Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - It All Happened – Last Night on VPR S11 E10

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Episode 100. In this episode, Kristen is joined by Zack Wickham to recap Vanderpump Rules Season 11 Episode 10, “Line in the Sand”. Sponsors: Go to Addyi.com and use code DOUTE for a $10 telemedicine appointment Get 15% off with the code DOUTE at Oneskin.co Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Is that it? Let me get a Quarter Pounder with cheese, a Flair of Fish, oh please McGriddles, a McMuffin and a large coffee A hamburger, cheeseburger, hot brown, hot cakes Vanilla Comche and hot bread sundae. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba! Hello, hello, hello, everybody! Welcome back to another episode of It All Happened. Hello, hello, hello everybody. Welcome back to another episode of It All Happened.

Vandapump Rules recap. We are on season 11, episode 10, A Line in the Sand. And I am saying all these things that Luke usually says because I have my other Luke with me. Hi Zachary Binks, Zach Wickham is with me guys. What's up? How are you? Yeah.

So Luke left town and I was like, Zach, I need you to come over and be my podcast co-host. And he was like, all right, bitch, I'll drive over the hill to the valley. It is, it's like just fucking going over the Himalayas every single time. It's- The Himalayas.

Even though it's like 10 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever, it's still annoying. It is annoying. But I- But I love you. I will do it for you and only you. Thank you, my minutes, whatever, it's still annoying. It is annoying. But I love you. But I will do it for you and only you. Thank you, my boo. No, I'm just kidding. I would do it for any of our friends.

No, mostly just me and Jasmine. Okay. So, I mean, as soon as this episode started playing a line in the sand, we all saw this coming on the very first teaser for the season of Banner Pump Rules. And let's be real, of all the years I did Banner Pump Rules and all the years y'all have watched it, it's always a beach party from hell. James does it best too.

He's like, nobody likes a beach day and I never agree with James on anything, but this is the one thing I will say, okay, fine, whatever. Beach days in LA suck. Nobody wants to go through the traffic. It is always a schlep and then nobody ends up having fun and then you go home disappointed and you can't be drunk because you have to

drive through traffic. So it's like, it's never fun. Unless you live on the West side. And who would do that? I mean, one of my friends lives on the West side. Sheena used to live on the West side. Touche. Yeah. And then she realized, oh, that's, then she moved back over here. Touche. She woke up. So really quick, because Zach had not seen the whole episode of Vanderpump Rules from last week,

so we did get to watch the little like, what you missed, you know, last week on Vanderpump Rules, rewatching that very last scene of Lala getting up and being like, I'm out, this is insane. Like people are not being transparent. It was the first time I had this thought, and Zach, you don't have to agree with me, of course, and this is not me hating on Lala,

but it was like, why the fuck does Lala care who Katie bangs? Well, I mean, I think the reaction was a little over the top for sure too. Anyway, I don't know. It just rewatching that one moment, I was like, wait, why is she so perturbed? Like I didn't really get it. But anywho, let's get into this week's.

So we have our little like, you know, opening scenes and really quick, I just thought it was number one, Summer Moon. Anytime she's on this, our glorious television. She's just the cutest, most adorable, smartest. It's just, I just, yeah, I swoon. She's just... I just, yeah, I swoon. I swoon for Summer Moon. Her playing with Play-Doh, she's like, rolling it out, rolling it out. No, she goes, I'm rolling.

And I was dead. I was like, yes, Summer. I was like, this is the kid I want. The little festival princess, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. No, but then Sheena was like, he's like, what is that called? Sheena goes, Play-Doh? Like you don't have Play-Doh in New Zealand. And he goes, I have clay. And he said, nudge. No, but then Sheena was like, he's like, what is that called? Sheena goes, play dough?

Like you don't have play dough in New Zealand. And he goes, I have clay. He said only mud. Oh, only mud. That's right. Only mud, which is such a Brock thing to say. And it just proves why Brock is so great.

But I did like, as far as their opening scenes, I talked about this last week, the teeth brushing and the like, who's wearing a face mask or whatever they do, They're eating breakfast. How does everyone start their day? I love that Jenna Willis, our buddy, our friend Jenna Willis got to do a workout class with a bunch of the girls. Yeah. I love Jenna so much and she's a badass. She's such a badass and we don't get to hang out with her as much because you

know, pandemic pulled everybody away in a thousand different directions. A few times I went to Lala's old apartment and I partook in some of those training sessions, but the first time Jenna ever trained me, we went to a park in West Hollywood and it was, I think it was just me and Stassi. Katie could have been there, but I think it was just Stassi and I and Jenna made me throw up. Within like 15 minutes, I had to like run to the public bathroom and like puke my brains out because there were children at the playground. Otherwise I would have just puked at the park, but I didn't want to be like them.

Everyone's like, Oh my God, who's the girl like puking in the park? Like, Oh Jenna, you're a bad ass. We love you. So that was really fun and cool, but I loved Katie's line where she's like, like people think, cause Katie does work out. I want to throw that out there. That's why I thought this was funny. Katie's like a Pilates beast.

There are certain workouts that Katie loves. Out of everybody. She is very consistent. Also, she never falls off that bandwagon. She usually is like, Katie's very consistent with her workouts. I agree. But in this moment, she was like, why is everyone acting like they're fucking endorphins or you know, whatever it is, it them all happy she was like how about wine basically she's

saying that wine is the true joy of life and not working out felt closer to Katie in my life 100% I just invited her down there like have they never experienced any fun in their life and it's like exactly because yeah exercising is all right or gets you, you know, allows you to eat more or drink more, whatever, but like it's an ends to a mean. It is not like what should be the highlight of your life. No, I agree with Katie.

Rock on for wine, which is a we-ho wine, if anyone wants to know where to find it, knockingpoint.com, that's with an N, not a K. Anywho. So then we get introduced for the first time in this episode about Lala's water tasting. Lala is gonna have a water tasting with a sommelier and I don't know, it just sounds like, as someone who's lived in LA for 16 years,

it sounds like the most fucking LA thing I've ever heard in my life. 1000% sounds like that. Like people pay for this? Well my life. It 1,000% sounds like that. People pay for this? Well, apparently. I mean, clearly. Clearly they do.

It makes me think of the Coke versus Pepsi challenge back in the day. And I swear to God, I used to crush that. So now I'm wondering, oh, maybe I should become a water sommelier. And I don't know how much this man makes. It looks like he drives a Hyundai, so I can't be that much but like well okay we'll get back into the water because I have opinions about that as well but Lala

basically mentions it like you guys I'm having a water tasting like everyone come they'll send out the invite whatever so then we have Anna and Ariana and and is coming over in her business woman outfit. But also, if she's trying to hide, like, okay, this scene to me just is like, if you're still employed by the man upstairs and you're gonna have a interview with the woman downstairs and you don't normally dress like that,

it to me does not make sense why you're wearing that and thinking you can like tip toe around doing an interview with her. I feel like Anne was doing it. That the whole blazer thing I felt like was kind of like a cute joke type thing. Like, look, Ariana, I dressed up for you because I don't take Tom seriously or something. I love and I agree with, but if you don't think that then you go upstairs, like, cause my thing is, are you interviewing on Tom's? And listen,

I am on their side. I'm not listen. We're just stating facts here. If you are on another person's dime and you are interviewing for a job with the person that you are the mediator for, I mean, do you not see that there could be consequences? that you were the mediator for. I mean, I- Do you not see that there could be consequences? At that moment, I feel like she did as a favor, she ran upstairs to talk to Tom

because she wasn't like there all day. So I don't think Tom was paying her during the time she was interviewing with Ariana, but I totally see where you're coming from. So then, you know, Anne's like, I gotta go upstairs, talk to Tom real quick. Okay. And then she says like,

oh, she was looking for an assistant. So I, you know, might be able to help her. Yeah. But why do you have to help find other people? You know what I mean? Like help her in your norm. I know, but I'm saying disguise it just a little better. She basically like bullshitted Tom. She was like, I'm helping her find someone.

Right. Which, which don't get me wrong. Actually, you know what? She didn't lie. She omitted the truth. She was helping Ariana find someone. She didn't say that someone was her. No, and I'm fine, but like, he's gonna read the context clues of you in a suit.

Or eavesdrop. Yeah, like go to a diner or something, go somewhere else. Okay, so I wanna talk about this part, Zach, specifically with you. So for those of you who don't know, Zach was an executive personal assistant for many big celebrities, wealthy people, et cetera, right? And Ann says, yeah, like talking about like picking up

Tom's like dirty socks and undies. And to me, I went, oh my God, like I would never, I would never ask my assistant to touch my dirty laundry. I don't even let my cleaning lady touch my dirty laundry. You actually clean your apartment before your cleaning lady comes, which I think is absolutely insane. I do, because I want her to do the clean, clean stuff,

but it's not her job to be like my mom when I'm a five-year-old. But Zach, when we watched this scene, what are your thoughts? My visceral reaction was like, girl, that is the least of what you had to pick up. Like if you're worried about socks and undies, like come on, that's not even that bad.

The things I've picked up or done in my life as an executive assistant are way worse and way more traumatic. But I guess in my mind, I'm like, oh, well, come on, like man up, woman up. You can do more than that. But then I'm, then I like took, took a step back and I'm like, oh shit, I've been trauma trained so hard in these old jobs that I think it's just like I should be abused. I'm like, oh wait, actually Anne, good for you.

I'm glad you had that reaction. You really had a moment. I was like, what? How dare you not pick up his undie? And then I was like, oh wait, that's because I have trauma that I have to deal with. Yeah, because that's not, I don't know. In my opinion, it's not normal. But I don't know how much big celebrity assistants make. We're not talking about you know, your money because I think money is weird. And y'all, when you ask me and ask me

anything's like about money, it's just weird. you don't discuss that with people but anywho it was just a really funny moment with me and Zach where he was like that's so what do you mean yeah you pick up dirty socks who fucking cares oh wait a minute well I mean I still don't think I don't socks are one thing stinky underwear are quite another yeah I've only my boyfriend not even my brother I will say one other thing. One last thing is that like we found out that Ann has been working for Tom for like about four years or whatever. Yeah. So we Googled this. We're not sure if it's true. According to Google.

Her LinkedIn. Yeah. According to Google, Ann's LinkedIn says she's worked for Tom since the end of 2020, which I was not aware of only because I met Ann in the last year, but damn, she's, that's one of his longest relationships too. I'm dead. But that just makes me think like, okay, if you've worked for this man for that long, even as Ariana, even if you were like cool and whatever, I don't know if my first thing is, Oh, let me give this girl an opportunity. Maybe it's more like here, let me help you out of this bad situation.

That's one thing. It almost is like that. We're like, Anne's trying to help Ariana out of a bad situation by being the mediator. And then Ariana is trying to help Anne out of the bad. It's weird. So any who Ariana and basically discuss that, you know, Anne wants this administrative position. Ariana iswho, Ariana and Anne basically discussed that, you know, Anne wants this administrative position. Ariana's like, yeah, totally. Like my emails and this and that, whatever. And all the while, Tom Sandoval and his little tiny skinny beanie comes out of the gym and is

creeping. So I creep. Yeah, just keep it on the down low. Nobody anyway, he's like totally creeping and he's listening. Fun facts. Um, I did when left I died, I did wear a photo of her on my shirt at an all male Catholic high school for a week when she died because she's staple condoms to it. I didn't because that would, I don't think push conflicts were. Yeah, that was, everybody's boundaries were pushed enough with me having that picture, but side note. Addy. Ladies, did you know that one of the most common complaints for women about their sexual health

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Get started today with 15% off using code DOTY at Oneskin.co. That's 15% off Oneskin.co with code Doty. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. So it essentially ends with Ariana's like, I'll talk to you soon, don't call me, I'll call you. So then we cut to Schwartz coming over to Sheena's house with an orchid. I believe it was. He always comes with a plant. I love Schwartz. I love it. It's just he's a botanist. I think he should just be a botanist.

He needs to be an arborist in Japan and just take care of bonsai trees all day. I think that is his ultimate goal. Mr. Miyagi. The second Vanderpump rules ends, he's going to do something like that. It's going to be like, he's going to live in a tree with trees and grow little bonsais. Like, yeah, but there has to be a bar near it. Tom Schwartz, you should not have gone to school, gone to pre-med for physical therapy or what was it? Is that what he went for?

It wasn't physical therapy. It was, uh, Tom went to college at Florida state and he was pre-med and it wasn't physical therapy, but it was something like that. Oh, physiology? And then something like that. I can't remember right now. So anyway, he finished school and then dropped everything, moved to LA and was like, I'm going to be an actor. And I'm going to live with this other guy named Thomas. So anyway, Schwartz, I think you should go back to school and you should be the lover of bugs and plants and lizards and all the things that you truly die for.

I don't even think he needs to go to school. I think he's got so much life. Like he's learned his own ways. He should be like an influencer for trees. A plant influencer. 100%. This is his future. Done. Schwartz, if you need any help, you can hire Zach. Okay. So Schwartz is at Sheena's house. He gives Summer Moon the super cute hat. If she says, I don't want that. Oh bless her heart.

Perfect. But I love that he, all of a sudden was like, my biological clock is ticking. I want to be a dad. But then he said, I want your guys' life. I don't like my life anymore. In his interview bite, he says, I would be be a dad, but then he said I want your guys life I don't like my life anymore in his interview bite He says I would be a good dad But like when my kids graduate I'd be like 60 and I was like, you know what short shut the fuck up. I'm 41

I'm still trying to get pregos. My kid will in fact be Graduating from high school when I am 60 at this point, but I won't look 60 because Botox. Exactly. We'll find there's plenty of medical marvels that will happen between now and then. Totally. Yeah, it'll be fine. But also- I really loved that for Schwartz a lot.

I've talked to Schwartz about this and I was like, wait, you'd want a kid right now? And he's like, yeah. And then I'm like, but like right now? Not really. Or like in five years? Yeah, not in that apartment. And I was like, okay, would you be okay with not having kids?

And he was like, well, I guess I was like, okay, well then maybe just don't think that you have, I feel like everybody feels like they have to have kids. Not me. You, I don't feel like I have to, I want to. Okay. I feel like that's no, I feel like that's very like asterisks, like almost the same. No, I've always wanted to be a mom, like my whole life.

I didn't even care about marriage, I cared about being a mom. Yeah. Like I was the girl with like baby dolls, but I was like, fuck the husband, this is my baby. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I do. I really do.

Just because you don't want kids, Zach. Well, listen, I just want people to have the option to not or to have them. Either one is fine, but I feel like a lot of people feel forced into one. Well, no. And that's why I'm like. Men with a penis always have an option to or not.

They either come inside someone or they don't. Well, I get that, but I'm saying. For any guy to be like, damn it, I don't wanna have kids and wear a fucking rubber bro, pull out. No, I get it, but I'm saying- For any guy to be like, damn it, I don't wanna have kids, then wear a fucking rubber, bro, pull out. No, I get it, but I'm saying like, girls and guys both have the choice in the end. So I'm saying, I don't think society pushes you one way. I think, you know, let's let people have the leeway

to not have kids if they don't want them and have it be normalized. I think it's because you don't want kids anyway. Let's talk about the little, I love you, the little Max jab, all the little Max jabs this whole episode. Poor Max Boyans. Oh my gosh. We love you Max. Max isn't even on the show to defend himself.

I know, he can't even defend himself or do any, Max, it's okay. Maxie, we love you. Yeah, but it was like Brock's little jab about Katie sleeping with his friends and like, okay, here we go. Let's get started. Brock comes out of nowhere in this episode multiple times. And I'm like, Brock. It's so funny.

It's so good. It's just so raw and honest. Keep it up, Brock. I've said this before, like, and Luke and I have said this on the podcast. This is very different, but like you and Brock are two people who are the same exact person, no matter who is around. Like you're not any

different around this group of people or that group of people, you're always Zach. And that's how I feel about Brock. It's not always what I want. Like sometimes he's not as warm as I'd like him to be to me, but he's always the same Brock. I know exactly what I'm getting and I really appreciate and love that. So we love you Brock. So now we're gonna go, we do a lot of like back and forth between like the juxtaposition of Schwartz being over at Sheen on Brock's talking about this whole situation

and then Katie and Ariana at Katie's apartment. Ariana brings up to Katie that what we all missed as viewers and what Katie is being filled in on is that after this whole Ann interview, Ariana leaves and apparently Tom from the eavesdropping came down, according to Ariana, pretty hard on Ann and ended up making Ann cry. So I follow Ann on Instagram and Ann has posted in the last week multiple stories, like where there's been an article like Tom made and cry And she was like it was the worst

So she's not lying meaning Ariana's not making this up, right? Anne is saying that Tom made her cry We obviously don't know what all went into that and that's when it was like Katie's perfect segue to like yeah It's a look it like you and Tom being there, the Anne possibly being Arianna's assistant, Tom saying like eavesdropping, it's a lot of invasion of privacy. Segway to example, Sheena tracking Max, his locations. I don't think it is a violation of privacy

if someone shares their location with you. I have so many people's locations. I even have Sheena's and she has mine. Same. I think it was like the third time I met her. We were like, she was like, Do you want to share locations? I was like, Oh my god, yes. And then we just never stopped sharing location. But like when you're when you're really close with

people, I think it's more of number one, I think it's a safety thing is a good thing that all my friends are looking out. One time I did a photo shoot in the desert in Santa Clarita and my friend texts me and goes, are you kidnapped? Where are you? Okay. Do I need to call nine one one respond otherwise? Like my map says, you're in the middle of nowhere, right? You're in the middle of nowhere. Where are you? What are you doing? And I just think it's,

and it's also kind of fun cause I make up little telenovelas when I'm bored of like what my friends are doing or where they are. Or like it's a Friday night and I wanna text somebody to go out, but I don't wanna text a bunch of people. Okay, I look where everybody is. Oh, okay, this person's at home. They'll maybe go out or they're already out.

Okay, I'll text them. Yeah. And if they're gonna lie to me, I'll let them lie because okay, fine, I don't care. You wouldn't let me lie nor would I lie because you have my location. Exactly. But that's the other thing is like most of the people that I would give it to and that would give it to me, they're, they're close enough friends that we wouldn't lie. We don't lie anyway. Yeah. Yeah. So I get Katie's point of view on her own behalf because that is very Katie. Like she's very, she's very private. So it's different.

I love Katie. I'm not hating on Katie. However, sometimes tracking people is for people and it's not for other people. Like, and sometimes it's just fun. That's what I'm saying though. Like it's for people like us. Right.

You, me, Sheena, we love that shit. Katie, not a fan. Fine. That's totally fine for Katie to feel that way. But don't be hating on the people that like to share locations. Max shared his location with Sheena and kept it that way for a reason. So nobody can get mad. That's my Ted talk defending Sheena. Then Sheena's like getting in the cold plunge thing and all of that. And she's upset with Brock and she's like, just shut the, what the fuck is wrong with

you? Like, just stop, you know, stop bringing these things up because she knows obviously very uncomfortable. And what I thought was really funny is when she goes something along lines of like that tip for tat. And I immediately stopped and I was like, that's what our Valley episode was called last week. I know it was very, it was like Valley episode one or season one, episode two tit for tat. And she was like, tip for tat. I was like, man, you one, or season one, episode two, tit for tat. And Sheena was like, tit for tat. I was like, man, you guys are one week apart,

but whatever. So we get back to Katie and Ariana at Katie's apartment. They get this text from Lala, inviting them to the water party that Zach and I first started talking about. They discuss a little bit about Lala and Sandoval as like newfound friendship, I guess we want to call it. And I just love that Ariana was like,

listen, I don't know what the fuck a water tasting is, but I'm down. Because I've never been to one. Yeah, and that's where I'm going with like, when you want to say like on the Instagram account, OverheardLA, that conversation is right there. I have a water sommelier coming over to give us water tasting. Most LA thing I've ever heard. So we now get to Ali's house and Martin, our sommelier, is there.

Does he not remind you of Martin Short in Father of the Bride, the original Father of the Bride? 100%. She, she, she, like honey. Oh my God, he cracked me up. But I wanna say, I feel like, I agree that water definitely has different tastes because like I like certain waters over other ones and aquafina can suck it.

Fuck aquafina, you just took the words out of my mouth. Well, it's because it's literally a scientifically proven thing. They add a certain thing that nobody likes. I'm like, why do they add it? So this is what I wanted to get to. You guys don't get bored, stick with me. If anyone remembers when the Kangen water machine came out,

many, many, many years ago, I was dating Tom Sandoval at the time because we went to this pyramid scheme meeting about buying a Kangen water machine and selling them to people. We obviously didn't do it because we went to this pyramid scheme meeting about buying a Kangen water machine and selling them to people. We obviously didn't do it because we were broke as fuck. Couldn't even afford cable TV until we had Vanderpump. But during this time, we really did have all these samples of water and we were supposed

to try them and then rate them worst to best. But they did a pH test on them, the alkalinity and the acidity of the water. That is what changed everything. I was really surprised. I was waiting for them to do that test because I'm now dying to know over this $1,000 bottle of water. Okay, but can we talk-

Shut the fuck up, it's water. I'm sorry, wait, and I'm sorry. It's the only bottle in America. Shut. Is that because you took that bottle and you put water in it yourself and bedazzled the front of it? because that looks like you bedazzled that with a kit from the 90s and then put a cork in it and said it's and I Google I literally googled while we were watching this $1,000 bottle of water and like things weren't popping up right away and yeah, because

He bottled it in his mom's basement and and bedazzled it. Now it's a thousand dollar water. And by the way, like, a thousand dollars water, like go to honestly fly to Fiji coach and go drink it straight from the fucking waterfall. Yeah, straight from the spring. And when he says that we could be drinking dinosaur piss, I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, that's I don't think that's what your slogan should be to get people to come to your seminars, sir. Um, tastes just like dinosaur piss. I was like, great. Awesome. You're a great salesperson, sir. It all irritated me. But I do love that Sheena walked in because Lala had said like, BYOB, if you would like to drink.

Obviously, we know Lala is very sober. Congratulations to Lala. It's a very big milestone for her. But when Sheena walks in with her Smirnoff brand deal, it made me so happy. I was like, make that money, bitch. Get it. So then Brock immediately gives Katie a big hug, apologizes to her, and I like that this was like a light moment and Katie's in our interview bite like is this payback

like of the shit Brock said, the shit I've said about Brock and then those damn montages that make every make my butt clench, my vagina, my butt, my armpits. Because they will index that shit for later and be they're just waiting for that moment. They can pull that clip from years ago and put it. 100%. Case in point, last night's episode of The Valley, we're not talking about, but yes, it had some, or wait, or was it last week's, whatever.

It pulled some clips of you, it pulls clips of Jackson Brady. I'm like, oh God, now this season for me is gonna be where they pull. Oh, 100%. For the future. And that, toward the end of the Valley season, no spoilers guys, but you're gonna have some Zach montages for sure.

Lord. But I do love that they had this moment because it does show that like, we are all real friends. We do fight and we do get over it. And we do understand when someone fucks up or whatever, like we can forgive move on because at the end of the day, we're all here for each other. Well, some people can. I think that's what we get to in this episode really is like the Tom and Katie of it all

and the Tom and Ariana of it all. So I love that Schwartz walks out in his little outfit and he's like, I feel like I feel lighter today because he's not in trouble for anything. Oh, Schwartzie wearing his water tasting shirt. He's like, I thought this was a good water tasting outfit. You know, he leans into this like weird wannabe like New York accent. It's just my favorite. So then something that stood out to me that I don't know if this will stand out to anyone else or whatever,

but like Sandoval told some dumb joke, it's probably the 70 trillionth time that Ariana has heard it. He just like did a little one-liner thing and she immediately rolled her eyes and I just felt that pain. It was like... I didn't remember it. See, I figured. I wish I would have written it down. But it was, he said something like, oh no, I think Lala said, has anyone been to a water tasting before? Oh, that one. Or Martin said that maybe.

And Tom was like, I mean, not since yesterday. And they were like, wait, you went yesterday? And he's like, no, not really. And then Ariana is just like full eye roll back of her skull. The same thing as I think it was last week or the week before on Vanderpump, where Sandoval was like, I crushed chips up with the sandwich and I pushed it under the door.andoval was like, I crushed chips up with the sandwich

and I pushed it under the door and it's like, dude, you've been telling that same fucking joke for 15 years. So anyway, I'm not being a Sandoval like full on hater, it just like, I feel her pain. Oh Lord. So yeah. Then we really just get into the shit show that is

Sandoval and Ariana. And Brock is trying to explain to Sandoval that he's still in like the infant stage of the breakup. Or I don't know if he said Tom was or Ariana was, or they both were. No, I think he said that the entire, the relationship. That it's in the infant stage of figuring anything out.

Which I kind of get though. It it is because to repeat myself from last week's episode guys, remember this has been months, a handful of months since Ariana found out about all of it. And they really had like what a month off of filming. They pick the cameras back up. They jumped back into season 11. She really hasn't had time to be away from it all and digest. I don't even think at this point,

how many months is it even? I don't even think it's like four months. Maybe. Maybe at most, which is like for the crime done, the time has not been served. And my thing is, obviously I'm not hating on Tom at this point because it's like, okay, we've done it. He knows that he's wrong. Whatever. The hate does need to stop at some point,

but also I'm just speaking from if I was in his position, I would show up every day to try to be a better person. And in these moments be like, you were right. You were right. You're for, for however long it took because that's how you show remorse. Or just to back off. You show your actions. He always wants to go, okay, blah, blah, blah. But he always wants to have that but, and I'm just like, put the but down, just stop it. Yeah. I mean, and Ariana is angry. Like, she's just angry. Just let her be angry. I mean,

and even when, you know, she starts telling the girls about Anne when they're sitting in the dining room, and Tom can overhear this, obviously that's uncomfortable for him. But then just walk away, walk away and go, my ex-girlfriend's pissed. She's going to talk some shit about me. Or just take it and don't be bad. If right. That's the other thing is like, if you're going to be there, let her yell at you. Cause also what people are not understanding is you picked up from like a month or whatever. They don't speak outside of filming. That is not like made up for screen, not whatever.

So they're not resolving or hashing out anything behind the scenes. So when you see them on screen together, that is probably the first time they are talking to each other in God knows how long of course She's freaking the fuck out. Yeah, she's very uncomfortable. She's not ready for it She tells the group of girls like about Maya being locked in the room She is angry y'all like I get it. It doesn't matter like ask her in a year or two years from now She's not gonna have that same level of anger because she would have had the time to process it and move past it. She hasn't had that time yet. And honestly, when Sandoval, and I know I'm this,

I'm probably the worst person. Maybe that's why you guys are listening to this. So like have these opinions. But I was truly like feeling PTSD when Ariana's trying to tell her story and Sandoval just like inserts himself and interjects and decides he has to have the last word about everything. I was like, oh my god, I feel it all. It's all coming. It's all coming back. It's all coming back to me now. I'm doing that on purpose. So it was just like this podcast has become far too sing. I'm doing that on purpose. So it was just like- This podcast has become far too singate. I know, because you're here and I love you.

But it just, it was a lot. So let's go back to Katie and Tom for just one second, because Katie and Tom were like simultaneously having their conversation, which just made me laugh the whole entire time. I mean, it was hurtful. Like there was hurt, you could tell, right? Katie said like, everything I felt from you

or everything I felt was flimsy to you, like, or from you. And she was really telling it kind of how it was. But, you know, Tom was saying this confessional bites, like, you know, that's my best friend. Listen, they're both fuck ups, shit happened, whatever. I don't know if it's up to them to like kind of handle that. But I just loved how the end of it is that Schwartz is like, so we could be like friends or can we be like cool?

And Katie goes, I promise I won't fuck any more of your friends. Which I'm like, there's not that many more. I'm like, there's all this. It was just hilarious. It was so perfect. It was just like what I saw, and this might not be a popular boat,

especially from Katie and Tom, if they ever hear this, but it just brought me back to like the Katie and Tom banter. I know. The quirkiness. The way they joke with each other, it's like they have the same sense of humor in that way. And I saw like a light come out of both of them, like a little bit of a weight lifted off. I could tell Katie was still a little bit irritated,

but because Schwartz didn't come for her in this moment, it like eased the situation a little bit. Tom saying, do you wanna get dinner? Katie going, no, I don't wanna get dinner with you, Tom. Why would I get dinner? He's like, as friends? She's like, no. She's like, no.

Oh, it's just too good. It's so good. Okay, so then we're back in this whole Ariana, Sandoval, everything. So here's the thing. I just gotta talk about the stuff with Maya for a second because it was made such a big deal on the show. And I don't mean made a big deal that Maya almost died.

I mean, everyone's opinions. There were multiple opinions that they were highlighting. Honestly, you let Maya in the room. She's not a tiny puppy. She's a ginormous puppy. She had to make noise. You know when Maya gets in the room. She doesn't just like skirt by you like a little kitty cat.

And then to accidentally lock her in there To shut the door without a care in the world noticing this big dog is there. I just am a psycho about my dogs I'm a psycho about all dogs in general and I really felt Really grossed out when Lala at least in the interview bite, which I understand can be edited in a certain light But what I watched on TV really bothered me because it is not the fault of the dog owner when someone else is invading her space. Ariana would never leave takeout where somewhere where Maya could get it if Maya were like let in the room. Do you know what I'm saying? Sorry, I'm flubbering over my words because I'm just fucking angry about it. I

just have Ariana's back. She's the best animal owner ever and it just really bothered me that Anyone other than Tom Sandoval had an opinion on the other side of that. Yeah I'm gonna have no opinion on that But it really really upset me because I can't imagine if someone came over my house and my dogs were here and I left Something out somewhere that was reachable, but the door was shut and locked or whatever. You know what I mean? I'm just gonna keep going on tangents, so let's move on.

I just agree with Ariana a million percent in all of this. Let her be fucking angry. Sandoval was kind of getting in her face and it was just too much. I think everyone just needs to give her a little bit of time. Well, I also think that the fact that, yeah, like while I don't think he is a dog murderer or whatever she was specifically saying, cause that's a little triggering. I know, but I think calling him a dog murderer

is obviously going to upset him, but he could have handled it differently again, if you are truly remorseful for everything and you're still trying to make a minute, by the way, four months, you cannot, you better try every day, apologize every day, four months, six months, eight months, you, you gotta keep doing it. It's you don't get to just say once and space or give her either one. But I'm saying in this moment where you're together, all you have to do is say you're right and take it and be like, be the bigger person or not the bigger you fucked up. Just own that. Yeah, just say, I'm just, yeah.

If any, if you're going to chime in at all, Sanibel, just say, I am so sorry that I let, didn't notice Maya was in there. I'm sorry I let Maya in the room and I'm even sorrier that I shut the door. Period. And there's nothing I can say to make this better. I'm so glad she's healthy.

If I can help with the vet bill. Well, you know, whatever it is, just don't go, well, it's not my fault. Right. It's like, okay, but. See, now I'm getting hot and bothered in a bad way. All right, let's just end that there. But I do love when Schwartz left. He was like, hey, Katie, call me.

Bless his heart. Back to the comic relief of Tom Schwartz makes me just glow. So then we get to, you know, Katie's at home, Ariana's at home and they're texting each other. And Katie's like, so are we going to Sheena's beach day or should we fake our own deaths? Again, Katie has become my spirit animal this entire episode.

She is such a mood. Please someone make a gif of all of these things. I'm like, yeah, I would fake my death too. Yeah. Oh, 100% to go to this beach day. Beach days in general. Again, going back to that, I freaking hate beach days. Beach vacation. No, no, but beach vacation I'm fine with because we're somewhere else. The beaches are ugly. The beaches. Right there drinking for days on end. Cool. If I have to have, you know, I have a period from only, you know, let's say 12 to 3 because

I have to beat traffic and take two hours to get there, two hours to get home. It ain't fun. Stand in my car, not drunk because I have to drive. Again, this is not fun. Zach doesn't like outdoor activities. I've never been on James's side in my life except in this one moment. Well, then we have Summer just being so freaking cute again. And it's like Sheena and Brock kind of like getting ready to go to the beach as

well. And this was just like a quick little funny thing, but I cringed for Sheena as well. Like I was like holding my breath when Brock goes, Summer, like mom and dad are going to as well. Like I was like holding my breath when Brock goes, Summer, like mom and dad are gonna go too. And I was like, if he says we're going to the beach without her, I swear to fucking God. And Sheena's face, she's like, what? And she goes, mom and dad are going to work.

We're going to work. And he's like, oh, we're going to have fun. And obviously Summer was very unfazed, but like the anxiety that I carry, that Sheena carries as well was like, I swear to God. It's like if I tell my dogs, mom and dad are going to the beach, we're going to the park and I leave them here.

And this is like a human person, anyway, it's a human person, clearly. Yeah, I think I'm on Brock, like just on Brock's level with this. Yeah, see that's why I love you. Teach the kids early that life's not fair and that you don't get to always go to the beach. Life's not a beach.

Certainly not on Bravo. But Sheena contemplates uninviting Tom. And Brock, this is where I didn't agree with Brock either. And he said, well, essentially about Ariana, like if Tom is that much of a trigger, he's like, then she needs to fix it. Fix it. No, that's not how it works when you go through like emotional or financial or any kind of turmoil with your ex significant other shit's gonna trigger you until you're ready. Again, Ariana needs time. I've had time with a lot of my exes and I'm still triggered by certain things as you guys have seen on the Valley. So I just think people need to be a little more empathetic. I think that's what

I'm trying to say. I do always appreciate and love Brock's strong sense of self and how he pushes Sheena out of her comfort zone. And it reminds me a lot of Luke and I. Which is amazing because Brock is not doing it for malicious things. No, he's trying to just like kind of help her build a backbone, not be so like anxious all the time. And I love that about Brock. But then there's some kind of tenderness that needs to come with that.

And so to say like Ariana can't, if she's triggered by it, fucking fix it. It doesn't work that way. Maybe be a little softer. A little softer. A little softer, Brockie. And then Sheena was trying to explain to Brock, like, you know, Brock, you get heated quick sometimes.

He's like, yeah, totally. And she's like, well, Ariana got heated quick. So trying to find that sort of like common ground. Anywho's. Oh, and then Summer's like, they're talking about anger and Summer goes, take it all out. And they're like, yes, Summer, take it all out. I love it. Summer can be my therapist. Summer's, every scene with Summer

just brings so much joy to the screen. I know, she'll be like, Andy Christensen, like, let's play piano. Okay, you're right, that's a good idea. Like, let it all out. That's also a great idea. Should we go for a walk? Should we go to the park?

Summer? Yeah, you should let Summer run your life. I think it would go a lot better. You and summer combined. For sure. So now we go to Ariana's and Lucinda comes over. So a few episodes back, we remember Ariana was on the phone with her

and saying like, well, how much is all this? What did we pay for? You know, like, what is it? So Ariana- Can I just say, I am so glad they had an interior designer that- With receipts. Because if they hadn't- Oh my God.

How would they go through four years of just receipt afterwards? It would be near impossible. But because they had an interior designer where it was all in one place- Itemized. She was so good at keeping it up. And the fact that they knew what credit card it was on. So basically you know who's paying for it. Who paid for what and when it was paid for.

That was just like chef's kiss, honestly. It was so fucking smart because I've definitely gone through that in my past. Well, it's smart, but it's also like lucky. Like, thank God they did that. From here on out, I highly recommend having someone do that. You guys are do it yourself, get a spreadsheet. But when they show this flash, I just have a little funny insider thing.

I actually don't even know if I've ever told Ariana this or Tom, to be honest. What did you break in their house? So it, no, I didn't. So they're showing the montage of like the penis flute broke and then it and glued it back together and all these montages of like Tom and Ariana's life together or their breakup essentially and when they broke up and Ariana was like Drinking wine on the couch that she bought the couch she bought and she goes this was from our first trip See you guys when I know something do you want a secret?

So when Tom broke up with me and he started dating Ariana We broke up like November of that year and he started dating Ariana, we broke up like November of that year and they started dating in like December. I used to like obviously hack into Tom's email and I saw- I like how she just- I like how you just casually drop. Well, you know, I was still hacking into Tom's email. Of course. Of course.

Absolutely. And I only deleted his iPad. I could have- Detective Doty, the moniker was so well-earned by you. I was already on my way from Caterpillar to Mariposa because I could have deleted his MacBook desktop. I could have deleted his iPhone, but I only did the iPad because it was mostly for porn anyways. Like who cares? So anywho, I hacked into his email and not hacked, I knew his password. So I got into his email and I saw that he had booked a trip to Napa on New Year's Day of that

year. So I called my mom and I was like, mom, he's fucking taking Ariana to Napa. We just broke up a month ago and I'm still in this apartment. And she's like, number one, you were supposed to be out of the apartment. So you're moving out on, you're moving out January 1st. But she's like, number one, you are supposed to be out of the apartment. So you're moving out on January 1st. But she's like, what do you want to do about it? And I was like, I don't know. And my mom and I, sorry mom, but I love you. We sort of conspired. My mom offered that maybe I could just call the company and cancel.

Their hot air balloon reservation, their hotel reservation, their wine tasting reservation. And I didn't do it. Can I just, that's fucking growth. That was the start of the growth, right? Yeah. That was, that was amazing. And then I fell off the wagon for a while

and then I jumped back on the wagon and then I agree. Listen, we all fall on and off the wagon constantly. I almost canceled the fucking Napa trip. And then they were gonna drive all the way to Napa and then they were gonna be like, we're here for our trip. And they were like, we don't have a reservation for you, but I didn't do it. That's what I would say.

Like if you think the things, it's not bad. If you follow through with them, then it's worse. I actually had an ex that had access to my email and deleted my entire email address because his ex was trying to send me like conversations that he was having with him. And my ex got into my email and just deleted the entire address. So I lost everything.

And then when we broke up, I didn't realize that my YouTube was connected to him or like his computer. And he, I guess realized it eventually and deleted my entire YouTube too. I'm not gonna lie, I'm very jealous. That is where I started. Um, never giving out that stuff cause it's like they shouldn't have it anyway,

but I was young and dumb, young, dumb and broke as we all were. Oh Lord. Okay. So let's get to the, the, the lion in the sand, the beach day from hell. What in the hell were they thinking? That's what I said. I'm like, this is unnecessary. It's like almost immediately Sandoval talking about the singles party, which it's not his fault for talking about a thing with the guys. But pull them aside.

Loud enough for everyone to hear. And then loud enough for the boys to then be like, hey, so Tom's talking about the singles party he went to. It's like, you know you're gonna start some shit, guys. It was just so fucking weird. And then Schwartz is like, Katie, are you gonna go? Do you wanna be on my date? Which I'm like, Tom just, he just brings a light to my life and I feel like everybody screams.

Oh my gosh. That is just unmatched. And honestly, Tom getting Sheena a Capri Sun, like he knows the way to Sheena's heart right away. Like that's basically like here, I'm trying really hard. Yeah. And that's also a part of the Valley episode tonight. When Jack said, well, it's Capri,

but Jack says the only thing I know about Capri is a Capri Sun. Is it Capri Sun? Which is not- Is this on purpose or does this just happen this way? This is how in sync we are, guys. Anyway, I don't know. It was just so awful.

It started the dog stuff all over again. It started the fucking my friend. It started just like everything went to shit. It spiraled. But I will say the one thing when Sandoval says that he thought that him and Ariana were gonna be more civil than Tom and Katie. I was like, sir.

What planet do you live on? Schwartz never did what you did. Like, did you think any, nobody, not even Michelle Obama would have been civil with you. Yeah. Like, no person, anybody would never, that's what? Like, that moment I was like, oh, he is, he got a little delulu. A little delulu?

He's wearing his delulu lemons down there and I don't know how to help him because I'm like, sir, I don't know how you think that that's even remotely the same or closer, whatever. But I know. And I do want to Ari, I want to give you a little shout out my girl. I wish you would have said suck a dick instead of what she did say. You know, Maya is hard. They get into this fight about like who's who animals belong to. Animals belonged to Ariana.

I went through the same thing with Carter and Carter did not fight me on it. Like we did have the number one Kitty was Ariana's to begin with and Maya, they got together, but Ariana is the one who adopted her. They're Ariana's animals. Tom couldn't take care of those animals if he had three assistants. But he obviously doesn't really want to. Exactly. Exactly. Totally. So I just love that she said, suck my dick.

I was like, get it girl. I don't know. I just felt like it just became so childlike of Sandoval and just frustrated me. And I know everyone's being really hard on him right now. But listen, bro, you got to take it. He did the same thing to me after he and I broke up and I was acting like a fool.

He didn't want anyone to hang out with me. He didn't want his friends to be friends with me. I wasn't allowed to go to Hawaii. I was like the Hawaii trip, which was Jack's birthday trip as well. So, pot calling kettle black. I just think in this group on Banner Pump rules, no more group things. They just can't do a group activity anymore. At was for a moment Let's just call it call a spade a spade, you know, or just have conversations on the side. I feel more discreet So that's where we is I'm dying to know what next week's gonna be like we only have five more episodes of EPR and then The reunion that's crazy to think about. Mm-hmm But don't we know I was like we got a bunch of the valley coming and it it gets just as crazy. Yeah. So we're not going to talk about the valley episode tonight, but everyone just please be gentle and be tender and trust me, there's a lot

more to come. And when you watch it, you will see. Yes. All right, Zach, I love you so much. Love you. I love you the mostest. Okay. Bye guys. Thanks for listening. And you're going to have a brand new episode of our new podcast, mine and Luke's new podcast. And who is on it? And I have queen Ariana Maddox on the very first episode. I have a really amazing remote podcast with Ariana while she was in New York getting ready to go to the Broadway theater to go do Chicago. And she sat down with me for an hour to talk about all things non Vanderpump also. So you're going to get all the ins and ins of Ariana.

Love it. Okay. We love you guys so much. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday.

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