Sex With Emily - Best Of: I'm Not Just Having Sex with Erik Griffin

Episode Date: March 27, 2018

On today’s throwback show, Emily is joined by comedian Erik Griffin from Comedy Central’s Workaholics and the two are talking about dating in the digital world, different types of relationships, and debate whether or not sex is the most important thing in a relationship. They talk about the art of flirting online, FWBs, mismatched libidos, and the importance of communication in the bedroom and the thrill of pleasing your partner. Emily also gives Erik advice on how to get closer to getting the perfect blowjob, and motivates him to change up his Tinder game. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Promescent, Intensity, Adam & Eve Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common moment? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about it? It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. I'm an E here, you just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common moment?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcasts. Sign up for our goddamn mailing list because I'm telling you, we send some of the best emails around. Like people actually compliment me on my email blast and they say they actually read them and they don't despan themselves from it. They don't market a spam and they don't on on subscribe because I give you good sexual information

and and relationship information and it's all you know PG if your wife or husband runs into it it's all good. So yeah, send up my mailing list, check me out on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and sex with Emily and as always you can send me your questions to feedback at sexwithamely.com because I love hearing from you and I read every single email that you send me. I really do. And I try to answer on the show. And tonight's show, I'm very excited for my guest here, even more excited now.

I was always excited all day, but now there's a better backstory about how we got him in the studio. This is Eric Griffin. He's an actor and writer and comedian. Yes. Fans of the Hit Comedy Central series Workaholics they might recognize them as Eric Griffin the shows iconic series regular Montez also used to perform live at the Gotham on Comedy Central last comic standing on

NBC Comics that was on Showtime nationally sitting at comics and Lee used to do everything. I was on the rest of development this year. Oh my god. I did Franklin and Bash. You've done it all. Yeah, well, whatever. Well, you've done the right, you've done all the right things, but what's so interesting is that and then you have, wait, and then you have your debut comedy album coming out. What already came out. Okay, my album's out of some side one dummy record. It's called Technical File, volume one. How do you find that? You can find it on iTunes. iTunes. iTunes is the best for everything. You can go to my website. Okay, Eric, what's your website? Eric Griffin.com would okay. iTunes is the best for everything. You can go to my website.

Okay, Eric, what's your website? EricGryffin.com with a K. Eric with a K. Okay, so Eric's here, so here's what happened. So we're doing a special show tonight, because I like to bring you two shows a week. And we didn't have a second show plan up long story short, because I do one show with Menace,

who's usually, who's my sidekick in San Francisco, and long story short, we can do it one this week in Lawrence. I've got someone great. I met this guy, Eric easy comedian he's awesome he's funny and he's gonna Come in I'm like that's amazing. I like you up. You were actually funny and awesome, but just now Yeah, tell me exactly how you met my assistant Lauren Well, Lauren she was at the laugh factory. I was performing. I believe it was a Monday night. It was kind of late and She was a drunken mess in the crowd. Okay good to know those girls. I was performing. I believe it was a Monday night. It was kind of late and she was a drunk in mess in the crowd. Okay, good to know. Those girls that was like,

you know, just and she was looking super hot that night too, by the way. She always like, even she even looks hot when she's trying to act like all business like that. Yeah, she was like, you know, she got gold shoes on today, but she was looking like, like take me home and you know, do me proper. Right, exactly. That's good. She was a little drunk too, but not to like sloppy drunk, but it was like, it was a perfect kind of drunk. It was a perfect kind of drunk, where she was not a bar for new drunk.

Yeah, well, my notary would have been able to get a signature from her. Right, exactly. Right, right. And then she just started a, you'd be happy on Instagram and then, you know, she flirted me in here today. Oh my God, that is a good job.

Yay, Lauren, okay, but you would have come anyway, right? Oh, I would have come anyway, it's great, but I mean, you know, she flirted me in here today. Oh my God, that is a good job. Yay Lauren, okay, but you would have come anyway, right? Because I would have come anyway, it's great, but I mean, you know. No, I'm just kidding. I like the story about Lauren being all fucked up because she's usually, you know, she doesn't have to. Yeah, that's right, when I came in tonight, she was all like, oh, how good to see you.

And I'm like, who's this? Right, exactly. She's a fun party girl, but she's also a serious worker. So that's, you know, that's how we love her, you know. Yeah, she's always, yeah, she's told me about how she, you know, you work her to death and the hours are crazy. Yeah, exactly. I don't work, you know, that's how we love her, you know. Yeah, she's always, yeah. She was told me about how she, you know, you work at a death and the hours are crazy. Yeah, exactly. I don't work, no, she said, no, that's not true.

It is crazy. It is crazy, because sex never sleeps. Well, it, it should take a break every now and then. Should we do it? Do you? Exactly. No, there is a refractory period before we can go again. So, but I appreciate you coming on the show.

No, we're gonna, so today's show is gonna be a little hybrid. We're gonna talk to you. We're gonna, I'd love to get, you know, I appreciate you coming on the show. No, we're gonna, so today's show is gonna be a little hybrid. We're gonna talk to you. We're gonna, I'd love to get, you know, I, I, I often read emails for my listeners. We're gonna have you, you know, get some of your advice as a man or a single. Yeah, I'm single. Okay, you've dated your fair share. You have dated, you know, and then things have been different since being on the show. That's pretty weird. Right, because you probably get laid more people having more. Oh, yeah, yeah, this is like, I think I've like,

quadrupled my numbers. Really? This was the last thing in the, like in the last week. Just, you know, just being on, you know, girls actually fuck you because you're on TV. I've got this thing weird. It's one of my questions. It's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it by, like that's their favorite show. And then they admire what you do.

So I don't wanna look at it as a bad thing. I don't wanna like downplay it. I don't wanna be like, well, these women are dumb. No, no, no, no, no, it's like. They appreciate your humor. You appreciate, you know, it's all that kind of thing. And people tell me, well, they don't wanna do that because you're on TV.

I'm like, and? And your problem is? They're your problem is the whole reason why I got on TV. You know, right. So yeah, that's just how it happens, you know, you just and then how do they meet you? Like are they waiting outside this they come up to you? You know what I got to tell you in this day and age of social media, you know, they find you, you know like Like I love Tinder. That's one of my favorite Tinder I'm like tender

Yeah, anyway, so like I'll say it on stage I'll be like when I come to a town I get on tender love. Yeah, anyway. So like I'll say it on stage, I'll be like, when I come to a town, I get on Tinder and then like afterwards, I've met a couple of people that would be like, I was at your show tonight, blah, blah, the next thing you know. Next thing you know they're in your hotel room? Yeah, they're in my hotel room.

That's amazing. So you can have a woman in every port. Well, I mean, you can, but you gotta be careful because people look crazy. Right, no, people are crazy, that's true. And I'm'm not necessarily you know what I found out about myself is that you know You think that you're just attracted to like somebody's like just physically hot, right? But then I find out that that's not that doesn't always that's not enough. No, it's definitely no It's enough for for a second you go in but then I'm just like talking and then like I don't know

I need like a little connection You know not too much brains where they think they're better than you but you know what I mean but Well, that's not brains. That's actually insecurity I think when someone's trying to think that they're better than you and they're trying to prove you wrong That's usually when they feel like they know that they're dumb and so they're trying to prove it in a way that makes them like dumb Or I would say or I would say like that, you know Women have such a so much to deal with anyway in society that they have to like overcompensate like as That's true to the point of the show that I'm like a man. It's like no, you're not so don't try to be like that You know, it's so annoying that's true. I meant people in general who I don't mean they try to like condescending

Yeah, kind of sending her like one up you because they think they're scared but you're right. It is hard for women Yeah, it's like I have to pretend I'm smart every single day. Yeah, come on. You are smart That's what you're doing. I have my moments, you know, I do I always say it it is hard for women. Yeah, it's like, I have to pretend I'm smart every single day. Come on, you are smart, that's what you're doing. I have my moments, you know, I do. I always say it's really tough for women, I think, just because, you know, you're your most, I have to call up your Olympic years, you know, like, you know, it's like 18 to 28. Yeah.

That's when you have to win gold. Right. If you don't, you're going to get a cat by 35, but I'm just saying, that is also when you're at your most shallow right and also the best time to have a kid those three things do not coincide with each other It's like really difficult. That's why that's who the youth is wasted on the young It's so true. It's like when I was like 25 like please like couldn't even had a cat or a kid Still can have a cat. I tried to have a dog for a while didn't go over that well But no, I know what you're saying, it's totally true.

And I wasn't going for the gold either. Most women you're right, they are between those ages and then they get older. And especially in LA, it's like a total different, do you live in LA for a while? Yeah, they live in LA my whole life. How do you always see your form here? It's okay, so I'm fairly new to LA.

Well, it's been a year. So I live in San Francisco. So how do you find dating in LA? Well, it's a little more difficult because, you know, I mean, just girls in L.A. already think they are entitled to, like, more than they really deserve. Why is that? I don't know.

I really don't get it. I don't get this, like, you know, like, it's like attitude because it's not like that. I mean, there's pockets of women like that everywhere. There's people like that everywhere. Right. But in L.A. in particular, they think, you know, there's certain type of women, like, the women who are like actress model waitresses. Well, I think that a lot of chicks in L.A.

think that trying to do something is the same as actually doing something. Right. So they'll be like, I'm an actress, what have you done? Yeah, you're not an actress. Right. Till you like, I always say, whatever you're, if you have to ask somebody

to go do something, if you have to go to someone and say, Hey, I need to get off on Wednesday because they need to go do this. Then whoever you're asking, that's your priority. Exactly. That's what you are. So until that's gone, you're not that thing yet. Really. So, you know, or my favorite is if someone thinks, like if someone says, you look like a model, that doesn't mean you're a model. Exactly. Totally. You must be a model. Right. I get that too. And at least I did wherever I'm like, I'm like, I like a line here. But since you, okay, but you weren't always a comedian. So this is not been your lifelong path. You had a career. Yeah, I was doing something

completely different. And then I just didn't want to wake up 50 and be like, I didn't follow my dreams, you know, because I think most people, you know, most people, they become a slave to their possessions, to paying for things instead of having experiences. I think they people become afraid to fail or succeed. And then they get trapped in a relationship that they hate. They get trapped in a job that they don't love. And then their life is like, they wake up and like, oh my God, I hate my life. But that was a choice. And so, you know, I just didn't want to be like that. You know, I just really went for it.

And, you know, here I am, I'm on your show, I'm on a television show that people love. Yeah, people love it. I'm crazy about it. I'm crazy about it. So you just, so how many years now have you been doing this? Yeah, since 2003. Oh, okay.

So you quit and did, but probably did it take a while or were you like, look? No, no, no, I just think that, I mean, no, but you, well, no, I don't mean to take while I just wondering the trajectory because it's not easy to break any kind of what you know is I'm a side doing it or are you doing a stand-up? I, I, I just went for it. I went to open mics every single day and I, you know, I just start, I just knew that I need, I had a plan. I knew I didn't need to like get the perspective of my peers right away.

Right, right. Because those are the people that get you work. I just, I didn you work. I knew you had to cultivate relationships like a plant. It's not going to grow right away. You've got to put water in it. You've got to feed it. Give it light. It's got to take time. You've got to build real relationships. But it's such a fast paced town.

People just think that, you know, what can you do for me? Exactly. Why don't you find out if you want them to do something for you? You want to do something for them. So, you know, it took some time. It took some like real effort. It took like, you know, me just not being afraid. And I just, I went for it. You know, probably got over a lot of fears. I did. And I probably still deal with a lot of fears. And when you're comic, you're so insecure. You know, you want to be heard. Listen to me, you know, I mean, I'm still bitter about a lot of things.

And so I'm just, you know, trying to. I know. I mean exactly I'm still bitter about a lot of things and so I'm just you know trying to go I know I know no no no the comedy that's the fair the comedy is therapy yeah if I didn't do that it's not gonna be crazy exactly so like a lot of what would you say like I saw some of your two YouTube and like YouTube videos in your show but what is there any common things that you like talk about you are excited about coming up or that you know it's really just about my perspective on things like I like talking about about? Are you excited to talk about coming up or that you like to do? Well, it's really just about my perspective on things. Like, I like talking about online dating. Like, I like talking about Tinder.

Okay, yeah, okay, I do, I do the live Tinder date because I have no time to date in the studio a few weeks ago. I've never met them. Oh wow. I've come into the studio and I like lit candles. Oh, nice. And we had wine. Yeah, the live Tinder date was fun.

Well, here's my problem though. That was my first date on Tinder and my last, because I had a time. Well, my thing with Tinder Tinder is but that's a choice You making that choice yourself. No, I know I know I'm not prioritizing it is excuse me I Guys you're there, but I know but it's like is that all we really want? I mean out of life? What work? No, just guys what no, but it's like it's like are you afraid of relationships?

Like you're afraid of like yeah, I mean, you know We're all free to be a boner. I don't I don't prioritize relationships I do my work, but those who can't do tea, too. I see all I hear is excuse. I just hear that you are hiding behind this work because you don't want to, let's get to the real. I've been in relationships. No, I've been in so many relationships.

But that's okay. When you say I've been in so many relationships, that means you're horrible at relationships. No, I just mean that you know what it's come to is that I've decided I've come to the place where I realize that I actually don't want the traditional relationship. And that's a very hard place to be to tell everyone that feel on our stand. I'm like, no, I really have never wanted to get married. I don't want children. That takes like a certain amount of like, first of all, it's harder to be in like a, say,

a polyamorous relationship That that takes a maturity and an honesty level that most people don't even want to deal with exactly They just don't want to deal with it right and people who are in polyamorous relationships have like this practice like this fierce honesty Like you've never like they talk about everything you can't lie You can't cheat like if they overcommunicate in a way that oh you think that's uncomfortable No, it's not uncomfortable. It works for them communicate in a way that, no, you think that's uncomfortable. No, it's not uncomfortable. It works for them. People always think, oh, no, it always works.

You know, no, but marriage is one of them always work. Well, most of them don't work. Right. So people like, Polly Amory doesn't work. I'm like, yeah, how's your marriage doing? So I'm not saying I'm Polly Amory, I was just saying, I'm,

I mean, I'm just saying that's an example of you. For example, totally. And I might be, I don't know. I've dated multiple people and they all know at once, but I'm not like in a Polly Amory's love circle or anything. Well, so the point is, but it's true that they practice like this fierce honesty people just like Oh, it could never work, but then they're like okay I want us I love you. I have a primary partner, but I might want to see but I'm gonna see but someone else

And you know all the facts all the details rather than if you're in a committed relationship And you might be like lying or cheating or I mean there's a perfect way to go about it But that's that is my relationship thing is thing. Is that I kept trying to get relationships where they wanted that typical thing that I didn't want. So that's kind of where I came from. I don't think people that are in that typical thing want that typical thing. They don't, and I just want that.

I just thought they want that. But what happens is you like, just like in your life where you like get like, let's say, if I'm in a job that I hate, but then I buy a house, so I have to stay at that job that's what happens in relationships. Exactly. They get kids or they get like they make these choices that now they go well god we gotta stay together but nobody really I don't know that many people that really want that or like if they can it or I don't say that I think they want it but they

don't know how to apply it they don't know how to actually attack it and make it work. Exactly. Until there's a problem and then they're in therapy. So that's why I think that couples need therapy. I think it should be like you're going to your, you know, monthly or by month, what you're, you know, you're, you're gonna check up to your doctor or something. I believe that every couple should enter therapy fairly early on. Like I'd say within the first year, and especially if you're gonna get married, because there's certain tools that these people that we're talking about,

a lot of people get married, they there's certain tools that these people that we're talking about, a lot of people get married. They only go into therapy or they only, like the problems happen when there's a crisis, when it gets to crisis level. And then before that time, they haven't dealt with it. So I think like in therapy, you can really develop tools that you need like a mediator come and talk to

because then to help you guys communicate, because just because you fell in love in a baby and all this stuff doesn't mean that you know how to communicate through our time. So I think a lot of marriages might last longer, but you're right, people get in, they get trapped. And I just never, I mean, I stuff doesn't mean that you know how to communicate through our time. So I think a lot of marriages might last longer, but you're right. People get in, they get trapped. And I just never, I mean, I don't know what it is.

I just, you know, I just never really wanted that, but you're right. I think a lot of people do get stuck and then they don't want that. But then the people I would say on the other side, like we're saying right now, you say, you don't want that, but then you'll, you know, then you like, you know, then you find it awkward to like, you know, you want to have sex. Right. And you have sex, but then there's some weirdness that happens, you know, you want to have sex. Right. And you have sex, but then there's some weirdness that happens. Right.

You know, so I always tell people like, if you have a fuck buddy and you're like, I say, you have to stop it at a certain point. Right. Because eventually someone's going to want more. It gets ruined. It's better. Yeah, friends and benefits, you benefit for a little while and then move on. Exactly.

And benefit with someone else. But then we like comfortable, we want to be comfortable. We're creatures of comfort. Right. So therefore, that's why we want more, but we don't want in that traditional way. Right. So there's a way to be committed with someone and then maybe bring in wood. I think that everyone has the opportunity to create whatever kind of relationship they want and they don't. We're so m- please. First of all, that's so hard because people are so insecure. Right. People are so possessive. There's no way, and then men and women are so completely different and they don't want to acknowledge that.

That's the biggest thing too. Right, exactly. Like I tell people like on my shows, I always tell women, I say, don't be a coward. Like it is cowardly to not tell your man how to please you. Exactly. It's a coward's move. It's because women can't accept rejection.

Like if a man says to a woman, you're not doing it for me right now, that would be like, I have to slip my throat as opposed to like, you know, but guys like to be coached, you know, we like to be coached. You want the directions, you want to get there? You want directions, we're like in a huddle, like, give me what play you want me to run. So do you find that women typically do not tell you what they like? Because I talk, that's all I talk, that's the purpose of my, that's why I'm on the planet I think I tell men and women that they have to communicate about sex and they don't. And so if you've been with women whether it's like not mom

and you're like tell me what. Yeah but then it then it becomes like but then it okay but here's the attitude of that though like let's say it's your birthday coming up and if you say it's my birthday and I knew it it takes away from it right me to say, happy birthday to you now because you've told me already. So there's a lot of it. Maybe I thought you didn't know if I birthday. I know. But see what I'm saying, is people get this kind of feeling of like, well, now you've really. Oh, you need to sex. I was like, Hey, you need to do this or that. But that's why it needs to be done in a certain way where it's like, you know, you're, you know, that's what the pre-talk needs to be about, you know, they need to be like, they think the three sex talk the three sex talk, you think you need like before you actually have sex, you're like,

so listen, when you're going down on me- I don't mean like that, not like a- Not like a Ikea directions. Okay. I don't mean like that, but there's- I think you should be open, I think you should take your walls down earlier, so you could start to like anticipate things you could start to like you know You know, you know what you might enjoy or not enjoy like you could find out of somebody you're like

Maybe a girl doesn't want you don't I don't like when guys might believe I don't like that You know then you know that you hear that ahead of time You're like okay, I'm not gonna try to do that, you know right? No, you're right people don't and that's another thing We're talking about people earlier who don't communicate in relationships People definitely don't communicate about sex in relationships. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you.

I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you.

I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you.

I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I's gonna get better. It only gets better if you communicate, you know, what you want. I wanna add to that. Please do. I'm gonna add to that is that you can connect with anyone if you allow yourself. Like I have, I find in LA, or like what girls of a certain age, let's say, that they think they can only connect with someone that they wanna fuck.

Right. They don't even wanna my friends, you mean? And what I'm saying is, you can, if you allow yourself, you can connect with anyone. Like, how many times if you had sex with someone that you've thought was, quote unquote, hot, and it was horrible? Many, yeah. So that means it has nothing to do with what they look like. That means that, yes, there have been times when a person was hot, and then the sex was great. And in your mind, you've associated that that hotness is the reason why the sex

was good. Not all thinks though, there's some sort of chemical thing going on. There is. There's some kind of chemistry, you know, but men are more guilt. No, no, no, I call you up. Men are more guilty men are guilt or this is the moment. I think that for for men, there was like, I decided the first three seconds, 30 seconds, five bang someone or not and like, they're more into like dating women, you know, the looks are the most important thing to wear women are like, oh, you know, he's really funny, he's really smart, he grew on me, I don't know. I think, I think not, I think that once, I think that's about age though. Yeah. Okay, so women have a start age.

What do you think? I'm saying like women in their 20s, like 27 and under. Yeah. No, no, no, no, it is definitely about what they look like. Right. That's that. That is what they're at their most shallow. And that's why all those girls are trying to

fuck the same guys. You know, and that's why those guys are fucking thousands of girls. Right. Because they all think they're going to end up with Ryan Gosling. Right. Exactly. That's what they're looking for. That's what they're looking for. It's a laser to weird town. Like, yeah, but the thing I'm saying is like all these girls that age, they all are in the same boat. They're getting hurt by the same guy. Same dish bag.

The same douchebag. That's true. Because they think that, oh, I'm going to change him or I'm going to get, no, you're not. You know, you know, what the, that's the none other thing. You know, the thing is is because I always tell them, you have to remember every June, there's an 18 year old graduating to take your place. Exactly. So the odds are not in your favor. It's so true.

And people who date, exactly the right, they all come to LA off the bus in the 18th. But it's so true that women also, in men, this is another big thing that you, I was just with my mother in Florida, I just spent a week with my mother. Which was intense. No, it was good, I was just with my mother in Florida. I just spent a week with my mother. 9, okay. I'm just intense.

No, it was good. It was fine. I love my mom. But one of the best piece of relationship by Shaever gave me was never getting to a relationship with someone thinking that you're going to change them. And it's so true that you can't date on potential. You can't think, well, he's going to change me one day. He's going to stop going out with his guy friends every night or one day. He's going to stop cheating or one day she's going to learn to love sex as much as I do. Whatever it is, unless the person that you're with makes a conscious decision that they're gonna try to change, they're not gonna change.

Well, I think there's a lot of myths in the world and one of the myths are that men like sex more than women. And I think that is a huge myth that we need to dispel. Let's do it now. Okay, because women like sex way more than men do because their bodies are designed that way. They are designed. Like, first of all, a guy's gonna finish every time. He can use sandpaper to masturbate. He's gonna finish because that's why we're designed. Half the enjoyment is getting the yes. Like half the the part of that chase is like when a girl says yes

I'll have sex with you. Then you're like, oh oh that's part of it in the whole conquest like we're about quantity and women are about quality right you know so I just right I'm talking about like you want to have sex with one guy a thousand times right guys want to have sex with a thousand women you know just because not even for it's be good right no for right not even because it's good is what I'm saying exactly but that's a myth about like I want I want her to have sex with me but that's probably they're not communicating right exactly That can also people have mismatched libidos they get together. God, right? She wants it more than he does He might yeah, there it is not true that meant meant typically want it more than women because I know a lot of cases

Where women want it more it's just that couples yeah again, they're not communicating she might be holding a grudge against her husband for Years because something and then eventually her sex drive to minister she could be taking some kind of hormones I mean, there's a million reasons my couples do not match sexually, right? Yeah, but then you go, then the one that the women that are like, you know, don't think that, you know, sex is an important anymore in a relationship. Oh, I've heard that. Yeah, then I always say then, why are you mad when I want to fuck someone else? Exactly. Since it's not important, let me go fuck someone else. Right, exactly. We'll see. These are the kind of content you could have. You say, you know what, I love you on a booth.

You want to watch movies with you on Saturday night and Sydney popcorn. I'm happy that but I'm going to go out and bank someone else. I just think some women use collect men like comic books. You know, they keep them in plastic and put them on the shelves where they can't be read, but they can just go, oh, look. Like they catch like their stories like this is where I slept with. Yeah, yeah, it's like, oh, this is my, you know, hey, this is this is my, you know, like the notches on my bedpost or whatever, you know, just, yeah, I know what I'm just saying

is like, if you're going to be with a guy who's like, you know, super sexual or wants to have sex a lot, you know, you don't want to have sex a lot, that's going to be a problem. That is a problem. And this is the other thing that you know what this is, this is nature's cruel joke is because, yeah, this first six to 12 months are relationship, you weren't if such that person is new, you're oxytocent, it's biology. Like you really do, like you can't stop, you're having sex like rabbits.

But eventually that's gonna wane, that just happens, is our biology, we're not, you know, it's a whole mating, parabond thing, men are meant to spread their seat. I mean, all this is true that you're not gonna be as attractive the person you're not gonna want to be. And then when it's so surprised, what happens? Well, first of all, I don't think this is nature's joke. No, no, no, this is what we've done to ourselves because of religion and societies, constraints. We've told ourselves that we're supposed to be in monogamous relationships. That's not, no, no, we're going against nature.

Right. That's what I'm saying, though, is that we're not natural that people, right, I believe we're going against nature nature as well and then it's not natural that you're that you don't want to have as much X anymore right I was the same thing I was the woman this listen your man There's ladies listening right now look at your man if you listen in together your man wants to fuck All your friends right every woman and he's thinking about it too. That's think about and he has elected Not to do that that is what makes you special. Not that, you know, we're getting a relationship and all of a sudden, what are minds are supposed to be like, well, now I don't wanna have sex with anyone else.

It doesn't work like that. And this is what we will talk about. Like before you get married. You're supposed to be before you can really talk about this stuff that you might not want to have sat. You know, then it just might, the issues might come up I think you got to talk about but then there is a part of it that you know that shouldn't be the most important thing because that's what ironically it isn't like sex it is not but if you stop having sex it is the most

important thing well because then your roommates well then the then the things that are important in a relationship the real things that are important in a relationship You weren't looking for those things anyway, then you shouldn't be in a relationship because you can't have your cake You need a two you can have good sex and have been a good relationship. I'm saying but there's come the Companion ship I'm talking about the trust and all that I know but you could have that and not have sex every day You know, yeah, you don't need sex every day You need to have sex at the right, the same amount of times you compromise too.

If you want to five times, you want to twice a week, then you have it like three times a week. I know, but it's like that's not. I just don't think that people even operate like that. No, but they don't, but that's why they listen to my show, because they tried to. But do you, I have one other issue that I have to bring up real quickly.

So another thing that happens a lot of times during sex is that I brought you a few gifts here today. You're not going to be going home empty-handed. The thing is, is that a lot of times during sex is that I brought you a few gifts here today. You're not going to be going home empty handed. The thing is that a lot of men, Lauren, is at a Lawrence reprise, she's coming home with you. I thought that would be really sweet. Promessing. So a lot of men, they have sex.

Exactly. Yes, it is a delay spray. A lot of men don't last long enough in bed. Premature ejaculation. It's the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation with absorption technology. It provides superior superior ejaculation control with great sensation for the man and unnoticeable transfer to his partner. So a lot of my relationships. Okay, so you still feel like... Yeah, no, you totally still feel like you're having sex, but you just let's say you

last form and it's not your last eight. If you last eight, you last sixteen. Because it's not even many or minute men. Have you ever... you've probably in your life once or twice come before you wanted to? Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah but here's the thing. Okay just just happen to be. On this is promising by the way. P-R-O-M-E-S-E-N-T. I'm taking it home. Yeah, you're about more come baby. Yeah. No, but some, but I know that there's, I've been with some women that like they, they think that's hot though. Like if they think they feel sexier if a guy like is like,

not comes really fast, but like, you know, they feel sexy about by the way. Oh, he was so turned on by me. Yes. He was so turned on by me. Right. Of course, of course, of course. No, but ones are twice or whatever were fine.

And actually the truth is, if that does happen, you would want to, women are fine. We're like, oh wow, that's what we think. But if you're in a relationship with someone where they never can last longer than a minute or two, I mean, there's lots of things you can do, kegletri sizes, they prescribe men with antipressants, which is terrible.

There are a lot of treatments. It's like, you've all the side effects. Well, I think it is about like, like how you, again, communicate and, right, what, what, what, what, what did you do in the bed? Like, you know, is it just about doing that? And then it stopped, no, there's gotta be some light.

He's gotta please her. Or, so, like, do things to make sure she gets off. You can't last long enough. And your girl's pussy, right? Don't you think it's so important? You know what, let me tell you something. That is like, it's such an intimate action that should happen more often in relationships and if you did that more often because

that's a one-time from I think that women are allowed to be selfish because I think most women even went during sex they're very selfless. You know, you know, you put up with a lot, you know, to like like words What the things we're talking about right now and that's your time to just completely right so I tell guys do it 20 minutes You know get an egg timer exactly But some guys don't like it. Yeah, well, yeah, well, you know what I tell you why and that's why If you're into or sex then that also you should be also into hygiene right? You know because what ends up happening is is like you know

Let's be real you're walking around all day with your pants on or whatever it is like that like you have to do your part too Going back to oral sex is if you guys walking around all day having no days She should go in the bathroom if she knows you're gonna have sex and like wipe down Yeah, yeah, every woman should do that clean up clean. Clean up. Everybody just clean up and then you know, because to me, I think this is about being honest. Right. And that is the issue. Like, yes, you don't want to,

I think of someone saying, I don't want to do, I don't like that. It's because they've had an experience where it was awful and I totally get that because I've had that experience. Like I, listen, I love eating pussy. It gets like, you know, that's like a great, but like I also know where I'm like, and then that's an awkward moment where you want to be like, you get out, you go, you're

pussy is awful. I had timers only at 19 minutes, 30 seconds. What the hell are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do? So it's like, that's where I'm saying it's like, do your part, you know, and then they would be like, because then there's those times when it's just like, I know, no, it's true. And I think this is a great message because I think when I was younger, I don't think that I knew this as much or thought about as much, but it's true.

Like, if I know that I can be someone like, I go to the bathroom, I like, do you think men to do it too? Or I remember my ex girlfriend, she would go like, I was about to go and she would go, no, no, don't do that. Right, right, or if she's somebody like that, right, right, right, right. Yeah, right. I don't do that. Exactly, right, or if she's somebody, like that, ready yet. Ready, ready, ready. Don't do that. Right.

Exactly. So, many women pay attention to that. But, and I think it's true that a lot of people don't like certain sexual acts, like anal sex, or that, because they bad experiences too, though first time, like men just kind of shot me down with that, Lou, or whatever. Oh, right, right. So, there's people who have like trauma around certain

sexual things, but I think that that's a good one, like hygiene, like, you know, but, but that's what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah, this is, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, trauma around certain sexual things, but I think that that's a good one. Like hygiene, like, but that's what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah. This is, uh, I, I, okay, I, I remember, I, I was on a road, just like a road experience, you know, and I'm, right at Tinder date. Yeah. Yeah. What are you after the show, you know, like, like, one of my, I like to say, I can't leave

this city to like each a pussy. I like to say that. Do you say that? Yeah. I'm tired. I can't have every time, right? You know, I might say every time, but you know. So this girl, you know, whatever, and then like I'm trying to flip her over because I want

to, you know, I'm going to go dog, she didn't like that. She was like, I don't like that. It's weird to me. And then you go, oh, everybody has a different. Totally. Everybody has, and when I was saying that you have to be open to that particular experience, you know, because I think what happens when you get into a long relationship is It becomes boring because you start doing the same thing every single time

And even if you know how to get that person off that isn't always fun. No, you want to try new things Yes, so I'm doing this for you every single time. How's that fun? Like is that and then it has to be like oh, okay You don't like that. Well, what do you like? Let's try this and that's hard to do. It's hard to be in inhibited and like, you know, let your guard down. So the room not into her after that? No, no, I was fine. Right.

But there are some like, why doesn't, but they're younger, maybe she was younger. Oh, she was definitely young. Right, there's a lot of you. So do you mostly see with like 20 something? How old are you? Do you mind? I'm 42.

So women that you're dating are mostly in the 20s now? No, I don't, I haven't really dated. Not dating, okay, sleep in mind. No, it depends. The woman you're trying to do in the 20s now. No, I don't I haven't really dated that dating Okay sleeping. It depends the woman you're trying to do doggy side with internal She was like 22 you know me Okay, so yeah, I feel like that there is a certain single women think oh, it's degrading Right, I'm not right. I'm not experienced right that's that that 10 years from now She'll be flipping over before you yeah, I that's what I'm saying like and I don't have I don't discriminate

You know, I don't It's like there's nothing, like I'm just like, you know, a kid in the candy store because like, you know, before that, like I always say like before 2010 when Workaholics went on the air, a girl like that would have pepper sprayed me if I would have tried to, you know what I mean? That's amazing.

You're just right. So I'm saying like, now I know that the things I say now, I could have said before, there is something about confidence. So do you think that now your bet, that your show has been such such a success and that you are having that you have learned certain things that like I could have done it. Yes.

I'm learning about myself. Give us some tips. Well, I'm saying I'm learning about myself that like one this thing about being honest, you know, that's the thing because I give an example why say that is like because like I talk like there's a lot of young Fans of the show so like if a girl's like 21 and she tells me like what you're so much older than me I say things like we're not getting married right this that why don't we experience this right now Let's just have some fun right now see where that goes, you know

We could just we can end up just being friends, but let's not deny ourselves this experience right now Because I'm not trying to come off like hey, oh, I'm gonna be in a relationship with you Or if that's your intention because I'm totally okay with some girl that's like I don't do one night stands I'm like good for you. I'm leaving I'm the next right I'm not good for you. I'm totally because I I my message to like young girls is like stop having sex with the guys and less two things are in place one You are totally okay with casual sex. Or two, you know, you know that something is going to come from this.

Right, exactly. Some women are not, that's the thing. You know, what I'm saying that you're not comfortable with sexual sex and they're not comfortable with it. It's the next day. Or really, you know, or you know, this guy is wrapped around your finger. Like, you know, in here's the thing, like, this is how I figured this out, dude. It was a girl. She said I'm not a groupie You know she's talking to me and we're and she's like I said once you come over

You know she I met her at a show in LA. She's like well no, I don't do that But then I'm talking to her on the phone though till late and I'm like oh that was okay cool But then we keep talking and we keep talking and she still won't do it still won't do it now Here's the thing I still want to do it right but now I go You know what I actually like this girl, right? I'm like, oh, you know what you're actually cool. I like your personality. I still want to fuck you Right, exactly, but now I don't want to fuck you because of you know, whatever CD now I want to do it because you know you've You've made me know who you are You know that still working on it

You can go home on the phone with her. Yeah, she's just come over tonight. Yeah, that's why you got a card You gotta get it, but that's what, that's why you got to cut it. You gotta get a job at six hours. But now, what you're saying is you got to know her. Yeah, but now I'm like, if I don't do it, now I feel like, oh, you know what? I kind of made a friend. I mean, it doesn't always have to be like that.

But what I'm saying is, is like, what I've learned now is that, just be honest about what your intentions are. Exactly. And you also, I realize, like, if you call bullshit, I don't, you know how many women love when a guy tells them something like Shut up you're full of shit like like give me example for after they say what because they might say something about like no matter What it is like if they're just like well? I'm trying to like like this this will happen with this one girl

She said she was talking about well. I'm trying to go to school to be this but I'm not sure What I want to do. And I was like, I was like, you're foolish, you know, you just scared. Like what I'm saying is just like, whatever I felt the truth was that she was hiding behind, I just was like, no, I'm not going to put out with that. You're not going to keep your way. I said that it's sort of an inspirational message. Or you wasn't like, you're foolish shit because whatever.

But it's like, no, you were kind of helping or being a mentor But what I bet but that's okay. I guess you look at it that way. I guess I should see that right now I don't mean like I don't mean like I'm talking about if you just call them on it being honest being honest Be real aren't there? Not you people right and especially attractive girls attractive young girls they get told so many things and they know It's like it's like a waitress in LA If you look at they're all hot, you know, and everybody's hitting on them every single day So it's like of course. Oh another guy wants to fuck me, you know, you know, it's what's like no

But if she's you know like hey if you have an honest conversation with her then you know you never know She's gonna and she's gonna preach that cuz it's gonna make you stand up from the brass because all the other guys are like Hey, you're hot. You're the most beautiful woman in the room Yeah, right exactly or how about the tender messages or anything without my eating really hey nice pics I'm like delete like will you match with someone? Yeah, but here's the thing that's what that is I know but I know that you thought I had nice pics That's why we match, but what else are you gonna say to me? Well, it's what oh my god So he has to like win you over in that sentence.

You got two words. He's got five. You could say five things to me, but not like I liked your pictures. That's the you might as well. You're very tough on men. No, I actually don't have time to. I mean, does you think this is a lie? But it's really not.

I forget to answer. But sometimes if you're like nice pecs, I'm like, you could have said something else besides that. So you're so, he is what I'm saying. You've been an attractive woman for so long that you don't even know how to accept Complement for what they are like that so awful. That's what happens in this town. No, it's any town It's like I just feel like I like to be so what should he say Another guy like what how many okay, he read my okay, so my 500 words said in 500 words

I couldn't even begin to explain what I'm about That's what I wrote because I was lazy and he said to me all he said was how many words is it gonna take oh? Oh and you and you fell for that sink Picks that what that guy said the same thing. Yeah, but he this one. I was like the same thing. Yeah, but this one, I was like, I'm at the 35 badges. This is like going to tell you. Here's what I love about chicks. This is how they want it to be. This is what I want to be. They want to be in a, they want to be in a, in a bookstore, you

know, and a guy bumps into them and they have the same book drops out of each other's hand. I'm like, oh my God, you're reading that too. And he's got a chalate just like you. Are you start talking about? No, I don't want anyone to like me. I want you. I'm just saying. I'm just trying to buy intelligence and like, I know, but what I'm saying is what you don't know about this situation is, I don't want anyone to like me. I want you to, I'm just saying. I'm just trying to buy intelligence and brains and like, I know, but what I'm saying is what you don't know about this situation is, the guy was following you

in the store. He saw you pick up that book. He picked up the same book. He followed you from the coffee shop and saw that you ordered a chalottain. He ordered that. And now he manufactured this little moment. Guys do that?

Yeah. Did you do that? Yeah, this guy manufactured that moment. He read your thing and was like, oh, I know it's gonna get her I know it's gonna get her Yeah, but you should give the guy that's like you know what? Back to the nice pics. I'm just saying I had to pick and choose and I'm like that was funny That's more interesting to me. Okay, so that's how you got the interesting be interesting

Be interesting. Is that so be be like show that you probably like every girl you're mad at you wrote like my profile That's your thing you're like taking girl you imagined you wrote like in my face. Did you read my profile? That's your thing. You're like taking extra effort. I honestly don't take it that seriously. But seriously, okay, so do you think that seriously? You do take it that seriously. Or you would have went out with the nice pics guy. I don't call it with anyone.

It's ever worn down the studio because I had time. Because it's my excuse not to date. No, but I have a date, I have sex. Let's just say that. I'm sure. Yeah, of course. If I didn't have sex. Are you bossy in bed?

No, I'm not. Here's a thing. Because you're aggressive woman. So you need a little bit of life. No, I'm submissive. I'm more submissive. I mean, I, I like, we'll show up with the back sex toys and fun products. Like it sets me because I get like my, I have a garage

filled with sex toys. Of course, of course. And so if I'm being someone they're comfortable, whatever, like I can do that, but I'm not like, I'm not bossy. I'm not like to the left and the right. I'm really not people. I think that I think that people probably

perceive this perception of all that I have a sex swing in my room with Which I don't. I'm not like that. You start with a PowerPoint presentation. Exactly. Here's my vagina. And I actually the left quadrant is the most sensitive. So when you were all sexy for 22 minutes, no, I don't do that, but I am fun. I think because I, you know, I'm open, but I'm not, no, I'm not bossy at all in the bedroom. But how would you feel the woman's butt? Do you like that? But I am fun, I think, because I'm open, but I'm not, no, I'm not bossing it all in the bedroom. How would you feel if a woman was like, do you like that?

It depends on the situation. It really depends on how we met, what's the thing here. I just last, I was just with a, a man, a really lovely girl. She's the only 27, but she's had, has a doctorate. She can be mad, I'm talking about her. She's, yeah, I won't say her name, but she's a doctor, you know, like she had a, but she was very like, you know, you know, she you know, she had to prove herself all the time. And I'm a comic, so I'm just like, you're not going to outwit me right now.

And I think she really liked that. And I love the back and forth they had. Right, because it was very sexy to me. And then off, but then she was like a freak in the bed. And I was like, oh, this is great. This is like, you're,'re you're she's the bug. How giving sample. Well, she's one thing. Well, okay. Well, I don't want to. What's their name? Well, she was just two years ago.

I'm just saying she like just the way. Well, I probably I shouldn't even admit this, but maybe there wasn't a condom. There wasn't. Yeah, okay. One of those I'm on the pill. Yeah. When you still seduce a condom, I know. Okay, go ahead. Everyone should use a condom. Everyone should use a condom unless you both are consenting

a dozen, you've checked it. You have your papers in front of you. Okay, but however this one time you did. It's just the way she, what I'm saying is for somebody to be like so smart outside and it'd be such a like, you know, like my pussy. Right. You know, right. Just the least she was you know, you know, I mean, you know, just the least she was so it was just and it was like she was talking dirty and she was talking dirty and just the way she was like so like

Into it she made me feel strong and powerful and like you know what I mean? It was like, yeah, you know, and I really enjoyed that right and then another thing too What happened is that you know, I also, you know was able to go also was able to go three times in a row. Wow, because she really turned you on. And that, the thing is that turned you on. Without a mask on. But if I would have had progressing, you can find that on Emily and... No, sex.com. Anyway, go ahead.

Yeah. So I found that that made me more aroused, just the way we... Just laying in bed with her and chit-chatting and... And then she you know, and then then it was like see what she would do something and the next thing and I was like, I'm ready to go again, you know, take control of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh boom, there's a she was comfortable with her body. Very comfortable and I really like that. She was very comfortable with her body. She was very like, you know, and I was like, I found because what I'm, reason why I'm saying this is because there was another time with a girl was like 23 super hot college girl. I found myself like I was in the bed with her like

Oh, I don't know It was something about it that I was like I didn't connect and I was like why what's wrong with you look how hot she is and then I realized I was that's not all that they're real exactly a lot of women I always say you have to spend time we're gonna get to me some email. Because there are some of this, like, you have to get the time knowing you're about to master. You know, this is great, though, but master, masturbation, women, I think women at that age typically do not spend the time getting to know their own bodies. And they expect that men are just to come in and figure it out for them.

Yeah. How are we supposed to know? Exactly. That goes back to the first thing we talked about is that you have to talk to your partner what you want. Otherwise, you're not going to talk to your partner what you want in the bedroom. Otherwise, you're not going to be having the sex that you want, the best sex you're life. And another thing too, like if a guy's eating your pussy,

tell him. Right. Left, right, what you like, hard or faster, slower. Faster, oh my god. Because there are too many times I said slower and like all was good, you know, like that one thing, I'm like, that's all you need to slower. I'm telling you, you're all good, you know. Oh my god it just makes the whole and for the guy it

makes it so much more like we will when you know you're when you know right your body. You're pleasing. No I'm saying as a dude when you know you're legitimately pleasing a woman. There's nothing better than that. Exactly. There's not. It's positive. I'm faking it. Yeah. When you know when it's like when you feel that, like, it, first of all, when a woman, when a woman gets a guy that makes them orgasm and all this stuff, that's why they fall in love. That, that's what's so stupid.

You know, like every check out there that's falling in love with some dude, they don't know because you came, that's why you're going to be hurt. Right. Because it's so hard sometimes for women to orgasm. She's like, oh my God. Right. This must be the one whole world is the whole world This is the penis on the planet. You made me come so we're in love now

Exactly. No, it's so it's so true women get attached like that because men's not harder for men So I mean you're out of our women. Yeah And that's why they think because we finish that it's so oh it must be great for you No, it's not right. Let me tell you something just cuz the guy finishes it doesn't mean he enjoyed himself. Some guys, and maybe this is younger or whatever, do you guys, they're like, at least I got off. I don't really care. There are guys who don't really prioritize female pleasure. No, of course, but this is something that's different from what I'm saying right now. Okay. What I'm saying is just because he had an orgasm, doesn't mean he enjoyed it. Right. Right. He might not enjoy the sex. No, our

bodies are just designed to finish.'re gonna offend if we were right But what I'm saying is I want to penis for day. Just for day. Give me a penis universe This is your second president. This is a flashlight. Oh, yes, you know what a flashlight is of course I have a flashlight you already have one yeah because I went to Uh-huh excuse to find why you got it. No, I went to I was at like a dirty comedy show and the porn girl that was there was signing fleshlikes, you know what I mean? So this is a master basins that you know have you? Do you like it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So but they now haven't knew this is the one thing they do have now that just came out which I don't have for

you. They came out with a fleshlite phone strap and it's so check this out. So men do you do watch porn? Sometimes. So someone watch porn on their phones like this out. So men do you watch porn? Sometimes I'm gonna watch porn on their phones like just say so they have the strap now that goes So you can hold your flashlight and do whatever else with your other hand and that's Go to sex at me.com and click on the flashlight better and get your flashlight because I gave it to a friend and he said Is this made off yours though? It's just mold for your vagina? That's not my vagina. Oh, that's another vagina. So you know I don't want it.

I know I'm sorry. I don't have my flashlight for a giant yet. I don't know. That's just a generic vagina. But this guy gave it to us that he would like leave his wife because it felt so good. Whatever. I love that.

I'm like, right, that was sad though. He said if he could cook, he would do the thing. Which I thought was funny. But just there's not a lot of the products out there for men. So I thought I would just give you some things. Oh, that's a great show. I got my biggest biggest thing the phone shop is the coolest thing you've got your Remescent you might not yeah, you're promising and you're in your fleshy. I know there you go So um wait back to sex. There was something that we were talking about that was very very important to me

Moral sex. No, no, I really wasn't oh masturbation porn You masturbate a lot. Uh not lot. Not a lot. You know. Did you used to like go through phases when you did? Yeah, I had a porn phase where I was like, that's why I don't watch anymore. You know, because I was like, I just got to a point where I felt like, you know, you start to lose respect for women, I think. Yeah, that's true. A lot of them, or they think they have to have this kind of woman, or this kind of thing, and they can't, like, they have problems in the bedroom after that.

Yeah, and then, but they're, I do like something that's freeing about, like, I've chatted with a few cam girls, you know, and there's something the way women that are like so open about sex, the way they are, the things they talk about, I think, that they, it sounds as if they could be happier in a relationship, But then all that baggage of why they did that is like ruining whatever, you know, whatever change they have. Why they did the webcam in the first place. Yeah, why they got into porn in the first place.

But there's something like, I've met a lot of cool porn chicks, you know, like they're that's fun, that they're married and they have this great relationship. And you're like, oh, okay, you know how to act, you know how to like be free and talk. And I think that's great, you know, I think everyone should have that kind of open and honest to you. I think they'll have a better sex life. That's what we're talking about. Everyone

has to be open as in so many people don't talk about, well, let's get in some emails from the people here. We love hearing from them. So thanks everyone for emailing me at feedback at sexwithamily.com. Okay, so here we go. Dear Emily, I've been single for the better part of 10 years before that time when I had long-term relationships coming during sex was never an issue. Lately, it's been extremely hard for me to orgasm during sex. I know what I like, I know how my body reacts, and I have no issues getting myself off. One of my friends suggested that I have a desensitized my clitoris. Is that possible?

If so, is a way to work on it. Any advice? I've gotten close a few times with the guy I Is that possible? If so, is a way to work on it, any advice? I've gotten close a few times with the guy I'm dating, but I can't seem to make it happen. Thanks so much. New fan to your podcasts. I love them. Signed Aaron.

Mm. So women, you can't come. So here's the thing. First, it's a common problem. So common, right? Yeah, it's a very common problem. And, you know, it's unfortunate. It is. The first issue is that women

think that they have to come during intercourse, which only 30% of women come during actual penis vagina sex. So the first thing, Erin, if you're taking any medications, a lot of times women are on birth control or antidepressants and they can't have orgasms, they don't realize that, but it diminishes your, your, your ability, which is so shitty because you're like, I'm so depressed, life is horrible, and then you take this pill and you feel better, but can't have more guys. I'm like well it shoes, right? But that could be one thing if you're not on any if you're not on any meds at all It could also be that you know because if you are could impact your sex I've been all that

But I'm also when you say desensitize that makes me think that maybe you've been using a vibrator a lot during sex Which a lot of women do? And so if that is the case it's not true that vibrators will desensitize you. That is not true. But what is true is that you can get in a routine just like you're saying couples get in a routine. See, I was just about to say that this sounded more like not a medical situation. This sounded more like a mental, like she's used to it the same way.

Just the way she even rolled her email. I like it this way. I know that. So that means you are closed closed to really experiencing something new right you know maybe and she hasn't been in relation for 10 years so she's been orgasming the same way yeah so what you got to do is Aaron you got to mix it up so let's say you and I'm not going to assume you survive it but let's say you do use a hotachi magic wand for example if you've seen those plug into the wall right sounds it sounds scary

it is scary but they're amazing it's the Mac truck of all vibrators. You plug in the wall, it's like a power tool. But let's say you're using that, you might want to mix up and use a different kind of vibrator, like an internal vibrator or one that's not as powerful, or if you always use your fingers, you might want to try using more loob and use your other hand. It's little things like that. And I'd like to know. And I'd like to know does she, like does he know?

Like I want to know does the guy know that she've been holding this back. His information, right? Communicate that with him. Does he know that you're trying to orgasm and you're not because listen, maybe you, maybe 10 years ago in your last relationship, he did know your body. Maybe this guy, because a lot of women think that his penis was perfect, whatever that doesn't happen. It might happen to you once, but he might not even know that you're because

women feel like they're failing if they're not worth asking. And so you're not telling them. Maybe you need a little warm up. Maybe he's just coming over and sticking inside you and you're not even warmed up yet. Or maybe you're not getting enough for play. Or if he did know, he might be like, what? And then he might be like, well, I'm, he might turn into someone that's more attentive and be like, I'm going to get you all right. Exactly. That's what guys get excited about that. So do somebody.

Somebody right. The guys that we don't want to talk about, those guys you don't, but they do exist. Guys like, what have? Don't care. I got off. I'm out. But there are guys who are like, that'll be, they want to know. So I would say, tell them that you're having your struggling or whatever, that what you need,

what worked in the past. And also when you're, you're messaging by yourself, I would say, them that you're having your struggling or whatever that what you need what worked in the past and also when you're You're massivating by yourself. I would say just try to pin it not use a vibrator for where I'll if you are Use your hands and also communicate to them. And you know what's rare too is that a Position you like that gets you going and a position that I like it gets me going It might not be the same position Exactly, but if it is that must be magically beautiful a situation Right, both yeah because there is a certain composition that everyone has that's like, so you just have to know that, okay, now it's your turn. Because you know, you've

never had that with, it's my turn. And this is happening. The girl's like, okay, now me. And then she jumps on top and starts doing some things. But I'm like, okay, I don't like this at all. But I'm like, I get it. You know, this is your thing. Go ahead. Exactly. Exactly. So, right. Exactly. So you take turns and you and you make sure Communicate amolation is a lubrication. That's what I know I know I that was one of my that was one of my bigger moments in life when I came up with that I know I know I need a new one though Communication is lubrication. I just feel like I need I need more. Okay, I'm looking for another email that that might be interested. Okay, here. So I'll make it interesting.

Just read one. Okay, just here Emily. Just want to say I'm a big fan of the show. I listen to you all the time and love the advice you give. So here's a thing. I'm 27. I own my own home. I drive a good car and Nissan ultimate and I work an honest job with benefits. But the job just so happens to be a janitor at a local middle school. When I talk to women, the conversation starts off well, then when the question of what I do for living comes up, I tell them that the conversation starts to go south and they begin to lose interest. I'm wondering if part of the problem is that I live in Las Vegas, which seems to be the land of the superficial and how much status you have. Even though I'm not talking to the perfect 10 models that litter this place, the women I'm talking to are sixes sevens and eights and sometimes nine so what I'm wondering is if I should lower my standards

Even more or keep trying or keep hoping I look out to a silly low roller. Let me take this you go baby First of all for it is there a griffin air grip in yeah, my test work at Hollyx air grip in his website Eric with the K Work at Hollyx. They know you from you can talk about it at the end but go ahead here's the situation. He himself Doesn't have respect for himself exactly so he's portrayed like he needs to own that janitorial job You need to own it, you know, and he's not owning it He's the one making the judgment not the women.. It's like that one time felt episode where, the girl's saying, well, he keeps saying, you're too good for me, you're too good for me,

you're too good for me, and eventually I go, you know what, you're right, I am too good for you. Exactly. So you can't, he can't be like that. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, you know, you always hear about some chick with some loser, like you think he's a loser because everybody else's idea,

there's guys out there that don't even have a fucking job. Right. Having sex with hotties because of just attitude and... It's confidence. Exactly. Get your janitorial swagger on, and you will be getting whatever you want. Exactly. This is what I also learned about...

That's what I learned later. Exactly. Easy for me to say now because I'm on. Yeah, it's easy for you to say, but yeah, but dude, I'm not fucking breathed. I would say that he has to drop the janitorial thing though. He needs to rename. He should say like, What is this I work with kids?

No, because then if she finds out of janitorial, she's gonna think like, I would think, I would think, what is this? I was like a, I worked with a school designer. Like a property manager or a, you know, a building supervisor.

Yeah, a building supervisor at the middle school I work in the school the word janitorial. He's just out It's true. It's kind of like garbage when you're right. I agree we all grew up watching the Simpsons We see like free willier whatever's name. I know but he can't but he what I'm saying is he's got to get past his own feelings about what he does That's right. I agree that he might not have to know he's got an ultima. I mean you should feel good about himself And he lives in Vegas and he's got a house but uh... boom he's not the janitor get rid of jenny you know what i hate to say but it's kind of true he probably shouldn't leave the janitor but he's got to work on his

confidence got to work on it he believes that he is not good enough for the room right right should i know that odds are not like this and odds are not in the chicks favor not during your favor dude you got a job you doing all right like this there's look around the dinner you're gonna have a there's thousands of hot chicks and if they all think they're hot none of them are hot exactly you know exactly and so he's got to work on this he's like and I feel sad I want to give him a hug low roller here because he says should I lower my standards like it's how low he is right now dude you are awesome you've got a job you got a house you're in Vegas you're talking to these perfect these

these six seven dates nine times, nine, tens, whatever. Go for what you want. You maybe don't lead with the janitor thing. That makes you feel bad, but just be yourself. Like I love to have a hidden camera and watch him, how's he doing it? Then we'd be like, oh, that's where you made your mistake. Yeah, exactly.

I know, I wish we could do that sometimes. Just be like this. The next thing you gotta do, you gotta be that's your next project. I know, can give him like an earpiece and be like, don't go to the genre move. No, but I hate to say don't say what you do, but it's more like it is working on his belief first

and then eventually maybe comes up with what you do. Yeah, but you know what, can I tell you something? Like, you know, even if somebody's like super rich, maybe that person would write in and be like, you know, every time women find out I'm rich, then it becomes all about that. So I don't do what.

So there's always, there's like both sides of the coin If you you want someone to love you for you or whatever you're trying to do just you know have some I know a lot of guys do a lot of money and lay and they're always trying to hide it because I think everyone One woman here is a gold ear and they're like I don't want to talk about You know it's so funny because it's not that I'm not you but like same I don't feel like it was like that and San Francisco but here it's like everyone's a gold digger I'm like really I want something, but I don't feel like it was like that in Sanford. Just go, but here, it's like everyone's a gold digger. I'm like, really? I wish I was a gold digger, what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna show you like myriad of divorce and rich right now. I just say no, I just say no. Like, you know, you don't want to have sex with me and I don't want to give you money. So what are we doing? Exactly. So let's, you know. But guys, since then, themselves offer this as well.

Like guys are like, you don't know she was, you know, in the end afterwards to think you just have to have money, right? So I had a buddy of mine who, he was gonna take it, he told me I'm taking this girl to Paris and I said, oh, that's gonna be fun. You're gonna be getting that. And he goes, well, I'm not sure.

And I was like, are you kidding me? Like, first of all, every woman, every woman, if a guy says, do you wanna go to Paris? The first thought is, do I wanna fuck this guy? Right. That has to be your first thought. I don't know. Would I? Am I gonna have a, a okay uh I thought you should be like find

out be like hey hey this is gonna be like like oh I can't wait to see you in some lingerie and if she goes it's not gonna be like that I would be like you're not going to be exactly exactly I thought I would think about all of a sudden you postcard right exactly you gotta clarify that stuff it's true I've a guy's asked me and chips and then they yeah and I oh, God, I really would love to go on your yacht, but there's no way your dick's going on my mouth. So then it does- But it would go on your mouth before you return it, right?

Isn't that true? And you're like, whether stuck a guy off didn't have sex with them? Yeah, I think that some went, will you tell me? Well, hmm, oh, God. Do you feel that women will give you oral sex? But see, I'm not a huge fan of that because most of the time it's... You look full of jobs?

I do, but it's like most of the time they're not... They're not that good. Yeah, they're not that good. Oh my God, why? Why? What's the better job? No, they're doing, you know? People are dating two young of girls. You've got to date a little older with Mark's face.

Okay, I'm, you know what? I'm going to find like a nice 35-year-old. Yeah. I'm serious. Because then they know, at 22, like, I probably didn't know. You didn't know? I don't think I knew. And I think that they,

with their watching porn or whatever, but like, you know. They think it's like that. And that stuff's awful. Go to a website called EFUCKT people. That will ruin porn for you forever. Oh my God, or don't. What is it?

It's a porn blooper's website. It's the greatest thing ever. That's hilarious. See, most important isn't real, so people that's other learning. But you're right, you keep that bloated up. Let's give it to you. What's hilarious. You know, most important isn't real. So people, that's other learning, but you're right. So you keep that bloated up. Let's give it to you. What's the worst bloat job you've ever gotten?

Why? What'd you do? Well, it was like, it was just like so much movement, you know, like, like, like... Ships switching it up, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, you know, like, kind of gummy, you know what I mean? Oh, gummy and then hands and then moving and like... Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, slow down. This is like a bratwurst that you're supposed to caress. Not a-

See, they don't know. You think it's like, you know, too much head movement. You're like, oh, that's still. Right. Oh my god, so you return us. So now you just say, see, I think women can- What first? You got to date the women.

Can I tell you something? Yeah. I still believe, though, that your best sexual organ will always be your mind. I agree. Brains are largest sex organ. You know, I think that's the thing. So, like, it has to be, you know, that you have to create. sexual organ will always be your mind. I agree. Brains are largest sex organ. You know, I think that's the thing. So like, it has to be, you know, that you have to create a situation, you know, even if

it's not even, even if it's just manufactured, even if it's just for like that one night, I say, then make it the best. Right. So be open, be vulnerable. Let yourself go. Right. It's true. It's true. In the same way that you tell a stranger things you wouldn't,

you know, you're a me to stranger and tell them some honest shit that you don't want to tell anybody else. You should be that way sexually with a stranger too. Like, just, you know, and you'll be surprised that, oh my god. The problem that you're saying this for your groupies, but the problem is that women, is that women, they do get attached and they're afraid that they're going to be judged. They're going to be looked as slut. slut. I know but I agree completely. That's why the women need the commit or to need to know what right

That's why they don't yeah, but no because I but here's the thing I think is the lie that lie is that feeling of like not wanting to be judged and all that stuff It's still being overpowered by this feeling that you still want to get fucked. And I think that what I think what the mistake women make is they go I want to fuck this guy. So I don't want to be thought of as a whore. So I got to get so I got to get into a relationship with him. Just but all I can be more. Yeah. Yeah. So wrong. Exactly. Yeah. If you have me in my 10, just see me someone I think that you know you got to go for it. So I mean, yeah, I mean, I think I don't think it's ever too soon

to talk about exactly what you need to bet and do what you want to do in bet. If you can handle the aftermath, if you know that it's a one-night stand, you're fine, whatever, you can handle the emotions of the coming up the net, because that's how you better sex. It's practice, it's communication.

Yeah. We're in agreement. Okay, you're awesome, Eric. Thank you so much, Eric Griffin. So let's find out, tell everyone where they can find you, Eric Griffin.com. Yes, I so much Eric Griffin. So let's find out tell everyone where they can find you air Griffin dot com Yes, I'm on air Griffin dot com with a Kate. Excuse me. You can tweet at me at Eric Griffin ERIK ERIK ERIK ERIK ERIK FIN

One Instagram snapchat tender you can find me on tender. Yes, you find your I'm tender my age range is 18 to 40 Oh my tender yeah, I just go bang just go get a blowjob from like a 38 year old I will but here's the thing to do Then when you let me know how it goes one thing about I think you are saying you don't like blowdubs And I think you really could learn to love that. Oh, I don't hate them But I would say this you know, but your tender profile be you online Please like if you're fat be fat online, right? I don't want to see neck up pictures neck up says fat Yeah, just it says I don't believe in see neck up pictures. Neck up says fat. Yeah, it says I don't believe in myself.

It says, you know, so and we think that people are going to just let that go when they meet you in person. Right. Oh God. Okay. Well, good luck. And wash your vagina in balls. Yes.

Always wash them. Always clean no matter what. Eric Griffin, you rock. Also, you can find your own workaholic, straight, comedy, central, and they can find out on the website. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Workaholic shit.

Okay. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Family. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwiththeemelie.com.