Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Bach Nation Recap | BIP & Golden E1

Episode Date: October 1, 2023

Episode 61. The recaps are back, and this time, with Bachelor Nation! Kristen and Luke discuss Bachelor in Paradise and Golden Bachelor episodes 1! Sponsors: Go to Quince.com/doute to get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/kristen Get 15% off with the code DOUTE at Oneskin.co Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys! Oh my gosh, welcome to our first Bachelor Nation recap. Luke, are you excited? I'm ready to go. You're ready to go? Okay, so we are recapping Golden Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise episode one. Basically, we have the oldest and the youngest contestants all looking for love.

And although I am more seasoned in everything Bachelor nation, Luke, I really want you to weigh in on the season of BIP because you're just much closer and age to this cast than I am. That's true. I have become a fan of Bachelor in Paradise. It is way more fun for me to watch a mix of a bunch of people, male and female on the

same group versus everyone fighting for one person's attention. Yeah, it's just a bunch of hot people banging on the beach. Yeah, I don't know that. Kind of like fighting each other with men. The men fight the men, the women fight the women fight the women the men fight the women women fight the men Well, they're at least sucking face. I don't know if they're banging on the beach, but they're in toes and and yeah, and toes this season Apparently someone wants to suck some toes. I want their toes sucked one way or the other Yeah, so we're gonna start with bachelor in paradise because all of you that watch it it goes golden bachelor

Right after we get bachelor in paradise. So we're getting like hours and hours of bachelor nation every Thursday. And because we're fresh off of bachelor in paradise, we're gonna start with BIP. Oh my God. And because there's just way more to talk about bachelor in paradise. There's way more happening.

The golden bachelor, I think is gonna be ahead. There are so many sweet and awesome moments. Oh my God, I cried in the first five minutes. Yeah, but at this point, I feel like there's a lot less to talk about. There are so many sweet and awesome moments. Oh my god. I cried in the first five minutes. Yeah, Dupa at this point I feel like there's a lot less to talk about so in the first episode. In the first episode correct. Yeah, I mean number one the vibe count versus the drama count. I think vibe one. Oh Kendall, what was Kendall's name? I don't even remember. Yeah, vibe this vibe that I'm really feeling that vibe.

He's doing my vibe off vibe. They had 11 vibes in one scene alone. I started tallying the word drama and then immediately Bachelor nation like at the bottom of the screen started tallying the vibe count. So vibes it is, tell you, Gen Zier's out there. I make God. So vibes it is tell you Jen's ears out there. I'm a god. Okay, so let's just talk about the opening because

We have Rachel Rakyah as our very first contestant our friend Rachel Rachel We love you. She's our girl. She's our homie. I'm so excited and I'm so glad they opened with her because that girl has like given her life to Bachelor nation She hasn't you know, I've got to give Rachel credit for her resilience because from an outside perspective when I look at this This is such a It's not just commitment, but a weird way to meet your potential lighter. Yeah, soot her life partner, right? So It's like for her to get a lighter. Yeah, sooter or life partner, right? So it's like for her to keep going back. I journey.

Yeah, keep going back. Okay. And my journey and your journey. Anyway, for her to keep going back to this, it's impressive. And I kind of see it. I feel like her body language moving into this is like she's a little more cautious going in.

Not saying she's less excited. She's given it a third try with way more knowledge and experience. Absolutely. But yeah, Rachel is such an optimist. She's such a wonderful person. You guys like truly inside and out. We know her.

I are out. We know her in real life. She's absolutely stunning on the outside, but honestly, just as beautiful, if not more beautiful on the inside. So shout out to Rachel Ray-K here, we fucking love you, girl. And then they introduce the earring guy. What's his name?

Braden. Braden. Braden the earring guy. So it's like no offense, but he absolutely looks like he's in Tom Sanneval and the extras. Most extras, whatever the fuck his band is called. Or he is Tom Sanneval. To me, he gives the Tom Sanevol in the extras, most extras, whatever the fuck his band is called, or he is Tom Sandevol. To me, he gives the Tom Sandevol in Johnny Depp vibes.

Like those are the- So Peter Magical. Peter Magical as Johnny Depp and Pirate to the Caribbean. Okay. Mixed with Tom Sandevol's wannabe wearing, like Ariana's kimonos, and it's just like, it's also extra and try hard for me. I don't feel like this is, and if you listen,

this is all just hard opinions, you guys. I don't feel like this is who this dude is normally. Right, now, you know, I like Peter, and I don't think, I don't know, I don't, I don't think I'm being associated with this guy. I just meant the Johnny Depp, though. Johnny Depp, no, no, no, more Johnny Depp than Peter Magical, like, Peter is not quite the try hard center of attention,

kind of person that it seems like Braden, Tom Sandoval, these guys are. Now we don't know Braden personally. But Tom Sandoval was also in a band with a guy named Braden. So that also just felt weird to me and Braden's real name is Sean and he changed his name to Braden because it's a strong name.

So there's just like too many try hard vibes from me coming via just said vibes. You did? Every time vibes is said take a shot. Cheers. Anyway, we'll get back to him because he's all over the fucking place in this episode. Yes, let's move along. Jess. Jess G. That's the young one. Yes, she is. She is the young little cute blonde. The. Jess G. That's the young one. Yes, she is. She is the young little cute blonde. The one I think, she appears the most innocent.

I don't know that she is, but to me, she on the surface looks like the more innocent, young blonde girl. Yeah. Like she's so sweet. Oh my gosh. Right. Well, we'll find out.

Because I'm gonna, let me just say up front, y'all, I am like bachelor nation ride or die. However, what I did notice so far this season on episode one of BIP, it is everyone from like Clayton charity in Zach's and Rachel and Gabby seasons, but like at the very end when we see Avin and I was not super invested in Zack's season, no offense. I've mentioned this before when I was talking to Ryan Bailey. And also with Charity's season, I like Charity. I love her. I think she's phenomenal, but it was just like,

I don't know. Like it felt like everyone was just kind of playing a little safe on those seasons. So I just wasn't as invested. So I don't know who a lot of these people are. It's no offense to anyone. Everyone's super hot moving forward. So we have Jess G. Glitter girl next. Yeah, Will. Will who is kind of the center of episode one. Him and Kylie are very much the focus. It seems like. You know, he's Italian, look, Italian with tats. Oh, and he's, I guess he's like the former jacket guy.

So I kind of remember this. I, it was like a, it stood out to me slightly from his season that like someone got pissed and like there was jacket in the pool, but it's like, I just can't go get over a will with the waxed brows. Because eyebrows are toothed in for me. It's a personal preference.

Minor, microbladed. So I just like a thicker brow. Yeah, and you know, we'll get through all these guys, but I have to make the comment after that is does every one of these guys wax or shave their chest or all body hair below their chin is the way it seems. Right, because they're like around your age, give or take. And men in their 20s have, you know, body hair. Yeah, it starts at puberty.

So it starts in your teenage years. I mean, just that kind of grooming to me feels so Hollywood. I'm so not Hollywood. I'm adjusting a little bit, but I'm not gonna get to the point where I am. Wait, I have a question. Do you think when they're in the casting process, they're like, oh, your body hair, we're not into that?

I would bet they ask the guys to take their shirt off. And so then they say, well, are you willing to get rid of your body hair yesterday now? Maybe, you know, I'm just not that knowledgeable about this bachelor nation, this world that, you know, obviously they want things to be as appealing as possible for the female audience for the short-term end-go. But like, I'm also the female audience, even just because I'm 40, I'm dating a 32-year-old.

Right, so. I'm a Mary Aras, and I'm not into someone who's more well groomed than I am. That's just, again, personal preference. Yeah, although you want me to trim my armpit hair, but leave the chest in stomach hair. I just said trim, it's just long, and it gets curls I just act trim. It's just long and it gets curls. That's fine. It's just like a thing. It makes you happy.

That's fine. Okay, so who's next? Brooklyn? Brooklyn, the cow girl. She does not like cat with a K. Cat with a K, because we have this season right now. We have cat with K and cat with a C. Yep.

No Ashley's. No Lauren's quite that. And cat with a C's, the blonde. Well, they're both blonde. They are, you're right. But cat And Cat with a C's the blonde, well they're both blonde. They are, you're right. But Cat with a K, she's the one who seems like a giant pain in the ass. But I also think she's like absolutely stunning. Cat with a K had the green bathing suit on.

Yes. And she's the one who immediately, when she's introduced to us, she's like, I like hot weather, but I hate and then just start naming every thing she hates. She's like, I don't like sand, I have bugs, I don't like sweating, I don't like crabs, etc. You know, well, okay. Damn my body hairs, they can't get crabs. If you know my body hair, you can't get crabs. Anyway, moving on from that.

Yeah, Kat, to me on the surface looked very attractive, but with my lifestyle, I don't think there's any way. I personally would have ruled her out very quickly if I was a participant contestant. What do you call contestant? I guess. I mean, they are fighting to win love. Yeah, anyway, moving on, then we have Blake. Oh, Blake Moines, what's up, baby doll? Blake is a friend.

He is the best. I was surprised. I did not know that he was going to be on the season. I did know Rachel was going to be. So I literally shot him in text like right away. Luke does not know him. And yeah, Blake was engaged to Katie Thurston. I believe it's her name, on her season.

Blake's from Canada. He's good, dude. Cool. Yeah. All the girls are thirsty for him, so. I think everyone's like kind of not everyone, but like I feel like this episode, the people that were thirsty were thirsty for almost everyone. Sort of, but he had the most dramatic. He came in all the girls.

They had the Google eyes, everyone talking about how hot and how good of a guy he is and all these things. Like, he is the prize, it seems like for all these women. Honestly, of all the contestants on this episode, he's like the season vet. He's like, I think the one who's been on it like the longest. Okay, then we have Aaron from Charity season. Aaron B.

Hello. Hello. He's the one that he made it pretty far, and then a conversation with charity when he was talking about having cheated on his ex. Yes. And that's what I ended up getting in. And she booted him. She booted him.

Oh, that's right. Okay, cool. Now we have Cat with the C. Zack season. Yeah. There's Cat with the C. Even though my closet is pretty full, I still feel like I never have anything to wear, but that's when I found Quince, and I've finally given my closet the upgrade we both desperately needed.

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Oh, the we have the kendall guy. Oh, that, okay, that talks about like being a swifty. He looks like a swifty, but he also looks like he uses too much sun in. And it's no offense. Well, he's just, you know, he's very interested in his looks. And he's certainly a male model type. I've met quite a few male model types. We call him Macters. Macters. Okay. A model slash actor want to be well, he common Tommy's be those. Yeah, the Kendall, they call him.

So that's that. Okay. Okay. We have Eliza, who's super gorgeous. I feel like if anyone's allowed to say the word vibe, I feel like it would be Eliza and she doesn't. Yeah. Like she's vibing to me. We skipped over Kylie. I didn't have a specific note down in her, but Kylie is gorgeous. Yeah, you thought Kylie was smoking. Kylie smoking hot. Eliza's smoking hot. Yeah. And then we have Sam the rash girl. I do not remember her, but I now I feel badly

because she was, as we found out, the first to go on her season of the Bachelor, and she immediately was nervous that she was breaking out in hives or like a rash because she was nervous, so it wasn't a good start for her, but she and Jessie had a pinky promise. So I don't know, we'll see how long Sam lasts. I'm not, I hell, Sam, I think you're a pretty girl and I really like your hair,

but I just don't think you're gonna last, girl. So now we get into the actual fucking show, right? Immediately, we have Homeboy, kisses Olivia after Olivia asks him to suck her toes and he starts apologizing to Kylie. I mean, maybe they're there a few hours in TV land where like however many minutes in, but in real life and we're a few, we're hours in right to them filming this. Olivia is like, you want to suck my toes and he's like, ha ha ha ha.

And she's like, well, you got sand in your toes. She's like, well, there's an ocean right there. It was so fucking awkward. Who asks someone to suck their toes and then gets mad at them for kissing someone else? When they just met, well, okay, it was slow down. It just met, it was my point. Let's slow down, so they, yeah. That move passed that will clearly had some boundaries

with sucking your toes, right? Then he's like, whoa, okay, that's kind of a big proposition. I mean, what do you? Absolutely, I'm not putting toes in my mouth. I've already been asked to just open my toes. Will clearly make some move on Olivia and then, you know, fonts over Kylie. Yeah. And Kylie saying her heart's broken because she had a thing for Will. She was doing the kept doing the little heart symbol with her hands and breaking in. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, she invites them on the date. They go on the date, really hit it off,

wills super excited. Okay, but really quick, a note that I made was when the date card came, when Kylie got the date card, right? And we both thought she was choosing Blake. Yeah, because. We were pretty hell bent on it. He was the prize and she was gonna rule will out because he already made him move on another girl

and they've only been there for hours. Like, it was like a fuck you to him kind of. Right. I mean, essentially, like a screw you, I'm gonna choose someone else. Or like, you messed up, I'm taking someone else on this day. Right. But then she chooses will and immediately,

I think in my opinion, she's like, bitch, Kylie, I'm marking my territory. I mean, Kylie's saying, bitch, Kylie, I'm marking my territory. I mean, Kylie's saying to Olivia like, I'm marking my territory. That's why I'm taking a little. Oh, she's in a position of power and she had the ability to do that. Hey, why not? You'll know. And then this is the thing that I, it's like so dumb.

Maybe you, maybe you, Jenzeer's can like, DM us, you can email us and explain this to me. What is with a living being like, I'm confusion. She's confusion, not she's confused. Confused. I don't know if that's a grammar mistake or if that is a... Are you trying to be a valley girl? Were you born when Clueless came out? Look, that's a Gen Z slang. Let us know. Please tell us so I don't make fun of it anymore, but I probably so will. I'm confusion. I don't got it.

And then we move forward to, oh no, oh my God, on their date. When will fall in the water. Yeah, it looks like there was an elevated area and he steps off of the elevated part. And it just kind of like this little sand dunk there. All I could think about was his $1,500 mic pack that was on the back of his waistband. Cause we rewamed it twice because I'm like, wait, hold on, I have to watch it again. And then I was like, wait a minute, where is his mic pack?

And you can see it. And whatever it's not in the spot. Definitely had a condom on it. Well, this is like the behind the scenes stuff. When you're in the water, typically they put a condom over your mic pack to help make it waterproof. A real condom. We're not talking about like a special thing for a mic pack.

They actually use like a Trojan condom or whatever brand and do that to keep it dry. If there's a chance of a lot of sweat or water. Yeah, exactly. Mostly sweat. You're right. But we did watch it three times. And I was like, there goes a $1,500 mic pack. I wonder if they're taking that out of his per diem. Oh wait, they don't get paid

I don't think we're not sure moving on after their date. We have Braden Earing guy and cat with a K the green bathing suit She's the one who is like I hate everything about the hot weather Care if I to bugs crab saying stuff, but they they're all getting schmoozy on the daybed. Well, she's like trying to play hard to get and he's just pursuing and she's loving it. That he keeps pursuing, keeps pushing more

when she pushes back. And you know. But then with the conversation. Oh, your green bathing suit. I love green. Wow. And then she's like, oh, you don't make your hair color as beige. And I was like, I mean, I could get down with that. I love green. Wow. And then she's like, oh, you don't make favorite colors beige.

And I was like, I mean, I could get down with that. I look a good monochromatic look. Bages is a great color. And he's like, beige. And like, this is the substance of your conversation.

Hey. Hey, you know, at the same time, these two. Yeah, it's when I get fucked. These two might be made for each other. You're not wrong. It seems like of the people there,

Braden and Kat with a K, I'm both interested in, you know, kind of themselves. They both have their little quirks. They both definitely have plenty of quirks about themselves. And, you know, I actually see it. I think it could work. I think, no, why you agree with you? You're not wrong at all.

But then we have that wild Olivia comment after like, you know, they're on their day and Olivia says. Yeah, when they're on their day, I loved this. I had a positon tell Chris and because you missed this quote. Yes. Olivia says, at the end of the day,

Kylie got to taste me and I didn't have to taste her. I was like, ooh, that's a good slam. That's a really good slam, I think. Shots fire. Maybe it's a little immature, but at the same time, I get it. It's on the same day. I mean, I used to say shit like that

when I was in my 20s as well. I would be like, oh yeah, how do I taste when you went down on them? I would say like gnarly shit. Yeah, but you do in your 20s. So that was pretty much the bulk of this episode was really revolving around them. And then we noticed like four girls

were going to be sent home, right? No, then three because at the very end of the episode, Aven comes in. Aven shows up in Olivia was hoping to see her. Head over heels. Head over heels to begin with. Well, they didn't even show his entrance. They showed next week said he comes in and you got the preview of what was going to happen.

So you know, I- So three girls are going to go home. Three girls right now. So yeah, so then when Luke started kind of explaining it to me, even though I'm the Bachelor Nation girl, but Luke's explaining this to me as like, listen man, three girls are going home. Well, four girls, now three girls, and they're all being super smart. They're finding their dude. They want to stay on the

beach. Hello. I was like, damn, you're right. You know, part of this is being competitive, whether or not people want to say it. That's why Rachel and for Kendall. Okay. And Kendall went for Rachel because she's super hot. That's my opinion. It's not factual. I will 100% agree with that. That Rachel saw, or maybe Rachel didn't feel a strong connection right out the gate. She saw a good looking guy that wasn't paired up, and that's how you keep moving. Yeah, you make buds with people, you like flirt. You don't want to miss out on the opportunity.

This whole opportunity is this season. So week one, day one, whatever, you want to pair up with someone. That's how this works. And Rachel, fix Kendall. We need to give Kendall a name. I feel bad that we're not saying his name. I want to do. Let me look it up really fast.

Okay. Sean? Okay. Sean is Kendall. Sean, we apologize. They did not give you guys proper banners the whole entire time. But I do love the banners that they do have. Oh yeah.

It says what they do, or what they're, usually on Bachelor and Bachelor at, it says what they do for a living. Right, so Rachel and Sean slash Kendall, they get their little mini romance going, seems to be going well, and moving forward with the whole banners, it says not, doesn't actually look like Ken,

I think, under one of his banners. So yeah, I know it banners, it says not doesn't actually look like Ken I think under one of his But yeah, I know it yeah, it does and then it also when it said he's like oh, I'm a swifty when he was flirting with someone It did like a little asterix and it said not an actual Taylor Swift fan So funny that is one of my absolute favorite parts of bachelor in paradise One of the reasons I liked this more than any other bachelor shows, these banners are so funny. And the intros, and they literally make fun of themselves while they make fun of the fact that they're on this show after they've been on a show like this. And it's like, they're laughing with us, so people, you know what I mean?

Some people aren't laughing at them because at the end of the day, we're all giant bachelor fans. That's why we're here. Absolutely. Well, I'm not a giant bachelor fan, but watching this regular bachelor bachelor at, there's not enough comedic relief. I feel like sometimes you just get so heavy and so personal and all these things.

And I'm just like, oh, wait, no, wait, no, wait, no, when something happens. It's only funny like in the first few episodes when it's like, that girl's or guy is too drunk or that person did this But PIP is a damn good time so I can't wait to see who goes to the boom boom room who gets engaged Who cat fights not cat with a C or a K, but who has a cat fight? Hopefully how ironic and amazing would that be if the cats got in a fight. Oh my gosh. So next week we can't wait

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which is less than two hours and we where Kristen and I are right now. We drove through Angola, Indiana on our way up on I-69 and we were probably within 20 minutes of Hudson, which is kind of funny. It was pretty cool to be like, oh my gosh, he's from Indiana, no way. We even saw Golden Bachelor Billboard, right? Yes, we did. Yes, we did. And Northern Indiana right by there, and I think that is obviously targeted

because of where it's from. Yeah, no, it was awesome. Super fucking smart. But yeah, he is just a gem of a human. He is a retired restaurant tour. He has two daughters. He was married to his high school sweetheart, Tony, for 43 years.

And I'm sure you guys all watched this, so I'll just bring you all the details but it just the sadness of Tony falling ill and the quickness in which everything happened and now he's ready to put himself out there again. And I think that's just so beautiful and awesome and genuine and and why not have a good time. And I just wish your one grandma G, as we call her, was on the stem. That's the season. Oh man, she'd be very funny at the same time.

We had dinner with her, sorry, lunch with her yesterday. And she does not need a man messing up her life. She said, I feel bad for people that they'll live with someone else. So she said that one. She said people feel alone. Oh my goodness. I feel bad for people that have to live with someone else. No, she's so funny.

Shout out to G. We love you so much. Love you G. OK, so we first have Edith comes out of the limo and she had the confetti cannon. And then we had Ellen who straight up reminds me of Jill Zaren for all you real housewives fans out there. Jill was there in from New York housewives,

the pickle ball, the accent, the bokeh or a ton. Like she's just like the Florida New York girl and I couldn't get over it the entire episode. And also Ellen was the one that has a friend Roberta. Yes. Who is ill at the time when this was, yeah, when this was being recorded, which we saw at the end, she has now passed away and she's doing this for her,

which is obviously super touching. And it's such an emotional, it's a golden bachelor so much more emotional than bachelor in paradise, bachelor in paradise is fun. Maybe that's why they're doing on the same day. You get the fun relief at the end. At the end of the very heartwarming,

but also slightly... Dear jerking heartwarming golden bachelor, yeah. Yeah, good job. And then remember Sandra, your reaction to Sandra, you're like, she's 75? Oh yeah, Sandra. What? Get out of here, she could get it.

Luke literally went, fuck. That's what my note says, Luke says, fuck. She's not 75. Well that's what she said anyway, she's like, fuck this shit. Or something to that effect, Whoa. She's not 75. Well, that's what she said anyway. She's like, fuck this shit. Or something to that effect. It bleeped it out.

Or it was fuck, fuck, fuck you thought. Yeah, something to that effect. They had to believe it all. She said her favorite word was fuck. You could kind of figure that out. She was a little feisty one. That was terrible though. Yeah, she's a little feisty one.

I mean, for 75, she's kicking ass. Amazing. So I don't remember who this was, but it was who came in with the walker. And then she was like, I dated Prince. I remember that, but I don't remember her name. I know. It's a lot on day one because there's just so many people that were being introduced to.

So many. One note we had on the intros was how Matt, the former bachelor, his mom comes in and Patty didn't get Patty, but a couple of seconds. I know. And when that happened, I thought it was because she was going to have such a season that they were like, we don't really need to introduce Patty.

She's been on it before. Like everyone knows Patty. But as we know, sorry, but like at the end of the episode, because it's just a recap, but like Patty doesn't even make it. It's like you gave Patty like 2.2 seconds. You know, it bothered me. Hard of me thinks she saw her sons, you know, kind of experienced with this show.

And maybe that gave her some doubts to where she wasn't super confident going into this. Maybe, because she's like really awesome and beautiful. Yeah, I think so sweet and proud. Fantastic, and you know, they didn't give her a lot of showtime or a lot of screen time. So maybe she wasn't super talkative, and maybe that's why if she didn't, this is a competitive thing. That's something I said, have said that you have to, you have to push, you have to try to get that time with the bachelor, with the guy that everyone's there to see and hopefully end up with.

And if she wasn't putting forth that effort, then you get, you know, make it very far. If she's more reserved. You're more reserved, right? So you have to be really not just putting your best foot forward, but coming out of your shell and really pushing your own limits. Yeah. And really quick, what I also really like about this, as we're kind of in the middle of it, was I really liked the diversity of all the women with their ages. We all know they have to be at least 60 years old,

but they're all from very different walks of life. And I like that they were breaking this like stereotypical view of what a, a quote unquote, senior looks like. Yeah, absolutely. Again, it's like with 75 year old hot Sandra who's like feisty as hell. And like, you know, between the ages of like 60, 70 plus, you're totally breaking up with the stereotype.

Right. I mean, we're talking Medicare Social Security, AARP. We're talking about all the... Yeah, we're talking about the like rest in peace alchorbe the, like, Rest and Peace Alicature Back, but like, he used to do all those commercials about, like, senior citizens and stuff that would be on, like, in the middle of the day when people are at home, so... Yeah, absolutely. And I gotta say, I love it because, you know,

as time goes on, word, 2023, time goes on, our life expectancy is growing, is going getting later and later, and people are living a lot healthier, longer lives, and can show this vibrant still in their 70s. It's awesome. Hell yeah. Yeah. I'm more than halfway there, bro.

Anyway. Okay, so Teresa, she's a fireball. Teresa was the first kiss, but when we meet Teresa, like with Gary, she was the one who was like, I'm wearing my birthday suit. It's my birthday. Yeah. And then she like opens up her dress or whatever that wrote like a wrap dress, I think it was. And she's basically wearing like nude colored skims, which is like, haha, but I was like, oh man, she's feisty. Six grandsons. I think Teresa wants to be, Teresa wants some Sponcon. Sponsored content on Instagram. I think Teresa wants to be an Instagram influencer. Look, I think it was a fantastic stunt and producers were nothing but encouraging,

hearing it all at your birthday. We should do something special for that. One, one, one, two, and saying, let's, you know, do it, do it, make it happen. And she, oh, she delivered. It was great. The way they cut it before commercial, is she delivered perfectly. Mm-hmm. And then right after that, we meet April, the therapist.

April, you know, I like and I don't like April. You said immediately, she's gonna be the villain. I said she's the villain right away, you're right. Because she was like, I want my eggs or my eggs or fries. Or she came in with that and she looks very, she definitely looks younger than her age. She is here to drink the drama. She is and she's gonna be aggressive clearly.

Yeah, she was a lot. So April being aggressive, my pre-call villain. What then with the motorcycle show up? Is that right? Is that where we are? Do we have faith showing up in the motorcycle and they have the girls, or sorry, ladies, women outside, looking through like a barn door to see her pull up in that.

And they say she is not at least 60. Yeah. She was stunning and she was married 25 years. Wow. I really, really liked her a whole lot. She said she's a local radio host. Again, just like the side. No, I really wish they kept the banners up

of like who their names are while we're still getting to know them. That was a little tough for me. It was. And yeah, you know, banners, I feel like they maybe cut back on them. Maybe they got some feedback that they were doing it too much, but it feels different. I may be wrong, but I feel like there's fewer banners. And so keeping track of all the names early on is more difficult right now.

Yeah. Gibson, my dog got more banners on Banner Pumper rules than some of these ladies are getting right now. I'm just saying it's true. Oh, that's funny. So, Faith, yeah, an early favorite. Obviously, very good looking, very spunky. She wrote it on a motorcycle. She did all the things right. She's an early favorite. That's for sure. So we actually skipped over Nancy on the intros. Oh, yeah. And my best friend Amy was over. And Amy immediately was like,

Nancy's going to be a front runner. Calling Nancy, I'm going to say to the top five, she's going to make a run. I'm going, I'm gonna say to the top five, she's gonna make a run, I'm gonna call Nancy and Faith to the top five right now. 100%. So Gary's first kiss was with Teresa. She is the girl that on the intro pulls her dress back like she's naked, says she's in a birthday suit, has the nude colored skims on,

and then when they're yet they're one on one time. After they're back there, that's the first kiss. She is the first kiss, which was surprising to me. I felt like she maybe came on too strong and was gonna kind of scare him a little bit. He was so cute about it though. I did too. We were both kind of like, oh no, oh no.

Kissed on the first night. He's been, you know, he's a widow. He's been widowed for now Now, six years, like, Eek, and he was so adorable, and it was just so like, Frank Sinatra, he had like a, I don't know, like a high school dance type thing. It was just so sweet.

It was so sweet, and at the same time, what was going through my head was, holy shit, this guy is about to have a psychological roller coaster, making out with all of these women, all these attractive women vying for him when he's been his widow, I think they said six or seven years. Six years.

Six years before that, hadn't kissed a woman since. And now all of these women, all of these things, it just, just for anybody, even if you're in your 20s or 30s, to go through this would be a wild, crazy experience. But for him, I'm like, oh man, for his mental health, I can't imagine what he's going through and trying to sift through these feelings and thoughts because I'd imagine he's a man of thought before feelings, he can think through his feelings,

but so many different feelings, pulling him in different directions. Once you start kissing these women, and he's trying to like give love a chance again for real and like really trying to lean into this process as they say, the journey as they say. Right. I didn't even think about that. It's a good point, babe.

We skipped past Aunt Chippy. We did skip past Aunt Chippy. What the hell was I thinking? We were so in the love mode. Ant Chippy was the best thing to ever walk on to that damn property. It's honestly, it was so funny. The way she came up, just who she is, it was amazing. Obviously she... I think it's obvious to everybody. She wasn't there really for the journey quote unquote. And listen, Ant Chippy, she hasn't had sex since the first George Bush was in office. I mean, basically her Bush is dustier than the original president Bush. The golden bachelor better bring that looob. So funny, you're quoting our friend Jill Kimmel.

I am quoting Jill Kimmel. That is Jill's aunt as well as Jimmy Kimmel's aunt. And I was like, Jill, you need to tell me about Aunt Chippy. Oh my God, I wish you were on this podcast right now. Um, Jill and Jimmy Kimmel are both hilarious in their own right. It's just amazing that they got their aunt on the show. It's the much needed comedy relief. It is exactly what we were talking about in the beginning

right before we started it. You were like, know BIP is sort of the comic relief to the loveliness that is the Golden Bachelor. But we got a dose of entropy. We did and I love it. I kind of hate that she's not there for another week but you know what can you expect? Maybe they'll just bring her back for like competitions and stuff. I would bet that she doesn't. I think that's it. I think that's her cameo. It was good though. It was very good, very entertaining.

I loved it. And Susan. And Susan. Good old Susan. Susan the Kardashian. Kris Jenner. Kris Kardashian Jenner may be gamble one day. The haircut, the everything about her.

I was like, she just wants to be a Jenner. Good for her. So we get to, you know, he's finally choosing who he's gonna give the Golden Roses to. And- Not the Golden Roses. Well, he's got the first impression rose. Skip over the first impression rose.

And he immediately calls, he calls faith back. 61. We knew it. Yeah, we did. She had honestly the best first impression. That's what the Rose is for. I agree. So she really knocked out of the park and it gets the first impression Rose. She's super ecstatic about it. I'm happy for still have her Nancy in the top five. For sure. But I will say this Luke, like as he, so then I'm so sorry, yeah, then we do, when he does start like illuminating,

this is when I realize Luke, you are really good at fantasy bachelor. Bachelor, when I say bachelor, I mean bachelor nation, you are so good at fantasy bachelor, because when it came down in patty, it was still in the running, and Chris Kardashian, Jenner, aka Susan, was in the running, I'm like, he's choosing patty, you're like, mmner, aka Susan was in the running.

I'm like, he's choosing Patty. You're like, mm-hmm, Susan all the way. He's definitely going Susan. Definitely Susan and it was. So from here on out, you know what I want to do. I want to get like your fantasy bachelor, like your top picks, if you will, when we do this starting next week. Okay.

We're going to do like Luke's top picks at the end of each one and see how close you got because I really feel like you're gonna nail it. We'll see who can join Faith and Nancy in the top five. Luke's top five gold match list. Luke top lit Luke's top five and I promise not to read reality's Steve. You don't know what that is. I don't even know what that is. Reality Steve has always given all the good goods away and all the spoilers and just like most of the movies that I watch especially if they're scary, I always read the spoilers immediately.

So I know who makes it at the end. Yeah, it sounds like you. It does. But I will not do it this season because I want to follow along with Luke's fantasy bachelor. You're just lacking in patience when you really, really want to know something. Yeah, the patience is not there. Yeah, the only last thing I want to touch on was then we do the like, to come this season,

which is always my favorite thing about episode one of any of these shows is that you get not next week on, it's always like coming this season. So you get to kind of like try to figure out who's in the shadows, and like if they're trying to like hide their face so you don't like know everything. You know what I mean? It's like they'll show like a back of a woman's head. So you're like, is that her or is that her? Absolutely, and they show.

She's missing or who's he out on a boat with. But it made me really sad. There was a moment where he got really upset and he goes, I'm done. I'm done. Meaning what I felt, what he was saying was like, I'm done filming and he stood up. Yeah, that's what I was saying about his mental health.

I was worried about it before they showed that because it's just, it's not a healthy situation to get back into dating. However, it could work out, it's worked out for some people. So I wish him the best. And I think, Chris, this is another little Easter egg. I think you know how much I can relate with him on this whole fuck it. We're done.

Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm done. I'm done. I'm done with this. I'm done filming this show. Mm-hmm. I said it not you.

Anyway. And I also really liked, even though again, it was like a little like heartbreaking, but they did show a few of the women just being like, this is our real life. But it wasn't said in this drama way of like a 20-something year old and like no offense to the younger bachelor nation contestants. But when you hear it coming out of a grown woman's mouth, it's like, this is our real life. That hit me to my core because it reminds me so much

of just being on reality TV. And I think a lot of viewers don't know, like this is their real life. So just remember that. It is. All people in reality TV granted, producers set up certain things that feed some lines occasionally, but it is everyone's real life. They are not a scripted screen actor.

They're not AI. They're not AI. They're not AI either. They are their experience they get. They emotions are real. Sometimes, you know, you might be able to pick out a line and be like, okay, they were fed that line. Whatever. It makes a better viewing experience.

But they're real life human beings. They're real life human beings, really experiences, really feeling what they're feeling. And the emotions aren't fake. These aren't people that have trained to cry on demand. Correct. Even if it seems and feels as we're recapping this even, you know, I'm saying this, but even if it seems and feels like, oh, that was so dramatic or that was over the

top or that was that, but like, again, this is how they feel. It is. And that's what we're here for is to ride the journey with them and applaud them for putting themselves out there on reality television. Absolutely, because I don't think anyone makes that decision and then barks on a journey like this without really considering, you know, what the potential repercussions or and or benefits are of doing something like this. Yeah.

So kudos to them for taking a leap. Yeah, and guys, sorry for my giant ADD personality, but we've never done two shows in one day on season one of the Golden Bachelor and recapping Bachelor in Paradise. So it'll become a little more swimmingly and smooth moving forward, but damn, what a good time. I'm really excited for both seasons.

I'm really excited about the cast and I can't wait for next week. I am too. I got to say I'm more into Bachelor Nation right now than I ever have been in my life. Hallelujah. You turned me, Christen. I don't know if I should be happier upset about this, but I don't know, but we have Bachelor Nation on Thursdays then we have football on Sundays and Thursdays and Mondays and just like, oh, what a good week of television. Okay, guys, well, thank you so much for following with us on our first bachelor nation recap. We're again recapping golden bachelor and bachelor in paradise every Thursday night. It will air on Fridays.

And I feel like they should do their fantasy picks, too. They should. And you know, this podcast, the way we want to keep it growing, we want our, we want to be more involved and more engaged with our listeners. So please send us feedback, send us questions, send us comments, send us your picks. We want to know all these things.

We want to move forward. We want to give you what you want. Let's do this. We're in this together. And rate is five stars. And rate, yeah, I do that too. It's very much appreciated. It does affect our visibility, makes us easier to find. And at the end of the day, it really helps us keep this podcast going. Absolutely. So we will talk to you guys next Wednesday and sex love, what else matters. And again, every Friday, you'll hear about Bachelor Nation from Luke and I. Thanks for listening, everyone. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at

Kristen Doating and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore Broadway. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with the new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.