Sex, Lies & DM Slides - S1E9: Gizzi & Sydney | Caroline Calloway

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Influencer? Faker? Cambridge Graduate? Or camgirl? Who exactly is Caroline Calloway? It’s a question that has long obsessed the media and her legions of fans. In a disarmingly honest interview Caroline talks to Sydney and Gizzi about how she navigated the cloisters of Cambridge while addicted to prescription drugs. She advises them on how to create the sexiest OnlyFans content. And she opens up about her father’s suicide and mother’s cancer diagnosis. A rollercoaster of an episode, not to be missed.  Sex, Lies and DM Slides is a Spotify Original. This series was produced by Heydon Prowse Productions, edited by Podmonkey with music by Free Seed Films. For Spotify, the executive producers are Rachel Simpson and Alexandra Adey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my name's Gizzy Erskine. And I'm Sydney Lima, and this is Sex, Lies and DM Slides. Where we invite our celebrity friends to dive deep into their DM boxes to see what terrors lurk within. We'll be chatting about online trolls, online dating, perverted proposals and why everyone's so weird on social media. Sex and Lies and DM Slides. This podcast contains adult content, graphic

details of our sex lives and the filthy contents of our inboxes. You have been warned. Welcome back to another episode of Sex Lies and DM Slides with myself, Sydney Lima and me, Gizzy Erskine. How have you been doing, Syd? I've been alright, actually. I've had a few proposals on Instagram this week finally finally you got some is it good clean stuff yeah no really clean really really clean so it's quite quite quite can i can i read it yeah come on so he says he just he complimented on me on some recent work i did and he said you should consider dating a northern boy back from the navy for a few weeks now as a person quite prone to musicians and actors,

I thought this could be quite a good change. So I just said, talk to me. So anyway, we get into chat and I added him on Instagram. I see that he looks very young. Can I show you a picture? Yep. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop

tracking with real-time notifications. Or have out more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Visit connectsontario.ca. Okay, so let me find the fit pic. So this is the... So this is him.

Oh my God, he is so fit! But he looks about 12. Stop, I'll go out with him if you don't want him. So I asked him how old he was and he said he's 26 but with a baby face. Okay. And I think maybe he's trying to get on the podcast and be mentioned, but I'm kind of feeling into that by talking about him now. Anyway, he said we were going to go on a bougie night together.

He's like, if I was having this conversation, it would be so going to go on a bougie night together. If I was having this conversation, it would be so problematic. I mean, I don't know. I think Hayden's just trying to creep into co-hosting with us. I'd be up for that. His voice is getting louder and louder on each one. So Hayden's butting in, saying that the way we're talking about a boy is very problematic. We can't get away with that nowadays, can we? Well, no. I mean, it's about two things objectifying men and also how we operate within it one of the things that we have not taken pride in that's not the right word but i definitely look at it as a plus in my life is how i can get men to fall in

love with me and i think you're the same i don't and and you know come on fuck off and the fact is is if it's done the other way around um is that okay because i will not rest until i have someone falling in love with me and then i'll be like oh didn't mean it men will won't rest until they fuck you like you're saying i won't rest until i fall in love with me and it's like way more like kind of um yeah i'm more of a fuck up but i don't think i've ever objectified men. I think I've done everything I've done with the way I treat men is as a reaction to how I've been treated as a teenager. Okay, that's really interesting. So I think that I've kind of become hardened by the way that I was treated as a teenager and how like I was overly sexualized from a young age.

And then I think I've become very like yeah harder by it sex is is not as is taboo or like yeah it's a thing to keep close to yourself whereas i i probably come from the opposite so then i think i become then cold and like then have more like games with it all because it's just a way of then like having power back on it i agree with you i definitely think we're both coming from the power control thing i i won't sleep with men until i they're in love with me but that's always been the biggest ammunition that I've ever had I probably shouldn't put my my big uh USP out there I embody the men that sexualized me when I was a teenager I literally like then play in their mindset and like in their way of thinking but

you realize that that is very cold to people and in relationships. That's probably one of the biggest bits of ammunition that you're ever going to have in your belt. But it's also probably going to be the thing that fucks you up for the rest of your life. Thanks, Gizzy. No, speaking from experience. Because, you know, these are the things, these are the same problems I have.

What do I do then? Maybe go out with the Navy dude and make it in a situation that you can actually be completely equal to someone and have real love.

Oh, fuck that shit. That's boring. I never want to use that again. But this picture of him... There's one picture though, Gizzy. There's one picture

when he says skinhead. He is good looking. He is very... Hashtag Navy, hashtag skinhead. Anyway. And that brings us round to... Who do we have on the show today, Gizzy?

So today we're interviewing Caroline Calloway. And I've been following her probably for about six weeks. Not that long. And I've fallen for her. Now, she's a complicated one because Caroline came about through... I mean, she's an influencer, essentially. Went to Cambridge University. She started doing an Instagram where she was talking about British life

in a very lovely, ethereal way as if it was Harry Potter and gained loads of American fans from it and got this traction. Turns out that she was actually scamming or was she? But either way. Yeah, her friend basically like piped up and was like i wrote the captions all along these very long i mean can't express to you how long these captions were and uh and so then caroline just kind of came about like owning this term scammer and she's now created her own only fans account off the back of her popularity which me and gizzy

were having a little browse through the other day she's absolutely genius i mean basically i've never been on any fans before and if you don't know what it is it's an account that you access the um you pay a fee and you get content that's specifically for fans but you have to you have to pay for it and she she's actually kind of adorable she sort of there's one thing where she's guzzling a bottle of champagne, dressed up as Hermione, shit face, but, like, doing a little nipple flash. It's kind of quite sweet. It's not grim and it's not smutty.

It's a bit elegant. I can't explain it. I mean, it's cosplay, though, isn't it? It's like there's a lot of OnlyFans where a lot of people want, like, the girlfriend experience, and she really plays into that on Instagram. I think that that really is on the money. So it's not like really

essentially extravagantly pornographic. It's just like a mild flirtatious. It's coquettish. She's also clever. I mean, you read her posts, she can clearly write. She's been to Cambridge, she's a journalist now. But the other side to her that's become very complex is that over the last year she lost her father to suicide and her mother has been

diagnosed with cancer so she's in a really shitty place but she's uh blogging this through her Instagram and YouTube channels where she's actually kind of giving a real expose, rundown of her emotions and a woman on the edge in the midst of all of this. So she's got full transparency on her life and she's kind of turning her life into this art project. And because she's smart and she's not doing the cliche smuttiness, it's sort of working like art. It's really complicated.

So I don't know, like, would you do OnlyFans, for example? Not for real. But having seen what she's done, I think that we should do something similar. Not necessarily fully,

but just to see what it, like, the response is. Yeah. So with no further introduction, here we have her, Caroline Calloway. Sex and lies and DM slides. Caroline, welcome to Sex, Lies and DM Slides. How are you?

Thank you. I am very caffeinated, which is not to be confused with emotionally stable, but they do sort of seem like the same thing during a podcast episode. I know that you had a bit of a thing with ADHD medication, and I'm ADHD, and I did too. So is the caffeine, does that get you in that same spot or not? Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you still take, I'm so familiar with ADHD drugs, and especially ones, I'm like, are you on Concerta?

Do they have you on narcolepsy medicine like I've tried all of them I've been on it all as well yeah but I also want to say that like my problem with ADHD medication was like pure amphetamine addiction and I do understand that these pills when prescribed and correct therapeutic doses can help people who actually need them I just I was just taking them to get high on legal and yeah I really I honestly I know you're not supposed to say this as a recovered addict but I really miss amphetamine it was so fun and you can stay awake for so long and be so interested in what you're doing how long would you stay awake for so long and be so interested in what you're doing. How long would you stay awake for? Oh, well, the addiction sort of got worse over a period of three years, but definitely two days at a time.

Like my normal waking unit of time had like one large period of darkness in it that other people called night. But my rule with myself was that on the third day I had to sleep because on the fourth day, I just like my legs would collapse, like as if someone cut the strings on like a marionette. And I would just I would totally like not respond to social situations in good ways. Like I would send my friends like paragraph long, crazy texts. And it was just like, I really needed to be asleep before I got to it. But I knew I was an addict when I started like breaking my own rules around usage. Like, you know, some people are like, I'll only drink after five. I'll only drink on the weekends. I'll only do cocaine on special occasions. And I was like, I need to stop taking these orange pills when I've been awake for three days. And then I would just keep taking

them because I just, I was so in love with the pills. And that my friends is called addiction. So yes, I want to say that I've slightly fallen for you for a variety of reasons. I mean, obviously, we want to talk to you about loads of things, but I want you to explain who you are, really. Like, give us a little bit of a rundown. How would you describe your job? Well, I'm trying to be like a cultural icon is how I think about it. Like when I die, I would like to be remembered like Eve Babbitt or Sylvia Plath or Elizabeth Wurzel, but not like them at all because I want to be Caroline Calloway

and I want people to think Cambridge and mental illness and flowers in the hair, castles and old world splendor and new world technology and all the weird mix of digital age and confessional vulnerability and European aesthetic that I swirl up together on my Instagram. So you're definitely not then an influencer? I don't really balk at the title it's like what else are you going to call me? I think I make my best work when I'm like not too fussed about what other people are calling me or even if they're understanding what I'm doing, which makes me not even the best candidate to describe to other people what I'm doing.

I don't really care if people call me an influencer. And when I do get upset about it, I need to remind myself that that's not the point. So the reason that I found you so interesting is that you, I do think, utilize. So it's interesting you were looking at someone like Sylvia Plath as an influence to yourself, because you are very intelligent. You went to Cambridge. I did. I'm so glad you mentioned it for me,

so that I don't have to say it completely. I'm like, I did get you a little place called Cambridge. And you studied? History of art. History of art. So give our audience a bit of a background of your story and how you actually broke through into media. First I should say that like if anyone's feeling excluded by the fact that I went to Cambridge I would bet that I've actually been rejected more times from Cambridge than you have because I applied to Cambridge, got rejected, applied again,

got rejected. At this point, I was like a sophomore at NYU and I was writing captions with my best friend in New York for an audience of 40,000 bots. I just like bought tens of thousands of Instagram followers and everyone was like, you've got to let this Cambridge thing go. This is your life. You live in New York. And I applied a third time and finally got in. And then I moved to Cambridge. And then this is a part of my story, which I'm excited to clarify in my book, because I think a lot of people get confused about this part. I fell out of touch with my best friend who I was writing Instagram captions with. I got addicted to amphetamines and alone I wrote these sort of idealized Harry Potter ride to head revisited captions about my life at Cambridge, which weren't untrue. I mean,

it's not like I photoshopped the beauty of Cambridge or the traditions of secret societies are like Cambridge actually does buy the most port out of anywhere in the world outside of Porto, Portugal. And what's weird is that unemployed 18 year olds in like three piece tweed suits with pocket watches will like pour you port in their dorm room as they like play Beethoven and like check said pocket watch for like when we should leave for the club like that's actually just like a shitty basement room in this quiet medieval town but like those beautiful captivating details were true and I just quilted them together into a story that left out the fact that I was very mentally ill. I've always struggled with depression, hence why I got addicted to taking pills that make you feel euphoric. And I sold

this book off of the popularity of my Instagram captions, which I then rehired my best friend to co-write with me. We wrote this beautiful proposal to sell the book. And then we fell out. She and my ex-boyfriend at the time and my literary agent were, I would say, the three most important relationships in my life that did not survive my addiction. Like I have lots of other friends who I'm still close with, but those relationships did not make it through. And with good reason. I really hurt them a lot. I really let them down. Addicts make terrible close friends. I would never befriend an addict knowing what I know now. And then I took two years off from Instagram, getting sober. And then I came back to Instagram and I launched these creativity workshops because I didn't want to sell fucking hoodies. Immediately I go viral as a scam, just like a

month after I returned to Instagram. And then seven months after that, the best friend who I wrote those captions with for the bots and then co-wrote the book proposal after I'd built my fame alone, she wrote a tell-all that went absolutely viral. It's funny because I really can't fault her because she did exactly the same thing that I did. Nothing in that story is untrue. Everything happened. The only way she lied was the way I lied, which is by omission. She left out my addiction. She was my best friend. She knew what was going on with my dad and his depression and my depression and she also left out the fact that I'm intelligent at all but she also she included the very real ways that I was evil as a friend like I don't want to shirk away from

the responsibility of the ways I let her down emotionally as somebody who understands media and writing there was no way that an editor got their hands on it and done that to you also. Well, always plug, you can pre-order my new book Scammer to hear more about this. But honestly, as you can read on Scammer, Natalie and I, we had a long talk after the day I found out my dad had died by suicide. And I know for a fact that Natalie reached out to pitch her article. They didn't come to her. She actively shaped the story. And she pitched it right after I went viral as a scam, which is just such a nuanced story.

I was going to say that. It is a nuanced story. I feel when to say that it is a nuanced story. I feel when when you hear it, there's something really beautiful about it. Also, it's probably really tragic for you and to be in this personally, but it's kind of like a modern masterpiece in its way. It will make an amazing book. www.carolinecalloway.com So Caroline Calloway as the Instagram kind of character has been conjured by you and a friend to a degree.

Who is the real Caroline Calloway? I think all the ways that you try to build yourself up publicly speak to a deep insecurity. And I think being from just like the suburbs in Virginia and having been rejected from Cambridge and, I mean, I'm going to be honest, I'm very pretty and it makes people think I'm dumb. Like I wouldn't trade my face for anything. I love my face. But even once I got to Cambridge, I felt like every day was like that scene in Legally Blonde where she runs into her ex-boyfriend and he's like, Elle, what are you doing here? And she's like, oh no, I go here. That was me every day at Cambridge. They're like, why are you, are you lost? Like, are you a tourist? Yeah. So I think the most honest question is that I'm someone who's insecure about being taken seriously as a writer

and who's insecure about fitting into the posh worlds that I find most inspiring. Like I studied art history because I really do love it. I just, oh my God, it just really gets me going, those old buildings. But the people who live in the old buildings, they really have a lot of prejudice against influencers who also have only fans like I think it's one of the great tragedies of my life that I am interested in a combination of things that are so ill-suited to coexist but isn't that kind of the beauty of it what I wanted to say to you earlier was there is something that's really honestly and intellectually put together about you which and almost Hayden and I were talking about this um Hayden who is our toxic

male producer and there's something really Andy Warhol about you like sort of like utilizing this space as a place where you can project your uh emotions and your it's sort of art it's something really beautiful about what you do in the honesty of it all like we me and Sydney have been on your OnlyFans. We sure have. We sure have. And actually... Hayden already had the login for it. Oh, yeah. So we just shared it with her.

Yeah, exactly. So, you know, the thing is, it's not smutty. It's quite sweet. And it's fucking funny. The bit where you're dressed up like Hermione and shit-faced on champagne, it is quite an...

It's a little flash of nipple. It's not that provocative. It's coquettish, if anything. And actually, the nods towards, you know, the sort of Harry Potter England or whatever it is that you romanticise in your own head, it's kind of funny. It's not smutty.

It's not... I feel like my mum would approve, if that makes sense. Can I ask, Caroline Karen why did you get onto OnlyFans a couple of reasons um first of all just thank you so much for that beautiful soliloquy about my OnlyFans you know I'm here critiquing the pigeonholing identities of the patriarchy but I'm also living inside of them. Like I swim through these toxic ideas every day. And did I instantly become dumber the day I put photos of my nipples on the internet? Like society would lead me to believe yes, although fundamentally, I know that to be untrue. But that's only because I have the poison inside my head.

Even your references, you know, you know, the references about who influenced you and what your ambitions are, they have context. You know, there is a bit of a difference. You're not, I don't think it's really about the male gaze for you. Am I wrong? This is something that I really wanted to talk about on your podcast. There's so much here.

And by the way, so far, this is the best podcast I've ever done. Yay! I'm really pleased about that. But, way, so far, this is the best podcast I've ever done. Yay! I'm really pleased about that. But, yeah, so... It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation.

You can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire. Treat your friends or spoil your family. Earn them on your adventure and use them how you want, when you want. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at amex.ca slash yamxterms apply. After decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors, Sunnybrook was the only hospital in Canada who could provide Andy with something special. Three neurosurgeons, two scientists, one movement disorders coordinator, 58 answered questions, two focused ultrasound procedures, one specially developed helmet, thousands of high-intensity focused ultrasound waves,

zero incisions, and that very same day, two steady hands. From innovation to action, Sunnybrook is special. Learn more at sunnybrook.ca slash special. Why did I get on OnlyFans was I was bored and horny at the beginning of quarantine. And also I was very broke and I needed a way to make income. So I thought, why don't I do OnlyFans? And I think the last two reasons I did it was one that I'm fundamentally a performative person. And it appealed to me. And the last reason I did it was because I saw how OnlyFans was sort of like TikTok in the sense that it's a new frontier of the internet that's very much in the news and in the zeitgeist. And I think one of my

favorite parts of what I do, which I don't think there's really a word for, but I sort of imagine like playing the internet like a church organ. And I think I anticipated very correctly that by going on OnlyFans, I would ensure that my name would be in articles for months to come. And that that would help my Google SEO search history. And that by being associated with something sort of like risque and provocative as OnlyFans, it would sort of dilute the more scandals you have, the less power any one scandal has over you. How do you manage to go through everything you've gone through and then manage to find in you this kind of ability to run an OnlyFans account to be fair if you look at the time stamps on my

OnlyFans account I did take like three months off which this reminds me of something I wanted to talk to you about with my OnlyFans when you described it as like coquettish and like something that your mom wouldn't I don't know my my mom even follows my OnlyFans. It reminded me, there's like two aspects of sex and dating advice that I want to share on this podcast, because I just really don't have reason to bring them up on my platform. And one is that I really think the sexiest thing about you in person is going to be the sexiest thing about you when you take nudes. And that's a theory that I really try to apply to my OnlyFans because like I'm at my hottest when I'm like being playful and weird

and like a little mischievous and like smart and I tried to make that shine through in my nudes like my nudes are very weird like my OnlyFans is kind of weird all things considered and that's um summarize it for us uh your only fans to those who have yet to subscribe it's me dressing up as strong literary heroines but make it porn i think this is why i love you she never sits back i know i'm sure i'm shutting up i'm shutting up what's your like I think this is why I love you. Good to step back from her mic. She never sits back from her mic.

I know, I'm shutting up. I'm shutting up. What's your like end goal of a gain then with all of it? Like the more press you get, like what are you kind of working towards? Is it just to kind of override all the negative? No, I mean, honestly, I know this is like so depressing to say, but like I don't really like, I don't like love

being alive. Like it's always been sort of uncomfortable for me. Like, don't worry. I have a lot of books to write. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, but I want to create books that make people feel less alone. And I want to create just like, I want part of my legacy to be having created a cultural touch point that marries the idea of promiscuity and partying and almost like childlike obsessions with crafts and fairies and just like white hot intellect. And I want to create the first thing that melds all of those together so that the women who come after me will I don't know have reference points I mean I was going to ask you is there anybody like you I mean I can't think of anybody like you and and I think that that's why I find it so powerful because you

do come at it from from look that like you said there's there's your just base intellect you've got you know your reference points you've got intellect. You've got, you know, your reference points. You've got your ambition. You've got the fact that you actually have had a really rough time, let's be honest, you know, beyond school. You know, you've had to go through watching your father go through extreme depression. He committed suicide, didn't he?

And that's something that you quite beautifully put publicly. I mean, I know you've had a lot of conflict from your your people who follow you for it with that. Can you sort of articulate that for me? You know, like what that looked like for you? You know, you asked before, like, do people know the real Caroline Calloway? I think the truth is that people now do. When I was at Cambridge, they did not. And then I took two years off of Instagram. And when I came back after that, I think I did a really good job of explaining to my audience, filling them in on what I'd been leaving out. And as new developments happened, sharing them honestly. And yeah, about sharing with my dad's suicide, I just, I'm always trying

to find silver linings in the things that have happened to me because otherwise I just get way too sad about it. And, you know, not saying this stuff doesn't make it untrue. Like sometimes people give me a hard time about sharing like graphic details about my father's death. You know, like his body wasn't found for several days. Like it was so decomposed that they didn't even know if it was him when they found him. And like, they also couldn't tell how he died because it was, his body was so rotten for like 24 hours. They thought it could have been murder. A detective literally called me and asked me if I had any leads about

foul play. But yeah, that's why I talk about it. I'm an open book with my dad's suicide. I mean, there's literally nothing I could say on this podcast that I haven't already said publicly about it. But like, even if you share it from a pure place, it will just get so twisted. Literally, the Daily Mail was the first one to pick up my father's death oh my god I'm gonna google this just so I can like daily mail Caroline Calloway father died oh my god this is the craziest headline that's ever been printed about me this was like I'm this is a quote from me I'm worried that by telling this I will cheapen the truth end quote from me. I'm worried that by telling this, I will cheapen the truth. End quote from me. And this is the headline.

Influencer Caroline Calloway reveals on Instagram that her father has died just two days after her ex-best friend exposed her as a scam artist in a shocking call. It will just get so twisted. I mean, so let's start with the newspapers. How how much does their access to you and your stories affect you? Or do you think it's an important part of what you do to get your message or your feelings or your brand across? You know, honestly, I feel like I'm, I'm still learning how to understand my mind and its rhythms and and sometimes maybe like three times a year or something I get just like overwhelmed by despair for a couple of days and this past summer I filmed

myself during one of them and posted it and the Daily Mail picked it up and wrote a whole story about it it was the next day I woke up to like Daily Mail like Caroline Calloway has depressive episode and I'm like oh my god like what if they're breaking the news yeah well the point is that in the past I like have felt weird about it but when I announced that my mom has cancer and I was like please don't I was really expecting the worst I was like please don't use her her like first or last name like I was just if you do one thing don't. I was really expecting the worst. I was like, please don't use her like first or last name. Like I was just if you do one thing, don't use her first or last name. She's a private person. But yeah, only one random little Australian website. I don't even remember the name of it.

It wasn't one I'd ever heard of picked up the story. And I was just and it's been like a month now and like everyone's being like I don't know if it took the threat of becoming like an actual orphan and like becoming a full-time caretaker for my mom to like do you want to explain a bit about what's going on with your mom oh yeah so she has she has cancer she has anal cancer which is I know when I was like my mom has cancer you were like this probably can't get any worse but then it's it it's literally the tumor was in her sphincter, which is the asshole muscle. Right. And it was a reoccurrence, which is just like very bad. If you have cancer once,

you have much better chances of surviving it than if you're getting cancer in the same place of the same kind a second time. And so to remove the tumor, they had to sew her asshole shut and move her asshole to the front of her belly to her stomach. And like, it's major abdominal surgery. But yeah, it was really scary because, you know, I couldn't visit her in the hospital. And this surgery lasts like six hours. And like, if something had gone wrong during it, like I would just never see her again.

Like it's just it's just a nightmare. And so glamorous renegade party girl that I am, I am taking care of her and being at times the best nurse ever. And sometimes I forget to feed her, but that's only happened once. I've had to start waking up a little earlier for breakfast and yeah it's just been a real change caretaking for a parent um sometimes I get a few days off when she goes to uh her doctor's appointments or back to the hospital for a few days so obviously our podcast is about the kind of strange messages you receive from people obviously you're unique and you have an OnlyFans. What kind of weird requests do you ever receive on OnlyFans?

Okay, to be fair, I don't check my DMs, which I think if you ever watch a video about how to make money on OnlyFans, like the first thing, the like YouTube video will be like, tell people you check your DMs and try to get them to pay for DMs but the honest truth is I don't check my DMs I'm scared of being I'm scared of opening a message that makes me feel like a stranger just like drove by in their car and like yelled at my ass the internet equivalent and like I don't want to do that to myself so I don't open the messages so how do you think it's different having an only fans like and then being someone kind of

driving past and wolf whistling you like do you not find if someone's subscribing to you are they not wolf whistling you through only fans you know it's true because like people can leave comments on photos and like I can't control those comments. But I guess I feel like it's a little different because one, I can choose not to open my messages. And, you know, I should say that my OnlyFans, I mean, maybe I just attract a very specific kind of like nerdy, intellectual, softcore girl slash guy to my OnlyFans. Like I've got like one or two really lewd comments to my OnlyFans. Like, I've gotten like one or two really lewd comments on my OnlyFans. But oh my God, the number one difference

is that I'm making fucking bank on OnlyFans and no one's paying me to listen to some guy wolf whistle at me from his truck. Because this is one of the things, because Sydney and I contemplated whether we were going to do an OnlyFans just because I want to see what it's like from your perspective,

not yours particularly, but from behind the camera. Honestly, my advice about OnlyFans would be you really need to know yourself and know what you like and what you're okay with and what makes you happy about nudes and really not push yourself if you have the economic ability not to force yourself to do sex work when you don't feel like it when you feel uncomfortable OnlyFans can be so much fun I've had so much fun being mentioned in all these articles about getting drunk dressed as Hermione I like it's the best I have the best fucking banter with my exes I'm like my

OnlyFans is $50 a month I gave you head you owe me one million dollars it's so great and it's given me so much confidence because like it's nice to have a source of validate I think a lot of people get digital validation from dating apps like they're not even trying to date they just like want to see that people have swiped right on them I think OnlyFans does that to an even greater degree because there is financial resources transacted you know like they they're not swiping right on you they're paying to swipe right what's the limit how far is too far with only fans like what would you not do are you already within your comfort zone or like so for me there are two litmus tests that i've identified one would a cambridge professor put this image up if it were a fancy painting from you know 18th century france would they put it up as a slide in a lecture room? Because

they show you some pretty fucking lewd shit in art history. Like the amount of titties I have seen as part of my degree is really insane when you think about it. So obviously on my OnlyFans, I just do like topless photos. If it's not something that would be in an art history lecture, I don't put it up and also since my mom does literally follow my OnlyFans you know sometimes I do feel weird about that but I don't feel weird about it as often as I feel comforted by I feel very like hemmed in on how far I can go because I know that I don't think she really like looks at my OnlyFans ever. I think she just like wants to be able to say that she has bought every painting, every book, every article,

every OnlyFans that her daughter's ever released and always been there for me. And I would really encourage any girl starting an OnlyFans account to just like really really map out the cartography of their emotional borders around like what makes them feel good and where it starts to feel weird for them so you've never been pushed into that other realm like you've never felt like kind of that someone's asking too much of you in that sex well you know sometimes it's tempting because I do love I do love the validation of people being like you're so sexy and if you are getting drunk by yourself shooting sexy photos I would really really really having way once said right drunk edit sober I would say shoot only fans drunk post them sober. Do not post OnlyFans stuff impaired. But it's fun to shoot impaired.

And so like it's sometimes when I'm shooting like that Hermione stuff, like I was so excited about those photos that I almost had to like, I had to hold myself back from posting them immediately. I mean, OnlyFans isn't a scandal, you know, like it's just sort of like provocative. If you have a brand that's already been like touched by provocation or controversy, fucking make an OnlyFans.

Like you'll make so much money and you'll become like part of the zeitgeist. It will bump your Google SEO. You'll get mentioned in think pieces about OnlyFans. Like it's a good career move for anyone whose brand encompasses being provocative. Okay, so just quickly, the one thing which we do have to ask you is you said you don't read your OnlyFans DMs. Do you read your Instagram ones?

And what is the most insane thing that a fan has ever come to you with? It doesn't have to be sexual, just people sliding into your DMs. What is that is that hands down so there's like a reddit community that like pretty effectively cyber bullies me like i'm not gonna lie like i wish i could say that i'm unbothered by it but the craziest thing that i ever got in my inbox was they were convinced after my dad's suicide that I was lying about it and that he was still alive whoa and that was really weird I got one DM a couple days after my father died while we were making funeral arrangements that was like you liar you're just posting this for

attention like I just got off the phone with your father he's still alive and that one really stays with me because like in those days I really felt like I still felt like I could call my dad you know like I was so used to him being alive that like it it almost yeah I just I never forgot that one I think you know I think the internet is a very dark place and you know even even at our most innocent we get fucking mental ones so we could keep talking to you for hours Caroline this is the problem but unfortunately we've got to wrap up we've got to wrap up

I'm really glad we're internet friends and that we were finally able to make this incredibly powerful podcast episode exist thank you listen you're an enlightening woman and I I have a huge spot for you in my heart I think I really want to come and skip you I loved your comment that was little one heart on my last post I was like that's the most perfect comment like I really I'm gonna you're gonna start seeing me comment

little one turquoise butterfly on people's faces that's it it's so perfect it's the perfect Instagram comment it's it's not cliche it's not overly sweet but it's so tender I really I really thought quite a lot about it on the really love it. on the perfect Instagram comment. Look, you're fantastic. We're going to take this to DMs ourselves. We're being told off.

So we've got to go. Thank you for being a brilliant guest. Bye, you guys. Bye, little one. Bye, little one. Bye, little one. Bye, little one.

Thank you for listening to our Spotify original podcast, Sex Lies and DM Slides. Please follow us on Spotify and tell all your mates about it if you enjoyed it. And if you have any weird and wonderful sex lies and DM slides stories of your own, Thank you. is a Hayden Prowse production edited by Matt and Scott at PodMonkey. With music by Free Seed Films, our executive producers at Spotify are Rachel Simpson

and Alexandra Adie.