Sex With Emily - Best Of: How to Squirt & Find Your G-Spot w/ Deborah Sundahl

Episode Date: June 2, 2023

Good news: every vulva owner can learn how to squirt. But it does take practice, and on today’s Best Of show, I’ve got sex educator, author, and female ejaculation expert Deborah Sundahl here to walk us through it. First, Deborah clarifies the connection between squirting and the G-spot, and just in case you have any doubts about the G-spot’s existence, Deborah tells you how to find yours in the mirror. Next, we clarify what female ejaculate is – hint, not pee – and how this fluid builds up in your body. We also talk about the difference between squirting and orgasm, and finally, we take your top questions on how to squirt with a partner. Yes: there are step-by-step tips! Because, as I always say, the wetter, the better.Show Notes:Your Guide to Mutual MasturbationHow to Train Your VaginaORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureMEET ME ON TOUR! Sex With Emily Book Tour: SMART SEX Event DatesTAKE THE SEX IQ QUIZ! Email proof of pre-order purchase to [e-mail] and I’ll send you a link to take the quizSMART SEX PRIZE PACK (submit your pre-order proof of purchase at the bottom of the page, be entered to win the prize pack and everyone that enters receives a copy of my new and improved Yes! No! Maybe? Guide)Playdrop Sex Mat (code EMILY10 for 10% OFF & a bonus play rag worth $25)Female Ejaculation & The G-SpotMore Deborah Sundahl: Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all have a G-Spot just like we all have a nose. But everybody's nose is kind of different. But the nose is in the same place on the face. The G-Spot is in the same place in every single woman on the planet. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Amali, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Good news! Every vulva owner can learn how to squirt. But it does take practice, and on today's best of show, I've got sex educator, author, and female ejaculation expert,

Deborah Sundahl here to walk us through it. First, Deborah clarifies the connection between squirting and the g-spot. And just in case you have any doubts about the g-spot's existence, Deborah tells you how to find yours in the mirror. Next, we clarify what female is. Hint, not pee. And how this fluid builds up in your body. We also talk about the difference between squirting and orgasm.

And finally, we take your top questions and how to squirt with a partner. Yes, there are step-by-step tips. Because as I always say, the weather the better. Listen, we have stuff ramping up here, got my book coming out, a lot of new listeners, and I thought no better way to celebrate that than to give you one of my tab-downloaded episodes of all time. Intentions with Emily for each episode I want to start off by setting an attention for the show and I encourage you to do the same.

My intention is to demystify squirting so you understand the physiology behind it. By the end of this episode I think you'll feel excited to practice a new skill or refine it if you're already a squirting regular. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new articles, Your Guide to Mutual Mastervation and How to Train Your vagina, are up on sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, Social Media and TikTok. They're all at Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me your questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com

slash ask Emily or call my hotline 559 talk sex or 559 8255739. All right, before we get into the show, I am going on a book tour. I really hope to see you there. I've never done anything like this. I actually haven't done many live shows or performances where I get to meet all of you. So the first round of events are coming up. New York on June 13th. Come join me at the Strand Bookstore. I would love to meet you.

Virtually on June 15th via Crowdcast. So basically I can talk to you anywhere in the world. And we're going to have a little intimate chat. Do some Q&A's. Talk about the book. I'll be in person in the San Francisco Bay area on June 17th. If you are in a town that you've loved me to come visit and do a tour there, let me know because I am available, especially if you're in Europe too. I'm going to come to Europe this summer. Maybe I'll see you there. Let me know feedback at sex with Emily.com Because come by tickets. You really just have to buy the copy of the book and then show up I just want to see you all of you've been supporting this show for almost 20 years. I want to meet you in person So let's do this We also have an article live on our website with all this information so check it out

And you can also find it in the show notes. Lastly, whenever you all ask me about squirting, one of the top questions I get asked is, what do I do with the mess? First of all, embrace it. Sex is messy. Well, good, healthy sex, that is. But I get it.

You don't want to change the sheets every morning after sex. I've got just a thing for you. Check this. It is the Playdrop Sex Matte. How cool is that? It's just for this kind of stuff. It's a 100% waterproof sex matte that you can put on top of your sheets, couches, whatever else you're playing on so you don't have to worry about all the mess. It's breathable, soft on the skin. Yet, get this. It can absorb more than one liter or six cups of liquid.

Don't worry, it is machine washable, you just throw it in the washer dryer with the rest of your towels, your sheets are still stay dry, it's awesome. Of course it's great when dealing with squirting and all kinds of a checklist, but also great for having sex while in your period or really anytime. I throw down the Play Drop Sex Matte every time I'm having sex. Let's face it, sex gets sweaty, okay? Get your Play Drop Sex Matte today at PlayDropMats.com and use code Emily10 for 10% off plus,

for limited time, a free bonus Play Rag that's worth 25 dollars. That's PlayDropMats.com or just click the link in our show notes and use code Emily10 at checkout and save 10% off and get a bonus play rag. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode! Deborah Sundahl is the foremost expert in pioneer when it comes to female ejaculation and the G-Spot. She's the author of this seminal book, Female ejaculation in the G-Spot. Her 35 years of groundbreaking contributions to this field include a line of videos titled

The Female ejaculation Sex Education Series, which Deborah produces in hosts. She lectures and gives workshops in North America and Europe and has taught thousands of men and women in all genders how to integrate the G-Spot and female ejaculation into their erotic lives. She continues to be a spokesperson for female sexuality and an advocate for sex education. You can find Deborah Sondal at www.debrassundal.com. That's D-E-B-O-R-A-H-S-U-N-D-A-H-L.com. Welcome, Deborah, to the show.

Thank you. Tell me first, Deborah, how you got into this work. Feminism. I'm a women's studies person. And I left there with my partner. We moved to San Francisco because we wanted to create things around sexuality and there was nothing. Nothing. Yeah, there wasn't even any information on the clitoris then, right? No, there wasn't.

What brought you towards the G-Spot and female ejaculation? Well, in 1984, we did a magazine called On Our Bags, which was the first magazine by women, for women about sexuality. So that was our answer to playboy. And so every topic imaginable on women's sexuality, we covered body image, SNM, fantasies, how to communicate. We covered it all. We had photographers, writers, nonfiction. We even had to create our own ads. And distribution was very minuscule because a lot of, we felt through the cracks.

We weren't porn, but we were erotic. And nobody wanted that. Well, yeah, they still, I still fall through the cracks because now they want porn. But what I'm thinking is in the last, so I've been doing this for over 15 years. And I realize that in the last, probably 10 is when really the questions about female ejaculation or squirting have become more prominent, have become more popular. And I attribute it to the fact that you can now get porn on your smartphone and it's everyone's pocket. Have you seen a change? The last 10 years. porn has put those topics, all kinds of sexual topics into the mainstream. So I would attribute it

to porn. What are the biggest misconceptions around female ejaculation? All women can ejaculate because the G-spot is the female prostate and female ejaculation is prosthetic fluid. And all women have a prostate, just like all men do. It's fully functional, just like the male prostate. As a feminist, we're very used to hearing, you know, about diminished women's experiences. Well, this is a classic case. Let's first start with the G-Spot because in reading about your in-person workshops,

you actually sit with women in a room and you introduce them to their G-Spot and you teach them how to ejaculate. And I think that even the fact that you've been doing this for 30 years, I've tell you some news that women, unless they've taken your workshop or they've done their own research, they still don't know how to find their G spot.

They still don't know. I mean, I'd love to say that it's changed. I don't know what the numbers were then, but I still think it's really, really confusing. I even call it the G area, because I think when you say spot, people are like, oh, it's this one spot. So how would you describe how to find the G spot? G spot is an unfortunate name. It was a name after the famous book, The G Spot by Wippell and Perry, Sexologist and Scientist. Spot is named Dr. Grafenberg, the urologist from the 30s who

knew about female ejaculation, who knew about the female prostate, but his work was ostracized. And so an academic tradition, Whipple and Perry built on his work and they're for named, you know, named him on that cover of that book. Okay. Fortunately, Gio also stands for Goddess Spot. Oh, Goddess Spot is so much better. Yeah, I like Goddess Spot. Yeah. So, well, let's talk about the literal orgasm versus the G Spot orgasm. How would you describe them?

Well, first of all, G Spot is the female prostate. The female prostate surrounds the urethral canal. It starts at the outside opening of the body. And it's 32 ducks and glands are sprinkled along the urethral canal about two inches. So therefore, because the urethral canal and the vaginal canal share the same wall. That means you can easily access the prostate through the roof of the vagina. You can easily feel it. It literally hangs down through the roof of the vagina.

It's a prostate. It's not the clitoris. The clitoris is primarily erectile tissue. We have the little nub on the outside of the body full of nerves. But as feminists, healthcare, nurses, Rebecca Schocker, and Susan Gage in 1982, redefined the clitoris. They said, hey, it's not just a little nub on the outside of the body that feels so good. It's actually erectile tissue that extends four to five inches inside the body. They thought these women were nuts for 15 years. Well, now they've seen this structure in the cadaver.

Right. Yes. There's little puppets you can buy, little women have made the, I have the bubble puppet. So you have the bubble puppet and this is clitty. I like the clitty puppet. I don't have a little is puppet. Yeah. But yeah, here's her little, you know, and here's her wings and her bulb. She has these parts of part that surrounds the urethra and a part that surrounds the vagina. So the G spot is actually the female prostate plus its erectal tissue.

Yeah, is it kind of like internal, literal nerves then, or would you just say even before that it's a prostate? But I always tell people it's all connected, I guess is what I'm saying. It's all connected. You see the clitoris has a different nerve than the G spot. And again, we get this from Wipple and Perry. That was one of two major discoveries. They made and why they wrote a book.

Okay, two nerve theory. The pedendal nerve goes to the clitoris penis. The pelvic branch of the vagus nerve goes to the prostate's male and female. Two different nerves, two different orgasmic experiences. So we all know the clitoral penis orgasm. Fast stimulation, whether it's for a guy on the penis or for the vibrator with the women, and hold your breath, and you have, you know, a good orgasm, you clench up your body. And sure, it's a good orgasm. G-spot, prostate orgasms, okay, are the opposite.

Long, slow breaths, because we're dealing with the vagus nerve. Okay, which I'll explain in a minute. But as long and slow breathing, you relax instead of clenching. Do not vibrate. The prostate, it is an organ of the body. And if you vibrate it, you kind of click in that pudendal nerve. And so it's not so easy to access that G-spot nerve if you're vibrating away. Also you move the body, okay? Because you're building this huge orgasm,

which is full body starts in your toes, spreads up your legs, makes your legs shake. I mean, it comes out your head. You can see stars. It's a powerful physical orgasm. It's not your bliss orgasm where, you know, if you're in touch or Eastern traditions, you're doing the circulating breath, which is mostly from the pelvis up, from the stomach up, okay? And you can kind of ride this wave of energy orgasm. No, I'm talking as a feminist body, as a woman thighs, right? Burthing down into the floor, right? We can ejaculate down and into the ground, you know, we menstruate saying, down and into the ground, you know, we menstruate saying, you know, it's very physical, full-body orgasm.

So you need to breathe and build that. Okay. That's amazing. Oh my God. Sounds good, doesn't it? It does sound good. So where do we start with that? You know where I start with that?

I start with anatomy. Yes. My power points are anatomy. Women have to know they have a prostate. I mean we have a missing body part. All the studies done on, oh women can orgasm and it takes us longer and you need 20 minutes of foreplay. this is the news when you relax and you just touch the prostate, you know, it fires up like this, you're a rousal. Our arousal is accessible. It's immediate and it's powerful. We just have not known. We have a prostate and we haven't known how to touch her. So in reading your book and I have not take your workshop, but you talk about this workshop where the women take a mirror, because I'm always telling

when we just take a look at their volva, but I don't often talk about them going inside, but how you push out your pelvic floor and you can see the ridges of your g spot. Yes, and all women who are listening to this, you can do this. This is your homework. Tell us. Is you sit down on the floor. You need a mirror. Not not your little lipstick

mirror, ladies. Okay, nice big eight inch mirror. Prop it up on a stand or lay it against a pillow, which you place as you sit on the floor between your legs. Then two fingers on each hand, place them gently one on each labia, slowly spread your labia part, push out with your pelvic floor muscles and see if If you can see the riches, the famous riches of your cheese spot. Okay. Some women will see their, literally, some women just do that and they're like, oh, there it is. And they're completely shocked. Some have said, I thought that was a pro-lapse.

It's like, it's not. Okay, this is alarming, I know, but it does happen. Maybe we'll get into that later, maybe we won't. But, you know, but other women, they're gonna have to practice this three, five times, you know, take a break, try it again, because number one, for many women, well, they've never did this before. Some women never even looked at their evolve before.

And then some women haven't really used their pelvic floor muscles to push out like that. So right away you have three things you've never done before. You just practice, ladies, that's all. Keep at it. And some women have more meaty or smaller labia. And so it's a little harder to pull apart. Or it's a little, you have to peer a little deeper in. If they're more meaty, but all you have to do, you can see it is push out.

Look for that, your rethral canal. Because remember the prostate surrounds your rethral canal because remember the prostate surrounds the your rethral canal. It's right there at the outside of the body. From the outside, just two inches in. So look for that your rethra and then when

you push, you're going to see her peek out from underneath the your rethra. You'll start to see her little ridges. So you see her little ridges and then and then what do you do there? You see it come out. I think everyone has to do that. That's all. That's all. You just want to see it. Okay. First step is they said it don't exist. Well guess what? You just saw it. It's the prostate. Okay. Suddenly you're changed. We're talking about confidence.

We're talking about yes, I know where my G spot is. I've seen it. Has every woman been able to have a G spot orgasm from your class? Yes. Yes. Oh my God. Because they get to know her.

She's not big. People have said you don't exist. It's like, you don't exist. It's like, You don't exist. She has a little, you know, she doesn't exist. She's not real. I can't do it.

She's broken. It's like, oh my gosh. This is the work that people, we all need to do it. I mean, I do this in grad school, but not to this degree. So this is incredible. All right, we're going to take a quick break. Thank you for sporting our sponsors who

help keep this show free. When we come back, IS Deborah, if all vulva owners can ejaculate. Let's talk about why this isn't happening through penetration. I mean, it could. Oh, it does. Tell me your perspective on that. Why so many women don't? Because they've denied it.

They haven't looked for it. Mostly again, the speed. Yes. This is the vaginal orgasm. This is what the vaginal orgasm is. It's the G-spot. And women haven't had the vaginal orgasm because they're going too fast.

Yeah, to slow down to have that orgasm is, we just said with the biggest nerve, got to go slow. To slow, right? And so for some women who maybe are having orgasms that way, it's probably rubbing, I was just like, you're clitoris is maybe rubbing on your partner and that's what's going to happen, but it's not internal. It's not the deep spot.

It's slow, like slow, slow, slow. If anything's in the vagina, fingers, toy, penis, you're stimulating the prostate. You cannot not stimulate it. It's right there on the roof. So it's always getting stimulated. It's steady, rhythmic in and out. That's how you breathe and relax, move your body, you know, with the rhythm. So it's a dance. It's not a mechanic. It's an art, right? So it's body talk. Okay, so it's not your mind saying, but you please hurry up I want you to do this that the other thing is like no you have to breathe you have to move your body This is think of the word build You have to move your body. This is think of the word build.

You build. Building pleasure throughout your body. And you do that with the breath and the movement, right? And this is basic tantra. Actually, this is where tantra enters the picture with the G Spud orgasm is tant teach us to move your body to breathe because what they're doing is they're breathing this arousal pleasure all around the body. They're feeling really, they say they're filling their cells with pleasure. You are. You are. You are.

Yes. You just build it until you just, you have that orgasm. Those muscles are going to push out. Those powerful pelvic floor muscles are going to push out. And you'll just explode into an orgasm. And you push out. It wants to push out whatever in your vagina. Right. So take the toy out.

Take the penis out. That's it. That's exactly like my kind of orgasms too. Well, you push out, but we always think, Oh, it should be happening with the penis or what's a good position for this if we're talking about penetrative sex? What do you think the best to learn is to kneel next to your bed, place your upper torso on the top of your bed or stand up, place your upper torso on the top of your bed, or stand up, place your upper torso on maybe counter height or even the table. So that your upper torso is supported and secure because you got to move your hips and you do it from behind.

Yeah. Oh, do it from behind yourself. Yeah Yeah, because you're you're supporting your upper body So it's secure and you're lying on one arm So you're free here. Yeah to do it from behind. Yeah, or even from in front Even if you're with the part what if you're with a partner same position Okay, same position from behind. And women are moving their hips, women are feeling that pleasure. Yeah.

And they have more control too, because they can also jump off the penis. Okay. This is so great. I want to go back. There's so much here. There is. Can I just say that for a minute? There is a lot to it.

It is not a simple little thing, but it's also not hard and I make it accessible. You really do make it accessible. And this is the area where I, I just think it's, it's hands on literally and it's just rewiring our brains around what is possible. I mean, I, again, I know this because I've taken the work with so many of us having or we just focus on the clitoris. So let's get to sporting because I know a female ejaculation. We asked our Instagram and we got like 50 questions within like 20 minutes. So when you squirt, does that mean you orgasmed? Orgasm and ejaculation are two different functions. Ejaculation are two different functions.

Ejaculation is a release of fluid. orgasm is as we know, pleasure. So and you could also orgasm without ejaculating and you can ejaculate without orgasm. Yes. Okay. You can ejaculate before orgasm during orgasm or after orgasm or not ejaculate at all. Right. So can all women squirt? That's the next question. All women can ejaculate because all women have a prostate.

Female ejaculation is prosthetic fluid. Therefore all women can ejaculate if you want to. Okay. Are there certain positions to hit the G-spot better? The best position to hit the G-spot is to know where she is located. Find her right, then you'll know your best position. Exactly. You position yourself. Exactly. So this brings me to the next question. I have a hard time explaining to my boyfriend exactly how to hit my G-spot

and then actually make me score using his hands. Can you explain in simpler terms? Well, that's like anti backward and high heels. I mean, he doesn't need to use his hands for you to ejaculate. That's something that porn started and it's gotten way out of control. I mean, uses this penis. That's why man's got a penis, you know, so mostly he just needs to slow down. And when you're ready to ejaculate, he needs to come out of your vagina, your pelvic floor muscles are gonna push him out because your body's full of ejaculate. Your muscles are just gonna take over and push it out.

That penis has to come out. Most women cannot ejaculate with something in their vagina. 30% of women like the on top position, and they for some reason can ejaculate in the on top position. Yes. But most women can't. Right. Because they're not doing that. Exactly. Because then it's kind of coming out of you. My wife can only squirt through oral. How can I help her do it during intercourse awareness awareness. The penis. No one want your touch in with your penis and awakened penis on an awakened g spot is going to be electric. How to get over the feeling that I'm going to pee and stop that sensation. So this is why we don't do it because we're so afraid we're going to pee. So how do we talk about that? That's right. We mistake the urge to ejaculate for the urge to pee. How do we know? We just practice. We've been told that female ejaculation doesn't exist.

So if we feel that that pee urge, what else is it? It's P. Well, because we haven't known that no, it's ejaculate. And as you ejaculate, you get to distinguish between the two, but it is subtle. If you are aroused, and you're having intercourse of one type or another penis, toy, fingers. And you feel that urge to pee. That is the urge to ejaculate. Just let go, let it flow. Let go and let it flow. And if it is, how about this though?

What's the liquid made of and where does it come from? A women's sport? Everyone wants to know, is it pee? Isn't it pee? There's been all these studies. And I'm always like, who the hell cares? Does it feel good? No, it's howled down.

That's right. I don't get caught up in it. But you tell me what we will ask hell cares? Does it feel good? No, it's howled down. That's right. I don't get caught up in it. But you tell me what we will ask you, what is it made of? Is it be what are your answer to that? Female ejaculate is prosthetic fluid. Therefore it's 90% prosthetic fluid in 10% glucose. What's in prosthetic fluid? Just the same as what's in the male.

Prostatic fluid. It's the food and the nutrients and the protective environment, i.e. alkaline, for the sperm when they get their way to the egg. So is female ejaculation? That is its biological function is to protect that sperm. So it's full of vitamins, nutrients. So what about the traces of urine? I'm just going to ask, oh, that happens sometimes. I mean, mostly women who are first learning, if you have traces of urine, don't worry about it. The best analogy isn't the prettiest,

but you know, it's like a palm that needs to be primed. And I mean, the water that first comes out isn't the best looking. Be nice to yourself. Just forget about the whole urine thing until you have this working in your body. Also, women are pushing too hard. They want that ejaculate to come out. And so they're pushing too hard. So it's better to relax, let it slowly build and then it'll just kind of come out of the body. Yes. Yes. So how about this? How should you talk about it with

a partner and prep for cleanup in a way that's still sexy? I get a lot of the clean up questions and it's too messy. Do you have any recommendations? Well, this is a thing with when you ejaculate, you got to prepare. You know, we don't always want to prepare for sex and you know, you step hang up surrounded like oh my god if I prepare I spoil the mood. Well you get one of those beautifully female ejaculation blankets Invest in that and throw it on the bed, you know, it's beautiful and comfortable and that's what you do Yeah, and then you put it in the wash.'s right. Build the ejaculate along with the pleasure. You can actually feel that the ejaculate building in your body. Sometimes it goes out.

It's just like the tide. It just went out. It doesn't mean it's not there. It's there. And it's going to come back in with more pleasure, you know, until one just explodes out with the orgasm. The biggest obstacle to women not ejaculating is the sphere of letting go, the sphere of peak. Okay, that's the biggest obstacle, the second obstacle. Well, that has to do with the orgasm. It's letting the wild woman out. This is not your tiny Victorian orgasm. No, we're like, it's those deep gutteroles. Yeah. Women around with the wolves, you know, that great book by a young young analyst, Clearset Pinkola, Estee, women around with the wolves. This is your wild

woman, you know, and that vagus nerve is emotional by nature. So it's also an emotional orgasm. You got to scream. You're gonna emote your pleasure, you know, as sometimes you can, yeah, laugh and cry and it's emotional. Women love that, that's there. That's it. It's a release. It is emotional. I feel like as I've gotten more accepting

and as I've matured to my life, my orgasms are so much louder and so much more powerful. Right. If you have to be with a partner, like that's a thing, it's like we, you have to be with someone that you feel safe with that you can let go and trust. And if you're not and you're worried they're going to judge you and there they have judged you, then that might not be your person.

That's right. So therefore you can't say, I can't do this. It's like, no, that's not be your person. That's right. So therefore you can't say I can't do this. It's like no, that's not totally accurate. You just don't have the right circumstances. Right. It's the circumstances of patients at time and partner. And the right partner. So we could read an email from somebody having 45 New Jersey. I want have my younger girlfriend in her 20s had to be a vaginal squirt or she wants to do this for me and I want to help her. Where can I learn this technique and help my partner achieve it?

And then we got another one from a man and a lot of men want their partners to do it. It's all that these men's obsession, but their partners have to be on board with it and it starts with them. That's right. That's right. Sometimes guys, you know, it's right. That's right. Sometimes guys, you know, it's not a shiny new toy, you know, and sometimes their woman will ejaculate and they want her to do it over and over and over again because you stimulate the prostate, it's a creaks. It's a secretion gland, you know, so you can ejaculate over and over again, but hey, you know, the same as shiny new car. This is an organ of the body.

So like, be respectful, lay off, you know, this is also inherently about connection with your partner. This is about love. And ladies, especially the younger ladies, respect your body. Don't give into that male pressure to perform for them. It's like, forget it, chill. Tell them to get into their own prostate, okay? Exactly.

And someone else says it's squirting orgasm, the best orgasm you can give a woman. Yes. You say yes. Yeah. It's pretty amazing when it happens that I haven't been this conscious about it. But I, I really sought from our early on. It's like, when it happens and I haven't been this conscious about it. But I really sought from our early on,

it's like it's really just starting with that with slowing down, it's not gonna, me maybe it'll magically happen through in a course, but I don't know, it really is this snowing. You gotta learn how to drive the car first. You could go out, you gotta learn the, how the machinery gotta look under the hood. Let's talk about penis size for a second

because people think it has to be a very large penis that's gonna, and it's not. Some women like pressure, you can have a large penis. It'll apply pressure on the G spot, that will feel good, but let's get clear, it's just pressure that she's liking. She could also learn how to enjoy the massage. Massage. Let's not call it stimulation because that's like connected to the fast buzzing. Let's call it massage to the cheese spot with the penis. Yes, it is a massage.

That's how it happens. Okay, listeners, this might be a little repetitive, but Deborah, say I'm at one of your workshops. How do you actually help all the owners find their G spot? I take them through like a meditation practice to slowly identify the head, the body, and back of the prostate with their finger. I'm like you saw it now with your eye. Now slowly go around the meaty area that surrounds the urethral canal. Put your finger very slow, very tender. Everybody wants to rub it and go really fast. It's like, guess what?

Millimeter by millimeter, ever so slow. Well, everything changes when you do that. And from the urethra, then you go with your finger slowly down to the vaginal opening, that's all the prostate under that tissue there. So it's just at the opening and just two inches in, what is that? That's the first knuckle.

Yeah, that's so deep in a hat. Yeah, right? We're going way in there and pounding away at her. Like no! This is what I've been saying for years, they're pounding, pounding. It's not deep inside, out of the belly button. It is an inch and a half to two inches inside,

and I think people are still even going in. They don't get what that is up to your knuckle. And then when I discovered mine, I was like, oh, it's just right. It's literally like it's, it's that why we always do that, come Heather motion is because it's like going towards your belly button. It's like that little, you just feel it's just right. It's literally like, it's, it's that why we always see that come Heather motion is because it's like going towards your belly button. It's like that little, you just feel it's right there.

It's like on the, it's right there. It's like it's, it's right there. We thought it was this tiny spot that's somewhere in the deep oceanic recesses of the vagina was a spark and some women had it and some women didn't. And only the right man will come along and find it for us

and blast us off the planet. No, it's just a total myth. To total myth. We got to find it first. He was like, oh, we got to teach sex ed. And when women come to me first, like, oh, how do I be a great lover? I'm like, first, you got to do the work on yourself. When you become a master of your own body and your own domain,

then you can share that with a partner. Or you find a partner, well, and I love it in your book, Female Ejectulation and the G-Spot. You could do it with a partner. Like there are tips in here to do with a partner, but if you don't have a partner, your partner's not in,

I think it's less pressure, perhaps, it's on your own. So now we're inside and we've seen it peak out, and then we you're just saying we touch it with a finger then you'll become more. Yes, because it's a process of awareness. Once you know and see and have felt with your finger, okay, I saw this G-spod stick out. Now I shut my eyes and I locate that with my finger. I feel what it's like to touch it with my finger. And I feel what it's like to have a finger touch my G spots body. Right.

This is all awareness. I do not go fast. Right. I take women through this very slowly. I don't think I even ever really looked at my vulva puppet in this way that like there's sound. I never knew I vulva puppets, jeez, but I just, we find our jeez, but no pressure orgasm or to ejaculate, but you found this is awareness awareness.

The first day is aware. We're finding it. We don't have a bit of a ways to go to orgasm yet. We have performance issues. We have impatience issues. We have to go, we are trained to go really, really fast. We want that pleasure now. We want this now.

It's like, no. Okay, so we're articulating something that has not had a name. It doesn't exist. That is what I do. We're going to articulate this millimeter by a millimeter, you will have no doubt about your G spot after that. You will own her forever. That's empowerment. Yes, me.

Thanks so too. Get responsible for your own orgasm. We are responsible for it. I mean, I got to be a, I rushed through it sometimes too, if I'm masturbating. Yes, you will feel more because you relax. That's a thing to do. You relax. You relax. Yeah, we're go oriented and get me there, but.

Yeah. Yeah. When more woman relaxes, she feels arousal, something like that. Yeah. It's true. Because it's okay to go fast. There's more. Yes, there is more. So then we find this, we're still going here,

we're still on it. And then we start to get a route, it starts to swell, right? It will, it will, but it's not instant. This is just awareness and location. So we're just going to locate her inside the body now. Right. Inside the vagina just with the first knuckle. So that we know that body. Okay, I can feel her ridges. Oh, and she kind of hangs down through the roof of the vagina like a half moon.

So on each side of that half moon is kind of like a little canal. He's like, call them. So you know, okay, I can feel on each side where she hangs down. And now I'm starting to notice, oh, the body's kind of squishy. Oh, and the temperature kind of squishy. Oh, the temperature. Temperature is cool. Some women, it's warm. Some women, it's hot.

What is the temperature? And what's the texture? Is it rough? Is it smooth? Is it rough like a cat's tongue? You know, so we noticed this. Temperature, texture. We all have a G-spot, just like we all have a nose.

But everybody's nose, this is kind of different. But the nose is in the same place on the face. The G-spot is in the same place in every single woman on the planet. Say, and so, so that's the body. And so we go a little farther back staying connected to her. By that, I mean, don't lift up your fingers. Stay connected so you know where you are at. Okay. And as you go, I'm knuckle and a half back, your finger is going to start

to curl. And it's going to curl around the back as this organ and hangs down through the roof of the vagina. See? Now here's the thing. On the back, you can have either round and firm or you can have one that's ramp shaped and fluffy. And I mean fluffy like clouds, fluffy. So we go back now millimeter by millimeter from the body, ever so slow, millimeter by breath and relax, relax our body, relax our fingers, we carry so much tension, relax, relax.

Now millimeter, all right, now I'm coming to the back. Oh yeah, my G-spots brown and firm. What about your G-spot? Emily is your ramp shaped and fluffy like cotton candy. I think it is a little bit more fluffy like cotton candy. Yeah, it can be amazing feeling of fluffiness. Yeah. We've noticed the structure there.

We noticed the temperature was hot. And mine is hot. Could be cool for another ladies. And so then we slowly, ever so slow. Draw our finger from the back across the body ever so slow. And then we slowly come out, let our finger fall from the vagina ever so slow. And then we cup our bowl with our hand. Love the cupping.

Yeah, I use wax our vulva into our hands. Okay, and then we send our G-spot, our beautiful prostate. Big thank you with the breath. Yeah, now we slowly come back into our space here. Sure, you know, you can go right for it, but I'm not teaching that. Emily, I'm teaching tenderloving care because she needs that. I'm teaching to slow way down because that's what the vagus nerve needs.

The vagus nerve is the meditation nerve. antidote to the fight and flight. So that vagus nerve slows us way down. That's why we breathe and relax. So that's the nerve that goes to the prostate. That's the orgasm you're going to have is from this powerful vagus nerve starts out slow and ends with a bang. So we do that. The orgasm comes from just continuing and breathing and stroking. Debra Sundahl, your book is female ejaculation and the G-spot. So everyone should get this book.

We're going to put it in the show notes so people can buy your book. You are the goddess here and this is incredible work that you're doing and I want to know about it. Yeah, thank you. It's incredible. I want a great Emily. No, thanks. Yeah, thank you. Oh, glad you're back. It's incredible. And there aren't many women doing, I'm talking about it specifically, but you are doing the hands-on work.

And teaching women, I always say what responsible for our own orgasm. Oh, I have to ask you the five questions we ask all of our guests, too. OK. OK, number one, they're just quicky questions. They're quick. So what's your biggest turn on?

The G-spot. Did I just say no? No. Biggest turn off. Fast. What makes good sex? I connection. What would you tell your younger self about sex and relationships? Slow down. I'm both cow and son. What do you wish everyone knew about sex? That women have a prostate and that it's just overflowing with pleasure and effervescent ejaculate. Thank you so much, Deborah, for being here. How can people find you the best way to find you is on your website, DeborahSundale.com.

That's correct. DeborahSundale.com. That's correct. DeborahSundale.com. S-U-N-D-A-H-L. And this will all be in our show notes. Thank you for being here. You're quite welcome. Pleasure. Happy your gasp. Happy your gasp.

That's it for today's episode, See You on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure.

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