Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - We’re Engaged!

Episode Date: September 20, 2024

Episode 128. Kristen and Luke are engaged and talk all about in this week’s episode! When did Luke know he was going to propose to Kirsten? What was the ring shopping process like? When and where will the wedding be? All this and more in this week’s episode! Kristen also opens up about speaking to a fertility specialist! Sponsors: Head to Viiahemp.com and use the code DOUTE to receive 15% off + one free sample of their sleepy Dreams gummies. (21+).  Use code DOUTE at checkout for 15% off your entire order at www.vionicshoes.com when you log into your account.  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Fiance. Fiance like Beyonce. I can see Kristen's left arm already getting stronger. 100%. My forearm, my wrist, my bicep, my tricep. She got to pick up this big damn rock. It's so beautiful. We're engaged.

Yes, we are. Oh man, that was not easy to pull off as far as the surprise goes. Detective Doty over here, believe it or not, is a tough one to surprise. I had no freaking clue. Zero percent clue. Like, obviously I knew at some point we would get engaged Like I know that right like I knew that I knew we were gonna be together forever But like just the thought of it actually happening. I was like, I don't know like next year like I don't know something

We I don't know we could be together like four or five years before it happens. I have no idea well, we both had essentially agreed that we didn't have a strong timeline and As far as like a wedding goes, I know that, well, I knew that Kristin hadn't been proposed to before and we were not very far into our relationship when she showed me what kind of ring she would like. How far were we into the relationship? Not very, months. It wasn't a year.

When I showed you my Pinterest board or just? No, when we went to Kyle Chan's. Yeah. You can't take a girl into Kyle Chan design. You took me there. Okay. First of all. You can't go with someone to Kyle Chan's store

and not try on amazing diamonds. Mm-hmm. Like, it's impossible. I just feel lucky that I can try on things that I have been able to try on things that I could never afford. Like just being at Kyle's store and just be in awe of all the jewelry there. And so, yes, of course, over the past many years that I've been friends with Kyle, I've been like, hmm, I wonder what it would feel like if I ever had a relationship that didn't fall apart. I'm just kidding.

Oh, so, but putting this ring together, obviously I knew what kind of style diamond, size and setting emerald cut. What is it called babe? Yes it is. And that's all I cared about and I wanted small. She wanted small, I didn't listen. What are you gonna do about it? I am obsessed with this ring, I can't stop staring at it.

But why did I want small though? Let's explain. It wasn't like I'm being a brat and being like, I want it to look exactly like this. And if it doesn't look like this, I don't love it. That's not the case. No, Kristin, you said specifically, you don't want me to spend too much money on this ring. Correct. I believe you actually said some, you threatened me with spending more than X amount of dollars

on a ring for you if it ever comes to that time. I just know there could be a lot of pressure, I assume, just from my guy friends, especially in LA, the ones that have been engaged right in front of my very eyes, the ones I've stood up in their wedding. There's all this pressure that I've seen the girls and like the brides and the grooms to be that they feel like they sort of have to like one up the last friend that got engaged. They have to have like the cooler, more expensive,

the bigger ring. And they're like reading the tabloids like, Haley Bieber has a $1.5 million ring or something like that. It's like, it doesn't matter. I mean, great for all of them. I love all of my friends for the ones that are married still that have the rings of their dreams.

Like that's wonderful. But to me, it's not that important. It was the thought behind it, the love behind it, truly. And a thought that I put into it was essentially not like wanting to be the bigger diamond, but I wanted it to be a good size for her hand. Like, does that make sense? Is that ridiculous? So what is it about my hand specifically, babe? Well, your hand. Does that make sense? Is that ridiculous?

So what is it about my hand specifically, babe? Well, your hand. I have fat fingers. I'm chubby knuckles. I didn't say that. That's really what it is, though. No, trust me, Kyle was pushing a bigger one on me. He was like almost twice that. Oh my God, no. And I said, no, I can't have like the stone bigger than her finger.

Like that's too much. You can get caught on stuff and it just, it'd be too big, I thought. And I was looking at a smaller one than that. And he of course was pushing, pushing, pushing and convinced me that one wasn't too big. And that's why we settled on that one specifically. I mean, I loved it.

I had Kyle make it months and months ago. I don't remember exactly when, probably six months ago. I told him specifically what I wanted with the hidden halo, the diamonds on the band, emerald cut, kind of like, you know, I didn't want a halo around the diamond, wanted to stand up there, but the little hidden halo below it,

I thought was really cool. It's so beautiful. And Kyle Chan being the amazing jeweler and friend that he is, made it in numerous sizes for me to look. He did? Yeah, he did. Oh, I didn't know that.

You didn't tell me that. No, I didn't tell you that. Okay, I was like, I'm staring at Luke right now. Like, did I not retain this information? No, but he did not tell me that. He did make it in various sizes so that I could, because I didn't know what size, you know, I knew it was months out and he had told me, you know, wait, wait, don't, don't buy it ahead of time because he might be able to give me a better deal down the road. And so waited until the pretty much

the last second, the last chance I had to go get it prior to the big plan. When did you decide when you were going to propose? I've never asked you this. How weird is that? I've just been living in my own little La La Land. So now we're going to talk about it guys for the first time. So I had been into Kyle's quite a few times, late spring, early summer, and was thinking about... Well, you're there all the time when you drop off Bronx. Exactly.

The gecko, your gecko, our gecko, our family gecko. My gecko. You are not nice to him verbally. I am so nice to him. I'm just not emotionally attached. He is not emotionally attached to me either. Anywho, you are at Kyle's often because you hang out, you like to go visit him, but you also literally, anytime you're out of town, you just drive Bronx there.

So it's like, I never think twice when you say you're going to Kyle's store. I'm think twice when you say you're going to Kyle's store. I'm just like, oh, he's going to Kyle's store. Yeah, exactly. Like going to go have a little drink of whiskey and like talk about, I don't know, like ping pong or something. Talk about ping pong. We talk about, we talk about reptiles and also talk about, you know,

businesses making money. That's true. That is true. Yeah. Anyway, my point is I just, has never, it has never once crossed my mind. And I've had friends ask me that, like, you never once thought, well, he's going to Kyle's store all the time that maybe this could be happening.

I'm like, why would I? I did go enough to make it a very normal thing. Yeah. Okay, so back to my question. When I decided? Like, when did you decide when, did you know months ago that you were gonna do it when you did it? Let's back. On September 4th.

Let's back all the way up to, so well, the actually exact date depended on when I could get the boat in Hawaii. But I knew I wanted to do it in Hawaii after we went to Hawaii on your birthday. Because specifically, I mean, it just, you remember how much I like felt so at home there. I was like, this place is,

this is where I would want to be every winter of my life if we were fortunate enough to do that. Yes. Hawaii's fair is special to us. And I'm like, you know, it's gorgeous, amazing. That was my first trip. So now I've been to Hawaii twice this year. In a year, yes.

And I'd never been before. So I'm like, oh, it'd be so perfect to do it there. And I don't know, can't give too much away because everyone's going to have a chance to see it all play out. Touche, touche. Come spring, but it will. Yeah, actually, I want to watch it play out a little bit. Oh, you have to because I may.

But I'm just, can you give that away or is that something you want to save? I'm getting all teary-eyed. I'm so emotional. Do you want to save that? Like when you just, like the roughly when? I'm just trying to go back in my memory bank to like what were we doing between March and the summer? Like I didn't have a clue. I was probably like an asshole.

We were moving, things were very stressful. I'm just like, was I not nice to you at some point and you were still gonna propose to me? Of course. Oh my God. It was definitely decided before we moved and moving was very stressful and you were not nice to me through our move.

But, you know, I'm aware enough to see the stress that was going on and you did promptly apologize and you told your friends, you're like, I'm yelling at Luke for no reason. I'm so stressed. I can't told your friends, you're like, I'm yelling at Luke for no reason. I'm so stressed. I can't, you know, you acknowledge those things. And that's been, I kind of like our, how our relationship has gone as far as when we get in fights, I feel like we both acknowledge them afterward, especially when we're in the wrong.

Like I was just pissed off last night at the world and you're the one that got the brunt of it, right? That happens sometimes. It's going to happen. It's going to happen again. But knowing that we both have the awareness to see that sometimes it is like nothing the other one did. It's just the world pressures

and we're together all the time. So we know sometimes we're gonna get the shit into the stick. It's so sad when we say it like that. No, it's normal. It's real. It's what like marriage is as far as I know. Like I don't know anybody that has a perfect marriage.

Right, correct. That'd be crazy to think. But the people that have good marriages, work on them and also have that awareness. You know, no one's perfect. When someone goes off, they'll usually take ownership of it. And I don't know, it's just- It shouldn't be a regular thing.

That's not what we're saying guys. It's not a regular thing. Exactly. When stresses are high. When stresses are high. And I know having moved with you twice already. How weird and wild is that? It is, it's weird. Like two years, moved twice.

It's weird. It's wild. We're in a house now. So much happier. I mean, there's just... So much happier. There was a lot going into this that I don't know, I saw, I've become more comfortable in Los Angeles as well.

You know, like last year I didn't have a group of friends that I felt good about, that I really trusted. I was kind of becoming friendly with people, but like now I've got good friends here. Right. Well, and you agreed to do a show, something I've been doing for more than half my life, living in LA. Right, and suffer through a season one. Right, like brand new to you.

Yeah, ultimately, yeah, kind of suffered through a first season personally. But you know, it came out, Kristen got a lot of love, saw the sparkle back in her eye after all that, and the way things have been going this year. I think I saw a sparkle in your eye too. It's like when you started making your own friends and then like going to the gym every day

and then going golfing whenever you have the opportunity and just doing the things that you love. And then when we finally got the house, it was like, The house is such a huge deal. We've been in this house for a month now and having a backyard, a pool, a garage, we're clearing out your storage unit, doing all these things. I don't have all the tools I want here yet, but soon enough we will.

And I don't know, I feel more at home here. I'm going to bring my motorcycle back too. You are? Yeah. Now you're not going to ride it back. No, of course I'm not going to ride it 2,000 miles from Indiana. I don't know. People do crazy shit that own motorcycles. People that own motorcycles do crazy shit. I'm not going to ride it 2,000 miles from Indiana. I don't know. People do crazy shit that own motorcycles.

People that own motorcycles do crazy shit. I'm not that crazy. No, I just want to have it here. We've got a garage. We've got somewhere to keep it now. Yeah. We have a pretty empty garage, strangely enough. Yeah. Well, so far. Even with all of our stuff. In due time, it'll fill up. I'm telling you, though, I get more steps,

I think, in my first two hours of being awake, being at this house, than I did sometimes in a whole day being at that apartment. Again, grateful. I have gratitude. I'm grateful we had a roof over our head. We had somewhere that allowed the dogs. There were so many things I'm very grateful for, but honestly, it fucking sucked. It was so dark.

It wasn't even a small place. It was just the way that it was sort of shaped, like the layout of the apartment. We essentially lived in the living room slash dining room, and then we went to bed. And then we had this whole other side of the apartment that was kind of for guests and to store stuff, but we never even went over there, you know? So it's like, if I didn't leave the apartment, I didn't really move my body, which is probably why I was not very happy in the last year or two.

Like when I was unhappy, it was having to do with like not being able to move around. And you always tell me that it's like important to like move my body, exercise, workout, just move. Just move, exactly. And yeah, here, obviously, Kristen's wearing a stylish Fitbit now. Mama bought herself a Fitbit.

Oh, jeesh. I wanted to get an Apple Watch, but you know. It wasp-eared that. No, I decided not to do an Apple Watch because I don't need my phone attached to me any more than it already is. But when we were in Indiana, right before we went to Hawaii and we went back to go see Luke's family,

specifically his grandma, we then went back to go see Luke's family, specifically his grandma. We then went and saw Luke's other grandma, so lucky to have two of them, and his other grandma does, she walks 16, 15,000 steps a day, every single day. She's 80 years old. Yes, and she told me this last year,

before you bought her AirPods, that she would just turn on, she would turn the radio on in her car, even in the winter, and she would walk around in her car in the garage just so she could have something to listen to if the weather was like really awful. And I was like, what in the flip is my excuse then? I just told you a bunch of my excuses. We had a really small apartment. It was really dark. Excuse, excuse, excuse.

And I live in California. So when his grandma told me this last year, it was on my mind. But when we just went to see her, she was like, oh, now that I have my AirPods and she walks 15,000 steps a day. So I was like, Fitbit time. No excuses. No. And I'm getting lots of steps in.

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Well, so Colorado obviously is a big part of my life as everyone knows. And there had been times in the past last year where Chris and I would get in fights when we're not together for extended periods of time. And I feel like that had really dwindled quite a bit and Kristen really appreciated me getting the time to be out there and respected what I was doing, the projects and everything more and more to the point where she's pushing me to let her help more. And that was a huge thing for me too that I'm thinking, this lifestyle that we have, granted, I don't want to be going back and forth as much as I had been.

Right. Meaning the small, sorry, meaning like the small periods of time, like few weeks in Colorado, back to a month in California. Like, that is what you mean, right? Yeah. Or even, there were a lot of times I'd go for less than two weeks. Right. Those trips. It's like, when we're going to go, let's go for like a month. Exactly.

Plus. Yeah. 100%. And that just like all became more real to me. And as it all became real, you know, I've always had this vision of us together down the further down the road, but kind of filled in the gap of like the next few years, what that's gonna look like. And I don't know, I couldn't be happier

with everything right now. I don't know, life's good. I'm very grateful and blessed. I love you. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag too blessed to be stressed. Yeah. You carry enough stress for both of us. I do, it blessed to be stressed. Yeah. You carry enough stress for both of us.

I do. It's what I do. It's what I do. We'll get into that. I think it has a lot to do with this hormonal medication that I'm on. That makes me slightly manic, but I do, I am like a worry wart.

I like, I try to balance between being a warrior and being a warrior because I can't be a warrior all the time. So then I'm a warrior, which isn't very helpful, but I can't help it. Well, if you can be a warrior for yourself more than for other people, you'll be less of a warrior. I try. Because I feel like you throw your things aside.

I feel like I know that you throw your things aside sometimes to be a warrior for somebody else. Yeah. It's easier for me to champion for someone else's causes than it is necessarily for myself. Like I've considered myself like a social justice warrior for so long. Like if I see someone wronged by someone else

or by something else that feels out of their control, I think that I can fix it. And it's like a challenge that I like, you know, like you love being competitive. So it's like throw a challenge at you, you're like, oh, watch me fix it. And it's like a challenge that I like, you know, like you love being competitive. So it's like throw a challenge at you. You're like, oh, watch me do it. That's how I feel about when people that I care about are wronged.

I was like, watch me do justice. Do it right. Yeah, tell me I can't, tell me again, see what happens. Not gonna tell you when, but I'm gonna get it done. Exactly. I love it, it's so great. So anyway. It's so great. So anyway. It's kind of all we can really say about their engagement.

So we got engaged on a boat, on a fishing boat. That was in the photos in Hawaii. Nia and Daniel were obviously with us because we have those photos as well, which was amazing. Because I don't know if you guys even realize how close we are to Nia and Daniel, which is why I hope you've been keeping up with the last few episodes that we've been throwing back, but we threw back one that we did with Nia,

which was, I haven't even listened to that in a hot minute, like we had just become friends with her. It was over a year ago. It was. Yeah, it was good. It was good though. No, it was fantastic. They're a great couple, love them both.

We just think very highly of them. That has not changed since you watched the show last year, obviously, but. Love their kids, love them both. We just think very highly of them. That has not changed since you watched the show last year, obviously. Love their kids, love it all. I've seen them in Michigan. They're in Michigan right now. We're going back to Michigan in a couple of days.

And yeah, I don't know. It's all great. And babe, you want to talk about our wedding, our plan? Oh my God. I was like, you sound like everyone else. So now I know it's like the second you get engaged, everyone's like, so when is the wedding? Do you have your dress yet? I'm like, it's been like, at that point, I think the first time someone asked me, it

had been like days. Yeah, less than a week, probably like five days. Yeah. And even now, it's been two weeks, not even, it's been about a week and a half. Two weeks. It was Wednesday, the fourth. Today's the 18th. Yeah, you're right. So it's been about a week and a half. Two weeks, it was Wednesday the fourth. Today's the 18th. Yeah, you're right.

So it's been two weeks. Two weeks. And no, we don't have a wedding date. No, we don't have a venue and no, I don't have a dress. And this is how I feel about expensive weddings, you guys. The same way I feel about expensive rings. I feel like maybe this is because as I've gotten older, like I've already bought a home and sold it,

been through some hardships financially during the pandemic and everything that happened with me during that time with my work, if you will. But I just think as time has progressed, like I value a dollar a lot more than I did when I was in my 30s. And so I want to invest in our future more than I want to invest,

it's not even investing in a wedding. It's like spending money on a wedding. And listen, I am not hating on all you lovely, beautiful brides or bridesillas out there that have the Pinterest board that make your dreams come true. A ton of my friends have done it and I've watched them just glow with happiness. It's just not for me anymore. This one's a keeper, guys. This one's a keeper. But she's mine, so stay back.

Like, yeah, I want like a cool, I want like a pretty dress, right? But it's not like I have to have this like dress that's like thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars and then the big party that's like tens and tens of thousands of dollars or more. And I don't know, I say it all the time, like I'm not paying for fucking chair covers

and I'm not paying for napkins. Like you're out of your effing mind. We'll probably pay for napkins, but not chair covers. Yeah, we'll pay for napkins down the road, like with all the parties that we'll have. That's how I'd like to think of whatever kind of wedding we're going to have, is that, listen, we love too many people, and we are so loved and so lucky,

we have too many damn people to have at one wedding. Well, that's also why. And all over the United States. Of course. Well, I think personally, I guess maybe this may become... I may end up taking over the wedding planning in the future. Are you going to be a groomzilla? No. Because I want to keep it really simple. But I do think that I want to have a wedding, a formal wedding where we are, you know, it's

officiated and we have a beautiful wedding wherever we are having our honeymoon. So we stay there for an extended period of time. We have our closest friends and family. That way we can limit it, make it smaller, guestless. And with a destination wedding, it's typically, you know, fewer people show up. We do a smaller thing somewhere, Turks and Caicos or Bahamas or somewhere in the Caribbean. Somewhere closer to the East Coast probably.

Yeah, ideally. Make it easier for the family. Exactly, that was my thought. But we do that and have an awesome wedding at, not necessarily at a resort, but on a beach. Do that, awesome pictures, and then we get to do whatever we want. Yeah, I mean that's what my best friend Amy did. Do that, awesome pictures, and then we get to do whatever we want. Yeah.

I mean, that's what my best friend Amy did. She got married in Puerto Rico, and it was just such a small group of people. As far as like wedding party was concerned, it was just me and her other best friend, our good friend Mary. And it was one week apart from my sister's wedding. Let me remind everyone, I was a maid of honor twice in two weeks. One in Michigan, one in Michigan, one in Puerto Rico, twice in 10 days, twice in seven days, seven days.

Yeah. Saturday to Saturday. But the Puerto Rico Amy's wedding was so great because it was really just like immediate family, super close best friends. And then it was like a little vacation. Yeah. So I mean, at the risk of getting, becoming negative about this whole wedding thing, the other hand, on the other hand, if we have a big wedding, invite everybody, you know, all the friends, everything like that, we're looking at probably 500 plus people with both

of our circles that very little overlap. Like, and I've got friend groups in different states, and you have this massive community in Los Angeles, as well as overflow in other states, like looking at something massive like that. But how does a groom or bride get to really enjoy something that's that big when everybody wants to talk to them? 100%. It would be like going to an event that we had to be like, this is gonna sound so shitty, I mean this in the most beautiful, loving, marriage-related way,

like going to an event where we have to be interviewed and never actually get to enjoy it. And then also getting, being, marriage-related way. Like going to an event where we have to be interviewed and never actually get to enjoy it. And then also getting, being, I feel like I would be sad, like, oh my God, I didn't really spend time with this person. Or like that person didn't even, I didn't get to say hello to them. But like we didn't, it's like, do we get to enjoy ourselves

or do we have to talk to 500 people? Right, well not just talk to them, like worry about everyone else being entertained and fed and everything else where if it's smaller, it's easier to be like, well, yeah, I want to talk to everybody that's going to be here. I don't want those fringe things. It's like, I like this person, but their husband or wife is like, you know, kind of like haven't talked to him in a long time because of this, but you can't just invite one and then they're there. And then you maybe have an awkward thing that flows into something else. Like we want to have fun at our wedding. Simplicity.

And then consummate that damn marriage that night. That's for sure. Oh, I hate when I feel so bad when people are like, nope, didn't do it. I feel like, I mean, we have to in your wedding dress, right? Oh, okay, sure. Yeah. Okay.

Yo, I mean, we haven't had that conversation, but here we are. I mean, babe, I'll set the tent up. It'll be fine. That's why I'm thinking beach, you know, we can easily have that conversation, but here we are. I mean, babe, I'll set the tent up. It'll be fine. That's why I'm thinking beach. You know, we can easily have the tent over there to the side. Be like, all right, head inside for the, not the reunion. What do you call it? Reception?

Reception. That's the word. Anyway, head inside for reception. We'll be right there. Yeah. But I agree. I think destination, wedding, close family and friends, and then we'll just like have a party in LA.

We'll have a party in like Michigan and Indiana, like in the Midwest somewhere for the other friends. We'll just have a bunch of like fun parties. Not a bunch, two. Okay. Just two. Okay, just two. Yeah.

What about Colorado? I guess they can come somewhere else. Yeah, I've got some good friends there, but I feel like most of them will travel for it. That's fair. So, we can do that. Did I tell you that I've already had an offer where we can have our wedding? Is it Hunter Ranch in Colorado?

No, it's not actually. Strangely enough, they have not made the official offer. I think they made an offer before we were engaged. Probably. Like five times. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's, Jack's sister Jenny. Oh really?

Yeah, not even joking. Actually, so Jack's actually texts me and said like, yeah, Jenny, you know, Jenny and her husband are buying this amazing lake house. And she said, if you wanted to get married there whenever you wanted to have your wedding. So of course I took that with a grain of salt and was like, mm-hmm, sure, Jacks.

And then I was talking to his sister today and she said, if you guys want to get married at the lake house, you totally could. I was like, holy snap, he was telling the truth. Well, if we time it right, maybe I can do some small mouth fishing on Lake St. Clair. Yeah, this is what it will be about. And then go golfing. There's a lot of good golf up there too. Well, come on.

I mean, if we're going to go up there the day before, we're supposed to be relaxing. Like you should have a spa day the day before. The last thing, I wanna talk about two more things regarding the engagement. Do you wanna wear an engagement ring still? You said that was my idea and it was not my idea, it was your idea. Look, I didn't say I want to wear one.

I said I would because I thought you'd want me to. That's not how it went. That's how I remember it. You said, do you want me to wear an engagement ring too since we're going to be engaged for so long, since we're going to have babies and stuff first with this ginormous, shit-eating grin on your face? And I was like, oh yeah, if you want to, that's fun and cool. Sure. Funny how we remember things a little differently. Okay, yeah. Because I immediately called Kyle Chan. I was like, Luke wants an engagement ring.

What does one give to a man for an engagement ring that's different from a wedding band? Okay, so we're saying no engagement ring for you then. Not unless it's something that you want. No, because why would you get two rings? That's dumb. You don't even wear a ring right now. It doesn't have to be two. You can just take it off. Before we get married.

I mean, you can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. But no, so I want, one thing I do want to do, and Kristin thinks this will take way too long, but I want to have my ring made out of gold that I've panned. Greg Hunter and I have started panning for gold. It's really fun.

We have a nice little collection going. It's really little though, it's not very much. We've got quite a ways to go to have enough for a ring. Yeah. But we find these little specks and these little flakes in Colorado. So I'm like, what, like on our deathbed, you're going to finally have a wedding band. I have a feeling we will get there sooner than that.

If we just focus for a weekend, go to some of these good gold bearing rivers and streams, our metal detectors with our pans, with our stratifiers, with our whole setup. OK. We find somewhere that has some like in a downstream area you work upstream and you typically find a decent little collection where we could get I mean enough for a ring is what? A few grams. We don't need an ounce. Your face right now you're so serious about this. It's the way we're going to do it. Okay great.

So that's how we'll actually how about that? That's what you want my precious, that is what you get. Once I have enough gold, then we start planning the wedding. Okay. Deal? Deal. Perfect, I love it.

And my last thing is like, I've actually been Googling when to wear the ring and when not to, because I do take my ring off when I take a shower. That is mostly because it will get tangled in my hair. So I put it right back in its little box. And then when we go swimming, I take my ring off. I don't really do anything really dirty right now since we've been back. But that's kind of the only time I take my ring off. And then when I was Googling the other day, some fancy, schwancy ring guy

did this article where he was like, don't wear it to bed, don't wear it to this, don't wear it to this, don't wear it to that, don't wear it. So, don't wear it to that, don't wear it. And so I'm like, when do I get to wear it? Like to dinner? With glam, basically. Like to dinner, yeah, because I'm not supposed to wear it when I'm doing my hair, doing my, or putting makeup on because the product

will like make the ring kind of gross. I know chlorine, salt water, and like showering, it makes sense. Yeah. But yeah. But then it's like hairspray or that kind of stuff. Yeah, and you wouldn't wear it when you're gardening, but we're not doing any gardening really, so I don't have to worry about that. Yeah, I don't know. It's like...

I mean, I pretty much have been wearing it all the time. I notice it when it's not, because I just like to play with it. But I don't know. I'm curious about what you ladies think. So if you guys have like rules in place or if someone told you or like, how do you do it? Like when you first got engaged or even with your wedding ring, because I do feel like I notice my friends that are married now, they don't care as much about like when to take it. They're like, you know, they have their engagement ring and their wedding band. Right. And I feel like they wear it just all the time for the most part.

Well, anytime you see them, you probably aren't there when they're in the shower. Okay, fair enough. It's my guess, you know. It's too, too shea. You don't know if they're sleeping in it or not. It probably goes in the box right next to the bed. Okay, so ladies, I wanna know. I'm gonna put this on Instagram.

Do you sleep in your wedding ring? In your engagement ring or wedding ring? That's what I wanna know. Great question. Okay, so that's how we feel about that. And then, so after we got engaged, Luke, you said to me, we kind of have said this a bunch of times,

but you basically straight up were like, so we're not gonna plan a wedding until after babies. And I was like, yeah, I feel like we're on the baby train. Yeah, exactly. That's another thing is like, we want that and I know you said- Otherwise we have to take a break

from trying for babies to plan a wedding. I can't do both. I mean- I would prefer not to do both. I mean, I would prefer not to do both. I mean, I agree. And I think with our timeline, we should have a baby first and then start planning after that. And I know that ladies like to be like feeling really good

in their wedding dress. And so, you know, after you have a baby, we'll start planning it for a year after that. And a nice way to say, I don't want to be like disgusting and you don't want baby size. Am I even in? You don't want the baby weight. Exactly. Yeah. And you also don't want to get fitted for a dress and then lose or gain weight if you're pregnant or you're whatever. And then have the dress not fit on the day. Like there's all these different complications that'd be best to be looks like, how do I make sure she's not fucking stressed? Absolutely. So she doesn't freak out.

That's pretty much it. Well, I was a little stressed about the engagement. I may have had a little freak out, but yeah, may or may not have. You may have to wait to find out how that went down. That's true. You were a little stressed the night before. I was quite stressed.

And I didn't know why, and now I know. And Kristen doesn't know why, and she I know. And Kristen doesn't know why, and she has a pretty good bullshit meter, so my excuses weren't landing very well. Needless to say, yeah, it was stressful trying to make it all work, because the surprise of it all was very, very important to me.

Kristen's not an easy person to surprise. She actually typically says she doesn't like to be surprised, but she didn't have a say in this one. That's true. I don't like being surprised. And I can't even like surprise you because even like when it's like Christmas, your birthday, like the second I get something,

I'm like, can you just have it now? Yeah, you give me, you literally give them to me. You're like, I got you something for your birthday. I'm like, babe, it's your birthday. Yeah, it's like one month away. She's like, I know, but like, I I can't just hide in the closet for two months. It's so important. I've talked to you about this before.

I finally realized that my love languages, the one that I love to do the most is the one that I hate receiving the most, which I think may be normal or it's really weird. I don't know. I think it's normal. The love languages that I love receiving are like obviously physical touch, like all of the other ones. But like gift giving, I'm super uncomfortable receiving gifts

and I don't know why. I don't know when that changed for me as an adult, I guess. I think it was honestly coming to be very forward, like when I actually started making money to support myself and was able to give back to like help family or friends or whoever needed it, it was like, I don't need anything, so please don't spend your money on me, kind of a vibe. I felt like I've been so taken care of my whole life

by my family that it was really nice to not have to ask for anything or expect anything and to just be able to give back. And so now whenever there's like a gift, I'm like, but I don't need it. I don't need it. Right, but you gotta understand the perspective too. Like other people are uncomfortable receiving a gift

without having one for you, especially holidays and stuff. Like refusing a gift is obviously not cool. No, and I don't refuse it. Don't fight it when it's a holiday or whatever. Obviously I've had some similar times where when I get an unexpected gift and I'm like, don't fight it when it's a holiday or whatever. Obviously, I've had some similar times where I'm, when I get an unexpected gift and I'm like, what's this for? It's like kind of uncomfortable, right? Because it's nice when it's an exchange, like I got you this,

you gave me something cool. You know, Christmas, birthday, you don't give your other people, but their birthday, you give them one back, right? Can be a little awkward. You just gotta think and put yourself in their shoes sometimes. People want to get you something. They want to get you something that made them think of you, you know?

Yeah, my mom does love giving me socks in my stockings. I'm not mad about socks. I love socks. The wine charms, I have a lot of them, mom, if you're listening. I do love wine charms, but I'm running out of room with my wine charm drawer. A whole drawer.

No, I do love it. I love it. It's very sweet. I just, I don't know why I'm uncomfortable. I'm super uncomfortable like receiving gifts except for this ginormous ring on my finger. Yeah, you were willing to accept that one. Absolutely was willing to accept this one. I was hoping so. So let's talk about the other giant elephant in the room thing that's making me crazy. Football season? Oh, that's a good one. What's your elephant?

My fertility shots. Yes. Is what we're going through right now. So, I mean, there's not a lot to talk about right now. I learned something very valuable. I feel like I learned it the hard way. So Luke and I have obviously been trying to get pregnant. We got pregnant a year ago. We had a loss. We've tried

but not tracked it super hard until I would say like the last, I don't know, four or five months or so. I would say from, we probably lost four or five months with the way it played out after you got pregnant last year. Right. And so then we've been on it, but it's just not been happening for us. The cycle hasn't been like it, but it's just not been happening for us. The cycle hasn't been like it was, hasn't been as regular as it was.

Did some acupuncture, have done some different things to try to get it dialed in, but now we are, well I guess we have talked to a fertility specialist. Not going to IVF right away, not even going to IUI yet. There are other things we can do. Which we're trying to do. not even going to IUI yet. spectrum where I'm at all the way through like IVF or donor or anything like that. But I will say that the thing that I learned that was super valuable that I learned the hard way is the actual definition of infertility. Infertility occurs when a couple is unable to conceive after a year of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.

Which doesn't even apply to us. Correct. It's not been a year yet. It's not been a year yet. It's not been a year. However, the second that I that we decided to start seeing a fertility specialist, just to ask all the questions, I am on medication now. That's kind of as far as we're going at the moment is just like we've been tested both Luke and I for like just making sure the swimmers are swimming, you know, my body's ready to go to carry, and we're looking good on all of that.

But for some reason, it's just, it's not taking. So I'm gonna have these injections and these pills, and I might do a trigger shot next week and blah, blah, blah. But what, I won't say speaking of trigger, what really triggered me was right after seeing our doctor for the first time, I got a pretty like general email from the doctor's office just explaining to me

that medication regarding fertility is not typically covered by insurance. But what it said in that email, what I read in that email, what I saw was the word infertility like 10 times. And I just couldn't see past it. And I just had a full-fledged panic attack and a meltdown and freaked out and was like, why am I being called infertile? Like we don't even know. Like we got pregnant last year. We were fine. It just hasn't been working.

So I was just started panicking. And then my friend Lacey texts me. We were messaging about her fertility journey that she's been through, and she texted me and said, I want you to know what infertility actually means by definition. And that was really a moment for me because I could cry, of course I could cry, I'm full of hormones, but it really was a moment that I could stop and breathe and relax for a second. Okay, so they weren't attacking me in this email the way that I took it, you know?

Right, just like a geriatric pregnancy, if that hasn't happened enough. Oh God. Anyone over, any ladies over 35. Geriatric and infertile. Yeah, that's like a double punch to the uterus. Yeah, literally straight up punched in my vajay, like not cool, baby maker, bam, not cool.

No, I mean, to not be stressed, not being stressed is what I believe is the biggest key for us. Now it may not be for everybody, other people may have biological issues, but I think that you carry so much stress on your shoulders that whatever I can do, your cortisol levels, exactly.

So whatever I or we can do to get that down will absolutely help or make it happen again. Last year when it happened was at the tail end of our three week road trip when I was driving, I was in the driver's seat the whole time, making most of the majority of the decisions. And- Best days of my life.

Kristen Hades making decisions. I hate making decisions. I can make a choice here and there, no problem. But if it's like this or that, I'm like, please don't put that on my plate. Right, so when I'm like, we're stopping here, this is where we're getting food. I'm like, hell yeah, sounds great.

Sometimes I can even order for you. Yeah, absolutely. So Kristen's like, okay, fantastic. Just keep taking whatever you can off my plate. But then when I ask, this is the balance, guys. So everyone knows, guys and gals. The balance is if I ask, then it doesn't take the stress away. If I can do something for her.

If I ask her if I can do something for her, and she says yes and it's not done in three seconds, then she gets more stressed and says, I got it, fine, I'll just do it myself. However, if I just get up and do something, I just have to get up and do something and hope that it is what she wanted me to do. Babe, you're such a lucky man.

Luckiest man alive. Luckiest man alive to be marrying me. Well, I've got you figured out. You really do. Look, none of these other guys have been able to figure you out yet. So, and you've also, obviously you're a different person than you were when you dated some of these other schmucks.

Absolutely, no, I was waiting for you. Just waiting for that? I was just waiting for my little Midwest boy. For that old soul in a young body, right? That's right. What'd you call me, your horny handyman? My horny handyman. Dude, I'm in, and my cabana boy, my little pool boy.

Pool boy, I'm a horny handy cabana boy, my little pool boy. Every morning he's out there tanning for 10 minutes and then I see him skimming the pool. I was like, I can get used to this. But I did say the other day, or was it yesterday when I was like, you really want to still marry me? You're like, of course I do. There's something about your light that is different after the engagement as well. Like, I don't know if it's because we have this house or because everything's just a lot less stressful

living here right now than it was like a year ago, but I feel like you're just very like, go with the flow, easy and free, lax-a-daisy, like little Mr. Free Spirit right now. Like nothing, things don't really bother you right now, at all, like it haven't for months. Why would things bother me when life is good? I love that.

I mean, obviously there are things, I think about things I can improve, things I've got coming up, all this and that, and when things conflict, I don't know, I just, I've regained my stoicism and my zen of being able to just think through things and get excited about them because like, wait, if I switch this to this day and I do this,

then that's gonna work out great for both. It's like, oh, positive things. It's not like, oh no, what am I gonna do because these are on the same day, I'm gonna have to cancel, then they're gonna be pissed, they're gonna be this, and they're like, no, one text, yep, we can move that, boom, boom, this works better anyway.

Kind of thing is the way it's going. Thank God you think that way because I'm the other way right now. I hope that changes when I'm like off these hormones but I think that's partially just like who I am. It's partially who you are. Yeah. I know that.

I love you. You chose it. I love you too. I chose this life. It's all right. You also don't have, you've been the opposite of pressure to get rid of Colorado. And obviously that would have been a huge issue.

You were like, absolutely not get rid of that place. Oh God, no. I'm like, let's get that shit done. Like, whatever I can do. Do we need to hire someone? Like, do we need more help? Like, what do we need to do? Because you've worked so hard for it.

Like, you work so hard for everything that you have, and you can't just let things go that you've worked really hard for everything that you have and you can't just let things go that you've worked really hard for. There's just such a sense of accomplishment that I feel when I go to Colorado, even only going to the ranch for two years. Yeah, so June of next year will be 10 years since I put my first down payment on my first property because I bought multiple now. But it'll be 10 years since I put my down payment on my first property in Colorado. Oh my God, you were so young.

Good for you. I was, I went for it and you know what? I didn't even have the money. I was like, I was... So you were 24? Yep. I was 24 when I moved to LA. I was up to my gills in debt and you know, worked it out.

I fucking hate you. Sorry, and debt and you know, worked it out. I fucking hate you. Sorry, I'm thinking about fish babe. I can't with you right now. I'm up to my gills and debt. Oh, it's back there. Oh my gosh. Made it work.

You know, I only had to live in my refurbished camper that I paid $9,000 for for two and a half years. So my housing costs for two and a half years were very, very little. No, I love Colorado. Colorado makes me happy. The Midwest makes me happy. California makes me happy. Like all of the places that we love and travel to and live in make me so happy. I just don't know what's the best place to be permanent, but I don't think that we have to choose that right now. We don't.

And as soon as you stopped, not like you ever made me, but as soon as you stopped being like, well, where should we move? Where should we move like last year? Like, well, what does the five-year plan look like? I'm like, fuck, I don't know. I want to get out of this apartment.

That's what my plan looks like. Do you know what happened? You were willing to actually have a conversation with me and be like, yeah, actually that does sound good. I don't know if that's going to plan looks like. You know what happened? You were willing to actually have a conversation with me and be like, yeah, actually that does sound good. I don't know if that's gonna be the case. I'm like, I know it's not necessarily gonna be the case, but just appease my mind in the future. I need this vision.

Yeah, I run from decision-making. Yeah, it's not a decision. It's like, hey, right now is the five years from now, probably Nashville, Tennessee, gonna be our top place we're looking for. Yeah, at the moment that seems like the best option because of A, B, C, and D. Okay, great. We're on the same page. You just need to have a possibility place in mind, even though it could totally drastically

change. Right. I hope you know the uneasiness was this, like, wanting, kind of wanting to convince me that California is pretty great and that this is where we should be. It doesn't have to be Los Angeles, but... California is pretty great. What's where we should be. It doesn't have to be Los Angeles, but. Listen, California is pretty great. What's not great is how expensive it is. And not only is it expensive, it is.

California is really great and I love living here and I love my friends and I love the community. You know, a double punch to your vagina like you just talked about? Uh-oh, here we go. You know, a double punch to the bank account is? Yeah. High cost of living and the highest taxes. So you have to make twice as much money here to live the same lifestyle as anywhere else. Not anywhere else, sorry.

You're not wrong. As somewhere else that has a more reasonable cost of living. Also, the houses here, like for example, in the area we are living, a 1,500 square foot house is going to be about $1.5 million. And to me, I'm thinking $1.5 million. We should have acreage, we should have 3,000 square foot house. Multiple houses, probably three, four houses. Potentially multiple houses. Potentially we've got-

For the same price. Yeah. A house on the Gulf that's our fishing winter house and then our house somewhat closer to family. We're not moving back to the Midwest. Kristin has made that very clear and I'm fine with that. Not Indiana or Michigan, however Tennessee isn't that far. We're going to figure it out as we go. But I'm very happy and very excited. It still doesn't feel totally real. It is really weird to use the word fiancee still. And that's also what I wanted. I'm just going to do all these polls because I want to hear from like all of you and guys,

guys, ladies, like whether you're in a straight or not straight relationship, whatever kind of relationship you're in, even if you're not in a, you know, if you're with like a throuble, I don't care. However you did your commitment, like you shared your commitment with your partner, I want to know what did that look like for you? Were you nervous? Were you more excited than nervous? Did you do the ring thing?

Like how did it compare to ours? Because like I said, always a bridesmaid, never a bride. That's what Tom Schwartz says to me, right? So I've watched my friends get engaged, especially in LA and I've been to the weddings, I've been in the weddings. And now that it's me, it's just like, what? Like, what?

It's not real life. You're like, what, it's real life, but guess what, guys, I'm not getting married for a few years. I know, but it's just like, it's really cool. It is cool. Have you caught yourself still saying boyfriend? All the time.

Oh yeah, I've said girlfriend multiple times, I'm like, oh, fiance. Especially without a ring on my finger, I forget. Even with've said girlfriend multiple times. I'm like, oh, fiance. Especially without a ring on my finger, I forget. Even with the ring on my finger, I'm like, what? I'm just gonna keep saying, what? It'll take a minute. Yeah, for sure. No, I'm super stoked though.

And then, so yeah, but we're back. We're back, we're back, we're back. Thanks for sticking with us. The last month has been just too wild and crazy and we had to be a little hush hush about life I guess the last month has been just too wild and crazy and we had to be a little hush-hush about life so you guys can watch it play out sooner than later. I believe we're not getting in trouble for saying we were filming through the summer.

I think everyone is aware of that. And therefore it was difficult to... Well, yeah, our schedule, but also mostly it's difficult to talk about life, but kind of keep things under wraps as well. It's hard to be very super honest with you guys, and that's what we're always doing, because it's me and Luke, obviously. But it was really difficult to try to jump on the mic and tell you what was going on with our every day to day while we were filming, because that's just how it goes. But I will say coming up, we're going to have some really awesome guests from a wide spectrum of different professions and lifestyles

and areas of the US or the world that they live in. Also, I have a couple of friends specifically that I want to talk to on our podcast about fertility because I'm going to start crying for no reason. I have a friend who literally just had an egg retrieval yesterday. I'm going to start crying for no reason. I have a friend who literally just had an egg retrieval yesterday. I worked with some photographers for a James May shoot a week ago, and they had an egg retrieval the very next day. And it's really mind-blowing to me how many people that I know, friends and family, who are going through or have gone through some kind of fertility treatment. It's so far more than I've ever realized.

I think it's getting more and more common too. It's almost, yeah, not almost, it is the more uncommon thing where you hear about a couple getting married and then getting pregnant right away and having healthy kids one after another. It just doesn't seem like it happens as much anymore. But I mean, but I'll be honest in saying that like, I didn't know a ton about it. Like I was very, I was not very, I was familiar with IUI, but my brain truly kind of associated, I can't get pregnant too, I need to do in vitro. I didn't realize all of the steps in the middle that could be taken. So I don't know. I just think that it could really open

a lot of people's eyes if they knew about that. Yeah, I agree. So we'll have some fun guests on, not just in the fertility world. Not just in the fertility world, but. I've made some more friends. I've gotten. Luke has friends.

I have friends and we get to have some of my friends on now. That's true. So yeah, it's gonna be a lot of fun. Hit us with emails and DMs and watch for Kristin's polls because we want to know what you think. Yes, for sure. And we love you guys and thanks for sticking with us and so much more to come on Balancing Act.

So we will see you next week. Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with the new episodes.

Thanks for listening. See you next week. You