Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Stand-Up with Emma Willmann

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Episode 66. This week, Kristen and Luke are joined by Emma Willmann, comedian, actor, writer, and podcaster. Emma talks about how she got into stand-up comedy, what it was like coming out to her parents, and her new podcast called “Ask Men Anything.”   Sponsors: New customers GET $5 OFF a Lume Starter Pack with code DOUTE at LumeDeodorant.com.  Get 15% off with the code DOUTE at Oneskin.co Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up motherfuckers! Hi guys, love you so much! Welcome back to another episode of Sex Love and What Else Matters! I have Luke and virtually from sunny Colorado, the sunshine state. Denver, I know. I know. The sunshine state. I'm so intense out here.

Well, thanks babe. You guys, we have the sickest guest today. I'm so fucking stoked. Hi, Emma Wilvin. How you doing? Thank you for having me. Oh my God, I'm so fucking stoked. Emma is a comedian

actor writer podcaster times. I don't know how many you've had at least a few podcasts, but your most recent Yes, and your most recent podcast that you just launched I think four weeks ago about with Vetchins who we love here on sex level, what else matters. And it's called Ask Men Anything. That's it. This is my first one that's just me too. In the past, I've done one with friends, co-hosting, so this will have like a revolving each week is a different guy that I'm talking to, but it's the first time it's just me doing it. So it's exciting and terrifying, but it's all fun too.

But is it terrifying? So right before we started recording, I told you that I'm like totally obsessed with women female comedians, which I've said I think 40,000 times on this podcast already. So one of my very best friends, her name is Rachel Bryan, she still is, but she doesn't really do a whole lot of stand up right now these days. But for many, many, many years, I go seven days a week. Sure. Hard. And I became a female stand up comedian, like, groupie. Like, I was there for all of, I don't care how many times I've heard the same joke, the same set, watching her, like, you know, flip jokes in and out trying to like figure everything out. I was so hashtag lost. It just felt really cool to have that in my life.

And I think times they are a change in, but female comedians just cracked me the fuck up. It's all, it's so different when you see someone say the same thing a bunch of times, too. Because so I didn't know that. I don't know about you guys, but I didn't watch comedy growing up as a kid. So I wasn't, and I feel like I'm a little slow in the uptake. Like it didn't occur to me that someone was repeating themselves until I had gone to a couple shows in Boston and I saw this one guy and he had a joke where he was like, oh, it was just at the grocery store. And the second I time I saw him, he goes, oh, just the grocery store, and I was like, this motherfucker, which is at the grocery store the last time I saw.

And then I was like, oh my god, he's saying. And afterwards I asked him, and I was like, this motherfucker, which is the grocery store the last time. And then I was like, oh my God, you saying? And I afterwards I asked him and I was like, I saw you and he was like, yeah, you practice what you say. And I didn't, I didn't even know that, but it is interesting when you start seeing someone a few times because you're, it's like the same, but different and then you kind of, it's just interesting always seeing what people's process.

That's like, they're like refining their craft, right? Exactly, that we're supposed, and everyone's got like a different process of it, but it's supposed That's like, they're like refining their craft, right? Exactly. We're supposed to, and everyone's got a different process of it, but it's supposed to be like, you do it, and then you listen to it, and then you change it around, and then just keep the good parts, or, you know, everyone's got their own way of doing it.

Yeah, and my friend Rachel, Sha, Rachel, Brad, she always had, she called it her uniform, whatever she's on stage, because as a straight girl, she was like, I'm not gonna wear some frilly fufu bullshit, but I don't wanna wear sweat pants, so her uniform was always what she calls, quote unquote, her uniform, was always like,

sneakers or combat boots. Some kind of dress made sure it was close to her knees, because of the front row, then like a leather jacket. But then her joke that she would make way back in the day was like talking about dating and she was like, yeah, but uniform for my first date. In fact, I'm wearing it now, you know, that was her uniform for stand up because and I didn't understand at the time, but she was like, dude, women in comedy weren't super respected back then.

And I feel like y'all are fucking respected now. And also how you look is like a set up for, like I've tried to say, I'm like, it's a thing. And I always have a hard time knowing like, if it's me thinking something, oh, like it might think in something's a thing or is it actually a thing, but I'll be like, I can feel it,

like I'm always trying to find ways to diffuse how I look on stage too. And I think that that's true of everybody. But then I've had, especially if you're someone that someone's like, if it's a little bit like, oh, I'm going to have assumptions off the top about this person, then you kind of want to find a way to get into your stuff and not have that.

You don't want to have someone be distracted by your appearance, too. But I even know attractive guys that used to say that they would like wear bagier things on stage because they wouldn't want people thinking like, oh, I don't like this guy. He looks like a douchebag. So everyone's got their yeah, I was just going to say like because you had Jared free to on your podcast, which was a hysterical. We also had him on ours. And I just pictured like if Jared was wearing like a muscle tank top that was like cut so his nipples were showing and like tight.

I'm still happy for him if he did. Or it would be like is everything okay? I don't know what exactly, but that's only cause I know him now, but you're totally, if it was like off the top, then it would give a totally different, completely different vibe. You're like so yeah, yeah.

That's what's happening. Okay, sick. No, for sure. I get it. But your stand-up sister, I love you on TikTok. My gay Miss friend, Zach loves you on TikTok. And he's my TikTok queen, King, Queen, whatever. Like he teaches me all things social media. I know nothing about social media.

But real quick, I'm gonna talk about your new podcast. Yes. Just why. I mean, why in an awesome way. Do you have brothers? I'll tell you. So it kind of came about because a lot of my friends in like adult friends that I've made, which is not many, because I found making it. Friends as an adult is a really tricky thing when you're thinking of it, like not in terms of like your work setting to because of high school college, so many friends, and I also used to be more out.

We just get, we have less time, we get more tired. I also don't have kids, so it's like, and then I'm traveling a lot for work, but the friends that I've made outside of comedy are two guys that I've made from like two different, very different points in my life. And I've made, I have some good female friends too, but I guess I've just noticed,

and they're both straight guys, and then I noticed a lot, I've always gotten along well with men, but then as I've gotten older and then hearing people talk about masculinity and men, then sometimes I found myself being like, oh, well, I've heard from these guys, I was like re-ling information back and forth a bit, and then I was talking to one of my friends about it, and he was like, well, it's easier to open up to you because there's no attraction tension, which was very offensive. I'm just kidding. But I was like, I totally get that.

And then so the idea for the podcast came about because people are talking about masculinity and men so much. I was like, this might be a good way to let people be a fly in the wall where I'll ask the questions that maybe they wouldn't want to necessarily ask or get insight that would just come about naturally from two people having a very like comfortable conversation where we poke around a

little bit trying to figure out like what is masculinity what does it mean to the individual and just go into it that way. No for short Gibson. Oh thank you. I love dogs that you're dog. Yes it's one of my two and her, and the roads are at our door. She's gonna listen to this, but you can hear that if you want. It's his birthday, so he's a nice happy birthday. Yeah. I told them that it was his birthday,

and he doesn't know what the pal I'm saying, but he was like, Oh, it sounds exciting. Gibson, no thank you. Awesome. I actually didn't even come up. So my girlfriend works in advertising, and we were like brainstorming different podcast ideas,

and that was one that she had come up with and she was like, but look, you'd have to really do it right because I didn't want it to seem like you being like, you know, going too much into like having men, like basically, setting up a platform of like, what do all men think about this even though I know a lot of times, like women get put in the position to be like, how do women feel? Or how do gay people feel? Or how do x group feel about this? But I was like, if I can do it in a way that's a little like tongue and cheek and obviously I'm gay. So that makes gives it a little bit of a twist. Then it's a fun.

I thought that that would be like a fun way into it. Yeah, it's an individual's position because I don't feel like there's any man on the planet that can speak for all men, right? It's just so open now. No, Luke's job on this podcast is to be the speaker of all men. Right. Well, it's not the way it works, usually. I know.

And I wanted to be, I was concerned that when guys will come on, I was like, uh-oh, are they going to, am I going to be like putting them on the spot too much? Are they going to be nervous about it? And then when we got into it, it's been men have been thinking a lot more about masculinity than I even realized. Like the first couple of people we talked to were like, oh yeah, I struggle with this all the time. Like, I'm masculinity has changed. And then that gave me like a

really good feeling of like, okay, we're on to something here because this is something that they seemed like, oh, yes, I do think about like, what is my place in like being progressive with this, but then also like being true to myself and like seem like there was a lot of things swimming around. Right. I've got a question about your guest though. Curious if you had anyone that's like, lives rural, that like, it maybe works in a trade,

is like in a different environment because I think, I'm being like, okay, I just think that's a totally different thing. When I go back and forth from Los Angeles, like Chris and I had a project this summer and all the guys that were working on it with me. It's a totally different thing. When I go back and forth from Los Angeles, like Chris and I had a project this summer and all the guys that were working on it with me. It's a reality show.

It's different, but every single guy was totally bare-chested, that we couldn't find a hair on their body and stuff. And all these things, and I'm just like, and that's not me, you know, I'm not necessarily a tradesman or a blue collar person, but I have some of those skills, and I don't know if I've grown up differently, or if I just live my adult life so far differently.

You know? Definitely culturally you see it too, or even like I live in New York, like I as a New York to LA, LA is like a whole different thing too. Like, and then even if you go to like different parts of Brooklyn, like so much of it is based off of like

social interactions too, and like what gets like co-signed is okay, or like I think a lot of it too, is like you figure out who you're trying to attract and you figure out what they're attracted to and maybe you modify yourself to that a little bit. So maybe those guys in LA, I don't know who they're trying to attract, I'm gonna go out and live here probably each other and then there so then they're wearing things so then like that is drawn on so that's what I usually think when I see those guys but it's all you know whatever and then you gotta find yourself in there

and what you want to wear also. And then also like, I'll choose, like, I like wearing men's clothes. I like thinking about, you know, like recreate kind of things that I think of as masculine are usually in my relationships too. So I'll think of masculinity, like, I'll try to think of it as, you know, something that you can pick also. I totally fucking agree with that. And I'm a straight girl.

I mean, I would consider myself a bit fluid. Like, I called it before Luke, before I had a stable boyfriend for the last year, had a reflexible. Is that a thing? Okay, so I have a theory about that, but my friend that I said to us, who was like, this is not a good theory.

So I was like, I think really comfortable straight. People say that they are like a little wiggly, but I think that that's more of a sign that they're just like really comfortable with they're being super straight. Because I have a friend who is like, she's like, maybe I'm bisexual and I was like, I think you're really straight. And then she's like, no, I don't know. But then she said I was gaslighting her.

So I could be totally wrong. I'm so into this. I mean, I definitely had my fair share of like hanging out, hooking up, making out with chicks. But no, as far as dating is concerned, like I'm definitely straight as a fucking arrow. Yeah. Yeah, no.

I've had friends that say, or my sister is so, she's like as straight as I am gay, but she's always like, everyone's a little gay. I'm like, you would say that because you're straight. I was like, you say that because you're super comfortable with being straight. And she's like, no, no, I don't know who had fond love gay. I'm like, you would say that because you're straight. I was like, you say that because you're super comfortable with being straight. And she's like, I don't know. I don't know who had fond love with. I was like, that's a silly thing. I will say I did have a moment between

boyfriends pre-luch where I truly did take a few months of like, I'm going to explore this because because psychologically, I was much more into women. However, mentally, strangely enough, I was into men if that makes any sense at all. I was like, I'm fucking suck, but psychologically, this chick gets me so hard, but like, hard, she gets me well. I think it's like a comfort thing too, like when you're not attracted to the person,

because I'll feel that with guys sometimes, I'm like, oh, it's so much easier to talk to guys or like straight female friends, because I'm not attracted to straight women. I'll feel that with guys sometimes, I'm like, oh, it's so much easier to talk to guys or like straight female friends. Cause I'm not attracted to straight women. I like really feminine women that are queer. But like, yeah, if it's a straight female friend or a guy friend, then it's like, they're the easiest to talk to or like a gay female friend

where it's like, it wouldn't cross over at all. Then it's like, you feel like so understood cause there's no like nothing else like wiggling around where you're trying to like angle it. Do you know what I mean? Oh, totally. No, yeah, you just, you just, I'm so, I'm so, I'm so, I'm gonna use a term that Kristen said she hadn't heard before

with the previous guest over six months ago. The bi romantic versus bisexual, that Kristen is not bi romantic, but she could, is bisexual when she singles, that she will hook up with girls, but she wouldn't. But it's not like a fucking thing like, oh, she's good at that there for. But it is like intellectual in the times that I've been with girls like with women.

It's been like an intellectual thing. It's been like, oh, wow,, you're just so not like dudes. But then the problem was the sexual part, though, I was like, oh, that was like fun and good. But like, man. It's like my dad said this one, he was like, I was thinking about it, and I could be gay if I'm at a nice time,

with similar interests, and enjoy spending time together, just no sex. He said that, and I was like, dad, that's like for sure what a friend is. You know, yeah. Yeah, I have to do it. When it comes down to the mechanics, no way. And I was like, like, this is where the line,

this is where we don't want to cross the line with it. That's a hysterical. Wait, so can I tap on to that because I think it was on your TikTok, but it was a story about your dad, like about not normalizing, like just having really close friends that I was fucking hysterical.

Do you know the movie I love you, man? With Paul Rudd. I haven't seen it yet. I need to just reminded me so much of the dad. And he's in Paul Rudd, is like, who's your best friend? He's like, and basically his other son, which is Polarad's brother, Andy Sandberg's character.

And he's like him and Hank Marduk. I've known Hank Marduk my whole life. And so therefore he's my best friend. For no reason at all, other than I've known him forever. I've known him a long time. Like we see each other, we say hi. Every time we see each other, we're like, all right. And I don't know if that's just because they weren't

really socialized to share that much. Like my dad, I don't think, I'll ask my dad how are you doing, but I don't even know if I've ever asked him how are you feeling. And I think because I think you'd be like, fine. You know what I mean? And my dad's a math professor. She was a very like extra like mathy type individual. But I was thinking, like I remember him telling me

once when he was a kid, his family went to Europe on a trip and they brought his two sisters and then they sent him away to boxing camp. And I was like, that explains a lot. Just like in terms of like how, they're like, oh, the sisters will enjoy going away and this trip and seeing all these things, but you go to boxing camp.

And he was like, I don't, he was young. He was like too young for the camp, so they like had to like petition to like get him in. So just this kid like literally getting beat up at camp where everyone was away enjoying, you know, you know, I get it. I make it sound similar to my dad. If I ask him, I always feel and it's like fine. I was like, don't answer them to get out of him.

And I tried to cook a little bit. He's a doctor physician and I don't know. He just has this. Chris and you've to cook a little bit. He's a doctor, physician, and I don't know, he just has this, Chris and you've met him a few times. It sure is. He's, I thought it's a kind of a unique individual in that he's like, very, like he doesn't have a lot to say unless you hit the right buttons. If you talk about, he's going to feel,

if he's up hers or the rolling stones, like any band situation, he doesn't go out all day long. But if you talk about feel, yeah, like no feeling. I think that's a dad thing, because like with my dad, it'll be if you talked him about, this is gonna sound so, but care, like health insurance, and I don't mean like the politics of it, I mean like different like health insurance plans, then he'll be like, oh well,

got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, this is a good one and this is not a good one and this is it, and then he's going, I don't understand what he's saying, like when we were on vacation last time a couple years ago? He had a book It was like what's the cult? What's the health insurance you get on your retire Medicaid? Medicaid Yeah, it was Medicaid and me and it was like this like giant book and that's when he was reading on the beach and I was like That upon read and he was like it's informative And I don't know if that's like him individually or if it's just like,

I wonder if there are things that he, if he was like more encouraged to share his feelings, that he would be like interested in other things too. Definitely a generational thing. I think that our generation is more aware or in tune with their emotions versus just blocking, you know, putting up walls, you know, right. You can get a forever your dad on your podcast.

Oh my God. Well, I did do one thing with them once and I was shocked by this. So math teacher, rural man, like men of not many, not a big talker. Years ago, someone was like, would your dad ever be interested in being on this YouTube show? And I was like, absolutely not,

plus he lives in Maine, like not happening. And then it just happened that the weekend they were doing it, he was gonna be in town for some things for my sister's wedding. So I was like, I'll ask, but no. And he was like, tell us fun. So we do it. It was probably like a 10 minute thing that they ended up splicing up.

And when the camera's on him, he like lit up. He was super charming. And then afterwards, they were like, oh, he was great. And my dad was like, I need an agent. And I was like, yeah. And then afterwards, they were like, oh, he was great. And my dad was like, I need an agent. And I was like, yeah. That's the way it was insane. And then they offered, like, they were like, oh,

there was like some sponsor that was like, if you and your dad will do this, I think it was Jim Bean. Then like, they wanted some, they were like, you can be in this like web commercial. And my dad was like, I can't, it's finals that week. And I was like, I'll get someone to pretend to be my dad and they're like, if your dad were not, basically they were only interested if my dad would do it.

And that was it. So maybe, but I was very surprised that he was into it when he did that. So he, I don't know, he's full of surprises. I mean, you fell from that tree. So maybe you're just like dipping in a little bit to like dad's funny and like entertainment side, you know. Would you guys ever have your dad, would you ever have your dad on

a podcast? Kristen's gonna say no. I, you know, I might because I wanted Luke's dad on this podcast. No, I've wanted your dad because he's a proctologist. He's a proctologist. Hello. I'm a something very similar to what you, the story you just told when I told my dad that Chris and I are starting this section relationships podcast. He like perked up and had all these thoughts and opinions and things and I'm just like, okay, well, didn't expect that. I expected him to be like, huh, okay, cool. Good luck with that.

That's what I expected, but it wasn't. Right. Where did that come from? Exactly. It was like a word section relationship podcast. You're like, who are you? Yeah. 100%. It's different to and but podcast. You're like, who are you? Yeah.

100%. It's different too. But to have your dad on because for you, he's your boyfriend's dad. So then do you feel like you have to be like, would you feel comfortable being yourself in front of him? I mean, if Luke's dad truly signed on to do this podcast. I would make sure that he was very aware of what this podcast is like and about. However, I also wouldn't be like, Hey, Paul, what's your favorite sex position? Right.

Totally. I think though I probably couldn't be honest because I believe he has a filter around me. Like he's still in dad mode. Probably the same thing with you. Like he's different with friends. And I've been trying to like bridge this gap of being like, look dad, I'm an adult. I can do my own thing for a while.

We can be friends now, you know? You have to be my dad. I have a full-on beard. I literally have a beard. Like, I'm grown. Yeah, exactly. I don't think I've ever talked about sex with my dad. Like, he's definitely seen me talk about it,

but we've never like ever, like, I don't even, I think my mom definitely had this x-tox with me. I don't think we've ever like discussed it. Closest thing I've come with my dad, this is actually a funny story. This girl I was dating right after college. My dad wasn't at the house. For one year after college, I lived with my dad

because they just gotten divorced. And my girlfriend, I was seen at that time. He had this big awesome shower with two shower heads and we went into the shower. And the next day, he comes up to me and he said, I found some long blonde hair in my shower. And his comment after that was, he just kind of smirked and then said, I haven't seen hair like that since your mom lived here. Hey, you're like, oh, my God. Oh, man, it was, that was like the closest thing to a sex talk about it. Well, so he didn't say how was it?

No, he wasn't mad. Clearly, he was like smirking. He thought it was funny. Right. Oh, for sure. And he wasn't like, be careful. Like, this is don't get someone pregnant or whatever. No, no, I'll admit at that point in my life, I, that relationship had been last very long

and then I was very single and through parties at his house and everything. And he, I'd ask him to be like, do you remember so and so? And he's like, which one was that? Yeah, that was the kind of his comment. He was pretty nonsulant about it, but he's like, maybe dark hair, blonde hair,

what are we talking about? Yeah. My parents told me my mom was like, no more dating, like no more women, no more girlfriends. That's me how much my mom was like, no more dating. Like, no more women. No more girlfriends. That's what it was. She was like, no more girlfriends because she was like,

I've met too many. Like, until it looks like really serious, no more girlfriends. Because I used to introduce her really quickly, which, I don't know why I used to do that. The secret to a great day, feeling confident from head to toe. That is why I'm beyond excited to tell you about Lumia Whole Body Deodorant for Pits, Privets, and Beyond. Lumie was created by an OBGYN who discovered that the vagina is not always the blame for day-to-day odor below the belt.

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Hi. Um, but it's for Luke as well. So I was just on the phone with my GBF, my gay best friend, Zach, who is like my gay or not. I mean, gay or male or not, he's just like my A number fucking one. But he was so intrigued and so interested about us doing this podcast today.

And I had this question about like, do men people please? Because I too, if you can't tell already, I'm like 80 days fuck. And I, I watch a people pleaser watching your standup and your TikToks and all of that. I was like, do men people please at all? And I asked my best friend Zach and he was like, I mean, gay, he's like gay men do absolutely do straight men. Luke, what do you He was like, I mean, gay, he's like gay men too, absolutely, too straight men. Luke, what do you think of it? What do you think about it?

What do you think about it? Yes, absolutely for sure. You think that I can straighten people please? I think so 100% in my experience, yes. And one big thing they do is, like, I know a lot of times so it'd be like, well, I don't, I want to avoid conflict. So like, in my experience, like, their way of doing a big, I don't want to have any conflict.

So I just don't say if something bothers me or I keep it moving. And then I think that gets interpreted as people being like they're not communicating, they're not sharing their feelings, but I think that's a common reason. People pleasing because they're just like I don't want to rock the boat. 100% you pick your battles. That's what straight men do. That's considered people pleasing. Yep. Is that crazy? Do you want to be my other therapist? I don't want to I don't want to get Heather. Because we both work go back real quick, but I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you.

That's wild that you both just agreed on that because I'm like, nah, then don't people please. They do whatever they want. They say what they want. They act how they want. Really, babe, do you think every morning I want to do everything that you ask? I mean, you're a different little stallion angel. Okay, okay. In my experience, in my very long experience of dating, I did not think until this moment that men people please, but now I'm seeing it in a very different way.

Because also, maybe it's like someone could still be super like inconsiderate or maybe someone could, you know, be for lack of a better term like pig-headed or like not realize that what they're doing is like really privileged or those could all be things, but then also people pleasing in that they don't, like, as much as they're able, they don't want to, like, rock the boat, or it could even be people pleasing if they want to seem, like, strong, like, they're trying, or like, not emotional or not bothered by something. It's like, they're trying to, what they think people want from them,

which is to be like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like definitely I'll see them get like, feel sad or depressed, but usually they won't say, I'm sad or depressed, they'll be like, I got wasted this weekend or like, I don't know, I'm really like torn up about blah, blah, blah, or like, it's really pisses me off, but then when you like peel it back, it's like, I'm fucking sad, man. Yeah, what are you saying?

Do you concur? I mean, Emma and I are very much on the same page with almost everything so far. Completely agree, that is the way it works. There are times where, Kristen, we've gone in fights over it before when you're like your vibes off, you're this, you're that, I'm like, I completely agree that is the way it works. There are times where, Kristen, we've done in fights over it before when you're like your vibes off, you're this, you're that, I'm like, I'm fine. It's all good.

I'm fine. And what you're upset, because I'm just not super chipper, I'm okay. I'm so good. I'm so good. I have that conversation here. I've had that with me, and I'm like, oh, you're energy's weird.

And I'm like, well, I can't keep my energy good all the time. And I'm not saying you have to keep your energy good all the time, but as we were so connected and now we're not connected, like we can't be connected all the time. And I want to be connected all the time. And what's your birthday? December 20th, 1985. We were like right on the brink of Capricorn. Okay.

I'm the greatest. Louisa Torres. Nice. We're from all different walks of life right now. Which one is a query? We have Earth, air, and fire. Earth, wind and fire. That's who we are. The three of us.

Aquarius is an air sign with the water bearer. My girlfriend is in the, oh no, she's not an Aquarius. She's a pipe. She's a pipe. Oh, she's apricorn. Capricorn, that's what it is. Dear, your capricorn husband, she's a capricorn. Arericorn, that's what it is. Do you, you're Capricorn Cusp and she's a Capricorn? Are you guys both pretty like, well, is she structured?

She's so structured. She's structured. So we're going to say structured. Very even keeled. Mm. Yeah, that's also Luke, which is so not me. Meaning there, I would love to be though. Like I would love to be even keeled. Same. Like I would do anything. I. I would love to be though. Like I would love to be even killed. Same.

Like I would do. I think I'll say it takes effort staying even killed because I'm not always all the time. Kristen knows we spend enough time together. No one's even killed all the time. It takes effort. It takes some serious like work there times where you've got to have those tools, you know, I mean, everyone does therapy. The tools to be like, okay, this is not a big deal. This is not a big deal. This is not a thing I need to like just cool off. You might feel your skin crawl a little bit, but you gotta be able to swallow it and move on.

That's an emotional regulation. I'm working on that. I'm trying to do it, but then sometimes I won't like, do it so well. And I'll be like, or I'll catastrophize and then I'll get more wound up, which I'm like trying to explain that because I feel like you're speaking my language.

The catacletan. That will you explain the catastrophize because they just feel like you're speaking my language. And I love that term. So I don't know if this is an ADD thing or not, but what I'll do is I'll picture something and then I'll picture it being the worst possible scenario and then I'll freak out about that scenario.

So I'm not staying in the moment. It's not, I don't know how to change it. I've been going to therapy twice a week, but not for a long time. And we've been chipping away at it and she's always like, her name's Barbara, my therapist. Barbara's like, you gotta be mindful and you gotta blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I should start paying more attention in the sessions, but she says, like, she says, we're working on it, but I always, it's like stay in the day, be present, but it's so, I don't know where it comes from, just like picturing what's gonna happen, but only the worst case scenarios. Like very rarely, and then I get scared because you know how they say with like manifesting,

it'll be like, whatever you picture, like that comes true. And I'm like, well, shit, I'm always picturing the worst case scenario. So now it's definitely gonna come true. Do you want to host this podcast as well? You are me. You are we going to find a way to stop it. We're going to find a way there's going to be a better way because we're trying to be like great. Like you do monitors. I've tried to do that. But then I don't stick with it.

Well, and I also tell all of my I'm the best when asked for advice. I get the best advice, give her in to all of my friends that are like, oh my God, this day, you don't even know what happened. ABCD, EF and mother fucking G and then H, all of the above. And I was like, you know what? Every single one of my friends, I could not in this weird yoga voice, I just did. But like, I can go to all of my friends and say, What if? What if it were to work out? I can go to all of my friends and say, what if, what if it were to work out? How about that, right?

There's a huge fucking chance that whatever the thing you're upset about or nervous about or having anxiety about, it might not work out. But what if it fucking did? How could that be? And it just, I see a light in the eyes and a little light bulb above their head. But for me,

I'm like, it's not going to work out. There's no way. The way my life works. I'm going to have to get through it. And I'm going to be stronger, but it's going to be hard. Right. You're like already, you're already like, you're like having the catastrophe,

it's going to shit and then building yourself back up. And then going down, it's like, you haven't even left the room yet. It's like picturing getting something, like, oh, I want to get cast in something. And then you get cast, but you're picturing getting cast in it and then it gets bad reviews. And then you're like shun from everything.

And it's like, you know, I'm canceled. And it's like, I mean, God knows what else, you know? 100%. I don't know about that thing I did, but I've been shun from everything I've ever done. Boom done. So probably. Yeah, but what if finding that way to say, like, what if to yourself, like, what if all these negative things I did, but I've been shunned from everything I've ever done, boom done. So probably. Yeah, the what if finding that way to say,

like, what if to yourself, like, what if all these negative things I thought, what if it was all gonna be okay? Or what if they had, what if that negative thing happened, then I could handle it. And it's like, also probably you're very not judgmental when people are telling you this stuff, if you're thinking all the bad things potentially for yourself,

so then probably you get people good advice because you're like, not, they probably don't feel like judged when they're saying it. Because you're like, I've already done this. Emma, I wanna change, change speeds a little bit. How was it coming out to your parents? The way you just described your dad, I'm just curious how that was.

So with him, I came out to him before my mom, and it was really smooth, but I was so nervous, so I really feel for people. Like it's like, I had the best, easiest case scenario of it And I was still so so so so scared like I don't know why I came out to my dad before my mom He was married for a little bit to this woman and I told her first because she kind of like guessed it And then she told me that she wasn't gonna tell my dad and I think

She did and then he was like kind of dropping hints that he knew because she had art like said something and Then when I did tell him, but I was so nervous. I remember we were like sitting on the porch and he was in really rural man. We're just like sitting out on the porch and I forget exactly what I said, but I remember right after I was like, I have a girlfriend, I said, and this is kind of sad

but I really like meant it at the time. I was like, and if you have a problem with that, like I'll really think about it and see, you know, if I can change it. And he was like, oh, I don't think anything works like that. And then he said, you know, you've got like two options in life, you can either be yourself or not. And then he started talking about one of his cousins. He was like, I really hope she was gay. And we just didn't know it. And that's why he was like, she always seemed miserable. And I think she was secretly gay. And some cousin that had a big impact on him. And I was like, I always seemed miserable, and I think she was secretly gay, and some cousin that had a big impact on him.

And I was like, I was happy to have the attention focused on whatever the hell cousins was. But I was like, I remember being so scared, and then he would be okay with it, and then my mom, when it came out to her, she was more surprised, which surprised me. She was like, what? And I was like, yeah.

And I was like, why? I'm surprised you're surprised by that, though. And she was like, you know, and I was like, mom, I always used to, yeah. And I was like, why? I'm surprised you're surprised by that, though. And she was like, I don't, and I was like, mom, I always used to play, not to this mean someone's gay. I used to babysit this little boy who wanted to pretend he was a princess, but I was like, I always want to pretend I was a prince and then made my sister pretending to be my wife.

And we did that for years. And she was like, I just thought that's who you were. And I was like, yeah. And then she was like, is it, you know, she was way more confused. And she was like, have you had sex? And I was like, I just thought that's who you were. And I was like, yeah. And then she was like, is it, you know, she was way more confused. And then she was like, have you had sex? And I was like, mom, and she was like, have you? And I was like, yes.

And she was like, well, it takes a long time for sex to the me and dad to get good. You know, first couple of wife and I had, I didn't really like, I'm sex dumb. And then only until my 20s, I knew my body better. And I was like, I was like, it's not like, like I was like, I hated the first woman that I had sex, I didn't like it at all. I was like, but you still, it's not like, like, I was like, I hated the first woman I said, I had sex, I didn't like it at all.

I was like, but you still know when something like lines up. And she was like, and then so she did that. And I remember in college, she had towards the end of it. She was like, now that it's towards the, you know, you're graduating. I went to an all-eminent school. She was like, you think you're gonna, you bisexual and I was like, mom, like, no. And then something clicked in and I think was after I mom, no, and she was, and then something clicked in. And I think it was after I graduated,

because I remember me and my mom and a friend of hers were at dinner and her friend was like, I'm a do you have a boyfriend? And I was about to say, oh no, like, I don't, like just, and I knew this friend of hers was kind of, was Catholic, so I was just gonna say, oh no, I don't, and my mom literally, as the woman's finishing the rib boyfriend, like cuts her off and goes,

no, Emma's a lesbian and that is not how that works. So she wouldn't have a boyfriend, she had a girlfriend, that's how that works. And I was like, oh my god, and her friend was like, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, and I was like, it's fine, don't worry about it. That was when my mom was clicked in and she was like, yeah, it's not how that works. It's so good, but I was so scared. Yeah, no, it sounds like it was great. Your dad seems very, yeah, I know. I mean, he was very understanding because I don't think he really knew very many gay people. He did, he has some friend, but it was like later in life where it was like this woman's wife was front did like a yoga class with my stepmom. They had this like lesbian couple over for dinner when I was there, but they didn't tell me that they were gay coming over. So when they showed up, I was like, oh, it's gay people. And they're like, oh, why would we say

any why would we even mention that? I'm like, I don't know. It's like, I would have thought you'd be, you know, there's two people are coming over their gay. And he might add, I was like, I don't know why that's important. Like, so he, but he was really good. But I mean, I feel for people because it's like, you want, there's other things I do that my parents don't approve of. Like, they don't love entertainment or my mom's like constantly upset that I don't hate to say it. I don't. I'm not, I'm trying. I'm not great about recycling. I'm trying. But that's like a big point of contention. Like so certain things like that, they're just, I know that they don't like really approve of that.

Did your parents not think knowing, I mean, granted, you've said like you were a, let's say, quote unquote, diagnosed right with ADD into your school, but again, as a fan of your stand-up, knowing that like in school, the way that you were, now that I'm older, my mom sent me a bunch of my elementary school like report cards. And it was like, she did well, but can't stop talking to people, social butterfly, little, little, little, little, little, little, little. And I was like, hello, didn't you know I was gonna be an entertainment

with the fuck else am I supposed to do with my life? Where do you go? I don't have a boss and I need attention in some way. I don't know. Did you do theater when you were a little kid? Yes. I had to. It was like my outlet.

I was like, I need to reform in front of someone. I never did theater, but I loved watching it in my best-friendant theater. And I think I like vicariously through her. Like I loved going and watching her performances, but I never did like any like school plays or singing scares the bit. Like even doing karaoke, like I never do it.

I, well, I don't, we don't, Luke and I talk about this. I don't do karaoke like I never do it. I well, I don't we don't look and I talk about this. I don't do karaoke in LA because it's like an American idol performance, like an audition. And I'm like, I have like, I have fine pitch. Like I was a choir door, but out here in in New York, it's like a whole mother beast. Like I'm not trying to be on the voice. I'm fine. Well, my first experience there. Yes.

Going to karaoke. I was like, okay, is everyone think this is an audition? I'm not this karaoke. What's going on? 100% totally. Like people are probably bustling their kids in from like rural areas to be like, this is your big shot. Yeah, absolutely. They're like, I know you're seven, but go together. I can't even look at you're killing me. And I know you're seven, but get it together. Three more. Bitch. I can't even look at you're killing me. And I know you have a show tonight, which is why we have to let you go. And I'm so sad because I have like 40 trillion other things that I want to talk to you about. Any time you went to New York, feel free to hit, and we're in Colorado.

Do you live with sort of the middle of nowhere about now and a half sap and cold out springs? Nice. I really like being from like bump fuck main like I either like being like really in the middle of nowhere about an hour and a half sap and cold out of springs. Nice. I really like being from like bum fuck me and like I either like being like really in the thick of it or like I or totally unplugged. And I think you'd have a lot of fun and trin it. So Trinidad Colorado, if you look it up, it's become a more artsy town. I don't know. It's come a long way since I first got my property down here and I have a good time

down there now and I think you'd really enjoy it. I love getting I love being out of it being out of a city too because then it's just like, I feel like ADD people are really like sensitive to energy everywhere. So then when it's just like quiet and quiet. Yeah, it's like weird. It's odd and then it's awesome. I like it. I like, oh, like what? Yeah, it's amazing. I have a quick question before we get to our last question. But when did you start doing standup? Because now you're saying you didn't do theater, we didn't even get into that.

But like what made you want to do standup? Because you're fucking hysterical. I never watched, I never even watched comedy. I used to watch BT's comic film, but I didn't know it was, when my parents got divorced, my dad got cable, kind of like to bribe us to come over. And I would watch comic-few, but I just thought that,

I didn't know they were standard comedians. I was like, they're so silly. I didn't realize that that's what they were doing. Even Seinfeld, I didn't, I was, I don't know. I didn't know. How would I have to get a no in R-H-U? Totally. I just thought it was like he was silly.

But then when I graduated college, I was so lost because I loved college. I loved the structure of it. It was having a lot of fun. And then I was like, I got a job as a recruiter, but it was only because I just had no idea what I wanted to do. I had all these big plans.

So I was like, I'm just starting to business. I'm gonna run for Congress. And then they're like, what are you gonna do now? And I was like, shit. So I to business, I'm gonna run for Congress, and then they're like, what are you gonna do now? And I was like, shit. So I started this job, and I was doing sales. I was so bad at it, I didn't sell anything. Like people would be like, I'm not interested in buying it. And I was like, cool man, totally get it.

Like life's hard, failure at sea. I literally didn't sell, not one thing once. I remember my manager was like, I've never had someone never sell anything. I mean not ever. Like I would like talk like I think are you interested in the big kind of and I'm like yeah you're better off without this shit. So that was going everything was going poorly and then I went to this party and I saw a girl doing stand-up at the party and I had never seen it not on TV. So then I was like

oh interesting and then I was like I I wanna go start going to open mics and I found a local comedy club and I went and I didn't read the description on it. So I didn't know that it was a comedy club that also does a magic night. So I went on the magic night. The first time I ever went to a comedy club was the magic night.

So I'm there so fucking confused. Because everyone that's getting up is doing magic tricks. So I just thought it was like What the hell is going on? So the first comedy club I went to Magic night then I went again and I started going and I like took a class and I kind of like fell in love with it that way But it was definitely a lot of like I was really looking for meaning at the time So I do wonder like if something else had popped up when I was feeling that lost who knows? I don't know what could have popped up, but thank God for all of us. That's what popped up for you because

you're hysterical. I couldn't wait to see you live. I can't wait to come to New York. I heard you might be coming to LA in the next couple of months. Yeah. I'll be in LA in December. From local December, I love going out to LA too. I love the palm trees. I really like LA. Especially during New York winter. Is your like, fuck this? Bye. I hate the cold. Cold fucking sucks. Okay. Well, I mean, again, we have to have you back on because you're saying you're so awesome. But Luke, we have one more question. Please, please. I would do anything for love, but I won't do what? Oh, wow. I would do

anything for love, but I won't compromise what I want out of life. So that would be a problem than I'd have to figure out an exit strategy. Well said. Figure out an exit strategy. I love that. Yeah, I got to figure out a some way to hire somebody. I wish to buy. Yeah. Amazing. We love you so much. Have a nice time here. So tonight can't wait to see you live. Everyone follow Emma Wilman on Instagram. Listen to our podcast.

Ask men anything and follow her and just fucking check her out. She's the tits. Do you want to drop your handles for everybody to find out? Oh, yeah, please. Everything is on at Emma Wilman on Instagram and TikTok and then I keep on my tour dates at immowoman.com and I'll be in Boston November 16th. Oh, wow. Let's go, Winston, everyone get there. Okay, it will be love you so much and can't wait to see you. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie

and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore, Broadway. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with the new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week. one's day. Thanks for listening. See you next week.