake orgasms and you say you've got? Yeah, so that was a guess. But I actually did try and do the math. I was like, okay, so if I started when I was because I just wasn't pulling it out of nowhere. So if I started when I was 16, and I, when I turned 30,

I was like, I really got to get this together. I don't want to do this anymore. So I was like, okay, so that gives me 14 years of doing it. And then I was like. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada

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You know, I think it's reasonable to say that I can't remember. It was like 150 or something a year. Because sometimes you do two at once. Two in ten minutes. You wait until you hit 40 then have you ever been caught out? has anyone ever caught you out on a fake orgasm?

well it's funny because I've mostly dated men but I had one relationship with a woman for a few years and right at the beginning of that relationship she was like are you joking? like what so i think that it's different i think i mean she could tell i think that uh i'm not saying like it always a woman can tell and a man can't tell but i just thought that that was a really funny

like it almost was like too stereotypical but yeah i think that it's i think faking orgasms is like bad again i'm not trying to shame anyone or myself but i that it's, I think faking orgasms is like, again, I'm not trying to shame anyone or myself, but I think it's not a good idea, right? Like, you know, it's just like beginning a sexual interaction or just like lacing the sexual interaction with inauthenticity, which, you know, is obviously an impediment to being able to connect with someone. I think that on the face of it, it seems like, oh, well, you know, I'm doing it for the guy because I want him to feel good. I want him to think that he was like good in bed and that he could get me there. But, you know, in reality is also because I felt

insecure about not being able to come. Right. I think like a lot of women, especially when we're younger, just like don't know how to do it yet.'s like yeah it's it is hard right I mean it's kind of like it sort of fits into this like the sort of whole oppression thing with women you know it's like we just have to serve our guy and actually now we have reclaimed our bodies and we do know that the ability to come as a woman is far more powerful often and anyway but like listen how would you feel I mean have you ever caught a guy out doing it to you and if not or if or if so how does that make one feel I haven't but I mean I guess like that totally could have happened but but I do say in the article like if you think about it if I think of any woman if you said to any woman like would you like a guy if I did with

you you'd be like oh my god, that would make me feel so stupid. Like, because you just think, like, oh, so you think that I'm, like, so weak or insecure that I wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that you just, like, couldn't get there. Like, and then you feel lied to. Someone pointed it out to me, which I stole and then wrote in the article, that it's, like, a form of kind of cheating because it's like a deceptiveness but it's like a sort of a form of deceptiveness that's like really condoned and like everyone's just like haha I think orgasms all the time but it's like yeah literally if I found out someone was doing that to me I would feel really embarrassed I think yeah but I think it's so much better once you don't it feels a lot better because it's a crutch really and I think that you know like you can do it not only like to make them feel good or,

or to make yourself feel good, but just sort of in lieu of clear communication of being like, okay, like I'm tired or like, I don't think I'm going to get there today. You're just like, I just want it to be over. So I'm just going to fake it.

I think there's something to be said though, like Gizzy was saying about this whole kind of reclaiming of our bodies thing. There's also comes with it a pressure to be kind of very woke and like very sexual in sex as a woman now. And there must be something that's frustrating when you can't come. It's like if you can't do it, then you kind of feel less of a kind of a powerful woman to a degree also. Yeah. No, I think that that's totally true. Right.

Like, especially now we're like, we're women and we're empowered or whatever. Like, I mean, I think that that word is, it's a bit embarrassing. So, you know, you're talking about messages you get on the internet. By far the message, the emails I get the most from women are, you know, I can't calm. Like, is there something wrong with me? Like, I feel like my vagina's broken. I'm 22 years old. I've never had an orgasm. You know, I guess sometimes faking orgasms,

but not as much. But it's like, it makes people feel really insecure. And I think part of it is that I think that women are told wrongly, right? That men's sexuality or men's egos are so fragile that if we say like oh actually like that doesn't feel good can you do it like this that it will be like devastating that they're not gonna be able to handle it but it's like i actually don't think that's true and like but and then

yeah if you said like actually that doesn't feel good can you do it like this and he was like completely offended and like didn't want to fuck anymore. It's like, he seems like someone probably that you could just like cut out of the rotation. But like, I think that it's so ingrained in us. Like, you know what I mean? I'm not someone who's like, Oh my God, it's the patriarchy's fault. Like I just, that is not my sort of like way of thinking. I don't sort of like blame the patriarchy for everything, but also i do think that we've grown up being told that we have to be like pleasers right and then we have to minimize our own sexual desires or just sort of like you know general desires in favor of a man's in order to be desirable so i think that you know sex is like the perfect distillation of that and like orgasms are the perfect distillation of that where it's like okay I'm gonna perform what I think that's good sex is for you like it's like this porn star

experience of like good sex for me is if you enjoy it basically I think I was just rambling a little no no not at all I mean I think it's something that I've always felt I feel like it god this is I don't mean to sound like I'm the oldest one here I mean I was in a room felt I feel like it God this is I don't mean to say I'm like I'm the oldest one here I'm an old woman I feel like when I was in my 20s that was exactly what it was I wanted to like showcase how hot I was and I that was where I sort of felt like I was getting my pleasure I think that that was it the case you know when you're when you're 20 you sort of want to show that you're really good at fucking despite not actually probably knowing yourself as well you hit 30 and you suddenly realize what a real mind-blowing orgasm is although you're you're probably having orgasms all the way through the older you get the more you sort of don't want to

not if you're gonna have sex you you want to come and i think it's almost like rather not do it i don't know does that hit home do you know what I mean by that I think it's the evolutionary process of actually maturity that often I mean I'm you know God I'm only speaking about myself but I've all I guess I was always a very sexual even child not teenager you know I was very aware of everything but then now I feel like as an adult a real adult like you know exactly what you want from sex right and like do you feel like that sex is like better or more enjoyable now that you're not performing 100% yeah like without any shadow of a doubt I mean I could always come but now I will not have sex unless I know I'm going to it's almost like I'd rather not you know it's like which is probably

hugely selfish and I've turned into what the guy was then sometimes it's kind of like it's almost like I'd rather not you know it's like which is probably hugely selfish and I turned into what the guy was. Unless if you're quite like high then sometimes it's kind of like it's the charade of sex. Oh well if I'm high all I want to do is talk at you and then take some Ambien and then probably do whatever and not know it better than I say. I'm sorry now I'm waffling but Carly what are your thoughts on that no I completely agree too I think that sex is so much better now

that I that I'm yeah just authentic and that I don't feel like I have to perform like some like warped idea

of how a hot girl has sex whatever that is which is like totally invented anyway I mean I don't fault anybody for faking orgasms when they're younger like I'm not like don't do that I mean I'm sort of like you know don't do that if you if you can avoid it but I think that it's like a crutch for

a lot of women and I think that ideally you know you never would but I think it's hard like we were saying as a young girl to just have that sense of self right off the bat because you're not really trained to how much of what you know about sex and how you have sex is learned from kind of watching porn oh yeah that's a good question too so i think i'm 34 so i am a generation who a lot of us saw porn before we had sex i i did And it's really part of the cultural conversation now where, you know, we've been told that people mimic pornography when they have sex, especially if you're, you know, young and watching porn before you're having sex or when you're kind of like developing your sexuality. Because how could you not? It's like the same way that you kind of like

mimic like speech or all these other things from movies from movies yeah the cliches you bring out in arguments with boyfriends or girlfriends are normally from like i always find one-liners from film really that's funny that's so funny yeah but like the way you like mimic the way people dress or who you know what i mean it's like if this is your only example of how people have sex well how would it not impact the way that you go about it I have like a mixed foot for number one it's I think completely part of the reason why women fake orgasms for sure because like porn shows that women can like come while like being hung upside down and like four dicks in her mouth you know what I mean it's like so I think men have sometimes the you know young boys are misled by porn too right where it's like in a lot of negative ways like you have to have like

a giant dick and you have to be able to have a boner for four hours or like there's something wrong with you or you're not masculine you have to be really competent and aggressive and all these things that i think men mimic pornography too like in this kind of like macho way which sucks for them. So I think that that was complicated and it made me more performative. But then also something I've said in the past, probably too much, but that it also, I think, helps me with my body image porn. Because there was always like, you know, again, when I was in high school, it was like that pro-Anno moment where like it was the Olsen twins and like Calista Flockhart and everyone was, all actresses were like so anorexic. And then in porn, there were these women with like curves and boobs that like bounced when they had sex.

And I was like, oh, that's sexy. And like, that's what I look like, you know? Yeah. So I've read you once worked as a dominatrix, Carly. Yeah. Why did you stop? Because I guess it wasn't just like my long-term life plan. No, actually I do have a good reason why I stopped so uh okay basically I'll just try and make this as short

as possible so when I moved to New York when I was 24 from London and I like it was the first time where I had to like get an apartment and pay rent because I'd been squatting right and I needed to get a job but I didn't have really a degree or any qualifications at all. So I was interviewing this dominatrix for this article that I was writing for Vice. So again, it's like this journalism kind of leading me down a slutty path. But basically I followed her around,

like shadowed her for a few days in her dungeon. And then I just like thought it was like fun and interesting. And she, at the end of it was like, you obviously like really like it here. You know, would you be down, you know, like clients will pay more if there's somebody watching because it kind of like ups the factor of like humiliation, you know? And so would you just sit here during my sessions? I'll pay you like $50 an hour. And I was like, what?

Like that was more money than I could ever imagine. Like my rent was like $400 a month, you know? So I was like, what? Like that was more money than I could ever imagine. Like my rent was like $400 a month, you know? So I was like, oh my God, yeah. So then I ended up just sitting there and watching. And then it kind of turned into helping her or doing like some stuff with her during her sessions. And then it basically evolved into when there were clients that she like didn't have time to see or didn't want to see that she would give them to me. So it wasn't like my full-time job and I never was really advertising, but I was sort of like her assistant slash helper slash where she like threw the trash clients that she didn't want. But I then ended up stopping because first of all, I'd been doing it

for about a year and a half. And I kind of, I think the novelty of it wore off. Like at the beginning, it was so interesting. And I was interviewing a lot of these people. And then I don't think I was like very just naturally adept at it. Like I'm not very dominant. So I think it was a bit shit. But then what happened was I decided to stop because, okay, so she was this dom who was one of her specialties was erotic kidnapping.

So she would like like it was fucking insane i mean she was legendary actually in the pro dom community in new york her name is mistress darcy and she would do these things where like somebody would say okay like i'm paying you to be kidnapped and then sometime over the next month she would have like henchmen and they would come in like vans and she would know where they they would tell her stuff like this is where i work and this is where my house is i'm like this is how i get home and this is like my general schedule and she would kidnap and like throw them into the back of vans and like take them to like wherever and torture them so this guy had

paid her to kidnap him and then she got me and this other girl as part of like the squad who was going to do it. And I was like, okay. So she lived downtown in the financial district. And so then I get there and it's like, okay, so which one of you is going to hold the gun?

And I was like, what? And then she was like, it's not loaded. I was like, is it a, she was like, it's just to like scare him.

And I was like, well, I don't want to hold it. And then she brings it out and it's just like, it looks, it's like one of those fake guns that looks very real and I'm like that seems like problematic I don't think anyone should be carrying that in Manhattan right and but the other girl like seemed like completely unfazed and I was just like whatever she can hold that and then she was like okay so the guy's gonna come I'm gonna pull him down the alley we're gonna put a bag on his

head and then I'm gonna put him in the trunk of this car. And then we're going to drive around for a while to disorient him so he doesn't know where he is. And then you guys wait outside my apartment, and then you pull him out of the trunk of the car and bring him upstairs. And I'm like, red flag, it's noon. You know what I mean? I'm pulling someone out of the trunk of a car with a bag on their head.

We're like four blocks from the World Trade Center Memorial. Sucking it. So then, like, not surprisingly, we are pulling this guy out of the trunk of a car with a bag on his head. And then these undercover cops come and like literally tackle us to the ground. Yes. And so she had given us, I forgot to say, she had given us this stupid camera. And she was like, if anyone asks anything, just say you're making a student film. We were like, okay.

And then we were like, we're making a student film. And they were like, where's your camera? And then, like, the girl had, like, the camera off in her, like, pocket of her jeans. For God's sake. I know. And then basically it was like, it just was so terrifying. And then, like, the cops took the bag off the guy's head. And he was like, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. And then, like, it just was so terrifying. And then the cops took the bag off the guy's head. And he was like, no, no, no, it's fine.

It's fine. And then they took our information down. And the whole time, this girl has a fake gun in the waistband of her jeans. So I was like, if they search us, we're fucked. Anyway, this story has gone on forever. But after that, I was like, I think I'm done. I don't trust this woman at all. She puts me in really compromised situations. Yeah. yeah what a life so can you had um sex with a first

male doll on television how was that that was like I so this just for context I did this vice video I was doing this vice web series about like sexuality and we did one about the first ever sex doll made for women and i ended up having like sex with it and that video has 60 million views on youtube that is the most culturally relevant thing i will ever do in my whole life which is extremely sad like i will never do anything that has that much of an audience what was it like it was like having sex with a dead body i mean it was just like a lifeless cold thing like doll with a boner but i mean it is interesting because they're made out of silicone that feels so creepily real like it feels like really exactly like human skin except not warm oh can they make them a bit warmer so

they don't feel like you're fucking a dead person? I think that they do. Is that a thing now? That is quite weird. I know, I know. Does the male sex doll, does it kind of move? Or is it just frigid? Is it just lay there, like, you know, ready to be owned? It just lays there.

I mean, this was probably, we did this four or five years ago so i think that the technology's probably evolved but i remember them saying like that they wanted to add some mechanical system in into it so that it could eventually thrust and they wanted to like you were saying like have heat sensors in like the penis specifically in the chest so that it didn't feel cold yeah yeah mimicking i guess like blood rushing to it but there's probably some evolution i think that my guess is that there is not an incredible market for those male sex dolls and then if they are i think the market's probably more for gay guys why do you think that men prefer the idea of shagging uh what was a rubber doll that's now verged into this

and uh women probably don't. I don't know. I mean, there's like this thing that people have always said that men are more visual, you know, rely more on visual stimuli for sex. And then I was always like, is that true? And then actually there are studies that say it's true. I mean, who knows? But I don't know. Like, I would love to know that because the idea of having sex with a sex doll to me is so far beyond anything I would ever want in my whole life like would you want that like why okay but saying that I'd say women are I mean this is an assumption that women are probably more in tune with like having sex toys will stop so you know the vibrator is something that no woman I know is going to be going without yet a lot of men have probably never used a sex toy for themselves specifically I is that fair enough yeah that is a good point that is weird yeah like sex toys are definitely marketed toward women and also gay men like I know gay men who have like you know paddles and

cock rings and stuff like that but I think that yeah, yeah, that's true. That's so weird. I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'm not the person to answer these questions, but I will agree with you. I feel like maybe I should know. You're like, you made a documentary about it. But I don't know. I just think like the idea of having, again, I'm not trying to shame someone, but the idea of having sex with a lifeless object that's supposed to mimic what it's like to have sex with a person it's like i would rather just have something that doesn't attempt to be human like a vibrator or like i think a lot of vibrators they used to be phallic right to look like dicks yeah and then now they don't it's moved away from that aesthetically because i think i don't need my

vibrator to be shaped like a penis yeah you know because it's not like no yeah I'm fine so um obviously the whole point of this is to be able to like get into your dms and we've sort of like only versioned it a little bit you said that you generally don't get much hate but do you get a lot of propositions like what what do you what does your dms look like so there is a very specific genre that i get primarily from men that i think some people find surprising but i'm not gonna bring it up too much which is like savior dms where it's like oh my god like i think you think that like you have to talk about like sex to get attention but god i think that you're like really really smart it's like a lot of guys being like that you're, like, really, really smart. It's, like, a lot of guys being, like, honestly, you're actually really smart.

Yeah. It's, like, oh, don't worry. Like, you don't have to do that. I'll take care of you. But also, like, sort of naggy, but I don't think it's always intended to be naggy, but just, like, I think a lot of people just think of you as, like, this blowjob blogger, but, like, I actually think that you have like really deep thoughts like that and I think that

what do they think that I'm just gonna be like oh my god thank you so much I finally feel seen like I think on that note Carly

you've been an absolute dream of a guest and we're truly the type you are what fun listen thank you so much

you're an absolute joy and yeah thank you so much you're an absolute joy and yeah thank you so much too this was extremely fun fab pass it keep up the good work

for womankind we really appreciate it genuinely yes thank you ditto ditto thank you for listening

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