Sex With Emily - Dirty Talk Your Way To Your Next Orgasm

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

I’ve heard from a lot of my listeners that they struggle with talking dirty in the bedroom. Today I’m joined by porn star, author, exotic dancer, and dirty talk expert Joanna Angel to break down what to say, how to start if you’ve never tried it and how to crank your dirty talk up from dusty to undeniably filthy. In this episode, you’ll learn: Dirty talk made easy with simple tips to start and spice it up without feeling awkward Sexting secrets to tease, turn on, and build anticipation like a pro Confidence in the bedroom by owning your desires and feeling empowered in and out of bed Show Notes: More Joanna Angel: Linktree | Instagram | Twitter | Book To get 6 bottles of wine for $39.99, head to NakedWines.com/SWE and use code SWE for both the code AND PASSWORD. Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. Yes! No! Maybe? List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.  SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website  Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube Let’s text: Sign up here Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com

I love the idea of just making sure that you're comfortable making noise and moaning. You can increase the intensity of your bones. You can practice when you're masturbating making noise. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All right, I've heard from a lot of you that you're struggling with dirty talk in the bedroom, maybe you're struggling with sexting. So I decided to invite a friend along. I'm joined by porn star, author, exotic dancer, dirty talk expert, Joanna Angel, to break down what to say, how to start if you've never tried it, and how

to kind of crank up your dirty talk. Things that are interesting is just learning how to make noise during sex, because not only is that hot for your partner, but it also increases your pleasure. I want to add a disclaimer that there is some language in this episode that just definitely isn't safe for work. So after I listened to the episode, I decided to add in a little bit more softer dirty talk. If we're just getting started or you don't want to go from zero to filthy, I totally get it. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Subscribe wherever you're listening. That really helps us.

It just helps get the show out to more people and help everyone, people just like you. And you can find me at all social media, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, threads, X, it's all at Sex With Emily. Be sure to check out my new articles, How Anxiety Affects Your Sex Life and What to Do About It and How to Sex Detox on our website, sexwithemily.com.

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Use code EMILY25 to get 25% off at checkout. That's G-E-T-V-Health.com and use code EMILY25. GetVHealth.com, code EMILY25. Joanna, first off, congratulations on your book. Thank you. Club 42. It is a thrill. It's a choose your own adventure erotica, which is brilliant.

So what was your inspiration for this one? Most people know me for my work in the adult film industry. So I don't really talk about my time as an exotic dancer really ever. So this was like a fun thing to write about, you know? And the fascinating thing about the exotic dancer world is like, or stripping, whatever you want to call it. It's like, you know, when you're on a porn set, everyone on the porn set is in the porn industry. So you're kind of just, you're in this closed circle and there's like unique things that happen and everybody comes from their own walks of life.

But it's different. It's like, you know, once you're in the day to day motions of porn, like it starts to become, you know like a very regular job. But strip clubs are a unique world because you have half the room is in the sex industry and half the room isn't and they're all meshing together. You know, and especially like even just the staff

of a strip club is always like fascinating because you'll have like a manager of a strip club who before that maybe managed like an Applebee's or something, you know. I love all the characters. It's, tell me what did you learn about yourself doing that? I mean, I think that's so adventurous to just do that. You must've learned that was like this first step

on your journey. It was, I wouldn't be who I was if I never became a stripper. I think it really helped me embrace my femininity. It helped me embrace my sexuality. It helped me like be more confident. It really helped oddly my like people skills, you know, because it's your job as a stripper to just sit down and talk to every single person in the club and figure out how to get money out of them, you know. I learned so much about myself. It's almost like I became like this

sexual superhero on stage, you know? And I, like, you can't go on stage at a strip club and not be confident, you know? Like, it doesn't matter how you actually feel about yourself or how you view yourself. Like, you have to be sexy on that stage. You have no choice. And I think being sexy and being confident and that side of me was never very, like, developed. And I really, I really found it at a strip club and the first time I just got on stage and I really felt like everyone in the room

was in love with me, that feeling. And it was like when I walked on that stage, nobody cared. Like I said, I was not the most beautiful girl at the club so you could tell, I walked on stage and people were like, they weren't like blown away, but I captured them with my dancing and with my connection with each person. And with, I don't know, so I just kind of learned

how to find the sexual demon in me. Yeah. It was a very transformative time in my life, you know? And then it transferred into porn where I was like, I don't know, feel- You could do anything. Yeah, I don't know. I think the Stroop Club gave me this feeling of like,

I could conquer anything. Like being able to go in there and conquer that room. That is such an intimidating thing. I mean, you know, a lot of my listeners are having a hard time just having that confidence in the bedroom with one person. Right. And that takes a very special skill to be able to get out there and just get naked and

be confident when you don't have any other experience ever doing it before. So what could we teach people like from that experience? Like how could we take that Joanna spirit and bring that into a situation that might be? No, because really everything. I feel like once as a woman, or a man for that matter, once you lose your confidence, you lose everything. And it's hard to be confident in this world.

It's very hard. This is a hard world to be in. Really hard. Battles that you face every day. You have to come into the bedroom with that umph, you know? I don't know if you can find that umph in the bedroom. You've got to come into it. Yeah, so like outside the bedroom, get to know your body, get to know, you know, masturbation, look in the mirror, like look at yourself, right? We're always

looking for ways to expand our sexual repertoire to get more adventurous and I just think it's really, it grabs you from the top like you are in you want to know where you go on this adventure in the strip clubs through the people you're sleeping with through the others the staff it's really fun Joanna so club 42 you guys get it and I think it's good for Valentine's Day now people can get it read it with your partner you can order it on Amazon or anywhere the books are found but this is exactly what I was thinking I was like this is the erotica because some people they're not into watching porn there's a lot of girl girl sex a lot of boy girl sex and there's a there's actually a chapter

I don't know if you got there yet with where she has a relationship with a trans woman There's a whole section of the book where she tries to become a dominatrix. So and so she experiences that So there's you know, there's a just a. There's like every kind of sex in this book. That's what, that's what I was gonna say. It's like, it serves you up. It's like a tasting platter, a restaurant with like, would you like to try a little bit of everything? Yeah.

But you are totally drawn in and turned on and it's, it's, it's an adventure. Yeah. Okay. But Joanna, so congratulations on your book Club 42. I also want to get into a little bit about Dirty Talk because we've been getting so many emails and questions as we always have about Dirty Talk talk but I think people are sexting more people are digitizing their sex lives right now and so they're like what's a

very important skill it is so where do you start like my partner asked me to have dirty what do I do like where do I start okay you have to dive in get into the sex it was actually hard for me, a porn star, to do that. So every woman out there just understand that this is something that requires a different, this is not even about being good in bed. This is a different part of your brain and your sexuality that you're using.

But you gotta just think of something really filthy and get aroused by it and just write it down. Like that's just what you have to do. So practice maybe. I always say practice. Practice in the shower. Listen to erotica. Read erotica. Watch porn and write down things that kind of speak to you that turn you on and then just practice it. So but Joanna, like let's just back up before the filthy because sometimes because I think it can be filthy. We feel like what does that mean? I'm a nice girl or I don't wanna be filthy, but it can also just be starting off with like,

what words are you comfortable with maybe? Like, I don't wanna be called a whore, but I wanna be called this or that. Or do you think just start with finding what excites you? Even if it's slow, sensual sex. Find something and go with it. Right. Like write down what you want done to you.

You know, like write out like, okay, if so and so is here right now, what would you want them to do to you? Right. Write it down and like be graphic and be descriptive. Like exactly what do you want them to do? You know, or or what do you want to do to them? I mean, I sexed my fans all day on my OnlyFans channel. You do? On your OnlyFans? Okay tell me about sex. Okay should we just talk about sexting then? How do you... I know it becomes a muscle because I'm actually out of practice right now but I used to be a big sexter and I was always like I could be doing anything and just come out and then I'm like oh shit just

everyone knows it is a muscle and if you don't use it over time I'm like I need a refresher as well. You want to be really descriptive. You want to describe things in detail like what you're wearing. I always start with like what I love about them, what I like and then I'll be like I'm wearing right now like this sexy thing. I'm picturing you going down on me. I'm picturing you like ripping it off with your teeth or I've been... No you have to get more descriptive than that. Like I'm picturing you going down on me. You have to be like I want you to spread my pussy lips open and take your tongue and go up and down my clit, you know, like, and then I want you to taste my moisture inside of me because my pussy

juices are so sweet right now. And like, I mean, you gotta get you can't just say, you can't just say that. You can't say go down on me. You need to describe what your pussy juices tastes like that day and like what you want them to do with it and like I don't know you need to like really like if you're gonna go for it There's like no reason to dirty talk if it's gonna be lame Do not be a lame dirty talker, you know lame dirty talker because you don't have to dirty talk It's not like a law, but if you're going to do it, you know, then just talk about something else talk about

It's not like a law, but if you're going to do it, you know, then just talk about something else. Talk about your favorite Netflix show and have a really intense conversation about a TV show or movie. But you'll be like, okay, so what would you say to a guy then about him? Let's talk about you describing sucking their cock. I mean, like I said, everybody's dynamic is different, you know? Be like, I want to suck your cock. I wouldn't put it all the way down my throat. I want you to come over. I I wanna suck your cock. I wouldn't put it all the way down my throat.

I want you to come over. I wanna suck your cock. I wanna lick your balls. I wanna stick my tongue in your asshole. I want to drink your cum. I wanna be your little cum slut. I wanna be on my knees while you throw my head against the wall and you just fuck my face.

I wanna taste your pre-cum. I wanna, you know, like, what do you wanna do? Like, just say it, or like, do you wanna just get, you know, or you like wanna give a more sensual blowjob. I wanna take my hands and stroke them up and down your cock. You know, it's also a good thing that I should actually look into more, like, look up, what is it called?

Gooning, where you're like like or edging um you know oh yeah edging oh I want to like tease you know so then I'm not gonna let you come I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna tease you you know I want to stroke your cock like I'm touching my pussy right now like you know make it so like you have to get off and he can't get off you know if you want to play with that and like just see how long you can kind of keep him horny but you know if you want to suck a guy's dick, you're not prude. So talk about how you want to suck that dick. I love that you're going from zero to 60 because some people are like, I'm gonna be like, I'm so wet right now. I'm thinking about you. Like I'm thinking about you.

That's lame. So is everyone. We're all wet right now. We're all wet. Exactly. So you have to get into the details. Tell me more about it. Why is your wetness different from the other wetness? But if you've never talked dirty and you're a beginner and you're sexting someone to be like, I want you to spread my pussy lips open and taste my juices, it might be a little too... I mean, Joanna, you've been doing this all and you probably can't...

It's hard to scroll back to like starting. But like, if you've had oral sex before, like describe what's going on in your head. I'm just thinking about my listeners. What has helped me is to write about my sexual experiences and then go there, because then you've already written, like you said, writing your book. It just rolls off the top. I mean, I'm telling you, I did that

in the very first draft of my first book when I was like, and then he went down on me. And I remember my editor, which was so funny for me. I'm a you, I did that in the very first draft of my first book when I was like, and then he went down on me. And I remember my editor, which was so funny for me, I'm a porn star. I'm a porn star who's been gang banged. You know, I have been through many years of doing every kind of filthy act under the sun. And I have a woman who's an editor

that like works at a publishing company in glasses and a skirt being like, you need to be more dirty. Do you know how weird that was for me? You're like,. I was like, who are you? And then she wrote back a complete like school teacher looking woman that sits behind a desk and edits books for a living, not just sex books, but other books. She was like, you should write this. And I was like, oh my Lord, you know? So I'm telling you, you kind of have to go from zero to 60.

There's really no middle ground when it comes to dirty talk. If you've given a blowjob before, describe what you do when you suck a dick. You're not going to describe it as, and I suck dick, or and I gave a blowjob. I licked your shaft, I swallowed your cum. Yeah, what did it taste like? Like what you know, did you want it hard? Did you want it soft? And if you wanted it hard, why did you want it hard? Was like the blood rushing in your body that's saying more, more, you know, like, are you like grinding your crotch like, like against him because you just can't take it anymore.

I don't know, these are feelings and thoughts that you already have. You just have to get them out on paper or cell phone or whatever. That's it. I think you take the notes, practice, practice on your phone, writing it. And then I love the idea also of using Dirty Top and practicing with sexting because then let's say there's something you want to try. You could just kind of test the waters there. Like maybe you want your partner to edge you. You want your partner to tease you.

You could say, I picture, you know, you coming home and like, I'm in, you know, you tie me up and you won't let me come. You just explain to them what you want in detail and you try it out. And then if it doesn't happen, and you know, maybe they weren't into it, but it's a good way to communicate

when you're not looking eye to eye with someone. Yeah. But I think either you have that kind of relationship with someone or you don't. But people prematurely sex because some people are just starting out and then you don't because I know what you're saying. I've been in relationships where it's super dirty all the time like that. And then somewhere it's just not. And I probably need to be bringing it there. And I just am like, have I really invested this relationship? But yeah, you just fucking go there. You could be the leader of it. There's no blueprint because they want it too, but no one knows how to do it. I hear from men, I hear from women.

But is that because of the dynamic you have with someone or do you know what I mean? Well, here's the thing. I think you're absolutely right. I think sometimes we have this dynamic and your partner's like, I want you to talk dirty to me.'s the thing, I think you're absolutely right. I think sometimes we have this dynamic and your partner's like, I want you to talk dirty to me. I just said, I wanna fuck you so hard, now your turn. And you're like, well I've never talked dirty and they might not be giving you enough. Like they don't know what they want either.

So I love the idea of people buying your book and when they read it to each other, the words come out of their mouth and that's a practice. If you've never said any of these words, why do you think in the bedroom where you might not be the most confident or you might be a little nervous, think that you should all of a sudden be able to be the perfect dirty talker? But there's two different kind, I mean the dirty talking with sexting is way more descriptive. Dirty talking in the bedroom is just like, I mean I don't really say that much during

sex other than fuck me, oh god that feels good. Like fuck me harder. You know, like. I know, that's what I've defaulted to. Talk in the bedroom is just whatever comes to your brain. You know, and then it really will sound stupid if it's not natural to you. But dirty talk and sexting is like, you're telling a story. You're telling a story.

Think of it like a story. And I love that of breaking down a sexual experience that you had with this person or that you want to have in the future and get descriptive, get dirty, whatever that means to you. Yeah. That is sometimes like the tense, like you have to act like it's happening right now, you know? In the present time.

And then I'm going to do this and do this and like, now fuck me. Now give me your cock and do this. Like if you really are sexting, like you are having sex. Right. You know, you're not like, I want you to do this. It's like get in the moment where the two of you are like, okay, now take your hands and put it on my this. Okay. Now do this. Now shove me this. Like if you're really sexting, you're doing it.

You're in the moment. Exactly. It's happening. You, it is on, it is on. Oh my God. Exactly. And then you're describing it. You're in it together. And then when you see each other, good, it's kind of like you're having, it's sorta like foreplay. I was like, foreplay all day, like what a great way to like build up, then you know when you see each other, you'll be so, that much more turned on,

and it also helps to masturbate, while you're actually be doing it, be doing the thing so you're in that mindset. You're like, I am turned on and wet right now, and I'm gonna go there. It helps fill your fantasy life for sure or build it. What about role playing? Do you ever do any of that?

I love role playing. I mean, I think it's so much fun. I think it's especially fun for women. Give me some tips for that really quickly. We love to buy clothes. And this is an excuse to buy different clothes to wear in the bedroom. It's awesome.

I love it too. Here's one question we'll do really quickly. This is from Miranda to wear in the bedroom. Like it's awesome. I love it too. Here's one question we'll do really quickly. This is from Miranda, 28 in the UK. Any tips on dirty talk? This turns I partner on so much, but I find I get totally tongue tied. I feel instantly nervous and self-conscious. I find it hard to vocalize despite being a very sexually

experimental and open person. Why is talking in the moment so hard? You might feel awkward at first, but you just kind of do it. And then practice in the shower, practice when you're alone, practice when you're going for a run. Start to, just start by like moaning, you know? Like some people are just too nervous to even like moan. You know, a lot of times things just come out, like.

They do. If you're not moaning, I love it. Start with moaning because there's some of it, so self-conscious. If you're not making noise in the bedroom, like walk before you run, start to moan. Some women don't. I think that they're self-conscious of that as well

and they go back to your doing your own handiwork masturbation, I think. Cause then you could practice when you're masturbating. Practice all of this when you're masturbating and when you're alone first. So you don't feel so, so like, so she doesn't feel so nervous and self-conscious. Yeah.

It's like you practice your lines before you, do you practice your lines before you do practice your lines before you do porn of course yeah there you go this is like that you guys were like performing something no one ahead of time yeah yeah it's okay you know like you can have sex without dirty talking and actually I think too much dirty talk can be weird yeah I think that people are thinking that they just have to say something that's perfect and literally it can be like fuck me harder that feels so good, your cock's so awesome. That's why I think also in the moment just describe what you want, describe what it feels like. Yeah. That's what you do in the moment and then

sexting you get to tell your own erotic adventure. Yeah. Like your book Joanna. Yeah it's happening, yes. It's all happening. Make something happen. Then it becomes like fun. Like when I'm with someone in it, it's like, it's exciting, it's fun, it's a thrill. It's magical and you get turned you on.

You're creating your own erotica that's gonna turn you on. And then you go back and read it. This is what I always say, for play all day, keep sex top of mind. Because people just don't think about sex. They're busy, they're working, they're stressed out, and they get in the bedroom like, oh, now I have to perform. But this is such a great way to keep it going all the time when you're not with your partner. Yeah.

I love it. Thank you, Joanna. This was super helpful. I'm glad you dropped in, Joanna Angel. Good, I'm glad. And I'm really, I love your, I can't wait to read it. I'm glad you enjoyed the book. I really did. Yeah, absolutely. We all did. Thank you, Joanna. They can find you at Joanna Angel everywhere.

Yeah, yeah. Just Joanna Angel on Instagram, Joanna Angel on Twitter. If you wanna, if you wanna sext with me, sign up for my OnlyFans. There you go. They could just sex with you and learn. I love this, Joanna. Thank you for being here.

So good to see you. Thank you. Thank you for watching everyone. Buy the book. Club 42. We'll be right back after a quick message from our sponsors, so don't go away. So when was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off? You know, made the excuse that you're too busy or it'll heal on its own or that you don't really need help. All the excuses. Trust me, I do the same thing. But let's be real, if you're not feeling your best, whether it's like a weird rash, a persistent cough, or maybe there's like this mystery ache, it can totally affect your sex life. I mean,

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That's $100 off your first six bottles at nakedwines.com slash SWE and use the code and password SWE for six bottles of wine for $39.99. Happy Valentine's Day! Alright, so I listened back to the episode and I realized a lot of you are just starting out with dirty talk Those are the questions I get and Joanna had so many great points But I know where you're at. I know where I've been and I wanted to give you some steps to build on here So let's start with sexting So many of us find dirty talk difficult and And so if our partners ever said, talk dirty to me,

we're not exactly sure what they mean. Do you want a fantasy scenario? Do you want it to be like carefully crafted? You've never done it before. So I say walk before you run. Sexting is really fun for many reasons. It is personal. You get to decide what you want to say. It

can also be great to sort of plant the seed for something you want later or testing out a fantasy. So there's different kinds of sexes. One, think about it this way, it's sort of a preview. I'm gonna tear your clothes off the second you get in the door or I've got a surprise waiting for you. I'm gonna make you beg for it. My clothes are coming off the second you get home. So this is you know anticipation. This is building the arousal. Another kind of sext is a request. I want you. So what do you think about when you're touching yourself? I wish you were inside me right now. I really wanna make you come.

Okay, so that's like a request. You could say, tonight I'm in charge. Tonight I have a surprise for you. I'm gonna be wearing something sexy. And then another kind is things that you fantasize about. Because again, not only is this hot, but it's also sort of planting a seed. Because maybe it's, oh, my partner doesn't go down on me that much, so I'm going to say,

oh, I get so turned on when I think of you going down on me. Or it's so hot to think about you tying me up and spanking me. Or maybe you're into like a fantasy where you're dominated. You could say, you know, I did something really bad. You might have to spank me. Maybe you saw something together, a movie, and you could be like, oh, that scene was so hot the way they were. He had sex with her in the elevator.

You could even just refer to something. A lot of people refer to the podcast. You could say, I was listening to this podcast today and I was thinking how hot it would be if you came over here and tied me up. Just plant the seeds. And then there's the teasing, okay? There's a teasing text. I'm so wet right now.

I just got out of the shower. I can't wait for you to see the underwear I'm wearing. I'm so turned on right now. I just got out of the shower. I can't wait for you to see the underwear I'm wearing. I'm so turned on right now. You can't have me right now but wait till tomorrow." Teasing. And then this is a great one, refer to something that happened to you in the past. We can all do that, right? I keep thinking about when you were inside me how hot that was. Remember the time that we had sex for three hours and you made me cum so hard? I can't stop thinking about last night. I want you to do that same thing you did with your tongue next time I see you. You getting it? So you're just reliving something. You don't even have to make it up. These happened. And then compliments.

Love compliments. Many of us do. Who doesn't like a compliment? You feel so good inside me. I love how you make me feel. It's just I cannot wait to see you. The anticipation is just killing me. I can't get enough of you.

Right? So you don't have to be so filthy. You're planting the seed, right? You're letting them know what you think and how you feel. Because let's be honest, don't you want to know that your partner desires you? Isn't that one of the hottest things to know that your partner's thinking about you? Here's the other thing. If you get stuck and sext and you don't know what to say your partner sexed you something,

you could say, well, what else else are you gonna do? What comes next? Or you can just say, that's such a turn-on. Or I love when you talk like that. Tell me everything and then see where it goes from there. So Dirty Top does not have to be like super you know XXX filthy all those things. It could just be like wait till you see me and you see what I'm wearing for you. You know, that just might be enough inspiration and planting the seed for what comes next.

Okay, let's talk about dirty talk in the bedroom. You don't want to disrespect your partner. You don't know, you know, how they're going to feel about certain words. So kind of leave things in the bedroom. Just because something happens in the bedroom doesn't mean it has to happen in public. And also, I think you gotta be careful

with the words that you use, too. I don't think you wanna go right to slut and bitch and all these things, unless your partner, you know, it's like everything. You want to start slow and then you wanna escalate it. This does take practice. I've said this. And that's why sex seems kind of fun because sexting is sort of a precursor. It's like less embarrassing to write something down than to say it straight to their face. So that's why just saying like, how good was our sex last night? You know, I can't stop thinking about

having sex with you. I'm gonna take matters into my own hands tonight when you're not around. So when we get into the bed, I love the idea of just making sure that you're comfortable making noise and moaning. You can increase the intensity of your moans. You can practice when you're masturbating making noise. But when you're in bed together, you don't have to go totally filthy.

You can say, I'm watching you disappear inside me. It's so sexy. So this way you're describing what's happening in the moment. You could even say to your partner, tell me what you want to do to me. Right? Now, if your partner looks shocked, you could just laugh. Right? Listen, I want to acknowledge that this is awkward.

It could be uncomfortable, but you're not going to offend a partner. You could just say, Oh God, I was so turned on. I never want to offend you. You can also try it in public. You could just like whisper in your partner's ear and say, you know, something like, uh, you know, I can't wait till we get home. I'm already really wet right now and just kind of lean back and see what they say to that. And don't worry if it sounds cheesy, like dirty talk is a little, it's a little out there

and it's okay to read erotica or watch porn or you know write down stuff that that has made you feel hot and sexy write your own erotica about the last time you were together and listen if your partner says something again that you don't like maybe they use a word you don't like you're like i don't want to be called bitch you could could say after, you know what, that was hot, I like talking dirty, but when you call me a bitch, that doesn't feel great, but do you want to try blank? And then you get to give them examples of what they want to fill in. And just know that again, like just start slow. You listen, you have your whole life to have sex with your partner or with someone else. So remember this, in bed, how are

you feeling? You could say something like, I love when you touch me like that. Your skin feels so good against my skin. I love to taste you. I love when you taste me. I feel so good when you're touching me everywhere. I love how your tongue feels. And then you could also tell them what you want to do to them. I'm gonna tear your clothes off. I'm gonna have my way with you. I'm gonna make you your clothes off. I'm going to have my way with you. I'm going to make you cum so hard. What do you want me to do? I'm up for anything. Tonight I'm going to kiss every inch of your body. I've been thinking about what you're going to do to me all day long. Then you can tell them what you want them to do to you. Tonight I

want you to take control. I've always wanted someone to spank me." So I just want you guys to know that it can just be very descriptive. Something that you're feeling, something that's happened in the past, something you want to happen in the future. But don't beat yourself up if you don't know exactly what to say. If you're new to sex, you're new to dirty talk, you've never really thought about it in these terms, you're just sort of present, that's all fine.

There's some growing pains. Maybe it'll be awkward. Practice in the shower, but I want you to have fun with it because I promise you like everything else, once you do it, you get used to it, and it'll just be like, you won't even overthink it. It'll be like riding a bike. Dirty talk will be like, you're like, I can't help it.

It's just coming out of my mouth. All right, so giving you a range here, giving you a range. Let me know if this works for you. Send me any of your questions, feedback at sexwithemily.com. Okay, so Megan is our call screener. You get to talk to Megan when you call in with your questions and she's amazing. So she just, we get on the Zoom as we do

and she said her roommate has a dating question. I said, well, let's bring her on. So they're adorable faces now are together. And she's a question, hi. Hi. Hi. Okay, so I'm Sally. I'm from Tennessee.

Megan and I live together in California. How old are you? Oh, 24. So sorry. Okay, 24. Got it, no. Okay, tell me everything, Sally. I went on my first hinge date a few nights ago,

which was really big for me because I've always wanted to go on a dating app date, just never did. I've been on dating apps for a while. So I was just, I took the plunge because you just felt like the right guy to go on a date with like very much my type. He was very kind.

So basically we matched on a Monday morning and by the end of that day, he had asked me out for drinks. We were going out for drinks Tuesday night, like very fast turnaround, which was really big for me to go on a date, also that quick of a turnaround, kind of wild, but so a little bit of context. When he messaged me, he liked a photo and he sent a comment that you can do on hand

or you can like send a little message. And he said that he actually followed me on social media because I have like a little bit of a social media following. And so I was like, oh, so he very much knows who I am, like knows probably way too much about me. This is kind of cringy, cringy, embarrassing, but he obviously like likes my sense of humor, like knows who I am. Great. And again, he was my type too. So we messaged, we decided to meet up for drinks. So we went out Tuesday night and it was very natural, like no awkward pauses, very easy conversation. And the day after we like texted a little bit,

when we first started texting, before the date we both had red receipts on and we both acknowledged it. Like very much like, oh, you have red receipts. Like that's funny. And he was like, oh, I do too. Like we talked about it and I was like, oh, I love red receipts

because it's just good to be upfront. Like, but then, so we both had red receipts on that he left me on delivered, which means that he has that one little red number notification that's just sitting there that he hasn't deliberately opened it, and it's been 48 hours. And so I'm just like, what's this game?

Just leave me on red. I don't get it. Is the notification just sitting there? That is... I just got left on red. That is confusing. Unless he's in the hospital or something happened, not your guy probably. Here's the thing. He could come back around and say, oh my God, sorry, this week was so crazy, but you've

known him for three days and all the things, all the open read receipts. And then the day after, I had this happen with a friend last week. She went out with a guy, she met him that night, she didn't hear from him, something happened and she was like spent three days, what's wrong with me, why did this happen, why did this happen? So there's this saying that you should, that it takes about half the time you dated someone to get over that. We're talking long, you dated for six months, maybe it'll take you three months.

You went out with him for 90 minutes or two hours. And so I don't want this guy to take up more time than he already has with you because I love that you got on the app. And maybe he'll come back around, maybe his phone broke, maybe he's in the hospital, maybe something happened to you to fly back home, but it's weird. We'll never know. We will never know what it is. Maybe he's dating other people, maybe he, who knows, he just like, I want to go out with her. She seems really fun. Maybe he got back together with his ex, but you didn't do anything. You didn't say anything. You showed up authentically yourself. And what I love about this is he's your guy because he got you. Like he saw me. He got my TikTok.

This is who I am. Keep bringing you on all your dates wherever you go. I'm'm telling you I can't imagine what you would have done Anyway, and usually the things that we think we did it's not even about that I'm gonna do something so horrible like oh my god I had food in my teeth the whole time and he didn't go and like sure enough. No, it's if he doesn't it's not something totally different It's never what we're worried about We won't know and I'd love you to like start swiping again right now, you know? Because I have no idea, right? But also you have to tell us, obviously, if you do hear from him, because I'm invested now, what's going to happen?

Yeah, of course, I'll let you know. Yeah. But what do you think? But tell me what you think happened. What's been going through your head? I just circumvented that you might have been obsessing about it and worried and wondering. And what I say, was it what I I wore was it because we've all been there. I've been trying to like put myself like in his shoes and I think it could be a few things like I think he could be dating around he could have like you said gotten back with an ex or talking to other girls I don't know like maybe he just matched with me he's been following me for a while and he's his friends and him they were like oh this is cool like go meet this girl

like even though you've been like talking to this other girl when you know whatever it's an experience. Let's just assume this is just for you. This is for everybody. Assume. Assume they are dating around. Just know they are because they met you on an app. No matter what it's at, if you meet someone, they're swiping and there may be there.

I mean, I have a lot of friends who've been in the apps when they're in the quest to find someone or some people just want to sleep around and they have like some people are on the like one day to night track. Some people I have an ex who's one of my dear friends now who used to date like he would he was so OCD about dating that like he would have four nights sometimes three nights and then he'd have like a list to remember their names. I want that for you too. But for you it was like a new it was your first one and you haven't dated an app before and so it always is hard the first time and it's probably what's going to happen again

and then you're going to do it to somebody but maybe you'll be cool about it. I mean, you'll be like, hey, that was really fun but you know what, I'm not feeling it. He might be playing it cool but do you want to date someone who's playing it cool and puts you on not ride the seat for two days? Because this will be the relationship. This is, this is when I say the issues you have in the third date or first date you have forever, this is it. Yeah, no, I definitely don't want someone that's playing it cool.

But I also think, like you were saying, because my first time getting in, I was telling a friend about it. And she's like, welcome to the game. It's the best and the worst. I'm like, I'm just happy to be in the game. That was my first dating out date. And now I'm in the game. So happy to the game. Like it's the best and the worst. I'm like, I'm just happy to be in the game. That was my first dating out date and now I'm in the game. So happy to be here.

Let's celebrate the goddamn game. You put your foot in there, you're doing it and you're going to put yourself out there and then it becomes fun. Then you get it. You're like, oh, this, oh, I get it. Okay, whatever. On to the next. But I'm, you know, I try to be upfront with people now and just say, Hey, it was great. Or, you know, I would love to see you again. And I'm like, yeah, that was fun, but I just didn't feel there was like a romantic vibe, but thanks for drinks. But I've had times where I have probably in the past ghosted,

not proud of that, but years ago. And so I just recommend we're honest with each other. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or a partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X and Facebook. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up on SexWithEmily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides

and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or just go to SexWithEmily.com slash ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com.