Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Breakups & New Beginnings

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Episode 62. This week, Kristen and Luke talk with their podcast producer Nene about her recent WILD breakup story. They also discuss what it's like being single and dating again in Los Angeles. Kristen gives Nene some great advice, a wonderful pep talk, and cheers her on for what’s next! Sponsors: Kitsch is offering you 30% off your entire order at MyKitsch.com/doute Visit OliveandJune.com/DOUTE for 20% off your first Olive and June System! Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, cuties? Welcome back to another episode of Sex Love and What else Matters. Hi baby. Hi Lenny. As you know, we're on a road trip. We are currently at a beautiful Airbnb that Kristen got for us on a lake in Michigan. I was able to catch a couple fish. So you know I'm super happy. And I gotta say thank you, babe.

Yeah, it's really peaceful here. We're on, I think, we're on week two of our road trip. I don't even know what day of the week it is half the time, but it's been a nice little escape. This week's guest, oh my gosh. So we are obviously doing this remotely, but we have our podcast producer and editor, Nene. We met Nene through Sheena and we have wanted to have her on because not only has she had a hell of a year, she has one of the most

wild breakup stories I have ever heard. Oh man, it's just wild. I think she's really gonna give some insight to what it's like being a single young early 30s girl trying to get back into the dating world in Los Angeles. Yeah, newly single and we want to know, what is it like dating these days? What are the apps like? How do you meet people? So Neannie, let's do this.

Welcome to the podcast. Hi guys. So you're 33. You're now single as you've said, but only as this. Welcome to the podcast. Hi guys. So you're 33. You're now single, as you said, but only as of late, as of this year. So I just wanna talk about your experience with your last relationship. How long were you together?

And what happened with the downfall of the demise of your relationship? Yeah, so we were together three years, and then, I mean, where do I start? What do I say? Has you been in love before? No what do I say? Mm-hmm. Has you been in love before? No.

So I've never been in love like I'm a little immature just as a human but also in my dating experiences. Like I've had short-term boyfriends like in high school I had a little boyfriend and then in college maybe like a six month but then after that it wasn't really anything and I was never in love. And I come from a pretty strict Armenian household. So the pressure is literally on to get married and reproduce. I haven't done yet. So when I met this guy, it was like, he was Armenian, I was Armenian.

It was just like, you know how everyone says you like go on your first date and then the rest is history? Yes, I mean, I think it's true. I think you kind of, when you know you know, at least if it's going to last. And I forget is he around your age? He's two years younger. Okay. And like literally after our first date, I never once questioned if he like liked me. I always felt like he was doing everything right, always had a next date set up. It was just so seamless. So then yeah, we fell in love and then or I fell in love. But then I found out right before our three-year anniversary that he cheated on me with a literal sex worker. It was a hooker. It was a literal prostitute. I don't know what you're supposed to call them.

Well, I think the term is like sex worker, but when you're cheated on with one, it's a hooker. Sorry. Not sorry. I think that's a common term for someone that isn't a sex worker if they cheated on you with them. Right? Isn't that what you call them? I've definitely called girls that were not professional sex workers, hookers, hos, whores, all the things because we're women,

and it affects us emotionally, and therefore all the things have been said to me and have come out of my mouth as well. Okay, so you want to tell that story a little bit because it's an interesting story. Yeah, back up to the bachelor party. I know the story, and I want everyone to get all the context of this because it is kind of mind-blowing. I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened to somebody, but it's the first time I've met

anyone that's had something like this happen to them. It's wild. So it happened a year and a half into our relationship. The craziest thing is like your three years into a relationship and you have one idea of what you think reality is. And then within a second, your life changes. You get this information. And to me, I'm just like, you looked to me in the eyes for a year and a half. And you were on a different planet.

And I was on a different planet. I was madly in love with you. And in a million years, I didn't think he was capable of anything like this. And then it's just like going through all the memories after that and reliving it and being like, wow, like you had already like fucked up. You had already. Yeah. He'd already fucked someone else. Like you're thinking from that bachelor party that he went on a year and a half ago. And you're like, so then we had like this holiday or this anniversary or this birthday or this date

or this like family get together. You're telling me, you wanna marry me, you're sending me songs that you wanna play at our wedding. Like I know the term narcissists is thrown around. I don't know technically, I think she is, but. I do too, and I've dated two of them, maybe more, but. The pathological lying that was taking place, and I'll explain two of them maybe more, but. The pathological lying that was taking place and I'll explain one story that was like

the craziest, most painful thing after. But anyway, so everyone's probably wondering what the hell we're talking about. He goes on a bachelor trip a year and a half into our relationship. I help him pack for the trip. I like even put like my sexy lingerie in the suitcase. So when he's there, he'll

like think of me, you know, which is so cute and so awesome. Like what a fucking girlfriend, like girlfriend of the year. A girlfriend of the year. Here I am. Jesus Christ. Um, so he goes on this trip. He comes back and like doesn't see me for a week after because he, it was like in the middle of COVID and and he's like, oh, I don't wanna like risk giving you COVID, so let's just not see each other for a week, I'm like okay.

I don't wanna risk giving you COVID, you sick fuck. Yeah. Okay, keep going, sorry. So it turns out he was really like waiting to get his STD test. So then yeah, that happened, but pretty much like, yeah, he cheated on me with a prostitute in Costa Rica. That's where this trip was. God knows what else happened on that trip. Was texting me, I missed you,

I wish you were here all along the way. And so a year and a half flies by and you guys have this life. A year and a half flies by. One memory that is like the most destructive for me is we went to Mexico two months after for my best friend's wedding. On that trip, I was looking through his phone, and I looked through his deleted pictures, and I saw like two pictures of two women, and I was like, what the fuck is that? And I freaked out,

because I didn't know who they were, like why do you have two random women? So you asked it, and you called them out on it. Yeah. And what was his or some of the first ones? Played it all, like it was, he was like, I was just scrolling through TikTok, and I like screenshot it this, and he's like, it was so stupid, whatever, whatever.

And then that night in the hotel room, like I was in the bathroom, and I had like a premonish, like a weird intuition in my stomach. And I came out of the room, and I'm like, are those like hookers you were talking to in Costa Rica? Cause you know on WhatsApp, it saves the images. Absolutely it does. If someone sends you a photo on WhatsApp,

it saves your photo album. I didn't know that. And I was like, that's probably it. Like maybe he was talking to hookers, did not think he would actually like have any sexual relations with them. But I want to really quick just bow down to you because you, it was in your gut.

And I swear I wrote about this so many times. You see the red flag, it's not pink, it's not green, it's not white, it is red, it is a red flag. And we do this as women because we're like, man, have we watched too many movies? Have we heard too many bad stories? Are we thinking this could be us because of all of this stuff?

But I swear, ladies, when you know, you know. When you know, you know. When you know, you know. Okay. So I come out of the bathroom, I'm like, in like a heat, and I'm like, these are like the photos were the people you met in Costa Rica, and he's like, are like the photos were the people you met in Costa Rica

and he's like no and he went off on me and he was like how dare you disrespect me. I don't know what kind of friends you have but I'm not that kind of person like went off on me to the point where I started to cry. Gaslighting. I don't care if people call this a buzzword. Gaslighting narcissists. I see this a lot in social media that it's like oh is narcissists your buzzword. Gaslighting narcissist. I see this a lot in social media that it's like, oh, is narcissists your buzzword? Is gaslighting your buzzword? But I'm sorry when it's true, it's true, right? Asshole suck. Okay, so keep going because the story's so fucking good. So basically, you're talking to your boyfriend, he's denying everything. None of this is true. None of this is true. I'm like, I'm insane. And also I have like bad friends

that somehow get into my head. This is so... Ugh. And I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking to myself, like I am gonna like ruin the one good relationship with a man that I've had up until this point. Because like I'm just thinking like I'm so insecure.

And then I'm like, guys look at porn, right? So it's like, who cares if he had these two photos of these women? I'm just like... Making up excuses and going, am I crazy? I'm being a little crazy, right? I'm like, that's how I literally thought in that moment. I myself to sleep and he consoled me. He consoled me.

He goes, it's okay. It's okay. I forgive you. I can't even. I forgive you for being crazy and crying. It's okay babe, I understand. You were just a little unsure, it's fine, I forgive you. Suck my fucking dick, suck a dick.

We're gonna make that a little sound wave for everybody. Okay. Where should I go from here, Kristen? Well, when you found out. Okay. Let's talk about when you found out. So a year goes by after this. We're talking about moving in together. I get this apartment in Brentwood, which you were supposed to live in together. He's helping me pick out the apartment. I move in, I ask him to stay with me for a few days. He stays with me for four days.

On the fourth day, he's like, hey, I have to tell you something. And he goes, but I still want to be with you. And in my head, I'm just like, oh my God, like what? Yeah, I honestly, in that moment, this is what I would think. Like this thing about you bothers me. Or like I'm kind of nervous about living together to be honest, I honestly, in that moment, this is what I would think. This thing about you bothers me, or like,

I'm kind of nervous about living together to be honest, but I still want to be with you. Where you're just like, what could be the worst case scenario, right? You read my diary when I was at work. I don't know, like what happened? Game changing. That's what Kitch's biggest fans say

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And it's on right now, no waiting necessary. You have the latest phone, now take advantage of a great price on a 5G subscription phone plan. It's the perfect deal for anyone who could use some savings right now. Subscribe today at publicmobile.ca. Different is calling. It was slow motion. He's like, well, you know, when I went on that vashna party to Costa Rica, which by the way, ladies, if your man is going to Haco, Costa Rica, like Sinora. Sinora. No Costa Rica and no fucking Vegas. If you ever watch Vanderpump rules, it's called no fucking Las Vegas.

I will say I do know that Costa Rica is certainly a destination for bachelor parties that have that occur specifically. What? I had zero clue like zero. I thought we have a clue. I don't want to throw Costa Rica under the bus, there's so many cool things about Costa Rica. But if you're going there for a bachelor party, I've heard that drugs and women are more than easy to come by.

You basically have to fight them off if you go down there for a bachelor party is what I've heard. And not only that, it's legal to be a prostitute in Costa Rica. Like they have health benefits. Like it's an actual profession there from my research because I did find a private detective. Well, I'm not going to get into that. But oh my god, I fucking love you. Yeah, so I went crazy. Um, no, you didn't. He made you crazy. But anyways, keep

going, please. He's like, I still want to be with you, but blah, blah, blah. A year ago when we went on that trip, I was really drunk the first night. He's like, I had an eaten. We were flying. I was whatever, blah, blah. I got really drunk the first night. He's like, I had an eaten, we were flying. I was, whenever I was like, I got so drunk and like, I thought I was getting a massage. This woman asked me if I wanted a massage. And I said yes, and her and her assistant went with me into my room. And I thought I was getting a massage

and then all of a sudden he made it seem like he was like taking advantage of. He played like the victim card. Okay, Luke, comments please. And she like started pleasuring him. Mm-hmm. Sounds like a porn. You know, I'm not going to make excuses for him. All you have to do is they stop and get up.

Yeah. That's all you have to do. Stop, stop, stop, get up. You just say no. I didn't. And he didn't say no. It would have been so easy. They would have been like, okay, do you think that they like were like excited about it? The women were not excited about it.

They wanted money. It's their job. Oh God. Okay. So, okay. Yeah, he told me that. What a piece of shit. Just that she did that and I guess he's like, I don't have a condom and she's like, it's okay, I do. And he said she only went down on him and I was like, but why would she use a condom if you're just, it's just so the story lies upon lies. Okay, keep going. So I'm just in hysteria. I kick him out immediately and I'm like, you know, that e-pre-love moment where she talks about in the book, she's like on the floor praying to God. I just felt like in one second, I'm like looking at this man that I'm like so in love with, like I thought I was gonna like be your wife and have your kids. And like within a second, I'm just like, I don't even

know who this, like I don't know you. Like I can't know you because the person I knew would like, I thought you were like in love with me. Like, I thought you were obsessed with me. So he leaves, we don't break up. Well, let's explain the not break up because I think we've all been there as women. I definitely fucking have where you're just like, I can't make a choice in this state of mind right now.

I can't make a decision because of exactly what you just said. You're like, I don't know this person. This person sitting in front of me that just told me this thing is not the person that I was in a relationship with. So I just kind of want to make that clear because I think a lot of people go like, oh my God, well, they cheated,

fucking leave them. It's not that simple. It's not because he played it as if like he was the victim and he was taken advantage of and he didn't know this person was a hooker. And you're and you're giving the benefit of the doubt because you're in love with them. So for a moment, you need a minute to digest all of this information before you can even think about making a decision. And I don't know the inner workings of like the Hooker World. Like I don't know what I don't know what they do. Like I don't know how it works. I too, I too do not know the inner

workings of the Hooker World. Right. Is she like, do you have a spouse? Do they care? We don't know. Definitely not go to the street. What's the exchange the money? Like how much did you pay? Like I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I wonder if it's like strip clubs because it's strip clubs. Hmm, I wonder. I've had a private dance and I've had to pay way more money than I thought I had to

because the stripper kept going. Like, it was my boyfriend and I, years and years ago, we had like a couple of stands and she kept going and I was kind of like, okay, well, now I'm like, oh, we're in a little bit

but she's like, going and then finally, I was like, well, I'm good now and I was kind of like, okay, well now I'm like, over in a little bit, but she's like, going and then finally I was like, hey, well, I'm good now. And it was way more expensive than like what I thought I had signed up for. They, they know what they're doing. Totally. So he said, the first version of the story was he said, he woke up in a panic and he like,

didn't even know where his wallet was. Like, he was disgruntled. He didn't know what happened. Anyways, two weeks later I got a phone call. He's like, by the way, I have to tell you something and I'm like, what? And he's like, you were asking all these questions. He's like, but I did like finger her.

Stop. Stop. He was like, condom blowjob. Oh, no, shit. So, two weeks later. Now, that's where you draw the line and say, all right, quit lying to me. Tell me all of it right now.

If there's any chance we're gonna stay together, you come clean 100% right now. What all happened? I said that literally and he swore on his mom's life like that was it. Oh, bullshit. Yeah. Fast forward, like that was it. Oh, bullshit. Yeah. Fast forward, like that was held too. And then a week later, I get another call.

And he's like, I just remembered, I forgot this one more detail. He's like, she stayed and like took a shower. And I'm like, okay, you guys had sex. Like, I'm just, I can't take, I was a shell of a human. Like, I don't think I ate. I lost 15 pounds. I was just, I think I was texting you like it was oh yeah, we were texting non-stop I'm like girl. I will literally drive to your house right now open you soup wine my book What do you need do you need a dagger like what do you need do you want a voodoo doll of him like just tell me?

That was the sweetest thing, Chris. Did we had just met and you literally said, what's your address I'm coming over right now? Because it breaks my heart when I have friends. And it's also what I always needed. Like that's all I ever wanted going through the motions that I went through with the guys I was with, which most of them, a lot of them played out in Vanderpump rules. Like all I wanted were my friends to be there for me and

just say, fuck, fuck dude, like what do you need? And I didn't really get that as we could see. There was a lot of judgment. And I think that is the main thing that like women need to stand together and men, of course, Luke and I want, you know, I don't know. I feel like guys don't talk as deeply about these things as women do,

and we definitely tend to be more emotional and passionate about our feelings and relationships. But it's like, all we want is like a fucking hug. My sister always calls me and says, do you want advice or do you want me to listen? We don't always want advice. I don't need you to give me your two cents, but maybe you just want someone to sit with you

and say, fucking nothing and bring you a bottle of wine. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that's the FYI guys. I love you. I love you. I have your book, obviously, everybody get the book. I love you.

But like you doing that was like the sweetest thing ever. It's heart-wrenching though. It's absolutely heart-wrenching. And you're just like, where does my life go from here when you think this is your person, right? Three years, almost. You guys probably have your three fucking years. It's a really long time.

Yeah. And now all of a sudden, boom, gone. And oh, shit. For the last year and a half, I didn't even know who you were. So now you're second guessing. Did I ever know you at all? I missed how this ended. So where we are, we know he's telling you this stuff and you've got all these questions in your head. Anyway, where'd we go from there? From there, like, he always denied whether they actually like had intercourse or not. So I

guess I don't really know what happened, but like if you're sending me your STD tests most likely Mmm, something happened, but all of this didn't click until later I was like kind of in denial and still kind of thinking that it didn't get to that point And then I couldn't talk to a lot of people because I didn't want them to judge like the situation Like I would just picture like okay if we get married I don't want people sitting there watching us get married thinking like, oh, he cheated on her. Like I was still protecting him, which is so heartbreaking because I still did that for so long until my therapist finally once it ended. She was like, you have to now tell your story. You can't keep protecting his reputation anymore, which was a big moment for me.

So I wanted to make it work because I was in love and I said we should go to couples counseling and I made like a list of things that I needed from him in order to make it work. And he was doing pretty good for about a month or so. And then I would be showering and I'd be like, praying to God, I'd be like, give me a sign, how do you guys have probably seen those memes where it's like, the girl is like asking for a sign

and it's like every sign you can imagine is happening and she still doesn't see it. Like that was me. So I would just be praying, like, give me a sign if this isn't it. And I knew when my stomach it wasn't, but I couldn't let go. I just wanted to make it work so bad.

Even something as simple, I put on my list of, like, I want flowers every week. And like, he couldn't do that. And every time I came home, I'd be like, oh, there's for sure gonna be flowers at my door. Like, there was never flowers at my door. Like, just one time, dude. Just one time. Oh, God.

And so I would just like bring things up and be like, wait, but you said, like, why would she, why would you wear a condom if you didn't have sex? Like weird moments I'd have. Like that doesn't make sense to me. And he just kept getting angrier and angrier. And it was just you never dated someone that you were in love with that would that ended up cheating on you and breaking your heart. So of course you're just like, can you just explain it to me so I can make sense of it and find a way that we can make it work? Yeah.

Every woman will listen to this story and go, holy fuck, I've been there. Yeah, and it's like he's going out with his friends, which I was such a chill girlfriend. Like go have fun with your friends. Like go have fun with them. And now he's going out with his friends, which I was such a chill girlfriend, like go have fun with your friends, like go have fun with them. And now he's going out with his friends, and I'm like, but what are they doing?

Like I'm spiraling about something that before, I was like, you know, he lost that privilege, but he couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle me tracking him. He couldn't handle all those things. So how did it finally come to an end? So he called me, we got through Valentine's Day, it was horrific. And he got a phone call from somebody and I'm like,

what the fuck is calling you on Valentine's Day? He calls me two days later and he's like pretty much ended in. It was like, I can't, you know, you've made me hate myself. I am juggling too many things. I, like, keeping up with work, keeping up with his fitness, and that he hates himself because of me. And I need to think about the words that I choose

to use because I had called him a professional liar at that point. Well, he was still hiding things. That's why he said, if he said he was juggling too many things, he's juggling women. He's answering a phone call from someone else on Valentine's Day and says he has to watch his words. It's because he's worried.

Yeah, he's still hiding something if he has to watch his words. Oh, yeah. And he's like, I just need space. I need space to figure things out. And then the craziest thing he said is, I think you're gonna, you're gonna thank me one day for this decision. Well, you know what? I'm thinking this piece of shit right now. Thank you from Kristen and Luke and Nene on sex love and what else matters. I am

thanking you thanking him for that decision because it might have taken you longer to make it. Just like I thanked every ex-boyfriend who broke up with me because I didn't have the wear with all to do it. Where I'm like, thank you for sparing me years of my life or months even. So, Nini, I have to ask, so going through this experience,

if you could rewind, obviously you wanted to make it work even after finding out that he had lied for all his, for over a year. If you had come back from the bachelor party and been straight up with you and said, look honey, I fucked up, I feel awful. I don't even know how to say this to you because I think my world is going to crumble under me and had come clean right then and there and said, I want to work on this and was very positive about it. Do you think that it could have worked out or do you think it would have been the same ending

down the road? That is such a good question. I think I would have respected him way more if he would have done that. I don't know what would have happened because I'm a little bit in my head anyway, so I don't know if I would have always been wondering what he's doing,

but I would have respected him so much more because the one thing I kept thinking is like, you stole like one year of my life after that because I was looking at you with the same eyes as before that happened. And you didn't get to get those privileges that you had. Like you were still going out there friends doing God knows what.

I had no concerns about anything. It's like, do you get what I'm saying? It's like you, what a way it was so much after that, that was just so wrong. Like, no, I think so too. I was thinking about it and like knowing Neenie and like knowing women in myself. I think I agree with you.

Like if I were in that position, it would be like, I'm still in the moment I hate you and I'm mad at you and I'm angry and I'm freaking out and I'm gonna think about the what ifs and the what could have beens and what it should have could have, but far more respect for the honesty up front and not dragging you through the mud

for as long as he did. And I'm not saying like,, I just want to be clear, like none of us are saying, like, oh, go cheat on someone and then tell your partner and it's a respect to courage. I'm just saying that from what I lived versus like the scenario that Luke just explained, like that is far more respectable to me than what actually happened. Absolutely, we're not, we're not trying to encourage

this, but yeah. No, no, it was a good question. I agree. Because it's like, if you fuck up, then just tell the truth, but know that your demise or your ending is probably on the other side of it. So why waste anyone's time if you made that mistake? And that's really where I'm coming from with this.

Is that like, who wants to live with that in the back of their mind all the time? Do you want to keep a secret from your significant other for the rest of your life? If you have messed up in a way that could be relationship ending, I think the only way to possibly to have a chance to get over it is to get it out because it's going to come out eventually.

It will. I don't believe it happens that people can take a secret. I mean, what, he was at that point, 28, 29, yeah. He's not taking that to the grave 40 years later, 50 years later. That's coming out at some point. So you might as well get it out of the way. Oh, totally.

Like his friends knew and then eventually his friends get married one day and then they tell their wives or they tell their girlfriends and then people know and they talk about it and maybe maybe it becomes like a dumb funny story when it's not because it really hurts someone. Who is really important. And the more honest you can be, like the most honest you can be,

the more believable and trustworthy you'll be down the road. If you held a lie for a year and then you come out, I don't know how anyone could trust that person ever again. That's the craziest thing is like, how did you keep that for one year? Like, I don't know.

Oh, God, that's wild. Well, I'm so happy you're out of it. Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Now you are, yes, and hell yeah, and that's. So then, now you're single, but like, how long did it take you to decide to jump back into the dating pool?

I was like very closed off for a while. I did not want to date. I did not want to share my body with anybody. I couldn't even imagine like what it was my first real break up. So I think that's probably the hardest for everybody where it's like the person that you loved so much. So I felt like I was dying and, oh God, it was crazy. But I started dating somebody about maybe two months after. Yeah. But I wasn't fully like myself again until August of this year. So, five or eight months.

Six months. Six months. Yeah. Where I woke up and it felt like overnight, but it wasn't because I went to therapy and I had a coach like almost I had a coach every week in therapy every two weeks. So it felt like overnight, but it wasn't actually because I put all the work in. I woke up one day in August and I remembered who the F I was. And I was like, I forgot this person because not just through the breakup, but even through my relationship, I feel like I dimmed part of myself to make him more comfortable because I'm just very social. Like, if I walk into the room and I know people, I'm just like, I want to say hi to everybody

and hug them. And like, he had problems with a lot of stuff that was just me naturally So I dimmed that to make him more comfortable and then yeah You dimmed your light to be more of what he wanted and I think also a lot of people Women or men can all really relate to that because I've definitely done that I Did it in my last relationship a whole lot. So that's, I'm just so proud of you for like having, not only having that aha moment, but really putting the work in.

Like you did the best thing that took me, girl, that took me like 10 fucking years to be like, oh, I need to talk to an unbiased like professional about this like a therapist and not just all my friends. Friends are helpful. They can be, but truly, you did the best work for you to not ruin more time in your life. And so then you start dating. And we live in LA. So you're on dating apps. Why is dating in LA so crazy?

It's so fucking hard. But you have some of the best random ass dating app stories I have ever heard in my entire life. I'm going to have Neenie tell you guys a couple of stories but we're giving these dude pseudonyms and it's not to protect the innocent because no one's innocent except for NeNe. But we give them pseudonyms, we don't say their names just like in the book. So let's talk about first and foremost please talk about reptile fighter. I have to. No way. There are people before reptile fighter but like... Can't talk about it. You have to. No way. There are people before reptile fighter, but like... Can't talk about it.

You have to. Why? Did you want a second date with reptile fighter? That's what I'm wondering. I sure did, Luke. Why are you asking? Oh, lovely. I'm just curious.

I just want to know the ins and outs of this. I've heard through Chris and we don't talk one on one. I hear these things through Chris and it makes me laugh. I mean, I want to know details. I have tears right now. I mean, this sounds like a manly man if he's fighting reptiles. OK, so how many dating apps are you on?

You're on just two? Sorry. I'm not one. You're on a few. Listen, right before Luke, between Luke and my last boyfriend, I was, I went on dating apps for like a hot second. I coven, and I was like, I'm really bored in my apartment. I'm going to just play the game and swipe.

I did not go on that many dates, but your stories are just like, it's like a fucking movie, dude. I first downloaded Hinge, and then I started seeing like some of my matches and I deleted it immediately. I got very uncomfortable because I was like, what is that? What is that? So I deleted it. And then my friend Sophie Julia, she's like my guru, like I love her. Julia, she's like my guru, like I love her. She was like, just go on hinge and she was like, just go back and just go through like the people that liked you and just don't make it like your whole life.

Just filter through every now and then. So I feel like hinge is my favorite right now. That's my main source. That was my favorite when I was single for five seconds, 100%. It forces people to like, have to talk about something. You know what I mean? It's not just like, photo, where I'm from, whatever.

So on these dating apps. Yeah, like I just thought in my head, like, I wonder if other girls think like this, but after my last relationship, I was like, holy shit, it took me like 29 years to get into like a serious relationship with someone I love. Like, I'm like, holy shit, it took me like 29 years to get into like a serious relationship with someone I love. Like, I'm never gonna connect with anybody. Again, ever. Did you ever think like that?

Absa fucking lootly. I fell in love. I imagine marrying almost every guy I was ever gonna date. And then after a break up, I'm like, that's it. I don't want to go through that again. Like, I'm done. How am I ever? It's always never and forever that we're women. It's like in our DNA. So I matched with one guy. The first guy I ever met on a dating app, he was so sweet.

He was a father of three though, recently divorced. And so it's like, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I'm just going out with people and like that, I decided like that, that didn't work, but he was so sweet. Like, I have nothing but good things to say about him. And then the second person I ever went on a date with in the last from hinge was reptile fighter. So you got to explain, I'm sure he has explained. I don't know what reptile fighter means exactly, but I imagine a guy wrestling like,

Steve Irwin wrestling crocodiles grabbing snakes by the tail and saying, crikey. Yeah, something like that, Luke, something like that. So the day was good, very manly, which I'm like, ooh, I love a wilderness man, you know, like someone who can get down. Yeah. I have a wilderness man, you know, like someone who can get down. Yeah. I have a wilderness collar on a boy.

I get it. It's like something new and different. Hell yeah, it's like a man's man. I like a man's man. Yeah, like I want like a manly man. Yeah, you know, however, so single. Yeah, I just am a little confused about how dating works now in 2023. Like I don't know.

Keep talking about reptile fighter. You cannot just stay in past reptile fighter. I think she's still seeing him. So I don't think you should like, we don't have to push this. Okay. I don't know what to say about him. Kristen, like he fights reptiles. I don't even want.

What does that mean? How do you fight a reptile? I understand capturing them, arresting them, but fighting them is a totally different thing to me. I don't understand. What do you want? What does that mean? How do you fight a reptile? Understand capturing them, or wrestling them, or fighting them is a totally different thing to me. I don't understand.

We'll just leave it at that. OK, anyway. But we like reptile fighter. Yeah, it's like do you. Like I edit podcasts. You fight reptiles, you know? Yeah. Awesome.

So OK, so we have reptile fighter. And she's had some other wild, weird, like awesome. So okay, so we have reptile fighter and she's had some other wild Weird like first day. You just had some weird first day. I know with this one guy You know, there's somebody for everybody, but some of these people just aren't for me and so I'm just keeping an open mind The day of the date I get there and he we're like going to the table and the server's like, oh, are you guys celebrating anything? And he's like, yeah, we're finalizing our divorce papers and just like started a joke about that. And I didn't know how to handle that.

That was weird. And then in the middle of the second of the first date, asked me on a second date and I'm like, well, let's just get through the first one and like see how we feel. And then he tells me that like he used to in order to pick up women before he had like his awakening used to say like, Hey, I used to go up to girls and be like, Hey, wanna f? Want to fuck? Yeah. That was his life.

And he had a 70% success rate with that. And I was like, Whoa, that's like great. Like I was like, well, those are some great stats, you know, like, why don't you keep doing that? Not with me, but go and do that. Yeah, like you're not funny, dude, you're not like 60% of the time it works every time. You know, Kristen, have you ever had a guy come up to you

and say, what a fuck? No, I actually don't, no. I don't actually think I have I did and how does 70% rate which we've been very Which we all know is a giant mother fnly so here okay? Here's my my question on these details because I actually I have a friend whose brother did something very similar And then he has very successful. I think is 70% success rate wasn't on 70% of women. 70% of the night he went out. He got somebody by canvassing, by hitting every girl

in the bar and seeing who wants to fuck. That's how I think of it because that's how it was explained to me through my friend about his brother who would do this. And he's like, he was a scumbag, but he got laid because he'd just go through and he got slapped a lot, but he just moved on to the next girl. But he said that the guy you went on a date with said, like, I use the slime at 70% of the time.

That's wild. I don't think, yeah, oh my God. Hey, hey, he never gets laid ever. And I was like, what do I do? So I panicked and I started listing like horrible things about myself. Like I was just like, I was like, oh do I do? So I panicked and I started listing horrible things about myself. I was just like, oh, you know what? I forgot to mention, I take so long to get ready. It's really crazy how long I take two to three hours.

It's fine. I'll just meditate when you do that. I'm not concerned. I was like, I'm very needy. I'm a very needy woman. And I just started very needy woman. Like, I, you know, and I just started like listing like guys' words. Like how to lose guy in 10 days.

You're like, so I'm gonna name your penis, Princess Sophia. I have a love burn for you. I'm gonna order a salad with no dressings that next to you in a booth, like, and he's just not catching the vibe. I'm not catching the vibe. No, no, and then I just ended that immediately. But I don't know.

Plus his soul. It's a wild world out there. Really is. Oh my God. So like, what do you think the future holds for you? Do you do what? Do you want to fall in love? Do you want to be on that journey as we're watching Bachelor like nonstop?

But how are you feeling right now being fresh out of not fresh, but like, you know, within the year of being out of that relationship, your first main long-term relationship? Are you feeling like you're ready to trust because you are working with therapists and you're getting your ship back together to not be so nervous and terrified, right? Do you want to just be single for a while and like see what life throws at you? Or are you, what do you think in? I think that in my last relationship,

I tried so hard to control the situation to get the outcome that I wanted. I just wanted to be married to him and have kids. And I did so much and like I still didn't get what I wanted from that. And so now I'm just kind of like, I just want to relax. Like I just want to, I know that whatever is going to happen is going to happen. And I, there's not much I can do other than be myself, you know. Fuck. Yes. And I'm so tired because I fall in love immediately, Kristen. Girl, same.

Same girl, same. And then I start picturing my marriage to this person. Doodling hearts in your notebook, your first name with their last name, Neenie, like you're just like, yeah. Ooh, where were kids look like, would they be like athletes, or would they be like hosts,

or would they be like doctors, or would they be like hosts, or would they be like doctors, or would they be, yeah, girl. This is not odd. This is not odd, just so you know. It's not weird. I just can't do that anymore though, because I mean, I can do it, but then I need to know that like the universe or God or whatever people believe in

already is gonna take care of everything. So now I'm just going on these dates and just being like completely myself from the second they start. Yes, this is where you create healthy boundaries. Yeah. Of like I see this red flag, oh mama don't wanna see that red flag no more.

And you're you and they love you for exactly who you are. Yeah. Or fuck that shit, you know, sorry to keep cussing guys. I just get so passionate about subjects like this and I'm very protective of my girl Neenie and I think you are absolutely on the right track of just living your life. Thank you. And unfortunately, you know, it sucks for I I think, men and women, like, we all have to go through that, that shitty heartbreak that teaches us a lesson.

And it's like really unfortunate. But I think that if you don't experience life in that way, then you don't know how to turn it back around. Yeah, you have to take risks and learn from your mistakes. Yeah. Well, it's a journey. It's so short again. You're like, oh, life's a, or just like, life's a journey. So you sound like shorts again. You're like, oh, life's a journey.

It's way the cookie crumbles. That's what, I mean, it's true. I mean, you gotta take chances. Anyway, no, I've got a question for you, Needy, though. Would you ever go on the bachelor? If the opportunity presented, so. The bachelor? Aren't I too old?

No, that's not the golden. The golden bachelor's for 60 plus. I love you to pieces. No, the regular the bachelor No, I'm a behind-the-scenes kind of girl. She is. Okay, that's fair. I mean you're beautiful though. Thank you I'll say absolutely. No, if you guys have anybody I think like the apps are great But I think through a friend of a friend is maybe the best way. I agree. I just know about the TV thing.

Like the thing. Yeah, I mean, you would be so awesome on that, but you are such a good behind-the-scenes kind of girl. You're a behind-the-camera kind of girl, even though you're hot and smart and amazing perfection. But the guy's gonna come, or you're just gonna have fun right now and be you and do you and work on your career and like have them like just pine over you.

It's fun to be in love, it is, but it's more fun to like really get to know yourself. I realize that I love being in relationships though, like I would love to be in love again with somebody that is the goal, but I'm not gonna just settle to be in a relationship. Like, I wanna have what you guys have, you little cuties. Yeah, and it was friend of a friend, and it was when I, I mean, well,

I mean, the ex and I broke up two weeks before. I'm not Luke, really. However, the relationship had been done for quite a long time because I was putting up with shit that didn't match who I was and I dimmed my light. I stopped doing everything that I loved and the second I just went, I give up, it's exhausting. It is exhausting to be someone for someone and it's not who you are, you know? Yeah.

And the second I stopped doing that, I found someone who loves me for me. And Luke loves me in the sun dress, but usually he sees me in pajamas, but maybe I'll try harder. But I just, you're on such the right track and I'm so fucking proud of you for telling your story and like going through all these crazy dates and just like having these wild experiences. I think is really funny and fun and good for you too

If I'm being honest because you have to like kiss a couple of frogs to you meet your prints But like you don't have to stay with a frog for three years No, and I did that. I mean, that mistake once and I won't make it a... Girl, we all have. And there's nothing wrong with trusting in the person that you love. You didn't do anything wrong. I think that's like the major lesson

that we have to like teach women and men. It's like, don't be embarrassed that you trusted the human that you were supposed to trust. Yeah. Like that's okay. It's okay. But now, you know, and I think also my best friend Amy, who we are back at home in Michigan with, has always taught me, don't be jaded, but just be cautious.

Be careful, but don't let your heart be jaded. Yeah. End of story, you know. That's good advice. Yeah. Okay. So we have one last question for you. Be careful, but don't lay your heart be jaded. And a story, you know. That's good advice. Yeah. Okay, so we have one last question for you. You might know what it is.

You might know what it is, because you added these podcasts. Do you want to sing it? Oh, not really. I was singing Backstreet Boys last night. I think I lost, you know. And I would do anything for love. But I won't do. Well, I feel like I have the upper hand on a lot of guests

because I've already been thinking about my answer. Perfect. But my answer is I wouldn't do a threesome. Okay. That is so fucking smart. I haven't had that answer yet. No, we haven't. And it's a really good answer

because mine have never gone well. I tried twice. And I'm not doing well for I tried twice. And I did. Well for me. Yeah. We can't give up yet. No. I'm just going to be honest in my experience,

the only way I could ever have a threesome, which I have not done, would be with a non-boyfriend. What if we went to Costa Rica? Now I'm going to murder you. Neenie and I are both going to murder you. Now I'm gonna murder you. Nini and I are both gonna murder you. She said too soon. I said we went to Costa Rica. No, too soon.

Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Nini, I love you and you're the best thing ever and I just can't wait to hang out and I'm so excited that you're a producer because we trust you with our entire life. Oh my God, I love you guys. You're the best.

Thank you so much. This has been fun. So you guys don't really know Nene is because we're keeping her a bit of a secret. She's not gonna post this, but just keep a look at for the most beautiful, most intelligent and bravest girl that you've ever met if you live in LA, and she's Armenian.

Those are the clues we'll give you. And you can find her, and if you do, find her, treat her right. All right, Neens, we love you so much. And you guys, we will talk to you this Friday for another episode of Bachelor and next week on Sex Love More Nils Matters. Read us five stars, keep listening,

and we love you so much. Thanks for listening. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doding and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes

every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪