Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Flashback to Dhyani Bella

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

Kristen and Luke are joined by Dhyani Bella, sound healer, yoga teacher, and wellness consultant. They discuss cultivating self love, letting go of the "pick-me" mentality, and red flags vs beige flags! We're back with all new episodes next week! Sponsors: True Nutrition - Get 15% off your entire order at truenutrition.com when you use code DOUTE at checkout. Vionic Shoes - Use code DOUTE at checkout for 15% off your entire order at www.vionicshoes.com when you log into your account.  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to the pro life with LG Gram Pro. Experience the power of Pro. Get your LG Gram Pro today. Pro anytime, anywhere. We have a very special guest today. This is my girl. This is my girl though. And she is a yoga teacher. She is a sound healer.

She's an all around badass woman and not the stereotypical like what you think of sound healer. Hi Deani Bella. Hi, my love. I am so stoked about this because you and I just, we fucking vibe dude. Like we vibe on like our past crazy, our past relationships, all the red flags, our twenties, just all of that. But, and I think that I'll speak for myself, especially as someone with like major ADHD I was a ADD more than ADHD and

I love love. I love myself. I love all sorts of healing II crystal II all the shit, right? But I can't handle the like, okay Like calm and like take a breath and I'm like dude, I gotta go fucking Trader Joe's. I don't't have time for this oh my god I forgot to mail the thing out and I just can't focus right but I want to I want to how did you get into it and I know just help just talk to me girl I'm like I am you I too hate that voice I can't yoga teacher yes but you don't need to be a yoga teacher with that voice yeah you can actually have your own voice. And that's even like yoga, have your own voice.

But you don't have to actually have that octave of voice. How did I get into it? My parents are both crazy hippies, like Woodstock, both of them hippies. My dad's a yogi. I was actually named by a yogi. My name means one who sits in meditation, which I didn't know that. Yeah. There's a reason. That's wild. I love that. I had no idea. Yeah. Luke's met me for 20 minutes and realized that's probably not happening today.

So I actually like repelled that whole lifestyle up until 30, basically. And then kind of started like, we'll get to it of working on myself and figuring out things. Sound baths specifically I got into just because I was super depressed and super anxious. So a friend of mine invited me and I was like, what is this? I don't even know what a sound bath is. Is it like a deprivation chamber? Every man thinks that.

No. They're literally like, are you depriving? No. What? I get that or I get, are you bathing me? I'm not doing either. This isn't porn. It's not. It's very weird. Sound baths. Have you seen the bowls? Sound bowls, crystal bowls.

So there's no water involved. No water is involved. I don't bathe people contrary to popular belief. Um, what else do I not do? Yeah, it's just sound. So it's basically like a concert, like an acoustic concert to help clear your subconscious mind. And you play loud enough that people kind of can't hear their own thoughts Like you're kind of out of your head. So could you combine that with a deprivation chamber where you're like it's sensory deprivation So you like float in saltwater and it's dark and you like feel you know

I'm talking about if you just only hear and you feel like you're floating I don't know you could and I think you just came up with a good business idea. Okay. I like that. So you can be the investor. There you go. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Luke loves to invest in things. I'm like, Kristen and I just came up with a business. We just came up with a business.

Yes, Kristen. Anytime I've got extra money, I'm like, what am I investing in this time? Here you go. Yeah, this is it. That's how I know you don't live in LA. Extra money. We don't have that here. Well, this is it. That's how I know you don't live in LA. Extra money. We don't have that here. Well, I keep my point. What? Extra savings? Yeah, no. That's cute. That's really sweet. In this apartment. Yeah. That is a really good way to describe it though, for people because tuning forks, sound baths, I've found personally that I grasp onto that a lot more than I mean, I've done

Reiki. I've had Reiki like done to me and I definitely have felt things and I've done breath work before and that was pretty fucking wild. I was a little like, man, if I don't get if I don't cry or something at the end, am I did I do it wrong? But I was like, dude, I feel like I'm on drugs like in a really nice way. Yeah. But I like that is the best way to describe it. It just tunes out your own, your thoughts. Yeah. You shut that voice up in your head. Shut it up. That breath work too, though, if you're doing it correctly. And also like I never tell people this is the goal, right? I don't want you to, you can cry. You don't have to cry. You can fall asleep. You don't have to fall asleep. Like there's no normal. I always say this in my things. There's no normal. There's no abnormal.

Everything goes. I like normal and abnormal instead of right or wrong. Yeah, but also like what's normal? Right. I don't know. Boring. I mean, neither. Boring. Normal is boring. Weird. Where are the weirdos, mister?

But yeah, I really love that because you are so much fucking fun and you have such a fun, like wild, like so many fun, wild stories like I do. And like some of our girlfriends do just like so many experiences. Like you and I were just talking before the podcast where it's almost like bucket list things. You didn't know where your bucket list, like it wasn't like, Oh, I want to skydive into the Grand Canyon and that's my bucket list or some shit like that. It's like things you've gone through that you're like,

that is a fucking rad story to tell one day. That's how I feel. Like if I have grandkids, let me rephrase that. When I have grandchildren, although I'm almost grandmother age. You are not. What does that make me? We're both geriatric pregnancies at this point. Beyond.

We're both high risk now. Yes. Actually. This has're both high risk now. Yes. Actually, this has become a high risk situation. Jesus Christ, a high risk situation guys. Red flag. Um, yeah, they're not, there are stories that I think will be like, Oh, your grandma was cool or your mom's cool.

Like even if I am geriatric, I'm still cool. Yeah. Cause like bro's mom didn't do that. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. We're going to back up and then we'll get kind of back into what you're doing now because I will say as your friend, well, you kind of said it already, like until you were in your thirties,

you basically rebelled against like the way that you were brought up in your parents. Like I would love to have, I've loved my, I love my mom, but no offense, mom, I would love to have had your parents. You say that now though. We want what we don't have. Cause if you, if somebody tells my mom like, oh, Deonnie, so great. She raised such a great daughter. She always says, oh, she raised herself. And I'm like, that's not something to be proud of.

You didn't parent me. And now I just crave structure. And I go to therapy and I'm like, create structure for me. My parents didn't do it. Oh, my God. I, too, crave structure, but I rebel against it yeah that is the pain in your ass because you're very structured I went for the I try to be I try to be structured but flexible with you that's like the combination I have to dial in flighty ass aquarium and I was literally about to say I have to ask what do you know your zodiac sign Luke

of course it's a Taurus. You say of course. Yeah and then nothing. You're like, Kristen has crystals so maybe you can talk to them. No I don't. I've known for a long time that I'm a Taurus. Oh you are? Yeah. Yeah. When's your birthday? Uh at 424. Oh okay. So sometimes when I read a horoscope though I'm like, yeah that one doesn't fit but he was technically supposed to be an Aries so let me go read that one and see if that one fits. Yeah I was like 10 days late. Squares into circles, Kristen. I think I was 10 days late and it was the 22nd is the cusp. Is that right? Something like that. I don't know. Whatever.

So Kristen and I had to be like, well, he doesn't fit that. Let me read a different one. Let me mold it differently and it will make perfect sense. So true. What I've noticed as your friend, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like you decided to shift into the spiritual healing because it helped heal you to help others. And so it's like you weren't going to do it for just yourself.

Yeah. But you were like, well, if I can help others. And then in turn, it ended up helping you. Yeah. It's like how people say, go volunteer. It helps yourself. That was literally like, Oh my God, I need help. But also, so does everyone around me. But yeah, I think there's, it's funny cause my gong that I have, here I am, my gong, Luke. He's like, what? I have four of them. I want to see your place now.

You can. Welcome. You don't live here. Um, them. I want to see your place now. You can. Welcome. You don't live here. Um, so my gong, the first gong I ever got is actually a Chiron gong and it's the gong of the wounded healer. And I was like, Oh my God, this is me. Um, and I'll never say like how we were talking about the yoga voice. I'll never say I'm healed. Like I think anyone who tells you they're healed past tense is a red flag. Cause that's not a thing. I agree. I think that you, cause you, you have to constantly heal from whatever life's going to keep bringing.

Exactly. For sure. Like we can't, we're not fucking mediums. Like I can't predict the future. I'm like, oh, I'm healed from the trauma that might happen to me in 20 years. Like what? No, and you're going to, you're going to handle it differently in 20 years. For sure. Cause 20 years ago, I was a different person Yeah, let's talk about 20 years ago because we're the same age. So let's talk about our 20s

Young years we were nuts and I think that Between you and I we have enough red flags that we've collected over the past few decades two decades that would fit into a storage Unit honestly a couple storage. Yeah, honestly. A couple of storage units. Yeah. Maybe like all of public storage in the valley. We'll just like take the entire building and put all the red flags in it. But before we get to all the flags, do you remember at which ages or roughly that you had like aha moments? Like, you know, it's like, okay, we're not, we're all in high school.

You probably have high school aha moments. But I think once you're like out of high school, like life, okay, I didn't go to college. So you can tell me about college. But I don't know. Like I remember at 19, I had like a really big aha moment, but it wasn't at 18. At 18, I still kind of felt like a kid.

But at 19, I was like, oh, I'm like almost 20. So is that like birthday oriented? Because my aha moments, I don't remember my age. I remember the moment. I remember the moment. I remember what happened. I'd have to really think hard to try to figure out what year, month that was, you know, my age. I just remember like between 19 and 25, I felt like I was growing up like 10 years per

year, even though that's totally not fucking true, obviously. But in that moment, I just felt like, holy shit, I've experienced so much in... Speaking about relationships specifically, you know? So I left home when I was 15, because no one was raising me. They love to claim it. So I left home when I was 15, I went to Brazil.

So the aha there for me was like, I'm on my own and I'm in a new country and I could do whatever I want. And I was like dating some older guy that I thought looked like Superman and it was weird. And now how did you end up in Brazil? I didn't want to be in Oregon anymore. Oh, wow. So I think I threatened my parents. I was like, I'm not spending senior year here. I'm either moving to Hawaii with my best friend or I want to go abroad. And my mom, they're both academic people and they were like, you, you're going to college, they're going to look more highly upon you going abroad.

Go abroad. So I was like, okay, I want to go to Italy. And then I was too late for Italy. They called, I was 15. They called the house and we're like, oh, that's full. Cause it was exchange. That's full. You can go to Estonia, Finland or Brazil. And I was like, I'm going to Brazil. I'm going to learn Spanish. Clearly I'm going to Brazil. That is how you learn Portuguese. Yeah, I did not learn Spanish, it turns out, because they don't speak Spanish. That's where I was going. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I didn't know that at 15. You don't know that. OK, fair. But I was like, I'm going to learn Spanish. And my mom was like, that's not where they speak Spanish. And then we had stickers everywhere on the house in Portuguese. But yeah, that's where I learned Portuguese. Holy shit. That's the hard. I'm just going to say like the hardest language, in my opinion, to ever learn. I have a friend who speaks.

He's from Brazil. He and his brother, his brother's. I don't know if he's still an NBA player or not, but he definitely was. But I had to do this commercial one time. Super short story. But like where I had to say it was something like love and peace or peace for all or something. It was like saying it in all these different languages. And so I did like sign language.

We all did English, obviously. And then I did Arabic because of where I'm from. But I had to call a friend from Dearborn, like and say, like, how do you say this in Arabic? I was like, Michigan is Arabic. Yeah. Dearborn, Michigan's the largest Arabic population in the entire world outside of the Middle East.

Wow. So that's all I knew when I grew up was just we had three high schools and the high school that I was in was, I want to say maybe like 40%. Wow. Arabic. Yeah. So like Yemenis, Saudi Arabian, Lebanese, like blah, blah, blah. So I called a friend and I was like, can you help me with this?

And then I call anyway, so then I call my friend. He's a basketball agent, a, blah. So I called a friend and I was like, can you help me with this? And then I call, anyway, so then I call my friend. He's a basketball agent, a sports agent. And I said like, help me with this. And I, at the time, was speaking a tiny bit of Russian because of an ex-boyfriend, but I was like, Portuguese is like Spanish and Russian, had this weird love child and it made no sense to me. It still doesn't.

I think it's like Portuguese or Spanish and, and French had a love child, but then added like all these different dialects. Cause if you're in Rio, it's like, and then you're in another place, it's like, they'll pronounce different letters. So how long were you in Brazil? A year and a month. And you learned I was immersion. No, it's the easiest thing ever. When you're immersed in it, no one speaks English. You have to, you have no choice. And I'm clearly not in're immersed in it. No one speaks English. You have to. You have no choice. And I'm clearly not in meditation at that age.

So I'm talking. Remember, guys, 15. We're talking about 15. 15, 16, first tattoo. Like, no, you have no choice but to learn the language. Yeah. Do you think that makes it easier to understand Spanish and other languages? Obviously, Spanish, yes.

Spanish, yes. But the problem is for me, I understand Spanish if you talk slow, but then I go to speak something and I speak Portuguese. So I'm like, ayo, follow. No, yo hablo, yo hablo. And I'm like, oh, damn it. But yes, I can, I would say probably only Spanish, actually. So at 15, you go to South America.

Oh, so milestones. 15, I would say, because I left home and I could do whatever I wanted. I came home, went to college. I don't really think there was like an aha moment in college. Got breast implants, maybe that was an aha moment. Poly-sci major? Ended up in a poly-sci major because it was easy and all the athletes were doing it. Ah, that is the athlete major for sure.

Okay, because the reason I know that I remembered currently that you're a polysci major was because you had a little bucket list, non-bucket list experience of your own. And I was reading on Playboy yesterday with a cute little photo of your cute little booty and I said, your pencil thin eyebrows, because I was thinking about what I looked like at that age and like around the 2000s like early 2000s drew Barrymore eyebrows. Yeah. But I read your your little interview and her interview was like, you know, I like to dance on bars a lot. I've never done that.

A political science major. And I know we were with my I was with my friend Rachel, who you guys all know. And Rachel and I were out at the ranch and we were on the phone with Deonny the last few days. And I was like, oh, my God, Deonny, and Rachel and I were out at the ranch and we were on the phone with Deonni the last few days and I was like, oh my God, Deonni, I'm gonna fucking read this bio to you. And Deonni was like, I've never danced on a bar ever. What are you talking about?

I don't know who wrote that. It probably felt cool to say at the time or something. When you read it to me, that's the first thought was like, ooh, she's a poly sci major and she's a party girl. Like it was such a like, ooh, smart and hot. She's smart and she likes to party. And it was like, and I was in gymnastics for 12 years. Wink, wink, or hint, hint.

I did not write that. Rachel actually may have written that now that I'm thinking. That's hilarious. Rachel loves to bury me, so it wouldn't surprise me if Rachel wrote that. Seriously. OK, so you were in college. So college, I would say, aha, just with that specifically, So it wouldn't surprise me if Rachel wrote that. Seriously. Okay. So you're in college.

So college, I would say, aha, just with that specifically was like, again, it's this whole, I know I can do whatever I want because my parents are my parents, but like, once again, look at me, guys, whatever. My mom, the only thing was do not use our last name. I was like, why would I do that? That's crazy. Then I have to talk about it in 20 years. Like today. So that was an aha. Then I would say, wait, before we move past this, Oh no, you said you're a policy major because all the athletes were, that was easy.

Cause you used to date, you're like, you used to be a Jersey chaser. I chased you. That was my line. I didn't chase them. They chased me. Yeah. Which just makes me great. Um, although not still single. Um, but a lot of fun, a lot of good stories, great stories, lots of fun. Then still pay my own rent and I'm single. So you weren't trying to trap them, but like, you know, we had Brittany on. And Brittany obviously didn't give any details.

But you know, Brittany has. Brittany, Brittany's had her fair share of. Brittany's hooked up with some professional athletes. Right, right. Yeah, so I don't know. Just I'm curious. What are like the pros and cons? Just like out of curiosity.

Being that, like when you were younger, I don't know. Do you even really remember pros and cons back then? Or were you just kind of like having fun and that was your type at the moment? The pros were it was a lot of fun. The cons were it wasn't going to last. The pros were they were pros. No, I'm kidding. The pros were, yeah, it was a lot of fun.

There was like access to things that I don't think I would have had. Like I flew private to Vegas once like crazy. I had my own. By the way, that's a good one. Red flag. I had my own penthouse at the Palms. I thought like the coolest person ever. And then I. I had my own penthouse at the Palms. I thought like the coolest person ever. And then I realized I had my own penthouse at the Palms because he wasn't staying with me. Probably someone else. Con.

Now I look at it and laugh because I think there was such a pick me mentality back then of like, Oh, I got chosen or they liked me or whatever. And now I look at it and I'm like, I'm sorry, you're a what? Oh no, I have to go. Not only because you're clearly out of age, but also I'm so not interested in that life. Yeah, no, I like that a lot. I don't like it for you or us, but I like that you're like interpreting it that way. And like, because I definitely had those like, choose me.

Oh, yes. I'll change for you. I'll change. I can be like you wouldn't, we wouldn't say this to the dudes, but it was just like, what are you into? Me too. EDM love it. What does EDM mean?

I remember when I had to Google EDM one time and I was like, is that like EMDR in therapy? Oh, it's not. It's electronic dance music. Not interested. Okay. I love, I love EDM too. Follow Calvin Harris. Follow, you know, David Guetta.

Follow, follow. See, look at all the people I follow. I'm so into what you're into. I, my into for people, oddly enough, was religion. More than once. I do know a story about this. Would you care to share? So I was raised Jewish, technically. I don't practice anything. I'm just spiritual. Which is the funniest part.

Cause now I look back at all of these people like, wait, you were going to do what? Yes. I have read some pages of the book of Mormon, perhaps. Perhaps. I also may or may not know a few Muslim prayers, like the one at night and morning. Tell me what Jewish holiday is, I have no idea. Right. None. Did you ever dabble in Scientology?

No, that was when I didn't. That's a good question, especially in LA. Yeah, that is. I don't like the ones where they've told me it's culty. Like, I need to make my own. What am I talking about, Mormon? What if they just advertised, this is a cult, but you'll have a lot of fun?

Do you know what I did? But Scientology does not tell you you'll have fun lot of fun. Do you know what? I didn't like. Scientology does not tell you you'll have fun. They're like, you will not have fun. You will have the opposite of fun. I'm talking about my cult that I'm starting. Oh, OK. Another investment.

You guys are on the ranch. You've got the cult commune going on out there. You guys have a cult property for sure. That's 100 percent. No, but I agree about Scientology. It was it. I did like a casting there one time for like a modeling job. Not even joking.

It was for like a pamphlet or a commercial or something. But you have to fill out this paperwork ahead of time. So I've only been to the major Scientology Center. I was like 24, 2007 and the paperwork's like I've never taken or will not ever take like any basically drugs prescription or non prescription. And like, I won't do this drugs prescription or non prescription and like I won't do this and I Won't do that. I won't do this. I want to that I was like this is I'm not this isn't for me I'm so sorry. I gotta go. I just like left left myself out Imagine if Kristen dowdy was on a Scientology pamphlet. Oh my fucking how the world would have shifted

I've done enough stock photography. You never know Could have a hundred bucks for five hours sounded great back then How the world would have shifted. I've done enough stock photography. You never know. I mean, it could have. A hundred bucks for five hours sounded great back then. It so did. I love $20. Were you on a landmark forum? I did landmark. You did too?

Yeah. Yeah, I did landmark. And on the pamphlet? No, I wasn't on the pamphlet. Oh, it was like, big loop? But I did landmark. Me too. What's your experience?

It was because a guy paid for it. Yeah. My my boyfriend at the time was like, well, I was like sort of dating two people. And he was like, look, I know that you chose Tom Sandoval, but I still love you and I think that you'll really benefit from this. And I was like, please don't make me go. I can't drink wine for three days. I'm like 25 years old, like, fuck no. I have to work at C me go. I can't drink wine for three days. I'm like 25 years old. Like, fuck no. I have to work at CERN. I can't drink sangria.

So then he paid for it. And it was like, well, I can't get a refund. Mm. So I did it. And I'm not mad that I did it, because I've taken things from it. And I think with personalities like yours and mine, Deonnie, it's like anything like that.

And I'm not throwing shade if you're a fucking culty person or like whatever, whatever you're into. But I think with any sort of and I'm not talking religion, but if any sort of like those culty type things, if you can be strong enough to take things out of them that will help you but not be sucked into the pyramid scheme of it, that's worth it. I feel like there's always like, so funny I was watching some self-help thing before I came over and it's always like there's still lessons and there's still good things that you can pull out of things like that for me landmark

So funny somebody paid for it for you Someone paid for me and then I ended up calling an ex to like apologize for the stories Deon I literally put my fucking letter that I wrote to my ex in my book in Literally put my fucking letter that I wrote to my ex in my book in totality. I put the fucking email that I sent him. They were like, go ahead and call you. I'm like, well, what if I don't? He was an answer. What if you don't? I don't have his phone number anymore.

They're like, we can send an email because it's not about his response. It's about what you want to say. And let me tell you, this motherfucker cheated on me while I was pregnant. And then, you know, being honest here and I was very young, I was too young to have a child and I'm sorry for anyone, you know, trigger alert. But I had an abortion and I found out two weeks later that the girl he was cheating on me with was pregnant. They're now together, happily married with children from what I assume

and know from years past. Good for them. Don't care anymore. So it was a blessing in disguise. However, you know, it's like also the I call I sent an email to that person being like, I'm so sorry for let me take accountability and responsibility for the things that I did that made you break up with me. That's exactly what I did. Literally, that's what mine was. And it's funny because the guy and I are friends still.

And he like still laughs. Remember the time he randomly called me on a Sunday and like apologized. And I was like, can we not talk about it? Because I don't remember why I apologize because it's still your fault. Yes. It's still your fault. I'm sorry. You made me crazy. Literally. I take back all the apologies anyway. That's crazy. Oh my God, I'm crying.

Oh, OK. So that these were all moments as well. Landmark happened. My biggest milestone, I would say, was 30. So I worked in nightlife in L.A. all of my 20s. Thirty, I was like, I can't do this anymore. I'm 30 years old. I want to have children. I want to have a husband like no one is doing that with the girl at the front door who's rejecting them every other weekend.

So I left L. left LA for four years. I thought I was going to like go start a life in North Carolina and Charlotte or no Charlotte and Atlanta. And I was going to buy a house in the South and I was going to be a whole Southern bell because why not? We changed for anyone. And then that clearly didn't work out. And now I'm back here in 39 and single. So things are going great. I. So things are going great. I mean, things are going great.

What I love about you is that you're such an entrepreneur at heart. So whatever you just, I feel like you just don't, you don't want to have a boss. Like you love working for yourself. You have great ideas and whatever life throws at you, you're like that, that can be a business. Like the Luke idea that I did. Exactly. I'm going to take all his money. Yeah. That can be a business like the Luke idea that exactly Yeah, I've got to just dial in the ideas I've got ideas for days that's Kristen And then Deani and I will take them and run We talked about something more specific like the podcast or I don't know anything and I'd be just be throwing out ideas

I'm like now listen everything I say is not gonna be a good idea I just throw in just throwing darts if something sticks it sticks, but I've got ideas for days. That's true. I do not. You do have ideas for days, Deoni. I do. And I execute other people's ideas really well. Not that I steal anyone's idea, but like, you're good at helping someone else. Deoni, what's your sign? I'm a Leo, but now I'm very into Vedic astrology, which is like ancient. It's like ancient Hindu beyond before Christ, all the things. And in Vedic, I'm not a Leo. And now, by the way, I'm like the annoying girl walking around telling all my friends,

you should check your Vedic astrology because it might not be the same. I have a thing. I'll do your calculator later. Okay. Um, but I'm a cancer in Vedic and I'm a Cancer rising in both. So I'm very much as an adult, I think I've changed from a Leo to a Cancer. Interesting. The rising part matters more. Luke looks confused. No, I'm just thinking because I read, I'll be honest, I read an article about how zodiac

signs haven't followed the shift of basically where the earth is in the universe or something like that and that over the last hundreds or thousands of years that or whatever it was established that these dates should have shifted and they haven't shifted them is that the same thing probably okay yeah so yeah basically saying you aren't what you said because they've been like with the shift in the water and how it all works, you know. Oh my God, I love him. Good job, Chris. Thank you. Yeah, because I people always talk to me, like especially in the spiritual. I hate to call it the world, but it is.

But people get like I've had a friend tell me like, oh, you can't do sound bats at my house because they're crystal balls and I don't believe in crystals. And I'm like, well, if you don't believe in it, then there's nothing to it. A hundred. So why can't I come on? Like, yeah, doesn't make any sense. Yeah. But astrology to me and when people are like, I don't believe in it. I'm like, no, it's literally like the water pole gravity of Earth in the universe. So you can not believe all you want. It's science.

It's science to me, though, like time is made up, like, correct. All of this is made up. Let's be honest. Somebody, somebody decided. Someone decided our calendar, all of it it Someone decided time someone decided we could say it's any fucking absolutely like Kings added months You know centuries millennia ago to the calendar and the calendar is just evolved over time by who's in power Okay, I just like to dive into all this thing about Aquarius because it makes me feel better about myself If I don't like my astrology then I don't read it that day and I'm like fuck that one. Tomorrow's looks awesome And if I don't like my astrology, then I don't read it that day. And I'm like, fuck that one. Tomorrow's looks awesome.

Tomorrow's looks awesome. It's so true. It's just about believing, man. And if you Google enough places, you'll find exactly what you want. Exactly. That's what I do. What was the animal one you had me read? Oh, yeah.

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Literally. It's gone much easier, by the way. Why do you think, I'm just curious your opinion, why do you think, I'm going to say specifically women, because I'm speaking for myself, have a hard time with like self-love, like true self-love, and being like, I need to put myself first. And it's that whole what is the quote? It's like, you'll never be in love if you don't love yourself. Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Right. However, in twenty nineteen, when I felt like I was really at my peak of

setting relationships aside to focus on me because I just again, guys, this is just me. I love love I love being in love I love being in a relationship I don't like being single I don't like small talk I want deep-rooted fucking shit you know so I'm curious like being in not only just being friends with so many women but being in the work that you're in like why do you think women are like that if you have an opinion and then like how do you get women to sort of do you hear women tell you that?

Like, oh, this is really difficult for me to like, relax and focus on me. Yes. I think for me, it's interesting because I would even say milestone would be like during like 2020 for me was like the alone alone time. I know not everyone did that. I did not have a covid relationship and I was like, oh, I have to sit with myself now. I think for women, it's like we were just taught to nurture others. We're taught to take care of others.

We're taught to not put ourselves first. When you become a mom, you lose yourself. Why? You don't have to lose it. The most badass moms I know are the ones who are like, and I'm still doing this and I'm still doing this and I'm still doing this and I'm a mom this. And I'm a mom. Yeah. I just think naturally, especially people like you and me who love love and we want to like be in love and want to have family. And are so maternal and like protectors.

So maternal and protectors where I'm like, whoever I'm dating, like let me focus on you because A, I don't have to focus on myself, but also like I can help. Say it louder. Cause A, what? I don't have to focus on myself, but also like, I can help. Say it louder, cause hey, what? I don't have to focus on myself. Yup. So I think we feel selfish when we're focusing on ourselves. And I think even saying no to other people, like I'm getting real good at it.

Like I don't go out. I'm the opposite of who I was in my twenties, but I think there's people who feel like I'm obligated or I feel bad or I feel selfish saying no, no, spend time alone. Figure. And I remember I used to fire therapists. As soon as they told me you should be single, I was like, Oh, wrong. You don't work for me. Sorry. We're not meshing. We're not meshing. Like why are you all telling me I need to be single? And now that I'm single, I'm like, Oh, I'm vibing with you so much. Deanna.

I spoke so many times on the podcast and told Chris and these long reflection. Yeah, these long periods of being single and living by myself. I spent lived two and a half years in an RV by myself and single. Or is it like why I'm more mature than every guy I've met? No, that's true. I agree. Also, you weren't in LA. That's why you're more mature than every guy you met.

That's fair. Because you weren't here. Because let me tell you, when I worked in nightlife, there would be 60-year-old men going to clubs. And I'm like, that's not OK in any other city in this world. It's not OK. Yeah, you're probably right. You're probably right with that.

Like your grandfather's not at a club in another city. That's crazy. Like bottle service and a cheetah print button-down shirt and shit. Trust me, I've seen them. There was a 50th birthday party a few months ago, if you remember, that was exactly that. Bottle service going out, everyone getting hammered and partying and looking for girls.

And it's just like, that's a 50th birthday party. Where am I? I didn't know, but I heard all about it. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, no, it's not a thing. So it's interesting because now as much as I'm like, I want a relationship and all these things, I don't settle for the things I used to settle for, for sure.

Have you thought about getting out of LA to find your man? I've done it before. Okay, I mean, now. Then I came back. Yeah, I think if I leave again, it's like out of the country though. That's fair. But the places I want to go are like not.

She's not going looking for love. Yeah, I need to like find love first and then bring them with me. Yeah, I Really want to do Australia and New Zealand. Oh, see that's a really bad. My brother's wife's Australian. Yeah, that is really easy There's love there. There is love there. There's love everywhere. No, I think I'm finally in the last year Maybe really come into myself I would say and I'm like what comes to me is what's for me and what doesn't come to me is not for me. And I actually said it to my therapist the other day. I said it to a very good friend of mine because I am on dating apps,

but I don't meet anyone. I don't go like when I say I don't meet anyone, like I don't follow up to like go, you want to go on a date? I forgot. But even on there, I was like, you know what I want? I am going to find something so organic that I can't look for it. So organic, I probably should leave the house, but maybe the Amazon guy. But yeah, I think honestly, it would be Postmates. But yeah, same. Yeah, I think and my dad told me this young when I was young and I didn't understand it.

It's like do the things you love to do. And now I make sense of like figure out the things you love to do. And you'll meet people who also love that thing instead of instead of looking for a person and then changing who you are, which we both did. Well, one million fucking percent really well did it up until Luke, honestly. Like my even my last relationship at, you know, in my late thirties. But I wrote downling to be I was I don't want to be like not to be like the me and me, but I don't care. Cause the me and me is awesome on your Instagram.

I just love all the quotes you put. Cause I'm a fucking walking target aisle. And it said, the more you love yourself, the more you'll detach from things that don't love you. And I love that. It was like a quote you posted, but I love that. It was like a quote you posted. But I love that. So it hit me really hard because instead of the whole,

you won't find love and you can't love someone until you love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more you'll detach from the things that don't love you. It's true. It is. It now. The circle gets smaller.

So much smaller. You don't feel the guilt of saying yes to people, the guilt of hanging out with people just because they were a part of your life at one point. And that's shit I'm learning. Yeah, my circle's small. As of recently. My circle's real small.

That's good. And so the one advice, if anyone ever asks me advice, for finding their person or everything. That's what you're here for, the man voice. The only thing I'll ever say is focus on yourself, man or woman, and they'll find you. Focus on yourself and they'll find you. But you have to be like, I don't want to say of age, cause that's a made up thing too, but like you have to be of a mindset that can hear that. Like,

if you had told me that in my twenties, I'd be like, he's so wack. Like keep moving. Focus on what? I'm going to focus on the guy. I think it's now, and again, like I truly have fired therapists because I'm like, focus on me. No, we're here to talk about him. Like he did this wrong. Yes. Oh my God. So now like, and I remember saying it to this therapist, the day we met of like, just so you know, if you tell me to be single, I'm leaving. So don't, don't lead with that. Okay. Yeah, don't. And then she's like, no,

the only way to like work on relationships is while you're in one, you can't really work on those things while you're single and then put them into practice in your next relationship. And I know I've even, I mean, I did ask the therapist to move in with me, but true story, all of my friends are like, what? I'm like, I just feel like it was easier to be on call. Will you just be in my poly pocket? Literally. Like, cause I want to call you when I'm doing anything.

Like, and not like, did I say this right? Did I? And now it's like finally building that like self trust of like, I can do this by myself, live life by myself. But I think that goes to like women and love and like just not trusting ourselves. Yeah, I totally agree with that. Luke, do you have any thoughts like just on your past relationships? You have women in your family.

I mean, you have two sisters, you have an amazing mom. I love that you said you have women in your family. Like that's... Everyone has a mom. Well, yeah, yeah. But he has two sisters and a mom, obviously, but he's very close to his mom. One thought I had and I want to give Hillary a shout out. Usually you're the shout out one. But when De'Annie said the most badass women are still crushing, doing their thing and their mom, my sister, Hillary is just a badass entrepreneur, triathlete, mother of two.

Like she's just a kick ass. She still puts her stuff first. The things that are important to her. It's the people who enjoy motherhood. They're like, this is a part of me. This it's like the, I, this doesn't define me. Yes, you are a mother, but you're still Kristen or you're still Deonnie, or that was me manifesting. Right, you don't have to sacrifice yourself to become the next thing. You should add instead of, like,

sacrifice something for the next thing, right? Do you want to be my therapist? Yeah, that was good. I told Kristen, should I go to school to be a therapist? I mean, if you're young, you could do 12 years. You can still do whatever you want to do. I looked it up. I can still do whatever you want. I looked it up. I could, I could get through in five.

He looked it up. He looked it up. He's like, I've been talking about this. As long as you still invest in our businesses, you should definitely do that. But I think all of these things that just, it, I don't know what's another word for the word trigger, trigger in a good way, I guess. But it's like answering the why do we press repeat? Like, you know, it goes back to what we were talking about in our twenties, where we're like the same kind of guys over and over, or I don't know, Luke, with maybe not you, but like friends, you know, it's like, we're always,

when we're younger, essentially hitting repeat. We're like, not fast forward. We're like rewind, repeat, rewind, repeat. Oh, I have the same, I did the same thing, but it was with the same girl. It wasn't like the same kind of girl or the same kind of guy. Like're saying. It was literally the same person. It's like oh this didn't work after some time alone. I'm like maybe it was me. Let's go do it again. And then I did it like four times and then decided it was officially not going to happen. And two years later Kristen shows up in Aguilar, Colorado. You're like it's not me me. It's her. Well, I kept that's how we always broke up. And then when they're period of time, we go by like, maybe she wasn't that bad

because she was right, you know. Yeah, because that's what I want to like. That's a good a good place for me to say this, because I kept thinking about this. Like when you're on the podcast and we have one of my girlfriends and especially someone who's been through similar things as me. So we're like dish in the fucking tea. It's like, you guys, this is not a fucking man hating podcast. This isn't like what is it like the He-Man Woman Haters Club?

Like the opposite of that from. Yeah. Little rascal. I almost had rascal flat. Little rascals. But this is not like a man bashing thing. I have a man I'm in love with him. I have a lot of great men in my life, good friends. But sorry, you know, there's some shitty, shitty little birds out there. Listen, we're probably shitty little birds to them too. Totally. Like, I don't mean I personally wasn't. Not like you and I, but just like other women.

But there are people who are probably shitty to other people. Yeah. I just think for me, it was so much of like pressing repeat and rewind. And it's like, I'm going to conquer this type of person. It's like your childhood traumas usually. Like, what was your dad in your life or what was your, you know, any male in your life? Where now I'm like, okay, I'm old enough. You have to break this curse. Like you have to. And yeah, I'm single, but it's not like I'm like, I hate men and I don't believe.

Like I'm actually told a friend of mine, like, stop sending me the memes of like, we're never going to find a man. Because I'm like, I hate men and I don't believe like I'm actually told a friend of mine Like stop sending me the memes of like we're never gonna find a man because I'm like, I don't believe that Yeah, like that and you just keep self-fulfilling prophecy yourself Like right not interesting like the martyr is not cute. No, I agree and that was a thing in our 20s Like I used to do that I have meme saved screenshot of God knows what fucking year like ten years ago Or I'm like, there's plenty of fish in the sea. Stay the fuck away from my fish. So you know, I say that one a lot.

There was a quote I think I mean, I'm sure she didn't make it up, but Khloe Kardashian posted years ago. Khloe, I love you and I love your insta. Yeah, she's them and my favorite. But she posted something and I'll never forget it. And probably the only time I've looked at things like that. But it was like, I crave a love so deep that the ocean is jealous. Oh, oh, I know chills.

You have it. But anyways, that's but I remember her posting that and me being like, oh, my God, that's it. That's that's it. And I don't really want anyone to be jealous. But like, no, I want something that's like real and not superficial. And like now it's funny cause it's interesting. You're talking about rewind cause like there are people that I've gone back to have like, well, it's 20 years later. Maybe we should try this again. We're both different people. You've been divorced. Like this. Ben and Jen, it worked for them. Right? Exactly. I'm like, if Benifer can do it,

so can I too early to tell. I'm just gonna say. Too early to tell. For who? Oh, that one. Jenna and Jen. I think Jenna's trying to beat out Tom Brady for the most rings. No, she's winning. Oh my God. She's winning. Good one.

Look at this pop culture knowledge. I know. I thought he was just like a lumberjack. Yeah. Okay. Stop rewinding. Stop rewinding. I had another cliche quote I was going to say, but it just is whether you think you can or you can't you're right

That's very fucking true. It is true and what you speak into the world is like what you are going to experience Yep, so you say wake up saying today is gonna be an awful day. It's gonna be an awful day Oh, yeah, you're gonna find the awful. Yeah, exactly. That's that's a great point Yeah, when I wake up and I'm like fuck fuck fuck, fuck. It's like they're the day goes. But if I just wake up and I'm like, come on, bitch, the sun's shining. You live in California and not like you live in L.A. I'm like, no, I live in California. California was my bucket list.

I always wanted to live in sunny fucking California. How lucky am I? Yeah. That I found a way to build a life here. Like, think of it that way. I think like my self-love stuff or anyone suggested self love stuff is that type of thing. Like for me, it's like I'm very big manifester. It's not that I'm like, oh, I just believe in it.

Like things crazy to me where I'm like, wait, I said that 20 years ago and it happened. I think just like keeping gratitude, like for me, I wake up and I'll write a gratitude list and it's cliche as it sounds and as annoying as it gets, like, what are you grateful for? Cause like I have suffered anxiety, depression, and those days are the days where I'm like, I'm not grateful for anything. And then I'm like, okay, but you're breathing. Like I am grateful. My dog, right? Like you have a roof over your head. Just writing.

Even when it feels like something that's not relevant, like still just getting in that mindset of like, I'm grateful. And now it feels like something that's not relevant, like still just getting in that mindset of like, I'm grateful. And now it's like, I laugh when people are honking or rushing or all those things. Now my whole mentality is like, it's not that big of a deal. I think right now, Kristen's most grateful that she has Postmates again on her phone. Oh God, I need to delete that. I know. I gained 20 pounds in four months. Not that she deleted it, it's just that it wasn't available where we were in Colorado. Yeah, that's why I didn't go to Rachel's wedding. It was catered.

They didn't trust it. I did say that last night, though. We were watching a nature documentary type thing, like Predators, because I love that shit before I go to bed. I was about to say, before Luke, did you love that shit? Oh, yeah. Planet Earth all day long puts me right to sleep. But I was sitting there and I'm like, oh my god, babe, we have not actually sat and watched TV in three weeks.

And it's amazing. How good do you feel? Yeah. It was really nice. And I was like, I'm still haven't driven my car. That's awesome. It was just like a nice escape. So whether you can go on a three week road trip or you just go do a fucking sound bath or do something for yourself to clear your mind of, of the things that become the rewind repeat, whether it's a person or like the day to day life, I think it's really easy to do that. Yeah. I think for me too, like somebody else asked this week of like,

what's self love to you and like, how can you cultivate more self-love? And I realize the times that I'm scrolling on social media are the times that I'm anxious and depressed. One fucking million percent. It's not even like I'm comparing myself to Kristen or that. It's just like I'm mindlessly feeding myself things that are like, huh? Yeah. Like why? Yeah. Like there's no, I mean, yeah, there's, granted,

a million good recipes and all that. But like the way people think that they're like reporting news now on social media, I'm like, your algorithm is your algorithm. It's exactly like what you said. Like whether you think you can or can't, you're right. Your algorithm becomes that. Like you think all about food and recipes,

that's all you're going to get fed. So it's like, it just keeps feeding that same thing. So I think like the analogy is social media is real life, but not. Yes. No, for sure, dude. Like the scrolling, I, I, I'm now just starting to catch myself more. And I'm like, what am I, what am I even doing? Yeah. Like, why, like, why don't I go for a fucking walk? Why don't I call one of my friends? Like, why am I just sitting here going scroll, scroll, scroll?

Oh, man, I wish mine looked more like that. Like, I suck it. You guys, I fucking suck at social media and being I'm wearing my friend's sweatshirt right now. This is bad influencer, which is like an amazing fiction podcast she just put out. Gabby Conti had her on the podcast before. But when I'm wearing it, I'm going, I'm a bad influencer. I'm terrible at being this, quote unquote, social media influencer. But it's because I only support things that I stand by and then.

But I catch myself scrolling going, well, like, should I? It's like not even it's very subconscious. Yeah, I think it's interesting. I've started to make some monetize my social media and financial and stuff like the Nike stuff and whatever. And'm like no big deal no big deal I'm from just a Nike fucking Nike. Well, you treat it like a business. That's what I've told Kristen I'm like take all the pictures hire someone to post them send them all your pictures and let them post But also the real I think the real is very important and they're like I like that you're doing even though it is your business

but you're showing the yoga and you're not like in a full face of makeup and, and you're posting things that, you know, I love a good filter. Fuck it. Right. It's not a full face of makeup. It is face app. Um, no, I think it's, even for me, it's like the monetization of it has become a little like hard for me. Now it's like the bad influencer where I'm like, oh, and granted, I love it. I manifested it. I'm so proud of it. And grateful and so grateful, I'm like, Oh, and granted, I love it. I manifested it. I'm so proud of it and grateful and so grateful, but also like, Oh my God, I have to post that. Right? Like I don't even want to be on social media.

And Luke, that's great to hire someone to take all your photos and hire them to post. But like, this is where you have extra money for living in an RV. We don't like literally, I'm like, Kristen, can you come over and take a photo with my iPhone? Yeah. OK. So with all the positivity, I do want to talk about some flags because Deonni, because we've talked about like we share so many of the same red flags, especially obviously when I was single and whatever.

But I think the red flags are really interesting. And my take on it might be different than other people's because obviously I wrote a book, he's making you crazy. This is a red flag and I went back to it. So you guys, it was very self-deprecating. Sorry if you didn't get the memo. But now in these days when I've been trying to really, really work on myself continuously and be the menoposa, be the butterfly, you know, I was looking at some of the red flags like thinking of them writing them down in the list and I'm like

I don't like how even though the red flags how fucking negative they are. So it's like Some of the red flags I wrote down and I'm wide open to whatever you guys say But it was like for me, it's like lack of self-awareness unwilling to compromise Someone who isn't your cheerleader? Obviously unreliable respect criticism. Like these should be obvious, right? And no shit, any sort of abuse is not okay. So we that goes without saying. But as I wrote them down, I was like, well,

what's another way to like say it instead of being like, I don't want all of these things. That's there's a landmark in me. But it's like, yeah, instead of like, I don't want someone who's not self aware. It's like, well, I'm looking for someone who's like emotionally intelligent. You know, I think it's interesting your list. This is the first time I've seen it, but it's a lot of you, like what you want where my list was about to be like, he's not motivated for himself or like things that again, I'm like almost putting them first. But yeah, I think there's a way to flip everything.

I think it goes back to our like, whether you think you can or can't, you're right. As cliche as it is, now it's the quote, but just like flip reframing it all into like some positive. I don't necessarily think I would have stayed with those people per se, but like, isn't my cheerleader? Well, I'm so much their cheerleader that they didn't have time to be my cheerleader anyways. But that's how I was. But then I was thinking about, well, giving Luke lots of props here, but like, he is my

cheerleader. Like he does not criticize anything that I do. He'll give me better business advice because he's a much more businessy person. I never would have gone for the type that he is before. Not in entertainment, you know, like not just like not the guys I've normally dated, not in a band, not in entertainment. You're not into a younger redneck guy. What do you mean the RV? I very much am now. But you very much are my cheerleader and you don't criticize me and you don't make me feel bad about myself.

And as an example, today I was just changed. I was trying on this bathing suit and I walk out and my tits are out obviously and Luke's like, oh, okay, like I can't, you know, like all dudes, dudes love boobs. Thank God. Good for us. But he like can't focus if I don't have a top on. And he was like, well, wouldn't you rather that than one day you walk out and I don't even turn toward you. I was like, oh, wouldn't you rather that than one day you walk out and I don't even turn toward you. I was like, Oh, fuck. You're right.

There it is. You know? So it's like then I started realizing the things that I loved in what I'm appreciating in this relationship or just in general that I am not dealing with anymore as well. So I don't know if you guys have any other red flags you want to throw out there. Those were mine. I think mine just historically has been like not honest. And I used to like fish for the dishonesty and always would find it.

You'll find it. You'll find what you're looking for. You always do. And now for me, I'm like, if I have this innate trust for you, we're good. And if I don't have this like gut trust, for whatever reason my body's telling me, not necessarily that you're a red flag, but like we're not compatible. Yeah, that makes sense. A red flag is a warning sign. It feels familiar. That you guys, that's my definition of a red flag. It feels familiar. It is a warning sign. You're on the beach, there's a red flag up. It means don't go in the fucking water. There's a shark or something. I've never even heard of the jellyfish

bad stuff This is how you know neither of us were raised in Los Angeles there was lakes around oh man So I know my comment on red flags is one Over time they They change, change, change as in something that it's not the person that like literally not the person you were dating because change. I change is great. Like growth is great. So you're saying not growth. No, I'm saying a lot of times where the way you associate a red flag is

specifically with a person or an individual relationship. As you grow and mature, that may not be as a red flag anymore. Might be like a yellow, like you remember it, but you've healed. Whatever color. I don't care. Orange. We'll talk about a beige flag. I call the light orange. If it's yellow, when I get in the intersection, it turns red in the middle.

It's an orange flag. So we'll call it orange. I call that go. You call that go. Gas. Gas. As far as them changing, that is something I know for sure changes over time. You heal from past things. You associate certain characteristics with a specific person that had probably other characteristics that compounded that specific one. And so I guess I'm just curious if you can think back to something that was a red flag maybe 10, 15 years ago that maybe isn't

anymore. Maybe it turned green or maybe it's just a yellow or just something you kind of notice and brush off because it's not as big a deal. I think for me, just my own growth, superficial things, I wouldn't even call them red flags, but like it used to be like, what people look like or like where they live or those type of things. And that's like realistically now my own red flag. But I think now there's certain other things that I care way more about. So it's kind of shifted from like, if they live in a not uppity type situation and they

weren't super attractive, that was more of a flag where now it's like if they all they talk about is where they live or the amount of money they make. That's a flag. Yeah, exactly. A friend and I were talking last night and she was like, this guy hit her up or whatever and was like, oh, yeah, just bought an $11 million house and I have another four million. And I was like, this is the last person I would ever like, I don't want to know how much you spend on your house. Yeah. I think you're absolutely right. They

shift and I think now they shift too of like, I don't even allow that person near me to have that red flag. I think now it's much more like you said, like compromise communication, um, how you handle conflict. Like I used to think I knew the guy after a month, like we're getting married. And now it's like the slow dating, which I never would have done when I was younger. Now I'm like, Oh, we're not compatible in this area or the way you handle things is not interesting to me or whatever it is. So now I think it's changed. My outlook on it has changed,

but also like just the people that I allow around me changed. I like that term slow dating. Oh, it's not. I've never heard it before, but I mean that's essentially what Luke and I did. I mean granted we were long distance, but. That's my next question for you, Kristen. Yeah. The wedding was in June. We weren't, you didn't admit that we were dating until November Yeah Yeah, I knew you were dating after

Anyway, well I wasn't the only one slow dating she was I was literally forcing myself to like go on a date with like a stranger because I had never really done it before Like ever. I mean I'd'd slept with guys I barely knew. I'm going to be honest, like in my in my early days. It's like, oh, I met him at a bar. I met him at a club. He's great. Yeah. Like whatever. We're not maybe like went out once or twice and like hooked up.

And then that was kind of it. Oh, no. My question is, though, because you weren't convinced right out the gate. Correct. There had to be some flags that I threw up. And I'm curious. I'm asking for this criticism for what flags I threw up because we're obviously great now. I have no anxiety about our relationship or anything.

So I honestly, it was more of like me going, don't be that bitch. Don't jump into another relationship. This is what you do. He's so great. He's so great. You can make anything work or whatever. So he's 32 and he lives not even in my same time zone. You know, those actually weren't flags for me. Like it wasn't like something I couldn't overcome. But I'm like, just know, like just stop, just go date a bunch of random people and meet people and

do the thing you're supposed to do before you find your person. Isn't that what you're quote unquote supposed to do? That's where I said it has to be so organic. You're not looking. Yeah. And that's essentially what happened. I was only out of a relationship for two weeks. OK, wait, can we talk about the beige flag things? And this is new to all three of us. Deonnie and I, because we're old and Luke, because he's not big on social media and all this shit.

So I had to look it up because I've only ever heard it's like, here are your green flags, here are your red flags. And then that maybe that orange flag, right? Which is what we said earlier. So when I looked up the beige flag, it essentially was like little things that are maybe like a cork, a pet peeve, something that maybe like, isn't your jam right then and there, but wasn't something so overwhelming that was like to their core, like to their character.

You know how when you start dating someone, Deonnie, and you're like, oh, my God, that's so cute about them. And then over time, it's not cute. It's like the most fucking annoying thing in the face of the planet. Yes. So what from my understanding and all of you listeners, if I'm so far off because my rocker, because I'm old, please tell me. But my understanding of this beige flag is like something that is kind of annoying or maybe not your jam, but like can totally be worked through. So as an example, it could be like a quirk, like, oh, well they do. They said, we'll use Jared Fried. They said crisscross applesauce.

And it's like my my beige flag is saying crisscross applesauce. Yeah. And so you're like, oh, but it's like, well, can't you just like tell them that it's like not that hot when they sit crisscross applesauce and maybe they just don't have to. You can't say that. You sit wrong. Yeah. I would say it. I'm with Yanni.

If a guy calls it crisscross applesauce, that seems weird. OK, I had a guy say easy peasy once and I was like, I have to go. That's your ick. So an ick makes them unfuckable. Okay, so beige does what? Beige is more like, okay, example, a friend of mine. Or a friend of mine and her boyfriend. He was very like standoffish and like as much as he, he never, he didn't say I love you for a long time, but he was always there for her,

always around and like clearly was not with anyone else. Right. However, he kind of was weird about her meeting, like knowing his family or his friends, which can seem like a huge red flag because it's like, what are you hiding? But he was like embarrassed about certain things and didn't want her to think less of him. And so it wasn't really that he was being this cheating lying asshole, which is what as women typically we all assume it was more just him going like, will you still like me if you know that my situation isn't as grand as I make it appear to be? My biggest thing now is let me make an educated decision.

Like just let me, I don't care what's, I mean, I maybe will care, but like, please let me make that decision. Like, yeah, don't, sure you're embarrassed, but like if we stay dating, it's going to come out sooner or later. So like, let me just make the educated choice. And as adults, like grown adults, we can definitely do that. But obviously in our twenties, that wasn't something. What? We were what?

We were educated. No fucking way. Yeah, no, I went on a date not recently, but the guy said he lived in L.A. Cool. Sorry, I don't do long distance. My anxiety at night keeps me up. But I think he had told me he lives in L.A. Whatever. And then we get to dinner and he said something about he just flew I don't do long distance. Um, my anxiety at night keeps me up. Um, but I think he had told me he lives in LA, whatever. And then we get to dinner and he said something about, he just flew in and I was like, Oh, where? And he's like, Oh, from Vegas. And I was like,

what are you doing in Vegas? He's like, I live there. And I was like, I'm confused. You lived in LA two hours ago. Like what? And to me it was like, again, let me make, I wouldn't have gone on a date with you if you didn't tell me again. And like, I don't, I just, that's not my thing right now. So like, again, let me make, I wouldn't have gone on a date with you if you didn't tell me again, like I don't, I just, that's not my thing right now. Right. So like what? And it was like, he said it because he was on the app. This is a couple of years ago. And he said it and said, there's like hotter girls in Los Angeles.

So he put his location to Los Angeles and I was like, I have to go. I can't. Oh, my God. But that's a flag to me is just like the it's not dishonest, but it's not quite sharing. And again, it's not like you have to be open about absolutely everything the day we meet. But like, the more you are open about the more educated my choices can be and then the less we have to worry about later. Right. Don't be shady about what you're willing to share on a first date. Yeah. You need to be completely, brutally honest. This is laid out. Yeah. What you're going to say,

don't say you live here when you don't yeah Say, you know, I agree with you Right and you and what Diani said to is like you don't have to overshare Like you don't need to give them all of your baggage if you prefer to someone like me I'm I did you didn't give me all your baggage day one. Oh, I should do you did Yeah, not day one because we were drunk at a wedding. But after that and phone conversations, I was like so I was canceled I was on a reality show for a really long time. Um, I had wrote a book about how much I hate my ex boyfriends, JK, LOL, guys. Oh, you took some time to get into what, like the depth of those relationships.

I didn't like read your book cover to cover day two. I didn't do that. I did. Well, that's rude. Luke. Okay. I don't even want to date literally any money. Have sex with anybody you want. Oh, sold. Perfect. I'm no longer single guys. But yeah. So the beige flag thing, I don't know. I Googled it because I saw it on social media and then it was on CNN. And then I Googled it again and I was like, Oh, tick tock, like whatever.

So this might be a total Gen Z thing. We call them orange flags, but essentially guys, it's like quirks, pet peeves, things that you can work through. But we're talking about red flags and green flags. So I think the synopsis of the red flags from Deonnie and I is like, if it's a warning sign, if it feels familiar and it doesn't feel good, run, run, or don't show up and trust your fuck. trust your intuition. Trust your gut. I used to tell people I didn't know what my gut was like,

I don't know, it's my stomach, it's my head, whatever. But now it's like, your body doesn't lie. This is in my whole spiritual stuff of learning, is like your body doesn't lie. So if it's in your head, it might really be in your head. But if you feel like your stomach is hurting. My stomach, my chest is like where I feel it. Yeah, you know, like that anxiety of no,

it's not interesting anymore. no, it's not interesting anymore. Yeah, it's not. I love that. Deonni, you're the fucking best. I need to come to a sound bath. Or just my house. Asa. Yeah.

How are you guys five minutes apart and this is the first time? I know. Well, no, she's been to my house before. Once, Chris. But that means like it's been what, three years since you guys have hung out? COVID. We were actually friends on the internet on COVID more than, didn't we play games? Yeah, we did.

Nice. Yeah, we definitely did. Well, Dianne, when we wrap up our podcast, we have a universal question. We ask all of our guests. I know I should have prepared her for it, but it's good. We should have prepped you for this. But you're good. You're good off the cuff. Oh god. Are we singing it? Singing? Three, two, one. And I would do anything for love but I won't do. Three sums. Boom. Nice.

That was the cleanest response we've ever had. Really? Great. Usually people are like, hold on, give me a sec. Like, uh, hold on. While you were singing I was we've ever had. Really? Great. Usually people are like, hold on, give me a sec. Like, uh, hold on. Well, while you were singing, I was like, what tune is this? And then I was like, okay, no, the question. I'm always off key. Don't worry. I'm always off key.

She's like, it's Meatloaf and the Key of Not Sure. You think I knew what Meatloaf was? I don't know. Really? I mean, I know the- You know the song? I know the song. I don't know who sings it.

Rest in Peace, Meatloaf. Yeah. Didn't even know that. So, threesomes. Threesomes. Boom. Done. It's a great Yeah, I mean I I've done threesomes, but never worked out well and definitely wouldn't do it with my boyfriend. What about foursomes? Absolutely. Now you got me thinking what else would I not do? Yeah. Long distance. That's what I thought you were gonna say. I genuinely thought you were gonna say long distance. Honestly, let me rephrase that. Long distance. Okay.

It's hard. And in my 20s, it would be men with kids and now I'm too old. So you probably have kids. Yeah. Well, I don't you don't. So here we is. Thanks for reminding me to. It's okay.

It's okay. We're good. We love ourselves. We are high risk of ourselves. That was a high five for that. D, I love you so much. I love you. Thank you for having me. And you guys, tell everyone where they can find you on social media.

The thing we talk about not liking. Exactly. D-H-Y-A-N-I dot C-O. Diani dot co. Diani dot co. It's Diani Bella. And I urge all of you to please follow her. She posts, like, as you can see, she's such a badass and so hysterical. But also you have such a calmness around you that I can feel.

Truly. I know you're just a fucking jokester. So you can't take it. But you really do have such a calmness around you than you did like a year ago. I would agree. Did you ever do stand up? No. OK, because there were a couple of lines I felt like you delivered in a way that could have been stand up. Okay. I really thought, I think you maybe should explore that. I think on the next time I show up, I can tell you why I haven't.

Cause of fear of failure. We'll talk about fear of failure next time. We totally can. I've a whole life, life about that. All right. Well D I love you. But next time on the podcast we will talk about fear of failure because that's a whole nother situation. Thank you. I love you so much. And you guys, please follow Deani, rate us five stars and we will talk to you on Friday when we recap Vanderpumpool season two. Kill me. Thanks Deani and everyone. Thanks for listening. Bye. Thank you guys. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Roderick.

Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes. Thanks for listening. See you next week.