Sex With Emily - Authentically Sexy with Kaitlyn Bristowe

Episode Date: April 17, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is joined by former bachelorette and host of the podcast “Off the Vine” Kaitlyn Bristowe and the two are talking about embracing your authentic and sexy self to help build your confidence in and out of the bedroom. They talk about learning to trust your gut when it comes to true arousal and attraction, how scheduling “down time” with your partner will enhance intimacy, and some of the best pick up lines Emily’s heard in a long time. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Apex, JO Stimulants, Adam & Eve, Beach Body Connect with Emily on social: @sexwithemily across the board. Connect with Kaitlyn on social: @kaitlynbristowe across the board. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily, and today's show, my guest is Caitlin Bristow, host of the Off the Vine podcast, we're talking about relationships dating, communication, and the power of being present. Topics include why embracing your authentic self and everything you do will help build your confidence in and out of the bedroom. Learning to trust your gut, especially when it comes to experiencing true arousal and attraction. And another vote for couples therapy in any stage of a relationship and why it truly works. How scheduling downtime with your partner will enhance intimacy, and I'll share with you the best pickup line I've heard in a long time and I don't even believe in pickup

lines. All this and more, thanks for listening. hard-broken, anything she kind of kids. The girls gotta understand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrinkage? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, take out our website, sexwithemlee.com, which is awesome. Thank you for subscribing and commenting on iTunes.

Thank you to this week's review on iTunes from the Life Hack Podcast. Hope you received this warm greeting from Buffalo, New York. I just got done listening to your podcast and wanted to encourage you by saying, how much I appreciate your effort and attention to detail. Keep up the great work, my happy podcasting friend. So yeah, you guys, I read all your comments I do. So we appreciate it when you subscribe and comment on iTunes.

We also have a new contest. You know I love a healthy pelvic floor. It makes your orgasms more frequent, stronger, longer, and you get rid of those annoying sneeze and pee incidents. And just having a strong pelvic floor, it makes your orgasms more frequent, stronger, longer, and you get rid of those annoying, sneeze, and pee incidents. And just having a strong pelvic floor means a lot for your body overall. So this month, we're having a kegels of steel contest. But this contest is only for the vagina havers of the world. Sorry, penis people.

We will have more contests for you. Because the prizes for this contest will help with your caggles and give you orgasms. From now until May 5th, we want to hear the top thing you've learned from listening to Sex with Emily and how you applied it to your sex life. What has it done for you? What information have you learned? What tip? What trick?

Which episode? We want to hear email feedback at sexwithemle.com with your submission and we're going to pick two winners to get either an apex by Poin Waw or a We Vib balloon. If you'd like a little inspiration for your contest submission, you can check out our sex hack videos on YouTube.com slash sex with the Emily and also subscribe to those. We'll be doing a lot more videos. Please join me on social media because it's fun and it's a party. It's at sex with the Emily Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter.

How have you gotten touch with me? I absolutely love hearing from you and read all of your comments. And finally, I hope you enjoyed today's show. I love this interview that I did with Caitlin Bristow over Skype. Let me know what you think of the show. I had so much fun on your show and your listeners are awesome. They've been like, oh my gosh, they love you. Yes, they love you.

And they've been like, reaching it really. I love you. Yes, they love you. And they've been like, reaching out really, I mean, it was amazing. We got like 16 emails, they're like, oh my God, air June sex. And let's talk. Yeah, it was really fun. And I loved meeting you too. I had a blessing on your show. I know it was such a good time. It was. It was a really good show. It was fun. How often are you here in LA? Are you your most famous girl Nashville right? I'm like always in Nashville, but Like randomly come out there once in a while But I was wondering about that. I'm like do you guys want to live here at Subway or do you love do you like Nashville? No, I think we're pretty set on

Nashville I go back and forth because I really want to move back to Canada at some point like I feel like that's where I want to raise kids So but we're loving Nashville right now. OK, good. I haven't been, but that's like the place to be right now. So then I'll just be here and visit you. You're missing out. I know. I can't believe I've never been.

But it's been on the list. I actually watched a TED talk that you did, which I loved. Right after you were on the bachelor's at, so much has happened to you since then. And I love some of the things in there and you said You'd rather be hated for who you are than loved for someone you're not Yes, and you've lived that like you really do live that authentically being you I don't care what anyone thinks like here. I am with makeup without makeup. Here's what I go through

Yeah, I try like I've tried to live by that for a long time. I wish I could take credit for that quote, but it was actually Kurt Cobain, not all people. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay. You don't have, yeah, right. Thank you. I appreciate that.

The world that gets you're so honest about it. I think it's just a very mature evolved, like a very young soul thing to say, to know at that point in your life that even going on the badger out where you're like, I, this is who I'm going to be. And that's, I am fully myself. It took me a while to get there like in my younger 20s, it was exhausting.

I was always just trying to like fit in. And I always wanted to be like, um, one of the guys. And I always wanted to have like dude friends all the time. And it was just exhausting because I kept like trying to be someone that I wasn't. And then I heard that quote. And I was like, I need to have like dude friends all the time. And it was just exhausting because I kept like trying to be someone that I wasn't. And then I heard that quote and I was like, I need to live by that. And it really, it was exhausting before that. And it's, it's just a good way to live. It is a good way to live.

So when you went on the bachelor, you were living in Canada. And what were you doing it before all of this? Um, so many things. So I actually was, I was kind of like volunteering my time with my girlfriend Aaron Trilor who does the Rob Beauty talks and has her she's the founder of Rob Beauty and which is why I started real Instagram So I was trying to just work with her company before I went on the show just because I was passionate about it And I loved what she was doing

So I was I was doing that with some of my time. I also was teaching spin classes. I was also working for a restaurant at Canada called Cactus Club, where I was just helping train servers and bartenders, and I was doing some managing, and I was just kind of doing everything, doing it all. OK. And that same talk, you were like, oh, I was, because he said to you the interview, where he was like, oh,

so were you on there? Did you really think you would find love? Are we on here to build your brand? And you're like, well, I came said to you the interview where he was like, oh, so were you on there, did you really think you would find love? Or were you on there to build your brand? And you're like, well, I came on to build a brand, but I ended up finding love. And you built a brand. So I was curious going on there, did you always know that you had this talent?

You're so funny, you have great timing. Great comedic timing. You can talk to anybody about anything. People love you, wherever I'm going. They're like, oh my God, Caitlin, she was the fun one. Yes, I watched her. She was my favorite. So it's like, did you know that before you went

on the bad show, you're like, I know I'm great, but now I'm really awesome. What was that process like? It's so funny, because I remember talking to one of my best friends, husbands, and I was like, can I just go on TV one time and have people know who I am? So I can just build some sort of like

Empire and just like not work that hard for it and he was like, you can't do that and Bachelor and he was like, you would just because I don't know like since I was it I I don't know how old like I was a little girl I always was such a performer and I always had a big personality and I always knew I wanted to do something bigger than just, you know, like, staying my small town and nothing against those people, but just I just always thought of myself doing something big.

And so when the opportunity came to me to be on the show, I was kind of like, oh, this could be my chance to either a, make a complete ass of myself or be, build myself a pretty solid brand. Right, and you did that, right? kind of like, oh, this could be my chance to either a make a complete ask of myself or be build myself a pretty solid brand. Right. And you did that. And that's a good voice.

What have you learned about like dating? And to like, what would you say about the whole romance and love process from being on show? I found out I'm a bit of a chameleon where I'll just like kind of adapt to whatever guy I was going on a date with. If they were really shy and quiet, I'd find myself being kind of awkward. And then if they're really outgoing,

I had like, it was more myself. And if they're more romantic, then all of a sudden was a huge romantic guy. And it was just so funny to experience that, just because I don't know. I've only had like a few serious relationships, maybe two, before the S. So yeah, it was interesting to watch

like kind of an out of body experience watching myself day off. But you were happy, right? But you were like when you watched it, it was a fair portrayal of who you are. Yeah, for the most part. I mean, I've been on the bachelor, I was like, wow, I'm so lucky.

Like, they really showed who I was. I didn't feel like I got a weird edit. And because I've seen, wow, I'm so lucky. Like they really showed who I was. I didn't feel like I got a weird edit. And because I've seen it where, I know, a couple of my girlfriends got pretty weird edit and we're watching it be like, oh, I don't remember that. And oh, my gosh, she wasn't like that at all. And it was pretty fair. So now you're doing your podcast off the line,

which is Uber successful. And you started just a few years ago, right? Like two years ago? No, not even a year. Not even a year. Dude, congratulations on all of that success. And I loved being on and it was so fun. And I feel like we talked about the thing that we both love about podcasting is that you're so present. Like you're so in the moment and you're having this conversation.

It's like, I'm not on my phone. I'm not distracted. Like if I was distracted right now, you know instantly, right? So this is the one time where I can like have a real conversation, we can talk and do you feel like it's been like that for you too? Like do you love pot, what do you think about the whole podcasting world? And yeah, that's well, first of all, thank you for coming on my podcast because the off the vine listeners love you and everyone says that they've, it's the one podcast that I put out

that they've listened to more than once. And they just are finding it. So important, like their boyfriends are asking, hey, do you know any podcasts? And they're like, I immediately send them that. That's so nice. Well, thank you. I love to hear that.

We talked about it. We covered a lot. We did. It was amazing. It was I keep asking, Sean if he's listening. He started too. I think he's going to the gym right now. Remind him to that was my next I wanted to ask you about that but yeah

But with podcasts, you know, I just feel like it's it's so I don't know why but from a young age I've wanted to have my own radio show as well like I wanted to just be able to like sit and sweat pants and drink wine and have my own show Right and so I feel like I've just like Like you're doing that you're doing it. Yeah wanted to just be able to sit and sweat pants and drink wine and have my own show. Right. And so I feel like I've just like, you're doing that. You're doing that. You're doing it. Yeah. And it's awesome.

You love it. I know. I was like, we can drink, we can hang out. So Sean hasn't listened yet, but I don't know, was there anything that you hope that he listens to from there? I can't. You know, what's so funny is that I did like eight podcasts when I was in LA in two days And I'm like I'm like I know we covered pretty much everything so I don't even know if there's one thing specific

I can think of that I want in here, but probably you let me keep me posted and you were also worried that your mom Was gonna listen, but then we thought it would be a good idea, but I don't remember podcasts either This is my next question. So you love doing podcasts. I often don't like, I listen to our interview. I don't listen back to mine, typically. So I will listen to this one. You don't listen to yours either. I was like, I was there. Okay, good.

Me neither. I don't listen to mine. But I was like, people love my off the vine with Caitlin. I got to listen. So I just listened to like 30 minutes of it on the way here. And I was like, I don't remember talking or about that. I was sober. I don't remember.

There's a certain certain podcast of Nisha when you're really present and in the moment with someone, which is why I think it's such an amazing medium but then oftentimes you do forget. Kind of what happens. That's like one of my biggest problems is, you know, you do so many podcasts and I don't know how many I have out at this moment

but I'm like, how often do I repeat myself and just say the same thing or make the same dumb joke or like think I'm being really funny, but I've already dropped that line before. I'm like, how many times do I do that? Because I don't remember anything. Exactly. I know.

I just need myself to, but it is blackout. At least you can be like, I was drinking like for me. I'm like, I just don't know. I was there. I hope I gave you good advice. I swear that, you know, Caitlin was there. I hope I gave you good advice. I swear that, okay, Lume was there. So how was everything going since then? So you actually, you went on the best trip,

success story, you actually found love and built a brand. And now you guys are, you guys are really cute together. Like it seems like you are, you and Sean are, you're not, you know, you're engaged, but you're like, you're like building a life together. And you're really like, how has that been going from the dating and being on TV into now building your life? Like what? Yeah, I've learned about relationships. Pretty smooth transition, which is funny because I think a lot of people were like, you know, even trans dad, I can remember him saying, you know, what happens when all the romantic dates are gone and the TVs

the cameras are gone and blah blah and we're like, yeah, we can't wait for that. Like we're too very like home bodies. We like to just like de-vary laid back things. We're laid back people. We like our weeks are like, oh, we go walk our dog. It maybe go to the driving range and you know, we we like the normalcy of being off TV. And I think that helped build our relationship into what it is, because it's very easy to say, yes, to everything after the show. And there's all these opportunities and money and everything just seems so lavish

after you come off the show. And what people ask you to do. So I think it was really cool that we both kind of took a step back and we wanted to just be completely normal. We didn't want to go back on TV. And we wanted to just get to know each other and be normal. And I think that really helped us. That really does help.

I think that's very, again, like a very mature, good decision because people really like you could have kept going on and doing other shows, but you guys have really been working on it. Were there any surprises though, like when you got off the show, like, or any good stories like you could have kept going on and doing other shows, but you guys have really been working out. Were there any surprises though, like when you got off the show, like, or any good stories about, because I can't imagine just dating someone on TV. And then you're like, okay, but wait, this didn't come up. Like you didn't tell me that you, whatever, like playing darts loudly until 5 AM. I don't even know where that came from, darts by friends in a dark league.

My friends in a dark league right now. And I didn't even know they had those. But what really? Like, was there anything you're like, whoa, whoa, or you know, that you, like the moments where you're like, you did not say that. I'm, I always try and think because that is a question that people always want to know, like, what, what surprised you after the show of, you know, you barely know the person. And I always say, like, to me, I think I expected Sean to be this. Like I'm like he's too good looking, he's like living in Nashville, he's got all these friends he goes out with. I'm like there's no way he's not like this playboy.

And I kind of was like waiting for him to be, you know, because he just seemed too good to me. And I think the biggest surprise was that he was actually just such a normal guy, just such a good human and just wasn't shady at all. And I kind of expected him to be. That's so good. Right. Thank God he's not shady. Why would you, when you, he seems like such a great guy, like both of you, like was there that love at first night thing or was it a slow build? Did you think you know it? Definitely was not a slow build. In fact, I kind of wish it would have been because it would have made my life easier because I was too obvious. So right from the get going, I mean, he walked out of the limo and I, I never knew I had a

type and then I met him and I was like, Oh, I have a type. He's totally my type. And it was pretty instantaneous. Like, I remember like holding his hand in that moment being like a woe. And it was just like the way he presented himself, the way he spoke, the way he thanked the limo driver when he got out. You could just tell he was a gentleman and the way he smelled. Everything I was like, oh this is like I'm immediately attracted to him. And I even said like I've never felt love it for sight until that moment. And I just was like hoping the whole time

that it would stay that way. And I made the mistake of telling producers, you know, like, oh my gosh, game over, he's the one, because then they need to make a TV show. They need to write. I was like, yeah, they do, right? They're the worst. I was on a reality show like,

and Bravo like five years ago, I did a season of the show called Miss Advise. And they were like so meat, like to me, I had years ago, I did a season of the show called Misadvise, and they were like so meat, like to me, I had no idea, I was so naive, I didn't know, I would tell them the truth about something, and they'd be like, you wanna be the sex expert, that doesn't have sex, you must sleep with this guy right now, Emily, I'm like, yeah, I don't,

I'm not gonna force me to see with them. Speaking of sleeping with them, when I was, now I'm like, nah, I really don't care, because what I love also about you, one of your interviews was said that you actually slept with two people, right, when you were on, was it when you were on the, on the back of your, on your back side, right? Yes, but also it's a very edited video.

I get that. But here's the point, even if you didn't, what I love, this is what I like, is what they said, why? You're like, I felt like it. You're like, if it was a guy who's up with three girls, they wouldn't have been like, why did you do it? You know, and yes, I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. And there was like a motion to run up. You're like, I felt like it. Like you're so yourself. And that's why women, you know, if you feel like it sometimes and you're hard, why not?

Like you're like, I never understand that. I'm like, yeah, okay. Like I mean, it's 2000, whatever it was at the time. I'm like, it's 2000, 16, like, come on people. Right, exactly. That was brave. I thought.

Yeah, because I'm like, well, you would know if I, like, I just can't lie either. Right. I'm a terrible liar. So, you know, you said you've been in a few relationships. Obviously, this is your most serious. I said, what, what have you, what have you learned about relationships and being together? You know what I will say and we're very honest and open about this is that is the first relationship that I've been in that we go to counseling and

I think that has been one of the most important things we've done just because we came out of like such a weird world that nobody can really relate to and it's really challenging and things were really hard and so we decided well first of all we thought the show should provide therapy for any couple of people like that. Like a year's worth of you guys win. Right, no that's so healthy, Kaelin. I'm so glad do you see if you that you're sharing that because I think every couple needs it. Especially I'm sure coming off the television show. God, good for you. Yeah, it's one of the best things that we've done and we learn so much about how we communicate

and what presses our buttons and where our insecurities stem from and how we can speak to each other out of like fear, but also compassion instead of being accusatory or instead of being attacking, or just like we've just tried to really learn how to speak to each other and it's made such a difference in our relationship about how to communicate. Yeah, because we're not taught how to communicate

when we're kids, like no one tells us, that's really healthy. I'm so like, that warms my heart. Are you guys still going? Do you still go once a week or once a month? Sometimes we just go, like sometimes it'll be once a month, sometimes we go once a week. I try and go by myself also, like every few weeks, just, I just find it like, well, I mean, I was gonna say therapeutic, but does therapy.

It's the best. Do you talk about on your podcast as well? Yeah, I mean, I don't like go into it, but I know that you go does therapy. It's the best. Do you talk about it on your podcast as well? Yeah, I mean, I don't like go into it, but I said that. No, but you go to therapy. I just think it's because you're just a good role model. I'm sure you have, you know, you've so many listeners and so many like girls, I think you look up to you and I just feel like, I'm always going to be a show

to that. I know, we all need it at different points in our life, so more than other. So I think that's really healthy. Speaking of being a role model, the role model that you are, is that with the Me Too movement and the batch right, you were saying, well, I'm not even sure,

like is it kind of antiquated right now? Like, would you want? Yeah. Yeah, what do you think? I don't, I always go back and forth just because, I mean, people also ask me like, you know, how did you feel about two batch lurets on your season and the men had to decide, I'm like, well, I mean, I was ask me like, you know, how did you feel about two bachelor rats on your season? And the men had to decide, I'm like, well, I mean, I was, I came off, I mean, I didn't

like it. And I think it's wrong. But I also came off the bachelor where 25 women are going to pit against each other for one man. Like, where is, where do you draw the line on what's weird? And exactly, you know, like everybody is getting more comfortable with the format of the show. And at the beginning, like, I'm sure people were just, you know, like everybody's getting more comfortable with the format of the show and at the beginning like I'm sure people were just, I mean beside themselves that one guy was going to date all these girls, but now people are like

It's so normal to watch that show and I don't know. I just go back and forth just because it is such an entertaining show and it's You know how I got To be where I am, with the most part. And so I don't know. Yeah, it's just, I don't need a knife. I know. Like if people ask you for advice and stuff like, you know, people still think like it's this fairy tale, but you're so honest about it.

So you just happen to be the one that worked. And you're working on your relationship, which I love. So, and also talk to me about, I know you mentioned also that you were, that you don't take birth control because hormones, like the hormones make you a crazy, which I think again, that's another such an important topic because so many women, I just went on. My doctor was like, you're having sex, go on the pill when I was like 18, 19, yeah, and no one tells you how the side effects, like what happened? How did you know? And like, What happened? How did you know? Okay, so that was the same for me because nobody, it was just like, oh, you start having sex. Like, you go on birth control pills and that's just like, nobody really knows anybody. It's just like, that's the right thing to do.

And yeah, I didn't, I was never told about side effects or what hormones can actually do to your body or your mind. I was just so clueless. So I actually I don't even know why I went off of them. I think I was like serving at the time and so poor and I'm like I'm not gonna spend my money on birth and going right. I've totally made those decisions exactly. And then going and then I went back on like a couple of years later and I realized that it was I was like oh my gosh my moods are so different and one of my girlfriend's dad was a doctor, a gynecologist, and like started, I started being a little more knowledgeable on the hormones and what it can do. And I just didn't feel comfortable putting that in.

We are going to a quick break, give a shout out to our sponsors. Thanks for supporting them. We'll be right back. Funny story and side note is I just talked to a hormone specialist like a few weeks ago. And I was like, you know, I'm getting this like weird line under my eye and somebody has told me it's hormones and under my eye and somebody has told me it's hormones and my hair's thin and I want it to be thicker again and I'm like, I cry over like a peanut butter commercial like something's wrong with me. And so this specialist put me on some,

like some really heavy duty hormone meds and I don't know why I wasn't thinking about what that could do to me, but I mean, three weeks into it, which happened to be like five days ago, I was a mess. Wow. And I was so depressed and I was crying at anything. But was like everything.

I was just my, I had mood swings. I was overreacting to everything. I was feeling so depressed. I like didn't want to get out of bed. I was feeling dizzy. And I was like, what's wrong with me? And then I'm like,acting to everything. I was feeling so depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was feeling dizzy and I was like, what's wrong with me? And then I'm like, oh my gosh. Oh yeah, the hormones again.

It's true. Was it for your skin or something? Is that why you said you had a gline? Or they just, because I know a lot of women, I know, take it. I was just being crazy. Right, no, but no, I get it. And I love that this means that you're someone who's very in touch with yourself and touch with your moods.

Like I was 20 in college, 21 and I was like, oh, I guess I'm just crazy now. You know, and then I was out for 10 years and didn't know that's what made me crazy. So you were on natural birth control or you were just pull out method. Were you doing anything else? I've done a little about but we try and do Protect it in some way, but you know what I will not be upset if I get pregnant, so we're not we're not We both really do the kids and we're like hey if it happens like I'll be pretty excited actually Yeah, exactly well, I'm sure yeah, I'm sure it's like time or like if you're right Well, I'm sorry

I'm not gonna be that person's like when're getting married and when you're having kids, because I'm sure everybody asks you that. I think you guys are awesome and you seem super happy and I love watching you. I also want to ask you out for using your eggs. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. Tell me the best decision of my life.

Okay, tell. Everyone, so I mean, I think if you would do it, it's for a lot of women, takes a lot of the pressure and the stress off. Yeah, I mean, there think if you would do it, it's for a lot of women, it takes a lot of the pressure and the stress off. Yeah, I mean, there was so many, like, so Whitney, who was on the bachelor with me, she ended up getting engaged to the guy who was the bachelor, but they obviously are not together anymore, and she's married to the best man ever now. So she's a fertility nurse, and so she, that's what she does is she helps women freeze their eggs and works at this clinic called OVA,

which is where I went through to get it done. And basically, your body as a woman is meant to have babies at like 19. That's when you are the most fertile, that's when your eggs are the youngest, and that's just back in the day people used to have babies at that age. And now, there are women out there who wanna travel more, they wanna get to know themselves more, they're career women and they're driven and they're not ready to have kids yet.

And so it's just incredible that there's this option. But so basically I was like, I don't't know at that time when I did it I think it was two years ago now. I wasn't sure when we were going to try or even if you know I didn't know if I could get pregnant. I'd you know I've never experienced that. So basically it's just like I mean Whitney wouldn't call it the best backup plan and it's just like insurance insurance for like a lifetime. Yeah. There's obviously no guarantees, but you go in and it's quite a process.

It is, but weren't there hormones involved with that? Do you think, did you, did you like crime, I mean, I can only imagine there are a couple of these stuff, but I'm sure they were more flotsy healthy. It was intense, very intense, and a lot of ups and downs, and I had to be in Chicago, but I mean, bigger picture, it was really a short amount of time,

and you have to give yourself needles and a stomach, and at first I was like, no chance, there's no way I'm gonna be able to do it, and Sean would do it for me, but then after a while it was like, it was like drinking water, like you just did it, and you just get through the hormones, it's not that long, the procedure is so quick,

I was like in and out in 15 minutes. Really? But the prep time, the prep time is a while. I mean, like how long do you take a while? The prep time is a while, right? But now you know, you have them, but you have them to be them. Yes, and you can sell them.

I don't know. You can, I mean, you can donate them to research. You can totally. I always think like one of my best friends from Vancouver is gay. And if he ever, like, you know, if I had kids and I still had my eggs and he wanted to have kids, I would definitely think about doing that for him.

And there's just. So it's like one less thing to worry about. Like when you do take preventative things, you're like, I don't have to worry about that for another year. But these are your friggin eggs having babies like you are safe And you went through all of that what I love is that you also your you are like I said We opened up with the Kirk O'Bane comment that you did not steal that you did a tribute to them But that you are truly

Continued to be authentically yourself and that you decided I think you said it was after me too But you've always been this way posting pictures that are very like, I have no makeup on, or here's my cellulator without, you know, you said the first time you were, when you started, when you guys got together with Sean, you were like, oh yeah, I wear a retainer and I'm taking out my extensions. And so, you're very confident, obviously,

we all have insecurities, but what does that experience been like being like, I'm being totally myself, not only on TV, but now I'm my Instagram, which in a way is even more a bigger risk than being on TV where it's sort of out there and you can't control it like Instagram is so so now so present you get a media feedback. What have you got about yourself to get? I find it so liberating. Right. Just because I'm like I'm sick of scrolling Instagram and seeing perfection

at all times. Like, I'm sick of turning on the, like I used to like watching the Victoria Secret fashion show and I'm like, boring, like show us some real like, you know, like I'm nothing against their bodies because they're beautiful. But I'm like, show us all different kinds of bodies, you know, like it's always the same thing every time. And I just, I want people to scroll and be like,

oh, that was a breath of fresh air, like, but still, like, mix in some, you know, like, I'm obviously gonna still put filters on things. And I still, like, having pretty photos, but just, like, a little refresh of, like, oh, yeah, okay, real life, Instagram isn't real life all the time, it's just the highlight, real, and it's just the best feeling because

It's the same thing as that quote from Kurt Cobain like it's just it's exhausting to just try and be someone that you're not at all time Just to impress a buttload of people on the internet like it's just not healthy. You're right. It's really smart I mean, I think that that's some very real and you're and you so many listeners that are so like Like loyal to you. Do they ask you questions about or have they been inspired by? Like, what do you hear from your listeners a lot? Like, I know that they're their rabbit fans. Yeah, I honestly, I just sometimes, again, you'll believe this, because I always talk about how much I cry, but I'll just like read emails or direct messages of how it's helped people be like my podcast or my Instagram has helped girls just be more of themselves and be

confident with who they are if they're you know they're a little more outgoing and crazy, they own it if they're a little more shy that's just who they are and their body types and it's just like that it's the majority of the reason why I love what I do is just because of the response I get from so many right and it's the most's the most rewarding. Yeah, it really is. And it's just like, again, I think I was starting to get affected myself from Instagram and seeing all the perfection that I had to kind of give my head to shake and be like, wait, this is like, this is exactly what I want to preach.

That's not real. And why am I letting it affect me? And then that's what really inspired me to start being raw and real with everybody. Just continue that from the show to Instagram to my online presence, just being true to who I am and inspiring others because the stories that I hear from people just, it's like stories, but like bullying or people who don't feel great about themselves, like what really sticks are like probably today you out on. So what's like something that recently really kind of stuck out?

I should have taken a screenshot because I did read one today where I was like wow. Yeah, both people that have dealt with bullying their whole life or just girls who have been uncomfortable in their body type because of what they see on the internet all times and just being more confident with who they are. And so many, I wish I took a screenshot because it was this one girl. She was, I think she was like 18 years old and she was just telling me that she actually found

this guy and who treats her like gold and she'd only had one other relationship or her life but he was terrible to her and she found this guy because she's actually just being comfortable and who she is. This guy, she's like, I know he loves me for me because I'm being completely myself and it's so comforting to know that and he embraces things about me and I've attracted the right people in my life because of listening to your podcast and it's so good. That's what I think. Yeah, I think it's such a good message. Even yeah, like I look at all the, you know, people who grew up thinking that they have to be perfect and they have to be everything and that it just that they won't be loved. I grew up thinking that. Yeah, me too. I'm in a dance studio.

Dancing. You know, I always, I can remember standing in a mirror and like, I don't think I had an ounce of body fat on me and I would pinch my stomach or I would look at the girls in the dance studio in the mirror and like compare myself to them. Like I always had the pretty girl roles in life too, you know, like a bartender. I was the golf cart, like beer cart girl. That's a great bartender. Like I'm doing all these things that have kind of proven true.

Like, hey, look, yeah, that's those are the things you're successful at because of your looks. And so I've really put a lot of effort into changing that. Do you think it was, was it before the bachelor and being on the bachelor or was it through this process of squint? It was a lot more. It was a good one. It was a good one.

It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one.

It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a good one. It was a up as well, but hers was, her case was a little more extreme.

Like I would just, you know, like I'd kind of like pinch my stomach and move on, but she is very open and honest about having eating disorders and struggling growing up and she said, you know, looking at magazines because we didn't have social media back in Back in our day, but like we had magazines still and and magazine covers are Look great naked and how to get this body and it was still all the same just in on magazines and she always said if I had someone to look up to In media that had a different perspective on body image and who had a healthy mind and all these things, that probably could have helped me a lot. And so that's what her motive comes as a draw beauty. And so then I always wanted to be involved with that even before the show. So when I got off the show and I had this platform, I was like, oh my gosh, we can really

change some people's lives with this movement. Yeah, it's so true. I know I'm remembering like when my nieces were born, who's the oldest one is 18 now, my sister and I was like, we're not having any magazines in the, I've three nieces, 18, 15 attention, like no magazines in the house. I'm like, okay, well, they're probably still seeing them eventually at the grocery store. And now cut to like, you know, they've both been Instagrams and they were like eight ten, but you're right, that was, it was only the magazines and now it's

everywhere. We talked a little about this on your show because I did listen to it again. What about sex? Like do you get other sex questions from your listeners or were you taught, first of all, starting with you, were you taught anything about sex growing up? Yeah, I was, I mean, probably not as much as people should know, but definitely my parents were not shy about talking about it with me. I was not shy about talking.

I'm still not, like I'm still not shy talking about it with my mom. There's just, I mean, there's a line. But, right, right. I do think it was talked about in our household as a healthy thing. Right, that's good. That's healthy.

That's good. I don't really think that much of a family is like, Canadians are just nice. I feel like Ken and Ken are, you guys just do things better, right? Hell there. I got to miss you again. So I was like, we would always go to go over to Ken. Like, they're so nice, Canadian people.

They really are. And then did your listeners, do they ask you questions about this? Like about sex? And like I guess now, for our podcast, you can say. They do now. They do now. And I think it's great.

Yeah, I'm like, I just direct them to you. Right, please do. Well, we're going to have to do this again when you're in LA. Or we'll often meet you. I'll come on your show again. I love it. So hey, do you want to answer some questions for me? I have an email question for my listeners.

And. sure. Someone just actually asked me a question who learned me on your podcast. So I'm gonna start with this question. Yeah, I'd love to get your help answering it. Hi, Dr. Emily. I just listened to you on Caitlin Bristow's Off the Vine podcast and I love the conversation.

I've been with my boyfriend for six months now. I would normally consider this the honeymoon phase, but I feel like our sex is already lacking. He lives an hour away, but stays over at least once during the week and wants on the weekend. We have sex every two weeks, and I'd like it to be more frequent. When I first brought this up, he said he would try to initiate more, and he's just tired. Not much has changed since that conversation. When we are intimate, I feel like he rushes through it and doesn't really spend time considering my wants and needs.

After listening to your episode, I've found the confidence to communicate this, but I'm struggling with how to effectively communicate what I want, what's the best time to bring something up like this. So she doesn't say her age. Most people, I think she's a new listener, so most people you guys know, we need your age and your location helps us.

But six months, the sex is already lacking after six months. And she's done. Yeah, yeah. That's not a good sign because I feel like the first year you should be like going to town all the time. Yeah, I gotta be honest with you, I say that too, like if the sex is the problem in the beginning, that's not a good sign for it.

Yeah. And is there other problems too? Like I want to know, like, is it just with sex with her? Is that the only problem? Or do they have like communication issues and other areas? That's a super quiet issue. I'm probably.

Well, no, we can't ask her. That's why I do call, I do call show sometimes. He lives lives in our way he stays over once the week and once on the weekend I'm thinking they're probably not in the in the same place and she wants to know the best way to bring it up How do you guys bring for example? So the best time to bring it up I think is when they're in person or if they're face timing because they're long distance Don't bring it up in the bedroom. I always say do not talk about sex in the bathroom. Don't text him. But what about when you're having like,

when you was, when you and Sean are having an important conversation, not even about sex, but where do you like, do you think about it ahead of time? Do you prepare what you're gonna say? It's just in the moment. Like what have you learned to therapy about communicating, what can we teach her here? Jennifer.

Um, I'm trying to think of something in that video. We talked about sex again. Oh, Sean, just for a few days. Hi, Sean. Did you listen to the podcast? Tell him he got it. Wait, what was the question on? I know.

She had a lot of questions. Oh, good. Oh, the question about how you guys, what have you guys learned? What has been the most effective tool that you guys have learned in therapy about communicating about anything? If you'd like to talk about your sex life, he's welcome to, but no pressure.

I think it's just being honest. If you're feeling something in the moment, like, okay, I mean, there could be so many different scenarios here, so I'm trying to think of one like well for her sick this girl's asking about how does she can bring it up with her boyfriend about sex they're not having it and not oh oh she's okay he's rushing through it it doesn't spend time on her needs and her wants to rush you all for any doesn't spend time on her needs and they only see each other he spends the night like once a week and once on the weekend

and she wants to communicate to him what's going on but she doesn't know a good time to bring it up. Obviously not. Yeah, are they dating? No, they're dating. They've been together for six months. It's kind of long distance. Long distance. And he isn't super into it and he says he's tired.

It's only been six months. And is long distance? Yeah. Well, oh, Sean thinks she should just get out. She should have asked questions. Okay. Yeah. Well, but I think that's that's kind of the consensus here.

Jennifer, yeah, I agree. I mean, the thing is if the sex isn't great at the beginning, it should still be the honeymoon phase at six months. And in the past, when I've had a lot of problems the first six months, not even with sex with anything, like if you're fighting more or you're having more discontent in six months, that's not a good sign for the relationships. So, and also when couples are together a really long time, the first thing I end their sex isn't going well, which we talked about in your show,

can happen. in most relationships. Your relationship your sex life is gonna have in flow, but if you didn't have it at the beginning, there's nothing to go back to. You can't be like, remember it was so great the first six months, because it never was. Yeah, exactly. And I would be like, I mean, there's only one question and I would just ask why. Like, why are you not into this? Right. Yeah. No, that's good. I mean, I think that Jennifer, yeah, I know we're being harsh because she's probably like,

but I love him and he's the one and we're like, dump him. So I think Jennifer, I think that that you say, um, he's probably, maybe he's never had anyone talk to him about sex before you can let him know. I think you'll face time call it's long distance. And you said that you tried to talk to him once. Here's the thing about the sex talk. I say is that you have to have it a few times, like just because you tell your partner something once, even if it's sex or something, just of change in their behavior or something that you'd like for them, you need to say it a few times. It's not just you have a conversation once and it

done. And don't be accusatory. It'd be like, I just enjoy it so much. I would just like to know blah, blah, blah. Don't be like, oh gosh, why are you not doing this? Because then he'll be even, he'll back off even more. And maybe he just doesn't feel confident enough. Right, that is such a good point. That is what it exactly.

It's always about, you never want to be like, why don't you ever blah, blah, blah, because then they shut down and they're feeling blamed. So to say, like, I love the sex we're having. I miss you so much when we're not together. When you got here, I'd love to be having amazing sex and make out a lot. That's really hot when we do that.

When you rush it through and don't turn me on. That doesn't feel as good. Yeah. I think we have to with that one. Thank you. Jenny 25, New York. Hi Emily, I think we have to with that one. Thank you. Jenny 25, New York. Hi, Emily. I love your show and it's inspired me to embrace my single status. However, I'd love advice on meeting new people. I'm a young attractive female and I like to go out and try new things and places. I feel like I don't get approached very often when I'm out.

I think I'm friendly with meeting other people, but I also struggle with going up to cute guys and approaching them myself. Do you have any tips for flirting with strangers? Caitlin, you got to be good at this. Not only because the bachelor bats are at, but like you said you're a waitress, you did all these things. Go for it. I'm a good flirt, but what I was thinking was her name has New York in it, and that might be part of her problem because it is impossible to meet guys there. And I feel like that guys just don't give anyone the time of day in New York. Or they're just like, I don't know. I've heard that from Andy Dorkin that she says that that's tough to date in New York.

So maybe that's part of her problem. Okay. Um, but what about just, yeah. The here's my, you you live guys in New York. Docey. You've never not met a guy wherever you go. I'm just gonna say that I don't believe in limitations in cities, but I know what your New York is challenging It's big cities challenging, but how do you just and I think it's just innate to who you are, but how do you explain? You know just kind of Well, she sounds like she's confident because she said I'm young and I'm good looking. And I'm like, oh, yes, get it. Um, so I, this is my, why not? If I was single and which I have been, and this is what I did, I would just,

I go right up to a guy and I just say good and you. And then he, he's a good, I'm good and you. That's a good one. That's so good. They're like, what? They're like, I know you wanted to ask me how I am. Right. Yeah. Oh my God, dude, I don't even,

I don't even know that I believe in pick-up lines, but that's amazing. Like that literally? Yeah, I love it. And also, again, just being yourself, like I feel like what I used to think about is if you're nervous wrong, guys, because there's a lot of this from men too,

they're like, I'm great with every party, but when there's a hot girl or women say, I see this guy and I shut down, think about who you are when you're with your best friends. When you are with your family, that comfortable you, I think we think that we can't be that person in public. And like what you're saying, Caitlin, through all the work you're doing, your podcast,

your presence is like be yourself wherever you are. Like just don't, you don't have to like put up with lies. You don't have to try to remember who you need to be in certain situations. Just bring yourself into every room you walk into. You will attract the right people, whether it's like a job, a career, a friendship, a relationship, you will just attract the right people

into your life if you are just comfortable with being yourself. Right, absolutely, that That's a good advice. And I think that the practice for this, for everyone listening, I think is now that you've heard this, the next time everyone's with your friends, you're hanging out, think about how you feel in your body, like that comfort.

I know when I'm with my friends, I'm just like laughing my ass off a lot. I'm just my feet are kicked back. I don't ever think about second guess what I'm going to say. I just talk and they're my best friends for life. And that's just think about where you're at that presence and then bring that into when you're out walking the streets in New York, Jenny. And you'll go to the channel that. Yes. Caitlin, thank you so much. This is this has been a blast. Thank you. Oh my gosh. I mean, I don't know if you just heard that, but I just, I was building a bed before you called,

and I just knocked over a bunch of poles, and it made noises, so I apologize for that. I can't hear, but I was like, no, it's all good. I love that you guys are building things together. The couple that builds together stays together. Oh no, I'm doing this all on my own. You are? You're so badass.

I love it. Well, have a glass of wine for me and build a good bed and you're awesome, Caitlin Bristow off the vine. Is there anything coming up that we need to know? Podcasts, things you're excited about in life. Yes, oh my gosh, there's so many things. Tell me everything. I don't know when yet, but I did put a little teaser out there

on my Instagram story the other day of a song that I wrote and recorded and I'm going to be hopefully doing a lot more of that and putting some stuff out there. So just stay tuned on my Instagram for that. I love that you're doing this. I know that you started out seeing, you've always been seeing, right, and dancing,

but I love the word of song. I didn't see this. Okay. I've wrote a few. I've wrote a few. Yeah, so I think some stuff will be coming out shortly. Okay, good. So it's all at katlinbristow.com.

K-A-I-T-L-Y-N, boosto, B-R-I-S-T-O-W-E. This is all gonna be in the show notes. And thank you, Caitlyn, so much. So, how does Sean have a lovely night? And I hope to see you soon in Los Angeles, or maybe in Nashville. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.

Of course, have a great night. Bye, sweetie. Thanks. Okay, guys, thanks for listening to the show, and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie Jenny, our volunteers, Zara and Shannon, producer, Lark and Michael. And just thanks for being a part of the Sex with the Emily family, finding us on iTunes, Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, IRR radio, everywhere you listen to podcasts. And for subscribing, iTunes, and reviewing it, you're all awesome.

Was it good for you? Text Ask Emily to 7979.